emergingt-blog

[lucillelawlors]

The Artist Part 3

It’s been approximately 7 months since I became involved with The Artist. I became his muse and it’s been a wild emotional ride, one where he professes love to me but then snatches it away whenever we get too close. 

He has broken my heart numerous times due to his flighty nature and like the complete sensitive moron he brings out in me, I’ve not rebuffed him, yet tried to somehow make it work by detaching and keeping distance when we are together, hoping we can somehow foster a fulfilling intimate and creative relationship. 

He stormed off in a huff when he found out that I wrote more about him (he was aware of the first post with me actually reading it to him), refusing to make contact for over a week, despite me assuring him that I don’t use names and cloud other distinguishable details... 

Then we patched things up which included numerous nights while he was in between houses, including spending Xmas together, him painting me in the bathtub, with both of us saying this was the closest thing to a relationship that either of us had had in sometime... 

I helped him find a new house via my network of friends and felt like things were on the up... but he is a man who does not know how to tread within boundaries and once again, found himself without a home due to almost trashing his room due to his creative process.

I knew I needed to detox from him as ultimately, I wasn’t getting what I wanted and something about the man just reels me back in and makes me drop my guard, my vulnerability being what seemingly attracts him to me.  So a self imposed holiday to London to visit a friend was the perfect way to enforce time and space to get this addictive drug out of my system...