#badass altitude universe

[upat4amwiththemoon]

Heyy can i request a wanda x fem reader oneshot where r is the queen of a nation which is similar to Wakanda and the avengers need this nations help for something (sitting on the throne looking badass moment ) and she is graceful and so badass like: sitting at dining table uses knife to point towards empty seat, “oh. sit, please.” R has powers and helps them out. Wanda being head over heals and finally them dating. I am sorry for the long request 😭

Mother Nature

Summary: A queen so powerful, myths have been written about her. An island so mysterious, no one knows where it is.

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x female!reader

Warnings: none

Word count: 2505

a/n: listen…this got a little out of hand

Tags: @thought-of-you-and-me @rafecameronswhore @sayah13 @wandsmxmff @emsmultiverse @natashamaximoff69

masterlists | guidelines

Dragonstone is a volcanic island in the North Atlantic Ocean, just below Greenland and Iceland, but it’s not visible on any maps. Not many know of its existence, as the island is surrounded by such powerful magic, making it invisible to the naked eye. If anyone were to sail towards it, violent storms and currents will make even the strongest of ships sink. It has become a myth to the outsiders, an area such as the Bermuda Triangle, where everyone disappears into the nothingness. This keeps the island, and its population, in safety and peace. They have fought no wars, nor have they suffered in the hands of man made concepts.

However, the fights have started to get bigger, sometimes having the faith of the whole Universe in their hands. That much they figured out after Thanos. Which is why the Avengers know of Dragonstone, and its Queen, and how to get her help.

Everyone holds onto their seats as the Quinjet’s autopilot navigates through the dark clouds, often going through turbulence. “Are we sure this isn’t actually just some freak of nature spot? Is there anything here?” Tony grumbles as he tries to fasten his seatbelt impossibly tight. “We have very expensive cargo on board, and by that I mean me and my suit.”

“Fury seemed confident in his knowledge.” Steve reminds, slightly more calmly, though he is also nervous.

Wanda has her eyes closed. She tries to stay inside her mind, ignoring everything going around her. Air traffic has never been her favorite, but this is next level. The Quinjet does sudden dives and turns, throwing anything loose around. This is why Fury said to fasten everything to the walls and roof, but like usual, Tony didn’t take the advice to heart.

She can feel Natasha’s hand holding her own, calming her down slightly. Wanda doesn’t personally know Fury that well, but she knows Natasha thinks very highly of him, so she is pretty sure he wouldn’t lead them to their certain death. However, she can’t be sure, as this is starting to feel like a wrong way to the supposed island.

“Why couldn’t Fury come here himself? Or the Queen to us?” Kate almost shouts at a particularly violent spot.

“Because when we ask for help from royalties, we show them respect.” Steve states, his *all the younger generations have forgotten respect* personality every old person has shining through. “Did none of you learn this in Wakanda?”

No one gets to answer him, as the Quinjet starts going up, up, up full speed, making everyone yelp. After it has reached the correct altitude, it goes down headfirst. For a moment, the team is sure something has gone wrong, that they are plummeting towards their death. But right before it hits the water, the Quinjet turns the right way and continues flying forward, now in a completely calm climate.

They instantly calm down, letting out breaths of relief and relaxing their tense muscles. Natasha is the first one to get out of her seat, going to the cockpit and looking out the window. “Well, at least the island is real.” She calls out. The others start to pile up in front of the window.

At first glance, it looks like they’re flying towards a big pile of rocks, but at a closer look, they can see the rocks form big walls and even a bigger castle on the island. They’re in awe of the view. The water and air are so calm now that they’ve gotten past the barrier.

They stare out the window while the Quinjet lowers itself to the ground, right outside the walls. Once they step outside, they see two people waiting for them. “Welcome to Dragonstone!” One of them smiles. “My name is Sylvia and I’m the Queen’s advisor. And this,” she gestures to the person next to her, who is wearing an armor, “and this is Calen, they’re the head of protection in this island.”

They bow their head down as a greeting, not saying anything to the guests. The look on their face is serene and their posture is straight, like a proper soldier’s. Sylvia on the other hand shows more excitement through her body, even though her hands are behind her back, they’re still wiggling around, and the smile on her face is one that can light up a whole room.

“Thank you for granting us access to your island.” Steve speaks up, being the unofficial spokesperson when it comes to formal situations.

“Fury is an old friend of Gaia, any friend of his is a friend to us. Now, if you’d follow me, I’ll take you to the castle to meet our Queen.”

They start trekking the land towards the castle, first walking on the bare land and then moving to narrow walkways as they go inside the walls. Most of the walk goes by in silence, the team taking in their surroundings. They’ve never seen anything quite like this.

Wanda drags her hand along the stone fence, her fingers going along the bumps and ridges of it. She smiles. The magic of this island feels different than her own, but not in a threatening way, it feels like it’s dancing with her own.

Finally they get to the castle’s entrance. The huge wooden door opens inward, two other soldiers pulling it. Calen and Sylvia greet them as they go past them. “The Queen is in the throne room.” The latter tells the group, leading them through hallways before stopping in front of a door.

The door to the throne room is also wooden, but it’s a lot more decorated compared to the other ones. It’s carved from top to bottom with different pictures, making it look like a story. Calen pushes the door open, letting everyone walk through it before closing it again. At the end of the room, the Queen sits on her throne. The royal seat has been made out of purely white stone. The backside of it is tall and the sides are wide enough for the Queen to lay her arms there comfortably, but it still looks delicate.

“Gaia.” Sylvia lowers her head in respect and Calen goes down to one knee to bow. The Avengers, quite hesitantly, bow in some way too, bot sure of the island’s customs.

“There’s no need for that.” The Queen’s voice makes all of them rise. Sylvia and Calen take their respective places near the Queen, while the team stop in front of the stairs to the throne. “I hear you are friends of Nicholas Fury.”

Wanda stares at her in amazement. The way she looks so soft yet regal makes her heart pound faster than normal. She can see her chest moving up and down as she breathes, the armor like steel plate moving with it. The dark blue fabric is thick for colder weathers, but flowy enough to move easily. Wanda’s eyes move up to the top of her head. The crown on her head looks like it’s made out of steel as well. It makes her look sharp and strong. She looks majestic sitting on her throne.

“We are,” Steve smiles, “thank you for agreeing to meet us, your Highness.”

��Please, Y/N.” She states. “That’s the name my mother gave me.”

“Y/N. I’m sure you’re aware of a recently defeated threat from space called Thanos.” He continues once she nods, “unfortunately the other worldly threats don’t stop there. We’d like to ask your help to prevent these kind of attacks more efficiently.”

“Certainly.”

Wanda shudders from the way Y/N says the word. Her pronunciation, the slight rasp of her voice and how she rolls the letter r, make her feel dizzy. She is sure the look on her face is stupid, and lovestruck, her eyes wide and mouth slightly parted. The whole conversation going on is going past her. Only thing in her mind right now is something she really shouldn’t be thinking about, but she just can’t stop herself.

“Would you give me the honor of joining me for dinner today? We even have enough guest rooms if you wish to rest before your trip back to America.”

“We would be honored to join you.” Natasha answers. She has been glancing at Wanda during the conversation with a grin on her face, she can read her face easily, knowing what the witch is fantasizing about.

The Queen stands up, her dress falling perfectly to her feet. “I’m glad to hear that. I shall see you in the dining room in an hour, in the mean while, Sylvia will show you where you can refresh yourselves.” Sylvia nods and gestures for them to follow her. Wanda keeps her eyes on Y/N as she walks away, noticing a small smile growing on her face.

After an hour, the Avengers gather into the dining room by Sylvia’s lead, where Y/N is already waiting for them. “Gaia.” Sylvia says before leaving the room.

Y/N stands up, pointing towards the empty chairs. “Please, sit.” She says with a smile, sitting down once again when they get around the table. Wanda sits next to her. She can see the small details of her breast plate from this close.

The table is already fully catered with different foods and desserts. It works like a buffet, everyone takes what they like to their plates. “Can I ask you,” Wanda starts when her plate is full, “why do they call you Gaia, if your name is Y/N?”

“Gaia is a title of sorts. Every queen before me was called that as well, because we keep this island alive and safe. It means Mother Nature.” She explains with a gentle smile on her face, holding eye contact with Wanda as she talks to her. “It is an honor to be called Gaia.” Wanda nods, not able to look away from her stormy eyes.

“How does the next queen get chosen?” Tony asks.

“It’s more faith than decision making,” she pauses, looking for best words to describe how their queens get their role, “we’re born to it, but not in a traditional sense. We are born from the previous Gaia, they mold us from magic.”

“So, there’s no…” he moves his fingers around in a promiscuous manner, which makes Steve look at him disapprovingly. They’re in front of the Queen after all.

But she only finds the situation amusing. “No. Children born in a traditional way are random, and our queens need to be precise. They’re all women and they all have powers. They need to be born from magic.”

Although they don’t really understand the process, and none of them want to ask about the specifics of it, they still find it fascinating. It’s a whole new country with completely different customs compared to theirs. Wanda especially listens to her intently. Her smooth voice practically drilling its way into her brain.

“Can the queen have relationships? Even if they don’t have any part on the next generation of rulers.” The question makes Wanda’s head snap to look at Natasha, who has a wide grin on her face.

“Yes. There are no rules on relationship. The partner just has to know they have no rule over the island.”

Satisfied with the answer, Natasha nods, sending a discreet wink towards Wanda. Her cheeks turn a shade of pink. She tries to hide it by eating the food.

They keep a light conversation going while they all finish their food. Once the plates are empty and the stomachs full, they start leaving the table and go to their rooms. The Queen doing the same. However, she isn’t alone for long.

There’s a knock on her bedroom door.

“Hello, Wanda.” Y/N smiles, the door now open wide. “Would you like to come in?”

“Yeah, thanks.” Wanda steps into the room, the door closing after her. She looks around the room, trying to keep her eyes off of Y/N’s thin night gown. A big bed is in the middle of the room, it has light blue veil over it and a white fur on top. A window, almost the size of the wall, is on the right side of it, but it’s already covered with dark curtains. Otherwise the room is quite plain. A wooden dresser. Mirror with steel decorations. What catches Wanda’s eyes are the tapestries on the walls. They’re bright and colorful, each one having its own story. “Beautiful.” She mumbles.

“They tell our history.” Y/N steps beside her. “Every queen makes one. These are the oldest ones, the rest are in the library, visible for everyone. One day mine will be there too.” She sounds proud when she speaks of her ancestors.

“Your mother, is she still alive?”

“No. The crown passed down to me when I was thirteen.”

“I’m sorry.”

Y/N turns to her with a smile. “Nothing to be sorry about. She’s with her mother and grandmother, and so on. And one day I will see her again, until then, I will make her proud by keeping the people on this island safe.”

However beautiful the idea is, Wanda still feels sad for her. She knows what it’s like to lose your mother young. But she doesn’t comment on it more, clearly it’s not something appropriate to discuss now. “The magic. It feels different here.”

“Yes, it’s not the same as yours. The magic is part of me as much as it is a part of the island. We’re connected. We can sense each other. I can control it and it can influence me.”

“That’s why they call you Mother Nature?”

“Sort of. There’s a long history there. But yes, my ability to control the sea and the air around us is a part of it.”

“Maybe you’ll be able to tell me some day.”

Her smile widens. “Maybe.”

Wanda smiles too. She notices how Y/N’s eyes twinkle in the dim light, as if they had their own light source. “You’re beautiful.” The words stumble out of her mouth. She had no intention on making any mind of move this soon, but she couldn’t help it. This felt like a right moment.

With a small giggle, Y/N looks down, trying to cover her warming cheeks. She doesn’t usually get nervous, but Wanda sounded so sincere. “I’m flattered you think so.”

“Do you think you could go on a date with me? Later, of course. Do you have any rules on that?” The nervousness starts growing at the bottom of her stomach again, the lapse of confidence leaving her body quickly.

“There are some rules, but nothing major. I could definitely go on a date with you, I’d actually really like to do so.”

Letting out a breath, Wanda nods. Her hands are moving her rings around. “Great. I- uhm, that’s great.” She laughs quietly. “I’ll leave you now. See you tomorrow.”

“See you.” Y/N gives her a small wave, smiling widely even after the door closes.

[freaoscanlin]

Fic Meme

Tagged by the fantastic @yesokayiknow, let’s play.

Of all of your works, which do you think is:

The Funniest: oh god, this is impossible to answer. You know what, I’m going to go with Bad Altitude because I think it’s hilarious. Drugged Natasha scaring the hell out of Felicity! Never calling her the right name! Focusing on entirely the wrong details as they’re about to die!

The Most Romantic: I’m gonna give this one to Pink Drinks and Pick-Up Lines. They’re my NOTP now but dear god did I have a blast writing the flirting in that one.

The Most Unusual: That time I turned the Avengers into pirates and made Natasha secretly the daughter of Peter the Great, for sure. Or that one I wrote from the POV of a training dummy. It’s a toss-up.

The Scariest: Not really my forte. Maybe The 405 Gets Plowed because I find the Adorable Psycho terrifying.

The Sexiest: The ONE and ONLY time I have ever written smut, I guess. Frissy wrote the good bits. I wrote the dirty bits.

The Saddest: It has a happy ending but Letters Never Sent strikes me as deeply sad. At least the actual never sent letters were.

The Prettiest: My aborted attempt to write canonical Downton Abbey times just...I had so much fun with that writing style. Plus banter! “I mostly stick to my bicycle, and you can’t really hunt foxes from that.” / “I imagine it confuses the hounds, also.”

The Most Exciting: Supervillains Anonymous, and yes I’m including my goshdang novels in this. That book was just nonstop. #Herofail is attempting to top it, though.

The Happiest: I already used Pink Drinks on this list, even though I do feel that one qualifies. So I’m gonna go with Set, Spike, Dive! because that fic was both joyful and a catharsis. 

The Most Realistic: Absolutely no idea. I write about spies and superheroes, this isn’t fair. The most accurate title I have is Cats Are Weird.

The Most Fantastical: Second Skin, which is also my most problematic. I wanted to write Natasha as a rusalka and in at least that I succeeded! 

The Most Complex: Even though people still bitch that it’s unfinished (it’s not, I just couldn’t give another three years to that fic), I think What Fates Impose remains that story to this day. I mean, it was the most ambitious, plus it was intensely third person limited with an unreliable narrator. And the style I chose didn’t allow for great skips in time. 

The Simplest: Ex-Girlfriend Club. Wrote it a night, didn’t add any frills to the plot. Laurel used the most direct and brutal means to solve a problem. Grenade launcher + shotgun = solved. 

The Closest to What You Wanted It to Be: Counterfeit and Counterpart, for sure. It’s required the most extensive rewrite of any of my fics, but I wanted a deep dive into an uneasy-yet-magnetic friendship and I think that’s what I got.

Tagging @obishenshenobi, @kaleidoscopes-and-carousels, @hjea, @a-windsor,  @jewishsuperfam (even though I know you’re in Portugal). 

[laukora1030]

Captain Marvel

First off, spoilers if you’ve never seen the movies and you want to. And, english IS NOT my first language, so excuse me if I make mistakes.

I will start by saying that, unlike a lot of you, I actually really liked this movie, and Carol. I think the thing I didn’t like that much was the skrulls not being evil and Goose taking Fury’s eye, even if I thought it was hilarious, but Carol is a really cool character with incredible powers, and I don’t believe she’s overpowered. Like, yeah, she can get cocky because she knows she is extremely powerful, but y’all are acting like Tony (who btw, is my favorite character in the MCU) isn’t right there thinking he was a godsend for the first 4 movies he’s in. With this being said, let’s get started.

I like the beginning, and how different Carol’s memories are from what really happened. I think it shows perfectly, once you learn the truth behind everything, what the Kree are really capable of. 

I know people say Carol shows no emotions and that that makes her a plain character, but you guys have to take into consideration that not only does she not remember her life from before the 6 years she’s been with the Kree, but she was also taught that she should be in full control of her emotions for her to be worth it and a good soldier. 

I like the fighting style of the kree, even if I hate them. I believe that they made Carol stronger than she already was by teching her their techniques. 

Why are there kree that look human-like and kree that are green? How does that work? 

Unlike a lot of other superheroes, Carol was taught for 6 years, in which she had to get new memories, that the most important part of her was her brain, which isn’t wrong, unless you’re told, like she was, that her emotions are not important. She’s literally told by Yon-Rogg that she has to stop using her heart and start using her hair. She had to learn to stop being driven by her emotions. And even in those 6 years she still had her humor, and she had emotions, nevermind what you guys think of her.

Can we talk about how Yon-Rogg is a good manipulator? “I want you to be the best version of yourself” sounds like something I would say to my friends when they are feeling down, and he uses a phrase with a good meaning to make Carol believe he is the good guy. 

I like the Supreme Intelligence thingy where Carol stands. I don’t know why, I think it looks amazing. 

Again with her emotions. Y’all do notice that she was manipulated into thinking that having emotions is bad, right? It’s not her fault that she is “too plain” for your taste. She was told to be selfless for a bunch of selfish people, and I don’t know, I feel sorry for her. To not be able to remember even the person you admire the most yet still see her anytime you do something the government doesn’t like what you’ve done, and not only that, but be manipulated into working for them when we learn that it’s their fault that you’re in that position in the first place; Carol’s situation is kind of depressing. 

I like this scene. It looks so badass.

I’m still asking,why are some of them green and some of them human-like? It makes no sense to me. 

Note to self: I like the kree suits, they look so cool, and I love the colors. 

I find Carol hilarious from time to time, like, she’s not the funniest character in the MCU (that’s Luis) but she is really funny sometimes. I also really like Kree technology, it reminds me of Tony’s technology up to some point, with the whole holograms thing. 

Their phrase represents exactly what they stand up for, and I love that because they were never really lying to you with that. “For the good of all Kree” shows that the one thing they will always think about, before anything else in the Universe, is themselves, showing how selfish they are, but to someone who has no idea what they mean, well, it just sounds like they’re fighting for their lives, when really, they’re fighting to end that of others. 

I really like it when Carol wears the helmet thingy of her suit, I think it makes her look badass. 

It’s really sad that Carol was manipulated for 6 years by the one person she thought was her friend. Reminds me of Tony being manipulated by Obadiah. 

I do not like Minn-Erva, she’s a bitch, but she’s an amazing fighter. 

Question. Are all Kree super strong like Carol or is she only super strong because of the Tesseract?

Note to self: I love the name “Vers”, it sounds so cool. 

I am intrigued with Minn-Erva’s gun. It looks so cool, but also really impossible. Yeah, I know, it’s based on a comic, I get that, but how is it made? What type of technology do the kree use to make it possible for the “bullet” to go through several different targets? 

Talos tells Carol that he’ll tell her his secret once she’s told him hers, but what exactly does he mean? Is he talking about Mar-Vell, or her powers? How did he know about them if they imply that this is her first mission outside of Hala? 

I am not sure if the skrulls are geniuses or not, but I really like their memory machine, it’s really cool. That also brings to question. If we were able to do something like that, could it be used with patients with Alzheimer and memory loss?

Am I the only one who thinks that Carol looks great on her military clothes? Just me? Okay. Let’s continue.

“Higher, further, faster” is such an incredible motto. I don’t know you but it kind of makes me wanna be able to fly. That and every time I remember it it just gives me a sense of euphoria that I can’t really explain. 

McKenna Grace is an outstanding actress and whoever thinks differently can meet me at the parking lot. 

Carol Danvers on a tank top, send tweet. 

Learning about Vers past is both endearing and depressing. We know her father was a sexist asshole, and she had to endure, alongside María, all of the misogynistic comments the guys in the army said to her, but we also get to see her good relationship with her brother, and the found family she had with the Rambeaus. I love it. 

The scene with the multiple Lawsons is intriguing to me, for two reasons. First, she said she was working late at night, which I suppose means she was either working on something for project Pegasus, or she was working to get the skrulls to a better place. Second, it’s kinda obvious that this exact time in her memory is what makes her realize someone’s reading her mind, but it makes me wonder how the machine works.

The last two memories, the fight against the skrulls and the one where she’s on a spaceship, those are definitely triggering her, but is that the reason she wakes up, or does she only wake up because the effect of the weapon Talos used on her is no longer effective? 

Also, I wonder what exactly was going on through the skrulls’ minds after seeing themselves in those memories. 

Carol is a badass, sorry not sorry. Honestly, her powers are cool, her fighting style is almost impeccable, she looks threatening, and she does have emotions, a lot of them. Plus, she has a cool suit and is like, really gorgeous, but that’s just my gay ass talking. 

And once again I ask. Are all the kree super strong or is that just a Carol and her powers thing?

She’s so funny, what the fuck?

Carol is pretty intelligent, isn’t she? Or does she work well under pressure? She was quick to discover how skrull spaceship worked, even if she was not familiar with the technology. Her little proud smile, though. 

Note to self: I miss Blockbuster. I had great memories thanks to it. 

Question! All of the planets of the Yggdrasil know the Earth as Midgard and every other planet knows it as Terra, why’s that? Also, what does C-53 mean? Is it something kind of like coordinates in Hala or something like that?

Her equipment was damaged, why? Is it because it doesn’t work on Earth or because she fell from a high altitude and the impact broke it?

Note to self, again: Two things, the security guard has amazing taste in music, and I love it when Carol smiles.

So, Talos and the other skrulls transform in the middle of the beach, in the morning, and you’re trying to tell me no one saw them? Bullshit.

So, back to the memory machine. Yon-Rogg says that their codes are buried in their unconscious. Does this mean that, were we to invent a machine like that one, psychologists would be able to enter their patients unconscious and therapy would be both shorter and easier? Sorry, I’m studying psychology and it sounds like a big opportunity to improve therapy from what it is. Also, side note, Carol is extremely intelligent, although I don’t know if that’s something all the krees can do. 

Let’s talk about SHIELD. In Iron Man they made it explicitly clear that they were a secret organization, right? And even through the next movies they mention it. So why is it that in this movie it seems to be a common practice in the 90s to call them when a security guard sees a weird woman? Or did he call the police and SHIELD intervene? 

Note to self: It’s agent! I missed him.

Yeah, by all means, if I was Fury (what the hell happened to you man, you were cool in this movie) I would also not trust Vers, because every single word she uttered during their conversation sounds like nonsense. 

Again, how does no one see the fucking surfer transforming into an old lady? There were people in the subway, why aren’t they paying enough attention to it? What the fuck was wrong with people in the 90s?

I love that Carol is the first female superhero to get disheveled after strong movements (looking at you, Natasha with the perfect hair). 

Note to self: Stan Lee, I will miss your cameos. 

Carol has a strong right hook. I flinch everytime I see her hit the old lady skrull. 

I’m not gonna stop wondering if she’s strong because of her powers or because of the kree blood in her.

Note to self: Finally! One man realizes there’s some weird shit going on in the train and sees the skrull changing forms. 

How did the skrull get Coulson’s gun? It makes no sense. I get the getting the clothes they have, but do they also get all of your stuff? Like, in this year, 2021, if the skrulls were to take my form, and I had my glasses, my cell phone and my wallet with me, would they also get it? 

I fucking hate that they use the name SHIELD in this movie. Like, do y’all even watch all of the other movies to see if yours makes sense? In Iron Man, Coulson says that they are looking for a shorter name, and here some idiota decided that Fury would go around saying SHIELD, and talking about it when they’re supposed to be a secret agency. It makes no sense and it pisses me off. 

Note to self: Carol using a computer reminds me of Patricia Fernandez in Betty La Fea. If y’all speak spanish, watch that telenovela, it is incredible. But yeah, that’s it.

There’s a deleted scene with the asshole who tells her to smile, where she gives him a handshake, hurts him, tells him to give her a smile, and that she’ll be taking his jacket and his bike. I love that deleted scene. It makes my respect for Carol grow. 

I think it’s cool that the skrulls can emulate the voices of those they copy. Just wanted to say that. 

Now, to the important question. How did Talos get to the SHIELD director that fast, and that easily? Did he steal someone’s identity back at the blockbuster and then took off to SHIELD's HQ, and then got to the director and stole his identity? And, where’s the director? Did Talos has him hidden in a supply closet or something like that?

If Carol, according to the memories of her unconscious, used to spend so much time at Pancho’s Bar, why did the barman not recognize her? Or did the barman that used to serve her and María not work there anymore?

Question, again. What did Carol do with her suit? Is she wearing it under her clothes or did she take it off and hid it in, I don’t know, the bike, or something?

Out of the topic question. If Buzzfeed Unsolved existed in the MCU, would Shane still deny the existence of the aliens?

Fury mentions Budapest and now it only takes me back to 2012 Avengers and wondering what the hell happened in Budapest. 

Carol, darling, that’s not how the world works. Just because you know a skrull does not have photon blasts, mostly because you’ve spent the past 6 years looking for them and fighting them, doesn’t mean a man who has had no previous experience with them other than that morning’s car chase would know that information. 

I HATE THAT THEY USE SHIELD INSTEAD OF THE ENTIRE FUCKING NAME!!! FUCKING MARVEL AND THEIR INCONSISTENCIES!!!

Fury, you liar. Everyone calls you Nick in the future. 

You know, Carol’s not wrong. If it’s a secret agency, why do they have their logo on caps? Makes no sense to me. I mean, cool, but makes no sense.

If they knew who Wendy Lawson was, and what she was working on, and that she had taken a pilot with her, and they had pictures of that said pilot, why didn’t they recognize Carol?

Did Carol think that her fingerprint was gonna work on the door? Or was she unaware of how they worked and just thought it was the way doors open on Earth? 

The scene where Fury opens the door with tape heavily reminds me of that scene in Scooby Doo 2 where Daphne gets them all out of the cage in the Wikles’ mansion.

So, we know that Goose is a flerken, right? He’s an alien that looks like a cat. Does that mean that, as an alien, he has good memory and recognized Carol? Or is he like a cat except he has pocket dimensions in his stomach? Also, he was supposed to be Lawson’s cat, why did they keep him after she died?

Was Carol sad because she couldn’t get answers for the kree or for herself? We know she sees Lawson in the Supreme Intelligence. Was she sad because she wouldn’t be able to meet the woman who she admires the most, even if she doesn’t remember her?

Lawson says the phrase Carol says in the trailer, or well, a variation of it. “This isn’t about fighting wars, it’s about ending them”. I’m not gonna lie, that phrase in the trailer was what sold me the movie at the end. I loved it, was a little bit mad that Carol didn't say it at all. 

Did the kree soldiers/government lie to everyone about the war against the skrull or did they only lie to Carol?

So, the skrulls also have super strength, or they are at least stronger than humans. Good to know. 

I like that they show that Coulson not shooting either of them or handing them in is technically the reason as to why Fury trusts him so much. 

Carol had muscle memory to fly the ships or are they similar to the kree ships?

Note to self: I need a cat, but my parents won’t let my siblings and me adopt one, what do I do?

I like Carol and Fury’s friendship, I think it kind of represents a normal new friendship where you feel so comfortable you’re able to joke around almost without hesitation.

I don’t understand the task of the Accusers. Are they all supposed to destroy planets or is that just Ronan and his team?

Monica Rambeau is an angel and whoever says anything different can fight me. 

I think it’s really sad that after 6 years Monica still thought Carol was alive. It just means she was stuck in the denial part of the grieving, and that’s not mentally healthy, especially, I think, for a child. 

Maria Rambeau owns my ass, end of the statement. 

I get their hesitation to believe Carol’s story, I also wouldn’t believe her if she came to me telling me some crazy bullshit like that. Thank God she had her powers to prove it. 

This is my reaction everytime I see Carol’s powers. 

I really feel so sad with Monica and Maria’s situation. To lose a member of your family is already painful enough, to not have been given closure, well, I don’t think I can describe that pain.

I love how both Carol and Maria fall back into their usual banter almost without noticing. That just shows pure friendship to me. 

I can’t even begin to imagine the pain Maria is going through, having her best friend, her sister, in front of her, knowing she doesn’t have at least one of the memories they did together. Seeing the friend she thought had been dead for 6 years, and knowing that she’s a completely different person. That’s it, at the moment Carol was Vers, not Carol Danvers. 

And Carol, poor soul. She has known only kree, and the war against skrulls for 6 years, being taught that her past and her emotions are not important compared to this war, and now she’s learning she had an entire life, friends and family, that she left behind. She’s learning that they haven’t lost hope, and she can’t remember shit. Tell me you don’t feel pain knowing this, cause I do. 

Imma leave it here, I’ll continue tomorrow. I hope you enjoy this and, if you don't like Carol, I hope I’ll change your mind at least a bit. See y’all tomorrow.

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: Pokemon Johto Journeys, Episodes 19-21

In which we get a lot of little diversions that all leave a big impact.

Ash Has Two Shoulders

If you were to ask me, the Pokemon anime is at its best when it’s showing me things I haven’t seen before. Sure, it’s a long, sidetracky adventure that takes forever to have any sort of story progression, but as long as those sidetracks are constantly exploring new concepts within the world of Pokemon, I consider it a fair investment. This universe is so vast and full of possibility that there’s joy to be found in simply experiencing all its countless idiosyncratic touches. This chunk of episodes is a prime showcase of that potential. Nothing happens here in terms of big plot or character stuff, but there are so many fun little moments and details along the way that I haven’t seen from Pokemon before, so it still feels like this adventure is taking me to new and exciting places. I’m always a slut for sequences where only Pokemon are on screen telling a story just through strong character acting, so the whole subplot about Chikorita storming off in a huff and accidentally earning the undying loyalty of a gang of street-tough Fighting types was pure gold. Just the image of these big, burly Machokes and Primapes bowing to such an adorable little leaf critter was worth building an episode around all on its own. And then those Fighting types get to kick Team Rocket’s ass just minutes later, as if the whole situation wasn’t hilarious enough. Honestly, this show is shockingly good at taking these kinds of scenarios and running all the way with them. That’s the mark of some damn good episodic storytelling.

And the hits just keep coming across these episodes. We got Nurse Joy in glasses! Ash gets to be a badass and knock Team Rocket’s trash robot out of commission all by himself! We get this neat concept of using Hoppip to help read the weather, and this adorable Oddish who wants to be a Hoppip gets a whole mini character arc about learning to accept his own unique strengths! Plus, cool bits of characterization like the Oddish using his grass hair as an extra limb to hold his friends in place and climb over fences! Team Rocket getting even more hilariously meta than usual (“Just once, I’d like to make a dramatic exit that didn’t involve a life-threatening explosion.”)! Hell, the Chikorita episode is kinda sorta a kid-friendly introduction to the concept of couples’ therapy and talking to medical professionals to help sort out your emotional problems, and it ends on this really cute moment where Ash re-affirms Chikorita’s place on the team by offering her a place on his shoulder alongside Pikachu to show her how much he cares, and seriously how does this show consistently write a more compelling quasi-harem with fuzzy animals than most actual harems write with flesh-and-blood people? The fact that Pokemon is still able to surprise me this many episodes in, that it’s still able to show me things I haven’t seen before, is honestly kind of remarkable. No wonder this franchise ended up taking over the world.

Best of Team Rocket

-”It would be like winning the instant lottery, only for noodles!”

-”This one just doesn’t want to win badly enough! You can tell by the look in its eye.” Huh, maybe James should be a Pokemon breeder.

-”That button just ran into my paw!”

-Oh my god they seriously just wanted the noodles lkhjakashakjsdha

-”Don’t turn the other cheek, Arbok!”

-”Toodles, noodles!”

-”Thank you, I’ve been working on my evil inflections lately.”

-”Unfortunately, the two of us are at a lower altitude.”

-”That... actually makes a lot of sense. You traitor!” sdkfjhsdfk help

-”But what happens when the breeze dies down and drops the Hoppip ten miles from their destination?” Okay, something about the way James’ VA performs this line made it ten times funnier.

-”We’d never do anything honest!” “We could still cheat on our taxes, couldn’t we?”

-”Maybe if we changed the “blasting off” part of the motto, we wouldn’t blast off so much.”

-”We seem to be flying more than the Hoppip recently.” I know, it’s like you’re trying to set a new record for most blast-offs in a single episode.

Odds and Ends

-”I usually have a very dry sense of humor, but not today!” Lol, nice save.

-”Looks tiring.” Booooooooo. Booooooooooooooooo.

-We’ve been getting an unusually large number of “Team Rocket helps our heroes” episodes lately. Not that I’m complaining, of course.

-”I bet he’s using steroids on that Sunflora!” ...you know what, I don’t even wanna ask how that would work.

-Ah, I knew that Snubbul was coming back. Poor rich lady, she must be so worried.

-Man, Solarbeam is such a cool attack.

-Okay, framing that battle through steel pipes was a nice touch.

-Lol, I’ve never seen anyone leave a Pokemon match because their mom called them to dinner before.

-I am growing increasingly concerned with Professor Oak’s relationship to Ash’s Muk. What unsavory things do they do when the cameras are off? Inquiring minds want to know!

-”There’s a new Pokemon called Therapy?” pfft

-”One mental case at a time, please.” ffs Misty you can’t just murder a man like that

-”Good thing I didn’t lose my head chasing you, or you wouldn’t have had a place to land on.” Alright, she’s cute.

-”It’ll take more than you windbags to blow them away!” “Well, then, prepare to meet our biggest fan!” Man, I love when the dubbers have fun with the script.

-Jesus, I wasn’t expecting an actual tornado. This session is nuts, dude.

And on we merrily go. See you next time!

[voituresetmotos]

Badass Mercedes Unimog Trucks établit un nouveau record mondial d'altitude pour les véhicules à roues

Jason Torchinsky Hier 15h00 • p Truck Oui 29,0K 172 1 p Les camions sont bons! Précédent Suivant Tout afficher De manière générale, nous pensons à l'altitude surtout en ce qui concerne les avions. Pour nos véhicules à roues, ils ont tendance à être assez bien attachés au sol par gravité, cette même force magique qui maintient également le plafond de votre salle de bain relativement exempt de taches d'urine. Les véhicules à roues peuvent atteindre des niveaux d'altitude proches de ceux d'un avion, s'ils trouvent le sol suffisamment haut. Et c'est exactement ce qu'a fait un camion Mercedes-Benz Unimog U 5023, à près de 21 962 pieds au-dessus du niveau de la mer. Photo: Mercedes-Benz Au cas où vous ne seriez pas familier avec les Unimogs, il s'agit de la gamme Mercedes-Benz de camions robustes et polyvalents avec châssis à échelle flexible et essieux à portique qu'ils fabriquent depuis 1948. Le drôle, légèrement Le nom à consonance étrangère est en fait un acronyme pour UNIversal-MOtor-Gerät qui, en quelque sorte hilarant, se traduit simplement par Universal Motorized Machine, qui est un nom glorieusement vague pour, eh bien, toute machine motorisée. Deux de ces Unimogs étaient utilisés sur le plus haut volcan du monde, les Ojos de Salado au Chili pour installer des radios d'urgence dans des camps à haute altitude sur le volcan. Ces unités permettraient des connexions radio entre elles et trois autres camps de base, ce qui contribuerait à renforcer la sécurité des chercheurs scientifiques et des alpinistes. Les deux Unimogs ont emmené l'équipe d'expédition sur le terrain accidenté et rocailleux de la montagne jusqu'au camp d'altitude d'Amistad, situé à 6100 mètres / 20013 pieds au-dessus du niveau de la mer pour installer la dernière unité radio, puis ils ont décidé, puisqu'ils étaient déjà si proches, pour établir le nouveau record du monde de conduite en altitude pour un véhicule à roues, et a envoyé l'un des Unimogs jusqu'à 6 694 mètres / 21 962 pieds. Cependant, les camions n'étaient pas entièrement en stock. Selon le communiqué de presse de Mercedes-Benz, «L'expédition a été soutenue par Mercedes-Benz Special Trucks qui a fourni deux véhicules tout-terrain Unimog U 5023 de dernière génération pour transporter l'équipe d'expédition et tout le matériel nécessaire à ces altitudes extrêmes. Pour s'assurer que les véhicules étaient prêts à relever les défis de ces altitudes extrêmes, les deux camions Unimog étaient équipés de pneus spéciaux, de treuils solides et de carrosseries spéciales à équilibrage de centre de gravité variable mis au point par les spécialistes du musée Unimog, le carrossier Unimog AS Söder et par des ingénieurs de l'équipe de développement Unimog. » Ce système de centre de gravité variable semble intéressant; peut-être utilise-t-il une sorte de système de poids coulissant? Je vais devoir examiner cela, car cela semble très cool. Photo: Mercedes-Benz Donc, juste au cas où l'un d'entre vous envisagerait de battre le record d'altitude des véhicules à roues, vous devrez probablement opter pour le plan B, qui implique un hélicoptère transportant une petite piste ronde pour vous permettre de continuer. Juste, tu sais, fais attention. Jason Torchinsky Messages Courriel Twitter Éditeur principal, Jalopnik • En cours d'exécution: 1973 VW Beetle, 2006 Scion xB, 1990 Nissan Pao, 1991 Yugo GV Plus • Pas si courant: 1973 Reliant Scimitar, 1977 Dodge Tioga RV (aussi, achetez mon livre! ) Partagez cette histoire h4 Abonnez-vous Plus de Jalopnik La vitesse maximale d'un équipement 'Super Crawler' de Mercedes Unimog donne même un look paresseux rapide Je veux cet Unimog et vous serez trop premier Mercedes Unimog de nouvelle génération semble prêt à décoller d'un vaisseau spatial Partager Tweet

[jenthebug]

AvenJuly Big Ass Vacation Week Catch Up!

7/11 Workout:  None. Altitude sickness.

Briefing Wasp is well-known for her fashion designs. Tell me about your ideal superhero costume!

Comfy, baggy, and well-covered.  Seriously, I’d look different from any other superhero.  I’d wear baggy pants, running shoes, and a hoodie with my super logo on it.  The hood would be up and I’d wear sunglasses to protect my identity.  “I’m here to WORK, citizens, not here to werk it.”

7/12 Workout:  10k+ steps. Altitude sickness.

Briefing Greer struggled with the anxiety of not being worthy enough of keeping up with the bigwigs of the Avengers on the East Coast (though she was quite capable of holding her own). What’s your method for telling yourself “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dammit people like me!”?

There are two things I tell myself.  One is, “All I can do is my best.”  It’s both a reminder to do my best, and a reminder that I literally cannot do more.  The other is, “I am supposed to be here.”  This one is helpful at work (because the boss knows my background and skills; she learned about them during the interview and asked me to do the job).  It’s also helpful at home.  J knew exactly what he was getting into with me, and he genuinely wants me around! 

7/13 Workout:  10k+ steps. Altitude sickness.

Briefing She-Hulk is a badass lawyer, representing all kinds of cases of Superhuman law. What’s your soapbox? What are you an advocate for? Passionate about enough to go to court over?

FEMINISM.  People of all genders deserve to feel safe, free from threats of sexual assault or domestic abuse.  We all deserve to be taken seriously, no matter what we’re wearing or which emotions we show.  We all deserve bodily autonomy, from the bedroom to the doctor’s office and everywhere in between.

7/14 Workout:  1 hour yard work.

Briefing Okay, this one’s not really reflective at all, just fun. Clearly you can see that today’s more of a fun day. Namor was my first comic-book-crush. Who was your first love of the Marvel Universe (doesn’t have to be an Avenger), and why/how did they entice you to love superheroes?

I was first introduced to the Marvel Universe when I watched the 2014 Avengers movie.  I mean, I had vague ideas of who the superheroes were, but that’s about it.  Anyway.  I started watching, saw Loki, and thought he really needs his ass kicked.  And then I saw this:

YAAASS HULK YAAASS

I also liked Captain America and Thor, but really, Hulk breaking the pavement with Loki was what made me realize that superheroes are awesome.

Stay tuned for a 7/15 workout and check in! ^_^

[beardedchrisevans]

CHRIS EVANS IS READY TO FIGHT His success as captain america has made Chris Evans one of Hollywood's sure things, which means he can do whatever he wants with his free time. So why jump out of airplanes and get into it with David Duke?

The Canadian commandos are the first to jump. Our plane reaches an altitude of about eight thousand feet; the back door opens. Although it's a warm winter day below in rural southern California, up here, not so much. In whooshes freezing air and the cold reality that this is actually happening. Out drop the eight commandos, all in black-and-red camouflage, one after the other. For them it's a training exercise, and Jesus, these crazy bastards are stoked. The last Canuck to exit into the nothingness is a freakishly tall stud with a crew cut and a handlebar mustache; just before he leaps, he flashes a smile our way. Yeah, yeah, we get it: You're a badass.

Moments later, the plane's at ten thousand feet, and the next to go are a Middle Eastern couple in their late thirties. These two can't wait. They are ecstatic. Skydiving is clearly a thing for them. Why? I can't help thinking. Is it like foreplay? Do they rush off to the car after landing and get it on in the parking lot? They give us the thumbs-up and they're gone.

Just like that, we're at 12,500 feet and it's our turn. Me and Chris Evans, recognized throughout the universe as the star of the Marvel-comic-book-inspired Captain America and Avengers movies. The five films in the series, which began in 2011 with Captain America: The First Avenger, have grossed more than $4 billion.

The two of us, plus four crew members, are the only ones left in the back of the plane. Over the loud drone of the twin propellers, one of the crew members shouts, "Okay, who's going first?"

Evans and I are seated on benches opposite each other. Neither of us answers. I look at him; he looks at me. I feel like I've swallowed a live rat. Evans is over there, all Captain America cool, smiling away.

While we were waiting to board the plane, Evans told me that as he lay in bed the night before, "I started exploring the sensation of 'What if the chute doesn't open?'. . ."

Oh, did you now?

". . .Those last minutes where you know." As in you know you're going to fatally splat. "You're not gonna pass out; you're gonna be wide awake. So what? Do I close my eyes? Hopefully, it would be quick. Lights out. I fucking hope it would be quick. And then I was like, if you're gonna do it, let's just pretend there is no way this is going to go wrong. Just really embrace it and jump out of that plane with gusto." Evans also shared that he'd looked up the rate of skydiving fatalities. "It's, like, 0.006 fatalities per one thousand jumps. So I figure our odds are pretty good."

Again the crew member shouts, "Who's going first?"

Again I look at Evans; again he looks at me. The rat is running circles in my belly.

I look at Evans; he looks at me.

Another crew member asks, "So whose idea was this, anyway?"

That's an excellent question.

I ask Evans the same thing when we first meet, the evening before our jump, at his house. He lives atop the Hollywood Hills, in a modern-contemporary ranch in the center of a Japanese-style garden. The place has the vibe of an L.A. meditation retreat—there's even a little Buddha statue on the front step.

The dude who opens the front door is in jeans, a T-shirt, and Nikes; he has on a black ball cap with the NASA logo, and his beard is substantial enough that for a second it's hard to be sure this is the same guy who plays the baby-faced superhero. Our handshake in the doorway is interrupted when his dog rockets toward my crotch. Evans is sorry about that.

We do the small-talk thing. Evans is from a suburb of Boston, one of four kids raised by Dad, a dentist, and Mom, who ran a community theater. The point is, he's a Patriots fan, and with Super Bowl LI, between the Pats and the Falcons, just a few days away at the time, it's about the only thing on his mind. You bet your Sam Adams–guzzling ass he's going to the game in Houston. "Oh my God," he says, doing a little dance. "I can't believe it's this weekend."

Like any self-respecting Pats fan, Evans is super-wicked pissed at NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.

Evans won't be rolling to SB LI with a posse of Beantown-to-Hollywood A-listers like Mark Wahlberg, Matt Damon, and Ben Affleck. For the record, he's never met Damon, and his only interaction with Wahlberg was a couple years ago at a Patriots event. Evans has, however, humiliated himself in front of Affleck.

Around 2006, Evans met with Affleck to talk about Gone Baby Gone, which Affleck was directing. Evans was walking down a hallway, looking for the room where they were supposed to meet. Walking by an open office, he heard Affleck, in that thick Boston accent of his, shout, "There he is!" (Evans does a perfect Affleck impersonation.)

By then, Evans had hit the big time for his turn as the Human Torch, Johnny Storm, in 2005's Fantastic Four, but he still got starstruck. As he tells it, "First thing I say to him: 'Am I going to be okay where I parked?' He was like, 'Where did you park?' I said, 'At a meter.' And he was like, 'Did you put money in the meter?' And I said, 'Yep.' And he says, 'Well, I think you'll be okay.' I was like, this is off to a great fucking start." Stating the obvious here: Evans did not get the part.

No, Evans will be heading to the Super Bowl with his brother and three of his closest buddies. Like any self-respecting Pats fan, Evans is super-wicked pissed at NFL commissioner Roger Goodell for imposing that suspension on Tom Brady for Deflategate. Grabbing two beers from a fridge that's otherwise basically empty, Evans says, "I just want to see Goodell hand the trophy to Brady. Goodell. Piece of shit."

In Evans's living room, there's not a single hint of his Captain Americaness. Earth tones, tables that appear to be made of reclaimed wood. Open. Uncluttered. Glass doors open onto a backyard with a stunning view of the Hills. Evans stretches out on one of two couches. I take the other and ask, "Just whose idea was it to jump?" Since we both know whose idea it wasn't, we both know that what I'm really asking is Why? Why, dude, do you want to jump (with me) from a goddamn airplane? "Yeah," he says, popping open his beer, "I don't know what I was thinking."

Settling in on the couch, he groans. Evans explains that he's hurting all over because he just started his workout routine the day before to get in shape for the next two Captain America films. The movies will be shot back to back beginning in April. After that, no more red- white-and-blue costume for the thirty-five-year-old. He will have fulfilled his contract.

"Yeah," he says, popping open his beer, "I don't know what I was thinking."

Back in 2010, Marvel presented Evans with a nine-picture deal. He insisted he'd sign on for no more than six. Some family members thought he was nuts to dial back such a secure and lucrative gig. Evans saw it differently.

It takes five months to shoot a Marvel movie, and when you tack on the promotional obligations for each one, well, shit, man. Evans knew that for as long as he was bound to Captain America, he would have little time to take on other projects. He wanted to direct, he wanted to play other characters—roles that were more human—like the lead in Gifted, which will hit theaters this month. The script had brought him to tears. Evans managed to squeeze the movie in between Captain America and Avengers films.

In Gifted, Evans stars as Frank Adler. You don't get much more human than Adler, a grease-under-his-nails boat-engine mechanic living the bachelor life in Florida. After a series of tragic circumstances, Adler becomes a surrogate father to his niece, Mary, a first-grader with the IQ of Einstein. He recognizes that Mary is a little genius, and he does his best to prevent anyone else from noticing. Given the aforementioned circumstances, Adler has witnessed what can happen when a kid with a brilliant mind is pushed too hard too quickly. Then along comes Mary's teacher. She discovers the child's gift, and a Kramer vs. Kramer–esque drama ensues.

During a moment in the film when things aren't going Adler's way, he sarcastically refers to himself as a "fucking hero." Evans says the line didn't lead him to make comparisons between superhero Steve Rogers (aka Captain America) and Everyman hero Frank Adler. But now that you mention it . . . 

"With Steve Rogers," Evans says, "even though you're on a giant movie with a huge budget and strange costumes, you're still on a hunt for the truth of the character." That said, "with Adler, it's nice to play someone relatable. I think Julianne Moore said, 'The audience doesn't come to see you; they come to see themselves.' Adler is someone you can hold up as a mirror for someone in the audience. They'll be able to far more easily identify with Frank Adler than Steve Rogers."

Dodger. That's the name of Evans's dog, the one who headbutted my nuts and has since done a marvelous job of making amends by nuzzling against me on the couch. Evans got him while he was filming Gifted; one of the last scenes was shot in an animal shelter in Georgia. Evans had wanted a dog ever since his last pooch died in 2012. Then he found himself walking the aisles of this pound, and there was this mixed-breed boxer, wagging his tail and looking like he belonged with Evans.

Dodger is not exactly a name you'd think a die-hard Boston sports fan would pick. His boys from back home have given him a ton of shit over it. But he has not abandoned his Red Sox for the L.A. team. As a kid, he loved the Disney animated movie Oliver & Company, and his favorite character was Dodger. Anticipating the grief he was going to get from his pals, Evans considered other names. "You could name your dog Doorknob," he says, "and in a month he's fucking Doorknob." Evans's mom convinced him to go with his gut.

Right around when Evans was wrapping Gifted and heading back to L.A. with Dodger, the 2016 presidential campaign was still in that phase when no one, including the actor—a Hillary Clinton supporter—thought Trump had a shot. He still can't believe Trump won.

"I feel rage," he says. "I feel fury. It's unbelievable. People were just so desperate to hear someone say that someone is to blame. They were just so happy to hear that someone was angry. Hear someone say that Washington sucks. They just want something new without actually understanding. I mean, guys like Steve Bannon—Steve Bannon!—this man has no place in politics."

Evans has made, and continues to make, his political views known on Twitter. He tweeted that Trump ought to "stop energizing lies," and he recently ended up in a heated Twitter debate with former KKK leader David Duke over Trump's pick of Jeff Sessions for attorney general. Duke baselessly accused Evans of being anti-Semitic; Evans encouraged Duke to try love: "It's stronger than hate. It unites us. I promise it's in you under the anger and fear." Making political statements and engaging in such public exchanges is a rather risky thing for the star of Captain America to do. Yes, advisors have said as much to him. "Look, I'm in a business where you've got to sell tickets," he says. "But, my God, I would not be able to look at myself in the mirror if I felt strongly about something and didn't speak up. I think it's about how you speak up. We're allowed to disagree. If I state my case and people don't want to go see my movies as a result, I'm okay with that."

Trump. Bannon. Politics. Now Evans is animated. He gets off the couch, walks out onto his porch, and lights a cigarette. "Some people say, 'Don't you see what's happening? It's time to yell,' " Evans says. "Yeah, I see it, and it's time for calm. Because not everyone who voted for Trump is going to be some horrible bigot. There are a lot of people in that middle; those are the people you can't lose your credibility with. If you're trying to change minds, by spewing too much rhetoric you can easily become white noise."

Evans has a pretty remarkable "How I got to Hollywood" story.

During his junior year of high school, he knew he wanted to act. He was doing it a lot. In school. At his mom's theater. He loved it. "When you're doing a play at thirteen years old and have opening night? None of my friends had opening nights. 'I can't have a sleepover, guys; I have an opening night tonight.' "

That same year, he did a two-man play. For all of the twenty-plus plays Evans had done up to that point, preparation meant going home, memorizing lines, and doing a few run-throughs with the cast. However, for this play, Fallen Star, he and his costar would rehearse by running dialogue with each other. Hour upon hour, night after night.

Fallen Star is about two friends, one of whom has just died. As the play opens, one of the characters comes home after the funeral to find his dead friend's ghost. Evans was the ghost. Waiting backstage on opening night, he knew he didn't have every line memorized, but he had the essence and emotion of the play down. Onstage, he remembers, "I was saying the lines not because they were memorized but because the play was in me. I was believing what I was saying."

He was hooked. He wanted to do more of this kind of acting—real acting. He wanted to do films, in which the camera was right on him and he could just be the character, rather than theater, in which an actor must perform to the back of the room.

A family friend who was a television actor advised Evans that if he wanted to go to Hollywood, he needed an agent. Toward the end of his junior year, he had a ballsy request for his parents: If he found an internship with a casting agent in New York City, would they allow him to live there and cover the rent? They agreed. Evans landed a gig with Bonnie Finnegan, who was then working on the television show Spin City.

"I just fucked off. I lost my virginity that year. 1999 was one of the best years of my life." Until it wasn't.

Evans chose to intern with a casting agent because he figured he had more of a chance to interact with other agents trying to get auditions for their clients.

The kid was sixteen years old.

Finnegan put Evans on the phone; his responsibilities included setting up appointments for auditions. By the end of the summer, he picked the three agents he had the best rapport with and asked each of them to give him a five-minute audition. All three said yes. After seeing his audition, all three were interested.

Evans went with the one Finnegan recommended, Bret Adams, who told Evans to return to New York for auditions in January, television pilot season. Back home, Evans doubled up on a few classes the first semester of his senior year, graduated early, and went back to New York in January. He got the same shithole apartment in Brooklyn and the same internship with Finnegan. He landed a part on the pilot Opposite Sex. Even better, the show got picked up and would start shooting in L.A. that fall.

"I know I'm going to L.A. in August," Evans says, recalling that period. "So I go home and that spring I would wake up around noon, saunter into high school just to see my buddies, and we'd go get high in the parking lot. I just fucked off. I lost my virginity that year. 1999 was one of the best years of my life." Until it wasn't.

He wasn't in L.A. for even a month when he got a call from home. His parents were divorcing. Evans never saw it coming.

Family and love and the struggles therein are part of what attracted Evans to Gifted.

"In my own life, I have a deep connection with my family and the value of those bonds," he says. "I've always loved stories about people who put their families before themselves. It's such a noble endeavor. You can't choose your family, as opposed to friends. Especially in L.A. You really get to see how friendships are put to the test; it stirs everyone's egos. But if something goes south with a friend, you have the option to say we're not friends anymore. Your family—that's your family. Trying to make that system work and trying to make it not just functional but actually enjoyable is a really challenging endeavor, and that's certainly how it is with my family."

In the plane, a decision is made.

"I want to see you jump first," Evans shouts my way.

Of course he does.

Like any respectable and legal skydiving center, Skydive Perris, which is providing us with this "experience," doesn't just strap a chute on your back. First, you go to a room for a period of instruction. Then you go to another room, where you sign away your rights.

You may be wondering how the star of a billion-dollar franchise with two pictures to shoot gets clearance to jump from an airplane—never mind the low rate of fatalities, as Evans has presented it. So am I.

"Well, they give you all these crazy insurance policies, but even if I die, what are they going to do? Sue my family? They'd probably cast some new guy at a cheaper price and save some money."

Thinking the answer is almost certainly going to be no, I ask Evans if he's ever gone skydiving before. Turns out he has, with an ex-girlfriend. Turns out that ex-girlfriend is now married to Justin Timberlake. Evans and Jessica Biel dated off and on from 2001 to 2006. They took the leap together when Biel hatched the idea for one Valentine's Day. According to media accounts, Evans was recently dating his Gifted costar Jenny Slate, who plays the teacher. "Yeah," he says, "but I'm steering clear of those questions." You can almost feel his heart pinch.

"There's a certain shared life experience that is tough for someone else who's not in this industry to kind of wrap their head around."

We end up broadly discussing the unique challenges an international star like Evans faces when it comes to dating, specifically the trust factor. Evans supposes that's why so many actors date other actors: "There's a certain shared life experience that is tough for someone else who's not in this industry to kind of wrap their head around," he says. "Letting someone go to work with someone for three months and they won't see them. It really, it certainly puts the relationship to the test."

In Gifted, there's a moment when Slate's character asks Adler what his greatest fear is. Frank Adler's greatest fear is that he'll ruin his niece's life. Evans's greatest fear is having regrets.

"Like always kind of wanting to be there as opposed to here. I think I'm worried all of a sudden I'll get old and have regrets, realize that I've not cultivated enough of an appreciation for the now and surrendering to the present moment."

Evans's musings have something to do with the fact that he has been reading The Surrender Experiment. "It's about the basic notion that we are only in a good mood when things are going our way," he says. "The truth is, life is going to unfold as it's going to unfold regardless of your input. If you are an active participant in that awareness, life kind of washes over you, good or bad. You kind of become Teflon a little bit to the struggles that we self-inflict."

He continues: "Our conscious minds are very spread out. We worry about the past. We worry about the future. We label. And all of that stuff just makes us very separate. What I'm trying to do is just quiet it down. Put that brain down from time to time and hope those periods of quiet and stillness get longer. When you do that, what rises from the mist is a kind of surrendering. You're more connected as opposed to being separate. A lot of the questions about destiny or fate or purpose or any of that stuff—it's not like you get answers. You just realize you didn't need the questions."

This here—this stuff about surrendering, letting life unfold, taking the leap—this is why he wanted to go skydiving. It's why that sixteen-year-old took the leap and did the summer in New York; it's why he took the leap and turned down the nine-picture deal; it's why he got Dodger. Surrender. Take the leap.

And so I go first.

Oh, one important detail: Novice jumpers like Evans and me, we don't jump solo. Thank God. Each of us is doing a tandem jump. Each of us is strapped with our back to a professional jumper's front. I'm strapped to a forty-four-year-old dude named Paul. Considering what's about to happen, I figure I should know a little something about Paul. He tells me he used to own a bar in Chicago. Evans is strapped to a young woman named Sam, who looks to be twenty-something. She's got a purplish-pink streak in her black hair and says things like "badass." In fact, Sam introduced herself  by saying, "I'm Sam, but you can call me Badass."

At the plane's open door, my mind goes to my wife and two teenage sons, to those I love, and to the texts I just sent in case my chute fails. Then Paul and I—well, really mostly Paul—rock gently back and forth to build momentum to push away from the plane, to push away from all that seems sane.

Three.

Two.

One.

Holy fuck.

HOLY FUCK. This is what I scream as we free-fall from 12,500 feet, at more than a hundred miles an hour, toward the earth. Which I cannot take my eyes off of. I think about nothing. Not living. Not dying. Nothing. I simply feel . . . I have let go.

Suddenly, it all stops. I'm jerked up. Paul has pulled the chute, and it does indeed open. This is fantastic, because it means we have a much better chance of not dying. But it's also kind of a bummer. I had let go. Of everything. I had chosen to play those odds Evans had talked about. I had embraced jumping and letting life unfold.

Now I had been jerked back. I would land. Back on the earth I had been so high above and from which I had been so far removed. Back in all of it.

Once I'm on the ground, safe and in one piece, a staffer runs over and asks how I feel. I say, "I feel like Captain America."

The staffer runs over and asks Evans the same question. He says he feels great. Then he's asked another question: What was your favorite part?

"Jumping out," he says. "Jumping out is always a real thrill."

This article appears in the April '17 issue of Esquire.

[tumblunni]

Another random story idea i dreamed last nightd

For once i actually got some details on the protagonist, she was a lady named Ramona who had a wheelchair and worked as a scientist in a sci fi alien future!

The plot was that her spaceship had crashed on the planet she was being escorted to, and all the soldiers and pilot died in the crash so she was left trapped in the wreckage of the ship with limited supplies and trying to stretch them long enough to reach a deadline when the rescue ship would reach her. It was framed as if i was playing a survival type game? But she wasnt able to do all the typical physical fighting and couldnt explore any areas she couldnt get her wheelchair past. She was kinda trapped in a small valley or something? So she had to befriend the local monsters and use their help to gradually expand the amount of areas she could reach. So like her ability of compassion and intellugence helped her survive where all the more traditional buff and gruff space pirate guys had failed.

Oh and there was a really sweet relationship with the first monster she met! I think this dream was inspired by the baby metroid which is why i reblogged a bunch of fanart for it earlier, haha! Ramona found a small psychic levitating jellyfish thingie that was just a bebby and she nursed it back to health. I think it got injured during the spaceship crash and its mother was killed in the wreckage? So she buried the momma monster along with the crew members who passed away, and taking care of this lil monster helped give her the strength to keep on living and believe she could make it home.

The lil larva looked kinda like a Sea Pig worm? Except it had big chompy teeth instead of a tentacle face, and lil dot eyes super far apart with a real goofy sense of personality to them. And it would fly around backwards like a nautilus and bump into stuff! Ramona treated the lil bean's wounds and fed it the last of her food supplies with a lil spoon and it was SO FUCKIN CUTE!! And the poor thing started off scared of her and she was so scared it was gonna die, cos it kept struggling in panic to find its mommy and almost ripping open its wounds. But gradually they reached a level of trust, and it would snuggle up in her arms and do a weird alien equivelant of purring. :3

And then i think this alien species was like the dominant predator of this particular biome of the planet? So usually they would have been the biggest threat to any human astronauts, but because Ramona befriended one of them she had a big advantage towards surviving! Lil bean helped her fight the other monsters and cut down trees to build a shelter and stuff cos it was like Unreasonably Strong for such a smol thing! And its dominant predator status helped it intimidate the other monsters and domesticate them as pets. Like the squishbeanfriend was closer to human sentience and more able to fully bond with our protagonist since it was raised by her from childhood, but all the other monsters would just be temporary allies that stayed wild. It was like you'd gradually remove random encounters in an area and turn them into helpful shortcuts or pseudo-shops. Like a wolfish lizard thing that brings you 1-3 random pieces of free meat each day as deference to your alpha status. And different monsters would like different meat, so if you lucked out you could get a rare type early and befriend a super strong ally in the next area! Or a lil scuttly tree crab thing that gathers shiny things like a magpieb and would run a more normal shop where you can trade useless shinys for shinys that are equally useless to the crab but very useful to humans. Like parts from previous crashed ships to try and fix yours!

And then i think the relationship between ramona and lil bean would become more like a mom and child? The dream didnt have a very consistant progression but at some point the baby monster was bigger and it was able to say some basic human words. And ramona read her storybooks, and also i think the monster was a girl? And ramona helped sew little monster-shaped dresses so she could see what human girls wear on her mommy's weird far away planet~

Oh and i think the adult version of this species was kinda like butterflies and squids combined? Like the Jelleye monster in final fantasy! Instead of a big squishy orb that floats around it would spin a cocoon and come out as a more thin and ethereal squid. It was like several layers of thin lacelike wings? Like not actually wing shaped but more like the ruffled skirts on Brionne from pokemon? Like a biological equivelant of something that looks like human clothes. The 'skirts' were made of similar material to butterfly wings, a thin plasticky film made of microscopic scales. It had multiple layers of that which could flare out like a peacock's tail to look all Big and scare predators! And there was a big eye and lil turtlelike beak on the top of the floof skirts, like where the top of the head would be on an octopus? So it always flew about sideways compared to an octopus but it was frontways for it. And also the mouth in the opposite place compared to squids who have them in the middle of their tentacles and basically in their butt crack. (While their butt crack is somewhere else..)

ANYWAY its hard to explain so i'll probably try and draw this smoofle cutie at some point! But you saw a bunch of the adult form flying around in flocks through the sky and lil bean would someday transform too and be able to fly high enough to reach them. But even though Ramona tried to get her lil teenage pupa daughter to agree to going back to her natural habitat, she refused and wanted to stay with her human adoptive mama. And it was sweet but also bittersweet because Ramona had to worry about whether her daughter would have been happy living a normal life for her species, and whether she'd made it impossible for her to reintegrate into her society because she'd been tainted by human ways of thinking. But lil bean daughter was like "no u literally saved my life i would have been dead without you, i didnt have a chance of a 'normal life' either way and i'd rather have an 'abnormal' mom than no mom at all!"

But also Ramona's worries were unfounded and daughter squiddo was indeed able to learn to communicate with her own kind, and instead became able to act as an ambassador between the two species! When the humans came to rescue Ramona they were able to meet with the squidfolk and undertake peaceful negotiations to reach a compromise between the species and start free cultural exchange instead of mining the planet for resources. Like they had no clue that these aliens were sapient and they could act as the benevolebnt Greys who could introduce their society to the concept of space travel and help them progress technologically.

And like within Ramona's lifetime she got to see this planet develop so much all because of her bad/good luck to just happen to crash there that day! And i think she went on to continue being an awesome space adventurer and travel the cosmos trying to do the same for other planets. She got a super awesome hi tech wheelchair mini spaceship thing that was equipped with mining excavation lazers and underwater mode and all sorts of stuff! And her lil super badass squid daughter came with her and they were a badass family astronaut team for the rest of their days! Like the dream even made sure to clarify that something or other about being stuck on the planet with a busted respirator made Ramona like.. Healthier? It explained it as 'gut flora bacteria' which somehow gave humans an equally long lifespan to the squid creatures, so bean daughter wouldnt have to watch her mom die. But also somehow it only worked for people in wheelchairs because.. Bloodflow?? Like i think i was remembering this story about how a man who lost his legs in a pilot accident was actually even more badass afterwards, cos his tolerance for high altitude flights was increased now he had less body mass to circulate the blood around. But somehow my brain turned that into immortality yogurt, i guess. Anyway the point is that Ramona was super extra double badass because something something the sci fi technology worked uniquely for disabled people. So she was a famous adventurer who could do high danger stuff that other people couldn't! And she used this power to become the ultimate peacemaker and bring more planets into the universal alliance, instead of taking all the mercenary jobs to rob these develiping civilizations of their land and resources.

Damn this was a really damn positive and motivational dream!! i want badass advebture mom and squidbean ambassador daughter to save the world irl! I bet they could kick trump's ass and overhaul the economy into a new era of prosperity and also friendly squids!

[outsidespaceblog]

Everest, A Tale of Woe | Hiking in the Himalayas, Nepal (Part 2)

By Louise Coghill

Most mountaineers consider ‘how’ you got to the summit, more important than actually getting there. Or so Jon Krakaur told me in his Everest disaster book ‘Into Thin Air’.

The key is to hike the mountain in a new way, whether it’s faster, more difficult or without oxygen. You have to always be pushing yourself and going beyond your peers.

In Nepal, everyone you meet is heading up that mountain, you meet people who have made it to the summit more than once. I was only climbing to base camp and reaching 5600m. I had to do something to make it more interesting.

Hiking with a chest infection seemed like the only logical option.

The Ordeal of Everest with a chest infection.

A tale of woe by Louise M. Coghill.

I hadn’t slept properly in days. The heat and noise of Kathmandu had kept me wide awake. The nerves and excitement of solo trekking pumped me with energy when I should have been resting (something my immune system will soon come to regret). That and the fact my bed was a favourite of the hostel cat Winnie who enjoyed jumping on my pillow and giving me a fright.

I boarded the flight to Lukla. (2800m high) The beginning of my adventure. A tiny plane, in true Nepali style, with random boxes cluttering the first few seats and the aisle. Cotton wool was handed out to protect our ears from the engines.

Away I went, flying next to the snowy peaks which I was about see up close, appreciating how epic this mountain range is.

I’m a photographer, which makes hiking in Nepal wonderful, but also weighs me down with gear. I have my camera, 2 lenses and a tripod. An extra few kilograms to lug up the mountain. A feat made slightly more difficult by the fact I’m only 5ft tall. Though what I lack in height, I make up for in leg strength.

I began the walk fresh-faced. Excited. Confident.

When you’re hiking alone your brain goes internal. You discover a lot about yourself. So far I’ve discovered I’m a cheapskate. 3 people asked me about the large gaping hole in the right leg of my pants, worrying i’d fallen and hurt myself on the trek.

They all laughed when I tell them I fell off my bike over a year ago. “Why not just buy new pants?”

It’s sacrifices like this, I make so I can afford to even come to Nepal.

After 6 hours of solo trekking I made it to Jorsalle. The first of the tiny mountainous villages I’d call my home for the night. My shoulders revel. It’s amazing how quickly you forget the pain of hiking. As soon as the pack is off, the shoes are lying by my side and my feet are soothed by the freezing cold glacial river, the pain of the last 6 hours is a fading memory.

I lay back on a warm rock in the sun listening to the water rush past. I don’t close my eyes because i’m so tired, I’ll probably fall asleep and I’m lying in a glacial flood risk area.

I’m amazed at the capacity of life and how much we can fit into it if we try. Hiking alone through the Himalayas had been a distant dream for years and with a short amount of hard work it became a reality.

My eyes droop, I have that familiar scratch in the back of my throat telling me I might have a cold coming on. I force myself back to the guesthouse before I fall asleep out in the elements, i’m in bed by 7pm and my ability to journal diminishes.

Note: Sunscreen thumbs. Note: Stop eating all your dates, this is day 1, you have 2 weeks left. Note: This is badass. Remember this when you feel lonely on the hike. Note: I’m serious about the dates. — I make it to Naamche, 3400m, I have to stop here for 2 nights to acclimatise. Thank god. My throat feels like sandpaper, the cold I’d felt coming on yesterday is well and truly here. My muscles ache more than I expected, but I still feel somewhat human.

Anything above 3500m is considered high altitude, the oxygen is sparse and so the body has to learn how to deal with the change in oxygen levels. Your breathing and heart rate increase, your body makes more red blood cells and it redistributes the blood to the more important organs (your brain, heart and lungs). If you don’t take acclimatization days your body doesn’t know what the hell is going on and you’re at risk of altitude sickness, which can turn into a potentially fatal cerebral or pulmonary edema (the crazy science words basically mean you can get fluid in your brain or lungs, not ideal).

Note: At 3400m and i’m not feeling the altitude or the cold too drastically.

Revised note: Ignore what I wrote earlier. I feel like I’m dying.

Yet another note: STOP EATING YOUR DATES! __ I wake up telling myself I’m a strong capable woman, I’m going to attempt a 3 hour acclimatisation hike. After breakfast I get back into bed.

“Just for a moment, just a quick nap to re-energise”

30 minutes later I got into my hiking gear, finished tying my shoes. Stood up. Sat back down, took my shoes off. Paused, berating myself. Put shoes back on. Took them off and finally admitted defeat and jumped back into bed where I proceeded to stay for the rest of the day.

Feeling incredibly sorry for myself, I spent the entire day wondering if I’d make it up to base camp. Weakling! Failure! The usual tirade. I knew it was just my tired, sick brain that was in dire need of a hug and chose to ignore it.

Just as I reached the height of my self condemnation, I looked out the window and noticed the clouds were disappearing and I finally had a view of the worlds highest peaks just across the valley. So close I felt like if I leaned out of the window I could touch them.

I aired out my sick room and the crisp mountain air worked its magic, taking away the feelings of despair I’d been laying with all day.

My hacking cough was attacking with a vengeance. I have obviously wronged someone in a past life. Or this life, perhaps my brothers have gotten into voodoo and were paying me back for that time I told mum and dad about the parachute they made out of an old tarp and tested it by jumping off the roof.

Today was the day of the toughest ascent. 600m straight up.

Luckily I’d met Spencer on the way. A moose hunting Canadian from Saskatchewan.

The universe sent me a new hiking buddy right when I needed a helping hand, the mental challenge of hiking alone had become too much. Pushing yourself up step after step when you’re sick and suffering through coughing fit after coughing fit is tough. It’s necessary to have someone there a) looking out for you and b) waiting for you to catch up so your ego gets the better of you and you push through the pain.

After what felt like hours and the idea of ‘reaching the top’ had become a distant dream from a different reality, we finally saw the end. We crested the hill, mostly alive.

We were greeted with a small town (if three lodges and a bakery can even be called a town), completely surrounded by fog. No mountains in sight.

Note: Thank god I bought that second packet of dates yesterday.

Today was the day of Mordor. We made it above the tree line into a barren, cold, wasteland. Falling rocks, evidence of landslides littering the landscape.

The altitude was kicking in, luckily it was a slow steady incline for most of the day. Nothing too drastic, but every ascent left me breathless. Followed by yet another coughing fit and another and another.

Spencer and I met some other hikers in the guesthouse and decided to merge our groups for the day.

The others were fit and healthy AND they had a porter. I looked in jealousy at their tiny backpacks and their long legs speeding off into the distance.

I had to come to terms with the fact that I was the slow one. Not because I kept stopping to take photos (the usual reason I’d be at the back of the group) but because my body wouldn’t let me go any faster.

Anyone that knows me, knows this would kill me inside. I’m highly competitive and grew up wanting to prove that I can do anything a boy, or a larger human, can do. I am never the slow one. And here I thought the struggles on this hike would all be physical, I never expected such an internal battle.

We arrived in town at the same time as a cloud. So much hiking, so much pain, and I’d hardly seen any snowy peaks. Maybe it was the same cloud from yesterday, following us and taunting us.

It hit 9pm, and my eyes were burning with tiredness. My body ached. I climbed into bed expecting to fall straight asleep, but the altitude had different ideas. There isn’t enough oxygen to slip into a deep sleep.

I tossed and turned, coughing constantly until 5am. The whole time questioning every aspect of my life and travels.

Wondering if I am in fact the strong person I always thought I was. Painful questions plagued me until I eventually fell into a shallow sleep. Will I make it up to base camp? I’ve hardly taken any photos on this hike, am I even a good photographer? Should I just quit and go home where mum will look after me and play ‘Don’t worry be happy’ by Bobby McFerrin until I feel better?

Note: Add ‘Don’t worry be happy’ to your spotify playlist for your next mentally destructive hike. — I woke up at 9am to a blue sky, unexpectedly sweating in bed (we’re well over 4400m here). Not ideal due to the fact I won’t be showering or washing my clothes up here. (Yes boys, I am single ;).

My filthy hair is matted over my face adding to the incredibly attractive picture I have obviously created. I feel like a truck has ran over my head, but I finally have a view of snowy peaks outside my window!

It’s Everest Marathon day. The hike began with a constant stream of marathon runners rushing past. Just when I thought I’d reached the end of my tether, these people would speed by reminding me what the human body is capable of.

If they can run 42km’s from base camp to Naamche then I can hike for a few goddamn hours! It was a necessary vote of confidence seeing as yesterday’s hiking group had powered on ahead, leaving Spencer and I behind. Their guide hadn’t wanted to become responsible for two slow pokes who were battling illness.

The day included yet another gruelling ascent. (Surprising really, that hiking a mountain includes so many uphills) It was made easier by the fact I ran into Bob, a friend I’d hiked another mountain in the Himalayas with. A kind-hearted english lad who has the same penchant for pain as myself given that we’d only finished our last high altitude hike 2 weeks earlier. The duo became a trio.

We were hiking between two mountains above a valley where the wind was whipping through, buffeting us as we climbed.

As many small people already know, strong winds are not my friend. I distinctly remember being 9 or 10 and making the mistake of running outside in a very large coat where I was quickly picked up by a ferocious gust and forcibly slammed back into the ground.

The memory stuck with me as I scrambled up the mountain. Perched precariously on rocks nervously waiting for a train of yaks to pass and watching admiringly, as the porters did the same ascent with triple the weight on their backs.

The key to tackling these ascents is to avoid looking up. Look just ahead and slowly put one foot in front of the other. Continue this until you reach the top.

Don’t think how far it is to go. A watched pot never boils as my Nan used to say. A watched summit never gets any closer.

Instead look below you and admire how far you’ve come. Take in the magnificent view, which reminds you why you’re subjecting yourself to so much pain. Pat yourself on the back for how amazing you are for even attempting it and then keep on climbing.

Ignore the hikers who are descending and say helpful comments like ‘ooph, you’ve still got a long way to go’ or ‘I’m not going to lie, it’s a tough hike’

Internally you sarcastically answer ‘Oh really? I didn’t notice. My eyes stopped working years ago.’ Externally you smile and nod as if their words helped you.

But then an older gentleman walks by and says ‘you’re doing a good job!’ and you can hear the sincere good will flowing out with his words, so you give him a heartfelt smile and use his words to get you up the last few steps. Finally you reach the top and look down at the small town below you. You admire how far you’ve come, but also admire how long it took you to ascend such a short amount, thanks altitude.

It’s here that I get a proper reminder of how many people die on this mountain. Stupa’s are erected as memorials everywhere you look. Americans like Scott Fisher, Indians, Europeans. First time summitters and old hacks who’d done it so many times they probably thought they were invincible (as we all do I guess).

Everest has its way of constantly keeping my own mortality at the forefront of my mind. With the constant hum of helicopters flying overhead, never knowing if it’s a scenic flight or a rescue operation.

With news coming in that a flight crashed in Lukla, killing two people and injuring one. The news that 2 people died at Gorak Shep, the town I was heading to in 2 days. 4 bodies where found at camp 4 (2000m’s higher than I’d be heading, but still) the lack of oxygen overwhelming their poor bodies.

Or just constantly meeting people who are suffering severe altitude sickness and heading back down, or know someone who did.

Not to mention all the documentaries and films you watch on the hike about the Everest disasters.

As I stood reading each memorial, the sun disappeared behind another cloud bringing an added chill to the already frigid day. Although I tend to try and push through the pain, I made a mental promise to my mother to pay attention to my body and not continue if I had signs of altitude sickness. (Mum probably would have considered my cough bad enough and the fact I hadn’t slept as reason enough to head back. But since when do we travellers listen to our mothers!)

We took a moment to respect the people who didn’t make it back down this path, which served as an important reminder that this endeavour isn’t to be taken lightly. I tend to force myself through the pain of a tough situation, knowing it will be worthwhile on the other side, but with high altitude trekking, this isn’t the case. I thought often whether I should turn back and assessed my body before deciding to continue. Hiking at altitude is the one place you should definitely not just push through the pain.

The hike continued and we hit the desolation area. A world of white, grey and black. The only colour coming from the trekkers garishly bright clothing, and the blue North face bags piled onto the backs of the yaks heading back down the hill, as the seasons base camp was slowly packed down.

The wind whips through the valley. We scramble over rocks, we catch sight of a glacier completely covered by grey boulders. The snow capped peaks constantly appearing and disappearing behind the clouds.

The air is dry and harsh. A reminder that this place is not designed for life.

We reach Lobuche. I’m so tired I can hardly string two sentences together. My eyes are drooping and I retire early hoping I’m finally tired enough to sleep.

Don’t hold your breath like I did. I tossed and turned until 5am again.

4900m is not an ideal spot to try and get your 8 hours.

I’m too tired to get excited about base camp tomorrow.

Note: The dates are finally gone.

Note: I now realise how much mental endurance came from that small pocket of sugary datey goodness.

Note: Farewell my sweet friends, farewell.

Note: Hot tea has become my new best friend.

Base camp is only used by those attempting the summit. It becomes home to mountaineers for 2 months while they acclimatize on the mountain. Small tent communities spring up next to the Khumbu ice fall, one of the most dangerous parts of climbing up Everest.

The normal folk like me, just head to base camp to stare in awe, touch the ice fall, take a selfie to brag to family and friends back home, and then head back to Gorak Shep to sleep and maybe make a plan to come back and actually hike it one day.

Base camp is 5364m above sea level. It’s going to be a tough day due to the altitude, no matter what the terrain is like. It’s ‘Nepalese flat’, which means it’s not flat at all, but a constant up and down. It started cruisy enough and the constant view of the worlds largest mountains always make it easier.

But eventually we were scrambling up and down massive piles of boulders and rocks.

Luckily, when you reach Gorak Shep (home for the night) you can put your pack down before you continue the hike to Everest Base Camp (EBC to those in the know).

Unluckily for me, I’m a photographer, so my bag still consists of 5kg’s of camera gear.

We ran into a couple who had just got back from the hike, they were energised, fresh faced, not suffering any illnesses. They told us “It’s a pretty easy hike, took us 2 – 3 hours return”. Stupidly I took them at their word, forgetting I still have several kilo’s to carry, and my rattling lungs (which by now I was starting to suspect wasn’t a simple cold) made every expulsion of energy into a difficult and time consuming challenge.

For the fit and healthy it’s a 2 – 3 hour hike. For our group it took maybe 4 – 4.5 hours.

I take full responsibility for the hold up.

We finally reach a dead end, were there is a group of people sitting around chatting. ‘We’ve arrived’ I think in relief. I celebrated too early, I looked down and realised base camp was below us, it was a swift descent down and then back up to actually be able to walk in amongst the few tents that were left (most of base camp had packed up in the preceding week).

I considered not making the effort but I hadn’t trekked for 9 days to sit on my tired sick butt and NOT go explore base camp. So down we walked, right up to the Khumbu glacier. The ice fall. The most dangerous part of the Everest summit ascent. The part that has claimed 44 lives.

Also the first glacier I’d seen up close. Undulating waves of ice reaching it’s way up the side of the mountain, glistening as it melts under the sun, causing a river to run below it, with water so clear the only reason you can see it at all is the ripples caused by it’s fast descent over the stones.

So many doco’s, movies, pictures, books. So many years of dreaming of this moment and here I finally was.

Standing ON the worlds tallest mountain, maybe standing on the place where one day, I’d start my ascent to the summit (although we’ll wait and see how expensive it gets, I am just a struggling artist).

These moments are always so anticlimactic. It’s hard to sit in awe when you’re so breathless and cold and tired, knowing there’s still so much more hiking to go.

I sit down and rest, my brain finally getting enough oxygen to start appreciating what I’d achieved.

What a beautiful, desolate wasteland base camp is. What a strange world we live in were we push our bodies to the limit for a pretty view, for an adrenalin rush, or just to say we did.

What many don’t realise, is base camp isn’t the most exciting part of this trek. Kala Pattar is what I came for. The highest point of the hike, it’s a peak 5600m high with the best view of Everest and 360 degree views of the worlds largest mountains.

We had to get up at 4am.

I genuinely wasn’t sure if I could do this.

I hadn’t slept in days. Every breath was becoming an effort. The familiar tickle in my throat that signified a coughing fit filled me with fear. Not knowing if it would stop after 20 seconds or 2 minutes. My throat felt swollen after every fit. Knowing by now it wasn’t just a normal cold, but something more sinister.

We’d met so many people who had made the hike and faced a complete white out. They didn’t see Everest. A 500m hike up at dawn, in the cold, with the altitude, for nothing. If that happened to me I knew I’d probably have a mental break down.

That night, I climbed into bed, with 3 layers of clothing on, hoping I was warm enough and tired enough to actually get some sleep. Of course that wasn’t going to happen.

Every time I blinked I’d doze off, but my body would shake itself awake with yet another coughing fit. My eyes were weeping and gluing the lids shut. I was bought to tears. It felt like a torture my own body was inflicting upon itself.

“I can’t do this” I kept telling myself. At 1am I turned off my alarm, knowing one day soon I’d regret this decision. But in this moment my health was more important.

Another 2 hours of tossing and turning and I became too bored of sitting in bed NOT to give it a go. I switched my alarm back on and finally fell asleep just after 3am.

A whopping 45 minutes later my alarm tore its way into my sweet slumber. I wondered what on earth I was doing, cutting my precious and healing sleep short, but a quick look outside showed that it was a clear morning, the soft pink hues of dawn were just beginning to dust the tips of the snowy peaks. A sunrise over Everest was waiting, so I pulled my aching body out of the warm cocoon I’d created in my sleeping bag and sighed heavily. I didn’t want to go. I had to go. I had to do it for the pain and agony I’d put myself through, to be able to look at myself in the mirror when I got back down. So that when I was back in the comfort of my own home having an intense netflix binge and hadn’t left the house in 3 days I could still feel good about myself because I’d done THIS. This moment would serve as a reminder that I can do it. Whatever it is, I can do it.

But first I had to actually climb the thing. Five hundred metres up. Straight up.

Eyes burning. Muscle energy reserves completely depleted. Lungs dying. Thin Oxygen. Torture.

As we hiked higher, a cloud drifted back in. I couldn’t see a single mountain. (I bet it was that same cloud from before, if he was a person, he’d be that annoying housemate called Chuck that uses the last of the milk and puts the empty carton back in the fridge and just completely ruins your day) Visibility dropped to about 10m’s. I was alone on the hike now, well Chuck was there, but I wasn’t talking to him.

Was this it? Would the clouds clear? Can I keep going?

I continued walking. For a few steps. Pause. Breathe. Cough. Lean on walking stick. Cough. Breathe. Keep walking. Repeat. Repeat.

After another 30 minutes, the sun started peaking over the mountain tops, like a biblical scene the clouds parted and there was the tip of Everest, just as the first rays of light started bursting out behind it.

I was still only half way up but I stopped to take in this unbelievable sight. Literally unbelievable. I never really thought I’d actually see the sunrise over Everest.

Basking in what I’d just seen I started asking myself ‘Can it get better? Should I keep going?’

I really considered turning back, the mental torture of the hike to come was overwhelming.

‘I haven’t come all this way to let a cold and a bit of lacking sleep to stop me hitting my goal’ I told myself.

So on I went.

One foot in front of the other. Plodding away. Or trudging might be a better adjective. Plodding sounds too light-hearted and happy.

My steps were so slow it felt like I wasn’t making any headway. Stuck in quicksand, pushing my body so hard but getting nowhere.

‘You can do it!’ came Bob’s familiar voice. I looked up and there it was. The peak of Kala Pattar.

I could see the top. Maybe 20 or 30m’s up. Bob, who’d already been up there for an hour kept shouting encouragement to me.

I had no option but to believe him. Stopping again and again. Two steps. Stop. Sucking air into my lungs.

Somehow I made it.

I was as shocked as you are.

As I looked at the view I couldn’t believe I’d even considered not doing it. Base camp might have felt anticlimactic, but this certainly did not.

The weather was better than I’d even hoped. Uninterrupted views of the largest mountains in the world.

Staring straight at Everest.

The summit that took decades to conquer.  It took longer to put a man on Everest than it took to get one to the moon. One of the most unforgiving place on earth.

I looked and wondered if I’d make it up there one day. I could see a possible path my life might follow in which I become a badass mountain climber. So many epiphanies about life and the options open to us. The kind of epiphanies that are only conceivable when you’ve pushed your body and mind further than you thought possible.

If I can do this, I can do anything.

After an hour of admiring our planet, our world, our lives and our own abilities we started the descent.

Many of you might think the story is over now. But don’t be fooled. This is where the best action happens.

The Everest descent. The true tale of woe.

Don’t worry guys, I did survive.

5 nights of practically no sleep. Hectic exercise. Intense cold. Dry wind. Dusty paths. Became a nearly fatal combination.

We were descending to Periche, 1500m below Kala Pattar.

We walked down for hours, a small town visible for most of the descent. As we got closer our spirits raised, we’re almost there. Thank god. My lungs were really struggling, their capacity had dropped to 70%. Worrying yes, but doable when descending. And we were close to the town so I didn’t let it get me down too much. When you’ve watched the sun rise over Everest, it takes a LOT to get you down.

As we got nearer we realised this wasn’t Periche. The town we were aiming for was approximately another hour’s walk further into the valley.

Remember when I was talking about the walk UP to Everest and being caught by the wind. The vicious wind whipping through the valley and almost picking me up and flying me away? Yep. Well this is the valley.

As I’d discovered over the previous few days cold, dry wind makes my cough worse. The wind was tearing through, I felt colder than I’d been the entire trek. I couldn’t breathe through my nose thanks to my sinister sickness so my throat was suffering more and more. I had a neck warmer and pulled it over my mouth in an attempt to warm the air up a bit before I breathed in. It helped a little, but not enough. As we got closer and closer my breathing diminished more and more.

I slowed down, my body going too fast for its oxygen intake, my little hiking group got further ahead. I’d lost my voice and the wind was strong, going in the wrong direction, so I couldn’t shout to them. I’d just have to wait for them to notice how far behind I was. (Mum, you know I like to exaggerate while I write. I was actually safe and sound and we drove a heated car to Periche. Ignore all of this.)

I was a few hundred metre’s from the outskirts of town but my breathing had dropped to what felt like 20%.

I was having to force air into my lungs and the sound was terrifying. It felt like an asthma attack but I haven’t had asthma in years. I stopped walking completely and leaned on Wallace, my ever trusty walking stick. Always there to help me through a particularly painful moment.

Tears welled up and I let them, if this wasn’t a moment to get upset then I don’t know what is. My life flashed before my eyes. This life of adventure, of pushing myself hard, enjoying the pain, knowing it was making me a better, tougher person. All for what, to have pushed through and have it all end here? Everyone that died on Everest was once a very motivated person, and I truly thought I was about to join the list. My lungs were shutting down halfway up a mountain where we had no phone, no internet, my friends ahead of me and no breath left to shout for help. ‘If I survive this moment’ I mentally promised myself, ‘I’ll stop being such a god damn idiot and admit when I need help in a more timely manner.’ That moment being 2 hours ago when my lung capacity first began it’s drastic decline.

The effort of crying stopped my breathing completely so I had to force myself to calm down. By keeping the rising panic at bay, my breathing went back to 20%.

Bob and Spencer had noticed how far away I was and they were patiently waiting, having finally reached the very outskirts of town. At least if anything happened they were close enough to call a helicopter and hopefully it would arrive soon enough to save me.

Melodramatic? In hindsight, being still alive. Yes. In the moment… No.

As I reached them and managed to wheeze out a quiet ‘I can’t breathe’. Bob snapped into action, he made me drop my pack and sit down.

‘I don’t think it’s a normal cold, Lou’

I nodded my agreement.

‘We need to get you to a doctor’

I agreed wholeheartedly.

A little part of me was happy knowing I hadn’t let a normal cold slow me down so much. The other part of me was berating myself for stupidly putting my life at so much risk.

Alas the doctor was 700m’s below us in Naamche. For now I just had to get somewhere warm and hope my lungs would sort there shit out.

Bob and I swapped packs so my load wouldn’t be so heavy and we made our way into town. I was considering evacuating myself, wondering if I was sick enough to claim it on insurance. If my breathing didn’t go back to normal there was no question, I would never make it down the hill on my own.

I was hoping it wouldn’t, I was so tired and I just wanted to be at normal altitude and able to get better and a helicopter would be a fun way to save myself.

But alas, after laying down in the warmth my breathing returned to normal (well as normal as it could with lungs filled with phlegm) and yet again, that annoying ‘I can do it!’ little bitch of a mental voice, started whispering in my ear.

Everything ached. I’d been carrying my camera around my neck for a few days and the muscles had seized up, so I couldn’t turn my head from side to side. I was so cold. So tired. But I was alive.

I thought the hardest part of the trek was behind me. A goal I’d wanted to achieve for years. Another reminder that life is what you create.

I actually managed 4 hours sleep. What a blessing.

However we still had another mission ahead of us. The doctor was in Naamche. 700m’s below us.

Even though we’re going DOWN the mountain, there’s still a fair few drastic inclines we would have to conquer before I could get the necessary medicine to heal my aching lungs.

Away we went, we hit the first small incline of the day and instantly my lungs shouted out in protest, my breathing plummeted back down to 70% and kept dropping.

We made it to the top before my lungs put out completely, but I was thinking about the rest of the hike to Naamche with trepidation. We had a 600m descent, instantly followed by a very sharp 300m incline.

I was not going to make it.

Luckily there are horses for hire along the route. Unluckily it was going to cost $100 US to get me up the hill.

To those of you reading this at home, drinking your morning coffee before you head to your cushy office job, $100 isn’t much for a horse ride that feels life saving.

However for a poor traveller $100 is a gigantuan amount, that’s 28 days of accomodation if you don’t mind staying in the dingy rooms. Or about 33 meals, 100 bottles of clean drinking water, 14 long haul bus rides.

Yesterday’s panic was fresh in my mind though so I reluctantly forked over the money, as you can’t enjoy travelling in Nepal if you’re dead. (Yes mum, that actually was an exaggeration.)

As soon as we started the incline, my regret over the money disappeared. I would not have made it up that hill.

I patted Dongma, my white and grey horse and saviour. He was breathing heavily. I thanked his owner who’d led us up the hill and off we went to Naamche. (It was going to cost another $100 to get the horse all the way to town, and no way I was paying that!)

3 more hours of torture before we finally made it. My lungs had reached the end of their tether. My vision was blurry and my eyes were bloodshot.

I still couldn’t move my neck.

The next morning I would be sitting in a doctors office with a cold stethoscope pressed into my back, being diagnosed with a chest infection. An infection that causes your airways to become swollen and filled with mucus, making it difficult to breathe. Not what you want when you have to walk for hours on end, carting heavy bags up a mountain were the oxygen is already sparse.

For now I took my first shower in 10 days, guzzled some cough syrup and collapsed into bed.

I may not have made it to the summit of Everest, but in that moment of bliss as my clean body fell into the sheets and I had enough oxygen in the air to breathe normally again, my muscles relaxing after a hot shower and knowing it was all downhill from here, I felt like I’d summited something far greater than a mountain. The memories that overwhelmed me as my body finally relaxed will stay with me for a lifetime as a constant reminder of all the things that I can do, even when it feels impossible. The pain I had experienced over the past 2 weeks washed away and left room for the new faith I found in myself.

I smiled briefly as I slipped into my heavenly slumber and dreamt of the packet of dates I was going to buy tomorrow.

Note: The dates were delicious.

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Everest, A Tale of Woe | Hiking in the Himalayas, Nepal (Part 2)

By Louise Coghill

Most mountaineers consider ‘how’ you got to the summit, more important than actually getting there. Or so Jon Krakaur told me in his Everest disaster book ‘Into Thin Air’.

The key is to hike the mountain in a new way, whether it’s faster, more difficult or without oxygen. You have to always be pushing yourself and going beyond your peers.

In Nepal, everyone you meet is heading up that mountain, you meet people who have made it to the summit more than once. I was only climbing to base camp and reaching 5600m. I had to do something to make it more interesting.

Hiking with a chest infection seemed like the only logical option.

The Ordeal of Everest with a chest infection.

A tale of woe by Louise M. Coghill.

I hadn’t slept properly in days. The heat and noise of Kathmandu had kept me wide awake. The nerves and excitement of solo trekking pumped me with energy when I should have been resting (something my immune system will soon come to regret). That and the fact my bed was a favourite of the hostel cat Winnie who enjoyed jumping on my pillow and giving me a fright.

I boarded the flight to Lukla. (2800m high) The beginning of my adventure. A tiny plane, in true Nepali style, with random boxes cluttering the first few seats and the aisle. Cotton wool was handed out to protect our ears from the engines.

Away I went, flying next to the snowy peaks which I was about see up close, appreciating how epic this mountain range is.

I’m a photographer, which makes hiking in Nepal wonderful, but also weighs me down with gear. I have my camera, 2 lenses and a tripod. An extra few kilograms to lug up the mountain. A feat made slightly more difficult by the fact I’m only 5ft tall. Though what I lack in height, I make up for in leg strength.

I began the walk fresh-faced. Excited. Confident.

When you’re hiking alone your brain goes internal. You discover a lot about yourself. So far I’ve discovered I’m a cheapskate. 3 people asked me about the large gaping hole in the right leg of my pants, worrying i’d fallen and hurt myself on the trek.

They all laughed when I tell them I fell off my bike over a year ago. “Why not just buy new pants?”

It’s sacrifices like this, I make so I can afford to even come to Nepal.

After 6 hours of solo trekking I made it to Jorsalle. The first of the tiny mountainous villages I’d call my home for the night. My shoulders revel. It’s amazing how quickly you forget the pain of hiking. As soon as the pack is off, the shoes are lying by my side and my feet are soothed by the freezing cold glacial river, the pain of the last 6 hours is a fading memory.

I lay back on a warm rock in the sun listening to the water rush past. I don’t close my eyes because i’m so tired, I’ll probably fall asleep and I’m lying in a glacial flood risk area.

I’m amazed at the capacity of life and how much we can fit into it if we try. Hiking alone through the Himalayas had been a distant dream for years and with a short amount of hard work it became a reality.

My eyes droop, I have that familiar scratch in the back of my throat telling me I might have a cold coming on. I force myself back to the guesthouse before I fall asleep out in the elements, i’m in bed by 7pm and my ability to journal diminishes.

Note: Sunscreen thumbs. Note: Stop eating all your dates, this is day 1, you have 2 weeks left. Note: This is badass. Remember this when you feel lonely on the hike. Note: I’m serious about the dates. — I make it to Naamche, 3400m, I have to stop here for 2 nights to acclimatise. Thank god. My throat feels like sandpaper, the cold I’d felt coming on yesterday is well and truly here. My muscles ache more than I expected, but I still feel somewhat human.

Anything above 3500m is considered high altitude, the oxygen is sparse and so the body has to learn how to deal with the change in oxygen levels. Your breathing and heart rate increase, your body makes more red blood cells and it redistributes the blood to the more important organs (your brain, heart and lungs). If you don’t take acclimatization days your body doesn’t know what the hell is going on and you’re at risk of altitude sickness, which can turn into a potentially fatal cerebral or pulmonary edema (the crazy science words basically mean you can get fluid in your brain or lungs, not ideal).

Note: At 3400m and i’m not feeling the altitude or the cold too drastically.

Revised note: Ignore what I wrote earlier. I feel like I’m dying.

Yet another note: STOP EATING YOUR DATES! __ I wake up telling myself I’m a strong capable woman, I’m going to attempt a 3 hour acclimatisation hike. After breakfast I get back into bed.

“Just for a moment, just a quick nap to re-energise”

30 minutes later I got into my hiking gear, finished tying my shoes. Stood up. Sat back down, took my shoes off. Paused, berating myself. Put shoes back on. Took them off and finally admitted defeat and jumped back into bed where I proceeded to stay for the rest of the day.

Feeling incredibly sorry for myself, I spent the entire day wondering if I’d make it up to base camp. Weakling! Failure! The usual tirade. I knew it was just my tired, sick brain that was in dire need of a hug and chose to ignore it.

Just as I reached the height of my self condemnation, I looked out the window and noticed the clouds were disappearing and I finally had a view of the worlds highest peaks just across the valley. So close I felt like if I leaned out of the window I could touch them.

I aired out my sick room and the crisp mountain air worked its magic, taking away the feelings of despair I’d been laying with all day.

My hacking cough was attacking with a vengeance. I have obviously wronged someone in a past life. Or this life, perhaps my brothers have gotten into voodoo and were paying me back for that time I told mum and dad about the parachute they made out of an old tarp and tested it by jumping off the roof.

Today was the day of the toughest ascent. 600m straight up.

Luckily I’d met Spencer on the way. A moose hunting Canadian from Saskatchewan.

The universe sent me a new hiking buddy right when I needed a helping hand, the mental challenge of hiking alone had become too much. Pushing yourself up step after step when you’re sick and suffering through coughing fit after coughing fit is tough. It’s necessary to have someone there a) looking out for you and b) waiting for you to catch up so your ego gets the better of you and you push through the pain.

After what felt like hours and the idea of ‘reaching the top’ had become a distant dream from a different reality, we finally saw the end. We crested the hill, mostly alive.

We were greeted with a small town (if three lodges and a bakery can even be called a town), completely surrounded by fog. No mountains in sight.

Note: Thank god I bought that second packet of dates yesterday.

Today was the day of Mordor. We made it above the tree line into a barren, cold, wasteland. Falling rocks, evidence of landslides littering the landscape.

The altitude was kicking in, luckily it was a slow steady incline for most of the day. Nothing too drastic, but every ascent left me breathless. Followed by yet another coughing fit and another and another.

Spencer and I met some other hikers in the guesthouse and decided to merge our groups for the day.

The others were fit and healthy AND they had a porter. I looked in jealousy at their tiny backpacks and their long legs speeding off into the distance.

I had to come to terms with the fact that I was the slow one. Not because I kept stopping to take photos (the usual reason I’d be at the back of the group) but because my body wouldn’t let me go any faster.

Anyone that knows me, knows this would kill me inside. I’m highly competitive and grew up wanting to prove that I can do anything a boy, or a larger human, can do. I am never the slow one. And here I thought the struggles on this hike would all be physical, I never expected such an internal battle.

We arrived in town at the same time as a cloud. So much hiking, so much pain, and I’d hardly seen any snowy peaks. Maybe it was the same cloud from yesterday, following us and taunting us.

It hit 9pm, and my eyes were burning with tiredness. My body ached. I climbed into bed expecting to fall straight asleep, but the altitude had different ideas. There isn’t enough oxygen to slip into a deep sleep.

I tossed and turned, coughing constantly until 5am. The whole time questioning every aspect of my life and travels.

Wondering if I am in fact the strong person I always thought I was. Painful questions plagued me until I eventually fell into a shallow sleep. Will I make it up to base camp? I’ve hardly taken any photos on this hike, am I even a good photographer? Should I just quit and go home where mum will look after me and play ‘Don’t worry be happy’ by Bobby McFerrin until I feel better?

Note: Add ‘Don’t worry be happy’ to your spotify playlist for your next mentally destructive hike. — I woke up at 9am to a blue sky, unexpectedly sweating in bed (we’re well over 4400m here). Not ideal due to the fact I won’t be showering or washing my clothes up here. (Yes boys, I am single ;).

My filthy hair is matted over my face adding to the incredibly attractive picture I have obviously created. I feel like a truck has ran over my head, but I finally have a view of snowy peaks outside my window!

It’s Everest Marathon day. The hike began with a constant stream of marathon runners rushing past. Just when I thought I’d reached the end of my tether, these people would speed by reminding me what the human body is capable of.

If they can run 42km’s from base camp to Naamche then I can hike for a few goddamn hours! It was a necessary vote of confidence seeing as yesterday’s hiking group had powered on ahead, leaving Spencer and I behind. Their guide hadn’t wanted to become responsible for two slow pokes who were battling illness.

The day included yet another gruelling ascent. (Surprising really, that hiking a mountain includes so many uphills) It was made easier by the fact I ran into Bob, a friend I’d hiked another mountain in the Himalayas with. A kind-hearted english lad who has the same penchant for pain as myself given that we’d only finished our last high altitude hike 2 weeks earlier. The duo became a trio.

We were hiking between two mountains above a valley where the wind was whipping through, buffeting us as we climbed.

As many small people already know, strong winds are not my friend. I distinctly remember being 9 or 10 and making the mistake of running outside in a very large coat where I was quickly picked up by a ferocious gust and forcibly slammed back into the ground.

The memory stuck with me as I scrambled up the mountain. Perched precariously on rocks nervously waiting for a train of yaks to pass and watching admiringly, as the porters did the same ascent with triple the weight on their backs.

The key to tackling these ascents is to avoid looking up. Look just ahead and slowly put one foot in front of the other. Continue this until you reach the top.

Don’t think how far it is to go. A watched pot never boils as my Nan used to say. A watched summit never gets any closer.

Instead look below you and admire how far you’ve come. Take in the magnificent view, which reminds you why you’re subjecting yourself to so much pain. Pat yourself on the back for how amazing you are for even attempting it and then keep on climbing.

Ignore the hikers who are descending and say helpful comments like ‘ooph, you’ve still got a long way to go’ or ‘I’m not going to lie, it’s a tough hike’

Internally you sarcastically answer ‘Oh really? I didn’t notice. My eyes stopped working years ago.’ Externally you smile and nod as if their words helped you.

But then an older gentleman walks by and says ‘you’re doing a good job!’ and you can hear the sincere good will flowing out with his words, so you give him a heartfelt smile and use his words to get you up the last few steps. Finally you reach the top and look down at the small town below you. You admire how far you’ve come, but also admire how long it took you to ascend such a short amount, thanks altitude.

It’s here that I get a proper reminder of how many people die on this mountain. Stupa’s are erected as memorials everywhere you look. Americans like Scott Fisher, Indians, Europeans. First time summitters and old hacks who’d done it so many times they probably thought they were invincible (as we all do I guess).

Everest has its way of constantly keeping my own mortality at the forefront of my mind. With the constant hum of helicopters flying overhead, never knowing if it’s a scenic flight or a rescue operation.

With news coming in that a flight crashed in Lukla, killing two people and injuring one. The news that 2 people died at Gorak Shep, the town I was heading to in 2 days. 4 bodies where found at camp 4 (2000m’s higher than I’d be heading, but still) the lack of oxygen overwhelming their poor bodies.

Or just constantly meeting people who are suffering severe altitude sickness and heading back down, or know someone who did.

Not to mention all the documentaries and films you watch on the hike about the Everest disasters.

As I stood reading each memorial, the sun disappeared behind another cloud bringing an added chill to the already frigid day. Although I tend to try and push through the pain, I made a mental promise to my mother to pay attention to my body and not continue if I had signs of altitude sickness. (Mum probably would have considered my cough bad enough and the fact I hadn’t slept as reason enough to head back. But since when do we travellers listen to our mothers!)

We took a moment to respect the people who didn’t make it back down this path, which served as an important reminder that this endeavour isn’t to be taken lightly. I tend to force myself through the pain of a tough situation, knowing it will be worthwhile on the other side, but with high altitude trekking, this isn’t the case. I thought often whether I should turn back and assessed my body before deciding to continue. Hiking at altitude is the one place you should definitely not just push through the pain.

The hike continued and we hit the desolation area. A world of white, grey and black. The only colour coming from the trekkers garishly bright clothing, and the blue North face bags piled onto the backs of the yaks heading back down the hill, as the seasons base camp was slowly packed down.

The wind whips through the valley. We scramble over rocks, we catch sight of a glacier completely covered by grey boulders. The snow capped peaks constantly appearing and disappearing behind the clouds.

The air is dry and harsh. A reminder that this place is not designed for life.

We reach Lobuche. I’m so tired I can hardly string two sentences together. My eyes are drooping and I retire early hoping I’m finally tired enough to sleep.

Don’t hold your breath like I did. I tossed and turned until 5am again.

4900m is not an ideal spot to try and get your 8 hours.

I’m too tired to get excited about base camp tomorrow.

Note: The dates are finally gone.

Note: I now realise how much mental endurance came from that small pocket of sugary datey goodness.

Note: Farewell my sweet friends, farewell.

Note: Hot tea has become my new best friend.

Base camp is only used by those attempting the summit. It becomes home to mountaineers for 2 months while they acclimatize on the mountain. Small tent communities spring up next to the Khumbu ice fall, one of the most dangerous parts of climbing up Everest.

The normal folk like me, just head to base camp to stare in awe, touch the ice fall, take a selfie to brag to family and friends back home, and then head back to Gorak Shep to sleep and maybe make a plan to come back and actually hike it one day.

Base camp is 5364m above sea level. It’s going to be a tough day due to the altitude, no matter what the terrain is like. It’s ‘Nepalese flat’, which means it’s not flat at all, but a constant up and down. It started cruisy enough and the constant view of the worlds largest mountains always make it easier.

But eventually we were scrambling up and down massive piles of boulders and rocks.

Luckily, when you reach Gorak Shep (home for the night) you can put your pack down before you continue the hike to Everest Base Camp (EBC to those in the know).

Unluckily for me, I’m a photographer, so my bag still consists of 5kg’s of camera gear.

We ran into a couple who had just got back from the hike, they were energised, fresh faced, not suffering any illnesses. They told us “It’s a pretty easy hike, took us 2 – 3 hours return”. Stupidly I took them at their word, forgetting I still have several kilo’s to carry, and my rattling lungs (which by now I was starting to suspect wasn’t a simple cold) made every expulsion of energy into a difficult and time consuming challenge.

For the fit and healthy it’s a 2 – 3 hour hike. For our group it took maybe 4 – 4.5 hours.

I take full responsibility for the hold up.

We finally reach a dead end, were there is a group of people sitting around chatting. ‘We’ve arrived’ I think in relief. I celebrated too early, I looked down and realised base camp was below us, it was a swift descent down and then back up to actually be able to walk in amongst the few tents that were left (most of base camp had packed up in the preceding week).

I considered not making the effort but I hadn’t trekked for 9 days to sit on my tired sick butt and NOT go explore base camp. So down we walked, right up to the Khumbu glacier. The ice fall. The most dangerous part of the Everest summit ascent. The part that has claimed 44 lives.

Also the first glacier I’d seen up close. Undulating waves of ice reaching it’s way up the side of the mountain, glistening as it melts under the sun, causing a river to run below it, with water so clear the only reason you can see it at all is the ripples caused by it’s fast descent over the stones.

So many doco’s, movies, pictures, books. So many years of dreaming of this moment and here I finally was.

Standing ON the worlds tallest mountain, maybe standing on the place where one day, I’d start my ascent to the summit (although we’ll wait and see how expensive it gets, I am just a struggling artist).

These moments are always so anticlimactic. It’s hard to sit in awe when you’re so breathless and cold and tired, knowing there’s still so much more hiking to go.

I sit down and rest, my brain finally getting enough oxygen to start appreciating what I’d achieved.

What a beautiful, desolate wasteland base camp is. What a strange world we live in were we push our bodies to the limit for a pretty view, for an adrenalin rush, or just to say we did.

What many don’t realise, is base camp isn’t the most exciting part of this trek. Kala Pattar is what I came for. The highest point of the hike, it’s a peak 5600m high with the best view of Everest and 360 degree views of the worlds largest mountains.

We had to get up at 4am.

I genuinely wasn’t sure if I could do this.

I hadn’t slept in days. Every breath was becoming an effort. The familiar tickle in my throat that signified a coughing fit filled me with fear. Not knowing if it would stop after 20 seconds or 2 minutes. My throat felt swollen after every fit. Knowing by now it wasn’t just a normal cold, but something more sinister.

We’d met so many people who had made the hike and faced a complete white out. They didn’t see Everest. A 500m hike up at dawn, in the cold, with the altitude, for nothing. If that happened to me I knew I’d probably have a mental break down.

That night, I climbed into bed, with 3 layers of clothing on, hoping I was warm enough and tired enough to actually get some sleep. Of course that wasn’t going to happen.

Every time I blinked I’d doze off, but my body would shake itself awake with yet another coughing fit. My eyes were weeping and gluing the lids shut. I was bought to tears. It felt like a torture my own body was inflicting upon itself.

“I can’t do this” I kept telling myself. At 1am I turned off my alarm, knowing one day soon I’d regret this decision. But in this moment my health was more important.

Another 2 hours of tossing and turning and I became too bored of sitting in bed NOT to give it a go. I switched my alarm back on and finally fell asleep just after 3am.

A whopping 45 minutes later my alarm tore its way into my sweet slumber. I wondered what on earth I was doing, cutting my precious and healing sleep short, but a quick look outside showed that it was a clear morning, the soft pink hues of dawn were just beginning to dust the tips of the snowy peaks. A sunrise over Everest was waiting, so I pulled my aching body out of the warm cocoon I’d created in my sleeping bag and sighed heavily. I didn’t want to go. I had to go. I had to do it for the pain and agony I’d put myself through, to be able to look at myself in the mirror when I got back down. So that when I was back in the comfort of my own home having an intense netflix binge and hadn’t left the house in 3 days I could still feel good about myself because I’d done THIS. This moment would serve as a reminder that I can do it. Whatever it is, I can do it.

But first I had to actually climb the thing. Five hundred metres up. Straight up.

Eyes burning. Muscle energy reserves completely depleted. Lungs dying. Thin Oxygen. Torture.

As we hiked higher, a cloud drifted back in. I couldn’t see a single mountain. (I bet it was that same cloud from before, if he was a person, he’d be that annoying housemate called Chuck that uses the last of the milk and puts the empty carton back in the fridge and just completely ruins your day) Visibility dropped to about 10m’s. I was alone on the hike now, well Chuck was there, but I wasn’t talking to him.

Was this it? Would the clouds clear? Can I keep going?

I continued walking. For a few steps. Pause. Breathe. Cough. Lean on walking stick. Cough. Breathe. Keep walking. Repeat. Repeat.

After another 30 minutes, the sun started peaking over the mountain tops, like a biblical scene the clouds parted and there was the tip of Everest, just as the first rays of light started bursting out behind it.

I was still only half way up but I stopped to take in this unbelievable sight. Literally unbelievable. I never really thought I’d actually see the sunrise over Everest.

Basking in what I’d just seen I started asking myself ‘Can it get better? Should I keep going?’

I really considered turning back, the mental torture of the hike to come was overwhelming.

‘I haven’t come all this way to let a cold and a bit of lacking sleep to stop me hitting my goal’ I told myself.

So on I went.

One foot in front of the other. Plodding away. Or trudging might be a better adjective. Plodding sounds too light-hearted and happy.

My steps were so slow it felt like I wasn’t making any headway. Stuck in quicksand, pushing my body so hard but getting nowhere.

‘You can do it!’ came Bob’s familiar voice. I looked up and there it was. The peak of Kala Pattar.

I could see the top. Maybe 20 or 30m’s up. Bob, who’d already been up there for an hour kept shouting encouragement to me.

I had no option but to believe him. Stopping again and again. Two steps. Stop. Sucking air into my lungs.

Somehow I made it.

I was as shocked as you are.

As I looked at the view I couldn’t believe I’d even considered not doing it. Base camp might have felt anticlimactic, but this certainly did not.

The weather was better than I’d even hoped. Uninterrupted views of the largest mountains in the world.

Staring straight at Everest.

The summit that took decades to conquer.  It took longer to put a man on Everest than it took to get one to the moon. One of the most unforgiving place on earth.

I looked and wondered if I’d make it up there one day. I could see a possible path my life might follow in which I become a badass mountain climber. So many epiphanies about life and the options open to us. The kind of epiphanies that are only conceivable when you’ve pushed your body and mind further than you thought possible.

If I can do this, I can do anything.

After an hour of admiring our planet, our world, our lives and our own abilities we started the descent.

Many of you might think the story is over now. But don’t be fooled. This is where the best action happens.

The Everest descent. The true tale of woe.

Don’t worry guys, I did survive.

5 nights of practically no sleep. Hectic exercise. Intense cold. Dry wind. Dusty paths. Became a nearly fatal combination.

We were descending to Periche, 1500m below Kala Pattar.

We walked down for hours, a small town visible for most of the descent. As we got closer our spirits raised, we’re almost there. Thank god. My lungs were really struggling, their capacity had dropped to 70%. Worrying yes, but doable when descending. And we were close to the town so I didn’t let it get me down too much. When you’ve watched the sun rise over Everest, it takes a LOT to get you down.

As we got nearer we realised this wasn’t Periche. The town we were aiming for was approximately another hour’s walk further into the valley.

Remember when I was talking about the walk UP to Everest and being caught by the wind. The vicious wind whipping through the valley and almost picking me up and flying me away? Yep. Well this is the valley.

As I’d discovered over the previous few days cold, dry wind makes my cough worse. The wind was tearing through, I felt colder than I’d been the entire trek. I couldn’t breathe through my nose thanks to my sinister sickness so my throat was suffering more and more. I had a neck warmer and pulled it over my mouth in an attempt to warm the air up a bit before I breathed in. It helped a little, but not enough. As we got closer and closer my breathing diminished more and more.

I slowed down, my body going too fast for its oxygen intake, my little hiking group got further ahead. I’d lost my voice and the wind was strong, going in the wrong direction, so I couldn’t shout to them. I’d just have to wait for them to notice how far behind I was. (Mum, you know I like to exaggerate while I write. I was actually safe and sound and we drove a heated car to Periche. Ignore all of this.)

I was a few hundred metre’s from the outskirts of town but my breathing had dropped to what felt like 20%.

I was having to force air into my lungs and the sound was terrifying. It felt like an asthma attack but I haven’t had asthma in years. I stopped walking completely and leaned on Wallace, my ever trusty walking stick. Always there to help me through a particularly painful moment.

Tears welled up and I let them, if this wasn’t a moment to get upset then I don’t know what is. My life flashed before my eyes. This life of adventure, of pushing myself hard, enjoying the pain, knowing it was making me a better, tougher person. All for what, to have pushed through and have it all end here? Everyone that died on Everest was once a very motivated person, and I truly thought I was about to join the list. My lungs were shutting down halfway up a mountain where we had no phone, no internet, my friends ahead of me and no breath left to shout for help. ‘If I survive this moment’ I mentally promised myself, ‘I’ll stop being such a god damn idiot and admit when I need help in a more timely manner.’ That moment being 2 hours ago when my lung capacity first began it’s drastic decline.

The effort of crying stopped my breathing completely so I had to force myself to calm down. By keeping the rising panic at bay, my breathing went back to 20%.

Bob and Spencer had noticed how far away I was and they were patiently waiting, having finally reached the very outskirts of town. At least if anything happened they were close enough to call a helicopter and hopefully it would arrive soon enough to save me.

Melodramatic? In hindsight, being still alive. Yes. In the moment… No.

As I reached them and managed to wheeze out a quiet ‘I can’t breathe’. Bob snapped into action, he made me drop my pack and sit down.

‘I don’t think it’s a normal cold, Lou’

I nodded my agreement.

‘We need to get you to a doctor’

I agreed wholeheartedly.

A little part of me was happy knowing I hadn’t let a normal cold slow me down so much. The other part of me was berating myself for stupidly putting my life at so much risk.

Alas the doctor was 700m’s below us in Naamche. For now I just had to get somewhere warm and hope my lungs would sort there shit out.

Bob and I swapped packs so my load wouldn’t be so heavy and we made our way into town. I was considering evacuating myself, wondering if I was sick enough to claim it on insurance. If my breathing didn’t go back to normal there was no question, I would never make it down the hill on my own.

I was hoping it wouldn’t, I was so tired and I just wanted to be at normal altitude and able to get better and a helicopter would be a fun way to save myself.

But alas, after laying down in the warmth my breathing returned to normal (well as normal as it could with lungs filled with phlegm) and yet again, that annoying ‘I can do it!’ little bitch of a mental voice, started whispering in my ear.

Everything ached. I’d been carrying my camera around my neck for a few days and the muscles had seized up, so I couldn’t turn my head from side to side. I was so cold. So tired. But I was alive.

I thought the hardest part of the trek was behind me. A goal I’d wanted to achieve for years. Another reminder that life is what you create.

I actually managed 4 hours sleep. What a blessing.

However we still had another mission ahead of us. The doctor was in Naamche. 700m’s below us.

Even though we’re going DOWN the mountain, there’s still a fair few drastic inclines we would have to conquer before I could get the necessary medicine to heal my aching lungs.

Away we went, we hit the first small incline of the day and instantly my lungs shouted out in protest, my breathing plummeted back down to 70% and kept dropping.

We made it to the top before my lungs put out completely, but I was thinking about the rest of the hike to Naamche with trepidation. We had a 600m descent, instantly followed by a very sharp 300m incline.

I was not going to make it.

Luckily there are horses for hire along the route. Unluckily it was going to cost $100 US to get me up the hill.

To those of you reading this at home, drinking your morning coffee before you head to your cushy office job, $100 isn’t much for a horse ride that feels life saving.

However for a poor traveller $100 is a gigantuan amount, that’s 28 days of accomodation if you don’t mind staying in the dingy rooms. Or about 33 meals, 100 bottles of clean drinking water, 14 long haul bus rides.

Yesterday’s panic was fresh in my mind though so I reluctantly forked over the money, as you can’t enjoy travelling in Nepal if you’re dead. (Yes mum, that actually was an exaggeration.)

As soon as we started the incline, my regret over the money disappeared. I would not have made it up that hill.

I patted Dongma, my white and grey horse and saviour. He was breathing heavily. I thanked his owner who’d led us up the hill and off we went to Naamche. (It was going to cost another $100 to get the horse all the way to town, and no way I was paying that!)

3 more hours of torture before we finally made it. My lungs had reached the end of their tether. My vision was blurry and my eyes were bloodshot.

I still couldn’t move my neck.

The next morning I would be sitting in a doctors office with a cold stethoscope pressed into my back, being diagnosed with a chest infection. An infection that causes your airways to become swollen and filled with mucus, making it difficult to breathe. Not what you want when you have to walk for hours on end, carting heavy bags up a mountain were the oxygen is already sparse.

For now I took my first shower in 10 days, guzzled some cough syrup and collapsed into bed.

I may not have made it to the summit of Everest, but in that moment of bliss as my clean body fell into the sheets and I had enough oxygen in the air to breathe normally again, my muscles relaxing after a hot shower and knowing it was all downhill from here, I felt like I’d summited something far greater than a mountain. The memories that overwhelmed me as my body finally relaxed will stay with me for a lifetime as a constant reminder of all the things that I can do, even when it feels impossible. The pain I had experienced over the past 2 weeks washed away and left room for the new faith I found in myself.

I smiled briefly as I slipped into my heavenly slumber and dreamt of the packet of dates I was going to buy tomorrow.

Note: The dates were delicious.

The post Everest, A Tale of Woe | Hiking in the Himalayas, Nepal (Part 2) appeared first on roam.

Everest, A Tale of Woe | Hiking in the Himalayas, Nepal (Part 2) published first on https://takebreaktravel.tumblr.com/

[elegy7-blog]

short story i’ve been writing over a couple months now. Dunno when I’ll add to it. xp

A short story by kevin conley

Year 18,184 Machine Dominated Kevin, Tom, and Raul are in 18,184. Set in Dual Angel Galaxy across multiple planets

Charactersss woah woah woahhh

Bahan and Akira are two of z machines, they can experience empathy and form bonds with the humans they that choose. Fly through space, can only time travel with their human. badass robot gundams. Tom – Views reality differently than Kevin, is in favor of sacrificing, chained to a behemoth, dies quickly Raul –  Befriends Basan, is a secretive alchemist, lives. Basan – God of death, from another part of the Universe, can be summoned by Raul, evil..? Kevin – Captured chained to behemoth, is not in favor of sacrificing, does not die? Vince – Befriends Akira, is a secretive practicing alchemist, lives. Akira – Deus Ex Machina, a giant machine, wants to destroy the Omega and wipe out Alchemists, restoring order to Dual Angel Galaxy. Alchemists – Create black holes, (black holes are projecting outward instead of sucking inward into space time) Alchemists brought forth Omega. Alchemist are a part of a cult. Omega – Pseudo Deus Ex Machine ( located northern Canada) (force draws in behemoths with are carrying/dragging Slaves) (Will use life force from humans/machines to further power himself and will then consume the dual angel galaxy. Behemoths (elephant like, invincible, exudes exhaust, massive, uses machines to capture slaves, drags 10-100 slaves behind them at a time) (Behemoths cannot be pulled in a direction other than towards Omega) Current todooooo: introduce raul and basan!!!! Have them meet up? Free Kevin?

               Location - Planet – Andromeda                                   System – Dual Angel Galaxy

The year 18,184 and we were dominated by the Machine. That year seemed so distant in the mind of past generations. When Alchemists did the unthinkable it led to the Omega finding our world.

I opened my eyes ever slightly as the sun breathe hello, good morning, welcome back. How could one sleep when you are forced to walk to your death behind the Behemoths? Can you sleep while standing? Many would try to sleep sitting down, but when you attempt to sleep while being dragged you’ll run into things like rocks or trees.  We had crossed miles of desert. Scorching earth that would melt the padding of your shoes and burn your face. Our minds felt pain, but our bodies did not and would simply repair themselves. Indeed, a hellish limbo. Machina had intertwined with our blood when we were captured. We could not die until our blood infused machina had been transmitted to Omega. Now we were being dragged through the mud, if we were to stand or crouch the miles of upon miles of rosa carolinae would tear into us. It was Omegas favorite type of rose bush. I once read the plant originated from a planet called Earth in the Milky Way Galaxy.

In the year 18,184, the alchemists decided search for an Omega. A true, machine god. Omega was unknowingly summoned from another space time, one the alchemists had never opened before. In there were beings that viewed our galaxy as if it were a single blue marble, jumbling around in the fabric of a cosmic tote. From the blackholes came forth machines and in their minds, they were gods. Floating there, untouchable, blackened to the color of meteorite, they had been traveling through space for millions of years before arriving before us. They were colossal, one among many others, the space around them would vibrate.  

Kevin – “I was first chained to a Behemoth in 18,183 Before Domination (BD). You know, we saw real horror during our time. Manipulations of science that would forever change the universe. Alchemists conjuring blackholes out of matter. The mathematical manipulations of matter is so magnificent the light they exhibit can blind you. The rag that was worn across my eyes when the machines came down, melted into my skin.

               Tom – Kevin, I know this is a dream, a simulation.

               Kevin – It’s not a simulation, I would even know what that means anymore! Discussing the machines and a plan just isn’t worth it anymore.

Kevin put his hands over his face. Thorn after thorn would knick at his face if he was not laying to one side. His fist moved to his lip and it trembled. The scene was so beautiful. Rose bushes stretching out for miles and miles. Beyond the roses were green hills, they looked as if they were floating, rocking back and forth. From there jagged rocks, beach, and then ocean. Most masterfully were the Machines, floating there, ever guarding the Behemoths as they progressed to the Omega. As the Behemoths finally crossed the threshold of the rosebushes the other captives groaned, cringed, laying there lifeless, most continued to be dragged through the grass.

               Tom – *In hysterics* Kevin you’re so pessimistic, we don’t hate the machines, or the alchemists, or the Omega. They simply are and if you look just right over there…. you can…see...

Tom trailed off, mumbling into a few inches of space in front of him, those words were only heard by the machines.

Tom – “The grass, it feels so lush, and soft it’s so soft it feels real.”

               Kevin – “Tom, it is real. Not everything is affected by them.”

               Tom – “It even moves with the wind and glistens in the sunlight.”

               A thought bubble rose out of Kevin’s mind and into the air. Suddenly a machine flew over to it, poking and prodding at bubble. The light incandescent coloured cloud finally popped and collapsed into itself. Grey smoke rose upwards dissipating the higher it rose.  “Tom is brain washed, he’s what’s known as powering down. Giving into the machina.” I won’t ever obey! The machine flew down and menacingly stared at Kevin and then reverted to happily smiling. Smoke coming from the machines nostrils it was hot and smelled of cosmic moon dust. The machine jerked forward and lifted Kevin into the sky, through the wisps of clouds, the machine glowed a deep red, squeezing Kevin with crushing intensity. As if it were cycling through its own emotions it glowed fiery red to a deep trenched blue, the grip loosened and instantly repaired Kevin’s frame. Lowering in altitude, Kevin was placed on the back of the Behemoth and the machines visor flashed “HI I’M BAHAN!” Bahans thrusters flared and he quickly rose through Andromedas atmosphere. Spiraling and dancing in-between the clouds this machine had personality. It was not one to be under the control of the Omega.

   Location – Ocean Planet (unnamed)                                System – Dual Angel Galaxy

               Vince – “I found a bottle!.....there’s a transmitter inside!”

               Akira – “Vince!....the tide!”

Vince called out in a desperate voice, it was heard through Akiras electronics. The sky was exploding in electricity and the waves began to rock back and forth, the waves wanted to pull Vince further into the sea, desiring to surround and consume him. Vince clenched his teeth, teeth grinding together and then finally release.

Vince – AKIRA!!!!

The transmitter, being almost 200 years old still glowed faintly. However, faint it was it was there, a message of pain and sorrow, at the end would flash hope and desire. The ocean shifted back and forth between Vince’s legs. Vince stood there shaking, conjuring his own black hole, pushing the waves into a circle around him, thunder crackling the waves were pushed back. With a clash of electricity, the fabric of space tore open. Akira reared his demon like face through the black hole, tilted to one side and then pulled an arm through. Glistening in metal, forged in another realm it was the true Deus Ex Machine. Akira exited the spiral, roared and the black hole closed behind him.                The oceans current will draw you in and trap you in its pull. It was the call of the transmitter that brought Vince here. Vince’s life time had intertwined with Akiras. Vince clutch the transmitter so tightly within his hand, the parts protruding from it pierced into his palm. With his cry he summoned his machine. Appearing out of a black hole, Akira had arrived.  Glistening in power and radiating war torn death stood Akira. Akira was Vince’s brilliant warrior machine God... As the ocean roared so did Akira. The light intensified coming from Akiras chassis. Akira stretched out a battle ridden arm to Vince and motioned forward. Vince looked at the transmitter once more and then stepped into Akiras palm. Vince was lifted into Akiras chest cavity, he became enveloped in light blue wires that resembled human muscle. When Gods from the black holes bind with a human, their power intensifies tenfold.  

               Vince – Hey old friend!!!!!

               Akira – The pleasure is mine, Vince.

               Vince – We need to find Raul! He can summon Basan!

Akira flexed and his jet propulsion systems activated. A dull noise erupted into a roar as the waves came crashing down onto Akira. There was silence for a moment, but then Akira EXPLODED out of the waves, rain drops being vaporized as they jettisoned into the sky and upwards toward Andromeda.

“Akira… sometimes my feelings for you get so intense my heart feels like it’s exploding.”

Akira- “It’s alright, sometimes we need to experience the same emotions.”

“Akira, I can’t breathe..”

Vince lost consciousness. Akira

[corneliussteinbeck]

GGS Spotlight: Julie Barnum

Name: Julie Barnum Age: 24 Location: Fort Collins, CO

How did you find out about Girls Gone Strong? I was looking up some fitness-related question one day, and came upon the GGS website. I saw a place to subscribe for emails, which I did. I honestly forgot about it save for the occasional article until after a trip back home over Memorial Day. I remember feeling so out of control with my eating and feeling terrible because after about two years of super consistent working out in undergrad, anxiety that skyrocketed after graduation had stopped me from really getting anywhere with working out in graduate school. That’s about when I got an email from GGS about the Strongest You Coaching program, and it was like someone had read my mind and was sending me solution to my problems.

What does being a Girl Gone Strong mean to you? It means feeling confident and more sure of myself again. It means learning compassion and forgiveness towards myself when things don’t go as planned, with working out, with life, whatever. It means finding a group in which I can confide, and even to discover others who struggle after being diagnosed with an anxiety disorder to push through it to be able to work out and live life under new conditions.

Being a Girl Gone Strong means finding the inner badass within once more, and realizing I’ve had the strength all along inside of me to get past whatever challenges I’m facing as I grow up and learn how to “adult.”

(HA, still figuring that out daily)

What do you do? I am a graduate student at Colorado State University in the Department of Atmospheric Science. My work is related to weather radar and numerical modeling. There’s this weather model people at NASA Goddard are developing that basically simulates the same kinds of things a real radar can do. The idea is that we’ll be able to implement that in real-time and predict what types of precipitation will be where in a storm as it develops (think hail, heavy rain, stuff that the public cares about). There are some other facets to my research, but I’ll save you the long explanation. If you’re curious, hit me up for more information.

What else do you do? A bit of anything and everything. I run. I lift. I rock climb and boulder. I do yoga. I dance around like a fool when no one’s watching. I forecast weather situations for back where I’m from in Missouri and here in Colorado. I snowshoe. I ski, when time and money permit. I hike, both lower and high altitude (I’ve made it up three 14-ers in Colorado: Bierstadt, Grays, and Torreys). Note, 14-ers are mountains with a height between 14,000 and 15,000 feet. I’m also really into travelling when I can. I did a year abroad between high school and undergrad in southern France. I try to speak French whenever I can, because if you don’t use it, you lose it. When the weather is looking right, and my advisor is okay with me taking time off research, I storm chase (don’t know many other jobs where you can just go on a whim and do this). I’ve participated in two different meteorological field campaigns (PECAN and C3LOUD-EX) chasing specific storm types to collect data. I’m kind of a jack of all trades.

How did you get introduced to strength training, and how long have you been training? I remember doing a little bit of lifting for summertime P.E. classes in high school. Then I essentially didn’t touch weights again until my Junior year in undergrad. That mainly arose because I started dating my current significant other, who lifts religiously. It started out as something we could do together, and then when he moved for graduate school it turned into a more personal activity because I enjoyed the progress I was seeing.

It was a bit weird to work out alone at first, but it became liberating to not be afraid to enter “bro-central” all on my own.

Favorite Lift: This is hard to narrow down to one. But, for lifting iron, it’d probably be deadlifts. All the deadlifts. As for body weight lifts….push-ups, as well as what is quickly becoming one of my favorites: chin-ups and pull-ups. My confidence in lifting and in my ability to do what I put my mind to has grown exponentially from where it was pre-GSS and Strongest You, so I know I’ll get there. It’ll just take a bit, which is something I’ve come to terms with during Strongest You. Some things take a bit, and that’s okay and expected. Plus, it’s so much more rewarding when you finally get something you’ve been working at for soooooooo long.

Top 3 things you must have with you at the gym or in your gym bag: Phone (my source of music), headphones, water bottle.

Do you prefer to train alone or with others? Why? If I’m lifting/doing HIIT/cardio at the gym, I’m almost exclusively alone. I get into this very cathartic zone. Training is where I work on myself and on pushing my boundaries (physically and mentally, since working out can still sometimes bring up unpleasant anxious feelings). So to be with someone else when I’m doing that feels almost like a violation to my true “me” time. Occasionally I’ll lift with my boyfriend and friends. Incidentally, one of my Strongest Your workouts totally crushed three different guys… that felt super satisfying, not gonna lie. However, I do work out with others when it comes to other activities. Most of my working out with others is in the form of weekly rock climbing and bouldering sessions or hiking. Those are pretty much the only two things I do with others, because I find those activities more fun that way.

Best compliment you’ve received lately: Work-related, I was told by people working with me on research related to my Master’s project at NASA Goddard that they really liked some plots I had put together for a presentation; they said that the plots were of conference presentation/poster quality, which was a huge compliment. Workout-related, I have had someone at the gym comment on how good my deadlift form was. That felt awesome because I’ve been so neurotic about good form. On my Instagram I had a friend comment on a pull-up video “#welcometothegunshow! #badassery #woah”, which I though both hilarious and super nice at the same time.

Most recent compliment you gave someone else: I think the most recent compliment I gave was to someone’s deadlift PR. I told her that it looked awesome, and that I was super happy to see her actively setting her shoulders back, engaging them in the exercise. I try to throw out a few compliments a day to different women. I realized a bit ago that I tend to look at other women, particularly those who work out, as competition. If they do well, then I get jealous. I thought about it after a mindset assignment we did in Strongest You, and realized that that wasn’t the right way to go about it. I’m more at peace with myself now; I know I’m working hard on what I want to improve, and I’m doing me, as close to 100 percent as I can, every day That’s good enough for me. So now instead of letting myself turn to jealousy, I try to pour out support and encouragement instead.

I know that it makes me feel good when people cheer me on, so I try to be a cheerleader to others as well.

Favorite way to treat yourself: Sometimes, it’s a cookie. A really, deliciously, warm, soft cookie. I have a sort of obsession with delicious desserts. Sometimes I buy them, but I think it’s more fun to look up a recipe and make something tailored to my tastes. However, other times I like to not make food the focus of a reward. In those cases, I treat myself to a nice haircut, or a book I’ve been thinking about getting, a piece of clothing I’ve been desiring but have told myself I didn’t really “need” (except boots…everyone needs a ton of pairs of amazingly cute boots). Sometimes, I reward myself with exercise. I dance around the house, I go on a hike with friends, I rock climb when maybe my to-do list is still a bit long, but I’ve gotten a lot done. Gotta stay sane, you know?

Favorite quote: ”Let go of what was, surrender to what is, have faith in what will be”. That’s gotten me through a lot of darker moments.

Three words that best describe you: Driven. Outgoing. Unabashed.

Favorite book: Depends on my mood, but two books that have really stuck with me throughout time are Pride and Prejudice and 1984. A dichotomy of book tastes if I’ve ever seen one.

What inspires and motivates you? At the core, my desire to live life, and not just exist. This became especially prevalent the summer after graduating undergrad and suddenly having all this anxiety, and a few panic attacks and bad insomnia, hit. It left me feeling pretty broken and scared to do much of anything. About a year of that and I really decided to start saying screw it to that. I was still, and sometimes still am, stuck on how I used to feel better, and what if I had only done this differently, would it all be better, what if what if what if. What if I stopped “what if-ing” and created a new normal? That was really liberating for me. From then on, I decided to purposefully engage in activities that at times scare the living shit out of me. Then I know I’m truly doing something that’s going to make me grow and be stronger than I was before. Every opportunity to do that is a terrifying, but welcomed challenge. That’s how I got back into the gym, that’s how I’ve been able to be in crowded public places at night again, that’s how I got myself to summit three 14-ers in Colorado and that’s how I’m slowly regaining a sense of what it is to be me.

As for motivation for life or working out, I love watching inspirational YouTube videos (Prince Ea is great) or scrolling through Instagram. I follow a lot of other strong, powerful ladies (in more ways than just physical). To see other people pushing themselves and achieving, as well as pushing through hard times and failures, is so motivating to me. Other than that, I can’t not listen to music when working out/working on a project. At the moment, I’m on a Strange Music, Inc. kick. What can I say, I’m from Missouri.

Describe a typical day in your life, from waking up to bedtime: My typical weekday: Either I wake up and gym, then try to read some introspective-type book (can I get some heck yeah’s for Mark Manson’s the Subtle Art of Not Giving a F?) while eating breakfast, or I read then go to work (going to the gym after work in that case). Lately, when I’m done with all of that I come home and read up on training and anatomy. Other than weather, I’m very passionate about helping others be a better, healthier version of themselves. Somehow after defending my thesis, I want that to be worked into my life. After this, I eat dinner, generally while talking to the boyfriend and our roommate. Sometimes after work I’ll watch an episode of a favorite pastime show (anyone else still Friends or Buffy the Vampire Slayer fans? Yeah?). Sometimes instead of T.V. or hanging out with the others, I do a little yoga or meditation before bed. Every day I try to make it a little different. Keeps life interesting in the smaller moments.

When did you join Strongest You Coaching? Why did you decide to join and what helped you make the decision to join? I joined in 2016 for the group starting at the beginning of June with Jen Comas as our trainer. I think I’ve mentioned this already, but, I basically was feeling pretty unhappy with where I was physically, mentally, and emotionally after the first year of graduate school. I saw the email for Strongest You after a trip home, and thought, this is it. This is what I need to get back on track. For about two hours or so after the email, I read up on the program and agonized over the money. However, I realized that being a bit poorer than usual during graduate school, and becoming happier with myself as a person, was a way better alternative than having a bit more money and being unhappy.

What has been your biggest challenge in the Strongest You Coaching program? Myself. Mainly, anxiety, or other weird bodily-function fears, usually rooted in maybe a bit of something legit, but mostly me over-examining everything. I’ve been working very hard on letting that go. Jen and the other women in the group have been quite helpful in throwing encouragement and understanding my way whenever I have a rough day and divulge that information to them. I think my other biggest issues is trying to stick to mostly single-ingredient carbs. I mean…come on. Burritos on the daily would be my dream, but not necessarily the dreams of my digestive system. Sadness abounds.

What has been your biggest success in the Strongest You Coaching program? To me personally, making working through my various fears a conscious effort in some way, every day. I think I’ve come a long way from where I started in June. That, and hitting a 175-pound deadlift. Holllllaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

What do you like best about the Strongest You Coaching community? The inclusivity and willingness of many of the women in it to be 100 percent upfront and real about their successes, their failures, and their struggles. I’ve never met such an authentic group of women, and it’s so awesome. It made me feel more open to letting people in on my own successes and struggles.

What was your “BIG” goal that you wanted to achieve by the end of Strongest You Coaching? My final goal was to let the other women in the group and Jen know how much this process has meant to me. There have been ups and downs, but I’m a better person having known them all. Additionally, I plan to continue following all of the healthy eating habits, and mindset shifts we worked on during Strongest You. I am still working towards my Resolution Revolution goal for 2017 of a 200-pound deadlift and squat. That, and figuring out effective programming now on my own to get myself there. Jen has been giving us a lot of advice, and I creep pretty hard on other GSS women’s workouts (no shame). Between all that, I’m sure I’ll succeed in that goal.

What is the habit you’re currently working on most? If you mean dietary-wise, single-ingredient carbs. Gosh, I love burritos so much. As for a lifestyle habit? I think getting more daily movement in has been a challenge that I’m trying hard to work on. Also, I’m working on slowing down a bit. Breathing more throughout the day, taking more moments to just sit and be present. It’s so easy for me to let my brain go into overdrive, but it’s not beneficial to me to do that. It’s a hard habit to break, but I’m working on it.

How has Strongest You Coaching changed your life? I’ve touched on this a bit throughout my responses. The most obvious way it has helped me is in the consistency with which I work out now. That, however, stemmed from the fact that I’ve become much more confident in myself and am willing to push myself harder than I would’ve before. That’s really been instrumental in all my physical and emotional success. That could not have happened without Strongest You and the women in the group.

What would you tell a woman who’s nervous about joining Strongest You Coaching? If it’s the money, I get it. I’m a graduate student on a graduate student salary. It wasn’t always easy, but the benefits I’ve reaped from doing the program far outweigh any extra adventures I turned down because of money. If it’s because you’re nervous about what it entails, I’ll tell you the big secret —

Strongest You is all about learning to trust yourself.

It’s about learning to trust yourself in eating healthfully without being told exactly what to eat and when (because handing out meal plans is not how GGS rolls). It’s about having training that you are capable of doing, but which will still make you work for your gains, and it’s about thinking about how you think about fitness, others, and yourself. It’s a lot more introspection work than might be apparent. It’s much more than what you’ll find if you just get a few training sessions with a personal trainer at a gym. It’s worth every bit of anxiety I had before starting. You’ll be a better person for having gone through the program, I guarantee it. Let it be known though, it’s very much so a program that you get out of it what you put into it. So be prepared to go all in. Don’t hold back, it’ll only slow your progress and rob you of interactions that could seriously be eye-opening and crucial to your success!

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The post GGS Spotlight: Julie Barnum appeared first on Girls Gone Strong.

from Blogger http://corneliussteinbeck.blogspot.com/2017/05/ggs-spotlight-julie-barnum.html

[freaoscanlin]

This Olicity big bang would be the perfect way to get Badass Altitude out of the way. Ughhhhhh.

[freaoscanlin]

Thea and Kate becoming BFFs in the Altitude verse?

I don't remember what this is for, but I think it's one of those what would you have me write memes. Yes, I'm cleaning out my ask box tonight. This would be so much fun to write, and it kind of already is in progress. I mean, friends make each other bleed all the time and that leads to lifelong buddyships, right??

[freaoscanlin]

hi frea, read your bad altitude and i freaking LOVED it! omg, the intersection of the marvel and arrow characters, parallels between lunatics and lunatic handlers, and how the supers were helping team arrow, seriously, you are amazing! thank you thank you THANK YOU!

Aw, thanks! I should really go re-read the last part I wrote now that the Winter Soldier is out and has wrecked my canon completely for that universe, thanks Hydra! I think that universe is kind of hilarious because technically, Felicity's counterpart in the Marvel universe would be Darcy Lewis, but for some reason, it keeps lining up to be Natasha in the story. I mean, they're badass hackers, Felicity's had some training from Sara and can speak Russian...yeah. I'm just gonna leave it there. I'm so happy you enjoyed it! Thanks for this great ask! 

PS - your icon is like 50 kinds of cute, I'm not even kidding.

[freaoscanlin]

Oh. My. God. How come I haven't read Bad Altitude yet?! It's amazing! I could just picture Nat and Felicity being all sarcastic at each other in small cockpit. -Nonny Friend

I have no idea! For a while, it was my most popular Arrow fic in terms of kudos (some kind soul rec'd it on the TV Tropes page), and it was kiiiind of the start of my descent into madness. I'm glad you enjoyed it. There's a whole series afterward. I need to write the final installment.