#bc now when i say i’m a theist it sounds like i’m saying atheist

[thee-radio-host-is-a-kookaburra]

i’m abt to be a theist on main

[firelord-frowny]

i answer questions on quora for funsies and there was a question (that got deleted before i could post my answer lmao) about “why do most atheists have such a childish view of what god is?” 

and then of course there were a bunch of snippy answers from people like “hur dur, bc god is dumb and fake and you are dumb also” 

and so i typed up a loooong as response while loopy on zzzquil and here it is, here’s my response:

I was hoping I’d get here and see some answers that didn’t drip with the cringy condescension that atheists unfortunately have a reputation for… I was disappointed.

I can promise you that “most atheists” don’t necessarily have a childish understanding of the concept of a God or religions in general. I think it just so happens that the more, uh… ~outspoken~ atheists tend to either have a simplistic understanding, or they simply don’t feel inclined to take the time to demonstrate that they do have a deeper understanding, because it’s just not important to them (which is fair!) Or they just like being rude and making flippant comments that they know are going to rustle the feathers of people who believe in a higher power.

I definitely used to be one of those atheists who loved to wax poetic - and usually with vaguely inflammatory and argumentative language - about how I “don’t care what people think a god is” and how I “don’t believe in things that aren’t really there” and “ahem, believing in sky fairies is what’s REALLY childish!”  

Then it dawned on me that I’ve only been exposed to an infinitesimally tiny fraction of  all the world’s religions, and all the different ways that people express their faith in their deities. I would hope that anyone who was actually committed to rationality would at least concede that it’s a bit irresponsible and disingenuous to claim absolute knowledge about - and pass judgment on - a wealth of subjects they have never even been exposed to.

Interestingly, I think the missing ingredient in these cases is compassion. The kinds of atheists you describe don’t see much value in even caring about the tremendous role that religion can play in many people’s lives. I think they tend to home in on the bad stuff, and unceremoniously dismiss everything else.

Though I’m most simply described as an atheist, the way that I personally understand the concept of “god” is that it can be an expression of people’s highest aspirations, or maybe a personification of a culture’s highest values. Maybe some people do truly believe that the thing they have faith in is an actual being that exists in some intangible realm, and who has will, and who is capable of manipulating and interacting with the “real world.” But through conversations with many of my believing friends, I’ve come to understand that to some people, “god” is more of an ideal than an actual being. Not literal, but a metaphor.

Anyway, to get back to your actual question - I’m of the opinion that most atheists understand and embrace the fact that they may never comprehend what “god” means to the people who believe in one. But they acknowledge that it’s nowhere near as simple as just “believing in things that aren’t really there,” and certainly do not automatically find it “humorous, sad, and irrelevant.” I think most atheists understand that the cultural, social, and personal concepts of “god” and the role “god” plays in the lives of believers is way too complicated to be boiled down in just a few snappy remarks. The atheists who have a more compassionate and open-minded understanding of what “god” might mean to theists aren’t going around being mean on the internet. They’re minding their own business.

I hope you feel enormously free to happily ignore the flippant, obnoxious quips from unkind atheists who are more concerned with feeling superior than with being at all intrigued by one of the many ways humankind has found to express its values and feel connections to one another.

Because I happen to know how these particular atheists think and behave, considering that I used to be one, I am sure that any who come across my answer here may feel inclined to try to get under my skin and perhaps condescend to me about logic and reason and blah blah blah, and I’d just like to say to those individuals: I welcome you to say whatever it is you need to say in order to feel secure and grounded in your point of view. I promise there’s nothing you can tell me that I haven’t told anyone else. I’m not upset with you, and I won’t be hurt or offended by anything you decide to say. Sure, I’d like it if you agreed with me, but that’s not how the world works, and I’m okay with that, and I’m sure that most of y’all are decent folks with whom I’d agree on a lot of other things!

I’m also sure that some folks are going to think everything I’ve said is ridiculous and that I’ve typed so much and said absolutely nothing. That’s fine. And you’re probably right! If you look up “largiloquent” in the dictionary, there’s a picture of me.

I’ll also address this: It’s not lost on me that the phrasing of the question is a little instigative. “Why do most atheists have such a childish view…” I can see plainly that that’s meant to attract exactly the kind of atheist who’s prone to launching into unpleasant confrontations. It’s meant to attack the kind of atheist that the question-asker has no doubt felt victimized by. Though I find it a little disappointing, I do understand. Like I said - I used to be a jerk about my own atheism, and I’m very well acquainted with the loud minority of atheists who seek to make theists feel dumb, and it makes sense to me that someone would feel like taking a small form of revenge in this manner. So, to the question-asker, I’ll say: When you set someone up to get angry, you sabotage your own chances of getting through to someone who disagrees with you. Maybe they probably weren’t going to hear you out before, but they definitely aren’t going to hear you out now.

And to the atheists who jump at the chance to get quippy at this kind of obvious bait: If you really want to disarm someone who’s trying to upset you… be nice. I’m not kidding. When somebody clearly wants you to resort to petty insults, and then you give them those insults, you lose. Immediately. You just look mean. :/ But if someone is baiting you into an argument, and you respond with kindness and understanding, then they look like the jerk. Not you. And next time, maybe they’ll choose kindness, too, when they approach you.

I was going to conclude this by proudly stating that I’ve evolved past the point of feeling the need to try to make others feel less-than just because they have a point of view I think is, uh, ridiculous, but as I reread my words, I can see that that's not exactly true, as I’ve definitely included a few acerbic jabs here and there. I’m sorry about that. I don’t mean to sound like I’m looking down on anyone or what they do or don’t believe about belief. I suppose I just take it a bit personally when self-described atheists behave in ways I think are unnecessarily and intentionally rude, and then claim in some way that that’s Just How Atheists Are. It isn’t. I hope some of you will mull over the idea that meanness rarely ever contributes anything useful to the world. Lots of people will be willing to consider your point of view if you can present it in a manner that allows them to feel comfortable talking to you. Even if neither of you winds up changing your minds, you can still come away from the conversation with the gift of a wider perspective.

So what I’ll actually conclude with is this: I don’t care what people do or don’t believe. I care how they behave. And you can always learn way more about a person from their behavior than from what gods they say they do or don't have faith in, or how well they understand the concept of those gods.