#baristas are the backbone of this nation i love them

[gutsby]

I’VE NEVER FELT MORE SEEN 😭😭😭

[allfandomxreader]

Living the Dream

Pairings: Joe Keery x Fem!Reader Words: 2,808 Summary: You’re an assistant to John Pelzer, editor-in-chief for one of the biggest magazines in New York: Pastiche. You just so happen to run into Joe Keery who’s apart of Pastiche’s next issue. Warnings: Language A/N: Here’s the beginnin of my new series! I hope you all enjoy it. I would love any feedback you guys have for me to make this and all my other writings better. Part: 1/6

Masterlist

Aromas of coffee float through the air, instantly calming your wild brain. You ran through today’s agenda step by step for the third time, just to make sure you don’t forget anything. Your foot taps against the hardwood impatiently as you scroll absentmindedly through a few emails. Your eyes glance to the barista very few seconds who’s taking forever to prepare the simple drinks you ordered.

Normally, you wouldn’t mind the wait. Being in the calm atmosphere would usually ease the abundance of tasks you needed to get done, it would bring you quiet, clarity even. Today, however, the sluggish movement from all sides makes you want to jump from your skin. The schedule was far to busy for your time to be wasted, waiting for coffee.

When she finally calls your name, you’re quick to make it to the counter mumbling a ‘thank you’ before spinning around. You can’t even make a step before someone crashes into you, spewing hot coffee onto your blouse. The world around you moves slowly as the hot liquid stings your skin, you don’t dare to open your eyes knowing you’d most likely flip your shit on whoever ran into you. “Shit!” You and the stranger hiss at the same time. A man shoves napkins into your hands, profusely apologizing for the mishap.

“Please, let me buy you another.” He proposes as you dab the flimsy paper against the white cloth. You quickly flick your wrist to expose the dainty leather watch, groaning at the little time you had left before Mr. Pelzer’s meeting began.

“There’s no time!” You grumble not bothering to look at the man as you shove past him and into the busy streets of Manhattan. You trudge through crowds of people fuming with as the stress consumes you. It feels as if the whole world collapsing around you and you need to fix all before noon.

Like every morning, you’re greeted with interns rushing around the large office building. Some flick through paperwork, others sit with phones pressed between their shoulder and ear, but most tap away on their desktops at each of their desks. Whether they’re writing their columns, editing, or designing layout options, you’ll never know. You just hope they're doing it correctly so you don’t have to fix it later.

“Y/N, thank god you’re here!” A familiar voice calls after you just when you reach the elevator, “Whoa, what happened to you?” Naomi eyeballs your coffee covered blouse with wide eyes as the doors open.

“Good morning to you too,” You chuckle stepping into the small space with your best friend right on your heels. “I was meaning to grab coffee for Mr. Pelzer but as you can see,” You gesture to your stained clothes.

“Well, it’s the thought that counts,” She smiles, “Mr. Pelzer’s meeting already started, he gave me your assignments, I put them on your desk,” Naomi explains before rummaging through her large book bag, pulling out a floral blouse before shoving it into your hands.

“Have I ever told you you’re my favorite intern?” You beam at her before taking the fabric.

“Eh,” She shrugs with a smile, “Once or twice,” The two of you exchange a few giggles before parting ways. Your heels click against the tiled floor all the way to your office. Being John Pelzer’s beloved assistant had a lot of perks, one of them being a gorgeous office overlooking the city.

The space around you looks the same as it did the night prior. Your desk remains tidy, each object having a permanent home. A few Magazine’s from Pastiche’s previous years lay scattered along the glass coffee table. You often find yourself flipping through the colorful pages, reminiscing in the success from the company you’re apart of.

You adore your job, even if your title was ‘Assistant’ you know you’re so much more. John always jokes that you’re the backbone of his magazine, which isn’t far from the truth. Working alongside him shouldn’t give you as much power as you have, however, John created the company and he could do anything. He won’t publish anything without passing it by you or asking your opinion. He values everything you bring to the company, so much he sees you more as a partner than an assistant.

You don’t mind, being thrown into New York to follow your dreams was intimidating, especially when the opportunity for working for one of the biggest magazines in the nation arisen. John gave you a sense of family, he taught you almost everything you know. He loved watching you grow over the years as you became more comfortable with the role you had. Without you, John believed the company would be in shambles.

Ringing echoes around the space, pulling you out of your trance and back to reality. You stride over to your desk, quickly pressing the cold phone to your ear. “Y/N Y/L/N speaking.” Your voice is monotonous as you talk into the phone.

“Conference room. Now.” Before you can even get another word in, the line goes dead. You quickly throw on Naomi’s shirt, buttoning the shirt as you make your way out the door, following John’s orders.

“Ah, there she is,” John’s voice booms throughout conference room as you quietly enter. Your approach to going in unnoticed was thrown out the window as all eyes land on you. You awkwardly flash a smile to the expressionless professionals. “Joe, allow me to introduce my assistant, Y/N Y/L/N who put all of this together, Y/N, meet Joe Keery.” John introduces you to the handsome man, he smiles ushering you to shake his hand.

“The pleasure is mine, Mr. Keery. Pastiche is glad to have you here,” You reach forward to shake his hand.

“It’s you,” Joe mutters in awe as he looks over your whole body, gently taking your hand in his.

“Excuse me?” Murmurs came from the seated strangers as they listen to the two of you, just as confused as you were.  

“From this morning, I spilled coffee all over you,” Your eyes widen in horror as the pieces fall into place.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” You gush, remembering the events of the morning.

“For what?” He chuckles, “It was definitely my fault,” Awkward silence fills the room, you realize your hand is still placed in his. You gently pull away from his grasp, fiddling with your fingers as Joe keeps his eyes locked on you. “Let me make it up to you somehow, when’s your lunch break? I saw a pizza parlor down the street,” Joe rambles, his words float through the air faster than his mind could process them.

“I appreciate the offer, Mr. Keery, but I have a lot of assignments to finish today-” You begin but are promptly interrupted by your boss.

“She’d love to go,” Your heads snap towards the older man, a smile is plastered on his face as he looks between you and Joe, “Naomi will finish the assignments,” He continues, “You’re always here, go have a little fun.”

You find yourself walking through the streets lost in conversation. You’ve only known Joe for a matter of minutes and you already feel like you’ve known him forever. Your laugh bellows over the city’s chaos as he tells a childhood story, he pulls a restaurant door open for you casually following you into the booth of a pizza joint. “And then -shit you not- it jumped out of the tank and into my mouth!” He laughs as you pretend to gag.

“That’s disgusting, I hope you don’t tell everyone that,” You shake your head, laughing at the revolting story.

“Not everyone, only the people I like,” Joe looks over you, trying to read your reaction. Your eyes drop from his, your cheeks grow warm as you laugh to yourself.

“You don’t even know me,” Joe cocks his head to the side, pursing his lips together.

“So, tell me about yourself then.” He leans his elbows on the table, ready to listen to anything you throw his way.

You walked through the streets of Manhattan following the GPS to Pastiche’s building. Nerves make your whole body tremble, you tried your best to hide your shaking hands as you talked to Susan, the kind receptionist, right when you enter the grand building.

You follow her through what seems like a maze just to make it to John Pelzer’s office. The man typed furiously on his keyboard, his face was pulled into a snarl as he looked over whatever he was typing.

“Mr. Pelzer, an assistant is here to begin her two weeks.” Pelzer huffed in response, he didn’t even look up to greet you. Susan bows her head taking her cue to leave, she offers an apologetic smile before exiting his luxurious office.

“Hello, sir, my name is-”

“I didn’t ask for you to speak.” He barked, holding up his hand, still not giving you the decency of eye contact. Tears sprang to your eyes, not used to the treatment he was giving you. “Coffee, now.” He demanded as he clicked with the mouse, suddenly done with typing.

“Sir, I don’t know where the break room is at,” Your voice was meek, scared to get yelled at.

“Well,” He dramatically gasps, “That seems like a you problem. Go!” He screamed as you scurried out of his presence.

The following week was horrid, every conversation left you in tears. Pelzer didn’t seem to have a kind bone in his body, not just towards you but to everyone that worked for him. He always barked orders and demanded absurd things. But you wanted this job more than anything in the world, so if you had to get yelled at just for him to like you, so be it.

You placed his coffee on the corner of his desk, spinning on your heel to leave. “I need these assignments done by tomorrow morning.” He said, smoothy, just as you reached for the door handle. When you turned to look, a stack of papers was being held out to you, thick enough to have Stephen King trembling in fear.

“There’s no way I could get that done.” Your voice was harsher than you intended, at that point, you were so fed up you didn’t even care.

“A shame,” He grunted, dropping the papers back down to his desk with a thud. “You’re dismissed, tell Susan to notify the next assistant, maybe they’ll know how to do what’s asked of them.” You stared at the man, rage boiled inside you, ready to burst.

“No.” This got his attention, his eyes snapped to you, obviously not used to hearing such a simple word. “I know how to do what’s asked of me, I’ve done every task you’ve dropped at my feet. Every. single. one. I knew working here would be busy, but you are asking the impossible. I’m not going to finish those assignments tonight, and if I did, it would be the shittiest quality and I know that you would rather be dead than have shitty content in your magazine. Mr. Pelzer, I have such a high respect for you, I came to New York to learn from you and the only thing I’ve learned is how you like your coffee. I know I’m beyond qualified for this job, and if you don’t realize that someone else will.” You were eerily calm for the amount of anger you possessed.

John slowly removed his glasses and stood from his desk. He calmly walks forward, it felt like ages before he towered in front of you. Finally, a smile formed on his face, he gleefully shook your hand congratulating you on “passing”.

“It was a total cliche, but that’s how it all started,” Joe nods along smiling at your story, lazily munching on his pizza.

“He seems like a tough man. Interns practically ran away from him when we walked through the building.” He chuckles, taking another bite.

“Yeah, he’s terrifying,” You admit, “He’s been through more than people would guess. His son died when he was seven, leukemia.” Joe’s eyes soften as you reveal parts of your boss’ past, “A short while later his wife left him for some rich businessman. Out of spite, he created Pastiche and it became one of America’s most-read magazines.” You chuckle to yourself, “Pastiche is like his child, he wants everything to be perfect, he wants all the right people working for him -the best of the best -I mean hello I work there,” Joe’s face breaks out into a grin, he can’t help but laugh. “Anyways, I see him more as a father or a mentor than a boss, I think he sees me as his child too -although he’d never admit that. He’s a very nice man once you get to know him.”

“I can tell you mean a lot to him,” A smile tugs at your lips just with those simple words.

When the two of you had finished your meal, Joe calmly pays for the food and the two of you set out into the city once again. You take him to all your secret spots, you show him the best tree to sit under in the park and even your favorite cafe that has the best pastries. The two of you don’t disperse until long after the sun dips below the skyscrapers. You exchange farewells before jumping into separate taxis, bound to never see one another again.

You sink into the chair flicking through the assignments Naomi finished while you were away. You scour the printed paper searching for any errors only to find none. You smile at the young interns work, you taught her well through the years she’s been working with the company.

As if on cue, Naomi barges through the door, grinning ear to ear. “Tell me everything!” Her shrill voice disrupts the tranquility as she plops into the small couch, she grabs a magazine out of habit from the coffee table. You eyeball her suspiciously, not understanding her new found excitement --or what you had to do with it. “You went on a date with Joe!” She screeches, clapping her hands together in amusement. She leans her chin onto her hand, awaiting you to reveal the magical day, “Spill!”

“Okay, okay!” You giggle, leaning against the front of your desk, smiling as you remember the feeling of being in his presence. You start from when John ordered you into the conference room and end at the lingering hug he gave you before you stepped into your taxi, you leave out no details as you spill the secrets to the bubbly girl. “But, I doubt I’ll ever see him again. I mean it’s Joe fucking Keery, why would he want to be associated with an assistant?” Naomi shakes her head at your pessimism.

You push yourself away from the table at the sound of the phone, you calmly press the speaker button, signaling the caller to begin talking. “Ms. Y/L/N, you have a call,” Susan’s voice comes out muffled as she informs you.

“Thank you, Susan, put them through please,” You grab a pen from the top drawer, preparing to scribble meetings for John or other contact information. “Y/N Y/L/N speaking,” You say after a quiet beep.

“Y/N, hi! It’s Joe,” Your eyes snap to Naomi, she slaps her palm over her lips in efforts to contain her squeals.

“Mr. Keery!” As much as you try to hold in your excitement, your voice betrays you.

“Please, call me Joe,” He sighs, annoyed that after the third time he’s said this you still call him by his surname. “I had a lot of fun with you yesterday, I was wondering if you’d like to go out again sometime?” You can tell he’s nervous, even through the shitty quality of the phone’s speakers. Naomi frantically waves her arms, her mouth is agape silently screaming. Blonde hair bounces around her head as she tries to answer for you, despite the fact Joe was oblivious to her joy.

“Yes, yes I’d like that,” It takes all you can not to break out and cheer with your best friend, he speaks before you even get the chance.

“Great! I’ll leave you my number and we’ll figure out when we’re both free,” You scribble down the number onto your notepad, promising to call him once you’ve gotten off work to work out the details.

Your eyes are wide when you set the phone back on the receiver, Naomi cocks her eyebrow, a small smirk tugging at her lips. She flips her hair over her shoulder as she stands from the couch, “You were saying?” Was the last thing she said before slipping out of your office.  

Tags: @superfrankie111 @empathetic-vibrations

[cardsvistas]

9 Taboos About Vanilla Gift Card App You Should Never Share On Twitter | vanilla gift card app

A accessible adviser for autograph about shitty chump behavior on the internet is to ask yourself, “am I at all alleviative this shitty behavior as if it is awesome?” If the acknowledgment is yes, STOP DOING IT.

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A lot of you accept noticed that the aboriginal adventure in aftermost Monday’s BCO about a Starbucks chump who scams/torments his barista every distinct day of the year has taken on a awe-inspiring activity of its own amid added online sources (a 18-carat acknowledge you for the emails, by the way; they were abundant appreciated). Let’s epitomize the story, from a pseudonym called Brad Halsey:

There is a man who comes to my Starbucks every distinct day and orders the best abhorrent alcohol in an infuriating way. He purchased 365 Starbucks cards and registered every one of them online with a altered altogether so that he gets a “free altogether drink” EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR. Alike admitting I apperceive absolutely how he “beat the system” there, he pretends that his app is aloof adulterated and it magically gives him the aforementioned chargeless altogether alcohol every day. If he was a nice guy, I ability not be so irritated. But he’s not a nice guy. Actuality is a sample of our barter aback he orders (when you brainstorm his voice, it should be affected and creepy):

Me, afflictive on the inside: “Hello.”

Him: “I charge a Venti cup and a marker.”

Me: “Oooooohkaaaay. Actuality ya go.”

I cautiously accord him the cup and marker. He draws curve and arrows and writes all over the cup while cogent me: “Two pumps of white mocha here, again add bristles pumps of vanilla. That should booty us to this band actuality area you’re gonna add algid abundant chrism up to this backbone here…it should be center amid this band and this line. Make abiding to add the abundant whipping chrism afore the espresso, it changes the aftertaste if you do it out of order. Again add your four shots, three approved and one continued shot. That continued attempt is important, aback you guys reformulated your machines, it’s been Hell aggravating to get my alcohol right. That continued attempt helps antithesis it. Again activity it for me, Mister Brad. Now do me a favor and add ice to the top there and it’ll be accessible as pie. I’m not captious so don’t anguish about afraid it or annihilation like that.”

Me: “OK. Accessible as pie.”

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Him: “Now they arena it up for me like this: one cloister espresso, add white mocha, sub vanilla, sub abundant cream.”

[He wants it rung up that way so he aloof has to pay $3.00 for a alcohol that absolutely should be about $6.50 if it was rung up accurately as an Algid Cloister Venti Boilerplate White Mocha with abundant chrism instead of milk.]

Me: “Gotcha.”

Him: “Now I’m activity to use my chargeless altogether accolade to pay. Did I acquaint you about my altogether accolade app malfunction? The app is busted up and it’s been giving me the aforementioned chargeless altogether alcohol for twelve canicule now! I mean, I’m not activity to accuse or anything. Maybe I should analysis my mail at my old abode and see if I’ve won chargeless Starbucks for life! Ha ha ha!”

[he tastes his alcohol & frowns]

Him: “Mister Brad, why don’t you cascade a decaf attempt on top of this for me? It’ll be absolute then. It’s aloof a beard too sweet.”

[I cascade one decaf attempt on top of his drink]

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Me, and my bark is ample at this point: “Thanks! Accept a abundant day. Oh yeah, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY.”

The adumbration of this guy’s angry (but absolutely affectionate of brilliant) betray resonated decidedly adamantine with a lot of places that address about food. It’s important to agenda that the all-inclusive majority of places that best up the adventure advised it the way it deserved: BoingBoing, Grubstreet, BusinessInsider, PopSugar and the National Column in Toronto (among others) all fabricated it a point to say that Brad’s chump was a complete dickhead, with several of them acquainted that what he was accomplishing absolutely possibly constituted fraud. Eater absolutely took it a footfall further, contacting Starbucks directly, who issued the afterward statement:

“We are acquainted of this customer’s abusage of the Starbucks Agenda program. We are investigating this amount as our agenda affairs agreement prohibit such schemes.”

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All of these takes are fine—Eater’s in particular, aback it’s accessible the guy in catechism will face some affectionate of advise for actuality a doucheschooner, or at atomic won’t be accustomed to get abroad with it any more. Maybe I didn’t apprehend this to be the BCO adventure to booty off in added online publications (although in retrospect, I apparently should have; the internet loves account of annihilation pertaining to “menu hacks”), but these takes are absolutely reasonable, and it would be asinine of me to booty affair with any of them.

Then you accept Seventeen. All the acceptable things I aloof said about the added places that best up the story? Throw them adapted the hell out the window here. From Alyssa Fiorentino’s post:

The column went on to explain how this chump is acutely accurate about his order, which makes his cheating of the arrangement alike added annoying—but none of that matters. All you charge to apperceive is, chargeless drinks for activity is absolutely possible. And you’ll be extenuative a lot of cash.

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Think about it this way: Let’s say you dart to Starbucks adapted now and acquirement 365 one-dollar allowance cards. That will set you aback $365. However, if a alpine algid coffee costs you $2.25 per day, by the end of the year you’d be out $821.25. Follow this guy’s lead, and you’ll save over $450. (And that’s if you alone get a tall… anticipate about the venti possibilities!) Woah.

For fuck’s sake, do I charge to explain why these two paragraphs are horrible? I’m at somewhat of a accident for words, aback this is so self-evidently cheerleading sociopathic behavior. Let’s alpha and end with the actuality that the adapted acknowledgment to accession actuality abhorrent should never, anytime be “oh shit, I absolutely charge to try that!” Ever. For any reason. That absolutely should awning all accessible bases.

Seventeen’s readership—which is decidedly vast—is mostly teenagers. This is a acceptable affair in that they’re beneath acceptable than adults to accept the money to try to adapt this scam, but it’s a bad affair in that the ones that do accept the money accept the analytical thinking, controlling skills, and basal affinity of a goldfish. Teenagers are, on average, fucking idiots. The aftermost affair they charge is advance in that department.

In accession to actuality idiots, teenagers are additionally affectable as hell. Unless Starbucks absolutely deals with this affair to anticipate this array of betray in the approaching (and it looks like they ability be, acknowledge the celestial of your choice), some of them (and some adults, undoubtedly) are activity to try this. Some would accept done so behindhand of whether Seventeen actively encouraged them, because some bodies are aloof terrible, but there are others who alone bare a advance to be able to absolve it to themselves.

Moreover, it’s aloof a apparent old dick move to animate bodies to bits on aliment account workers. So maybe don’t? Yeah, I’m activity to go with don’t.

Image via mangpor2004/Shutterstock.

Contact the columnist at WilyUbertrout@gmail.com.

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