#bc if something gets sold before i manage to get my hands on it... suicide

[shi0n]

set up an alarm for 5 minutes before paycheck hits my bank account so i have the time to scour through no.6 + mafumafu mercari items and then lose all of my money in one critical strike

[volgotha]

Holy shit I just read your text post I'm so sorry! How are people so easily sold on bullshit??? What happened that lead up to all that?

Okay, strap yourself in. I’m only typing this mess up once more and then I’m never mentioning it again as long as I live. I’m not going to tag it with anything relevant either so once its posted, i’m letting it get lost in the sea of reblogs. Here we go, warning; this is gon be long.

In 2006 I went to college. From 2006 to 2009 I hung out with 5 friends and my bf at the time, Andre. It was in 2007 that we started to poke our heads into the 2C11 room (the clubspace room). Matt and his best friend Jogn Carlo started coming with us to Rocky Horror, a thing only myself and two of my 5 friends would do together, along with ppl they knew from their old highschool. By 2009, we had formed a big gang of friends from the clubspace, and we all started going to movies and sushi together. One of my friends organize panels for Otakuthon, where we’d all meet up.      

But in 2009, two of the 5 ppl I hung out with had a falling out. They stopped being friends. One went to university, the other was around for one more year then she went to university in 2010. That’s when the old group began to change from a family to a clique: In 2010 new members joined the club, and became new staples in the old group–most importantly, a guy named Tin.

It used to feel like a big family, but when the new semester started in September 2010 and new members flooded the club, everything changed. Tin instantly gave me a strange feeling in my gut, like there was something off abt him I couldn’t articulate. Shannon was dating Alex, the then club president, who stepped down in disgrace after I and one of those 5 friends went to the student union to complain abt him being the Harvey Weinstein of the club,. He wanted to permanently ban her from the club bc that summer when he was making a shitty youtube movie, he asked her out and she said no. The only reason he stepped down is bc I helped her take it to the student union and took him down. So when 2010 came along, Tin swooped in and became Alex 2.0, and when I warned ppl abt him they didn’t listen.

Fast forward a year to 2011, and the shitstorm happens; My mom had bvee battling with cancer since 2009. She had a hysterectomy but it didn’t work, and the cancer came back with a vengance.

January 15th 2011: My mom comes into my room and tells me her doctor doesn’t give her 1 year left to live. A few minutes after she leaves my room, Tin talks to me on Steam. He starts trolling me, I exploded on him. I felt bad about it so I tried to apologise to him, and I wrote on my facebook wall a message: “Just found out my mom has a year left to live, not in my right head, plz stay away from me for a while” so i wouldn’t explode on anyone else. I said I tried to apologise to Tin on steam, because him being an abujsive sociopath, instead of just accepting the apology or not like a normal person, instead he starts demanding that i admit to being a shitdisturber. I ignore him at that point, tell him im sorry, wish him good night and then sign off steam, and go to bed.

The following day, Shannon heads me off as I’m in the 2C11 hallway heading to the clubspace room; she warns me that Kelly is having a shit fit and screaming about how much of a horrible person I am, that apparently Kelly thinks my facebook post is me using my mom as an excuse to get away with being a bitch. I run to confront her, because excuse me, no it fucking wasn’t yknow? and whatever trauma she hasn;’t resolved yet doesn’t give her the right to twist my meanings and paint me as a monster. Thats when she goes into the Oliver’s caf so I follow her, and she screams at me calls me pathetic and heads back into the clubspace, and everyone followed her and left me in the caf crying with Shannon and Alex. :/

The situation was made ten times worse later that night by a certain person named Mathew, remember him? He was supposed to be my friend. Instead, he took the opportunity to write a huge post on fb tearing me down, on which everyone else joined in taking a public jab at me. Matt was seen as the community leader at the time. He could have used his power to calm the situation down, instead he made things worse. To this day, I suspect that troll Tin is the one who twisted my words to trigger Kelly and cause all of this, and that he also had Matt in the palm of his hand, but i digress; Matt’s post convinced most of them to ditch me. That devastated me in an already overwhelmed state, and I attempted suicide a few nights later.

That summer, I saw that my former friends were all having a big party, “What Killed the Dinosaurs? The Bad Movie Night.”, and I wasn’t invited. Shannon saw how much it hurt me, so she invited to her bf’s party instead, and that’s where I met Paul.

The following school year of 2011-2012 went by without much incident. The people who had ghosted me slowly added me back, Matt even apologized for his shit, and things seemed to be on the up and up. It looked like all this drama was behind us. I was wrong.

After I graduated, I decided to go visit the club in Fall 2012. Big mistake.

I saw someone I knew, Sarah, crying on someone’s lap, and asked her what was up. She told me she was in an abusive relationship with Tin. For giving her the advice to leave him, Tin came at me on steam again, and I told him that he was an abuser, that he would not intimidate me and to go fuck himself, and I blocked him. Suddenly, Matt was trying to extort 100$ from me for 2 locks I had broken the year before, which should’ve only cost 42$. Where did that come from? Well, Tin was the club’s Treasurer that year. He was trying to get back at me for standing up to him and helping his victim escape, and he was doing it through Matt, who was going apeshit on me on MSN for refusing to pay 100$. I insisted I should only have to pay what I owe, which was 42$. He kept freaking out on me, so finally I threatened to get a lawyer involved, and that’s when he backed down. I still paid the money I owed for the locks I had broken but I blocked Matt, having had enough of his bullshit, and that’s when suddenly a bunch of ppl from the group ghosted me for good.

Why was I ghosted when Matt was clearly the one in the wrong? Because Tin. They ghosted me bc Tin told them to. Tin and Matt told them all sorts of shitty things about me and they believed them. They don’t hold Tin or Matt to any of their shitty actions though bc they don’t want the same abuse that happened to me to happen to them. They turn a blind eye to every shitty thing Tin and Matt do. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand there’s an extremely toxic abuse dynamic at play in that group.

But the story doesn’t end there. Remember that party I went to with Shannon, and that guy I met named Paul? From november 2011 to march 2015 we were together. I was isolated from whoever was left, only hung out with him and his friends. In 2014, I became close friends with a girl name d Ariel, a member of that old groiup who ghosted me. But that was probably a manufactured relationship manipulated into existance by Paul, so he could jump to her when he was done with me.

Paul was extremely abusive when no one was around. The night he left, we had a huge fight. I tried to escape the situation by running upstairs. He chased me and when I ran into my TV room and closed the door behind me, he started pounding on it and trying to push his way in. When he did manage to get through the door, I panicked, picked up a glass bottle and threw it at him, and then slammed the door again when he backed out. The bottle broke, and cut his finger very deep. He used that cut to get everyone present during the situation on his side. Nevermind all the crazy abusive stuff he had just pulled in front of them, no, I was the bad guy, and once he had them convinced, he left to my then bff’s house, who later became his new gf.

He posted a picture of the wound on facebook, and because of that and previous drama from years ago that never really went away, most of the friends I had left from Dawson believed him, and ghosted me. I couldn’t tell them that a week earlier he had raped me, and that’s why I was scared enough to throw that glass bottle at him.I filed a police report, I warned everyone who would listen to me about him, and I warned her. I did all I could.

 I was too scared to tell this story for such a long time, because if asking for understanding while my mom was dying was twisted into me using my mom as an excuse to get away with being a bitch, then asking for understanding for the outbursts I had after being raped would just be twisted into me using my rape as an excuse to get away with being a bitch. I couldn’t handle the idea of my rape being trivialized as just some excuse–and Mathew is in part responsible for it all, because of that fucking post he made publicly tearing me down. Had he not posted that, I would’ve never lost my support system, I would’ve never gone to that party with Shannon, and I would’ve never been raped.

So I spent the better parts of 2016-2018 telling those involved off for their part in my current situation and blocked them, and the rest rebuilding what I had back in 2009, with resounding success. 

So, there you have it. That’s what happened. Fuuuuuuuucking insane isn’t it. Its over now, none of them can hurt me anymore and Ive once again surrounded myself with friends I can actually trust, so everything’s good now. I still have my low days bc this was yknow, a lot, but I’m doing much, muuuuch better now. 

[kewltie]

so i was a sobbing mess yesterday bc i dropped my phone in my soup bowl (ikr??? THAT’S SO RIDICULOUS TRINA I CANT BELIEVE YOU). anyway, i was so depressed and bitter bc i heavily rely on my cell phone for so, so much so to not have it for next week until i can get a new cell is going to be a killer for me. so i went to bed angry and sad at myself bc i fucked up and somehow that led me to dream about cd???? GO FIGURE. 

so in my dream instead of keeping donghae’s in captivity donghae’s brother sold him off to some foreign country where donghae is put to ‘good use’. he’s train to become one of their many food taster bc ya know royalty in cd are short live :P. food taster ofc dont have long life either so they are often replace. 

nobody expect donghae to live long, which is sort of the point when his brother made the decision to send him off, so when donghae does finally get a bite of a poison tasting in one of the king’s prepare meal. he should have die but he doesn’t. maybe it’s purely out of spite or maybe it’s the hand of god interfering again but donghae doesn’t die like the rest. it’s luck probably they had thought but the second time it happen and then the third  time donghae crawled back just on the edge of death THEY’RE LIKE SOMETHING IS GOING ON HERE.  so they get an idea to make donghae slowly ingest every kind of known poison to man everyday so he build an immunity to it. this mean that the king end up with only one food taster that isn’t easily kill and donghae can identified every poison now bc he’s literally the embodiment of it but every touch, every kiss, and every tear from then on become poisonous. donghae is living death trap basically but he keeps the king alive and hey just bc the poison doesn’t kill him doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel the effects of it like death doesn’t have him in her grip every damn time :P.  so confidently the king’s food taster become infamous bc the king’s has one less thing to worry about and rumor has it that his food taster can’t be kill (by poison anyway). 

this is v important bc on the other side of the world, the essein are in a state of panic bc their regis nearly die of food poisoning!!!!!! This is during the height of his reign where he’s making sweeping changes to the country that most fundamentalist are v v v pissed about so A LOT OF ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS ARE MADE to stop hyukjae and bc hyukjae is maybe a god but he still stuck in a human vessel that can be bleed and hurt so FOOD TASTER FOR THE REGIS after the last near death experience. but hyukjae absolutely detest the idea of wasting ppl’s life at the cost of his so he doesn’t want a food taster just to die for his sake but his allies and confidants are like NO NO YOUR LIFE IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY OF OUR LIFE WE HAVE TO PROTECT IT BY ANY MEAN but hyukjae is like NO. so hyukjae’s spymaster who has her web IN EVERYTHING heard about the fame poison prince who can’t be kill by poison and managed to kept his king alive so she informed hyukjae about it and hyukjae relunclantly agree. TO MANY NEGOTIATIONS and trades off they managed to acquired donghae and brought him to esse. 

there donghae thought he does what he always do which is taste the food for the king and then afterward deposit back to his room like his entire existence is just to serve the king and keep him alive back in the other country. at first it seems similar but then hyukjae brings DONGHAE everywhere and just talk to him in general and treat him like a human being???? LIKE woah human contact!!!! donghae was treated as tool by his previous king so he still HILARIOUSLY AS AWKWARD AND TERRIBLE in original cd as he is in here. and bc donghae can’t be touch by normal ppl since he’s a walking death trap for many he’s v v v vvvvvvvvv hesitant to get close to ppl afraid he’s going to kill them but the regis literally has NO FEAR??? hyukjae is like ‘i can’t die i have too much things to do before i have to meet death so no im not being careless with my health by being close to you. i know what im doing’ which shouldn’t be as comforting as it sound BUT MAN DOES IT MAKE DONGHAE FEEL RELIEVE THAT THE REGIS ISN’T SUICIDAL ATTEMPTING TO STAY CLOSE TO HIM. (in this verse i don think there’s a jae ?? so no secret identity, so NO (NOT) LOVE TRIANGLE but at the same time im convinced even if jae exist donghae in this verse would loves eunhyuk first bc he spend so much time with eunhyuk being his food taster/companion so he get to be expose to a lot of the regis many faces ;DD)

and then my dream stop so idk what happen next i just assume they do a lot of victorian style courtship bc they can’t touch skin to skin so donghae is always wearing really REEAAAAAAALY heavy thick clothes that cover a lot of his body (WHICH IS THE OPPOSITE OF ORIGINAL CD DONGHAE) so there’s no accidental touching of his skin. HYUKJAE WOULD GRAB HOLD OF HIS SLEEVE OR LIKE TOUCH HIS WRIST OVER A LAYER OF CLOTH AND IT SHOULDN’T BE AS HOT AND SEARING BUT DONGHAE ALMOST IMPLODE FROM IT ALONE BC HE’S SO TOUCHED STARVE T----T. and any time donghae does expose a layer of skin (LIKE HIS NAPE OR SOMETHING WHO KNOWS) hyukjae is like SCANDALIZE AND BLUSH BC DONGHAE DOESN’T SHOW SKIN??? AND JUST A LITTLE THING FREAK HIM OUT BC YA KNOW IT’S SURPRISING AND WHEN YOU’RE NOT EXPOSE TO SOMETHING A LOT IT BECOME SENSATIONAL :P. 

idk what’s going to happen to them. maybe donghae does become consort later maybe not but this become the tale of the poison prince and the living god and honestly im just as excited for this as original cd hahaha /o\.