#bc i like being alone. being alone gives me everything i have to risk jn a relationship od any kind
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i keep isolating myself from ppl n idk how to stop it
#its not ljke . they dling anything fucming qrong inherently. but ay some point in the last 5months#ive developed a hsbit of noticing 'bad' traits in ppl or stuff that just Irritates me and ill just stop investinf#and idk if its good or bad at this point. bc at what point does this become an actual terrible habit#bc i used to just ignore bad habits and shit that irritated or hurt me (and would later become a Severe Issue) and#pretend i didnt see anything wrong w anyone i was in socials with . but now im just . taking an ax to everything#not Immediately. like im not that cutthroat. but i just .#idk im struggling to make friends and keep them and ive gone bavkwards and i know this is the entire fucking Point#bc i never ironed this shit out properly whrn i first started unravelling this kinda shitty thing#but . idk man i just . i odnt wanna do this ahit anymore#im so fucking Over Everything im just . i dont even care anymore .#and i knwo this is just . a reaction to The last 4yrs coming to a complete close but . man im tired#i want commhnity and connection and i wanna put in the effort for it. on a level. i just#theres just such a disconnect to actually rlly wanting it and doing it.#bc i like being alone. being alone gives me everything i have to risk jn a relationship od any kind#but i sit here n a bubble forms in my chest n throat when i think abt how alone i axtually am#partly my own fault. partly . ppl i seem to attract are well . Not very Cool for my nervous system#like . i rlly walk away from everu habg out w my irl pissed and Feeling Bad abt Something
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