#backstage magic weirdness got me fucked up now i need a lobotomy :/
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I need to be fucking lobotomized.
#lobotomy. now.#had a weird evening with the dude i'm head over heels for last week and havent seen him or stopped thinking about it since i feel insane#like. we were the only two folks backstage and he was just so. casually affectionate?? and so sleepy and cute oh my god#he was leaning against me and let me lean on him and he put his hand on my waist i#for context got cast as romantic lead with the dude i've been harboring a megacrush for. no he does not like me back. yes it is hell.#but like we were running lines and he has a line talking abt how pretty my character is and this man. leaned against my leg.#tilted his pretty face back. looked at me with those pretty eyes. and says it with his pretty mouth. most dopey sleepy lil face.#and his VOICE. Lobotomy. Now. I'm going insane.#and like i KNOW it's not a lot but for us it is a lot bc he's not very touchy and i am deliberately not touchy with him lest he Find Out#and we were alone yet still all quiet n whispery. and shit man it might just be me making shit up because he's so fucking pretty#i feel like dying every time i look at him#he's got this little snaggle-tooth and it is SO CUTE good lord this boy is devastating his SMILE his stupid lil GIGGLE#fuck man im dying here this boy will kill me#backstage magic weirdness got me fucked up now i need a lobotomy :/
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