#bash ; selfpara

[whathebash]

date:  february 3-5, 2021

tl;dr:  bash finds out who’s blackmailing him, as well as some information about his parents’ murder.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 3:  BASH’S DORM ROOM

THE RESULTS FROM OPHELIA’S INVESTIGATION HAD COME BACK LAST MONDAY.  bash had been dreading it for weeks, and the irony of the situation wasn’t lost on him. after all, he had been the one to ask her to look into who had been sending him the blackmail messages, after mary had referred ophelia to him. he had immediately felt RELIEF when she had told him it would take about a week to get the results, but that feeling hadn’t lasted long. what do you plan to do after everything is out ?   ophelia had asked him, to which bash hadn’t known how to respond. it’s a question that would continue to haunt him for the entire week, the only thing he could think of before going to bed every night. he didn’t know what he was going to do with the information -- go to president sutton ?   approach the person ?   get revenge ?   it would all come down to whoever the person is, bash reasoned with himself.

bootcamp was on its very last week when ophelia had texted him to say she had located the person, and it took hearing those words for bash to realize that he wasn’t yet ready to find out. everybody knows that the final week of bootcamp is the most important, so why would he do something to potentially ruin his final scores ?   no, it made far more sense to wait until the whole thing was over. he had arranged for ophelia to put all the information she found in an envelope, handing it to him before practice  ( and him making her promise not to tell anyone about this, because he didn’t want mary knowing the results were in yet ) .  his focus wasn’t at its best knowing the information was at the tips of his fingers, but bash found that for once, the fear of the unknown wasn’t as scary as whatever could be in that envelope. he’s been used to the feeling of looking over his shoulder, not knowing who was watching him, so what was one more week ? 

there’s no excuse as to why he didn’t open the envelope as soon as bootcamp was over ;   in reality, bash was just afraid. he hadn’t wanted to do it on his weekend of rest, and then he didn’t want to do it on his first day of classes, and before he knew it the envelope was staring him down on his bed, as he packed his things for a weekend trip to washington dc. he could argue that he shouldn’t ruin the trip with bad news, but… if he doesn’t read it now, when will he ever ?   he had made ophelia and mary go through the trouble of finding this, and when it came down to it, it was time.

bash uses the rare opportunity of having the dorm to himself to take a seat on his bed, taking the envelope in his hands. he sits like that for a few minutes, doing nothing but turning it over in his fingers, waiting for them to finally get the courage to break it open. when they do, his hands shake as he brings the papers up to eye level, reading them slowly. there’s a few pages with what bash can only consider proof, but there’s far too much encryption jargon for him to make sense of it. but on a small piece of paper, ophelia's made it far too easy for him, putting out the name and underlining it thrice :    JULIAN EATON.

 the papers drop from his hand, scattering all over the floor. bash doesn’t bother to pick them up.

at first he assumes it must be some kind of mistake. maybe ophelia had tracked it to his room, and just guessed him out of all his other roommates who it could’ve been ?   who are his roommates again ?   surely it has to be one of them. julian and him are FRIENDS ;   they go to the gym together, they hung out in berlin together, they studied together for their mutual class last semester. they’re not the closest friends, but he’s always been a solid presence during bash’s time at gallagher. bash’s problems this year had been a little too hard to talk about with just anyone, but he could’ve confided in julian, knowing the kind of guy he is. he trusts him. bash had visited him in the infirmary when he had gotten into his car accident.

bash had visited him in the infirmary when he had gotten into his car accident. not long after that, he had received the text message from his blackmailer, telling him that it was going to stop. that has to be a coincidence… right ? 

worried that his roommates may come in any minute, bash gets up from his bed and picks up the papers one by one. adrenaline is pumping through his veins and bash doesn’t know what to do with it right now. maybe he should’ve opened the envelope with mary or hazel, someone who could ground him, because right now bash doesn’t know what to do with himself. he’s not an aggressive man, but right now he feels the need to PUNCH something, or maybe go for a run, one that’ll get him far away enough from gallagher and his problems that he doesn’t have to deal with them. he doesn’t even register that he’s ripped the papers in his hands until he’s holding nothing but confetti, which he shoves into the nearest garbage. 

there’s a million questions moving around his head at once, all far too fast and fragmented for him to even begin to unpack them. there’s only one that’s the most important anyway, one that bash has been thinking about since the end of june, when he had received his first text message from an unknown number on his twenty-third birthday :   WHY ?   he’s not the type to think very highly of himself, but bash KNOWS he hadn’t done anything to julian eaton to warrant this kind of behavior… right ?   is there something he could’ve done differently to make this not happen ?   

how did julian know about his past anyway ?   he’s not a encryption student in the slightest, so bash doubts that julian himself had been able to get his information from the school’s system. was someone working with him ?   how many people knew about this ?   anger and confusion had been expected feelings to come out of this, but the humiliation he feels now is new and unexpected. wiping the corners of his eyes that have begun to spring tears, he forces himself to take a deep breath, and then a second. 

his phone vibrates loudly on his pillow, making him jump. despite receiving a text from the blackmailer  ( julian ?   he still doesn’t know whether to believe it or not )   about how bash would never hear from them again, every text he receives still warrants the same reaction. what was he supposed to do, believe in the kindness of the person who made him steal from one of his roommates and stop talking to all his friends ?   but the text is actually from dimitri, asking if they could meet this weekend while bash is in dc.�� i have something you’ll want to see. 

over the summer, bash had found out that dimitri’s father had been the hitman hired to kill his parents, and he had tasked his friend to find out who had hired him. the last thing bash wants right now is another secret to deal with, but he texts dimitri back anyway. right now the prospect of getting out of witness protection and being allowed to leave gallagher -- a place that had once felt like a safe space for bash -- sounds really nice.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 2021:  WASHINGTON DC BAR

IT’S NICE TO SEE DIMITRI AGAIN. bash doesn’t realize how much he’s missed him and alec at gallagher until he gets the chance to spend time with them again. tomorrow he’ll see alec, and he almost wishes it could’ve been the three of them together again, but bash is smart enough to know that his time with dimitri isn’t a completely social call. it’s been two days after finding out the truth about his blackmailer and bash still feels in a daze, not completely accepting it yet. so it’s hard to make small talk about his time at gallagher currently, focusing on bootcamp scores and telling dimitri about his spring semester classes, as well as asking his older friend all he can about his new job. if dimitri notices his uneasy state, he doesn’t ask about it.

when the conversation finally stalls, dimitri takes out a manilla envelope and slides it across the table to him.   “ i don’t know how helpful this is. i tried doing further digging, but couldn’t find very much on them, ”   dimitri admits. 

bash shakes his head, taking the folder and tucking it in his backpack. “ whatever it is, it’s more than we originally had. thank you again for doing this, seriously. this… i needed this. ”

there’s some trace of understanding in dimitri’s eyes that makes bash look away, but out of his peripherals he sees dimitri nod.   “ just be careful. ”   bash doesn’t know what specifically he should be careful about -- and he doubts dimitri himself knows either -- but he gives a small nod in agreement. 

bash doesn’t wait until he’s back in his hotel room to open the folder. reading it on the metro probably isn’t the most secure space, but he’s learned his lesson about holding onto bad information. sliding the papers out of the folder, the first thing he sees makes his breath catch in his throat :   side-by-side mugshots of his parents. it’s not until now that he realizes he hasn’t seen a picture of his parents in over a year, before arriving to gallagher, not long after their death in general. bash has never seen their mugshots before -- he didn’t even know they had them -- but after finding out about julian, bash finds that he’s not even surprised at this revelation. he stares at the pictures longer than necessary, only pulling himself out of the trance when he feels the train come to a stop. bash holds the papers to his chest while people get on and off, and once it’s moving again, he quickly flips the page and resumes his search.

the papers are dimitri’s father’s log of his mission, bash quickly realizes. his parent’s assassination. there are details far too gruesome for a son’s eyes, but he reads them all anyway, until his tears blur his vision too much. pushing them away, bash scans the rest of the pages, looking for the key to the entire investigation. who hired aleksander orlov ? 

and then there it is, at the bottom of the last page, though it’s a name so foreign to bash he doesn’t even notice it at first. he had been expecting the name of a person, an enemy of his parents perhaps, but instead there’s only the name of an entire institution :   THE CALEDONIA INSTITUTE.

[greatiggspectations]

an unhealthy obsession || selfpara

tw: stabbing, attempted murder, stalking

tl;dr: Tigg’s stalker is bored and wants to finish what he started

EOIN

 Eoin had to admit that he was having fun making Tigg’s life hell. His favorite part was watching her, grinning when a new text from the burner phones describing what she was wearing and doing was met with her frantically scanning her surroundings for him. 

 The amount of men around her was problematic, because it wasn’t like she was just hangin’ ‘round a bunch of twinks. One was even a cop, ha! That was a plot twist he never saw coming.

 He’d been patient long enough, he decided on the night of April 27th, and he’d studied her routine enough to know he’d have an opportunity to get her alone. Hilarious how she was a waitress now. That was so cliche - hooker runs away from her old life in the city to be a waitress in a small town. He wondered if the man she lived with was her sugar daddy, or just a lonely man who felt bad for her. She was probably fucking him for a roof and money, like she did him. And to think all he got for his kindness was facial reconstructive surgery after his golden goose turned into a bloody tiger and mauled him.

 Nobody would believe him either that his girlfriend just turned into a monster and fucked him up! Well, then. He’d just get his justice on his own terms.

 And fuck her up so bad they’ll have a Swynlake Jane Doe on their hands.

 Tonight was his shot, see, because he knew that Tigg’s stupid cat-loving arse would linger in the alley out back at Remy’s and feed the stray cats before calling for a ride to her flat. Eoin waited for her to start feeding the cats, and when he was sure she was distracted, gripped the clawhammer in his hand tight and took off running down the alley at her.

 “Surprise, bitch!” He grunted, bringing the hammer down on the head.

 TIGG

 Eoin had gone quiet lately, but she wasn’t stupid. He’d gone quiet before and for longer than this week long period, so she didn’t allow herself to think he had given up. This was just another mind game.

 She expected him to start up again with the pictures or texting her detailed accounts of what she did that day any minute now.

 She didn’t expect to be hit in the head - hard - with a blunt object.

 Tigg screamed as the stray cats meowed and scattered, leaving her alone with the attacker, whoever he was. She was hit in the head a second time, stumbling from the pain before the managed to catch herself by pressing a palm against the dumpster. Her head hurt where she had been hit but almost as soon as she felt the pain it was gone as adrenaline kicked in.

 Before her tiger could respond, and before Tigg could even think to transform, the rage of Tigg the human overtook her. “Oi, who the hell-!?” and when she saw his face, though it did look different from when she last saw him, she understood.

 Eoin Christie wasn’t just watching her anymore. He was here to kill her.

 As he geared up to hit her with the clawhammer again Tigg did the counterintuitive thing and ran toward him, crowding him, so that the force behind the clawhammer wouldn’t be as powerful on the downswing. If she ran, he could bash her head in. If she crowded him, he’d be forced to just kind of pick at her.

 EOIN

 Christ, he’d been hoping he wouldn’t have to get his hands too dirty but it looked like he was gonna need to get her blood all over his hands. As she crowded him he discarded the clawhammer with a cold chuckle, throwing it far away from both of them.

 “You think I didn’t prepare for close combat, love?” Eoin sneered, pulling a long knife from inside his jacket.

 When she opened her mouth to scream, he clapped a hand down over it and hissed, “If you just die quietly like a good little slut, I won’t stab your head off your shoulders.”

 And what did he get for offering not to stab her neck so bad her head’s off? The bitch bit his hand.

 TIGG

 “Argh!” Eoin shouted as he shook his bitten hand while Tigg spit his blood out of her mouth.

 He had a knife now but what had he hit her with earlier? Where was that? She didn’t remember which direction he’d thrown the hammer but maybe if she could remember she could - “ugh”

 Before she had the time to make her next move, a feeling like a concentrated punch straight through her told her she needed to get her shit together, because she’d just been stabbed.

 EOIN

 What’s with freezing, huh Tiegan? Thought she was a right badass. Where’s the tiger claws now? Too scared? He wanted to mock her but his last logical braincell said that taunting the girl into going tiger again was probably not the smartest thing he could do right now.

 He yanked the knife out of her and stabbed her again, and again, and again, connecting with whatever part of her he could as she fought him.

 “Why’re you fighting? Just accept it.” Eoin hissed as he alternated between punching and stabbing her, waiting for her to quit and just fall down and die.

[whathebash]

APRIL 26, 2021 12:28 PM GALLAGHER AUDITORIUM 

WALKING OUT OF THE AUDITORIUM FOLLOWING PRESIDENT SUTTON’S ASSEMBLY, bash doesn’t feel like the same person he was when he had walked into it only thirty minutes prior. and glancing around at the students around him, he’s sure he can’t be the only one who feels the same way. president sutton had thrown a lot of information at her students  ( something she probably should've done weeks ago, maybe even months )  and it’s as satisfying as it is overwhelming. bash knows he should probably find mary and val to check on how they’re taking the news about cole, but he’s in too much of a daze himself, sutton’s information repeating in his head again and again, trying to make sense of it. it’s not the latest in the saga about double agents or leaked information that has him on edge, but that name, the one that had been included in the file about his parent’s death that dimitri had given him back in february :   CALEDONIA.

the name had been whispered throughout the halls of gallagher since cole and the others had been taken down to the sublevels, but with sutton gone those few days, he had no choice but to swallow his fear and anxiety about it. when she returned and things died down, he would tell her what he knows, he decided. the only reason he hadn’t done it sooner was from fear that gallagher would take one look at him snooping into his parent’s death and consider it a security breach, and ship him and his sisters somewhere else for the remainder of their witness protection sentence. but things were different now :   thanks to cole  ( to caledonia ) ,  everyone who read the gossip blog knew they were in witsec, and thanks to president sutton’s assembly, he now had a face to go with the name of caledonia, soulless eyes glooming over the crowd while val’s mom had spared no terrible detail about the institute and its leader. clancy stewart. 

he should’ve said something to gallagher and sutton sooner, bash knows. when the book had come out, he had talked to val about whether he should say something to her mom, to make sure that him, summer and spencer would be SAFE within the walls of gallagher, now that everyone on campus knew the truth about them. it wasn’t the students of gallagher knowing that made him nervous  ( although in hindsight it should’ve been, now knowing agents from the institution responsible for his parent’s death were under the same roof as him the entire time ) ,  but he didn’t know how much reach the gossip blog really got, if the information would leak outside the walls of the school. even faculty finding out made him nervous, and after cecil lefebvre last year, who could blame him ?   

but bash had kept it to himself, not wanting to bother president sutton in the middle of yet another gallagher academy crisis -- and again, because he was afraid of bringing attention to something that could be the reason he had to leave the comfort of gallagher. gallagher was a lot of things  ( not always something positive )  and bash wouldn’t be there if he didn’t have to be… but during the toughest time of his life, it had offered him a community of support and allowed him to make some of the best friends he’s ever had. he didn’t mind ignoring his safety for a few days longer ;   bash is tired of having to constantly worry about his safety anyway, tired of the feeling of constantly looking over his shoulder. he’s not sure if that level of paranoia will ever truly leave him.

it’s been less than two weeks since the burn book had been released ;   cole conner turned himself in for being a double agent not even five days ago. things change quickly at gallagher academy, bash knows, but this year had certainly taken the cake. and yet all the chaos these last two weeks have brought --- his friends finding out his real name, having to explain the mystery behind the death of his parents, being betrayed by a man he considered a friend, falling into bed with that man’s girlfriend and his best friend --- feels like white noise compared to this moment, ears ringing with clarity bash hasn’t felt in MONTHS.

the caledonia institute is behind the death of his parents --- and for the first time since arriving at gallagher, the end of all of this feels very, very near.

he’s only half aware of where his feet are taking him, still in a daze when he finally stops at the desk in front of president sutton’s office. her secretary blinks up at him.   “ son, if you’re here to volunteer for the mission, the sign up sheets are back over by the auditorium. ”   

“ i’m not here for that, ”   he shakes his head, and there’s no tremble in his voice, no hesitance in his actions. maybe it’s adrenaline that has bash feeling more confident than ever, but he wasted no time in saying,   “ i need to talk to president sutton. right now. ”

MAY 4, 2021 11:00 AM PRESIDENT SUTTON’S OFFICE 

“ JAMES, WELCOME. PLEASE SIT. ”   

bash’s birth name falls from president’s sutton’s lips so casually that it takes him a moment to register that she had even called him that. his hands on the armrest of his chair freeze before lowering himself into the seat, not sure whether to take the name as a good sign or bad. the last time she had called him that had been the first day they had met, the day he arrived to gallagher.

“ i hope aurora and clarissa don’t mind, but i was hoping the two of us could speak separately, before discussing this with them. ”   aurora and clarissa. when was the last time he had heard either of his sisters called by THEIR birth names ?   brain stalling from surprise, he can only offer a small nod.   “ i’m sorry for not reaching out sooner, but yesterday had been pretty busy, as i’m sure you could imagine. ”   again, bash can only nod. honestly, he’s surprised laura sutton had made time for him when she had only returned from the caledonia mission twenty-four hours ago. sutton’s blue eyes hold his gaze in a way that makes it clear he has her attention, but if he looks hard enough he can see how tired she really is, wethered down from no doubt the mission and the past year.   

“ i’m sorry we couldn’t accommodate you to join the mission, but i’m sure you can understand it was for your safety. ”   bash fidgets a little in his seat but nods, having been disappointed that the school had denied his request to join the mission to go to caledonia, despite having expected it. it was for upperclassmen only, and bash had been told when he arrived at the school that he wouldn’t have clearance for missions, because of his witness protection status. still, he had tried, because bash would’ve regretted not putting himself in the running to help take down caledonia, not when the issue is so personal to him. still, it’s hard for him to not be a little bitter, especially after leaving word with sutton regarding his parents’ involvement with the school.

as if she can read his mind, laura continues,   “ but i’m glad you left that note with my secretary, though i’m a little disappointed that you hadn’t come to me with any of the information sooner, but i suppose i can understand why. still, it was good of you to tell me when you did. i know the past year and a half haven’t been the easiest for you, and i know there haven't been many breaks in your parents’ case until recently, so i can imagine you’ve been very frustrated and not seen. but i promise you, the government has been doing everything they can for your family’s case, and it isn’t lost on me how much you’ve excelled at gallagher, despite everything. ”   there’s a flicker of something bash can’t pinpoint in her gaze for a moment, and while she sees genuine, bash has to wonder how much laura sutton actually sees. if she had seen julian eaton coming bash’s way, surely she would’ve done something, wouldn’t she ? 

there’s a brief silence as the two share a look, and president sutton looks like she’s going to say something else, before glancing away to open a file on her desk.   “ officials are in the process of going through all of caledonia’s files, but i made sure to search for anything related to your parents before we left. mr. orlov was right :   it appears that your parents used to do work for the caledonia institute. they weren’t on their roster of agents, but their names came up quite a few times, on different international missions. ”   bash doesn’t mean to suck in a breath, but the information catches him off guard. fingers around the chair’s armrest tighten, hopefully in a way that sutton won’t notice.

but he’s starting to believe that there’s very little she doesn’t see, glancing up at him.   “ james--- ”   she starts, then stops.   “ i’m sorry, do you prefer james or bash ? ”

if he had a dollar for every time he’s been asked that recently.   “ either is fine, ”   bash mumbles.

“ mr. belikov, ”   she tries again, and hearing his last name makes him think of his parents, how his father had been mr. belikov. bash’s chest tightens.   “ i’m sure i don’t need to explain to you how the spy field isn’t exactly black and white, but i can assure you, they weren’t bad people. ”   her voice lowers for a moment.   “ i had met them, actually. on a few occasions. ”

that’s new information to him.   “ really ? ”   bash leans forward in his chair. 

laura sutton smiles, but there’s something bittersweet about it.   “ before any of you children had been in the picture. your father and my husband were friends, for a short while. ”   she doesn’t elaborate, but bash doesn’t need her to. there’s no forgetting his father’s name on the email last year, about his father being in the brotherhood, along with val’s father’s. 

“ there’s a lot i could tell you about your parents, and i’d like to, another time. ”   it would feel a lot more dismissive if bash’s gaze wouldn’t stop looking at the file on her desk, the only thing he cares about right now. a few months ago, the offer of getting answers about who his parents were before he knew them would be too tempting to resist, having assumed many of those answers had died with uncle jack. but somewhere along the line SURVIVAL had become the most important thing in bash’s life. at the end of the day, his parents were his parents, whether they were good or bad or evil or innocent. if it takes unraveling their deaths to let bash finally move on -- well, nobody can blame him for having a one track mind. 

“ so… caledonia killed its own agents ? ”   he prompts carefully, trying to get them back on track.

president sutton’s lips flicker into an almost frown, looking back down at her report.   “ the details are still fuzzy, especially with only caledonia’s records to go on, but it seems the agency had hired them for a mission that involved the kidnapping of an agent, which they had expressed their disinterest in. but they had gone on the mission anyway, and your parents never checked in during a checkmark, so they were presumed. it wasn’t until another agent had crossed paths with them a few weeks later that caledonia realized that wasn’t the case. the hit that they had hired on them by mr. orlov… it was tying up loose ends. ”   there’s a quiet apology in her tone, but her words hit bash like a moving train. 

tying up loose ends.

bash doesn’t feel emotional, he doesn’t FEEL anything, but it’s not until laura offers him a box of tissues that he realizes he’s crying. he mumbles a thanks as he embarrassingly dabs at his eyes. 

sutton opens her mouth to continue, but he has to cut in.   “ i’m sorry to ask, but… they’re definitely dead, right ? ”   his cheeks flame in mortification, because bash knows how stupid it is to hold onto the tiniest shred of a chance that they could be alive. but after hearing about the agent hostages caledonia had during the assembly last week, it was hard to not consider the possibility that his parents would be among them. 

the small nod of president sutton’s head says more than any words could, and bash suddenly feels like he’s lost his parents all over again. 

neither of them speak for a few seconds after that. when sutton does finally continue, her tone is surprisingly wry.   “ the good news is that with the lead you’ve given me, you’ve probably expedited the government learning any of this by several months. with caledonia in custody, and from the files we’ve retrieved, we’ve already started the paperwork for extracting you, clarissa and aurora from witness protection. it’ll take a few weeks, but by the time the semester ends… you’ll be free to go, bash. if that’s what you wish. ”

there’s silence as the moment hangs there for what feels like an eternity, only the sound of bash’s slow breathing reminding him that time hasn’t stopped completely. 

you’ll be free to go. you’ll be free to go. free to go. 

it’s what he had been hoping to hear since stepping foot in the president’s office this morning, and from the moment she had addressed him as james, he had hoped it would be a good sign. the one year mark of bash being placed at gallagher had been on november 14, and he can still remember sitting in his dorm room that day, realizing that the hope of getting out of this position that he had been holding onto for the past year hadn’t gotten him anywhere. it was only a week or so later that his blackmailer had sent him a text that forced him to isolate himself from all his friends, and by then, that tiny flicker of hope had felt snuffed out for good.

if bash has learned anything from the past year, it’s that HOPE is a fickle and dangerous thing. but this ?   this feeling makes it all worth it. 

well, mostly ?   it honestly doesn’t feel real.   “ just… like that ? ”   he asks slowly, because surely there has to be a catch to all of this. the prospect of being able to walk out of the building in a few short weeks without being forced to return… bash can’t even wrap his head around it.

president sutton offers him a kind smile.   “ just like that. ”   she begins to go into the logistics of the next few weeks, when his family’s things will be reinstated to him and the resources he’ll have at his disposal to help him through it all, but bash can’t even comprehend it. for a boy whose mind is constantly running on overdrive, always thinking and overthinking, never giving himself a moment of peace… his mind is blissfully, eerily SILENT.

the rest of the conversation goes by in a blur :   bash telling her that he wants to be the one to let summer and spencer know ;   her offering him to stay at gallagher for his final two years should he wish ;   him asking her to not hold julian eaton accountable for any of the lies written about him in the burn book. but it’s not until he hears sutton’s office door close behind him that james belikov finally feels a stir of overwhelming emotion in his chest. he could go back to his dorm now, but instead he heads in the opposite direction, for the first building exit he could find. 

he’s grateful nobody’s around when he steps outside, because for a long time all bash can do is just stand there, eyes closed so he won’t shed anymore tears on a situation that no longer deserves it, fingers curling and uncurling by his side, desperate to reach for something that now feels attainable.

when bash finally opens his eyes, he lets himself take a long, deep breath, and with it melts away the past two years’ worth of anger, stress, fear, heartbreak. this isn’t the end of these emotions for him, and he knows it. for a long time bash will be looking over his shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop, trying and failing to fill the hole in his heart that losing his parents had created two year ago to this day, may fourth. 

only a few weeks ago he had been talking to wilder about the infinite amount of doors that were wide open for wilder, should he decide to leave gallagher. but bash can see those doors now for himself, through the haziness of his tears. he had thought the prospect of infinite doors open for him would feel overwhelming, and maybe it will be later, but right now it feels better than anything bash has ever felt --- better than christmas, better than his birthday, better than sex. 

saying goodbyes and figuring out his next steps will be a worry for later, because there’s not even a small part of him that has any interest in staying at gallagher any longer than he has to. 

he takes one more deep breath, interrupted by his own laughter. he’ll go back inside soon, because bash unfortunately still has classes to think about, but for now he’ll enjoy the way the sun feels on his face, hair blowing softly in the breeze. the feeling of FREEDOM is so palpable, it’s overwhelming.

the rest of his life is just around the corner, and bash might not know how it looks, but he’s damn well ready to find out.