#b I am in fact so totally codependent on them that it isn't fair to be my sole research for assistance that I ought to fend for myself
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#; ♡ ; okay to reblog#muu has admittedly been describing is self perceived melancholy and isolation regarding it#as being comparable to the circle drawn around Sadness in Inside Out due to others finding his emotions to be Too Much in capacity#and that as such he has thus been persistently trying to make himself very very small in spaces#so that maybe perhaps someone would soon be able to reside in the circle with him just until he gets to where he feels he is supposed to be#muu has also stated on numerous actions that while he is adamant about self healing he is not necessarily of preference#to not have the assistance of peers and their feedback and he tends he show it most predominantly in asking them to hear Everything#about himself in the form of the big box because one he wants assurances at the end of it all but also because he Has to be explaining#his processes of thought and general state of where he is now to people so that they may go Oh so that why you do the neurotic shit you do#but it really be hard out here when you don't know how to self advocate for a persistently emotionally present romantic partner#you don't really have any friends and you are either God awful at making new ones or you don't want to try for reasons of either#feeling scorned past close friends of yours have left time and time again OR#because you don't know what version of yourself is the Real one or the Good one or the Authentic one so you avoid socializing#until you can properly answer that dilemma but in turn you've left yourself with 1 person to seek out and talk to#but with that comes the existential dread of either a this person is also going to leave me or#b I am in fact so totally codependent on them that it isn't fair to be my sole research for assistance that I ought to fend for myself#but what do you even do to fend for yourself when you don't even know how to Advocate for yourself??#you devise a plan to shrink down and provide no indication to those around you that you are struggling with anything#that perhaps shriveling yourself down like that will allow for people to find you tolerable enough to be around#and that their presences will patch up every interpersonal wound in your system until eventually what you are faking has come true#; ♡ ; inner thoughts
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