#bc nisha means night

[izzy-b-hands]

15 QUESTIONS FOR 15 FRIENDS

Tagged by @sherlockig, thank u Alexz!!

Under the cut bc I got wordy and rambly as per usual lol.

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

Kind of? In that I more or less named myself after Izzy from our flag lol. Not that I'm going to tell everyone I meet that, but it is a big part of why I stuck with it after trying it out (that, and I've always wanted a name that had the letter zed in it, silly as that may seem.)

One of my middle names (that I had been using as a first name for a few years) is after my grandfather and aunt who also have that name as their middle name.

My deadname was after an actress famous in the 90s (tho tbh my mum apparently didn't choose it for that, she chose it bc she didn't find out my gender until I was Out and then was like 'aw fuck I don't have a name for this situation' and went with the first one she saw in a book of names a nurse gave her. It was only after that she remembered the actress when I was like. 4. that she changed and started telling ppl it was after that instead.)

And technically Holden is after the book character, but mum never actually read that book (and after I described it to her, said she has no interest in doing so lmao), she just liked how the name sounded and that was the one solitary name she for sure had on hand when I was born apparently. Could have saved us all time had she just used that one for me anyway!

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Couple of nights ago. I'm doing better abt missing my cat Nisha, but my phone will toss up compilations of pics of her to mark the year/month/etc and sometimes those still get me. It popped up just before I went to bed that night and I was already so tired that I just. broke down. Bc I know she's v loved and looked after w/my mum, but I do miss her goofy lil self a lot. She was my first cat that was given to me and meant to be mine alone, and there's something abt that first pet bond I guess.

3. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Nope, and it's not a likely thing for me. I've said before that that happening would be in a very specific situation, wherein I'm with someone who wants to dedicate the rest of our lives to raising a child, or god forbid more than one, tho I think I'd max out at two if I managed one at all tbh (and that's not even getting into the very complex for me thing of would I want to actually be pregnant ever (probably not, absolutely terrified of dying in childbirth and don't see myself getting over that easily), we have the funds to make that happen (and give the kid a good life, not just a decent one or 'could have been worse' like my own), and we feel stable mentally, emotionally, and physically (as much as one can outside of Life Happening of course) bc having a kid means putting allll of that first for them, ahead of yourself. Or at least I think it should mean that lol.

But that situation is incredibly unlikely considering my bigger goal in life is to wind up being a third for multiple couples while also fucking any of my friends who are down for it in a big poly ENM sort of thing for lack of better/more detailed definition (I know it sounds unrealistic and maybe it is to a degree, almost definitely is lol.)

I can admit I just. don't want to uproot the life I've been trying so hard to build for myself in so many ways, to have kids. I'll happily help babysit the kids of any friends tho and be the fun uncle that buys them junk food and lets them stay up late to watch movies. I think that's about the level of parenting of any kind that I can handle for now (also tbh I burned out on parenting bc my family admits they parentified the fuck outta me with my three younger cousins. It by far could have been worse, but I spent my teens spending most of my days after school helping look after them from the newborn years and on. Unless my above uber specific scenario happens, then I've probably had my fill of parenting for my lifetime.)

4. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

I played volleyball for a few years in elementary school, and we were made to participate in a multi-school track and field thing for most of middle school every year, but I was never amazing at them. Housemate and I have figured out I likely have undiagnosed asthma tho (turns out running or going out in too cold or hot weather shouldn't instantly make you gasp, struggle to breathe, and make you taste iron in your mouth, who the fuck knew? Not me, genuinely) so I think that might have a lot to do with it.

I also enjoy tennis and badminton and would love to try rugby, but I've never played any of those beyond a hobby with family/friends.

5. DO YOU USE SARCASM?

I do! Probably too much and not always in the best situations, but I've been working for years to hone when and where it should be used so I think/hope I'm a lot better with it than I was when I was younger. Tho even then, I did get adults who found it funny when I was sarcastic bc of how adult I seemed to a lot of them (their words, not mine lmao.)

6. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

I genuinely don't know. Usually I'm too busy running my script for meeting new ppl in my head and trying to maintain Common and Expected Etiquette to really notice much right away. I have found that after a bit of time/after the initial meeting has passed, I tend to notice colours ppl wear more often than others if I see them often enough, or hair colour. But I don't know if it counts towards this question at that point lol.

7. WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR?

Kinda blueish grey? Some ppl say it's too grey to be blue, others that it's too blue to be grey. I had a lady at the ND DOT freak out abt not being sure if I should have blue or grey on my ID a few years back, and she finally just told me to put blue so 'she could stop feeling so confused.' Was a weird day and the first time I realised apparently they really do have a blend of both colours, enough for it to be upsetting lmao.

8. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

I can't choose between the two; I like both! I also like mixing them together when I write (a scary story with a happy ending, an ending that seems happy but is actually terrifying, so on and so forth.)

9. ANY TALENTS?

Writing? Maybe, I always list it bc it's something I know how to do and to (usually) do decently well. I can sort of draw? But not well enough that I think 'talented' would be accurate to describe how I draw lol. I'm not sure of anything else off the top of my head tbh.

10. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

In California, USA! We were there bc dad was in basic training for the Marines and then just got stuck at Camp Pendleton for years lmao (or that's how he always talks abt it anyway lmao.) Only was actually there until either: a. I was 3 months old, b. I was 6 months old or c. I was actually basically still a fresh newborn. Depends on whether you're talking to my dad, mum, or grandparents as to which answer you get, and at this point I'm genuinely uncertain as to exactly when mum left and took me to North Dakota but 6 months seems the most potentially accurate lmaooo.

11. WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

Writing, drawing, reading (not enough but I'm trying to remedy that), napping, watching movies/fave shows, and giffing.

12. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

Kind of? My cat Nisha had to stay in North Dakota after I moved, so my mum and her bf are looking after her now (and got her a little sister, a kitten who is getting so big already!, named Bella.) I help Housemate look after aer two cats as well, and I'd like to think the boys consider me like their fun uncle lol (aka I bend over backwards for them and let them steal my spot on the couch all the time, and will break out the treats if needed to corral them now and then. In my defense: they are the cutest lil baby boy cats and they deserve the world, even when they're being little gremlins lmao.)

13. HOW TALL ARE YOU?

Approximately somewhere between 5'3 and 5'4ish? I can't recall the last time I was actually measured, and most of the ppl I've been around were somewhere between those heights and I'm usually either slightly shorter or slightly taller than some of them, so??? I put 5'3 on my ID tho lol

14. FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

English bc it was easy and I liked almost everything we did in that class. All my general and more specific history courses were a close second, and my foreign language classes a close third.

15. DREAM JOB?

Ideally, I'd love to not have to work. But who wouldn't, so that said, probably something in a library or museum. I'd love to be a library page again, or help work the front desk/docent duties of a museum. Working at someplace like Mystic Seaport would be amazing too; I'd be happy to learn how to help repair/repaint ships that come in or just help do tours or look after artifacts and stuff (tbh they could hire me just to type up any random data entry work they need done for any/all depts and I'd say yes to the job offer lol.) Unfortunately there's fairly significant roadblocks to me achieving any of these jobs rn, but I like to keep them in mind, just in case.

Also, if I can have one dream job that would be even more unlikely and is slightly TMI probably but: paid third for a rich couple. I show up, look nice, [redacted], make sure they're both good for the night, then go back home to Housemate (if it wouldn't be a night they'd want me to stay over, which I wouldn't be against but also. That would require some overtime pay lol.) The chances of this one are...so unlikely it's stupid funny, but a man's allowed to have dreams right lmao?

Tagging (if u guys wanna, no obligation if u don't wanna/have already been tagged/etc!!): @starmoonchildfromthebeamsabove, @freebooter4ever, @willowenigma, @turtleduck-tales, @mash1972, @mysteriouslybluepirate, @turtles-on-turts, @cononeillbreastingboobily, @treesofgreen, @dianetastesmetal, @arsenicflame, @gydima, @king-bussy, @p0ochy, @crvwly, and anyone else following me who wants to!

[irisfilmcollective]

IRIS FILM COLLECTIVE are excited to be teaming up with XINEMA to present a two-part LIVE AND EXPANDED series!

PROGRAM ONE:

NIGHT VISIONS Thursday, January 23, 8pm KW Studios (111 W Hastings St.)

XINEMA and Iris Film Collective present NIGHT VISIONS, a screening of 16mm experimental films and expanded cinema performances by BC-based artists Sidney Gordon, Dave Johnson, Zoe Kirk-Gushowaty,Terra Long, Alex Mackenzie, Lindsay McIntyre, Nisha Platzer, and Amanda Thomson—live scored by Seattle, WA based cellist Lori Goldston.

As the earth cracks, the sun trembles; the night unfolds in splintered shadow. Sound becomes sight, fractured into luminous fragments. 

In these eight works, light carves fleeting patterns and quivering colours that emerge in synaesthetic rhythm. Through this transformation, this program offers intimate reflections on pain, growth, and reproduction, framed by altered nocturnal perception.

TICKETS AND MORE INFO

Program 2:

ROGER BEEBE IN PERSON: FILMS FOR ONE TO EIGHT PROJECTORS Sunday, January 26, 7pm Integrated Motion Studio, Emily Carr University (520 E 1st Ave, Enter through Great Northern Way entrance)

We are thrilled to host ROGER BEEBE, back in Vancouver for the first time in a decade, with a program of 16mm multi-projector performances celebrating the 25th anniversary of his first touring program.

The evening features several newer works including un arbre (2024, 4 x 16mm + video), Lineage (for Norman McLaren) (2019, 4 x 16mm), Home Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry (2021, 4 x 16mm), alongside the seven-projector show-stopping Last Light of a Dying Star (2008/2011) and more!

“Beebe’s films are both erudite and punk, lo-fi yet high-brow shorts that wrestle with a disfigured, contemporary American landscape.” —Wyatt Williams, Creative Loafing

BIO: Roger Beebe is a filmmaker whose work since 2006 consists primarily of multiple-projector performances and essayistic videos that explore the world of found images and the "found" landscapes of late capitalism. He has screened his films around the globe at such unlikely venues as the CBS Jumbotron in Times Square and McMurdo Station in Antarctica as well as more likely ones including the Sundance Film Festival and the Museum of Modern Art with solo shows at Anthology Film Archives, The Laboratorio Arte Alameda in Mexico City, and Los Angeles Filmforum among many other venues. Beebe is also a film programmer: he ran Flicker, a festival of small-gauge film in Chapel Hill, NC, from 1997-2000 and was the founder and Artistic Director of FLEX, the Florida Experimental Film Festival from 2004-2014. He is currently a Professor in the Departments of Art and Theatre, Film, and Media Arts at the Ohio State University.

TICKETS AND MORE INFO: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/roger-beebe-in-person-films-for-one-to-eight-projectors-tickets-1136817605059

[flamereigns]

@casterisims​:   ‘  i  wouldn’t  have  changed  a  thing .  i  need  you  to  know  that .  ’ / from pru status:    accepting

HELLFIRE  EYES  FLICKER  FROM  THEIR  BABY  ASLEEP  IN  HER  CRIB  TO  HIS  WIFE,     a  smile  tugging  at  his  lips.  he  slides  an  arm  around  her  waist,  tugging  her  close  as  he  leans  in  to  press  a  kiss  to  her  cheek.     ❝   c’mon,  let’s  let  her  sleep.   ❞     he  says  quietly,  guiding  her  out  of  the  nursery,  and  closing  the  door  quietly  behind  them.     ❝   just  so  you  know,  i  wouldn’t  change  a  thing,  either.  you,  zahra   ---   you’re  my  whole  world.  i  never  knew  i  could  love,  let  alone  love  someone  as  much  as  i  love  you  two.   ❞     maven  shakes  his  head  fondly  as  he  pulls  her  into  their  room.     ❝   okay,  part  of  that  was  a  lie.  i  would  change  one  thing.  i’d  like  to  not  live  with  my  mother.   ❞     he  laughs,  drawing  her  in  close  so  he  can  catch  her  lips  in  a  deep,  lingering  kiss.     ❝   you  think  we  should  take  advantage  of  the  fact  that  zahra’s  finally  asleep?   ❞     he  whispers  against  her  lips.

[l999b]

lol supppppppppp$

hi. i miss u. i know i wasnt your dream girl u know, skinny, beautiful, nice hair, perfect laugh, fit just really good in all, but with those few months i really believed i was enough. and now i miss you so fucking much and i cant do anything about it. u can say u dont love me but i really loved you, and just because u can suddenly admit it doesnt mean i have to pretend that im over it too yknow. but i gotta. i miss you so much. today was really fucking tough. everyone was really sad today but they had someone to seek comfort in. nic w hk, nat w sean, mizah w yihui, nisha w owen, bry and jelli, aini and her class 3 friends, fiq and the y3 seniors. and i just needed someone. and i know im being overdramatic but i just wish i could b w u. all that talk about fmo made me rmb how we started talking and i felt so fucking stupid. like i put myself out there fully bc i thought u felt the same way. and it really hurts that it wasnt what i thought it was. and i really need you. you have been in so much of my swans life and u not being there just added more pain in my heart yknow? and i know youre struggling too. and my heart wants to reach out to you so bad but nic said that struggling and struggling wo me is two diff things. not that it matters bc i dont wna see you in so much pain for whatever reason but yknow. i never once regretted being w u dany but everytime i think about how much youre hurting i just wish like 0.1% in my heart that we never were a thing. then you wouldnt b hurting so much bc i know youre guilty of things w me and i hate that im a reason. bc all i wanted was to make u happy but now im indirectly causing you pain and im so so so sorry. im so sorry you blame yourself and my being a sob of a person doesnt help things but things like these happen and im just being a big baby about it. and i wish u wouldnt b so upset and hard on yourself bc everyone makes mistakes you know? youre not a terrible person and i dont have anything to forgive you for and i wish i could tell you that but im not allowed to anymore. i really hate the way im not supposed to look at someone who means so much to me anymore. im so fucking upset because you cant stand to stay in the same room w me at the same time and im so sorry for making you feel that way. i really dont know whats wrong w me but i hate this so much. and i wish we were never together because my heart feels so heavy and i try to cry it out at night and it just gets heavier and idk what to do. i feel like everyone gets so annoyed when i say i miss you so i cant even say that anymore. i know youre not coming back. and i know what we had wasnt real. but i really wish it was. its been a really lonely long hard week and i really hate acting all cool and happy. its so hard everytime i see you and everything reminds me of you and i cant seem to let you go and i dont know what to do. its been almost 3 months and i know for sure it doesnt take this long to get over someone esp if it wasnt real but i dont know whats wrong w me. i really want to talk to you. i wanna tell u i love u still and i never stopped. but i know it wont be reciprocated. and i know itll hurt more if i say something so ill just keep to myself. i know i always say getting over you was so much easier when i didnt have to see your face everyday, but when intern comes i think im gonna miss you even more and i wont even get to try to see your face anymore. i want you to be happy and id seriously pay for anything to get you to be happy again. in the event that u do find someone who manages to make u happier than ever tho? im so sorry i assumed you were happy. i should have never taken things too far. im so sorry dany. i love you.​

[n1ghtdriving]

tagged by @marblellous !!!

Rules: Answer all the questions, then add one of your own, and tag as many people as there are questions

Tagging: i never know who 2 tag lol whooops 

@vexedbeverage @letgoofmygreggo @fried-chicken-nisha @a-smeethy @everytimeidosomethingstupid @lividtea @livid-silver @abiisapte

lets gooo

1) Coke or Pepsi? coke but diet

2) Disney or Dreamworks? i fuking love disney

3) Coffee or Tea? gonna b extra english n say tea lol

4) Books or movies? i should read more but i dont have time so end up watching films

5) Windows or mac? mac

6) D.C. or Marvel? dunno

7) Xbox or PlayStation? neither?? both ???? depends

8) Dragon age or mass effect? neither

9) Night owl or early riser? i wish i wasnt but early riser

10) Cards or chess? cards

11) Chocolate or vanilla? both

12) Vans or converse? vans

13) Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar? w h a t

14) Fluff or angst? ANGST ALL THE WAY SON

15) Beach or forest? boooooth

16) Dogs or cats? cats

17) Clear skies or rain? depends, if im in the mood for being inside then rain lol if not then clear skies

18) Cooking or eating out? again,, depends

19) Spicy or mild food? mild

20) Halloween/Samhain or solstice/yule/Christmas? H A L L O W E E N

21) Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot? a little too cold

22) If you could have a superpower what would it be? probs shapeshifing ?

23) Animation or live action? both, but if its live action 4 fantasy then it better be done well unlike a certain film * cough * bridge to terabithia 

24) Paragon or renegade? u wot

25) Bath or shower? both

26) Team Cap or team Ironman? team cap all the way

27) Fantasy or sci-fi? fantasy !!!!

28) Do you have 3 or 4 favourite quotes if so what are they? i just like a lotta song lyrics so my fave one atm is 

“sharp as a tack but in the sense that you’re not smart just a prick” - the old gospel choir / modern baseball

29) YouTube or Netflix? youtube (but netflix has the gd shit as well aka the oa and riverdale)

30) Harry Potter or Percy Jackson? harry potter !!! all the way !!!!!

31) When do you feel accomplished? being appreciated after doing something tht took a lot of effort

32) Star Wars or Star Trek? star wars bc star wars day is my birthday innit

33) Paperback books or hardcover books? paperback bc they’re cheaper but if the hardcover is fancy then yeh that

34) Fantastic beasts or Cursed child? fantastic beasts bc my bby credence

35) Rock or pop music? rock rock rock rock

36) What is the most important thing in your life? music !!!

37) Mountains or sea/ocean? ooooo i like both

38) How do you express yourself? song lyrics and art

39) What’s the first book/film that really counted to you? HARRY POTTER and also interstellar

40) What’s your element (air, water, etc.)? well,, im taurus so earth

41) If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? japan !! or roadtrip usa

42) If you had any job in the world, what would it be? musician

43) If you were granted three wishes, what would they be? 1. get 2 b with all my friends 4 like a day or week (online and irl) 2. have proper recording means 2 make music n shit 3. can i get 3 more??

44) If you had to eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? mac n cheese

45) What’s currently the most pressing issue on your mind, and what’s stopping you from fixing it? stuff with a friend/ex is a bit rough atm and exams r stopping me

46) What is your dream companion animal? ya know toothless from how to train a dragon??? yeh that

47) Raptors or songbirds? idk

48) If you could only see the world in different shades of one colour, what colour would it be? bluey greeny

49) What’s your favourite piece of clothing that you own? i have a denim jacket with loads of patched and i just added my creepercult patch 2 it which i loVE

my question:

50) What stereotype of your star sign are you?