#bc idk im just so stupidly intense about it to the point where I can’t talk abt it all
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#negative self talk /#why do I feel so much guilt over how I feel abt & interact with media#and also why does guilt make me feel like I’m gonna explode#guilt and fear!!! fear!!!! god I am so ???#and anger obviously but that feels like somewhat normal? not to the extent that i have it but#like is it the not having much else in my life that makes me so attached to whatever abt media#bc idk im just so stupidly intense about it to the point where I can’t talk abt it all#bc if I try to talk I will just scream and cry#like I always thought fandom was like oh! people who get really into things like me!#but I am way way way too much#even for that#and I don’t wanna ruin my favorite things for myself by taking them too personally anymore#and it’s obviously 100% my fault but idk what to do abt it#:////////// anyway#jus talkin#I wanna be like everyone doesn’t hate me and think I’m horrible it’s just me but#what if everyone actually does hate me and think I’m horrible lol then I’d look like I’m not self aware#anyway GOD me you fucking dumb fucking piece of shit if you’re gonna be this whiny then like fucking create something about it for gods sake#you have enough fucking dumb stupid terrible drafts just make another dumb stupid terrible little stupid whatever#or else stop fucking complaining abt it!#—if you like this I will assume it’s a nice ‘I see you’ gesture don’t worry#like obvs no one has to but I know I’m sometimes not sure#kinda hope for y’all’s sake no one reads this but if you do and you leave a like#I will take it as a kind acknowledgment and I will appreciate it and not assume you’re necessarily agreeing to any of this haha#*agreeing with
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