#bc a 50yo man who refuses to expand his views bc ''he wasn't taught that growing up'' is an embarrassment | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

interiorlulus · 1 year ago

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It's kind of pathetic to watch my father scramble to find out why I'm so cold towards him lately. I know from my mom he seems to know I don't like him and it really makes me cringe inside whenever he clearly attempts to bond with me. I just want to scream most of the time. That he scares me, that he disappoints me as a parent and as an overall human being. That he has disgusting opinions, disgusting behaviour, that I can't look up to someone who is so pathetic and narrow-minded. He has never done anything to make me even remotely respect him and he is single-handedly extinguishing any warmth I have left for him. And then because I'm still his child nonetheless I'm stuck feeling sorry for him. It's depressing.

#i genuinely cannot and will not take responsibility of his feelings #you love me? you care for me and my wellbeing? prove it #i feel like the only thing that is going to make him react is if i truly demonstrate that he is totally lost me #my mom doesn't want me to cut him off (she inferred that from a previous convo w/me evn though that wasn't what i meant)#but if he refuses to accept me as i am (which i have no doubts about him doing)#how am i supposed to feel confident in a conversation with him when he has only ever been condescending to me?#and i understand his condescention is him trying to show himself as a guide/parent/teacher... but it fucks me up to be treated like a child #i'm 22 dude! and i'm far more emotionally intelligent than your sorry ass will ever be!#bc a 50yo man who refuses to expand his views bc ''he wasn't taught that growing up'' is an embarrassment #it feels so cruel to say this: but i'm peaceful when he is not around #my mom's rough but she is emotionally intelligent #my father? a goddamn wall. ZERO humility and grace when it comes to being in the wrong.#it's sad for me bc i know there are men out there who do better with their children and i envy that and by contrast my disappointment grows #(the grass is greener on ther other side and all... but am i completely wrong?)#it's sad for him because he does love me and has no idea he is digging his own damn grave #me.txt

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