#backwaterheroics

[sentmail]

CEMETERY :  for one muse to find the other at a gravestone.

a comprehensive list of scenarios

The fact that the church is still standing will never cease to feel like a dream, a fragment of a life gone by lingering in the cracks of the floorboards and the few scattered pews… but it is the scent of lilies in the air that gives him pause as he walks past the doors.

For a brief second, in the up swell of emotions within his chest, Kunsel wonders if it is sadness that nests in his rib cage, a presence that leaned against his heart — but it is not an ache, not something he wants to rid himself of. It is an acknowledgement, a melancholy, a memory plagued with affection…

And when his eyes raise towards what was once the flower patch, now a pond of still water as the foundation slowly caves to the tides of time, he sees it — and the feeling is given it's proper name:

Saudade.

The buster sword, now properly maintained, repaired. Standing tall where once Zack sought to spend all his free time at, thrown in the throes of a kid's puppy love. It was fitting - at least more fitting than his own selfish want to take it for himself, admittedly.

He walks the empty church with a light step, not wanting to disturb the stillness in the air, feeling like an intruder in the tranquility present, but he couldn't help himself, wanting to take a closer look, wanting to fill back in the details that were beginning to fade with time.

A hand reaches out to trail over the hilt of the blade, for a moment briefly considering grasping it before shaking his head and leaning back against the wooden lectern behind the buster sword, a small smile on his lips.

"Never did figure out how you managed to wield this thing." It's an admission spoken into empty air, taking his solitude in the church as a chance to vent what thoughts lingered in him still. "I was hoping that you'd teach me for a change… but I guess we'll do that next time around."

That was how it worked, right? They'd all go back to the same place and begin anew… it was a nice sentiment, even if at times he feared as all SOLDIERs did that they were too corrupt, too wrong, to be granted such grace.

But he lingers not on that, his gaze instead fondly focusing on the idle reflections on the water's surface, the lily petals floating on it still.

"… I blamed myself, you know. Thought that I should've done more, looked harder, searched for you myself… but that would've just gotten me terminated for good. We both know that." The laugh he gives rings hollow, but it is earnest in the bitter irony of it all. "Besides, how was I supposed to know you'd be trying to come back to the lion's den, eh? I would've revived you myself only to slap some sense into you if I could've… but I should've guessed."

He lifts his eyes to the sky, feeling a growing pressure behind his eyes - but he stubbornly refused to acknowledge the tears swarming his vision. He'd promised himself he wouldn't cry.

"You're stubborn, and you keep your promises. You came back after all that time because you're Zack Fair, and you don't let anyone stop you, for better or worse."

He sighs, raising a hand to wipe at his eyes.

"Bet you two are all caught up now, huh? Must be nice having company over. Me? Well… I'm good." He pauses, as if expecting incredulity. "I mean it. Finally figured out what to do with myself now that the world hasn't been on fire for more than five consecutive minutes. Gonna write a book, write down what I know — some proof that we existed. You'd take up half the book to be honest, but I think I'll save some stories for your parents."

He quiets down with that, thinking about having had to be the one to break the news… even if with a little white lie: Zack died helping people in meteor-fall, a hero until the end.

He chews on his lip as he thinks of all the words that he'd kept in his chest for all these years, of everything he'd once written down with no way of knowing if Zack ever got his messages… but although it hurts to handle them, there is a freedom in letting them go after all this time.

When he hears footsteps breach the entrance of the church he again wipes at his face, trying to conceal the earnest emotion dug out of him just moments ago… and his vision falls on one such Cloud Strife.

Zack really liked Cloud - he probably would've liked for both of them to be friends too… but, well, they were both too stubborn for that, having forged familiarity in their petty animosity, having both grown as people since knowing Zack.

And hey: on a good day it was even kind of fun, in it's own way.

Kunsel lingers in silence a little more, his gaze falling back to the buster sword and then back at Cloud, as if searching for what to say, somewhat bristled at having possibly been caught pouring his heart out… but also feeling disarmed enough by the environment to just.

Let it be, for now.

"It looks good." He finally said, sounding genuine for once. "Could use a little touch up but… the rust's all gone. I can tell you sharpened it. The leather's re-wrapped." He finally looks Cloud in the eye proper. "… Thank you. For bringing it here, for taking care of it."

[xkuja]

🫶what does after care look like for them? does kuja prefer sticking around after or hightailing it out/kicking his partner out to avoid dealing with aftermath..?

|| Sinday Headcanons ||

You got it, hole in one~.

He kicks them out, or leaves himself to go preen.

For him, aftercare involves avoiding that inevitable post-coital clarity, a deliberate escape from the... stark reality that follows intimacy.

Narcissists don't like to deal with their feelings.

[magitekelite]

✦ @backwaterheroics : terra….. share the moogle secrets 🤔 surely you know them….

❝ moogle secrets ? ❞

puzzlement washes over the girl’s features as she tilts her head .  have the moogles told her anything in confidence as of late ?  the mog 𝙾𝙵 𝙷𝙴𝚁 𝚆𝙾𝚁𝙻𝙳 is usually an open book , but the 𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚁 𝙼𝙾𝙶 ... ... well , even she has to accept ( to her disappointment ) that he could be quite the opposite .  suddenly , eyes light up brightly , shimmering like stars .  ❝ oh !  are you asking what’s the best way to fluff them ? ❞  she did not expect such a question from cloud , but she did not mind it .  after all , it was nice to have 𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐈𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐆𝐋𝐄 𝐅𝐋𝐔𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐆 !

❝ i like hugging them , but you have to be really gentle !  moogles don’t like their fur getting ruffled too hard .  eiko said moogles like kupo nuts too .  maybe we can try giving them some later ?  what do you think ? ❞

[aveartz]

The backwaters of kerala

[a-vctlan]

— will they / won't they prompts | @backwaterheroics :

i'll come pick you up. stay right there.

The line cuts before he even has a chance to reply, seeming like a sense of urgency overtook Cloud's senses for the time being — it was respectable, really, how focused the new guy could be when the situation called for it. And yet... Biggs finds it in him to be a little disappointed, even if he knows he's got no reason to be.

Cloud's a professional, alright... unlike the handful of them, who outside of Barret, never had any military experience, having to quickly adjust to whatever niches they'd fill in for their little rebellion group. It makes sense that he's cold and brief...

And about as prickly as they come, damn near needing cactuar gloves to handle him on a bad day - there were no wild swings in mood, but anyone with a sense for this sort of thing could feel it. Cloud's patience for things waver, and there's a bit of a push and pull necessary to get him to do things.

Unless your name is Tifa. Or, well... him now, too. It was a bit of a desperate decision to call Cloud - Barret had warned him to let things lie, and what had he done? He worried himself sick until he decided to double check the route they'd be taking on their next mission... only to be caught trespassing on Shinra property.

He got away, but not without a scratch, a nasty bite from one of the guard dogs. Running around without managing to deal with the bleeding first would just lead the dogs right back to base.

Biggs would hate to call anyone in Avalanche, an immediate "we told you so" no doubt at the ready for his paranoid self, and it is a small mercy Cloud took pity on him enough to be convinced with a simple "I'll owe you one".

[meteorshcts]

where are we going to get the money?

"Money? I guess the goats won't pay for themselves," Zack replied thoughtfully. "Hmmm. Are you saying you won't help me buy thirteen goats, Cloud? You wouldn't do that? For me? Your bestest bro?"

@backwaterheroics

[dxnzelstrife]

“ What do you know about them? “ @backwaterheroics

---

The boy stayed quiet as he sat on a creaky wooden chair that was situated outside of the principal's office. He didn't mean to land himself here. It just...happened. He'd snapped.

"Not a whole lot." came the quiet reply though he'd better fess up and explain himself. "Those two older kids started picking on me and said I had to keep giving them my lunch gil if I wanted it to stop. I told them you had a sword and would kick thier asses if but they didn't care so I...I punched one in the face and he told on me and said I was picking on him after he scratched me first."

Denzel diverted his attention and looked down at his dirty sneakers feeling his eyes getting misty as he felt Cloud's gaze on him. "I didn't wanna tell you or Tifa cause I thought I could take care of it myself and...and..." Slowly a few tears fell plus the boy had also gotten a few bruises and scratches of his own here and there in the scuffle. "I just wanna go home and forget all about this." He sniffled. "Can we go now?"

[rosahope]

           𝐅𝐎𝐑  𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓  𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓,  she's  been  in  her  own  world;  completely  absorbed  in  the  very  important  decision  of  picking  out  which  dress  to  wear.  Usa  had  all  but  given  up  on  asking  for  Cloud's  input.  It  was  obvious  that  not  only  did  he  not  know  a  thing  about  fashion,  but  he  clearly  didn't  see  it  as  much  of  a  monumental  decision  as  she  did.

           Boys,  honestly.

            She  settles  on  an  old  favourite.  A  summery  little  dress  with  thin  straps;  nearly  the  same  shade  as  Cloud's  hair.  Usa  disappears  into  her  bathroom  to  change,  only  keeping  the  door  cracked  enough  that  she  can  still  talk  but  not  so  wide  that  Cloud  can  get  a  peek.  From  inside,  she  hears  him  ask  about  his  hair  and  has  to  reel  in  her  knee-jerk  reaction  of  a  solid,  panicked  '  no  '.

            Usa  reappears  moments  later,  dressed  and  finally  ready  to  leave.  Except,  now  she's  preoccupied  with  Cloud's  question.  She  stops  just  before  him,  taking  his  face  gently  in  her  hands  so  that  he  has  to  look  up  at  her.  But  she's  not  looking  at  him,  really,  so  much  as  his  hair.

            ❝   Mm.  Let  me  see…   ❞  Slender  fingers  card  through  his  hair  and  push  back  the  long  strands  framing  his  face.  It's  almost  surreal,  how  such  a  minute  detail  almost  completely  changes  the  shape  of  his  face.  She  dislikes  it  immediately  and  drops  her  hands.  ❝   I'd  hate  to  see  you  cut  it.  Your  hair  is  so  soft!  Buuuuut,  maybe  a  trim  wouldn't  hurt.  I  think  I  can  just  about  put  your  hair  in  pigtails  now.   ❞

            The  mental  image  makes  her  giggle.

✉️ tracking update on your delivery → ☆ @rosahope

He fiddles with a compact, the mirror dusty with bits of powder. Clip clap, clip clap. He should probably put it down before Chibs snarks at him... or before he breaks it.

He tilts his head over the side of her vanity chair, lazy and feeling more than a little boneless. He's glad they don't do reservations. Or, like, planning of any kind. They would really be late, and he'd feel like they were wasting time.

Instead, he's perfectly content sitting here just spending time in the princess' space while she tries to make up her mind on an outfit.

"Hey," he says, tone mild as if this isn't totally out of the blue, or a dodge to her various inquiries of this or that. He's glad he has a minimal closet--black goes well with anything. "D'y'think I should do somethin-- with my hair?"

Clip clap, clip clap...

[rosahope]

cloud & chibiusa   ✧   Artist: backwaterheroics

✧  Reblogs OK! Do not repost. Do not remove caption. Do not tag as ‘me,’ ‘kin,’ or as a character face claim unless you are backwaterheroics. This work is not for public use. It was drawn for me and is not to be used without our express permission.

[sentmail]

— basorexia / the desire to kiss prompts | @backwaterheroics :

❛  20 .   a  kiss  out  of  desperation . kunsel reminiscing abt a time w zack abt it bc something cloud did reminded him of zack real hard

There's effort to be civil these days, a tolerance built through exposure and time; not unlike a frog set in a pot to be boiled. Their interactions remain astringent more often than not, cut short by the ever present feeling of interloping in each other's lives, but they stopped being actively hostile.

… Or he did, at least, swallowing down the pervasive feeling of wrongness that surrounded Cloud, having to deconstruct every facet of his discomfort for his own sanity, if anything else.

He felt wronged — robbed of answers in his grief, every last trace of Zack was taken from him and given a form he cannot grasp, a wound torn open, a haunting in the flesh; Cloud appeared as the perfect scapegoat for all his inadequacies, an external target for the years of guilt he'd silently carried on his own; a stranger in an uniform five years out of regulation, a sword nearly as tall as Cloud, the notion of stolen valor tasted sour and it drove Kunsel to keep his distance — because if anyone knew what being a SOLDIER meant, the history behind that blade, it would be him; it was the feeling of being left behind, always a step out formation, no matter what he did to try and follow, to make sense of the world crumbling around them he would always be left in the dark.

He was wrong — Cloud never wished for any of this; he'd known him once, an infantry brat with the worst attitude he'd ever seen - to turn into what he is today he had to have gone through enhancement procedures (if not worse) so Kunsel had zero excuses for not extending him basic grace when he made a point of dealing with even the most unstable ex-SOLDIERs still around as no one else would (or could); it was his own selfish hope that made him cling to denial, a self-betrayal when faced against the odds that Zack would've been the one to survive — the reports named it a SUCCESS; fear and anger never stopped him from reaching further, looking behind the curtain, and yet with Cloud that is what he did — he settled only for what he could see, what immediate reactions and suspicions his mind could conjure (was it his mind?).

But as helpful as it was to break down his own feelings and rid himself of the burden that settled in his chest, it didn't change one thing they'd both have to live with — there is something deeply wrong with Cloud, and it might always be.

It didn't mean that he should be a dick about it. So he stopped being one.

It gave space for ambivalence to exist, as uncomfortable as it leaned towards being, no scathing words but no comfort to be offered in each other's presence. They didn't seek each other out, some words and actions unable to be taken back, but they didn't avoid each other entirely, either.

Oi, need to talk to you. Got a favor to ask. Call me back when you can. [ Read - 2 Days Ago ]

It would be hard to, considering they both lived in Edge and Kunsel wasn't a stranger to calling in his delivery services, but that didn't mean it made either of them easy to find when they wanted to talk either, Kunsel having to head out of Edge with only the vague notion of "he should be getting back soon" from Tifa answering the phone.

He finds Cloud in the outskirts as expected, handling the wildlife with the tender hand it deserves, and Kunsel drives up only as close as necessary, getting out of his pick up truck and waiting there, leaning back against the front as he watches Cloud go at it. He could help, but it wouldn't be an appreciated gesture - Cloud's got it, and getting involved would just trip him up unnecessarily.

If Cloud wanted this to end sooner, he could've. As it was, he's just having fun at this point.

… Kunsel could tell.

The hardest part of dropping his defenses and ignoring the uncanny sensation brought by Cloud's presence was having to consciously take note of each and every borrowed mannerism he saw and make the effort to see Cloud past it. He was doing neither of them to a favor by clinging to the past, and certain things he could see Cloud made his own and deserved to be accredited for…

But there's still these glimpses. An afterimage of an afterimage. Picking through them is like handling glass.

It's the straightening of his back as he faces a challenge. A cocky attitude that has been earned through skill. Attacks once learned in basic now mastered and made his own.

It's hard not to draw parallels, mind picking Cloud apart like it could peel away the layers that held him together: how much do you know, how much do you remember? But he doesn't ask - he doesn't want to. Not when it could mean tarnishing the memories he's buried in his heart, cast a shadow on who he knew Zack as — the one thing he could ever name his own in a world that took everything from him.

Because that's all he can do now — remember, reminisce. The last message. The last voice call. The last time they saw each other.

"Heard you're going an assignment with Sephiroth, just got mine too, headed to Fort Condor to inspect the reactor." Routine check-ups weren't too alien of a concept, but having so many SOLDIER sent out at once to inspect them all raised questions Kunsel didn't have answers to… yet. He'd mail his ideas to Zack later. "Guess we won't see each other for a while."

Zack sighs, shoulders dropping like the wind got taken out of his sails - though as much as Kunsel would like to pretend it's at the terrible loss of not seeing him on the daily… he can tell Zack just mixed up the hours and showed up too early.

"You still got time, né?" The way he says it heavily implies that he knows Zack does, which catches Zack's attention and has him straighten up. "We could head out, kill some time before we gotta go. Haha, maybe you can introduce me to Aerith?"

Zack perked up immediately, as it was something he kept meaning to do but their schedules weren't playing nice. Insisted Kunsel would love her, that it was totally different under the plate.

( What did he sound like? What did he say? )

The rush downstairs, the idle chatter on all the things they'd have to pause for their respective assignments - Kunsel had to leave just before the finale to one of his shows, Zack promised Aerith that he'd bring her to the top plate one of these days. A train ride listening to music on Kunsel's PHS, an earphone each, leaning into each other. Zack leading the way to the church, excited to show it off, to see if she'd be there to introduce Kunsel to.

And she was. While he wasn't as quick to throw out the world love, Kunsel did enjoy spending time with her and helping Zack put together the flower wagon, seeing the slightly odd but overall coy charm that had won Zack over on their first meeting. It was nice down there, simple… quiet. He could understand why Zack hid away in here so often, away from the pressure he had to face in HQ.

But time was passing, and Kunsel had to nudge Zack to get him to hurry up his goodbyes to Aerith least they miss their train — Kunsel almost felt bad for having to cut it short, but with the promise made that Zack would come back and see her once he got back they made their way back.

And then that was it. Headed back to HQ. No saying when they'd see each other next.

Kunsel's assignment wasn't too bad, Fort Condor nearby enough that he should be done in a week max — but Zack was headed off to Nibelheim, which not only was on another continent, it was one of the oldest reactor models still in use - it was hard not to think about what could go wrong.

Alone together in an elevator, Kunsel twirls his helmet on his hand, spinning it around idly as he stews in his thoughts - and Zack laughs, tells him he's gonna do fine.

"Me? I know I can handle it, it's you I'm worried about." Kunsel counters, stalling the movement so that he could hold the helmet under his arm and face Zack proper. Twenty four floors to go. Zack shakes his head, laughs and tries to get him to relax, reminds him it's just a routine inspection, and he's going with Sephiroth, they're all going to be fine.

But Kunsel huffs, and brings his free hand up to Zack's cheek, guides him to look at him and his petulant frown, pulls him closer. "I know, just - c'mere." Less of a request and more of a demand, but Kunsel gets what he asks for, and he takes the chance to bridge the space between them. Eleven floors. It's rushed, a kiss shared with the knowledge the elevator could stop at any floor, barely anything worth remembering, a fleeting show of affection, but it gets the sentiment across.

Two floors. Kunsel leans back and puts his helmet on, turning to face the elevator doors. "I want you back in one piece, that's all I'm saying. Just be careful out there for me, yeah?" It's their floor, and they're headed in different directions - so they linger just a bit longer in front of it, Zack smiling at him with a palpable fondness, squeezing every last second that they had together just how they've always done.

"Yeah, yeah, I got you. Don't worry so much, I'll be back in Midgar before you know it! Just wait for me."

Does Cloud remember Zack as Kunsel does? What he was like on the day to day? What he could have been? Does he miss him as Kunsel does?

His thoughts are dispersed by a sudden silence, and although there's a lingering, complicated expression on his face, he is semi-impressed with Cloud's work as he looks up, uncrossing his arms as he stops leaning on his truck.

Not half bad - you'd hope so, considering he supposedly saved the world. Not good enough, however, to forgive the personal slight against him of not texting back or calling in 48 hours. That feels like a reasonable expectation, no?

With huff of mild amusement, Kunsel brings a hand up to his mouth and whistles loud and clear to get Cloud's attention, readying himself for a bit of attitude - no, it couldn't wait, he wouldn't be here if it could, now would he?  

[churchflower]

“Maybe don’t mention that to the police.” - @backwaterheroics

she turned her head to smother a laugh into his shoulder. she stood tightly by his side when danger was present. the infantryman interrogating Yuffie at the checkpoint was causing Yuffie to stumble a little. they wouldn’t pass the checkpoint, but it didn’t matter. they were just trying to get by as quietly as possible, and sometimes that didn’t happen. but even in these moments where danger loomed, she laughed. her hand came up to cover her smile. trying not to provoke the guard. She nudged him with her elbow playfully, cracking another warm smile at him before she focused on the fight ahead.

[fourthclone]

@backwaterheroics just asked me something that got the gears turning when it comes to roche . . . so i've established in the past that roche is very blood - knight adjacent , right ? what excites roche most of all is what is found in the thrill of a good fight . however , wanton destruction isn't really enough for roche , in fact , wanton destruction is just one of the many side - effects of his degradation .

let's look at the qualities roche exhibits as a rival - type character . well , we know that in remake , roche heals cloud with an elixir before their 1v1 . he's got an unhinged air of unease about him , yes , but he doesn't seek to kill cloud ; he just wishes to prove his own skills and his own mettle . this is made even more evident by roche's continuous efforts to let cloud escape ; sincerely wishing for his survival . i mean hey , he can't die ! when next they fight , he's going to be even stronger !

we also know that roche isn't a sore loser . roche loses with grace . you can tell that his losses disappoint him , but this is never anything he takes out on cloud . during every single battle with him , he concedes that he has lost , and consistently praises cloud for his skill . roche , as we can see , respects a strong fighter , and he's very quick to befriend them as a result . this is his language , after all : years of fighting have rendered this his default ; befriending others by playfully antagonizing them for a fight . his humanity , in essence , fades into this idea that he is a weapon , but the softer intents are still there .

so fights are bonding experiences for roche . this is how he seeks out cloud's friendship , and if it wasn't , he wouldn't be having as much fun as he does ( it's a game to him ! he's just playing ! ) , neither would he say things like 'maybe next time we can keep this just between the two of us !' in remake after their first battle . if the relationship were purely about competition or selfishness , i don't think roche would go through the lengths he does to recognize cloud as the victor .

back to more of roche's chivalric tendencies : he does not wish to get people involved who have nothing to do with his duel with his opponent . this is made evident when he invites cloud to a proper duel between the two of them in remake , and he detests other people interfering . he extends proper invitations for a duel first , and if he doesn't , he makes sure to make up for it in some way . like yeah bro , that was a good fight gg , now let me beat up these grunts in your way . he also stops cloud when he looks around at the grunts in rebirth after defeating roche and asks: ' anyone else ? ' because cloud still thinks this is an antagonistic thing ; he doesn't see it as a knightly duel , which is why roche is quick to say : ' come now ... this duel was ours alone . ' for roche , all duels have rules , so he deeply hesitates to pursue a fight with anyone who isn't SOLDIER unless they're more than up for the challenge . nevertheless , those fights aren't all that fun for him . he believes in fairness , where two warriors fight as equals and the only determining factor that differentiates both opponents is raw skill .

i do hesitate to ever headcanon that roche ever went to hojo for a special procedure with the explicit pursuit of power . this goes completely against roche's values as a knight ( again , this is what he thinks he is - and what he thought SOLDIER meant . he believed in SOLDIER honor very , very earnestly ) . he does not want power beyond what he had ; he wants his health back . he wants his speed and his spryness . he took great pride in being one of the fastest SOLDIER alive in his prime , and he was certainly a force to be reckoned with . what he believes is keeping him from ever meeting cloud as an equal is not his lack of special powers or enhancements , but because he's witnessing his own slow death , and to a weapon , as he weakens , this robs him of his purpose .

and that doesn't really matter if we switch words here and say that to a knight , this robs him of purpose , because either identity requires him to be able to fight . he's spent LITERALLY an entire decade and then some fighting for shinra , and he joined so young too and obtained so much meaning out of his identity as SOLDIER , you think degradation doesn't hit him like a ton of bricks ? and seeing these things and what he values , do we sincerely think that roche is above despair ?

he doesn't show it because when he loses , he doesn't want to make any of this about him . he wants to acknowledge cloud's courage , or leadership , or strength , or what-have-you . this is his friend , whom he admires ⸻ and part of being a knight is losing with grace and honor . but that doesn't mean his true face doesn't show outside of cloud's presence . we don't see it , so we'll never know ⸻ but the fact he ends up under hojo's knife tells me everything i need to know to infer that roche sincerely believed he could outrun his degradation ⸻ not for wanton power or mere adrenaline , but for friendship . and that is why what happens to him in rebirth is so tragic . i simply can't get behind the idea that he doesn't feel lonely . i definitely believe he is aware he does not ' fit in ' anywhere and he's just kind of . right back where he started w / his lonely childhood . he's got the admirers . he's got his haters . he's even in a position of leadership/some degree of power , at least toward his subordinates as captain of the mobile unit . but what does that matter when his heart is wanting ?

[axgmented]

@poeticphoenix // @cloudvii // @backwaterheroics // @saishuu-heiki

[sentmail]

𝙏𝙃𝙍𝙊𝙐𝙂𝙃 𝙄𝙏 𝘼𝙇𝙇, 𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝙒𝙀𝙍𝙀 𝙒𝙄𝙏𝙃 𝙈𝙀.

In a bid to remind myself why I write in the first place, I give you this: a celebration piece to bring to light some of the many scenes that still linger in my mind across the nearly 10 years now that I've been writing Kunsel.

Through everything that I've gone through, both in my personal life and on here wretched platform, what kept me going were the people that choose to give me a chance and believe in me, and took to writing with me with a care and attention that is hard to find — being the first to write with me seriously, remembering small character details, challenging me as a writer, entertaining the silliest of concepts, telling me you're happy to see me back whenever I crawl out of one of my hiatuses, it is a myriad of small things that mean the world to me.

I genuinely think neither my take on Kunsel, or myself really, would be the same without you guys. I wish I could form the words necessary to get my feelings across, but well, you'll have to contend yourselves with this sappy mess as I don't usually deal with emotions very well.

@meteor-shots — Zack, I know you're not really around anymore and we don't talk as much, having both moved onto different ventures & fandoms, but that just makes the times that we do cross paths (or you take the time to log on just to poke me) mean all the much more. Zackarías Fair will forever have a special place within Kunsel's heart, having been the first Zack to accept Kunsel as his best friend, if not more. You've also met me at my most uncertain, stuck between names and not really knowing where and who I'd turn out to be, and I thank you for letting me have the space to figure it out.

@backwaterheroics — Rowen, you are a menace and so is your Cloud. We share our tendency to appear and disappear at random, and so fall in the habit of not crossing paths. And yet, whenever we do meet, it's like no time has passed at all, and we're back to chatting and plotting and putting our two assholes through the wringer just for fun. I appreciate your Cloud deeply for letting me explore Kunsel's more antagonistic, grudge holding and jealous tendencies, as they are still a facet that lingers within him.

@pseudodead — Do I really even have to explain why you're here? Our of everyone I've written with, I feel like you're one of the people that are most invested in my portrayals, characters and world-building, and even as you move onto other fandoms and blogs, you still offer me some way to bother your muses or at the very least, push me to explore my concepts and challenge me to grow as a writer. Also sorry about the message spam you'll be getting when you eventually log on bestieeee.

@churchflower — Blue we're already back to chatting on Discord so I've made my feelings clear on how happy it makes me that we happened to reconnect, and it made me so giddy to hear you say you came back just for Kunsel. Having met you in the same era as Zack, you've seen my portrayal of him grow through the years, and I feel like I can attribute part of it to the fateful day you decided to entertain the thought of Kunsel & Aerith as a ship. Now look what happened to us. We're in ruin.

@fourthclone — DON'T THINK YOU'RE GETTING OUT OF THIS. We've already gone over the "I'm so happy you're back" business but!!! Again, I am so happy to see you back! And it meant so much to me to hear that you were hoping I'd come back - it was your pushing that got me fully back on board with this whole thing, and I have many thanks to give you and your Roche. We share the turbulent boat of kind of niche, disregarded characters, and it pleases a stubborn part of me that we're both still here after everything we've been through. Here's to us hurting our feelings with our blorbos for years to come.

Memories.

-----

Before he could come up with an answer, though, Kunsel was hugging him. At first, it surprised him, though he didn't know why. Maybe just because the last five years had been completely devoid of positive touch like this. Maybe it was because he hadn't quite expected it. But either way, it was needed, and Zack felt himself sink into the hug almost immediately, wrapping his arms tightly around his friend and burying his face in the other's shoulder.

Am I lost? You're not lost, you know this place. See how you know this place? That's not right—

His panicked breath halts and the world shifts under his feet. Against the cracking ache and the fogged haze, he lifts his head and blinks into the shine of mako gold eyes. When did you get here? Kunsel has information and he sends it to you often. Leave, he's not important.

"Lost? Me?" His toothy grin sends a flare of pain behind his eyes. When have we met? You know him, like you know this place. "Kunsel, man, you know I've run around underplate a thousand times! Stop worryin'! I'll see you later, ok? Things to do, pretty girls to see—"

Kunsel Zantos showed promise. That much had been obvious from day one of his formal recruitment; questionable background and motivations aside (that which, perhaps, had begun Tseng's careful monitoring in the first place). But in truth, the Turk had not expected him to last long. Bets placed against him for all manners of reasons/excuses, foolish enough to go poking his head in places they didn't belong.

And yet, here he was, stubbornly persistent despite it all.

The last time he had to deal with a SOLDIER directly like this? All those years ago. Alongside Zack. A case which had been pulled from its archival home to live under the watchful gaze of the leader of the Turks because of the very reckless idiot he was now working with.

There was a comfort in physical contact that Aerith couldn't explain. It was always how she had been. But she bottled that for the sake of being heartbroken. The more Kunsel came around, the more that heartbreak lifted. The more she felt herself. The more she punched and pushed, teased and tapped. Invaded his space with those big green eyes and smiled at him as wide as she could...

She was happy.

"...you're the only one that's left— you— you KNOW everything, and I know you have to live with that just as much as I do, but you've come back after all this time, and that's all you can say to me? 'Life isn't a game, Roche— life isn't a stage!' Then what am I supposed to make of it, huh? Play the loyal little hound like you? Bow down and kiss some Shinra ass while I'm at it? Abandon who I am; what my heart tells me to do? You're no better than those goddamn Turks."

-----

Thank you for the commission! 💜

[a-vctlan]

“ i don’t give two shits about the back-up; i’m just happy you’re alive. “ @barret :)

Breathing is a struggle — but he's breathing.

His good hand raises to his skull as he pushes himself off the floor, gritting his teeth as pain radiated up his gun-arm. Chances are, he fractured a bone, something that would impede him from firing at full capacity… if at all. His glasses were equally a lost cause, crushed by his weight as he collapsed, all warped metal and broken shards in his pocket.

"Dammit… how long was I out?!" His aggression is entirely inward, frustrated by his own ineptitude at being caught lacking in such a manner — but such were the risks of the games they were playing. Somethings just cannot be predicted, for as skilled as you may be in combat. "They need us, Cloud! We can't up and leave 'em!"

A sore loser, that he is, desperate to prove himself even in critical condition… when he knows damn well that if HE were the backup in this case, he would've wanted his buddies to make a get away while he handled the business.

And from the sounds in the distance, it sure sounded like they were handling it themselves just fine, the main branch of AVALANCHE stepping into the situation.

Figures they'd steal their glory.

Ugh.

Sitting up, he's forcibly kept in place by Cloud's surprisingly heavy hand, not allowed to get up until it looked like he got his gears back in order. And after his wounded pride dies down, he processes what the spiky haired fella said… and tries to scoff disarmingly, moving away Cloud's hand as to get back up even if with a slight hunch to his posture from bruised ribs.

"Getting attached to me now, are ya? C'mon, lets get a move on, then. Can't be wasting the time they're buying us… and I don't want you having a conniption over me." As if he was one to talk.

[devilreno]

@backwaterheroics​ asked: “Did you just bite me?!”

Physical contact starters

       It's been there a while now, this apathy he has for the merc. Who he is, what he does, is not of Reno’s concern. When he’s out of his sight, he’s out of his mind as well. However— when they’re together they’re much like fire and ice. Their personalities would clash, and so would their weapons. Just that— today Reno might have let out his spite in a different kind of way.

      The Turk brushes his hand past his lips, still tasting the cotton fabric on Cloud’s attire. Luckily for the blond, he didn’t go as far as to leave a mark. Or maybe his cloth saved him from it.

       He would do anything to catch him off guard, no matter what it is and in what way he would do it. A sly grin plasters across his face, uncovering pointy whites, and he lets his hand down.

       “Yeah? Whatcha gonna do ‘bout it?” He mocks, his tongue grazing his teeth as he tries not to cringe, remembering the cotton to teeth contact— not so pleasant.