#bare night sky because i forgot about stars [pause to consider how sad that is to say] and then i didn't feel like adding them heho

[darkaac]

The Grassroots Youkai Network takes it easy for the night

commission for the @touhoucalendar twitter account

kofi here

Also in video form in case you're curious about the Process

[cafeinthemoon]

The Leaves of Her Garden - Chapter XVI

Title: The Leaves of Her Garden

Genre: Fanfiction

Pairing: Madara Uchiha x reader

Rating: Mature

Word count: 3163

Chapter (s): 16/?

Read the previous chapters here: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Interlude, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15

Symbols: ⭕ | ➕ | 🖤 | ▶▶

Chapter XVI - The Week Before the Travel

 If you thought your life has been through enough changes the moment you arrived at the Uchiha compound, the week before your husband’s farewell came to show you that there’s nothing that has already been through many changes that couldn’t be transformed a bit more.

The mornings were reserved to your shinobi training. You always used the same place of the day you learned how identify your chakra pathway, the garden. You liked it for its quietness and privacy: it was like whenever you were there, you could never be interrupted by someone or something unexpected. It seemed to work as a fence to another world, where time stopped just for you two.

Your progress came faster than you were expecting. Yes, it’s true that you were far from becoming a skilled shinobi like the ones you met there, but what you were capable of doing now were impressive when you considered that you were an adult who never had any preparation until then.

After learning how to control your chakra, your first challenge was to practice with kunai. When Madara put a blade on your hand for the first time and explained what you were supposed to do with it, you couldn’t feel anything but the uncomfortable weight of the weapon; you almost told him you didn’t want to hold anything like that again, but since you were going so far and you asked for that, you couldn’t look behind. When you found out you could transfer your chakra the kunai, holding it became strangely easier: your hand no longer trembled and you felt at will to throw it at the closest tree. The first time you did it, you ran to look at it closer and were surprised of how deep the blade entered the wood.

You then started to train your defense: for now, it was better for you to learn how to protect yourself and avoid conflicts, just as you wanted in the first place, and Madara stated that this part of your training would make things easier when you started to learn attack methods. This time you felt less difficulty to adapt because of the previous session you had before the ceremony; you also noticed the difference between striking using your chakra and just relying on your physical strength: your movements were more fluid, faster and well led. You felt less tired at the end too.

You were almost happy with your results when Madara decided to include the kunai in the process.

- But you almost don’t use any weapons when you’re fighting – you protested, using the vision you had with Hashirama as a parameter – Besides, if I won’t be attacking anyone I don’t need to know everything about a weapon right now.

His response was to laugh and disappear, taking the spot behind you right after; he held you neck and you felt something cold touching your skin. It didn’t take too long for you to recognize the sharp texture of the kunai. You froze.

- I forgot to say that these weapons are not only used for long-range attacks – he whispered to you – It’s not uncommon that a victim find themselves exactly like the way you are now. And what would you do in such state?

- I…

- It’s better to learn how to avoid it, right? – he replied for you – Besides, not everybody has the luxury of obtaining success in fights with their bare hands. For most shinobi, it’s unrealistic.

Yes. You almost forgot that, just like the Senju head, the Uchiha one was not a common man. Maybe if you had more contact with common shinobi you could have developed comparison methods that would sound more fair. But you didn’t say that to him. You just nodded and continued your training.

Later, by noon, it was the time when you were taken back home to clean yourself, eat and have a time to rest. You wouldn’t see your husband for a long time then: as the head of the clan and being busy with the preparations for the travel, spending the mornings with you was the best he could do for you now. Not only this, but you also thought that it wasn’t healthy for a girl to spend too much time in the company of a man, even if this man was as close to her as a spouse; you needed the company of other women too, and common people who had nothing to do with war and politics.

Fortunately, Ayane and Aiko kept visiting and taking care of you after your marriage, and while you developed an even closer friendship with the first, you started to see the second as a new mother life has decided to give you. Being with them, talking, eating and even working together (because after your insistence they allowed you to perform some of the house tasks) was refreshing; the moments you spent with them were of pure and simple joy, and worked as a period of rest from the intensity of your husband’s company.

One day, when you and Ayane were walking at the house’s surroundings, you finally had some time to continue that conversation you started when you were preparing for the wedding.

- So, y/n-sama… I hope everything went well during the wedding night.

There was no embarrassment in the girl’s words, so you felt at will to speak. You smiled and, before you noticed, you were speaking much more than you thought you would.

- Well, I… I don’t even know how to explain this to you! It was strange and incredible and… – you sighed and turned to her – Beautiful. At first, when you left me in that room, alone, dressed for the night, I was scared. I went to the porch to take some fresh air and to observe the stars. After some minutes, he came. I turned to him and it was like... I mean, now I was a married woman, about to be taken. I never felt the reality of my new condition so deep as during that moment.

You lowered your tone, and a sort of sadness was sensed in your words as you relived those memories.

- Do you remember the state in which I was brought here? I was still grieving the loss of my mother, and just lost my job and my house. But now I was given a new family, protection and a home. I wasn’t expecting this. It was so overwhelming that I started to cry.

You paused, trying to process your feelings. Ayane encouraged you.

- And what did Madara-sama do when he saw you crying?

A smile grew on the corner of your mouth and you sensed your face warming up.

- He hugged me and took me inside. He told me not to thank him with tears. I thought about that. He was right, you know? It was not the time to cry. Not anymore. He closed the porch’s door behind us and was going to start to touch me, but I was so nervous that I flinched at his first movement. He noticed it and told me to sit on the futon. He went there too and spent some time in silence, doing nothing, just looking at me. It was… unsettling, but not entirely bad. It was... – you sighed – Oh, it’s so hard to explain!

Ayane smiled.

- It’s alright. I think I know what you trying to say.

You felt relieved to see you were making some sense despite the confusion inside your head. This gave you the courage to continue speaking.

- You know how intense are Madara-sama’s eyes, Ayane. Every time he looks at me, I feel like all my clothes are nothing, because he’s looking inside me. As if I was naked from body and soul. That night it was the same sensation but deeper, so that I wasn’t sure I would be able to stand it. That was the first time something like this happened to me. It was scary to think that from that moment, I was going to be the wife of man capable of such thing.

You laugh at yourself at this.

- Tell me. Are all the Uchiha like this?

The girl laughed hard at your question.

- Well, none of them are exactly like Madara-sama, of course, but all of us who are Sharingan bearers have some intensity in our eyes. But I think that since you already experienced the strongest Sharingan of our time, you’d have no problem handling the other ones!

You smiled and were about to tell Ayane about the experience with the Mangekyo Sharingan, but something held your tongue. You somehow sensed that it was not the type of thing you should tell other people, no matter how close was your friendship with them; that was a pure, unique sign of intimacy that didn’t belong only to you, but to Madara as well. Something only for you two. You decided to tell part of the story then.

- There was a moment when he talked to me about his life – you started – He said he already experienced fear and loneliness. He told me he understood how I was feeling and that the best thing he could do for me was to share his experience. And it worked. Somehow our feelings started to blend as one, and I was no longer afraid. I finally let him touch me.

Ayane’s curiosity was only excited with this strange narrative of yours. She came closer to you, whispering as if someone could appear and interrupt the conversation at any moment:

- And how was it?

You looked at the sky when you replied.

- It was… wonderful. In a strange way. At first I was uncomfortable, and even thought I was going to get hurt, but little by little I got used to it. I felt like I was not alone anymore. I felt I was part of something again. Visible. Desired. I felt… safe.

- That is quite an explanation, I must say – she replied with a smirk – And then, what happened?

- Well, I felt a bit tired and ended up taking a nap – you laughed – But he took care of me when I woke up and spent the night by my side. It was weird, because I am not used to sleep with other people so close to me, but it was good.

You decided you were away from the house for too long and started the way back, hurrying up before a worried Aiko could go after you.

***

Your life was not only training and talking, of course.

Following the protocols established when you accepted the role of Sachiko, you had studying sessions about History, Politics and Arts to improve your intellect. Since you were used to a routine of books and research thanks to your experience as governess, it wasn’t that hard to stay for a couple of hours occupied with them, but when the evening approached you couldn’t resist to a period of rest. Aiko would bring you tea and food, and you either stood with her talking about your day or listening as she told you stories of her youth, Ayane’s childhood or important things you were supposed to know about the Uchiha, or went to your room to draw or play the koto while you waited for Madara to come back.

You skills with the carbon were developing in a satisfying rhythm now that you had more time to dedicate yourself to this pastime and less anxieties clouding your mind. You made countless sketches and finished many of them in the evenings when you were alone after the women left and before your husband arrived. Your memories, the people you’ve met and the places you’ve been – the entry of your first house, destroyed by war, the house of your adoptive mother, your room there; your lost friends, your mother, your student, Izuna, Aiko, Ayane, Madara; the garden you were training with him, the forest, the river – all was turned into art.

You also composed new songs or parts of songs for your koto when you weren’t feeling like drawing. You wanted to show some of them to Madara; they were better than that one you’ve wrote for your student, which was never played by you again.

You weren’t sure of how or why, but even before you could see him inside the room, you always felt the moment he arrived; you weren’t able to explain exactly how it happened, but you could feel what it seemed to be a sudden change in the air whenever he came around. You have noticed this trait since you met him for the first time, but it was like after your training sessions your capacity of feeling it has increased. You’ve been willing to talk to Madara about this strange sensation, but you didn’t know how to introduce the subject.

He would always come to see you by night, after finishing his activities and taking care of himself. He used to find you immersed on the strings of the koto or sitting on the couch, a drawing on progress on your lap. You always waited for him to start the conversations; despite the intimacy you managed to build in those few days, you still sensed you couldn’t invade some parts of the territory that belonged to him: if he had to tell you something about it, he would do by himself.

On the other hand, he was always interested in how you spent your days when you were not with him: he would approach you and sit by your side, surrounding you with one arm, and listen to you while observing your drawings or the way your fingers would slip through the instrument’s strings in an unconscious manner as you spoke; from time to time, he would use your pauses to make a specific question for something you didn’t explain so well or forgot to say, but most of the times his questions were directed to how you felt about the things you saw or what you thought of the situations you got through. It was strange in the first days, for you never were the type of speaking your mind so easily, but Madara had a way to find out the things he wanted and his questions were made in a smart, assuring manner, so you never felt forced to tell him anything. As time passed, you noticed that those direct talking about your feelings made you more good than if you kept all of them to yourself.

After those conversations, you would organize your things in the place of the room you reserved for them and prepare to go to bed. Sometimes you would spend a moment alone at the porch, but there were nights when the breeze were too cold for one to stand there for a long time, so you just let Madara close the door and went directly to the futon.

***

He took you most of the nights during that week. None of those times were exactly like the wedding night, but in all of them there was something you enjoyed most, whether it was the way he took care of you right after, how he allowed you to sleep in his arms or the things he said while touching you, praising your body, the smell of your hair or your voice when you said his name. At first you were afraid that you would always feel the same discomfort of the first time, but it didn’t happen: as time passed, it was like your body was slowly adjusted to his, and your pain diminished until it was almost gone. Between those nights there were one and another when he came later and you ended up falling asleep on the couch; there was a time when you thought you were carried by someone at some point of the night, but you weren’t sure if it was a dream or not until you woke up next morning on the futon and saw that your husband was already gone.

An important change that occurred was that instead of limiting himself to touch you, Madara taught you some of the things you were supposed to know as his wife, such as how to use your lips, your hands and even your voice to give and gain pleasure. For he was your first man everything was new to you, which sometimes led you to some uneasiness or doubt whenever something seemed too strange to you, but here you ended up knowing another side of Madara: he was an excellent communicator; none of these things were shameful or to be treated with secrecy, and neither he wanted you to see them as such, so that he would always speak clearly about his wishes and fantasies while encouraging you to speak about yours; he also sensed whenever you felt uncomfortable with something, even when you didn’t speak. It wasn’t the case that you had thought so much about these things before meeting him – you naturally knew it would be expected if you ever became someone’s spouse one day, but the thought was too vague until then; you were never too worried about it. However, now that staying with a man was a main part of your life, you started having ideas. It was a side of you haven’t discovered yet. And not only you, but Madara was more than pleased to know about this side.

There was a night when he noticed you were urging to tell him something, but refused to speak. You were already lying on the futon, your back turned on him, when you felt him surrounding your waist with his arms; soon you felt a soft kiss on your shoulder.

- You want to tell me something, don’t you? – you heard him whisper – What is it? Is there something bothering you?

Your face warmed up with the question.

- Not bothering me. It’s just that…

You sensed his arms tightening their grip.

- I see… – another kiss, longer and warmer – There is something you want to do.

You didn’t reply. His leg entwined with yours, his knee between your thighs. You were almost lying on your stomach, his body heating up your back, his nose smelling your hair, his hands starting to come and go all over you.

- Don’t be shy, girl. If there is something I do not approve, it is false modesty – he approached his lips from your ear, his voice so low you’d swear you were hearing it in your head – The rest I can handle.

You smiled and finally told him what you had in mind. It was funny that once your thought were turned into words, it seemed something simple, even silly, compared to some of the things he taught you. Still, he showed immediate interest and helped you with everything you wanted.

[galxcs]

Drunken Nights | Wolfstar

Link to AO3

Chapter Fourteen (Thirteen) (Twelve) (Eleven) (Ten) (Nine) (Eight) (Seven) (Six) (Five) (Four) (Three) (Two) (One)

Sirius had lost feeling in his toes about an hour ago. He had tried to cast a warming charm, but he had never been very good at those, especially when he was drunk. It always seemed that the only spells Sirius was good at were ones that weren’t very useful like turning people’s feet green or making small rooms erupt in fireworks.

The lake was frozen over, but that didn’t stop Sirius from staring at it like it had the answers he was searching for. The only thing that was keeping him warm was the firewhiskey that burned his throat and made him numb as he drank it.

The breeze was whispering things to him, but he wasn’t listening, and the trees were rustling in a way that made the cold night feel surreal. He couldn’t see any stars or the moon because there were dark winter clouds covering the night sky.

He had lost track of when he gave up on Remus coming. He guessed maybe an hour or more ago. His mind was swirling around in a drunken daze like mixed paint, and he had a feeling like he wasn’t truly in his body, which was probably a good thing considering his fingers were basically frozen to the bottle in his hand.

The sound of crunching snow, and the sight of a body sitting down next to him barely registered in his mind.

She had giant earmuffs on, and was holding her wand out defensively in front of her. Sirius eyed it questioningly.

“What are you doing here, Angela?” he asked, not sounding too angry even though that had been what he was going for. He was too drunk for this.

“Amanda,” Angela corrected. “Remus told me you were here.”

“Remus knows I’m out here?” Sirius asked, his voice sounding pathetic even to his drunken ears.  

“Yeah, he was going to come, but I asked him if I could instead.” Angela looked down at her wand. “He said that you might get mad at me, so he made me bring my wand.”

“Well I’m not feeling very angry right now, so you can lower it,” Sirius muttered.

“Sorry,” she apologized, slipping it back in her pocket.

Sirius didn’t respond. He didn’t want to talk to Angela. He wanted to talk to Remus, but Angela had made sure that wouldn’t happen.

“What are you doing here?” Sirius asked, repeating his earlier question.

“I needed to talk to you. Are you going to remember this in the morning?”

“It takes a lot of alcohol for me to forget things,” Sirius muttered, thinking about the night of the party. He used to get terrible feelings when he thought of it, but now he didn’t know what to think after Remus had told him that they had kissed that night. Maybe a little better. He wished he had remembered it, though.

“Calidum aerum,” Angela said.

Sirius didn’t know why he hadn’t tried harder to cast a warming charm because suddenly feeling was returning to his toes, and his face wasn’t tingling. It made him feel both tired and more sober. Sirius almost thanked Angela, but then he remembered that he didn’t particularly like her, so he decided to get straight to the point. He didn’t know why else Angela would have wanted to take Remus’ place by his side tonight.

“If you’re going to tell me about your and Remus’ relationship, I don’t want to hear it,” Sirius muttered. “If this is Remus’ attempt at breaking the news, I already know.”

“Sirius, Remus and I aren’t together.”

Sirius looked at Angela coldly. “Don’t lie to me.”

“I know that you’re in love with him,” she said softly.

Sirius continued to stare at her. “He told you?”

“He knows?”

“What?” Sirius asked confused. “Yeah, he knows.”

“So, then why do you think that we’re together?”

Sirius narrowed his eyes at Angela. “Because everyone told me you guys were together, and after I told him that I liked him, he started ignoring me to talk to you.”

“But that doesn’t make any sense. Remus is in love with you.”

“Did he tell you that?” Sirius asked.

“No. I just know.”

“Okay, Angela, maybe it’s because I’m drunk right now, but you’re making no sense.”

“It’s Amanda,” Angela quipped. “ And what I’m trying to tell you is that Remus and I have never, and will never, be in a relationship together.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Sirius asked, looking at Angela blankly.

“Because I know that every time I’m around you, you get all jealous like a hurt child, and I don’t understand why you act like that when we aren’t even together. Besides, now I’m really confused if you’re saying that you already told him. I thought he was just being oblivious.”

Angela seemed like she was speaking to herself by the end of her talking, and Sirius rose his eyebrow at her.

“I genuinely thought you two were together, so that was why I was acting ‘ jealous like a hurt child’. I assumed that was why Remus was being so weird lately, but now it’s obvious that he just doesn’t like me,” Sirius turned towards the frozen over lake, weakly throwing a rock that disappeared quietly into the snow. Angela scoffed next to him. “What?” he mumbled at her.

“It’s just, I didn’t take you for being the oblivious one.”

“I’m not oblivious.”

“Okay well, Remus very obviously likes you, so there has to be another reason for all of this.”

Sirius was quiet for a while, taking in this information. Could he trust what Angela was saying? If this was true, what had Remus wanted to talk to Sirius about that day at Hogsmeade? Sirius didn’t want to get his hopes up.

“Lily knows too,” Angela whispered after silence had dominated their conversation.

“Knows what?” Sirius whispered back.

“About you two. She says that you look at Remus like he hung the stars in the sky or something.”

Sirius nodded, feeling his cheeks burn up at the accusation. It was true, though, so he couldn’t exactly argue with her.

“So…you’re not at all interested in Remus?” he asked.

There was a long pause, and Sirius almost forgot to see if Angela was going to follow through with his question. His brain was wandering very easily that night. He turned to her, giving her the look that Remus said could draw words from a person in a heartbeat.

She took in a deep breath. Sirius thought her words were going to be shaky from her posture, or hard for her to say from the long stretch of silence, but when she spoke, she said it confidently.

“I’m asexual,” Angela turned to look at the water and added quietly, “which doesn’t mean I couldn’t be interested in Remus, but I promise you that I’m not.”

Sirius didn’t mean to take so long to respond, but he didn’t know what to say. He was surprised that she was comfortable telling him in the first place. Especially with all the rumors around the school about him regarding his sex-life.

“So, you don’t like sex?” Sirius asked, his drunk brain unable to come up with anything else.

“I’m sex-averse, so yeah I guess. I just don’t want to have sex,” she explained.

“Oh,” was all Sirius said.

Amanda looked down at the snow, dragging her gloved finger in swirls through it. It reminded Sirius of the time that Remus picked the grass out of the ground when they had sat out here together at the beginning of the year.

“I still, like, date and stuff. I mean, I’m romantically attracted to people, but not Remus. He’s all yours,” Angela laughed softly to herself.

“Why are you trusting me with this?”

“Well, you didn’t deny being gay, so…”

“Cause it’s true,” Sirius admitted. “I am gay.”

It was the first time that Sirius had come out and said it. He had admitted to Remus that he liked him, but this felt different. This gave him an electric current running through his veins, and made everything seem so much more real.

Angela nodded and offered Sirius a soft smile. “So I guess you trust me too.”

“You know, Amanda, you’re not nearly as bad as I thought you were,” Sirius admitted.

“I think that’s the first time that I’ve ever heard you call me Amanda,” she joked.  

Sirius laughed, and looked at the frozen lake. It looked strange now that he was warm. Like the fact that it was cold enough for there to be ice and snow while he was so warm didn’t add up.

“It must be hard,” Sirius said softly. “Being asexual. You know, with societies dumb expectations and stuff.”

“Yeah. None of the guys I’ve been with seem to understand it. I mean, I guess I can’t really blame them, but it is hard; you’re right.” Amanda looked at Sirius thoughtfully. He looked back at her. “It must be hard being gay, You know, with societies dumb expectations and stuff.”

Sirius laughed freely, a warm feeling in his stomach. Talking about this so openly with someone was nice.  

“I didn’t used to understand it. I thought that if I just found the right girl, or if I tried harder,” Sirius trailed off and shook his head. “I used to be pretty stupid.”

“You weren’t stupid,” Amanda stated. “You were just in denial.”

“Were you ever in denial?” Sirius asked.

Amanda nodded, a sadness filling her eyes that warned Sirius of a backstory hidden deep in her heart. “People have forced me into a lot of uncomfortable situations that I went along with because I was in denial. I thought the same thing as you. If I could only find the right person, or do the right things. Of course, I was also just being stupid.”

“Hey, I thought you said I wasn’t being stupid!” Sirius teased.

“I did say that, didn’t I?”

Sirius and Amanda laughed together for a second, and it felt nice. A feeling of remorse washed over him as he thought about how he had been treating her this past school year, and he looked at her, wondering how he could possibly make it right.

“Hey, I’m really sorry about being so rude to you,” he started.

Amanda shrugged and laughed. “I knew you were just being protective of Remus, or jealous. Either way, I knew it wasn’t really personal.”

Sirius thought about how observant Amanda was, and how she always seemed to be spot on about situations that nobody had even talked to her about. It made him feel even worse.

“That’s true, but it still wasn’t right, and I’m truly sorry.”

Amanda smiled softly. “Thanks.”

“Does Remus know that you’re asexual?” Sirius asked.

Amanda shook her head. “It never really came up, but I knew he thought of me as a friend like how I thought of him as a friend. I’ll tell him soon.”

Sirius nodded slowly.

“I should get going,” Amanda whispered.

Sirius nodded again, and turned towards Amanda as she was standing up. “Hey. I know you said that you used to let people force you into things, but if anyone ever tries to push you into doing something that you don’t want to do, send them to me. I’ll talk some sense into them.”

Amanda smiled, and tilted her head a bit. “Thanks, Sirius. That means more than you know.

“Of course. Anyone would be lucky to be with you, and if they can’t accept you for who you are, then screw them.”

“You told me I was great, but I never told you that you’re kind of awesome too,” Amanda said softly. Sirius smiled in response. “Goodnight, Sirius. Don’t stay out much longer.”

“Night, Amanda. I’ll head in soon.”

Amanda nodded, and started heading back towards the castle. She must have taken her warming charm with her because the cold began to slowly start biting at Sirius, and now that he felt more sober, it wasn’t as tolerable. He gathered himself up, ready to head back to the castle.

He couldn’t help but think about the fact that Remus didn’t, after all, like Amanda romantically. He thought about how Remus had offered him a seat at The Three Broomsticks, and then told him he needed to talk to him later. He thought about how he had woken up the other day with Remus tucked against his chest even though he had fallen asleep alone. He thought, and he thought, and he thought, and he decided that he and Remus needed to do a whole lot of less thinking. If Amanda was right, Remus cared for Sirius too, and the thought made his stomach flip in excitement.

When he got back to the room, Peter and James were asleep, and Remus was sitting up in bed, reading a book. He looked up when Sirius entered.

Sirius reminded himself that he was drunk, and didn’t want a repeat of the night of the party, so he told himself not to kiss Remus. He didn’t need Remus thinking he only kissed him when he got drunk.

Remus put his bookmark in and placed his book on his nightstand, watching Sirius stumble around the room to find his pajamas.

“I was worried you were going to freeze to death,” Remus whispered.

Sirius chuckled quietly, but didn’t answer. His head was starting to hurt, a mix of the cold and the alcohol. Remus slipped under his blanket, and turned to his side. Sirius realized he had been waiting up for him.

Once he had brushed his teeth and changed into his pajamas, Sirius climbed into bed next to Remus, kissed him gently on the cheek, and pressed his cold feet against him.

Remus squirmed away from the cold.

“What are you doing?” he whispered.

“We need to talk,” Sirius responded, pulling Remus closer to him.

“We leave for break tomorrow,” Remus reminded him.  

“In the morning then. Before we leave.”

Sirius felt Remus nod against him, and he couldn’t help but kiss his forehead. He had promised himself he wouldn’t kiss Remus that night, and he had already stolen two. He blamed it on the alcohol, but really he just couldn’t help himself.

Remus tucked his head into the crook of Sirius’ shoulder and kissed him back lightly on the neck. Sirius beamed because he knew that Remus couldn’t see him.

Despite the fact that tomorrow Sirius would have to return back home and face his parents once more, Sirius fell asleep almost instantly. He assumed it was due to the fact that Remus was tucked against him, and the alcohol he had consumed that night was starting to creep into his brain, flooding him with a feeling that was warm and dizzying.

A dreamless sleep washed him out to sea, and he didn’t strike land until the next morning when he woke up to light flooding through his eyes and a sound asleep Remus still laying next to him.

Sirius smiled softly.  

[likelyfantasywriterspsychic]

31 Day Angst Challenge

Day 1: Grief

So I'm trying this challenge for April. I'm using my character Sylvia "Silver" Nightengale, from my Riverdale Fanfic. I haven't actually though of a title yet.

Anyway this is actually one of the scenes I'm working on but I switched some things around so that it fits better and doesn't give away too much of the story.

Mentions of death but nothing really explicit.

(Really sorry but I don't know how to add the Keep Reading thing on the mobile app yet and since I don't have a computer I have to do it this way. Sorry.)

***

Silver walked into Frankie's room and put her stuff on the bed. She almost collasped onto the bed. It had been a long few days, and she was exhausted.

Percy had known something was wrong, and he had tried so hard to make her smile for her birthday. It had taken every ounce of control she had not to burst into tears at the cake and presents her family had given her. Even Andromeda had been nice.

And when the package had shown up...

She had smiled and lied through her teeth. Then she had thrown it in the closet.

It had been from Tony.

Silver held her face in her hands and tried to focus on her breathing. But something caught her eye.

It was a box. The lid wasn't fully closed and she could see a picture. She eased off the bed and sank to her knees. Oh so carefully she pick it up out of the box. It was Jinx Tony and Frankie smiling at the camera sitting on the couch in the living room. Frankie was younger. They all were.

She was so wrapped up in the picture she didn't hear Frankie come in. "Silver what are you doing?!"

Silver jumped. "I-I- Oh god Franks I'm so sorry I saw the picture and I... just... I didn't look at any thing else I swear Franks! But I saw it and I..." Her eyes went back to the picture. "I forgot. I can't believe it but... I forgot... what colour Jinx's eyes were."

Frankie blinked. She had forgotten too.

That Andromeda had burned all of Silvers treasures. Silver laughed sadly. "I don't have any pictures of them. And I forgot..." tears that she had been holding in for days began to fall. "I'll probably forget what Tony looked like too. Eventually."

Frankie just looked at her friend. She had no idea what to say. So instead she hugged Silver. "It's okay." She crooned softly, soothingly. "It's just kinda private. I forgot to put it away. You can look through the rest of the pictures if you want. I was just suprised. I'm sorry."

Silver pulled away and shook her head. "No, I'm sorry I should have known better I just... I saw it there and..." She wiped at her eyes which had dried almost instantly. "I'm just kinda out of it I guess."

"Silver..."

"Um, so, do you uh, are you sure you're okay with me snooping through your pictures?" She smiled and turned back to the box.

Frankie looked at Silver sadly. It was obvious she was dying over what happened but she was trying to keep it together in front of all of them. Had she cried once since that night? Frankie didn't think so. It hurt to watch. But if she said anything, it would start a fight. And that was the last thing they needed.

Still.

"Silver?"

"Uh-huh,"

"If you need to let it out, if you need to cry or anything-"

Silver froze.

"I'm fine. Really Frankie."

Frankie almost snorted. Silver certainly didn't look fine. She looked haggard. As if she hadn't slept or even eaten in days.

"I-" Silver shook her head refusing to look Frankie "I feel like if I break now... if I start crying... I don't think I'll be able to stop."

"Silver..." Frankie started then she looked at the picture she was still holding in her hands. "Do you mind, can I ask?"

"Yeah?"

"When Sky and Dani... did it feel like this?" Frankie whispered. Silver saw the look on Frankie's face and this time it was Silver who pulled Frankie in for a hug. "Yeah. It felt exactly like this." Silver's voice cracked. "I'm so sorry Frankie. I'm so sorry."

Frankie squeezed Silver so hard she thought she heard her ribs creaking, but she didn't care.

Silver pulled away when she hear the front door slam.

"That's probably Louis."

Silver heard him coming up the stairs. "I'll... I need some air. You... you two can talk. I'll be back."

"You don't have to go." Frankie told her.Silver smiled. But Frankie could see the cracks starting.

"It's fine. Come and get me when you're done."

Silver almost ran into Louis in the hall. "Sylvia?"

"Sorry. Just going to get some fresh air." She slid past him and all but ran to the back yard.

"The hell?" Louis shook his head and walked onto Frankie's room. "What's with her?" He asked his sister. "I mean- crap I don't know what I mean. Everything is just so messed up."

Louis looked at the box. Frankie looked at it too and felt the overwhelming urge to explain. "I left it out." She said quietly. "I don't know why. It only made me feel worse. I forgot to put it away. Silver saw the picture of Tony and Jinx. She was crying. She said... she forgot what colour Jinx's eyes were. And then... She said she would probably forget what Tony looked like too. And she just looked..." Frankie shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself. "Andromeda burned everything. Silver doesn't have any pictures of Jinx or Tony or Sky and Dani. All their presents are gone. She just has the colouring page that she gave Tony and Jinx when they first met and a picture of her Sky and Dani that she kept in her wallet. So... I thought..."

"Maybe it would help?" Louis supplied.

"She really did love him Louis. As much as we did. Maybe more. And she won't- she said she can't... She break or she won't stop and... I don't know what to do Louis! She's my best friend and I don't know how to help! She's trying to make sure the rest of us are okay but she..."

"I'll go talk to her." Louis said.Frankie gave him an incredulous look. "But-"

"Yeah I know I haven't exactly been team Silver, but she's your friend and I know Tony..." Louis ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Tony would murder me if I didn't do something to help her. He cared too much about the both of you for me to let you guys spiral."

Frankie was shocked. "Thank you."

"You're my sister Franks. It's kinda my job to help you out. And right now that means helping Sylvia."

Louis turned and walked out.

Frankie sat and looked at the pictures in her special box. The pictures were old. Silver would probably have some more recent pictures of Tony. Pictures of Tony after Jinx. After joining the Ghoulies. Frankie wondered if Silver had any picture of him smiling. Probably not. Frankie looked at her precious memories. The things and keepsakes she had to remember Tony and Jinx by. Silver didn't have that anymore. And now none of them had Tony.

Frankie laid down on the floor and cried.

***

Louis found her on the back porch. Her knees were hugged up to her chest, her head tilted up, staring at the stars.

"Do you think he's watching?" She asked not turning. "Do you think... he's mad at me?" Sylvia paused. "For not crying I mean."

Louis sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I think he'd be sad. To see you like this." Louis said. He walked over and sat down beside her. "I think he'd be proud. That you're trying to keep it together for the rest of us. But I think... you'd break his heart."

Sylvia nodded then burried her face in her knees. "I'm being stupid arent I? Xander's probably fighting to keep his head above water, Frankie probably blames herself, and you..." Louis looked at Sylvia, and he saw something. Something Tony had probably seen the whole time. The girl was barely seventeen. Still a kid. He kept forgetting. Frankie was always a baby in his eyes. Silver was only a couple months older than his baby sister. So why did she always seem... old?

She didn't now. For once. For the first time. She looked exactly like a seventeen year old kid that just got her world imploded.

"I'm... sorry, Louis." Her head lifted, and Louis finally knew what Tony was talking about. Even after Romi, there had been fire in Sylvia's eyes. It wasn't there now. And it hurt.

"For what?"

She looked at him. "Everything. Nothing. Falling apart. Keeping it together." She leaned back and looked at the stars. "I'm just sorry."

There was a brief pause as Louis considered what to say. Then he thought screw and told her what was on his mind.

"I think he's with Jinx. I think he's telling Jinx how good you grew up to be. I think they're looking as and yelling at us for being stupid. I think..." He looked at her.

"I think, Sky and Dani are with them. And they've yelling for awhile." A tear rolled down her cheek. "I think I'm not okay. I think... I'll never be okay again. Because they're gone and I can't fix it. I think... I don't care how mad they'd be, but I'd trade my life to bring them back. I think... I don't want him to be gone. And I want him back."

"I think I do too." Louis said. "Here." He held a picture out to her. "Think of it as a belated birthday present." Gingerly she took the picture from him.

The sound that left her was half laugh, half sob. "Oh my God!" She gave him a shaky smile. "I can't believe they- Oh god! That's the night I told them I had a crush on Skylar."

"Yeah, Jinx told me. I don't think I've ever laughed as hard as when he showed me that picture. It took me until you got shot to realize you were the same kid."

She cut a sideways glance at him. "I haven't changed that much."

Louis shook his head. "You looked six in this. I don't think I ever saw you look that much like-" he stopped and came up with a better way to say it. "You always seemed so much older than you were. I never got to see you look like a little kid."

Sylvia's arms wrapped back around her knees again. "I didn't have much of choice, you know." She said. "When I was at the bar with them, or when I was with Sky and Dani... I think those were really the only times I got to be a kid. Everyone else was always telling me to grow up."

Sylvia looked out at the backyard again. "Do you... the funeral, I mean- have his parents said anything?"

Louis shook his head. "They aren't. Going to have one. They're just gonna have him cremated and have the ashes scattered up at Sweetwater river."

Sylvia's head whipped towards him. "What? But they can't- they can't just-"

"I'm going to talk with my dad." Louis said, his hand curling into a fist. "If I have to pay for the funeral myself, I'll do it. He deserved that much." Louis shook his head. "He deserved more. From me." Louis let out a breath. "I just need dad to convince them to let me. I don't have much saved but..."

"I'll help." Sylvia said. "Anyway I can. I have some money saved. He helped me so much it... it's the least I could do for him. I just... I couldn't stand it Louis. If that's all he got."

"No Sil. I'm not gonna take your money. I wouldn't be able to face Tony in the end if I did." Sylvia's head snapped up to look at him. "I understand, wanting to do this for him. You'd do it all by yourself if you could. I know you would. But I want you to save that cash. Save it for collage. To get out of this town. To run and never look back. That's what he wanted for you, you know."

"He- He never told me that." She said.

"He wouldn't. But he wanted you to get out of here. This town, it would kill that fire you had. And more than anything, that light, was what he never wanted you to loose. He wanted you to get out. And make something of yourself. So if you're gonna do something for him, for Sky and Dani and Jinx. Do that. Live and get out."

"Thank you. Louis." She said quietly.

"I'm gonna head back in and talk with my parents. You coming?"

"I think, I will, in a few more minutes."

"I think, Tony would tell you it's okay to cry when your hurting." Louis replied.

"Yeah," Silver agreed. "I think he would too."

"I'll see you inside." Louis said.

And he turned and walked away. Leaving Sylvia right where he found her, sitting on the porch. Staring at the stars.