#back in my day we got into media decades after it aired and we LIKED IT

[apollos-boyfriend]

the modern-day notion in fandoms that the second a piece of media is over you must move on and that fanbase is now “dead” is proof that god has left us

[disneyprincemuke]

never grow up * fem!driver

a collection of stories of when she first started out in the paddocks to the end of the season

pairings: sebastian vettel x fem!driver

word count: 4.7k

notes: hey i started this last tuesday and jusT finished it because i had the longest week known to mankind LMFAO

(series masterlist)

pre-season testing, 2023

sebastian is almost knocked back at the sudden presence of another in what he assumed was going to be an empty garage.

test session wasn’t for another couple of hours. but there, at the far end of the garage’s exit towards the pit, sat the driver. she sits on the floor, slouched over as her legs are crossed over one another.

“you’re early!”

“i couldn’t sleep,” she answers almost immediately. she turns her head to get a glance at sebastian. she gives him a small smile before turning away again to face the empty pit and grandstands. “i figured i should just sit here and take it all in.”

he smiles, closing the door behind him. he manoeuvres in and stops right next to her. he puts his hands on his hips. “i know, right? i didn’t sleep well days leading up to my rookie year either.”

she turns her head and furrows her eyebrows. “i didn’t think someone like you got nervous.”

“oh, i was terrified,” he laughs, finally bending down and dropping himself on the concrete floor next to her. “but i can only imagine the nerves, especially in your circumstance.”

“yeah, a woman in formula 1.” when he turns to look at her, she’s fiddling around with her thumbs. “first of its kind in decades.”

she laughs dryly before leaning back, resting her hands against the gravel. years ago, following her friends into formula 3 seemed like the biggest feat. then eventually, prema took a chance on her and threw her into formula 2 with the big guys.

even then, racing on the track and sharing the paddocks with bigger names like max verstappen and fernando alonso, formula 1 still seemed so far away. with good reason too, considering that her promotion announcement had been torn apart and overanalysed by the media.

everything, from mid december to early february, everyone had been tearing her apart.

but sebastian has been watching her since she started racing in f3 in place of oscar, after moving up to f2. she’s a joy to watch on the track.

and while he’s put away his years of being a villain to the public eye, he lives to prove everyone wrong. his first year as a race engineer, and then to have a woman as his driver? he would love to see it.

he is confident in the way she holds herself behind the wheel of a race car. there’s no doubt she’s a world champion in the making.

“no,” sebastian wags a finger in the air, “you’re a driver in formula 1. everyone in this garage — in the factory — supports you. we wouldn’t have put everything in developing the car for you if we didn’t think you’d be out here wrecking everybody.”

she sighs with a shrug. “i guess.”

he pats her firmly on the shoulder. “i’ll be here every step of the way, kid.”

bahrain, 2023

sebastian feels a presence looming over him as he scans the car with the andretti's engineers. he turns around with an eyebrow raised, locking eyes with the younger girl staring up at him with wide innocent eyes and a hopeful grin. a small smile stretches on his face as he straightens his back. “hi!”

“hi.” she glances away momentarily and licks her lips. she meets his eyes again with a soft sigh and a slightly wider grin. she hums as she sways, fingertips tapping against one another. “i have an interview.”

he nods hesitantly, raising an eyebrow. “alright.”

“okay.”

sebastian watches her curiously, not moving away from her position in front of him. she hugs she can on pepsi against her stomach as her eyes dart all over the garage. “is everything okay?”

“of course!” she answers almost too fast. she perks up with a smile and curious eyes. “i have a favour to ask.”

“anything, kid. what is it?”

she takes a deep breath and breathes out slowly. she looks away momentarily again and huffs. “well, you see… people keep staring at me when i’m walking around. it’s kinda… scary. they scare me.”

“okay? are they saying anything to you? who is it? give me names.”

“they’re not! but i can feel them whisper as i pass by — that’s never a good sign.”

“i’m sure they’re not gossiping about you, kid.”

“yeah, but, you know? i don’t like the possibility that they might be doing just that. and sometimes they point.”

sebastian smiles, slowly realising what she’s getting at. “do you want me to come with you?”

she hums, scrunching her nose and pressing her lips together. “do i? want you to come with me? what a bother!”

he shrugs, slowly walking away from her. “that’s okay, i was just offering. i’ll just see you–“

“yes! yes, seb! please, please,” she whines, grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the exit to the paddocks. “please come with me. i’m scared, i’m nervous, and oscar and logan are missing.”

he laughs, throwing his clipboard onto the table. “okay, let’s go. i’ll show you the best spots, kid.”

saudi arabia, 2023

she stares with wide eyes as she tries to process the question in her head. it’s the first of its kind, to be asked something like that. it echoes in her head like some of record player, unsure how she’s supposed to answer that question.

“do you think you’ll last longer than a couple of races like the last woman in formula 1?”

are they waiting for her to slip up and bring another woman down? a woman that’s basically urged her to even start racing in the first place?

is she supposed to say something that they could twist to make it sound like she’s against other women making it to where she is now? she’s just not sure. who even thinks of that question?

“is that question really appropriate?” sebastian steps forward with a hand on her back. “did you really sit there, watching this brilliant young woman walk towards you, and think that that’s an appropriate question to ask?”

“no, like i mean–“

“she will no longer be doing interviews with you. i don’t give a fuck who you work for,” sebastian mutters, slowly whisking the shocked girl away, shielding her away from the cameras.

she stays planted on the ground, head turning to follow sebastian slowly walking away. “no, it’s okay, really. i was just a little taken aback by the question.”

“no, this interview is over.”

sebastian shoots the reporter one last look before successfully whisking the young driver away from the cameras. “you don’t have to answer every question, you know?”

“it’s rude if i don’t,” she sighs, shaking her head. “i have to answer. what if they start thinking i’m a snob?”

“why is their problem if you’re a snob? if they ask you stupid questions, they can’t keep expecting sane answers,” sebastian scoffs. “write your narrative, don’t let them dictate and twist your answers.”

azerbajian, 2023

“seb,” she cries, nuzzling into his side as the marshals escort her. she has tears in her eyes as she approaches him by the medical building, finally pulling her hair back as sebastian takes her into his arms. “i’m sorry.”

“no,” he hums, rubbing her arm gently. “the important thing is that you’re okay, kid. don’t think about the crash at all.”

she shakes her head against his chest, finally letting out a soft sob. “but it’s so unlike me to crash. i’ve been racing for years!”

“these things happen.” he cranes his neck and pulls away slightly to glance at her face. she’s all red with tears streaming down her face, hiding her face away from curious race attendees. “you know what we should do?”

she mutters a soft ‘what’, rubbing her nose roughly as she glances up at him with sad eyes. he’s only gotten to know her better recently in light of him taking her under his wing, but it’s a very different energy when she’s like this. it’s not something he wants to get used to.

“i’ll walk you to the med bay, and then i’ll go and get you some ice cream. does that sound good?”

she shakes her head and sighs, letting sebastian wrap a protective arm around her as they walk. “i don’t want ice cream.”

sebastian gasps softly, flashing her a bewildered stare. “what? you don’t what?”

she sniffles. “i don’t feel like eating ice cream.”

“oh, come on,” he giggles, squeezing her cheek very lightly. “i’ll get you extra marshmallows and even add sprinkles in.”

she looks at him from the corners of her eyes, a small smile playing on her lips at his suggestion. “really? and extra chocolate syrup? just this once?”

sebastian nods with a smile. he moves over to her other side when he sees a camera approaching them, waving a hand in the air to shoo them away. “i’ll even let you eat a whole pint.”

australia, 2023

sebastian trails behind her, juggling between his phone and her helmet in her hands. he watches with a proud smile as she is stopped by a reporter.

“what does it feel like to be the first woman to score in formula 1 after years of the drought?”

she giggles giddily, stopping to answer a question. “hi! um, yes, it feels amazing to be the one to do it. it’s not a lot of points, but it really means a lot to me.”

“of course. do you think you can maintain this performance throughout your rookie season? what are some challenges you think you may face in the year to come?”

her eyes widen at the several questions for her. it feels just like they haven’t had any serious questions regarding the race for her since she started the year. sometimes they do, but it’s never really anything good that would reflect on her.

she looks over her shoulder, meeting sebastian’s eyes, as she smiles at him widely, as if to ask him ‘do you hear these legitimate questions they’re asking me?’. sebastian only gives her a warm smile in return with a thumbs-up.

she turns away and tries to come up with a proper answer to the question. “i think with sebastian’s help, it’s definitely made the transition a lot easier. hopefully i can stay consistent in the races to come. and my biggest challenge? definitely trying to catch up to max.”

they share a laugh. she turns around momentarily, looking at sebastian for approval of what she’s just rambled on about. sebastian gives her another smile and a nod, making a gesture to turn her back around.

“well, i think that’s everyone’s biggest challenge thus far into the season. thank you for your time today and good luck.”

miami, 2023

she holds the phone against her ear, temple laying against the window to stare at the paddocks. “where are you?”

“what do you mean?” sebastian’s voice comes through her phone, making her raise an eyebrow. “i don’t start as early as you today.”

“what? i’m supposed to walk into the paddocks by myself?” she shrieks, lifting her head. she looks around outside the car, watching the several people walking in and out.

“yes? aren’t you with oscar and logan?”

she tears her eyes away and turns to the other two men inside with her. “i don’t trust either of these idiots to not embarrass me walking in!”

logan throws his arms in the air, turning to her from the driver’s seat. his arm pokes between the two front seats, reaching to the back to try and hit her. she scowls and smacks his hand away, scowering away into the far corner from logan.

“you will be okay, kid. would you rather you walk in by yourself?”

she lets a moment pass. “okay. you got me there.” she sighs and rolls her eyes. “fine.”

monaco, 2023

“i’ve got an interview!”

he sees a shadow pass through the bottom of the car, prompting sebastian to jump up. the girl is already halfway towards the large exit that leads to the pitstop with a lollipop in hand. “coming!”

“it’s okay!” she holds her hands up in front of sebastian, grinning as he comes to a stop about three steps from the car.

sebastian tilts his head and frowns slightly. “what?”

“yeah, it’s a rookie interview. i got my bodyguards with me again today!”

he raises his eyebrows with an impressed grin. “oh! you’ll be okay without me?”

“yeah!”

as if on cue, two men — one in orange and on in blue — pulls up to the garage. “let’s go, loser!”

“okay,” sebastian laughs, greeting the two with a smile. he pats his driver on the back. “be back in one piece. i’ll see you later.”

“absolutely,” she grins. she runs around the car, throwing her arms around him and squeezing him. “you got my pepsi in the freezer?”

“i got 2 of them in the freezer just for you kid,” sebastian whispers, squeezing her back. he presses a kiss to the top of her head and waves as she starts walking away. “be safe!”

canada, 2023

“you don’t possibly need me just to get a cup of coffee downstairs, do you?” sebastian sighs. despite his complaint, he still follows the young driver down the stairs of the andretti racing home to get a drink.

and it’s been one their routines every race weekend: getting coffee together after their daily team meeting in his office. it’s endearing, really, how much she relies on him every weekend when she feels that the paddocks have their eyes glued to her too much.

“do you not like spending time with me anymore, seb?” she jokes, looking over her shoulder to tease him. “you can just say so.”

he laughs in bouts of sarcastic ‘haha’s and scowls at her slightly. “that’s not what i mean. half the season has come and gone — shouldn’t you be more comfortable roaming by yourself?”

“i guess,” she shrugs. “i just feel like being with you today!”

he pouts his bottom lip out and presses a hand against his chest. “oh, thank you. how thoughtful.”

sebastian stops in the kitchen of the office, grabbing the two custom andretti mugs with their names on the handle. his cup’s got her name and autograph, and hers with his. he extends his hand to her. “you know how i like my coffee, kid.”

“of course! i’m like your personal barista.”

austria, 2023

sebastian pushes the door open with a soft knock. “kid, are you better?”

“no! go away!” she shrieks, chucking a small pillow towards the door. “where are my meds? is logan seriously not back with them yet?”

he puts his hands in the air to surrender. “he’s trying to get here as quick as possible. are the cramps still bad?”

suddenly he feels like he wants to crawl into a random hole and stay there — the glare she is giving him simply made him wish that he never bothered to open his mouth.

“i don’t know. you tell me at the state you see me in,” she growls, eyebrows furrowed. “like–“

she whines again, clutching herself as she curls herself into a smaller ball on her beanbag. she closes her eyes and nuzzles her face into the stuffed koala with a soft cry.

“kid,” sebastian sighs, scratching his head. it sucks seeing anybody like that. “is there anything i can do to help? logan should be here any minute.”

“i want pepsi! freezing pepsi! like, with small bits of frozen pepsi in it — that’s how cold i want it.”

he hums. “i thought you shouldn’t be drinking cold drinks on your period?”

“you asked me how to help! i want pepsi! my frozen can of pepsi!”

he scrambles to run out of the room. “okay! i’ll get it from the fridge!”

silverstone, 2023

she shakes her arms and adjusts the neckline of her fireproofs. “i can do it.”

“yeah!” sebastian cheers, pumping his fist into the air. “i believe in you!”

“exactly. i can do it!”

but despite her words of encouragement for herself, her feet stay planted on the ground. her fists are balled by her side as her body stiffens up by the door with a scowl.

sebastian tilts his head, moving his head around hers to take a look at her face. he glances at the door. “do you have any intention to actually do it?”

“some time in the next hour, maybe,” she sighs. she turns around to sebastian and shakes her head. “i can’t do it, mate. i want to go home.”

“what?” sebastian throws his head back. he turns her back around and pushes her forward. “i promise you won’t die.”

“how do you know that?”

“you’re just walking the paddocks to the building to film a shoot with oscar and logan. you’ll survive the 2 minute walk, i swear.”

she huffs and pushes the glass doors open, glancing back at sebastian. “i’ll make a run for it so nobody has the time to realise it’s me.”

he shrugs with an impressed smile. if he were in her shoes, he never would have thought of that. “whatever works, kid.”

italy, 2023

“seb.” the girl drags her feet along the floors of the garage, hunched over slightly with a hand clutching her stomach. “how long til the first round of practice?”

“about 20 minutes,” sebastian says, looking up from his clipboard. by the sound of her voice, he already knows what’s going on. his suspicions are confirmed when he sees her at her state. “fuck’s sake.”

“i’m sorry. i promise i won’t take too long in the toilet.”

“we told you to stop eating ice cream before you have to get on the track,” sebastian sighs, throwing his head back. he puts the clipboard down, annoyed, yet he still reaches forward to wrap a protective arm around her shoulders and guides her towards the door leading to the paddocks. “your track anxiety doesn’t go well with ice cream, remember?”

“the idea was good in theory — it was pretty warm earlier.”

sebastian sighs and shakes his head. “you know where to find the meds for your stomach, right?”

she frowns, looking up at him. the pale lips and the sweaty forward simply told him everything he needed to know. he laughs with a small nod. “okay, i’ll deliver them to you with a glass of really cold water, okay?”

she nods with a small smile. “okay. thank you, seb.”

singapore, 2023

“what do i do with this?”

sebastian slowly turns to the girl with a scowl on his face. “what do you mean?”

“what do i do with this?” she repeats, putting her arms in the air in question. she turns to look sebastian in the eyes with eyebrows furrowed. “where do i put it? is it even mine?”

“they will make a replica for you to bring home.”

“but i live in an apartment with two hyperactive kids — they’ll only break it.”

“your ki– you mean kidnapper and stubby? just put it up away from them!”

“i,” she trails off, shaking her head. she lets her stare linger on the trophy sitting on the table in her driver’s room with worry. “i kinda don’t want it unless it’s a trophy for a race win.”

“complacent!” sebastian laughs. “are you that confident about being a race winner?”

“you don’t think i could win a race?”

“wait.”

“that’s kinda mean, seb. i don’t know.”

“you know that’s not what i mean.”

she shrugs and turns back to the trophy. “we just need to play bumper cars with max on the track, maybe.”

“maybe? definitely.”

she shrugs and puts her hands on her hips. “i reckon we just need more street circuits to throw max off. then maybe we get liam to be my teammate next year!”

qatar, 2023

sebastian looks up at the sound of the click of his door. he raises an eyebrow, frowning at the girl trying to silently escaping his office. “where are you going, kid?”

she stops with a hand on the door, head poking out as she smiles. “i’m going to get us coffee downstairs.”

he frowns and furrows his eyebrows. “without me?”

she squeaks slightly as she raises her eyebrows in shock. “i was gonna bring it back up here to you so we can chat while we discuss race strategies.”

“oh.”

“is something wrong? do you prefer drinking something else?”

sebastian shakes his head with a small smile. “no reason. you used to ask me to get coffee with you.” he puts a hand on his chest. “have you grown to hate me, kid?”

“aw, seb! it’s not like that!” she coos, running back into the room. she runs over to his side, resting herself on the armrest and throws her arms around sebastian. “i just thought i’d like to finally go get it myself, you know? you won’t be around forever.”

sebastian has to admit — that one kind of hurt him a little. he’d come out of retirement to step into an unlikely position in the sport so he could be part of her development as a driver. and also because he was starting to regret his decision slightly, but that’s besides the point.

and also the fact that he’s grown quite fond of her. while he’s got three children of his own back home, it’s just different with her.

“wow, kid. counting down the days to my eventual retirement that i won’t take back?”

“no, you misunderstand me, seb,” she giggles, resting her cheek on top of his head. “i just wanted to be a big girl; like you always tell me to be in the paddocks every weekend!”

brazil, 2023

“you’ll be okay without me?” sebastian hums, raising an eyebrow as he stands in her hotel room. he sinks into her pillows on the bed as he watches the young girl darting around the room to gather her things. “i can come if you want.”

“logan and oscar will be with me,” she grins, scrunching her nose with a soft giggle. “unless you would like to come with us, seb?”

he scoffs, folding his arms over his chest. “no way. i don’t understand valorant like you kids — i would have more questions than anything else. you don’t want that, kid.”

she laughs, shoving her items into her small purse. “it’s blythe’s finals! and i’m just as clueless about valorant as you are. the 3 of us know nothing.”

“i’m just upset you hadn’t invited me in the first place.”

“it was last minute! just come with us, seb!”

“i don’t have a ticket.”

“one of the players’ my sister. we’ll find a way to get you in without a ticket.”

sebastian raises his eyebrow. “wow, corruption has gotten to you quick.”

“no, that’s literally how we’re able to attend. blythe pulled strings.”

he rolls his eyes, a small smile growing on his lips as he pushes himself off the bed. he actually does want to come along. finding out he wasn’t even part of the original plan hurt, yes, but he doesn’t want to push himself to be a part of plans that he’s not invited to.

“okay, if you insist.”

las vegas, 2023

she raises an eyebrow, scoffing. “you’re fucking kidding, right?”

max raises his eyebrows, turning to the girl with an impressed grin. while she’s not one to shy from cussing away from cameras, doing it with a room full of cameras and reporters is simply a different thing. he glances at sebastian who has his chest puffed out and eyebrows furrowed since the question was being asked.

the question was easy: how do you do your hair for race weekends, and how does it always look good after the race?

kimi is right, his lecture that weekend in austin has finally taken its mark in her brain. why are all the questions directed at her during press conferences always redirected back to her womanhood?

if she wanted to be asked about her makeup routine and collection, she’d have started an instagram live instead of wasting her time on this stupid couch.

“it’s unfair, don’t you think? you’ve asked me one question about racing, now suddenly it’s about my hair?”

“in a sense that–“

“i’m just curious. i’ve raced the races of what i can give this year to prove that i should be respected as a driver. why are you asking me about my hair?” she raises an eyebrow. “you’re a 50-year-old man. what have you got to learn from my haircare routine?”

max snorts and sebastian bursts into laughter. she clenches her jaw, genuinely getting slightly agitated. she meets sebastian’s eyes who only gives her a thumbs up with the proudest smile.

it’s nice to finally see her standing up for herself.

abu dhabi, 2023

sebastian holds the phone up to his ear, looking into the designated car that she’d taken to the paddocks that night.

“yeah?” a soft voice comes through, getting overshadowed by the loud music in the background. “what’s up, seb?”

“where are you? i’m at your car.”

he hears her hum in confusion. “what do you mean? i’m already in the paddocks, seb.”

he scratches his head, raising his eyebrow as he looks towards the busy entrance of the paddocks. “what do you mean? i thought you’d wait for me outside? aren’t logan and oscar coming in later than we are?”

“yes. but i arrived before you so i thought i’d just wait for you here,” she explains. “did i forget something?”

“no, it’s just,” he sighs and starts making his way to the row of gantries, “you’d usually wait for me if you were by yourself. i thought we were doing the same — i completely forgot that you’re a big girl now.”

he hears her laugh, louder and wholeheartedly. “seb, that’s so sweet! i can’t believe you looked for me even though i haven’t said anything!”

he rolls his eyes. “oh, shut up.”

— bonus

“seb, look what i got you over the break!” she shrieks, jogging into his room with a paper bag in her hands. “i got us matching somethings!”

he raises an eyebrow, looking up from his phone. “what? you got me something?”

“yeah! i wouldn’t have gotten my first points without you, so i wanted to get us something to celebrate our first points as a duo,” she giggles, sitting on the seat on the other side of the table.

she puts the paper bag down and starts pulling a set of mug out of it. she hands him a mug and holds up her own excitedly.

he looks at the mug. it’s got her name on the handle and her signature messily printed over their names mushed together into one in big and blocky purple letters.

“look at the bottom.”

‘long live — all the magic we made’ with the date of the australia race is carved into the bottom of the mug.

he smiles, looking up. “you really didn’t have to, kid. but thank you. this is so thoughtful.”

she claps silently, jumping on the spot with a giggle. “it’s just a small token to remember one of the times we made history together.”

taglist: @wcnorris @treehouse-mouse @laura-naruto-fan1998 @mindless-rock @ironmaiden1313 @angsthology @cherry-piee @christianpulisic10 @elliegrey2803 @cashtons-wife @darleneslane @nikfigueiredo @happy-nico @namgification @sadg3 @a10vely-yutazen @mellowarcadefun @glitterf1 @megatrilss1885 @peqch-pie @gentlyweeps-world @woozarts @meadhbhcavanagh @inejismywife @2bormaybenot @love4lando

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

No Time This Time 9

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon and other elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You prize order and practicality but your past, and newest client, throw your life into chaos. (older [~50s] reader)

Character: Tony Stark

Notes: Alright. Tony is growing on me but only because he’s a shit stirrer.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you like Tony loves his own voice. Take care. 💖

"Please clear the week. Reschedule my meetings," you toss a pair of unworn sandals into your suitcase, your phone on the bed next to it.

"Yes, ma'am," Halton answers from the speaker.

"I did a quick sweep, there shouldn't be anything urgent. As it were, we will not be accepting any new clients until the end of the month."

He acquiesces again as you open a drawer and sift through, searching for a swimsuit. You can barely recall the last time you needed one.

"You can file it as paid vacation," you inform him.

"Thank you," he says, the smile obvious in his tone.

"Well, off you go. I don't want to hear from you again unless it's an emergency," you find a black bikini with the tags still on.

"Got it."

"Great, have a good day," you drop the suit in the bag and tap the screen, ending the call.

Almost as soon as the line is dead, another incoming call pops up. Your morning has been effectively avoiding the series of attempts from both Samia and your mother. You've set your voicemail and your automatic replies, you are out of office and soon to be out of the country.

It's as spontaneous as you've ever been. You're a planner. You don't just hop on the next plane out but that's exactly what you're doing. 

Your father was the same way. When he was practicing, he never took a vacation. And what did that get him? A heart attack. Several, actually. There will never be a better time to get away or a better reason.

No, you won't give Stark that much credit. It's not just him, it's you. You're old enough, you need to start doing things just for you.

Another call. Your mother has never been known as subtle. Or to take a hint. Sometimes even when you spell it out, she refuses to understand.

So be it. You need a moment to breathe before you relent. You need a second wind before you face the task that is your family and your past. More so, you need to be far from New York.

👜

You cannot claim to be unfamiliar with decadence. It is a privilege you treasure but never one you place as requisite. You can still admire luxury and you would define the resort as nothing less than.

Your room has a broad balcony that overlooks the Italian coast, the sun beats down on the sparkling sea, and illuminates the space, shadowing intricate patterns carved in wood. The decor speaks of an old world drawn into the present. Refined and elegant.

You wear a caftan down to the shore and claim your reserved seat among the row of vacationers. You strip off the sheer layer and rub in suncreen before reclining beneath the shade of a broad umbrella. You open your book and dive into the plot, forgetting the hot sands and the stolid air.

You're still not used to it. It's as if you're on a whole new planet. The first day saw you fighting not to check your phone or delve into your work email. You fought the urge to cling to routine and won. Your determination has ever been a talent.

After twelve, you have your first cocktail. A simple gin drink with lime. You let it seep in and ease you back into your fictional escape. An attendant brings you a fruit cocktail and some pastries not long after.

It's paradise and you value it dearly. You hadn't realised how sorely you need this. 

As you pack up, balmy and slightly sleepy from the sun, a speck flits across the sky. You look up but cannot place the phenomenon before it disappears. Your imagination must've been sparked by the mixture of heat and alcohol.

You return to your room and enjoy a dinner of handmade gnocchi and wine sauce. The more you indulge, the harder you know it will be to go back to the city. Your peace is underlined by a strand of wistfulness.

Several days trickle by in the same vein of lethargy. You have no appointments, no calls, no obligations besides the beach, a cocktail, and a book. It’s as if you are an entirely different person, as if you’ve taken on someone else’s life entirely. The stuffy overworked lawyer is still trapped in New York with her leeching family and arrogant clients.

A few too many mojitos have you sprawled on the sofa. The open balcony lets in the warm dusk breeze and lulls you deeper into drowsiness. The weight of the alcohol shrouds your body, sweeping you up in a swirling slumber that makes you dizzy.

The soft whisk of metal doors shut and you look over as a button clicks beneath the push of a finger. You follow the arm, the dark fabric of a tailored jacket, to the familiar face. You sneer and take a step back, the elevator tipping with your movement. You stumble and fall against the wall.

He laughs. A menacing laugh that echoes all around you and adds to the disorienting skew of your subconscious. You brace the metal rail against the wall and suddenly, you’re falling back, plummeting through open air.

Bright flashes of white appear above you as you flail helplessly. The laughter is muffled but deep. You’re scooped up in a hard metal embrace, the red and gold mask taunting you as you’re carried through the open sky.

The metal retracts and reveals your saviour. Not who you expect. It isn’t Tony but Carlisle, mocking you with that slanted grin you once thought was charming. He winks and lets you go, letting you fall like a stone through water.

You spin and face the looming ground, hurtling faster and faster towards you. You let out a shrill scream and jolt awake as it cuts through to reality. You’re out of breath as you sit up, nearly rolling off the couch as the sharp noise continues. It isn’t you, but your phone, shrieking at you.

You stagger to get to your feet. You shiver, still in only your bikini, and the phone goes silent. You search around the dim room, the sounds of the ocean crashing through the open doors.

Your cell lights up again and you snatch it from the wooden tabletop. You drag your finger across the screen, only vaguely reading the name on the display; Samia. You answer with a croak, holding back a hiccup.

“About time!” She sounds like your mother with her abrupt greeting, “I’ve been calling you all day. Don’t you understand it’s a fucking emergency?”

“Samia,” you say dully, bracing your forehead, “shhhhh,” you amble around and sit on the sofa, “why are you yelling?”

“Are you drunk?” She accuses.

“I’m on vacation–”

“Yes, we know, but not all of us just run away from our problems–”

You snort. Loud. You devolve into sardonic laughter and click your tongue loudly.

“Don’t lecture me on running away from responsibility, Sam, don’t,” you warn, “tell me what it is. Let’s cut out the rest.”

She gives a dramatic heave, “mom’s in the hospital.”

“What?” You sit forward.

“She fell. This morning. I… I was looking at venues, I couldn’t be there.”

“Fuck!” You exclaim without filter, “Samia… have you seen her?”

“Mmm, I really wanted to but Carlisle–”

“Oh,” you snarl, “Carlisle!” You growl as you ball your hand to a tight fist, “I’ll get a flight.”

“I’m going in the morning, I prom–”

You hang up and throw your phone onto the narrow table before you. You hang your head, cradling it as you fear it might split in two. Were you really stupid enough to think you could ever catch a break?

👜

The redeye has you back in the city by noon. You fall into the rush of the city naturally, hailing a cab and collecting yourself in the back seat. You tip the driver as he idles outside the hospital and you hop out, rolling suitcase in tow as you march through the front doors.

It takes another hour to be admitted to your mother’s room. You don’t expect a warm welcome. You’re not entirely sure what to expect as you enter her private room. The nurse informs you before she lets you in that your mother is awake. That must be good.

The entire space is decorated in bouquets of flowers. You didn’t know your mother would have that many wellwishers. You leave your bag by the door as you give a long consideration to the red roses nearest you.

“Finally, you decide to show up,” she yaps at you.

“Flights from Italy are not quick,” you reproach, “I came as quickly as I could.”

“You wouldn’t pick up the phone.”

You repress your frustration, “I left it in my room. I’m sorry, mother.”

“Selfish, as always.”

You swallow tightly. Selfish. You cut short your first vacation since your honeymoon to come make sure she was alright. Even after calling and being assured by the staff that it was luckily only a fall. She hadn’t even broken her hip.

“Lovely flowers,” you remark as you walk along the row of vases.

“Oh, isn’t it so pretty? Mr. Stark is so generous–”

“Stark?” You spin on your heel, “what do you mean?”

“Well, of course, he heard that my daughters were both absent and he had to be here. Samia is so busy so she called him just to be sure that I wasn’t alone.”

“She called him. Why would she do that?”

“Oh, he’s been most helpful with the wedding. He’s let her have his Tower for her party and he’s been helping with all sorts of details. He referred her to a wonderful designer for her dress, too. Ah, and he’s invited Carlisle to some tournament? I think, golf or the like–”

“That makes no sense,” you sniff, “why is Tony Stark… doing all that?”

“Perhaps he sees a lonely old woman who’s been neglected by her only children,” she bemoans.

You know you won’t get the answer from her. She’s drunk the fresh-ade. She is entirely swindled by the overpaid crook.

“So, where’s Samia, then? She told me she was coming this morning.”

“She’s on her way, I’m sure. The city, traffic.”

You could scream. You could break her hip yourself. She would excuse Samia for not making it across the city but would remand you for not magically teleporting from across the globe.

“Well, I’m not waiting on her. I think we have something to discuss.”

“Is it lunch? I am rather hungry and this hospital food, it does not agree with me,” she touches her stomach, “Mr. Stark was kind enough to come for dinner last night but I hate to trouble him further.”

“That can wait. Mother, we are hiring you a caregiver.”

“A caregiver? I am not helpless.”

“That isn’t what I’m saying. But it would bring peace of mind if you had someone around when me and Samia are not. It wouldn’t be forever but given your fall, you will need supervision.”

“Oh, so you can take time to go traipsing across the world but you can’t take any for me?”

You cross your arms and sigh. You stare at her blankly.

“It’s not an argument, it’s not a negotiation. It is how it will be. You are getting a nurse, at least until the physiotherapist clears you. That’s that.”

She scoffs, “ugh, you always did have the makings of a lawyer, you know that?”

“Thank you,” you retort harshly, “that’s the kindest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Oh, lord, what is up your behind? You’ve always been trite but you’ve never like this.”

“Mother, realise that you are not the only one with hardships, yes? I have to make sure you are well, which is what I am doing. I have attend the wedding of the husband who cheated on me, and I have to deal with the that is—” You stop yourself before you can say his name, “I have work. I have responsibilities and I hold to them. And it will never be enough.”

You wave her off and go back to the door, “I will order you lunch, we will eat it together, and we will hope that Samia for once comes through and shows up.”

You leave the room before you can combust. You stand in the hall, searching through your phone for somewhere nearby, or somewhere to order from. You fight to keep from shaking as you read the screen; get yourself together.

👜

Your vacation is a quickly fading memory as you fall back into the city life. You make several calls around in search of an appropriate homecare worker for your mother. Amid that, you return to office and work on your own to catch up. Halton is away but you’ll let him enjoy the last of his days off.

Between all that, you are faced with the daunting sight of an unexpected delivery. The clear glass box with the bouquet of pure white roses. It’s all very elaborate and exhausting. You flick back the silver clasp and lift the lid. Inside is a crystal rose on a golden stem, a date etched into the metal.

It’s an invite to your sister’s wedding and you are unsurprised by the tackiness of the overdone gesture. Beneath the ornament you would rather smash to bits, is a triarch that folds out to reveal the details and how to RSVP. You roll your eyes and blow out a breath.

A vineyard. Suiting. You replace the pieces in the box and leave the bouquet where it is. You type in the venue to Google. You nearly choke. Brick and Blossom Vino recently acquired by Stark Industries. How convenient.

It’s no coincidence. Stark has no business in wine or vineyard or event planning. It is not an advantageous deal, it is a direct statement. He may not be there in your face but he is haunting you nonetheless. Taunting you.

Let him waste his efforts. You will not be affected.

A knock comes at your office door. Another delivery. You sign and accepted the second bouquet. This one small and admittedly aesthetically pleasing. The small wooden box holds a cluster of pink tulips and baby’s breath. There’s a ribbon around it, attached to a simple card. It doesn’t really suggest Stark handiwork.

You take the envelope and unfold it. You smile as you see only the embossed bumps of braille within. Oh.

You take the card to your desk and grab your phone. You pull up Matt’s number and put him on speaker as you wait for an answer.

“Hey,” his voice comes amidst the honking of traffic and shuffle of the street.

“So, uh, how exactly am I supposed to read this card?”

“Ha, well, I could show you,” he offers, “if you’re free for dinner.”

“Hmm, well, I suppose I could clear my schedule,” you hum.

“Wow, really?”

“Sure,” you chew your lip and catch the unusual pinch, unclenching your teeth and clearing your throat, “I could use a drink.”

“Hopefully, this one doesn’t end up in some jerk’s face,” he chortles, “I’ll pick you up.”

[goodluckclove]

An Interview Series

Stop Two: A Private Room with @cssnder

When i thought to do this, Cassander Di Angelo was one of the first people I knew would make for good conversation. What resulted was something far more vulnerable on my end than I ever expected. She was kind, insightful, and intelligent as always, but I had to wait a few extra days before posting the log from this stop on my journey.

Join us as we discuss the nuance of identity in person, online, and on the page, and the reasons for why we do what we do.

If you want a closer look into Cassander's fascinating voice, I highly suggest signing up for her Substack. It's free, and you'll get direct access to her writing once it's developed! Now join us on this stop as we meet Cass somewhere quiet and secluded.

Now Playing: You Want it Darker by Leonard Cohen

It was a small, private, room of a quite picturesque sort. No bed, no television. There was a green sofa (one of those hideous things one could only find on sale the day following the death of an elderly, the kind you'd think smell of death but for whatever reason your girlfriend loves it), an antic wooden desk that stood grotesquely in the middle of the room, and an innumerable number of bookshelves. It wasn't much, and yet, the room seemed full.

The most interesting part was not so much the furnitures dressing the room but rather the few other details that were not of real interest when taken separately but created a striking picture when assembled together: the half-played game of solitaire spread on the floor, a selection of colourful ties hanging from the back of the sofa, papers all over the desk and piles of books everywhere but on the shelves.

The window was left open. And, in the morning fog, the sky turned into a pious white while the earthy smell of oak trees filled the cold November air. Melancholic, like a sad tune sang among magnolias.

where are we right now?

In a nameless town where no one knows me.

it's certainly a literary environment. i read through your entire blog so far while i was waiting to talk to you.

I used to be much more active on other platforms — Twitter, mainly. But as time went by, I learnt to love privacy and staying away from social medias. I think Tumblr is the platform I am the most active on, if that says anything about my relationship with the internet.

i have some mixed feelings on your content that i think would make for good conversation if you're open to it.

Sure, tell me.

so we've both been writing for a decade or longer. it's been fourteen years for me, and i think you said it was ten or more for you. would you say your practice up until now has also been very solitary? Yes, definitely.

i got the feeling. i can't cite the exact post, but i read something where you dove into your style of observational nuance, the aspects of strangers you take note of. And i immediately related, as someone who works the same way by instinct, but i found myself cringing. it felt like you were describing something deeply intimate about the creative process that you weren't supposed to put to paper. What I suppose i mean to say is that, after ten years of writing alone, how much do you still work to be understood by others? And to what extent?

Quite frankly, there are times where I feel like I don't really understand myself — maybe it's because I am only twenty-three, perhaps I haven't been human long enough yet to feel too sure on my feet. And I suppose, because of that, I do not expect anyone to understand me.

God, am I aware how it sounds so pessimistic but you know I do not mean it that way. I simply do not want to put unfair expectations on people simply because, in my mind, I was sure they, this person specifically, would understand me. If that makes sense? Plus, there are so many sides of us. I don't think we ever understand ourselves a hundred percent. So how could other people?

it's a strange juxtaposition to have that mindset and also be a writer and actor. someone might assume those are two mediums where the person is a vessel meant to relay an intent of some kind. to be comprehended, so to speak.

I think I do not necessarily want to be comprehended but rather offer something to other people — a minute of distraction, them feeling seen, or simply some inspiration. It's not to much about me but rather about them?

I remember something Margaret Atwood said in one videos. I saw it a long time ago so it's not verbatim, of course. But she said that once a book is out in the world, it's not yours anymore. No matter the message you put in it, everyone will interpret it as they want. Of course, it's better if they get what's written as you've written it. But you also have to accept that, most of the time, everyone will take what they want and leave the rest.

are you lonely? creating art as just an offering to the world sounds to me like the objective of someone who's either fulfilled in separate relationships or so lonely they've given up on escaping the feeling.

What other reason do people have to create art?

to be seen to some extent. to share a message that's important to them. to release something from within themselves. to process a color they're worried only they can see. or to just give a story to the world. no reason is better than the other.

I'm not lonely. But I do feel bored and stuck, though. Like I'm not living enough.

you do seem to cultivate some sort of Life Aesthetic from how you describe things. you know, black coffee and earl grey tea. classic music on a record player. violin and card games. russian literature, possibly in dog-eared paperback. the kids online would call it “dark academia”.

Yes, I love those and while I suppose what you say is true to a certain extent — I do love aesthetics as long as I make the rules for my own — I do not want to feel stuck in it. It would be hell, and it shouldn't be so serious. I love a variety of things — Nu metal, black leather, Barbie movies and animes like My Hero Academia.

it's odd how we only show certain parts of ourselves in different spaces. i don't think anyone reading your blog would peg you as a nu metal fan. i feel like i just uncovered a major scoop.

I supposed many of us feel like they need to have a more distinct aesthetic or some sort of brand. Even subconsciously so. I think, even if I didn't want to, there would always be different versions of me in my novels because I base everything on my feelings, me, places I've seen, people I've known. Oliver and his melancholy and need to live something, anything, is one version of me. If I were to write a book about a wanna be singer, it would also be a version of me, little me from the past who wanted to be a singer too. I think the version of me I put the most is my emotional self more than an aesthetic.

can you describe your emotional self?

Intense. Very often, I feel like my heart is too big for my body, you know. But it's also very important for me. If there's one thing that would make me more unhappy than to be overwhelmed by emotions, it's apathy. [Laughs] God, you must wonder what kind of weirdo you're interviewing.

no i'm actually quietly having an existential crisis in my discord server. this is very enlightening. is that something you think is present in the current novel you're developing?

Oh, definitely. I am really into stories fueled by the characters' emotional worlds. Oliver is a mess of self-doubts, of pressure to live something and feeling scared he'll never get to, of wanting to please at all costs. Wilhelm is apathy and the secret desire to let loose just to see what happens. It is safe to say I've always prioritized the emotional quality over the plots and events themselves.

i was supposed to have you introduce yourself. do you think you could maybe pitch your novel for new people?

My novel Thus Saith The Lord is set in Prague, in 1987. The story focused on a young student named Oliver, who's bored of his life and wishes for more in some sort of Bovary-way. He drops out and flees his monotonous home town in the countryside to move to a big city and finally live his life. Unfortunately, things do not turn out the way he hoped. Eventually, he ends up practically poor there and lonely and despises his new way of life. However, he goes on to befriend a guy who, with his connections, helps him integrate his Catholic school, thus pushing him to continue his studies. Once there, Oliver becomes morbidly fascinated by one of his classmates. What started out as a simple friendship quickly turns into obsession and desperation as the lines of morality become blurred.

As for me introducing myself: My name is Cassander, I am a twenty- three year old writer and aspiring actress from France.

assuming this draws a new audience to your blog and substack, what could they expect to see from you?

Anything in terms of medium — novels, poetry, short stories. Quite frankly, there's a melancholy feeling that permeates almost all my work. They can expect that already. As well as stories with immoral and horrible characters, intense emotions, terrible decisions, and existential themes. Do not expect anything tender or joyful, I've never been good for that sort of things.

and since you claimed you'd give yourself 10 years to write thus saith the lord, i feel like people are in for a pretty intense journey.

that's all i have to talk about. i could speak for much longer but i don't want to take up too much of your space. mind narrating my exit from this little room to close us out?

The teas had been drunk, and the conversation had died. Not an unpleasant silent, but rather the sort of satisfied ending, like after a good meal.

Clove got up. “That's all I have to talk about. I could speak for much longer but I don't want to take up too much of your space." They said.

A kind and polite ending to our conversation. Although it wasn't like I had plenty of people waiting at my door or a full schedule. I nodded, before walking them to the door. We exchanged our goodbyes, and as they walked away, I remembered these words by Shakespeare that I knew by heart:

“And whether we shall meet again I know not. Therefore our everlasting farewell take: For ever, and for ever, farewell, [trustees]! If we do meet again, why, we shall smile; If not, why then, this parting was well made.”

previous stop

[burningtacozombie]

As the WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes continue on, Danny Pino has been a regular presence on the picket lines around Los Angeles. “I’m here in solidarity, not only with the WGA, SAG-AFTRA, with IATSE, and our brother and sister unions to seek a fair deal,” he explains to Give Me My Remote in the video below. “And to be able to have some longevity, not only for artists and laborers, but for our unions that protect us.”

Pino has steadily worked for over two decades, including more than 150 episodes of COLD CASE and almost 100 episodes of LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT. In a pre-streaming world, successful shows would be sold into syndication (on local stations, as well as cable networks like USA Network, TNT, TBS, etc.). It would be a win-win-win for talent (who would receive residuals for the re-use of their work), studios (which sold the shows into the lucrative deals), and the channels (who got content without having to shell out the cost of production).

Now, some shows—largely procedurals and some comedies—still get sold into on-air syndication, but a large amount of viewership is coming from streaming…which has notoriously paid pennies, even when shows are breaking records.

For writers/actors/directors—who can go months or years without paying work, as they’re held awaiting production to start back up, auditioning for (or writing/prepping) their next project, and/or promoting something they’ve already completed—the sudden decrease in income has been life-changing.

“Well, that’s simple: residuals are a lifeline,” Pino says. “What actors make as salaries…once that show is canceled, or an actor moves on—what maintains them, what sustains their families, what allows them to send their children to school, what allows them to pay their medical bills, would be residuals.”

“That was true years ago when I first started in the business,” the writer/director/actor continues. “And that has slowly been whittled away to the point where actors can no longer rely on residuals. And that work that we do, that actors have done—that is being replayed and enjoyed by audiences and profitable to these big corporations—it is essentially stealing from an artist to use their likeness, to use their artistry, and to not pay them for that. It is not a handout. It is not something that is generous from the corporations. It is the right thing to do in exchange for the work that we’ve put in.”

Pino points to residuals as one of the key points he’s concerned about in the ongoing labor dispute, but also acknowledges the unknown of AI is a “huge concern.”

“It’s existential, not only for writers, but for actors and for directors as well,” he says. “And for everybody else down the line. The fewer actors that we have on set, whether principal actors or background, the fewer costumers, wardrobe, makeup and hair, gaffers, electricians, all the way down the line. And that is not only existential for SAG-AFTRA and WGA and the DGA, it is existential for the rest of the unions as well.”

The strike comes at a busy time for Pino, who just debuted his short UNIÓN DE REYES at the SAG-AFTRA-approved HollyShorts Film Festival. His long-running series, MAYANS M.C., also aired its final episode days after SAG-AFTRA officially went on strike. (Per SAG-AFTRA strike rules, actors are not supposed to promote past/present/future work for struck companies on social media, which MAYANS would fall under.)

“I so appreciate our fans, who understood why we can’t promote the shows that we love so much,” he says. “All of the time and effort, the vulnerability [and] courage that so many actors have put into our work—and [then] to not be able to be there for the fans and enjoy that work and celebrate it with them. So, I appreciate their understanding and their support as we try and battle [these] very difficult to pin down corporate interests. And I hope that they will—and I trust that they will—be with us once this is all over. [When] we’re able to relate with them, and to continue that dialogue between people who create art and those who enjoy it.”

In the meantime, Pino shares he hopes fans do what they feel comfortable with, solidarity-wise, whether it’s pausing their media consumption or sharing the striking workers’ messages. And, as everyone awaits a fair contract, he notes, “I hope that cooler heads will prevail and a deal will happen sooner than later.”

X - X

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Have I admitted on this blog yet that I was deeply obsessed with Survivor for about a decade and a half? It's the only reality show I've ever watched (or had the desire to watch), but I really watched it. I got so into it, I used to read all the Survivor blogs before social media existed. It started airing when I was nine years old and I watched the first season with my parents, I think I initially got into it because I spent all my time trying to understand the complex unspoken battle that was the social system at school, one I knew just enough about to know I was the worst one in my whole school at it and that's why I was the only one with no friends, and I enjoyed watching adults play out a similar concept in a way that had slightly more clearly defined rules, and crucially did not have consequences for my personal life, so I could try to study that as some outside example in my quest to understand how people worked. Also my grandmother, who was a psychologist for thirty years, was really into Survivor so we started calling each other after every episode to talk for two hours, and we became very close as a result of that, we'd get into all the psychological reasons why things happened on Survivor and then we'd just start talking about psychology in general and that is a huge part of why I went on to get a psych degree at university, and like I said I had no friends before high school so being close friends with my grandmother was a big deal. I ended up continuing to follow Survivor even after my grandmother died when I was 16, I kept it up until my mid-twenties, around season 30. Haven't followed it in several years now, though the other day I saw my mom watching and was pleased to see they've reached season 46. Good for them. I hope they get to 50.

Anyway, I remember Parvati. I definitely remember Parvati. Her first season was in 2006, the last season that aired before my grandmother died, when she was sick but still watching. It was also the first season that aired after I started to really properly work out I was (mostly) gay, after a long succession of female contestants that I cheered for between the ages of 10-16 because I just really really liked them for reasons I couldn't quite articulate at the time. Parvati was one of the first few that I could recognize at the time I liked because she was an attractive person walking around in bathing suits, though I did not say so to my grandmother. I never came out to her before she died, but she did give me a Melissa Etheridge CD for my fifteenth birthday, after several years of listening to me always pick one or two very attractive women from each Survivor season to really really like for unexplained reasons, so I'm pretty sure she knew.

All right, is that enough to justify this? I have now tied this into my lack of friends/fear of social situations as a child, my close bond with my late grandmother, my chosen field of study and related career path, and figuring out my stigmatized sexual orientation. All of which is entirely true and Survivor really did play a part in those things, but also, I have specifically chosen to tell those parts of the story in the hopes that tying it to enough subjects with emotional depth will help justify admitting to having spent many years being really really into a reality television show. And am now reporting on reality TV-based celebrity relationship gossip.

All right, I think I've done enough of that. Parvati Shallow was a contestant on several seasons of reality TV (she first played when I was 16, then came back for several more seasons across a bunch of years), I watched those seasons when I was a teenager and in my twenties, she was really hot, Mae Martin is also hot, those two even being in a room together feels like an insane crossover episode of my extremely different interests that I have trouble believing technically exist in the same universe, but damn, good for them. Good for both of them. I hope they're having a good time. Parvati was definitely not (openly) queer when she was on Survivor, but I'm not sure heterosexuality can survive the lure of Mae Martin. Sorry for engaging in both objectification and reality TV-based celebrity relationship gossip, I'll go back to being respectable tomorrow.

[nickgerlich]

Sweet Pie And By

Unexpected guests these days is probably a rarity, thanks to our always-on communication channels. It’s easy to let folks know in advance. But trust me, in ye olden days it was a very real possibility that your long lost cousins might just wind up on your front porch unannounced. Worse yet, it was dinner time, and you had only baked one pie.

Being the nice person you are, you welcomed them inside with open arms, and set out a few more plates. But what to do about that pie? You had planned on it being enough for your family, not anyone else, and there isn’t time to bake another.So you do what you have to do: slice it into smaller pieces.

The pie metaphor is a perfect one for when it comes to displaying information, whether it is sales, demographics, budgets, or whatever. And ever since digital marketing became a thing in the last 30 years, it applied even more so. You see, back when I took my first marketing course at university, that topic had not really been considered, and all that marketers had to consider were print, broadcast, and outdoor. When digital arrived, it meant there were unexpected guests at the table.

As I explain to my students, the advertising pie did not get bigger just because there were more places to spend it. No, it meant that the slices got smaller. Now that we have had quite a few years of juggling both traditional and digital marketing, we can see trends at work, because unlike when serving food to yourself and guests, there is no reason to expect that both traditional and digital will be treated as equals.

And the trend is definitely pointing toward digital these days, with digital growing 8.7% in 2Q, and traditional shrinking 4.1%.

That’s not to say that traditional will go away any time soon, although I suspect it will continue to decline in allocations. After all, Baby Boomers will be fading into the sunset, replaced by tech-savvy Gen-Zers who tilt toward digital. Still, there will likely always be a place for traditional media to some extent.

We may stream most or all of our content these days, but unless you opt for the premium package, you’re still going to be seeing ads. Outdoor still works, and is far safer than the driver playing with his phone. While newspapers are in steep decline, magazines are holding their own.

Digital’s hunger, though, is allowing it to get more of the pie, and that hunger is turned into eyeballs who might just reach for their wallet. It’s all about spending your money wisely, not equally.

In fact, digital will account for 68% of ad spending this year, with Meta, Alphabet, and Amazon accounting for 59% of all ad spending. Think about that. These three companies—social, search, and stuff—are really just giant ad agencies masquerading as household words.

Naturally, ad budgets will ebb and flow from year to year, based on corporate needs, the state of the economy, and so forth. It’s just that now, still a mere three decades since the current era began, the paradigm shift keeps shifting. When two out of three ad dollars are spent on platforms that did not exist until recently, you can begin to appreciate just how much of a tidal shift there has been.

Now you know why traditional media—God love ‘em—are nervous. If a traditional media outlet has not yet found a way to offer digital options, they may be out of business soon. Clinging only to the old school is a recipe for short-term demise. Sure, there will be people who read a newspaper and watch linear broadcast television until their dying day, but the number of those people is dwindling fast. Remember, they are being replaced by Gen-Zers, who have no attachments to ink smudges on their fingers or having to watch a show when it airs.

And me, I just love having a ring side seat to it all. I have loved being in the middle of all this change, from my very first course in 1977, to teaching it starting in 1983, all the way to the present. Let the evolution—of marketing, of me, of you—continue. And when the next unexpected guest shows up, because you know that something new will come along in this field, then welcome it inside and set another place at the table.

Dr “Slice It Thinner” Gerlich

Audio Blog

[bellmo15-blog]

Super Serious Borderlands 4 Teaser Breakdown

WOAHHHH! Holy shit you guys! A new trailer for a brand new Borderlands game just dropped just now on Youtube! So you know what that means!? Everyone’s gonna be doing trailer reaction breakdowns and trend surf for that sweet sweet ad revenue. SO OF COURSE I’M GOING TO TWO!

The trailer begins with a view of space. For those reading who are unaware of what space is, and I’m sure it’s maybe about like 95% of you, space is the expanse that exists beyond Earth’s Atmosphere and between celestial bodies and by extension, the expanse beyond the planet of Pandora which most of the Borderlands games are set in. Space has also been shown in multiple forms of media over the decades from stuff like Star Wars, Star Trek, Battlestar Galaxtica, Guardians of the Galaxy, Futurama, Super Mario Galaxy, Super Paper Mario, Sonic Adventure 2, Magic School Bus, Spla…

*1 hour later.*

Crash Bandicoot, Bayonetta and Firefly. However, do not think of going out into space in real life because there is no air in space and you will suffocate and die a slow and painful death including you head likely exploding. It is also made up of lots of stars which we can see ourselves in the trailer. Oh, you don’t know what stars are either. Well, you see, stars are luminous spheroid of plasma held together by self-gravity. The nearest star to earth is the sun. You know, that big orange ball you see when you look up at the sky every day that makes everything super-hot? Not to be confused with the game Super Hot with is a game that was release back on the 25th of February 2016 and was developed by the SUPERHOT Team. The game revolves around the idea that time only moves when you do, and you must clear levels by…

*2 hours later.*

And that’s why I think just by looking at this trailer alone we can tell that stars are likely going to play a massive role this new Borderlands game. And if they don’t, I’m going to boycott the shit out of this game and I’ll want my money back!

Anyway, now we get into the 2 second mark of this trailer and suddenly on the worlds flash “2K GAMES Presents.” Obviously, this game is being presented by 2K games but who are they I hear you ask? Well, 2K games are a gaming publisher that was originally founded as a subsidiary of Take-Two Interactive who you might recognise as the people who are also associated with Rockstar games. Who are Rockstar games you ask? Well, if you have ever played a Grand Theft Auto game in your life then you would of likely heard of these people as they are the developers…

*3 hours later.*

… and then certain user data got stolen and put up for sale.

Anyway a few seconds later when then get some more text telling us “A Gearbox Software game” and Gearbox Software are the developers of the Borderlands series starting with the first game in 2009 however there history actually goes a lot deeper than that as they were originally founded limited liability company in February of 1999 by five developers who were formally part of Rebel Boat Rockers. What are Rebel Boat Rockers? Well, they were a game development studio founded by a man named Billy Zelsnack who is man that…

*Seriously, if I actually went over EVERY bit of history behind this stuff for the sake of a dumb joke journal, I’m pretty sure the Bible would end up being shorter!*

Then, after the big text goes away, we see the Firehawks Insignia flame up in the space. As I’m sure most of us REAL FANS who have played this series since day one and have played nothing but this series for the rest of our lives know the Firehawk is what the character Lilith was called during the events of Borderlands 2. However, Lillith herself has a lot of history in the Borderlands series. She was one of the four playable characters in the original game and is widely considered to be the most overpowered character in that game thanks to her skills focusing on elemental damage. But she has an even deeper history in this series than that as her backstory is that she was a siren who were a group of supernatural beings gifted extraordinary powers which we are also told in a side mission in Borderlands 2 that only six of them can exist in the universe at any given time. That side mission being the one where you have to hunt down and kill…

*Is this joke about how long analysis videos can go on for un-funny yet?*

Then suddenly is transforms into Pandoras moon of Elpis. Elpis was a major key part of Borderlands The Pre Sequel which as you can tell from its name is a combination of the terms Prequel and Sequel.... Oh, what’s that? You don’t know what those terms mean? Don’t worry, that’s why I’m here to explain it. You see, a prequel is a new instalment in a franchise taking place before the events of a certain entry while a sequel takes place after one. Borderlands the Pre Sequel was released in 2014 by 2K Australia why as there name suggests were an Australian based studio. Australia is a country that while is was technically founded by some Portuguese guy that no one cares about it was truly founded by a British Sailor named Captain Cook. Captain Cook founded the country of Australia after…

*Okay you know what, let’s just skip to the end of this video, I got shit to do!*

And that’s why I think the writing at the end is saying “Buy Crypto Suckers!” And that’s it! That is everything I could get from this trailer after spending hours of my life going over every little detail. I’d like to thank you for reading this new journal and hope you all learned something new. Please remember to like and follow because I need that euphoria and attention and don’t forget to spam this in every Discord server you’re on because I need more views. Do you hear me? I need more! MORE! MORE ATTENTION MORE!!!!!!! … Oh right, you don’t know what euphoria means either do you? Well, it’s…

[maester-of-spreadsheets]

Okay okay okay more coherent IU concert thoughts because I wanna get this down when I’m still floating on air

So, I was nervous because I was alone and wondered if I’d be on the older side. But there were so many different generations there. I half expected it, but it was still really cool. Reminded me of the Shreya Ghoshal concert!

I was way up in the nosebleeds and while it would be nice to see IU closer, the light sticks made the whole thing so visually spectacular it sometimes felt like I secretly had the best seat in the house. Like, when I entered the stadium everything looked like this and I went into 🤩 mode and haven’t left it since.

And that was only the beginning with them. I don’t know if this is a common thing but somehow they were connecting to the stage lighting so they would change in time with the music and the visuals on stage??? Or maybe not and everyone just went to rehearsals that I never found out about. So you’d get visuals like this sprawled out in front of you and it really is no wonder I still have stars in my eyes:

And then of course, there was IU herself … and I have no words. She was just such a consummate artist. In person her voice was so clear, like a bell. And you could tell how much love she’d put into this concert and how much she wanted to connect with the audience. And we were all vibing off each other so hard that it made every note feel goddamn electric. And I’m so glad for it because the crowd strike think meant she couldn’t fly here from the previous stop. So she had to drive here. From ATLANTA. And she kept talking about how worried she was that she would be too tired to perform well but our enthusiastic welcome had energized her again. And now she wanted nothing more than to come back to DC someday. And idk it just felt so great that she at least had a warm welcome here after all that chaos!

She’s also so so funny. At one point she randomly started rattling off American slang she was picking up and became obsessed with. “I learned this phrase ‘ate it.’ What did I eat though?”

And yeah I just … vibed with songs I didn’t know, immediately developed love and appreciate for songs I didn’t care for (Celebrity is great with a live band who knew) and fucking transcended at my favorites.

I especially lost my goddamn mind during Shopper. I don’t know if it’s supposed to be kinda satirical or tongue in cheek. I think there’s likely something in there about the external validation (through, well, buying stuff or maybe it’s gesturing at social media likes or something?) But it’s been a year where I’m trying to do more, create more, love more. So I was shaking a little when I was singing stuff like “shop all day ay ay ay ay ay ay/greed is free ay ay ay ay ay ay!!” Also yelling LOOK AROUND!!! and seeing all the light sticks rewired something in me.

And yeah seriously the team behind this show really cared about the audience experience. There was always something going on with the stage, but it also somehow made the huge venue feel intimate. And they actually projected the romanized lyrics on to the screens complete with fan chants. So that’s a new experience for 2024 I guess. Going to a kpop concert and doing fan chants. Only took me a decade.

And yes I got to hear quarter life crisis/social satire song of my heart “twenty three” love and I’m so delighted. The intro video was funny too because it started out with the MV cake with the candles on it that said 23 but then it showed current day IU walking up to it and switching it to 32 (her current age.)

And then finally the second encore. She basically took requests and would randomly pick songs people had written on signs or did the songs people were yelling at her to sing. Which is a frankly insane way to handle an encore in a stadium that size but it was so charming. Idk man… let’s go haul!!

[olko71]

New Post has been published on All about business online

New Post has been published on https://yaroreviews.info/2023/08/air-traffic-control-uk-flight-chaos-to-continue-for-days-after-fault

Air traffic control: UK flight chaos to continue for days after fault

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By Francesca Gillett & Thomas Mackintosh

BBC News

Holidaymakers heading to and from the UK will face disruption for days after an air traffic fault caused chaos, the transport secretary has warned.

Hundreds of flights were cancelled or delayed due to the technical glitch with the UK’s air traffic system, leaving thousands of people stranded.

The government’s Mark Harper said it will take “some days to get… everybody to where they should be”.

Flight chaos is continuing on Tuesday, airlines and airports have warned.

Heathrow Airport – the world’s busiest two-runway airport – said its schedule remained “significantly disrupted”, while EasyJet said some flights are still “unable to operate”.

Holidaymakers described a nightmare Bank Holiday Monday, with many waiting hours for news of when they might get moving.

National Air Traffic Services (Nats) confirmed the fault just after midday on Monday, before it announced at 15:15 BST that it had identified and remedied the issue.

But it said it would “take some time for flights to return to normal”, they said – as they launched an investigation into what went wrong.

The government is confident there was no cyber attack, Transport Secretary Mr Harper told BBC Radio 4’s Today programme on Tuesday morning – but admitted the timing “was not at all helpful for people”.

“The last time there was something this significant was about a decade ago, so these things do not happen frequently” he said. “It is going to take some days to get completely everybody back to where they should be.”

Aviation expert John Strickland explained the knock-on impact on flight disruption will continue to “ripple on over the next few days”.

“Fortunately it is very uncommon,” Mr Strickland told BBC Radio 4’s Today programme. “The scale of this one was so significant – instead of minutes it lasted into hours.

“Hours really do have an enormous domino effect.”

Airports and airlines were forced to apologise to travellers for the delays and cancellations, and in some cases have offered passengers full refunds.

What are my rights if my flight is cancelled or delayed?

London’s Heathrow Airport asked passengers travelling on 29 August to contact their airlines before coming to the airport.

Gatwick said they expect delays and cancellations on Tuesday, while London Luton Airport also said flights across UK airspace remained subject to delays and cancellation and people should check with their airline for the status of their flight.

Aviation analyst Sally Gethin also said the disruption in the aftermath of the technical fault will last for days.

“Airlines will have a major headache now, looking after customers and getting the planes back to some normal schedule again,” she told BBC News.

“I think we are going to see sizable disruption in the coming hours and tomorrow [Monday], and I think for some people there could be a knock-on effect into later this week.”

PA Media

Passengers recounted how they faced huge disruption as air traffic control had to input routes manually, rather than automatically, because of the fault.

Serena Hamilton at Belfast International Airport said she was likely to miss a heart transplant check-up after her flight to Newcastle-upon-Tyne got cancelled.

“I had a transplant 15 months ago and these appointments are very important,” she told BBC News.

Irene Franklin, 60, said she, her daughter, son-in-law and friends were forced to pay for a hotel after their Delta flight from Heathrow to Texas was cancelled at the last minute.

“It was [saying delayed by] two hours, now it’s cancelled. It’s now not until tomorrow morning at 10,” she said.

Daniela Walther said she was supposed to catch a flight from Heathrow for Stuttgart, Germany, at 17:25, but it was pushed back eight hours.

She added: “I know it’s going to be long but on the other hand I don’t dare to leave because I don’t want to miss information, and I don’t know if I don’t get it on my phone.”

Cricket journalist Rory Dollard and his family are stuck in Bergerac, France and were told it could take up to six days to get home after his Ryanair flight was cancelled.

Thousands of passengers hit

According to aviation data firm Cirium on Monday afternoon, more than 230 departing fights had been cancelled, which it said was equivalent to 8% of all departures, and 271, or 9%, of incoming flights.

In a statement late on Monday night, Tui reassured its customers that on top of a refund they would be entitled to a “future holiday voucher of £100 per person”.

BA said that there were “significant and unavoidable delays and cancellations” and apologised for the inconvenience caused. It has advised customers who were travelling on short-haul services to check their flight was still running before heading to the airport.

The airline added customers due to travel on Monday and Tuesday may be able to move their flights free of charge to a later date.

PA Media

The CAA says that an airline has a duty of care to provide food, drink and accommodation if delays stretch overnight.

If a flight is cancelled, passengers should be offered a choice of a refund or alternative travel arrangements at the earlier opportunity.

Nats said it was a “flight planning issue” which had affected the system’s ability to automatically process flight plans.

This meant that flight plans could not be processed at the same volume, “hence the requirement for traffic flow restrictions” for safety.

Operations director Juliet Kennedy apologised for the disruption and announced an investigation into what happened.

Have you been affected by the delays? Get in touch by emailing haveyoursay@bbc.co.uk.

Please include a contact number if you are willing to speak to a BBC journalist. You can also get in touch in the following ways:

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Related Topics

Easyjet

London Heathrow Airport

Luton Airport

British Airways

Gatwick Airport

Air travel

Ryanair

Virgin Atlantic

Delta Airlines

More on this story

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Stranded passengers tell of plane cancellation woes

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What are my rights if my flight is cancelled or delayed?

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Man v machine at 30,000ft

5 February 2013

[mdhwrites]

Can we still send toh related asks even after the show is over?

Can we also send asks about other medias you're familiar with?

Absolutely yes to the first question. If TOH had stayed solidly in my heart, you'd probably still have me writing for this fandom for years to come because I'm stubborn like that. I am not the sort to join a fandom only while it's airing. Things I write as much fanfiction as I have for TOH aren't fleeting fancies for me. Hell, just because I love Luz, Amity and Boscha so much from my early days of writing them, I'll likely still keep making fanfiction of them or having my original works inspired by them going forward. It's who I am. As for other media: OF COURSE! You can honestly ask me asks of anything. I am admittedly slowing a little to doing one large ask a day I think, in part to just let some of the statements get to be seen more easily by more people. Also because I still don't get that many asks. I would also encourage not to just ask about media I'm familiar with because unfortunately that amount is pretty small, especially in the past decade effectively. But if people let me know they're interested in my thoughts on a property, it can help motivated me to watch it. Frankly, I'm just bad about watching scripted content because it makes my brain go brrrrr in ways that things like Youtube videos or livestreams don't and that can be... Rough sometimes. I have so many ideas already that I'd love to work on and getting more inspiration can be painful when I'm stuck in a slump like I am now where I'm struggling to write. Hell, despite wanting to be able to claim I did a chapter of a thing on an ask tomorrow (which does mean tomorrow's blog got changed by a new ask that I immediately wanted to answer), I'm answering this because my brain doesn't want to let me write still despite the fact that I am getting my energy back. Just need to do more than take walks with it. But yeah, after I moved out of my parent's house eight years ago now, I kind of stopped watching most television. One of the last cartoons I really kept up with before The Owl House was Randy Cunningham Ninth Grade Ninja (good show. Not perfect but a TON of fun and great for kids). Voltron, She-Ra, Paranormal Undead Park, etc. like that have just skipped over me. If not for my nephew, I'd likely have never started watching The Owl House and even then, I stopped somewhere around Adventure in the Elements with him. It took THE Lumity animatic for Little Miss Perfect (which the animator later took down... just like the creator of the popular Ordinary listed hers as private... Boy were those not fun moments for me as I started losing my ability to write again) to get me into the fandom and into the show proper. Honestly, one of these days, and probably sooner rather than later, I should do a Post Mortem on The Power of Love to talk about what inspired that story, what the goal was, all of its twists and turns, etc. like that because that story means SO MUCH to me and it could be fun to gush about it. Anyways: Yeah, send me your asks on anything, I don't care much about spoilers as I'm still enjoying Amphibia despite knowing how it ends and the like (my next episode is The First Temple and honestly there's a few blogs I could already do about how great Amphibia's writing is) and maybe it'll finally get me to watch some of these great shows I've missed!

[steveskafte]

BREAKING THE BOTTLENECK This old crate for alcohol brand Williams & Humbert made me think about something – the 21st century shift in how we interact with what's famous. Your perspective on the consumption of art comes down to one question: "Were you born before or after the bottleneck was broken?" It seems natural to assume that yearly sales for the most popular media have matched the world's rising population, but that's not the case. For example, the best-selling album of all time is still Michael Jackson's "Thriller", with 32 million copies going out in 1982. In contrast, the best-selling album of 2022 was "Midnights" by Taylor Swift, with only 1 million – including equivalent data from streaming. The most-watched TV episode ever is still the finale of M*A*S*H, which aired in 1983. 105 million people tuned in to see it at once. No one person or thing can ever be that famous again. Why is this? In the early 1980s, most folks only had access to a couple TV networks and a half-dozen radio stations. During my 1990s childhood in rural Nova Scotia, little had changed. It was still normal that every show we watched was familiar to our friends, and every hit song was heard by everyone. But when high speed internet took hold in the 2000s, we entered a world with more individual appeal. By the end of that decade, I could watch or listen to anything I wanted at any time, no corporate schedule to control my attention. Everything was accessible, and there was no need to consume entertainment out of boredom or a lack of options. Breaking the bottleneck between artists and audience had one main benefit and consequence. On the upside, the internet gave folks like me a chance. I've struggled for over a decade at making a living, but if I had the barrier of a publisher rejecting me from the start, I'd have given up long ago. The downside is higher competition. With so many people vying for attention, it's tough to stand out. Like a thousand hooks baited for just a few fish. I'm familiar with every cultural touchstone of entertainment from my childhood, because there isn't that many to know. Now, it's impossible to keep up with it all – and no one is trying. Does every artist deserve to make it? Decades ago, it was taken for granted that you got one good shot at an audience, and failure meant you wouldn't get another. You'd rarely have someone stubborn like me, plugging away for fifteen years for the kind of income a minimum wage job would pay. The internet keeps you hoping past hope's natural conclusion, but it can always bring a slow redemption. This year, it seems like all my struggles are coming around with meaning. Everyone who believed in me might finally be proven right. I wouldn't go back to the time of 105 million watching the same program at once. There's no place in that world for folks like me. I'm a product of anomaly, the weird son of ones, zeroes, and motherboards. I think we're a stronger people with less hive mind perspective, cultural variance making a better unity. We may not know all the same songs, watch all the same shows, or have a clue who's famous for our friends – but we can find a connection that's a little more like love. Not like that old, dead cult of celebrity, but closer to the bone. When we share, we're not just saying: "We're all on the same side" like before. Instead, we know that someone is on ours. January 29, 2023 Perotte, Nova Scotia Year 16, Day 5558 of my daily journal.

[timerliveblog]

Life Equals Time - Style Equals Money

Get yourself in a position where you have… Time AND Money.

Become the best version about You. Invest money in yourself.

Put your money into problems that make money.

Have the attitude that… Money is abundant together with money is all around you.

You can survive weeks without food stuff, days without water but only minutes without breathable air. As soon as you take away oxygen…

It becomes the most important thing in life!

It's an item we seldom consciously think about, unless you take it away.

You do not think about breathing unless you can't breath… (And usually that just happens once).

However , when you don't have any money, it characterizes your daily life… All Day Long - Everyday!

It's all you think about. On the plus side, when you get to the place in life where you have an abundance of money, some productive life changes and becomes about helping some.

And when you focus on helping others… You will be rewarded just by "The Universe" and have even more abundance.

We can't turn out to be it. Some call it spiritual, others call it all karma, luck, favor… Science can't prove it. Basically no machine can measure it. It just works!

Some phone call it "Faith. "

You can then go out and bless many others. Become an abundance warrior.

Set a personal goal. Surpass it again. Learn how to empower others.

Build a social media influence and basis your business.

Get a digital product such as an automated webinar countdown timer.

And then put the webinar on replay.

People will invest in the automated webinar.

Then, by promoting affiliate offers, the main selling is done "auto-magically".

You just collect, keep, and profit the commission checks.

What a wonderful life!

Build… Improve… Scale… and Multiply

Always sounds so easy. But is it extremely?

The truth is NO, it is not.

It's hard and like all sorts of things worth having in life… It takes work!

That's the dirty bit secret they don't tell you in the ads.

But the reality is… The main Harder You Work, The Luckier You Become.

I saw Jesse Trump at the Jacob Javits Center in New York City around a decade ago. It was a FREE speech, no charge to get for, no security checks, no bomb sniffing dogs. Designed to the general public.

Anybody could come, no metal detectors.

Obtained a different world back then… Safer!

(I heard 'The Donald' got paid a million bucks for the speech).

I remember Overcome was talking about Paul McCartney. Trump said… 'that lousy bastard Paul McCartney' didn't have a pre-nup.

That divorce lawyer atlanta cost Paul a ton of money, No pre-nup!

After an interesting, unscripted and entertaining speech, at the end of the evening, 'The Donald' concluded his talk by saying something I'll never forget.

Donald Trump said… "Never, never, never, never, Do not Give Up! "

Here it is now a decade later, and that also sticks in my mind.

[sometipsygnostalgic]

“What Was Missing” to “Obsidian”- 10 years of LGBT representation in cartoons

Guys, it’s been 10 years since What Was Missing aired. 

Any Adventure Time fan knows what this is, but any cartoon fan needs to understand what Was Missing is the reason there was a big push for LGBT characters in kid’s cartoons. I’m not sure just how far its influence goes, but it possibly had a strong impact on the western LGBT movement as a whole - how gay people were seen in online spaces, at least, before and after this dropped in 2011 is very different. 

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Back when Rebecca Sugar was a young storyboarder on Adventure Time, they were very keyed in to internet fandom culture. It was late enough that LGBT shipping and activism was becoming increasingly dominant, but early enough that LGBT characters in media were almost nonexistent, with children’s media in particular avoiding even the most background of gays. Even adult’s media tended to reserve LGBT characters as sexualisation or comic relief. Rebecca thought it would be interesting to try something on AT:

Sugar: Okay, well looking back on everything, I'm really proud of what we were able to do with the characters of Garnet and Ruby and Sapphire. It really goes all the way back to the time I spent on Adventure Time and when I got a chance to do some of the earlier episodes with Marceline and Bubblegum. This was 2010 so Don't Ask Don't Tell was still a national policy. It would be half a decade before same-sex marriage was legal in The United States and I wanted to do something with the characters of Marceline and Bubblegum but figure out how to get it on TV. The strategy at the time that I pitched was that because they're both centuries-old, millenniums-old, had a relationship sometime in the past and they're unpacking that in a way that would be apparent. That was the only way to be able to do something with these characters and their relationship on screen. As I was entering my show, I really wanted to find a way to be able to show characters actively in a relationship happening in real-time

When “What WAs Missing” aired, it was a week after “Fionna and Cake”, one of the most hyped up episodes of the series. Everyone found out about the names Natasha Allegri and Rebecca Sugar, and it seemed like AT was a series with a strong passion for fandom, very modern.

When the preview above aired, a few days before the episode, there were SO MANY EYES on it left over from Fionna and Cake. People IMMEDIATELY caught onto the romantic subtext in Marceline’s song. It strongly implies Marceline and Bubblegum had a bit more going on between them than a simple friendship gone sour.  Marceline’s feelings of resentment towards her ex girlfriend not seeing her as good enough were utterly transparent. At least to anyone keyed into the character. 

Unfortunately, it was not direct. And because of what happened next, it wasn’t going to be, for the next 7 years. 

The “Mathematical!” Controversy 

So have you ever heard of Frederator’s “Mathematical!” Podcast, where they posted Adventure Time animatics and modelsheets and discussed episodes? No? That’s because Fred Seibert had it wiped off the internet after they dropped their “What Was Missing” video.  

For context, Frederator is the production studio that is responsible for helping Pen develop his show and pitch it to Cartoon Network. They partnered up with Cartoon Network to produce Adventure Time, and had the right to share any non-classified documents. Frederator used to post storyboards for every episode, until season 5, when they studdenly stopped. I’m not sure if this is due to a change in their terms with Cartoon Network, or if Fred just stopped, but there are no storyboards uploaded for anything between “Finn the Human” and “Apple Wedding”, which is when Adam and Steve opened up @kingofooo​. 

Anyway, “Mathematical!” aired for the first 10 episodes of Season 3. It was fan oriented, like the videos about “Bravest Warriors” and “Bee and Puppycat” that Frederator used to share. It was directed by a gentleman called Dan Rickmers, and spoken more from the perspective of fans rather than anyone “in the know” about what the writers were intended. This part is important.  

When “What Was Missing” dropped, Dan decided to have the presenter talk about the romantic subtext in the episode. The podcast points it out clear for everyone to see:

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So, they drop this podcast, suggest Marcy has feelings for PB, show off the now-famous Natasha Allegri’s crew art of the pairing, and ask everyone to ring in what their thoughts are about them getting together. And SWEET JESUS, this caused an explosion.  Word got around fast, specifically here on Tumblr back when it was the most active fansite on the internet.  Frederator recieved MOUNTAINS of phone calls. Mostly? Overwhelming support. But also, unfortunately, a lot of strongly worded complaints. Some from the AT crew themselves. 

Adam Muto, storyboarder on the ep and future showrunner of AT when the ship was finally canonized, was particularly bitter. He said the following when asked about the podcast: 

If it was just a fan video there would be no problem at all.

The problem was that it was made by a production company actively involved with the show.

The video took something that was a possible subtext and declared it, in effect, text and made it seem like the production was actively seeking out input on plot development.

......To be clear, besides Falling under the Frederator umbrella, the people who put together those recaps have no connection with our production. The last “Mathematical!” recap was unnecessarily sensationalistic. “Thumbs up for subtext” was a gaudy touch too.

Adam has never had any love for non-crew input on the show being mistaken as canon, but I have to be honest, considering he allegedly knew the truth of the pairing and was directly responsible for the subtext, his words here seem.... deeply confusing. Sensationalistic? How??? For pointing out a canon plot thread in your show??? Seems like Adam was salty that suddenly everyone had this much attention on AT for its gay characters. 

Dan, the podcast director, responded to everything with this post on tumblr. He defended his video, clarified it’s a fan podcast

Let’s talk about this whole Bubbleine thing. I direct the Adventure Time fan videos and episode recaps at Mathematical, and there’s some stuff going on about Cartoon Network and censorship. I think fanfics and shipping and LGBT relationships are AWESOME. Seriously. Personally, I also think Bubbleine is adorable and definitely my OTP for the series so far.

Mathematical can at most be considered a reaction to you guys, the fans. It’s a place for us to talk about what we like, and geek out about Adventure Time, and the production staff has nothing to do with it. So yeah, I think we all were thinking about Marceline and Bubblegum possibly crushing on each other after that episode, so I wanted us all to talk about it, but getting upset at anyone isn’t going to solve anything.

If you still want to talk about it, I think it would be a really cool development in the show, and between you and me, I’d be excited to see an american cartoon that is able to casually discuss LGBT relationships. I’m open, Mathematical is open, and we’re still going to put up a fan video tomorrow about…something. And if anyone else isn’t open, then that’s too bad for them, because I still love ALL OF YOU.

I also just wanted to say sorry to Adam Muto (Because it seems like I offended him, I guess?) and Rebecca Sugar for possibly distracting anyone from the excellent episode they wrote with two of the BEST songs in the series! Nothing but love for you two.

Fred Seibert, well..... He fired Dan Rickmers. Not just that - he told Dan not to go back into the animation industry. He threatened the guy, destroyed his career, and had him blacklisted from animation. 

Here’s FRED’S post on Bubbline (taken from Autostraddle): 

There’s been chatter on the internet recently about our latest Adventure Time “Mathematical!” video recap that we created, posted, and removed here at Federator. I figure it’s time to clear up the matter.

In trying to get the show’s audience involved we got wrapped up by both fan conjecture and spicy fanart and went a little too far. Neither Cartoon Network nor the Adventure Time crew had anything to do with putting up or taking down our latest re-cap. The episode ”What was Missing” remains a terrific short and will be shown again and again just like any other Adventure Time episode.

Once again, calling it “spicy fanart”, saying it went “too far”. What exactly was too far about Dan’s podcast???? It was no different to any of the other Mathematical! podcasts talking about shipping. Why is it suddenly a problem now????

Pen Ward himself? He just said that it was all a “big hullabaloo” and people had strong stances both sides so he didn’t want to say his thoughts. 

.....Now, imagine being Rebecca Sugar during this time period. You put in a little bit of gay subtext into an episode of a cartoon, and suddenly the WORLD explodes. The internet loves it, but everyone at Cartoon Network  and Frederator condemn such a thing, with poor Dan being the sacrificial lamb at the altar. It’s absolutely unjust!

As it turns out, Rebecca was starting to develop Steven Universe, and decided that the best way to respond to the backlash was to work in some gay subtext of her own. Adventure Time had a hard “No”, from WAY high up. Sugar has cited that the ceilings put up by Cartoon Network and friends around Bubbline were a challenge she became determined to overcome with Steven Universe. 

....And, it turns out, Sugar wasn’t the only one with the idea. 

The quiet road to gay representation in cartoons

Once the controversy dropped, the discussion about Bubbline completely shifted the landscape for LGBT representation, not just in cartoons, but in other media too. You had two pretty cool major characters, one being fan favourite Marceline, and the other being the main love interest for the protagonist, and you implied that these two ladies had feelings for each other, back when the protagonist was still chasing one of them.  It was unprecedented! Such a unique turn away from the classic YA gay dynamics of the “flirty cougar boy” or “sexy lesbian”, where characters exist purely with those traits and lack the dynamism of true protagonists or honestly written characters. Marceline and Bubblegum were a breath of fresh air, and on a kid’s show no less. 

...The backlash by Frederator and CN also, ironically, created an ENORMOUS MOVEMENT towards increasing awareness of LGBT people. People were asking themselves about their pre-existing assumptions on whether being queer was inherently an adult or predatory thing, whether it defined your entire identity. And while some stood by that assumption, many people upon getting the chance to reflect on it decided that no, that’s absolute bullshit, you can’t censor queer people, you can’t treat them like aliens. 

I was one of the people in this group. After I found out about the controversy, I did some hard reflecting. One of my best friends came out to me as gay, so I had a lot on my mind and was already in the process of changing, but Bubbline was where I committed. I went from an extremely closeted and self loathing teenager into someone who no longer saw those aspects of myself as predatory, who was determined to see those ceilings smashed apart and have LGBT people be seen as a normal part of society. 

The Adventure Time crew must have calmed down, because the subtext with PB and Marcy continued onwards into season 4 and 5. The bombshell episode was Jesse Moynihan and Ako Castuera’s episode “Sky Witch”, airing July 2013, which was the first time PB and Marcy had interacted since “What Was Missing”. This ep didn’t have quite the same level of attention as its predecessor, but it had this legendary and incredibly gay scene. 

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While Jesse Moynihan tried to argue on his blog that this could be interpreted platonically and people were putting words in his mouth, anyone who watches Sky Witch today can tell that... yeah.... PB definitely has very strong feelings for Marceline. And considering the two of them made up at the ep, and there was further subtext in the later 2013 eps “Time Sandwich” and “Red Starved”, people were hopeful that Bubbline would get future development. The majority of the viewers had accepted that these two were ex girlfriends who maybe wanted to try again.  

It took a long time to get more, but the show fully committed to exploring their relationship as of 2015′s Season 7. This was after Sugar had smashed down the doors with SU. And while Season 7 didn’t straight up call them girlfriends, it got as close to that as it possibly could without CN defunding the show. Bubbline was no longer a question. It was very much canon. All it needed was that bow on top - the creator’s confirmation. 

....Other shows being developed after “What Was Missing” dropped also made note of the controversy and decided, “Hey, they tried to have gay characters in Adventure Time. People WANT there to be gay characters. There’s clearly a lot of institutional bullshit preventing this from happening. Wouldn’t it be awesome if we beat Adventure Time to the punch and got the first confirmed queer characters?”

Sugar was racing against theirself with Steven Universe. “Jailbreak” would air in early 2015 and reveal Garnet as two tiny lesbians in a trenchcoat. Very cute.  

Meanwhile, another show with a sizeable queer fanbase, “The Legend of Korra”, was developing its third and fourth season, which would finish at the end of 2014. 

Korra and Asami were involved in a love triangle with their teammate Mako. So, naturally, a lot of people shipped Korra and Asami together! Fuck this hetero bullshit!  For years, this was a mere pipe dream, a crack pairing. But then in season 3, they actually started to put in some romantic subtext with the pair, blushing and stuff like that, until the two girls were implied to hook up in the finale. 

What made Korrasami stand out was that it was the first time in history a creator had openly stated that major cartoon characters were gay. 

Korrasami is canon. You can celebrate it, embrace it, accept it, get over it, or whatever you feel the need to do, but there is no denying it. That is the official story. We received some wonderful press in the wake of the series finale at the end of last week, and just about every piece I read got it right: Korra and Asami fell in love. Were they friends? Yes, and they still are, but they also grew to have romantic feelings for each other. Was Korrasami “endgame,” meaning, did we plan it from the start of the series? No, but nothing other than Korra’s spiritual arc was. Asami was a duplicitous spy when Mike and I first conceived her character. Then we liked her too much so we reworked the story to keep her in the dark regarding her father’s villainous activities. Varrick and Zhu Li weren’t originally planned to end up as a couple either, but that’s where we took the story/where the story took us. That’s how writing works the vast majority of the time. You give these characters life and then they tell you what they want to do. I have bragging rights as the first Korrasami shipper (I win!). As we wrote Book 1, before the audience had ever laid eyes on Korra and Asami, it was an idea I would kick around the writers’ room. At first we didn’t give it much weight, not because we think same-sex relationships are a joke, but because we never assumed it was something we would ever get away with depicting on an animated show for a kids network in this day and age, or at least in 2010.

....After Adam and Pen had been constantly evading questions on Bubbline, it was.... so nice, to finally have a creator come out and say their characters were gay. Even if the relationship in Korra was basically nothing other than a handhold, it’s amazing how powerful words can be. 

And I think it’s absolutely no coincidence that they first started writing in Korrasami subtext within the year after the Mathematical! Controversy. I don’t think it would have been possible if there wasn’t such a warm reception to the Adventure Time episode. 

Then, just a few months later, Sugar came out with this beauty, which had been in development at the same time. 

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And, yeah, let’s not forget other things: before EITHER of those aired, “Clarence”, created by former AT storyboarder Skyler Page, had the first gay kiss between two men. With Jeff’s moms being a lesbian couple! 

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Allegedly it was going to be a mouth kiss, but it was unfortunately censored :( 

The show's writer, Spencer Rothbell, has confirmed that the gay couple originally kissed on the lips and one of them gave his partner flowers.

The scene was changed in order to get the green light from Cartoon Network, who air the show.

He later added: “It’s such a minor throwaway moment but I guess it’s better than nothing. Maybe one day the main character can be gay and it won’t be a big deal.”

...I cannot BELIEVE I forgot about “Clarence”. Seriously. It aired these characters the same time as season 1A of Steven Universe and season 5 of AT, and despite the minorness of their roles, and the questionable censorship, these were... explicitly gay human characters. 

Once Steven Universe got SUPER gay in season 2 onwards, things started to get easier for all the other shows, including Adventure Time. 

Nate Stevenson (on She-ra’s gay characters): Yeah, we began production towards the beginning of 2016 so honestly, even the conversations that we were having at the beginning of our plans for including queer characters and relationships was only possible because Steven Universe had done it first. We can point to Steven Universe, what you were doing there and be like "look this is working, this is getting support, fans are into this and it's getting this reaction."

Adam Muto (on Bubbline subtext, just before the finale aired):  That’s been an ongoing conversation, and I think where we are now is a lot different from where we were eight years ago. So, that’s the one heartening thing, the network has been dragged into having more conversations about that, largely because of shows like Steven Universe. Definitely Steven Universe. I mean literally, Steven Universe. That was the one that had to take the lead there. And it’s difficult because it’s not something I can say like, ‘Well, we just didn’t put it in because … we didn’t.’ This is more like we have to answer certain conversations. Those come out of meetings, and after meetings, and at one meeting they said, “Don’t do that, because we don’t want you to.” I think Rebecca [Sugar] was better at not taking that answer. She’s just so tenacious and passionate and that was such a big part of the story she wanted to tell that it had to get through. It’s not my story in that same way, so I didn’t feel like I had the grounds to do that.

Rebecca continued to face enormous barriers with Steven Universe, and tragically the show was defunded by CN International after Sugar pushed hardcore for the Rupphire wedding. 

However, because this wedding exists, and because it got such a positive reception, CN have been changing their tune about how they treat their young queer fans. They’ve gone from pushing them away to embracing them.

 Video linked here - it’s all the PB and Marcy gay moments from the show, retroactively relabelled as canon gay by CN itself. Holy SHIT. Unfortunately it seems they’ve made it unavailable in the UK recently. 

I didn’t think I would exist in a world where “Adventure Time: Obsidian” could exist. I was so eager for that episode when I was a teenager, but when PB and Marcy’s relationship stayed subtextual for almost all of AT, I felt a bit disappointed. 

It healed a hole in my heart when I saw the beginning of “Obsidian”. 

The purpose of this post, more than anything, is to look at how things have changed. To remind the younger bloggers today what things were like back in 2010, and how we ended up with “Obsidian” and “The Owl House”, where characters were not only openly queer, but this side of them was embraced by the children’s network. 

It is just... after 10 years of stoicism, subtext, being told that gay characters are too “spicy” to be open with each other and treated the same way as normal people, it is such a breath of fresh air. I think I about died when they started calling each other “girlfriends”. 

And yeah, there’s definitely a way to go. Just because gay people are more accepted in media by conglomerates who have decided to accept the money fans are literally throwing at them, it doesn’t mean that homophobia and censorship has been eradicated. These shows get censored internationally, or on repeated home viewings. They get banned, or not posted on different versions of HBO and Disney Plus. There are many instances where Obsidian is absent from the Distant lands lineup, or where their finale kiss was completely erased. 

In the real world, the alt right is growing increasingly strong. My friend was talking to me about how the France presidency is being competed against by three right wing parties of varying awfulness in the upcoming election. That’s going to result in a lot of pain for a lot of people, especially queer people, so hated by the alt right. 

But, yknow, it’s a small victory. And it’s an enormous one for the online gay community, in gaining the trust of families and the media corporations that have such power over how people are seen. 

A lot happened between the first and last time we saw PB with that shirt. It’s not just her who holds a powerful world-shifting sentimentality for the item. 

[depressedbagpipe]

let's talk about netflix's persuasion

I do want to jump on the hate bandwagon over Netflix's newest adaptation of Persuasion, a literal masterpiece by no other than Jane Austen.

There are exactly two things that really tick me off (alright that may be a lie, there are many things I didn't like about the movie, but still, I can understand the changes to appeal to newer audiences), so I'll try to be concise:

The girl boss-ification of Anne Elliot. I get it, we all want to see a 'strong, independent, girl boss' female protagonist be in charge of her own life, but to anyone who's read the book, they know Anne Elliot is the total opposite. She's been persuaded (hence the name) her entire life to do what others wanted her to do, for them. Anne Elliot is no Emma Woodhouse or Lizzy Bennet; Anne Elliot is the introverted, kind, selfless, feminine, tormented heroine, that a lot of people in this world are. These people deserve to be the main character too without having to become the 'not-like-other-girls' girl that has ruled these past decades' media. Let Anne Elliot be Anne Elliot.

The non-existent slow burn between Anne and Captain Wentworth. These two share a past, they almost got married almost a decade ago before Anne was persuaded not to due to his lack of title and wealth. We see her regret that decision every day, even before he comes back. And when he does, there is this thick air around them constantly, because nobody but them knows about their history, and Captain Wentworth internally struggles with his own feelings (he's bitter and arrogant and has the clear intention of moving on yet he's desperately and silently still in love with Anne). Most of the novel is literally them pining after the other, with longing looks across the room and very few interactions. But it's those interactions that indicate their love for each other. Arguably, one of my favorite moments between the two is when he helps her up on the carriage: he wordlessly hoists her up and she's left thinking about that for days. It's the first public display of affection, or at least, positive recognition of each other's existence. It's the little moments, the daily-life acts of service that show the type of domestic love they crave. And it really sucks that the movie feels empty without them.

I think that's all for now. I've seen many interesting video essays about this that I can link if anybody's interested, but yeah, I just wanted to add a couple of things to the mix. Jane Austen is my absolute favorite author, and it just felt like the movie didn't do the book justice.

[unwrittenlibrary]

i don’t wanna do this (i don’t wanna lose this)

eighteen plus blog minors dni

summary -> it’s all fake, every piece of it scripted and perfected for the camera, even the upcoming break-up you pretend doesn’t break your heart.

words -> 2.5k

warnings -> fake relationship, use of name (bucky calls the reader by her character’s name, lucia, once) nickname uses (baby, sweetheart) co-workers/friends to lovers, no smut, not beta’d

notes -> this is for the lovely maera’s ( @ambrosiase ) hotel indigo writing challenge i absolutely love this idea mae and am so appreciative that you created this challenge, it really pushed me out of my comfort zone and i got to explore an entirely new au.  

room & service -> business meets pleasure with celebrity bucky barnes -> bucky and reader are co-stars in a fake relationship in a hotel for their final comic-con together.

— ➶ —

Bucky has been doing interviews with Sam all day today. 

You’ve been working together for six seasons and have both been to too many comic-cons to count. Every single one of them you and Bucky had been paired up to do interviews and photo-ops together. 

A scripted piece of a scripted relationship. Agreed upon when your characters romance began to pick up popularity and designed to look perfect until the end.

Tomorrow an article with be released ‘leaking’ the details of your perfect break-up too. A source close to the both of you will comment that wrapping of the show and being forced to go long distance just wasn’t working for you two. The writer will supply photos of today, the two of you avoiding sitting near one another and not speaking. They’ll write that their source confirmed this convention is actually the first time you’ve seen each other in months. 

Even more articles have already been planted periodically questioning whether the two of you were still together, generating buzz around the show and what happens between your characters. It’s a brilliant job, honestly.

Except, you and Bucky had been in a fake relationship for so long, it had begun to feel real. This distance between you two felt purposeful in a way that hurt you more than it ever should have. 

Your assistant is supposed to go through your instagram soon and begin archiving posts and pieces of your fake life with Bucky. He’s been glaringly absent from your social media recently and it makes your heart ache at the idea of him being nonexistent.

Your fans have noticed too. You read comment after comment all asking the same thing; What happened to you and Bucky? 

“Oh, Lucia! My dear, Lucia.” You bite down a grin at the sound of Bucky’s voice through your door. His words were filtered by the wall between you and a little slurred from the drinks he had no doubt consumed at the hotel bar. “Open the door, please.” 

You lock your phone and lay it on the bed beside you. “I’m busy, Bucky! Go bother Sam.” You call back despite already walking towards the door. 

“Bother Sam? On our last night together?” You can see Bucky smile teasingly though the peephole. Despite his joking tone the words hurt. “Four years together and this is how things end? Through a hotel room door?” 

His fist comes up to bang against the door and a hand comes up to his heart. He’s putting on a show for you, fully away of your eye watching carefully through the peephole. “How much have you had to drink, Bucky Barnes?” You ask as the door remains closed. 

Bucky holds his fingers up in a pinch too small to be true. “Not much.” When his hand falls back to his side he smiles up at the peephole. “Let me in, sweetheart. I’ve missed you.” 

You melt, becoming putty in his hand as you quickly move to unlatch the door. “I’ve missed you too.” You admit to him, face to face, as you lean against the door jam. 

A smirk replaces Bucky’s sweet smile as his hands reach out to grip your hips. “This break-up is tough on me, baby.” He pushes you into the room, kicking the door shut behind him. “One more night. One last time. You and me.” 

“Shut up!” You force his hands off of you and turn towards the mini bar in your room. “You’re such a dweeb. I’m glad we’re breaking up.” You pull out the miniature bottle of wine and twist the top off. 

Bucky’s hand slams across his chest as he falls against the wall in dramatic fashion. “You’re… Glad? My frail heart can’t take it,” he falls to his knees, “Please. Tell my mother, I loved her.”

You watch, unamused, as Bucky falls to the floor in front of you. “You’re obnoxious.” A beaming smile breaks out onto Bucky’s face that makes you grin.

“I was serious, about missing you.” Bucky moves to sit up with his back against the edge of your bed. You move to sit beside him on the floor. “These junkets and photos just aren’t the same without you by my side, cracking jokes in my ear.”

You rest your head against his shoulder. “Me too. I love Wanda, but it’s just not the same.” You admit quietly.

There’s so much that you want to say to him. What if this wasn’t fake? What if we didn’t go through with the break-up plan? “Did they send you our social media plan?” Bucky asks quietly.

“Yeah,” You swallow thickly, “I have my assistant going through my account for me soon. We’re supposed to start untagging and deleting photos of each other this week.”

Bucky snorts. “How fucking sweet. Four years together and they have us untag each other to confirm a break up.” His fingers tap against his thigh as the two of you sit on the carpeted floor together.

“Has it really been four years?” You ask quietly. It’s more of a question to yourself, but Bucky answers it with a nod anyways.

“My longest relationship ever and it was fake.” Bucky’s awkward laugh makes the air tense as he stares down at his hands. “I’ve wasted so much of my life. So many chances gone.”

You know the words aren’t said with ill intent, but that doesn’t stop the crack from forming in your heart. You can’t fathom the idea of all your time together, fake or not, being a waste.

Your eyes cut away from him in embarrassment. “Was it really all a waste?” You ask quietly. The words are unintentional, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re out in the air.

“What?” You can feel his eyes settle on you in an attempt to read your face or body language, but a career in acting comes in handy. Your back is ramrod straight and your face turned away perfectly to hide the emotions in your eyes. “It was fake when we could have had something real with people we actually cared about.”

It’s a knife to your broken heart. “People we actually care about?”

“You know, like, other girls and guys who we wanted to pursue but couldn’t because of the contract.” Bucky reaches out to wrap a hand around yours, but you pull away. “I don’t understand what’s wrong here.”

You shake your head, the regret of your words settling over you. “Nothing. I’m just… It’s been a long day.” You use the edge of the bed to help you stand while Bucky remains on the floor, watching you in confusion. “I’m tired, you should go.”

“Woah. What’s this one-eighty?” Bucky stands too and follows you as you move around to gather your toothbrush and skincare. “Two seconds ago we were joking about a fake break-up and now you’re all quiet and weird? You expect me to just leave?”

“Please.” You plead. The last thing you want to do is dump all your feelings out to Bucky, on the last day you two were officially contracted to each other, and make him feel guilty for feeling free. “I just need to be alone, Buck.”

You move to push past him towards your bathroom, but Bucky’s hand wraps around your wrist. “Come on, sweetheart. Don’t do this closing yourself off thing.”

“I’m not.” You say stubbornly. “I’m tired.” You try again to move past him, but his grip only tightens as he forces you to actually face him. “Buck-“

“You can tell me, you know?” He says quietly as his grip slackens. Your eyes meet his, pools of blue staring back at you with something akin to hurt. “You can trust me. We’re best friends, right? You’re my-“

“You don’t have to lie to me, Bucky. Pretend to care. You can go back to the bar and…” You pull your hand from him and cross your arms over your chest. “And tomorrow we can start being with people we actually care about.”

Bucky’s eyes squeeze shut as his own words are repeated back and left out in the open between you two. “That’s not what I…”

“What did you mean then?” You cut him off. You want to sound angry, but your tone is sad and tired. “Enlighten me, please.”

“I just meant… I meant we could date who we wanted to date, I didn’t mean for it to sound so awful.” He answers quietly. “I care about you a lot. We’ve been friends for over half a decade, of course I care about you.”

You swallow thickly. “What if I don’t want to date anyone else?” You force yourself to ask. If not now, then when? Ten years from now at a reunion of your show? You couldn’t live with this what if.

“What?” Bucky’s hand falls from your wrist as he takes a step back like your words have burned him.

You push through the thundering of your heart and ringing in your ears to ask, “haven’t you ever thought about it? I mean, four years of just us, all those dates and premieres, was it really all just work for you?”

“I don’t know… I mean…” Bucky rubs a hand over his jaw as you stare at him expectantly. “Have you?”

“I asked the question I think that would imply…” You trail off as his answer weighs down on your mind. It feels like a no. No. No. No. It’s on repeat in your mind as you move to sit down on your bed. “After a while the dates and photos and sappy posts didn’t feel all that forced anymore.” You admit quietly.

Bucky paces silently in front of you. You’re unsure of what’s going through his mind as he does it and it’s all you can do to not tap anxiously as you watch.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He finally asks when he finally pauses in front of you. You look up at him unsure of what to say. “I mean… When did you start…” He trails off like he doesn’t want the answer.

You look down at your hands in your lap. Despite your worries in telling Bucky you guess you had never truly thought of this conversation ending up this way. All these questions felt like Bucky preparing for a gentle rejection.

“I don’t know. After our second anniversary?” You keep your answer to him vague despite you being fully aware of when you started seeing Bucky differently. “That post you wrote for me that day. All the ones after. All of those words were fake?”

Your mind drifts to his words that day. The sweet and short caption had made butterflies erupt as you scrolled through the photos he had posted with it. Despite you both being required to post something, the photos he had chosen had been entirely genuine.

Pictures the two of you had taken together on set, selfies during your fake dates, and even a sweet set of photo booth pictures from your first premiere together.

You had stared at the post far too long as emotions rushed through you. Your heart raced at the idea of Bucky taking his time to pick photos that meant something to the both of you.

“I think that..” You shake your head in an attempt to rid yourself of the painful reminders. “I think you should go.” You stand up suddenly, your hands pushing gently at his chest.

Bucky’s eyes widen as his hands come up grip your arms in an attempt to stop you. “Woah. Let’s talk about this. I’m just trying to figure everything out.”

“Figure it out? What is there to figure out, Bucky?” You cry out, shoving harder. “If you don’t know how you feel then you should figure it out on your own.” You move past him to open the door.

Bucky follows after you hastily. “Sweetheart, wait, please. I just need a moment.” You grip his forearms tightly using Bucky’s own momentum against him as you guide him to the hallway outside your room. “I wasn’t expecting this. We have articles and photos and interviews planned about a break-up tomorrow.”

“I shouldn’t have said anything, Bucky.” The two of you are back where your night began. Opposite sides of the door as you stare, unsure of what to say. “Let’s just pretend this never happened, okay? The article will be published and we’ll confirm it and life will move on.”

The door slams shut in his face without warning, not giving him a chance to say anything else. You stare blankly at the ugly, green shade its painted in silence as you remind yourself; It was all fake. A script you had been given and followed to a tee. One you had gotten too caught up in.

You’re feelings don’t change the ending.

There’s a slow knock on your door. You suck in a breath as you move to open it an apology on the tip of your tongue.

“Bucky.” You’re cut off as his hands come up to rest on your cheeks and he pulls you towards him. Anything you had to say dissipates as his lips meet yours in a bruising kiss.

Your hands come up to grip his t-shirt tightly as you kiss him back your tongue slipping into his mouth while he pulls you flush against his body.

An arm wraps around your waist and Bucky pushes you back into your room, his foot kicking your door closed harshly.

The back of your knees hit the edge of your bed and you finally pull away to look at Bucky, but he speaks before you can say anything.

“Of course I’ve thought about it.” He breathes out. His eyes are wide with nerves and his cheeks flushed red. The sight of it mixed with his kiss makes your heart pound. “I’ve thought about kissing you for real, not in a room filled with crew and cameras. About what it would be like to be on a date where paparazzi hasn’t been tipped off. Baby,” his hands rest on your cheeks again as he forces your eyes to meet his, “I’ve thought about it all. What it would be like to be with you, to really be with you in every way. Sometimes it’s all I think about when we’re together.”

You take pause, your eyes widening and hands freezing in place as you listen to what he’s saying. “Why didn’t you say anything then? Why’d you just pace and ask me all those questions?”

“Because I’m an idiot.” He smiles brightly when you giggle. “Because I couldn’t believe you actually felt the same way. I was in shock.” He presses a gentle kiss to your lips.

You smile up at him softly. “What do we do about the article tomorrow?” You whisper your question.

You feel giddy with excitement as Bucky’s hands land on your hips to hold you in place, flush against him. “We deny it.”

“What about our managers?” Your smile doesn’t fade even as stress over the situation arises. “And…And our separate interviews tomorrow?”

“What are they gonna do? Fire us?” Bucky smiles. “We’ll tell them all about how in love we still are. That the source in the article was a dud and we’ve just been private recently as the show wraps.”

“We will?” You ask quietly. Your heart racing at his words. “You want to say all that?”

Bucky nods his head. “I do.”

You don’t say anything else he leans in for another kiss, you could worry tomorrow.

Bonus -> The Next Day

liked by buckybarnes, samwilson and 134,759 others

yourinstagram the final season of our show premieres this weekend and we’re so excited for you all to see how it ends. the first photo is from tonight and the second from our first season! the past six years has brought me so much joy and i’m so grateful for everything this show has given me. most importantly though, i’m thankful for you, bucky barnes. my adrian to my lucia. my best friend. my lover. thanks for making this show so fun.

View all 15,398 comments

samwilson we made a great show. love you guys.

buckyfan thought y’all were a pr stunt lmao

yourinstagram apparently you’re not supposed to really fall in love for those to work…

buckybarnes i am most grateful for you. you made work worth it every god damn day.

yourfan my favorite couple on and off the screen.

— ➶ —

notes -> this is my first ever time joining a writing challenge, it really pushed me to work through block and focus on this instead of letting is die out like i have with other projects despite liking them so much!

(hoping you guys don’t hate the extra instagram idea, i just felt it fit in!)

hopefully you enjoyed and if you did, reblogs are greatly appreciated!