#bECUASE THERES NOTHING SADDER

[allthepandasintheworld]

Abungus lives rent free in my brain... more specifically mini crewmates live rent free in my brain. My brain is like 90% mini crewmates, 10% stress about homework

Alois and Rene, except Rene is an impostor and Alois is a crewmate and he’s oblivious to Rene being the imposter bc he’s too busy making heart eyes at the grump who keeps adopting (collecting) the children of the dead crewmates

Alois belongs to @solemn-vow and Rene is mine

[sleeplesssecrets]

time goes slower for me when im sad i guess. if im in a good mood and rushing through having a good time, talking and laughing, i dont even think about the time. if i sit still for too long i become so aware of the time i begin to wonder how anyone could ever want to sit for more than a few minutes even to reflect. but if im just a little lost in my head, i can lay down in bed and stare at literally nothing and think about everything and feel several things at once and only a few minutes will go by. i wonder how long i could realistically sit there for. a lot of people say time goes faster as you get older but also say time flies when youre having fun. this is another reason i hate cliches. no one knows what the fuck they’re talking about. im a lil burnt out on some stuff atm. i hate that i hate having a routine. because its not the routine that i hate, its the stuff i fall into in my routine i hate. i wake up late and eat junk food and sit at my desk for hours and dont even make art. all the stuff i do with brynn doesnt count. shes amazing and creative and over flowing with beautiful little human things i enjoy sharing with her. anyways, then tanner comes home and we eat dinner and i feel guilt from eating then i lay in bed thinking about everything, hating my body, craving attention and wanting to make things i dont have the motivation to make. i daydream hard when i dont want to think about things and ive been thinking about girls a lot. i hopelessly look at girls on instagram that i used to hate in middle school, imagining how i would fit against her if i ever had the chance. i had a dream (a dream not a day dream lol) that a pretty but boyish girl swept me off my feet and moved me into her apartment. i didnt have a fiance or child in this dream which felt weird when i woke up and thought about it. ive been constructing a girl in my head that i would like to meet one day, her name is princess winsome and she has a bright smile and takes care of me. she asks me if im ok and tells me exactly how things are. idk if ive said this before but some months are girl months and other months are guy months for me. im having a girl month, where i just want to appreciate and be around the joy of women. and guy months are a different emotion where i just want to share myself with the comfort of guys. not in sexual ways, girl months or guy months, just in a fulfilling sense. ive been dying to do photos, boudoir in nature, for my friend cos i miss just being next to her. hanging out with her in any manner is eventually tiring but i have a different type of patience when im taking photos. i imagine she’ll kind of stumble around posing and understanding lighting while i take pictures, and ill have to guide her and comfort her. ok im fucking losing it. i need to do her photos. its been so long since ive picked up my camera with a sense of purpose. its been too long since ive thought about lights and props and body parts and shapes and lines and colors. i also want to do my sister in laws photos. also boudoir in nature haha. its my favorite kind of shoot these days and it all started when a friend from high school had me do her photos once. i had so much fun having that privilege and her trust. that first shoot taught me so much. and not just technical stuff. i have an intimate set of knowledge about someone that is sexy in nature but friendly in practice. its such a unique little bond i have with her that ill take with me for the rest of my life. i sincerely hope that anyone who has nudes of them taken by other people share that with their photographers or person who took their photos. i hope people dont get into boudoir just for the nudity. it’s so much more. its about pose and posture and innocence and lack there of and the kind of things you think that statue the thinker is thinking about. it’s about desire and pleasure and warmth and trust. its not a show or a script or defined by the viewer. it’s a tale whispered by the subject, and im lucky enough to be within hearing range. when i get really sad, i want to take photos. i think about the kinds of photos i want or the people i want to shoot and i get sadder that im not motivated enough to do it. blah blah blah i feel like talking about something else. i mentioned my sister in law earlier and i want to talk about her lol. last year on this very blog i complained about her most terrible boyfriend at the time. and this year she has a new boyfriend that shes been dating for a few months and now they live together and its all super cute and happy. but i still am just a little skeptical and i hate being skeptical but i am about this. idk if ive said this here but ill say it again just in case, it would take a very special person to be a good enough person for skyler. she personally gets under my skin and i couldnt ever picture a perfect person for her. i dont feel like that person exists. so my complaint isnt necessarily the dude, its the fact i dont know if theres anyone out there that would actually be good for her. anyways, the guy is super nice and above average good looking. hes big and hes funny. he gets along with everyone and meets people where they’re at and doesn’t argue about dumb shit and sits quietly minding his business most of the time. i think the only thing i dont like about his personality is that when hes talking, he fills the room with his voice and has everyones attention and his presence just penetrates any personal moment you might be having otherwise. but im just so lost as to why he likes skyler. she is so impressed by him and loves the things he does and the way he is and whatever other gooey shit. but idk what hes getting in return. im just... putting their relationship on a different set of expectations and patiently waiting for the day they dont work out. everyone will be so confused and wonder what it was but ill know that it wasnt gonna happen. idk why tho. when i feel like i have a feeling about something i usually dont talk about it becuase i would hate to be wrong, but i needed to say something about that because im excited to be right and would love to have proof that i called it haha. anyways i have to pee and i have so many things i wanna talk about but dont feel like it atm.

[thehighestmermaid]

Us against the world

How is it when. I'm trying to find love no one is happy for me so what's the point. Maybe I should just break up with him and end it all.. I guess it's just the way it goes the harder you love the harder you fall... In a dream it all seems fine then you wake up and it's a sadder day then usual maybe becuase the person you love will never be liked and respected by your family but I guess it's okay since u guys have each other . now I really do feel like it's us against the world .. Also the universe in which in a parallel one I'd be helping you tie up your ties and helping u pick out shirts but none the less in this life or the next I'll love you. Depressed as I am now it shouldn't really matter once we get enough to leave let's just leave theres nothing for u here. Or let alone for me... I've had it with everything... Hopefully sometime.next spring I'll be in a warm place where happiness is what sunshine brings..