#basically im having a bunch of crises all at once all the time atm and they're all bouncing off each other
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#delete later#also having an embarrassing minor crisis bc my friend asked me if i actually wanted my hair to be cut and i said yeah but#im not sure. i just thought i probably should bc i knew long hair didbt suit me as much#this is less annoying and easier to deal with#plus i was going to cut it a bit myself anyway#but also whenever i cut my hair i have a period of a few days wgere the change upsets me sp this feeling is most probably that#just also the thing of being like#how can i know what i want when what i want is to make others happy abs just chug along#god i fucking hate it in here#here being my brain. useless piece of shit. also very helpful creative bundle but so frustrating#holidays alao make me a lil sad bc a lot of stuff is romantic and im low-key jelly whilst also being like#i would be an awful person to date i have so many needs and weirdnesses and theres very little about ne that is actually#attractive in any way. always feels like i wasnt quite made for it. which ya know is a lil bit of a bummer#its also a part of my loss of mobility crisis#internalised ableism is a bitch. tells me that if i end up more disabled that'll be anlther unattractive thing#when i know full well that disability doesnt make ppl unattractive!!! the internalised shit show!!!#basically im having a bunch of crises all at once all the time atm and they're all bouncing off each other
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