#bc Florah would have the angriest outburst at them for taking him away from Karima

[ase-trollplays]

The Final Goodbye

You're in one of the outdoor gardens watering the roses. It's a crisp sunny afternoon, and Cacoph is still asleep in the living room. You knew you took too much when he let you drink from him, and despite him repeatedly telling you that it's okay, you feel anything but. Tuuya taught you how to feed without downing your victim (Well, "donor" is probably the better word in this case). You know better than to take more than you should, dammit. With a sigh, you decide you'll apologize to him for the million and first time when he wakes up this evening.

For now, though, the gardens, trees, and shrubs needs your attention. You move from the rose garden to the vegetable garden when the sound of a familiar voice causes you to freeze and drop the watering can, which clatters to the ground and spills its contents all over the ground and your feet.

"Hey, bud. You wanna talk?"

You look over your shoulder, and standing there is none other than Karima in her signature black shirt, jeans, and purple hoodie with her wild hair shaved down on one side of her head. Her eyes are a stark empty white, but she otherwise looks exactly as you remember when you last saw her alive. Your legs quake as you turn to face her, and without a thought you run to her with your arms outstretched. Your legs give out on you after only a couple of feet, but your moirail is there to catch you when you fall and takes you into her arms.

The wailing sobs in your throat are impossible to stifle, and you cling to her so tightly that your claws tear holes into her jacket. However, she doesn't mind at all as she takes a seat in the warm grass and pulls you into her lap. The position is one so familiar and comforting to you, one you've missed so much, that your bawling increases to near hysterical levels, and your glow is all but blinding. However, she stills holds you close to her and pets your hair and hums to you like she always did when your emotional regulation failed.

She's here. She's here, and you can hold her and hear her. You'd burn the world to make this last forever.

You don't know how much time passes before your able to form words through your hiccuping sobs. It feels simultaneously like it's been hours but also only a few minutes.

"I'm-- I'm s-sorry! I'm so sorry! It's all-- It's all my fault! If I didn't-- If I hadn't killed Allmah s-she wouldn't have-- Fuck, I'm so sorry! It's all my fault!! I-- I'm so-- Karima I-- It's my fault! I'm so sorry!! I--!" You're barely coherent through your ugly cries, but she understands you completely like only she can. She holds you tight, holds you closer, and you sob into her and soak the front of her shirt with your seemingly endless tears.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Sunflower. This is Allmah's fault, not yours. Nothing she does is ever your fault. Please, please forgive yourself," she says as she runs her fingers through your hair. Despite your bawling, you hear her clearly and perfectly. Your crying only pauses when you feel drops of moisture land on the top of your head. You pull away and look up at her face to see tears running down her cheeks.

"But-- But if I hadn't killed her--" you start, but she presses a single finger to your lips to stop you.

"Then you would still be held hostage in her hive, and she would have probably killed me anyways. She's always had it out for me for 'stealing you' from her. Besides, if I had to choose between living while you're in pain, and dying knowing you're safe, I'd die a million times."

"You shouldn't have died at all," you respond and reach up to wipe her tears away. She leans into your touch, and you swear you're going to start crying again. You try to lean into her again, but she gently takes you by the shoulders and pushes you back just enough to keep looking at her face. More tears fall down as she looks down at you suddenly serious.

"Sunflower... You don't want to hear this, but you have to move on," she states, the ache in her heart palpable in her words. You stare at her in mild disbelief before your face crumples in heartache of your own.

"Wha-- N-no! I don't want to forget you! You saved my life, not just from Allmah but every time I tried to end it! You made me want to stay alive! You--" you start desperately pleading, but she once again gently presses a finger to your lips, and you silence yourself.

"I'm not saying you have to forget about me, but you can't keep living like this. Every day and night, you're completely miserable. Your light's so dim now it's like you aren't you anymore, and you can't imagine how badly it hurts to see you like this," she explains, and her breath hitches as she restrains the urge to start crying herself.

A hard lump forms in your chest as she speaks, and she's right: You don't want to hear this. Hearing your dead moirail telling you to move on almost feels like a betrayal. How are you supposed to adjust to your life without the person who meant the most to you in it? The person who was always there both emotionally and physically? The person you made the active decision to stay alive for until you eventually wanted to live for yourself??

"I can't... I can't do it. I'm so alone without you here," you choke out and look away from her in despair and shame. "I'm not strong enough."

She gently places a finger under your chin and tilts your head to look back up at her, and she's smiling through her tears. However, you can tell it's forced.

"You're not alone. You have all your friends, like Cacoph, and Tuuya, and Proxus, and Uunive, and Tantor. You even have Maeron now. Maeron, the woman you hated the entire time you knew her and never forgave and were always nothing but rude to. She's helping you knowing she won't get anything out of it." Karima manages a small laugh talking about her. It's almost funny that it took her death for you two to finally start getting along. "You have so many people that care and want to help you."

"But they aren't you. I want you," you plead, and she sighs and leans down to lightly touch her forehead to yours.

"I know you do. But I'm gone. That's reality now, and you can't keep fighting it. Promise me you'll move on. You don't have to forget me. Just please promise me you'll learn to live without me," she asks, practically begging you. Now she finally starts crying, and you can feel your heart shatter. Within seconds, both of you are crying, you louder than her, and the two of you hold onto each other in somber solidarity.

You don't how how much time passes before you're able to form words. It feels like hours, but also like only a few minutes have passed.

"I promise... I promise I'll try to live without you," you manage to blubber. "But can we... Can we stay like this?"

Karima pulls you into her even closer and kisses the top of your head.

"Of course, Sunflower. Take as much time as you need."

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Florah slowly opened his eyes and stretched in Karima's bed. Her scent was long gone from it, but it still brought him an immense amount of comfort to lie where she once lied. He could hear talking downstairs and, with a sigh, didn't give in to the urge to go back to sleep in hopes that the ghost of his moirail would visit him again. It was just a dream, but he still felt an obligation to follow through with his promise to her.

He had to learn how to live without her.

But he wasn't going to do so happily.

When he reached the living room at the bottom of the stairs, still in his sleepwear, he was greeted by the sight of Proxus and Cacoph halting their conversation and now looking directly at him. Without a word, Florah beelined for Proxus and clung to them tightly as he sobbed.

Proxus held Florah, rubbing his back for a while and letting him cry. They shushed him until the sobbing was more under control. "Tulip, you want to make some tea with me? We can talk or not, but it would do some good to have a warm beverage."

Still unable to coherently form words, Florah sniffled and wiped his tears away before nodding and following them into the kitchen as Cacoph went back to his palmhusk.