#ay without her in certain ways too.

[gayofthefae]

If season 2 were about El and Mike fighting to get back to each other they wouldn't have had El almost not come back.

If it were about Mike and El fighting to come back to each other, it wouldn't have been a decision whether or not should we would.

But she almost stayed in Chicago. And they made a point of her saying she went back for all of her friends, not just him, and for Hopper. She went back for Mike, Lucas, Dustin, and Hopper. It was played as big and loving. But it wasn't played as romantic. That wasn't her reasoning and missing Mike wasn't enough to bring her back in the first place.

In the first few episodes of the season, she fights with Hopper about not being able to see Mike. But as the season progresses, we find it isn't about that. It's about not being able to leave. She goes to Chicago and almost doesn't come back. There is a full stand alone episode about her maybe not coming back and she ALMOST STAYS.

If it were some big romantic payoff of their reunion, they would have simply had an obstacle they had to fight to overcome - like Hopper or the monsters or something. But instead, Mike was hoping she was alive and El was considering letting him come to terms with her death and living out her days with her sister in Chicago.

El almost never saw Mike again. It was a very close decision. She changed her mind last minute. It's valid and it remains loving, but in trope simply put...it isn't romantic.

"I almost never came back to you but I changed my mind" in the context of being separated against your will? Isn't romantic.

And similar is true in their separation in seasons 3 AND 4. She does not reach out after her time with Max. Granted maybe she would have, it was a short time, I will give that. But then she didn't get back together with him until the end of the epilogue to our knowledge. She did not run back to him in grief in need of comfort. She did not get back together with him for the familiarity even in that, she got back together with him to keep a piece of Hawkins. Her priorities would not have been the same of "wait and see if he says it" - and he could have done that in a relationship too, as we saw was an arc for him in season 4. Once again, she waited until the last minute - even almost walking away and leaving for Lenora - before coming back to him at the last possible second.

In season 4, then, she did not include him in her plans when escaping NINA. She only noted Max and her friends. Really, this re-established her priorities from season 2. Her intention was to return to all of her friends, to return to Hawkins, and to help her loved ones out of danger. Not to return specifically to him. When he was out of the equation, he was skipped over. She and Mike had a bad fight. And she still loved him just like she still loved her brothers who were also not mentioned, but her focus was only verbalized as being on Max and Hawkins. The original intention of her leaving was for Owens to take her back to Hawkins. She had zero knowledge that her family and Mike (and Argyle) were coming to get her. She thought they were back at the house in Lenora and that she was going straight to Hawkins and would call them once it was all finished. We have no knowledge that she was going to make a pitstop - unlikely given the stakes and distance between Nevada and Lenora.

In season 2, El almost stayed in Chicago. In season 3, El almost stayed broken up with Mike. In season 4, El almost went back to Hawkins without them - this decision being out of her control when it was changed.

Each and every time they are separated, El only makes the decision to reunite with Mike last minute after seeming to have intended to stay apart from him. Their reunions are always so sweet. But they are never her goal.

She came back for Will.

She came back in her grief over Hopper and leaving Hawkins.

She came back for Max.

The key question ever time she reunites with Mike is: does the story stop there? Or does she do something very important next?

Mike always a sweet stop on her way to her goal. He is never "the point". He is a part of her life as many other people are. But he is not her life and he is not why she comes back.

[lisired]

wish i never

pairing: Jaehyun x (f) reader

genre/warnings: smut, angst, debatable morals, unprotected sex, brother’s worst enemy, forbidden love, mark’s dad is a cop for the sake of plot, mentions of drugs and drug-related death

summary: Your brother, Johnny, hates Jaehyun and has never told you why. Although you intend on leaving it alone, unforeseen events thrust you into a forbidden love affair with Jaehyun. In between hookups and stolen kisses, you have to bury your feelings for Jaehyun around your overprotective older brother.

word count: 27.2k (listen… i don’t know anymore okay)

a/n: this one lowkey kinda hit different for me cause i’ve had a forbidden love and it broke me. you can kinda tell by how long this is lol ya girl went all OUT. as always, feedback is appreciated!

“Absolutely not.”

“Dude, come on,” Mark whined. 

“Hell the fuck no,” Yuta barked firmly, crossing his arms. “The last time we gave you shrooms, you texted Johnny to ask him where your phone was.”

“And?”

“You texted him from your own phone,” Yuta deadpanned. 

You snickered. Your best friend and drugs were an infamously egregious combination. Mark Lee sober was already full of shit, but Mark Lee high on whatever substance he could get his hands on? Indescribably bad. You couldn’t think of a word to even explain it.

Mark gestured over to you. “But you gave her drugs.”

Yuta grimaced. “First of all, don’t say that too loud. Johnny will kill me. Second of all, she can actually handle her shit and what can I say? She's a loyal customer.”

You added, “Plus I’m not doing fucking shrooms. Yuta just deals me weed. If Johnny ever found out I was doing anything else, he would have a fit.”

Mark huffed something under his breath about how shrooms were the softest of soft drugs there were, not that it would’ve helped his case. 

Your lips curled into a grin as you joked, “Why don’t you just chug Jeno’s notorious punch and call it a night? That’s what I’m gonna do.” 

“I’ve actually got plans with a chick who’s been dying to chug my notorious punch. I’ll be back later. Save me a drink, dude,” Mark said, grinning from ear to ear at a text message on his screen. Probably from the aforementioned chick that was begging to blow him, or so he said. 

You pretended to wince, but gave him a high five in celebration. “Aye, aye, captain,” you chirped, saluting him. 

After Mark made a break for the stairs, you abandoned Yuta to make a beeline for the drink bar. There was no such thing as a party with some of your boys without drugs and alcohol. Your brother was an overprotective nuisance, but even he knew it was impossible to keep you away from your shots and the occasional marijuana.

Plus it would've been hypocritical as all hell, so he let it slide. Not that you wanted to press your luck with something harder. On some nights you were a little drunk and a little high, and it brought out the worst in you. You were certain all of Johnny's friends kept blackmail worthy videos of you doing the unspeakable and you were content with never knowing what all those fuckers had on you. The embarrassment would be enough to kill.

You clocked one girl dry-heaving in the corner on the way and it was all the discouragement required to make you reach for a can of beer instead. To your surprise, it seemed like somebody had a similar plan, their hand coincidentally dropping on the same one. 

"Oh, I'm sorry. You can have it…," you trailed, glancing up to make eye contact with nobody less than the devil incarnate.

Ricky looked surprised to see you, though you weren’t sure why. If Jeno was throwing a party, you were bound to be in attendance. “What up, baby? Long time no see.”

“Ricky, you lost the right to call me that the second I caught you with your pants to your ankles in a closet with what's-her-face.”

More importantly, you were frankly surprised to see him there. Your stupid ex was many things, none good, and his audacity? It was out of control. Part of you wanted to commend him, because it took guts to show his face around your side of town after you yanked his trousers down in front of everyone and their mother. 

And yet he took that retort in stride. “Baby, how many times do I have to tell you that I’m sorry? It was a mistake and I’ll never make it again.”

“You’re absolutely right,” you replied, bobbing your head in agreement. “You’re a sorry motherfucker and you’ll never make it again, because we’re done for good.”

But Ricky just couldn’t take the hint that you were so fucking over anything that had to do with him and crept closer, continuing darkly, “Don’t you know you’re nothing without me? Nothing!”

Having surrounded yourself with enough drunk and high people countless times, it was obvious that Ricky was under the influence, which made him extremely capricious. He looked a grand total of two seconds away from reaching out and seizing you by your arm. 

Your eyes darted across the room for anybody you knew, but it was difficult when dancing bodies obscured them from your field of view. Yuta had probably wandered to snag more drug deals, Mark was getting his dick wet, and Johnny and Taeyong were nowhere to be found. 

You were about to resign yourself to the fact that you were positively out of luck until you heard a deep baritone ask from beside you, “Do we have a problem over here?”

It took all of two seconds to recognize its owner. Jeong Jaehyun, sang the little chorus in your head. Your brother’s worst enemy. The beef seemed more than a little one-sided, but you didn’t ask questions. For whatever reason, the mere mention of Jaehyun’s name made your brother tense. 

It was clear that Ricky was sizing Jaehyun up and he snapped with potent venom, “Who the fuck are you?”

“The host’s cousin,” Jaehyun said, looking tall and foreboding, as if he was daring somebody to challenge him. “And you are?”

“The love of her life.”

You didn’t know how he could confidently lie like that, though you wouldn’t be surprised if he wholeheartedly believed it, which was downright terrifying. You learned the hard way that this boy was as self-centered as they came. 

Jaehyun took one look at you, and the glaringly obvious discomfort on your face, and replied, "Yeah, I don't think she wants to be around you. If I were you, I'd get the fuck out of here and never come back."

Ricky chuckled. "And if I don't?"

Jaehyun shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "Fuck around and find out," was all he said. His lips were drawn into a line and his gaze was fixed to your ex's idiotic face with a lethal stare. Not to mention Jaehyun had a couple of inches on him, which made you resist a satisfied little grin.

Obviously, Ricky wanted to stay and claim you as his pretty property, but even the lack of inhibitions didn’t hinder his judgment at that moment. Like any wise person would, he made a beeline for the closest exit. It was common sense that Jeno and his associates were not to be fucked with. 

Your shoulders relaxed when Ricky was gone. If anything, he had gotten off easy. He was lucky that you had no clue where Johnny was. You were positive he would’ve knocked the sense out of him, if he had any, which was debatable. 

“Insufferable prick,” you grumbled under your breath. Then, you glanced up to Jaehyun, who, to your surprise, was already looking at you. “Thanks, Jaehyun. I don’t know what he would’ve done if you weren’t here.”

Jaehyun still looked a little pissed, but your words seemed to make him soften. “You don’t have to thank me for that. It’s basic human decency.”

“And some people don’t even have that,” you replied, intending for it to be a joke, but it came out a little more melancholy. 

If Jaehyun noticed, he said nothing about it.

Before he could even if he wanted to, something stitched your brows together and you mentioned, “Hey, I didn’t know Jeno was your cousin.”

“Me, neither.”

It took a second for that to settle in, but once you finally understood, amusement broke the confusion tensing your face and your lips parted in laughter. Jaehyun joined you. His bold-faced little white lie saved your ass, but ironically, that wasn’t what you were focused on. 

It was those deep, adorable dimples on both of his cheeks that somehow made him even more handsome. 

Instantly, something in you chided, Bitch, don’t check him out. He’s your brother’s worst enemy. You’re out of your goddamn mind if you think you’re getting laid tonight just because he’s playing nice.

“I should go,” you said after a minute, finally grabbing a beer. “Thanks again. I really appreciate it.”

You escaped before Jaehyun could tell you not to thank him. His eyes were fixed to your back, following you until you were obscured completely by partygoers. He knew you were Johnny’s sister, but damn, you were kinda cute. 

At least for now, Jaehyun wouldn’t play with fire. Johnny almost kicked his ass one time and he wasn’t exactly keen on getting his ass handed to him. 

You were half tempted to stop by Jeno’s room to check if any of the guys were passing a blunt around in there, but the last time your curiosity got the better of you, you accidentally walked in on Jeno shirtless with some half-naked girl. Not a sight you wanted to relive, so you kept downstairs. 

Your eyes scanned the living room for any familiar faces, but it was difficult to tell if anybody was there. There was a gigantic crowd dancing to Kiss Me Thru The Phone and you chuckled at a certain memory of Mark drunk-singing along to the lyrics. 

“There you are,” came a familiar voice beside you. Your gaze flitted to Johnny, whose face was stitched with concern. “Taeyong told me that he saw you with Jaehyun. You good?”

“I’m fine,” you hollered over the music. “Just heartbroken that Mark abandoned me to get laid.”

Any other time, Johnny would’ve laughed, but his lips were pressed into a solid line. “Have you had anything?”

You rolled your eyes and exhaled a breath. “Just the beer in my hand, Johnny.”

He studied your face, as if he was attempting to figure out whether or not you were telling the truth, but ultimately decided to believe you. “Listen, I just wanna look out for you. You’re my little sister. If anything were to happen to you...”

“Mom and Dad would kill you and dump your body in the woods for bears to find. Yes, I know,” you groaned exasperatedly, cutting him off. “I get it, Johnny. But I need you to get that I’m not a little girl anymore.”

“If you were a little girl, you wouldn’t be here and we wouldn’t give you weed.”

That comment wasn’t even worth a roll of your eyes. You took a sip of beer and ignored it. 

“Why were you around Jaehyun anyways?” Johnny asked. It was obviously the question he was itching to ask. Probably wanted to make sure Jaehyun wasn’t making any advances. 

The memory of your bastard ex getting uncomfortably close to you after reaching for a drink he clearly didn’t need, raising his voice at you in a way no woman should ever accept, made you shudder. “Ricky decided to try and win me back. If you can even call it that.”

Johnny immediately perked up in anger. “What?”

“Relax. Jaehyun already took care of him. That’s why he was there. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“I swear to god, I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch,” Johnny hissed, looking a total of five seconds away from giving someone a piece of his mind. 

“Ricky, or Jaehyun?”

“Does it matter?”

You shrugged. Your lips parted to ask why he hated Jaehyun in the first place, but you cut yourself off. There was a reason why you didn’t ask him months ago. Johnny might’ve been overprotective, but that was because he was your brother and he loved you. When he was ready, he would tell you. 

The night dragged on. This one was a little more boring than usual, but that could’ve been chalked up to you still being shaken up about your encounter with your ex. You almost considered what would’ve happened had Jaehyun not been around to intervene, but your mind dared not wander there. 

Part of you wanted to know where he was camping out at. Surely, he had to be around here somewhere, but you weren’t going to look. Especially not with Johnny on high alert. He was being extra careful, wanting to be there in case your ex was crazy enough to return.

You listed what you knew about Jeong Jaehyun. For one, he was fine as hell. That was undeniable. Secondly, he was lowkey, which was why you essentially knew nothing about him other than the fact that he was drop-dead gorgeous. 

Sure, he made an appearance at these parties every now and then, but most of the time he kept to a tight-knit circle of friends and if they weren’t there, there was no way in hell he was coming. Sometimes his roommates’ threw parties at their house, but he rarely went downstairs, preferring to linger in his room doing fuck knows what. 

You honestly couldn’t blame him. People sucked. Most of them, anyways. 

Only one day later, you were gripping an overlook, peering down at little critters splashing in the lake from the bridge above. For a long time, there was nobody there to join you other than your little nonhuman friends. You liked coming here every now and then to clear your head. It was your safe place, your happy place. 

The sky was cloudy but there was only a nine percent chance of rain this afternoon, thus you weren’t too worried. You needed to go somewhere. Home was too isolating, but everywhere else was too open. 

You could be happy here. There were no entitled assholes or overprotective brothers around to get on your nerves every five seconds. It was only you and the gifts of nature. 

And somebody else. 

“I thought that was you,” said somebody from your side. 

Imagine your shock when you turned and saw Jeong Jaehyun jogging towards you. In the fucking flesh. 

It was harder not to check him out this time. The man was practically drenched head to toe in sweat, his very exposed skin glistening with moisture. The shirt he was wearing hugged his chest and it was all you could do not to salivate. 

Rather than continue to rake your eyes up his frame, you asked playfully, “Are you stalking me, Jeong Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun’s eyes twinkled with mirth. God, how come you never noticed how pretty and brown they were? “Actually, I’m surprised. I was cutting through here instead of my usual jog route. The weather looked pretty bad.”

You snickered, crossing your arms. “You didn’t check the forecast before you left the house? It’s not gonna rain. Probably.”

Jaehyun furrowed a brow. “Probably?”

“That guy on the news is an infamous liar,” you grumbled under your breath. 

Jaehyun chuckled. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, coming closer to the railing where you were, but kept a safe distance between your bodies lest he made you uncomfortable. “I told you why I’m here. What about you?”

Your nose got an instant waft of Jaehyun’s scent and it was godly, which was shocking considering he was literally sweating everywhere. “Oh, you know. I come here from time to time to think, or to not think. Depending on what the situation calls for.”

“Really?”

You bobbed your head. “Yeah. Why?”

Jaehyun shook his head. “Nothing,” was what he said, but in reality, he was thinking about how he passed this bridge nearly every goddamn day and never knew if he took a detour, he’d potentially cross paths with a pretty little thing like you. 

You lifted a brow, but didn’t press. 

“Are you… okay?” Jaehyun reluctantly asked. 

You bobbed your head. “Yup, I’m alright. It’s just that Ricky approaching me has Johnny on edge, so now whenever I go out he and his friends are watching me like a bunch of hawks.” 

Jaehyun winced. “Damn. That must suck.”

“I get he’s doing it from a place of love, but fuck, sometimes I just wanna be left the hell alone, you know?”

Jaehyun nodded. God, did he know. And not only because he was an overwhelmingly introverted dude. “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.”

That caught your attention. “You do?”

Jaehyun scratched the back of his head. “I mean, I don’t have an overprotective brother, but I do have an overprotective mother. It’s sweet and all, but do you know what it makes you look like when you’re on a date with a girl and your mom won’t stop calling you?”

Your lips couldn’t help but curl into a grin. “Aw, you’re a Momma’s boy.”

“This is exactly what I mean,” Jaehyun groaned. 

“No, it’s… cute,” you said, but it was impossible to control the giggles falling from your lips. “Most of the guys I know like that are sweethearts. Johnny, Mark. Maybe you.”

Jaehyun found that amusing. “You think I’m a sweetheart?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “Maybe. I don’t know you well enough to decide, but seemingly, sure.”

“Do you want to?”

“Do I want to what?”

“Know me better,” Jaehyun said, tentative. Almost as if he wasn’t sure what he wanted.

That was the million dollar question. On the one hand, Jaehyun was cute and it most likely wouldn’t hurt to spend a little time together, but on the other, there was the Johnny thing. You groaned. “God, Johnny would have a heart attack if he knew I was with you right now. Maybe even an aneurysm.”

Jaehyun snickered with mischief. “Who said that he has to know?”

That response downright shocked you. You weren’t expecting it from somebody like him, though then again, you knew virtually nothing about this boy and it only made you want to sate your curiosity. “Ooh. You’re trouble, Jeong Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun took that in stride. “I’m guessing you like that.”

Taking a step closer, you started to close the gap between you that Jaehyun had created for your sake. “Hm, you know what they say.”

“I don’t think I do.” 

“It’s always the quiet ones that deal the most damage,” you whispered sultrily, glancing into his gentle brown eyes. 

Jaehyun’s eyes flickered. That caught him off-guard.

Then, you backed away and waved him goodbye. “I’ve gotta go. Later, Dimples.”

Dimples? That was new. Jaehyun was pleasantly surprised by the nickname and he was so stunned that it distracted him from his train of thoughts. 

It was only when you were long gone that he realized that you never answered his question. 

You needed time to think, to decide if Jaehyun was worth potentially losing your brother’s trust. You didn’t know why he hated him, but his less than enthusiastic reactions to him said more than enough. Jaehyun was cute, but you could easily find another cute guy whose bones your brother didn’t mention crushing.

But damn, you were curious. And curiosity killed the cat. You knew one thing, though. You were starting to like Jeong Jaehyun. 

You shook your head, ashamed of yourself. This is really what’s it’s come to, huh?

Jaehyun thought about that exchange on the bridge every now and then for the next couple of days and chastised himself for even making moves on you of all people. She’s his baby sister, you asshole. She’s off-limits. 

Not that it would really stop him, if you let him have you. 

It wasn’t like Johnny had to know. Jaehyun could keep a secret and he assumed that you had a handful of your own. People with strict upbringings tended to have a lot of practice with being sneaky and your situation was close enough. 

He sat on his bed and heaved a breath, playing with a lighter. 

Meanwhile, you were with your boys, listening to them chatter about disgusting boy things but lowkey too curious to abandon your spot on the sofa that was too comfortable for its own good. Nobody liked sleeping on sofas, but you swore you wouldn’t mind on this one. Plus sometimes you’d gotten drunk here enough where you almost dozed off. 

You made a gagging noise when Mark started to talk about his nth blowjob of the week. You weren’t counting, but he definitely was. 

“Your dick probably has so much chlamydia that it’ll mutate into a different variant like Covid,” Haechan teased. 

You grimaced, but you definitely agreed. 

“You’re one to talk,” Mark snapped. 

Haechan nodded, grinning proudly. “Of course, I am. I always wear condoms and get tested regularly. I’m clean as a whistle.”

You shook your head in amusement. “I’ve never understood the saying ‘clean as a whistle.’ Like aren’t whistles actually contaminated from being in someone’s mouth? Now, when you combine that logic with your dick…”

Jeno burst into laughter. Yuta obviously found it funny from the smile on his face and Mark would never miss a chance to laugh at his friend’s expense. 

Haechan dramatically rolled his eyes. “And what about you, little miss? How often do you get laid?”

“Definitely not as often as you guys,” you replied, coming to a stand. Not that you wanted to kiss the sofa goodbye. “I’ll be right back. I’ve gotta tinkle.”

Mark’s nose wrinkled. “You didn’t think that was too much information?”

You almost threw the remote at your best friend, but spared him. There was no way this dude was talking about too much information when he was literally giving you all a play-by-play of his sex life. 

“If it burns when you pee, Mark gave you the airborne strand of chlamydia,” Yuta joked dryly. 

You left too quickly to see Mark attempt to murder Yuta and it was a shame that you had to miss it. There was no doubt that Haechan would exaggerate the moment to make you regret not being there, but right now, you were concentrated on finding the bathroom. 

And of course, it was when you finally made it upstairs through the groups of bodies that you realized you didn’t know where it was. 

You groaned, cursing yourself for being so forgetful. You’d only been here a couple of times and never long enough to use the fucking bathroom, apparently. And you really couldn’t fucking hold it. 

You glanced around the set of doors upstairs, incapable of keeping still. Thank god nobody was here except for you. If I was a bathroom, which door would I be behind?

You set eyes on a random door and said, “Fuck it.” You marched right up to it and knocked none too gently, seeping with impatience. 

To your surprise, it was Jaehyun that opened the door, a pair of headphones slung around his neck. And behind him was a bed, not a toilet. 

Jaehyun’s eyes flickered with shock and he said your name. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, um, I was kinda looking for the bathroom. I’m guessing this isn’t it,” you said with a little humor, which was remarkable, all things considered. “What are you doing here?”

“I live here, baby.”

“Oh.” You knew that, so the fact that it slipped your mind meant that you definitely weren’t yourself when you had to pee. 

Jaehyun had the audacity to laugh. He opened his door a little wider. “You can use mine. It’s that door over there.”

“Thank you,” you said in relief, immediately darting for the bathroom. 

You were even more relieved by the time you washed your hands and walked back into his bedroom, no longer fighting to keep still. Jaehyun was sitting on his bed where his headphones were now cast aside. God, how loud did you have to be knocking for him to hear you over those?

“You sure were in a hurry,” Jaehyun teased. 

You rolled your eyes, but a little laugh fell from your lips. You wholeheartedly blamed Jeno and his damn poisonous drinks. Sighing in relief, you glanced around Jaehyun’s room. For a boy, he was exceptionally tidy. He had vinyls organized on a shelf. “No girls in here, I see.”

Jaehyun didn’t know whether to be offended by that or not. “What do you think I am, a pimp?”

You snickered. “Nah. I’m just traumatized. Sue me.”

Jaehyun knew better than to ask questions that he didn’t want to know the answers to, so he left it alone. “You never answered my question the other day.”

“What question?” you asked. Obviously, you were playing dumb. You needed every second to think about what your response would be, although you’d had the past forty-eight hours and then some to contemplate. 

Your damn brother was the only thing that stood between you and Jaehyun. 

Johnny wasn’t around this time for obvious reasons. There was no way in hell that he’d step foot in the house of his mortal enemy. He didn’t want you to be there either, but you assured him that you’d steer clear of all things Jeong Jaehyun. 

And it wasn’t as if you had deliberately lied. It (kind of) wasn’t your fault that you didn’t know where the bathroom was. 

“If you wanted to get to know me better.”

You stepped over to his bed, sitting beside him and sighing. “Jaehyun, you know my brother won’t approve.”

“I guess that’s a ‘no’ then,” Jaehyun muttered. 

Your eyes glanced at his handsome face, then his beautiful, twinkling brown eyes, and finally his soft pink lips. And when they flitted so low, there was no looking back. You leaned in and pressed your lips to Jaehyun’s, waiting for him to kiss back, and when he did without hesitation your heart soared. 

His hands flew to your back, eyes fluttering closed. God, he tasted as good as he smelled, and it was more than a little arousing. You made him fall against his mattress, straddling his hips and kissing him even deeper.

The change was welcome. His heart was racing just from locking lips with you and it took him to the sky. He grabbed a hold of your hips, which fit snugly in his palms, and listened to the soft sighs that slipped from your mouth in between the kisses. 

Mark was probably downstairs wondering, Damn, bitch, how long does it take to piss?

You pulled back when a certain groan of his turned you on a little too much to be safe. Jaehyun was secretly disappointed, but he didn’t complain, taking time to catch his breath. “Is that a maybe?”

You giggled and shook your head. “It’s a yes.”

Jaehyun sat up and grinned. He knew what he was getting himself into, but he didn’t care. There was something about you that made him defy gravity. 

Still straddling his hips, you threaded your fingers through his hair and leaned in to whisper into his ears, “We’re playing with fire.”

“Ironically, I thought the same thing,” Jaehyun deadpanned. 

You chuckled. Well, if you didn’t care, and he didn’t care, nothing more needed to be said. You were really doing this. 

Jaehyun realized that he already really liked holding you. You were warm and soft to the touch, and you fit perfectly in his arms. “Have you been drinking?”

“Nope.”

“Did you do any drugs?”

“Not even a little,” you said, raising a brow at the question. Much to your chagrin, it reminded you of your brother’s incessant worry. “Why?”

Jaehyun said without hesitation, “Because I’ve got weed.”

That was exciting. No wonder Jaehyun never came downstairs during his roommates’ parties. The real party was in his bedroom. “Geez, Dimples. What are you waiting for?”

Jaehyun laughed at your enthusiasm and grabbed his lighter off his nightstand. You were flattered when he let you roll and even more when he praised your technique, which took years to develop. Thank god for your experienced friends. 

The high had you hyper aware of everything. Jaehyun’s whole room smelled like him, to no surprise. As he said, he lived there, fuck’s sake. But it was pleasant and you were honestly forgetting that you even promised to return downstairs.

The guilt and pressure of keeping secrets from Johnny was heavy on your back a few moments ago, but after the marijuana settled in, you relaxed into Jaehyun’s side. He didn’t seem to mind. Maybe it was the tree getting to his brain, but his hands got a little bolder, too. 

And it also only enhanced your curiosity. “Do you do this often, Jaehyun?”

“You mean invite girls into my room to talk and smoke?”

“Yeah.”

Jaehyun took a drag and exhaled into the thick air of his room. “Eh, not really. I’ve had girls in my room before, obviously, but it never really lasts.”

You weren’t surprised. Any girl could see that Jaehyun was handsome as all fucking hell and you didn’t expect him to be a total sexless loser. Matter of fact, if he told you that he was a virgin, you doubted that you’d even believe it. 

“Maybe you haven’t met the right girl then,” you suggested coyly. 

Jaehyun chuckled. “Maybe.”

It was way too soon to ask if he thought you were the right girl, so instead you settled for asking where his interests lay. “What exactly are you looking for?”

Jaehyun knew the answer to that question in perfect detail because he’d thought about it countless times, being his typical hopeless romantic self. This was a boy that dreamed of finding his miss right before he went to bed. He was a simple guy. He wanted picket fences and kids. Perhaps a puppy. 

But maybe it wasn’t all too simple. Jaehyun wasn’t searching for a housewife. He wanted someone to go to random old shops with and look at vintage items together. He wanted someone that didn’t draw a lot of attention, but liked to go outside and explore. Money be damned. Thanks to his mother, he had ample cash, but no one to spend it on. 

Jaehyun hummed, pretending to think about his answer. “Guess.”

You threw him a look. “Are you serious?”

Jaehyun bobbed his head eagerly, lips curling into a mischievous little grin. “I’ll tell you, but I want you to guess first.” 

You sighed and glanced around his bedroom for clues, and fortunately enough, there were plenty. “Vinyls from the nineties. You’re an old soul and you want someone who fits your vibe. You smell like expensive cologne, so maybe you want someone to wine and dine, but you definitely want to be comfortable.”

Jaehyun said nothing, but you could tell that he was listening. 

You looked at the pictures of him and an older woman framed on his nightstand and continued, “You want the type of girl you can take home to your mother. And your mother wants the absolute best for her son, so she raised you to have high standards.”

“You’re good at this,” Jaehyun muttered. 

“I’m nowhere close to being finished,” you said, grinning from ear to ear. “Judging from the souvenirs on your shelf, you like going to different places, so you want someone curious and adventurous in nature. Appreciative and respectful of different peoples' cultures.”

Jaehyun was only smiling at this point. It was kind of funny and spooky being read like this. 

“You’ve searched for love and haven’t found something that feels right, so now you keep girls around for a good time, not a long one. And you love a damsel in distress, I think,” you said, concluding your investigation. 

“Wow,” was all Jaehyun said. 

Though you already knew the answer, you pressed your lips into a smile and asked, “Am I warm?”

“You’re on fire,” he replied, wondering how in the hell you got all that just from looking at his bedroom. “But how did you know?”

“That you love a damsel in distress?”

“That I’ve looked for love and gave up on it.”

You almost rolled your eyes. You couldn’t believe he was seriously asking that question. “No offense, but you scream hopeless romantic. Plus you’re hot. You know your worth and what you want and I doubt it’s meaningless sex.”

Jaehyun had this melancholy look on his face for the briefest of seconds, but it disappeared so quickly you could’ve imagined it being there. 

“I don’t think you gave up, I think you took a little pause. You know she’s out there, and when the time’s right, you’ll know.” Then, you abandoned the sadness and quipped, “But you’re also a guy, and guys want sex.”

Jaehyun chuckled, but you had somehow penetrated his mind. You had part of him figured out and he didn’t know what to do with that. It was too soon to get too deep. 

You exhaled contentedly, but the marijuana had you thinking. You could’ve been wrong about Jaehyun. You had definitely been wrong before. 

There was this tension in the room now that neither of you were equipped to handle. As standard when he was fooling around with a girl, there was a piece of him that wondered if it could be the real thing this time, but he didn’t want to get ahead of himself. 

It wouldn’t have been the first time. 

Jaehyun gave you back the blunt. “What about you - what are you looking for?”

“Who said I was looking?” you asked with obvious amusement. 

That shattered Jaehyun’s former thoughts of possibly wifing you up one day. Of course you didn’t intend on dating the dude your brother hated. It would’ve been a very unconventional relationship. You could keep him around for fun, but it would have to end sooner or later. 

So Jaehyun contentedly resigned himself to the fact that you would pass, just like all the other girls he brought up to his room, and decided he was fine with that. Maybe he had high standards, but you’d forgotten to mention the part that they came with moderate hopes and low expectations.

That way getting hurt was borderline impossible. 

Then, Jaehyun started to grin like an idiot and reminded, “You said that you think I’m hot.”

“I literally said that ten hundred hours ago,” you groaned, exhaling a puff of smoke into the air. 

You cried out in shock when he grabbed your hips and pulled you back onto him again, but instinctively leaned into his shoulder. Jaehyun was (usually) humble, but anyone who thought he didn’t know he was hot was a fool. “Am I hot enough to kiss?”

Your lips tugged into a smile, and rather than directly answer his question, you went in for a kiss, holding the blunt away from his face so that he wouldn’t get burned. Jaehyun effortlessly matched your rhythm and it was dumbfounding how he could be so excellent of a kisser. 

You spent the better half of the night passing a blunt back and forth with Jaehyun, kissing and talking in between (featuring some inappropriate touches). Jaehyun was so fucking easy to talk to, the topics were boundless. Neither of you opened up much outside of your relationship goals and lack thereof, but you still got to know each other a little better. 

Jaehyun loved music from r&b to jazz to soul, though you could’ve guessed how passionate he was after one look at his vinyl collection. He was flirty sometimes, but soft-spoken and very gentleman-like and he never once proposed for the two of you to have sex. Plus he was a bit of a goofball. 

To say nothing of the fact that he could play the guitar. You didn’t know why, but that somehow made him even more delightful. 

It was pleasant to be in the presence of a guy that was simultaneously attractive and respectful.

Because it was far too late for you to drive yourself home when you finally started to get sleepy, he let you steal his bed and slept in the room of one of his roommate’s that was never home, according to Jaehyun. 

Jungkook was what he said his name was. Apparently he basically lived full-time in his girlfriend’s apartment and Jaehyun didn’t know why he still paid rent, but he didn’t complain. It was going to be a sad day for his bank account when Jungkook finally moved out. 

And that left Yugyeom. He was the one that threw all of the parties. You asked Jaehyun last night why he rarely came downstairs during those parties and his response was, “I don’t like the attention.”

Morning had come loudly as ever. Birds chirped outside, singing sweetly. You stretched your arms above your head and yawned, unable to ignore the dark curtains that effectively kept the sunlight out. 

The first thing you did was let a little light in. And the second thing was remember how you spent last night, memories of marijuana and laughter, and flirtatious behavior hitting you all at once. It seemed that Jeong Jaehyun was a promise of fun. 

Grabbing your phone, you headed down the stairs and breathed a little in relief when you saw Jaehyun already awake, waiting by the toaster. “Good morning, Dimples.”

Jaehyun turned when he heard your voice and the smile that spread across his lips was instantaneous. “Good morning, beautiful. How did you sleep?”

“I should’ve known that your bed would be as cool and collected as you are,” you quipped, rubbing your arms. It was colder without Jaehyun’s blankets to help strengthen the temperature. 

Jaehyun shook with mirth and it was a sight you wanted to see more often. 

“I could’ve slept on the sofa,” you said without complaint. “The party was over by the time we called it a night and it’s the most comfortable sofa I’ve ever put my butt on.”

“It goes against everything I believe in to let you sleep on a couch when there’s a perfectly functional bed upstairs.”

“Aw, what a gentleman,” you replied, coming to stand at his side. “I drew the curtains in your room open, by the way. I don’t know how you live like a damn vampire.”

“What’s wrong with living like a vampire? Vampires are cool.”

“I don’t think Vampires need Vitamin D. Humans do,” you retorted, arms crossed. 

Jaehyun’s lips curved into a stupid little smile that reeked of mischief and you instantly knew where his thoughts were before he even said anything. 

You rolled your eyes at his silliness and told him, “Whatever you’re about to say - don’t.”

Bagels popped out of the toaster and the sight of food made Jaehyun forget about his previous shenanigans. He set both bagels on individual plates that already had food and said, “I made you something. It’s not much because I’ve gotta go soon, but I didn’t want you to be hungry.”

“Thank you,” you said with gratitude, accepting the plate he handed to you. Plate in hand, you went to sit at the table, watching Jaehyun bring cups over. 

“You’re welcome,” Jaehyun told you gently. “Next time I’ll make you a real full-course meal as a treat.”

You gawked. “You can cook?”

“A little bit, yeah. Why?”

“You just got so much hotter,” you breathed.

Jaehyun grinned. 

The time you spent together that morning was a duplicate of the night before except there were only the lingering overnight highs instead of the fresh ones. You were sad that you had to leave, but Jaehyun had to work and you needed to go home. 

Sitting in your car, you checked your phone for the first time in hours. There had to be a thousand missed calls and unanswered messages from your friends and Johnny. Though it wasn’t unusual for your phone to be on Do Not Disturb, it was definitely strange to not at least tell your loved ones that you were very much still alive. 

You were just so hooked on Jaehyun that it completely slipped your mind to check your phone. There wasn’t a dull moment upstairs in his bedroom and even when it was silent you were comforted by the sound of a vinyl playing quietly on his record player, which you were stunned that he even had. 

You texted your friends to let them know that you were on the way home and called Johnny to get his usual tantrum out of the way before you got there, but it was safe to say that you weren’t expecting to come back to Johnny and Mark waiting for you in the kitchen like two unhappy parents. 

You reached into the cabinet to grab a glass and deadpanned, “Uh oh. Am I in trouble?”

Mark snickered and he looked like mischief. “Very much so.”

Your gaze flitted towards Johnny, who was clearly the more disgruntled of the two, and asked, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You look like you had a long night.”

“That’s probably because I did.”

“Did you hook up with anyone?”

You grimaced. “Gross, Johnny. Do I ask you who and what you do with your dick?”

Johnny gave you a look that told you he was serious. 

“No, I didn’t hook up,” you replied, filling your glass with water and hoping to find a way out of this situation so that you could shower and brush your teeth. 

Johnny’s lips were tugged into a frown. This older brother responsibility was far from easy when his little sister made it even harder to check up on her. “I worry about you. Is that a crime?” 

You exhaled a long breath. “You’re right. I should have at least let you know that I was okay and I didn’t, and I’m sorry. I just got… distracted.”

That got Mark’s attention and he butted in dramatically, “Where did you go last night? I was this close to filing a police report, but it hadn’t been twenty-four hours.”

Typical cop father response. That was half the reason why nobody wanted to deal him drugs. Thank goodness he had you to vouch for him. “And what would you do if I was off with a serial killer instead of some hot guy?”

“I wouldn’t be too worried. You’re annoying. They would return you on the front doorstep with a note that said ‘come get your bitch back.’”

You were tempted to roll your eyes, but you noticed Johnny laugh a little and it honestly made you feel somewhat better. He had been painfully uptight lately and you just wanted him to chill for once. 

“I’m gonna go take a shower and brush my teeth,” you announced, discarding your glass in the sink and heading for the stairs. 

Of course, Mark had more insults on deck and didn’t hesitate to add, “You’re gonna need more than that for all the cum you had to have gargled last night.”

“For the last time, I did not hook up,” you huffed in exasperation, marching up the stairs. “And get the hell out of my house - you don’t even live here!”

You could hear Mark laughing from the overlook. 

A lot of time was spent counting down the hours until you could see Jeong Jaehyun again. You learned that he was not the type of guy to sit around waiting by his phone. This was a busy man with business to take care of and he didn’t have a lot of spare time. 

You didn’t mind, because he spent it talking to you, which was definitely an indicator that he was starting to really like you. With so few hours in a week, let alone a day, it was hard to believe he let just anyone consume the little downtime that remained. 

Jaehyun let you crash some nights at his place when your brother was being a massive thorn in your side. It wasn’t a crime, but it was easy to get away with, all things considered. Yugyeom never bothered either of you and Jungkook was rarely there, so you spent most of the time talking incessantly and getting high. 

Maybe some kisses were shared in between, but nothing more. Jaehyun was content with just getting to know you for now. His usual invitees consisted of one-night stands and girls he hung out with for a couple of weeks, but you were different. You made him think, high or not, and it was rare a girl penetrated his mind so deeply.

And so quickly. It had only been a month, maybe a little longer. He was still afraid of being completely open with you, but the way the two of you touched each other was starting to get riskier and riskier. 

Kisses lasted longer. More than once, he caught himself going after your clothes, but he didn’t want to seem like an animal. You did seem a little eager too, kissing the breath out of him and getting more and more flirtatious, but Jaehyun hated having to guess. 

He wanted you to tell him what you wanted in no uncertain terms. No room for uncertainty. 

Yugyeom knocked on Jaehyun’s bedroom door, which was already cracked ajar, and asked, “Hey, is she coming over tonight?”

“Yes, so please be on your best behavior. No bullshit,” Jaehyun replied, getting a whiff of the trouble that was Yugyeom and wrinkling his nose. 

“Have you guys… you know?”

“That’s a personal question.”

“So you haven’t.” Yugyeom pressed, “Man, when are you gonna tell her you’ve got the hots for her? You know what, I’ll clear the house and leave a bottle of wine out. Light one of your expensive candles. Girls like that shit.”

Like hell Jaehyun needed advice on how to set the mood, from Yugyeom much less. Plus he was none too pleased at being interrupted, especially because now he was thinking about having sex with you and it was doing things to him down there. “I think I know what girls like.”

“Then what’s the problem? And don’t tell me that you haven’t thought about it. We’re both dudes, man. That’s bullshit.”

“There isn’t one,” Jaehyun replied to his roommate honestly. Of course, he had thought about having sex with you. He might’ve been respectful, but like Yugyeom said, he was still a dude. Hell, the words had come out of your own mouth. 

Yugyeom prodded, “Then?”

“I just don’t wanna rush into it.”

Now that Yugyeom could buy. Jaehyun was sentimental like that. When he really liked a girl, evaluating her worth took priority over getting laid. Jaehyun had this wall of ice put up that even Yugyeom had to steadily break through. Ironically, sometimes it felt like he was still on the outside. 

But he put two and two together. If Jaehyun liked you - as in really, really liked you - then that made shit even more complicated. It was no secret that Johnny had it out for Jaehyun and he obviously came to the same conclusion that Jaehyun had; shit getting serious with you was dangerous. 

So Yugyeom left it alone. 

Like clockwork, you were pulling into Jaehyun’s driveway only a few hours later. You discerned that the lot was empty save for your car and Jaehyun’s which more than likely implied that the two of you would be completely alone in the house together. 

Slipping the spare key from under the mat, you unlocked the door and sang after locking it behind yourself, “Darling, I’m home!”

“I’m upstairs,” Jaehyun called out from the second floor, his room door obviously open for once. The benefits of having the house to himself. 

You didn’t hesitate to make your way upstairs, not failing to clock the bottle of expensive wine on the counter when you passed by the kitchen, but you thought little of it when you came through the hallway and slipped into Jaehyun’s comfortable bedroom. “Hey, Dimples,” you greeted. 

Jaehyun smiled at you and waved. His room was dimly lit. The overhead lights were turned off, but the candles on his nightstand were ablaze and there was an old school classic going on in the background. 

The second you came in, Jaehyun set his book aside, giving you his undivided attention. “Come here.”

You wasted no time doing as told, advancing towards the bed and giggling when he snatched you into his open arms for a handful of kisses. Your whole body was soothed from his slightest of touches, at ease in his arms. Jaehyun had quickly become your second safe place. 

God, you had been waiting for this moment all week. Johnny wasn’t on your ass any more than usual, but it got lonely in that house and it was even worse when you found yourself only craving Jaehyun’s company. There was something happening to you and you couldn’t tell if you liked it or not. 

Jaehyun drew back after a minute, taking a moment to breathe and brush a loose strand of hair behind your ears. “Things okay at home?”

“New topic,” you groaned. 

Jaehyun winced. That couldn’t have been too good. 

“You smell good,” you purred, breathing in his scent. 

“You always say that.”

“Because you always smell good.” 

“I just got out of the shower.”

“Without me?”

“You sound like a guy,” Jaehyun said in disapproval. 

You snickered. You had definitely gotten that comment from a boy before.

Jaehyun’s eyes were fixed to your face, taking in how beautiful you were. Damn, it was like every time he saw you, you looked even more breathtaking. 

You couldn’t help but stare back. Jaehyun’s visuals were out of this damn universe and it was borderline maddening he could be this fucking fine. But deeper than that, sometimes you couldn’t help but stare into his dark eyes and wonder what all he was hiding back there. 

It was plain as day that Jaehyun wasn’t the type to wear his heart on his sleeve, especially not when his romantic feelings were involved. In the time that you’d spent together, you had gotten to learn some things about him, but there was plenty that he filtered out as a defense mechanism. 

When you wanted to get closer, Jaehyun shut down, which was totally ironic, because he was the one that asked if you wanted to get to know him. Now you had to fight for it?

Maybe he meant get to know his body and you were oblivious - and you wouldn’t have minded one bit - but if that was the case, you should’ve already had sex and been out of the picture. Yet he was keeping you twice as long as most girls lasted and for no apparent reason.

Sex made things more complicated. If you had sex with Jaehyun right now, and it was good, there was absolutely no telling how that would shift the trajectory of your entire life. But the way he was looking at you right now tempted you to risk it all. 

Your lips found Jaehyun’s again, but the kiss was different this time. It was needier, desperate. It sent heat stretching through every bone in your body and straight between your thighs, and you felt like you were levitating. Your body scorched with desire, hands running down his chest. 

Jaehyun kept up with your reckless kissing very well, but he couldn’t ignore the nature of it and it made him ask himself questions. You were kissing him like you wanted him. Tired of wondering, he pulled back and asked forthrightly, “Do you want to have sex with me?” 

“Isn’t it obvious?” you countered, quickly seizing the opportunity to return your lips to his.

All of this beating around the bush was getting on his nerves and Jaehyun took matters into his own hands. Literally. You gasped when he pushed you onto your back, pinning you onto his bed, and locked your wrists above your head. “I want to hear you say it.”

Now that was sexy as hell and your thighs involuntarily pressed together. “I want to have sex with you.”

That was all Jaehyun needed to hear. He was quick to catch your lip in between his teeth and seal your lips in another heated kiss, taking in your every trembling exhale. You moaned into his mouth, a little too enamored with how good it felt beneath him. 

His hands released your wrists in favor of your waist, testing the waters. You were reactive to Jaehyun’s touches, hyper aware of his hands steadily falling lower, but not daring to touch you too intimately yet. Like he was waiting for something to happen. 

Jaehyun’s eyes sank to your empty neck and something deep in the pit of his gut was set on fire. “Are marks okay?”

Making quick work of his shirt and tossing it over his shoulders, you nodded your head. “Yeah. Johnny will notice, but he’ll never assume they’re from you.” 

It took absolutely nothing else for Jaehyun to connect his lips to your throat hungrily, leaving mark after mark on your skin in an effort to stake his claim to you. And all it did was turn you on further. There was a thudding between your legs, arousal spilling over. 

Little soft sighs and curses slipped from your lips and you could feel the bedroom get hotter and hotter. It wasn’t as if you and Jaehyun had agreed to be exclusive, but you hadn’t been with anyone else in the time that the two of you had been hanging out, meaning it had been over a month since you’d last had sex. 

And it fucking showed. You were aching for more, on top of your natural desire for Jaehyun. If you didn’t fuck his brains out right now you were going to self-destruct.

“Jaehyun, fuck me,” you groaned impatiently. 

Instead, he grinned, too fond of the neediness in your voice and on your pretty face. Jaehyun looked you plain in the eye and said, “I want you to beg.”

You were too gone to roll your eyes, but not too out of it to retort, “Make me.”

“I’m gonna make you beg, alright,” Jaehyun said without question. He made a move for your shorts and tugged them off your ankles, repeating the gesture with your panties. 

The only thing that kept you from being totally naked was your top but Jaehyun didn’t look too concerned with getting rid of it yet. Instead, he focused his undivided attention between your legs, entranced by your glistening core and his mouth going dry with the desire to have a taste. 

You watched the enthrallment on his face with satisfaction. Funny how his ability to conceal his emotions went out the window when pussy was involved. His eyes were dark as ever and Jaehyun’s voice somehow got deeper when he asked, “Will you let me taste you?” 

“Fuck,” you mumbled, sensing that he was about to wreck the living hell out of you. “Uh, yeah. Yes.”

No room for uncertainty. Now that he had your consent, Jaehyun gathered your legs in his hands, tossed them over his broad shoulders, and went to town. You gasped aloud at the first pass of his tongue at your clit and it couldn’t have been further from tentative. 

Of course this man went straight for your sensitive bundle of nerves instead of your slick folds, he knew better. Given how exciting the thought of Jaehyun dicking you down had been, you were already throbbing, but now you were tense and unstill.

There was something about the feeling of his lips sucking and licking at your cunt that made you squirm and cry out in an overwhelming bolt of pleasure. Jaehyun clamped his big hands onto your thighs to keep you pliant, holding them right where he wanted them, and kept eating you out. 

It made zero sense how hot you found every little thing that he did. 

“Jesus, fuck,” was basically all that you could say. With how vigorously Jaehyun was sucking at your bundle of nerves, it was getting borderline impossible to think. 

Jaehyun sure didn’t seem timid. Matter of fact, the way he refused to shy away from in between your pair of legs, doing everything in his power to keep them separated at both sides of his head, said loud and clear that he was a man on a mission to make you unravel. 

Not to mention that he was doing a damn good job. Your ears were hardly even working, the whole world fading to static, the only audible sound being the incessant throb of your pulse quickening by the minute. 

The sheer opposite was true for Jaehyun. His ears were on full alert and he could hear everything from the increasing volume and speed of your breaths plus your soft moans to the gentle rustling of the trees' leaves outside his open window. 

Jaehyun peered up at you, noticed the euphoria tensing your beautiful features, and his lips broke into a wide grin. “How are you doing up there?”

No words would come. It took twice as long to even process the ones that left his mouth. Your eyes were drooping and misty, damp with moisture, and all that escaped you was a befuddled, “Fuck.”

Jaehyun snickered. That was answer enough. “It sounds to me like you’re having a fun time,” he started. “Do you want to cum?”

You obviously heard that and hissed, “Don’t ask stupid questions.” 

“If you want to cum, then beg me for it,” Jaehyun growled darkly. You appreciated the brief lull of peace, but of fucking course, it was that moment Jaehyun chose to press a long pair of fingers into your dripping pussy.

Your back arched and your soft cries filled the air. It felt like somebody had given Jaehyun the blueprints to your body with how he excelled at satisfying you in ways literally nobody had previously. 

The answer was obvious. Jaehyun wanted you to beg? Fuck it. You would beg. 

“Please,” you said, your voice raising a few pitches. “Oh, god. Please make me cum, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun didn’t make a sound but you could feel his mouth on your cunt again and knew that he was about to take you there.  

And then it came. The mind-numbing orgasm engulfed you in its fury and you were scarred with burns from head to toe, most of it pivoting towards your core. 

Your hands desperately grasped locks of Jaehyun’s soft fluffy hair in an attempt to anchor yourself and you didn’t release him from your clutches until every tremble faded. Jaehyun got so aroused watching you shudder with release that he swore his own mind went blank. 

It took a good minute and a half at the least for your mind to start to clear itself and you sighed pleasantly as the wrath of your orgasm slowly began to die out. You peered down at Jaehyun, blinking a couple of times, and slackened your grip when you realized how tightly your hands were latched to him.

Jaehyun didn’t seem to mind, contentedly watching you try to gather your bearings. “Are you back to earth?”

“Barely,” you rasped, still unable to feel your thighs. 

“Do you want to stop?”

You gawked. “Are you kidding? I still wanna fuck you. If you still wanna fuck me.”

“I still want to fuck you,” Jaehyun said, pulling you in for another hot but reassuring kiss. It was hard to breathe, but so worth it. You slipped your tongue into his mouth and tasted yourself on his. 

Kissing you made Jaehyun feel like he was ascending, but right now it also made his dick ascend and his patience was steadily dissipating into thin air. You could feel his hard-on against your naked thigh and it sent shock waves to your brain. 

I think that’s the best head I’ve ever had, you admitted to yourself, but not aloud. Your dating history wasn’t top secret but you spoke little of it to Jaehyun. Did it matter that all of your exes were scumbags and rarely bothered to get you off?

Except for one. The sex was good, but it wasn’t a fair trade-off for your heart. No man nor his cock was worth your sanity and you told that to yourself every time you engaged with one. 

Plus you just got this weird feeling where nothing or nobody else mattered when you and Jaehyun were alone together. You didn’t think of the various roots of the stresses in your life and calmness was finally an option. 

You didn’t want to ruin that, so you didn’t get too deep. 

But you were hoping Jaehyun was packing enough to be deep inside of you. Fuck that, you had felt it against your thigh. You knew that he was and it was exciting. 

Your voice was weighed down by the thickness of your breaths. “Do you have condoms?”

“Always,” Jaehyun replied, pulling a drawer open on his nightstand to retrieve one.

That was a relief. You had never done it raw before and though you liked Jaehyun, you weren’t sure where his dick had been and what all it had seen. You’d rather be safe.

Jaehyun gently pushed you back onto the mattress and crawled over you, drawing the condom between his teeth while he tossed your shirt and bra halfway across his bedroom, then whispered, “Tell me how you want it.”

“Hard and deep. Deep and hard,” you confessed sultrily, looking him dead in the eye. 

Jaehyun smirked. “That can be arranged.”

You watched Jaehyun shuffle out of his pants and put the condom on, but the bulk of your attention was set on that thick, girthy cock. Your mouth was watering. Maybe some other time you could suck him off, but right now getting it between your thighs was all you wanted. 

It didn’t seem as if he glanced up, but Jaehyun said, “You’re staring.”

“Sorry.”

“No, you’re not,” Jaehyun said. 

You giggled. “No, I’m not.”

The sound faded when you spread your legs apart invitingly and he penetrated you at an excruciatingly slow pace, sinking deeper inch by fucking inch. 

You and Jaehyun made a sound in harmony when he finally filled you to the hilt, grasping your waist and using it as anchor like he was at risk of going dangerously deep if he made one wrong move and never returning to the surface. 

Good thing it was only the two of you. You, keeping quiet when he was this good with his hands and presumably even better with his thick cock? There was no way in hell. 

“Oh my god…,” you whispered, obsessed with the sensation of being filled. 

Whatever you were thinking right now, Jaehyun wholeheartedly agreed. You made his brain grind to a halt and stutter. “Does that feel okay?”

“More than okay,” you told him, because it was the truth. Somehow the pleasure was only spiking. The ecstasy continued to build. 

You looked so beautiful beneath the golden-yellow hue of his lamplight and Jaehyun knew he would be fantasizing about how your face tensed with pleasure for weeks, if not months.

Jaehyun especially liked the way you were tightening around his cock, gripping it for dear life as if letting go simply wasn’t an option. You wound your legs around his hips and helped draw him into yours in spite of knowing it could ruin you, a telltale sign that your desire for more outweighed any rational thinking. 

It just felt so good that it had to be illegal and though you knew that it wasn’t, it was damn near close. 

There was still music playing from the vinyl player in the background that soothed any and all nerves that you could’ve ever had. You took a moment and inhaled deeply, breathing in the musk of Jaehyun and the scent of the candles. 

Your eyes fluttered closed. It was ironic that you were on a raging high even though you hadn’t even gotten around to having your usual fill of marijuana. In legal terms, you were far from inebriated. But according to yourself? You were fiending for Jaehyun and found him lethally intoxicating. 

His weight on top of you. His deep, guttural grunts in your ear between his jagged breaths. His perfect thrusts and the way he stroked you exactly how you wanted, all the while reaping his pleasure from your body. 

It was fucking mind-blowing. 

Jaehyun had a similar thought and it tore a noise out of him. His intentions in inviting you over tonight weren’t to have sex, in spite of his roommate’s attempts at getting him to get laid when he was only trying to break you in, but it was an unregrettable decision. 

“You take it so good, baby,” Jaehyun said tenderly, but it barely scratched the tip of the iceberg of praises he had in storage especially for you. 

Fuck, you wanted to hate how easy it was for him to kindle these rash flames inside of you, but your attraction to Jaehyun became undeniable the second you initiated the first rendezvous. 

You were peering into Jaehyun’s soul, searching his whole face without knowing what you were looking for, and saw the euphoria fluttering his eyes closed and spreading his lips apart just enough for those heavenly sounds to slip through. 

You guessed you found it then, because the tightening in the pit of your gut was at an all-time high and it wasn’t skipping out on the extremes. 

Combing your hands through his hair, you whimpered, “I’m so close.”

Jaehyun accelerated his pace, wanting to take you to the ends of the earth and back. You noticed, because you could feel his hard dick slapping against your hips with a purpose, and you swore to god your eyes rolled somewhere black. 

The end was creeping up on you from behind. You could feel it. Jaehyun could feel it himself, the telltale twitch of his cock indicating that he was pushing his limits. 

“I want you to cum,” Jaehyun growled in no uncertain terms, his tone dominant. “Nice and hard. Can you do that for me, baby?”

“Yes,” you choked out. 

If you were being frank, he didn’t even have to ask. It was impossible to hide the evidence of your impending orgasm, the heightened tremors in your voice and the shakiness in your body were more than enough proof. 

All you could think about was how restlessly you were going after this orgasm and how terribly you needed it like it would fix every little thing going wrong in your life.

Your hands slipped from Jaehyun’s hair to his shoulders to finally his back, raking your nails down the flesh in a set of ministrations that were bound to leave red lines, and you rasped breathlessly, “Finish me.”

The hoarseness of your voice alone could’ve broken Jaehyun but he hung on for your sake, fingertips flitting to your sensitive, swollen clit again because he knew he wouldn’t last very much longer. 

You were even more restless than before and it wasn’t long until Jaehyun granted your wish, your lips parting in a scream and your vision going totally black. Your toes curled into tight bends as you grinded your hips into Jaehyun, milking your release for every damn dime.

Jaehyun could feel you clenching rapidly and repeatedly around his cock and merely seconds after that it was game over. He came with the deepest, sexiest groan you had ever heard before in your life, hips stuttering as his cum filled the condom, and all you could think about was how this could not be a one-time thing. 

The next few minutes were a blur. You only recalled Jaehyun peeling off you to dispose of the condom, the layers of sweat on your naked bodies keeping you connected, and returning to your side briefly. 

Jaehyun scanned you for any signs of obvious discomfort. “Are you okay?”

Your mouth was hanging open, aggressive pants falling from your lips, but Jaehyun’s attention was no longer focused on your heaving chest - it was on you. “No, more like incredible.”

That had Jaehyun in the first half, but he snickered in amusement and relief when you wrapped up your sentence. “Do you wanna shower with me?”

“That’s kinda intimate,” you said, as if that was actually going to stop you. “Hell yeah, I do.”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes, but there was a smile plain as day on his face. You cried out in surprise when he hauled you into his burly arms, hooking one of them under your knees, and carried you into his bathroom. 

Your own individual toothbrush was in there on the sink counter squarely beside Jaehyun’s. It was only right that he let you keep one there, given how many late Friday nights you spent at his house instead of your own. 

Plus some of your clothes were there, tucked into his drawers, but when you returned to his bedroom, you donned one of his shirts that was unsurprisingly oversized on you. 

You sat on Jaehyun’s bed, memories of what you’d just done on his sheets still fresh, and watched him rifling through his vinyl catalog, but because he was shirtless you quickly got distracted by the view you had of his back. 

At least until he turned around after setting the vinyl on his record player, apparently oblivious, and coming to sit at your side. 

There was mischief on your face and you were struggling to stifle a giggle. It was obvious, and Jaehyun furrowed his brows. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Oh, nothing.”

Jaehyun didn’t believe you at all, but he didn’t press. 

You sighed contentedly, leaning into his naked chest. The little voice in your brain was thinking about how he smelled so clean and fresh, and good. Well, duh, she snapped. If you somehow weren’t paying attention, he just got out of the shower. 

But you were definitely paying attention, maybe a little more than you should’ve. It wasn’t your fault he looked like the leading role of every romance book ever. This was a man out of every little girls’ childhood dreams and, more importantly, every grown woman’s wet ones. 

As Jaehyun held you in his arms, you couldn’t help but think, spotting little items in his room that screamed, I come from money. “Jaehyun, is it okay if I ask you a question?”

Jaehyun hummed. You figured he might’ve been close to dozing off, but in reality, he was just captivated by the smell of your hair and hoping it lingered on his pillows. 

“You’re pretty well-off, but you live with two other guys. You’re technically always alone, but you don’t live alone. Why?”

Now that wasn’t what Jaehyun was expecting you to ask him, but you were full of surprises. He took a moment to ponder his answer, finding himself reflecting. “It’s because of how I grew up, I guess. I was the only child, so it was just me and my parents in the house. I guess I kind of wanted to know what it's like to have brothers.”

You made a noise of content. “You’re close then.”

“Yup.” 

You could feel Jaehyun playing with your hair and it made you smile gently.

“What about you and your friends?”

“What about them?”

“What’s the relationship like? Have you fucked Mark?”

You were taken aback, though rather than be affronted, the ridiculousness of that question made you laugh. “No way. I prefer my vagina itch-free,” you quipped. 

Jaehyun chuckled. It was a shock that that kid got around town the way he did, but that was why Jaehyun had to respect the hustle. 

Then, out of nowhere, you got a little sober. “On a serious note, Mark is my bestie and he’s what I imagine having a little brother is like. Johnny really likes him too, so sometimes I’ll walk in on them hanging out without me.”

You didn’t notice the way Jaehyun’s head bobbed along, but he was listening. It was believable. Mark was a social butterfly and impossible to dislike, no matter how irritating. 

And he was only irritating to some. Those who didn’t find him to be a thorn in their side probably wanted him a number of inches deep in their guts. 

You continued, “Yuta is more Johnny’s friend than he is mine, but he’s laidback. Haechan is a little shit but he’s funny as fuck. And you know Jeno is chaotic as ever.”

You were fond of your circles of friends. Most folks assumed it must’ve been suffocating to be the only girl amongst a group of insufferable horny dudes, but it wasn’t half bad. Jeno had tried to get into your pants before, but when you turned him down he took the rejection coolly. 

Mark, like you said, was like a sibling to you and that went both ways. When somebody suggested the two of you hook up, his knee-jerk reaction was to hiss, “Ew!”

Haechan was a slut like all of them but he knew better than to slut himself out to you and Yuta, though you already couldn’t have been further from his type, was one of your older brother’s closest friends. According to Yuta himself, the thought of being in a relationship with you was hilarious. 

Never mind the fact that he admitted he’d actually do it, but strictly for fun. Pissing off Johnny was his full-time job and dating his younger sister? It would’ve been the easiest way. 

You and Jaehyun chatted until you couldn’t ignore each other’s incessant yawns and made the mutual agreement to crawl under the sheets together. A rare Jungkook appearance one weekend forced you into bed with each other and ever since that was how you’d slept. 

Side by side, skin to skin. 

The sun was brighter than ever when you woke up some hours later. You noticed that the curtains were open. And they had been since you likened Jaehyun to a vampire.

Speaking of Jaehyun, he was still sleeping like a rock beside you, completely still other than the gentle heave of his chest as he snored quietly. You crawled gingerly out of bed so as not to disturb his rest, the sight of him still asleep when you stood making you sigh out in relief. 

After a quick wash-up in the bathroom, you headed downstairs for a snack. Your stomach was rumbling and you realized that you hadn’t eaten since you left home. 

What you didn’t expect was to see Yugyeom half-naked in the kitchen though. 

You weren’t sure why. It was his house and if he wanted to walk around like he just went skinny dipping, then he had that right. Fortunately, he was wearing sweatpants, so you were spared from that unsightly picture. 

Yugyeom heard your footsteps and turned. “Oh, hey. Sleep good?”

“I only slept for a few hours,” you confessed, though you felt like you were quite well-rested. “But yeah, I slept pretty good.”

Yugyeom chuckled. “I bet.”

You said nothing else. Yugyeom wasn’t a total stranger, even before you started crashing at his house, but you weren’t close by any means. 

“I didn’t think you’d be here,” you said after a pause, straddling a barstool. 

“I mean, I do live here. Who do you think pays most of the bills?”

“Jaehyun,” you chirped. 

“Okay, that’s fair. Who do you think pays the second most of the bills?”

“You and Jungkook, but it wasn’t always that way.”

Yugyeom threw in the towel, realizing Jaehyun had most definitely had this discussion with you at some point. Then, he started to laugh. Jaehyun was discussing their finances with you? There was no way in living hell. 

I’ll be damned. Yugyeomed sighed in amusement. “You know, you’re the first girl I’ve seen last this long with Jaehyun.”

“Oh?”

“I’m not saying he’s a player, but I thought I’d stop seeing you around here, like, two weeks ago. For a girl to survive a month with him, she has to really crank up his brain. And Jaehyun isn’t easily impressed,” Yugyeom said. 

It was obvious what he was implying and you knew exactly where this was heading. “I’m sure, but Jaehyun and I are just vibing.”

“I didn’t say that you weren’t.”

“Yes, but you think that we aren’t,” you replied, rubbing your arms. It was always cold the mornings after. 

Yugyeom laughed. “No, I don’t. Not right now. I didn't even crack Jaehyun that soon. All I’m saying is Jaehyun is a real gem and I think that you have a solid chance.”

“And you want me to take it?”

Yugyeom was strategically bouncing around, going from subtly planting ideas in your head to making them seem as if they were your own. “Whatever you do with that information is out of my hands and none of my business.”

Your lips parted to speak, but you were fortunately saved by the bell. Footsteps were heard from the hall and Jaehyun emerged from around the corner, voice deep from sleep, “What are you two talking about?”

Yugyeom lied without hesitation, “How handsome you are, of course.”

Jaehyun didn’t believe it for a second, but he stole the barstool beside you and gently nudged your elbow. “You think I’m handsome?”

“Oh, the handsomest,” you deadpanned, but rested your head onto his shoulder. 

Jaehyun let you. At least for a little while, but then he pulled you into his chest and mumbled groggily, “You left me.”

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, your hands tangled into his dark hair. “I’ll stay next time.”

“Good.”

Yugyeom was peering into the fridge, shaking his head, wondering if he was the only one that saw your fate. 

The whole weekend was spent in Jaehyun’s arms, restless. If you weren’t getting high on marijuana and chatting about whatever came to mind, you were dancing to one of his vinyls. If you weren’t kissing each other breathless, you were fucking each other senseless. 

It was two days of whimsical fun, ignoring the world and its insignificant little woes. In many ways, Jaehyun was like your oasis.

You were starting to hate Mondays. They were the days where you realized that nothing was forever, every time without fail. The days you had to finally face the world after a weekend of neglecting its existence. 

Plus you didn’t get a lot of Jaehyun during the other five days of the week, and though you understood your conflicting schedules, it was getting less and less easy to cope. 

Finals week thankfully gave you less time to think about whatever the hell was blossoming between you and Jaehyun. You didn’t want to think about it, because you were well aware that it wouldn’t last. As perfectly as Jaehyun molded into you, there was no piece of him that fit the bigger picture. 

But of course, you were pacing down your school’s courtyard with a bag slung over your shoulder when you noticed Mark’s footsteps catching up to you. “Wanna tell me why Johnny asked me if you’ve been going out with somebody lately?” he asked.

You pretended to be oblivious, keeping your head straight and your steps quick. “Why would he ask you that?”

“Because I’m your best friend and you tell me everything, or so I thought,” Mark hissed.

You groaned, weighing your options. You could keep this private love affair to yourself and let the guilt and pressure split you down the middle, or you could confide in your best friend and hope it took the edge off. 

Pulling Mark behind a tree and scanning your surroundings for unwanted bystanders, you exhaled roughly and said, “Don’t freak out, but I may or may not be sleeping with Jeong Jaehyun on the weekends.”

Mark was understandably dumbfounded by that information and screeched aloud, “What the fuck, dude?”

“I just said don’t freak out!”

Mark shook his head, the total opposite of cool and collected. There was no way in hell he wasn’t going to freak out. “Are you kidding? Johnny literally wants to kill him.”

“God, I know,” you bemoaned, pressing a palm to your forehead. This whole situation combined with the stress of finals was giving you a splitting headache. 

The shock was still evident on Mark’s face, but he seemed to be cooling off. “Shit, dude. This is crazy. Is the sex at least good?”

Your mind was fluttering with memories and it was hard to resist a smile. Getting laid right now would probably fix you. “Jeong Jaehyun may be a scoundrel for whatever reason, but I can reassure you he is not lacking in the sex department.”

Or any department. It was strange that in the weeks the two of you had spent bonding and the like, you had yet to identify a single red flag of Jaehyun’s. Apparently, the weirdest thing about this boy was the amount of pictures he kept of his toes. 

“Oh my god,” Mark gasped. 

“What?”

“That night you went upstairs to pee and didn’t come back,” Mark started, finally connecting the dots and displeased he hadn’t seen the hints earlier. “You were off screwing Jaehyun, weren’t you?”

“Actually, no. I was with him, yes, but we weren’t hooking up then.”

Mark was baffled to very fucking his core. That had to be half a decade ago. This whole time, you were spending your spare time on Jaehyun and nobody knew?

Gripping Mark by the shoulders, you stared into his eyes and said sternly, “Listen. You can’t tell Johnny.”

Your best friend made a face of disapproval, but nodded his head. “Alright. Fine.”

“I’m serious. You have to promise.”

Mark groaned, “Dude, I’m not gonna tell Johnny that you’re fucking Jaehyun. No matter how bizarre and borderline batshit insane that is to say aloud. I promise your secret is safe with me.”

You released his shoulders and a shaky breath, relenting. “Okay.”

“But that doesn’t mean that I approve.”

“Understandable. I can live with that.”

“I don’t see how,” Mark grumbled under his breath. 

You frowned. 

Months flew by. Christmas and News Year were a blur, two events you and Jaehyun spent at separate locations. Your parents were rarely home, but the winter holidays were a period of time that they always made sure to be around for. And Jaehyun paid his family a visit that week. 

But then it was February, and the national holiday that was Jaehyun’s birthday came of nowhere. 

“No way you were born on Valentine’s day,” you remembered telling him a few months back after asking him about his birthday. Jaehyun had groaned, more than accustomed to how this conversation played out. This was far from his first rodeo. 

Though it was rare that a girl made it to actually celebrate his birthday with him. 

Idiotically, you found yourself scorching with nerves that afternoon, overwhelmingly anxious. Your whole body was tense and you paced around your room antsily for hours until it was time to get in your car and head out to Jaehyun’s house. 

You had gotten him a gift and you weren’t sure whether he would like it or not. Then again, you had spent weeks planning what you would give him based on every second of every little conversation you’d shared and you were half confident, half uncertain. 

Jungkook opened the door to leave at the same moment you were preparing yourself to go inside, most likely heading to his girlfriend’s place after spending the morning celebrating his friend’s birthday, and held the door open for you. “Uh, do you need a minute?”

“No. Thank you,” you replied bashfully, catching the door and finally turning inside. 

You took one more deep breath and paced upstairs while gripping the box in your hands so tightly it might’ve broken. 

Jaehyun was sitting on his bed, his guitar in his hands instead of standing upright in the corner of his bedroom as typical, and glanced up when he heard your footsteps. “Hi.”

“Hi, birthday boy,” you greeted. 

Jaehyun was smiling. You had already wished him a happy birthday at midnight on the dot which was a sweet gesture in itself. 

“I, uh, got you something,” you said, mentally cursing yourself for sounding so nervous. 

“I can see that.” Jaehyun set his guitar aside. There was curiosity in his stare, but he whispered, “You didn’t have to.”

“But I wanted to. You’re my… friend,” you told him awkwardly, handing over the gift before it made you say something stupid. “I didn’t know what to get a guy who has literally everything he wants, but I tried.”

Jaehyun accepted the gift box graciously, peeling off the wrap, and said, “Whatever you got me is more than enough, baby.”

You sure hoped so. You didn’t spend the past few weeks stressing over this very moment for nothing. You wanted to give him something thoughtful and memorable. 

Anticipation made your heart sound like thunder. You fidgeted, twiddling your thumbs as Jaehyun slowly opened the box, retrieving a guitar strap alongside a couple of other items. The awe that tensed Jaehyun’s features was authentic and your heart was taut with giddiness when his lips tugged into a beaming smile. 

A few words scribbled onto the guitar strap caught Jaehyun’s attention and he unhesitatingly pulled them closer to his face to get a better look. It was like a little note, but words only you would say. Play me till the end. 

“Wow,” Jaehyun whispered, feeling a thumping inside of his ribcage. “You… I literally mentioned that I wanted one of these in passing.”

“When you talk, I listen.”

Jaehyun’s eyes met yours. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” you murmured, straddling his lap and tossing your arms around his neck. “Happy birthday, baby.”

Jaehyun set his hands at your hips and kissed you restlessly, restraint taking the backseat as he absorbed every bit of your warmth and used it to fuel his fire. Your lips took him to the other side but your hands kept him grounded. 

Things felt different now. Kissing Jaehyun had never not been spellbinding, but right now? The feeling in your chest was indescribably hot. 

But it was dangerous and terrifying. It defied everything you told yourself to be true, and every principle you had laid out. This was deeper than building a relationship with the enemy. It was the intimacy that accompanied trusting another guy with your heart, and fighting the unshakable doubts. 

You had built something of a friendship with Jaehyun. Friends that occasionally kissed and felt each other up and had hooked up more than once. 

But what if you wanted more? What if you were really two star-crossed lovers that couldn’t have each other? What if?

Jaehyun wondered if your feelings had gotten as tense as his were. Months ago, he was telling himself not to get too close to you because of who your brother was and your clear lack of romantic intentions, but no amount of walls he put up could’ve prevented his feelings from getting this deep. 

You wouldn’t tell him even if they had. What good would it have done for him to know that you loved him, but you couldn’t have him? 

When Jaehyun pulled back, he stared into your eyes, not at your lips. “Let’s go make hot cocoa,” he said after a pause.

You blinked in surprise, but Jaehyun was already tugging you along before you could even think. 

The time in the kitchen together was a beautiful mess. You liked randomly bursting out into song and Jaehyun liked dancing, which ultimately turned into him tenderly cradling you there in his arms and mumbling into your ear, the hot cocoa all but forgotten. 

You especially liked the toasty smell of a hot, creamy mug of hot chocolate. It was very Jaehyun-like. The winter seasons in general were reminiscent of his personality, not because he was cold (like some people assumed), but the sheer opposite. 

Jaehyun was the warmest guy that you had ever met, in a way. Anyone who said otherwise didn’t have the privilege of knowing him, but you? You liked to think that you had him all figured out.

Maybe there was a chance you did to an extent. Getting to know him over the course of these long months had definitely shifted your previous perspective. Jaehyun kept to himself because he was afraid of his vulnerability being used as a weapon, but when you broke those stubborn barriers, you saw that Jaehyun was just a guy that wanted a home. 

He had one, metaphorically speaking, but no one to share it between. That was why you used to think he was shy, and why others thought he was cold. Jaehyun wanted to protect the home he’d built for himself and was reluctant to let others in, because he wanted it to be sturdy for the ones he would let stay.  

A hopeless romantic to his core. 

After making sure the kitchen was tidy, Jaehyun led you away to the infamous white couch that stretched along his living room wall. Your favorite spot in the whole house. Aside from his bedroom, of course.

Jaehyun, on the other hand, couldn’t decide. Half of it was littered in a slew of memories of you and his whole bedroom smelled more like you than it did himself now. Picking a favorite would be an impossible choice. 

There was a lull of silence as the two of you sipped from your mugs, but it wasn’t an issue. The silence was always comfortable with Jaehyun, as well as literally everything else about him. 

Though you didn’t notice, the weird thing now was that Jaehyun was less secure. He didn’t make it obvious, but he was remarkably nervous. Jaehyun tried to cloak his nerves when he said, “I kind of got you something, too.”

Your eyes went wide with shock. “You got me something… for your birthday?”

“I mean, yeah. It’s also Valentine’s day and you’re… important to me,” Jaehyun confessed softly, a tiny smile breaking out onto his lips. 

“I am?”

“You are,” he whispered, hurriedly reaching into his pockets for something. Imagine your surprise when he dropped a USB drive into the palm of your hand. “Stick it into your computer when you get home.”

You nodded obediently, sitting it on the coffee table so that it wouldn’t be crushed in your jeans, but your innate curiosity was never satisfied and you asked, “What’s on it?”

“A surprise,” was all Jaehhyun said. 

You hummed. If Jaehyun didn’t want to tell you, you knew it would be pointless to press. 

But you would be lying if you said that it wasn’t killing you. 

Jaehyun knew that. He knew you were a curious individual, because he was drawn to your insatiable need to know. But he didn’t want to be there to see your reaction. Just looking at you made his chest taut and rejection’s brutal fangs still ripped him to shreds. 

At least you couldn’t tell by looking at him. Jaehyun had made sure of that. “Talk to me,” he said, squeezing your hand. 

You smiled, because his hands were warm from the hot cocoa. “About what?”

“Tell me more about yourself. It’s been months, but I feel like there’s still more to know about you. Talk to me about what you love. Your hopes and dreams.”

A little sigh left you. “Where do I even begin?” That was what you said, but you’d already continued without affording yourself any time to pause. “I want to be an orthopedic surgeon. I’m obsessed with anatomy and how our bodies function. That’s why I’ve been busting my ass for grad school.”

That much was obvious. Anybody that saw you on the party scene might’ve assumed you were merely another hopeless college student who only knew hooking up and getting shit-faced drunk, but Jaehyun’s first time seeing you was in the back of a library with a laptop and a heap of textbooks. 

You were a hard-worker and no hangover stood a chance between you and your goals. But you were also just a normal girl who wanted to let loose sometimes. It was the perfect balance. 

Jaehyun was a keen listener. “That sounds tough.”

You fought a groan. “God, yes. But it’s so worth it. It’s my senior year and I’ve been waiting my whole life for med school.”

“You’ve wanted to be a surgeon for that long?”

“I’ve always known who I wanted to be,” you exhaled contentedly. And for that you were endlessly grateful. “What about you?”

Jaehyun shook his head. “No. Not always. First, I guess I had to leave home and do the whole ‘finding yourself’ thing.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s rare that people are born with an innate sense of who they are. We deserve to live life through trial and error. That’s freedom,” you said.

Jaehyun wholeheartedly agreed. Leaving home to explore his identity might’ve been the toughest decision he ever made, but also the best one. “What about love?”

“What about it?”

“Did you ever dream of that, too?”

You should’ve figured he would go there. It was the essential question. The world of trauma beyond your control. “I used to,” you admitted, somber. “I just haven’t had a ton of faith in it lately. That’s what happens when you grow up, I think. You realize life’s not like the movies.”

Funny how I call you a hopeless romantic when hopeless romantics are anything but hopeless. In spite of the pain and the betrayal, they refuse to accept that they might die alone one day. If anything, I’m the hopeless one. I’ve fallen in love with the one boy I could never make mine. 

Jaehyun frowned for a split second, but recovered quickly. “Yeah, I know.”

You wondered who had hurt him, but chose not to ask. If he wanted to tell you, then he already would’ve. 

“You didn’t ask me,” Jaehyun started. 

You glanced up at him. 

“About my pain,” he continued shortly. “About her.”

“I didn’t think you were ready.”

“Do you want to know?”

“I mean, yeah. Of course, I want to know who hurt you and how that made you who you are. I want to understand you. But only as much as you want me to,” you told him. The truth was that as curious as you were, you were afraid of overstepping. The same way that Jaehyun was terrified of oversharing. 

He replied with total certainty, “I want you to know.”

You swallowed, feeling a lump form in your throat and unsure why. It was his deep, dark secrets being revealed, not yours. Plus you were positive there wasn’t a single person in the county who didn’t know your history with your one and only ex. “Okay. Take your time.”

Jaehyun heaved a shaky breath, preparing himself to share something that he’d never specifically told anyone. “Back home in Seoul, I dated a girl. I was naive and I thought she was the one. But she wasn’t. She only wanted a guy handsome enough to impress her parents.”

You maintained eye contact to let Jaehyun know you were listening. 

Jaehyun continued, “I guess we had different desires in life. She wanted a boy to show off and I wanted a girl who was my best friend at the foundation. We only talked about surface things. I couldn’t be myself around her.”

You nodded. That sounded like the Jaehyun you knew. 

“Then, I found out she was cheating on me,” Jaehyun added calmly, but he still recalled the trembles of anger that wrecked through his body. “And I left her then and there. I dipped. I might’ve been a naive idiot, but I knew my worth. She was my first and my last.”

You were shocked. That you shared the same pain - an unfaithful partner - and that Jaehyun hadn’t had nearly as many other partners as you thought he would’ve. “You’ve only dated once?”

“For me, once was enough to figure out what I wanted in a relationship, and it wasn’t a girl who I could barely trust or be myself with,” Jaehyun said. “I talked to other girls, but like I said before, nothing lasted, and I’ve obviously hooked up.”

Ironically, I’ve been hurt more by girls I never had than a girl that was supposed to belong to me. 

“I harbored resentment for a long time, but what lasted longer was the leftover fear of trusting someone again. I only let people see what I want them to see. And because of that, I’m a little lonely sometimes, but it’s okay.”

“Does it get sad?” you asked quietly. 

Jaehyun shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe, but it’s better than being heartbroken. Anyways, I’ve gotten better about inviting people into my life and having good judgment. Time makes it easier.”

You make it easier, was what he meant, but Jaehyun wasn’t that bold yet. He might have been the one to approach you and attempt to initiate this private affair, but you sticking around was the last thing he expected. And that opened the door for the possibility that relationships didn’t have expiration dates. 

Reading between the lines, you were hoping that somewhere along them he wasn’t hinting about a potential future with you. Jaehyun’s head was in the clouds, but you were grounded below the surface. Because you had already resigned yourself to the fact that you didn’t have a future together.

But of course, that never stopped you from letting him undress you. 

You were hyper aware of Jaehyun’s eyes staring into yours and it was beginning to unnerve you a little. “Is there hot cocoa on my face?”

Jaehyun shook his head with a cute laugh and finally leaned into you for a kiss, obviously done speaking and prepared to show. You let him take you down onto the couch, laid defenseless beneath him, on the edge of surrender. 

You giggled into his lips, pleased at how silly it was that he tasted like the hot drink you’d shared. Your hands were wound through his hair and tugging him closer to you, wanting to be inseparable. You wouldn’t be sated till his soul was tied to yours. 

When it came to your body, you were more than inclined to let Jaehyun dominate you. But your heart was more than you had bargained for. 

Jaehyun yanked at the waistband of your sweatpants and you swore you could sense your heart swelling with the exhilaration of getting laid by the only guy you wanted. You raised your hips, letting him take them and your underwear from underneath you. 

You gasped loudly when his fingers ghosted along the insides of your thighs and unhurriedly traveled to your core, which was throbbing at the barest of touches. Jaehyun made you ache. Your body neglected every thought that didn’t concern him when it longed for him to use it until you were sore. 

Jaehyun sucked a slick pair of fingers into his mouth fleetingly before inserting them inside your pussy, making you verbally respond to the contact with a soft whimper, and stole the sound right from your lips with a hot wet kiss. You only tightened around his digits when he pressed his lips to you and it made his head spin quicker than ever. 

You pulled back and panted, “So, you won’t let me sleep on the couch, but you’ll fuck me on it?”

“It’s seen worse days,” Jaehyun said, muting the sound of his own chuckle when he pressed his mouth to your neck. 

You were torn between a laugh and a moan and the final sound was a breathy whimper of Jaehyun’s name. His mouth felt too good on your neck and you couldn’t forget his hands between your parted legs. Gentleman in the streets, but a beast in the sheets. 

Jaehyun was touching you impatiently. Your exhales were loud and jagged when he pulled back from your stained throat, and Jaehyun couldn’t help but imagine the noises you would make when he was finally seated deeply inside of your pussy that was clenching around his long slender digits. 

Deciding you were wet enough to take his cock, Jaehyun recouped his hand from between your thighs and asked, “You ready for me, baby?”

“More than,” you whispered, disgruntled with the emptiness but consoled by the knowledge that you would be full of him momentarily. 

Jaehyun stepped out of his clothes without hesitation and got a hold of your naked legs, dragging you toward him and leaving no room for empty space. The two of you locked eyes when he finally started to penetrate you and he looked at you with need. But you glanced away. You couldn’t stare into his soul as he captured yours. You couldn’t do it. 

You moaned when he pushed the head of his cock through your entrance and again when it went as deeply as it could enter. The stretch was so mad, but so good. You never knew how closely the pain could be interlocked to pleasure before Jaehyun took you for a spin on his big cock.

Jaehyun pulled out with a disgruntled groan, stealing the pleasure before you could really soak in the sensation. 

You winced your eyes open and asked confusedly, “Why did you do that?”

“I forgot a condom,” Jaehyun admitted bashfully, a timid little glint in his stare. 

“Gee, you sure chose a fantastic time to remember,” you deadpanned. 

Jaehyun looked like he was a little ashamed and it amused the hell out of you. In the heat of your vice-like cunt, he’d lost track of all thoughts other than getting his cock inside. 

You gawked when he stood and you caught an eyeful of his cute butt when he turned for the stairs. “Where are you going?”

Like it was the most obvious thing in the whole world, Jaehyun replied nonchalantly, “To get a condom.”

“Sit your cute ass down,” you told him a bit too assertively. “You can have me raw.” 

Jaehyun looked like his brain short-circuited. “For real?”

You nodded. “Yes, for real, you dummy. Just pull out.”

Jaehyun combed his fingers through his hair and groaned, “That’s one hell of a responsibility, woman.”

You purred teasingly, “Are you scared you won’t be able to do it, or are you scared that you’ll bust too fast?”

Jaehyun’s eyes fell to your gorgeous, spread legs, thickly swallowing the lump in his throat at the mouth-watering sight of you laid bare and exposed as you waited for him to take you. Fuck. Maybe both.

You snickered to yourself. Unbeknownst to Jaehyun, you were on birth control. And you had no intention of telling him right now. You wanted to gauge his restraint. 

Jaehyun didn’t reply, but he did return to the couch to slip between your folds again, and that was even better. Your pussy throbbed tirelessly, missing the way his thick cock stretched you out, and it drew deep grunts from the very back edge of Jaehyun’s throat. 

You could feel every inch of him pressed deep inside your pulsing walls, flush against you. All of him. There was literally nothing to separate the two of you, exactly as you had wanted, only the heat and tightness of your cunt suffocating his cock relentlessly. 

Jaehyun loved how you took him like a fucking champ. You sucked his cock back in like you needed it, like you needed him just as badly as he needed you. Your eyes winced closed and your lips parted as you sang his name in a shrill whimper. 

You were rapt with ecstasy at his long, deep thrusts that took you to the moon. The pain and guilty thoughts disappeared into his slow yet steady rhythm, as if Jaehyun wanted to make sure you could feel every bit of himself that he had to offer. 

Like he was making love to you.

“You’re so beautiful. I’m in love with your body,” Jaehyun whispered gently into your ear, hooked on you.

You moaned, oblivious to the fact that he really meant he was in love with you. When your naked bodies were bursting with heat and satisfaction, meeting each other in a wet collision, all else ceased to matter. 

Jaehyun kissed you again. You swore he stole the pulse right from your chest in that very moment, your heart open to him. His hands were everywhere, tenderly cupping your breasts and thumbing your stiff nipples. This was pleasure. This was elysian. This was all yours.

You were breathless when the two of you separated and the minutes of your lips tangled together felt like mere seconds. God, Jaehyun made you insatiable. As you did to him. The two of you couldn’t get enough, not of the sex and not of each other. It was lethally dangerous to want something as badly as you both wanted one another. 

But you knew that when you laid eyes on him, when you indulged him. You knew that he was endless trouble and yet you crept into his arms anyway like a moth to the flame. 

“God, fuck,” you rasped, throat hoarse from how you were screeching his name. “You make me feel so good.”

Jaehyun was so gentle and affectionate with you, tickling kisses down every bit of your soft skin his lips could access. It was times like these, when he completed you perfectly, where you welcomed the thought that you were made for each other. And only for each other. 

Your mouth was dry, open with every halfway cry of Jaehyun’s name that you could manage. Your skin was damp and sticky with moisture, a thin layer of sweat keeping his skin adhering to yours. Of course, there was a similar glistening sheen dripping down Jaehyun, beading at his forehead and neck. 

It made you lick your chapped lips. This man was abundantly mouth-watering. You wanted to give him anything he wanted and in this sex-induced haze, you knew that you would have. 

Jaehyun noticed your eyes fixated on literally anywhere but his face and it made him chuckle smugly. He craned his head downwards to nibble beneath your ear and groan praises about how perfect and tight you were around his cock. 

You tangled your hands in his hair again, desperate to ground yourself, before sitting them at his handsome broad shoulders. He had no business being this good at touching and fucking you. You were downright ashamed of the noises that left your lips but made no attempts to block the pleasure causing them to slip into the dense air. 

“Like that. Fuck, I’m gonna cum, Jay,” you whimpered, squeezing his shoulders. 

The thought of you releasing around his bare cock made a shudder shoot through Jaehyun and he almost couldn’t take it. You sensed his pace getting a little rougher, as if he was out to get you. Out to finish you. “Look at me,” he growled. 

You did. You didn’t have any other options. Not when it was him bleeding you dry, making your body dependent on his touches.

Looking into his dark eyes, everything stopped. The whole world was set on pause. You almost couldn’t breathe. This was how it felt to fall with no anchor.

“I want you to cum on my cock,” Jaehyun said lowly, rutting into you at a dangerous pace. 

You nodded. You were completely submissive to his desires.

There was a throbbing pressure in your gut that only got harsher with every wet smack of Jaehyun’s hips into yours. You wound your legs around his waist and pulled him into you, wanting to fuse together your limbs. 

Your body felt as if it were on fire. The sweat cooling down your neck, the lack of oxygen in the air. The breaths Jaehyun snatched plain from your lips. It was more than enough to take you out. 

Jaehyun watched as your orgasm finally seized you in its open arms, taking you by surprise. Your abs tensed viciously and you arched into Jaehyun with pleasure, sensing your eyes roll to the very back of your head and your toes curl into taut knots. 

You were still sensitive from your climax but Jaehyun’s pace was absolutely unforgiving, rutting into you mercilessly through your release. The tightness of your pussy drew a thick groan out of his mouth, but he still wasn’t done with you yet. And you were very keen on letting him use your body until he finished. 

Jaehyun relented when you finally started to calm down after coming undone, kissing your cheeks and the corner of your lips as you went almost entirely slack. The only motion in you was the aggressive heave of your chest as you panted for breath. 

You let Jaehyun thrust in and out of you, fighting the overstimulation for his sake. You were content to feel him brushing against your slick walls and hear those breathy grunts. 

Smoothing your hands up and down his burly arms, you whispered, “Jay, baby, keep going. I don’t care how long it takes. Fuck me until you’re done.”

Jaehyun bit his lip to veil a pathetic moan at those words. After he took care of your needs, you were letting him ply you for his own pleasure. You were his vice, his ruining. Your fingers grazed across his back, gathering the droplets of moisture that were beading at the surface. 

You could feel how hot his skin was, burning up in the heat of you. 

Abruptly, Jaehyun pulled out of you and tore you upright, holding his desperate cock in the palm of his hand as he groaned, “Get on your knees.” 

You obeyed without hesitation, meek. Crawling onto the carpet floor, you took him in your palms and stroked his thick girthy cock gingerly, careful not to be too rough. He was victimless in your warm hands, needy and at your mercy, leaving you with total control. 

Then it was game over for Jaehyun when you finally took him between your soft lips, gently easing him to the back of your throat. God, it was a struggle to fit his big cock completely into your mouth, but you somehow managed. You kept your cheeks hollowed, opening them for him to thrust. 

“Fuck,” Jaehyun moaned, head thrown back and eyes winced closed. You knew exactly what needed to be done to finish him off. 

You liked playing with his cock, obviously, but you loved having it in your mouth way more. There was nothing like driving Jaehyun to the cusp of insanity, teasing him with your tongue and hot mouth, plucking those beautiful sounds out of his lips. He lost himself whenever he was inside your throat. 

Jaehyun was in total bliss. Your mouth was no less impressive than your sheathlike cunt for all he knew, your lips wrapping around his stiff cock feverishly without a doubt in your mind that you could make him lose his own, and he almost didn’t want to orgasm yet. He only knew you, and what you did to him. And he was too greedy to want it to end. 

You had this boy all to yourself, wrapped tightly around your fingers with nowhere to hide. And you didn’t have the slightest clue what to do with him, or yourself. 

Aside from pleasuring each other in bed, or on the couch in this case. You were exceptionally gifted at getting him off.

Jaehyun could feel himself approaching the threshold of release and he did everything in his power to fight it off, to keep it at bay, but it was basically useless. He couldn’t even help but fuck your mouth. You were working him too good and he was coming whether he liked it or not. 

You were impressed that he had even lasted this long. Normally, when you let a guy hit it raw, they could barely resist emptying their load into you at the peak of climax. 

Jaehyun ultimately couldn’t control himself anymore and his jaw slacked with a deep, lethal groan as his hips came to a total standstill, painting the back of your throat with a streak of cum. Fuck, it was the sexiest noise you’d ever heard, and it aroused a throbbing between your legs. 

You managed to gulp him down and it was the hottest thing Jaehyun had ever seen watching you swallow his cum like that. He pulled back, a misty gleam in his dark soulless eyes as he collapsed onto the couch, breathless. There was a layer of dew at your lashes and you dabbed at your eyes to wipe them clear. 

Jaehyun looked like he’d just had the ground ripped from underneath him. “You just blew my mind,” he said through jagged breaths. 

You didn’t miss a beat. “I just blew you.”

Jaehyun laughed, shaking the hair out of his face. 

After both of you found your clothes and redressed yourselves, you decided to mention slyly, “By the way, I’m on birth control.”

Jaehyun’s mouth gaped open. “Are you serious? I was scared you might get pregnant.”

“That didn’t stop you from fucking me though, now did it?” you replied, crossing your arms. 

“I wasn’t that scared.”

You snickered. This idiot was a man you wanted to protect with your life, but you knew that you lacked the arsenal. “Besides, at least our baby would’ve had the world’s finest father.”

“And the world’s finest mother. They would’ve been beautiful,” Jaehyun flirted. 

Your cheeks flushed with heat at the compliment and his obvious flirtatious behavior. “I meant that you would’ve been a good dad, but sure. That works too.”

Jaehyun’s eyes flickered in shock. “Why do you think that?”

You shrugged, not thinking too hard about it. You didn’t need to when the answer was right at the tip of your tongue. “Because love itself is your passion. You’re selfless, patient. Protective. And you fight for what you love.”

Jaehyun said nothing. He was mulling over your confession, suspiciously quiet the whole time, but you were so tired that you hardly noticed. Your body was spent and you wanted to go upstairs and climb into his bed. 

You stretched your arms over your head and stood to collect the cocoa-stained dishes in your arms. Jaehyun blinked at the action, and would’ve stopped you to do it himself, but you were already halfway to the kitchen by the time he noticed. 

Jaehyun walked over and pressed himself behind you, draping his arms around your hips and resting his chin on your shoulder. You giggled, enamored with how it felt to be skin-to-skin with him, and when you finished with the two mugs, he reached over your head to set them down in the cabinets. 

You dragged Jaehyun upstairs by his arm to his own bedroom and slipped beneath his silk sheets, but invited him to drape himself above you and rest his head on your chest like you were his fluffy pillow and he was the thick, cozy blankets. 

It was comfortable that way. You liked Jaehyun’s weight on you, so close to you, crushed beneath the pressure. His arms would tangle around you and leave you little room to escape. But you wouldn’t want to leave. 

That was how you woke up sometimes. You used to be afraid that you’d accidentally rouse him and disturb his beauty slumber, but Jaehyun always slept like a ton of bricks. This boy could probably sleep through a hurricane and wake up wondering what happened to his roof. 

You sighed, whisking your fingers through his dark hair and staring at his face. You expected his eyes to be closed when you looked at him, but they were watching you. The ache in your chest was unignorable, unbearable. 

Those long nights and shorter mornings with Jaehyun were all you had, but you wanted something of permanence and you were finally admitting it to yourself. You knew these moments couldn’t last forever and didn’t attempt to deny it, but you were hoping and wishing. 

Smoothing your thumb down Jaehyun’s cheek, you felt a piece of your heart crumble. I can’t have you and I don’t even know why. 

“Jay?” you whispered. 

“Hm?”

You hesitated, brimming with reluctance. A few months ago, you would’ve thought it wasn’t your place to ask, but dammit Johnny was your brother and Jaehyun… meant something to you. This was officially your business. “Why does my brother hate you?” you asked. 

Jaehyun sat up abruptly, surprised. You matched the shock in his eyes, startled by his sudden movements. “You don’t know?”

You shook your head. “No. Johnny never told me. I assumed he would when he was ready, but it’s killing me and I need to know.” Because I can’t make sense of why we can’t be together, but ironically, it makes it easier to justify being here with you right now.

Jaehyun ran his fingers through his hair, looking particularly perturbed. No wonder it was so easy for you to climb into bed with him. Night after night, weekend after weekend. 

You were almost afraid to ask, “Is this going to change my perspective on you?”

“It shouldn’t if you believe me,” Jaehyun said, but the truth was that he wasn’t too confident that you’d take his side. 

You peered up at him expectantly, resting your hand on his back while he sat beside you. You were partly terrified to know the truth, watching him nervously, but god, you were exhausted of being kept in the dark. 

Jaehyun exhaled deeply. He didn’t want to lose you, not before he truly had you, but he knew what he was, and more importantly, he knew what he wasn’t. “You knew Mike, right?”

You bobbed your head, lips parting in surprise at the mention of Johnny’s friend, but let him continue. 

Jaehyun explained, “I’m sure you know, but he was addicted to drugs and it was fucking up his whole life. I tried to help him get clean before he fucked around and killed himself. And he was, I think. That’s what he said.”

You recognized this story. Johnny had said something similar, but it was about his own efforts. You somehow never realized that Jaehyun and Mike were friends. “But?”

“But then he wasn’t clean anymore,” Jaehyun said in the tiniest voice ever. “Last year, at one of Xiaojun’s parties. It came out of nowhere. He overdosed on fent and coke.”

You knew that too. And you hated that Mike was gone so soon, taken by a poison he couldn’t stop once he’d gotten his hands on it. It was heartbreaking. 

“Then some people started to say that I did it, that I gave him the drugs. And I was at the party only a room away when he OD’d, but I swear to god it wasn’t me. But they ran with it anyway.”

You frowned, pausing your hands’ consolations at his back in shock. It was starting to add up now, why Johnny hated Jaehyun. Because he thought he was complicit in the death of one of his closest friends. 

That was when he started to become a tad too overprotective of you and it didn’t take a genius to piece together why, but you never knew it was the reason he loathed Jaehyun and didn’t want you anywhere near him. There were so many nights where you went to parties at Jaehyun’s house and Johnny would ask if you’d done any drugs. 

Because of Jaehyun. 

“God, to this day, I want to punch the bastard that gave Mike that stuff. And if I knew who he was, I’d kick his ass. So, I can understand why Johnny wants to kick mine. But it wasn’t me,” Jaehyun said, sounding broken. 

You blinked, taking it all in silently. You were at a crossroads. 

Though he was hesitant, Jaehyun glanced into your eyes, unsure of what your silence meant. It was killing him. “Please tell me you believe me.”

“I believe you,” you said, because you did. You had no reason to doubt Jaehyun. Plus you hadn’t known him to press his luck with anything other than weed in the time that you’d known each other. 

“Thank god,” Jaehyun sighed in relief. “Does this change things between us?”

You shook your head. “No. I thought you were a good guy before and I still think you’re a good guy now. Nothing is new.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

Jaehyun rested his head on your shoulder and mumbled with obvious melancholy, “Trusting me.”

You laced your fingers through Jaehyun’s, squeezing his hand. “I’ll always trust you.”

That warmed Jaehyun’s heart and he sat there wondering what he had done to deserve you. It felt like there was a burden lifted from his shoulders. 

The day went on, bleeding into night. You expected Jaehyun to want to go somewhere to celebrate his birthday, but he reassured you that he was more than content to spend it indoors with you.

Still, it made you a little sad and you tried your best to cloak your gloomy emotions with your affections. You didn’t want Jaehyun to know, but you were thinking about how nice it would’ve been to do something as simple as go out together. 

Reasonably, you were shocked when Jaehyun said, “I want to try out this Japanese restaurant with you next weekend.”

You blinked. “You want to go out… with me?” you asked, making sure you weren’t mistaken. 

Jaehyun nodded, enthusiastic. “Is that a bad idea?”

“What if we get caught together?”

Jaehyun shrugged. “That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

“Of course it is. You don’t have anything to lose,” you said, but your tone was humorous.

Jaehyun replied without hesitation, “I have you to lose.”

You were sold. Those five words were all you needed to hear.

There was a ginormous beaming smile on your face when you both finally decided to call it a night and you fell asleep with a certain soreness in your cheeks. 

Jaehyun stayed up a little later than you had. Not on purpose, but it was impossible to rest his eyes when he was distracted by your sleep patterns. Your soft snores and the way your hand curled over his stomach. 

It was the sheer opposite of annoying. It was intoxicating. 

He was the one clinging to you when you roused from bed after sunrise. You felt bad for slipping away like a thief in the night, but in your defense, it was daytime and you had to be in your professor’s classroom for attendance. 

After washing up and tossing on a spare outfit you had in Jaehyun’s room for events like these, you scribbled an apologetic note that he would surely find on his nightstand and quietly crept downstairs with a sadness weighing on you now that you had to leave. 

And surely enough, Jaehyun woke up to the note and smiled like a dumbass when he rubbed his eyes and read it to himself. 

Good morning, sleeping handsome. I’m gonna miss you today, but I have an early afternoon class that I have to pass to graduate. You sleep like deadweight, by the way. I had to fight out of your arms and you didn’t notice. See you next weekend. Call me. 

Jaehyun crawled out of bed and headed to the bathroom for a shower, but he could tell that you’d obviously already taken one with a single simple glance, and he was wishing you had invited him to join you. 

Now he sounded like a guy. Which was fair, because he was one. 

You raced home after class ended. Though you had more than enough exams that it would’ve been a good idea to study for, the main thing on your mind was plugging in the flash drive Jaehyun had gifted you, because you still were dying to know what was on it. 

It was safe to say that a song was the last thing you were expecting. 

You froze on your bed, unsure of how to feel. Everything hit you hard. The wistful yet romantic lyrics, the softness of his voice. Jaehyun was pouring his heart out to you, opening up to you about his feelings the best way he knew how. 

There was a ripple of emotions bursting through you. The lyrics were a little too sentimental for you to attempt to convince yourself that this wasn’t Jaehyun’s idea of a love confession. Maybe you’d known all along, but you didn’t want to accept it, because you knew that it wasn’t written in the stars. 

Now you had no choice. 

You sat there and cried. God, it was a beautiful song and that only made the tears drip even harder. You were bemused and overwhelmed. Bemused that he had obviously taken a lot of time out of his busy life to sit there and record a song for you, and overwhelmed by everything else. 

Jaehyun loves me. Jaehyun really loves me, you thought, admitting it to yourself. And it scared you to death, because you loved him too. 

Then the day came for you to hang out at the restaurant. It was the first time you and Jaehyun actually spent time together outside of his house. The meetup on the bridge and the incident at Jeno’s house didn’t count. Those were merely instances you’d happened to cross paths. 

When Jaehyun came up behind you in a back hug while you were waiting for him (you were embarrassingly early), you didn’t jolt or startle, relaxing into his touch without sparing him a glance first. Nobody else would be wearing his sexy ass cologne. 

You didn’t mention the song or acknowledge the obvious romantic tension between you at all, much to Jaehyun’s disappointment. But he knew you definitely took the flash drive back home. It wasn’t on the coffee table when he went downstairs, meaning you had grabbed it on your way out.   

He couldn’t help but wonder if you had listened to it and vividly pictured your reaction, but Jaehyun knew it would be pointless obsessing over the thought if he wasn’t going to ask. 

The truth was that you were conflicted. Your heart wanted Jaehyun, but you were rational and knew it was ridiculous. There was no point in setting yourselves up for more useless heartbreak. 

But you had fun with Jaehyun in that restaurant. You didn’t want to admit it, but it was the closest thing to a date you would ever have with him. You talked and held hands underneath the table like the pair of lovers you hoped you were in another life. 

Your insatiable lovesick heart was aching for more. And the worst part was that Jaehyun was oftentimes right there in your arms but had never felt further. 

It wasn’t until you were unfortunately back home and walking through the front door that you read aloud the text you’d received from Johnny. We need to talk. I’ll be home in an hour. “Well, that cannot be good,” you mumbled to yourself. 

“It isn’t.”

You jolted in alarm. You didn’t know Johnny was home, though it had most definitely been well over an hour. Jaehyun was too interesting for you to even think about touching your phone once. 

Given the familiar less than content glare on Johnny’s face, you fought a groan, wondering what you could’ve possibly done now when you’d been on your best behavior lately. You lilted in the usual tone you used when you wanted to get out of trouble, “Hi, my handsome big brother that I love dearly.”

Johnny, obviously not in the mood, snapped, “Taeyong saw you with Jaehyun today. You wanna explain that to me?”

That was the last thing you expected him to say and the shock was plain on your face. “What?”

Johnny shook his head, unsurprised that you were acting clueless, and though he was furious he tried not to raise his voice. “Don’t play dumb. Are you dating him - fucking him?”

“I’m not dating him, we’re just…,” you trailed in frustration, realizing that you’d been caught. “Shit, yeah. I’ve fucked him and we’re hanging out.”

Johnny blew out a long, exasperated sigh. “I can’t believe this. God, my own sister.”

Tears threatened. At this point, you were desperate. Your whole world was crashing down without warning. You wished you would’ve at least seen the text and braced yourself. “Johnny, please. If you gave him a chance, I think you two would really like each other!”

“I could never like him,” Johnny replied viciously, face tensing in fury as if the suggestion was an affront to his entire existence.  

You approached Johnny, somehow mustering the courage to come near him. “Please listen to me, alright? He didn’t do it, Johnny. It wasn’t him!”

Johnny gawked. He couldn’t believe you were defending Jaehyun and took a gigantic step back, wanting to be nowhere near you. He hissed, “Of course that’s what the bastard told you. Did he give you proof?”

Frantic, you shook your head, and it came to you that you only had trust to back Jaehyun’s claims. “No, but...”

Johnny grabbed his keys and interjected, “Stop. Just stop. I don’t even want to see your face right now.”

Your lips were agape when Johnny stormed towards the garage, full of purebred rage and disappointment. 

After a few minutes, the shock started to dull away and you temporarily regained the ability to function, racing upstairs to your bedroom to be inert. You hated the brutal sting splitting you in half. While your thoughts were on pause and you were consumed by emptiness, it was the one thing keeping you from dissociating. 

Sitting there on your bed, knees pressed to your chest and your arms curled around yourself, you couldn’t even cry. It would come, but right now you were trying to process the pain. And in the meantime, you realized what needed to be done.

Two long days later, you were meeting Jaehyun at the bridge one final time. It took nearly forty-eight hours of gathering the courage to pick up your phone, but you had to let him know it was over. That this was goodbye. 

You ran your fingers across the wooden overlook, taking in nature, but even the peaceful noise of your surroundings failed to soothe your heartbreak. 

The sound of tentative footsteps barely drew you from your own head, and you didn’t want to face your visitor. You knew it was Jaehyun. For more reasons than one. 

Though you couldn’t see, Jaehyun had his hands in his pockets. “Am I late?”

“No, you’re perfectly on time. I got here early. I needed time to think,” you replied with a fleeting glance at your watch. 

Jaehyun watched you with unease, a perturbed thud in his heart making it challenging to breathe. This was bad, he knew, and for whatever reason, that fear that he was doomed was unshakable. “What happened?”

“Johnny knows,” you began, finally whipping around. It was the least you could do, knowing you had to break his heart. “Taeyong saw us together. He snitched. Now Johnny wants nothing to do with me.”

Jaehyun’s heart sank. No wonder you hadn’t texted or called him in two days. Aside from inviting him here, that is. “What now?”

“I can’t see you anymore. Johnny already hates me now. If I keep seeing you behind his back, I won’t have a brother anymore. I can’t live with that guilt. That’s why I’ve been running from it for months,” you said quietly. 

Jaehyun stiffened, like a boulder. “We’re giving up? That’s insane! Don’t let him stop us from being together.”

You recoiled, surprised. “Are you asking me to choose you over my brother?”

“No, of course not,” Jaehyun sighed, combing his hands through his hands as he searched for the right words. 

You desperately wanted to reach out to him, to touch him, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move. “You should be with someone who can treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Someone you can hold and kiss outside without any worries. I can’t give you that, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun shook his head. “None of that matters to me. I want to be with you. I don’t care what compromises I have to make.”

“Well, I do,” you whispered sullenly, reminding yourself of everything you had to lose. “It was never going to work. You had to know this. We aren’t Shakespeare characters. Hell, even they don’t get to be happy!”

Jaehyun’s chest was taut with pain. It was usually him that had to tell people the brutal reality of unfortunate situations. And this was how it felt to be on the other side?

Fighting the oncoming threat of tears, you continued, “I’ve enjoyed these past months with you and we’ve made special, unforgettable memories together. But enough is enough. We were gonna have to face the truth one day, and that day is today. It was inevitable. I hope that somehow we can still be friends.”

Jaehyun spat, “I don’t want to be just friends. I can’t be just friends with you. Why don’t you understand that?”

Oh, you did. You really, really did. This was hurting you in ways unimaginable and nothing could’ve prepared you for the moment where you had to set Jaehyun free. 

Not even knowing this day would come. 

“I love you,” Jaehyun confessed for the first time, taking some steps closer to you. The gleam in his eyes killed you. 

Those words were like ice in your veins. Your heart stopped beating. For half a minute, the whole world ceased. You shook your head, sensing a vicious pain returning to you. “You can’t love me.”

Jaehyun switched on a dime and hissed, “You can’t tell me how to feel.”

Denial still crept through your blood. Apparently, it was one of your many talents. Jaehyun’s too. “You’re in love with the idea of me. You just want somebody to love again and maybe I made you realize that, but you don’t love me.”

Jaehyun was trembling. You were trying to diagnose him and he wouldn’t stand for it. “Saying that doesn’t make it true.”

You were defiant. You needed it to be true. There had to be some way to get him to let you go and move on. You didn’t want to resort to cruel methods, but you would if you were rendered optionless. 

Jaehyun continued, “You did make me realize that I wanted love again. But I also realized that I could have it all in you.”

Finally pushed past your limits, you shattered and screamed, “Goddammit, Jaehyun - you can’t have me!”

You turned away, hoping he would let you leave. You didn’t want things to end on even worse terms than they already were. 

But you should’ve known Jaehyun would be relentless. He was a fighter. You were what he wanted, what he loved, and he’d damned if he surrendered without a fight. “So, that’s it? You’re just going to walk away?” 

You rooted in place and exhaled loudly, bristling with frustration. “The fuck do you want me to do, Jay? It’s out of my hands.”

“Talk to Johnny - you know that I didn’t do anything!”

“No, I don’t know anything,” you grumbled, crossing your arms tightly. 

That stunned Jaehyun. You didn’t trust him anymore?

Jaehyun laughed, but it was humorless. Needless to say, he was pissed. “Wow. You gave up the fight before it started, before it was over. You never gave us a chance.”

You walked away. You didn’t have the strength. 

Jaehyun kept prodding. You were unbelievable and he couldn’t stand you right now. “I bet this isn’t just about Johnny. I bet him being your brother is just a cop-out so that you don’t have to trust another guy again.”

Now that stung deep. He was hitting you where it hurt, making sure you understood how badly you had wounded him, and you realized there was a chance he was right and you hadn’t even considered it. You whipped around, snapping, “Fuck you. I wish I never met you.”

Jaehyun watched you disappear behind the thick branches, simmering where he stood. God, he resented the fuck out of you right now. You were accepting defeat, throwing in the towel, and he hated you because of it. 

The seemingly endless months of ignorant bliss were washed down the drain all because you didn’t want to be a little more optimistic. You could’ve had it all together, had you not resigned yourself to being unhappy. You were so hell-bent on being realistic that you closed the door on other possibilities. 

Almost the second you burst through the front door, your tears fell after what felt like an eternity of fighting them back. Johnny and your parents turned to face you with alarm when you paraded through the living room, but you ignored your mother’s questions and made a beeline for your bed. 

Johnny didn’t ask. He already knew, and he was only somewhat satisfied that you had done what should’ve never needed to happen in the first place. 

The days of the week started to bleed into each other. You didn’t talk to Jaehyun for obvious reasons. Johnny, the man whose shoulders you thought would always be there for you to lean on, was ironically giving you the cold shoulder. And  Mark wouldn’t understand even if you explained, though you knew he was available. 

Never had you felt so alone. You had no one to escape to. No one who could comprehend or justify the moral dilemma you forced yourself into. I’ve truly outdone myself. I’ve betrayed my brother, baffled my best friend, and lost my lover back to back. That has to be a world record. 

Seven days marked the longest time you had gone without speaking with Jaehyun since the onset of this private love affair. He didn’t call or text you either, which was understandable. Plus it was what you wanted, or at least that was what you used to think. 

You weren’t sure anymore. Cutting him off was the whole purpose of meeting him, but why did it make you feel so isolated?

It wasn’t that long ago that you did it because you thought it was the right choice, or maybe because you thought it would make things better. But it hadn’t. Now that you had effectively shielded yourself from the universe, you were less free and more lonely. 

And time continued to fly by, days of leaving the house only to attend class and coming back to your room only to collapse into sorrow. 

Johnny felt bad. At night, there were a couple of times where he hovered near your door and heard you sobbing, but he was too petty and spiteful to knock or check up on you. You had stung him too. 

The difference was that when Mike died, you did everything in your power to console Johnny. You gave him the space he needed, of course, but you opened the door for him to talk to you if he wanted and lent him a shoulder to cry on. You bought all his favorite snacks and encouraged him to go outside, even if it was just the backyard. 

Now, you were suffering your own loss, one of many but in a different manner. It wasn’t like you were a bereaved wife, but the agony wasn’t any less excruciating. 

Mark came over whenever he had the extra time to spare every week to check up on you, reminding you that you weren’t as alone as you thought you were, but you still didn’t want to confide in him about your emotions. You were afraid he would unintentionally make you feel more stupid. 

You were a little verklempt. Maybe more than. They said time was the healer of all wounds, but with every week spent without Jaehyun’s familiar musk in the air and dreamy voice in your ear, you felt less and less whole.   

What could you have done to keep him close to you, even if it was just for a little while longer? Maybe if you hadn’t ended on such cold, distant terms, moving on would be easier and you would be happier. You could’ve contentedly looked back on the memories of your last time together knowing you had done everything in your control to make it better. 

But you were worried that that was false. You were worried that Jaehyun was right and this ending was premature. 

It doesn’t matter, premature or not. It was going to end either way. There’s no point in delaying the inevitable, you reassured yourself in what you once believed was aggressively honest consolation, but you were starting to question how you could be so certain. 

You told yourself that with the burden of your immoral secrets weighing you down, you and Jaehyun could’ve never been a pair. You knew it wouldn’t last forever. You’d always known. You didn’t expect things to make it this far, but dammit you didn’t expect to have your fun cut short so soon either. 

It wasn’t fair. 

Sometimes you dreamt of what it would be like to hold Jaehyun in your arms without worries, without stolen touches and kisses when nobody was paying attention. 

You sat in the nook at your window, curled up into yourself, thinking only about Jaehyun. If it wasn’t for the stupid secret that unraveled far too damn quickly, maybe none of this would’ve ever happened. Maybe I would have you, with nothing to lose. Nothing to fear.

Fuck, you should’ve been happy. Given how unlucky in love you were, you doubted that you were intended to ever be happy. You hadn’t smiled in an eternity. But Jaehyun made you feel your peak of happiness, as if you had never been more euphoric with anybody else. 

More than once, you had been in love, but never like how you were in love with Jaehyun. Why did things have to become so complicated for the both of us? Why did reality hit like a fucking freight train?

If only you never fell for Jaehyun, never even gave him the time of day, then you wouldn’t be hurting. Your heart was being tortured. 

It took another day of stumbling into the kitchen with dark eye bags after yet another sleepless night of sobbing into your pillows, and Johnny ignoring your existence altogether while he poured himself a mug of coffee, but it finally occurred to you that you couldn’t relive this agonizing cycle over and over. 

You were sick of the pain and the dread. The insufferably cold distance when his bedroom was right down the hall from yours. You were sick of sniveling until you had no more tears left to weep, until you felt totally empty. 

Something had to give. 

To your surprise, and luck, Mark called you a few minutes after you strolled back into your room wordlessly, devising a plan you loathed yourself for not thinking of earlier. “Hey, bestie. Talk to me,” he said. “How you feeling?”

“Like judgment day came early for me, I guess,” you mumbled into the phone, collapsing onto your sheets. 

Mark sighed roughly. “Damn. I was hoping you would feel a little better this week. Johnny said you’re the world’s biggest hermit and it’s kinda depressing.”

That shocked you to your core, but you tried to play it off. “Oh, Johnny’s been talking about me?”

“Well, yeah. I’ve obviously been checking up on the both of you on the regular, and neither of you really wanna open up to me, but Johnny has less of an issue talking about you. Man, he still cares. He’s your brother.”

Your heart was sore. You wished he would tell you that himself. In your own home, to your own brother, you felt like a stranger. 

Tears burned your eyes, but you fought them and lilted playfully, “Oh, my beloved bestie…”

Mark knew that tone and interjected, “Fuck.”

You fought a tiny laugh and continued, “Would you mind doing your best friend a teeny tiny little favor?”

The suggestion alone sounded like bad news and Mark was questioning what he was about to get himself into, because no matter what came out his mouth first, you were his best friend. Of course, he was going to tell you “yes.”

Mark huffed, “Jesus. Ease up on the mischief. Johnny still wants to beat my ass too, you know? He asked me if I knew you were boning Jaehyun and of course I couldn’t lie. I’m a man of God.”

Because you didn’t feel like disputing that statement, you ignored his speech entirely and asked knowingly, “Your dad’s a cop, isn’t he?”

“I don’t like where this is going.”

Your voice was maybe a little hopeful. “Is there a way that he can look into the investigation of Mike’s overdose?”

Mark knew exactly why you were asking and even he was ashamed he hadn’t thought of the little plan. There was a brief pause before he said, “I’ll call you back.” And then he hung up. 

You were a little tense sitting there on your bed waiting around for a phone call. Not because you were worried about Mark not doing it, which would be ridiculous because you both wanted what was best for Johnny. It was because you were scared of not having a solution.

Deciding it would be useless to sit around antsily, you took a well-deserved nap after a restless twenty-four hours of no sleep. It would only do you good. Even if Mark didn’t have the answers you wanted, your grades would thank you.

Sleep came easy. Though they weren’t Jaehyun’s, it was nice and peaceful bunched beneath your blankets. You flipped your pillow over to the side that wasn’t stained with tears and let darkness take the wheel. 

Johnny peeked inside your room after an hour or two, wanting to talk to you, but when he saw you comfortably snoozing in your bed and obliviously clinging onto a spare pillow for dear life, he backed away and shut the door. He knew you needed the rest. 

You jolted awake when your phone started to ring vehemently beside your head, cursing yourself for not turning on Do Not Disturb before immediately remembering why you didn’t, and quickly lifting the phone to answer gruffly, “Hello?”

“Good news,” Mark started, sounding suspiciously chipper. “I had my dad pull some strings. And you’re gonna wanna hear this.”

Sitting up, you exclaimed in an impatient whisper, “Well?”

“Jeong Jaehyun is not a suspect, for one. There were witnesses that confirmed him giving Mike his fix was impossible. But for two, the case reopened a few months ago and they’re literally about to bust the guy that did it. They’re waiting on a warrant. You’ve got great timing,” Mark said. 

You rubbed your eyes in disbelief. “What the hell?”

“Isn’t this good news?”

“Yeah, it is,” you whispered, too shocked to know how to feel. You didn’t think the stupid plan would really work. “Thank you, Mark.”

Mark was quick to reassure you, “You don’t need to thank me. You’re my best friend and Johnny is like my brother-in-law in some weird way. See, that sounds weird. Anyways, when do you plan on telling him?”

You laughed at his rambling, but hummed when you thought about his question. “Uh, would today be a bad time?”

“The sooner the better.”

You sighed in relief. Then, you donned the loveliest tone you could muster, and asked sweetly, “Will you come with me please? I think your presence will really help.”

Mark retorted, “Should I bring the entire police force too?”

You rolled your eyes and begged, “Come on, Mark. You’re my bestie and I need you. He’s more mad with me than he is with you and plus you have the benefit of a credible father.”

“I was already on my way,” Mark chirped, jiggling his keys loudly before hanging up. 

You giggled. What would you do without that boy? He was your ride or die. 

Fifteen minutes later, Mark was pulling into your driveway and hopping out of the car. You let him in, locking the door behind your best friend and embracing him in the biggest hug of his life. You needed the comfort to wean off your nerves. 

The last thing you expected was for Johnny to come trudging down the stairs within the very next minute. 

You released Mark, turning to your brother, and you and Johnny said in unison, “Hey, I really need to talk to you.”

Johnny blinked in surprise. It almost seemed like he was mirroring you. Mark snickered to himself, mumbling something about you two obviously being related, but Johnny was chill and said, “You can go first.”

You heaved a breath. It was a shock that Johnny deliberately chose to speak to you for the first time, presumably without the intervening influence of your parents’ rebuttal on your behalf. “I don’t know how to say this, but first I wanted to tell you that I’m really sorry for sneaking around with Jaehyun behind your back. It was a really shitty thing for me to do.”

Johnny nodded along, listening. 

“But I fell in love with him,” you said without hesitation. “And I’m not going to ask you to accept us or anything. That’s your choice. But I thought there was something you should know that’s bigger than Jaehyun and I.”

Johnny looked tense, but he encouraged you to go on. “Okay.”

It felt like the whole world was watching you with Johnny’s eyes carefully set on your face, but you didn’t let it stop you from continuing, “It really wasn’t him that gave Mike his supply, and yes we have proof. Mark’s dad not only confirmed it wasn’t him, but they’re working on getting him into custody.”

Mark nodded, standing right behind you. Like he was vouching for you the same way you’d vouched for him all these years. “It’s true, Johnny. It wasn’t Jaehyun. It was some random shady dealer that preys on addicts at these parties. He has a track record.”

Johnny’s eyes flickered. “It really wasn’t Jaehyun?”

Mark shook his head. “He’s innocent, dude.”

Johnny fell silent for a long time. You could see him stiffening, penitent. “I don’t know what to say,” he whispered. “I feel like shit now.”

You snorted. “Don’t do that to yourself. Please. I’ve felt like shit enough these past few weeks for the both of us.”

“About that,” Johnny began, getting whiplash. The look on his face was gentle, remorseful, and he hated himself for being anything else to his sister. To the last person that deserved his misplaced frustration. “I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for freezing you out.”

“Johnny…,” you trailed. 

Johnny shook his head. He needed you to let him say this. “I know you’ve had a rough few weeks, and though I haven’t exactly been pleased with you, you’re still my sister. The least I could’ve done was ask you ‘how are you doing?’ but I couldn’t even be bothered.”

You sighed loudly. That was true. And you’d be lying if you said it didn’t rub salt in the wounds. 

“I haven’t done a good job at showing it, but I care for you. You’re my only sibling and let’s be honest, I don’t think I’ll be getting another one,” Johnny said lightheartedly. 

You snickered. Damn right. You knew your parents would vehemently agree if they were here. They couldn’t be happier that all of their kids were adults. Well, maybe if you moved out. 

Johnny breathed in some air. A lot of mistakes had obviously been made on both parts and he was ready to put it all behind him. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I forgot to do what was more important. Be your brother. And I’ll apologize for the rest of my life until you forgive me.”

“No need. I forgive you right now,” you whispered, simpering. 

Johnny stood there like a dumbass, hesitant. He didn’t feel like he deserved your forgiveness and would be spending the next weeks repairing his relationship with you, doing whatever it took. 

You took the lead, starting reluctantly, “Listen. I know Mike’s passing has been hard on you, Johnny. That’s why you want to protect me and everything else you love in your life, but I’m an adult. You need to let me take care of me.” 

A cloud of melancholy hung over Johnny and it wouldn’t leave. The grief was still fresh, as if Mike had died yesterday. 

You stepped forward, placing a hand on Johnny’s shoulder. “And you’re my big brother. I’ll obviously still give you a call when I’m going through a rough time. But you have to respect that I’m my own person.”

Johnny nodded. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry about all that too. I’ll be better.”

“I will too,” you said, because the truth was that it was time the two of you started making efforts. 

Johnny grabbed you in his arms and pulled you into a gigantic bear hug. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him close, and breathed easier in relief as weeks worth of wounds vanished. 

Wincing your eyes closed, you let yourself be content in your brother’s loving embrace for the first time in a while. You needed this. 

You could barely feel yourself breathe when Johnny started to hug you so tightly you thought he might accidentally squeeze the life out of you. “Alright, chill, Johnny. I think I might die,” you wheezed.

Johnny released you with a chuckle. You gasped for breath, shaking your head. Though the bone-crushing hug was appreciated nonetheless. 

Mark was content to be in the background and cheered in awe, “I’m so proud of you guys. You overcame your differences and reunited like real siblings. I knew it would happen eventually, but dude, this is refreshing to see.”

You nodded in agreement. One less broken relationship. But you had another one to salvage before it was too late. 

Then, Mark remembered Johnny was none too thrilled that he was complicit in you getting away with your sneaky little secret and asked, “Yo, Johnny, are we good?”

“No.”

Mark gawked. 

“I’m kidding,” Johnny said with a teasing lilt. “We’re good, man.”

Mark exhaled in relief. “Thank god.”

You smiled to yourself. You were happy, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing from your life. 

Johnny clamped a hand onto your shoulder and said, “Go get him.”

You gasped, but you didn’t question how he knew. He just did. It was a sibling thing. “You mean it?”

“Yes. You said it yourself. You love him, and I have no reason to come between that anymore. You deserve to be happy after dating asshole after asshole,” Johnny told you (sort of) kindly. 

You snickered, and grabbed your keys from your pockets. “Pray for me. He’s not gonna be thrilled.”

Johnny shook his head, disagreeing. “Yeah, he will. Tell him that I’m very sorry, but the threat to kick his ass still stands if he fucks with you.”

“I’ll be sure to let him know,” you deadpanned, heading for the door. 

The drive to Jaehyun’s house was inexplicably anxious. You could still think, but every thought went by at the speed of a thousand miles per second. And it didn’t help that you were overthinking the entire situation, dreading the endless amount of “what ifs.”

For fuck’s sake, you didn’t even know if he would be there. You were showing up unannounced, uninvited. What if he had already found another woman to keep him company in your forgettable absence?

Then, you were at his front doorstep. And you had no time to vividly imagine every possible scenario, because Jungkook answered your knocks and you could only barely see inside. 

You politely greeted him in a small voice and asked, “Can I come inside?”

Jungkook’s eyes narrowed and he didn’t waste any time in snapping, “Why should I let you in after you broke my friend’s heart?”

“Because I’m sorry and I want to set things right with him,” you said, matching his lack of hesitation. 

Yugyeom hurried over and took the lead, widening the door for you to enter and whining dramatically, “Oh, god. Please come in. Fix him. Do your womanly magic and bring him back to life. I’m sick of his brooding ass.”

You wanted to laugh, but you hated the thought of causing Jaehyun all this suffering. If it was anything like the kind you’d been through lately, you knew he was in a tough spot. 

Thanking Yugyeom, you made a beeline for the stairs, rushing up them like Jaehyun would somehow know it was you approaching them and slip away before you could get the chance to apologize. 

You knocked on Jaehyun’s door, but you guessed he really wasn’t expecting you to come over, because he shouted exasperatedly, “Jesus, Yugyeom. Fuck off.”

“It’s not Yugyeom,” you called back. “It’s me.”

All you could hear was silence. Then there was a shuffle, and a few moments later the door clicked unlocked and Jaehyun was standing before you in all his glory. “What are you doing here?”

“I walked to talk,” you replied timidly, struggling to maintain eye contact. 

Irritated, Jaehyun huffed, “We already had a conversation.” Though the truth was that he was glad you were here, standing in front of him again. He was borderline miserable without you in his life. 

The reminder of your final exchange with Jaehyun made you wince in shame. “I know, but I wanted to apologize. Won’t you at least hear me out?”

Jaehyun turned to return to his bed, reminding sharply, “You’re the one that walked away. I was willing to at least try to make us work, but you didn’t even want to do that.”

“Because I thought it would be useless,” you admitted, giving chase and shutting the door behind yourself. “But I don’t anymore. You were right. I should’ve fought for us and I regret not doing it earlier.”

Jaehyun might’ve acted like he wasn’t listening, being totally dismissive, but he definitely noticed your specific use of language. “You said ‘earlier.’ What do you mean?”

You had a beaming smile on your face as you admitted, “I mean, I talked to Johnny about us. I managed to get him to listen to me and proved your innocence. Thank god Mark’s father is a cop.”

Jaehyun softened. “You did all that? Why?”

“Because you’re worth fighting for,” you whispered tenderly, looking at Jaehyun like he was your entire universe. 

Jaehyun was so close to accepting that he would never have anyone look at him that way again. After a heartbreak, the feeling of being unlovable always loomed over his head and you were no different. But dammit if he wasn’t tired of the doubts. 

Tentatively, you came towards Jaehyun completely, sitting beside him on his mattress that you missed almost as much as you missed him. “I didn’t mean it, when I said I wish I never met you.”

Jaehyun almost laughed. That was the least hurtful thing to leave your lips. “I know. You were upset. And you had every right to be.”

You frowned, suspicious of how calm he was. You half expected him to lash out. “Stop being understanding.” 

“If you’re expecting me to be angry, I can’t do anything for you. I’ve already spent the past few weeks in that stage of grief.”

You blinked. It was as if he could read your mind. “Where are you at now?”

Jaehyun was totally indifferent when he told you, “Bargaining.”

“Funny. Me too,” you sighed. If only you had been more open-minded, you could have spared you and Jaehyun all this worthless misery. 

You noticed that Jaehyun said nothing, but he looked a little in his head. And he was somewhere up there, scolding himself for letting him be a fool for you, then thinking, I couldn’t resist loving you. Sue me. 

The emotion was finally surfacing on his face. You could see all of it now. The distress and the love and the heartache. You smirked, thinking to yourself, He’s my little damsel now. 

The grin on your lips was fleeting and it disappeared by the time you grabbed Jaehyun’s hands in yours and he peered down at you in surprise. “I’m sorry,” you told him softly. “I thought you were crazy and hopeless for thinking we could be together. Now, I see that you didn’t want to quit until you’d exhausted your resources. And I forced your hand. I’m sorry.”

Jaehyun squeezed your hand. “It’s okay. I understand where you were coming from. You were trying to make things as painless as possible because you genuinely thought we didn’t stand a chance against fate.”

“And somehow I made shit ten times more painful,” you murmured, ashamed. 

“Like I said, I understand where you were coming from,” Jaehyun said, being gentler than he should’ve. 

You shook your head. That meant nothing. “But do you forgive me?”

Jaehyun gazed into your pained eyes. It still broke him, but he was starting to lick the wound clean. Things were changing. “Yes. I forgive you, baby.”

Your heart softened at the pet name. You never expected to fall for Jaehyun. Not Jaehyun or his precious smile and adorable face. Not the little things he’d say that made you feel as if you would burst with love. 

But you did fall for him, and all those little things that made him himself. And you didn’t want to be without them ever again. 

“I’m tired of loving each other behind closed doors. I want to be seen with you. I want to go to museums and look at really abstract paintings that you’ll tell me are meaningful for whatever reason. I want to explore the city with you and visit shops I’d never think to go to otherwise.”

Jaehyun was sporting a beaming smile. “You said you love me.”

“I haven’t said it before?”

Jaehyun huffed, “No. Not even once.”

You held his face, cradling it just shy of yours, and confessed, “Then, I love you. I love you. I love you so much, Jaehyun. I don’t know what to do without you.”

“I love you too,” Jaehyun said, leaning in to mumble the tiny confession into your neck, and reminded of how desperately he craved the warmth of your skin. 

You were grinning so hard your cheeks were hurting. 

“Don’t leave me ever again. Don’t ever let me go. Never,” Jaehyun instructed you sharply, and although it was partly muffled, you heard him loud and clear.

“I won’t,” you told him, kissing his forehead. “If you play me that song you made me on your guitar.”

Jaehyun blinked up at you in surprise. “You liked it?”

“I think I’ve cried to it, like, a million times,” you admitted unabashedly. 

Jaehyun’s jaw went slack for only a split second, then he quickly recovered and leapt up to grab his guitar from its resting position in the corner of his room. 

A smile danced onto your lips as he held the guitar, strumming to the beautiful song he’d written with only his insurmountable adoration for you in mind, and the pining nature of the lyrics made you realize that the yearning was over. You were Jaehyun’s. And Jaehyun was yours. 

Losing Jaehyun, one of the few people you loved depthlessly, was like losing the last person you had. You didn’t know how to be without him. And you didn’t have to learn, because you never would be without him again. 

You watched him attentively, beaming from ear to ear, taking in his beautiful smile and soft voice, and familiar heady cologne. And you thought to yourself, There’s nothing to dislike about this guy. 

[pitchsidestories]

One night in Ibiza II Misa Rodríguez x Hermoso!Reader

masterlist I word count: 2064

summary: you enjoy your summer vacation on Ibiza with your sister and her friends. While having a slight crush on a certain goalkeeper.

There was a slight breeze coming from the sea, it was a wonderful day to be outside, the turquoise water builds a pretty contrast to the white ship you were on with your sister Jenni and your friends.

It has been a long first half of the year, but your team and you have won everything there was to win, you managed to secure a quadruple of trophies. Your body and mind were tired out from it though, so this vacation arrived at the perfect time. Although you knew it was only a short pause from football, the Olympic games were already on the horizon.

“This season was successful but exhausting, so now it’s time to relax.”, Jenni declared solemnly while opening the bottle of champagne.

“Not everyone has won something with their club though.”, you threw a teasing smile into the direction where the goalkeeper of Real Madrid was laying.

Ay, Dios mío., you thought to yourself, she looks gorgeous in that Barbie pink bikini, why doesn’t Misa look ridiculous in it?

“Sooner or later, she’ll win something too.”, the raven-haired forward winked.

“I don’t think so.”, you disagreed with a cheeky grin.

“You’ve such a big mouth pequeña.”, Misa remarked, easily carrying you until she let you fall right into the open water.

“I’d say be careful, children. But I get the full inheritance if she’s gone.”, Jenni joked smirking.

“No, we still have a brother., you reminded her before turning your attention to the goalkeeper, Okay, Misa, come closer, I want to apologize for what I said.”

With these words you dragged her into the sea with you.

“Hey!”, she protested.

“No, you deserved it.”, you shook your head smiling confidently.

“You’ll get that back.”, Misa warned you.

“Okay, children, if you’re not getting back on board in the next five minutes I’ll start eating the delicious food without you.”, your sister announced.

“Jenni’s not joking. She’ll literally do this.”, Alexia who had stayed quiet the whole time tanning in the sun and enjoying her own peace added.

“Come on we can’t miss out on that, y/n.”, Misa decided.

“I’m coming. Wait for us, hermana.”, you told Jenni.

“You’ve to hurry then.”, she replied cheekily.

Back on the ship you tried a first slice of cheese, humming with closed eyes. “So good.”

Everything on the plate looked so aesthetically pleasing to the eye, so you took a moment to take it in and appreciate it.

“Good, huh?”, Misa lifted an eyebrow curiously.

“Yes, try it.”, you nodded, while passing the snack to her.

“Not bad.”, she admitted.

“Right?”, you beamed at the tall woman.

“The strawberries are great too.”, Alexia said.

You didn’t miss how the corner of her mouth quirked upwards for a millisecond.

Misa was already chewing next to you, her lips stained red from the juicy strawberries: “They are. Try them.“

She grabbed one particularly round and luscious looking strawberry from the plate and held it in front of your face so you could get a taste.

You bit into the berry, Misas fingers almost touching your lips. You closed your eyes and hummed in contentment once the sweet sugary taste danced on your tongue. They were to die for.

“They might even be the best thing on this table.“, you agreed with the others’ judgement.

“I know what would be even better on this table.“, your sister smirked, seemingly proud of her sly innuendo.

Without missing a beat, Alexia commented: “Disgusting.“

She shot Jenni a stern look over her sunglasses.

You rolled your eyes in annoyance: “Way to ruin the vibe, Jenni.“

“Honestly. I need more alcohol to recover from that.“, Alexia said as she walked over and poured herself a drink.

You knew it was bad when even Ale had a drink.

She clinked her glass with yours: “Cheers, y/n.“

“Cheers.“, you grinned back at her, washing the taste of strawberries down with champagne.

Theatrically sighing, Jenni laid back down her towel: “You girls are so boring.“

“Honestly, a little fun never killed anyone.“, Misa agreed with your sister, sneaking another strawberry into her mouth.

You raised your eyebrows at her, surprised. “And you’re fun, Misa?“

The goalkeeper winked at you: “I’m lots of fun.“

“Prove it.“, you dared her.

She didn’t seem intimated by your challenge, she just shrugged: “Alright.“

“I’m waiting.“, you pressured her.

“Careful or I’ll push you back into the water.“, she jokingly threatened you.

You held up your finger as a warning sign: “Don’t you dare!“

She took a step towards you, her head cocked to the side as she studied your face: “Or what?“

To prove that you weren’t intimidated by her, you refused to back up and instead took another step towards her: “I’m taller than you, it won’t happen again.“

“On your tiptoes maybe.“, Misa laughed.

You rolled your eyes, you stood so close together that your noses almost touched. And this woman still tried to argue that she was taller than you.

Jennis voice seemed disruptive and out of place as it floated over to you: “Actually you’re both the same height. I’m the tallest here.“

You watched as Misa turned her attention towards your sister with a grin: “Maybe you should play in goal!“

“But scoring is so much more fun.“, the striker drawled.

“It’s only because she doesn’t know what to do with her body on the pitch. She’s just lucky that she’s tall which makes her pretty good at headers.“, Alexia joined.

You absolutely loved how she deadpanned while she roasted your sister.

“You and my sister are such football nerds, Alexia.”, Jenni noted.

“That’s why we get along so well.”, she shot back, exchanging a knowing smile with you.

“Y/n gets football. You, however..”, Alexia began.

“What? I get you too!”, your sister interrupted the midfielder, her lips formed into a pout.

“Let’s just say you know how to get the ball into the net, okay?”, the Blonde offered diplomatically.

“Okay., quickly the striker changed the topic with a dirty grin on her lips, and I’m sure we’ll have a ball tonight.”

“And your puns are horrible.”, Alexia remarked dryly.

“If someone asks later, I’ll tell them that we’re not related.”, you interjected.

“That won’t work. You two look way too similar.”, Misa stated the obvious laughing.

“Excuse me?!”, Jenni pretended to be shocked by your words ignoring her friend’s observation.

“I said what I said.”, you shrugged wearing a smug smile on your face.

With a dramatic sigh your sister turned her head to your Barcelona teammate. “So rude. Remember, when she looked up to me, Ale? All those years ago.”

Behind her playful dramatics there swung a little bit of melancholy, to the days there no one was better than your older sister. Back than she was all you ever tried to be, a successful footballer, playing for one of the greatest clubs in Europe. Sometimes Jenni missed that time. You, her little sister grew up so fast.

Alexia could see behind the cool façade of her former club teammate and decided to lighten up her mood. “I do but come on let’s get ready for the night.”

The sun was about to set when you left the boat, about to dress up for the night ahead. Some Latin pop was playing in the background, while you were putting on a red lipstick which matched your little dress in the same colour.

In the mirror you caught Misa’s stunned reaction. Her beautiful brown eyes taking everything in.  “Wow.”

“Do you like what you see?”, you asked her with a cocky grin.

“Well, I certainly didn’t know you could look like that.”, the goalkeeper stated, sounding flirty. Or are you just imaging it?

 “To be fair when we usually meet it’s rarely an occasion to dress up fancy, it’s mostly in jerseys or training clothes.”, you clarified.

“You can really pull that off. You look great.”, she blushed slightly.

“Thanks, you don’t look too bad for a Madridista either.”, you admitted smiling.

With her arms folded, alexia stood impatiently in the doorway. “Are you done with your sweet nothings? We’d like to go now.”

“Yeah, hurry. Or we’re missing all the fun!” Excited, Jenni appeared next to her.

“We’re on our way.”, you assured them.

The four of you made your way to a karaoke bar. It was a bit smaller than your usual clubs on Ibiza but the atmosphere was still great.

As the night wore on, you found yourself dancing with Misa to some drunk dude trying his best to perform Mr. Brightside.

At one point, Jenni and Alexia had disappeared towards the bar. Alexia wanted to keep an eye on the two of you, Jenni wanted to be closer to the drinks.

Alexia slowly sipped her drink while she watched you take the stage with unstable steps. Misas hands wrapped around your waist, just in case.

Alexia leaned over to Jenni: “Want to bet they end up in the same bed tonight?“

“You know what could help with this? A few more drinks.“, Jenni decided and threw back her head to take a shot of tequila.

“It surely would but we need to keep it safe for them.“, Alexia reminded her.

“So boring.“, Jenni complained jokingly and ordered two more shots.

“You’re an irresponsible older sister.“, Alexia said, shaking her head with amusement. Still, she took the shot glass Jenni offered to her.

Jenni clinked glasses with her: “No, I’m the fun older sister.“

You were absolutely sure that you killed your performance of ABBA when you left the stage. You cheered like you just won a boxing match.

Misa decided to perform right after you. Same artist, different song.

You laughed as she came off stage: “Your karaoke was terrible, Misa.“

“Mine? Have your heard yourself?“, the goalkeeper responded, feigning offense in her intoxicated state.

“Still better than you!“, you replied with a teasing tone.

Misa grimaced like she felt sorry for you and shook her head: “You missed half of the words.“

“The lyrics sounded so much better that way.“, you said confidently.

“Those weren’t even real sentences anymore. At least you looked cute while ruining the song.“, Misa smiled with slightly reddened cheeks.

You raised an eyebrow and echoed: “Cute, huh?“

“Yeah“?

“You might be one of the cutest friends my sister has.“, you admitted with a grin.

Misa let out a polite laugh: “Thanks, I guess.“

“I mean it.“ You studied her face, trying to take her in fully.

She stared right back. “You do?“

You shrugged: “Yes. You might play for the wrong team but…“

“But?“, she prompted you to continue.

“But all day I thought about how it would be to kiss you.“

“To kiss… me?“

You might have been drunk enough to tell her the truth, but you were definitely not drunk enough to not recognize the hesitation in her voice.

You took as step back, trying to bring distance between the two of you: “Oh shit, sorry if that made you uncomfortable.“

To your surprise, she bridged the gap quickly: “No. I think I’d like that.“

“Really?”, you breathed.

“Yes, want to leave?”, she asked, eyes lit up with excitement.

“I do.”, you nodded eagerly as Misa took your hand to lead you to her hotel room. Forgotten were your doubts in the back of your mind if your sister would approve of it. After all, the goalkeeper was her friend too.

The night was dying, while the dawn was coming to life. Everything the light touched was tinted in a warm glow. Amazed, you watched the sunrise. “Wow this is beautiful.”

“It’s, right?” Misa agreed, but you realized that she wasn’t looking at the beautiful scenery outside, the Madrid player only had eyes for you.

“You don’t even look at the sunrise.”, you clicked your tongue

“I mean that’s nice but this right here it’s gorgeous.”, Misa muttered as her hand rested on your heated cheek. For once you were silenced. Your heartbeat too fast from the simple touch alone. From up close she was even prettier.

“Is it okay if I?”, the goalkeeper waited for your consent, searching for an answer in your eyes.

“Yes, please.”, you replied, licking your lips expectantly.

This was everything Misa needed to hear; she showered you with kisses like you were the only woman in the world, the brunette was destined to love.

[wileys-russo]

off limits (1) II a.putellas x león!reader

request here

off limits II a.putellas x leon!reader

"hermana!" you quickly stretched your arm away from your body as your sister jumped on top of you, sending her a glare as you wiped the rum off your arm and placed your now empty glass down on the table in front of you.

"you owe me a drink." you shook your head at her erratic nature, the girl grinning and pressing a kiss to your cheek as you elbowed at her as she only doing it again to annoy you further.

"ay mapi!" you whined and pushed her off, ingrid arriving as your savior and briefly distracting the tattooed girl beside you who peppered her lips with kisses. you gagged at the sight sticking your finger down your throat, earning yourself a laugh from a few of your team mates across the booth.

"oh dont be jealous. there's lots for you too hermana!" mapi grabbed at your face, repeatedly kissing all over it as you struggled to pull away. "hey! leave her be." ingrid chuckled, tugging your sister off of you as you wiped your face with a scowl.

you met your girlfriends eyes across the table, the older girl hiding her amused smile behind the one drink she'd been babysitting the entire time you'd been at the club. you stuck your tongue out at her as her eyes rolled playfully, shaking her head and taking a tiny sip, though you were certain it would only be water in her glass anyway.

after a big win over real madrid the team had gone for a celebratory dinner, which had of course wound up being followed by going out to a club, your sister the main ringleader in dragging three quarters of the team out for a night of drinking and dancing.

your girlfriend took the most convinving of everyone, even just to come to dinner. it was hardly unknown knowledge that la reina didn't drink during the season, and you knew alexia well enough to know she'd much rather be tucked up in bed studying the match for any singular little faults she could find and correct, football was her life after all.

though with a pout and a very discreet kiss to the corner of her mouth she'd given into you and agreed to come for a little while. out with the team you couldn't be all over one another like you wanted to, alexia wishing the two of you were curled up together behind the safety and privacy of her apartment celebrating in other ways.

but alas it certainly didn't help that no one knew you were together, well most people didn't.

you'd almost beaten poor claudia into submission not to run and tell half the team when she'd caught the two of you mid makeout in the showers after you thought everyone had left. but you knew she'd told patri, simply just from the cheeky knowing smile sent your way by the girl when you were paired up with your captain for a drill at training that next morning.

ona and lucy had accidentally overheard a lovesick confession from you to your girlfriend about how your mornings weren't the same without waking up to cuddles and alexia cooking for you.

they had taken less convincing not to spill your secret, though you copped relentless teasing from your english teammate for the soft admission.

frido and ingrid had spotted the two of you out to dinner one night, tucked away and looking loved up in the back corner of a lesser known restaurant on the outskirts of barcelona.

you knew you were likely to cause poor ingrid stress from needing to keep this from her girlfriend, and you promised her that you would speak with alexia about coming forward with it all to mapi. though the norwegian girl knew your sister almost as well as you did and empathized with the fact that she was incredibly over protective, and would likely not react well.

but as the list of names who knew started to grow, so did yours and alexia's worries that it would get back to one person in particular.

alexia's best friend, who just also happened to be your older sister.

"now for a real kiss for you hermanita. what about that one by the bar? or that one? or her? or that one looks promising?" your sisters arm settled over your shoulder, drawing you into her side as she hummed and her eyes scanned the room, pointing out various women one by one.

"i told you already, i am not interested! stop trying to sell me off like a prized cow." you shook your head, biting back a smile and rolling your eyes.

"a prized cow? someone thinks highly of themselves." your sister tutted with a cheeky grin, again pointing out more women as you denied each one, sending ingrid a pleading look as she hurried mapi off to the bar for another round.

"some of those girls were not ugly." a familiar raspy voice sounded in your ear, alexia using your sisters absence to shuffle around closer to you, hand subtly squeezing your thigh under the table.

"oh really? maybe you should go get their numbers then, la reina." you challenged, your own hand resting on top of hers, inching it higher up your leg as your girlfriend raised an eyebrow with a surprised smile.

biting down on your bottom lip alexia's hand moved under your dress, a singular finger tracing circles on your upper thigh, dangerously close to your underwear.

"come for a dance?" you nodded behind you to where most of your team mates were, alexia only chuckling in response. "you know i don't dance amor." your girlfriend answered quietly, tilting her head, hazel eyes darkening, hand still inching slowly upwards on your inner thigh.

"lets get out of here bebita." the older girl purred quietly with a suggestive smile. "already? but where's your team spirit captain?" you teased with a grin.

"hermana!" alexia's touch disappeared like magic as if it was never there, immediately shuffling further away from you and turning to speak with lucy and ona as mapi returned and sat right back down next to you.

"your drink." your sister handed you a fresh glass as you smiled appreciatively, though really you wished you could slap her for the interruption.

"mi amiga! dance with us?" aitana appeared, holding out her hand with a grin, flanked by claudia and patri who cheered as you stood, the three of them dragging you away to the dancefloor.

you could feel alexia's eyes trained to you the entire time. it was probably a good thing your sister was so drunk because your girlfriend was hardly bashful in the way that her eyes roamed your body, narrowing as you were pulled in by a girl on the dance floor.

you kept your gaze locked with hers as you pushed yourself into the stranger, though careful not to allow her hands to roam your body as you held them, watching alexia's jaw clench, jealousy burning in her hazel orbs.

"want to get out of here?" you heard the girl ask as you pulled yourself away and shook your head. "not with you, sorry." you replied with a smile before being tugged back to the table by pina.

a few of your team mates had already headed home, and those who were left were far from sober. you were grateful on everyone's behalf tomorrow was a recovery day off because there was sure to be some sore heads among the team tomorrow.

"im going to head home too chicas." alexia announced standing to her feet, her eyes meeting yours for a moment with a familiar look, ignoring the boo's and jeers sent her way for the statement.

"i think i will too, can you give me a ride home ale?" you gently yanked your arm out of claudias grip, alexia nodding. "oh boo! loser, loser, loser." your sister chanted at you making you roll your eyes.

"some of us are tired from scoring goals, hermana." you teased, ruffling her hair as alexia moved beside you, the two of you making the rounds saying your goodbyes before heading for the exit.

things were silent between the two of you as you walked together toward her car, the summer night air warm against your skin, head buzzing lightly from the few drinks you'd had.

but that comfortable silence all changed the moment you slid into alexia's cupra, her hands were on you in an instant, lips exploring your own before moving to your neck, causing you to throw your head back with a moan of pleasure.

"so your place or mine bonita?"

~

feeling the light of a promisingly sunny day shine through the open window your eyes fluttered awake, wincing slightly and rolling over, grasping out for your girlfriend.

"good morning mi amor." her hand tangled in your hair, short nails scratching at your scalp as you hugged her bare leg, mumbling a greeting back into the tanned skin.

"why are you awake already?" you sighed, pushing your head to rest in her lap, looking up at her through squinted eyes. "studying." she answered with a smile, nodding to the tablet on the bedside table beside her, yesterdays match paused on the screen.

"you're crazy." you exhaled with a shake of your head, lips curling into a smile as alexia playfully flicked your forehead. "maybe about you." alexia flirted with a smile, causing your cheeks to flush rosy pink at the tender admission from the often stern girl.

"what would everyone say if they knew their queen was such a softy?" you teased, your girlfriend dipping her head, her lips ghosting yours, pulling away as you tried to kiss her.

"kiss me." you whined, pulling at her shirt needily. "mmm no." alexia shook her head with a cocky smile as you raised an eyebrow, within a few seconds you'd straddled her lap, pulling your shirt over your head and watching as her eyes dropped down to your bare chest.

"my eyes are up here." you tutted, the cocky smile now on your face as you pulled your head back when alexia leaned in to kiss you. "kiss me." the girl ordered, her hand coming to cup the back of your neck.

"mmm no?" you teased, pretending to think about it, grinning as alexia rolled her eyes impatiently and pulled your lips to meet hers, her hand on the back of your neck meaning she was in control of when you pulled away.

you moaned into her mouth as her other hand traced your abs, slowly making its way downwards to where you really needed her as you rolled your hips into hers.

but everything halted as a series of sharp knocks on your door rang out and you pulled away, glancing out of your open bedroom door as alexia grabbed the back of your neck again, smashing her lips back to yours in a bruising kiss.

"ignore it, they will go away." the older girl mumbled impatiently into the kiss, the knocking continuing and growing louder the longer you left it.

"hermana surely you are not still sleeping?" an all too familiar voice rang out as you shoved alexia's hands off you, the two of you looking at each other with the same amount of fear and shock.

"mapi." you whispered in sync as you rolled off of her, hastily pulling your shirt back over your head and hunting around on the floor for your underwear. "bebita?" you heard a whistle and glanced up to see the blonde twirling them around on her finger with a slightly smug smile.

"mierda ale, now is not the time!" you hissed, snatching them off of her and smacking her shoulder with a glare. "sorry! just trying to lighten the mood." the blonde rolled her eyes, but you could see she was equally as nervous as you were.

"oh my god woman hurry up and answer this damn door! i know you're home." your sister shouted with a groan, fist now pounding against the door as you instructed alexia to stay in your bedroom and pulled the door closed, hurrying over.

"now is not a good time mapi." you half opened the door with a forced smile, your sister scoffing with a roll of her eyes, shouldering her way past you and inside your apartment as you cursed under your breath.

"i bring you breakfast and this is the thanks i get?" she whistled and shook her head, pulling herself to sit up on the counter and gesturing to the two brown packages by her side.

"im not well today, you should go." you coughed, pointing to the door. "you have always been a bad liar." mapi grinned, unwrapping one of the breakfast sandwiches and nodding for you to do the same.

"mapi." you withheld a groan, dragging your hands down your face in frustration, the older girl always having been stubborn. "why are you so eager for me to leave?" the tattooed spaniards eyes narrowed, scanning you suspiciously as you rolled your eyes.

"oh my god." mapi gasped excitedly, jumping off the counter as you raised a curious eyebrow at her behavior. "you are not here alone!" your sister realised, grinning like a cheshire cat and clapping her hands happily.

"what? of course i am." you scoffed, trying with every fibre of your being not to show how nervous you were at her words. "no. you are not." mapi sung out teasingly, suddenly grabbing at you and poking your neck making you hiss in pain, and then came the realisation.

"hickeys!" your sister laughed as you smacked her hands off and shoved her away. "so who is it? someone from the club? someone you're seeing? a girlfriend? i thought you left with ale, sneaky!" the defender fired question after question at you.

"it's nobody, now get out." you huffed, trying to push her back towards the front door. "no. now tell your little friend to come out and say hi." mapi called out over your shoulder, easily shoving you away from her as she made a beeline for your bedroom door.

"mapi no!" you huffed in annoyance running at her and jumping on her back, your sister only laughing and easily shrugging you off, pushing you so you fell backwards onto the lounge.

"they either come out and say hi, or i go in and say hi. time is ticking!" your sister directed her comment toward the bedroom door, crossing her arms over her chest as you saw the handle begin to move and buried your face in your hands.

with an agonizing creak the door swung slowly open, revealing a very shameful looking blonde standing there with her arms folded over her chest, hair pulled up into a messy bun and your kit shorts on beneath her oversized shirt.

"...alexia?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

part two

[muikitoo]

Hi,Ummm,good morning/night

Can I request something regarding the Rottmnt boys,I want them their love at first sight with a female reader in a school ay(More like a mix between the Yokai/mutant/human society

(No rush,It's ok if you don't want to do it and stuff,It's totally fine to take your time☺️,Have a nice day/night)

Love at first sight

Aged up! Rottmnt x fem! Reader

(somewhere around their 20s)

Warnings:

None

A/N: this was so hard to do for me for some reason (especially Mikey and Raph), i had to think for a few days for certain scenarios and this might come late bc i rlly want it to be good. Im sorry if it isnt what u expected 🙏

You were an English teacher who recently started working at a new school. Youre quite nervous, but exciting at the thought of what awaits you with this sudden change.

Donnie

- Donnie was one of those strict science teachers that nobody dared to underestimate.

- At first, he didnt seem too interested when he heard of a new teacher who started working there.

- hes never even been a romantic type, he honestly didnt care and let fate decide if he gets a partner or not.

- When he saw you for the first time though, he thought he might be hallucinating.

- "Oh sweet Galileo help me.."

- you probably immediately checked his "cute but mean" type without even saying a single word

- He became more interested in you, talking to you more often, even at times asking u to meet up during the break.

- "Hey, uhm.. Could i maybe interest u in some coffee during the break?"

- he thought all of this "romantic feeling" thing wasnt real, but he seriously cant help but fall for you.

Leo

- Leo is obviously the laid-back cool Spanish teacher.

- Almost every student liked him, he was chill and even jokes around

- (he once drew donnie on the board with a huge forehead and wrote "megamind" next to it)(no, donnie did not take that well)

- He was quite interested when he heard of a new teacher, hell he was probably the first one to interact with you out of his brothers

- The second he saw you, this mf fell straight face down in love with you

- "oh mi gosh thats the new teacher?! Shes gorgeous! Do you see her Donnie?! You see her?! Oh i so need to get her number!!"

- tries to act sly and flirt with you

- and fails miserably

- "Hey there hermosa, how do you feel about a date? Ya know, just you and me? *Wink wink* *leans on wall, trips and falls miserably*"

- (A/N: i cried writing that)

Mikey

- Mikey is the sweet art teacher and students enjoy being around him, but yet again they probably wont dare to underestimate his "Dr. Delicate touch" side

- He was quite excited when he heard about a new teacher.

- When he saw you, he suddenly felt nervous and flustered. And he knew why.

- at this point, everyone but you knew abt how he admires you, a little more than in the friendly way.

- He couldnt get the courage to go and talk to you, which put Dr. Feelings to shame

- When you actually started talking tho, you got quite close.

- Youd be with him almost every break

- You would often stay in his classroom/art studio and watch him paint during the lunch break

- and during those times he even asks u to pick his colours

- "Hey Y/n, which colour do you think would suit the ladies dress more? Red or blue?"

- Sometimes you even jokingly ask to be his model, but in all honesty he doesn't mind at all

- you guys were an inseparable duo, and he caught himself falling more and more for you

Raph

- He's the PE teacher, hes fun but strict when he needs to be.

- He doesnt mind that theres a new teacher, hes quite excited abt it actually - he would gladly want to meet you.

- First thing that catches his eye is that he thinks youre really pretty.

- He's most likely stuttering during ur first convo now😭

- Hes super sweet, bringing you coffee and/or lunch, helping u out with random teacher stuff, checking up of u, ect

- "Hey! How you feeling? I brought you some coffee.. if youd like."

- Hes so shy, but he cant help but feel his heart flutter every time you thank him or show appreciation towards him

A/N: Raph was so hard and i know it's not accurate at all. Ive literally been beating my ass up bc of him cuz i didnt have any ideas😭😭 this took super long and I'm really sorry about that, i hope it turned out the way u wanted🙏 anyways its 1AM so im js posting this cuz i have nothing else to do😔

[dunmeshi-darlings]

Hi! May I please request some angst?

Marcille,Falin, and Laios (separate) with an isekai'd terminally ill s/o who needs to go back to their world in order to get treatment, since their disease is incredibly advanced, by their standards, and not easy for magic to handle.

However, the three want to save their s/o, but at the same time doesn't want them to go back to their world.

Aye a somber request but one i can do. After All, The whole worlds a stage. For some it is a comedy, Others an adventure, and yet still for others it is a tragedy. But all must play there part one way or another.

When you first arrived marcille was in awe, Not only did another entire reality exist, but you had apparently somehow been teleported from there?! She had questioned you for hours about the world, about what it was like. Fascinated that it was a world of technology in a vaguely similar fashion to the dwarves machinery, yet even more advanced. How it was a world without monsters and only had regular animals. How it was a world inhabited only by People like you, Nothing but tallmen (though in reality you and the rest of the people from your world werent tallmen, they just happened to be the most similar to your people). But strangest of all it had no magic (or so you thought), The idea seemed foreign to her and she couldnt even imagine what it could possibly be like.

You two had grown closer and fallen in love and marcille viewed you as a gift from the divine...but like all divinity they are cruel and can change there whims in a split second. It started off with a small cough, neither of you were particularly worried about it, sicknesses come and go after all. But the cough over time slowly progressed and got worse and worse, it eveolved into a tightness in the chest and struggle breathing. you became unable to do most physical things as your condition worsened, Then the dry coughing grew worse when one day you coughed into your hand and when you pulled it away it was soaked in blood.

Marcille tried everything she could, she had asked falin to do everything she could, but sadly to no avail as the healer couldnt seem to slow this disease. She asked laios for help who spent a small fortune of his newly aquired kingdoms gold to try and find you the best healers in the world to no avail. Marcille was at her wits end, she couldnt see you die. She had seen so many people she loved and cared about die already, she couldnt loose you too. However one day you brought up an idea, one that broke her heart almost as much as the idea of your death did. "i think...the only ones who could help....me..are doctors from...my world.."

Marcille begged and pleaded, she didnt want to loose you that way either...but she knew deep down that there was no magic here that could help. The both of you knew that with the magic of this world, your death was certain and you needed to go back to be treated...but...but what if...what if marcille used magic not of this world.

That dark beckoning call came to her once more, its powerful embrace called out to her, it whispered gilded words that dripped a hopeful venom. It asked of her how far would she be willing to go to save the one she loved? If her true desire was to save you, she would do anything right?....right?

She had already used its power once, what harm would using it once more do? Maybe it could save you? maybe it could fix this disease and you and her could live happily ever after. Marcille had already called upon these dark ruinous powers before, it would be so simple to do it again? Who cares about the law, of morality, of the dangers this magic poses...Would marcille truly wield that eldritch power once more to save you? consequences be damned...right?

Your arrival was incredibly to falin, the idea of a whole new world of wonder, of things to see and do, a whole new world of beauty she had never seen before made her giddy. You and her would sit up for hours as you told her stories of your world, of just how different it was than her world, how the people were, how life was. And though there were many sad stories, Falin always found it comforting to know that so many good things happened in this other world to, that no matter how grim the world seemed. There would always be people being happy and living there lives and trying to make the world a better place, it made her smile. The two of you grew closer and eventually you confessed your feelings for her, however she giggled saying how she had planned on doing the same as well. The two of you getting together as you two travelled together after laios's ascension to be the new golden kingdoms king. However, Death once more made its presence known in the door of falins home, but instead of seeing her once more it decided to come calling the one person she hoped most it would never see for years.

The coughing was the first sign something was wrong, Falin was a gifted healer and so she used her magic to try and get rid of it...but it didnt work, no matter what she did that cough wouldnt go away, at most only disapearing for a day or so then coming right back. Its progression only getting worse and worse as she frantically tried to out heal the symptoms, each time she would try to heal you she would be in tears. messy tear drops falling down her cheeks as she would use her healing magic over and over and over till she herself would throw up from magic sickness.

By the time you had started coughing up blood you had to force falin to stop trying to heal you, you both knew it wasnt going to work and that she was just hurting herself and that broke your heart. the two of you laying together as you both sobbed at all of this..it wasnt fair, it wasnt right. How could something so awful happen to such an amazing and loving person....falin couldnt believe it could happen. Eventually you told her one night you had an idea. "Falin...i think the only way ill survive is if i go back to my world...and get help there."

It broke falins heart, because she knew deep down you were right...that the only hope you had was to go back to your world and get help there. Falin was quiet for awhile, her mind racing before she softly takes a hold of your hands. "Ok...if thats the case...IM GOING WITH YOU!"

She shouts confusing you, asking her if she is serious!? would she just leave this world behind? her nodding saying that your her world and wherever you go she wants to be right there with you. And besides, she cant loose you..

When you first showed up laios was excited about the possibility to learn about all new monsters in a whole new reality....however when you told him that monsters werent a thing he couldnt help but admit how your world seemed boring.

Despite that he adored you as the two of you grew closer and closer and eventually got together. You ruling the golden kingdom alongside him. The two of you ruling the kingdom together happily, Despite laios endless hunger and curse towards monsters he was happy. you help him deal with the stress of ruling the kingdom, But perhaps fate had one last curse in store for laios...or perhaps this was some aspect of the winged lions curse on him itself.

You started off with coughing, Laios noting it was likely a cold or something and asking falin or marcille to use healing magic to help..but it didnt work. You only continued to grow worse and laios grew more and more worried. He looked through his books about monsters trying to find something in them that might heal you. He had you drink multiple brothes, eat mixtures of vegetables and herbs, bath in some monster blood but nothing was helping. None of the medicinal properties of the various monster parts he would hire people to go get would work.

By the time you had started coughing up blood, laios had all but given up hope. Nothing was working, no matter what he did, no monster remedies could help, neither marcille or falins magic could help..and his own healing magic wasnt great. He would just sit by your bedside and cry into the sheets as he held you. Eventually though you spoke to him. "Laios...i think the only way ill live..is if i go back...the doctors of my world are more advanced...its the best chance i have."

It tore laios to pieces to hear this, he hated the idea of loosing you. he had almost lost his sister, and he was so afraid to loose you too. But he knew you were right, it was the best chance you had. He would join you if he could...but he couldnt, he had to rule over the golden kingdom. There was nobody else that could rule it in his place, He had to stay behind..and it ate him alive. He told you that he would always be yours, and that he would always think of you no matter what. And as long as you lived, thats all that mattered to him.

[chiquititaosita]

vale valeee 🫣

so, i was thinking, you know how when we get mad, we speak our native tongue? so like, i wanted to request monster trio + law getting yelled at by reader in spanish

(you know how moms be like “ve hacer tal cosa” and we either forget and do it wrong or forget to do it at all?? bueno, reader tells them to help them out with something y como no lo hicieron, reader starts complaining and yelling about “yo hago todo aqui” 🤭)

les da miedito pero la verdd les gusta el matrato 😫

(mentira 👀) idk if that makes sense pero if it doesn’t i can elaborate more ☺️

a/n: OMFG YESSS!!! and I wrote like a slight Drabble for it! On sanjis nickname post oml

˗ˏˋ꒰🍓꒱ yelling at monster trio + law in spanish

˗ˏˋ꒰🍓꒱ Luffy

- if he’s not being serious, or something which is all the damn time

- Consider it’s your job to be like a certain mother figure besides his amor

- first it was the gentle parenting technique,

- “Luffy, can you please move your feet im trying to scrub the deck ?” Y/n is looking over at him, trying to be patient

-“sorry y/n can’t talk rn! Maybe later!!” Luffy will then mess up your whole cleaning

-you didn’t mind it.

-But the then there’s him trying to help you, when you don’t need help.

- “Luffy did you and ussop take out the trash like sanji asked y’all too?” You ask him as you’re trying to make some

-he’s nowhere to be found when you ask him this. but then after

-“ah ah ah! ¡Lávate las manos, Cabron!!” You’ll slap Luffys hands and speak in a semi- stern tone but in a calm manner when he tries to eat the carnitas you have.

-“come on just a little bite babeeee!!!/——“

-“NO!” You’ll explode and the whole ship hears you. You’re so angry and tired of trying from being stressed out.

-“I have to do everything around here god damn it! Please just help me with shit if you want to be a good boyfriend por favor!!” Y/n is just thankful to have some shit being done.

-“NOW HELP ME OR YOURE NOT GETTING MY PORTIONS OF FOOD!!” Then he IMMEDIATELY STARTS TO UNINTENTIONALLY CLEAN THE DECK AND HELP SORT OUT HIS LAUNDRY… let’s be honest luffy never does his laundry

˗ˏˋ꒰🍓꒱ zoro

-will instantly yell back at you

- “y/n why are you mad at me!?”

- “YOU BROKE THE LAUNDRY BASKET!”

-“IT WAS IN THE WAY WHEN I WAS TRAINING!!”

- you slap him and groan mumbling you have to do shit. You’re not even going to complain with him right now

- that is until a couple of hours later some random ass bitch at the bar y’all were at, was literally trying to pick a fight with zoro. And talk shit. And you were sober the whole time.

-“HIJOLE a chingada wey!! Nobody talks shit about my man but me!!” You slap the guy with a chancla aiming like a super Latina mom. And literally defend your moss head novio whose found a nice sleeping place, sitting down.

-“NOW YOU YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO WIPE AMD CLEAN THE TOILET BEFORE YOU FLUSH MR!”

-“Y/n you’re embarrassing me!-“

-“I DONT GIVE A RATS ASS IF IM EMBARRASSING YOU! I ONLY ASK YOU TO DO ONE THING ONE THING!! AND YOU BARELY DO”

-he’s picking you up and you’re kicking his chest to put him down.

˗ˏˋ꒰🍓꒱ sanji

- “Y PUTA ALA MADRE WEY!!” You’ll be storming out angry. if sanji sees you angry it’s best for him to not try and ask…

- he’s learned the hard way.

-“VINSMOKE SANJI!!” You know when a Hispanic woman yells your government legal name, you’re fucked

-“Yes Mon amour??” He’d asked you in a kind manner

-“why isn’t the FLOOR MOPPED!?”

-MALE WIFE.EXE ACTIVATED

- the last time he talked back to you he cried, and begged for forgiveness like down on his knees and holding your legs.

-“Aye cabron get off!!! i forgive you i’m just telling you next time to use fabuloso.”

- he finds it adorable when you’re mad and punched your cheeks

-you’ll bite his finger and he’s gonna be like. “OW!!”

-“beloved what’s wrong?”

-silent treatment and he has to start guessing and do everything around the house. but really it’s because she’ll only yell at him without her goodbye kiss. or her love letters on the napkin with her liquado (smoothie en español de tex-mex)

˗ˏˋ꒰🍓꒱ Law

-oh hell no

-he forgets what he signed up for.

- “CALLATE WEY!!!” The minute you throw a chancla at his head he’s not even pissed he’s just laughing because you got him good

- “shut up for one minute will you y/n-ya.” He regrets it. You start causing a scene and then embarrass him, if his crew steps in. They’re not gonna like it they just say out of it.

-last time penguin almost lost a finger. While doing the chores. Doing the laundry’s and cooking.

-“ NO YOU LISTEN TO ME GOD DAMN IT!!!! MOTHER FUCKER WHO HATES IT WHEN HIS FOOD IS TOUCHING BY A SMIDGE!”- you grab him by the ear. “Ugh I have to do everything for him.”

-“oh really?” Law would reply out of frustration, and throwing you over his shoulders just to fuck some sense into you. Because you got mad you needed dick in his office. Now you’re still complaining, because his room office is a mess.

[miracles-and-butterflies]

The sixth part of Ride the Cyclone AU.

This will make up for all the missing angst in the last chapter. Probably.

The previous part if you need a recap.

Comments are always appreciated.

Warning, sensitive topics ahead, especially character death.

Nombre Desconocida

Another awkward silence filtered through the space. Unlike previously Camilo didn’t shrink in on himself the way Isabela had, if anything he took the fact he had left everyone speechless in his stride. As his sister and cousins around him slowly gained their autonomy again, they pulled off their cat ears and glanced in confusion at the matching tails.

“When you said marrying a prince, this wasn’t what I had in mind.” Luisa admitted.

“Hell yeah, this was way better!” Isabela echoes, she threw an arm around Luisa and Camilo. “I thought I was gonna have to handle the flowers for some stuffy fake-wedding. Getting to be a villain and ruining lives? Life goals. So, thank you. You are weirdly awesome in the afterlife, Milo.”

Camilo shrugged, “I’m the same person I always was. It’s just nobody really listened to me when I was myself.”

“Well, we’re listening to you now, space Jesus.” Isabela ruffled his hair playfully.

“¡Ay!” He batted Isabela’s hand away, trying to hug his two cousins properly. “I guess the real tragedy is that we couldn’t all be in a drama group together. We would have been amazing.”

“We could always do it now. Just mess around in the corner?” Isabela suggested. “I mean, it’s not like any of us are actually care about this competition besides Dolores. I say we just rebel against the weird old man and do whatever the fuck we want!”

They cheered, laughing at the idea. Which was actually a very good one to say out loud, if only for the look of horror on Dolores’ face.

Luisa wheezed, beaming brightly, looking and feeling better than she thinks she ever had in life. Not even a single concern over work or expectations. She was finally at peace. “I’m so happy right now, I could never come down!” She gushed.

“My turn!”

As if on cue, they all turned, jumping out of their skin and their already dead hearts stopping, to where Desconocida had appeared directly behind Luisa, out of her cat costume and carrying that same headless doll again.

“Aww, man,” Luisa groaned, regrettably.

They left the stage, slowly, watching as the corpse stiffly made her way over to the suited man. In horror. Unable to look away.

“Desconocida,” the man introduced. “The one unidentified body of the Cyclone rollercoaster disaster.”

The girl in question glanced at him momentarily before reaching for the door. Unlike the others, it did not glow and show her magical engraving, for she was not a Madrigal. That was expected. What was surprising was the lack of photos that filled the room. The walls remained bare and empty, no sign of memories of life. She stared, perplexed why it did not work.

She cocked her head at the man, who too had gone quiet in favour of just watching her. She went to try the doorknob again. This time, she awkwardly brushed her hand across her ruined clothes, wiping away some imaginary dirt, before reaching for it. As if that might have been the issue. But again, as she turned to look about the room, there was nothing. No photos, no reenactment of her life from the other contestants, nothing to symbolise any identity or life she might have had.

Without any comment or reaction, she stepped aside solemnly, letting go of the door.

The man continued, “Everyone knew everyone in Encanto, but no one could recall this member of the community. There were rumours of a girl who joined the queue at the last minute, but as the employee (running the Cyclone) died of a heart attack shortly after the accident, there was no one to verify. Some say she was never part of the town at all. I sadly cannot tell you. All one knows for certain is that a body was found below the tracks of the Cyclone without a head. So… a mystery.”

~~~~~

14th September 1951, three hours before the Cyclone accident

“Roll up, roll up! Come one, come all! Step up and test your strength! Only the strongest here today will win one of our fabulous prizes!” A male voice bellowed loudly through the fairground.

Dolores caught Isabela’s sleeve immediately as she turned her head towards the sound. “No. You already wrecked that duck mini-game because it was, and I quote, ‘rigged’, I’m not letting you destroy another. Let’s go find those shooting games. You can be violent all you want there.”

“But I can be violent here!” Isabela whined. “Come on, Lola, I can win this one. Easy!”

“No, you can’t. You are getting overly competitive and cocky now. Keep walking.” She insisted.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Isabela got overly competitive and cocky twenty-two years ago, Dolores.” Luisa teased. She pulled away from the snack cart she had been eyeing up, following Isabela’s gaze. The same idea filling her head. Eyes lighting up eagerly, grinning like the devil.

Dolores let go of Isabela’s sleeve immediately, grabbing Luisa’s wrist with both hands firmly.

“No! If Isabela isn’t going over there, you certainly aren’t going over there!”

“Come on, prima. It’s literally my game. It’s literally called ‘The Strongest’! It’s like they’re begging me to play it.”

“Exactly! And it wouldn’t be fair for you to play with your gift! So you aren’t playing!”

“The people working here don’t know that.”

With ease, Luisa pulled her wrist free and followed Isabela through the mangle of people. Mirabel glanced at Dolores and Camilo before deciding to go after her sisters

Dolores groaned, almost growling in frustration, “I just wanted to see the music box. Was that so much to ask?” She muttered to herself, throwing her hands down to her sides.

“Hey, I thought you said we were gonna find a bathroom for me? I still need to go!” Camilo complained.

The test-your-strength game was a long red, wooden tower of sorts, full of whirling noises and flashing lights. At the bottom was a huge rubber pad. The player would strike it with a heavy mallet, the force would hit a little puck that would shoot up (and then fall down) the tower’s length based on how hard the person had hit. The tower was marked all the way up with various levels. The very top of the tower, the highest score, was emphasised with a bell that looked like it wasn’t being rang much, if at all.

Luisa thought for a moment. Then she nudged Mirabel. “You want to see something impressive? Something that will cheer you up?”

“Sure,” she said, “Though I don’t think there is anything here that will impress me.”

Her sister clicked her tongue. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that.”

Meanwhile, Isabela watched a young man in front of her take his turn. He confidently grabbed the mallet from the kids who had gone before him and shot a confident look to the people behind him. He slid up beside Isabela, offering her a wink.

“This one’s for you, boñita,” he whispered.

Before going to take his swing, he took her hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. Then he separated, puffed out his chest and raised his arms back, and swung the mallet forward. The little puck bounced up, hitting one of the levels around the middle of the tower before falling back down.

“Ah, better luck next time, my friend.” The employee offered, patting him on the back.

The man handed back the mallet and circled to leave the cue, not before pulling Isabela close to his side again.

“Stupid game is rigged. How about we got to something else and I can win a prize for you there, mi rosa?” He asked, smiling down at her.

“What?” Isabela questioned.

“Then what else would you be here for?” He scratched his head in confusion. “This game is too difficult for pretty women like yourself.” His eyes widened a little in realisation, looking a little more seductive. “You wouldn’t happen to have come over just to watch me, would you? I’m flattered.”

“I’m not here to watch, I’m here to win.” The woman hissed.

She pushed him aside, tossing her hair proudly. The employee, having not been paying attention what was happening, handed her the mallet without any ceremony and stepped aside to let her swing.

“Oh, here we go,” Luisa mumbled, pulling away from the conversation she was having with Mirabel. They too were unaware of what Isabela had been dealing with. “This’ll be good.”

Isabela slammed the mallet down loudly. The puck shot much faster than the previous attempt and Isabela flashed a smirk to the astounded man behind her. Only it faltered when she caught sight of the puck going back down again. It had only gotten a level or two higher than the previous one. The mallet dropped into the grass from Isabela’s hand with a thump.

“B-but… but I was…” she stuttered.

Luisa cleared her throat. She cracked her fingers carefully, pushing Isabela aside. “Excuse me, Bela. Let the professional show you how it’s done.”

She stepped forward, grinning, scooping the mallet off the ground and dusting off a few specs of dirt on it. After taking a dramatic breath, she shook herself, getting into an unnecessary stance and holding the mallet with both her hands. Mirabel saw Luisa’s muscles tense through her clothes and quickly shifted her hands over her ears. Isabela simply rolled her eyes at the show Luisa was making. Finally, Luisa brought the mallet down with all her might.

Vibrations came from the mallet hitting against the pad and spreading through the crowd, shaking the very ground and making teeth chatter. The little puck went wizzing straight to the top, hitting the bell and bursting clear off the top. Everyone watched as the spec disappeared high in the sky with no sign of coming back. The tower rung with the sound and lights of victory before it glitched, broken, and went silent.

Everyone nearby, minus Luisa, stood with their hands over their ears for a good twenty seconds as they waited for the noise to stop. Luisa stood, letting out a relaxed, satisfied sigh but didn’t say anything.

The crowd was quiet too. The employee’s mouth hung agape as he stared into the sky, one hand over his eyes to shield them from the sun as he looked up. Squinting, trying to see when or if the puck would reappear and fall back down. Slowly, they all turned to Luisa. Some children were crying, some were boldly insisting they could do that to their friends, most people were glaring - either form the disturbance/the upset of their children or the fact they were no longer getting a turn. All except Mirabel, who offered Luisa a round of applause once it was safe to stop covering her ears.

Luisa clicked her tongue, stepping back to Isabela and bending to her ear, “That’s how it’s done. I could give you a little sisterly advice on how to reach the top, seeing as you need a little help there—”

“Oh, fuck off!” Isabela snapped. “Stupid thing was rigged anyways! I could have won easily!”

She stormed off in a flurry of petals, already ranting under her breath, as she spotted Dolores hovering nearby but out of the queue. No doubt about to talk her ear off about how rigged this game was, just like the last one had been. And the one before that. And the one before that. And the one—

The other sister just laughed as Isabela disappeared and placed the mallet down on the pad for the next person - as though she hadn’t just broken the game.

“How was that, hermanita? Impressive enough for you?” Luisa asked, flexing a bicep.

“Oh, very,” Mirabel agreed. Looking up at her sister in awe. To be fair, Luisa had done what she promised. “It was the most impressive thing I have seen all day.”

“It’ll get better though. I mean, I do believe I get a prize now?”

“…Ah, um, yes… Right. Here are the prizes!” The employee shook himself and gestured to the set of prizes beside him. “Take your pick!”

Luisa tapped her chin in thought as she surveyed the table. Unlike some of the other games, the prizes here weren’t the same. Probably because the likelihood of a child winning this was slim to none, there was no need for little games or stuffed animals. Her previous prizes throughout the day had all been stuffed animals, most of which she dumped with Bruno thus far.

“That one,” she exclaimed, finally.

“Excellent choice!” The employee said. He slipped behind the table and picked off a doll from one of the back shelves, handing it to Luisa. “Thanks for, eh, playing. And breaking my machine?”

She tried to hold back a chuckle as she waved him off, “You’re welcome.”

With all said and done, she walked off with Mirabel following behind her, a little more than confused. The eyes and crowd slowly dispersing as Luisa found her way to a more empty part of the fairground - a relatively empty space of grass that was full of baby strollers and a few people sitting down to eat.

“Um, Luisa?” Mirabel called. “Where are we going? I saw Isabela and Dolores back the other way… Should we not stay together? It would be easy to lose someone here, the place is so—”

Luisa stopped in her tracks and turned. She held the doll down for Mirabel. The younger raised an eyebrow.

“Here,” Luisa said. “It’s for you.”

“But you won it.” Mirabel countered.

“Yes.”

“So it’s yours.”

“I’m giving it to you.”

“I didn’t win it, that wouldn’t be fair.”

“It’s a gift.”

“Then I don’t deserve it.”

Her sister handed her the doll anyways before settling down against a tree, pulling Mirabel into her lap to hug her. The doll stuck between them.

“Why are we sitting?” She questioned.

“I thought you would want a break. Or well, maybe not want one, but you need one. Your short legs must be killing you after all this walking.” Luisa explained.

“Well, yes, but if this is your solution to get me to accept your prize, it is not going to work. I won’t take it.”

“Nope, you can argue with me all you want; you’re keeping it. If I have to hammer it into your wall, I will.” Luisa insisted, ever an impenetrable force. “And you do deserve it. Okay? You may not be as strong as me, but your stupid amount of patience should be rewarded. You don’t want to be here and yet you are. You said you were staying because Dolores asked you to do so for food - but you could have just given her the food and left. She doesn’t need you to carry it. You know what I think? You are staying because you don’t want us to get hurt, sure. You are staying because you just want to see us happy.”

She smiled, a little. “I’m staying because I love you.”

“And I love you. So, here. Consider the doll a ‘thank you’, if you don’t want a gift.”

Luisa pulled the doll out and handed it to Mirabel, who did take it this time.

“She is rather pretty. With very fine embroidery,” Mirabel said, giving some approval to the doll as she admired it. “I honestly might recreate this pattern on my new skirt when we get home.”

“And she has very soft curls. Just like the real thing.” Luisa added.

“Will you stop playing with my hair?”

“No can do, I’m afraid. It’s one of my older sibling privileges. And it’s so much softer than mine! You also don’t have any knots in it, perfect to play with!”

“Well, stop messing up my forehead curl, it’s my favourite one. Every time you fiddle with it, you pull it loose and then I just have these wavy strands in front of my glasses for the rest of the day—”

There was sudden screaming in the distance and Mirabel sat up, alert, looking around for any of danger, steadying her glasses to see properly. Luisa turned her head, pointing to a large rollercoaster nearby.

“That’s where the screaming is coming from. Don’t worry, nothing is broken. It’s just people on a loop.” She paused, watching the rollercoaster soar along the tracks for a moment. “That’s the Cyclone. That was the big one on all the posters, you remember? Tío Bruno says it’s very popular. We’re gonna ride on it later, when the queues have gone down a bit. You wanna come?”

“Absolutely not! I’d rather stick pins in my eyes.”

Luisa laughed at her bluntness.

“Besides,” she continued, fiddling with the lace on the doll. “Someone should stay on look out. See if that puck ever comes back down to earth.”

[idyllcy]

from one admirer to another : blanched?

pairing: leon kennedy x reader || masterpost: from one admirer to another

synopsis: from one admirer to another, an online penpal service, allows for two people with common interests to write to each other without ever revealing their actual address! Luckily for both you and Leon, you get matched up! What do eggs and Christmas even have in common anyway? sure hope it's that modeling business and NOT that Ada Wong addiction.

featuring: reader as scrambled eggs // leon as christmas

Dear steamed scrambled eggs,

I'm so sorry it took a while to get back to you. I landed and immediately started working full-time again. Ugh, the modeling life does not let you down with bookings. My manager told me something about how I'd be busier from now on since I got to walk in Paris this year. My resume is popping... did I use that right. I can't keep up with all this young people lingo and I'm not even old.

I doubt your face card is that bad if what you brought up in our early letters is true. If nearly all of your friends wanted you to get into modeling, then surely there's a reason. It's not like your friends sound like typical models either, so I can only assume that they're actually higher-ranking models or whatever.

Oh. Yes, after this walk, it seems Ada's officially reached supermodel status. She's about to get so much busier... I miss when she had time to attend her local fan events. Well, maybe I'll be like that one day? Who knows. I'm not even big enough for fan events yet.

I'm also starting to have suspicions of who you are. So, if you end up with a stalker... sorry (for reasons this is a joke) but I do have suspicions. I bumped into that roommate of yours while in France. I could put two and two together, but I'd much rather just bump into you again. Surely you won't dodge me when I ask for your number again?

Which brings me to my next point. I did bring you to Paris with me. I had nearly all of our letters boxed up in my suitcase, and it drove my manager mad. My agent didn't care as much since he was seeing his girlfriend, but my manager was going through it. "You don't need a box that big." he said. Skill issue. That's why he's still single (I am too). Oh, oops. My internet persona seems to be seeping into the way I write to you now. Shame.

Which brings me back to the point. No gift this time? Seems I need to step up my game with you a bit. Mm... should get some help from a friend. Ah, right. Favorite flowers?

See you soon (threat) Christmas

It's not hard to put two and two together. If Ada had pointed out the letter with that kind of look in her eye, then there was definitely something she knew. Considering everything about her, it's not hard to deduce that he's been writing to you. You. Literally. From day one, the universe sent you right to him and he didn't even put two and two together until Ada had made it somewhat obvious. It's a little silly of him considering that he did graduate top of his class in the police academy with perfect grades for everything, but it's fine. He's just rusty, or something.

Well, he can't ask her for your address since you probably live with her, but he can most definitely ask someone else who happens to know the two of you rather well.

"Sancho!" Luis laughs. "Fancy seeing you here, eh?"

"Yeah." He hums, closing his eyes as the makeup artist touches him up. "I had a favor to ask of you, Luis."

"Oh, of me?"

"I'd like to send flowers to the model I walked with last time. Surely you can help me out?"

"By doxing them? I don't think so, sancho." Luis shakes his head. "Told 'em you had a crush on them, but they told me there was no way back then. Seems like I was right, hm?"

"Yes."

"Aye... shame. I can't help much. But, I can extend an invite to a certain something." He sends an image to Leon's phone.

"It's like... August right now."

Luis shrugs. "Invites went out a week ago. You'll be our guest of honor. I'll send you further details as we get closer. You can meet them there, sancho."

Leon doesn't have a particularly good feeling about it, but anything to scare you shitless, he assumes.

"Why are you so willing to help?"

"You're a nice man." Luis waves. "You owe me, though."

"Didn't realize we were keeping count."

prev letter : masterlist : next letter

[themultifandomgal]

Tommy Shelby- Silent Treatment

This one was requested. Thank you everyone who has sent in requests

"I'm sick of it. All he does is come home and go to the office to work. I don't know when he last looked at me let alone touched me" I rant to Tommys siblings and aunt in the betting shop

"I'll have a word with him love" Polly says with sympathy

"No don't worry. I told him this morning that I wanted more attention from him and he said that I was being needy"

"Just walk around naked that will get his attention" John laughs. I roll my eyes at him

"YN he's a workaholic. Always has been" Ada points out

"I know. And I know this was all to help the family and me, but I'm lonely Ada. We haven't got kids yet... or if ever the way things are going"

"Don't be like that YN your not alone"

"There's a difference with being alone and feeling lonely Ada"

"Ok here's my advice" Arthur starts but Polly cuts him off

"I don't think your advice or your brothers advice would be any help here"

"He just needs a good fuck"

"Don't we both" I mumble "how can a man go months without sex? do you think he's seeing someone else?" I ask wide eyed

"He's crazy for you. No" Ada tells me

"But Lizzie is..."

"Lizzie isn't fucking Tommy" Micheal now speaks after being quiet this whole time

"And how do you know?" I ask

"Because I saw Lizzie down the cut with some bloke. She's been seeing him"

"I can't carry on like this" tears threaten to spill but as the door opens revealing Tommy, I hold them back and cross my arms

"What's going on in here aye" he says sounding annoyed

"Nothing love, just talking" Polly smiles at him

"YN ready to go home?" Tommy asks me

"Good luck" Ada gives me a slight smile

"Bye. Thanks for the chat" I wave to the Shelbys and walk out with Tommy leading me to his car.

During the car ride I stay quiet as Tommy is talking. When we arrive home I greet Mary and Francis then head up to mine and Tommys room.

"What's wrong with YN?" Tommy asks Francis

"Have you asked her Mr Shelby?"

"No, but if you know what's wrong your going to tell me" Francis sighs

"Mrs Shelby hasn't told anything, but I could take a guess"

"Well" Tommy asks getting inpatient

"I'm afraid your wife may be feeling a little lonely"

"What why? she's not alone"

"No, but have you noticed that recently you have been in your office more so?"

"Fuck" Tommy rubs his hands over his face "thank you Francis" Tommy leaves Francis to follow his wife upstairs where he finds her in their room taking off her makeup.

The bedroom door opens I look up through the vanity mirror to see Tommy, surprised he hasn't gone to his office. Looking back to myself I finish taking off my makeup

"Don't know why you wear that stuff. Don't bloody need it YN. Your beautiful" I ignore him "come on love talk to me" I once again ignore him and get up from my vanity and walk into the bathroom to run myself a bath. As I shut the door  behind me I hear him mutter 'shit'.

After running my bath and getting into it, I'm only on my own for a few minutes before Tommy walks in only wearing is trousers "I've been neglecting you haven't I" I sigh in response "I guess I deserve the silent treatment don't I" Tommy kneels beside the bathtub and takes a flannel rubbing it over my body. Neither of us speak, he's just there taking care of me.

Nothing sexual happens between us, this is his way of saying sorry, but I want to actually hear the words. So when we get ready for bed and lay next to one another Tommy pulls me into him "I'm sorry YN"

"I know, but we need boundaries with work. After a certain time I want you to stop working and relax with me"

"How does 6 o'clock sound aye? At 6 I'll leave the office. We can have tea together then do whatever you want to do" I nod my head agreeing to what he's saying "I love you YN"

"I love you too Tommy"

[raspberryfingers]

A Lion in the Garden -Tywin Lannister x Reader- (Part 13)

WARNINGS: Unwelcomed touching

Word Count: 6.2k

—————

It had been a week since I’d departed the Red Keep, and quite a long one at that. The days seemed to drag without Tywin’s conversation, and I often found myself daydreaming about him. I pictured him riding his horse alongside me, giving me his signature look of annoyance as I teased him.

At dinner one night, I had been unable to stop thinking about our hunting trip, and the same thing had happened when we’d stopped at an inn. That had also reminded me of the glance Tywin and I had shared while I was in the tub, not to mention sleeping cuddled against him that same night. 

Much to my embarrassment, Tywin had also been the subject of more than one dream which was not particularly innocent in nature. Gods, I’d been sad to wake up on those mornings.

However, none of that was currently on my mind, because we—Loras, Sansa, Ser Elias, a few other guards, and I—were only a mile or two away from Robb Stark’s camp. It was time to focus, and I was running over everything that I wished to say in my head. It was the first time I’d ever really felt… nervous. To this extent, at least. My sword was unlikely to fail, but my words were another thing entirely. Persuasion was not enough to win a Stark, you needed honor, too.

I was distracted by the sound of my brother's voice, and I’d been so deep in my head that it nearly made me flinch.

“Are you excited to see your brother, Sansa?” Loras asked with a smile, pulling his reins a bit to ride closer to his wife. Her face lit up, and yet still there was a certain hesitance. She must’ve felt that letting herself be happy prematurely would let her down--she had surely experienced enough disappointment as of late. 

“I- I am. It’s been more than a year since I’ve seen any of my family. Well, not that you two aren’t family, you are now, but-“

I laughed softly at how eager to please Sansa was, and put a hand out to let her know there was no reason to fret. Once she grew more comfortable with us, I had no doubt in my mind she would be a lovely addition to the family.

“I know, sweet girl. It’s different, you don’t have to pretend. You’ve been stuck in King’s Landing since your father died. After that, I’d be quite happy to see my family too.  I can’t imagine what that’s been like for you,” I told her, to which she nodded before looking down. It was a sensitive subject, of course. But soon she would be home, one way or another.

“Lady (Y/N), up ahead,” Ser Elias alerted, instantly diverting my attention. Our group halted, and over the hill we could see the extent of Robb Stark’s army. 

Gods, it was smaller than I’d ever imagined. 

I turned around and motioned for the guards with us to raise the Tyrell flag higher, then clicked and spurred my horse. As we rode into the camp, we were instantly stopped, just as I had suspected we would be. 

“Ay, what are you doing ‘ere with that banner waving?” One soldier questioned, spitting in the dirt and grabbing at my horse. A few more men surrounded us, hands ready at the hilts of their swords. I merely smiled.

“I am the Lady (Y/N) Tyrell, and that is my brother, Ser Loras Tyrell. Please inform Robb Stark that we have his sister Sansa with us, and that we wish to negotiate peace,” I announced, watching his and a few other jaws drop in utter shock.

“Keep ‘em here, I’ll go and get him…” the man with the seemingly highest rank shouted, quickly leaving us. I nodded to Loras and Ser Elias as I swung my leg over my horse, casually dismounting. A few men pulled out their swords, anticipating some sort of trick. I only put my hands up in peace, and slowly dropped the sword in my belt onto the ground. I had not brought Sidesplitter; even if it was ridiculous, I would rather they have taken my life than that sword.

One of the men quickly grabbed it, and gave warnings to everybody else with me as they dismounted. When I looked behind me I noticed Sansa clinging to Loras’ arm, and I was grateful for it. The last thing I wanted the Starks to see was a hostage, even if that’s what Sansa had technically been.

Ser Elias and my other guards looked furious, almost as if daring the Stark men to try anything. I coughed, drawing Elias’ attention. His posture changed when he saw me shake my head, and he relaxed a little bit. I shifted awkwardly in my boots, taking a deep breath to somewhat compose myself. 

I had barely finished exhaling when I heard the loud, fast sound of galloping horses. Robb Stark and his mother came into view, and the Young Wolf practically jumped from his horse, and his mother wasn’t far behind. When Sansa saw them, her entire face filled with relief and joy, and we made no attempt to stop her as she ran to her family.

“Sansa!” 

“Robb, mother!”

The group embraced, tears falling and smiles emerging. I watched the scene warmly and hoped that this family would get to stay together in peace. But, at the end of it, the choice was not mine to make.

The scene before us played out for at least three minutes; they would not stop hugging and crying. I did not blame them whatsoever, and I languidly went over to Loras and grabbed his hand. He looked over at me curiously, and I leaned my head against his shoulder. 

“I’m going to keep you safe, Loras. I promise.”

“I can very well keep myself safe,” he replied quickly, though when I glanced up at him he only shook his head. “I did not mean it like that. It is only that you mustn't worry about me. You mustn’t worry in general, this will turn out fine. You need only remember what we’ve discussed,” he whispered, giving me a gentle smile. I sighed, nodding and thinking back to the various ‘what if’ scenarios we had played out around the fire every night on the way here. 

“Lady Tyrell. Have my men searched you?”

Robb Stark approached me, stopping several feet away with caution, though. His guards hovered anxiously near him.

“I gave them my sword, but no, they did not. You need only search my brother, my personal guard, and I. The rest of my men were only protection for the road and will wait outside your camp,” I answered, unclipping my cloak and draping it over the saddle of Loras’ horse. I had worn a doublet and pants for this precise reason. The last thing I wanted was some random man looking up my skirts. 

Robb merely nodded, motioning to a few men to check me, Loras, and Ser Elias. I reached for the daggers in my boots, slowly withdrawing them and handing them over. There was nothing else to find, but they would have to see it for themselves I supposed.

The man who then approached me had something unsettling in his eyes, and I attempted to fight off the discomfort that filled me when he began touching around my boots and lower legs. 

When we worked his way up a bit, his hands were prone to linger on my inner thighs, and I felt panic rising inside of me. I wanted Tywin, and I wanted to disappear. A lump was forming in my throat, and it only continued to build as his hands went up my stomach towards my chest. 

“Beware of how you touch a lady,” Loras said suddenly, with more venom in his voice than I’d ever heard before. The guard searching me seemed to freeze, and he turned red as he muttered an apology.

“Begging an apology, my lady, I did not mean to-”

“Just get on searching me and be done with it.” I cut the man off, and he avoided my chest entirely, instead moving his hands to my arms and awkwardly patting around there. I felt myself tremble, and I could not tell whether it was with anger or fear. Perhaps both. 

I was one of the most talented swordsmen alive, and yet had Loras not said anything I would’ve suffered the degradation. It made me feel like crying. I very much wanted Tywin now.

“There’s nothing more on ‘em, my lord.”

The soldiers backed away from the three of us, and Robb Stark was finally willing to really approach me. I forced myself to gain composure, I could not let the search be what ruined this negotiation. 

“An honor to finally meet you, Lady (Y/N),” Robb said, reaching out. I gave a curtsey and removed my gloves, allowing him to place a courteous kiss on my knuckles. 

“Is it? I find that a bit surprising,” I replied, watching him also shake my brother’s hand. He looked back at me, and nodded.

“You’re a legend to any man who’s ever held a sword. That doesn’t change because you fight on the wrong side of this war.” 

I gave him a tense, almost threatening smirk. I saw how he wanted to play it now.

“Really? From my point of view things have played out rather advantageously. But it does not matter, we are here to sue for peace now.” I would not let his slight go unanswered, but I did not care to let petty insults turn the mood tense. There was only one thing that truly mattered here.

“Yes, that is what I’ve heard. I’d like to thank you for bringing my sister back, though I’m certain there’s a motive behind it,” Robb said frankly, voice even and calm. I gave him an affirming nod.

“There is, though not a malicious one. I was hoping we might all talk in your tent, Lord Stark. There are many moving pieces, it might be a rather long conversation,” I proposed, looking around at the various Stark soldiers before us. I showed no sign of discomfort. 

Robb looked back at Sansa and his mother, who would not let go of one another. Caitlynn Stark nodded eagerly, and her son nodded at us with a sigh.

“Very well, then. Follow me.”

Our simple three-person party, plus Sansa and her mother, walked behind Lord Stark as he guided us to his tent. The Stark soldiers crowded us the entire time, clearly eager to get a look at the spectacle.

Once inside Robb Stark’s tent, he instantly offered us seats, pulling out his own chair at the table. Loras and I immediately joined him.

“Thank you, my lord. Though you may want to consider bringing in Sansa, she is a part of this discussion as well,” I mentioned, watching him pause for a moment and then nod. He glanced at one of the guards in the tent, motioning for him to go retrieve his sister.

“So, the Lannisters and the Tyrells truly desire peace now?” He asked, pouring three glasses of wine. I eagerly took it when he handed it to me, for it had been quite a week of traveling. 

“It is, though I fear you’re not going to like our terms, simply due to pride more than anything,” I reasoned, to which he sighed. Sansa joined us in the tent then, awkwardly taking a seat next to Loras. Her mother and various other advisors joined us as well. I was not surprised—the conversation warranted it.

“And what is it that you propose?” Robb asked, hands coming together in front of his face with his elbows propped up on the arms of his chair. 

“I propose that you take your men and march back to Winterfell, along with your sister and my brother. If you do this, the Tyrells and the Lannisters will stand down and let this war call itself done,” I said, watching his eyebrows raise as he pondered what I’d offered. Everyone around the four of us—besides his mother—started to make a big fuss, but he put a hand out to silence them all. There was an anxious look on Catelyn Stark’s face, for all she wanted was to make sure her daughters were safe. 

“You’re asking me to abandon my cause for no reason,” he said plainly, and I could tell the idea annoyed him. Well, obviously it did. He’d been at war for quite some time now, and this version of peace was essentially defeat in his eyes.

“Not for no reason. You get to take your sister home now,” I told him, crossing my legs and leaning back in my chair. He huffed out a laugh, glancing at his mother.

“My sister is already with me, why would I care about your terms when I could easily have the two of you murdered right here and right now, before you could even think about taking her back?” He questioned. I opened my mouth to tell him that Tywin would absolutely crush him if he dared to, but I was thankfully stopped by Sansa’s voice.

“Oh Robb please don’t. They’re not like the Lannisters, Lady (Y/N) is a good woman, and Ser Loras is unbelievably kind,” she pleaded, seemingly worried for both me and the man she’d recently married. 

“I won’t unless they make me. I’m simply wondering why their offer matters when I certainly could do that if I wished to,” he told her, looking over at Loras and I as he did. His threats were insignificant to me--I’d already scanned the space for possible items to defend myself with. The Young Wolf was the one who ought to be fearing for his life right now. Even despite all the men around us, I could kill him in one swift movement if I wanted to.

“Because- because I’ve already agreed to their terms,” Sansa said softly, only hesitating for a moment. Robb instantly turned his gaze back to her, somewhat shocked. Lady Catelyn wore the same expression.

“What?”

“Robb… if you were to kill them, take me, and keep fighting, the Lannisters would crush you eventually anyways. And when they did, you’d all die and I’d just be taken back to King's Landings, married off to someone far worse than Ser Loras. And so, I’ve agreed… to go to Highgarden should you deny Lady (Y/N),” she said softly, eyes pleading and hoping that her brother would do the right thing. I could tell she desperately wanted to stay with her family.

“And make no mistake, Lord Stark, our armies, the largest in the realm, would not take kindly to the murder of their future lord and current commander. And it would be no different if you took us hostage,” Loras spoke up, gesturing over to me. I thought back to the night at the inn and just how many men had offered me their room. I had to fight back a smile, both due to the memory and pride in my little brother.

Robb Stark only scowled and stood up, glaring daggers at me from his ‘assertive’ position. I remained calm, looking at him rather blankly. He knew that we had put this reality into Sansa’s mind, but also that it was the reality. He could die or go on our terms.

“Damn you,” he snarled, fists driving into the wooden table. I remained quiet, waiting for him to gain composure. Loras looked at me and sat still when he realized what offense I was taking. 

“Robb, please-” his mother attempted to step in, but went quiet when he continued speaking.

“As long as that boy king who took my fathers head is on the throne, I will never stop fighting. Not to mention, you still have Arya. I want both of my sisters back, Lady Tyrell,” he ranted bitterly, continuing to look down at me. Again, his mother appeared as though she wanted to say something.

“No they don’t, Robb. Arya hasn’t been seen since father died. She escaped. The Lannisters have been lying about it,” Sansa revealed, fidgeting with her hands in her lap. Her brother stood up straight, seemingly processing that information. When he looked at his mother, she nodded. Sansa had told Catelyn the same thing outside the tent earlier, it was not a lie.

We all sat in silence for a moment, though it was broken by my sigh. I licked my lips, sitting straight in my chair as I glanced up at the Young Wolf.

“Lord Stark, could we please speak alone?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? So you could slit my throat and end the war,” he scoffed, squinting at me. I raised an eyebrow.

“I am unarmed, my lord.”

“Yes, but exceedingly clever. I’m not a fool, Lady Tyrell.”

“If I truly desired to do such a thing I would have done so already. I was far less surrounded earlier. Plus, I have a distinct desire to keep my brother safe and return to the rest of my loved ones,” I reasoned with subtle annoyance. Did I really have to spell it all out for him?

Robb only stared at me, and then looked around the tent. After a moment, he sighed and nodded, signaling that everybody leave us. Catelyn whispered something to him, and he replied just as softly, placing a quick hand on her arm before she left.

After about a minute or so, he and I were entirely by ourselves. The Young Wolf finally sat back down, scanning my face and then smiling to himself. That was odd. I wondered if his earlier behavior was all for appearances. 

“The Nightshade of the Garden… you’ll have to forgive me, I’m still in a bit of awe. As I said before, you’re legend. When I was younger, my brother Jon and I would stay up talking about you. Both of us had heard stories, we always argued about who would marry you,” he admitted, which explained very well why he was smiling. I couldn’t help but do the same, for it was a somewhat wholesome vision. 

“And yet here we are: you’re happily married with a child on the way, and Jon Snow is a member of the night's watch,” I said, to which he nodded. 

“Even then, I’d heard you had quite the sharp tongue. I suppose I’m about to find out, aren’t I?” He reckoned, sipping the wine from his cup and raising his eyebrows at me. Without everyone else present, it was a more comfortable environment. 

“Well, it mostly depends on how much convincing you take. And, I will apologize in advance if I appear to be rude, I don’t mean to be. I’ve truly got quite a lot of respect for you, Lord Stark, but I fear I can get quite passionate when trying to convince others. I’ve raised my voice at Tywin Lannister quite a few times, if that is any indication,” I mentioned, to which he looked quite amused. 

“Then you must at least be reasonable, for I don’t know how else you’d get away with doing such a thing,” he joked, relaxing a bit and leaning back in his chair. I smiled a bit, thinking about just how tolerant Tywin had always been of me. For a man with his reputation, he had taken a great deal of my beratings relatively well. Though, my answer did not portray that, for I did not want to let him know just how close Tywin and I were.

“It’s truly a miracle, Lord Stark.”

We stared at each other for a few moments, and he took another drink of wine before setting his cup down. 

“Well, we better get on with it. I’m not going to bother explaining why I don’t want to retreat back to Winterfell, you already understand well enough,” he said, crossing his arms and waiting for my response.

“I do understand, especially because I myself would be hesitant to do so. But the reality of it is, you need to ask yourself why you began to fight this war in the first place,” I began, retrieving all I had planned out from my head. I needed to hit every point that I possibly could.

“I went to war for my father, I wasn’t going to just let him be put in chains.”

“Exactly, and once he was dead, you continued to retrieve your sisters. Even if revenge was part of it, that was never the most important part, I would wager.”

Robb Stark only stared at me, a look in his eyes that told me I was right. That was all I needed in order to continue speaking.

“Well, here we are, bringing you Sansa and admitting that Arya hasn’t been seen since Ned Stark was slaughtered. Would you really ask for more?”

“It’s just as you’ve said, Lady Tyrell, he was slaughtered by the Lannisters. If I make peace, it means I’ve allowed that,” he shot back, to which I inhaled and feigned contemplation. My reply was swift, I’d already prepared for this.

“Of course, I understand the implications. But the truth of it is, he was murdered by Joffrey, no one else. Your sister pleaded for them to have mercy on Ned, and even Cersei was in favor of that. You had Jaime, after all. It was only Joffrey who gave the order,” I told him, knowing that though Cersei could be impractical, she knew what killing Ned Stark would result in. Though, she deserved some blame for not being able to control her son, I supposed.

“Even so, he’s sitting on the iron throne. How can I allow that? My own father took up arms for less.” 

“You must allow it. Otherwise your army will be destroyed, and so will you and your family. That’s not a threat, merely a fact, and it’s the reason that I’m here. I want to prevent that from happening,” I explained, looking at him seriously to let him know that I meant it.

“You’re here because you’re empathetic? Be realistic, Lady (Y/N). Your sister gets to be queen and you get to save some money, that’s why you’re here.”

“I am being realistic, Lord Stark. If you need further proof, allow me to give it. Only a few weeks before Sansa married Loras, Tywin Lannister asked for my advice on something. Do you want to know what that was?” I began, leaning forward and folding my hands together in front of me. When Robb only raised an eyebrow in expectation, I continued.

“Lord Tywin had received a letter from Walder Frey, explaining exactly how he planned to marry his daughter to your uncle. He also explained that—with Lord Tywin’s support—he wished revenge for your broken oath. He would’ve had your mother, wife, and unborn child massacred in front of you. And of course, you would not have left with your life either. That is the fate you might’ve met,” I revealed, watching a sick realization settle inside of him. It had all just clicked in his head, and he looked as if he was going to either vomit or cry. Perhaps both.

“I could have easily encouraged Lord Tywin to take that opportunity, to end the war without a single doubt. That certainly would’ve saved both of our houses quite a bit of money. But I didn’t. I did not want to see an entire family slaughtered that way, nor did I want the entire north to forever distrust the Lannisters and Tyrells. So, to save the lives of both you and all those you love, and to hopefully restore at least a fragile peace to the seven kingdoms, I’m here. I’m here, Lord Stark, humbly asking you to do the right thing and go home. This plan is not guaranteed to work, in fact it takes away the one person the Lannisters and my own house had to bargain with before. However, it’s the right thing to do, and as your father’s son, I had hoped you would appreciate that.”

For a solid two minutes, there was silence. Maybe it was longer.

“I do appreciate that, Lady (Y/N)... My family means more to me than anything else, and it seems that you saved our lives. But how do I know that they’re safe once I’ve gone back to Winterfell? What if Joffrey decides he wants us killed after all?” He asked quietly, attempting to appear unbothered but failing miserably. He could hardly even speak at a normal volume.

“Tywin Lannister rules, not Joffrey, and I am quite good at convincing Tywin Lannister. How do you think Sansa ended up marrying Loras? She was supposed to marry Tyrion Lannister to begin with, and it was my word that convinced the Lord Hand to call off that match,” I said, telling it exactly how it was. Robb squinted as if he was trying to figure me out.

“I did not expect you to have such a sway over the Old Lion. Of all the things I’ve heard about him, I’ve never once heard that he was particularly fond of other people’s opinions. Well, perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised. Your tongue is just as much a blade as your sword,” the Young Wolf remarked, to which I couldn’t help but smile a bit. 

“You’re full of compliments, aren’t you, Lord Stark?”

He smiled a bit at that too, though it did not last long. He sighed out, clearly contemplating everything.

“Tywin Lannister may rule over Joffrey, but even he could not prevent that boy from cutting off my father’s head. If he should ever grow bold enough to go behind his grandfather’s back-”

“He wouldn’t dare. Tywin was not in King’s Landing when Joffrey acted, things would’ve turned out much differently if he had been. You will have no trouble from the king, and you must trust me when I say that. He was not even informed of my being here until after I left the capital. But either way, Joffrey won’t be king much longer with the way that things are going. Peasants or poison will get him eventually, I suspect. If they don’t, it’s because his grandfather is far too good at his job.”

“And speaking of his grandfather, how am I to trust Tywin Lannister? As you said, he certainly wouldn’t have felt any remorse killing my entire family.”

I nodded, it was a fair point, and one I’d prepared for.

“If he had wanted to have you all slaughtered, he would’ve just gone ahead and done it, he wouldn’t have allowed me to come. He may be ruthless at times, but he’s not utterly psychotic. If you make peace with us and ‘swear fealty’ to Joffrey, he will not seek to do anything else. Running seven kingdoms does not make him eager to cause more violence and spend more money.”

“When you say swear fealty-”

“I mean returning home. If you do not pursue further, we will pass it off as you having sworn fealty. I’m certain Joffrey will whine, as will some of the pathetic cunts at court, but whine is the most they will do. Soon enough all shall be distracted with a royal wedding.”

Robb Stark nodded and continued to think about what I was offering. He looked remorseful as he did, and I knew he wished this was not a situation he had to be in. 

“I fear I’ve ignored counsel one too many times, Lady (Y/N). Perhaps if I hadn’t, this wouldn’t be necessary. Well, here we are. I want to accept your terms, I truly do, but what will my men think? I’ve led them for far too long, let their sons and fathers die in battle. How am I supposed to tell them we’re turning around and going home after all that?” he asked with a sigh, clearly feeling quite defeated. I carefully reached for his hands, looking right into his eyes as I spoke. 

“By being honest with them. They know just as well as you do that funds and men are low, and they know the odds are practically zero. They’re not dumb, Lord Stark, but they’ve been holding on for you. Most of those men desire to go home to their wives and children, they wish to harvest their crops in time for winter. They want to do exactly what you do, and now that your sister is back, perhaps it’s time we let this be. Let the dead bury the dead, Lord Stark. Your father is gone, and I'm confident that soon Joffrey will be too.”

I watched Robb contemplate all that I’d said, looking over at the military table beside us and sighing. Years of death and destruction, for what? I saw it written on his face.

“I want to do it, Lady (Y/N), I truly do, but it’s hard.”

“I know it is. At the end of the day, Lord Stark, consider what’s best for the men serving you if nothing else.”

He nodded and rubbed his forehead. Suddenly, he looked just like a boy. I couldn’t imagine what it was like to be leading an army at this age. Well, I could, but my involvement in the Greyjoy Rebellion had never been personal. He had literally been fighting for the lives of his family members. 

“You know, the rumors don’t do you justice,” Robb said after a moment, making me raise an eyebrow.

“Rumors?”

“About you being persuasive. I had not a clue it would be so intense,” he admitted, hand coming to the back of his neck. I smiled.

“I told Lord Tywin this once: people often mistaken nightshade as an innocent berry, and they only realize it’s poisonous once it’s too late.”

“You speak with Tywin Lannister quite a lot, don’t you?”

“I believe he respects me quite a lot. In some ways, I think I keep him from getting too bored. Nobody else dares to challenge him,” I said with a grin. Robb gave a small laugh, shaking his head.

“My wife does the exact same to me.”

—————

“Men!”

Lord Stark had gathered his entire army, and stood before them now to announce what we’d discussed. At least, I hoped he would. It was hard to know, for he’d met with his advisors to discuss all I’d said with him.

“I stand before you today to announce something important. Some of you will surely like it, some of you surely won’t, but you’d better hear it from me,” he began, swallowing and watching their faces closely. 

“Lady (Y/N) Tyrell, and her brother, Ser Loras Tyrell, have brought back my sister. They did this with the hopes that peace could be negotiated between us. After quite a lot of discussion, I have agreed to it,” he revealed the reason for his speech, and the crowd immediately began to talk. Someone yelled ‘silence!’ after seeing that Robb wished to keep speaking.

“I know most of you have lost sons, brothers, and fathers in the war. Well, I have too. But now that my sister is back, with no current knowledge of where Arya is, the Stark family is as together as it can be. And for all of you, as my men, I want the same. I want to return you home to your wives and daughters, to let you harvest your crops before the upcoming winter. We’ve all fought long, and we’ve fought well, but there’s no point in getting any more of us killed. Our numbers are too small now, all of you know that just as well as I do. I know many of you want revenge on Joffrey for taking my fathers head, I craved it more than all of you combined. But you all knew my father, wept with me when he died. He wouldn’t have wanted any more of us to keep dying in an attempt to kill that boy. You named me King in the North, and you’ve all followed me with the utmost loyalty. I hope that you will continue to, and that you can all appreciate me doing the honorable thing, rather than the prideful thing, just as my father would’ve.”

There was silence for a moment, and then one man yelled ‘King in the North!’ and knelt before Robb. After him, it seemed as if they all fell like dominoes, chanting for the young man they were following. Robb smiled, clearly relieved that his men were not upset with him. 

When it was all done, he came up to me, fidgeting with his gloves.

“I suppose I’ll have to give up that title, won’t I?” he asked, sighing out. I did the same thing, though nodding. 

“Some measures will need to be taken to placate Joffrey, and I’m afraid that’s one of them. It’s the only one that truly matters, I suppose,” I explained, wrapping my cloak around my arms a bit better. We weren’t even that far north, but it was still significantly colder than King’s Landing. 

“Well, I’d give up quite a lot of things for my sisters. I feel I can thank you fully now, Lady (Y/N), for bringing Sansa home to me—to my mother,” he said, graciously taking my hands between his. I gave him an understanding smile.

“Of course, Lord Stark. And I’ll thank you for doing your best to restore a fragile peace to the realm. I don’t expect you to fully trust House Tyrell or House Lannister anytime soon, but I hope you will remember that I try my best to do the honorable thing. Well, sometimes, at least. I also hope that should another threat ever come for Westeros, you’ll join us as part of the seven kingdoms,” I said, sparking an amused look on his face.

“Perhaps I’ll just say I won’t, it might give me another chance to be convinced by you,” he joked, laughing just as I was. After a moment, another thought popped into my head. I raised my eyebrows to gesture that I wished to speak, and Robb quieted his laughter to hear me.

“Another thing, Lord Stark. Tyrion Lannister promised to return Ice once peace was made. I’ll carry this promise out and have it returned to your family,” I said, and though he tried to remain calm, his face inevitably lit up.

“Thank you, Lady (Y/N). It is much appreciated.”

I merely nodded, suddenly distracted by the sound of laughter coming from behind me. Robb and I turned around, finding Loras in conversation with Sansa and Catelyn. They all looked quite happy.

“Will my brother… will Loras be alright at Winterfell?” I asked after a moment, suddenly anxious to have to leave him. I knew this might come and yet… and yet I was not ready.

“He will. Don’t worry about him. He’ll be freezing at first, but we’ve got the best coats and tunics to keep him as warm as possible. Over time, he’ll adjust. And I’m glad to say my sister seems quite happy with him,” he assured me, watching them rather fondly.

“It was not a love marriage, but I’m certain they will be great friends, and that is certainly better than most marriages in Westeros,” I remarked with a sigh.

“Yes, it certainly is. I imagine you yourself will be betrothed soon. I wish you the happiness that I’ve had in my marriage,” he said genuinely, turning his head to look over at me.

“Thank you, Lord Stark,” I replied with a nod, though I truthfully felt like screaming. The only man I could stomach the idea of marrying was most certainly not on the marriage market.

The Lord of Winterfell and I gave each other a mutual look of respect, and though I expected him to walk away, Robb pulled me into a hug. 

“Thank you so much, Lady (Y/N), for being the bravest person in all three houses and doing something unusual to end the war and bring peace in Westeros,” he whispered. I merely smiled and hugged him back.

“Of course, Lord Stark. I was getting tired of all the men making stupid decisions.”

He chuckled at that, and pulled away.

“I’m certain I’ll see you again someday, Lady (Y/N).”

“I hope so, Lord Stark.”

With that, we parted ways. Ser Elias and I were set to go back on our own; the rest of the guards that had accompanied us would stay with Loras and Sansa. 

I cried after saying goodbye to Loras. I knew I’d see him again once Winterfell was completely rebuilt and prosperous again, but it still hurt. I had never been without either of my siblings for so long.

At the very least, I reassured myself in knowing that I would get to break the news to Tywin. I couldn’t wait to see his face when he realized I’d successfully talked Robb Stark into peace. I hoped he would pull me into his arms and tell me he was proud. Though I knew he wouldn’t, I wanted him to cup my face in his hands and kiss me. But, even besides all that, I was proud of myself. I was proud to know that I’d been able to restore a family, and at least partially restore the realm. It had not been Tywin, nor Robb, nor anybody else who’d done it, not really. It had been me.

TAGLIST:

@cheyxfu @lemonscoffee @groovy-lady 

@ladysindar @vesta-ro @exo-nova @paola-carter

@prettykinkysoul 

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[dr-futbol-blog]

Sanctuary, Pt. 10

McKay and Weir are with Beckett in the lab where he explains to them how very strange it is that Chaya is physically in such perfect health, impossibly so.

But first, look at McKay's face when Beckett mentions cancer:

His mother definitely died of cancer.

McKay is also not happy that, according to Beckett, she's perfect:

Because how do you compete with perfect? How do you compete with perfect when you genuinely believe that you're the most unlovable person in two galaxies? His only hope was demonstrating that she was somehow even worse.

His reaction to the mention of STDs is also curious:

There are two things I know for certain. The mention of sexually transmitted diseases made him think about sex, as is only natural. And there is only one aspect about her sex life that might even remotely interest him. Like, it's good that she doesn't have STDs, all things considered. He wouldn't want the Major catching anything. Also, as someone that had reached his sexual maturity during the 1980s, being reminded of STDs might have given him pause regardless of orientation but especially so if it was during the crisis years that he discovered his interest in guys.

But what ever the reason, it did make him think about them having sex and that thought is painful to him. Why would he care even a little bit unless it was something he wanted for himself? He's not envious that he has found someone, that they could have a connection. He didn't care about Beckett and Perna getting close. It's not general, it's specific to Sheppard.

But as much as he's suppressing that completely normal and heterosexual thought, he's still right on the money about her:

McKay: But she is human? Beckett: Oh, without a doubt. Weir: So how is that possible?

He doubts that she is human. Then Beckett makes a point that is significant toward the resolution of the episode later:

McKay: You make it sound like some sort of a— Beckett: Paradise? Aye, because it is. Weir: And that's a problem because? Beckett: Because human life, quite simply, Dr. Weir, is more fragile than that. I don't care what galaxy we're in. It's unnatural.

Human life is beautiful because it is fragile and transitory. Their shared humanity was what Sheppard had been using to get her to see things their way. But she is not human. She's a whole different species.

It seems like McKay and Weir are starting to get worried for Sheppard. And the music tells the audience they should be worried for him, as well.

If we witnessed Sheppard starting to lead Chaya on at Proculus, she now appears to be leading him on quite expertly. She is basically allowing him to walk her around her old home while using him to learn everything they know about the Ancients and their war with the wraith. He even explicitly makes reference to now (unlike previously) being truthful with her: "I'd be lying if I said we controlled it all".

From the look on her face as he gets Sheppard talking about the shield, she was there during the siege. There are painful things in her past, as well. In this, too, they are alike.

Something odd happens when they enter the control room. First, Sheppard tells her to call him John. Tells her he would prefer it. Not please, call me John. I would be happy if you called me John. He says "I would prefer it" as though he's saying that he would prefer that she not call him Major. Like he insists but not in the usual coquettish way.

I discussed the reasons why McKay calls Sheppard Major and continues doing it for a very long time in connection with The Defiant One (S01E12) but I will make a note of it here that twice, when Sheppard has told people to call him John, he has ended up kissing them (cf. Conversion, S02E08). And that in the first episode in which McKay finally calls him John, it follows from Sheppard himself referring to making out as a way to stop McKay from talking. So I'm just saying. There's a pattern.

But it's not altogether certain that this is what Sheppard actually wants here, her calling him John. That he's actually inviting her for closer acquaintance by the gesture. Because it's followed by this exchange:

Chaya: John… how did you make enemies of the Wraith? Sheppard: That was my fault. Chaya: Yours? Sheppard: I basically woke them up trying to rescue some people they'd captured. They didn't take too kindly to that.

He looks real fucking odd when he's telling her all this. We saw previously that he let Teyla do the explanation related to the wraith while he seemed all kinds of uneasy back on Proculus. This is a thing that is not easy for him. He is carrying such guilt for letting this happen, putting "untold thousands, maybe millions" of people's lives in danger, that it's crushing him at the best of times. And here, he's discussing it breezily, like it's no big deal. He makes odd faces like he can't believe this shit is actually coming out of his mouth, especially in this nonchalant tone.

So, placing a hand over the heart can signify sincerity, to be sure. But he's not being sincere here, he's basically being mind-controlled. Having the hand over his heart can also be a way of subconsciously protecting it from her. It's possible that he tells her to call him John because he doesn't want her calling him Major.

Not because it's so formal and keeps them at a distance. But because she is invading his privacy, his innermost thoughts and beliefs, in a way that leaves him exposed and there are things he doesn't want to share with her. Things that he has only started to want to share with someone else that isn't her. He would rather she call him something else. In addition to being a common designation for a trick for the turning, John is actually also the most impersonal of all of the things you can call him. Because it's not him telling her these things. He would never.

The one time we see him turn his body toward her while walking, which he frequently does with McKay, he covers his heart. He sets up a barrier between them. Even here, as they come to a stop, his head indicates that he would rather not be facing her.

She continues prodding:

Chaya: But you saved your people? Sheppard: Most of them.

Again, he says this casually. Like it's not a big deal. The thing that he tells Col. Everett not a night goes by that he doesn't think about it, he just brushes over it. This is not John Sheppard. This is not Sheppard acting casual, not Sheppard pretending everything is fine, not Sheppard putting on a charming persona to game someone. He's clearly not driving this baby. He's not in control.

It's not that he trusts her so much for no reason. It's not because they have some special connection that makes him want to open himself up for her. The faces he keeps making after each one of these comments tells us that he does not want to be saying these things. Even he doesn't know why he's saying these things.

Orlin told Carter that reading someone's mind was an invasion of privacy. This is technically not that. But she's far from innocent. Maybe the Others imprisoned her for a reason. We're asked to sympathize with her due to her loneliness but she is a convict, a prisoner on her planet. Perhaps she was jailed for a reason.

Sheppard leads her through the control room, showing her each and every one of their systems. Note that he doesn't introduce them by saying something like "And these are..." or "And here you can see..." He just lists them out for her.

Sheppard: Main control console, environmental support systems, communications. And this…this is… Grodin: Sorry, Major. We haven't the faintest idea what it—

We are again shown that McKay was right. Earlier on, they had this exchange:

McKay: Maybe I should tag along, in case you have any questions—Sheppard: I think I've got it handled, Rodney. McKay: There are a lot of systems you know absolutely— Sheppard: Got it covered.

He predicted that Sheppard would come across systems he knows nothing about and there would be questions related to them. But the thing is, Sheppard had never intended for this to happen. He dismissed McKay because he was never going to show her any systems, let alone their most central, essential systems. He is the head of security of this operation, he is not stupid but a brilliant tactician and a strategic thinker. She's not the chief inspector of Atlantis, he has no reason to want to show her these things.

She initializes a new piece of Ancient technology only recently discovered. She plays innocent but clearly does it on purpose. But at the same time, we are shown again that her touch has a tangible effect on things. Her touch basically has magical qualities. Her touch made the machine come alive, made it brighter. Her effect on people is something similar.

Grodin sure seems to clock something about their interaction as odd:

Sheppard seems excited about the possibility that she too possesses the ATA gene, and this seems like the first genuine reaction from him ever since she touched him. He had been emphasizing their similarity in an attempt to use her sympathy to get their help, so he may have seen this is as something that might work in their favour.

He seems entirely himself as he tells her: "The Atlantians were good at lots of things, but writing instruction manuals wasn't one of them." He seems happy, he almost smiles, glancing at Grodin fiddling with the machine twice as he does. One might venture a guess that he has watched someone figure out how Ancient technology works up real close more than a little, and might even be quoting said person verbatim here (as a matter of fact, his exact words in Hide and Seek (S01E03) were "Oh, yeah, there were some explicit instructions, which I chose to completely ignore"). He's mostly looking at Grodin while he's telling her this so we can assume that he's thinking about something or someone else. His mind is not on her while he talks about the instruction manuals.

But this is a short respite. The weirdness continues:

Sheppard: We should probably wrap this tour up. I know Dr. Weir is anxious to talk to you. Chaya: Will I see you afterwards? Sheppard: And during!

He almost stutters when he tells her that Dr. Weir is anxious to talk to her. Clearly, she's not the only one that's anxious. But why would he be anxious about that?

Is he expecting Weir to notice that something is wrong? Hoping that she would? Trying to protect someone that might be there?

Whether or not he (or McKay) was supposed to be at this meeting of Weir with Chaya, whether he had been invited or not, Sheppard is making sure that he is going to be there. Again, this might be her influence--she does not want him to leave her alone, so he's forced to tag along. Or, again, he could be inserting himself into the meeting in order to protect the others, whether consciously or subconsciously. But it certainly doesn't seem like he's going to the meeting with her because he wants to be with her so much.

He is clearly starting to internally freak out about what ever this is that's going on. His face here, at the very end:

He gives her another one of his fake smiles. And then, where she doesn't see, he draws in a breath through his teeth. Compare his expression with McKay's at the beginning of this entry, where he's thinking about cancer.

John Sheppard is not alright.

Continued in Pt. 11

[smashing-teacups]

A Lady of Grace

A fix-it scene/rewrite for First Wife, 3x08, in which a fevered Jamie and furious Claire find their way back to one another.

The change was so gradual that I didn’t notice it at first. The pain hadn’t dulled at all; I could feel the throb of my pulse where the birdshot had been, in the raw caverns of flesh Claire had carved clean and stitched shut. The fever waxed and waned — sometimes smoldering low, leaving me prickled with gooseflesh and shivering as the sweat cooled on my skin, sometimes raging to an inferno ‘til I thrashed, delirious, panicked by the burning cage of my own flesh and bones.

It was in the interim that I began to notice a difference.

Little by little, the grimy haze that hung over my mind began to dissipate like mist in the morning sun. My senses sharpened, my wits cleared. I could read the nuances of Claire’s face again — see the resolve in the set of her jaw, the warring flashes of sympathy and fury and concern and betrayal in her eyes as she set about tending to me.

I remembered, somewhere in the misshapen, wobbly recollections of the past two days, her telling me that she wouldn’t let me die, no matter how sorely she was tempted.

I wasn’t at all sure whether she meant it as mercy or punishment.

Regardless, her methods were working. The fact that I had the clarity of mind to consider it meant that her penicillin was shifting the tide of my failing body. It was the second time I’d had that same revelation, laying in the same bed in the same house: despite my own wishes, a woman I loved had forced me to survive.

Finally lucid enough to recognize what was at stake, I pushed myself up against the headboard on shaking muscles as Claire stepped into the room with my next syringe of medicine. Lips tight, she passed an assessing gaze over me as she shut the door.

“You’re looking better,” she remarked flatly.

There was a sharp, pinching pain behind my eyes as I tried to follow her steps across the room. It dulled a bit when I let them close, resting my head back against the solid wood. “Is that a good thing?”

She didn’t dignify that with a response — at least not one I could hear. I could practically feel her glare on me, though, as she advanced the remaining few feet to the bed and thrust a cup into my hands.

“Drink this.”

I obeyed without question, but gave an involuntary grunt with the first bitter sip. Awful as it was, there was something akin to nostalgia in the taste of willow bark tea; most every time I’d been forced to drink the stuff, it was by the firm directive of a certain sassenach healer. As soon as I recognized it, I drained the full glass in three great gulps. Claire took the empty cup as I offered it back to her, then asked in that same no-nonsense tone of voice, “How bad is the pain?”

Eyes still closed, I shrugged with my good arm. “Had worse.”

“That’s not exactly saying much.”

I made a faint humming sound, a bit too fragile to qualify as a laugh. Still, the strain between us relaxed by a degree, and after a moment I felt the blessedly cool touch of her fingers on the inside of my wrist. The contact surprised me enough to peel open my heavy eyelids and look at her. It took me several more moments, though, to realize that she was counting to herself; her gaze was unfocused as she measured my pulse against some instinctive metronome in her head. All too soon, she released me, displeasure tightening the fine lines around her mouth.

“Your heart rate is still higher than I’d like.” Her eyes flicked briefly to mine, then away again. “You need to drink more water. I’m going to start bringing you a fresh pitcher every morning, and I want you to empty it by suppertime, do you hear me?”

I tried not to let the hope of those words seep into my soul; tried not to let the promise of ‘every morning’ indicate more than she meant. “Aye,” I agreed softly. “I hear ye.”

“Good.” She gestured at me with her chin as she removed the cap from her syringe. “Now roll over, let me get your right side this time.”

It would have been easy enough to oblige, muttering about the questionable benefit of an evenly bruised arse. That was my first instinct whenever there was tension between us: to try to loosen it with a bit of self-deprecating humor. Even in the bleakest of circumstances, Claire and I had always taken great comfort in our ability to make one another laugh.

But with my wife’s healing had come the sobriety of remembrance, the soul-chilling recognition of what that syringe would mean if she…

If she were to go.

There were some terrors in this world for which there could be no comfort; where the grave was mercy, and unattainable.

Experience had been a cruel instructor on that front, but an effective one. Keep reading...

[missjenca]

#hilariously enough!; I also imagined Satellite having a Local Hand Commmunication!#Love that we over lap on some thoughts here#this has a lot of some of the things I'd rotated in getting Yusei through a panic attack or just days too much like Bad Times#yell at me to post those

As per your tags, consider this me yelling at you to post about this because I genuinely would like to hear it, pLEASE, I live for this kind of thing, lol

Aye aye! Thankie for the reminder, lemme cook that up, big posr style.

So, Yusei is absolutely not walking away from the plot of 5Ds without being a lil bit fucked up. And while Satellite has given him the ability to simply say 'I will put my nose straight through the grindstone and ignore what is happening to me' (for better or for worse), he also has friends that think it important to help him out.

Leo, our wonderful ball of sunshine, can clock immediately when Yusei is in a certain kind of funk that he can handle. He calls it 'Old Paper White' or 'New Paper White' (if Yusei's freaked out enough to go pale). 'Old Paper White' means that Leo can generally goad Yusei into a duel on the work bench, and bemoan his loss in a way to get Yusei to focus on tips and assistance and generally just Big Brothering Leo until he relaxes. 'New Paper' is trickier, because it's probably a deuling related nightmare at the cause. Which means it's time for different games, be it activity books or putting together plastic models together. Leo would definitely enjoy the Duel Monsters Counterpart of Gunpla, and I think Yusei would find the gentle rhythm of 'Snip piece, connect piece' soothing.

Luna's tactics are fairly similar, though with a different approach. She's armed with fidgit toys and puzzles and big long words and her big wide eyes. She'll word tasks very specifically as 'can you help me with this' or 'can you do this for me', and generally weaponises her Baby Sister Status for his benefit. Because it leans on Yusei's 'Can and Will Do Anything For His Friends' part of his will power, she can get him to focus on small tasks like getting to a safe place or solving a rubix cube until he's calmer.

Crow has been spending years knowing the exact balance of 'filling silence' and 'engaging questions' for Yusei to steady himself to. Crow knows all the gossip, what friends are where, interesting mechanical news, all the safe topics. Crow also knows the exact tone of voice to use that signals that nothing is happening, because it's a very different and specific tone of voice to 'we're pretending to be unaware of cops/gangs/attackers' from back when they were younger. He's also totally clued in to what Yusei's different levels on non-verbal answers or non-answers mean, so he can focus on Yusei without focusing *so much* on Yusei that it stresses him out.

Aki's learned the exact levels and kinds of white noise helps Yusei out. Too much or the wrong sounds and he gets over-stimmed or stressed out, too little makes him anxious because actual silence means something bad is about to happen. She also uses a few meditation techniques with him; she may have learned them at Arcadia, but she controls what she knows now. They're both at least a little fond of it; panic attacks or nightmares aren't something that you can fight physically, but this is almost close. Aki's also the one most on top of making sure he takes a painkiller and eats something afterwards, because he always gets a huge headache from being so tense, and he *will* try and just work through it if left to his own devices.

Jack's the only person who can safely goad Yusei into hitting him without Yusei getting *too* wrapped up in being guilty about it. It's very much not a 'Jack deserves to be hurt' thing, but that it's equal measures of that Jack's Always Gonna Do What He Wants and years of Jack-To-Yusei wordless communication between the two of them. He asks for it because he can take it and Yusei can't. It's a Rivals Thing:tm:. It also helps when Crow rolls his eyes and tells Jack off about it like nothing happened. If they can hit a duel, great, but if we're at the bottom option, Jack is of course the one who knows how to be callous to be kind.

[aquadestinyswriting]

Writing Exercise 2

I was tagged by @druidx to do the 3rd writing exercise from this post as well; Describe a character by turning out their pockets.

While Meredith's vestments do have pockets, let's have the moment from Fangthane's Folly where she's being processed after being wrongfully arrested on the charges of Heresy and Treason since she wears and carries a bunch of stuff on her person that they really don't want her to have. Popping under a cut because there's some... creative swearing in here.

Tagging in @davycoquette as requested, along with @ashirisu, @lexiklecksi and @sparrow-orion-writes

The elderly Inquisitor behind the desk met the glower that was being levelled at him with a bored yawn. He eyed the young dwarven woman in front of him,

"Right, so we're gonna need ye to take off the armour and hand over your weapon and any items that could be considered property of the Church."

Meredith snorted,

"Well, unless ye've got something for me to change into, the vestments are gonna have to stay on." she sniped. Meredith grunted as Fergus shoved her into the desk,

"You better shut that mouth afore I shut it for you." he growled, tightening his grip on her wrists to an almost painful degree

"Oh, awa' and bile yer heid, ye scummy wankstain." Meredith spat, her patience having been left all the way back in the Contemplation Chamber. The desk officer heaved a sigh and glared at the two dwarves directly in front of him,

"Alright, that's enough!" he snapped, "Seeing as we're out of spare clothes, ye can keep the vestments on for now, but everything else is going to have to be handed in."

Meredith did not know how she managed to keep as still as she did as Agnar and Vera began divesting her of her possessions. Probably because neither of them were blazing red with Evil and were simply doing their job.

Her mace was and crossbow were, understandably, the first things to go. Both items were quickly taken to the storage room behind the desk. Well, she wasn't going to be seeing either of them again, of that Meredith was certain. She bristled as both her own Holy Book and the one that had belonged to Starhammer were unhooked from her belt and handed over to the desk officer. The longbeard inspected both books,

"Two?" he queried. Meredith grumbled out a sigh,

"The mythril-bound one belonged to Starhammer. I wasn't going to just leave it for the Brotherhood to find and flog off to the highest bidder." she said, a pang of grief and regret hitting her heart at the memory of how she had acquired it. The longbeard gave her a long look, while Fergus muttered something about 'lying whores' behind her. Meredith ignored the older Inquisitor, rising to the bait would only make this more difficult than it already was. Both books were, like her weapons, taken back into the storage room.

Next was the armour. It took everything Meredith had in her to allow Vera to unbuckle and take off every piece of it. She only hoped that, once this was all over with, that she could get it back. Explaining how and why she couldn't wear it to her uncle would be too damn awkward otherwise, especially given all the trouble he'd gone to to finish it on such short notice. Meredith noticed Vera and the desk officer marvelling at the runic inscriptions and the array of gemstones set into the metal. Well, she would be more than happy to recommend her uncle's runesmithing business if asked, he could use some extra work.

Vera frowned as she patted Meredith down, carefully pulling out the small, leather-bound book Meredith had found in the little chapel underneath the Contemplation Chamber. She felt Meredith's nervous twitch, nodded slightly and opened the book, pretending to leaf through the pages without actually reading them. When she was done, she looked at the desk officer,

"An old personal journal. Nothing in here that looks incriminating, it's mostly personal thoughts and some prayers." she said. The desk officer nodded and waved at the sandy-haired young woman,

"Aye, that's fine for her to keep." he said, ignoring the infuriated glare that Fergus sent him. Vera nodded, put the book back and continued her patdown, pulling out some sealed inkpots, a couple of small quills and some parchment from the other pockets, all of which Meredith was permitted to keep, though the coin purse was swiftly handed over once it was found.

Vera frowned as she half-pulled another book out of another pocket, but quickly put it back upon feeling Meredith tense. She finished fishing through the rest of the pockets - handing over some more loose change, a few loose bolt heads, about a dozen sticks of incense, a small bottle of oil and about a dozen vials filled with Blessed water- then stood up and dusted herself down,

"That's everything Eric, not much on her aside from the obvious."

Eric nodded and finished making a note of everything he was given,

"Right, good. Here's the papers for all the items ye gave me, and here's the paperwork ye need to fill out to finish booking her in." he said, smiling a little too widely as Fergus snatched the papers from his hands,

"Ye don't have to look so damned pleased about it." he grumbled, stalking off ahead of his prisoner and attending officers, "Goddamn bloody paperwork! I swear on Moradin's Beard, if I have to fill out one more set of bloody forms I'm gonna shove them down Grimbeard's throat so far..."

Fergus' voice trailed off down the hall as he vanished around a corner. Agnar shook his head and put a firm hand on Meredith's shoulder, starting to lead her down the corridor Fergus had disappeared down,

"Might as well follow the old grump." he said. Meredith didn't resist. As naked as she felt, despite still getting to wear her vestments, at least she'd managed to keep a hold of the two most important things she owned.

[housedeaubemarle]

FFXIV Write 2024 #7: Morsel

~~

About twenty turns ago:

It was rare to see Mr Ofanleitasyn above stairs. His domain after all, was the kitchen below and most lordly was his reign over it. So when Nisette saw his large tall form come down a certain corridor, it took her by surprise. 

“Cook?”

Mr Ofanleitasyn looked up and there was a distinct flash of guilt in the Roegadyn’s eyes. Then he regained his composure, and grinned. “Ms Dechamberre, g'evenin’ ta ye.”

“Good evening. Were you summoned?”

“Ahh... aye, I was. His lordship had a hankerin’ fer a specific dish, so he asked fer it special.”

Nisette had enough kindness in her not to mention that the viscount must have had a spectacular craving to summon his cook at eleven o’ clock at night. Not to mention the corridor he’d emerged from was the one the children’s chambers were to be found in. 

“I see. Well, I’m sure the children will be appreciative too, especially after being sent off to bed without supper.” She shook her head. “Her ladyship was furious indeed.”

Mr Ofanleitasyn cleared his throat. “Well… givin' their governess th' slip tae run off intae th' city's a dangerous thing. They’ll 'ave tae learn consequences, tae be sure.”

“To be sure,” said Nisette with a faint smile. “Well then, goodnight Cook. See you in the morning.” 

He looked down at the shorter Elezen lady and the grin widened, acknowledging that she was no fool. “G'nigh', Ms Dechamberre.”

She let him pass her to head downstairs, then out of sheer curiosity, wandered nearer the twins’ bedroom. Sure enough, there were whispers from behind the door.

“...ssh, finish it and go to bed, Mr Ofanleitasyn said.”

“We’d have starved if Cook hadn’t taken pity on us.”

“We wouldn’t need this if you’d not been so foolhardy and gone so far…!”

“Who told you to follow me?”

“And if I didn’t, who’d have pulled you out of the way of that cart!”

“Sssshh, fine…! Eat your cookie…!”

Nisette merely smiled to herself, and turned around. Consequences indeed.

-

end.