#bc last time i asked a girl out i got rejected and basically have lost that close friendship at this point

[vammppyre]

i am so gay for this girl istg

[teklarn]

hi, this is my first ever ask so I'm not sure I'm doing this correctly, if that's the case I'm sorry; I don't know how tumblr works just yet >:')

would it be possible for you to write something about bakugo, pining incredibly hard for fem!reader and initially hating how strongly he feels about her? because they're not even friends, they only exchange few words occasionally and she doesn't even glance at his way whereas he slowly finds himself unable to divert his eyes from her during classes? shes always with damn deku and his friends and doesn't even seem interested in him at all but his heart can't ignore the way she looks at him proudly whenever they spar together, the way she sends him small confident smiles as they fight each other with all they have; so he thinks that maybe, maybe he might have a chance. basically bakugo liking reader so much he's completely lost in self-hatred because he always thought feelings were for weak romantics and not great people like him, but everytime he sees reader doing some badass things (again, like sparring with him and basically matching his skills etc...) he's reminded of how badly he likes reader? but when he finally accepts he's fallen for reader, after ignoring and trying to forget about how she makes him feel, he masters up the courage to confess? and it's a very clumsy confession because he's awkward and has no idea how to deal with those feelings? and he tries so hard to make reader realise he's never been more serious than now? and reader is startled and speechless before rejecting him? and at that point he's just completely humiliated, so he nods and walks away.

it might be a little dramatic but I've always been into unrequited love and one-sided pining. thank you, its okay if you don't want to write about this, i'll understand <33

𝓫𝓻𝓾𝓽𝓪𝓵 - 𝓴. 𝓫𝓪𝓴𝓾𝓰𝓸𝓾

character(s): katsuki bakugou x fem!reader (my hero academia) 

reblogs are greatly appreciated! 

a/n: AHHHHH this is so cute <33 honestly this is super exciting for me and this ask made me so happy, lovey. i’m fairly new to tumblr, i’m usually just a reader but i wanted to migrate here from wattpad so this made me so happy. here u are my love <33 i hope this lives up to what u wanted !! :)) a bit lengthy, but i had a lot of fun writing it !!! 

summary: bakugou finds he’s rejecting his feelings for you in fear of becoming weak, however he just can’t seem to ignore you. 

genre: fluffy, fluffier than the clouds istg, however the clouds are sprinking a little teeny weeny droplet of angst. 

warnings: cursing (bakugou, duhh), one-sided pining (on bakugou’s part) second hand embarrassment (on bakugou’s part bc we can all agree he’s a complete idiot when it comes to trying to get someone’s attention), just bakugou being a jackass, i gave the reader a quirk 

word count: 3,859 

(pls excuse any typos or mistakes, i edited to the best of my ability but i miss some things sometimes !) 

- - - 

part 2 is here my loves <3

brutal. it was utterly ruthless. he couldn’t focus, couldn’t think right. his hands were already exceptionally sweaty, but gosh when he saw your damn face, he was ready to explode. literally. 

what the hell was it about you? was it your stupid smile? or the way you just seemed to carry every battle on your back? was it all the undeniably sweet things you do for others ‘just because’? 

it made him angry that he thought about you, but gosh he couldn’t wait to see you every day. 

just like any other day, bakugou found himself staring at the large door to the classroom, awaiting the moment you would bounce into his day, skirt shifting around your legs, bag slung loosely around your shoulders. 

his leg was bouncing eagerly. 

bakugou didn’t know when the feelings came. his cheeks just started flaring up all of a sudden and one day you just looked...different. you hadn’t done anything different to yourself. it was just him. not that he would ever admit that, to you or anybody else. 

you were insufferable. you were stupid and obnoxious and so...so damn... 

“y/n! come look at this!” 

you’d come walking into class just as expected, and as soon as you did, that stupid nerd had called you over. 

it didn’t help that deku sat right behind him, either. the two of you had recently gotten closer. bakugou noticed it last month when he yelled at the two of you to shut up about all might and get to work. he’d turned around to find you leaning over deku, hands resting on his shoulders while you peered at his phone. 

“sorry, bakugou,” you’d said, barely acknowledging him. you had waved him off like an annoying fly. is that all you were to him? some nuisance that got in the way of your oh-so-entertaining conversations with deku? 

all he heard nearly every day was your chipper voice talking to deku. always, “oh my gosh, midoriya, did you see the fight edgeshot was in last night?” or “midoriya! i have something to add to our quirk analysis book!” 

that was the one that took the cake. you two dorks shared a notebook, occasionally passed between one another, and filled it with junk about quirks and pro heroes. but no matter how much he tried to tune you out, no matter how he tried to zone off and think about something else, you were always there. it made him want to vomit how much he thought about you. 

you were doing an adorable shuffle over to midoriya’s desk and leaned over the table as you usually did while he angled his phone your way. “did you see this hero report?” 

deku let you slip the phone out of his grasp to get a better look. 

“no,” you breathed. “was this just recent?” 

“yeah,” deku said, taking the phone back. “last night.” 

“holy—” 

“can you guys shut up over there?” bakugou said, his voice quaking. 

“sorry, kacchan.” deku scrolled through the article. 

dammit, bakugou thought. “i wasn’t talking to you, nerd. i was talking to shitface over here.” he jerked his head towards you. his eyes flared in anger when he saw you were looking down at your phone, now focused in on the article yourself. “i was talking to you, asshat!” 

your eyes flicked up to his. you looked around for a moment before slowly pointing to yourself as if to say, “me?” 

his face scrunched. “yeah, you. you’re so damn loud.” gosh, he hated how his voice was cracking, how he could feel his ears and cheeks lighting up in a swollen, cherry red. his stomach flipped. 

she’s looking at you, gosh i’m sweating. i’m going to throw up. she’s so gorgeous. what the hell? they’re ugly as shit, i don’t think anything of them. 

his eyes bore into yours. 

“did you...need something?” 

your voice broke his trance. 

“kacchan, are you okay? you dozed off there for a second. you look like you’re burning up.” 

bakugou looked to deku who was currently stretching out of his seat, arm extended. he pressed the back of his hand to bakugou’s forehead. “you’re really warm, kacchan. should we call recovery girl?” 

it took him a moment to realize what was happening. his vision got blurry every time he was with you. bakugou smacked deku’s hand away. “i’m fine!” his voice lifted at the end, cracking. “i’m not sick. don’t you think i’d take better care of myself?” 

“i don’t doubt you take good care of yourself, kacchan, but everyone gets sick once in a while. there’s nothing wrong with that.” 

“i never get sick!” besides, if i got sick, i wouldn’t want you to be the one taking care of me. 

he was still pissed. he was always in a bad mood, however, more so right now because you’d gone straight back to your phone and that stupid hero article that was supposedly so damn interesting. 

soon enough, the bell rang, and you were seated at your desk. it was jirou’s old spot, however, after much convincing, you two had switched spots so you could be closer to deku. just a few months of getting close to the idiot and you two are suddenly best friends. jirou hadn’t minded one tiny bit, claiming she needed a break from how loud that section of the room was. 

late as always, aizawa came trudging into your room. thankfully, his entire body wasn’t obscured by a yellow sleeping bag that smelled of something unwashed and coffee and gasoline. (for some reason, aizawa’s clothes always smelled of it.) 

“lucky for you,” he began while shuffling papers on his desk, “all of you are doing training for these first periods.”

the class cheered in perfect unison, followed by their individual chatter. you had erupted with glee along with them, and bakugou was sure he felt his heart clench and then explode. just a tiny bit. but he shoved the feeling down just as quickly as it had come up. 

“go out to the field and wait for further instructions. don’t make a sound in the halls otherwise, i’ll expel all of you.” 

this shut everyone up in almost a second, the sound draining out just as water does. the first years trailed out into the hall, single-file mimicking the positions baby ducklings would take when following their mother. 

bakugou found himself walking faster when he saw you take up your spot in the line, hoping to land his spot right behind you. 

unfortunately, this idiot who considered himself bakugou’s friend tugged him back. “bakugou!” a familiar voice rasped. 

“shitty hair, let go of me.” 

“hey man, chill out. wanna partner up if we’re doing training in pairs?” 

bakugou glanced at the line, the spot that should have been reserved for him now taken up by sato. 

bakugou tugged his sleeve from kirishima’s hand. “whatever,” he snapped. 

“sounds good!” kirishima flashed him a toothy grin and a thumbs-up. the bubbly feeling in bakugou’s chest died down as he stood behind sato, the overwhelming scent of sugar filling his nose, various candies that would go straight to your arteries. 

“you smell like ass, damn,” bakugou remarked, squeezing his nostrils together. 

luckily, sato was tall enough to not hear the insult, as he towered over bakugou by just another head. the line began moving like a sloppy train down to the change rooms. 

bakugou scoffed as he listened to your giggle. he should be making you laugh. 

- 

“you’ll be given partners randomly from this box.” aizawa held up a familiar red box. “inside are all your names. i’ll select one, then that person will come up and pick another name from the box. that will be your assigned partner for today. as soon as you have your assigned partner, i want you guys to get straight to work.” 

denki raised a hand, speaking before being called on. “sensei, why are we getting random partners? we’re always allowed to choose.” 

“in the real world, you’re going to come across different villains every day. you’ll never improve your skills or your quirks if you keep fighting the same person.” 

denki sighed, slumping back. 

dammit, bakugou thought, gritting his teeth together. there wasn’t any way he wanted to be partners with you. it’s obvious he’d win the fight in the first few seconds. 

yes! exactly right! bakugou internally grinned. his fluctuating feelings had finally soothed themselves. you were just another extra, and he had no room for you in his head. 

aizawa took a moment to fiddle with the slips of paper inside the box. soon enough, he pulled out a name. “todoroki.” 

todoroki walked up, digging his hand into the box when aizawa held it out for him. he pulled out a name, delicately unraveling the slip. “uraraka, you’re my partner.” he deadpanned. 

the brunette grinned. “great!” 

the two found their own spot on the field, and the class’s attention was once again diverted to their grouchy teacher as he pulled out another name. 

“bakugou.” 

bakugou strutted up without a worry in his mind. he pulled a name to find... 

“y/n,” he said, voice a low growl. instead of the annoying fluttering in his chest, his eyes met yours, and they were filled with a different, new ferocity. he crumpled the paper in one hand, letting it twirl to the ground. 

you looked at him, unsmiling. your eyes gave away nothing, and to bakugou’s knowledge, all you saw in him was another opponent. 

it took him a moment to realize you had both locked eyes for about a minute. perhaps the two of you would have stayed as you were if aizawa hadn’t snapped at the two of you to get moving as yaomomo’s name was called. 

bakugou was on his way to the back of the field, you followed close behind. while there was plenty of room still, he chose a secluded area. while it was still open enough to view everything going on so nobody got hurt, it was often nobody chose to train here. for whatever reason, you weren’t sure. 

“wait up, bakugou,” you said. after a bit, you caught up to him. 

“if you can’t keep up, then...” then what? he looked at you from the side of his eye. “then don’t keep up...” gosh, here came the embarrassing, disgusting feeling of redness in his cheeks. 

you laughed. “what?” 

“shut up.” 

“you’re an idiot, bakugou.” 

“i said shut the hell up!”

“what, so you can call me shitface in front of the entire class but you get all pissed when i call you an idiot?” 

so you had heard him! 

he tongued his cheek, curling his hands around an invisible ball, explosions sparking in the centers of his palms. “don’t expect me to hold back, dumbass.” 

“i wouldn’t dream of it.” 

gosh he loved that about you. 

bakugou caught his thought in the air. 

ahem...gosh he hated that about you. 

you both charged in at the same time. his cry was louder than yours, but you struck first. 

he admired your quirk. while he’d overhead you explaining all the drawbacks it had, it was strong, and you were strong because you knew how to control it. 

purple arrows flew from your arms, going in your desired directions. if you lost focus for one moment, they’d vanish and weaken. if you focused too hard or long, you’d be plagued by a splitting headache. 

he’d spent too much time obsessing over your strengths and weaknesses.  

your arrows were weightless, however they were solid objects capable of carrying any mass, any thing, and worked as extensions of your body. 

the violet arrow had shot out at him, twisting around his right gauntlet and crushing inwards. it’d snaked around him without him noticing, slithering along his back. 

bakugou struggled to get the air-light arrow off his wrist, but it was no use. he glared back, only to see your focused, furrowed brows. he’d expected to see your cocky ass smiling. it was nice to see you weren’t. 

that was one thing that had also caught his eye. you never underestimate your opponent, but you never underestimate yourself, either. 

you conjured a larger arrow. it snaked around your right arm as you hurled bakugou into the air, releasing your grasp on him. you shot your other arrow into the air, and it raced into the sky. 

it swerved. bakugou’s eyes went wide as the tip of the arrow came down on his chest. if they weren’t intangible things, he would have been bleeding out. 

another drawback: the arrows, while they could solidify, they couldn’t do any actual damage. you had to use your surroundings to inflict harm on your opponent. 

he coughed out as the arrow shot him into the ground. he hadn’t even touched you, and here he was, vulnerable and so...so... 

you stood over him, hands on your hips. 

vulnerable and so lost in that adorable, winning smile. 

“get away from me, idiot,” he grunted and turned onto his side, his back crying out in pain. 

“i think i won this fight, bakugou,” you chirped, rocking on your heels. 

“don’t get arrogant, shithead. you won’t be winning against me anymore.” 

you grinned, arrows shooting out behind your back. 

- 

the dorms were exceptionally quiet. you were typing away in the common room, bakugou on the couch reading. everyone was off doing something else. it was the weekend, luckily. he’d expected you to go bounding out with everyone else, however you’d stayed back, claiming you had some homework to catch up on. 

bakugou being classic bakugou had stayed back. he was excited to have the dorm to himself, but your dumbass was stuck here with him. couldn’t you have done your typing in your room? 

you were so aggressive on that poor keyboard. 

“oi, quiet down with your shit typing.” 

you barely grunted in response. 

“don’t ignore me.” 

“i heard you, mom.” 

“the hell did you call me?” 

no response. only your aggressive typing is a bit less aggressive. 

“i can still hear it,” bakugou remarked, eyes fixed on your back. 

“‘kay,” you said. your typing slowed a tad, and your pressure on the keys lessened. 

it was quiet now. bakugou should go back to his book. he shouldn’t still be looking for a reason to talk to you. 

the pages crinkled in his fingers. he bit his tongue, keeping his snarky comments in. 

“you’re a fucking idiot, you know that? doing your damn homework. it’s due tomorrow.” 

you turned, pursing your lips. “and how would you know what i’m working on? are you stalking me?” 

“i- what? no. you’re such an idiot, of course i’m not—” 

“i’m messing with you,” you breathed, face un-moving. 

“o-oh,” bakugou stuttered out. he blinked awkwardly. 

“gosh, what’s gotten your panties in a twist?” 

“you’re annoying.” 

“you’re a jackass.” you returned to your work. bakugou settled with reading in his room. reading consisted of jumping onto his bed just as the stereotypical high school girl would in an eighties movie. he buried his face in his pillow, face burning bright red. he cursed you for making him feel this way, and hated himself even more for how much he enjoyed it. 

- 

the next day came swiftly. you’d left early to go train with midoriya. there were many improvements needed to be made, but you weren’t doing too bad.

you propelled yourself forwards with an arrow, and your green-haired friend shot back, lightning flickering around his body. 

landing back on the ground, you panted and swiped the sweat from your brow. from the corner of your eye, you could make out both kirishima and bakugou coming to the training grounds. 

bakugou stopped in his tracks, frowning at the sight of you. 

it was evident he hated you a bit more than everyone else. he was always making his annoying comments, he was always snubbing you. you saw no reason to talk to him, so you didn’t. either way, even if you tried, he would still get angry for no reason. 

it’d taken you quite some time to get used to his obnoxious attitude. tuning him out had been the best course of action, in your opinion. 

the way you and midoriya had bonded was through bakugou, in a way. the first day of school, bakugou had snapped at you for tripping over your laces and nearly crashing into him. later that day, midoriya had stepped up and apologized for his old friend’s actions. 

you two had never been too close until now. the recent incidents going on with the league of villains had snagged your attention, and it seemed you were the only person who didn’t mind listening to him ramble on about heroes. 

you were just as passionate and just as dorky, but midoriya could talk your ear off. you never minded, and he always took the hint when you didn’t want to listen. 

you brought your leg up, twirling in the air with ease and watched your heel collide with midoriya’s face. he grunted, stumbling back. 

you were about to charge in again when a hand landed on your shoulder, big and rough. you turned to see bakugou standing behind you, a scowl on his face. 

“fight me again,” he demanded. 

“excuse me?” 

“don’t act like you didn’t hear me.” 

“i’m in the middle of fighting midoriya right now.” 

“so?”

“so if you think that i’m just going to ditch my friend because you want to fight, i won’t.” 

“you’re being stubborn.” 

“i’m being reasonable. back off.” 

“y/n?” midoriya rubbed his jaw—right where you had struck him. “what’s going on?” he jogged up to you and bakugou. 

“he wants to fight me in the middle of our fight. it’s nothing serious. don’t worry about it, midoriya. let’s just ignore him.” 

bakugou made a sound someone would only make if they were choking. “the hell did you just say?” 

“we’re ignoring you!” you waved him off and placed your hand on midoriya’s shoulder, wandering away. 

-

it was new to him, not getting what he wanted. and what he wanted right now was to be around you. again, it wasn’t like he would ever admit that to himself. 

“dude? you good? i thought you went off to fight y/n. i was so ready to cheer you on, dude,” kirishima’s chipper voice piped in. “she’s not fighting with you? why not?” 

“the dumbass was just probably scared of getting her ass beat by me.” 

“dude...that sounds really weird.” 

“whatever, shitty hair. let’s go.” 

- 

the clock ticked. his ears were on fire. again. 

gosh, it was happening again. it was all you. his face scrunched up, his voice would surely crack if someone were to ask him what was wrong. 

bakugou was once again stuffing his face in his pillow, hiding his expression from no one. why did you have to go train with that shitty nerd? why were you always around deku? deku, of all people. what did he have? why was he so great? 

bakugou was a man of many insecurities, but losing to deku? that was possibly his biggest fear. 

perhaps he wasn’t the nicest, or the most soft person out there. bakugou could admit that, at least. but he was smarter than deku. he was stronger and he was better and people liked him more. right? 

what was so...amazing about deku? 

it was often bakugou would find himself obsessing over little, insignificant things such as these. 

you were what he was thinking of most of the time. just yesterday, he’d gotten a test returned. he was expecting an eighty at the lowest, but more so expecting a high ninety. it’d come back exactly sixty percent. 

sixty. percent.

bakugou vividly remembered staring at your face. he also remembered not being able to focus because of it. his grades were dropping because of you. 

you were the only person to be able to do this to him. 

his heart grew quiet, but the pounding of his didn’t cease. he lifted his head. 

“alright, fine,” he said aloud. “you win, y/n. you win.” 

he settled with getting over his feelings the way he’d read them in his collection of romance manga. 

bakugou left his room and knocked on your door. (he was banging on it, but it was his nice way of knocking.) 

you answered, looking around awkwardly. “yes?” 

his hands shook. how was this supposed to go? sure, he’d seen it in romance movies and read it in books but it was always easy to tell whether the guy would get the girl or not. 

in this instance, bakugou was clueless. for once in his life, he was clueless. you stood, tapping your foot with a hand on your hip, waiting expectantly for him to tell you why he was here. 

“um.” he scratched behind his neck. “you uh- i uh...i’m sorry i called you a, um...a shitface.” 

“okay? is that it?” 

what? come on! it was already unlike him to apologize. what else did you want from him? 

“did you...i’ve been thinking, maybe? maybe we could..train together as...friends?”  

“...what?” 

gosh dammit, as friends? 

“whatever, um...the uh...” oh gosh, what did the boys do in all the books he’d read? right! bakugou stretched out his arm, resting his forearm on the door, leaning to the side. 

although he didn’t, really, because like the clumsy jackass he was, bakugou missed completely and nearly toppled to the floor. 

this earned a snicker from you. 

his stomach flipped and churned, and bakugou found himself unable to reach your eyes. “uh, would you maybe..? okay, um. do you want to go on a date with me? you absolute fucking dumbass.” 

your eyes flew wide. “...what?” 

“no, that’s not what i— i mean i didn’t mean the last part. um, i meant the first part. the first two parts. the part where i was asking you if you wanted to go on a date with me and then before that when i said maybe because it’s still a maybe until you say yes. or...or no because that’s an option too.” 

he swallowed. 

you resisted the urge to mock him, just a little bit. “um, bakugou, listen.” 

he leaned closer. “yes?” 

“it’s going to be a no. i’m sorry, but i’m just not interested in you like that.” 

it took him a moment to register everything. his shoulders sagged. gosh that was brutal. 

“oh, alright.” 

“yeah, uh, sorry about that.” you offered him a weak smile, still a bit shocked yourself. he did his best to return it, and when you closed the door, his face was ready to explode. 

it was so damn difficult to deal with these feelings, but maybe it was better this way. knowing where you stood on your end, he knew he wouldn’t miss out on anything. 

perhaps it was alright to admire from afar. things could happen in the future, right? 

right now, he’d just wait. for a long, long time. bakugou pressed a hand to his chest, feeling his erratic heartbeat. maybe it was alright to not have you right now. perhaps he could better himself for you. just for you. 

[shoutoismybaby]

Omega Shame Part 2

Part 1 / Part 3

Thank you guys for all your interest! It made me super happy to see so many people excited about my writing, so I hope you enjoy and stay tuned for the last part soon!

Warnings: Angst, depression, mentions of fighting (bc hero training)

***

The classroom didn't smell right.  Not only was your serotonin inducing scent the class had gotten accustomed to in the past couple months missing, but a certain caramel smell had a hint of burnt rubber and ash to it. Despite some of the girls hearing commotion coming from your room, you didn’t answer their calls or knocks, so no one knew what was going on. The only knowledge the class had was that you weren’t in class and Bakugou was upset. Well, more upset than he usually was.

Even his best friends, whether or not he would admit that’s what they were to him, would earn growls and bared teeth if they got too close. Other than that though, Bakugou was generally unresponsive. Only caring when people got too close, but he didn’t respond when Aizawa called on him, or when the lunch bell rang. Only shoving the teachers hand off his shoulder when he came to check up on the blond.

Bakugou was just too caught up in his thoughts to really be aware of his surroundings as he followed his class aimlessly to the cafeteria.

Even though his body was in the P.E Training grounds, his brain was back in time to your dorm room. Back when your body began to tremble at the sight of him, the way salty tears rushed from your eyes when he started to speak. Your throat squeaking as you begged him to spare the nest you had constructed. It was beautifully made, if you had asked him. The way your soft blankets were woven together with your favorite weekend clothes, pillows being used to stable the walls. It looked incredibly comfortable.

Bakugou knew that Omegas could get upset if their nest was intruded without permission. But he also knew he was nowhere near your circular haven. Yet, you were crying, shaking, and begging.

It was then that it dawned on the hothead that you were scared of him. His omega was Terrified of him. It made his heart beat erratically, how could he make someone he cared about so scared of him? Especially his own omega. It was his job to keep you safe, to take care of you and make sure you were comfortable. You trusted him to fulfill this role, but you thought he was going to destroy your nest?

It made Bakugous’ buzz in confusion. It made no sense that you would be freaking out just because your alpha walked in your room.

Unless you weren't even his omega by choice. What if you just accepted his courting gift because you were afraid he would hurt you? He had been told multiple times throughout his life that he needed to stop being so aggressive,  that he would scare omegas away, but he had always brushed those comments off. He had thought that he would find someone who liked him despite his anger, and he thought you were that person.

Clearly, though, you were too fearful of him to even reject his proposal. Your trembling body inside of your nest was undeniable proof of that. You were too scared to even tell him you were nesting, and if the sight was evidence enough you didn’t seem to have or want his scent anywhere close to your nest. He should have noticed it before. What kind of alpha scared those they were supposed to protect?

You probably just got off of your meds to make him happy too. You had made so many sacrifices to keep him happy, and the thought of that made his blood boil. He had been a terrible alpha to you. He had to end this, he couldn’t put you through anymore pain. His inner alpha cried at the thought of having hurt you.

His large hand moved towards his opposite wrist, gently shimmying the bracelet that sat on it off. It was your courting gift to him, since you insisted on making him something in return. It was simple, made of skillfully twisted threads in his hero costume colors. His heart had skipped a beat the moment you presented it to him, not that he would tell anyone that. Especially not now, not when all the memories he shared with you were put into perspective.

He remembered how it felt as though the threads burnt his skin on its way past. How it dragged his heart down with it as it fell to the floor. Since then, he felt numb to the outside world. It didn’t matter how many times Kirishima tried to get him involved in their 1-1 match, he mostly just stood there, letting his instincts do the bare minimum to protect his body.

“Come on man!” His body dodged another hit just enough before slacking again, causing the redheaded alpha to growl. “You’re not responding to anything and you smell, honestly bad bro. What’s going on with you!?”

The only thing “going on” in Katsuki’s brain was replaying the pain in your eyes over and over. Replaying how you were scared, no, terrified of the person who was supposed to protect you. His omega wasn’t his omega anymore, and his alpha felt broken. He felt alone.

He could only focus on how he failed to do his basic duties. How he failed you. Everyone had been right when they critiqued his anger. He was too aggressive to deserve an Omega. Clearly he couldn’t treat one right no matter how much their smile made serotonin speed through his brain. If he couldn’t protect you from himself it was ridiculous to think he would do anything but fuck up protecting Japan from villains. He was a terrible alpha who couldn’t even treat an Omega properly, so what was the point? He wasn’t even good at his innate purpose.

By now Kirishima was getting desperate. All day his best friend had been growing more and more despondent, and he was scared for what that meant. He just needed Bakugou to talk to him, Kirishima wanted to be reassured that he was okay. And he had an idea of how to pull Bakugou back into the present, even if he didn’t like it.

“I don’t want to do this but, I’m really worried about you. Bakugou is this about (Y/n)?” The blondes alpha perked up at the mention of your name, drawing Bakugou’s head up with it.

“The girls said something happened in (Y/n)’s room last night and,” He hesitated, ruby eyes falling to Bakugou's large wrists. “You’re not wearing the courting bracelet she made for you anymore”

His words caused a whimper to leave Katsukis throat. Kirishima had no idea what kind of pain that reminder brought to Bakugou, but he could guess. The way the blonds hands clenched and brows furrowed made Kirishima's heart drop, he hated bringing up things that could hurt Katsuki. But he could only fix the problem if he knew what was wrong, and for that he needed Bakugou to talk to him.

“Did, did you guys break up?” Kirishima kept his distance, afraid of what Bakugou would do once he snapped out of his trance. But all Bakugou did was begin to shake, blinking furiously as he became aware of his surroundings once again along with the hot tears that flooded his eyes. Kirishima ran towards his friend then, placing a hand on the other alphas shoulder in a hope to be any bit comforting without overwhelming his friend. He analyzed the way Bakugous nose scrunched, causing his large canines to show as the first sob burst out of his trembling frame. It was so powerful that the blond lost his balance, falling into the stunned redheads arms. Face tucked into his friends chest, shielded from the attention his sobs were bringing from his entire class.

“Bakugou…” Kirishima ran his hands up and down Bakugous back gently feeling the way the blond fisted his shirt in desperation, “What happened? You can tell me.”

“I’m a terrible alpha,” Bakugous voice was shaky and Kirishima almost felt guilty at how relieved he was to hear it. “No you’re not man, wha-” “Yes I am!” Bakugous voice reached the same volume as his sobs that interrupted his speech. “She thought that I was going to destroy her nest, she was scared of me. I was supposed to defend her when really I’m the one she wanted protection from.”

Krishima didn’t know how to respond to what his friend said. Eyes too wide in confusion as he looked towards his teacher for answers. You had always been absolutely smitten with Bakugou, just his presence in the room made it seem like you radiated love and positivity. It didn’t seem that Bakugou needed any further encouragement to continue though, as his next statement sent ice down the spines of the whole class.

“I failed as an alpha… I don’t want to be alive anymore.” All Bakugou wanted to do in that moment was curl up and die. He didn’t have a purpose anymore, so he didn’t see the point of existing. It was then that his body seemed to shut back down in order to conserve energy, he began to slack in Kirishima's arms leaving him sitting on the ground despite the redheads' many protests. The revelation of how his best friend felt bringing tears to his own eyes, and a recognition to his teachers.

“Aizawa, what's happening to Bakugou?” Kirishima asked, struggling to hold himself together as he knelt in front of his friend. Bakugou’s eyes seemed more void of life than ever as he stared aimlessly at Kirishima's shirt.

“Someone call Recovery Girl, I fear that Bakugou has developed an Alpha depression.”

***

Tag List:

@pasteldana-blog @fandomtrash1616 @cyntinaaa @my-neighbor-todoro @anime-weeb-bnha @professionalreblogs @thenerdyrebel @weeb-reading-trash @procrastinatingmurder @myherotrashbin @spicyfoodboi @tspice283 @inumorph @rubyreds-stuff @mscarterakaviola98 @arcticsakura

[fairymadnessyeah]

Clone High

I rewatched Clone High today, after finishing a fic, and it gave me an idea for a second season, or a reboot season, if it ever happens. Warning: this will have JoanFK shipping in it.

So, in this season, everything is almost the same as the first one. The names of the episodes and what they are about, is all basically the same, except: all the students have a weird sense of deja vu. For example: when the students talk about something that happened last year, they get confused, and they all remember something cold, but they can’t put their finger on it. Mostly they shrug it off. However, feelings don’t disappear, so... Abe is a little more aware of Joan, Cleo wants Abe more, Joan is more hopeless about Abe and developing a weird crush on Kennedy, and JFK the same.

So...

Episode 1

Things go pretty much the same.

The hotline happens, JFK’s ultimatum, and Abe wanting to get Cleo.

But this time, Abe get real alcohol. He vaguely remembers failing to do so before, so he somehow gets real alcohol.

The party goes pretty much the same, and Joan tells Cleo to get with Abe.

But this time, when JFK offers her a drink, she accepts it with the idea to forget this night. She gets a bit tipsy though, and ends up making out with JFK.

The police come, but they take Abe and Gandhi. Joan was nowhere to be seen, since she was making out with JFK at the moment.

Principal Scudworth and Mr. Butlertron crash the party, but only to see what effect would the alcohol make in the clones. 

The fact that the clones lost a year is supposed to be a mystery.

Episode 2

This episode is almost the same.

Except that when Abe takes the sponsor, the brand goes: “Didn’t that kid look familiar? I feel like I have seen him before...”

Joan still goes to JFK, and he is more like: “I uh see you are back for more,”

The episode still continues the same, but at the end, Joan and JFK are seen talking.

“We will never speak about what happend at your party ever again,”

“Why uh not?”

“Because it’s never going to happen again,”

Next scene, both of them come out of a the school with their hair and clothes messed up, and lipstick all over their mouths.

Episode 3

The episode goes the same, but Joan doesn’t end like a speaker.

She instead goes to the Grassy Knol to sorrow in her embarrassment.

Marie Antoinette helps her a little. She tells her that she isn’t confused about her future or her past, but she is confused about her present. 

Also, Scudworth is there to see what the clones remember from the past year. He is happy to find out they don’t remember much.

Episode 4

So, the school film festival, and pretty much is all the same.

Except, Joan’s entry is about her confusion between JFK and Abe.

Lincoln doesn’t get it, but Kennedy does.

Joan, who is tired of Abe’s bullshit, enters a friends with benefits agreements with JFK. He can still be a player, and acts as her stress reliever, or rebound fuck.

Also, Scudworth gets visited by some ministers. They were in charge of the secret board of shadowy figures. They haven’t heard from them in a while, and they are suspicious. Butlertron saves the day, again.

Episode 5

The PJXTs come around and things go like the Episode did.

Except for a moment a moment in which JFK calls Joan ‘Dolphin Tat’. 

Episode 6

So, Joan’s learns about the team not allowing girls or animals on the team by JFK, on one of their meetings. 

She still dotes her incredible disguise, and Cleo still hits on her.

The episode finishes with JFK realizing he is not into guys, he is simply into Joan. He likes her.

Episode 7

Again, the episode goes like the original. But at the end, we see Joan go back to JFK for comfort.

Episode 8

Joan becomes homeless, and moves in with Cleo. They don’t get along, but it’s not as bad, because Joan is moving on from Abe.

Cleo does find out about them, when Joan sneaks out and comes back smelling like JFK’s perfume. She plans on telling the whole school, and things get ugly.

They start fighting, until Joan threatens to publish Cleo’s puberty pictures on the school’s newspaper. They kind of form a truce.

Meanwhile, JFK and Gandhi also fight. Gandhi wants to go spy on the girls, but JFK stops him. Only he get to stare at Joan in a girl on girl action.

Episode 9

This is the episode that completely changes. Not because I don’t like the episode, but because I love it too much to change it.

The episode is still a musical.

Fritz Habers clone (the inventor of the mustard gas) gave out cards that had a mysterius dust in it. It was supposed to be a prank, with the dust making them stink, but something else happened.

The people who opened the cards, started acting like love-sick fools. A few were saved. Gandhi, cause Fritz thinks he already smelled bad. Abe, cause his neck is too long and he didn’t get to smell it. And Cleo, cause Fritz thought he might get with her, if he was the only good smelling dude.

The dust works as a watered-down sex-pollen. It might make you horny, but not to the extent of stripping in the middle of a crowd to have sex. And it makes you blind to everything else but that person.

The first song is the group seeing the student under the dust for the first time. Thing of ‘What’s this?’ from Nightmare Before Christmas, but with love themes. 

What’s this? What’s this? There’s smooshing everywhere.

Fritz finds the group that hadn’t been contaminated, and he explains what happened. They search for a way to create an antidote, and they find a journal that might have the answer, but it’s in french.

They start looking for Joan, who Abe knows hasn’t opened the letter yet. Here come the second song. It’s a version of ‘If you seek Amy’ by Britney Spears.

Oh, oh; Tell me, have you seen her?; Cause we, oh, oh; Don’t know how to speak French!

By the end of the song they find her, she is opening the card. There is a whole slow-motion montage as the dust hits her and the others go: NOOO.

Joan blinks for a few seconds, then looks back at the group, and the next song comes. It’s ‘Girlfriend’ by Avril Lavigne, but instead of saying Girlfriend, it says GirlfriendS. And for a while, they think she is singing it to Abe. But when she is in front of him, she pushes Abe aside, and runs to JFK that was behind them.

I also like to think that the rest of the people around are dancing and doing the chorus every time there is a song.

We cut to Principal Scrubworth, who is looking at all of this from his office. He also sings a song, ‘Crazy=Genius’ by P!ATD. 

While he sings, he dances around his matchines.

Then we go back to the crew who are at the Grassy Knol sad, while the other are all around being happy. Then, Marie Antoinette comes and translates the journal.

The next day, the students come into the school. The last song happens, it’s ‘Walking on sunshine’ by Katrina & the Waves. By the end of the song, the fire alarm goes off, and the sprinkles wet everybody with the antidote.

When they snap out of it, Joan and JFK are embracing. She notices how everybody is staring, and decks him, before leaving.

They break off their arrangement, bc everybody knows now.

Also, Fritz is taken to the frezzer by Principal Scrubworth.

Episode 10

We see Ponce trying to cheer up JFK since Joan rejected him, but he still dies.

I would find it funny if this is a recurring joke. That ponce dies every season, and after a while it becomes a thing of, ‘has he died yet? this is the longest he’s gone- oh no, forget it, he died,’

JFK mourns him. Joan has been avoidig him since the dust incident, so he goes to the other perso he once had for comfort, Cleo.

Abe is mad. He is more annoyed at JFK in here, bc he thinks that he took advantage of Joan. He is actually jealous.

The episode continues the same way, except for the end.

When Abe goes to console him, Joan is already there. He starts feeling something in hid chest.

Episode 11

So, Snowflake day comes. Joan doen’t like the holiday, and Abe needs to get an expensive gift for Cleo.

JFK tries to show Joan how good Snowflake day is, and they go all around town doing things.

JFK is trying to win her over, but Joan is still confused. She likes Kennedy, but she also likes Abe.

She understands the meaning of Snowflake day by the end of the episode, with the help of a trashy celebrity. Maybe a Kardashian?

And she also gets a gift from JFK that he made himself. Since she doesn’t like the consumerism of the holiday.

Abe, on that regard, instead of buying Cleo an expensive gift, he buys her a gift with some extra cash he had. The rest of his money went to buy an expensive gift for Joan. He saw it and thought of her.

It’s nice, but Joan likes JFK’s gift more. Cleo is pissed.

Episode 12

Abe is in thin ice. He has to do an extraordinary promposal to Cleo, but he can’t stop thinking about how Joan has nobody to go with.

The only one who asked her was JFK, and she is thinking about accepting.

He tries to help her get a date for prom, one that isn’t Kennedy.

They go through multiple makeovers, but in the end, Cleo takes matters into her own hands.

If she gets Joan to go with somebody else, then she gets her promposal from Abe and she wins. 

She gives her the same makeover from before, and asks Napoleon to take her.

When Abe sees her, he realizes he might have feelings for her. But she is with Napoleon, so he respects that, It’s better than JFK.

Episode 13

Abe makes his Promposal, and Cleo accepts.

JFK tries to asks Joan again, but before he can, Napoleon interrupts.

They go to prom, and Joan is clearly not having a good time. She isn’t acting like a giggly vapid slut in here, but it’s clear she is not happy.

JFK sees her sad, so he goes to talk to her. She tells him that she misses him, and that she would have accepted his invitation.

Abe sees them talking and tries to stop it, but Cloe jumps him, promising sex.

He leaves with her, but the only thing he can see is Joan.

Meanwhile, Joan got rid of her makeover, and is talking with JFK. He compliments her, telling her he doesn’t need a makeover, and the two kiss.

They agree to be boyfriend and girlfriend, and they go to dance.

Abe come looking for her sees them, but becomes dramatic, and gives a speech about locking himself in the frezzer, to forget all about this.

When he goes to do that, however, he unfrezzes the secret board of shadowy figures.

The season ends there

[nyanpoe]

(Rough) summary of the last NatsuYuu arc

Featuring chapters 106 and 107, “Visiting a late friend”. 

Note that my japanese isn’t the best, so i might have misunderstood some things.

Also: my own personal notes are in cursive.

In chapter 106 Natsume takes the wrong bus home after going to some far town (if i remember correctly Touko had asked him to run an errand or smth). Yorishima gets on that same bus and after seeing each other (they were like the only ones in the bus) they start chatting. If i remember correctly, Yorishima had offered to show him the correct bus/way home, but he was on his way to return a book to an old friend (named Kusakabe) he used to exchange letters with who had already passed away, so Natsume offers to accompany him.

We get some more insight into Yorishima’s character, how he’s pretty grumpy, asocial and a shut in. If i remember correctly, in the book he was going to deliver, which was one that Natori retrieved from his mansion in the Miharu arc, he found a letter where Kusakabe told him to go visit him someday.

When they get to the house of Yorishima’s old friend, they are greeted by his 3 beautiful daughters AND feel a weird presence in the house.

The chapter ends with Yorishima telling Natsume that Kusakabe only had 2 daughters, not 3.

Here 2 cute screenshots i took of the chapter

Chapter 107 (later part) starts with one of the letters Kusakabe wrote to Yorishima, where he talks about how he can hear his daughters (note: 娘, musume) played despite having told them to being quiet as he was writing. He also notes how he likes it when it’s lively, and contrasts it with Yorishima’s hypothetical reaction.

The daughters (who are all a bit weird and very pushy) talk a bit about Yorishima and how much their father used to talk about him. Once they leave the room, Yorishima and Natsume discuss how one of them might be an ayakashi, as he is sure Kusakabe had always wrote in his letters about only 2 daughters. 

Yorishima starts cursing about how nothing good happens whenever he leaves his house and apologizes to Natsume for dragging him into such a mess. Natsume then realizes he feels like his old self, and reassures him that going all this way for his friend is a very important thing and he'll tag along, for Kusakabe's sake, and mentally adds for Yorishima’s sake too. Natsume then kicks Nyanko-sensei outta the room and tells him to go investigate which daughter might be the imposter (since he was just eating cake and being an ass lol).

Natsume asks if there’s lead to tell apart the fake one, but Yorishima says that none of them resemble Kusakabe physically, although their mannerisms sometimes do. 

AND WE GET A FLASHBACK OF THEIR COLLEGE TIME.

In it, Kusakabe tells Yorishima (after failing to feed him an onigiri) about how he should have also gone watch the meteor shower, how pretty it was etc and how the stars seemed to go and fall from all directions, to which Yorishima was like bruh how could that be and if it wasn’t perhaps a tanuki or ghost playing a prank on him. Kusakabe says that maybe that was the reason why the rest didn’t seem to react to it, but that was all the more reason why it would have been merrier if Yorishima had been with him.

Yorishima immediately tells Kusakabe that he should confess to Kyouko-san already and that he actually would have wanted to see the meteor shower with her instead, leaving the other quite dumbfounded as meddling into other’s affairs (or even caring) was pretty out of character of him. Yorishima just answers that if his roommate is being a pain he won’t get peace either so he should be done with his business. He also tells him that he’s a good man, so there’s no way he’ll get rejected.

~end of flashback~

After that we get a 4 pages Nyanko-sensei pov of spying on the girls, who start acting all creepy, making him freaks out and run away.

The last page has a letter from Yorishima to Kusakabe, in which he thanks him for the last letter and congratulates him, saying he was surprised when he learned about his 2 daughters.

Back to Yorishima and Natsume, Yorishima seems to hold his arm, making Natsume worry and ask if it doesn’t hurt (thinking to himself that it’s the rumored ayakashi arm, and wonders if it’s really true) but the other says he was just deep in thought. They discuss about the daughters again, saying that if they look like kusakabe, what similarities they have etc. Since they dont look alike natsume asks if they dont look like the wife then, but Yorishima says he actually doesn’t know about the wife, neither name nor face. He never got to meet her, as he never met Kusakabe after college again. He says that Kusakabe wrote whatever came to mind in his letters and never got to tell him about getting married not his daughters being born, but mentions that he used to date a girl called Kyouko when they were in college. He says that they looked very happy and (not sure of the jp wording here) just looking at each other/at them? made them blush. 

Natsume assumes that that must have been his wife then, but Yorishima says that she had died in an accident. He talks about how Kusakabe used to be pretty depressed after it, but since he didn't want to make Kyouko sad he came back to his usual self eventually. Still, he didn’t date anyone after that, that’s why he was very surprised when reading the letter talking about his daughters. Knowing that he was able to form a family, after everything that happened, made him so happy he started trembling.

Nyanko-sensei interrupts them and cries a bit about how the girls were Too Much. After that, the lights go off and Yorishima runs to check that the girls are ok. He starts mildly gay panicking bc he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to his friend’s house. He says to himself that it would have been better if Kusakabe had at least told him how his daughters were called, and remembers the note in the book asking him to come pay a visit someday.

He runs into the youkai and asks who is she, to which she replies that she is kusakabes daughter. Yorishima says that he only had 2 so that's not possible but she says that Kusakabe just never got to tell him about the 3rd (among us voice kinda sus). She tells him that if he catches her she'll tell him the full story. While chasing for her, he starts shouting that it’s Kusakabe’s house, even if he passed away, saying in his mind “isn’t anywhere anymore”, it’s the house of his dear friend, and he won’t forgive her if she tries to do something to his beloved daughters.

He catches the youkai and: turns out all the daughters were DOLLS.

Apparently, Kusakabe bought 2 dolls at an antique shop and when writing the letter, he used the word musume, which can mean either daughter or simply young girl. The daughters say he had realized that Yorishima misunderstood and thought he meant biological daughters, but decided to play along and keep using musume when talking about them. And so, when Yorishima visited him, he would learn the truth. He looked forward to when he would come and find out.  That’s why the dolls decided to carry on with that wish, and tell him about how fun and merry Kusakabe’s time there had been.

(Here comes the part where I’m not really sure about some things, and I’m not sure either what they are referring to Exactly so I might have misinterpreted it.)

The dolls say they were actually upset at him for never once visiting Kusakabe, but that seeing his arm they understand he couldnt come. Then, Natsume thinks to himself "to his dear friend... (deepl translation:) in the midst of all the bewitchment...". Yorishima here regrets not being more sincere in his replies to the many letters Kusakabe sent because he thinks that’s probably why he stopped sending them (i think?),and the daughters ask him if he knows why he died. When Yorishima says he heard he died of illness, they say: "yes, the reason is similar to yours (that i understand maybe i read it wrong). he simply stopped sending letters when he lost the strength in his handwriting". (when he didnt have enough strenght to write properly basically, bc that’s shittily worded).  Here they show that Kusakabe told his daughters that Yorishima is very intelligent and his own handwriting was very strong and beautiful, so he would notice and get weird worries. 

The daughters then say that there are a lot of letters he never got to send. 

In one of those letters, he writes Yorishima that he had ordered a new doll for his daughters, so it seemed like his house would become even more lively (and also something about a job but idk if it refers to the doll or smth else). A sepparate bubble shows: “one day, when you come...”.

With the book being returned, the daughters have then acomplished their mission. When they leave Natsume wonders what will they do from now on.  Here Natsume wonders about Yorishima’s regrets, the reason why he couldnt pay a visit to his friend, and his own duty with the book of friends.

Yorishima thanks Natsume for his helps and Natsume says its a good thing he came to see him (aka Kusakabe). He is holding the book open, and as the wind makes the pages flip one last note, with a pretty shaky handwriting ,appears between them. Natsume asks what does it say.

Yorishima says that it just says as usual, just some foolish things.

[plxnets]

I JUST CAME OUT OF THE SHOWER AND *takes deep breath*

Basically, I was thinking of ideas for 2k since I’m going to hit the milestone soon. I was thinking of doing another prompt request but then I realised this lazy bitch hasn’t even finished the old one yet so I was like uh fuck nvm that’s a bad idea. 💔

THEN THEN I got an ask ab oikawa and I couldn’t stop thinking ab him. Then insta recommended me some posts ab his growth as a person in the manga and finally beating evryone and I was like oh shit wait. WHAT IF HE DIDNT.

AND THE FIC IDEA JUST CAME TO ME LIKE 💡 IM SO EXCITED, okok so the plan is to write a multi chap story for just the month of November. I was planning to make it smutty again but ngl I’m so tired of churning out smut fics everytime I post so NO it’s gonna be different this time 😈😈😈

here’s a rough idea of the fic

Oikawa x Reader + Kageyama x Reader (the main relationship is oikawa though)

Basically, reader and oikawa are childhood friends all the way to high school. Oikawa may have a throng of girls at his heels but you are the first person other than Iwa that he can actually talk to.

The person that he holds close to his heart. You are always there for him, and you are for some reason stubbornly immune to his charms.

But ofc, put two attractive people tgt in the third year of high school it’s only natural that the two of you develop a friends w benefit relationship. Oikawa is many of your firsts, your first kiss, your first sexually intimate partner but not your first boyfriend.

Flash forward to graduation week, you confess to him and guess what. He rejects you. He had just lost his last vball match of his high school career and your confessions is a tipping point.

You don’t mind. Smiling through your tears bc you knew all along that tooru didn’t like you. He’s leaving anyway, leaving all the way to Argentina 🇦🇷 and that’s the last time he sees you for a long long time. Oikawa cries himself to sleep, he’s nothing, nothing but a talentless individual who just broke the heart of his first love and broke all the promises to his friends.

Time skip ~

He meets you on the stadium, fresh from a victory against japan. He’s exhilarated, high running in his veins, he’s done it. Oikawa tooru is back. Sadly, you are a health coach for the other team (japan) but he doesn’t mind.

Oikawa is healthy now, he’s stable, he’s ready to confess to you bc all he could think of these years was you. You had always been in his heart.

And his heart just shatters.

Bc he sees you smile, not at him. At kageyama tobio. Kageyama tobio who leans down to kiss you and the matching rings flash on your finger.

Oh. It seems like his life is nothing but a vicious cycle isn’t it?

THIS IS IT SKSHDKSYWIM IM SO EXCITED AHHHHH YALL HAVE NO IDEA. I PLAN TO GO FULL OUT FOR THIS FIC. GONNA USE EVERY INCH OF MY LITERATURE SKILLS TO BRING THIS TO LIFE

🥰🥰🥰🥰

[rambling-at-midnight]

Slytherin Sherlock x Hufflepuff Reader

-You’re a first year when Sherlock is a third year

-And you’re naturally curious, and well, Muggleborn, so not all of this stuff was explained to you

-You see the third years heading off to Hogsmeade

-You follow them (bc you were never told not to) and for some reason you’re not caught

-Well, not until an hour in when some Gryffindor fifth year sees you in Honeydukes

-’Oi, firstie, the hell you doing?’

-The jar of Jelly Slugs you’d been holding crashes to the ground out of your limp grasp

-And you’re frozen because you hadn’t thought of what you would do if you were caught

-’Oh, bugger off, Watson’ you hear behind you

-You whirl around, cheeks flaming, ready to thank your savior

-Sherlock peers down his nose at you and sniffs

-He waves his wand at the mess on the floor and it’s fixed

-’Thank you’

-He just flaps his hand at you ‘Run back to the school, little firstie. nobody here wants firsties crashing our party. especially not muggleborn firsties’

-So that was your first encounter with Sherlock Holmes

-You avoid him for the rest of your first year and most of your second until you happen upon him in the library

-His eyes are bloodshot, curls askew, and you’re pretty sure, judging by his skinny wrists, that he hasn’t been eating right

-(not that you’ve seen him at mealtimes, which you haven’t, because you haven’t been looking for him specifically to avoid him, of course)

-And, well, you may still be smarting a little over the muggleborn comment

-(although it seems to be a common prejudice held by these backwards, medieval wizards)

-But you’re not an asshole he is, though and you ask the house-elf you’d met last year, Poppy, bring some food

-He never sees you, just the elf, but for the rest of the year you can’t shake the feeling that his eyes are on yours during mealtimes and that he knows

-His fifth year is worse

-Not even the elves leaving food by his shoulder as he studies late into the night will encourage him to eat

-And you’re a bit annoyed, really, that his big brother hasn’t been paying enough attention to know that his little brother is starving himself to death

-And that the headmaster hasn’t noticed the potential endangerment of his students

-So a bit before Christmastime you approach the studying Holmes, slam your books down on the table (it rattles the cups full of cold tea he’d pushed aside earlier)

-’If I’m gonna go through the trouble to get the elves to feed you, then eat the damn food, asshole’

-He just blinks at you, one curl in front of his left eye, and for a moment you realize why the girls in your dorm coo over the asshole; he’s cute

-But you would never admit it, and you still don’t understand why they think him being an asshole is attractive

-’I thought you would just give up’

-’Um, hello, Hufflepuff here? We’re the determined workers of the school. now eat your damn food’

-And maybe he’s too tired to think straight or a little confused as to why you’re not either scared of him or cooing over him, so he takes a sip of cold tea and grimaces

-You snort and hand him a roast beef sandwich

-’Are the O.W.L.s hard?’

-It’s the first time you’ve ever seen him not be an asshole to anyone

-And so you come back the next day, when he’s just as tired and hungry, and that’s when you’ll talk to him

-He gets through the O.W.L.s and Mycroft will insist he only made it because of you because he really was paying attention, but not just to Sherlock

-So just like that you’re a part of their friend group

-The asshole Sherlock (Slytherin), the brash John Watson (Gryffindor), the cold Mycroft (Slytherin), the mysterious Rosamund (Ravenclaw), and sweet Molly (Hufflepuff)

-The oddest assortment of people you’ve ever seen that have called themselves friends

-But friends nonetheless

-At least, until Mycroft was gone first, and then John, then Mary and Molly, and finally you and Sherlock are the only ones left

-Being part of a tight-knit group of friends

-(the group everyone wanted to be included in)

-(the elite)

-isn’t as fun when there’s only two left

-Your O.W.L.s are easy

-Sherlock helped you when he wasn’t studying for his N.E.W.T.s, obviously

-And when the two of you weren’t pranking the incompetent DADA teacher and the crude sixth-year Gryffindor boys

-And you had to slap him on the hands a few times to stop him from reaching for more books after the designated ‘stop studying’ time

-but all too soon the year is over

-And Sherlock is graduating

-And you’re all alone now

-You’ve got your dormmates, obviously

-Whom you’re friends with, but in a vague way, since you’d left them in third year and barely spoken with them except for polite passings-by after that year

-and you feel a bit lost now, as the last member of the group, with two more years left without any of them there

-so you almost cry tears of joy when, upon entering your first DADA lesson of sixth year, you see the incompetent teacher replaced with a dark, curly-haired boy lounging on his desk

-And you finally see why everyone had crushes on him

-so you can barely speak when Sherlock smirks in your direction

-’You can call me Professor Holmes’ holy SHIT that’s hot

-DADA is suddenly your best subject, you decide

-And after class you spend a long time packing up your books as every single girl in the class flocks up to his desk and coos over how great of a professor he’ll be, how glad they are that the old one was sacked, etc

-By the end of it your teeth are grinding

-Sherlock coldly dismisses them all and you decide to leave but he calls you back

-First thing you say is ‘You know I’m never going to take you seriously, right?’

-Sherlock smiles faintly ‘This is a two-year position, that’s it. I needed experience and the headmaster of Hogwarts is a good reference. after this i plan on exploring the world. think of me as your tutor’

-’Won’t be much difference, then. do i have to call you professor?’

-He smirks ‘it wouldn’t do to play favorites. might create you some enemies, Y/N’

-’there’s no way’ you declare. ‘it would be like that weird thing you had with Adler. Remember?’

-you’d hated Irene Adler, but you weren’t jealous. she was just rude and dismissive of everyone and thankfully it had only been a few times for them and sherlock hadn’t gotten attached

-thank god

-’she was into the roleplay—’

-he flushes bright red, which is unusual and you’re unreasonably proud that you made pRoFeSsOr HoLmEs flushed ‘yeah, yeah, i remember. how could i forget?’

-Your mouth twists

-’the best night of your life’ she’d promised, and sherlock claims she’d delivered

-and you know he’ll be traveling with his fancy pureblood inheritance paying for it all, and unfortunately you’re a broke muggleborn without even a plan for what you’ll be doing after hogwarts

-but you smile anyways for him and say that sounds fun

-’after all,’ sherlock says, ‘i could hardly leave the last member of our little gang alone for two years in a magical castle, could i?’

-and that makes you feel a little better and you tease ‘aw, sherlock, who knew you could be so sweet’

-and he just tells you to shut up

-during sixth and seventh year all the girls are struggling so much with defence against the dark arts that they need special tutoring

-you’re proud to say that you don’t stoop that low to get sherlock’s attention

-mycroft will say later that you hadn’t even needed to try for his attention, you’d already always had it, and sherlock will tell him to shut up, and your romantic little heart will swell a little bit

-you don’t try to get his attention and yet somehow you always have it

-you’re convinced he only calls on you in class to pick on you but still, that means his eyes are on you

-and you eat lunch in his classroom as long as he’s not ‘tutoring’ another girl (you know he would never in his life do what the girls want him to do to them, but still, it’s weird to watch them try)

-and the library is where you two meet and talk during the evenings

-so it’s basically your fifth year all over again, except he’s teaching you in a classroom instead of the library (and he’s still teaching you there too)

-when Sprout interviews you about what you’d like to do when you grow up, you answer that you’d maybe like to work with magical creatures or potions

-you wish you were like rosamund, molly, and john, who are all Aurors now, or mycroft, who works in the Ministry, so you’d be able to see them more often

-but you’re not

-and then you’re walking past the DADA classroom the next day when something grabs your elbow and covers your shrieking mouth

-you’re pretty used to Peeves but this is beyond the pale

-when he lets go you whirl around and channel your inner Muggle and lash out at your attacker with your fists, even though they won’t do much good against a poltergeist

-but your knuckles meet a solid target

-’Bloody hell!’

-’Sherlock, what the actual bloody hell?’

-He glares at you, pinching his bleeding nose shut ‘you told sprout you were going to work with animals?’

-you shrug ‘i like animals’

-’but what about traveling?’

-you blink and tilt your head ‘what?’

-’what’s confusing about that, you bloody bint?’

-’i know you’re traveling’ you say, ‘but that’s with your fancy pureblood inheritance. im a muggleborn and i wasn’t even invited on your travels—’

-’it was implied, you... you...’ sherlock gestures at you, apparently at a loss for words.

-oh

-Oh

-OH

-Your eyes widen ‘With you?’

-’obviously’ he snorts

-And you throw your arms around him, but you’ve gotten taller or something, because when you used to hug him you used to bury your face in his chest, but somehow your forehead bangs against his nose and his lips are pressed against your eye and burning into your skin

-sherlock carefully takes your hands off of him and your face burns because you hadn’t wanted to be just like the other girls even if you secretly wanted to do what they were doing but this rejection hurts

-’i’m still your professor’ sherlock shrugs ‘it’s highly improper’

-you want to ask is that your only problem with it? because really, he’s only two years older than you and you know you’re not the best looking person ever but you’re not bad

-but the words get caught up in your throat and you just run away from him and skip the last of your DADA classes because after N.E.W.T.s seventh-years really don’t do much

-you graduate and all your friends are there but you’re in the student section and sherlock should be in the professor section but he’s??? not???

-and the moment graduation is over you turn around and sherlock’s there, hands in his pockets and curls in his eyes as he looks at you shyly

-’i resigned yesterday. not your professor anymore’

-and you just sorta look at him, a little crestfallen, because you know he can be a bit of an ass, but you’d expected at least a congratulations, because even Mycroft had managed that much

-’okay?’

-and then he rolls his eyes and sweeps you up into his arms and then he’s kissing you??

-and your brain has shorted out??

-’congratulations’ he finally whispers, and you can’t manage any words in response

~~~~~~~

so i know i said requests are closed, but i felt kinda bad that it took so long for this to come out (i lowkey forgot lmao)

also, i can’t find the horizontal line button anymore??? can someone help me plz??? im so lost???

anyway!!! my spn fic is almost done (its a long one, boyzzzz) so plz hang in there. i’ll post it on ao3 but let everyone know on here when each update will be. i hope y’all like it!

~~~~~~~

Forever Taglist:

@lemirabitur @annymcervantes @queenmissfit @quiet-because-it-is-a-secret @iksey

[trewloves]

another tag game! i was tagged by @ladyaj-13​ thank u love!

🌿 favorite comfort food: as far as what i can get at home i really love when my dad makes fresh soy milk. it varies all over china but in shanghai (where both my parents’ families are from) you drink it when it’s fresh so it’s warm (it’s not like, milky, it’s just like soup) and you season it with scallions and sesame oil and it’s sooo good, i always look forward to having it when i come home from uni for holidays. but i also love a good in-n-out burger bc ya girl is from the #west lol

🌼 favorite alcohol (or hot drink): i LOVE bubbles and rosé but my default drinks are irish coffee if i’m at home or school, gin and tonic when i’m hanging out with people or by myself (or a tom collins, which is same idea), or a pornstar martini if i’m feeling trashy lol

🌷 favorite relaxing activity: practicing piano, probably, since i don’t get as much time as i’d like to, especially on my pianos at home :’)

🌸 favorite fluffy/feel-good fic: this is so hard and i usually read so much angst but...if you’re a deancas stan like me and looking for something slightly longer, highly recommend the breath of all things. if you’re a peter jakes hoe like me i really love champagne kisses and young and beautiful as well!

🌻 favorite calming scent: freshly cleaned linen! although again because i’m #fromthewest i love in-n-out so the smell of those burgers and fries makes me really happy

🌺 favorite relaxing or uplifting songs: my friend luke is an r&b singer lol i would highly rec may i ask and used to me!

🌵 favorite white noise: ocean sounds? i also really love café chatter and stuff, probably because i’ve worked in one for like the last 2 years.

🍄 favorite book to get lost in: the ensemble by aja gabel, if you’re in the mood for something more poignant, or beauty queens by libba bray, if you want a good laugh and also agree that the lord of the flies situation was bad because it was a bunch of rich white boys instead of richly characterized diverse teen beauty queens

💐 favorite chill-out tv show: brooklyn nine-nine or arrested development, if i’m not in the mood for crime and drama

🌹 best advice you’ve ever had: when i was going through college applications and i got rejected from my dream school i called my ex to console me and basically was like i’m never gonna be successful and everything’s awful i’m gonna drop out of school!!!! and he said “ivy listen to me you’re depressed but you’re not stupid, just know when you are better you can do whatever you want and everyone will love you even more” so that was really sweet and it’s stuck with me 'til this day

tags! i know i’m a bit behind on everything so i’m not sure who has and hasn’t been tagged and it’s too early on a sunday morning for my brain to be thinking properly so consider this a tag if ur reading!

[motherfucker-somewhat-limited]

1: Name

Sarah

2: Age

23

3: Fears

Everything, I have anxiety

4: 3 things I love

Dogs, weird movies, sunsets over water

5: 4 turns on

Long hair, facial piercings, good sense of humor, back muscles

6: 4 turns off

Poor hygiene, rude to service workers, adults who are still obsessed with Disney to the point where they make it a personality trait, Trump supporters (or the equivalent in other countries)

7: My best friend

@wanderingwondererofthings

8: Sexual orientation

Bi? I think? IDK not straight tho

9: My best first date

I’ve only ever been on one date in my life and the dude ghosted me afterward which turned out to be a blessing bc it was not a good time in my life to try to start a relationship

10: How tall am I

5′2″

11: What do I miss

Mental stability

12: What time were I born

3:45 am or thereabouts

13: Favourite color

black

14: Do I have a crush

celebrity crushes but I don’t really count those

15: Favourite quote

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

16: Favourite place

bundled up under a heap of blankets by myself in a dark room with good snacks and a good book/movie

17: Favourite food

chocolate

18: Do I use sarcasm

do i

19: What am I listening to right now

my housemate doing laundry

20: First thing I notice in new person

what they’re wearing

21: Shoe size

womens 7

22: Eye color

brown

23: Hair color

brown

24: Favourite style of clothing

love that goth shit

25: Ever done a prank call?

not that i can remember

26: Meaning behind my URL

adam darski’s true form

27: Favourite movie

Ink (2009) dir. jamin winans

28: Favourite song

UHHHHHHHHHHH

29: Favourite band

Eluveitie

30: How I feel right now

like shit lol

31: Someone I love

My friends

32: My current relationship status

single

33: My relationship with my parents

it’s good and i’m very grateful

34: Favourite holiday

the day after halloween when all the candy goes on sale

35: Tattoos and piercing I have

none

36: Tattoos and piercings I want

seriously considering getting my eyebrow pierced soon. if I ever cut my hair short i’ll pierce my ears

37: The reason I joined Tumblr

to follow an art blog that made amazing JTHM fan art

38: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

what ex

39: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

yeah from my mom

40: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

yeah it was my mom

41: When did I last hold hands?

yesterday with my grandma

42: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

takes me well over an hour to actually get up but then like 3o minutes tops

43: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

no

44: Where am I right now?

in my room

45: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

i’ve never been that drunk because i hate hangovers

46: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

reasonable level unless i’m at a concert

47: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

not anymore

48: Am I excited for anything?

sexy eggman is coming to san francisco

49: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

no

50: How often do I wear a fake smile?

basically whenever i have to talk to strangers

51: When was the last time I hugged someone?

yesterday

52: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

my mom is allowed to kiss other people it’s okay

53: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

i don’t think so?

54: What is something I disliked about today?

i’m tired of being tired

55: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

my soulmate

56: What do I think about most?

spirals of existential dread

57: What’s my strangest talent?

I have no talents lol

58: Do I have any strange phobias?

going down stairs. i’m fine going up them but going down them freaks me out

59: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

depends on my mood and whether or not i’m ugly that day

60: What was the last lie I told?

“I’m okay”

61: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

In person or don’t fucking talk to me

62: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes and yes

63: Do I believe in magic?

idk. i believe there’s things that happen that we can’t explain yet so maybe that’s magic

64: Do I believe in luck?

i believe in good chances

65: What’s the weather like right now?

dark

66: What was the last book I’ve read?

The Habitation of the Blessed by Catherynne Valente

67: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

yes as long as i don’t have a headache or stomachache

68: Do I have any nicknames?

just dumb shit my mom calls me

69: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

worst acute injury was the time i tripped onto an outdoor heater in kindergarten and burned the shit out of my hand. i also have a stress fracture in my spine that will never heal from gymnastics but that happened over a matter of years

70: Do I spend money or save it?

i try to save but i spend a little too much

71: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

with a tongue? yes. with my tongue? no

72: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?

my fluffy pillow

73: Favourite animal?

take a wild fucking guess

74: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

trying unsuccessfully to sleep

75: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

Columbus

76: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

That Time of the Month by Harley Poe

77: How can you win my heart?

be a dog

78: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

ceci n’est pas un corps

79: What is my favorite word?

sussuration or cathedral

80: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

this is the internet equivalent of the judgment of paris

81: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

eat the rich

82: Do I have any relatives in jail?

not currently

83: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

shapeshifting bitch

84: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

i’ll say anything on the internet i don’t give a shit

85: What is my current desktop picture?

86: Had sex?

no

87: Bought condoms?

no

88: Gotten pregnant?

no

89: Failed a class?

yeah, fuck ochem

90: Kissed a boy?

no

91: Kissed a girl?

 no

92: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

no

93: Had job?

i’ve got one right now

94: Left the house without my wallet?

yeah lol

95: Bullied someone on the internet?

no

96: Had sex in public?

no

97: Played on a sports team?

i ran track for a couple years as a kid

98: Smoked weed?

yup

99: Did drugs?

no

100: Smoked cigarettes?

ew no

101: Drank alcohol?

yuppers

102: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

no

103: Been overweight?

no

104: Been underweight?

yes

105: Been to a wedding?

yes

106: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

only 5?

107: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

only 5??

108: Been outside my home country?

yes

109: Gotten my heart broken?

yes but not romantically

110: Been to a professional sports game?

many

111: Broken a bone?

nope

112: Cut myself?

not on purpose

113: Been to prom?

yeah and it sucked and i wish i hadn’t gone

114: Been in airplane?

yes

115: Fly by helicopter?

no but I want to

116: What concerts have I been to?

a multitude

117: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yeah lol

118: Learned another language?

can I give this one a half a yes?

119: Wore make up?

yup

120: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

no

121: Had oral sex?

no

122: Dyed my hair?

yes

123: Voted in a presidential election?

yes

124: Rode in an ambulance?

no

125: Had a surgery?

do wisdom teeth count?

126: Met someone famous?

yup, holla atcha doug jones

127: Stalked someone on a social network?

no, i don’t care that much

128: Peed outside?

who hasn’t?

129: Been fishing?

no

130: Helped with charity?

i’ve donated some money

131: Been rejected by a crush?

yeah but a) I never actually asked him out, b) we were 12, and c) turns out he’s gay so like i’m not made about it

132: Broken a mirror?

no

133: What do I want for birthday?

a new laptop

134: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

why would i want kids

135: Was I named after anyone?

my great uncle and great grandmother

136: Do I like my handwriting?

i have no opinion on it

137: What was my favourite toy as a child?

legos or something similar you can build with

138: Favourite Tv Show?

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

139: Where do I want to live when older?

somewhere near the ocean

140: Play any musical instrument?

i wish

141: One of my scars, how did I get it?

i only have acne scars and those are pretty self-explanatory

142: Favourite pizza toping?

sausage, bell pepper, and onion

143: Am I afraid of the dark?

no

144: Am I afraid of heights?

sometimes

145: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

no, i’m a good girl

146: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end

yeah, FUCK OCHEM

147: What I’m really bad at

being a functioning human adult person

148: What my greatest achievments are

not killing myself in college

149: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

idk man i get upset by everything even when it’s not mean

150: What I’d do if I won in a lottery

pay off my friends’ and family’s debts, set aside a big chunk of money for grad school, maybe get my own place depending on how much is left

151: What do I like about myself

i have nice hair

152: My closest Tumblr friend

idk

153: Something I fantasise about

what don’t i fantasize about

154: Any thoughts on the paranormal?

hey demons come and get y’all juice

[fmddevin]

woosh !! so i was trying to keep my ooc identity a surprise until now, but apparently i was stupid and y’all found out before i could get this up so...yay!! anyways, i’ll try to keep this short and simple! i’m jada, and this is my second baby, and the last for a while - mr. daein “devin” kim! he’s 23, the lead vocal & lead dancer of impulse, and an overall mess. he’s got a lot to work out, but i’m excited to see what i can do with him and how he grows & develop! he’s a little more on the chaotic side than micha is, but don’t let it scare you off! i swear i’ve got a plot page coming really soon, like tomorrow, but in the meantime - here’s his profile & bio! i’m more than happy to plot with you, though, so like this for me to hop in your ims!! trivia & some hawaii event ideas / general plot ideas under the cut.~

ok let’s get this started!! i promise to try to make this short & sweet as possible (but you know i’m jada so-). but before i wrote daein’s profile i made like a....3 page bullet summary of what i wanted him to be, so i’m going to be inputting some of those here!! so if it sounds a bit rambly...you know why!

if you’re just here for the event thread ideas, scroll down towards the end, where hawaii event ideas is in bold! <3

born on march 24th, 1996!

parents koreans from seoul, korea. met through a study abroad program @ their college, fell in love with each other and the us! had baby daein, who got plopped in the middle of tampa, florida!

his whooooole childhood felt like he was living in isolation. being one f the only asian-american kids on the block, he definitely felt like an outsider. when he’d bring kimbap, kimchi, or tteokbokki for lunch, they’d always look at him all confused like?? what is that

it made him sad bc he always had felt like his different was a good thing, and he’d been raised to be proud of his culture, but apparently not??

as a sidenote kid misheard his name in middle school and was like “devin?” and he was like “sure that’s it” and started going by that outside of home ever since bc it made him feel more american 

just throughout his whole childhood he was ridiculed for being different, which was really the start of his obsession with other’s satisfaction and being like everyone else!

so he took matters into his own hands, but in the worst way possible. during this time, he went against everything his parents had taught him and essentially rejected his korean culture. he stopped bothering to learn the tidbits of korean they were trying to teach him, never brought up his culture, and kind of distanced himself from his parents. he always was trying to bring up some excuse for why they couldn’t come to events because he was always embarrassed about their english and how different they all looked compared to everybody else. just...not a good time and his parents were very upset w/him

anyways onto happy times!! middle school was when he discovered his passion for dance, hip hop in particular. he would always be so amazed by the dancers at the boardwalk performing and decided that’s what he wanted to do!!

sOooOo he originally started off as being self-taught through videos on youtube, but eventually his parents agreed to let him dance if he a.) promised it wouldn’t mess up his grades and b.) he paid for them his own

and he did!! it was Hard but he made sure his grades were in check & picked up a part-time job at the ice cream parlor near his house to get money. it was minimum wage and he had to wear a cheesy apron with this ice cream cone hat but anyways

he could only afford one lesson a week at the community dance center, but it taught him a lot!!! where he discovered his true passion for dance, and tbh spent more time there than anywhere else

eventually!! he joined a florida dance crew and that’s when his skills really blossomed and people started taking him seriously, basically was there until the beginning of high school

tw: drug and alcohol addiction!

and then high school is when it...all came crashing down. being such a people pleaser, he fell victim to peer pressure. he was scared of being looked down again, because by now he’d formed a name for himself and was pretty popular. so, to continue blending in, started getting heavily into drinking and drugs and just...not good, because he grew really dependent on it and started losing his enthusiasm for everything else. it’s something he continues to struggle with a lot, although it’s mostly drinking nowadays and the only drug he’s involved with on a regular basis is weed?? but he has relapsed and that’s a major reason he needs people around him to keep him stable!!

also the dance team wouldn’t let him back in bc he failed the drug test and his drug spiral just got worse because he had nothing else to focus his energy on.

it was the only thing that really made him feel something other than dance, and now that he was spending all of his money on it he couldn’t even do that.

tw: drug and alcohol addiction - end!

he partially discovered his love for singing after the months he had to go w/o dancing. he really started to enjoy it but only in private because he was Embarrased of what others would think so

his parents were tired of his bs because he was a junior now and they were basically like we’re tired of the people we hang around and you need to be around family, so for spring break they sent him to seoul!!

boy was hEated alr. like i said, wasn’t a fan of his culture, he had to leave his friends who were all going on fun trips, & he knew NOTHING - not the language, the people, anything.

but when he got there??? kind of actually enjoyed it. he got to meet family he’d never met before, picked up a little of the language, all of that. but hongdae??? - that’s what made him really excited.

he never thought of korea to be a very exciting place, until he went there. there were so many other talented dancers and he felt so at home, but unlike in florida, they looked like him!

so this is where it gets a little funny lmao. his family refused to fund his habits but he wanted to go to a club while he was there to have fun and impress girl??? so basically, he went to hongdae, and tried  busking for some extra cash. and he LOVED IT!! for a reference he freestyled to turn up the music by chris brown lol

and it was real fun!! he genuinely had a really good time - but right before he left some random ass man left him a little slip, and he was like ??? and then he asked him his name, and daein barely understood what he said and in english was like “hey i’m devin??” and when the man realized he was like yes!! and daein was like no??? but took the slip anyways and turns out it was an invitation to a gold star audition!!

the second daein read it said kpop he essentially was like “lmao no” and just threw it in his bag. so he went home, and kind of forgot about it all, until a few months after he got home. things weren’t really looking up for him and he really wanted to continue his dance career, he just didn’t know how. he didn’t get accepted to the college he wanted to because of that time his grades had plummeted, and it was hard to land a stable dance job. & his parents were like look if you don’t make this dance thing happen we’re going to throw you into a business job with a suit and tie u need money

and daein!! hates!! corporate!! so he was like hell no and decided to give this idol thing one last chance

so - he submitted a video audition to gold star, and low and behold!! he made it!!

even though this was his saving grace, he really didn’t know what to do about it. because i mean he loved tampa, and he didn’t want to leave?? but when his parents heard the opportunity they were ELATED because they knew dance was the only thing that really put his focus on good things & they wanted him to be in korea with his family and all that. so!! they were like DO IT. and he really had no other choice so he was like uhhhh i guess

flash forward to the end of may!! right after the end of his junior year of school in tampa, he moved to korea to start training. since he had a pretty good experience during spring break of the year before, he expected his life to be better than he’d expected!! but...it was really hard. since he had to live there, and he was only 16, he felt really lost w/o his parents, and his only real family there were his grandparents and cousins he barely every said hi to so that sucked

tw: depression and light substance abuse!

around this time was when he developed signs of depression, just as he started training. because it was when he really discovered that he couldn’t please everybody, something that he’d strived to do his whole life. 

he lacked a support system & didn’t have anyone really close to him to make the transition better, since his parents were back in florida and he could barely hold a conversation with his family in korea. this is a big reason he remained dependent on drinking especially, because it got him out of his funk and to temporarily forget about all that was going on.

because of it, daein started getting less sleep, eating less, and all that. gold star noticed it really soon and got him in touch with a psychiatrist, which, eventually diagnosed him with depression. but it’s not something he goes around telling everyone, he has some evident signs but he probably wouldn’t openly tell more than a couple really close & trusted friends. but gold star has been monitoring his mental health to make sure he’s okay mentally. he takes medication but?? it doesn’t do him much good but they’re always hounding him about it so 

like i said though, he’s a very independent person so he doesn’t like to feel like he’s a burden, which is why he doesn’t want others to know because he feels like they’re gonna pity him!!

tw: depression and light substance abuse! - end

bc of his more tan skin (back in the day from florida, not really anymore) and broken korean, he felt like a foreigner, but also people would mistake him for having korean nationality whenever they would talk to him. so he felt like he couldn’t really fit either mold, because he was out of place in korea and florida. but!! i digress

he felt like he was kind of thrust into who’s next: origin story because by the time it started he had only been a trainee for...4 months?? like it’s crazy & he clearly wasn’t ready, a major reason for him being on the losing end, but he had the loveable foreigner thing going on so he did get a good fanbase!! even though he was criticized for his short training period

i doubt he was a favorite among the trainees because he’s REEEEEALLY introverted,,, especially in social situations where he’s not the most comfortable with people in so i don’t think he was super talkative.

 a big reason he has trouble on variety shows now!! it’s not that he doesn’t like but they’ve kind of turned it into a “mysterious” thing, which is fine to him if it mean he doesn’t have to talk as much

also he hated it because he constantly had to dodge staff & other trainees whenever he wanted to drink or smoke so he was probably always trying to find a way to sneak out when they had any kind of free time

he got a lotlotlot better at singing during training though, though they’re kind of forcing an unnatural tone for his voice which is making him strain and can’t be good for him in the long run but marketing!! so. anyways he loves singing a lot more than he did before, he’d always expected to be just a dancer but they unleashed his potential so!! that’s one thing he really enjoyed about training

basically he’s been marketed as the “sexy foreigner” and he kinda hates it ngl. because while he never was attached to his korean identity, the more he’s been here the more he’s just wanted to be the same as everybody else?? so that’s not helping with anything. he’s always kind of laughed at for being clueless when a joke flies over his head, made to say things in english ALL THE TIME, just all that. it really gets on his nerves bc nowadays he just wants to blend in and they’re not making it any better!!!

it may sound confusing but basically: as a teen he rejected his korean identity to blend in with everyone in florida, now he’s in korea and wants to be known as less of an american to blend it. it all comes down to him wanting to be like everyone else is nearly every aspect!! 

since he feels like he cheated & got to debut way too easy than some others, he’s been trying to develop his creative and performance skills so he can get more credit and make a name for himself due to his actual abilities rather than just,, him being american lmao!! also trying super super hard to get as good as he can at korean

tw: drug and alcohol addiction!

he still has some trouble getting around & he still feels lost, but he’s trying his best. struggling through his alcohol addiction, which bc is mildly aware about but really trying to keep quiet and he’s been on the verge of leaving more than a few times. but as quiet as he is about it, he really relies on his members a lot to keep himself afloat!! so he appreciates them putting through his shit a lot of the time more than he'll admit.

 tw: drug and alcohol addiction! - end

but rn he’s getting better, slightly, focusing more of his energy into music than anything. he really wants to get into the songwriting industry to get a name for himself on his own instead of just being known for impulse!!

just  as a fyi since it’s a bit confusing his birth name is daein, he went by devin when he lived in america, but he goes by daein again now that he’s in korea, but his stage name is still devin and that’s what his friends from america call him. he prefers to be called daein nowadays, though, so that’s probably the safest best!

also this has not been short at all but anyways

hawaii plots!

he likes to drink & get high way too much and what better place than to do that then on vacation?? he’s been trying to stop, but look, it’s vacation and he’s unwinding and if your muse is down they can both have fun!!

such. an. introvert. even more than micha, because 80% of his interactions by choice come from his group?? but i would love to get him some new friends (especially since he literally has none right now lol)

he’s a bit of a hoe ngl so!! hookups are accepted, that’s the one time he’s not afraid of striking up conversation!!

he’s in the red team so like micha, if you’re members in the red team he could use some buddies to be with!!

someone to explore the island with during the night!

general plots!

he lives in an apartment my himself atm, but a roommate would be lovely!! he needs someone to put him out of his funk, anyways. 

drinking buddies ofc

trainee friends? someone who wasn’t put off by him being super quiet and befriended it and he’s super grateful nowadays? 

give me all the angst & romance because he’s a handful, seriously, phew

besties!! someone that makes him soft and happy bc there are few people who make him super happy & excited, so someone fill in the gap!

[weekendfriend-blog]

Life Story

So I really haven't gotten this whole story straight because I was really high when I realized why I'm the way I am. Now I know a lot of people rn are depressed and shit and are going to read this and just say, "Oh boo hoo, that's tragic," but just because people aren't depressed doesn't mean they're not fucked up. Now to start, I'm a male aged 17 with 3 older brothers. This summer was a real eye-opener. I often hear people say "When you're high,  you start putting two and two together," or something like that. Now I never really meant the meaning of this, like, when I smoke I just sit on the couch slowly drifting off while on Instagram or Ifunny or some shit. But the last time I smoked, I was already thinking of my life and why I'm like this. At age 5, my parents got divorced. Now I remember I cried like a bitch but I didn't know what them getting divorced meant. The next year, I realized i got two birthdays and two Christmas's. "WOW, is this gonna happen every year," I remember thinking, and so honestly I was fine with them splitting up because, well, we were a wealthy family (mostly my father bc my mom was a self-employed massage therapist) and I got as many shit as I wanted. This happened for about 10 years, and I finally found out why my parents hated each other and how my dad got rich and the family affairs going on in my family (ill get to that). Fast forward a couple years, my brothers got a bit hostile because of this. My two brothers closest to my age, 2 and 4 years older than me, started picking on me and shit and I was defenseless. Because of this, I got anger issues and didn't want to go outside and play football with them and so they bullied me more and so on. So I sat inside and played Xbox and at the time I lost all my allergies (i was gluten-free, lactose intolerant, couldn't have eggs and coconut. I am still deathly allergic to literally every nut ). SO all at once, I started eating these amazing foods while playing on the Xbox and started gaining weight. I was 10 so it really wouldn't matter bc I was cute. But in middle school I still was gaining weight, I think I maxed out at 250 when I was about 14 and I was about 5 foot 7. Obviously, I got insecure and shit but I was always that funny friend so no one really pointed it out bc I self depreciated. But what really made me fucked was that my brothers would compare themselves to me and call me fat to be funny to their friends. My stepdad also said I was fat, which, if you have a father figure not supporting or helping you, really messes you up so I would never talk to him. Although they made fun of me, I still wanted to hang out with them bc they looked up to them. So in short, all the people I looked up to bullied me. High school rolls around and I had a crush and asked her out. At this point, I was 240 and about 6 foot and I really knew how to hid it. I got rejected. That shit hurt. My freshman year, I was surrounded by popular "friends" that also made fun of me and put fuckin peanuts in my water so id have to go to the nurse every week (if i didn't get medicine within like 10 hours id go into cardiac arrest or something) so I got a new set of friends.  Sophomore year I had my eyes on two other candidates and got rejected again. Still fuckin hurts. 2 years ago my brothers have moved out and they grew up and realized that what they did was terrible, so what did they do? They let me smoke with them. Fast forward to my junior year. I was in pretty hard classes and got a little anxious because of homework and shit but did fine in classes so I didn't really have anxiety. Now I'm still hooked on this one girl I got rejected by but I'm the funny friend so I kept my sadness without showing it for 2 years and tell jokes, which took a toll on me. Exams hit and my usually childish middle-aged pre calc honors teacher (she taught us like 1st graders, she made us sing and dance to remember formulas) got really pissed at me bc I couldn't remember how to do basic algebra two days before the exam. Now I don't really know how I got Adderal but I did. It was super useful for my exams and ended up getting a 96 (highest grade in the school for that class) on the hardest exam. I then realized that I took 30mg for 3 days straight and only ate once a day for that week and had a bunch of energy. I quickly realized this is the key for my lazy ass to lose weight without working out. Starving myself. I then took 30mg over the summer every time I had the urge to stuff my face (took about 5 days for me to eat like my normal self) but I knew the only way to be healthy at the same time is to eat healthily, so I drank a smoothie for lunch (made myself wake up at around 11 so I wouldn't eat breakfast) and ate at work around 8. I work at a pizza place but I found a pretty good pizza to make so that I wouldn't feel like shit. At the same time, at the beginning of the summer, I got a dab pen. Then one of my friends who gave me addys gave me an oxycodone pill. It was fuckin great for my insecurities. I looked through the medicine cabinets and underneath my moms sink to find some. Amazingly I did because my mom got arthritis in her shoulder a couple of years ago, so I took one of those every day and smoked until I ran out like 2 weeks in, which thank god because after that I had hard withdrawals even when I didn't have that many for that long. Although, I still smoked every day. If I took them for maybe 2 more weeks, I would've been fucked. Shortly after that, I couldn't get my hands on Adderall but since I took them for about 2 months my stomach decreased in size A LOT. But I still wanted to lose more weight, I wanted to get under 200, so I would put myself in situations where I couldn't eat or didn't have time. Two weeks ago I realized that I would lose weight but wouldn't workout throughout the summer. I came to the realization that I was not only losing fat but muscle as well. When I was a kid, I had broad shoulders and pretty muscular from fighting. So I started working out and drinking smoothies with good workout shit in it, but the problem with that is that I still want to be under 200. I'm currently 208, working out mostly once a day, sometimes twice. I've weighed my self about 2 times a week and been 208 ever since I started working out. I've lost about 30 pounds and honestly don't regret the way I did it even it's probably terrible for me to do that. I lost some fat in my face so my cheeks and chin look more defined making me look better as well as losing a lot of fat in my stomach and chest that none of my shirts fit me and my chest doesn't poke out in XL shirts (they did when I was in 2XL shirts). Overall I've lost all my insecurities about being fat and am currently talking to a cute girl that's 2 years older than me. Since I've lost 30 pounds I've seen some of my friends from school who didn't know I lost that weight and are so proud of me. My brothers have also congratulated me and supported me which really meant a lot. My ass hole stepdad also did and I'm now actually forgiving him for all the mental abuse that he has caused. I realized that I haven't given the necessary family details including my dad, stepdad and my oldest brother and I will write them at a later date because I spent 4 fucking hours doing this one.

[everyandanythingimagines]

New Year’s Day | N.C

Warnings: use of alcohol? (idk if that is a warning), I guess angst

Word Count: 3341

Summary: Based on ‘New Year’s Day’ by T-swizzle :)

A/N: sooo yeah long break but I’ve been writing again... btw not my song, it’s by Taylor Swift. BASICALLY this one is I guess special to me bc it’s somewhat true. ngl I don’t know if I got the interpretation of this song right, but this is how I saw it. Some parts were altered a bit to fit the song better but right when I heard it I just HAD to make it an imagine. also plz request lol thanks for reading hope u enjoy

*not my gif and it somewhat fits idk not really nvm*

 SIDE NOTE: There are a lot of time jumps so here is a guide if you are lost... Italics are from New Years Eve, normal is the day after and on, and bold is lyrics. enjoy

There's glitter on the floor after the party

Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby

You woke up on new years day with the biggest smile on your face. Reminiscence of the night before still plays in your mind. You threw a party in your apartment with just a few of your closest friends. Somehow word got out that the oh so popular ‘Peter Kavinsky’ was going to be partying at your place and a whole bunch of girls, that you were 100% sure that they did not like you before this party, showed up. Probably trying to get lucky with him or any of his close friends. The both of you had mutual friends, and over time all of you had become one tight friend group.

Since yesterday was New Years Eve, everyone had been drinking and dancing. It was only 10 pm when everyone had started to party. You remember bits and pieces of that night, but the most important memories weren’t forgotten.

There was noise coming from the room next to you, some people had spent the night at yours due to their lack of ability to walk/drive home. You got up to check who it was and it was only just a few girls carrying their stuff in their hands trying to sneak out. They smile at you and thank you for inviting them, which was funny because some of them weren't.

Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor

You and me from the night before, but

   Your friend, Morgan, came up to you as she was leaving, “Happy New Year girl! I thought you would want this!” She says. You look down at her hand and it’s a photo of you and Noah from yesterday. He looked amazing in his jeans and black button-up shirt, his hair was gelled yet slightly messy.

“Thanks!” unable to contain a smile on your face just thinking about the both of you from last night, “Do you wanna stay for a bite? I can make something?” You asked her.

“Yeah sure, I’ll stay and recover a bit more because last night was WOW,” she laughs, “so, you and Noah huh?” you turn to her and she’s wiggling her eyebrows. What happened was amazing, but you didn’t know what was going to happen next. All you thought about was last night and everything but the future between you two.

You had this crush on Noah for a while now, there was non stop texting between the both of you. People kept telling you that maybe the feelings were mutual, but it felt too good to be true. Noah was this amazing actor and you were this ordinary girl who he met through mutual friends. How would a relationship even work if this were to happen?

Don't read the last page

But I stay when it's hard, or it's wrong

Or we're making mistakes

Throughout the whole party, you and Noah were inseparable. Everything you did, he did and everything he did, you did. From playing harmless drinking games to sitting on the sofa cuddling and chatting nonstop. There were definitely glares thrown at the pair, but at your drunken state, you thought it was nothing. When you had become separated from Noah, you saw a few of your friends Victoria, Christina, and Gabby, talking in a corner.

You went up to them to see how they are doing, “Hey guys! What are you up to?” they immediately put on fake smiles. The last bit of ‘sober Y/N’ had thought this was weird, but the ‘drunk Y/N’ didn't think anything of it.

“Oh, just resting from this non-stop dancing! Nice party by the way!” They answer. At some point during this awkward exchange, you saw Vic’s eyes flash to Noah quickly. That’s when it all clicked, Noah had asked Victoria out months ago but she had rejected him because she “wasn’t ready” so why does she care now?

You brush off that thought and continue making your rounds to check if it’s getting too chaotic. As you do this your mind floats back to Victoria and Noah, “Maybe this isn’t okay” you think to yourself, “I didn’t think Vic and Noah were a big deal, maybe they are and this is a mistake” Your eyes find Noah’s, "or maybe not.".

I want your midnights

It was only 10 minutes till midnight, you had gathered everyone to the main area with the projector setup displaying the famous ball drop in New York. Noah had found you dancing with the rest of the group. Everyone partied like nothing else mattered. Dancing, drinking, and capturing moments people probably won’t remember tomorrow, if it wasn’t for cameras.

Time had flown by and the countdown from 30 seconds had started. Your heart was racing, you didn’t know what was going to happen. Sure you and Noah had been talking nonstop but does he really like you? It all comes down to this moment.

10

Noah’s hand found yours

9

You look around at your surroundings

8

But all you see is this beautiful brunette

7

The both of you is still counting together

6

Everyone else starts to fade…

5

Then the music….

4

He pulls you closer

3

You smile at him

2

Both of you start leaning in

1…

You kiss.

“Smile you two!” Morgan says. Noah ends the kiss first, smiling towards the Polaroid camera and you follow.

But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

You heard a knock on your door as you were in the middle of looking for some food.

“You get it, I’ll look for something to eat for us,” Morgan said, you smile and thank her. As you walk towards the door you pick up a bunch of empty bottles that were scattered all throughout your apartment.

“Hey! Happy New Year!” You greet, struggling to hold the bottles you had picked up. You look up to meet Noah’s eyes. He looked great considering how much he drank the night before and so did you, but then again you never get hangovers. He chuckles at you struggling and immediately helps you with a few bottles. “Thanks, come on in!” as you invite him in, Morgan sees him and gives you a look. You roll your eyes at her and drop the bottles in the recycling bin.

“Hey! How was your night?” Morgan winks and Noah greets her back. Morgan then looks to you, “ I couldn’t find food I want to eat so I’m going to head out to get us food, Noah do you want anything?” Morgan offers. He replies with a no thank you as he continues helping you clean up the bottles.

“Alright sounds good, I’ll just have what you are having,” You reply to her. She grabs her keys, winks at you and heads out the door. Silence filled the air as you both continued on cleaning. You didn’t know what to say and neither did Noah, he looked troubled, not knowing what to say.

As Noah placed the final bottle in the bin, he turned to you, “Look, Y/N, obviously I need to clear something up here…” Noah trailed off. Your heart was beating a thousand miles per hour, this didn’t sound so good. “You are very pretty, smart, and nice, but I don’t feel for you like as a relationship or anything like that type of thing,” Noah added, your heart dropped and you didn’t know how to reply. Noah continued, “ Yesterday was definitely a mixed signal for you and I feel awful about it…” You wanted to say something but you didn’t know what to say. You felt angry, betrayed, and devastated. So many things were running through your head. How could he do this to you?

You wanted to know what was going through his mind this whole time, it doesn’t make any sense, it wasn’t just last night that he had been flirting with you. The flirting had been going on for about a month now, why the sudden change?

“I have been in the same situation only it was the other way around and it sucked. I’m so sorry for everything I just wanted to let you know before things went too far.” the guilty boy finally finished his speech. You didn’t know what to say, you didn’t want to embarrass yourself.

Eventually, you managed to put words together, “Yeah… I feel like that was just because we were both drunk … And don’t worry about it, you’re a good guy” you finally raise your eyes at him. “ I’m not gonna lie when we first met I was kinda into you, but I like us better as friends. I don’t want things to be weird with us after last night…” you lie, you’re trying hard to keep as much dignity you have left and brush off his confession as if it didn’t affect you. But it had, and you were crushed.

Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you

Your close friends had arrived early to have a fancy dinner before the party had started. Sadly, Noah had a last minute shoot for his upcoming movie. By the time everyone had finished dinner, Noah had finished, he just texted you that he was on his way over. Your friends helped you clean up before people came to avoid anything breaking.  Suddenly, the doorbell rang, you ran to the door and opened it. It was Noah, he still had a bit of makeup on from the shoot that you could tell he had tried to rub off.

“I like your makeup!” You laugh at his attempt to take off his makeup.

Noah sheepishly rubs his face. “I can handle this stuff for shoots and stuff, but daily? Dang woman! How do you do this?” He complains to you. You offer him some makeup remover wipes and he gladly accepts. You take him upstairs to your washroom and give him the wipes.

“Do you need help taking it off? Or can you handle that yourself?” You tease him.

“Well I mean if you need an excuse to come closer then okay…” he says in a seductive voice.

“Come on! You could've done better than that!” You laugh at Noah's attempt to flirt with you. You grab the wipes from his hand as he sits on the counter, your body is in between his legs as he rests his hands on your waist. The sound of your heart pounding was loud, you were sure the Noah could hear it over the both of you talking about each others day.

As you finish taking off his makeup, the both of you stare into each other's eyes, your faces slowly inch closer together. “Hey, you two! Come down here before everyone arrives!” you could hear one of your friends shout from outside the washroom. The both of you jump separating yourselves a bit, but still not letting go of each other.

“Maybe we should join them…” Noah trails off as his eyes flicker from yours to your lips.

There’s glitter on the floor after the party

“Thanks for understanding” Noah smiles at you. You look into his eyes and you were confused. You could see guilt and sadness in his eyes, but what made you confused was when you could see a hint of regret. Not like he regretted what you two had experienced, but as if he didn't want to be rejecting you and he regrets doing this, there had to be more than he isn't telling you. He told you that he wanted to end this and that he didn’t want you, so why are his eyes saying something else? The pair stays silent for a while as you process things and cleaning the tabletops to keep you both occupied. “I should get going now…” Noah says as he finishes wiping down the surface of your tables. “I have to video chat my parents later…” he awkwardly shuffles to the door. Noah had always been open with you from the beginning. The second time you guys hung out he told you how hard it was being in a different country as his parents, especially when he had to move away so young. Although he finds it embarrassing that he calls his mom every day, you found it sweet.

“Yeah, no problem. Thanks for stopping by,” you say as you go to open the door. You both exchange goodbyes before you shut the door. Suddenly your vision became blurry from the tears building up in your eyes, you leaned your back against the wall and slid down on the floor. You don’t know how long you were there for, but you were playing every single moment you two had together. How could this happen? It seemed like the feelings you had for each other were mutual, but you were mistaken.

When you recovered from your mini shut down, you look around the room. There was glitter everywhere on the floor and stuck to your body. You felt empty, even though you told Noah you still wanted to be friends, how were you supposed to go back to normal. You didn’t even know what ‘normal’ was for you guys, the majority of the time knowing him it was always flirting. One thing you knew was that you had to clean up and put everything in the past.    

The door opened and in came Morgan, “Y/N? Are you okay? What happened?” she asked all worried. When she left you were with Noah all happy, but now you’re not and he’s not here.

Please don't ever become a stranger

Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

~time skip~

   It has been a few months since New Years and you finally recovered. It took you a while to get over Noah, your friends practically had to drag you out of bed so you could go out with them. As the days went on it got easier to not think about the stunning brunette and it felt great. You were more mad than anything. Sadly, you never patched up that friendship with him and got back to the way things were, but you were okay with that. Since the both of you were in the same friend group you still had to see him, at first it was awkward but you both got over it. However, you never had a one on one conversation since that day.

   You were currently bowling with a few of your friends having a great time. Everyone was happy now that you were back to normal.

   “Okay! Loser buys a round of shots for us at the club later!” Morgan challenges, everyone laughs and agrees. It was girls night and you all were planning on getting wasted with a possibility of meeting an eligible bachelor.  

   “You guys are going down!” You shout, you walk up to the lane and start prepping. Suddenly you hear a laugh a few lanes down from you, it was pretty crowded and loud but you could never forget one of your favorite laughs. You turn to face where the noise came from, your mind was right, it was Noah.

There were multiple times you saw him after New Years, but this time was different. You saw him with Christina, and it wasn’t just a hangout, his arm was around her plus they clearly were flirting. You pointed them out to your friends and some of them were shooting you looks to see that you’re okay, but others were mad that Noah just practically hit up all the girls in your friend group.

It wasn’t until after Noah told you off that you found out that he had chatted up all your friends, which was disgusting considering that you all were in the same circle of friends. By the time you had found that out about him, you were done with it. You would still deal with being ‘friends’ with him still, he hurt you all and that wasn’t right.

At first, when you found out you didn’t believe it, he was so sweet and caring, how could he do it? But he did. There was still some part of you deep inside that felt for him and seeing him with Christina hurt. She was the last person you would expect to do this, none of you saw it coming. What hurt, even more, was that he promised once that he would take you bowling. One day you sent him a snap of your bowling score and he had challenged you, he didn’t say it would be a date, but you thought it could be one. However, he never took you.

And I will hold on to you

It was nearing the end of the night, you and your close friends were all sat on the sofas laughing about old stories of each other. Noah’s arm was around you leaning on each other, everyone was tired and sobered up. Which made sense since you all started partying at 8. The party had calmed down, mostly everyone went home or to another party spot when they figured out their chance with Noah was basically impossible. As everyone broke into their own conversations, Noah turned to you, “I should go… I had a great time, tonight was unexpected but good,” he smiled as he started to get up.

“Me too! Thanks for coming!” You said. He pulled you into a tight hug like you both were savoring it. The rest of the boys stood up as well saying their goodbyes. You lead them to the door and took one last polaroid before they left.

You smiled at them, you could tell that he was happy, he used to have those eyes whenever you were around. It feels like there should have been more to what has happened, but you will never know. There are some things you will never understand and one of them is the whole truth of what happened between you two. It hurts but you had to let him go, maybe he was the right person at the wrong time or maybe not. All you know is that something felt right between you two to just let him go.

You took a deep breath, “goodbye Noah…” you whispered as threw your ball down the lane. You turn around walking back to your spot, Gabby’s face drops.

“Aw man! Okay, drinks on me tonight!” She yells, “but we’re having a rematch next time!” She challenges. You were confused, you thought were in last behind Gabby, but that was until you looked up at the screen and saw you got a strike. You smile and finish your turn.

“Okay, who is ready to party?” You say as everyone starts getting ready to leave. You walk to the counter returning your shoes then head towards the exit. You pause and hesitate before turning around to get one last look at Noah. Your eyes met his brown ones that had already been on you, both of you had this look in your eyes. Everything that happened between the both of you will live in your memories, and there will definitely always be a place in your heart for him no matter how bad he could hurt you. Whether you had still a future together as friends, you don’t know, but you had to let him go.

So there you both were, staring at each other across the room, it was as if time had stopped. You gave him a slight nod and he returned it. This was it, the ending of you two as a couple, the closure you finally needed.

“Y/N C'mon! We are going to miss all the cute guys!” Morgan said snapping you out of your last moment with Noah. You laugh and ran outside to the car. From that point on, Noah was the last thing on your mind for the rest of the night.

[potter-art]

How long have you been drawing digitally? Your talent is insane and I really have no idea how you’re 18 and and are so so so so fucking good at everything you draw.

Thank you so much for asking, Anon!

I hope you don’t mind that I took your ask and turned it into an entire digital art journey?

Good.

(This turned out a little longer than expected)

Now I feel like I should mention that most of my drawing progress was made with traditional mediums. I started really getting into art (and actually practicing) around 2009 / 2010 (age 10/11 y/o).

I wish I could show you pictures of that, but they’re at my parent’s place and I didn’t have social media back then, so they aren’t uploaded anywhere (thank God)

I did find something from 2012 though! (And I already did a redraw of it! Yay!)

(Why did they all look like hedgehogs wtf)

Anyways, you asked about digital art, so here we go!

I got my first graphic tablet for Christmas in 2012 (I was 13 at the time). I was drawing with Photoshop 2 on a Windows 98 PC, so you can imagine how well that went. Sadly the very few drawings I did back then mostly got lost when I got my new PC bc the old one kept crashing at random times.

These are from around April 2013 (I was 14 at the time) and ALL of them are referenced. I’m sorry for not being able to credit whomever I referenced this from, but I really don’t remember. It’s been too long.

All of them are original characters I designed / drew for friends!

This one’s also from that time, though not as referenced

*shudders* yea, that’s more like it.

(To see more read below the cut!)

The next one’s from October 2013 (and really heavily referenced from another fandom artist, sorry!)

And then I decided that digital art was not my thing (it took me nearly a week to finish each of the larger drawings, and it was really frustrating. My digital abilities were just not up to par with my traditional art and I was an impatient little fuck back then) So I just. Stopped. Didn’t touch my tablet again until…

January 2015!

I finally got a new drawing program (Clip Studio Paint instead of Photoshop Elements) which made things a little easier.

I did a redrawing of the “Ender-Girl” from 2013 as a birthday present for a friend. The new one was NOT REFERENCED!! Yay!

Much happier with how it turned out, but still not close to my traditional art, so the digital drawings became sporadic things inbetween and thus, I didn’t really improve.

Flash forward to Christmas 2016! (One year ago, we’re getting closer!)

I got my Microsoft Surface Book for christmas and that’s when I  r e a l l y  started working digitally. Drawing directly on the screen made a huge difference for me personally and digital became much more fun. So I also precticed more!

This one’s from the beginning of January 2017 (by now I’m 18 y/o), no references used, the first proper digital drawing on my Surface.

Also made a re-draw of one of my oldest pieces, the Seto drawing from 2013:

And then I re-discovered the joys of coloring my traditional sketches digitally!

Still really proud of that one.

Then came my A-Levels (studying, ugh) and afterwards, around June 2017, getting rejected from art university, so I didn’t really draw much anymore, neither digitally nor traditionally. Basically one huge art block.

That lasted till September 2017, which is when I created a new Tumblr blog and decided to re-awaken an old passion of mine: Harry Potter.

(Yes, I’m talking about this very blog)

Since then I’ve been drawing more digital stuff than ever before! (Partly got the Color Palette Challenge to thank for that)

I can’t possibly put all of them here, so you can either go to this link for all of my drawings or this one for the Color Palette drawings!

But here are some of my favourites from each month.

On a side note, this account has its three month anniversary *drumroll please* today!!

So yea, with that being said, I’m more than excited to see where this journey will take me.

And I’d also like to take this opportunity to thank all 2,638 of you for your incredible support!!

I haven’t been this motivated to draw in ages. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you! You’re incredible.

And apologies to you, Anon, I could’ve just said “I started around 2013″, but where would be the fun in that?

(During Christmas break I’ll most likely do a traditional art improvement too, including drawings from when I was, like, three bc my parents are awesome and still have most of that. So stay tuned!)

[lovingtrance]

I got dumped

On December 21st my partner of 5 years, who I lived with for 2 and a half, told me he’s no longer attracted to me and only views me as a best friend. He said there’s more in store for him than “just a safe relationship.”

While we were together I was keeping a running list of all the reasons I loved him. But for my own well-being I’ve decided to start keeping a running list of annoying and toxic things about him. I’m posting it here for your viewing pleasures:

1. I had to constantly remind a grown man he had to brush his teeth. Often times having to convince him to not skip it bc he would sometimes go days without brushing. And this was NOT due to depression. Truly. It was just laziness and a lack of urgency to practice basic hygiene.

2. He would pick his nose and wipe it on just about anything. Furniture, his clothes, his side of the bed, my side of the bed, his car seat no matter whose car, etc.

3. He’d constantly ask “are you gay” as if it was a joke.

4. In general he reveled in pushing my buttons and saying things that I found boarderline offensive.

5. Near the end especially, but in general it was like pulling teeth to get him to spend time with me doing something he didn’t have a personal investment in. If it wasn’t an activity he enjoyed he didn’t want to do it with me.

6. When I would try to spend time with him 9/10 he’d say “I’d rather play call of duty.” His call of duty playing was a daily occueance. On weeknights it was from the time he got home from work until bed. He’d stop just to spend about 30 minutes with me for the dinner I made. This was EVERY NIGHT. And on weekends it would be about 3/4 of the weekend every time.

7. A few days before NYE of 2019 (to celebrate the start of 2020) he went out with a few of his friends to drink. Apparently someone said they didn’t like my plan for NYE and another person agreed. He took offense to that and came home drunk and angry. He ranted about how much he hates them, hates our home town, and how mad he was. I tried to calm him down and he got mad I wasn’t on his side and threw a chair across the room while yelling so loud it woke his parents and sister. He then went to his bedroom and I tried to calm him and he got mad I was “taking their side” and tried to physically kick me off the bed. As if he was a toddler.

8. When I said “no you will not treat me that way. I’m not your punching bag” and called a friend to pick me up he tried every manipulation tactic in the book. First he called to apologize. Then when that didn’t work he tried to plead and promised he didn’t mean it and he wasn’t trying to hurt me. Then he turned and said it was typical that I left bc everyone leaves him and I don’t care. I’ve never cared. After that tactic didn’t work he said he was going to kill himself. All while his sister was texting me saying he was just eating chicken strips on the couch watching TV.

9. The next day he gave me the silent treatment and treated me like I was the one who hurt him and I was the problem. He was trying to give me the cold shoulder so I’d break down, beg for his forgiveness, and beg him to open up and forgive me and talk to me. This was a typical thing for him in the past. If I ever told him he hurt me or tried to put up a boundary for my own mental and physical well being he’d flip it and put up a wall so I’d have to beg him to open up and I’d end up being the one apologizing.

10. He cheated on me in 2016 with women he’d meet up with from Craigslist for casual hook ups. He then insisted we were never exclusive even though we absolutely were and had already said I love you to each other.

11. On my 22nd birthday we went out to bars together. He had a list of bars he wanted to stop at. We’re from MO and were in San Francisco. The 3rd or 4th bar had a bouncer who saw his MO ID and insisted it was fake. I was using my passport since my ID expired on my birthday. When I told the bouncer I’m also from MO and the ID is legit they gave it back but turned us away. That made him mad so we went home and then he got upset I didn’t want sex. I sort of agreed anyway but then withdrew consent. He got SO mad about that. He started screaming and shouting about how I was jerking him around and he was upset and confused. He threw his fan at the wall and broke a hole in the wall. He started pacing around the room and then I called a friend and said I was leaving for my safety. That made him even more upset and he started pacing around the hallway of his apartment building while NAKED. I convinced him to cover up but the manic episode continued and he paced in the street as well. The cops were called by a neighbor. I was mortified. But we stayed together bc I couldn’t find my ID to be able to leave that night. Then we slept it off in separate buildings and came back together the next day to talk it out. We both apologized and stayed together.

12. About a year before that he got upset I couldn’t have Skype sex with him every night even though I was a full time student working a full time job. He frame it as though he was willing to make compromises for me but I refused to do the same for him. Even though I’d already forgiven him for the Craigslist cheating caused by his “sex addiction”

13. He said he was breaking up with me bc he wanted more “intimacy” and knew that he was meant to have a relationship that had more spark basically. He made it seem like yet again I was the problem for not having enough sex with him. Despite the fact I tried to initiate sex with him many times over the last few months and we would reject me almost every time. Often times saying he would rather play call of duty.

14. When we first moved in together I did some laundry. A few days later he realized a few random things were missing. A pair of underwear or two, a shirt. He accused me of losing them by forgetting them in the apartment laundry room. I swore I didn’t but he didn’t believe me and yelled at me. I told him they’re just clothes and I’ll replace them and he still yelled. I suggested maybe he forgot them back at his parents’ house but he swore he didn’t. A few days later a package arrived from his parents containing all the “lost” clothes. I did not receive an apology until I requested one.

15. We were long distance for the first few years of our relationship. I would go to visit him every spring break and fall break (my school had fall break). Once when I went to visit we went over to his frat house for a party for st. Patrick’s day. I was having a good time getting two know two foreign students (one girl and one guy). When we walked back to his place we were sitting outside the building while he smoked a cigarette and he got mad at me and asked me why I acted the way I did at the party. I was confused bc I didn’t think I was acting differently than usual. He said by making friends with those people I was basically being obnoxious and annoying- like I was trying too hard. It broke my heart. It was like he expected me to just be a wall flower or hang on his hip the whole night. It was so unfair bc obviously I didn’t know anyone there it’s not my school. So did he just expect me not to have a good time?

16. The one other time he had me go to a party at the house I went to the bathroom on my own. I remembered where it was and told him “I’m going to the bathroom” and got up from my seat. When I came back he was being weird to me and basically implied he thought I walked away to go cheat on him?... even though I was gone less than 5 minutes and I knew no one there!

17. Once in late 2017 early 2018 one of my close friends came over to hang out and drink wine in my living room. She mentioned she’d done this app called Cake where you live stream whatever and people pay you. We decided to just sit around in our underwear and drink wine to make her some extra money. I told him about it and he freaked out. He contacted her on FB and went off on her telling her she disrespected our relationship and manipulated me. He told me I was drunk and let my friend manipulate me. I told him that’s not true at all and everything I did I did bc I wanted to and was comfortable doing so. I never crossed a line. I never even interacted with a person. We just set up a camera and barely acknowledged the comments. He was acting like I was his child or property and I didn’t have agency of my own. He also told me I cheated and I needed to admit I cheated so we could move on. As if it’s not my body and my choice who I allow to see me wearing the equivalent of a bikini. And he definitely had no right to contact my friend and scold her and shame her. He acted like I was his to control and I was a toy my friend took and misused without his permission. It was disgusting and so painful to deal with. I felt awful about myself for days.

18. He was and is such a hypocrite. He even admitted to me before the Cake incident that he once did cam stuff but quit bc he was bothered by how many men tuned in and barely any women. He was also hypocritical about spending money. He would criticize me for spending $50 on new clothes at target or wanting to spend $30 every few weeks to splurge on eating out. But then he’d spend $100s-$1000s of dollars at a time on his hobbies like gaming, bowling, his guitar, etc.

19. In April of 2020 I told him I wanted us to be more romantic. I wanted us both to be better about making an effort to show each other we had a romantic attraction to one another. He told me “you expect too much. You ask for too much.” This is the same man who 8 months later told me he was leaving me bc there was no more “spark.” I EXPLICITLY asked him to work with me to keep the spark going and he said “you ask for too much.”

20. Also in April of 2020 he got upset the recycling bin was starting to smell. Over time some of the containers had leaked the small bit of contents they had left and created a film on the bottom of the bin. He blamed me because he “always rinses containers before recycling them.” I tried to explain “yeah but that’s just because you leave them sitting on the counter to be rinsed and then never rinse them. I too am bad about not rinsing, so I just put your pile and my stuff straight in the bin.” I explained that technically yes, I recycle more items, but only because he leaves me to do it. He told me I HAD to clean the bin. I said “I’m not your servant. I’m not at your beck and call and I don’t HAVE to do anything.” That made him angry so he said “maybe I should just pour milk all over your clothes then?” Shocked I of course asked “why would you do that?” I also wondered “what clothes? The clothes I have on the drying rack next to the kitchen? Or the clothes in the closet? The ones I’m wearing?” He said “you pour milk in the recycling bin. It’s the same thing.” Like truly- what a manipulative, illogical ASSHOLE.

21. When breaking up with me he told me “I’m sure you’ve noticed I haven’t wanted to have sex with you the past few months.” I said “yes I thought it was stress from work.” Then he said “no I’m just no longer physically attracted to you.” I asked what we could do. Should we spice things up? Should we go to a sex therapist? He said there was no point. But fear not reader- it’s not that he’s gay (yes he felt the need to clarify that) it’s just that he’s not attracted me specifically. He said honestly he just wasn’t happy because there was no spark. And there was this (apparently) indescribable element that had never really had been in all 6 years. There had always been something missing that he had in other relationships. I said THERE WAS ONLY ONE OTHER RELATIONSHIP WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! He had one other serious girlfriend before me and they were together between the ages of 15-18. Yes he’d had other flings and sexual partners obviously, but nothing that even came close to the level of commitment or sheer length of relationship we had. But sure- go ahead and compare what we have to a high school relationship and a handful of college hookups.

[cheonjaem-blog]

boyfriend! park woojin

how the shy, nerdy loser, park woojin would confess

school! au

park woojin is such a nerd lmao

everyone knows that he’s hella smart, got straight a’s, 5.0 gpa

if you’re tryna pass a class, you best be sitting next to him

but nobody actually knows him personally

he doesn’t really talk much to other students but has a semi-friend lee daehwi

you had woojin in science class

and tbh you didn’t know shit

you started off the class with an f after you failed your first quiz

and things just never got better gg

but you started realizing that the semester was ending, and you were about to take a fat ass L

your teacher called you in after class, and told you straight up that you were about to fail his class, and you needed to get your shit together

“hmmm if you’re really struggling with this material, i suggest asking park woojin to help you”

and you just want to kys because you’re not tryna fail and retake this class

but woojin kind of scared you lol

he’s so perfect and smart and low key intimidating even if you’ve known him since middle school

you’ve never really held an actual conversation with him after all those years of being in the same class

so you walk home thinking of different ways to end your life cheat on the final actually understand the material

you drop into the nearest convenience store by your house to pick up some food to motivate you to study, and you accidentally run into woojin

he mutters a quick “sorry” before walking out, but you turn around and grab his sleeve 

“wait can you pretty please tutor me in science?”

and you just give him an embarrassed laugh

surprisingly he says yes!!

he’s really shy and super confused bc he’s known you for so long but he never thought that you actually knew he existed??

and he was also super flustered at seeing you since he thought you were really cute and may or may not have crushed on you for 4 years,,

so you exchange kkt’s and meet up at the library after school everyday 

sometimes you buy him drinks and sometimes he’ll buy you chips

“woah how’d you know honey butter chips are my favorite??”

obviously bc he’s been low key stalking you 

anyways.. he reteaches you all the key concepts that you should know for the final 

and you swear the teacher has never gone over this in class but maybe you were asleep

you guys hit it off so well??

and you find out that woojin is really talkative when he’s talking about something he’s passionate about like dancing

you didn’t know this nerd danced wth??

and you feel really bad after a while bc he’s wasting his time to help you study when he could study by himself

basically you just felt like a burden ;;

so you bake him cookies as a thank you and he gets super blushy and awkward when you give them to him the next day

his blushing face is so funny that you can’t resist dropping a couple flirty teasing remarks 

“aw you’re so cute woojin”

but woojin has been really enjoying spending all this time with you

he secretly likes it when you make your stupid puns

and sometimes when he’s teaching you something, he’ll drift off into space and you’ll catch him just staring at you

he’s mesmerized by you okay

as for you, you start to become comfortable with woojin

and he seems less scary, and you realize he’s just a shy bean

you notice how he’s really focused on everything he does, and you admire his perseverance 

you start getting used to his presence, and it took him weeks but eventually he even starts to talk you outside of class and study sessions

like sometimes he’ll bring you lunch, and you guys will sit together in the cafeteria talking about anime or something equally nerdy

woojin has obviously never had any relationship experience and he has no other friends to confide his feelings to,,, 

he’s already suppressed these feelings for the past 4 years, but now that you guys are actually friends, he doesn’t want to ruin your friendship ;;

woojin is so scared to confess bc he’s such a loser, and you’re well-loved by everyone at school

he’s way too shy and afraid you’re going to reject him immediately bc you think he’s an embarrassment to you

so one day park jihoon, your english partner, asks you to rehearse with him after school for your guys’ english project which is to recreate a scene of romeo and juliet in class

you guys wrote the script in class (a class you don’t have with woojin obvs) so of course you agree

jihoon takes you to an empty classroom and you guys start rehearsing

“o, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do. they pray; grant thou, lest faith turn to despair”

“saints do not move, though grant for prayers’ sake”

“then move not, while my prayer’s effect i take”

and then jihoon leans in to fake kiss you bc he’s a flirty asshole and it’s part of the scene but why

you laugh and jokingly hit him “why are you like this wth”

at this time woojin is looking for you bc usually you meet up by your lockers, and you’re always there first waiting for him

and of course he chooses this moment, when it looks like jihoon is going to kiss you, to walk by

and his heart actually shatters

woojin is just staring with wide eyes at you two and quickly walks off bc he feels tears coming

he never knew you and park jihoon were a thing, and now he feels stupid for ever thinking he had a chance with you

he walks out of school and hears his phone ring and of course it’s you

he doesn’t really feel like talking to you rn but he’s too kind not to pick up

woojin sucks it up and continues with your study sesh but with less smiles and jokes and most of the time you think he’s grimacing

while he’s reviewing the law of gravitation with you, your phone goes off and of course it’s a text from jihoon bc you’re really unlucky rip

woojin pauses and stares at your phone which says:

from bby boy jihoon ♡ (jihoon created that name okay) : are you my homework? bc i want to slam you on my table and do you all night long ;)

“blocked and reported” 

you notice woojin glaring at your phone and when your eyes meet, you’re scared by how scary and angry he looks

he grabs you by your arm and drags you out into the hallway

woojin is overcome by a jealous rage and he ends up pushing you against the wall and slamming his hands next to your head

and you’re just like wtf what’s going on? am i in a cheesy anime or something???

adrenaline is rushing in woojin, and he literally has no control over his actions atm

“you’re not jihoon’s. you’re mine”

you’re like whoa where’d this confidence come from?? what a busan way to confess wow

and wow woojin looks so fucking hot being all alpha like this holy

his confidence is so sexy shit and you don’t even say anything and just kiss him bc damn he’s hot 

whenever you mention this confession to him, he gets all embarrassed bc he had an actual confession planned out with roses and milk tea and everything but oh well

so boyfriend woojin is v v v cute,,,

he’s so innocent wow 

brings you flowers on every anniversary

“happy 7th month anniversary”

“wtf woojin nobody celebrates that but thx”

really really shy

at first he doesn’t initiate pda at all,, gets flustered when you hold his hand in public

eventually gets comfortable with you and becomes clingy af

study dates!!

tries to bribe you with food and cuddles when you finish homework

“i’ll buy you boba if you finish your math homework early”

your grades start rising hella wow

started from the bottom now we here c->a

woojin is a proud boyfriend when you pass your science final with flying colors and pass the class

dances for you and wow he’s so hot when he’s dancing damn

reversal charm to the max

his snaggletooth is the cutest thing you’ve ever laid eyes on holy

he wanted to get it fixed at first since he was kind of insecure about it but you were like “uh how about a no”

you loved his tooth and he ended up loving it bc you did :)))

you have an album of woojin’s childhood pics on your phone, and he begs you to delete them but you can’t resist teasing him bc it’s so funny lmao

he tells you about his crush on you in middle school really shyly one day and you just laugh bc middle school you was a cringey part of your history and if he liked you at that awful point of your life,, he’s a keeper ;;

an angel!!

knows how to cheer you up with girl group dances hahahah

dances to twice, ioi, gfriend, every girl group to make you laugh

will destroy every last shred of his dignity to see you smile :’)

a wanna be athlete

tries to play basketball with you but prob doesn’t know the rules gg

gets jealous when you drool over male idols

“i dance better than him right???”

needs constant attention like a lost puppy

it’s okay bc he’s cute

v clumsy

tried baking cupcakes for you one day but almost burned up the kitchen hahahahah see what i did there

trips over the air sometimes

vj park in training 

tries to film you dancing to the choreos he’s taught you

ends up zooming in on your face 90% of the time and having really shaky camerawork 

really really caring boyfriend and will love you unconditionally ♡ 

[catty-words]

hi!!! i was talking to my friend about this and was curious to know what u thought: we were discussing that we think that young rebecca is older Rebecca’s own manifestation of her anxiety. like, literally just a physical being for her anxiety. especially since when she was that age of young rebecca when her abandonment issues sparked bc of her jerkwad dad. and now she’s appearing again as rebecca is (clearly, imo) mid breakdown, to tell her that all her friends will leave her(which they wont)1/2

(2/2) i mean, paula knows everything, valencia knows a lot of it and so does Heather. also, re: her work friends, i think it’s the same in that they kind of know rebecca has always done wacky stuff that nobody really saw coming. so i just wanted ur thoughts on whether or not u agree that young rebecca is older Rebecca’s own physical manifestation of her anxiety, and if u don’t agree, ur thoughts on it too!! sorry this was so long n ramble-y!! love ur blog!!:-)

HO. LY. CRAP. you’re blowing my mind here, miss laura.

the short answer is, yes, i think that’s a totally valid interpretation of young rebecca.

the longer answer is to explore the supporting evidence, so, under a read more we go!

first of all, i want to say that “literally just a physical being for her anxiety. especially since when she was that age of young rebecca when her abandonment issues sparked” is such a clever observation and i have nothing to add. i just wanted to highlight how awesome you are for having this thought – you can tell your friend i said so, so she can share in the glory, too.

moving on. let’s list all the times young rebecca appears in the story:

rebecca’s flashback to her dad leaving at her room temperature party

‘i have friends’

‘a boy band made up of four joshes’

1.03 end tag

the very brief flashback at the beginning of 1.05 – naomi’s berating her.

the very brief flashback after darryl’s ex-wife asks rebecca what’s wrong with her

during the christmas episode, there’s a flashback of young rebecca being a mom pleaser

flashback during 1.13 of her and audra comparing grades

1.15 puberty flashback

and then she’s not in season two at all. man. i hadn’t realized that.

still, as these moments are listed out here, it’s clear that young rebecca’s appearance either sets up adult rebecca’s anxieties/preoccupations for an episode or is used to punctuate a single moment in an episode where rebecca’s feeling distress.

for the sake of being thorough, we’ll touch on each moment anyway:

1. rebecca’s dad leaves - if, in fact, your theory that young rebecca represents adult rebecca’s anxiety because that was the age her traumas really started to affect her development is correct, than it makes sense that the first time we meet young rebecca, her dad’s walking out on her. 

adult rebecca is constantly – consciously and subconsciously – preoccupied with this moment in her life. she seems to be aware that it’s the source of most of her issues, but she’s also determined not to confront it for what it is because that would mean truly dealing with her own trauma. this back-and-forth struggle to constantly seek the validation she never got from her dad but also not acknowledge that that’s what she’s doing is definitely a source of anxiety for her. it drives her pursuit of josh.

2. ‘i have friends’ - this song is basically an anthem to loneliness. rebecca was, is, and has always been very insecure about her personal connections (thanks, silas). she always has people in her life, but are they truly her friends? if they stick around long enough, will they not want to be her friends anymore?

honestly, the song reeks of anxiety and is drenched in the frantic energy of a sad, lonely girl trying to convince herself that people like her.

3. ‘a boy band made up of four joshes’ - josh chan is more a symbol for rebecca than he is an actual person in her eyes – and that’s never made more clear to the audience than it is in this song.

because rebecca met josh at the happiest time in her childhood, she conflates being with him with that happiness (i’ve always thought that the key to finding that happiness again is actually turning back to her passion for musical theater but i digress). in her mind, dating josh will heal all her issues without her having to do any of the work. he’s going to charm away her need to address her anxiety and depression. she thinks josh chan is going to unite adult rebecca with young rebecca – they’ll hug and be in total harmony with one another. because when she’s with josh, those past anxieties are rendered obsolete. 

………right s2 rebecca?

4. the 1.03 end tag - this one’s a little tricky because, as with most of the end tags, it’s there for the comedic effect and doesn’t move the story along. still, what we have during this conversation is adult rebecca trying to get her younger self excited about the awesome things she’s going to do with her brain, while young rebecca is very focused on the boobs. since adult rebecca – when the situation calls for it – uses her boobs as a sexy tool for winning male attention, i don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to read this conversation as the intellectually grounded, ‘i know i have problems’ rebecca warring with her ‘i need attention and validation of any kind and the best way i know how to get that is through amorous connections’ rebecca. 

so yeah. the rebecca who knows what’s good for her is fighting against her trauma…and losing, i might add. boobs wins out as the dominant topic of conversation.

5. the very brief flashback at the beginning of 1.05 - while we see young rebecca looking hurt and lost, we hear naomi’s voice saying “you’re selfish and dramatic and weird. you drove your father out of this house. you’re terrible!” 

the rest of this episode, we see rebecca trying desperately to get greg to admit that she’s a good person after also calling her terrible. hmm, i wonder what would make her so desperate for a retraction of that statement. could it be the fact that she’s anxious that it’s true and she needs someone else to tell her that it’s not?

6. the ‘what’s wrong with you flashback - young rebecca shows up for literally two seconds to ask ‘what’s wrong with me’ before adult rebecca plainly lists out all her most serious issues. do i really need to unpack this?

7. christmas episode flashback - in the flashback, we see rebecca trying to get along with her mom by cooking her food and appealing to her sense of vanity. during the rest of the episode, adult rebecca’s main goal is to have a pleasant visit with her mother because unpleasant visits tend to bring all her self-loathing to the surface. just the suggestion of naomi’s presence is enough to send rebecca into an anxiety spiral, but she can’t – as paula suggests – set aside her craving for approval even though she is now an adult and free to behave any way she wants. rebecca’s been conditioned to believe she’s unlovable by both her parents, but they’re her fucking parents – they should be the two people in the world with the highest capacity for rebecca love, right? 

cue emotional turmoil.

8. flashback with audra - audra, for rebecca, represents everything in life she gave up. though she’s definitely happier in west covina, a part of her can’t help but worry about whether she should have continued on the path that was set for her. therefore, being confronted by audra is a stressful, anxiety-inducing experience for rebecca.

additionally, the fact that audra and her are so similar and young rebecca sought a connection with her that was rejected speaks, once again, to rebecca’s profound loneliness and certainty that people can’t like or love the real her.

9. dream ghost puberty flashback - dr. dream-ghost!akopian brings rebecca to this moment in her life so they can start exploring the most fundamental cracks in rebecca’s mental stability. 

you know what, that was pretty succinct, i’m gonna leave this last one at that.

so, in summation, yeah. this theory absolutely holds water, and you’ve changed the way i look at young rebecca as a narrative device. thank you!