#bc thats the fandom thats got me on a chokehold

[pllaceh0lderr]

You know the hyperfix is bad when you make the most fleshed out oc you've ever created and keep finding ways to insert them into the story in the most canon-compliant way possible

[chewchuck]

AND ANOTHER THING! (IM BACK FOR MORE)

I absolutely picked up on a few things that honestly had me just asking more questions about Chilchuck’s pov. On one hand, I usually love seeing each pov within the chapters, but! on the other, it was very what’s the word… fitting? nicely done. how you handle the showing and telling of the story

My internal dialogue was a lot of “Oh surely this man is not entirely oblivious to dog boy over here.” “Oh he has GOT to be thinking thoughts rn.” So eek! Yes I am so excited about the addition lol

Also I have no idea WHAT they’re put in this stuff, but Dungeon Meshi has just… gotten me in a chokehold. The Chilaios Nation, don’t know what y’all are doing, but it also has me in a chokehold. Scarily dragging me in. I am obsessing I am refreshing my tabs I am unwell I am blessed with a feast fit for a king this is affecting my mental health I need sleep. Anyway, love all the chilaios nation folks <3

listen to me. look me in my eyes. i am gripping you by the shoulders. this is everything to me

because so genuinely while writing the first part, i considered every single aspect of what chikchuck thought about what was going on. what was he feeling what was he thinking etc etc and i while i don’t always think that’s necessarily for a limited pov fic, especially not when it comes to one that boils down to self indulgent smut, like i said *i* knew what he was going through and wanted to try to translate that to the audience with out like. making it so obvious that laios should have picked up on it.

and when trying to convey something subtle like that it’s so easy for it to go completely unnoticed. and honestly i do think i would have been just fine with that actually! bc i never intended to make a second part of this from chilchucks pov!

but the way sooo many people have been like “i am picking up on this” just made me so happy!!! like i said a billion times while writing this i made and am still making this for me first and foremost! it’s self indulgent and all about what *i* want to happen and what makes me happy

but that doesn’t change the fact that i am so overwhelmingly happy that so many other people are enjoying it!! im over the moon about that! and thats a HUGE part of why i got inspired to actually write a chilchuck pov!!!

(and not to curse myself but uhm. based on the current word count compared to the equivalent part of the first part it. well it might end up longer. but shh don’t tell anyone)

BUT YEAH WTF DID RYOKO KUI PUT IN THIS FUCKING SHOW AND WHAT IS IT ABOUT CHILAIOS NATION.

i think it’s crack cocaine

i’m would like to reiterate/make it clear that i made this blog LESS THAN A WEEK AGO. that’s how insane this shit had made me. it’s been less than a week and i’ve made a whole side blog, wrote over 11k of fic, made several friends, joined a discord server and am HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE. i am having more fun in this fandom than i can remember having in almost 15 years

sorry this reply got REALLY long but. it just feels good. i’m happy. i’m having fun and im glad there are other people along for the ride who are having fun as well :3

[mushroom-ooooooooooooooo]

Rating Characters I've had crushes on. Pt 1.

Disclaimer!!! This will get more unhinged as we go on. I somehow have a thing for dilfs and its kind of weird but whatever. This part is just male characters that I can remember. If you judge, please do it anonymously in my ask box bc I like being a little messy at times/hj. Not all of these were sexual byw!! I was like 9-12 with some of these crushes

Wanring: i am a horny teen girl whos never had a boyfriend. It will get bad.

Book Characters:

Remus Lupin. 10/10. Still fixated on him and his complex character. Hate JKR and her stupid terfy face and literal racism and the way she ruined some of her best characters. (Definitely not salty about tonks and her entire character becoming obsessed with Remus) RIP, bbg. You deserved a better author and less mischaracterization from the fandom.

Cedric Diggory. 8/10. The fixation didn't last long, but it was fun. I think I clinged to him because hes one of like 8 Hufflepuffs mentioned in the books and IM a Hufflepuff.

Percy Jackson. The icon. 9/10. Love that sassy mfer AND HES LOYAL TO ANNABETH?!?!? perfect. Had 9 year old Izzy in a chokehold.

Nico Di Angelo. 7/10. I think I wanted to be friends with him tbh. It wasn't really a crush but more of a 'i am him, and he is me.' He just like me fr fr.

Carlise Cullen. 9/10. Hes a vampire doctor father figure. All the boxes were checked. I don't know why, but I read the hospital scene in twilight and my brain went blank. Same with watching the movie as an 8 year old. Got me giggling and twirling my hair.

Atticus Finch. 11/10. You're starting to see a pattern, aren't you? Bonus point for doing the right thing despite common beliefs at the time of TKAM. He's literally such an interesting character and I think I either want to be fucked by him, or I want him to be my father. I can't decide. He was also played by Gregory Peck, so...🫡 yeah.

Klaus Boudelaire. 7/10. He was smart, and little Izzy had a fixation on smart boys who would read. The actor who played him also looked like my third grade crush and 8 year old Izzy was smitten. I would've been best friends with him fr fr. Count Olaf can catch these pale hands.

Anime Characters:

I would like to preface this by saying I was in middle school and unmedicated. I am still unmedicated, but it was worse then. Thank you for your understanding about whatever the fuck this is about to say about me.

Sebastian Michaelis. 9/10. Still fixated on him. -1 for almost dying multiple times. Black Butler is STILL my shit. It was the first anime I was really into. First Manga I ever read. First hyperfixation I can remember that wasn't a book series, not counting My Little Pony. I saw the butler and father figure and 11 year old Izzy went 👀.

William T Spears. 8/10. I don't know what it was. I just liked him a LOT. The mental illness was taking over.

...Ciel Phantomhive. 7/10. Same reasons as Nico. I wont elaborate further.

Levi Ackerman. 10/10. Who wasn't obsessed with Levi when watching AOT?? Pfff imagine liking a type of napoleon bonapart 🧍‍♂️. Couldn't be me. Not at all. 🧍‍♂️.

Shouta Aizawa. 11/10. I have no words to explain why my brain decided the teacher was my crush. Hes twice my age. Hes sleep deprived. He has zero patience left. But my brain said tehehe go for THAT one. And he was just trying to sleep in that yellow sleeping bag.

Shoto Todoroki. 6/10. I was influenced by the fandom at the time. Hes...fine I guess. Another complex traumatized character. Had 11 year old Izzy in a chokehold. Idfk.

(Unfortunately) Kai Chisaki. 3/10. He was hot to 13 year old Izzy. Complex character but unfortunately a bad person. Can't defend myself here.

Dabi. 4/10. It's slightly better than Chisaki. Had a love/hate thing. I wrote a fanfic about ripping his staples out and leaving him to die. I had problems, if you couldn't tell. Thats literally the only violent thing I'd ever written and it was one of my most popular fics on my old blog (RIP all the fics I deleted)

Kusuo Saiki: 10/10. Looking back on it, he's literally so me core. Would we be friends irl? Probably not. I think my intrusive thoughts would take him back and he'd be like '...what the fuck??' So yeah. But also yeah. He's literally so me. He just wants to be left alone but ALSO SECRETLY ADORES HIS FRIENDS!!!! Had middle school me in a deadlock. Still have stickers of him (everyone say thank you jamie).

TV and Movies:

The Beast from Beauty and the Beast. 6/10. I think its kind of common for little girls. Idk.

Prince Eric. 9/10. I think he was also common for little girls. Bro was brainwashed but lowkey reluctant bc I think he KNEW Ariel was the singing girl. I love himbos.

The Phantom of the Opera. 10/10. We love serial killers who are also obsessive but also very fucked up. And he can play the organ 🙂. Yumby. It was fruit for the soul. Talking about 2004 movie, but 1990s miniseries Erik was also good.

I guess Carlise Cullen coukd also be over here but wtv.

Bela Lugosi Dracula. 7/10. -3 bc I haven't seen the movie but hes so <333. Book Dracula is also <333. They're both such menaces but also so <333

Jack Skellington. I can't even rate this. I have no words for myself.

Beetlejuice. Same with Jack. I have no words for myself.

Hannibal Lecter (NBC series). 9/10. Most recent as of the day im making this. -1 point for making Will go insane. Bros literally insane. I would let him manipulate me 😍/hj. Just kidding. If he was my therapist I would cry. He would say something after psychoanalyzing me and I would start sobbing. And then he'd kill me. Boom.

Will Graham. 9/10. Tbh!!! More of a father figure crush thing. Is also my type. Tragic brunette with glasses. Bro needs a fucking break. Please let him live peacefully. (Number one Jack Crawford hater‼️‼️)

Musicians:

Jareth the Goblin King. 8/10. I love David Bowie. Thats all.

Dracula Tepes (Castlevania). 9/10. Yes he tried killing humanity. They killed his wife. It was only fair. Another vampire dilf. Gotta love em.

Adrian Tepes. ^ 9/10. Dracula's tragic vampire son. I HAVE A TYPE.

Papa Emeritus III: Ghost. 9/10. Made a great Album (Meliora). Our great icon. Wants to fuck Omega (Ghoul) and tbh I get it. Those ghouls are sooo awesome and cool. I love a short flamboyant man who can sing. Favorite song of his is Cirice. And Bible. Bible is underrated fr fr. Is my favorite Papa from Ghost but honestly I love all of them so count that 9/10 as a rating for all of them.

Papa Emeritus IV. 9/10. I love him too. Tbh. The Papa that I have been around for. Thank you Frater Imperator‼️‼️. You go Copia. Hes so bbg coded. Bro has glittery jackets and sings about Rats. Who wouldn't love that??

David Bowie: 10/10. Less of a crush and more of a I love his music so much and I need ALL OF YOU to know.

Video Games

Jumin Han (Mysmes). 8/10. He was the first good ending I got between him and 707. Had me stressing. Does Jumin Han Is Gay? (Maybe). Had 12 year old izzy questioning things.

707. ^-^. 9/10. Mfers route had me STRESSING. it took me 6 WEEKS to get the good ending and when I finally got it, my mom was like woah good for you hon. So -1 point for that, but also +1 to the traumatized smart boy type I have. Tried Honey Butter chips bc of him. Went hard asf. Got harrassed by an adult bc of a fanfic I liked on here. That was fun.

Julian Devorak. 10/10. He was the only route I've finished on The Arcana and I love him with all my heart. Lowkey wish there was less smut about him. I wanna give this tall ginger man a bone crushing hug.

Link (LOZ). 6/10. I was four.

Sebastian (Sdv) 10/10. I play his route every single time. Literally at 6 hearts with him rn at winter year 1. Hes also the sad coder core. I think I have a type. Idk.

Barbatos (Obey Me). 10/10. Same as Sebastian Michaelis. Something about OP butlers.

Lucifer (Obey Me) 10/10. I always wanted to hug him and then run away like a chaos child. More of a platonic thing for both him and Barbatos. Inner child screamed. I would literally play obey me for hours. It was always open on my little Moto E6. Deleted Mystic Messenger for it. And vice versa. Fun stuff.

Anywaysss haii thats all for now!! Part 2 will probably be soon. Maybe. It'll be all the women I had crushes on as a child. I was very gay. I go both ways. Fr fr.

[byakuchi]

hey so like ik its been 3 months since avatrice canon but i only got into the fandom recently and obvs those two have a chokehold on me. just was wondering if anyone would like to read the bookstore au floating around my head. ik others have done it before but i have this very specific image:

ava sees beatrice reading in the bookstore through the window across the street. shes curious bc bea is cute and so she goes in. beatrice greets her and ava is swooning from the accent. turns out, beatrice is the owner and ava isnt a fan of books, she likes movies, but she can pretend. she sees that beatrice is reading french and so shes impressed. they talk, ava asks for a recommendation to try to seem like a reader to beatrice and beatrice recommends her the book shes currently reading but in english. then ava is like fuck now i actually have to read this so i can keep coming back to visit her. everytime ava finishes a book and comes back they talk about it for a long time, beatrice enjoys avas opinions and humor and ava loves making beatrice laugh. also ava notices that beatrice is reading in a different language than the last and shes very impressed but like she can tell that beatrices warmth is forged from a hard life. they share their own demons and insecurities bit by bit through talking about books. their convos are laced with nuances and its all very metaphysical and vague and goddam being human is hard -“ but thats what makes life worth living, isnt it? to be able to experience” “but like i think chocolate still tastes good without the existence of broccoli” “why did i know you weren’t the type to eat your vegetables” “hey dont get sidetracked we’re talking about the meaning of life!” “you’re the one who brought it up first” anyways thats how i think it begins.

[theoutlawfaleena]

okok confessing rn(warning this is long, super long) , idk the lore or even the gameplay of modern warfare/cod ( idk are they the same??) which means im very much new to this fandom (except theres this one time i tried playing it and suddenly got motion sick and stopped playing completely) since mw2 is blowing up, my feed suddenly showed a picture of ghost (i immediately simped) and that made me curious on who the hell this man is, so i clicked the tag and hollyyy shiitt theres a lot of thirst drawings and edits from this dude(not that im complaining) but sheeeessshh and i recently found out that i have a mask kink and seeing that?? i have to dive deeper, so i searched some ghost tags and saw someone completely new (all ik was few of 141’s) you cant even imagine how loud i gasped and most possibly made my toes curl was a picture of könig, just sitting there beiNG so !?!?!? fucking hot !?!?!?!THIS MAN ALREADY HAD ME IN A CHOKEHOLD. HIM IN A SPREAD EAGLE??? GOD IT MADE ME SALIVATE. NO CHARACTERS HAD THIS IMMEDIATE AFFECT ON ME (he could break my back and id be thankful, i will literally sell my soul to the devil if i have to experience that over again) it just this one pic, one pic made. me. FOLD SO GODDAMN HARD, learning the fact that he built like a mountain and has severe social anxiety???? i immediately wanted to give him the fattest hug ever, such a bbgirl fr

and the fact i have to refresh the tags so i could see more is content, fanarts, edits and fanfics is akshsnqksjsndbhw

until this one fucking miracle happened and i discovered you, that one fanfic that made me run lapses through my room cuz fuuckckk wososjsj it was so goddamn cute!?!?! that i have to cover my mouth from my squeals with my feet swinging and all?!? YOU are a godsent 🙏🙏🙏🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️😫😫 I AM SO LUCKY I FOUND THIS BLOG AND ITS PEOPLE UEUWUSISI

ANON HOLY SHIT HI OMG I...... THANK U SO MUCH FOR LIKING MY CONTENT OMG ?!-!:?! IM SO HAPPY THAT I CONTRIBUTED TO UR BRAINROT OMG BC THATS EXACTLY MY GOAL.... HERE TO SAVE THE WORLD VIA THE DISTRIBUTION OF KÖNIG CONTENT

BUT SERIOUSLY OMG U ARE SO SWEET TO SAY THIS THANK U OMG 😭 PROMISE I'LL HAVE MORE WRITING OUT SOON !!

[tojisun]

I read your Jake Sully fics, amazing writing as always<3 , I haven't watched the movies so some small bits went over my head. Now I'm just tempted to watch them so I can come back reread the fics and truly appreciate every word.

I got into Supernatural and Batfam after reading fanfics and now here I am again diving head first into a new fandom hehe❤️

I swear writers are just amazing <3

Hope you've been doing well Sun! Take care ❤️

HI JAY!!! missed u smmm

and thank you so much omg 🥹🫶🏼 you always say the sweetest things to me, making me sob <333

yes pls watch it hhshwh it’s so good, literally had me dissociating from reality n all that!!

omg the diving into the batman fandom through fanfics is so real. the chokehold that dick (teehee) still has on me is tremendous and thats only because i saw a silly little fanfic of reader and dick’s domestic life being interrupted by the batfam bc they keep breaking into their home and omg i literally yearned so much that i engulfed as much as i can of the lore

and real ‼️‼️‼️ writers are so damn amazing <3333

ive been doing good jayy! i hope youre doing just as good, if not better! take care baby <3333

[arthenaa]

This is gonna be a long one, hi! I hope you're doing well! Sending much love. Saw that you are comfortable with asks/req/inbox... things that are just for fun so, here I am!

Ever since Hogwarts Legacy came out I've been really hyperfiaxated (again) on the Wizarding World. Made several storylines and characters and everything. However, today, the PlayStation Direct happened and now my Marvel hyperfixation is back in full force. (sobbing. it's so horrible. I can't stop.) Desperately hope that you're doing better than me fixation wise but I know that you've been into, what was it? Honkai Star? I know it's a game similar to Genshin, right?

Anyway, sending so much love! I hope that you're doing well, Athen and are enjoying your time. Do keep creating, you are marvellous at it.

damnit that was a marvel pun

WAHH HI BEE !!! i also had a marvel phase omg,,, my first few fics here were of eternals HHAHAHAHA my fixation on marvel has died down a lil BUT IM PRETTY MUCH STILL IN IT aaaa so thats v nice to know hehe. also yes current fixations rn are hl and honkai star rail HAHAHA gacha games have a chokehold on me rn <3. its bc of hogwarts legacy that i full got into the fandom hihi and im glad you enjoy my works !!! looking forward to your support and interactions in the future. HOPE U HAVE A GREAT GREAT WEEK!!!

(hihi vv funny marvel pun)

[mosviqu]

I LOVE HOW BIG OF A CHOKEHOLD KISS ME IF U CAN HAS ON U!!! AND THE POST U REPOSTED ABOUT ERIC🤌🤌🤌 as u should eric is such a lovely guy and i'm so happy that i got them right for u😎😎 i expected it and have accepted it happening cuz now at least i have one more person to freak out about sunwoo it's kid of a win🥳

if we actually end up meeting it's going to be funny cuz i'm also very awkward so it's going to be very funny i think😭😭

IT WAS I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD AT IT someone should show him how it's done forreal😪 I CACKLED OH MY imagining him just starting to dance to good boy gone bad shouldn't be this funny😭😭 i will believe u that fact its so nice to hear that u want him as a bf😁 and only him😁

THE OUTFITS IN THE MV BRO I ALMOST FELL OFF OF MY BUS (i was brave and watched it on the bus on the way to our class dinner😭😭) I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY IT HAS THIS BIG OF AN EFFECT ITS SO BAD ACTUALLY😭😭 yeahhh the mental block is there so i think that's why i felt weird about it ;-; I WAS NOT READY FOR THE MV NOR RED JIHOON I WAS DYING ON THE BUS IT WAS SO CRAZY LIKE MY DUDES U SHOULDNT HAVE WENT OFF THIS HAR WITH THE SONG AND THE MV WENT CRAZYYYYY for the live performances i will just go blind cuz i don't think i can see more of jihoon😭 AND IM GLAD U LIVED THROUGH IT!!! (liebestraum anon🥳)

kiss me if you can is my song at this point what can i say 😭😭😭 also eric has a chokehold on me so....maybe thats why. but after out yesterdays chat i think i made it very clear ☹💔

STOP SJKS i mean im down to meet for sure but it would be my first time speaking to someone in english face to face thats not my english teacher 😭😭 and i am really awkward when first meeting but BUT im getting more social since uni started so. 😌 im gonna annoy you and use u as my hungarian translator in case im in trouble 🤭 also it still literally doesnt feel real like i have the tickets but im like ?????? no way

NO BECAUSE IMAGINE THEM BUSTING OUT KPOP CHOREO. LIKE DO U WANT TERRY DANCING CAT AND DOG IN THE CLUB?? i feel like THAT would give me more second hand embarrassment than what we saw. also i love how u went "only him" as if im not the most unloyal person on here 😭😭😭😭😭

FELL OFF THE BUS AHAHAHA i get u girl i get u 😭😭 still havent watched the live performance bc im gonna lose my shit i feel. T5 really got the whole fandom in shambles 😭 AHAHA RED JIHOON WAS A SHORT MOMENT the color was so bright ??? I kinda dig the silver more tho 🤭

[mr-magoriums-im-sorry-emporium]

I'M THROWING MY HAT IN THE RING BROTHER!!! because i used to think like this! and still do to a lesser degree, but um... well, it happened to me!

back in 2018 i posted a fic for the BNHA fandom. it was a bakudeku fic, which was and still is THE most popular pairing. and dudes.... when i say it was an INSTANT HIT.... it was an instant hit. i got fanart on chapter 1. i got fanart after that. i got comments so long that the commentor had to split them in half. i saw servers explode with excitement whenever i updated- i didnt even have to post the links myself! someone else always did it within the first few minutes!! i've had people say it's better than published stuff theyve read. hell, it helped someone grieve the death of their best friend. i NAMEDROPPED IT AT A CON AND THE PERSON I WAS TALKING TO RECOGNIZED IT!!

it was a Big Deal!

and oh god it sucked so hard

you never really think about what having all those eyes on you means... UNTIL it happens. every chapter i was sick to nausea worrying that it would be Too Dark for everyone and theyd leave (it was DDLC-esque in that it started cute but very quickly turned into a bona fide psychological horror.) i stopped updating bc i wanted to introduce a new character and i thought everyone would hate him. people misinterperted my work in the comments and it made me SO UPSET

like... if you're desperate for fame, once you get it, you're gonna wanna do everything to keep it. and it gets unhealthy VERY fast. like... i-

i have narcisisstic personality disorder. and something a lot of people dont know about NPD is, i have no internal sense of self worth. it is Not There. i have to get it from purely external sources... which is WHY i wanted to be famous. lots of people complimenting me and my work = lots of self esteem = happy!! except then i became desperate to do ANYTHING to cling onto it and it quickly became horrible

it happened on a MUCH smaller scale in amother fandom too- i spent three years hyping my project up. my goddamn fic's preproduction period predated covid-19 (i started early september 2019.) and i dropped it and people were actually really excited! i wasnt nearly as big as the bnha days, or even big for the fandom this was (invader zim if yall r curious.) but it was a much more enjoyable experience even if i had only a few diehards as opposed to hundreds... bc at the end of the day, i wrote what i wanted to write and it felt good that people liked it. PLUS id gotten diagnosed with the npd and got a bit of therapy done about it

like... im not saying you also have npd. i literally do not know you. i AM saying however, that desire for fandom fame is ruling you. and if you achieve it while it still has you in a chokehold, you won't even be able to enjoy your newfound popularity. like the sword of damocles

also yeah make ur updates consistent. thats the fastest way to get in da big leagues and its what i did both times

my biggest obstacle as a writer is that i desperately want to be a popular and well-known fic author, but my main fic inspiration comes from characters most fans don’t want to read fic for, or ideas that go against popular fanon/characterization and so are doomed from the start. i end up feeling paralyzed and like i can’t write the unpopular ideas I want to write, because i hate knowing i could have done better by writing something with broader appeal. but whenever i try to write solely for numbers i lose motivation while the halfway through the fic. so i end up unable to write anything and feeling miserable because of it.

i want to see my unpopular ideas come to life, but i don’t want to see my fics crash and burn and keep missing the chance to create fic that people really love. so most times, i don’t write anything, but i hate that i’m so hamstrung by my own anxieties. i so desperately wish i could create one of those extremely well-known long fics that most people love and always rec everywhere, but i feel like i’m completely incapable of that. i know i should be writing for myself, but i’m greedy and want results and for people to like my fic, however unlikely that is. wanting to write my ideas but knowing i’ll limit my audience if i do is something that’s constantly on my mind. do you have any advice for me?

My biggest question after reading your ask is simply: why?

You're very clear about wanting to be a popular writer. You want to write a fic that lots of people talk about, and you want people to know who you are. Have you examined that desire at all?

You say that the things you actually want to write are not the things that will make you a popular author. That means you have a choice:

write things you don't care about with no guarantee of becoming that Big Name Fan or

write things you love and enjoy spending time writing and know that BNF status will probably never happen.

Writing fanfic is really not a great way to try to become popular. It's an even worse way to try to become "famous" in any kind of way. So dig into what it is that you hope to get from the "broader audience" that you could appeal to by writing something you don't really like.

Are you trying to get a feeling of being liked? Respected? Looked up to? Do you want to be someone other fans look to for advice or for setting the tone of the fandom? Do you want love? Power? Some kind of community connection? Recognition of the effort you put into your works?

Some of those things likely will require you to pretend to be someone you're not. You might even manage to write that one big fic that gets thousands of comments and tons of people talking about it on tumblr (or wherever else you care about, social media-wise).

Others you can probably still get by writing your "unpopular" ideas but seeking out your fellow fans. It will take more legwork to find them and you'll need to be willing to be the first one to reach out for a conversation, but it can definitely be done.

I'll leave it up to you to decide what you actually want, anon. But take your time and scrape off the top layer of shiny thoughts about popularity first. Then you'll be able to see what's underneath.

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

end of the year sap post

so another year has come and gone, and it has been....quite a lot, to say the least. and im not going to get into a god-awful amount of detail, but lets just say that it was very stressful when it was stressful, and sometimes enjoying really fun things was hard to do. i wrote a lot this year, now that i think about it. i started writing for different fandoms, i picked up several hyperfixations (and some havent dropped off yet) i created two wonderful brand new characters, who i love very much. and im really proud of myself for it. 

 im usually really bad at keeping up with stuff, and being consistent, but i really think that i did really well this year in writing, and creating new things and such. i go through hobbies like candy, but writing has stuck like glue lol. i went through a lot of really Not Good stuff this year, both in and out of fandom, and i just think that me being able to say “im still me” and stick to my values is really good. im really happy with what i created though. i dont compliment myself a lot, but im giving myself a pat on the back, and a big fat hug for everything that i’ve been through, and that i still have the courage to be here. and still loving my friends and family, and loving my hobbies. im really proud of myself, truly.

i couldnt have done a lot of that with my mutuals, both ones i talk to, and the ones that i dont anymore. theyre exceptionally kind, and funny, and keep me going. i couldnt be more thankful for their presence in my life.

(yes i will be complimenting my closer mutuals, they all deserve it)

@super-unpredictable98  she’s literally amazing. writes so much good stuff for so many medias!! flor has super good anime recommendations, and she never fails to make me fall in love with a character. i love screaming about all might with her lol. i love her OC’s. (JJ would love to be friends with Alma). i can be found rereading her fics close to daily bc theyre literally so good, and when i have brainrot for a character that she’s written, i go straight to her masterlist.

@bisexualnathanyoung ry is super sweet :). i love talking to them (even if it’s just me screaming in the tags most of the time) i like hearing about their thoughts on stuff, and even tho i wanna punch him, their love for nathan young is incredible and unmatched. me 🤝 ry *tired of people in our respective states being rude about COVID stuff*

@badsext i love her so much :). somehow a lot of our conversations end up being about food (and make each other hungry). i love hearing about different stuff thats been going on in her life, and she also has really good show and movie recommendations. her short stories are phenomenal btw. very funny and nice :)

@magic-multicolored-miracle we dont talk much, BUT i really appreciate shye’s presence. she has really good taste in music, and works very hard. she made me fall in love with derek sandoval, and every chapter “idiot affectionate” has a deathgrip on me, as well as any updates about olive and jess’ livelihood. i love her posts about mass effect too (even tho im lost half the time lol) extremely talented.

@joz-stankovich got me hooked on bakugou and he has a fucking chokehold on me. (if u dont call him off, im gonna log him off of the earth permanently/j). they’re super talented. i was very excited (and still am) when they started having brainrot for BNHA stuff bc i was like “ah, another pal to share class 1-a thoughts with”. theyre also super duper talented and their writing is g r e a t. i love talking about country! kirishima with them, and art student! bakugou. brainrot hours? brainrot hours. also really good at art like keep some talent for the rest of us/lh.

@the-freckled-luba  we dont talk very much, but from june to mid september, the loki series was our braincell (as well as mobius), and our braincell ONLY. i love seeing the stuff you tag me in, and i really appreciate your good vibes! very sweet individual :)

@hucklebunny very talented human being right here! their art is super impressive!! also i love their text posts about their dogs and cool things. it’s very neat! we mostly talk through tags, and through the server, but i love said interactions lol. i love hearing them talk about sean falco, and as of late, the red riding trilogy :). its super cool.

@maerenee930 such a sweetheart! mae is really sweet! she always has nice stuff to say about people! also their earrings are super cool (i want the kool-aid burst ones pls). gives very good advice!! i would give them a hug given the opportunity. has the voice of a literal angel, audition for the voice right now bestie.

@firstpersonnarrator we do not talk much, but i quite literally love her writing so much. simon x billy is a great series, and ive loved reading it so far! i like the comedic and honest feel her writing has to it! its very unique, and is super SUPER good. i enjoy her love for simon lewis as well! very funny individual!

@catsnathan anna is so sweet! we don’t talk very often, it’s mostly in the server, but you always have something nice to say! i admire your love for cats btw, and i hope that you can get one soon! you deserve all the kitties!

@santacarlahorrorshow​ i love seeing ur gifs! they’re always really nice and crisp! and i know that if i ever need something, you’re there :). also i love your stranger things fics and the sirius fic! so much delitches plot, and just mm yes.

@candyclaw literally super cool! we dont talk super often, but i always enjoy it when we do :). they have super cool cosplays, and are a very talented painter! her “shinji in the frog chair” painting is fucking iconic, i laughed, i cried, Y E S. i enjoy seeing them post about evangelion stuff (bc that show genuinely fucked me up, same with the movies, i cant look thru the evangelion tag) it means i get free evangelion related stuff to think and talk about. also deltarune chapter 2 came out this year, and seeing them reblog stuff about it made my brain go brrrr bc i am shaking hands with them in solidarity for that game series.

@salvador-daley we dont talk very often, however its always fun when we do! very talented writer. salv is also very very funny! i remember seeing a new chapter of a fic, then i realized i hadnt read the previous ones in depth and went ham over on ao3. 

@frogs--are--bitches we also dont talk very often, but mickey is a very cool individual! they have a really good sense of not only style, but also humor! no but for real, hand over entire closet.

@forenschik loki brainrot pals. we dont talk very often, but its always really pleasant! very talented painter as well (i think about the shoes you did and im baffled at how good they are) also being a chemist is such a good job! its super cool to me!

@seancekitsch we also dont talk alot, but her fashion sense is also super duper cool! i still have not watched the lost boys, but i do enjoy seeing you post about the witcher. (i also have not watched that show). very talented writer!!! glad to chat with her whenever i get the chance :)

@neuroticpuppy we dont speak very often. its just me leaving tags on stuff lol. very cool person tho!! i enjoy seeing her reblog stuff whenever it pops up, and it’s very nice vibes.

dont feel bad if i left u out, i promise it wasnt on purpose (unless it was in which, i hope you’re doing well and drinking water. also i never stopped caring, contrary to what you may think.). but i did some good things. and also some really bad things that i’ll never forgive myself for. i cant say im a better person or anything bc i dont know if i experienced much mental growth, really. i learned more things, sure. but idk if too terribly much has changed. 

im forever grateful for my mutuals’ presence. and im extremely thankful for the time ive spent with all of yall so far. you make everything a lot better for me. and im sure you do the same for other individuals in your lives. im very proud of each and every one of you. for what you all have done this year, and every other year you’ve spent alive and breathing. i love yall. and you all matter to me more than you can ever imagine. So here’s to next year, and whatever it may bring!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            ~Ellie

[tobesobri]

Thanks for being one of the cool ones on here 😎 Seriously, I’ve just about lost all hope in this fandom but people like you and a few others here and on twitter have allowed me to continue to marginally enjoy this space 😂 And of course Harry’s just about got me in a chokehold for life haha

i really appreciate this more than you know bc literally any time i post any sort of opinion on this fandom or whatever its like anons go into attack mode. and like i know i said stuff that did deserve that and i completely understand in that situation. but this stuff is just? weirdos. and makes me hate being on here sometimes tbh like damn sorry for calling out the toxicity and super cold takes in this fandom. i’ve actually enjoyed twitter a lot more recently bc like yes there’s some weirdos over there but there’s a lot of just normal/chill people who make being in this fandom fun too so thats all that matters. but anyway! harry def has me in the same chokehold like i fear i will never get out of it lmao but yeah thank you!! i hope you’re having a good day! ❤️❤️

[theouterbankpogues]

after sarah doesn’t invite kiara to her birthday party (a jj x kiara fic)

author : theouterbankpogues aka vi

fandom : jj x kie, jiara | outer banks on netflix

tags : the angst, the fluff, the hurt, the comfort y’know!!

warnings : none

i love writing for this ship bc it has a chokehold on me and i just... i’m so helpless lmao. i read this hc set by @lemon-patches​ (which you should definitely go and read bc it’s amazing and all the feelings) and it talked about how jj and ki were each other’s first kiss and no one else knows. this is basically how i imagine it happened. enjoy!! as always the validation feeds me so yeah if you like it pls share it and stuff (i love reading tags on reblogs so lmao do with that what u will). i imagine they are 15/16, about 6-8 months before s1 idk if that adds up but lol thats what i went with. sorry for any errors u may find xx

a little preview so u know what you’re getting into hehe: “They stood like that for a while, long and quiet breaths synced, arms entangled in waist and shoulders, hearts rhythmically beating, just enjoying the warmth of the best friend they dearly missed.”

Tears streamed down Kiara’s face. She knew that calling the cops was petty, she knew it was the worst of her manifesting itself, but tonight Ki couldn’t bring herself to care. She found herself toppling some books off of her bookshelf. She had always known that she wasn’t good enough for Sarah. The Sarah Cameron. God, she felt so stupid.

Another wave of regret coursed through her. The pit of her stomach hollowed when she re-remembered that she’d actually listened to her parents and decided to give her kook year a genuine try. She had distanced herself from the cut and the pogues, her best friends, the people that she could always count on, the people who always cared. She gave it all up for the superficial bullshit she knew would eventually fall apart.

That entire evening, the anger and regret approached her in harsh and unforgiving turns. She couldn’t escape her own thoughts, she was so mad at herself. She had let herself become vulnerable, given herself up for someone to use and dispose. She felt so weak. All she really wanted to do was fit in, to have a normal year where she wasn’t disappointing her parents, where she wasn’t out at unreasonable hours getting her friends out of messes, watching their string of luck grow thinner and thinner with every prank and practical joke. She was tired of being the middle between the kooks and pogues, she loved the latter and she could’t escape the part of her that was the former. She just wanted to resign to one side, she just wanted things to get easier. Kiara had decided to leave everything for some peace of mind, and now she knew she’d made a mistake. She hadn’t even checked in with John B, his dad was missing and she hadn’t even checked in with him. God, she felt so stupid. Her sobs overtook her as she sat at her bed.

She was so exhausted from the crying she could scream, it had been a few long hours. And Ki, in a moment of clarity, convinced herself that she was too strong for that. Even though she felt horrible, she reminded herself that she was too careful to let this anger get the best of her. Instead, she resorted to taking a few deep breaths and cleaning up the various books and stationary strewn across her bedroom floor as a remnant of her anger. What had happened had happened, she was just going to have to figure out how to cope on her own.

Yeah, I just have to figure it out on my own. I’ll be fine.

That’s when she heard it.

Thud.

Thud. Thud.

Thud.

‘What the-’

She realised that the sound was coming from her window. Stepping toward the side of her room facing the balcony, she realised that pebbles were currently being thrown at her window by a silhouette below it. She couldn’t tell who it was because the backdoor lights had been switched off for the night. It was well past midnight and her parents were soundly sleeping in the next room, she swore she would never forgive the person currently trying to break her window if they woke up. She didn’t want anyone to see her as the mess she was right now. So as quickly and as safely as Kiara could, she opened the balcony window, “What the actual— JJ? JJ is that you?” Kiara couldn’t really understand what was going on, she had stopped talking to the pogues months ago.

“Yeah, hey Ki! Come down!”

“What?”

“You heard me bro, get dressed and come down!”

After a curt nod, she went back into her room, changed out of her PJ’s into some joggers and a hoodie and found herself sneaking out the back door out of genuine curiosity. When she was outside, she realised that neither Pope nor John B were with JJ. Along with that, she realised that he had two boxes of pizza and some beer cans set down on the grass next to him.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“I was scrolling through Instagram, realised you weren’t at the party, thought you might need a pick me up,” He seemed to register her tired face and puffy eyes under the dim starlight because he continued, “guess I was right!”

And that’s how, twenty minutes later, JJ and Ki found themselves in a clearing near her house. They sat down opposite each other, the pizza boxes separating them.

“Got your favourite, double cheese, double pepperoni and half the jalapeño.”

Except for the occasional direction here and there, Ki had been quite their entire walk. She couldn’t really even process what was happening. How was JJ here? Why was he talking to her after she’d treated them him like shit the past few months? None of it made sense to her, least of all why this was all from JJ. With all of it perplexing her, the only thing she managed to say was, “You remembered.”

‘Yeah of course I did Ki, just because you stopped talking to us doesn’t mean we stopped caring about you. Come on, dig in, it’s getting cold.”

She didn’t know how to respond to him so she just followed him in picking up a slice from the box. Warm pizza , cold beer and melted cheese heavily complemented the gentle breeze that surrounded them. They fell into a comfortable silence as they ate.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I know Ki-”

“No, everything I did these past few months, the way I cut you guys off, the way I left y’all when you needed me I-”

“Ki we know-”

“God, I’ve been so stupid, I left you guys, like y’all were nothing, y’all needed me and I-”

“Ki, Ki-” Ki just continued, she felt horrible, “KIARA!” JJ saying her full name was so foreign to her, especially since he hadn’t even call her by her nickname these past few months, it undoubtably got her to stop talking.

“I know the pressure your parents put on you to start at that kook academy. Look we all know how hard it is for you to manage these two parts of your life. I know Ki, you don’t have to keep apologising, I know. We know! Why do you think we didn’t try to talk to you when you told us last summer? We want you to do what’s best for you Ki, you are better than us.” At that, Kiara got up and paced back and forth a few steps, remorse hitting her unbearably. 

“I’m not better than any of you. A part of me wanted to leave you all behind.”

JJ’s response was almost instantaneous, “I don’t blame you for it!”

“Well you should! I left you and Pope. I left John B for god’s sake. His dad is most probably dead and I wasn’t theRE.... I-I’m not there.”

At this point the tears had returned to her and she broke on her last word. Her voice wasn’t steady anymore. “I left all of you... I left you.”

JJ couldn’t stand hearing Ki like this, there’s nothing he hated more than having to let down his guard and get real. But JJ, when she said that, realised that this wasn’t about him. 

“Yeah Ki you did, but fuck that. We know you love us, we know that it was a difficult call! You have to forgive yourself. The reason I came tonight was to let you know that you have the people that care about you Ki.”

He stepped toward her and looked her right in the eye, Ki had never seen someone so determined with compassion before, “Whatever you do Ki - if you wanna go to the kook academy, if you wanna be friends with Sarah Cameron, if you wanna cry about how horribly she treated you, if you wanna listen to your parents and not talk to us, if you wanna leave the cut- we’re never not going to have your back. You’re a pogue. You’re our pogue! And if Sarah Cameron can’t see how kickass you are, she doesn’t deserve you and she never did. You got us Ki, we’re always right here. No matter what.”

And throughout all of that, he hadn’t stopped looking directly at her. She was enamoured to say the least, she couldn’t remember the last time JJ talked about something that real, let alone carry an entire conversation himself. Knowing her words wouldn’t suffice, she hugged him. She smelt the sea salt in his hair and pizza grease on his shirt and it was the epitome of comfort to her. JJ hugged her right back, it meant the world to him that he could make her feel at least a bit better. They stood like that for a while, long and quiet breaths synced, arms entangled in waist and shoulders, hearts rhythmically beating, just enjoying the warmth of the best friend they dearly missed. 

Before they could completely untangle from the other, Ki looked back at JJ, god, how did she get so lucky to have someone like him in her life? The air lightened around them as she looked at him, his eyes regained the mischievous glint they always had. It might’ve been because she was slightly tipsy, or because he was staring so intently at her, but for some reason, it felt right. There was no waiting or thinking, she rested her hands on either side of JJ’s face and kissed him. His lips were chapped and they tasted like beer but she loved it. A rush of adrenaline ran through her, it was new and exciting. 

When JJ processed her soft lips on his, and her hands caressing his face, he pulled back. Along with confusion and surprise, there was something in his eyes that Ki couldn’t recognise. But before she decided on asking him what it was about, he was already kissing her again. 

And this time there seemed to be nothing holding him back. His hands were wrapped around her waist, she was grabbing fistfuls of his hair in reciprocation. They knew that they would never be able to do it again so they just gave in. His hands travelled to the small of her back and her neck and she swore that she had never felt something more intoxicating. 

Ki had forgotten where they even were when they broke for air. They were both just breathing, eyes closed and foreheads touching, it was the closest thing to perfect the either of them had ever felt.

When they opened their eyes and looked back at one and other, they were surprised at how comfortable it felt. How... un-awkward, it oddly felt right. But they knew what the rules were, they knew that when Ki got home, they would never talk about it again, and they were fine with that too.

As they approached her doorstep, JJ couldn’t help himself but ask, “Was that your first-” “Yeah.” “Yeah, mine too.” “What?” Kie thought he was joking, JJ had flirted with every other tourist at the boneyard since they were like ten, “Mine, too.” He repeated. There was an honesty to his response that stopped Ki from asking any further. 

She hugged him again. “Thank you for this. I missed you.” He hugged her right back.

“I missed you too. When you come back to us, more beer will be waiting for you no questions asked, don’t ever doubt it.” With that, he placed a soft kiss on her forehead and left. 

Ki had a small smile playing on her lips; she had never felt lighter in her life. 

[fruitynancywheeler]

thanks for the tag eve <3

nickname: cassie or cass

current hyperfixation: Stranger things (ronance specifically I'm here for the queers), Motherland: Fort Salem, Arcane and the Harley Quinn animated series (not necessarily in that order)

fanfic or fanart: personally fanfic bc I can't draw for shit but admire those who produce awesome fanart!

fav weather: hmm probably sunny with a few clouds in the sky and as little humidity as possible, or when it's rainy bc I can be cozy at home listening to the raindrops

fav color: crimson

color that represents you: mimi pink

fav tree: cherry blossom or willow I can't choose

penguins or pandas: pandas bc I want to hug them and bury my face in their fur (but I love to watch penguins swim and slide around on their bellies this questions was harder than I expected)

fav food: sushi or mozzarella sticks can't choose depends on the vibe

thoughts on sharks: they seem like misunderstood souls and I'd like to swim underwater with them and be their friend

best pic up line: i have never used a pickup line in my LIFE i genuinely don't know how i got here i just compliment their clothes or makeup??

fav au: spy AUs always have me in a chokehold

first fandom: aldjfdslfj I think it was pretty little liars I'm embarrassed and ashamed

current fandom: ronance bc thats literally all I care about

fun fact: snails can sleep for three years

no pressure tags: @ladywintr @commanderheartache @belovas-vest

bored in the car tag game!

fill in your answer then tag other people you think would like it👍👍

nickname: em :)

current hyperfixation: currently in between and suffering because of it! /hj

fanfic or fanart: can’t choose but i’d Much rather draw than write

fav weather: cold and slightly cloudy (as least humidity as possible)

fav color: dusty blue !!

color that represents you: mustard yellow and sage green

fav tree: pecan tree (but the Big big ones)

penguins or pandas: love them both but i just want to give penguins a big ol hug

fav food: sushi 10000/10

thoughts on sharks: they’re incredibly cool, basically dinosaurs, can detect electricity with pores in their heads, and ARE NOT INFESTATIONS humans shouldn’t be invading their space<3

best pick up line:*nervously stares in bisexual*

fav au: enemies to lovers in conjoined stores (esp tattoo and bookshop)

first fandom: oh god- harry potter i think?

current fandom: stranger things ronance

fun fact: dogs leave nail prints when they walk but cats don’t!

no pressure tags: @werewolfxwheeler @timesnewronance @pimplepogue @el-fandom-phantom @agentgenevra @hopelessronantics @willrelator @lionydoorin