#bc that’s exactly what he Wanted other ppl to perceive bc it was safe

[angelsdean]

most days I’m kinsey 5 dean truthing. he just. Really likes men. the majority of his significant relationships are with men. on any given day I’m closer to gay dean than Kinsey 3 or lower. but I also enjoy entertaining multitudes so i can see so many different angles and interpretations. except straight dean. there is no such thing. he does not exist.

[tslasvegas]

Episode 13: “What a depressing trip to Las Vegas” - Jaiden

I just have one thing to say.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! It worked! I didn't expect Joey to vote with us. I feel bad about that, but hey, we couldn't see him being sincere. If he told us who the others were voting for, then maybe we would have changed votes. Jaiden was open to it already. Kailyn is probably the one who voted with John for Liv. Maybe she thought he would play and idol or maybe jury management. Anyway, she should have told us. 

Joey got voted out. Which was not supposed to happen this round. Pat and Jeff are just so naive and easily to manipulate. I’m sure they could be convinced to self vote without any real effort. I don’t even want to bother working with them moving forward because of it. But I might have to. I can’t let grudges get in the way of getting to the end game. Honestly at this point I’d be happy going to F3 with Liv and Kailyn. Xavier is too nice. Jaiden is too... out there? Love him, but I don’t want to sit next to him at the end. And Pat and Jeff i just don’t think they deserve to make it that far

I still can’t believe tribal tonight was real. It’s been like six hours and I’m still in shock that Joey finally went home. Like... what??? I’ve been dealing with that dude for three weeks and I’ve held his little secret in until it finally came of use to me, and... now I’m in the final seven. The game has NOT been won yet and while I feel like cheering and celebrating, I need to maintain my focus and center myself as the game is nowhere close to being over yet. We’ve still got at least four tribals to go, but after tonight I might be able to say that I’m exactly halfway through the merge (assuming it’s a final three... dear god please be a final three). Top eight was a really hard mountain to climb and once I lost immunity I felt a little out of touch with what was gonna happen next. I really felt like my time was going to come, and I’m so thankful that it wasn’t. Tbh Kailyn might’ve gone home today had Jeff not told me about a Palazzo chat still being alive and well. I don’t know how I’m gonna turn this bad situation around again but I need to convince Keegan and Livingston to work with me, Kailyn, and Xavier. It is critical now that Jeff or Pat go home because one of them is going to win. Before Joey left, he told me that there is a rumor that Jeff or Pat have an idol nullifier. While a nullifier won’t affect me right now, it’s not something that I want to see in the game going forward period and I want to use that little piece of information to my benefit and finally get rid of Pat. I’ve been saying for SO LONG that we need to get rid of Pat and now the time is ticking down. He has to go as soon as possible, fuck whatever Jeff says. Tbh I want to fly into the final six with no votes cast against me, still. I wonder if I can get Jeff and Pat to target like Keegan or Livingston and I really just need Xavier or Kaitlyn to bring up Pat’s name first before Jeff.. I doubt they have the smarts to recognize the danger that they pose, but we will see... Keegan is DEFINITELY pissed off at me now too. I made the mistake of telling him that I was “a little annoyed” about how tribal went, which was such a dumb thing to say bc tribal went exactly how I wanted it to. I’m playing off the fact that Kailyn must’ve known abt Joey voting for Livingston because her name was on the chopping block too so that’s why it went 4-2-2 rather than 5-2-1 like it was supposed to. I don’t want anybody to know that I was playing for Joey’s advantage which I’m sure people think I have right now lmfao... Anyways really I need to just make Keegan NOT hate me because he’s still part of my plan long term (I think)... he’s really smart tho and I’m not counting him out to win the whole thing but he hasn’t really done much of anything whereas people like Jeff and Pat and Xavier have kinda done a lot... If Keegan isn’t prepared to be fully loyal to me til the end then there’s nothing I can say to him except adios. All I really need right now is an immunity run til the end. I hope that the next challenge is something that doesn’t require a lot of skill because I am INCREDIBLY anxious just thinking about a competition, live. I need final seven immunity because then I’m guaranteed top five... the furthest I’ve ever been in Tumblr Survivor by a mile. I’ll break so many of my own personal records with that one single immunity win. In fact, if I make it to final five, that will be the best I’ve literally ever done in a Skype survivor org. I haven’t done that good since April and it’s just really affirming to me that this was the right decision for me to come back to Tumblr. Aside from winning challenges and making more moves, I also have gotta start fixing my bad relationships. Like I mentioned earlier, Keegan seems REALLY pissed off at me for how things went down with him being left out of the vote again. I can only apologize so many times before I am simply unforgivable. Maybe say sorry less and work to do better??? Idfk. But if Jeff or Pat can just say Keegan’s name, I’ll do what I can to prove to him that I’m loyal to HIM and not them. I hope that the Palazzos are falling to pieces now and realize that the only way to the end is to stick by us and nobody else. Jeff was also pretty mad at me for pushing his buttons a lot today. But honestly he was feeding me utter bullshit. I don’t buy that he was my savior and guardian Angel today, protecting me from having my name come up. I should honestly tell Livingston that Jeff sold him out to me not too long after Livingston said my name in their little chat. That would be hilarious. Kailyn and I are pretty close, but it could be better. I think I tend to revert all game-conversations with Xavier, so I don’t consider Kailyn my main ally unfortunately. If I want to go to the final three with her and Xavier, I need to really work on building that GAME relationship up because as a person I think we vibe well but it’s gonna come down to a couple factors and if she *has* to be sacrificed for me to get further, I can’t do anything but let it happen unfortunately.. As I just said, Xavier is kind of my main strategic ally right now which is super weird to say. He has definitely stepped it up A LOT in the strategic department and I have a lot of respect for him just as a person and I want to try and pick his brain a little bit more. The only thing with Xavier is that he seems to be playing really “safe” right now - I think had the opportunity presented itself to vote for Jeff with Joey, Xavier wouldn’t have gone for it and would’ve wanted to stick strong with voting Livingston instead. Which I totally get, but this game right now kinda requires we make bolder decisions than just what kinda didn’t work last time, you know? Okay now for Pat - god our relationship is just so weird. I have virtually not ties to Pat except the one alliance with Jeff and I feel like Jeff wants to control Pat rather than let Pat be his own player. It’s weird. I wonder if Pat would be down to vote out Jeff but fuck it’s gonna be hard to pull that off. I don’t want to hold off on Pat BECAUSE if I can’t get him out next, I will need him at final six and hopefully final five to serve as a sacrificial lamb or something. I’m wondering now if maybe Livingston needs to go because people are gonna always view Pat as a huge threat to win, even though he might not necessarily do so if he gets there. Livingston... yeah I really don’t like Livingston lmfao. I think it’s because of his super close connection to Rachael but it might also be because he is like, cool and nerdy and a bit of a try hard “around camp” so to speak. What REALLY gets on my nerves about Livingston is that he possesses zero of the charisma to convince me that he sucks at this game but enough social finesse to make me think that he’s actually gonna win if he gets to the end. He’s like, that cool dork everybody was friends with in high school. Even though parts of his game have been lackluster as fuck, he’s still a massive threat to win and I might just need to kick him off to the jury as soon as possible. :) And finally... me! I’m gonna try hard to be unbiased and self-aware but it’s so difficult to do that bc I genuinely don’t know how ppl are perceiving me this time.. I THINK it’s mostly positive but tonight was definitely one of my most negative episodes bc of how stressful I was being before tribal. Just ask Jeff. I think I’m definitely succeeding in getting votes to go my way and I have had a LOT of things go right for me since the merge. From Stephanie leaving right when I needed her to, to the double removal, to the super idol coming out and getting rid of Joey... It’s been so good so far. BUT I’m not being subtle about it. Subtlety is not a strength of mine that’s for sure.. I think I succeeded in being “subtle” about the Steph thing bc I was not making it overly obvious I wanted her out but otherwise I’ve been very clearly controlling other decisions and how certain votes went. Leaving two people I don’t trust in the game (Pat/Jeff) is tough but at least I worked with them on something, right? Joey was telling me so much that he was gonna lose to me and I think he was right. Now Jeff is saying that he’s probably going to lose if we’re in the end, but he doesn’t want to vote me out. Do I trust that? Not really... But fuck, I don’t even know anymore!!! I think if the game was over right now, I’m going to be grilled to DEATH for being fake as hell to Joey. I think that’s gonna come back to bite me so I need to start talking POSITIVELY about Joey to EVERYBODY. Read him for game, not for personal reasons. And maybe I’ll even talk his game up going forward just so that the person who goes into jury at least relays that I made a “good move” voting for Joey to leave (even tho I didn’t vote for Joey hehe). I wonder if people think I’m just playing tjem as pawns and not as real people.. bc these are definitely real people we are playing with here and I recognize that, but honestly in my mind nobody here wants this as badly as me. If that makes me the villain, I’m fine being the villain. But I’m not a human being that will ever play this game with a passion to play humanely. I want to win so badly. I’m going crazy in my own head, the wheels turning in hyperspeed. I’ve never been hungrier for something like I am for this win... I can hold out another year in this environment if I have to. I can and I will 🤠

Darn third world slow internet connection! Anyway, it made others look like challenge threats more than me, so hopefully that gets me through more rounds if they think other people can win more :) 

That was a very stressful and very tense immunity challenge. Jeff was the clear front runner for the first five rounds, being the first person to advance in all of them. He’s a quick typer which made me very worried I wouldn’t be able to pull off a win. However, the last round was “Name That Song” and with the help of Siri, I snagged the immunity necklace! Final 6 here I come! This round presents me with an interesting dilemma. Since I have immunity I can be a little more ballsy. So I could throw Jeff or Pat under the bus, try to sway Jaiden, Kailyn and Xavier to vote one of them out. Or I can stick with the OG Palazzo group that is saying (for the fifth time I might add) that they want to stick together. That hasn’t worked out at all yet this merge and we’ve voted 4 people out. Pat and Jeff seem pretty interested in targeting Xavier for being a social threat which I don’t disagree with. But Jaiden is a very strong player. This is one of those rounds where I’m insanely grateful to have immunity because there’s also a bunch of advantages out there. I know Livingston has a regular idol now. But there’s vote steals and extra votes and idol nullifiers out there somewhere and that’s so nerve-wracking. Also, Jaiden mentioned to me that this is the last round for a lot of those advantages and I just don’t think I buy that. Final 7 is a weird place for that. Regardless, I’m fully expecting this to be a wild and crazy tribal tomorrow. Can’t wait to see what happens because I get to sit there looking pretty with my new bling. Xoxo Gossip Girl

I am terrified of tribal today and I have a bunch of different ideas in my head but I just want to survive. Kind of where I am at is I feel like I am getting 7th no matter what because I have never tasted top 6 in an ORG. I could play an idol here at 7, waste it, and then just get fucked at 6. One thing I thought about was "finding" the idol part of the way through tomorrow and then letting OG Palazzo know to build trust. The only issue with this is that the idol nullifier is in play. It could still be on the board. It was on the board when I got my auction advantage. But if it isn't, and Pat and Jeff turn on me, I could be fucked idol or no idol if the nullifier is played. I suppose that Pat and Jeff have both never voted me as far as I can tell, unless I have miscalculated one of the vote counts for the past 2 tribals. Maybe it'd be safer to hold onto the idol quietly and just hope I don't leave with it in my pocket. This is so stressful because if I leave with it in my pocket, I look like an idiot that had the luck to get two advantages but couldn't traverse the game much past that. 

Okay so, Jeff is my closest ally at this point. Voting out Joey was our move and I am very happy we did. I don’t express the anger that I’m feeling and I think that helps keep my relationships good with people. I think I’m good with Livingston and Keegan and also Jaiden and Kailyn. I was Xavier out this round but I feel like something is going to happen. No one knows I have an idol which is amazing and I hope I don’t have to use it til final 5 and I have immunity and can play it on someone else for the fun of it. I can’t believe I made final 7 and am actually kicking up playing the game by voting correctly on Joey. I think so far I have 2 of the 4 votes at final tribal council, Andrew and Steph. I think I have a road there, I just hope I make the right decision because I’m still in I a weird phase of the game and anything can happen. 

This tribal feels very weird. Jaiden is insisting he hasn’t heard anything at all about the vote. Which I find very strange considering he’s basically been running things most of this merge. Why would suddenly no one tell him anything? Especially Kailyn and Xavier. Seems like those three are fairly open with each other. I could not be more happy to have immunity this round. No matter what happens, I am safe and have not a thing to worry about. I really really hope that Pat and Jeff are being honest and actually voting for Xavier like they say they are. If they’re flipping and voting for Livingston.... I don’t even want to imagine that. But I’m getting some sketchy vibes. Fingers crossed it’s just me being paranoid, though any time I say that something unexpected happens.

Ok I'm calling it, I'm going home tonight ! Literally nobody is telling me anything and it's really quite pathetic to see Keegan, who says we're super cool and good friends and will be friends once this is all over, win immunity and then not make a single attempt to pick me up and flip me to his side. Unless he's so confident that the Palazzo four will stick loyal to the very end... which they probably will, but Jeff is gonna beat all of them in the end and I think they see me as a big threat or something LOL I guess it's good gameplay for them but I hate it either way. I don't really have a lot to say bc now I just feel dumb. I wish I had an idol, but of course, I do not. Anyways, I'm going to have to stick with the fact that people are voting for Xavier tonight and hope my name doesn't come up at all. I'm going to lie and tell Xavier that I'm certain its me or Kailyn tonight and hope he holds an idol if he has it... or plays it on me heh. We'll see though... What a depressing trip to Las Vegas if it ends like this. 

The last Confessional :( 

[freckliedan]

(for context, i made a post asking if this anon would b comfy telling me if she was a part of the lgbt community because i would be able to answer more quickly & with more nuance if i knew! my response would’ve been very different for the first ask if it had come from a cis/het person)

hi b!!!!!!!! ty so much for sending me this ask! this is a conversation i’ve had with friends a number of times & i think it’s really good to talk about so i’m really glad to have the chance to talk about it on my blog!

(under the cut because this got long)

i really feel you on this entire situation, tbh- i really hate to assume people’s sexualities, especially people who i don't actually know, bc doing that enforces gender roles & stereotypes so much of the time. especially when it's straight people doing the assuming? like, straight people talking about having good "gaydar" for me feels like them talking about being good at stereotyping people based on mannerisms etc and it makes me so fucking uncomfortable!

i'm 100% of the opinion that unless someone has the agency in telling people they're lgbt (like, they get to come out on their own terms, or they're so comfortably out that you'd maybe hear them referred to with pronouns besides he/she or hear about a same-gender partner when hearing about them in conversation)? nobody should be making a definitive assumption or trying to find proof or support of any perspective on their sexuality. people should get to be as closeted or as out as they're comfortable being, bc more than anything all lgbt people deserve to feel safe.

that said? i feel like lgbt ppl have actual "gaydar" but that it's not the same thing straight people say "gaydar" is. i think that for lgbt people, it has as much to do with being able to identify homophobic or transphobic straight or cis people (bc there are transphobic lgb folx, why do people. DO that) and being able to identify what straight/cis people are safe to be around as it does being able to find other lgbt people. it's more of a survival mechanism than a way of identifying people who are different, the way it functions for straight people.

so like? idk. over the past few years my concept of whether it's okay to speculate about a celebrity's sexuality has shifted a little? when i was in high school & recently out of it, i was more firmly against the idea that someone could tell if xyz celebrity wasn't straight, and super firmly believed that the only way you could know was if they said as much in words.

so what changed?

i experienced the world more, and i've learned so much about the lgbt community and about myself.

one of the big turning points for me was kristen stewart; i was never a super huge fan of hers, but i saw posts fairly often speculating that she and alicia cargile were together. not posts by like, news outlets or anything, posts by other wlw who were saying 'i see the way that kstew is dressing and acting and what she & alicia cargile are sharing of their relationship with the public and news articles keep calling them live-in gal-pals etc but that's exactly how i dress and behave and how my relationship with my girlfriend looks and how people treat our relationship when they're refusing to acknowledge the fact that we're lgbt."

also at the time i started seeing a lot of posts that were saying that the speculation was shitty, and for a hot minute i felt awful for seeing and reblogging posts & hoping/believing that they were girlfriends. the next wave of discourse tho was about how it was okay to speculate and hope if you were just an individual who was also lgbt, and how it was only shitty when it was invasive paparazzi and tabloids who had a platform that could actually disrupt her life and put pressure on her to come out. it was about power; one lesbian or bi or pan girl who was hoping a celebrity they looked up to was like them vs a business that doesn't have any investment in this besides to gain money/readership off of a celebrity's potential identity that had every right to keep their silence and privacy? it's two entirely different things.

i also went back to college in 2016, and realized that like. yeah it's shitty when straight people stereotype and assume things about people, but a lot of lgbt people don't want to be perceived as straight and intentionally dress and behave in ways that signal the fact that the're lgbt. i'm not a scholar on any of this; this is all from my lived experience. but i think it might be called flagging? i've seen the word a few times & just googled it & it seems right, even though i haven't read any of the articles for sure.

essentially it's a way of signaling to other lgbt people "hey i'm here and i'm also lgbt" without really having to disclose that info to all the straight people around you as well. and like, heteronormativity is a hell of a drug, you know? a lot of straight people are almost unwilling to pick up on the signals that someone's lgbt.

an example i can think of is like, lgbt people using non-gendered terms to refer to their significant other or any exes around straight people; it's not lying, and it leaves the opportunity for any other lgbt people present to maybe connect with the person who's doing the pronouns dance at a later point in time in a one on one setting.

another example would be like, butch and gender nonconforming wlw making their identity clear in the way they dress and behave? the song ring of keys from the musical fun home is about a young girl seeing a butch lesbian for the first time and going !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! same!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even without having the words. it's lgbt people broadcasting their identity for other lgbt people, not for straight people. it doesn't get seen or talked about as much because of that, but that doesn't make it any less real.

so how does this relate back to dnp?

i'm firmly of the opinion that the're like, doing this. they're living their lives without the complete self-censorship they used to have and because of that openness a lot of lgbt ppl see them, we see the ways in which dan and phil are quietly sharing the fact that they're not straight with us, and i think it's okay to accept that for what it is.

like? i genuinely am willing to argue that dan came out in his diss track. you look at that, and you look at him talk about labels in a liveshow (this video genuinely helped me a lot while i was going through the process of finding the right labels for myself) and you look at all of trying to live my truth or the fact that in dan's rebranding video part of the old branding that was going up in flames was gender rolls (i still have a screenshot of that on my phone). it's also in the countless ways he alludes to being attracted to men, and the ways he rejects a lot of the tenants of masculinity that society prescribes in the ways he dresses and presents himself to the world; that's not an inherently lgbt thing to do, but i think it's true that a majority of lgbt ppl experience gender more consciously than straight people do.​

i'm not going to lie and say i'm aware of as many specific details in regards to phil that indicate his sexuality-i do know less off the top of my head, but not because i don't love phil, just because dan means more to me personally in regards to my queerness and the ways i navigate my identities. phil also tends to share way less of himself with the internet than dan does? like, we know a lot of specifics about who dan is and who dan has been but despite knowing a lot of fluff about phil, we know less substantial information and that's super fucking valid and i love his double aquarius sagittarius rising enigmatic ass exactly as is. and i know i have things in my he likes boys tag about both of them, including (i think) at least one masterpost about phil.

which like, doesn't even bring us to the fact that i'm so sure they're together, too? it's not even like. things like the vd*y v*d, though that was still findable on tumblr when i joined the phandom in 2012.

i'm sure because i can look at dan and phil in the present, and the ways in which they function in eachother's lives, and the things they've said about their future together-the concept of a forever home, of getting a dog together,  the way that when either of them talks about a very old version of themself they talk about having kids & when you combine that with the idea of a forever home you kind of are left with only one implication- i look at all of those things and the ways they compare to my life, as a queer person in a long term committed relationship. and i know. i’m sure about them.

and i could go on. the thing that really gets me is how dan and phil, by all intents and purposes, hit all three sides of sternberg's triangle in his triangular theory of love; they've got the commitment of a shared life and they've talked about their shared future, they've got the intimacy of knowing and supporting each other for nine years and the close knowledge they have of each other is so great in volume that it's been the focus of what, two videos (the friendship test ones) and (spoilers, minorly) a section of ii? and in the way they look at each other, and in a lot of implications we've picked up on over the years, the passion is there, too.

they've fuckin got that good good consummate love, babeY.

they also constantly answer all of each other's bids, as per gottman's research/theories on successful relationships. i'm not gonna get too far into that, but it's what my like a sunflower tag is for.

and gosh, i've gotten rather off topic again. my apologies, b.

i guess the point is that like. as a queer person in a long term relationship, it's really easy for me to look at dan and phil and be sure that they're together. and i don't feel bad, anymore, thinking about that and speculating about it; i think it's ok for lgbt individuals to hope that the people they look up to are like them, and to talk about that hope.

and it would be nice, if dan and phil came out someday. stressful because of the fan reaction, i'm expecting a full meltdown if/when it happens (i'm leaning towards when, i think they want to get married someday).

but for me, i'm already sure. they've already given us so much and they don't owe us anything, we aren't entitled to them disclosing their identities, but i think they've already told us in subtle ways, a hundred times over. so my conscience is clear and my heart is sure, b. i hope yours can be too.

[cruelwritersthesis]

how would luke react to nick? like i keep imaging it in my head, like maybe luke never went twith the whole over throw the gods thing, maybe the gods kinda enslaved him instead, who know? All i need to know is how luke would handle nick being in love with tori. (A drabble, full length thing, bullet point headcanons I DINT CARE I NEED ANSWERS)

i was almost like: yeah! here are some headcanons

*lists them out*

then was like…wait

this is my story. nick is my character, and while luke isn’t my character, i have created an au, which is my au with my oc, so these aren’t even headcanons they’re most def canon

tho…canon that are subject to change, should i ever like actually address this in my story XP

also sorry this took me so long, i’m home for winter holiday and was spending time with my mom and getting presents for my friends (at the biggest, bestest bookstore, i could live there if they’d let me)

anyway

so let’s say luke comes back to camp somehow, someway he’s back at camp

and like the camp’s pretty okay with it???

but luke def gets a lot of “that’s the scary blond guy with the scar?” from the young’ins and “oh great the scary blond guy with the scar is back” from everyone else

but uh, that’s kinda a tangent

luke’s back everyone!

tori can’t keep anything from him bc she’s tori and she loves him so fucking much

besides, she’s a terrible liar around him bc he knows all her tells

it’s worse bc he’s a son of hermes, who is like, the god of reading tells

hermes is a trickster, a con artist, of course he’s gonna know how to read tells what

anyway, at first tori kinda just forgets abt it as she do, but luke doesn’t fail to notice the wounded doe eyes nick gives tori whenever she interacts with luke

and so he finally brings it up

side note: luke is super territorial abt tori, so he notices anyone giving her any sort of eyes

and not like in a possessive, unhealthy way, he’s just like…he loves her so much and no fucking way is he gonna let anyone else take her from him

not that he thinks she’s just drop him like a hot cake, but bc he’s a jealous bastard

and so it tori, so like they’re made for each other

back to the main point, he brings it up to her one night, on the roof of the hermes cabin (shhh)

and she just kind of freezes for a moment, trying to work out the best way to break it to him

she’s a little afraid of how he’ll react. not that he’d ever hurt her, but she doesn’t want to see him angry and hurt

of course, he’s angry and hurt anyway when she finally does reveal what that’s all abt, but he can’t help it and she knows this

she def tells him everything: the magic tricks, the growing closer, the kiss (yikes™), the uh…the fact that nick is now hopelessly and helplessly in love with tori (oops)

and from that point on nick would most def be enemy 第一个 (which is basically “number one” in chinese hey everyone always uses spanish so i though i’d mix it up a little, also i’m chinese so) in luke’s eyes

at first, nick’s most def intimidated by luke

big shot–almost destroyed the world, then saved it, is now back at camp, is older, and has a scary scar on his face

but nick doesn’t show it, he closes off his emotions instead

and ppl perceive this as him backing down and being a little meek abt it

it’s bc of his heritage, having grown up in two diff cultures: chinese and american

in china, ppl are taught not to really show their emotions, esp the men so like he falls back into smth that’s comfortable, self-contained, and safe for him, which ppl then misconstrue as meek

putting up his walls protects him from the emotions he’s afraid to feel: the hurt to know that tori really is forever out of his reach, his anger and jealousy toward luke

luke and nick don’t interact at all, and since tori’s nearly always with luke, leaving nick little to no time to hang out with tori like he’s been doing (just as friends, but he’s never gotten over his feelings toward her)

luke just gives him glares every moment he gets, and gets overly touchy-feely with tori to make sure nick knows that tori is his

and yeah it sounds a bit possessive, but luke is also 110% tori’s too (she owns his ass, bruh)

it’s all mutual and respectful, anyway

tori, as per yuzh, is oblivious to the fact that luke may be, just a little, slightly jealous

nick just pretends not to notice luke

until it becomes too much and his more americanized cultural side comes out

nick gets kinda aggressive

but it’s like an inbetween of aggressive and passive-aggressive

he doesn’t outright challenge luke to a duel or anything

but if luke starts to glare at him as they pass, he’ll make it a point to glare back

one time he even shoved luke’s shoulder

that’s what starts the feud between the hermes cabin and the hecate cabin

officially apollo is swizterland

unofficially, bc tori will always side with luke (even if she says she doesn’t), the apollo cabin sides with the hermes cabin

her siblings grudgingly side with her, but they’re don’t exactly wish luke well, despite how much their half-sister loves him, but they love her enough to stand by her decisions

luke saved the world, it doesn’t look like he’ll be trying to destory it anytime soon, “we’ll let him live. fine”

side note: they def, at one point after luke’s return, kidnap him, tie him up, and interrogate him for tori’s sake

not that they really need to, knowing his devotion to her, but they gotta enact some kind of revenge

it kinda backfires bc luke is impeccable at undoing knots with his mind if he concentrates hard enough

but then he gets an arrow to the foot, so

tori’s not horribly happy hearing abt this, but knows that her siblings just did it bc they want to take care of her and love her

but her siblings do make luke’s life a living hell sometimes. any chance they can get, really

anyway, back to the main

capture the flag is terrible

hecate may wield magic, but you should never underestimate a con man or a trickster

not to mention they’ve also go the apollo cabin who has magic of their own

the rest of the cabins just kinda pick sides, make bets

it’s been unheard of amongst the pantheon of a hecate/hermes feud, so siding over old parents’ feuds doesn’t work in this situation

speaking of, the gods are having a grand ole time watching it all pan out on hephaestus tv

don’t put hecate and hermes in the same room tho

you bet your ass aphrodite is having a hay-day with this drama. she’s done enough meddling in tori’s life, tho, and she knows that no magic of hers is going to make this into a love triangle

luke and tori’s love for each other is too deeply intertwined, breaking that bond would literally kill them at this point and she’d rather not anger hermes or apollo

leave their kids alone dammit

zeus only allows this to continue–luke living, not necessarily the sit-com–bc the gods, even hera, is finally focused on someone else’s fuck-ups and not his (literally and figuratively speaking)

chiron has to break up fights daily, and does his best to keep luke and nick apart

tori is angry at both of them for letting their testosterone fuel their thoughts

she talks to them each, separately abt how immature and stupid they’re acting

“this isn’t high school”

“luke, you’re like 24 now, stop acting like a child”

“nick, stop provoking him and grow up”

it doesn’t work

tori then tries to reason with lou ellen, who doesn’t really want to hear it at first

mostly bc being in a feud is fun, her mom is finally getting recognition among the camp

tori goes to will to try and talk some sense in lou ellen then bc she’s tired of this fighting

despite, at the end of the day, always sneaking over the hermes cabin to snuggle with luke

only snuggles tho, bc she’s mad that he’s acting like a brat, maybe the occasional kiss

that’s right! no sex for you luke, sorry not sorry boiiii

nick stays at camp just to piss luke off, like he could leave, bc he’s def done enough training and he really should focus maybe a little harder on his school work and shit, but this is too fucking fun

he’s a vindictive little shit

tori’s tempted to knock sense into both of them, literally, when this goes on for weeks

instead she wails on them during training

chiron tried to get nick into a different class, but tori was having none of it

so she’s spars with nick, absolutely going all out on him

luke it’s a little harder, bc damn he’s good, but she lets her anger and annoyance fuel her enough that she certainly makes a point

tori explains to luke over and over again that she was just confused, lonely, and hurt

luke totally gets it, but his jealousy doesn’t fade, and the more nick provokes him, the more he feels the need to defend himself

so it’s just a vicious cycle of testosterone-induced mutual hatred jfc boys calm the fuck down

eventually, tori manages to convince lou ellen to help end this petty feud

so they end up locking the four of them–nick, luke, tori, and lou ellen in a room

lou’s there as a mediator

and tori is too, but she’s been known to get violent so, everyone thought it best someone else be there with her

this doesn’t solve anything bc men aren’t socialized to work things through with words *sighs*

thankfully a fight doesn’t break out tho

it almost does, but tori threatens them with a swear on the styx, and they grudgingly back down

so the feud continues with no sight in end, much to tori’s and chiron’s annoyance

and basically all the other cabins other than the hermes and hecate cabins

i’m not really sure how to end this definitively, but i hope i answered your question thoroughly enough

thanks for sending this in! it was actually really fun to think abt XD

[iamloveinhumanform]

Taurus ascendent.

Next is a channeling fragment i wrote in 2017, thank u for reading.

‘‘Your taurus first house describes someone with strong qualities and really soft inside, just like your moon placement you're about to read next. Let me describe u a lil about the ascendent in astrology. The ascendent in astrology it symbolizes the body, the physical appearance, the vessel, the look, ancient ones relate it with the head, the first main part of the body, it's the first house just like the head when a baby is being born growing in its mother womb.l u know, all its starts with number 1, its the first house, and its rule by mars, planet of instinct body and action. ok. now you know the ascendent as the first house is the head and the physical body literally, but in this chart interpretation i’m focusing on giving ppl the no so literal interpretations of this, i'm gonna be sharing with you the personality side of the asc, cause rising signs speaks about personalities, in a very direct manner. it talks about our mask in the world, bc it’s the vessel of our spirit, the human self, the most natural instinctive animal side of us. so it talk about our mannerism, actions, nature, instinct, animalistic self, our image, first impression we give to others, literally and symbolically our presence in this place, it speaks about personality, the energies of our personality and how we act without even stopping to think. u see. it's like when someone is in autopilot mode, and it’s like really in the now, simply acting, and reacting, our ascendant's pops up when life is happening, for example now i'm going to describe this. like. the sun the ascendet the moon describes in this whole natal report the main portrait of somebody, i'm going to give u an example so u can understand your ascendet better. ex. somebody is walking by the street, they’re simply walking, they are going to a meeting with friends. this guy is walking, watching the sun, when ve una lata en su camino and he without thinking randomly patea la lata, the woman in the other street suddenly notice the sound and watch, this guy without noticing left a impression on her, she might think ‘oh he seems violent, he seems immature, why he didn't pic up the lata and through it away, or ohe he seems fun, love that sound he seems like a active, brave dude’. ok. his ascendant is in aries, aries is the warrior of the zodiac athe strong one’. he has left a first impression to somebody and also simply act like normally would, like in autopilot, that his ascendent. now you might see it better. his actions and impressions also talks about him and his personality even he don't really paying attention to what he does. bc the ascendet is the vessel our human self, that it’s part of nature, and the animal kingdom even if when we can argued that, its the body suit that we use for walking this earth and dress our spirit, that is our true self, if we understand this we can understand why is the body already intelligent for healing itself and act without being fully conscious of it, etc because it's in part animal, it has instincts and mannerisms, and because we have always being in this body suit, ‘already always dressed with same outfit body’ we have forget we are dressed, it's not easy to see us bc most of the time we feel one with our ego body human self, and we forget we are dressed, and we don't understand why we do something when we were not aware of doing it, why we cross the street to help that man when we don't even know it, why we cross the street because the were two mans that seems dangerous, why we avoid going places we don't like the smell of, and when we kiss and hold hands and go for a girl when her presence seems to call us, might be her pheromones invisible in the air that we detect, and felt ‘she was in good mood vibe’ for talking to her. it's our ascendet our animal side, and when we put our focus on our first house and physical appearance energy we understand why ppl act a certain way when they don't even know who we are, why we attract and repel others, because it's the present, the way we present with distractions actions without any words, it's like this self that ppl that are conocidos have of us, an impression.now that i have explain better to u the first house meaning i'm gonna describe your impression, the energies that seems to be written in your presence and that also literally describes your look appearance body and head, and eyes cause and nature, the way we act and go in autopilot through life ends up in a way describing our lifestyle and the story of our life, we are free to walk and go in life in any free direction we want, but it's an energy that we can never change, because it symbolizes our human, if we are ncanated in a human self body suit for our spirit that human energy will describe how we are going to go in life, when we are tapping in our most authentic natural in the now moment self ,in the end the kind of life we are going to live. Ancient ones knew this, they knew we were spirits having human experiences and in india, hindu astrology, til this day they relate the ascendet ‘story of our lives’ as our purpose in life when incarnating on earth. in spirit form we choose exactly our appearance body choosing exactly the purpose we want to experience on earth, the story of our life in this incarnation, cause our human self will go, especially in autopilot, and act according to his instincts and nature, so it will walk the path we want to walk, especially describing exactly what we our purpose is, always, it's like a safe secure way that we are going to experience the path we want. i agree with this point of view. and even when we dont believe in reincarnation, in many lives, the concept of being spirits in human form and that our essence is quite eternal, i like to share this idea, and ppl will have a clear practical explanation of his ascendent, wherever they see first house as solely first impression, body, presence and natural personality of as the symbol of human vessel purpose (i write reports focusing on purpose when i interpret entire sof ppl purposes by the way). it's also la forma de ver el mundo, los ojos con los que vemos el mundo.taurus main energy all over your presence describes someone with strong qualities in their presence, taurus ppl, its a fixed sign, so u tend to be always constant in your life, you might feel like you have always been the same most of the time and ppl notice this. how do i start. this is a beautiful energy. an earth child, a being that stops and smells the flowers, one that really enjoys life lil pleasures and goes through life, this is quite alluring feminine energy, u have also a lil gemini energy there's too that is masculine, i'll get there. but it's mainly feminine. rest. enjoy. love. partner up. see the flowers. tauro es el toro. you can expect to have a strong body, very musical. tauro represent the voice, singing qualities, the physical senses like smells, touches, taste, eyes and ears. you are sensitive, highly vivid senses, you simply notice staff and wait and feel. you’re very grounded, this is a materialist sign that symbolizes abundance and money, this doesn’t mean you’re all about the money and that you care only about your possessions and only care about having::owning staff. it’s speaks about the feeling of how great it feels to have all in life, the simply moments of joy, smiles and birds, and animals and sweets moments, you’re a romantic and go through life wearing your heart on your sleeve. describes someone that n the worst is perceive as lazy, possessive, stubborn but in your best ppl notice a unique voice tone, a soft aura that calms ppl and inspired them to enjoy the beauty of every moment, see how important is to rest sometimes, how life is better when we have our own staff, and that our nature can’t be changed by anybody, that we are permanent. this is a natural artist. u tend to help people appreciate art and beauty with your presence. this speaks about a human that is externally very sure of, expect ppl to tell u you’re beautiful, you’re rich or you’re a fatty cause u love food.’’

[ts-nightingaleislands]

Episode #10- “Is Cheatham actually high regularly or is it just a figment of his imagination?”- Sara

that was such a HARD tribal for me. i loved having noah on my side and stuff but also i know he would be one of the ppl to make a big move on me if he stayed . its getting harder and harder for each vote . i just gotta stay focused and hope my alliance stays strong another round or two . tumblr survivor gods i hope your pulling for me!

Austin and Vincent have to be testing me. I dont get why Austin is playing dumb with me or why he act like he didn't know. According to Vincent Austin was in on it. I mean regardless I know who Im just wanting to stick with but yeah, the weird jumped out. Cheatham is also saying this was a week or so then went MIA so thats cool

(LATER)

Austin and Vincent are coming off super sketchy. I mean it is nothing new with Austin, but Vincent oof. I dont mind it all that much because of who I prefer to go with, but it is interesting. If these guys are coordinated then, well, seems uncoordinated

(LATER)

So right now Austin, Cheatham, and Vincent have added me to a chat I guess to work together. I actually worry I am not Natalie Anderson, but Sierra Dawn Thomas Worlds Apart. Nonetheless, I think its smart for me to wait til F7 or so to make the move against Austin/Cheatham. I can't allow enough time to pass for the idol to bite me in my butt!

(LATER)

I now see that Austin probably thinks he can manipulate me, so I have to time when I vote him perfectly. Him feigning ignorance on the Noah vote tells me he likely feels I'm naive enough to believe him and hey people do prefer to keep the ones around they feel are lesser than themselves!

(LATER)

Ive had a change of heart- I think now Kyle is going to get dragged by people, however, I strongly believe he would choose me over anyone so its just a matter of navigating 6 tribals

Inane ramblings from Vincent's cf, dated 3 AM on December 26, formatted terribly bc this cf is dated 3:06 AM on December 26: >i'm looking ahead to the future >austin is likely going to want liam out >bc when he said he wanted to make a move he'd have to mean one of them >them being liam/am/sara >and as far as i can tell liam is being perceived as the glue >so if he goes then am/sara become lone wolves who are easier to manipulate >however if liam stays then the other one, maybe am, is linked with them and they will be mad at austin for doing this >so those are numbers on our side >my previous boot order (EDITOR'S NOTE: never discussed in a cf, but will be discussed at length later) changed due to the unexpected development that austin is willing to flip on his group >however i'll note now that there is a very good chance he's faking >although if he is i can't imagine why he'd put his true allies in such blatant danger when kyle is literally right there as a vote >*person to vote >so let's say 5-3 vote up next >me/cheatham/austin/chris/kyle all against liam's trio >ideally voting out sara >bc she is the messiest and the one i trust least >my goal will be to convince the others that this is the best vote >liam and i are good and he is my decoy f2 >too early for goat stuff but am is a better goat than sara imo >just keeping my options open >liam/cheatham/annmarie could easily each be in my f2 >but not in a "ideal f4" way >so if austin is with me for this vote then he should at least appear to establish further connections with me >he can't do anything without one of chris and cheatham >or kyle i guess >kyle is easily the most expendable of those 3 >so to limit austin's options we need to vote kyle >we >my old boot order is more or less the same >just kyle vote goes from getting austin's trust back to weakening him >then at f6 cheatham chris and i stick together >vote out am unless liam becomes dark horse threat >f5 austin goes >f4 chris >f3 liam >then maybe i win >wow this seems so real >like usually in orgs when i'm at the merge im like'well maybe it's still possible that i could maybe end up at the ftc but lmao imagine getting votes' >oh no i'm becoming overconfident >wow meeting noah in jury again is going to be awkward huh No matter how I place this is honestly one of my better confessionals. Either full of dramatic irony and I look stupid or I win and I look good. One outcome is significantly more likely than the other, of course. But neither isn't so bad, is it?

God I feel this challenge is gonna stir up so much shit! I just hope my target dont get bigger because of it.

Where I stand now is that Austin is very willing to have Kyle go this round quote unquote, but what is to say he may not actually want somebody else? It is interesting seeing him discuss his perception and everything. I guess he cannot help but try to downplay himself, but I feel the ship has sailed for him and now it is only a matter of time. Watch him pull a W

(LATER)

I can't wait for someone to get offended by this Touchy Subjects challenge. I know I won't. If anything, I'll just adapt with it! I also feel like now, it's important to see how AnnMarie and Sara handle things from here on out- either they're willing to try and go for Austin/Cheatham/Vincent, or they'll settle for Kyle. If this happens to go the way I think, I may end up as a potential swing in F7, but I sure as heck am not about to be like Miss Sarah Lacina Cop-Turned-Criminal in Cagayan. No Ma'am! I'm not ever feeling safe until I'm sitting in the Final 2

(LATER)

So Austin asks me for a name and I am like ok I dont mind if it is Kyle unless you guys are up to do someone else. Austin proceeds to say he wants to have options and just wants a name and I'm. It really feels like a bit of a bait just to go to X to say I said their name. I could be wrong but its just weird becaise I haven't heard him say a name yet

(LATER)

Austin! Do not think that Ive forgotten your leaky faucet ways! Like that's the odd thing about it- Austin has shown what he is capable of and it is just weird of him to press about this when I know he has lied to me before. Like right now I literally told him I am fine with anyone going and his response was to know who I actually want out. I really don't know what he wants me to say other than a name to implicate myself but nuh uh! Not I!

(LATER)

The way it looks, I can make the move to get Liam out but I highly doubt I will last much longer. All it will take after that is to say Chris did X lets do him  and so I want to try and wait at least to chat to Kyle. I also want to see how willing AnnMarie and Sara are willing to talk about this vote instead of waiting. I definitely do not want Cheatham/Austin/Vincent all in F6 or at worse F5 however that is easier said than done for this lot

Wowza, Cheatham is playing hard now. SO, basically the votes are supposed to go 6-2, Chris being voted out. Now I do not wanna go any further with Sara, AM, and Liam bc they will take out me and Austin first. So I talked with Chris and now there is a 4 person alliance with Austin, Me, Chris, and Vincent. Im going to use my idol on Chris and then Chris and Kyle will vote out one of the others. Kyle is a wild card and we don't wanna tell him EXACTLY what's going on because he is kinda crazy. So we are thinking about having Vincent vote with Chris to ensure that one of the others go home. This is yet again ANOTHER big move on my part. Im getting worried that people will think that I'm the biggest threat with MORE idols in my hand and doing all the big moves. All I can do is wait. If I keep winning individual immunity like this week then I'm golden.

I think I've had an epiphany and it took talking to Cheatham to figure it out. Apparently I am the vote for tonight, though he wants to do something I've been wanting Cheatham to do in this merge and that is take advantage of the idol system- in doing so he gains a lot of leverage and I felt disppointed that he wasn't optimizing it. Having that said, I think I got a little sad because he told me people feel like I never give a name and truth be told I don't and it is a mistake on my end. I feel like I'm so scared to say a name because it failed miserably for me in the first half of this game and now that I don't do it anymore, people use it as a reason to vote me out. I do feel like its like I can't win with these people, but I want to change as much as I can to give myself a chance

(LATER)

HI am seeing that Austin, Cheatham, and even Vincent legitimately want to work with me and so perhaps I should consider going with them. The question with this vote is how I do I go about it. I've already named Sara because I have the most reason to do her AND I know Austin/Cheatham lowkey wanted her so its a win win for all of us, but it would be interesting to split it if the idol were used on me. Regardless, I just want this to end greatly for me, be that new start to a Chris that has what it will take to make it to the end and win.

I have...lots of questions right now... Am I being voted out tonight? Wouldn't surprise me. Does AnnMarie have a f2 w/ Austin? Cuz I accidentally caught her in something the other day where she told me she knew Austin was asking others for finals. But it might have been an accident because I mentioned that Austin asked for us 2 in a f3 with him....never said f2. Is Cheatham actually high regularly or is it just a figment of his imagination? Why do people get weird and quiet when they're planning a blindside or change loyalties? I literally brought this up to Liam last night a while after results. Gwen/Rizo/Chris did this exact same thing. It's Survivor. Lie and make a move if you have to. I'd respect that a whole lot more. Ignoring people is just shit jury management and I'll totally call Cheatham out at tribal now if I go! At least Vincent gave me an ANSWER! *Giggle* And also...is Austin actually that nice or is it game? Cuz I lit dunno if I'll ever be able to write his name down if that's really his personality. x)

Cheatham wants to invent a situation in which he would play his idol and gain full access to two others. This really feels like a resume padding thing more than a legitimate move out of necessity, because we have the numbers to vote out our target now, and there's no reason that would change any time soon. To me, this solidifies that Cheatham really can't make it to the end, just like Austin. Ideally I want to be able to choose between Liam and Chris because I think I have an ok shot against them both, and it's reasonable for both of them to make it very far. Of course it's the final 8 so it's still way too early to think about the end, but I definitely can't take Austin or Cheatham with me bc they both have a good shot at winning against me.

Sara me and Liam are apparently a strong group so there are plans to usurp our place on the throne! I'm watching a documentary about Queen Elizabeth while writing this. Cheatham apparently wants us gone as well, which hurts. I thought he was with me. I guess not. That is all.

So this round is insane, originally it was gonna be Chris but apparently Cheatham is gonna idol him so we’re having to take out the biggest goat in this game, which is so annoying, but if it must be done to save Sara so I have a shot at making it to the end then so be it. There’s still so much game to play so I need to make the most outta it.

5 votes Kyle (w/ self-vote), 2 votes Sara, 1 vote Chris (negated by idol.)