#bc i don't speak chinese at all and people keep assuming i do but never remember that i don't

[kitorin]

I WANNA GET HIS NUMBER

[culiehua]

Jem's ancestral origin

bc @jaimrennnn pointed it out again, here are my thoughts on Jem's maternal ancestry bc it only now occurs to me that the following are not just regular thoughts normal non chinese people have 😭:

Literary review: Jem speaks Mandarin and not Shanghainese, it's assumed he is from the north. But where? Why?

Now this is where it gets interesting:

一 The language(s)

Nothern Chinese dialects include quite a few different dialects; there are over 300 languages in China in total – and most are not mutually intelligible. At all.

(As someone who is also fluent in Mandarin and wouldn't understand a thing in ancient Shanghai... I feel his pain)

Mandarin is the official language in all of China TODAY, however, the Beijing dialect based Mandarin as we know it today did not undergo nationwide codification until the early 20th century.

And it was only in the 1800s that a shift to Beijing based Mandarin happened. Previously, and into the 1800s, Nanjing based Mandarin was the official Standard during the Ming (1368-1644) and part of the Qing dynasty (1644-1911).

While both would be plausible Mandarin varieties that he could have spoken given the time period, what we see Jem use though is the Beijing based version of Mandarin. While Nanjingese is semi-intellegible for speakers of Beijing Mandarin, it is notably different. So you are right: He does not use any other variety in the written text we see, therefore Mandarin being his only Chinese language means he or rather his family are likely not only from Northern China but speak a dialect that, at least in unintonated pinyin form, is exactly the same (note: we are assuming they don't have a notably different one bc dialect speakers are very particular about keeping their dialects alive as they do not really exist in written Chinese).

But there's more! The northern Mandarin dialects (not just Mandarin the official language) may belong to the same language family and some can be vaguely understood amongst each other (that's why it is also common to have instances where people speak with each another in different dialects, each understanding the other but unable to speak the other dialect) but 1) not all provinces above the Yangtze are Mandarin variety dominant: Zhejiang and south Jiangsu for example are predominantly Wu-dialect heavy (think Shanghainese) which are... not understandable as a Mandarin speaker lol while some dialects from Sichuan or Shandong for example may be easier to understand (remember there are many dialects, even from different language families, in each province).

and b) there's also the fact that even Mandarin varieties don't... necessarily understand each other. You can definitely hear the difference in speech even if they aren't different in grammar or vocabulary!

What do we know about Jem tho?

Jem speaks in a very... classic kind of way I suppose? There are no real regional colloquialisms, he sounds very Standard Mandarin (pronunciation not evaluable) but he does use some literary words that I'd never use in my life (separate post on that) which makes his Mandarin very textbook elegant. He doesn't have the classic /r/ marker at the end that many northeners have either. He doesn't have the Dongbei Mandarin accent either, the Xiajing dialect is something else, etc etc.

He does use the the Wade-Giles system of romanization (based on the Beijing dialect, was the anglophone system of transcription in the 20th century) when speaking English though (I Ching, Kwan Yin) which amuses (and...confuses) me bc he speaks Chinese in perfect Hanyu pinyin? So I'd say he englishifies Chinese terms when speaking English.

(There's also the problem that he was young when he lost contact to the language environment and that he had two L1s growing up resulting in crosslinguistic interference anyway. Mixed linguistic backgrounds do often result in the development of a "clearer" accent, or lack therof...)

二 The Ke family name

I've talked about it before, but Chinese family names have meaning. In the past last names were location bound, i.e. you'd have wider clan names for all the people from one region (which is what put Ke on the top 100 most common last names list in the first place. Yes that list exists). So you can look up where these names originate from or rather where they are common.

So far, I'd narrow the name origin down to these places: Shandong and Hubei (Wu dialectal regions excluded bc we assume he has no other background dialect; nomadic tribes also excluded bc traces unclear).

Why they would make sense:

Hubei the hometown of bronze and birthplace of Chinese modern industry for Steel works (haha... "they shatter even the strength of iron or of bronze". But that was after Jem). It's basically in the heart of China, a lot of cultural history, and the weather is very hot (they are called one of the three furnaces...) it's said that people there are louder and easier riled up bc of the weather. But the Hubei dialect does sound pretty different from the Standard. So there's that.

Shandong is famous for being a cultural and religious center for Taoism, Buddhism and Confucianism (Hometown of Confucius!!) ... and also for having the tallest people in the country. The people here are also very bold and straightforward but also very hospitable with a generally good reputation, the common hero personality. It is also an agricultural center (ahem, Ke ≈ tree, remember). Character wise, it fits. There are a lot of Shandong people who moved to Beijing a long time ago since it's very close.

Given that neither Jem nor Wenyu seem like hot-headed people, but rather practical, calm, honest and are believers of buddhism and chinese philosophy (reincarnation wheel + with how often Jem refers to that thousands years old book you'd believe he has it printed behind his eyelids...), I'm rather inclined to guess their ancestors are from Shandong originally, i.e. the chill ones. (Yes you cannot generalize people but we have nothing on them 😭). However, I believe they have lived in Beijing for generations.

What is also interesting is that the average victorian Englishman stood at 167cm. As of now, the English average height is 175±6(m) and 162(w). In Shandong, the average height now is 175(m) and 169(w). But in the Qing dynasty the average northern man was this tall already. So I'd go on the taller spectrum for the nephilim and say Wenyu, as a northerner, is atleast 170. Jem is considered tall, somewhere between 178 and 180cm. Calculating this into the height, Jonah is max. 178cm. Since the Carstairs weren't tiny either, this fits. (Shandong people are the tallest people in China, followed by Beijing people. Tall girl Wenyu supremacy!!). I think Shadowhunters are taller bc of exercise that's why you have Will at the same height but Jem could definitely not do as much physically, having to rely more on efficiency and genes so I believe he has tall!genes but he definitely did not get that primarily from the victorians.

三 Wenyu's pre-Shanghai residence

From what we also know, the Ke family ran the Beijing Institute as well (Jia, née Ke, and her hubby). It wouldn't be far fetched to say that they've been running it since way back. After all, the Ke's are also still in charge of Shanghai and the Herondale's ran London well into the 1990s.

What we also know is that Jem's mom, Wenyu, was sent as an ambassador of the nephilim to the emperor for a meeting at the Yuanming Yuan, burned down around a decade and a half prior to Jem mentioning it, so the visit occured before Jem could ever remember it.

Historically, from mundane history, we know this: Emperor Xianfeng ruled from 1850-61, the Garden was burned down by Europeans in 1860 during the 2nd Opium War.

Wenyu was born in 1839, so she probably went there as a late teenager. She had Jem at 21 and also moved to Shanghai with Jonah years later. Now why would China's nephilim send some random teenage girl to Beijing to talk to the ruler? Why would they send her from perhaps angel knows where thousand miles away? Unless... she was sent from the Beijing Institute? Who knows. Chaos breeds demons. (It's also odd that Cassie changed the timeline to this happening when Jem was 2 or 3. Was this supposed to mean that he might have witnessed it? Idk).

Beijing was the capital, and if the nephilim, as a race, would send an ambassador, it would make the most sense to send one from the local institute. Jem did not grow up learning another local differing variety either, leading me to believe both Wenyu and Jem were born in Beijing and learned court Mandarin.

四 Conclusion

I believe that Jem's maternal family originates from the Shandong/Beijing area but lived in Beijing for centuries before taking over Shanghai too, since they are not shown to know or speak any other distinctive dialect and the Shandong dialect, due to it's close similarity to the Standard variety, could have lost it's accent over time there with the surrounding Beijing dialect, the court dialect and their complete mutual intelligibility. Clan origin, height and personality also hint at this, as well as Wenyu's travel log. Jem's Chinese is very standard and does not deviate; he seems sophisticated and has a clear pronunciation. Beijing born and raised!

[cinnamonest]

Xiao - Yandere Profile

Y’all big horny for yaksha boi too??? Excellent.

Remember how I said Kaeya and Diluc were like a game on hard mode? Xiao is Dark Souls on the 6th stacked difficulty of New Game Plus.

I really like Xiao on an analytical level because he's an excellent candidate for the debate some have as to the nature of selfless vs selfish love... He's a good one to analyze for that debate bc holy fuck does this man have some of the most selfish, inconsiderate love out there. He's brutal as fuck. I feel like his would be such an interesting balance of wanting returned affection and being really obsessive, yet being so uncompromising and not really at all hesitant to wreck your shit. This is the longest one I've made, too, I had a lot of thoughts lmao.

Fun fact, when I first heard his name was Xiao I assumed it would be the hanzi for "dawn" since I've seen that used in Chinese given names sometimes... Nope, I'd never seen the hanzi for his name before so I looked it up and it's like an impish demon creature lol

I had a dilemma between to go for tsunyandere or kuuyandere, but I was in a dark content mood so I kinda went kuuyandere route.

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tws: mentions of mutilation (on reader), mentions of violence and torture (on rivals), kidnapping, Xiao is very lacking in empathy and borders on sociopathic behavior (which can be triggering to some people), mentions of misogyny bc I'm just gross like that, generally dark and awful

tws (below cut): noncon, more mentions of mutilation goddammit Xiao, forced submission, also generally dark and awful

This is probably the darkest one I've written, so, that's a fair warning.

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What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

Aware, over time, and very irritated by it, really. He's above... Feeling things. He changes with time. He starts off a bit irritated, flustered even, which is something he's never really experienced before. Honestly exemplifies the "boys are mean to you because they like you" trope, he will go out of his way to be harsher and colder towards you because how dare you make him... Feel things. He'll be exceptionally harsh in how he speaks to you, even more than others. But... once he realizes it drives you away, he'll realize that he actually wants you around him.

But that's the thing - Xiao doesn't normally go out of his way to do anything to anyone, really. He's cold and a bit aggressive because he's bothered by or just doesn't really enjoy people, but if they leave him alone, he leaves them alone. You're different - he feels a weird, uncomfortable feeling in your presence, but he still wants your presence anyway. It's a lot of new sensations for him, and it's overwhelming. So many new feelings.

One, he doesn't understand why his stomach flutters when you smile at him, why chills run down his spine when you accidentally brush your hand across his. Well, he understands what it usually means for humans - but he's not human, surely, there's no way he could possibly experience that same "love" humans do, right?

Love is horrible after all - he's seen how humans obsess over it, how much tragedy it can bring to their lives, and, in particular, how much of a fool of themselves humans often make when "in love", especially the men.

He thinks he's above the human feelings, so he'll deny it to himself at first. It will likely be some kind of breaking point for him, particularly one in which you're in danger. Normally, he couldn't care less about people in danger - if someone isn't strong enough to protect themselves, they die, that's just how the world works. But he sees you shoved down, another human looming over you with murderous intent in their eyes, he sees the fear on your face and the tears streaming down and something in him snaps and bursts and gives way to the intense emotions he's tried to shove down. He'll go wild, and make quick work of the offender. And you'll thank him for saving you of course, even if the display was a bit horrifying to see.

It's not only that intense nervousness in the others presence, but an enjoyment of their presence. It's so contradictory and he hates it - he feels so nervous, so jittery around you, yet at the same time, something about your presence, your smiles, your voice is addictive to him and he needs more of it. He enjoys spending time with you - a new sensation.

Over time, as he becomes aware of how he feels, he becomes less flustered, more stone-faced and matter of fact about it. He accepts that he feels a sense of affection, now his concern is how to handle it. He just has no idea how to begin going about it. Does he just try to suppress it? Act on it? He acknowledges the possibility of rejection, what then? Of course, rejection wouldn't make him stop wanting you with him, it wouldn't even really deter him, but it would make things more difficult than if you accepted it. He spends a while contemplating, just trying to make sense of it all.

He ends up laying awake at night with you in his mind - it's pathetic, it irritates him. No human is important enough to occupy his mind. And yet, even if he tries, he can't stop. And, as much as it disgusts him, he finds himself feeling very physical sensations when thinking about you. That's the most irritating part, to him. He's always viewed humans' drive to copulate as disgusting, and really a pathetic weakness - again, he's seen the absolutely foolish things human men do and the extensive lengths they go to for just a spare crumb of sex. So the first few times he ends up getting a physical reaction to those late night thoughts, he'll try to ignore the throbbing and just go about his night, but eventually it starts to get painful. That's the point at which he decides he can't just sit around and do nothing.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

Unavoidable. But not the absolute fastest. He's far too confused by his feelings at first, and doesn't understand why he has the urge to do so. He'll experiment, spending time around you, trying to figure himself out. His prideful tsundere nature comes out then -- it's not like he enjoys your presence, no. He feels something very strange about you, and one of the possibilities in his mind is that perhaps he's being drawn to you because his subconscious perceives you as an enemy, perhaps. Something in him knows that you're up to no good, so he has to follow you, maybe. Those reasons are far more likely than actually enjoying being around you, he thinks.

As he comes to understand it better and is forced to acknowledge that he feels an affection for you, he begins to feel a darker urge. One of the things that forces him to recognize said affection is how much it irritates him to see you talk to others. He rationalizes this, as it is perfectly normal for humans to feel jealousy, isn't it? ... But are humans this upset when they see their beloved talk to their own family? Is it normal? Is it a thing with just the males, and that's why he feels that way? Surely the humans don't get this upset, or else they wouldn't let their beloveds have friends and speak to others, right? He doesn't really feel guilt for the urges, but he does feel bothered by the notion of having some abnormal desire, wonder if there's something wrong with him.

Well, he starts thinking back to history, and all the things he's witnessed, and that gives him... an idea. Teyvat has been around a long time. There have been several cultures and societies that did keep lovers... restrained. Confined to a house... forbidden from speaking to others... and that idea sounds nice, he thinks. Back in those days, no one would bat an eye at his desire to keep you away from the world, right? So really, it's not abnormal or weird at all. Things just change with time, but there's nothing abnormal about him, it's perfectly normal to want to prevent you from ever speaking to anyone else ever again. Sure, those cultures never went that far, but... it's the same idea, right?

So, he decides, there's nothing wrong with him, and in that case, he doesn't have any guilt or concern for your desires to hold him back. He's another one to take a fairly barbaric route -- he'll be one to show up while you sleep, clamp a hand over your mouth, gag you and tie you up, before leaving right out your window. He'll find an isolated, quiet, well-hidden place to reside, one with an enclosed, windowless room to keep you confined.

He doesn't like it, but he's not completely lacking in understanding human psychology. He wouldn't like to be in your shoes, wouldn't like if someone did to him what he's going to do to you, so he understands why you'll be upset, he prepares for it, even. He's not a delusional. So, from the beginning, he's already planning out how to make you compliant and love him. He settles on a simple tactic: utilize what he knows to force your human nature to love him.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape? 

Once you do get kidnapped, it's pretty tight security. Kind of like Albedo, he'll take you far away from society. Again, he's not super concerned with your desire on the matter, since this is about keeping you with him, it's about his imperatives. He doesn't really want to harm you, though, so there is a slight consideration. He's stuck on a balance of wanting to keep you agreeable and obedient, but keeping you confined is most important, so he'll try to keep it a bit comfortable. He'll get you a nice bed, very soft things. He's so nice, he'll even get you leather cuffs instead of metal ones. But you will be getting restrained, and no amount of begging will get him to take them off. He'll also give you nothing to do, and probably nothing to wear. Clothes are a waste and totally unnecessary when no one but him sees you. And the boredom will make you compliant. You'll be so unbearably bored that talking to him will be like a privilege. You'll start to look forward to it. You'll bond with him. He'll be your only source of mental stimulation. He's smart enough to figure that out when he's in the planning stages of your confinement, and already has this planned out.

Because he... struggles to feel high amounts of empathy when it's about what he wants, it's doubtful he'll ever really lighten up without incentive. Sure, he could lighten up on your restraints, but why should he? Sure, it would alleviate your suffering, but it would present the slightest chance of an escape. Your comfort isn't worth the insecurity and worry he'd have throughout the day. Why would he be so foolish as to feel that it was?

Escape attempts are an ultimate transgression to Xiao. He understands your stubbornness and anger to the extent that they don't hurt him too much, but an escape attempt is one of the few things you can do that make him feel genuine hurt. You won't get away for long, he will hunt you down in no time and he will ensure you're discouraged from ever attempting that again. He's not very hesitant to be brutal. Really, he doesn't want to hurt you just for the sake of it, but he knows how powerful fear and pain are. He'll make sure you are strongly dissuaded from another attempt. If you're, miraculously, brave enough to try again, he'll have to take a step further and make sure you can't.

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

Don't. He's not stupid, he tells you, the moment you try anything. And you really, really, really should be trying to avoid making him mad. Honestly, if you're at this point, you'd have to be either incredibly unafraid of pain, or just crazy to try and do anything that could result in his anger. He'll shut it down almost immediately, and tell you exactly that.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

He knows you need food and all that, so he'll generally get you whatever you want to make for yourself. He's got a limited list of things he's willing to eat so you'll quickly find yourself asking for the privilege of getting different foods please I'm begging you for something other than almond tofu, and he'll get you whatever you ask for, at least in that regard. He's not going to starve you or anything. But you'll find it's probably one of the only things you get much of a choice on.

If you want any relief from the harsh restraint and boredom, you have one option: succumb.

No amount of disobedience or disagreeableness will have him letting up on you. You might think you can hold out and be stubborn long enough to get him to cave, but you'd be wrong. You will crack before he does, and he knows it. He'll simply punish your disobedience, and wait out a bit more. And wait, and wait, and wait, because you won't last long. It's inevitable that you will succumb to him, start to crave him, start to be sweet and affectionate, and bond with him. At that point, maybe he'll let you walk around - hey, getting your muscles back to normal from the atrophy can be a bonding activity. And he might give you some approved tasks or books or the like. But at the first sign of a regression, the first sign of disobedience, the first sign of rejection from you, that will be gone, and you'll have to earn it back, starting back at square one.

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

Don't run away. Obey everything he says.

He doesn't make a rule against fighting him, really, and he doesn't need to. You'll be far too terrified of him to try, and even if you did, it would be like swatting a fly, he could disarm and incapacitate you in seconds.

And now, we get into one of the darker yanderes. Once again, Xiao doesn't really get emotions too well, and doesn’t understand his own all that much. His brain thinks in actions and results. If you're trying to run away, he'll simply have to make it so that you can't... ever again. He is one of the most likely yanderes to be open to truly, permanently incapacitating you to a severe degree to keep you with him. He understands why you're upset, but surely you knew the consequences, right? You tried to run away, it only makes sense that he would do something like this, you should understand that, even if you don't like it. You're foolish to try and talk him out of it, what, do you think he's going to be persuaded by you crying? If you were that opposed to it, you shouldn't have tried to run. Really, he doesn't understand why you humans do things as if there's no consequences.

Xiao... doesn't feel guilt. When it's something unintentional, something he didn't mean to do, he can, but when it's about what he wants? There's none, really. He usually goes on what works best for him, and for the most part, that's keeping you happy. But when your happiness goes against keeping you with him, his imperative takes priority. You'll get over it eventually, and he'll help you. He can carry you wherever you need to go, you don't need to walk.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

Eek.

Yeah it won't be pretty. He gets mad about rivals, and he perceives everyone as one. He's another one that doesn't really distinguish between romantic rivals and rivals for attention - your family and friends are just as much of a problem as any love interests, because you smile at them, you pay attention to them, you like them, and just that knowledge makes an unbearable rage boil inside him.

He's desensitized to violence, and doesn't really understand how it affects normal people - he won't think of how it might affect you to see it, so slaughtering people in front of you comes naturally to him. He's actually one of the ones who might get angry enough to make it slow, making sure they know what they did wrong, even if that consisted of simply being a stranger who smiled at you. If you react negatively, he won't really understand. He has some, but doesn't possess a lot of empathy. He'll chalk it up to you being a hysterical, emotional human with your incapacitating aversion to violence. He's glad he doesn't have such a strong aversion. Would make his job rather difficult.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

He's pretty easily set off. He gets frustrated because he thinks you're being unnecessarily difficult, and frankly he's very used to getting his way with things immediately. In his life, most of the things he wants are either given to him very easily, or are easily obtainable with a simple exertion of violence. Usually he can just, well, kill and slaughter and maim his way to any result he desires. This is one of the first issues he's dealt with that violence won't solve. Well... maybe not the extent he's used to. But nonetheless, perhaps a bit of controlled violence can solve his problems, at least to an extent.

His anger is, as you can imagine, terrifying. Sure, he'll reassure you that he won't kill you, but you can't get out of your head the images of the things you've seen him do by that point, the people you've undoubtedly seen die and suffer at his hands. He snarls and speaks in a deep, booming voice when he's at his angriest, and it's enough to make you panic. If he's angry enough, he knows he can't be around you, because he fears hurting you further than he means to, so he'll likely leave. If it's enough that he feels he can control it, though, it's not pretty. He's one to hold something in his hands and squeeze it to alleviate anger so hard it breaks. Just hope that doesn't happen to be your hand, arm, shoulder, or any other part of your person.

So they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

He doesn't... really care? I'm tempted to say far below, but really, the whole concept of relative value of humans and status and the like holds no meaning to him. He thinks it's foolish and pointless to even ponder such things.

As for his superiority in certain things, it's different. He's smarter than you. He's stronger than you. He's faster, he's more perceptive, he's more capable, he's wiser, he's more skilled. These things are just facts, they are the undeniable reality, he thinks. However, he doesn't really assign these things as having any ties to the relative value of an individual, and in his mind, humans don't really, either. Didn't they prioritize the lives of children? Children are far lesser in every way, but humans treat them as most important, even if they rightfully see them as inferior in every way. So it's the same with him, he thinks. In every field, you're inferior, but that doesn't really matter, worth and relative position are worthless human ideas.

As for treatment, however, he treats you as lower, which is all that really matters. He wants obedience and submission, and he'll get it, no matter what extent he has to go to.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

He's in the middle - one of the ones that would LIKE for you to love them, but in the end, even if they feel like you never will, they still want you anyway. He'll never stop trying, though.

He's got a lot of pride and wouldn't resort to groveling and desperately trying the way some would. Like a few others, he kinda automatically feels like he deserves the things he wants, including your love. But his unfamiliarity with human emotions leads him to be a little confused and unable to read you. He knows humans play "hard to get," and may assume that's what you're doing. And he recognizes that by kidnapping you, he is removing you from your friends and family, so he concludes that you're only mean to him because you're mad. And anger settles down with time, right? He also knows that, even if humans don't like someone, if they're forced to spend time around them, they'll form a bond. So what he concludes is that simply time is needed. Time to let anger simmer down, time to forget about those others, time to inevitably come to depend on him.

With his experimentation, what he discovers is that even if you aren't affectionate, he is still happier with your presence than without. So he'll keep you no matter what, he decides. You'll come around eventually. And gradually, even if it's ever so slow, you will. You will, no matter how hard you may fight it, the effects of such isolation are ultimately inevitable.

Some yanderes might be upset by the notion that they have to mentally deteriorate their darling to obtain love - they want you to love them "organically" and feel like love born from mindbreak and isolation isn't "real." You might think he'd be like that, due to his tendency to be prideful, but he's actually not. Xiao doesn't understand emotions well enough to distinguish little differences like that. Sure he had to use a strategy, but it's still love, isn't it? It's the same thing, so why should how it came about matter? It took a little bit of extra work, is all. And although he won't say so, he thinks you're worth it.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Is somewhat reluctant to confess to you and may try to come up with some other reason as to why he did it, but it's kinda obvious when he's so concerned about you, so blushy and flustered in the beginning and the way he runs his hands through your hair when he thinks you're asleep. But yeah, initially he might try to think up some way to explain why your kidnapping is for some other weird complex reason he made up, and not just because he really REALLY wants you all to himself.

He's also very matter-of-fact about things. He says things with a straight face, no matter how horrifying, sweet, or inappropriate they may be. Doesn't matter if he's finally confessing his love, talking about how he wants to keep you locked away forever, or threatening to break your legs, it'll all generally be carried with the same facial expression and tone of voice. The only difference is the eye contact and slight blush if it's one of the former.

You may be able to catch moments of vulnerability, especially late-stage, months into your new life. If you've been highly affectionate, and he trusts you, he might seek some reassurance every now and then, in a soft, quiet voice, for a few precious moments of gentleness that don't come very often.

As aforementioned, Xiao has little to no sense of empathy nor guilt when it comes to obtaining the things he desires. What he does feel is wanting you to be happy... because it makes him feel good inside. In a way, you could say his love is incredibly selfish, because it's entirely about his happiness when it comes down to it. Normally, seeing you happy makes him happy, so your imperatives line up. And he's willing to maybe change some things to make you happier -- ok, fine, sure, he won't torture them to death, he'll just kill them. But he has limits to how much he'll compromise for you. Ultimately, when your imperatives don't align with his, he won't even consider yours for a mere moment. His brain just can't really consider anything but acting for his own desires. When he gets mad at people for hurting you, it's because it's an insult to him. It's part of why he's one that will settle for having you - ultimately, what he wants matters more than your happiness... but that's because he wants you, and loves you so, so much, you know? Don't think it's not love, though. It's incredibly selfish, self-serving, and inconsiderate, but it's hard to say it's not love.

Somewhat relating to the above, he realizes pretty quickly you're likely afraid of him, especially after what you've undoubtedly witnessed by that point. He doesn't want that, really. He wants a healthy level of fear, just enough to avoid running away, but he doesn't like seeing you cry and tremble because you're so afraid of his brutality. He doesn't help, though, because he thinks you fear death, and death alone, and in his lack of understanding, he will go through a very specific list of exactly what he will do, which frankly would only serve to make things worse.

"It's alright... I won't kill you, you know. You're foolish if you don't understand the difference... They only died because they wanted to take you away from me. You're the reason they died, so, I wouldn't kill you... I've already decided what to do at certain points. If you try to run away once or twice, I'll just break your legs, and if you try a third time, I can just take your legs off. That should prevent any further attempts, so I have no reason to kill you. So you shouldn't be so upset... don't look so afraid all the time. What? No, I don't mean your whole legs... just at the feet. Why are you still crying? I can just take off one if it's that upsetting... It's only if you run away."

You should probably know that he doesn't make empty promises, either.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

Boy has no idea what to do. He's only ever jerked off and always feels disgusted when he does, he only has anatomical knowledge of female bodies from medical diagrams he's seen once or twice.  Not that he'll tell you that. But you'll know, I mean, once he forces your legs open he's just staring in both awe and confusion, probably just sits there for a moment slightly flustered because?? Where's he supposed to put it in?? How does he do this? He'll figure it out, but it might take a few rough thrusts of him just rutting against you.

Drive goes from non existent to highish, he's got what you call a reactive sexuality. Really, he used to just jerk off only to relieve the buildup, because he found it gross whenever it would happen in his sleep. Reactive sexualities are when a person doesn't have a super high drive on their own, but will react to stimuli from persons or sights around them, and will get significantly higher when around someone they love. Before, he never had anything to react to, so he rarely got horny, but now? He has you. And you... Trigger some reactions.

And that being said, he's so unfamiliar with horniness and sex that it's constantly an exploration process for him too. He'll spend some time just... learning. Touching here and there, figuring out what makes your breath hitch and toes curl. It's a fascinating thing to him, really.

He doesn't talk about it much, nor during, he just kind of... acts. You don't get much of a verbal warning, he'll just kind of pick you up and move you around to however he wants.

Pretty decently sized, but isn't aware of it. He hasn't had the opportunity to be around too many other people to know. If you try to tell him it's too big for you, he'll just be incredibly confused, isn't your body literally made to be able to do this? He's actually not going to get particularly smug or anything, he just sees it as an irritation that you're so reluctant and try to fight because of it, but he does like watching you convulse and squirm once he's already in you.

He's actually not that much of a sadist, so much as he likes power. Pain is par for the course, it's a part of every aspect of life and he's essentially desensitized to it. But power and control, now that does something for him.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

Not particularly concerned with it. Once again, he's decided to utilize what he knows to maximize your acceptance and love. He knows that orgasms release a bunch of feel-good chemicals, that they cause bonding, that they make you more complacent, and, for the sake of submission, that it'll humiliate you and make you unable to really defy him, as he can hold it over your head, and with time you'll accept him. Over time, he knows, you'll come to crave any physical touch you can get. And while he's more than willing to hold you and sleep curled up with you, he'd be lying if he said this wasn't his favorite and preferred form of physical affection.

Besides, he's been fighting off the urges for forever at this point, he's not going to wait around. Pretty much will be ready to do it as soon as you wake up, and you'll probably already be bound up and lacking any clothes by the time you do. He's not very hesitant. It's yet another case of wanting what he wants and getting what he wants. He's one that will bound you up pretty heavily, hands tied above your head, legs pulled back and tied to the headboard, so it's not like you can do much against it anyway. He understands your hesitancy, be it out of anger or fear, but he's also hard and fast enough that you can't really form a lot of words, so it's not too discouraging.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

He's not really familiar with any at first, and he has to experiment around. You would think normally an inexperienced boy would want the female to take the lead, but noooo, he's way too proud for that.

Oral fixation

The most shameful one to him. It's disgusting, he thinks, it's unnatural, it goes against the very purpose of sex to procreate, but he knows it exists, he's heard of how it goes and God when you talk and smile he desperately wants to see your mouth wrapped around his dick. When you're laying under him he just has an uncontrollable urge to just buy his face between your legs and lick at everything he can, and eventually he'll cave to both of those urges. The latter will be very unprompted and unanticipated, probably you're not even getting it on at the moment - something like you're sleeping, you're just laying there, your legs open a bit and he just rips off whatever you have on and stuffs his head between your legs - he's not skilled by any means, but works with such an intensity and speed that you'll cum on his face anyway.

If he's mad, he can get rough with the former. Hearing you gag and choke, watching the tears run down your face helps satisfy his anger quite a bit. Unfortunately for you, he can last quite a while, and will grab your hair and force your face down, or really, he's one to lay you on the edge of a bed on your back and really fuck your throat out. And he won't let you spit it out either -- he'll hold your mouth shut with his hands and force you to swallow every little bit.

Finger-fucking

He was once told the trick of putting your fingers inside and curling them, and that's an easy instruction to follow. He'll try it out, and once he watches how it makes you gasp and whimper, he'll get addicted to it, moving his fingers harsh and fast. He likes it because he's not too distracted by his own physical sensations, other than the throbbing hard-on, and can really take in your faces, noises, and really watch you come undone. As an added bonus, he's definitely not going to just leave it at that, no, and he discovers very quickly you're particularly sensitive immediately after one orgasm, reacting with extra loud squeals and harsh clenching when he presses against your extremely sensitive insides. And he likes that quite a bit.

D/S dynamic / bondage

It helps him restore his damaged pride from his embarrassment over the fact that he even has sexual urges in the first place. He deserves to be worshipped, he deserves to have you on your knees in front of him. In particular, he loves to give you commands, see you follow through with them. It's empowering. It's reassuring. Probably the type to want to be called master. He feels its appropriate. And he'd definitely be one to make it an all-the-time, 24/7 sort of dynamic too. He can be gentle about it, too, and will reward you for being well-behaved. The dynamic, the rewards, the praise, all makes you all the more slowly, but surely, succumbing to him, giving in, and finally accepting him.

Tying you up prevents you from moving around too much, and that's the initial reason for it, but he realizes very very quickly that something about seeing you that way is very, very pleasing to him. It gives him a sense of power and control in addition to what he already has established. It also helps alleviate a bit of his nervousness surrounding the whole thing. When you're all tied up, probably blindfolded too, he can just run his hands up and down, stare at your body, figure out what's where and see everything without you squirming around.

Masturbation instruction/voyeurism

Something about just watching you touch yourself drives him up the wall with horniness. It also helps give him an idea of what the fuck he’s supposed to do (again, not that he’ll tell you that). But more importantly, it’s yet another control thing. He won’t just let you go at it, no, he’ll be very specific with his instructions, and expects you to follow them perfectly. He’ll make you edge yourself and even overstimulate yourself, demanding you keep going even after you cum, and even if you can’t, he’ll just swat your hand aside and do it himself.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

He's... Not sure if it's even possible? If so, the whole idea makes him feel a bit odd. Small little beings, ones that look like him, ones that share his blood? The whole concept is so strange. He'd probably want to find out if such a thing is even possible, considering your differences, but he would likely be somewhat opposed to it, as it feels weird to him. He would become more accustomed to the idea with time, though. And one thing he neglects to remember, even if he knows, is that you have to pull out to avoid that, and he definitely doesn't.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

Overstimulation is a go-to, as is forced orgasms. Tying back to his finger-fucking tendencies, he learns how sensitive orgasms make you, and how torturous it can be. Even if he can't keep going, after he fucks you a few times, he can still go with his mouth, fingers, over and over and over again, until you're sobbing and begging from the overstimulation. He thinks there's something weirdly beautiful about how something can bring you so much pleasure and pain, be so good yet so unbearable. Seeing you cry while you convulse, hiss from the pain when you're so sensitive that even the lightest touches are painful. Just watching it gives him an electrifying feeling. As a bonus, it will just make you more bonded, the overload of the positive chemicals in your body will bind you to the very person inflicting such a torture on your body. How ironic.

He'd be one for impact pain too, potentially with his hands, but he's one that's more likely to invest in something like a riding crop, or just a belt. He likes the fear of it, too, seeing how you wince and whimper just by hearing it crack before he even does anything to you.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

Hips and thighs. He likes grabbing, pulling you back onto him. Running his hands over them. He likes that when he's rough enough, his hands leave bruises on them. It's really pretty to him, and just an ever so blatant reminder of your place... to him, and, he knows, to you.

[daesungindistress]

1) Different anon here, but there's also that humiliating punishment he was made to endure by standing outside naked. Don't think that can be explained by cultural differences since his neighbour was shocked and tried to help him. After telling that story at D-na, he kinda laughed it off and said he was drained of energy now and wanted to go home. In BB pre-debut documentary, he told a story of being quite young, complaining about some side dishes and his dad punished him by not allowing him to

eat for 3 days. I’m sorry, but so much of what Daesung has revealed over the years about his upbringing is disturbing and sad. It’s what has made me think that his humility and tendency to be easily scared/startled probably didn’t stem from the best circumstances. Also concerns me that he recently revealed that he thinks he would be a strict father bc of how he was brought up - I hope that doesn’t include the kind of pain and humiliation that was inflicted upon him as a child.

Thanks for writing. I’m just gonna go ahead and put my entire reply under a cut, to save dashes everywhere.

I’m glad you mentioned cultural differences. Because I was talking to another tumblr user some time ago about Daesung’s punishment where he was made to stand outside naked, and as much as it pains me to think about, I just couldn’t bring myself to condemn his father for it and, say, start screaming abuse. I definitely don’t like it and do find it disturbing, but even so, I can’t help wondering… though it seems extreme to me, could this perhaps be a matter of perspective? (Although, yes, his neighbor’s reaction might be a big red flag.)

Asian parents are notoriously strict. For example: one of my good friends is Chinese, born and raised in China until moving to the US at 10 years old, and based on some stories she’s shared with me… sometimes things are just… different over there. Right, China is not Korea, but still. Somehow, about a month ago, while with a group of friends, we all got to talking about our parents’ varying levels of strictness with us growing up. She told us of a time she almost got caught in a lie in high school for a fairly minor thing; said her life “flashed before her eyes,” and went on to explain how that’s not just an expression, that it really, truly felt that way. This was coming from someone not easily rattled.

At the risk of getting long-winded, let me explain that last bit. Back in college (which is where we met and became roommates), while visiting her parents for the weekend, their house was burglarized. She was there alone and the men who broke in tied her up and left her on the bed while they took what they could. She said one of them peeked under her skirt and asked how old she was, but otherwise left her alone (she told them she was… I don’t remember the exact age, but made herself out to be a minor, which she most definitely was not. Smart though). We met up at a pizza joint a few days later so she could tell me about it, and I’ll never forget sitting there across the table from her like, “…WHAT?!” I asked her if she was okay, surprised by her nonchalance over it all, and she just shrugged and said, well, yeah, and as far as I can tell it’s never really bothered her since.

Anyway… this is why that recent comment she made about how she feared her parents in her formative years really surprised me, knowing that she’s not easily shaken, and makes me a bit less inclined to think too hard on Daesung’s accounts of how his own parents chose to “scold” him (using his word). FWIW, my friend and her parents have a good relationship today; she meets them for lunch/dinner from time to time and speaks well of them… although she did say that if she were to live with her parents again she would still have a curfew– at 28 years old!

Look, I don’t like it either, these stories Daesung is sharing with us about how his father disciplined him as a child. I would never condone sending any child outside naked to humiliate them for some wrong committed. In a scenario like that I absolutely would have been the neighbor covering him up and ushering him inside. “Beating” him daily, whatever that means, also sounds bad for sure… though I’d like to know exactly what was meant by that since “beat” may have been the fan’s word for it, not Daesung’s. Semantics are important. (And keep in mind he’s speaking in Japanese, not his mother tongue; it’s possible something was lost in translation: from Korean->Japanese->English.) Lastly, while I understand sending a child to bed without dinner for being a picky eater, withholding meals for 3 days is way overdoing it (thanks for sharing, I hadn’t heard that). God, and to think I just reblogged a post a few days ago about how Daesung is “always looking forward to eating”… The thought of him suffering from hunger, of all things, hits me really hard. :(

Also like you, this is giving me second thoughts about how readily he submits to authority. Being well-mannered and respectful isn’t a bad thing at all, quite the contrary! But it’s terribly sad to think that this might have come about as a result of his father quite literally beating it into him. And how he scares when something comes at him suddenly… I’ve known people (my childhood best friend) who were easily startled seemingly for no particular reason, and I’ve always assumed Daesung’s case was the same, but after hearing these snippets I can’t help wondering. It is disturbing. It is sad.

However… the fact that he’s sharing these things so openly, on stage in front of hundreds (is that right? I don’t know how many are attending these smaller shows) gives me this nagging suspicion that these kinds of punishments might not be all that out of the ordinary where he’s from (coming back around to cultural differences). It’s possible that he’s doing so with the expectation that the fans in the audience, being almost entirely Japanese, are going to nod along with a kind of “been there, done that” mentality.After all, this is Daesung, who prefers to keep his thoughts and worries to himself and goes out of his way to avoid burdening others with his problems. D na Show is supposed to be a fun environment; I struggle to picture him revealing these things if he thought they would shock and appall, or deemed them too serious for such a setting. So for now I’m sort of… reading, frowning, filing it away, and moving on.

That said, I too am just a little concerned about his comments regarding being a “strict” father; it depends on what he means by that. It’s incredibly difficult for me to imagine him doling out such punishments, but if it’s how he was raised and it’s all he knows… maybe it’s not too far-fetched. At the same time, it’s not really any of my business how he chooses to raise his future kids. Anyway, that other tumblr user I talked with about this, she said something that I thought was beautiful and sad and hopeful all at once, and even though I still hesitate to use the term abuse I’d like to repeat her words here: “The abuse doesn’t always repeat itself. Sometimes it just chips away at love and trust.”

I know this has been all over the place so I’m gonna wrap it up, but if there’s one positive thing to come of this, it’s seeing Daesung’s courage and resilience made evident like never before. The fact that he was able to essentially defy his father’s wishes, not just risking his disapproval but actively working against it, now knowing more about how authoritative and intimidating he could be… Becoming a successful idol/singer in spite of doubts (his own, his father’s, and those of everyone else who didn’t think he had what it took)… is, I think, a testament to just how strong a person he really is.

(Editing to add: anyone who grew up in an Asian household, please feel free to write me to help shed some light on whether Daesung’s comments about his upbringing seem culturally “normal” or not. I’d hate to find that I’m being totally ignorant about this.)