#bc normally when theres no context there were. like. context clues and i could figure out SOME theory or idea for myself

[stewyhosseini-bf]

also btw. and i know we're talking about the 'we never get any context for stuff that happened off-screen' show but are they gonna explain what happened between kendall and naomi..

[starlightsearches]

with your story, Mixtape, i loved it. so much lmao it was so angsty and sweet and i like how you do miscommunication. i normally hate when characters dont "just talk to each other", but you make it unannoying and understandable, even with your shorter works. i love it lmao

me being me though, i do want to add what Mixtape made me think of. and thats, arrogantly enough, me. bc. y/n. of course. buT STILL, hold my hand, listen to me-- i got this thing right, called an Auditory Processing Disorder. its part of the D/HoH. (actually, i have a lot of processing disorders, probably, but Mixtape made me think of that one) its where your ears are fine, but your brain has problems processing language. so a lot of the time, if you arent reading lips (their back is to you, theyre in the other room, or theyre a recording on a mixtape), or if theres competing sounds (like the melody can make lyrics hard to hear), if there's an accent, or if youre just having a bad processing moment-- people sound like theyre speaking Simlish. they sound like the Peanuts parents. theyre suddenly speaking a foreign language you dont know, and maybe you can catch onto the meaning via context clues and pass by the "i heard your voice but didnt hear a word you just said" moment. other times you have to ask people to repeat themselves (and sometimes you process belatedly and realize what they said in the middle of their repetition, meaning the repetition was useless, its annoying). it's like,you can hear a car door slam down the street just fine, you can hear the faucet dripping in the other room-- but trying to hear your bud that's driving while youre in the backseat?? with their face away from you, the sounds of the car itself moving and the sounds of traffic, god forbid if any music is playing or multiple people in the car are talking at once-- you cant hear a thing anyone is saying. its all gibberish

i have a point to this, promise. the end result is cute, i just have to explain a lot about this disorder first because idk if you know it already or not, and yeah

growing up, i couldnt figure out what the fuck people were saying while they were singing because of this disorder. the melody was competiting with the singer, i could hear the singer's voice but none of the lyrics. so what i always had to do was search youtube for the lyric videos or try to find the lyrics online. because if i couldnt do either (and i very often couldnt growing up. i generally can now, but every once in a while, i still google it and come up with zilch), and i had no lyrics to reference, then that meant looping the song until i could "get" what they were saying. and very, VERY often?? id get like. two or three lines of every other verse, and the rest was a garbled mess of English-ish words and im just sitting there going "i guess i'll never know"

now. call me crazy. i was born in 1997, idk what tech was available in the 80s. but i know youtube was NOT, and im pretty fucking positive googling song lyrics was also not something one could do. youd have to find the album's song books somewhere or hope the lyrics were printed on the vinyl case (idk if cassette tapes also sometimes had that, idk). a mixtape?? you definitely dont get the lyrics printed anywhere. buying several albums of song books for a single mixtape of miscellaneous songs is just expensive

actually, as a genuine ABBA fan, the fact that rheir voices are never comepting with the melody (the voices are always SIGNIFICANTLY louder than rhe melody) and they ennuciate well, shit sounds crystal clear, i dont have to look up lyrics usually. same thing with musicals, they usually have to put a lot of focus in vocal clarity since not everyone can see the actor's face on stage, so that's part of why im a musical nerd. its easier to process

so. im here. just sitting. imagining my y/n with their auditory processing disorder, wincing at eddie and going "I'm taking it slow. I've been re-listening to the songs until I can actually process what the singer is saying. It's hard to, like, hear the words. I haven't let myself move onto the next song until I figure it out. Because. Y'know. You made it for me, and I want to appreciate it and understand what you've made me."

"Oh. That's right, your brain-language thing. Uh. Well, how far have you gone?"

"I've been on the first track all week, actually. But I promise I'm trying! Really! I do like how it sounds, I just want to get what the guy's actually saying before moving on to the next one, y'know? I'm sorry."

and i say this because. god. eddie probably knoes all the songs. and i dont think hed like sernade someone who he wasnt dating, bUT

the idea of eddie having to "make it physical", like, him having to hand-write the lyrics for y/n (he knows the songs afterall, hes probably nemorized them or at least can re-listen and pause the song to write the next bit down bc he can hear better than them) so they can read the lyrics while listening, him having to take this ethereal concept of trying to communicate his feelings and WRITING IT DOWN, knowing y/n will have his heart in his hands (as opposed to the slight distance of putting a cassette in a player, no longer touching skin) and see all the mispellings and scribbles and smudges, and just. god. the fear of what if your handwriting betrays what youre feeling. the addition of paper and pen makes the will they/wont they get it, get me, get what im saying mystery of a mixtape feel even more like a love letter now, aw fuck. poor eddie. he already went through the nervousness of handing them the cassette, now this is like the sequel and he still has no emptional pay-off from the first one yet on if this is just him or what

ugh. i just thought thatd be so fucking cute. him writing down the lyrics for them. god

i cant write a fic, i dont have the time, but i thought youd like this vague outline of one in return for the gift of what you crafted and polished so well. thank you for it. again, shit really tugged at my heart strings, i love the angst and pining of it all. i hope this attempt of a return gift made you at least smile. i know it doesnt parallel with your AUDACIOUSLY wonderful idea of "i cant listen to this tape because i love you", but it still was an idea generated because of you. and i just love the tenderness of eddie doing the Love As An Act Of Service in it, and i hope that you end up enjoying at that aspect of it too. again, what youve done is an utter delight, and i hope this outline gives you a fraction of the leg-kicking squeals kinda feelings you gave me. thank you again. good luck to you in all you do ♡

Hey friend!!

I'm so glad you liked Mixtape! I actually also have auditory processing disorder (because of ADHD) and I totally get what you mean about not understanding lyrics. Thank god for google 🙌🏼

Also, I do think the idea of Eddie writing out the lyrics would be pretty cute—going through half a notebook of paper because his handwriting looks like shit or he keeps misspelling words. And then he knows that you'll look at it, see the lyrics written out and how scary that would be for him.

[oflgtfol]

bc i cant stop thinking abt that dream.. im gonna elaborate on it because it was so detailed and so long and felt so real

so it started off with me in a small library but like, it was so cramped and the lights were off. bookshelves were everywhere, and most were like only waist high? strange adults were everywhere, standing against the walls/shelves or sitting in the aisles. all had their hands cuffed behind their backs or in front of them and they all had like, tape or something over their mouths. but there were some adults among them in bullet proof vests and with guns in their hands. i dont know the situation like i dont even think i acknowledged it in the dream but from context clues im p sure it was like a hostage situation

so im in there sneaking around, in the back of my mind i just Know that my parents and my brother are also in the room also sneaking thru the aisles. all the hostage adults are staring at me like, acknowledging that they know im here to help rescue them. so after a few close calls around corners almost getting caught by the gunmen i get to a somewhat open area, meanig that its still cramped but its a small square between bookshelves with a table and 2 chairs. theres a TON of hostages squeezed into this area. i knew that that was the objective, that i had to get there

so me and my family burst forward and the gunmen spot us, but the hostages all help us overwhelm the guys. the gunmen are shooting blindly into the crowd, aiming mostly for me and my family, and SOMEHOW everybody else dodges it but me. literally it went in slow motion and i saw it like in third person, watching it come towards me and i was like “watch it hit me lmao. oh fuck its actually gonna hit me”

so i get shot in my stomach during all this and the pain just, it wasnt all that bad really? like it felt like uhm. getting hit with a water balloon actually (i was just in a water fight yesterday and now upon realizing this its like.... did that contribute to this dream....) so then its all clear like the bad guys are defeated, it gets kinda blurry at this point but i know in some disembodied way that i told my parents after everything wrapped up when they were asking if everyone was okay that i was hit, and they like, didnt care. i was like “HEY i got SHOT in the stomach!” and theyre like k and it took them foreverrrrrrr to get me medical attention. and i wasnt even.. bleeding outwardly? so i was so worried about internal bleeding because like HEY i have a bullet in me so i must be bleeding somewhere like,,, come on lmao

the next like visual thing i remember is in the hospital. its been a while since like, i woke up so this is kinda blurry too but i remember being put into a wheelchair by some nurses.. ive been in a wheelchair only once and that was in 2nd grade but this one i was allowed to use like, on my own, so it threw me off? and at this point i was like, fuck, i’ve been shot before when i was little. i’ve done this before. i had to go into surgery and everything. but it was all vague flashes i could barely remember it but it felt a lot like when i remember the major things from my childhood that i just COMPLETELY forgot about for so long, like speech therapy? like i had gotten injured from a gun when i was less than ten years old and i just, forgot about that? i was like HOW did i forget about this

so i was already in the hospital at this point but for the one room, i wheeled up to the entrance and it felt kinda like the 11th/12th grade cafeteria entrance that i use in school?? a small double door, blank walls, kinda dark, empty, and there was a nurse checking us in. at this point i was surrounded by all my classmates from my ap lang class, or maybe not ap lang in particular idk since like all the ap kids are mostly grouped together despite class? idk man. but my classmates were literally all fine idk why they were there? they werent even there for checkups or anything (disregarding the fact that you dont get a check up at a hospital you get that at a normal doctors office..) so i was there in my literal wheelchair and the nurse was like “wait your turn!!” she was really snooty it was annoying i was like, word for word, “uhm HELLO i have a GSW in my abdomen!!!!!!” and my one classmate finally spoke up as he was being checked in he was like “uh hey brot is here and like, got shot, so i think she should go first lmao?” so the nurse finally smiled at me and admitted me in

and it led to this small cramped room where they scanned your entire body for every single thing wrong with it adn they displayed it on a board where everyone could see, including my classmates, and i was like ohh my god. oh my god. the nurses were like “hm you could eat better but overall you’re in good health!” and i was like DUDE thats embarrassing i dont want everybody to see all my minute issues and LIKE I AM LITERALLY INJURED I HAVE A BULLET IN MY STOMACH WHY ARE YOU DISCUSSING MY DIET WHEN THERE ARE MORE PRESSING ISSUES...

so finally we go into the actual room and its this giant giant mostly empty room, im remembering this room from my first go at this from when i was a kid. theres a table in the middle thats pretty big but has.. no chairs around it... but theres puzzles and weird bookmark things scattered around on it to keep you occupied, and then theres a single table far removed from everything else, only long enough for a body and slightly wider, and theres one identical to that on the other side of the room. and i know from when i was a kid that those are for surgeries and like, i KNOW this but i was like, wrow thats unsanitary lmao

so i go to the table in the middle because thats where you’re supposed to wait till you’re called for surgery, but im so ANXIOUS because like.. its surgery... and now im remembering more of it from when i was a kid like im remembering going into it, waking up from it... my classmates are all sitting on the table like its some casual after school thing, theyre all talking

and then i remember from the first surgery. i remember the surgery itself. i apparently wasnt put under for it. i was conscious during it. i was numbed out obviously but like, i was AWAKE, and that makes me SO fucking scared for my upcoming surgery. like, enough that some of my classmates sense that im getting more and more anxious so they start shoving the bookmarks in my face, and the bookmarks are like the weird ones from the library irl that have quotes on them, and like i cant even read any because im just so anxious like im keeled over in the wheelchair so anxious about it, and the fact that my classmates are trying to interact with me during this is just making it worse like i APPRECIATE trying to make me feel better but i CANNOT read right now

and like, i was never called for surgery? im sitting there until the sun sets, but i only know that because i eventually leave the room just needing to do SOMETHING and the hospital lobby, for all the people waiting for patients? is empty and the sky outside is the dark blue kind of like, twilight

i really dont know how this dream suddenly turns, like i cannot remember the breaching moment and idk if its because its been almost 12 hours since i woke from the dream or if there even WAS a breaching moment

but the next thing i know is that me and shannen are running (me wheeling furiously) along the top of some like, wall. and the hospital looming in front of us is now some sort of fortified citadel, and we’re on one of the defensive walls around it, theres towers and spires everywhere in the distance around the citadel. and theres fucking. ANGELS attackign the place. the angels are classic white dress wearing, harp playing, type creatures but their eyes are all closed and black tears are running down their faces, and literally everything else about them is white. the dresses are this weathered white, their skin is weathered white (like, like marble but without the darker lines yknow?), and their eyes + tears are the darkest things on them so they stand OUT. and their mouths are flat lines, also black like as if its like, lineart or something yknow? like their faces look like masks but they arent. they have harps in one hand and then LONG ass swords in their other hands and they are fuckign terrifying

so me and shannen are outside of the main area of attack and we stumble upon this part of the wall thats like, collapsed, and theres a fucking OCEAN next to the citadel. so the stones that have fallen into the water, theres some sort of chariot on it with the same kind of look as the angels, white + black accent kinda look to it. the chariot is low lying and theres a figure laying over it, collapsed, reaching forward at nothing almost like a zombie trying to move? and he.. god i wanna say it was icarus but i really dont know because i feel, deep down that his name started with an e but i have no idea what dude it would be then bc i know it was a guy from greek mythology somehow but IDK WHO... so this guy also has the same vibe as the angels but his face is like, a fuckign mess, like it looked like he was melting (maybe thats why i wanna say icarus idk) but the melted parts were black, plus the black eyes (whcih were semi open) and the black tears and his mouth was kinda open in a silent wail (also black). i wanna say he had black hair too but idk maybe the whole black mass on his overall head was just the melting.. and this melted black liquid is strewn all over the chariot and the stone block thats barely out of the water. and out of the water, behind the chariot, all the angels were bursting forward and heading to the citadel like as if it was the Angel Spawn Point

IDK it was such a weird fuckign sight it looked like a fallen angel but i just knew deep down that it was some guy from greek mythology but I DONT KNOW WHO IT WOULD BE especially with a name starting with e..!!!

anyway yeah i woke up then. the whole angel sequence was super short compared to the rest of the dream, but it was more on par with what i normally dream than the rest? like i dont recall ever having guns in my dreams except for maybe one dream in middle school that was like,,,,, nuclear apocalypse type thing......... and never have i ever been like, INJURED like that in a dream? i’ve died in dreams yeah but ive never been like.. shot.. the closest thing i can think of was that one weird borderline nightmare earlier this year where i died of internal bleeding in school due to school negligence..... hm!

like idk this was just such a weird dream i normally have very very wild dreams with a more fantasy element to them, and the mundane ones are just me in school or on tumblr, like ive never had like, an ACTION MOVIE kinda thing??

and it felt SO REAL like when i woke up i literally thought that i had some sort of repressed gun related traumatic event from my childhood that i was only uncovering now and it was only when i realized that i was in bed and not like, at the hospital with a gun wound in my stomach, that i was like oh haha no thats not real