#awesomenessTV | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cierraonline · 3 months

Text

S1EP3: OUR DUMBASS EX! CLAUDIA WAS IN T@GGED! BILLIE'S USELESS STORY! PART ONE

"Are we going to talk about what you mentioned last episode?"

*puffs on weed pen*

"I think we should put a trigger warning on this episode."

"I don't think I ever talked about my relationship with Q. I just lived it."

"Well, I think you should talk about it in a way that makes you feel comfortable."

Rolling...

Whatever the Fuck This Is Podcast

Season 1 | Episode 3

OUR DUMBASS EX! CLAUDIA WAS IN T@GGED! BILLIE'S USELESS STORY! PART ONE

"Welcome back to 'Whatever the Fuck This Is' Podcast. Before we start, you're going to see a trigger warning—pay attention to it, please," Siren begins the show.

"Today's guest star is Mama Maggie." The older woman waves to the camera, showing off her smile. "For some reason, as permanent cast members of the podcast, we have Claudia and Rodrick." The setup includes Billie and Siren with customized handheld microphones—blue for Billie and red for Siren. The others have standing microphones to keep them unobstructed.

"Today, we're going to talk about a topic that no one wanted to discuss," Billie chimes in from the middle of the couch, her mom on her right and her wife on her left. "From my understanding, everyone is revisiting the documentary, pointing out certain scenes, and wanting Siren's perspective on what was happening on her side."

"And for some fucking reason, you guys wanted to know about my relationship with Q," Siren says nonchalantly, as if it were nothing, because, to her, it's the past and doesn't affect her now.

"I didn't know we were actually going to say his name?" Claudia's eyes widened.

"Why not?" Siren shrugs her shoulders. "By the way," she points at the brunette, "I finally realized where I've seen your face before."

"After six years?" Billie looks in disbelief.

"Yeah," Siren's eyes move to the camera. "So when I first met Claudia, I recognized her face but didn't know why until last night. You guys remember when Nickelodeon went on YouTube as AwesomenessTV..."

"Oh my god!" Claudia laughs, knowing what's about to be brought up.

"Our precious Ferb over here was on this weird-ass social media show called T@gged, and that's where I recognized her from."

"I literally told you that when we first met her," Billie deadpans.

"No, you didn't," Siren shakes her head, looking at her wife.

"Bro, I literally did!" Billie raises her voice. "I was like, 'Hey, Siren, this is Claudia from that show T@gged.' And you were like, 'And you're telling me why?'"

"Well, that's your fault."

"How the fuck is it my fault that it took you six years to come up with an answer I gave you six years ago!?"

"You called me Siren," Siren shrugs her shoulders.

"That's the name your father gave you, isn't it?"

"I'm bae, baby, princess, or brat to you. You don't fucking call me by my first name," Personality #3 starts to emerge. "Like, who the fuck do you think you are?"

"I'm done talking to you." Billie rolls her eyes.

"As if I wanted to talk to you," Siren crosses her arms.

"You're such a brat," Billie grumbles.

"As if you don't try to fuck this brat."

"That's enough, girls," Maggie warns.

"Before anything, let's talk about the big elephant in the room," Billie looks to the camera.

"You?" Siren snarks, eyeing the brunette.

"I'm not even going to feed into your immaturity," Billie shakes her head, not sparing a glance at her wife. "Last episode, you said you don't open up to me, and I want to know why."

"It's really simple and not a complicated answer whatsoever."

"So, what's the answer?" Patience was no longer with Billie. She genuinely wanted to know what she was doing wrong in their relationship that made her partner feel she couldn't talk about her emotions. There were times when she tried, but was met with a brick wall, and Siren completely shut down from the conversation. This left Billie thinking that her wife was just keeping everything inside. Learning that Siren was actually open about her emotions with someone else hurt her deeply.

"Why are you getting hostile?" Siren narrows her eyes.

"I just want to know why you think you can't come to me but have no problems going to Rodrick about your feelings," the words rushed out of Billie's mouth.

"Get your daughter, she's starting to bug out," Siren turns to Maggie.

"Siren, in this case, Billie is right, Siren." Maggie didn't side with Siren but instead chose to play the middle party and be a counselor. "You two have been married for two years and together even longer. The important part of a relationship is communication and letting your partner know when something is bothering you."

"You were supposed to be on my side," Siren pouts.

"Siren, tell Billie why you don't talk about your feelings with her," Maggie gently commands.

Letting out a deep breath, inhaling her weed pen twice, and exhaling the smoke, Siren finally reveals her answer. "I don't tell Billie my problems or how I'm feeling because she tries to give me solutions to feel better or fix the problems."

"What's wrong with that?" Claudia asks, a look of confusion on her face.

"That's literally what I'm supposed to do as your partner, you dumbass!" Billie exclaims loudly, not liking the answer to the question she's been overthinking for the past 24 hours.

"Billie, don't call her that," Maggie scolds her daughter. "Siren, can you explain a little bit more so Billie can better understand what you're saying?"

"When I'm telling you my problems or what's bothering me, I don't want a fucking answer to the problem—I already know the answer. I just want you to listen and nod your fucking head, or snap your fingers like they do in those women-led podcasts," Siren explains. "But no, it's Billie Eilish Pirate Baird O'Connell,the empath. You've got to be like, 'Why don't you take a break?' or 'Maybe it's not meant for you to have.' Like, first of all, I love taking breaks, but at that specific time, I didn't want to take a fucking break. I needed Rodrick to stop fucking whatever whore he had in his bed and answer the fucking phone so I could ask him what he wanted from Chick-fil-A so I could pre-order it for after our smoke session. And—"

"Wait!" Billie yells throwing her arm around. "You were fucking pacing back and forth! Throwing your phone around! Punching walls! Because fucking Rodrick didn't answer his phone... for fucking Chick-fil-A!!?"

"Yes!"

"Change the topic," Billie grits her teeth, not caring to hear anything else.

"See, you're—"

"Change the topic," Billie gives her a certain look that only Siren recognizes. It was the 'be a good girl or you will be punished' look. Now, Siren has two options: she can either change the topic or be a brat. With Personality #3 at the surface, she couldn't decide which would be more fun. Red handprints on her ass while wearing a short plaid skirt is Instagram posting-worthy, especially if Billie spanked her with her rings on. "Don't be a brat," Billie adds, noticing how long it was taking Siren to make her next move, showing she was actually considering what she was hinting at. Siren still remained quiet thinking about her options, causing Billie to take over. "So here's how it all started."

~~~~

B I L L I E ...

"Billie Eilish in the studio with us here on the Kevin and Bean Show," the radio host introduces me as I sit on the other side of the table, next to his co-host, with a microphone hanging in front of me and thick headphones over my ears. "We have a bunch of questions about the music we're gonna get to in a minute. But there's one more teenage question I have to ask. Are you done with school already or are you still homeschooling?"

"Well—" I let out a short chuckle, knowing this question was going to pop up sooner or later.

"Or are you faking homeschooling?" He cuts me off, but not in a vicious way.

"I've never been to school, along with my best friend, Siren, so there's a little fact."

"Okay."

"Never—never was at school, so I never had to quit school. But we graduated, like, last year, like the beginning of last year."

"What?"

"No offense to Siren Vixen, but I honestly thought she went to public school or something and just dropped out," says the host next to me.

"What's crazy is that so many people think that of Siren!" I laugh at the common misconception about my best friend. "But she didn't. And no one really knows this, but Siren is really smart. She graduated with our program and completed her associate's degree from UCLA on a scholarship."

"What!" they all look in disbelief at the news I just told them.

"You're like Doogie Howser. You graduated—"

"Who's that?" I look at him in confusion. Never heard that name before.

"She doesn't know who Doogie Howser is. Know your audience," the host in red says to him.

"How do you feel about the way your fans see you?" another question is asked.

"See, here's the thing. Justin Bieber, right?" They do not want me to get started on how that man was the love of my life at one point. When I was, like, 12, it wasn't—I was not a fan of him. I was—It was—I was, like—that was my first love. Like, that was the person I was in love with. In my head, he was in love with me."

"Of course."

"It was like a relationship with a person. You know when you date somebody for a while, and they're—that's your partner? And then you break up with them. And if you see a picture of them, without really thinking, you automatically are like, 'Oh, that's that person I was in a relationship with.'"

"Whoever comes next is gonna have to deal with the idea that you were in a relationship with Justin Bieber," the host in plaid speaks up from the side of me.

"I wanna play you something right now," I dig in my pocket to pull out my phone to show this very embarrassing video of a younger me. "This is a video of me at 12."

"Okay."

"Nobody's seen this besides Vixen."

"Love this." The video starts to play.

I have watched so many Justin Bieber... things, I was, like, crying so hard. 'Cause, like, I'm worried that when I get a boyfriend... I won't wanna be with him because... I actually love Justin Bieber more. And I can't handle that...Well, that's if Siren denies my marriage proposal for the tenth time.''

"Whore, we are only 12," the camera switches over to a 12-year-old Siren. "I'm too young for marriage."

(imagine white hair and white out eyes)

"You have a nose piercing at 12 years old and you're saying you're too young for marriage?"

"Clip-ons, puta."

"You'll see one day, we'll be married and live happily ever after."

"Is this before or after Justin Bieber rejects you?"

"More like after you find your mom."

~~~~

"So, you guys were just always mean as fuck to each other?" Rodrick cuts Billie off.

"Yup," the girls say in sync.

"It's literally the foundation of their soulmate bond," Maggie chimes in. After years of witnessing the two girls' interactions, the mother knew being mean to each other was not going to change. She just hoped if they ever decide to have kids, the kids aren't the same way, or hell will break loose in the O'Connell-Vixen family.

~~~~

B I L L I E ......

"I said, 'I can't handle that.' I literally remember sobbing into a pillow because I thought, 'I'm never gonna feel this way about anyone.' I literally was terrified that when I got a boyfriend when I was older, he wouldn't—"

"He won't compare," I'm cut off.

"He won't compare."

"What about Siren?" the other host by the computer asks.

"Siren is literally my soulmate."

"So does this mean you are gay or bisexual?" Why are you asking a sixteen-year-old about her sexuality...on the air?

"No, I'm straight," I deny.

"But you want to marry Siren?" He looks at me, confused. If I'm not confused, why are you confused about something that doesn't involve you?

"She's just my soulmate," I shrug my shoulders. "No one compares to her. And no one ever will."

"Not even Justin Bieber?"

"Not even Justin Bieber."

~~~~

"That literally didn't tell us anything," Siren speaks up after Billie is done with her story time.

"It was an opener, bitch," Billie rolls her eyes.

"Well, your 'opener' just made the podcast too long, so now we have to sit here for another hour or two so I can actually tell the story."

"Are you horny or something?" Billie squints her eyes. "Like why are you so mean right now?"

"Maybe I am," Siren smirks, causing Billie to laugh. "But like, deadass, we have to sit here for another hour or two so we can get to the Q story and then spend six hours on editing."

"Yeah, you're right," Billie mumbles.

"So it's over for today, bitches," Siren turns to the camera. "We'll see you for part two, which we will film now but you won't see until next week. And we'll also do Claudia's recap then too."

"And you're watching 'Whatever the Fuck This Is Podcast,'" Billie says in a Disney-like outro. "Bye." Everyone smiles and waves to the camera, except Siren, who sticks up her middle finger.

| welcome to the book I write & edit when high |

15 notes · View notes

golbrocklovely · 1 year

Note

I don’t have a tik tok. What are they saying about our boys 🙄

omg thank you so much for sending in an ask about my post bc… i need to VENT lol

first and foremost, what aren't they saying about the boys on tiktok??? that's the real question.

imma just list the shit i've been either told or saw myself said about snc (but mostly colby).

sam should sue colby for the killing best friend prank (this one was brought to my attention by @xplrvibes like yesterday lol)

colby was molested

colby was sexually assaulted

elton made colby show his self harm scars on camera

colby has a bad relationship with his brother

sam cried being sexualized too much

the fans broke shea and colby up

colby has hated elton from the beginning

snc were talking about elton on the that one video years back (the one where they did the lie detector test on awesomenesstv)

not a SINGLE one of these are true, btw. that's the insane part to me. like…. every single one of these is a lie that i have no clue how they got started or who said them first.

and here, for anyone's benefit (in case you're curious) i will disprove all of these in one go.

sam was IN on the prank and has openly said that himself in the past

didn't happen/colby has never said that this has happened

same thing (granted if you want to make an argument that some fans have almost done this, that's a different story. but that's not what the fans on tiktok are talking about when they mention this)

colby has never self harmed. colby has never had depression, anxiety/has never been diagnosis with any mental illness. he even outright said in a video, EXPOSING THE TRUTH ABOUT COLBY BROCK, when asked if he was emo "depending on your definition of emo, if you say emo is somebody that hurts themselves - no. i'm not emo in that way." not to mention that if this is something that did happen, how come there was not a WORD about it until 2022??? the last time snc collabed with elton was in 2019. there is no WAY this shit could have happened, only to be talked about now with no proof. ALSO colby literally stated multiple times, back on metalife and even in a livestream in 2020/21, that he has never suffered from a mental illness, which is why he doesn't feel comfortable giving advice on it.

literally…. how would anyone know this in the first place? colby doesn't really talk about his family. but if you want to get technical, for a while in the back of his videos in 2020/21, you could see on his record player his brother's bands record. plus he literally went and saw him run a marathon in 2022 so… his relationship with him is fine.

that's literally not a thing at all lmao

shea and colby never dated, as much as shea would like you to believe otherwise. and if the fans are talking about their friendship… they are two grown adults. no one can make them do anything they don't want to do.

snc lived with elton for a full year, and continued to collab with him until 2019. elton didn't even become a hater until late 2020/early 21. so… no. colby didn't hate elton from the beginning just bc he has resting bitch face in some of the videos. if you want to make an argument that elton took some of his pranks too far, sure. but that's not what this is about.

this one is just ppl taking an old clip and trying to make it make sense to nowadays, so i'll give some slack. but again, this wasn't about elton. it was about aaron when they had beef with him for like a week and a half in 2019 lol

there is probably TONS of other shit said on there that i don't remember off the top of my head. but the fact that i've seen tons of these comments and tiktoks saying this shit is true is bonkers to me. idk who is starting these rumors, but like… dear lord above stop.

like i'm literally gonna have to make a snc tiktok account just to dispel rumors bc it annoys me to no end how these fans believe this stuff with literally NO PROOF.

#ask #personal #sam and colby #sam golbach #colby brock #elton castee

25 notes · View notes