#awakeandbipolar

[iamthesanctuarian]

Untamed Authenticity

The Great Big Shift many of us are talking about so much is a shift of consciousness in humanity. New realizations, hidden truths, un-remembered vulnerabilities... and STRENGTHS. I've had an incredible journey, one that I am both humbled by, and eager to share. I find people can only take it in parts, though. And this is the part that is on my mind today.

I've come to this point where Authenticity is what I crave; the extreme lack of authenticity in most societies has begun to drive me batshit crazy. The level of deception humans are capable of really gets to me. But how does one go about making a change in this aspect of humanity's conciousness? I came to the conclusion that all I can do, all I can control, is my own authenticity.

Now, I had convinced myself I WAS authentic, that I was transparent, didn't hide my feelings about things, outspoken in certain moods, quiet in others, and downright mean at times. But I've come to understand that my moods are not accurate filters to base my perceptions on. That'll knock the wind right out of someone who talked themselves into believing that they could "beat bipolar".

I didn't really get true relief about how to go about improving the mental anguish until I realized that even if I define this 'condition' differently, understand it in a way that is NOT common, I still have to face the effects, the roller coaster, the dark depths. I was blessed enough to have a friend give me a message from my guides about this; I was determined to beat bipolar stigmas my own way, so anything else wasn't penetrating. But this vision, after thinking about it, mulling it over, letting it marinate in my heart a bit, really clarified things for me once I let down my own stubborn guard.

I can't just cure the thing that I came to do. Which is to say, that most of us are trying to figure out what purpose we came to fulfill, what challenges we came to demonstrate the over-coming of, for the sake of everyone. I am always eager to share my inner knowledge of how to deal with energy, such using the Violet Flame to transmute negative energies, or creating a special sacred space in your heart where you can go to feel your guides and angels, and talk to them when you're ready. Filling your aura with light, or transmitting light from the cosmos in the Gaia's core. But I wanted to believe all of that would 'vibrate me' right out of this emotional spectrum called Bipolar Disorder. My friend's guidance helped me understand that my purpose has more to do with facing these emotional extremes, diving into that darkness which sometimes, I couldn't even admit to myself, was eating up all that light I was trying so hard to emit.

So now I'm ready to talk about this shit. The fact that I was labeled bipolar at a young age, given drugs that are NOT intended to help me, but to keep me buying these drugs. My first untamed authentic statement: Pharmaceutical companies are not trying to create cures or healing products. They are creating CUSTOMERS. Theirs is a PROFIT game. Now, I can't say (though HOW I WANT TO) that I no longer take medications, because I do. And it feels like hipocrisy. Because I'm really very hurt, enraged, and indignant, about being made to take pills that are NOT meant for best interest, but for my continued dependence on them so as to ensure the profits coming in. I know this sounds harsh if you haven't heard it before; I would simply hope you will research it on your own. Don't take my word. Come up with your own conclusion. Mine has become insulted and enfuriated with the many varieties, the many side effects, the absolute determination by external sources to reign in my energy; so much absolute bullshit.

I started when I was 19, and I'm now 45. The drugs all proved to create way more problems than they helped. What they also did was create the belief in my mind, and therefore in my body (your body beleives what you believe and delivers the state of health you believe you are in) that these chemicals were necessary, that the side effects were an inconvenient and uncomfortable part of treating my 'illness'.

But our entire lives are based on, driven by, created by, our beliefs. And I believed the psychs and therapists when they said "this is what you have and this is the only way to treat it, this will be for the rest of your life, when you hit bottom and become suicidal we will hospitalize you, and when you are better we will clap for you like you busted a piñata."

So my authentic message for today is: we are living in a society that encourages dependency on 'authority figures and organizations' to tell us what is 'wrong' with us and what 'we need to do about it'. When you find out, however you do, that those pushing you in any direction, will only be pushing you in a direction that benefits them, I hope you'll start to question EVERY MFTHING. Those who only wish to help you, support you, etc. (and there are so many of this kind of person, soooo many.....) won't push, they'll just say "look there" and let you find it for yourself. We aren't here to find someone to follow, or to tell us how to live. We are here to live through certain experiences as unique individuals, and when it's all said and done, compare notes. God expands. This is how he expands. That's another topic altogether.

There is more to bipolar disorder than we've been told. The same is true for all mental illnesses, spectrum disorders, Autism, Asperger's...... on and on... they are about how one perceives, receives, processes, and emits ... Energy.

I won't go into that yet. My authenticity today is about saying "fuck this journey is hard, one day you believe one thing, then you're drawn to believe something else. You want to 'fight' one way, but your shown the more efficient, more spiritually logical way to deal with any given thing, and you grow. I know my body and I have to go through more changes before I can call myself medication free. It's not impossible. But it is a harder journey than I thought. But I want to document it, so that while others are going through this, anything similar, they will know how other's of us made it through.

If you have a mental illness, I hope you can feel where I'm coming from... not wanting to negate anyone's experience; just opening up more possible truths about how we deal with it.

I have much more to write about it.... but this is good for now.