#bc i didn't want it to seem like i was trying to hijack nonbaznary's post

[angelsfalling16]

Bouncing off of this post that @nonbaznary made, I wanted to expand on some of the things I said in the tags of my reblog.

In regards to Simon and Baz’s first kiss: I love snowbaz and the idea of them being rivals to lovers, but I have to admit that I do not like the way their first kiss was handled. (So much so that I have rewritten it 20+ times, but didn’t truly understand why until today.)

I understand that Simon was desperate to help Baz and even said he wanted Baz to stop talking like that, but one kiss doesn’t magically fix everything.

I love Carry On, don’t get me wrong, but I absolutely hate that the fact that Baz was suicidal and actively trying to kill himself in that forest doesn’t get mentioned after that, except possibly in Simon’s mentioning of Baz’s not going to therapy.

Not only does this get ignored in the book, but I feel like this gets overlooked by the fandom a lot. I’m not trying to blame anyone; I myself have been wary about bringing this up for years, but I feel like we need to make sure that we are not ignoring this because as someone who used to be suicidal, it hurts to see how easily people just look over Baz’s suicide attempt and what this means for Baz.

Sure, Baz may appear fine in the days immediately after his suicide attempt/the kiss, but that doesn’t mean anything. First of all, they were dealing with the threat of the Mage and the Humdrum, and there wasn’t too much time to address it. Second, Baz has obviously been hiding this deep pain that he’s in from everyone for a long time, and no one saw it until he tipped over that edge. He has gotten really good at pretending like he’s fine and hiding his pain, which means he could have gone right back to doing that and fooled everyone into thinking he was fine.

This is so dangerous. If everyone believes Baz is fine, they won’t be looking for the warning signs. And even if he was in a  nice, happy relationship, that doesn’t mean he isn’t at risk of harming himself. (And let’s face it; their relationship isn’t exactly a happy one in Wayward Son.)

I know we can’t change anything that happens in canon, but it is important that we have this conversation. And please, the nest time you’re romanticizing the idea of Simon “saving Baz” by kissing him, take a step back and look at what else was going on in that scene. Baz would have killed himself if Simon hadn’t stopped him, and those feelings don’t just go away.

Anyway, TLDR: When you’re thinking about Simon and Baz’s first kiss, don’t forget that Baz was trying to kill himself in that scene. Baz was in a really bad place if he got to that point, and we need to remember that and not just focus on the kissing part of it.