#bc I knew I couldn’t write Pesci but I was like I’m definitely missing someone else

[sims2bellaswan]

relationship headcanons | la squadra x reader

an established relationship with Risotto, Prosciutto, Melone, Ghiaccio and Illuso [gender neutral reader]

TW: NSFW, manipulation, mentions of death, mentions of verbal abuse, mentions of cheating, stalking, objectification, breakups bc let’s be real they aren’t boyfriend material

Risotto

Relationships are tough for the big guy

His biggest issue is manipulating his partners, he doesn’t have much of a life outside of Passione so he isn’t very well socialized

Conversations will consist of a lot of double-meanings, punishments for “misbehavior”, and lies of omission

He wouldn’t mesh well with a social butterfly; an introvert who doesn’t mind staying home more often than not would be much more reasonable to him

Expect a lot of your external relationships to be cut off, social media will have to be private and checked by him, a lot goes into being with a capo safely

Sex wise, you’re in for a long night

It doesn’t happen incredibly often, but when it does there’s a lot of pent up emotions being let out (anger/frustration mostly)

Good luck like seriously good luck, because he will not finish until he’s done yelling

You’ll need better luck if you wanna break up

if he’s comfortable around you, you either stay or kick the bucket

Prosciutto

Also a tough one for relationships

He, unlike Risotto, simply cannot connect with people

His superiority complex would really dampen any sparks you’d feel

For him to like you, I feel like you’d either have to have no confidence or the balls to put him in his place

Because he’d either belittle you constantly and you’d have to take it or you’d have to insult him and make him take it

Should it be option b, you may be stuck with him I feel like he’s into that

And should you be stuck with him, you are now expected to shoulder all of his issues. Hes your problem now

The sex is nothing to write home about tbh

You two would have sex an average amount for a couple, it’d be pretty simple, like I said it’s nothing special

A breakup is inevitable. This boat was not built to last.

If the breakup is his fault, he’d probably force you to leave the country so he doesn’t have to deal with putting a hit on you

If you decided to break up with him, you’re fucked. Good luck!

Melone

Ever your favorite man-whore, this relationship is complicated.

First of all, there is a chance you are not the only one

You’re suspicious but he’s done this enough times where you can never find any real evidence

Second of all, you are kept very separate from Passione

La squadra doesn’t know about you, you don’t know about them

Melone is very secretive in general, especially to you, but this is one thing where it’s for the best

Sex is often, sex can be anywhere, as long as you’re around he will be all up in your shit

Your pleasure is often neglected, but what can you do, he’s a dog

Breaking up is easy and almost always initiated by him. you are no longer interesting, next!

He loves the chase and the honeymoon period, it’s fun and exciting, everything after that has nothing new for him to learn. So he gets bored! Sue him!

This is the only breakup where you have a majority chance of surviving! Congrats!

Ghiaccio

Probably the toughest nut to crack, not because he’s necessarily opposed to relationships, but because he’s very prone to driving people away

He can be very hot and cold with people, sometimes he treats you like shit and other times he’s hanging off your every word

It’s not exactly your fault either, it could be something about the way your outfit looked that day or you breathed too audibly, the mans got a hair trigger

If you’re not driven away after the first two dates, you can expect a pretty standard relationship

You two fight more often than average but other than that it’s pretty normal

You’re kept separate from Passione but you’re aware of his ties to the mafia (maybe not his exact position yk)

Breaking up is the issue, it simply will not happen

Anytime you bring up the idea of simply taking a break, you’re met with a rebuttal, then that fight changes topic to something else and you become distracted and forget about what even started the argument

He’s just gotten way too comfortable about the idea of having you around. At the end of the day, he likes having someone to bicker with

Illuso

Oh girl good luck!

Every flag is a red flag

You have a lot of expectations to meet, even from day 1

No, you are never told any of these expectations, but he will demean you for breaking them.

He likes having you around because you boost his ego. He is a lowlife hitman, who snagged a hottie and can keep that hottie hanging around

You’re essentially an accessory to him, he likes taking you out just so you’ll hang off his arm

He also loves spying on you, whether you catch on or not

Showering, going to work, taking your classes, whatever mundane activity you may be filling your time apart with, he loves to watch

It’s less about the fact that he’s worried about you, it’s that he knows you’re perfect and he doesn’t like other people touching his things

You would NEVER guess that, because he treats you like an object but you’re his object 🧔

Good luck because you’re not getting out of this one