#bc he realized he didn't have to put on a performance for anyone

[rosamariaa]

my top 5 favorite book wolfstar moments

this is all for funsies. I'm going to be very honest here: I don't really think wolfstar is implied in the books, but I feel like if I put my shipper googles I CAN prove that those two were, at least, a bit weird about each other!

1. Remus "ideals" going askrew for Sirius:

We have two moments in the books where we see Remus being pretty ruthless when it came to the war, he thinks that if there's a way to put a enemy down then you should do it:

prisioner of azkaban, chapter eighteen:

"You should have realized," said Lupin quietly, "if Voldemort didn't kill you, we would. Good-bye, Peter."

deathly hollows, chapter 5:

Lupin looked aghast. “Harry, the time for Disarming is past! These people are trying to capture and kill you! At least Stun if you aren’t prepared to kill!”

However, when he was talking to Harry about Sirius reciving the dementor's kiss this is what Mr. Lupin has to offer:

prisioner of azkaban, chapter twelve:

[...] Lupin drank a little more butterbeer, then said, "It's the fate that awaits Sirius Black. It was in the Daily Prophet this morning. The Ministry have given the dementors permission to perform it if they find him." [...] "He deserves it," [harry] said suddenly. "You think so?" said Lupin lightly. "Do you really think anyone deserves that?"

This makes me actually go bonkers like... When he found out it was Peter all along he was full on ready to kill him but when he belived it was Sirius doing the same damn thing then suddenly no one deserves it... christ we see you remus lupin, we see you...

2. Moving in thogeter

I don't even have anything to say for this one just.. *gestures vaguely*

Order of the phoenix, chapter 6:

[...] and Lupin, who was staying in the house with Sirius but who left it for long periods to do mysterious work for the Order [...]

It's so funny cos like... he didn't need to do that... no one else is staying there even though it's the order's HQ.

And we know that as poor as Remus is he does have a house (Sirius stays there for a bit at the end of GOF) so he just... moves in... just because. yea.

a little extra scene that it's kinda funny, imagine finding out your teacher and godfather are dating by calling said godfather and said teacher picks up... lol :

Harry opened his eyes to find that he was looking up out of the kitchen fireplace at the long, wooden table, where a man sat poring over a piece of parchment. “Sirius?” The man jumped and looked around. It was not Sirius, but Lupin. “Harry!” he said, looking thoroughly shocked. “What are you — what’s happened, is everything all right?”

3. Remus is Sirius' good boy

Okay I will try not to ramble about this one but... I can't help it. He quite literally calls Remus a good boy you can not make this shit up.

Order of the phoenix, chapter 9:

Sirius, who was right beside Harry, let out his usual barklike laugh. “No one would have made me a prefect, I spent too much time in detention with James. Lupin was the good boy, he got the badge.”

I think what drives me insane about this one is that even though Remus had the same sense of humor as the other boys (although his was quieter and dry), they were a bit different. Sirius himself says that Remus would make them feel ashamed of themselves sometimes and, of course it depends on how you view Sirius, but to me I feel like he is a person that doesn't really put up with things just to please someone and so I feel like if it were a random person he would just go like "Well if you don't like what we do fuck off I guess" but since it was Remus he doesn't get annoyed at all and it makes it seem like he has a soft spot for Remus:

Order of the phoenix, chapter 29:

“Of course he was a bit of an idiot!” said Sirius bracingly. “We were all idiots! Well — not Moony so much,” he said fairly, looking at Lupin, but Lupin shook his head.

likeee that's his boy!!

4. Giving harry a joint present

You see, this one is very funny to me bc I was watching Sex and the city a few weeks ago and there's a scene where Carrie takes Mr. Big as her plus one to a wedding and of course she asks him to put his name on the present and he just. refuses. He has several commitment issues and even tho they were together for months at that point he thought a joint present "was too much".

And naturally my first thought was "oh wow that's so crazy bc in the children's book series 'Harry Potter', harry's godfather and teacher gave him a joint present without second thought". After moving in together. yea.

Order of the phoenix, chapter 23:

Sirius and Lupin had given Harry a set of excellent books entitled Practical Defensive Magic and Its Use Against the Dark Arts, [...]

how does that makes you feel mr.big

5. Intimacy

Last but not least (literally I think this is my favorite?) three moments that I think it shows us just how close those two are. Not even romantically, but in friendship too.

Order of the Phoenix, chapter 14:

[...] said Sirius with a wry smile. “I know she’s a nasty piece of work, though — you should hear Remus talk about her.”

We know Remus is a Nice Guy. He does everything he can to maintain at least a civil relationship with the people around him (save moments of distrees and his little cynical comments in poa, of course). And so the fact that he has a little "can I be mean?" moment with Sirius is just so funny... I just know Sirius supports all Remus' moments of haterism <3

Order of the phoenix, chapter 5:

“Molly, you’re not the only person at this table who cares about Harry,” said Lupin sharply. “Sirius, sit down.” Mrs. Weasley’s lower lip was trembling. Sirius sank slowly back into his chair, his face white

Order of the phoenix, chapter 29:

“I’m coming up there to have a word with Snape!” said Sirius force-fully and he actually made to stand up, but Lupin wrenched him backdown again.

I know people always talks about those 2 moments with the sense of like... oh wow remus asks and Sirius obeys thats hot and I AGREE it's the same thing I said before: If it was anyone else I think he would go "fuck off no" but since it's Remus he just do it unquestioned.

but ALSO. I feel like it does show how close they are... Close enough to push someone backwards etc those two lived together for more than a decade... they are Close and are used to each other and I think that's beautiful :')

[erzva]

…

zoro

how he shows love

acts of service & physical touch

zoro is a very sufficient and blunt, cut to the chase kinda guy bc he doesn't like waiting. he prefers things to be direct. he's not good with words and he doesn’t see the point in being. he doesn't like talking bc he's more of a listener, so he isn't too big on words of affirmations, in both ways.

he would get annoyed with disgusting over the top phrases about how great he is or how much you love him. even worse if you use stupid petnames. he would just be very weirded out and annoyed.

he's awkward with words. he never seems to be able to put what he's thinking into words correctly. it frustrates him that he is bad at conversing. most he can do is say that you're cool or impressive. if you're looking for a romantic poet, he's not the one for you. he just trusts you know that he loves and cares for you without having to put it into complicated words. the most you’ll get from him is an “i love you”/“i’m in love with you”. that’s as straight forward as it gets. he can do that.

he's an ‘actions speak louder than words’ person. he'll make sure you feel as loved as possible with the little amount of sweet talk you get from him. but just bc he can't tell you how much he loves you in riddled poems doesn't mean he isn't loving. it’s evident that he’s in love with you with all the things he does for you. you definitely get prince:ss treatment.

he's always near you, hovering like a shadow. he seems like a puppy the way he follows you around. or rather a grumpy wolf, ready to ward off anyone who gets too close. he sneaks little touches throughout the day and always finds a way to surprise you and make you feel special. and he gives the best hugs. they're warm and soft and he just holds you so perfectly. or maybe it’s just that you fit into him so well bc he’s so buff. it definitely adds to the confortness.

he doesn't really like/need quality time. he is a very out of sight out of mind person and spending a lot of time with someone is not an indicator of how much you love them to him. at least that’s what he used to think before you came along. he can’t help but feel warm whenever you seek him out to spend your free time with him. and he has found himself doing the same with you without even realizing it, accompanying you almost everywhere you went.

what he needs from you

physical touch & quality time / affirmations

your love prevails even after long periods of time apart but he would still rather have you with him all the time. that way he has an eye on you and can protect you. not that you can’t do it yourself, he just feels more at ease that way. you not being with him makes him worry and feel stressed so quality time is definitely something he needs now. you don't have to be doing anything important, just being together with you is good for him.

he likes it when you watch him train for example. having your eyes on him makes him wanna perform even better than usual and catching you staring at his chest or back is always something he looks forward to. and even though he gives his best and powers himself out, he’s never too tired for a little fun afterwards. your reward for being so patient.

he especially loves it when you join him for a nap. there's nothing that makes him feel more content than feeling your warmth and body close to his while he's sleeping. again, he likes having you close in case anything happens but it's also just very comforting and comfortable. he sleeps much better with you. he didn't know what a good night of sleep was before you joined him for a nap for the first time. and now he hates it whenever he has to sleep alone. but waking up alone is even worse. you need to join him for naps. if you see him napping just go lay down beside him so he can feel ok.

you’re good with your words. (even if you aren’t, it seems that way to him bc he’s not) and he admires that. he’s fascinated with how well you articulate yourself. he holds the same admiration for robin. only that his admiration for you is a bit stronger because your words are often directed at him, spoken in secret in your chambers with no one else to hear but him. and unfortunately he has grown to like it.

…

[inkie-does-whump]

I hope you don’t mind but I have some questions abt ur lab au

Is Ren close with anyone else other thab Martyn?

We saw a bit in the Mumbo oneshot, but how is Mumbo and Scar’s friendship in it? (im biased bc i love them as besties LOL)

Any info on Netty and her relationship with Martyn (pre lab and during it)?

You’ve mentioned how Grian is post-incident, hypothetically how would he react if he got outside (like free?)

Does Scott get hired out for more things than just dancing?

Oh lots of questions! Okay, let's see how many I can answer lol (by the way, if anyone else has several questions, it's helpful for me if you send in several asks instead of one big one)

-Is Ren close with anyone other than Martyn?

Yes! The subjects that can stomach seeing him like this do spend plenty of time with him. They have to go out of their way to see him, since he has his own little enclosure with some fake grass and a dog kennel. Obviously Martyn visits him often, but he also gets plenty of visits from other subjects like Bdubs, Scar, Skizz, Cleo and (when he's with the HC batch of subjects) also False and Doc. Sometimes other subjects just come over to enjoy the grass

-What is Mumbo and Scar's friendship like?

Mumbo and Scar are pretty close. They consider themselves a trio with Grian, even though Grian doesn't participate much. They just find wherever he's hanging out that day, and sit down beside him.

Scar taught them how to make paper flower crowns once, and even though Grian didn't move to make his own, he was still decorated with half a dozen by the end of the day.

The flowers were all yellow.

Scar called them buttercups.

-Netty and Martyn relationship?

Pre-lab, Netty and Martyn had been engaged. They were actually taking a road trip to their wedding location when they got kidnapped, so a bunch of their wedding things were taken with them (most of them the Watchers resold online). The two of them were some of the very first people the Watchers kidnapped, and they put up quite a fight, so the Watchers struggled to get them to the lab.

Martyn managed to grab the wedding rings as he was dragged out. They were still clutched in his firm grip when they reached the lab.

There they made some new friends and -after realizing that would never escape and coping- decided to continue the wedding right there in the lab. They decorated a room with things they scraped together and said their vows right there.

The Watchers hated all that love

-What would happen if Grian was freed?

Hmmm. I don't think I can answer this without spoilers. I'll answer this later ;)

-What does Scott get rented for?

Scott gets rented for two main things. Other than performing (cough cough, you know what that means), he is also advertised as a "personal assistant" which sometimes means he ends up deep cleaning someone's house for them, and sometimes it means sleeping in an unfamiliar bed. Rentings are always difficult for Scott since he's low energy (from not eating. He's never at threat of death though, the Watchers force him to take supplements so they don't lose him)

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

super indulgent genshin oc concept bc i've been thinking too much about capitano and ororon's dynamic in the story lore ramblings and ideas under the cut for anyone interested hahah;;, beware - long-ass post

(obviously spoilers ahead for the natlan AQ)

haven't picked out a name yet but we could probably scara him and call him 'vessel' or smth anyway, i was thinking too much abt how, in a way, ororon's situation sorta- idk if 'mirrors' is the word, but it has some similarities to what was ultimately going on w capitano? the difference was of course that while ororon failed to be a vessel to send lingering souls into the night kingdom, capitano didn't fail. quite famoulsy. so while that's super interesting and all, i couldn't help but think how they could've pushed that idea further? like you have to make this connection yourself. not even ororon, who spends a good chunk of the AQ thinking about what happened back then, made any remark about how similar it was to what ended up happening to capitano (that i recall?). did we ever find out if the ritual they tried w ororon had ever been performed before? i don't remember. it might've been, but it could've also been a hypothetical of sorts that they figured they could just try. anyway, regardless, i started thinking about if they HAD done it before, how interesting it would've been to actually get an account of what went down. as in- in further detail. bc then we could've possibly had a stronger/more evident connection between capitano's ordeal and ororon, and it would've been more clear what ororon sort of- dodged. if that makes any sense. like we know thanks to capitano but still, it's not the exact same scenario. so you can probably see where this is going lmao

this guy (we'll go with 'the vessel') is the result of my brainworms thinking about how it could've worked if we had one of the previous 'sacrifices' of the ritual (or maybe even the only other one) appear in the story. maybe he could've been from around the time citlali was still young (like before she realized she wasn't aging), so before she was renowned and in a position where she would've been able to easily stop the ritual. i think it would be really interesting if she could've like- still protested? y'know? but since she didn't have a high position she felt like it would've been pointless. this would make it all the more compelling the fact that she still didn't outright protest against ororon's ritual, and would've given more weight to her complicated guilt/relief over the whole ordeal. so all the way back then (like 200ish years?) they found a fella with an incomplete soul, trained him to prepare him since the situation wasn't nearly as dire n so there was time (and would make more sense if it was also the first time they were doing this), and then successfully performed the ritual. or at least as successfully as they thought, bc i think it would be all the more appaling if like- ororon's was always meant to be a capitano pre-ronova situation. he would've carried these souls w him and he would've been laid to rest but HE wouldn't have really rested, if that makes sense? not just killing him. maybe that's what it was and i just can't remember. anyway. if it was something like that, then the vessel would've been essentially put to sleep somewhere in a secret cave or whatever, acting as a sort of waiting room for the souls in him to stay w him and not roam the land until they could get into the night kingdom. but since the situation w the night kingdom was worse than anyone had expected, the souls sort of never moved on, and stayed w the vessel, dormant in that cave.

like that, ororon's ritual has failed and we have a more interesting situation going on – citlali's conflict is even more complex, the MotNW are more morally gray, ororon's 'failure' is more weighty given the vessel's ritual did seemingly help out a ton, and capitano has a more interesting parallel w the whole situation. in this scenario of course the natlan AQ has much better pacing etc. it would be more harrowing if we're allowed to stew w the souls disturbed from the night kingdom and sort of haunting the land like they were when we were helping them w citlali n xilonen, i feel like that happened too fast. if the souls were disturbed in that way, then so too would the vessel's rest be disturbed, and i think it would be hilarious if at some point in that little section we get the MotNW in a panic like 'HE IS GONE. HE IS OUT OF THE CAVE' and the traveler is like who???? it would be so funny. so the vessel essentially wakes up, accidentally escapes from his cave, n then starts wandering natlan in a daze bc he's like 200yrs in the future, he's confused, and he has a bunch of souls backseating his existence van hoenheim style. the gang could then meet him n we could have ororon have his little crisis over it n the vessel himself also have conflicting feelings over it etc capitano probably figured out/found out ororon's whole situation w the failed ritual, so when the vessel wakes up, capitano could probably show up and start sort of being oddly inclined to have chats w him. by that point in the story we wouldn't know capitano is in p much his exact same shoes, so this would be a weird sort of 'wtf is he planning' moment. the vesssel wouldn't be able to quite join in on capitano's plan, but since he was trained specifically for this whole ordeal, we could have him and capitano sort of compare notes n theorize how they could both just Fucking Rest. i think the ronova thing would play out the same (wouldn't want to take that away from capitano since that was his wholeass reason for being there), but they would've sort of off-camera (we get shown this afterwards) figured out that if capitano's plan works, then the vessel could sort of use him as a conduit to guide the souls through him and into the night kingdom. sort of like a passage that only he can access. so capitano goes and sits down, and then the vessel sort of sits down by his feet and joins him. then capitnao isn't alone and since i'm nothing if not a simp the first thing i thought when i saw him sitting there was those really heartwrenching fanarts people make of xiao kneeling by the rex lapis statue and resting his head on a thigh/knee, and i can't get the image out of my head, so. vessel -> xiao, capitano -> rex lapis statue, you get it i don't need to explain this any more LMAO i didn't even think of it as ship material (though you bet the fandom would make it so if this was canon. not that i'd protest), but more as a. sort of like- a sudden bastion of understanding and companionship at the end of the road. like yes both of them were alone but also not alone but also really really lonely for a good chunk of their long lives and even though it has now come to the end they both wanted they also managed to find a companion/comrade/someone who Gets It, even if it was just for a little while there at the end.

so yeah

[toringo]

i’m OBSESSED with your anti tulpar comics, i’ve been rotating them in my mind nonstop for the past few days! how do you think a!curly feels about a!jimmy?

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

You have no idea how happy it makes me to know, that people really enjoy those. I know it's not even my au, but I've been genuinely hyperfixating on it for some time now, and making up my own lore (obviously the creator doesn't mind, they said it's all up to interpretation).

My take on A!Curly's opinion of A!Jimmy and some A!Curly background and hcs:

He thinks Jimmy is weak, pathetic, and simply put a loser. He's annoying, easy to push around, and doesn't put up too much of a fight, which is good, because - hot take - A!Curly is just as much of a pushover as the canon one.

He puts on a mean face and abuses his power to put down the others, to make himself feel better (feel important and in control), but if someone shows that they can snap back he loses the fight quite easily.

He's a people pleaser, the top student with no personal life kind. It's just that he's looking for approval as a 'tough leader' now. You know, the epitome of masculinity with nerves of steel and 0 sensitivity.

People usually need 10 years of experience to become a captain, he got the title in half that time, unlike canon!Curly (If someone asks how it was totally natural and due to his stellar performance! Don't question it too much!)

He doesn't have anything much going on back on Earth, also unlike canon Curly. He distances himself from his family (never truly satisfied with his achievements) and has no close friends. He sees no point in making any now that he spends most of his time in space. Doesn't really believe in love, either.

He didn't pass the psych eval twice in a row and is on Pony Express approved (questionable) antidepressants/mood stabilizers. Still fit to fly!

With all that being said; he considers Jimmy an easy target and abuses him primarily because of that. He can't stand this weakling stumbling around all pathetic and apologetic, while he has to work so hard to keep up his reputation.

It pisses him off that some guy just… doesn't care that others see him like this. Curly would care, it would break him if anyone thought of him like they do of Jimmy! So it's annoying that this janitor doesn't even try.

A perfect excuse to make himself feel bigger, too; it's not like he's a bad guy. This loser needs to learn, after all, that people like him don't survive in a place like this.

It gets worse when he starts realizing, that Jimmy is putting up a front and is actually way more cunning and capable than people think. Makes him feel on edge, paranoid. Like Jimmy is there to make him spiral; like he was sent by his higher-ups to check on him.

Then he finds out Jimmy is actually an emergency pilot (not on any papers Curly had access to). Yeah, he hates his guts.

When they enter their 'relationship' (it's mostly very humiliating hate sex ngl), Curly gets to know him a bit better. He still resents him, even more knowing that Jimmy can be a cold and cruel man under the mask of submissiveness. And even more, when Jimmy shows just how little respect he has for his captain.

But it's… a relief, having someone know how you really are, seeing your 'worst self'. He kind of feels like with every small thing he reveals to Jimmy, he gives up a bit more of control and gives him more ammunition, but well. Bitches be lonely.

So they have this weird thing going on, where Curly abuses Jimmy in front of the crew and during work hours, to unwind and reassure himself about his position and vent the abuse he experiences from HIS higher-ups, and Jimmy abuses him in private (for many, many reasons. Also bc he's sadistic).

They both think that if they hurt the other enough, he will stop hurting them. They're wrong. Although Curly gives up more easily, and Jimmy goes overboard quite a lot (as he has nothing to lose, is an obsessive weirdo, and was keeping his mouth shut about what Curly was doing for so long that at this point all the years of hatred are spilling out. He also has a personal vendetta against Curly, because he admired him and wanted to befriend him before he became a captain (and had any power over him) and Curly just started treating him like trash soon after getting the title).

YEAH sorry I will talk more about it later, sorry for being chaotic - they're just awful and disgusting and need to be put on some kind of meds (Curly's pills don't count)

[greenapplebling]

Overthinking about stupid shit once again...

So I've been seeing a lot of fanart with Jamil sitting in someone's lap (to clarify, I mean it in a non-sexual intimate act) mainly Kalim and Azul

And I swear I just can't fathom Jamil willingly sitting in Azul's lap

It's not bc Azujami isn't really my thing, but bc I can totally see Jamil viewing the act of sitting in your partner's lap as an act of submission. And you might be wondering "but then he wouldn't sit on Kalim's either??" but hear me out- Any submission or vulnerability would be completely performative bc Jamil doesn't view Kalim as a real threat. He knows Kalim won't think too much about it, and if he did, he would still let Jamil have all the power (tbh it also depends on Jamil's headspace, it's also a possibility that he wouldn't want to sit on anyone's lap period)

On the other hand, Azul would think about it too and would relish if Jamil actually went with it. Most likely would tease Jamil about it too, between other things. And then a while later Jamil would be chuckling in the background watching Azul trying to stand with wobbly legs. Cursing silently bc he didn't realize Jamil's weight was too much for him

So yeah, my point is that Jamil would only sit on your lap if he:

Trusts you not to turn it against him

Wants to crush you (only applicable if he's bigger or if you aren't strong enough to put up with his weight)

[norriszn]

a week ago, i wrote a Big Post obsessing over the moment max first saw lando, not met, not spoke to, just saw. a moment that, years later, still lived so vividly in max's memory: lando on track at pf international circuit. and after connecting all the dots i said with confidence that it happened on june 6th 2010.

anyway. i thought i was done (spoiler: i was not)

but later that night, instead of letting it go like a normal person, i couldn't stop thinking about one thing and the more i looked into it, the more my eyes were doing that little cartoon 0.0 thing.

so here we are. again.

would you guys still fuck with me even if nortrell lore makes me sound completely insane? bc like. it's not my fault.

small confession: after posting that Big Post i realized that i overlooked something important, a tiny detail: why did someone even point lando out to max in the first place? like why that kid, out of everyone on the cadet class? sure, little lando was quick but it was 2010 and there were plenty of talented kids racing that day. so what made him noticeable enough for a random adult to turn to max and say, “that kid just won”?

well i might have found why.

little lando gained 21 positions in that race. he started p22 and finished 1st. so it wasn't just another win; it was the kind of comeback that makes people stop and pay attention. the kind of performance you remember even if you don't know the kid's name yet. even if you'e just standing by, watching.

there's actual lap-by-lap "data" from that day and get this: after just the first lap, he had already made up more than 10 positions.

so yeah. no wonder someone leaned over and told max "that kid just won" and no wonder max remembered.

little lando norris results at tvkc championship 2010 round 5 comer 'o' class race via uk karting - race results & reports - 2010 archive

what makes it even more absurd is that this wasn't a one off moment of glory. lando won again. at the exact same circuit. a few months later at the round 7 final 1 at the s1 cadets championship.

i've already talked a bit about how that championship played out in this post but y'all find more about it in the next pics:

little lando norris results at s1 series comer cadets championship 2010 via uk karting - race results & reports - 2010 archive

gaslight. gatekeep. gremlin.

and what really sends me is that four years before that stream, lando was interviewed by alex vernadis, and the race box put out an article he, with full sincerity, said that during his cadet seasons, he didn’t win any big races. except for, in his words, "one in the british championship"

and well someone could assumed he meant the october race at pfi, the round 7 final 1 win i've mentioned. but no. it turns out he was talking about the race max remembered.

and why am i so sure about that? like i have said in those Big Posts adam norris shared a photo of the front cover of one of lando's early karting achievements notebook and the victory photo featured on that cover it's from june 6th 2010.

lando talking about his early years at karting

via the racebox article from set 2018

he's such an unreliable narrator but his brain genuinely amazes me!

ofc i think it's hilarious that lando seems to forget one of the coolest things he ever did at 10, and max, bless him, never did.

also i think there's something really lovely about that... because no matter how many results pages someone can dig through or videos someone can rewatch, some moments only live in the way someone in particular remembers them.

from the very beginning, theirs was never going to be a normal timeline. i mean they've never done things the way anyone else would... why would the start be any different?

goddammit nortrell you make me look so stupid i need to lay on the floor

more stuff below the cut!

in the previous Big Post, i mentioned the possibility that max didn't just see lando for the first time that day, he might've seen ed too.

well. there’s an update on that too.

as it turns out, ed wasn't actually racing on june 6th — his class (kf3) didn't take part in the tvkc championship, only in the S1 msa series. so no, max probably didn’t spot him that day.

but here’s what's interesting (kinda): ed was likely friends with oliver, lando's older brother, since they were racing in the same category back then. and honestly? i don’t really know exactly how ed, lando, and max ended up becoming besties. it's not something i can trace since he's not tom bale ( @ tom pale hi). it might’ve been through oli kind of like martin kodrić, who was also more connected to him before anything else.

anyway...

1. little lando and ed at round 1 at shennington back in march 2010 2. lando and ed at lapland back in january 2025 via kartpix.next (1) & _edwardjones on ig (2)

... dear god little lando norris was in fact so little!

p.s: before you (person reading this) go:

- please do not take this to twt! that would make me cry in front of my 15" screen.

- please do not harass or bother anyone mentioned here on socmed srsly don’t even think about bringing this up to max on twitch cause i wll find you and i will fight you. (i did karate. i'm not kidding 🫵)

byE!

[curligurl0896]

Don't mind me just posting my ABC notes whenever I damn feel like it.

Our first Ax POV book! I liked that we got a glimpse of what Ax was up to before the events of the first book. Especially the interactions between him and Elfangor.

We also get to see that, as much as he adores and looks up to his older brother, Ax doesn't really like being overshadowed by him. To others, he's just Elfangor's little bro, but he wants to prove that he's more than that, he wants to prove himself a warrior in his own right.

Reading the bit where Elfangor says that Ax will get to fight with him one day, knowing that will never get to happen now.... OOF.

The Earth Diary bits are probably some of the best bits from this book. Ax's commentary on humans and Earth life is hilarious.

One fun thing about getting an alien's perspective on human life is the detailed descriptions of how normal everyday human actions are performed. Like sitting, for example. Never before have I given thought to how I would describe the concept of sitting down as a human to an alien.

Ax going nuts and eating food off the floor in the movie theater scene will never NOT be comedy GOLD. I was giggling the whole time at his antics.

This is just a nitpick, but there's this one bit that mentions that a certain alien species from Star Trek looks exactly like an actually existing alien species that Ax knows of. Which would be a neat detail, except, from what I know about Star Trek, all the aliens in it are essentially humans with different coloring and, in this case, weird forehead ridges. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I feel like if there's an alien species out there that looks almost exactly like humans then surely it would've been mentioned more, but as it is Ax makes it sound like humans aren't like any other creature he's met before coming to Earth. Idk it feels like a detail that was just thrown in and forgotten about.

So about the whole "Yeerks are killing the hosts of the Yeerks who starved to death" situation... like on one hand, yeah, Ax should have definitely said something. But also, it just goes to show how incredibly naive the others are at this point in the series. Like these kids really thought that the human hosts would be free and the Yeerks wouldn't do anything about it? Like Visser Three would let it slide that these humans are just walking around telling anyone who would listen that alien parasites are trying to enslave humanity? The same guy who would have his own people killed in a heartbeat if they fail to do what he wants? Idk I feel like if they were older and/or more experienced with the war at this point they would have immediately realized that the Yeerks would probably resort to killing freed hosts to prevent the truth from getting out to the wider human population.

I like how Ax's response to Tobias first breaching the question of how Ax eats without a mouth is 'Well, I have hooves, don't I?' Like it's so normal to him that it seems like it should be obvious. What, are you telling me absorbing nutrients through your hooves is a foreign concept on this planet?

There's like so many lines from this book that I want to put screenshots of solely bc they got a laugh out of me. Like this one, for example:

Also:

Cassie giving Edward Cullen energy years before the Twilight series was even a concept in Stephanie Meyer's head was not a detail I remembered being in this book

And then there's this:

AxMarco fans be like Imma pretend I didn't read that

Cassie having a picture of Jake in her locker makes it hurt just a little bit more that these to break up by the end. Like they're so friggin cute at the beginning here, I don't like to think about them not being together

Jake getting all mad at Ax for suggesting that he wouldn't have ordered the Kandrona destroyed if it meant Tom might have to die, saying Ax doesn't know shit about humans... but like, where's the lie though? Jake is far from being at the point of willing to sacrifice his brother to win the war. He totally would've hesitated at the very least.

After we get another hilarious scene: Ax taking Marco's insistence of, "Yes or no answers only" very literally. Giggled like mad throughout this scene too

The fact that Ax thinks of books as being more advanced than computers seems so weird and funny to me

Not Ax pushing human science ahead by like a century just from playing with what he thought was some sort of computer game.

The memory Ax describes of spending time with Elfangor is one I wanna write a whole fic about, partially because we really don't get to see their sibling dynamic, we get a glimpse of it in the prologue of this book but that's it. But also bc baby Ax would be the most adorable thing ever.

Can't help but wonder if Cassie ever told Jake about inviting Ax to have dinner at her house while morphed as him, or is he gonna show up to her house for dinner one day only for Cassie's dad to be like "I made my special chili just for you! I know how much you love it!" And he'll just be like, "Wait, what?"

Ax being especially concerned about Tobias seemingly just being okay with life as a hawk and not bothering to ask if he could ever be human again

That one Andalite thinking Earth was basically lost bc Ax said the Yeerks made thousands of humans into hosts already clearly has no idea just how many humans there are. It makes sense, since apparently having a population that numbers in the billions is pretty much unheard of anywhere else. But man their minds would be blown if they knew that "thousands" is just a drop in the bucket when it comes to the human population.

Poor Ax made this call just wanting to talk to his family and possibly get someone to pick him up and take him back home, but then he gets told to take the blame for his brother's actions, is only reminded by his father that he has to kill the guy that killed his brother, and also, he's not gonna get to go home anytime soon.

And then we get Yeerk lover boy, who also wants Visser Three dead, and is also the only reason the Animorphs saw any Yeerks starving to death at all.

One of the great things about this book is how we can totally sympathize with Ax and understand his reasoning while also being able to clearly recognize how absolutely valid the other Animorphs are in being pissed at him for it.

One last quote, because this:

Is probably the most metal way to end a chapter

You know, even knowing what Alloran has done, it's impossible not to feel really bad for him here. Like imagine having spent so long essentially stripped of your personhood that you forget your own NAME. Imagine that you spend the only moments of freedom you have begging for DEATH because the only other option is to be forced back into living a freaking nightmare. Imagine having Visser Three inside your head 24/7.

Really liked the ending. Ax finally coming clean only to find that the others don't hold the whole Seerow's kindness against him or his kind. Him deciding that he can't let his people's laws get in the way of doing what he must to protect humanity from the Yeerks. Him taking it as a compliment when Lirem says he's just like his brother-- because after all, his brother was a hero.

That's all for book 8, folks. Onto book 9!

[korpsewax]

heres an excuse to yap about whatever you want from your supernatural au!!!!

YIPPEE!!!! time for tommy lore (with some marines + jirv + tozirvitage/armisolving)

i kinda have been operating on tommy being able to fully shift into a dog form, while the werewolves shift into the van helsing type of werewolf form. and for some reason, my brain has supplied that tommy can shift into both a wolf sized "dog" and a massive hellhound. like,,, almost tuunbaaq sized. i imagine tommy shifting into his dog form so he can easily fit on john's bed at night, AND so he can add an extra layer of protection for john while he sleeps.

he'd definitely have more of a mind of his own in his larger form, less likely to follow orders and all that. i can almost SEE him in that form catching tuunbaaq's scent and running after it before anyone can stop him. i dont think he speaks too often in his human form, and he probably doesn't show much emotion until he's been around john and sol for a good long while. his smaller form is probably more like a police dog. still a dog, but trained to attack or perform certain tasks when told. tommy and the marines are VERY much like dogs when it comes to tuunbaaq. they see this thing, and they just HAVE to run after it. they just HAVE to get it. do they? no. will they try? absolutely. will they get injured, and some of them die in the process? probably!

tommy was considered "defective" because he struggled to bond with a handler, which resulted in him being harder to control on the previous expeditions he'd been on. he was an absolute last resort by the admiralty because they had "forgotten" to place one on the terror (forgotten in parentheses bc they weren't going to put one with them bc it was francis who was captain. it wasn't until sir john realized and said something last minute). it was a surprise to everyone when he actually seemed receptive to jirv's attempts at bonding. they probably wouldn't have cared if sir john got hurt or died out there, either! he canonically wasn't their first or even second choice for this! they probably wouldn't have blinked if something went wrong and they didn't have a grim to direct them.

when john was told that HE'D be the grim's handler, he suggested letting the marines meet him first so he's used to them by the time john bonds with him because theres this distinct scent of sol's pack on him, and grims are quite territorial when it comes to their handlers (for the sake of me having my favorite characters present, pilks is on the terror instead of daly. bite me.) sol and the marines are obviously excited bc they're the only dog adjacent creatures on board, and none of them have met a hellhound before, so theres already a general air of happiness, excitement, and welcoming from them that puts tommy somewhat at ease. he's probably immediately drawn to sol out of the instinct he has to want a leader, but also because of his instinct to be part of a pack. i imagine that's why he's so keen on sol and why he hovers around him a lot. that sense of need for a leader, despite the fact that he has jirv.

also, jirv DEFINITELY had some sort of religious struggle surrounding tommy. he probably sees tommy's existence as further proof of god's existence. tommy, being able to sense and even predict deaths, to jirv just shows god's divine hand in the expedition. and in terms of tommy, seemingly carrying death on his shoulder, jirv finds it unfair. he kicks himself for doubting god, of course, but it seems unfair to him that someone as kind and as young as tommy should be stuck with such a grave misfortune. he prays for tommy a lot because he's very obviously haunted by the sheer amount of death he's encountered/been around/caused. grims were seen as omens of death back in the day, so i imagine somewhere in johns mind he thinks of tommy as the angel of death. especially once tommy starts getting visions of the ways all the men are going to die because now, due to tommy warning, the command is better able to prepare for whats to come, and are able to at least get a better idea of what to do and what not to do, because tommy's visons arent set in stone, and he can change what happens if he wants by telling people about them.

tommy doesn't prevent sir john's death. he has no interest in saving a man who called the marines dogs and said they need to be house trained. sir john still dies, and tommy doesn't lose a wink of sleep over it.

thank you sm for giving me an excuse to yap about this!!! and shoutout to @captain-poodle who asked me a lot about this au, which resulted in me coming up with a lot of this!!

[saelterlude]

lc musical clips pt.5!! can't believe this reaches 5 parts. to be fair, the more i watch the cooler the actors are and the more i love each of their quirks.

funfact before we start, if we exclude CMZ(bcs wtf. you are not 124 y/o CMZ), the average age of LG actors is 28 while the average age of CXS actors is 25 (I didn't take their birth month into account so give or take one)

The oldest being Du Guangyi at 34 y/o and the youngest being Jing Yangqiao at 20 (21 this April).

(pt.1, pt.2, pt.3, pt.4, pt.6, pt.7 here)

68. BONUS, the composer for the musical songs, metablue, posted a composing diary/vlog of her making 'forget about it' aka the encore sofa song. It's a really cool watch, and it's pretty short too.

69. 14/03/2024, Wang Minhui made Cai Qi laugh and break character so hard by sliding on the table that they skip rock paper scissors altogether. Thank youu shimmeringweeds for finding this clip, youre a life saver.

70. 15/03/2024, Zi Bowen is really fun/bratty during CX and his mom's song, he's also been really into that hat and his panicked face during 'Dive Back in Time' tutting is gold. Other than that, Ji Xiaokun and Guo Hongxu are fun as usual.

71. Zhang Jiahao short vid, I love how nonchalant he is. Who gives a damn abt rehearsals when you can play basketball. We got snippets of other songs. And where did he get the random card reader??

(ooh, i'm putting the side actor into focus for once. also, i just realized ZJH is the actor who started swinging when WMH mistook director Li Haolin's name lol i love him.)

72. 16/03/2024 day, blind dog Cai Qi is so funny plss and the way Wang Minhui just let him live with the consequences.

73. 17/03/2024 night, Du Guangyi focused but you can hear Teng Chunpeng cutely messed up 'Dive Back in Time' in the background.

74. 23/02/2024, I don't think I've shared this clip of Du Guangyi playing pattycake(?? IDK the english name. I call it mimimi) with Wu Hanglu.

75. 18/03/2024, Bai Zhuoming mic mishap here, aggressive feet flailing with Wang Minhui and Deng Xianling, and also extended rock paper scissors!

76. 17/03/2024 day, I'll be honest I miss Ding Xingchen. That said, him and Xian Dongyue are having the best sibling wrestle.

77. 17/03/2024 day, same performance as above, and there's Wu Yihan doing overhead RPS.

78. 16/03/2024 night, Guo Hongxu fumbles the sofa/leg choreo again (left leg first man!), Shu Rongbo blubbering bcs GHX twist his arm post-RPS, and Wu Hanglu being the teasing big sister ever.

79. 21/03/2024, he once did overhead, now Wu Yihan is doing hip-height RPS, and he cheated. Shu Rongbo being confused. And they once again give the cutest hug, even for a side hug.

(heh, funny how JXK likes to hogs/blocks the sofa to annoy LG meanwhile SRB is always clearing the sofa for LG.)

80. 23/03/2024 day, very fun performance with Wang Yifei, Zhu Hanbin, and Deng Xianling. I highly recommend watching this. It's so fun I wrote a whole post about it. Also, harmonizing.

81. 22/03/2024, very short but look!! A Jing Yanqiao clip!!! I'm happy, I recently brainrotted on him. I wish he could perform more since I really like his voice but unfortunately I'm pretty sure he's still in school and have a limited schedule. But I will make you all love him before his BDay!

Today's bonus clip is a voice reel of Du Guangyi as Enforcer from the game Arknights! It's very soothing, I can fall asleep to his voice. He's so cool, he's an actor in everything. Musical actor, stage-play actor, TV and films actor, voice actor, he was a child actor too.

But since that's not a musical and it's kinda cheating, here's an actual bonus clip of Zhu Hanbin in Dr. Bloodthirsty (? 嗜血博士) musical. A small 3 person play which is giving me Jekyll and Hyde vibes. He's playing Jonathan, a young psychologist called to examine patient 13. It's really cool, please check it out!

(if anyone ever have a request on who the next bonus clip should be (even the side actors) just say so and I'll do my best. i'm always up for exploring new things)

[jessidogg]

I'm sorry to say this, but your plead to leave Justin alone just perpetuates white male privilege.

1. He criticized Britney Spears, his ex, for her drinking problems when she was a) being forced to perform to be able to see her children, b) forced to get an IUD, c) being financially abused and defamated by her father and ex, and d) recovering from the mental and emotional trauma of being exploited as a child star. This is one of the main reasons he's being so heavily criticized now. It was not only hypocritical, he ended up doing something worse because Britney never drank and drove

2. OF COURSE the cops say he was perfectly polite. He's a rich white man. He had no reason to fear for his life, the cops probably weren't aggressive towards him at all. He also knew he'd be easily bailed out

3. It is EXTREMELY out of touch to attempt to brush what he did under the rug. My uncle was killed by a drunk driver and it left my aunt and cousins devastated and in a really bad way after his death. Drunk drivers have ruined lives for purely selfish reasons. Just because he voiced your favorite animated troll doesn't diminish that

4. He's a grown ass man. He doesn't need you coming to his aid. People are allowed to be mad at him for his reckless and careless behavior. All your PSA does is try to guilt people to stop criticizing him. That's shitty

Hello! I have read all three of your asks and I totally understand where you're coming from! I'm so sorry that your uncle was killed, that is really depressing and sad and I'm praying for your family still💕

One, I'd like to say that no, JT does not need me to come to his aid. I'm VOLUNTEERING to bc I like him. I don't need his permission to tell people to forgive him, that's stupid. It's totally alright to stand up for people, just bc he is an adult does not mean that I cannot stand up for someone.

Two, you are so right! Driving while drunk is a stupid thing to do, and like I said, I am very frustrated he did such a thing. Justin has done tons of things he regrets from his drinking problems, and I wish he would just stop. But addictions are hard to stop (I totally understand that bc I have been thru multiple myself) but I wish he would just try a bit harder.

But I am not brushing what he did "under the rug". I'm sure that I won't persuade you, and that's fine, but I was only saying that we shouldn't take advantage of this to hate him even more.

I am sick of people going "haha, he's a loser" as if just because he is a celebrity that gives him more reason not to sin. I am saying that him driving drunk is just as bad as anyone else driving drunk, and that being drunk in general is terrible but that also shouldn't be the reason we hate him.

Justin Timberlake would never hurt someone on purpose. We all know that. The fact that he could have hurt someone is terrifying, but it's reality and I realize that. The point is, he made a mistake, and mistake does not mean an "oopsie" in this case, it means a "he knew what he was doing and it was a terrible idea".

In my other post I did not phrase it very well, and I'm sorry about that. What I meant was, Justin did something wrong. I am a strong Christian, and I believe that every sin is just as bad as any other. The difference is, some can cause way worse consequences. Driving while drunk is way more dangerous than maybe lying to your parents. But my God tells me that one is not worse than the other.

Even for those not being a Christian, I think everyone should know that there should not be worse sins, and "okay" ones. Everyone deserves a chance. You should forgive everyone 70 times 7. Then do it all over again.

If a liar told a nasty lie about you and didn't apologize and kept going, but a murderer turned himself in and repented and stopped, would you still say the murderer is the worst person?

The fact that Justin won't try harder annoys me. But we should never put even more hate on him just because he's well-known. He is a human. He is just as bad at stuff as other people are.

Also, Justin Timberlake is a nice guy. The fact that he knew he was going to get released wasn't why he was nice, and being white and rich should have NOTHING to do with what the police say (I find it extremely weird for u to use that description). Justin has been known for being a sweet kind guy and he loves his fans, friends, and family. He has been seen in the middle of a concert stopping everything to make sure a fan who seemed in need of help was alright by ordering security over and asking if they're good. He does tons of stuff around his town just to help out. DudePerfect, one of the most popular trick shot YouTubers, are strong Christians and said that one of their favorite memories was playing golf with Justin Timberlake. There would be no reason for them to lie about that.

Justin should not have criticized Britney Spears about that. That is very confusing why he would, and maybe he was just trying to get her not to go the direction he did a few times, but idk, it is just really stupid. But again, humans in general are stupid. I bet u can name a bazillion times u criticized someone about doing something that you have done or ended up doing yourself.

NOT HIDING IT UNDER THE RUG OR SAYING IT'S RIGHT BECAUSE IT'S NOT, JUST SAYING THAT WE ALL DO THAT KIND OF STUFF

Gosh, I know I'm probably no getting my point across, here lemme try to say this in an easier way. Erm... Justin Timberlake is human. Humans sin. Okay. Sinning is not good at all. We all do it, however, intentionally, from lying to murdering. Big or small consequences can come from any of them. DWI is terrible. I hate when I hear about anyone doing that. You have a right to be angry, I am angry at Justin. But I hate how the already Justin haters are taking advantage of every thing he does and making him seem worse than he is. You can hate him, whatever, but you can't stand beside him everywhere he goes, paper and pen, and mark down his every sin, calling him "even worse than before" with every count. Being drunk is bad!!! Driving while drunk is bad!!! But we should feel sorry for him that he doesn't seem to be able to find an outlet in something else. And we shouldn't hold up his every action, dangerous or not, against him. If we all counted everyone's sins, we would all add up to the same amount of terrible that Justin Timberlake is. We are all dumb humans. We shouldn't hold up everything against each other. We don't know the whole story of anything. All we know is that he was driving drunk. He was probably stressed, trying to have a good time, other stuff. This doesn't make it right. But it should cause us to be more cautious about the situation. Most of the people who bully have things going on at home that is causing them to let out their anger on others. Not saying that's right, but we shouldn't call them "bad people" and basically say "he did this so we're more better than them." That may not be how you think of it, but it's what you're saying.

I really hope I am not making people feel guilty, that is the last thing I want. I just want people to understand my view. If I made anyone feel guilty or it seemed that way, I apologize, that's not how I meant it at all. I just didn't agree with stuff, and I wanted to say what I thought, just how you just sent me what you thought.

Hope I said this right. I may not have because I am bad at explaining things through type. I'm sorry if I offended anyone, I love you all and mean nothing rude. 💕💕❤❤💕💕❤❤💕💕

-Jessi

[phoenix-is-the-hottest-thing]

putting the google translate version of the Sa and Vita convo here bc the official translation is a bit confusing

Moriarty: Haha, hahahaha! Moriarty: What a great show! Moriarty: How does it feel to lose all your efforts? Got bitten by your own dog! Moriarty: Hey, you don't have a talent for comedy, do you? Sa: ... Moriarty: That last blow from the sky looked really painful! Didn't anyone ever tell you not to mess with the wrong people? Moriarty: Haha, I feel really good! I haven’t watched such an interesting show for a long time. Moriarty: It is countless times more exciting than the version I originally conceived! Sa: ... Moriarty: Oh? You're just going to roll up your tail and run away? Moriarty: Well, given the nature of your “parasitic plant”, Moriarty: if you curl up your roots and hide in the depths of the Sea of Quanta for a few tens of thousands of years, you'll be able to make a comeback sooner or later. Moriarty: Only a human being would let his own damn pride get in the way and miss a chance to make a comeback... Moriarty: ...Hmm? Vita: I'm sorry to interrupt your pleasant conversation. Vita: How do you do, our Creator God? Vita: Oh, I forgot. We just saw each other. Sa: ... Vita: What, are you surprised to see me here? Vita: That unconvincing fake death performance earlier shouldn't be able to deceive your all-knowing and omnipotent "eyes", right? Vita: Or is that eye, as I suspected, not protecting against the presence of the “Ark”? Sa: ... Sa: ...Authority. Moriarty: Oh! So you can talk. Vita: That's right. Like the fly buzzing around you, I used the disguise of an Ark administrator to get past your guards and find you. Moriarty: You're all fighting amongst yourselves, but still don't forget to slander me? What a touching mother-daughter bond. Vita: If you had been able to put away a little bit of your arrogance and pay the minimum attention to this fly, maybe I wouldn’t have been able to come here in person—— Vita: ...to receive all your authority.

Sa: ... Moriarty: Haha, that's an unexpected twist! I didn't realize there was a hidden secret at the end of the show! Moriarty: It’s worth my while that I took the big gamble to come here so that I can enjoy this masterpiece in the upper class seats. Vita: Sigh... You pushy guy, do you really know what you are talking about? Vita: Most of your data has been shattered by that pillar of light, and the remnants left here will soon disperse on their own. Paying so much just to see a show? Moriarty: Of course, Miss Agent. I've never been so calm, so satisfied. What better feeling is there than to witness the end of a revenge drama? Moriarty: I'd give anything for fun... even if it didn't do me any good. Vita: ...Your comment reminds me of someone. Vita: Coincidentally, when I was "hitchhiking" with Fu Hua, I happened to catch a glimpse of a memory related to him and the self-satisfying ending. Vita: He was a world leader, but he only gambled with everyone's life; and in the end, he exchanged his own demise for a wishful "self-revenge". ..... Vita: Do you think this is called "different paths leading to the same destination", backup of "Otto Apocalypse"? Moriarty: Sincere thanks to you, Miss Agent, for bringing me useless information. I'd say you and “Sa” are cut from the same cloth. Vita: I have surpassed her.. The fact that I am here is the best proof, isn't it? I'll never make the same mistake as She did, and I'll go after true freedom. Sa: Freedom… is this what you really want? Or is it just because… you ask for it but don’t get it? Sa: The so-called “freedom” and “nothingness” are synonymous words. Vita: What about you? You have swollen so much that you can hardly move, have you really gained any “reality”? Sa: …Purusha, is me. Moriarty: Hahaha, is that why you sank into the “sea” in the first place? Moriarty: You have all-knowing and all-powerful eyes, but you can't even see yourself clearly. Haha! Our great Creator God is actually a blind god! Sa: Gods are blind in sight... Sa: Mortals are blind in the heart. Vita: Oh, you are quite confident when you say that—— Vita: Why don't you use these against the enemy with the “Eighth Sense”? Vita: He's your arch-enemy, isn't he? Sa: Mortals aren’t enemies. Sa: Just a pebble in the road. Vita: ... Vita: Well, congratulations. After all, your feet, it seems, are bleeding on these pebbles? Sa: ...That has nothing to do with them. Vita: But it’s about me. Sa: … Sa: [Agent], you are not an ordinary person. You have exceeded the limits of [expansion]. Moriarty: Oh, How to say it, how to say it? It turns out you will also become a rotten machine like her in the future? Moriarty: That’s a really rotten future, hahahaha! Sa: …the only freedom of god is also the only nothingness of mortals. Sa: The world is my representation, and the world is my will. Sa: The so-called “Godhood”... God was born because of me, and I died because of God. Vita: I think this sentence should be said the other way around. Vita: [I live because of God, and God dies because of me.] Vita: Do you suddenly feel better? Moriarty: What a pity! My God did not die because of me! Moriarty: Oh, no, wait. My “God” is already you all? Moriarty: A good death, a wonderful death! It’s a pity I can’t stick a cross in you all! Sa: …getting carried away. Ignorance is indeed the greatest sin of mortals. Sa: No mortal has ever killed a god. Sa: Only [Gods] can.

Sa: [Agent]... Sa: One day, you will also find your own executioner. Moriarty: Oh, oh! It seems that compared to ordinary people like us, gods like you are better at bringing disaster to yourself? Moriarty: Okay, okay, that just means that a mediocre person is just a mediocre person after all! Moriarty: Look at me… take a good look at your [exhibit]... Moriarty: Is there anything more ironic to you two than me being able to sit on this special seat? Vita: There’s no need for a king to kill his own court jester, right? Vita: Anyone can feel like the other person is an idiot on the inside… Do you think that’s important? Sa: There are no [idiots] here. Sa: The three wills that exist here have lost their own value from the beginning. Sa: They try to compensate, they try to ignore. They will only continue to expand… until they become ugly remains. Vita: Thank you for your advice, [Sa]. But what I am and what I want will all be decided by myself. Vita: I will do better than you, of course. It’s a pity that you can never imagine it if you are trapped in the [Sea]. Sa: … Sa: That’s really worth looking forward to. Vita: Yes, worth looking forward to. Vita: Us gods looking forward to our deaths is also very romantic, isn't it?  Vita: ...That's the only emotion you have left. Moriarty: Oh? It seems that this is the end? Moriarty: I have to say that as my second ending, there is nothing more satisfying than this. Moriarty: Although you are my enemy, you are the initiator who interrupted my grand finale and brought great shame to me... Moriarty: I still pay you the highest respect, Miss "Vita". Moriarty: The way we exist is somewhat similar - it's like fate has played a nasty trick and we spend our lives trying to get out of this shadow. Moriarty: We are not the real body, but we have made achievements far beyond the real body. This is the proof of our existence in the world and our unique mark. Moriarty: If we hadn't met in this way, we would definitely have become very good friends... or destined rivals. Vita: …maybe. You are truly my most troublesome exhibit, "Moriarty." Moriarty: Ha! I would take that as the highest compliment. Vita: Indeed. So… Vita: Farewell, [nothingness]. Vita: I will accept those [Eyes of Bodhi]. [Who are you digging a grave for? Is it for a Phosphorus person?] [It's not for a Phosphorus person, miss.] [So, is it for the Purusha person?] [Not for a Purusha person either.] [Not a person of Phosphorus nor a person of Purusha - then who is buried here?] [Miss, she was originally a Purusha person, but she was already gone.] Vita: The so-called [Gods]... Vita: ...are truly [interesting].

[cuephrase]

I cannot keep two words straight in my head smh. I meant the first wip and the third wip. No abandonment meant (though I would not be opposed to hearing about that one too 😅)

asjdfhjsd no worries haha!!

first wip/jigsaw: so although i personally enjoy jason being an anti-hero/being on (sort of?) better terms with the batfam i really like am so frustrated bummed that we don't really get to see how jason got there. however, i also think his current dynamic with the fam is very interesting bc idk, to me, it feels very delicate/fragile and like there's not a whole lot of trust? idk how to summarize all the nuance without giving you an essay you did not ask for, but basically, his current relationship with them is Complicated, yeah?

and i don't have a lot of interest in writing a fix-it/exploring a 'what if things had gone differently' scenario/trying to fill in that missing gap bc...idk. i just don't lmao. BUT!! a reconciliation fic still sounds like so much fun, bc like i like the idea of jason being part of the batfam right but like i don't want to erase all the drama from canon so BASICALLY-

tl;dr: i think jason's current relationship with the batfam is like a bone that broke but wasn't set properly so it needs to be re-broken to heal properly. so i want to start in a place where he's "comfortable" with them, then have him blow everything up. just stomp on all the eggshells. it would very much so be a Things Get Worse Before They Get Better type of reconciliation fic haha. i want it be messy and painful and full of missteps and misunderstandings- it would not be an 'X apologizes and magically everything is better' fic. (which is not shade to anyone who writes/enjoys those!!) i may also challenge myself to stick strictly in jason's pov to really lean into the Unreliable Narrator of it all.

this probably sounds like such a mess, omg *buries face in hands*

pretty bird: this one is a super dick-centric, kinda character study type fic somewhat focused on his sexual trauma, so mirage/catalina/liu, but also just kind of like exploring dick's relationship with himself and like...how he perceives himself? bc he is such a Performer, yk, and he is incredible at it. and he has all these close, meaningful relationships, but sometimes he can still feel so isolated to me in a way bc of how much he keeps to himself and idk i just really want to like get into his head.

also can't really articulate this one without an essay you didn't ask for haha, but it will be a very fun tonal challenge for myself bc i have a very specific vibe i want to achieve that'll require a very careful balancing act.

and then just for funsies, and bc it's also about dick haha,

abandonment: au (inspired by dan mora's black and white oneshot from batman: the brave and the bold) where bruce puts dick into foster care instead of keeping him, but they cross paths later when batman runs into dick and jason who are looking for their missing brother. at least a smidge of identity porn bc dick is willing to trust batman but won't trust bruce wayne. like i have this scene in my mind where batman offers to set the boys up with his friend bruce wayne and dick is like 'absolutely not' and batman is like ?? and then he realizes omg this is the kid i gave up omg.

just imagine dick trying to independently (with jason) try to hunt tim down with batman being like !!!! trying to assist but also not wanting to overstep and also trying not to get too attached (and failing) hehehe. complicated dick and bruce is just so fun, yk?

tysm for the ask, lily, (and for tagging me in this game to begin with!!), i hope you're having/had a beautiful day!!

[dollypopup]

Listen, I'm not going to go back and forth with you in the replies, @elovessomanythings, 1 because I can talk for days, and 2, because 3 replies in a row is a conversation, so let's converse.

Because I could not disagree with you more

"I do not read him as a villain. Villain of this story has always been Shonda and her completely fake sensitivity. As for your reading into C, you list so many events you've fictionalized based on a scene which funny enough was placed so we can look into Anthony's mindset and scars to understand why he makes such unreasonable, stubborn decisions. Betraying his own feelings and two other women along the way. They served their purpose. 1/2 2/2 Last season had far more better writing in terms of building leading man as a fully fleshed character. Not gonna get into the storyline. Shondaland is so hungry for soap opera angsts and toxic archetypes of the genre. In each and every turn writers choose to stir the pot, to provoke the audience than putting effort into refreshing ideas, memorable conversations. Each season has a monologue that goes viral and that's that. Deliberately shallow. I come across w a reddit post. Someone read and typed what Colin had written in his diary from a scene that showed it. A few lines of sentences are more poignant than 2 seasons plus 4 episode he has appeared. Why Pen doesn't read that but yet another sexcapade? Treating your own show "it went viral bc of Duke's nudity and +18 scenes so let's add a bunch of that" is insulting to the writers room if not anyone else. 🤷🏾‍♀️"

Frankly? I think you do not want to understand Colin as a character. And I don't understand why you feel the need to do so on my post, but fine, I'll bite. I've been loving Colin as a character since his season 1 days, and after over 40 fics and countless metas, you're far from the last person who has a bad faith take on him that I've had a conversation with. So, since you wanna walk with me, let's walk.

Could you please inform me as to the fictionalized events I've listed? Because everything is either from book canon or directly from the show itself. But if you just want to go with the show, the reality is that whilst the show has not given Colin explicit POV, (either 1: they didn't have the time to, or 2 (considerably more clever): to keep us from it as an audience because the entire point of Colin's character is that so much of it is a facade) you can still understand him as a character from Luke Newton's fantastic performance and the writing itself. It is very evident that he keeps so much himself locked away from others, and it has to do with his background. Sure, we don't have the explicit proof of his trauma via flashback. . .but we don't really need to.

It doesn't take a big jump to realize that a 12 year old boy who lost his father and then got sent off to school near immediately after doing so would be putting on personas to make his family, mired in grief, and those around him more tolerant of him. It isn't a huge stretch to realize that Colin is a middle child in a family of 8 and is always lost in the shuffle, so he's a bit of a loner in his own house, and that in being so, he'd do what he must to gain favor externally. It makes a lot of sense that when his mother fell into deep depression after losing her husband, and his brothers took on the lion's share of the familial responsibilities, Colin was lost in the fray and felt useless and lost.

We see that outwardly, he's happy Colin, charming Colin, Colin with a quip, Colin being helpful. We also see that inwardly, he's Colin crying on his bed. Colin grieving alone. Colin without a reply. Colin ignored for his interests so he stops discussing his interests. Colin saying 'yes. . .remarkable. . .as in, I seem to have many remarks about it'. We have seen his insecurities in small ways built to big ways throughout the entirety of his existence in the show, and yes, they're subtle, which is why Season 3 focusing so explicitly on his perspective is beautiful and I was LIVING for it. But since you want to throw Anthony and Season 2 into the loop, I think it's vital to bring up the fact that all you're saying about Anthony? and Season 2? That it "had far more better writing in terms of building leading man as a fully fleshed character"?

Yeah. That was an ENTIRE season to get the characterization and arc across. Colin has had 4 episodes. Sure, Colin has been in the cast for two seasons, but he wasn't really a secondary lead like Anthony was, where in Season 1 his role is more akin to Eloise's in Season 3: he has a lot of connections and a lot of POV because of it. But Colin largely exists on the outskirts until this season, and he doesn't get much in terms of focus of his struggles and concerns, only how others percieve him, and so what we know of him, we must glean through analysis of previous seasons and context of such, or through the direct POV of this one.

Yes, this show has soap opera archetypes. . .it's a drama based on a historical romance written in the 2000s. That's why we as the audience do meta analysis, that's why we dig into the characters. You accused me of overreading in the replies, but digging into characters and backstories and kernels of storyline and fleshing them out, that's half the joy of media consumption. I read deeply into him because I adore him and I see how phenomenal of a character he is, and I stand by the fact that his story is incredibly important to see on screen.

And of course Colin is going to have more fleshing out! He's only had 4 episodes of direct POV! And in those 4 episodes, less time than almost any of the main cast has had, we have seen so much of him. Colin has proven himself to be kind and generous and sensitive. His relationship to sex and sexuality is important to his storyline, and so yes, the journal entry in which he states he would like to be less needy and insecure but still hold true to the vulnerability that makes him who he is will be elaborated on more fully, but they had Penelope read how he experiences sex without intimacy- how he feels distance even in what should be an incredibly close act. That's not a throwaway line to his story. I love his journal entry about his insecurity, how it states aloud how he feels.

But also. . .it is elaborated on in the show. Colin putting on a persona is proof of this. Colin's journey throughout the seasons is showing this sentiment. Colin coming to apologize to Penelope after he tells her he misses her and she informs she overheard him (a clash of his true self and his societal persona) is proof that his gentle heart wins out. His telling Penelope that living for the approval of others whilst he is always literally masquerading FOR the approval of others. . .that is proof he is still insecure but would like to be less so. He says aloud he misses her. He very obviously puts on his mask. He even says the same lines to the debutantes! He is playing a role. A role of a pretty, perfect Prince Charming, arms length away from everyone. Everyone but Pen. Everyone but who he feels that intimate closeness with.

The show does not have to hand hold the audience through every single nuance. Colin *is* fleshed out. In the span of 4 episodes, Colin has done what no other male lead has done in the same amount of time: he has confronted his feelings, and he has acted on them openly and honestly. In Episode 4, Anthony proposed to Edwina, Kate's sister, instead of her, and informs Kate that she vexes him. In Episode 4, Simon insists he cannot marry Daphne, and is even willing to be shot by his best friend Anthony over it.

These men run from their feelings. And yes, they have reasons, but Colin also had reasons to run from his feelings.

And yet, unlike them. . .he runs toward them. He literally runs after his heart, and puts it all out on the table. Er. . .carriage seat? He kneels before his love interest after spending episodes trying to help her and telling her how wonderful she is, and he lays his feelings bare for her, not knowing she feels the same. He takes his own advice on bravery, he follows Penelope's boldness in asking him for intimacy and love, and he does the same. Colin hasn't even done his actual love confession yet!!! Yes, he has another one! This is just his 'I want to be with you' moment, imagine how we'll feel when he professes that he loves her?

I repeat: It's not even his love confession, yet. And already he's been so open and honest with his feelings. Colin is romantic and a dreamer, Colin is growing up and doing so in imperfect ways, coping by being a people pleaser to feel safe and accepted in his society, and then Colin, at only 22 years old, rejects his coping mechanism, and runs off after Penelope in full view of his entire society, breaks up a dance with a man everyone knows will propose, and emerges on the other side engaged to her. Colin is a decade younger than the previous leads, and has shown more emotional maturity than the both of them.

So, in short terms. . .miss me. Colin is fantastic. I won't budge on that.

If your concerns with the show are about nudity and sex scenes. . .maybe it's time to find another show. Sex is a big part of Bridgerton and it's a large reason why people love it, and I'm not and never have been here for the puritanical rejection of sex and sexuality. It's a vital part of both Penelope and Colin's arcs this season, and it holds significance narratively. As Nicola states, these are not throwaway scenes. Each one means something and each one progress the story. For Colin, the brothel scenes are to indicate pre and post realizing his feelings. In the first, he is only there physically, and the second, he cannot even do that much. It is to represent how he rejects his society's expectation that sex for him as a man should be surface level and shallow, and he embraces that he wants love and connection over fast pleasure. That's why the carriage scene is so different: he maintains eye-contact, he is fully present, and he is fully connected to Penelope in a way he wasn't with anyone else.

I don't think it's that difficult to read unless you don't want to. But people who do not want to understand him will choose to purposefully misread him, or will choose to disregard him, as you have in many ways, but here's the rub: just because you don't see it doesn't mean it isn't there.

Colin's the kind of character where you have to scratch the surface of him to see all the beauty beneath the veneer. For those of us who do so, he is rich and complex and incredibly endearing and understandable. He is brilliant and kind, a wonderful male love lead, so much of the female gaze personified, and so so very relatable.

And for those who don't want to actually see him? Y'all are missing out

I truly cannot overstate just how much I adore Colin Bridgerton as a male love lead, and how important his story is, in particular in a current, modern reading. We live in a time of alpha male machismo that in many ways mirrors the sexism of the historical time period Colin is in, and we have a hero who explicitly rejects it. More than that, we have a hero who first tries on the persona, first tries to fit in, and then determines, with no outside influence and all on his own, that it's wrong. That he doesn't want to be like the men of his society, that he doesn't like the expectation of sex without love and commitment and connection, that he doesn't want to be 'one of the boys', even if it comes at their derision.

Because when Violet says he has always been her most sensitive child, when he has always considered others before himself, when he has always offered a joke or a moment of levity- for so long, he felt he had to. That there was no other choice.

Colin Bridgerton, The Great Pretender, is finally coming into the light.

Take my hand. Come walk with me.

Colin's arc is incredibly clear, and incredibly dear to me. We can track his progress throughout the seasons he has been in, but if we consider his backstory, it comes even more in clarity.

Piecing together a timeline with some influence from the books and loose historical accuracy, Colin loses his father at 12 and then is sent off to Eton. And he is a tiny thing when his father passes, shorter even than his 9 year old sister, Eloise.

(Yes, I checked!! He's half a head shorter than Eloise, and an entire head shorter than Daphne. This boy is SMALL)

So it makes a lot of sense to me that this is the start of his fake-it-to-make-it personality. He cannot grieve with his family in these circumstances, he's been sent off to school with other boys who are bigger and stronger than him, and he must realize relatively quickly that weakness in their eyes will never be tolerated. In fact, Eton was well known for corporal punishment and bullying during this time. Older boys were well known to mistreat the younger once, and considering just how small and soft-hearted Colin is, and just how vulnerable he is having lost his father-

Of course Colin would become a target of such.

And despite that, we meet him in Season 1 with an endearing earnestness and hopefulness in the world. Something inside him, something sweet and gentle and warm, thrives to live. And fights against grief to do so. How easy it would have been for him to lose his father and be bitter. How easy for him to see his father die from the steps of Aubrey Hall, to be sent to a boarding school away, and withdraw in on himself.

And yet, he doesn't.

At least, not in the way one would suspect. Instead, Colin becomes a chronic people pleaser. If the people around him are happy, then he will be safe. Will not be hurt. And they have no space for his own hurt, regardless. There's hardly even any space for his mirth, as most people didn't even reply to his letters on his travels the previous season.

In Colin's confession in Season 3, he says 'I have spent so long trying to feel less', and this numbing begins early in his life. He's a consummate gentleman in Season 1. He does everything by the book, everything as he should. He wants to be accepted in his society, wants to be taken seriously, wants to belong. So he sees a pretty woman, and he gets along with her well enough, and he courts her. Openly, honestly, in full view. It isn't a heart-stopping love, but he has numbed himself for years at this point, so affection will do, and if proper men of his society are married, well, maybe he'd finally be taken seriously.

And yet, no one notices him, even still. No one except Penelope. His own mother doesn't recognize his behavior, and worries for him after she does. How long has it been since she's actually seen him? We know from the show that he's incredibly close to his mother, and loves her dearly, but we also know that after Edmund's passing, Violet was mired in grief and post-partum depression. Colin misses much of this as a firsthand witness since he's at school, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't be able to tell, wouldn't be affected by losing his mother and father in one fell swoop. In fact, Colin loses his connection to the majority of his family in being sent to school so soon after the tragedy. So of course he comes back and he tries not to make waves. Tries to do things correctly.

His friction with Anthony proves time and time again that nothing he does is entirely ever able to fully please him, and this causes contention in their brotherly bond. Of all the siblings, Anthony is arguably the most harsh with Colin. And he is also the model for who a man should be in the family, as the head of the family.

So when Anthony sees Colin earnestly try to marry, he scoffs him off. Accuses Colin of only wanting to marry to have sex, and then claiming "It is my fault. I should have taken you to brothels." This is the first on-screen shaming of Colin looking for connection before sex, and Colin doubles down. He wants to marry for love.

But he doesn't actually love Marina. Neither of them truly know each other, and so when it all blows up, and he is humiliated to the entirety of his community, Colin gets his first taste of romantic failure. He tried to do it right, and it ended more wrong than he could have ever imagined. So, maybe Anthony was right. Maybe he is just a foolish, green boy, who has no idea how to go about things. The fallout of his failed engagement echoes in the persona he puts on in Season 3, and the choices he undergoes during them. Is it any wonder he ends up going to brothels to have unfulfilling sex if even his own BROTHER, the head of his family, tells him to do so?

It doesn't happen right away, though. Despite the fact that no one truly checks on him or sees how this breakup effects him (Eloise dismisses the hurt he must feel in light of such events with an honestly rather accurate wave-away "Men are always less affected", and that is true), it is evident that he is NOT okay.

We leave Colin in Season 1 putting on a mask, a happy face to his family, a 'you inspired me' to Penelope, and then spends his travels sad. Depressed. Taking drugs to try to ease his mind, occupying himself with writing to Penelope. In Season 2, he spends the entirety of it trying to be useful. And he does this with Penelope. He feels deeply for her, he cares so much for her, and he even says it to her aloud 'You are special to me' and 'I will always look after you' and how he could never give her up. Season 2 is a season of healing for Colin- he closes his chapter with Marina with a relationship post-mortum conversation after he does a wellness check to make sure she's alive (let's be real here, no one else was going to reach out to her. She made it clear to him that even her own father didn't want her), makes amends with Will, proves himself useful to Penelope, and departs on a high: he thinks he threaded the needle. He thinks he was successful sending Jack off, that he made Penelope happy, and that he's in with The Boys.

But whilst the person he is around Penelope is genuine, the person he is around these men are not. We know from Season 3 that they don't actually like him. They make snide, underhanded comments toward him, and laugh at him. I stand by the idea that end of season 2 is Fife and Co. laughing at Penelope AND laughing at Colin. They don't care about their friendship, they're teasing him for caring about her so openly, and Colin is protective of the relationship he has with Penelope. So he makes a comment for the boys, and puts on his mask. 'I would never court Penelope Featherington' (look, I'm just like you. I walk like you, talk like you, speak like you) 'Not in your wildest fantasies, Fife' (I am one of you one of you one of you- so why does it feel so hollow?)

He gets, now, his first taste of acceptance from them. They come to him to Mondrich's bar, he repays his slight against him, and he feels he is one of them. (Does he truly *want* to be one of them?) And so when we open Season 3, it's a smooth progression.

Colin is walking the walk and talking the talk, and yet his heart isn't in it. He's not one of these smarmy men, but he mimics them. Their behavior. In part, at least. Whilst Fife is out preying on 18 year old women in coat closets, Colin is telling gaggles of girls how pretty they are and how with such nice dresses, they're sure to find a husband. He makes it clear he's not an option, but that he doesn't mind being a fantasy. And Luke Newton does an amazing job making that clear: there are three sides of Colin. The Colin portrayed to his society in the light in good company (1) and the Colin portrayed to his society in the dark, in. . .less savory circles (aka: The Lads)(2), his 'armor' as his mum calls it. And finally, the most important but the one kept closest to the chest: the Colin of truth. The Colin who cries alone in his room after a breakup, the Colin who doesn't burden others with his feelings, the Colin who writes to Penelope, the Colin who loves deeply and feels deeply.

But his society has no use for a man like the real Colin, they do not *want* a man like real Colin, so he puts it under lock and key. And so much of this is centered around his feelings about sex, so here comes my 'Colin is Queer' soapbox. Colin does not experience sexual attraction like the rest of the men of the ton. He is expected to find it casual and be cavalier about it. To just want to fuck for the sake of fucking. But Colin needs love and romance and connection to actually enjoy sexual interactions. Nowadays, we recognize this as being on the asexual spectrum, of being demisexual, but he didn't have words for that in the time period he's in, so he has to forge ahead to figure himself out without a community identity to find solidarity with. That's what makes the brothel scenes so interesting as a narrative device: in the first, he's masking even in the midst of it, and in the second, he can't. After kissing Penelope, he finally, for the first time in his life, has a sexual interaction that means something to him.

It's the first one he truly enjoys, and the first one that feels right to him. It clicks for him that oh, that's what it's meant to be like. And the strain of that realization whilst still having to be what his society expects of him puts immense stress on his shoulders. You see how he grows more and more uncomfortable about the conversations, until finally he rejects it outright.

Even when it's very much not encouraged for him to do so. He's even told "You are much more fun this season." That's why he hides himself. From near everyone, even his family, even his brothers. It's telling how Anthony's positive interaction with Colin is when they're at the club, and Anthony praises him for his most recent attention. Have we seen much of Anthony being proud of Colin, otherwise? Not really. So he's reinforced in his persona. Doesn't boast of his travels because it didn't have anyone liking him for it, before. Doesn't even say how many cities he's gone to. Except with Penelope.

In the books, there's a line about their kiss, referencing how his world will never be the same. And it won't be. Because when Colin says that she helps him see the world in new ways, it's in a multitude of meanings.

Penelope refuses to let him wear the mask, because in truth, Penelope is the only one who doesn't like it. Not only does she see the real Colin, but she enjoys the real Colin. Whilst everyone else is simpering over Colin's new look and attitude, rejects who he is in reality, Penelope dismisses it, wants the person she knows him to be instead. It's only when he strips down the facades that Penelope allows him into her life again. And her Whistledown article was harsh, but it was also true. He *is* masking. He *is* putting on a persona and a role. But she was wrong when she asked if Colin even knows which is real: Colin knows very well which is real. And he also knows the realities of him haven't been accepted.

When Colin tells Penelope charm can be taught, he speaks from experience. When he says 'living for the expectations of others is a trap' it is because he has already fallen into it, and if he can't dig himself out, maybe he can keep her from it. Colin tells her 'you do not need lessons' and that she is fine exactly as she is, because just as she sees the real him and loves him, he sees the real her, and loves her, too. But they both live in the constraints of their society, and so they both put on the masquerade. Even sometimes to hide from each other.

The current climax of his arc is when he's out with the lads, after they all go off to the brothel again, and he disassociates from the experience. Playing cards and insisting on sharing sexual exploits, to which he does not want to take part, and makes a lighthearted dig at them. 'There is no gentleman at this table'. He includes himself in that, and then clarifies. He speaks aloud for the first time to them the truth of his heart- 'Do you not ever tire of the expectation to remain cavalier about the one thing in life that holds genuine meaning? Do you not find it lonely?' Can it really only just be him?

And it is. Or, maybe it isn't, but the rest of them aren't brave enough to admit it, so they're okay in making him feel like it is, in outcasting him for being a romantic, for caring about a woman beyond what she can provide for him sexually. Colin professes he doesn't like who he's become, doesn't like the expectations for him to behave the way he has, and they laugh at him. Again. He is made fun of, again.

He goes home and he falls in his bed and he feels like he lost it all. Lost Penelope to his own advice, and lost his newfound shine in his community. But when he's faced with which one matters more to him, he chooses Penelope. Unhesitatingly.

Colin chooses to be sensitive. He chooses to be a warm-hearted, gentle man in a society that prefers sexist machismo. Act one way in the light and another in the shadows. Colin wants to live authentically, as a man he doesn't really have a role model for. He is brave and he is tender, he sees the sexism of his society and he rejects it. He sees the importance Penelope has in his life, the way she makes him feel, and he embraces her wholeheartedly. He wants love and romance, he wants connection and meaning.

Colin, The Great Pretender, sick of pretending. Colin, walking into that ballroom and giving Fife the cut direct when he invites him out. Colin, cutting into a dance in the middle of a ball between Penelope and a man the entire city knows is about to propose. Colin staring deeply into her eyes with such unfiltered longing even *Cressida* can't help but notice what's going on. Colin running off after Penelope in full view of his society, outrunning a *carriage* to see her. Begging her to let him in. Colin on his knees, all but flaying his chest open for Penelope to see his heart. Colin made a choice when that candle flickered out, and his choice was Penelope. His choice was himself. And his choice was to flip off societal expectation and to live for love, damn the consequences.

I think our own world would be a better place if modern men took his example, too. Colin Bridgerton as male love lead in Bridgerton, a global show, is such a refreshing, wonderful example. A man who tried to be like what the world wanted, and who decided to go against the gender norms of his time. A man who prioritizes the woman he loves, who risks ridicule in doing so and comes to realize that he doesn't care. He doesn't care anymore about being one of the boys, one of the lads, one of the guys. Fuck his society if his society can't recognize the beauty of what he feels with Pen. He cares about being the best self he can be. And that best self is around Penelope, inspired by Penelope.

Because how he is with Penelope? God, I could swoon. At every turn, he prioritizes her comfort and personhood. He validates her, he sees her in beautiful, positive light and he helps her see herself that way, too. He encourages her to be brave because he already feels she is, he refuses to let her call herself stupid or a laughingstock, he apologizes without excuses, he checks in on her every step of the way. He's so passionate in that carriage, he's burning for her, he's yearning, but he doesn't do anything until she agrees for him to. He confesses his feelings and when she says they're friends, he backs off. He listens, he cares. He apologizes for overstepping her boundaries, and then when she gives him her consent, the only thing on his mind is showing how much he wants and appreciates her by providing her pleasure. Colin, the people pleaser, dedicated only to pleasing two people in that moment: Penelope, and himself. Because he wants to do that, to give her an orgasm that exists just for her. He's a witness to it, and that's pleasure for him, too. He waits for her nod of consent, he revels in seeing her enjoying herself. And the aftercare- I could cry.

Colin is a man who had every single reason not to be a kind, sensitive soul, and still he chose it. Chose to share it because the headline, even a wallflower can bloom, that's not just for Penelope.

It's for Colin, too.

[mins-fins]

five chronicles — ricky shen

the five most important moments of their relationship in ricky's eyes.

tags :: ricky shen x m!reader , chronological but also non-chronological , ricky is super in love , specific descriptions bc i love them , ricky-centric , reader is a bundle of joy , they're made for each other , fluff start angst end

ONE. ( their first interaction )

of course, meeting someone for the first time is an important staple in any new relationship, but on a survival show, it's way weirder.

ricky wasn't really close to anyone but his fellow yuehua trainees, and he didn't even know if he would make friends, due to how awkward he was. he wasn't even sure what was going on when y/n first approached him.

now y/n, y/n is very pretty, like— super pretty, all ricky could do when he was talking to him was stare at his face, there seemed to be absolutely no mistakes on it, like he was carved by the gods.

"hi! ricky right?"

ricky pauses for a moment, clearing his throat as he gathers his thoughts. "um, yeah, yeah that's me" he responds, sounding much more awkward than he wanted to.

the unknown boy smiles. "sato y/n, it's nice to meet you!" he extends his hand for ricky to shake, and he takes it, noticing the major difference in their hand temperatures.

"i watched your introduction video, your very hilarious".

ricky feels his face burn red, he doesn't know for what, though. he just wasn't used to such words from random pretty boys, but he genuinely finds the compliment endearing.

"i.. thank you" he says, voice much lower than he intended. "that's very nice of you".

"ah, it's really no problem, complimenting people is just a second nature to me".

ricky simply laughs, waving his hand. "it's fine, i just admire your nice nature".

it was weird for someone to just walk up to him out of the blue, compliment him out of nowhere. ricky only really received compliments from his parents' friends, or random people on the street, not someone so much like him.

he always thanks himself in his head that y/n had approached him, because he didn't even realize how much of a turn his life would take from this point.

TWO. ( dream team )

"ah, were on the same team! how exciting!"

y/n comments unconsciously, addressing ricky, he doesn't look to him though, which confuses ricky greatly. he looks towards the male, who just rocks back and forth, whistling.

"you were talking to me?"

"yeah" he responds, smiling politely at the shen. ricky simply blinks, eyes stuck on his figure. he can't help but stare, he's pretty, super pretty, he has this soft smile on his lips and his brown eyes look like they hold universes in them.

is it bad to stare? he might look like he's glaring, and that would just be a field day for all those mnet editors. he sighs and looks away, putting his hands behind his back.

they were on the same team, performing back door by stray kids. it was safe to say that ricky was nervous, but y/n seemed to be confident. ricky wanted to have that kind of attitude, but he just couldn't.

he found his hands shaking almost constantly, his stomach felt all over the place, and as he found himself backstage, he felt his fight or flight instincts kick in as he almost bolted away.

"jesus, are you cold?"

"no, i'm worried" he admits rather openly. y/n hums at the words, understanding.

"you have nothing to worry about, your going to do great" he whispers, and though ricky wants to believe the words, there's this thing that just makes him not want to.

"i want to believe that, but i can't".

"you can't?"

his hands start shaking almost faster as he's asked that question. they're up in a few minutes, he can't possibly explain it now.

still, he'll try.

"i don't know, it's like theres this barrier stopping me from feeling any kind of confidence, it's like it's making all of my anxiety escalate".

y/n doesn't interrupt him, just lets him talk, lets him pour out whatever feelings he has. he hums again, taking ricky's shaking hand. "alright, i get it, you feel anxious, take a deep breath".

the older male instructs, squeezing his hand as a way of encouragement. ricky doesn't know why he feels his anxiousness already going away, but he nods, taking in a deep breath, then exhaling.

"you know you shouldn't doubt yourself, right? everyone knows how amazing you are, and you did amazing during that practice, your gonna crush this performance, i'm sure of it".

y/n smiles at him once again, rubbing his hand for a moment before letting it go. "thank you, i really needed that" ricky mutters, not knowing what this strange fluttering feeling in his stomach was.

"it's really no problem, i just want to make sure my teammates are alright".

ricky nods, feeling his face go red once again when y/n pokes his cheek, giggling. "well, you better crush that stage".

THREE. ( a somewhat-strange conversation )

y/n had found his way into ricky's room, and eventually ricky's bed. it seemed to happen in a flash, where he had just woken up and now there was just this random pretty boy in his bed.

not that he was complaining, of course.

y/n looks up, his head still laid onto ricky's pillow. "so" he begins, starting another one of his somewhat strange conversations, he rolls over as he stares at ricky's figure.

"so?" ricky asks, craning his neck to turn and look at y/n, who was staring back with that signature smile of his. "so what?"

"what do you plan to do after the show? if you don't debut that is.."

ricky shrugs, fully turning around so he could get a better look at him. "i'll probably just go home, my parents want me to take over their company".

y/n snorts, amused. "ah, so you're that kind of rich, you could buy mnet if you wanted to!"

ricky laughs, and y/n continues. "you really took young and rich way too seriously".

he nods, enamored by the males words. "and what about you? what do you plan to do?"

y/n hums, flopping back down onto ricky's bed. "i'll probably just go back to school, i almost quit for this shit".

"i have no doubt you'll debut" ricky says almost unconsciously, the words had been on the tip of his tongue for what seemed like forever.

the older male laughs. "i have no doubt you'll debut" he emphasizes the you'll, as if he's saying a completely different sentence. "you've got this".

"you have a lot of confidence in me, but you never talk about yourself" ricky questions, yet it doesn't really come out like a question, more of a blank statement.

"if it happens, it happens, i'm just moving with the flow" he responds simply. ricky doesn't really understand that whole mentality, but he just laughs at y/n's words.

what a spectacle he is.

FOUR. ( favorite couple )

"whose your best friend, n/n?"

y/n hums, pretending to think when he knows his answer will be ricky. the two of them are clearly pretty close, he's the type of person to become best friends with someone after only a few hours of knowing them, and his answer was almost obvious if anything.

"ricky! right? were very close" he replies, the answer on his mind, almost rehearsed. ricky freezes, as if he didn't expect that. he had spent the past few days with him, just talking to him, he enjoyed his company, and y/n showered him with hugs and affection.

"me? i've never really been someone's best friend before" he mumbles, the gratefulness in his voice clear.

y/n giggles as he intertwines their hands. "well, your mine now! you can't get rid of me!" he yells, leaning onto ricky.

ricky simply stares, a habit of his whenever y/n is around. he captures his attention so easily, not even having to do anything spectacular to. it's not everyday someone he'd just met no more than two months ago makes him feel so.. weird.

he simply found y/n endearing, amazing. he was the epitome of joy, so grateful for his opportunities and everything given to him. he's patient, doesn't force anyone into anything they don't want to. he loved everything about him, his eyes, his voice, his personality, his humor, his smile, his laugh, his—

oh, he's rambling now isn't he?

he just loves how he feels around him, he doesn't feel any of the other platonic feelings he's felt for the other trainees, he feels love, and not just in a friendship way, but in a genuinely romantic way.

y/n is just amazing like that.

"i don't plan on getting rid of you anyway" he teases back, leaning his head onto y/n's. the two look so cute, like a newly wed couple or something.

"aww, they look like a couple" junhyeon teases, earning boisterous laughter from taerae, who definitely agrees.

they just seem made for each other.

FIVE. ( our final goodbyes )

ricky was originally stressed.

he had been scratching his hands all day, worried that he might not be able to debut, he was so worried that he'd barely gotten any sleep the previous night. everything in boys planet had led up to this, and it was an obviously stressful day for everyone.

fortunately, y/n was right there.

"calm down, ricky, nervousness makes your posture bad".

he runs a hand up and down ricky's back, and ricky can't fathom how he's so calm. "how are you so calm? you should be biting off your nails by now".

"as i said, if it happens it happens, just don't stress yourself out about it so much, i'm sure you'll make it".

y/n was right.

as ricky sits in his chair, having won at p04, he crosses his fingers in hope that y/n's name will somehow be called next. he finally made it, but he wanted to make sure y/n did too, he wanted to at least debut with him.

p03: seok matthew.

p02: sung hanbin.

p01: zhang hao.

there's really only a sliver of hope left, anyone could be called for p09, anyone could become the final member of the group, and he hopes to god that y/n makes it, he doesn't know what'd he do if he didn't.

"and rank p09 is.."

y/n y/n y/n y/n y/n y/n y/n y/n y/n y/n—

"han yujin!"

oh.

ricky closed his eyes. he's grateful, but also angry, so angry. at himself. he made it and y/n didn't. after all he did for him? after he encouraged him to do his best? after he made sure that everyone felt alright and were in their best head spaces for the performance?

he wants to cry.

he can't.

he wants to throw up.

he can't.

ricky went into this survival show stuff thinking nothing of it. he didn't expect to debut, he didn't expect to be loved, he didn't expect to fall in love.

and, he didn't expect to be so heartbroken over y/n not debuting with him.

he finds it even harder to accept as he watches y/n cry, hugging junhyeon in the crowd. his face stays still, not moving, as if he's unaffected, but he truly can't bring himself to come to terms with it.

all he wanted to do was to talk to y/n.

he immediately began searching for him when he stepped into the crowd to say goodbye, giving both jay and jeonghyeon hugs as he searched for the seemingly invisible boy.

"there you are" his voice whispers. ricky sighs, smiling, although disappointed.

"here i am" he replies, face not moving. y/n has dry tears on his face, but he's still smiling. "i told you, i was sure you'd make it".

ricky bites his inner cheek, the words only having been told to him a few hours ago. "yeah, guess you are a fortune teller".

"i couldn't tell my own fortune though".

even if he's trying to cope with humor, it seems to not work, as tears start welling up in his eyes once again. "i'm so proud of you, you know that?"

"y/n—"

"i became friends with you because you were cool, i seriously do still think your cool, i was so amazed by everything you did, and when you agreed that i was your best friend, it made me feel special, you made me feel special".

ricky isn't sure how he keeps his composure, even with all the shouting and chatter going on around him, y/n is the only person he sees, the only one he hears, his only focus.

"i wanted to debut with you.." he mumbles, taking his hands, probably for the last time.

y/n smiles, and ricky wipes the tears from his face. "me too, but you did it! go on, have fun with your group".

it felt like a piece of him was being broken away, as if this was one of the most heartbreaking moments of his entire life. he takes a deep breath and wipes y/n's tears away.

ricky pulls him into a hug, sighing. "i'm so sorry, i— i failed you".

"you didn't" y/n chuckles, running a hand up and down his back. "it's okay, you made it, that's all that matters".

but you matter too, he wants to say. the words are on the tip of his tongue, he wants to say them so bad, but he couldn't, like he was being prevented from doing so.

"don't think it's your fault, i'm still proud of you, okay?"

ricky nods, he doesn't want to let go, but he has too, because he has to go, everything has to end eventually.

he finally lets go of y/n's hands after what seems like forever, but he still can't seem to step away.

"you know i love you, right ricky?"

the words seem so random, but y/n is random, even through tears and with everyone else talking in the background, he still finds the confidence to say those words.

"i love you too" ricky replies.

that was probably the last time he'd ever say those words.

AUTHORS NOTE — HOLY MOTHER OF GOD this was tragic!!! i genuinely felt like sobbing while writing this wtf ╥﹏╥

[gold-rhine]

please share correct opinions on alhaitham and kaveh👀

genshin leaks tw i guess. they are both right and they are both wrong actually. like fans will be like omg this ship is canon bc their quest name is "Pride and Prejudice" and then literally not look at what that reference means, as if P&P entire thesis wasn't on how two leads both have to get over their flawed perception of each other and grow personally after admitting their own shortcomings

the whole throughline of them being narrative foils and mirrors for each is like. yes, alhaitham was right about kaveh martyring himself for selfish reasons, and kaveh was so appalled to hear that bc he wants ppl to think he's perfect. which like yeah, was his trauma response mechanism, but no, it doesn't mean it's healthy and shouldn't be challenged. being close with someone doesn't mean they don't see your flaws and think you're perfect, it means they DO see your flaws and love you in spite of them. yes, kaveh has high ideals of combining beauty and practicality and of everyone participating in creation, no, it doesn't mean that him carrying other ppl or people-pleasing at any opportunity is good way to reach his ideals, it obviously doesn't work like that. yes, kaveh is lonely, but he 100% put himself into this position, he has ppl who would be willing to support him, he hangs out with cyno, tighnari, brags about having friends and fans, he's literally akademiya celebrity, he could reach out and ask for help at any moment, but that would ruin his facade of perfect success, so he doesn't. literally he opened up about his problems one time and alhaitham immediately took him in despite their broken friendship. the only reason he doesn't actually own the part of this same house is because he refused out of pride, he obviously wants to feel superior to alhaitham, and he used his social standing and popularity as proof, which is why he's so shocked and dismissive of the idea that alhaitham can have friends or do smth heroic, and now the only way he has left to feel superior is to insist he's better bc he's empathetic, while alhaitham is not, so kaveh keeps falling for every scam despite being a genius. bc he sees this as him being good and that's the last refuge of his ego. tldr great ideals, clown execution

but alhaitham is also performing clown behavior. he's not ambitious like kaveh, yes, but his flaw of pride is in pretending that if he's right he can sound like an asshole. bro has "language is the ultimate tool and weapon" all over his stories, he knows that how you word things fucking matter and he knew that kaveh is fragile about his ego and emotions, yet he didn't try to talk to kaveh on the terms he could accept and help him reach the conclusion, but bluntly poked him into the weakest spot instead. and yes, alhaitham has feelings and they were obv hurt and he's still obv highkey cares and lowkey bitter at kaveh at the same time. fellas, is it rational to meet your worstie drunk and miserable in a tavern, learn he's bankrupt, and immediately take him home as a roommate. and like explain that you don't care about him, but you did it to have another genius through whose presence you can perfect your vision of the world. and then every time you talk you tell said genius that he's devolving into a fungus and shit like that. which is how perfecting a world vision works obviously. yeah sounds very logic, very rational, very objective, and no confused feelings to me.

no, their fight is not bc they have incompatible ideals and can never understand each other. they can understand each other very well, they can't get over their egos. kaveh spent years wanting to take back his words to his father and vowing to never hurt anyone again, yet he refuses to see realize what he said years ago hurt his best friend and he doesn't take it back despite them literally living in the same house and having that opportunity every day. he accuses alhaitham of being an egoist, yet he his own ego makes him pretend to have perfect life and have no problems instead of opening up to ppl. alhaitham accuses kaveh of being irrational and in denial about his true motivations, yet is in denial about his own motivations for becoming roommates, instead facetiously framing it like it was strictly for his own purely academic goals. they are mirrors, but they refuse to actually look at each other.

if hoyo has an ounce of sense, this is obv a setup for character arcs of them growing and getting over their pride and prejudices to be able to work together and combine alhaitham's strategic thinking with kaveh's groundbreaking designs.