#based off a pic my best friend took of me after we got done swimming.. drew zarina over myself B)

[jimmyeatsbread]

kick back and enjoy the summer! 😆

[geekxgoddess85]

Very Bad Things

~PROLOGUE~ How It Began

“Are you sure a-about this Armin?”

“Of course, I’m sure. You trust me, right?”

Eren bit his lip, giving his childhood best friend a worried look. The two were currently on summer break from Trost University, going into their senior year. For Eren, junior year was a nightmare. If he was to be honest with himself, he had been slacking for the past two years so, when junior year came, he had to buckle down and keep his nose in the books in order to be able to pass the necessary courses to complete his credits. For college, staying an extra year on the count of not passing a course or lack of credits was more normal than one would think. But for Eren, he wanted to make sure he graduated the same time his friends did.

It was one week into summer break and Eren still felt the stress from taking his finals. It was the reason Armin was in his bedroom at the moment, making an account on—on behalf of Eren— on an adult live cam site called Strip ‘N Chat. Eren didn’t know how to feel about it. It was one thing to watch porn videos, but to actually interact with a person via webcam was kind of unnerving. Armin mentioned it was a great way to let off steam and when his best friend brought the idea to him, Eren was a bit…perturbed about it all. It was ironic, though. During their entire lives, Armin had been the conservative, stick-in-the-mud prude who used to balk at the very thought of sex, while Eren was the extroverted, loudmouth rebel. Three years into their college career and look at how the tables turned. Eren was still…well…Eren, but he found himself as the prude. The crazy thing was, Armin lost his virginity their freshman year during a frat party to Jean, of all people, while Eren was still a virgin. After his little tryst with Jean (and a couple of times afterwards), Armin began to blossom and open up in all ways, including sexual. He was openly gay and sexually active. And fucking proud of it all too.

The shit was crazy.

“Okay. Done.” Armin smiled and sat back in his chair. “You’re all signed up and I got ya’ logged in. Here’s your username and password.” He grabbed Eren’s sketch pad and began writing the information down. “Username is SlickxJagger and your password is Sk8terB0i30.”

Eren raised his eyes. “Slick…x…Jagger?”

“Yeah, corny, but cool, huh?”

“No!” He argued. “I sound like a washed up 90’s porn star!”

Armin shrugged and blinked his eyes innocently. “It’s a porn site, Eren. Everyone’s username sounds like a washed up 90’s porn star. Now, you’re all set! I loaded up that pic of you at Krista’s pool party.”

Eren sighed. He knew what picture Armin was speaking of. He posted it on his Instagram and had gotten a ton of likes. He didn’t think it was anything special. It was just him, with his red and white swim trunks on, holding up the hem of his shirt with his teeth, exposing his abs and various fake tattoos. He had grown his hair out—almost to his shoulders—and was a damp mess of a bird’s nest. Because of that and his long bangs, his face was pretty much hidden, though the sun light had shone just right on his sea green eyes, which caused them to sparkle and almost glow. “What do I do now?” He blinked owlishly.

Sitting forward, Armin clapped his hands onto the top of his knees. “Fill in your profile and filter out what you’re looking for. Then you can pick which Cam Model you like and subscribe to them. Every time they go live or post a pic or video, you’ll get a notification. Remember, some of that shit, they charge you tokens. It’s usually the more risqué stuff. The amount is based on their own discretion. And if you want one-on-one’s, you definitely have to pay out the ass with tokens.”

Biting his lip, Eren looked at his profile. He filled in the basic information about his age, height,  and build, and his likes and dislikes. He answered everything to the best of his ability and honestly. The only thing he lied about was his name. Instead of his real name, he decided to use ‘Jagger’ as being his first name. He didn’t provide a last name. His preferences came next. He started clicking the various boxes. “Um….okay, I like brunettes. Height doesn’t really matter to me. A muscular body would be nice. Don’t care about ethnicity…..” He continued to click away, with Armin helping him on certain things. “Is that all? Did I miss anything?”

“Yes, you sure did,” Armin replied, with a devilish grin. “And I know exactly which to pick out of Twink or Daddy. Click on Daddy.”

Eren winced. “Ew!”

Rolling his eyes, Armin sighed. “Not that kind of Daddy, Eren. Duh! Daddy kink.” He watched his buddy blink cluelessly at him. “I can’t believe you don’t know what that is. Even I know, dude. It’s when a younger male twink is enticed by an older male ‘Zaddy’. That’s the gist of it. If ya’ wanna know more, google it!” Standing, Armin slapped his hands down on Eren’s shoulders, before wrapping his arms around Eren’s neck, hugging him from behind. “I gotta go. Mikasa asked me to fill in for her at the Café. Did you talk to Annie about your schedule?”

Eren raised his own arms up and behind him, awkwardly wrapping them around Armin’s waist…or trying to as much as he could while sitting in his red and black gamer chair. “Yeah. I have the same schedule as you now so that I can catch a ride with you.”

“Great! I’ll see you tomorrow night.” Armin kissed the top of Eren’s head, before taking his leave.

Eren gave his buddy a lazy wave goodbye with a lopsided grin. When his bedroom door closed, his smile died down and was followed by a heavy sigh. He still didn’t know about this whole cam thing. But he was always up to trying new things. And if Armin liked it, then maybe it couldn’t be that bad.

Over the next hour, he had gone through dozens of pages of so-called Daddies. That process was a little more frustrating that what it should have been. Eren was picky when it came to who and what he found attractive. Not that it was a thing with him anyway, but he didn’t pick based on looks. He couldn’t because all models were required to wear masks for anonymity sake. He thought that was kind of neat. It gave the models a sexy, mysterious look to them. He had to go off based on their profiles and preferences. He had to weed out a lot of douche-bags but narrowed it down to two: The Captain and Dr. Pain. He was kind of skeptical about Dr. Pain. He looked to be into BDSM and while Eren didn’t have anything against it, he had never done anything like that. But Dr. Pain was 6”2, with impeccable styled blonde hair and chiseled features from what he could tell through the mask. They had a few of the same likes and dislikes. Overall, the guy sounded pretty normal, despite liking ‘a little pain with his sex’ (his own words). The Captain…well…there was something about him. He was a shorty, standing only at 5”3. Eren was a full five inches taller than he was. Not that it mattered. He didn’t think their was a height requirement to being a Daddy, but when he googled it, the norm was the Daddy was always taller and bigger than the Twink. They shared a lot of the same likes and dislikes, but what struck a chord in Eren’s heart was The Captain’s eyes. Even through his white, red, and black mask, Eren could see a pair of piercing blue-gray eyes. Almost a light cobalt. They pulled him in as if he were in a whirlpool, being sucked into the abyss.

‘What the hell?’

Blinking back into reality, Eren shook his head and walked to the kitchen. His stomach was roaring at him angrily to feed it. “Mikasa, are you hungry?” He called out to silence. Armin was gone to work, and it seemed like Mikasa had left to go some place too. So, he was alone.

Sighing, he kicked his door closed with his toes and plopped down on his bed. A sandwich and soda sounded real good right now and that’s exactly what he was chowing down.

It was a couple of minutes before ten when a notification sounded out. He thought it was his phone, but when he checked it, he saw that it wasn’t, he furrowed his brows. “Hm—oh! My laptop!” Scrambling off the bed, Eren rushed to the laptop and pressed on the ‘enter’ key to wake his system up. Checking his email, he saw one new message and blinked slowly. “It’s from Strip N Chat.” Biting his lip, he cautiously opened up the notif; reading every single letter that made up all the words.

“The Captain is now online.”

Swallowing hard, he clicked the link that took him straight to The Captain’s page. It was a simple page. There was a large blank box in the middle of the screen that said ‘The Captain’s Quarters’. The chat was at the bottom. There his stans already there talking to each other, waiting for The Captain to show.

And when he made his entrance, it was pandemonium.

“Hello Darlings, it’s your Captain speaking. Did you miss me?" Leaning forward, resting his chin on the backs of his fingers, he winked on cobalt blue eye. "Have I got a story for my horny little Ship Mates tonight.”

Eren watched a grin spread across his face, which he couldn’t see much of it. Like all the models on the site, The Captain wore some kind of masquerade looking mask that covered majority of his face. Only his eyes, hair, and his lips and chin were seen, as far as his face goes. His body…well that was another story.

“Wow….” Eren whispered, mesmerized by the guy’s body. His shoulders were broad, and his arms were toned. And as bright as day, he sported a winged tattoo on his chest, with what looked to be a matching one on his left hip. “That’s so hot,” he whispered. Eren had a thing for tattoos. He wanted some of his own but was too afraid of needles to get any. But fucking A if this guy didn’t look hot wearing his.

“…but first, looks like we got some virgins in the house.” He smirked; a pink tongue coming out to wet his bottom and top lips. “Come on.” His voice deepened, dropping one octave. “I don’t bite.....unless you beg me for it.”

Those very words and the way he said them sent a shiver down his spine and an electric shock to his dick.

“Crew, say hello to our newest Shipmates RainMan95, PoisonedL0v3r, and…SlickxJagger. Mmmm….hey Slick….just how slick is that tight, little hole of yours?”

“Fuck. Me.” Eren’s eyes went blind. He was caught. Hook, line, and sinker or whatever the fuck it was called. The guy had him. Him and his aching dick that was standing on end, making a tent in his sweatpants.

“Speaking of holes mmmm, wait until you hear this one. It about a cute, little Twink with a bubble butt that I ate. All. Fucking. Night. Long. When I was done with him he had a…Slick…hole too, Jagger.” Captain grinned widely. “Wanna hear the story, Crew?” He lowered his voice and his tone. Sitting back in his chair, he reached into his pants and pulled out his enormous, leaking cock and began to stroke it lazily.  “Get out your dicks, my lovely little perverts. Come stroke with me down memory lane.”

‘Oh no…’

Eren was fucking hooked.

[spellyjane]

Splashed, Mashed and Dashed on to the podium at Kona!

THAT'S ME, 3RD W45-49 IN THE 🌏

After my 1st go at this race in 2017, I was a little torn. Part of me was happy to tick IRONMAN World Championships off my list and never put myself through that sufferfest again. I hated it, it was hot, the run was horrible, and I found the layout of the transition, spectator areas and general logistics to be claustrophobic ordeals. However, on the evening after that 2017 race, I saw athletes heading home from the award ceremony with their ukeme bowls and I felt a strong pang of want.  My race had not gone to plan, I knew I could do better and I wondered where a good day at Kona would put me. After a few more weeks of reflection and recovery I decided that yes, I needed to give it another go.

I started to write my thank yous at the end of this report, but I realised that I may lose a few of you along the way and this is important. Thank you to my biggest fan and supporter, Simon. I love chasing him up hills on bikes, holding his wheel all these years had made me a better person and without his encouragement and support I just could not do this. My coach, Rick Schopp, gosh, I feel like I say this all the time, but he pushes me where I don’t always want to go and he must find it hard to sleep with all the pins I stick into that voodoo doll, (I have taken them all out now.)  I thank him especially for pushing me, for listening, for calling me out when I am being a slack ass and for the awesome giggle when he hears my results. Thank you to my team at INTENT, the messages before and after were off the charts! I know a whole bunch were tracking me all day and I was sending my thanks every time I hit a timing mat! Thanks to my Dad for coming all the way from Sydney to cheer and sherpa, that was pretty awesome. I don’t get to see him enough, to have him there was really special.

DAD, READY TO CAPTURE IT ALL

So I found myself at the starting line of this year’s race in quite a different headspace. I had 2 more humbling Ironman experiences under my belt, a crazy amount of fitness gained from lots of training in our new 1750m above sea level abode and some practiced heat coping strategies. I was going for a top 10 finish and a course PR regardless of the weather.  My race plan was full of lessons learned from last year, paces, watts, calories, salt and heat coping strategies. I hoped I could pull it all off but I knew that at some stage I would run out of script and just have to ad lib.

7:20am - BOOM! I am swimming. My mission was 8:35 per 500m. This would give me about 1 min faster than last year. I got kicked and pummelled last year so I positioned a little left to avoid the chaos. It worked, it was busy but not as bad. My watch buzzes every 500m, the glance at my splits was telling me we had a bit of current assist on the way out. So when we made the turn I just dug in and pushed hard, trying not to lose too much of the time I had gained on the way out. I kept asking myself if I was going hard enough and could I push any harder, I kept reminding myself to stay on the gas all the way to the finish.  I reached the sand and scrambled up the stairs, already thinking about how I was going to execute T1. Thank goodness for the volunteers helping out here as I was almost wiped out by a wave that came crashing over the stairs as I was trying to read the time on my watch. Woo hoo, 1:06:40, 3 minutes faster than last year.

OK, NOW FOR A LITTLE BIKE RIDE

I was handed my T1 bag and ran into the change tent. With the help of a volunteer I was on my way in moments.  I was jogging along at the pace of the pack as we made our way to our bikes, I turned on some hussle when I remembered that I was racing! I saw the lamp pole I’d scoped out to landmark my aisle earlier that morning and made the turn, I found my bike no problems. I had opted to clip my shoes in pre race, so by the time I reached the mount line my socks were super soggy from the saturated carpeting.  My feet were never dry all day, I’d post a pic of the result but I don’t want to freak y’all out too much. 😱 The mount line was a bit of a zoo but I made it out in one piece! 3:13 about 1:30 faster than last year.

My first 15 minutes of riding were at an intensity (IF) of .78, oops! I was aiming for .66, my goodness, this is rookie territory! Clearly I was a bit amped and buzzed with the good swim start. I lost a bottle of electrolytes/nutrition on a bump at the 5k mark but did not sweat it.  I had a back up in my special needs bag located up in Hawi at about the 100k mark. I was taking on cals and salt every 30 mins, I was taking water bottles and refilling my built in hydration bag and keeping a spare bottle on the back cage. I had some additional electrolytes to add to the water while I was on the go as well.  It was not as hot as last year, my data recorded an average temp of 32C with a high of 37C, last year I recorded and average temp of 36C and a high of 39C. We seemed to have a tiny bit of cross head wind on the way out to the Hawi turn around. I started to pay attention to race numbers. Last year I did not realise that we would not have our age groups tattooed to our calves and I didn’t realise that the race numbers were grouped in ages. I was on to it this year and I knew the range I was racing.  At this point, I was doing all the passing, I don’t recall being passed by anyone in my age group at all on the bike.

PROBABLY DOING 500W HERE 😜

I was pushing a few extra watts than I planned in order to keep out of draft zones and it did not seem to be hurting me. I struggled last year to hold my watts and ended up with an IF of .64 and in Boulder earlier this year same thing happened and I went .62, I put this down to the heat. I have managed .69 in other races but felt that that was too aggressive for Kona, knowing how brutal that run can be, so I felt that .66 was a good stretch for me this year. But on the day I felt like I was holding way too much back at those watts so I let loose a bit. Besides, I was kind of enjoying myself. The climb up to Hawi felt insignificant and I was well on my way to smashing out a great bike.  I saw some folks holding out an Aussie flag right at the U turn, crikey, that shit slays me, I felt quite emotional.

The ride back to Kailua was good.  I was not cracking. I pushed on, crunching splits in my head and feeling really good. I started to ease up a little and spin at a little higher cadence to get ready to run.  I came in at 5:10:23, a big course PR, and unbeknownst to me at the time this 4th fastest bike split had me sitting in 3rd place.

I handed my bike off to a volunteer and ran into the change tent. Helped by another volunteer I threw my shoes on, grabbed my race belt (all loaded up with my gels, hat, number and emergency Immodium) and took off. I missed the sun screen, not on purpose, I just did not see any. Ugh, this sport is turning me into a melanoma snack bar. I got out on the run with a T2 of 3:02, again, saved another 1:30 on last year.

I had loaded my pocket pre race with a couple of nylon panty hose cut into long sock lengths.  At the 1st aid station I filled one up with ice and tied it around the back of my neck, it dripped icy cold water down my back for about 30 min. It was awesome. I was using some new gels, loaded with salt and a lower but isotonic sugar concentration.  They go down so so easy and have as much salt as the salt tablets I was taking on the bike. I had zero gut issues this year. I calculated that last year I spent about 7 minutes in the toilets throughout the race and spent a good deal of time in a lot of discomfort.  This year no problems at all!

BEFORE IT GOT TOO UGLY 😂

I was holding a conservative pace, dying a little on the hills but pulling it back up on the flats and descents. I was not able to see the race numbers of the girls I was passing and being passed by. I was told by a friend at about the 3km point that I was in 3rd.  I was passed by Elisabetta (she went on to 2nd place) just before the halfway point so I wondered if that put me in 4th. I came up upon my friend Jeff, we reached an aid station together, I grabbed a water and dumped it down his back, I can't remember what I said, but he wished me well and I pushed on.  Another friend at about 21k told me that I was in 3rd and I was shocked. I was not sure where the other girls were but dang I knew they would be coming. I was remembering that feeling of seeing those ukeme bowls awarded to the top 5 and I began to think I could really get one. The toughest part of the race was the climb up out of the energy lab, the sun on my back was awful and I was tired.  I let my pace fall to a level that apparently had my husband and my coach, who were tracking me via the timing mats, having heart attacks. What I did not know, but what they could see was that I was being ferociously stalked by the gal in 4th place, she was gaining on me at at rate that had Simon and Rick on the edge of their seats. I am glad I was oblivious to the actual threat. I made it back up onto the Queen K and just held onto the pace as best I could. I told myself to NOT slow down.  The last 8k were tough, I was scared of every foot fall behind me. That kept me moving for sure. I made that last soul and body draining climb of the run, passing the crazy awesome peeps at the Base Performance tent before making that divine turn down Palani Drive. I bounded down that hill smiling my head off. I still had 2k to go but I was so close and the hard part of the course was done. Now it was time to wave to my Dad and friends, smile big and bring it home. I was passed by a gal in the finish chute, and I wondered if I had just lost 3rd but I did not care, I knew I had one of those bowls.  I nearly choked when I saw my time too. Whaaat! A 3:42:01 marathon gave me a finish time of 10:05:19. So much to be happy about!

WHAT DID I JUST DO!?

A bit of post race asthma had me into the med tent.  Ugh, thanks to Christian and Meredith for helping me out.  I was still in the med tent when I turned my phone on to dozens of messages.  The 1st one I opened was from Simon, it said, “3rd place, woo hoo!” I lost it, ugly happy crying, “I am ok!” I wheezed at the poor alarmed medic who did not know what to make of my sudden heaving outburst.

So that was the race, I have left out so many details, but to sum up, I feel like I had one of my most perfect races.  With hindsight, I feel like I could have pushed a tiny bit harder on the bike, but I could not have know that till after.  I wished I could have run under 3:40, I know in hindsight that I could not, I really did not leave anything out there. That 2 mins would not have made a difference in my placing, I just wished I could have held onto my pace. That gives me something to work on and I am fine with that.   I will call this an Ironman PR, (my 10:04 in Cozumel does not count because of the massive current assisted short swim course.) I am not sure that I want to right now... but I think I can still wring a little more out of this body. I really want to go under 10 hrs! As for placing 3rd in the women’s 45-49 AG, (IN THE WORLD - tee hee) I am really happy, happy that I was able to pull together my best performance on a day when it really mattered.  I absolutely know that I had some fierce competition out there, I know their A games and so I know that their days did not all go to plan, so I remain inspired, vigilant and on my toes.

Kudos to many many athletes on the day for pushing through the heat and distance to achieve some great results.  My very good friend Jeff, had his 1st go at Kona after many years in the sport.

PRE RACE SELFIE WITH JEFF

This was a dream day he never thought he would have, his joy, emotion and pride at being there was written all over him! He a great day, he was beaten up a little by the run but his smoking bike made up for it and his overall time was where he said he hoped it would be.  I bet he goes back for another crack. Kudos to my other Jeff, (I have a couple,) Jeff B took about 50 mins off his 2017 time. Kudos to Lindsey my friend the human fish who gutted out a run after tearing something important in her hip in T2. I mean she really gutted it out, she was black and blue but she still pulled off a very tidy performance.

The awards ceremony - ahh, where to begin without sounding like a real cow. Sorry, Ironman, this was not awesome. Charging my Dad $55 to eat dinner off a paper plate with a bottle of water at an out door folding table with a plastic table cloth made me a little mad. It was the only way to get into the awards so what can you do? 

I made the most of my time on the stage, soaking it in, congratulating Janette, Elisabetta, Linda and Tanja with whom I shared the podium.  I just wish my Dad had a telephoto lens to capture the moment a little more clearly. (I guess they assume we are all happy to buy the Finishers Pix.)

Family and friends were restricted to a barricade well away from the stage and off to the side to accommodate the VIP area and TV camera scaffold. VIPs were standing up and walking around with backs to the stage making it difficult for us common Age Groupers to get a picture of one of the MOST AWESOME MOMENTS OF OUR LIVES. I really could go on, but I will put it all in my survey.

One last heart felt thank you to the IRONMAN volunteers, I met people who flew in from all over the world to volunteer (including Meredith and Scott from BC Canada!) and thank you to the locals who embraced the chaos and gave up their time to help put this show on. I had many wonderful experiences with many volunteers, I am so grateful for all the help and cheers!

[tnaypi3]

PHILIPPINES 2018

OTON, ILOILO

Our first ever stop upon arriving in Iloilo -  Anhawan beach resort where my cousins and I frequented on weekends. About a 10min drive from our house.

Iloilo City - how we Filipinos celebrate when an OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker - hahaha!) comes home. Participating humans consist of dearest family, highschool and college friends.

Alex was so mindblown how the bill only came out Php3500. Roughly $70.

GUIMARAS

Day 2, we visited family from my mom’s side. It took about 15mins via pumpboat. Naturally the whole gang came along.  

It’s more provincial than Iloilo. Air is fresher and life is simpler and much slower. 

Alex falling in love with my cousin’s Shih Tzu pups

We spent the whole day being toured around Guimaras island via car by my cousins, popping in and out of different beaches and views

My lovely maternal cousins and cousins in law

Met my first niece!

OTON, ILOILO - Nes & Tat’s beach resort

About a 10min walk away from our house. Spent way too much weekends here with cousins and friends as well. So nostalgic!

Happy that pretty much everything still looks the same.

We didn’t ask what exactly was going on but it really seemed like goats have taken over the resort haha!

Guimbal church - further south, one of the oldest churches in Iloilo. About a 25min drive from home.

And some more goats.

One was VERY friendly

Family from my mother’s side. Silver haired woman on the left is my mom’s fraternal twin sister and woman not looking is my grandmother.

College friends and I showing Alex how kareoke is just another favorite islander activity. Also our last day night in Iloilo.

We had to relocate to the building’s garage cause they had to close

My bestfriends, my cousins that I grew up with. We lived together under one roof since I had to move to the states in 2011. Tall guy behind is my cousin Monica’s suitor. So traditional, so cute. And Josh who’s beside Alex is same age as Ryan

BACOLOD - a neighboring island, a city about 2hrs via ferry from Iloilo

L-R: Moses & Fergie, my highschool bestfriends, cousin Monica & Tita (aunt) May.

Without my grandma in Iloilo, Tita May spoiled us with the best lutong bahay,  literally meaning cooked at home. She made the usually pork/chicken-based  Filipino dishes vegan. It was the best treat, Alex said it was like waking up to a hotel with the heartiest meal every morning. On top of that were the sweetest tropical fruits and native pastries. ( I have to find those pictures to add them here!!!)

LAKAWON BEACH RESORT, BACOLOD

Quiet little paradise. I wish my whole Iloilo fam were there but my uncle had to a major construction project going on, cousin Clarisa had a concert booked many months ago in Manila and my youngest cousin Josh had his prom the night before and couldn’t make it to our early call time.

Testing our outdoor/underwater camera. One of my fave pics on this trip. Philippine sun looks good on Alex!

Sharing some yoga fun and bliss with loved ones.

So happy my highschool bestfriends took off from work to spend the weekend with us though!

We did a 20min sunrise yoga and meditation led by Alex and myself. They loved it.

Twisty unpside down tripod

We woke up early for this view! Nothing like sunrise watching with special people by your side.

Next eldest cousin, Monica

My little sunshine 

CEBU CITY - 45min plane ride away from Iloilo

My uncle conviced us to spend the night at his mother and sister’s place instead of a hotel. 

They had a framing business and an art gallery.

Hearty Filipino dinner spread over catching up and exchanging of stories. How spoiled are we!

They had a mattress brought out and placed in the middle of the gallery for us. It was so dreamy.

Next day was Valentine’s day, thus the all red ensemble. Saying goodbye after another hearty meal before we headed down south to Badian, Cebu.

BADIAN CEBU - rainforest, canyoneering, waterfalls 

This was supposed to be our canyoneering day but it got canceled due to a typhoon. We explored the area instead and found ourselves the infamous Kawasan Waterfalls. 

After  4 hours of canyoneering the next day, little did we know we were gonna be invited to jump this waterfall by our tour guides. The last and grandest jump of many.

all about that provincial life

“exploring the neighborhood���, Philippines style

After being told that canyoneering might still be held off the next day due to the typhoon (though it was already on it’s way to another part of the country), we woke up to a go signal, woohoo!

Only best shared with this human.

It’s as dreamy as it looks. Just a bitty chilly.

Bedroom view

SANTANDER, CEBU

Two days later, further south, we woke up to this beautiful farm. At this point, I really felt ever so embraced, pampered by nature. 

Listening to a schirping oundbath from the farm’s resident birds

Three hours later, we were in a ferry on our way to Siquijor. Known as the mystic island where most mountain-dwelling shamans, healers witch doctors are from, I actually grew up fearing even just the name of the place. 

Over the years though, this reputation has been dispelled, thanks to social media maybe? Travel-thirsty explorers made the island more and more famous each year through word of mouth and of course, blogs, instagram and facebook. 

It was more beautiful than I’d ever imagined.

I can’t believe we actually stayed in this beautiful paradise.

Plus a yoga studio???

Breakfast of champs!

Breakfast with a view is an understatement on this one

And playful island pups????

400year old Balete tree

Ancient church in Siquijor

Cambugahay falls. What a sight. What a feeling.

We had the sweetest tricycle driver who took us around. Apparently Siquijor is the third smallest province in the country. Like Guimaras, you can also drive through the whole island in one day.

Thankfully, Alex doesn’t have to tild his head sideways or crouch because the roof is tall enough. The other ones, including jeepneys (our mode of public transportation in Iloilo) he had to because he was too tall for it. Way too tall, haha! 

Golden hour at Salagdoong beach. There was another ledge with a 35ft drop in the water but we were too spent, literally from jumping waterfalls and from one place to another. We opted for sunset watching & cold beer, mmmm!

Day2 at Siquijor, unveiling the beauty of Lugnason Falls. This one is so underhyped which is a good thing. It was quiet and there was just a couple when we got in.

These sunkissed boys are tour guides that’ll meet you by the road before descending your way to the falls. It’s not allowed to go to the waterfalls without them. Beside Alex is our guide, Ricky. He’s a wild one and I love it. I thought I was done jumping for the day, still feeling the effects of the previous days’ jumps. Alex and I were swimming and hanging out when from above, I heard Ricky calling me and pointing the giby his side “She’s gonna do it! Come on up Christine, jump!!!!” And I was like “Say no more!!!!!” It was a 35ft drop and felt like heaven. I bade Siquijor, my favorite one goodbye by jumping 3 (or 4???) times.

Siquijor forever in my heart

PUERTO PRINCESA, PALAWAN

Our new home for two nights!!

Place is not by the beach but they had pools and we were not complaining!!!

Squeezed in a quick but intense hike at Mt. Magarwak. For roughly 2 hrs back and forth, we climbed up the steep mountain for that extra toasty look, haha!

Alex’s breakfast buds and good morning committee. The next morning there were four.

EL NIDO, PALAWAN

Currently one of the most hyped places in the country. But rightfully so. People are sweet and the beaches are like no other. Though I might have said or felt it for every destination we have been to :)

Another super sweet tricycle driver who made our afternoon trip to Nacpan Beach such a magical one. He insisted on us going all the way, further in to the beach so we can have a more private beach to ourselves. AND BOY, WE DID. 

Countless coconut trees welcoming us to Nacpan Beach 

We were joined by my highschool friend, Kitz. She also doubles as secondary tour manager and customer service whenever we need to do some sorting over the phone.

Unforgettable afternoon with these lovelies

Golden bliss

Moon rise cheshire smile

EL NIDO Day2- island tour 

This boat was almost made for us

We saw roughly 9 or 10 islands all day

Stalking Alex stalking fishes

Hidden Beach

Best snorkeling experience ever

Paddling to the lagoons. I have better footage here but in video form. I will have to edit and compile them soon!

MANILA

National Museum

300 yr old (???) St. Agustine Church

Last hurrah with friends based in Manila

Happy puppy

Bye PH, you are perfect.

[sending-the-message]

Did you know there are rules? by This_Temper

If my boss checked my search history, there would be a meeting to discuss appropriate browsing during company time. If I'm being honest, she'd probably shake her head when she saw it was me. Then she'd laugh about it with her colleagues. The story of my life. The thing is – I’m under a time frame and work can't get in the way.

I’ve swiped right to every woman that meets the criteria and some who I feel are more attainable. I’ve sent kisses, likes, super likes, winks, and pokes. You name the app and I’m on it chasing the next date. I need a date.

There are so many rules.

I've read all the "expert" theories but I need definitive answers.

I'm out of time.

I’ve had fifty dates in the past sixty days but none of them have progressed onto a second. It’s not from my lack of trying. I always get the check, focus the conversation to them and their interests, and almost all of them laugh at my jokes.

I know what you’re thinking and it’s not pity laughing.

I can assure you. In fact, I’m pretty damned sure I know why there is never a second date.

Step 1: Be attractive

Step 2: Don’t be unattractive.

That’s my problem. Even with manufactured profile pics, I’ve got step two written all over my face. It’s my teeth. No doubt about it.

Or it’s Lewis.

My single, good looking, and charismatic best friend. He’s got step one and two locked down to a tee. Then again, if it’s not my teeth, it’s my scar. I’m not the best looking rooster and really, never have been. You see, when I was a lot younger it wasn’t cool to have mud guards on your bike. All the kids on my street toured the neighbourhood on their bikes and I really wanted to be with them. They rode around picking up members of the group one-by-one. Their destination was always a couple of miles away at the creek.

I could never go because I didn’t have a bike.

After weeks of pestering and doing all my chores and then some, my father relinquished and took me down to the local second-hand store for what he called a “fixer upper”. Our family wasn’t well off and I was in no position to ask for store bought. My father paid for a gold BMX that looked like it’d been put together from the remains of at least a dozen bikes.

It was the best thing I’d ever seen!

We worked on that bike all morning making sure the chain was oiled and the brakes would actually work. Despite my best efforts and arguments, my father wouldn’t remove the mud guards.

‘Now Robert, they’re on there for a reason. Trust me, okay?’

My mother brought us sandwiches to eat as we worked. We munched away when the kids cruised along our sidewalk. One of them looked up and must have noticed the new bike.

‘Wait up, fellas.’

Brakes were jammed and the boys stopped at the base of our driveway.

‘Hey Robert. You wanna come to the creek?’ they called out.

My father flipped the bike onto its wheels and pushed it around in a circle putting pressure on the handle bars.

‘It’s right to go,’ he said.

He twisted the handlebar towards my hand and angled his head towards the boys. I forgot my sandwich and jumped on the bike riding it down to join them. That’s when I got to know, Lewis. We knew each other from here and there but having never spent time together, he was kind of an enigma to me. Lewis was the group leader and without doubt; the laziest person I’ve ever met. Everyone did anything he asked. Even back then, he had a way of making people fawn all over him. Both girls and boys vied for his attention and he loved it.

We spent the afternoon swimming and hanging out. We dared each other to climb higher into the trees surrounding the bank and jump into the water.

Everyone tried to outdo each other. Being my first time, I went higher than I would have if I was alone. Standing up there surveying the world before launching myself into the air was magic. I tucked my knees into my chest and splashed down and under the water. When I surfaced, it was to cheers and pats on the back.

It was one of the best experiences of my life.

Until we had to leave.

That’s when the boys noticed the mud guards and the teasing began.

‘My father didn’t have time to take them off today, he knows they’re stupid,’ I told them. ‘He’s taking them off when we get home.’

The taunting died down and we all rode home making plans to head back to our spot on the next day. While they debated starting times, I was trying to work out how to remove the mud guards without my father catching me. I scoffed my breakfast down the next morning and went straight to the garage to get my father’s tools. It took all my strength and about fifteen minutes to take the wheels off my bike and unhook the mud guards. We had an old cardboard box covered in a dirty sheet which was the perfect hiding place for the now discarded guards.

Every nut, washer and bolt was laid out in replacement order making it easier for me to get the wheels back on. I pulled on that wrench with all the strength I could muster.

My teeth were straining, my fingers gripping, and my legs lifting to get the nut as tight as it could go. I wheeled the bike in circles and bounced the bike a few times like my father had done to make sure the wheels were on tight. Twenty-five minutes after the mission began, I was at the end of the driveway waiting for the boys.

Everyone noticed the missing mud guards and commented that the bike was so much cooler. We rode, swam, jumped, and lazed about before riding home to end the weekend. The boys kept going as I broke off to head to my place. One final call out to each other and I turned back to hurl myself up the driveway. I stood-up on the pedals to propel myself and as soon as the front wheel hit the curb – it fell off.

The wheel bounced a few times before stopping on the grass as the forks of the bike scraped against the concrete and I continued over the handlebars.

I flung my arms forward to brace my fall but my face took most of the impact. I lay there for a second taking stock of my predicament before the pain surged from all places. My knees were all torn up, my chin was on fire and my mouth hurt like nothing I’d ever felt before.

Every breath stung my teeth and my tongue raised up to inspect the damage.

It instantly recoiled when all it felt were jagged edges where my teeth had once been.

I put my fingers into my mouth to feel the damage.

I looked down to see if they had fallen out to find two perfect chalk marks scratched into the driveway.

That’s when I ran inside screaming.

It took too many trips to the dentist and doctors to fix the destruction. I was sewn up, fake teeth patched on and all the time having to listen to my mother remind me that these were my adult teeth and new ones wouldn’t grow. Time went on and something terrible happened – my teeth began to grow crooked. My mother refused to get braces based on the dentist’s advice that the braces would crack the false teeth and he’d end up having to replace them if they took a decent knock. No contact sport, no sport with a ball, and no roughhousing for me. We couldn’t afford bills like that and I knew it.

It was something I was going to have to live with.

Something else I had to live with was the scar on my top lip. It was exactly like Harry Potter’s except, you know – on my lip making it look like I’m always snarling. It’s great!

Life went on and it wasn’t long before I was back on the bike and enjoying day trips at the creek. Lewis and I grew closer and it boggles my brain how out of all the people in the group, we remained friends. Whatever reason, he took a shine to me and there were times when I often considered him a good friend. Despite all the bravado and cool guy persona, he seemed to take interest in my wellbeing and often talked to me about things on his mind.

We hung out through high school, most of university, and caught up for beers after work. When I say after work I mean when I finished work. Lewis didn’t have to work. His family were well off after an inheritance and they were all set up with trust funds to see them living comfortably. Lewis did what all kids did when they got a windfall – he spent it.

He jumped on a plane with an empty suitcase to tour Europe. He sent a few group updates, some posts and photos of tourist spots before they went from infrequent, to non-existent. He ended up being gone for a few years and when he returned, he picked up life right where he left it. He didn’t look for a job and continued living the playboy lifestyle. Of course, I had no idea about any of this or that he was back at all until he sought me to rekindle our friendship. Within days we were back to the old relationship.

We’d hang out and I’d end up running errands for him amongst my own. Laundry drop offs, grabbing things from the grocery on my way over or dropping everything to go out drinking with him. He’d chat up the prettiest girls and ended up leaving with one of them. I tried talking to the less pretty ones and ended up home alone, beating my meat before falling asleep.

Everything was back to the old normal.

Everything was on his schedule.

Everything was fucked.

It took him a few weeks of hanging out before the first sign of disruption crept in. Something was bothering him and he was working out how to deal with it. The text came through on a Friday asking to meet up at his place after I finished work. I got there as quick as I could and he buzzed me up.

His place was a mess. Everything was trashed while Lewis laid on his couch drinking a beer and listening to music. There was a pile of empties strewn about the carpet which were quickly joined by the one he drained as I walked in.

‘There’s more in the fridge. Grab me one while you’re at it,’ he said.

My bag hit the floor near the front door so it wouldn’t get lost in the jumble of items flung about. I grabbed two beers and popped the tops handing one to Lewis.

‘How was your day?’ I asked.

Lewis stared back at me slowly cocking is eyebrow as he stood up. He pushed his face forward and widen his eyes as he exaggerated a slow turn around the room. He raised his arms out gripping the beer neck between his index and middle fingers as he twirled.

‘The fuck do you think it was?’

‘Not good then?’

‘Did you know there are rules?’

‘Rules? To what?’ I asked.

‘Fuck, of course you fucking don’t. Let me back up. You might wanna sit down for this.’

That’s when I found out Lewis was a vampire.

That’s when I found out what vampirism actually was.

That’s when I found out Hollywood got it a few of the details mixed up.

Vampires can’t turn into other animals like Bram Stoker thought. Didn’t suffer existential crises like Anne Rice told us and they definitely didn’t fucking glitter. Vampires were like us in every way except a few key differences. They can go out in sunlight but get wicked sunburn after a short time. They can eat and drink what they want, but blood is a must have.

Blood for vampires is like water for humans.

Lewis explained vampires can go a long time without drinking blood but after three days, they start to get sick and shit goes wrong for them. Imagine hypoglycaemia on steroids. It starts with slurring their words and trouble forming coherent sentences. Dizziness and clumsiness follows which eventually transitions into unconsciousness.

‘Once we pass out, if we can’t be woken up, someone’s gotta get blood into us one way or another or it’s curtains. Transfusion is the go to move this day and age but I’m told they used shove a tube down the throat of the poor sucker and force feed them hoping for the best.’

Lewis had finished another beer and just pointed behind him to the fridge so I’d grab him a refill. I was all too used to these signals and had already anticipated his needs. He didn’t notice nor appreciate the effort.

‘Is this seriously what you wanted to tell me? You’re a vampire. I mean – come on.’

Lewis smiled and pulled his lips back as his incisors grew longer and hung over his bottom lip. He tapped his tongue on the bottom of one of the edges then retracted them both before pointing at his beer which I was still holding.

‘It’s one of the perks. One of the many, many perks.’

That stopped me in my tracks.

He wasn’t kidding.

Fuck.

He was between me and the doorway and he’d always been stronger than me. I wished I roughhoused when I was younger. Played sport, had a brother to fight with or took a self-defence course – anything to be able to take care of myself.

How do you fight a vampire?

‘Lewis, are you going to kill me?’

‘Kill you?’ He laughed and held his hand out for the beer. ‘How’s that going to serve me? We’ve been friends forever. I need you. I need your help otherwise I’m not sure what will happen.’

‘What do you mean “what will happen”?’

He sat up again and reached for the beer. I handed it took him then took my spot near the door. I’d ditch my bag if I needed too. Nothing in there I really needed. I’d have to move fast. Once I got into the hall I’d have to take the stairs.

‘Robert – I’m not going to kill you. Stop planning your escape and relax. I’ve got a deal for you. You’re gonna work for me. Be my guy who does things for me and who knows, if we get a good thing going, I’ll turn you and you can join me. Whaddya say?’

He fell back onto the couch and closed his eyes listening to the music. His fingers tapped with the beat and his head bobbed as he gave me time to consider his proposal. I could make the stairs and then skip them two at a time to out run him. He’s been drinking and I haven’t so I’d probably get away.

But he knows where I live …

‘What would you need me to do?’ I asked.

‘Be my supply guy.’

Lewis didn’t open his eyes nor stop his tapping. I put my beer down and moved closer to the front door.

‘Supplying what?’

‘Think of yourself like a meal delivery service – I’ll even pay for everything.’

Lewis hired a professional photographer and make-up artist to work me over then take new profile shots. He also hired actors to be in casual shots so it looked like I had friends. Before I knew it, I was the centre of attention and everyone was laughing along with me. The photographer even managed to get me smiling without my teeth and scar ruining the photos.

‘Why does it have to be me? Can’t we just use photos of you?’ I asked.

‘I’d rather the ladies be disappointed than pissed off. Don’t you get it? If they see photos of me and you turn up – they’re gonna be annoyed and feel cheated. They might not hang around and then what would I eat? At least when the real you shows up, all they’ll be is disappointed but pleasant.’

‘They could leave anyway when they see what I really look like.’

‘No way,’ he replied. ‘No one is rude enough to ditch on the first date. They’ll smile and listen, let you pay for dinner with every intention of telling their girlfriends about how they felt sorry for you the entire time.’

Snap Snap Snap.

More photos.

They posed me in a new position and moved the actors around. The girls Lewis hired were all checking him out but he ignored them and focused on me – his meal ticket. Lewis snatched the camera from the photographer and scrolled through the shots.

‘It’s too staged. He needs to be more natural. They can’t looked posed. Here, use my phone.’

Lewis handed over his phone and tossed the camera into the photographer’s bag.

‘What am I supposed to do with this?’ the photographer asked?

‘Take a photo like one of his friends would. Half posed but all amateur. It needs to look real.’

The photographer extended his arms and started directing the actors to frame his next shot. When everyone left, Lewis and I went back to his apartment to set up my dating profiles.

Now I have two jobs.

IT Analyst during the day and victim lurer by night.

Lewis calls me a pretend playboy.

I’ve got profiles running on all the online dating sites and I’m checking them all constantly. I have alerts set up and I’ve been given strict instructions not to let work get in the way of this project. Lewis is picky and only wants to be set up with girls. Even with the photoshoot, my ability to draw the prettier ladies was lacking so Lewis dropped his standards for me. Far be it he’d actually be doing this himself. He’s way better looking and would be an absolute lady killer if only he applied himself.

We have a nice little system going right now. Lewis gave me a credit card to take the girls on dates. He was spot on with how the dates would go. The ladies baulk as soon as I smile but sit down and have dinner nonetheless. None of them see me having a threatening vibe so when I suggest a drink, they always say yes.

That’s when Lewis turns up and takes over.

Women are drawn to him – they can’t help it. Lewis says hello and they forget I exist. At first I would hang around and fetch drinks before Lewis would remind me I had somewhere to be. After a few times of this routine, I got sick of being ignored. I’d deliver them two drinks and slink away. I wouldn’t bother saying goodbye because it didn’t matter.

They’d forgotten about me.

They weren’t interested in what I had to say.

They were never heard from again.

It wasn’t long until I was dating every night of the week. Lewis checked in once a day to know where he was headed that night. Work took a backseat so I could meal plan for Lewis. This must be how a nutritionist feels when dealing with clients.

'I feel like a red head this time,’ Lewis would say. ‘Something fiery to spice things up.’

He was full of comments like that but I didn’t believe him. There was no way we taste different. He often asked if anyone listed their blood type as a joke. I was to be on the lookout for AB+ he instructed. If I could work it into a conversation, do it.

‘How would that ever come up?’ I told him.

‘Get creative.’

Click click click.

Swipe swipe swipe.

Like Like Like.

During my downtime, I found myself checking the Facebook profiles of the girls I’ve been on dates with. The profiles were covered in outpourings of grief and people begging for information.

Have you seen, Madison?

Kelly is still missing and this isn’t like her.

Carol-Anne, we miss you and want you to come home.

Whenever I was tempted to reach out or provide an anonymous tip, Lewis’s threat of retribution against me and my family reminded me where my allegiances should be.

Lewis explained that if I shared his secret or refused to do this task, he’d break his no women policy.

For good measure, he’d wipe out my family as well.

I don’t really have a choice.

Two months had gone by and out of all the women I’d dated, there was one who I was actually interest in. We kind of clicked – at least I thought so – until Lewis turned up. He pretended to bump into us and invited himself to join. She accepted a little too eagerly. Lewis asked me to get us some drinks and shoved a $100 in my hand making sure our date saw it.

‘Grab champagne, Robert,’ he said winking at me. ‘I’m celebrating.’

‘Really,’ our date asked. ‘What are you celebrating?’

‘That, I’ll have to tell you later,’ he said touching her leg.

She laughed and threw her head back. She was gone for him.

Or just gone.

I ordered the champagne and two glasses asking the bar tender to take it over to Lewis. I snuck away and was getting onto the bus when my phone beeped with another date alert.

That’s when I met, Mina.

Mina was the first woman who requested a date with me. We texted back and forth on my ride home. We didn’t stop texting. We had so much in common. She’s amazing. She asked to meet the next night and I accepted before I realised what I’d done.

Lewis already had a date booked in!

There was no way I was risking missing out on meeting Mina so the next day, I rescheduled Lewis’s date. I told her a work function came out of nowhere and the boss was sending me. We lined up the next night and I apologised for the late notice. I sent a quick text to Lewis to let him know tonight’s date fell through, then got on with my actual job. I left the office right on 5pm and raced home and got ready for, Mina. Lewis already had a reservation at one of the most expensive places in town so there was no need to organise anything new.

I got there early and was shown to my table. I ordered a bottle of wine and swiped through some profiles as I waited. My screen changed to an image of Lewis and my heart sank.

‘Hello?’

‘I’ve had the worst day. Fucking sponsor meetings. Where am I meeting you tonight? This one’s not going to touch the sides.’

Of course, that’s when Mina walked in and looked around for me. We locked eyes and she strode straight towards me never breaking eye contact. She was so beautiful.

‘Hello? I asked where I’m meeting you?’ Lewis yelled.

Mina was almost at the table.

'Tonight’s off, I sent you a text earlier. Didn’t you see it? She bailed,’ I said.

‘I didn’t read it. What did you do?’

‘I got the sick family member blow-off.’

‘Which is code for “no thanks”,’ he replied. ‘Well now what am I going to do?’

‘I don’t know, Lewis. This has never happened before.’

Mina was metres away.

‘Never mind – I’ll eat out tonight,’ he said and hung up the call.

I dropped my phone onto the table and stood up to greet, Mina.

‘Sorry about that. My bos–, my friend called all annoyed about something but there’s nothing I can do about it now,’ I said.

I pulled out her chair and we started our date.

Mina is perfect. Two weeks have gone by and we’ve spoken every day and seen each other a handful of times. We know we’re moving fast and we talked about it and we don’t care. She doesn’t care about my looks. Doesn’t notice my teeth, likes my scar and thinks my smile is one of a kind. This was something and I needed to share it.

I really didn’t know what to expect when I told Lewis about her.

‘You’ve got a what? When did you find the time?’

Lewis reminded me about our arrangement and the impacts of not following through on my end of the bargain. We agreed that I would continue to date other people and that in my spare time, I could continue to see Mina as long as it didn’t interfere with his schedule.

And he wanted to meet her.

‘I don’t think I’d like that, Lewis. She’s special to me. I think we have a future together,’ I said.

‘She’s interested in you! She have something wrong with her. No no, I know – she's a virgin and sees you both as an even match!’

I went silent.

Lewis pounced.

‘She is a virgin isn’t she?’ he asked.

‘Yes,’ I replied.

This is how I found out virgins are special to vampires. Of course Hollywood got that bit right. There’s something about the blood of a virgin that sends them wild.

‘I have to meet her. Set it up.’

‘I don’t want you hurting her, Lewis.’

He sneered at me and extended his fangs. He took some deep breaths and looked over at the closed door. He’d managed to get me between him and the door again.

‘Bring her to meet me or else I’ll break my “no men” policy.’

‘Can you just go to a high school and get a virgin from there?’ I asked.

‘What? Underage? Are you a pervert? Bring me Mina or else.’

I fumbled in my pockets and tossed my phone to him.

‘Check my phone – she’s out of town for a few days with work. She won’t back until the weekend, so I can’t.’

Lewis went through my texts and read through them. His fangs retracted as he read but he made faces as he scrolled before throwing the phone back to me.

‘You’re disgusting. You actually told her that? Ugh, going too hard, too early.’

‘We have something, Lewis.’

‘Whatever. I want to meet Mina Saturday night. You know what will happen if you don’t.’

‘Yes, Lewis.’

With that, he stepped aside and allowed me to leave his apartment. He waited by the door and called out to me before I got too far away.

‘Your parent still live at Trail Road, don’t they? I haven’t seen them in the longest time. I really should pay them a visit.’

With that, he let the door close. I waited for the elevator and stared at my reflection in the elevator doors. Another thing Hollywood got wrong. Vampires can see themselves in mirrors. It was when they used silver as the mirror backing, that they couldn’t see their reflection. Nowadays, aluminium is used as the mirror backing meaning vampires can safely put on their makeup.

I almost sent Mina a text telling her not to come home.

Almost.

I have to kill, Lewis. There’s no other way.

When he was drunk, Lewis told me the Hollywood methods are mostly crap and don’t work but he wouldn’t say what did. All I need to do is find a practicable way to kill him and do it before Mina gets back. I also can’t let him know I’m planning this or he’ll probably kill me too.

I’ve scoured the internet and my searches have turned up a few options, but I’m sceptical. Garlic is definitely out because Lewis ordered some garlic bread the other night. He laughed when I asked about stakes to the heart and didn’t bother responding when I suggested killing his maker.

I really have nothing to go on.

I need to kill my best friend so he won’t eat my girlfriend and I have no idea how to do that.

At least I know where the mother sucker sleeps.