#awit sige lods HAHAHAHAHAHA at least tapos na 😭

[themagical1sa]

mmmm what if.

what it multilingual Filipino!ISWM Captain blurb.

since I started writing the original post in Filipino and ending it in English. with tired paradox of all combinations of words I could write LMAO

the Tagalog bit is "I am very tired but I still don't want to sleep." truly a tired paradox

welp– we're already here! heck it. in fact I'm already typing. ride or die fellas

ℹ️ heads-up: very long actually, practically turned into a fic at some point. very self-indulgent as this is from someone who wants to share her culture through self-insert fic. no likey, no ready

also– when I translate dialog, I write them like Netflix subtitles sometimes becoz I like 'em like that

once you tap/click read more, you agree to spending your time learning my personal experience as a multilingual Filipino! yeehaw space cowboy 🌌🤠🧑‍🚀

so! here's the thing abt being multilingual for me personally: I use all of the languages I can speak when I think

most of the time it's in English, but I also think in my mother tongue (Filipino — Tagalog) often. and yet, I also think in Japanese when I can!

it's crazy how I can go "mm what if I do this" to "eh paano kung ayaw ko (what if I don't want to)" to 「あ、どうしたほうがいい？」 (ah, what should I do?) in a matter of seconds HAHAHAHAHA

sometimes my current mood dictates which language I end up using: English on general neutral moods, Tagalog when I'm Really Feeling Things, and Japanese when I'm in nicer and more mellow moods.

okay, so, you get me now, right?

now we're going into the multilingual Filipino!ISWM Captain blurb–

multilingual Filipino!Captain probably speaks similarly, I think

like I can totally imagine them always speaking English. 100% of the time. complete with a Neutral American Accent that fools everyone into thinking they're from the United States

(and they wouldn't be wrong but if one listened really closely, they'd hear how the Captain's accent has a little nuance to it)

but the Captain also gets tired, you know? they get exhausted in keeping the colony well-led and functioning

so there may be times when — like in this one — in their deep frustration, the Captain just suddenly goes "putangina naman nito!" (Tagalog: this motherfucker!) when something just hasn't been working as intended for 15-30 minutes

this would, of course, shock everyone in the area because hey, that wasn't English, right? did the Captain just speak another language?

nobody has the heart to ask in the moment because you're really mad at the thing and you're ranting to yourself in a language nobody even understands

"くそ！We did everything right already! Bakit hindi pa rin gumagana?!"

- Fuck! [...] Why is it still not working?!

you sigh and turn to your crew to ask for Mark or Burt, but you catch them looking away quickly like they hadn't been staring at you in confusion and/or wonder for speaking three languages at once 😳

you think you just imagined that so you turn to your datapad and say, "Computer, is the Head Engineer free right now?" with your Neutral American accent (albeit a bit more accented to your mother tongue since you just spoke it) and it responds accordingly

a crew mate goes, "Captain, we can call Burt right now. I think he's done with Head Engineer's aasignment and I'm sure he's not too far from here."

"Thank you," you reply with a nod, grateful. "Have him come over and fix this. I did what I could, but I must have been missing something."

your crew just nods, and one of them looks like they want to ask you something, but they decide not to :[

OH this other time when you were actually kind of sleepy and you were with Celci assessing the colonists' health

"Mabuti naman pala ang kalagayan nilang lahat, okay"

- Everyone seems to be in good health, okay

Celci looked at you with an eyebrow raised and asked "What was that, Captain?"

it took that question to realize you didn't have your Mental English Filter™ and you immediately answer, "Oh, sorry! I meant to say it's good to know that everyone is in good condition."

she would nod in understanding, silently noting how that totally was not English she just heard. she ought to look up her Captain's ethnicity and native language

oh-

OH

this one takes the cake

you were alone on a balcony staring out at the sky

「この夜空がとても綺麗な。。。」

- this night sky is really pretty...

"...was that Japanese?"

you whip your head to see your Head Engineer, two mugs in hand as Mark approaches you. "we've been hearing you speak other languages sometimes, but this one's not as frequent as the other."

you widen your eyes in shock. "Wait, really? Oh, man– I must be really tired, huh...?"

Mark only chuckles as he gives you your mug. "you do work hard, Captain — in fact, maybe a little too hard. you deserve a break."

you hold your mug to your lips as you take a sip of the warm beverage inside. you recognize the taste of sweetened cocoa — and then you try to remember the last time you've had hot chocolate like this. it feels like forever ago...

matagal na panahon na... matagal na panahon bago ang mga nangyari sa...

- it's been a long time... a long time before what happened in the...

"hey Cap, can I ask you a question?"

"hm?" you are snapped out of your trance. it takes a second before you remember the question, and then you go, "okay, what is it?"

"oh, um, what was that you said? when I found you? before I asked if you were speaking Japanese, I mean."

Mark's curiosity amuses you and makes you smile. "that was, indeed, Japanese," you confirm, "and I was talking about how the night sky here is really pretty."

"huh." Mark nods as he looks up at the sky in wonder. "you're right about that, heh."

it's silent, for a while. it's comfortable to you, with how it's just you, Mark, and the pretty night sky above you.

isa talagang magandang tanawin ang langit na 'to.

- this sky is truly a beautiful view.

"I'm sure that's not Japanese," Mark comments, catching you off-guard in your admiration of the sky. "I've been asking around the crew if they recognize your other language. They're never sure, because they swear they hear Spanish, but then you say some non-Spanish words after and we all get confused again."

you stare at him blankly, trying to process what he said. you realize that you must have thought that Tagalog bit out loud.

this results in him suddenly becoming bashful as he stutters out: "n-not that we mean to pry! we're just really curious about–"

and then he hears you laugh.

and it's such a sweet sound to him, especially when he sees the way your eyes close with your smile.

"that's– ang cute niyo," (you guys are cute) you reply unashamedly, too tired to keep your formality as a Captain and fully use English in these late hours. "that's really cute of you guys. I appreciate the... enthusiasm? curiosity? whichever applies."

Mark, still abashed and blushing, blinks as he notes how you first commented in what may as well be your mother tongue. "um... thank you...?"

your smile persists as you look at Mark. his shy smile and bashfully red cheeks make you feel more endearment for him — he was so cute like this. he was so cute that, in fact, you could say that nakakagigil si Mark nanaman. bwiset. bakit ang cute niya?

"if you really must know," you finally begin as you lean your side on the railing. "the other language is my mother tongue, Tagalog."

your Head Engineer pauses for a second as he looks away from you and squints into the space, trying to remember which ethnicity is linked to Tagalog. "Tagalog. Tagalog... I know I've heard it before..."

you chuckle in amusement. "kaya mo 'yan, Mark. you can do it."

"aha!" he exclaims as he turns to you practically starry-eyed. "it's Filipino! right? wait, you're Filipino?"

you only nod as you take anotber sip of your hot chocolate. "took you long enough. then again, I didn't train for a neutral American accent for nothing."

the new information baffles Mark. "you trained for a neutral American accent?"

you sigh, turning to face the view once more as you stared up at the sky. "had to. my parents encouraged it, even. then again, back in the Philippines there was this... sort of implication that sounding more American without an accent makes you generally more favorable if you wanted to work outside the country. not that it was required, but... I am here now partly because of it, aren't I?"

it was in this moment when you suddenly feel a particular melancholy. you haven't experienced your own culture for so long, you could say that you'd practically forgotten how to be a Filipino. you've been so absorbed in your duties as a Captain that you sort of... forgot how to be yourself.

"okay, maybe that is what got you here, Captain," Mark begins, "but have you ever thought of... I don't know, teaching someone your mother tongue, maybe...?"

you turn to him in genuine surprise, wide-eyed in disbelief. he seems a little shy, with the way his eyes avert from you for a second in nervousness. "I mean– I guess I just thought that it might be nice for someone else to be hearing and understanding your language, for once."

you blink, processing what he just said. you have thought of it before, really, but who would be willing to be taught your mother tongue?

"sure, I have thought about it, but... I don't think anyone would actually be interested in learning Tagalog."

"I am."

you blink again, and this time you make sure to focus on Mark's face. his nervousness is still there in the form of a light blush on his cheeks, but his expression shows determination. it reminds you of the first time the both of you got into that wormhole mess — fools as you were, the both of you simply thought that perhaps there was a way out of a loop... by engaging into that loop and jumping in again too many times.

with that in mind, seeing the same determination now but directed to learning your mother tongue...

"...wait, you're serious? you really want to learn my language?"

"yes!" Mark answers enthusiastically — perhaps more enthusiastically than he thought, so he backs up as he adds, "I mean– yes, I'm serious. I want to learn your language from you, even just little bits so you know someone else can understand you in your first language too. we can start small, and... I don't know, work up from there?"

you don't really know how to respond. you'd hug him, surely, if your hands weren't already preoccupied with a mug of hot chocolate.

"I- I don't know what to say. I'm speechless." you finally admit. "sure ka- you're sure you want to learn my language?"

Mark smiles endearingly. "just for you, Captain."

silence.

...

"maraming salamat, Mark," you gratefully say. "that's thank you very much. you have no idea how much this means to me."

"no problem, Cap'n," he replies, honored to have been thanked in the Captain's native tongue. "anything for you."

pagod na pagod na ako pero ayoko pang matulog. call that a tired paradox