#average upstairs neighbor behavior

[lilmajorshawty]

I hope this isn’t to vulgar to ask but have you experienced men of every rising sign? More so would you be able to speak on the genitalia of all the eighth house signs in men you’ve encountered? I would like to see if there is any merit in the general depictions of the eighth house when it comes to sex organs

Haha you’re fine my love! I don’t mind being of help!

I personally attract virgo, Sagittarius, Gemini, Scorpio rising men the most. I have had sexual encounters with men of all 12 zodiac signs and I’ve managed to get rising signs for a great deal of them! Sadly I can’t speak broadly on many of the rising signs considering the higher volume of the four I just mentioned being the majority of the ones that come my way.

Aries rising men: in my experience? Sweet, they are very much what you see is what you get types considering their entire chart is a reflection of the natural traits of all 12 zodiac signs in their comfortable houses. Sexually I would say their sexual organs look dark, like literally they have a darker tone then the rest of their body. They aren’t rough sexually but they can be very intense, if I could describe them? I’d say it felt like I was swimming in a pool at night with strobe lights at the bottom. They know how to have sex and it feels good, they are very much so emotionally available during and after. Very violent orgasams and can seem very spiritual during.

Taurus rising men: in my experience? Babies. They can be needy and distant at the same time, very weird mix. They want things at a very specific time and can be hard to compromise with especially sexually. the thing that stood out to me is how fast they ejaculate, and I don’t mean this in a bad way, they are just very easily aroused much like a literal bull. They tend to love foreplay but if you’re too good at it they’ll cum fast. They can be very vibrant and bubbly during sex lots of laughter, but if they’re not laughing they’re usually just super into it lmao. They have very big and long sexual organs. I wouldn’t say thick, I would say more like a long sword in typical sag style. They are very out of tune emotionally during sex so that’s the only downside.

Gemini rising men: in my experience? Sad boys. They got issues and they’re not good at hiding them. They can seem moody, aloof and slightly misunderstood. I can’t peg them sometimes, they seem like they have a mixture of mommy and daddy issues but then they can seem arrogant and self assured at a moments notice. Domination kinks and restriction plague them. I would say the sex is often sensual and deeply attentive in its nature. They want to feel all of it and none of it at the same time. Touch and physical intimacy is the thing they adore the most in sex and I think that’s what makes them so special. They’re really sweet and good natured and you get to see that part of them more freely during sex as contrary to the belief of Capricorn in the 8th these natives are tremendously affectionate and loving during sex. I will say that they get sad or more serious after climax and I have no idea wether Saturn does that or if it’s something deeper. They may be a bit on the smaller side when it comes to sexual organs in most cases but they know how to use it for sure. They are very horny like the goat

Cancer rising men: in my experience? I’ve dealt with some who have cap and others who have aqua in the 8th, for some reason the result is still similar in a way. They can be soooo receptive, they know what you need better than you do. They are present but not overbearing. They feel parental but in a way that feeds the parts of you that felt like they were missing something. I’d say sex always comes with a lesson with them. It’s never just casual sex. They tend to nurture during sex and can be very emotionally deep and connective during. They are definitely the type you spend the night with naturally or hang out with the next few days or unexpectedly end up dating. The sexual organs are usually pretty unique! Some curve, some have like those cute beauty marks on em. They also tend to be well hung.

Leo rising men: in my experience? I found them to be distant, perplexing and heavy. They seem a bit disengaged but can have moments of affectionate behavior and romantic burst that come from nowhere. Sexually though they can be passive, they feel real wet and liquidy I dunno how to describe it. Sex with them just feels very moist and like there’s a lot of fluids everywhere but idk it doesn’t feel like a bad thing. They precum a lot and can be very submissive. They are not horny per say? They are more on the “if you wanna” side of things. So Neptune and Jupiter rule Pisces so as you can already imagine these men tend to be packing some heat. They sorta dunno how to use it though? For some reason they have a very clumsy way of having sex as if they’ve never done it before? They don’t really have boundaries either so you’ll need to make sure to ask them if they’re okay cause a lot of the time they might not be.

Virgo rising men: in my experience? I’m gonna try and not be biased. These men are very ethereal. They are very quiet and genuine. They have this very honest and blunt way about doing and saying things. They carry a lot of pain though and you can see it in their eyes which I will say they have very intense eyes. Sexually? They are VERY passionate. They treat sex like a sport but not a fun sport, rather they treat it like a life or death ring match. They definitely pack a punch and will rock your shit. They can be deeply sensitive and intimate all the while being completely in tune with every part of you during sex in such a way that’ll make you feel like you’re freefalling. The genitals in my experience are veiny, very masculine in the way they look. Every time I see a guy with a Virgo rising it never ceases to amaze me how rough and aggressive their penis are. They are also very intense ejaculators and can be very big on equal ejaculation(my pleasure is your pleasure theme) contrary to the Aries myth, they can go and go and go for hours without cumming so as a warning please try and build your stamina

Libra rising men: in my experience? Confused? They can seem like they’re waiting for something to start but also won’t do anything to make something start. They can seem aggressive but are secretly hoping you make the first move. They are very touchy and very adorable in their being but they definitely can be the types to let the other person take the lead. One thing I’ve always liked about libra rising men is their cute butts and their charming way of seducing you without oversexualizing the situation. Sexually they are AMAZING Jesus. Once you get them going they will really run rampant. They are very sensual and they love slow touching and intimacy. They are emotionally present and can have a personality change during sex, they turn into a whole other Individual. A warning I will say is that they get very caught up in the moment and you’ll have to snap them out of it from time to time if they’re to caught up in the pleasure. They’re sexual organs like most fixed signs is pretty thick and heavy. In my experience the length is normal but the girth is what will really kill yah.

Scorpio rising men: in my experience? Fuck these guys are HOT. They don’t have to try very hard either which is annoying, they literally just exude this strong, mysterious and emotionally unavailable energy that makes you want to strip right in front of them. Are they into you? Do they care? Are you more into it then them? Who knows and they probably won’t tell you. They can be very manipulative and tend to gaslight(and I’m not joking about this nor am I jokingly using the term) they tend to have mental detachments from their emotions which can give them sociopath like tendecies. Sexually they are curious, very control oriented. They want to watch you go crazy so most times they leave you in charge. Riding is one of their favorite positions because they get to see you fein for them. They are senstive to your feelings during sex but don’t mistake this for them being emotionally invested in you, the Gemini in their 8th house is playing whatever role gets you to respond in the way they desire. They are very loving nonetheless when they do truly care for you. The sexual organs are usually very thick. I think they’re the ones who invented the word chode. The penis tends to be girthy and also has a pretty good length to it, and they definitely know how to work it.

Sagittarius rising men: in my experience? These guys are some fucking heartthrobs! I hate to say it but man they are so rugged and masculine you can’t help but love their boyish nature. They are definitely obnoxious, loud and ridiculously dense when it comes to reading the room. What makes them so hot though is how reckless they are with all things. They don’t give a shit. Sexually though? Emotions run HIGH they tend to be very drawn to feminine energy. A lot of guys like this adore feminity in all forms be it in men or women. If you have that feminine glow to you, they’ll eat you up. They tend to have a strong desire to impregnate and the idea of being connected and having that sort of emotional receptivity with the person their fucking drives them wild. They are very intense sexually and can be very overwhelming the first few times mainly because adjusting to them is impossible, you never know what emotional spectrum you’ll get. Their sexual organs aren’t that big, sometimes they can be girthy but most times long and or average size tends to be what I see more. Are they good at using it? Yeah, you’ll fall asleep right after trust me.

Capricorn rising men: in my experience? They are very unassuming. They are so fucking calm, so fucking unmoved and so fucking ahead of you every time. They don’t rush things and can really make you feel so comfortable with how respectful and real they are. They have a very boy next door or upstairs neighbor vibe to them. Sleeping with them feels naughty sometimes other times it feels like it was a long build up. Sexually they are exhibitionist. They definitely will fill the hell out of you with their more modest persona at first. They want to enjoy all parts of your body but they also want the show to be about them. They want to hear you want them, how good they make you feel, they want it to feel like a performance where the crowd is watching. And dare I say they are constantly mastering their art, sex gets better and better and better with them. There’s never a dull moment and every time they have sex with you it gets more personal, more intense, more all consuming. They have a high libido and they are practically insatiable. They are selfish but I will say this, if you can’t get them off they definitely will do it themselves. Their sexual organs are often brighter than the other parts of their body. Very pretty too look at and also a bit on the hairy side.

Aquarius rising men: In my experience? They can seem really standoffish and for a good reason. They tend not to like ignorance and the more they see you trying hard to relate to them the less they’ll acknowledge you. They like the idea of someone who is down for them but not the idea of someone who is groveling, don’t and I mean don’t by any means act like a fan. They tend to run hot and cold for ever even if they like you. Sexually they can be meticulously planning the whole thing. The meet up, the positions, the foreplay all of it. They tend to need warnining or to know both parties had time to clean up. They’re not ones for sex on the fly or random sex as it can lead to a lot of unnecessary accidents. They’re attentive and very much the types to make you feel like you’re clay and you’re being sculpted into something magnificent. Their amazing at sex, they are like gallileo, or Mozart when it comes to the act. They move around your body like a serpent, then a leaf in the wind, than rain touching your skin. They are more focused on your pleasure than theirs so orgasms/reaching climax can be tough for them. The sexual organs are pretty small or average in most cases. If mars/Jupiter or Neptune/Uranus is there that augments things.

Pisces rising men: In my experience? They are definitely ass men. Everything revolves around booty. They are definitely soft and very sweet, but they have a sweetness to them that is fake. The real them is far more serious and self aware then they give off. They know what they’re doing and they know what you’re doing, so don’t ever be fooled by the veil they put up. They’re incredible receptive and sensitive and a lot of their internal feelings come out at some point just not at the moment it needs to. Sexually they can very hotel sex types. Like I don’t know how to really explain it and it’s so opposite of what you would expect of libra but they are very impersonal people. Like sex can feel very romantic and as if they are treating you like a significant other but something about it is detached, far away and unavailable. They are good at creating the engagement aspect of sex but can fall short at the emotional part which is semi-strange considering what you’ll get up to that point. They are very experienced but at the same time they may need to be taught to connect a little deeper or to open up more. They have very soft and gentle sexual styles that will still make you feel cared for but sometimes in the back of it all you’ll still feel that “I’m fucking a stranger” vibe. Their sexual organs tend to be very beautiful, nice length and nice width. They’ll definitely be a lot better at the sex part once you guys are committed though.

So obviously this is a general word of mouth and does not take into account planets being in the 8th house nor does it mention decans which can greatly alter much of what I’ve said. And honestly you can apply the decan rule here if you’d like! Simply use the decan lord so if they’re a third decan Virgo rising and have Aries in the third decan in their 8th house which is Aries/Sagittarius: you would mix those interpretations. Anyways hope this helps love.

[honey-and-strawberry]

Move in day: 1 (part 1 of Ponytails & Overnights)

An ot7 MX (non idol) x OC university au series.

Warnings: little bit of swearing. Self esteem issues, but gets very wholesome.

Character profiles

Series opening song: Breathe For You by Monsta X

❗️Hyun-Jae❗️

This must be the address. The house looks bigger than the pictures! I hope the inside is just as nice as the outside. The landlord’s garden in the yard is well kept, I wonder if they grow their own vegetables in the greenhouse. I should’ve waited till Hyungwon was free, so he could help me move in right away. It’s ok, he’ll be here soon. He lives in the house next door anyway.

I go to the front door and punch in the code for the lock that was sent to me by email. The decor is very homey, definitely done with love and time. I’m welcomed by a sweet older woman, who was tending to her indoor plants.

“Wang Mi-Ja?” I ask, hoping it was the landlord. She cheerfully nods.

“Please, call me Mimi” she introduces herself. I bow while she puts down her watering can.

“You must be Chae Hyun-Jae, I didn’t expect you to come early” she gestures to the stairs.

“Oh, I’m sorry” I apologize.

“No, don’t be sorry, hearing what Hyungwon says about you, I should’ve known you would be punctual” she grins, leading us up the stairs. She knows that Hyungwon is my brother?

“Hyungwon talks about me?” I worry.

“All good, sweetie. He told me about your application right after you sent it” Mimi unlocks the upstairs door. I hope him talking about me wasn’t the deciding factor in accepting me.

Touring around the apartment, I am so impressed by the space! Fully furnished. Updated appliances. An actual walk in shower next to a deep tub in the bathroom. There is a small dry-erase board by the front door that has a list of house rules.

No boys staying overnight.

Clean after yourself.

Don’t be too loud.

I get to my bedroom and it’s definitely better than the pictures Hyungwon sent me. I could see myself living here.

“Remember, you’re the first one here, the rest of the girls are moving in soon. Ji-Eun should be coming in later today, she will be staying in the first bedroom to the right. I left envelopes for everyone that has keys and facility numbers” Mimi informs.

“Thank you so much, you took wonderful care of the place” I compliment.

“Thank you, if you need me, I’ll be downstairs” she nods before exiting the apartment. This is so much better than my last place! Even if my roommates aren’t the best, I’m still going to enjoy this! Speaking of the roommates, who are these girls? Checking out the envelopes on the dining table, it seems like Mimi addressed them with the girls' names. Cecily Bradford, Phoebe Adler, Park So-Yi, and Lee Ji-Eun. Two Americans I see. This is going to be new, but nothing I can’t handle. I plop on the couch to get a feel for the living room. Wrapping myself in the soft throw blanket, I finally get the sense of “home”. The silence is cleansing. Yes, I grew up in a silent household, but at least this silence isn’t brewed by passive aggressive tension.

Brought a suitcase to my bedroom to slowly unpack. Filling up my dresser and closet before I start the rest of my room. There’s a knock on the front door, it must be Hyungwon.

I greet him at the door, his arms are full of food.

“Since today is your move-in day, I’m treating you to lunch” Hyungwon greets. That’s very sweet of him. It’s not unlike him to treat me to food, but I didn’t expect this much!

“Aw, thank you”. We set the table and enjoy the menagerie of delicious food.

“When do the rest of the girls come in?” Hyungwon pauses from eating.

“Ji-Eun is coming in today, everyone else I don’t know” I shrug.

“Are you and the boys excited to have new neighbors?”.

“Seeing pretty girls everyday sounds nice, but you’re living next door so I’m shit out of luck” he teases.

“Eh!” I exclaim, smacking his arm. He laughs like a mischievous child.

“I could catch someone's eye” I pout.

“Yeah, someone is going to wonder why this animal escaped the zoo” he cackles. “Come on, you make it easy”. I stick my tongue out at him.

“Tell me about your roommates. You told me their names before, but do you like them?” I wonder, changing the subject.

“They’re all great, closest things I could have for brothers” he nods.

“Then why don’t you talk about them more to me?”.

“I don’t know what I could say. They’re all so different, but we all get along so well”.

“I hope it’ll be the same way with me and the girls” I sigh.

“Doubt it. The last group of girls that lived here got into so many fights, some of the guys had to step in to stop them from hurting each other” he leans back. Oh shit, there’s no way! What could’ve prompted that fight? Why haven’t they moved out if they keep fighting?

“Did Mimi do anything about it?” I wonder.

“She gave them warnings, but nothing more than that. She didn’t know how violent they got, she only heard the yells” he shrugs. “I hope for your sake those girls can’t fight”.

“Oh stop, we’re not going to be like that” I shush him.

“Says you and you haven’t even met your roommates yet” he laughs.

“I have a room to myself, if things start getting nasty, I’ll just stay in my room” I compromise.

“That way if someone gets stabbed, you can perform first aid” he jokes. Ha ha, I get it, it’s because I’m a nursing student, how cute. Smartass. I roll my eyes.

“Whatever ever happened to that scholarship you applied for?” Hyungwon changes the subject. My taste turn sour. I didn’t want to be reminded of it, but I guess the truth has to come out.

“I didn’t get it. I asked the department head and they told me I was supposed to get it, but someone came in at the last minute and got it” I confess. Always second place. Every single time.

“Damn, how many times have you applied for it?” he continues. My skin begins to crawl. Please stop talking about it, I already felt the shame, I don’t want to see the disappointment in him. God help me if he tells my parents.

“Every semester for the past four years” I mumble, slouching in defeat.

“Well screw them. That’s the problem with those scholarships, they only see what the application says, they don’t know who the actual person is” he groans. Seeing his frustration worries me. He must be so disappointed that I didn’t get it.

“You’re not upset with me?” I avoid eye contact.

“Why would I? They’re the ones that messed up. You did your best and they failed to see that” he scoffs. That’s a better response than I’d hope for. If only our parents were that considerate.

“Hey” he nods at me. I look up from my bowl.

“Don’t let that stupid scholarship let you down. You’re a great student and even better nurse” he points at me. Although he can be a smartass, he still can find a way to make me feel better about myself.

“What boxes did you already bring in?” Hyungwon changed the subject.

“Just clothes. I didn’t bring my school supplies or kitchenware out of the car yet”.

“I’ll bring them in” Hyungwon insists before throwing his trash away. I put the rest of the food in the fridge, saving the leftovers for dinner. Hyungwon exits the apartment, heading to my car parked just outside. There’s a knock on the front door. Hyungwon? He doesn’t need to knock unless the door has accidentally locked behind him. I open the door and I see what seems to be a model from a magazine, grinning cheek to cheek.

“Hyun-Jae?” this gorgeous stranger asks.

“Ji-Eun?” my eyes widen.

🦋Ji-Eun🦋

This is the place! This place is so much closer to campus, only a short bus ride away! And with the price of rent, I can’t beat this. According to the landlord, a roommate should already be there. The interior reminds me of my grandmother’s house. It definitely smells like my grandmother, the classic choking perfume smell. A very distinct contrast from the exterior, a modern lively chic. Looking at the emails of information, the apartment is in the north staircase. The south staircase is for the boys. A group of men live here? Weird, but it's nice that the landlord is providing affordable housing to students, she must be making bank.

I knock on the door to the apartment, hoping she’s home. The door opens and I’m welcomed by a natural beauty. Her hair is up in a cute loose bun, complimenting her comfortable outfit of a print t-shirt and jeans. I feel a little overdressed for this occasion, wearing a dress and flats.

“Hyun-Jae?” I ask, hoping it’s her.

“Ji-Eun?”.

I cheer with glee. I always had good luck with roommates and I’m sure it’s going to be the same here.

I switch my shoes to my slippers and run around the living space, leaving my suitcase by the door. She’s obviously taken back by my behavior.

“I’m sorry, I’m just so excited” I apologize. I’m a bit more cheerful than the average person, everyone has a different attitude about it.

“It’s ok, I just didn’t expect you to be so...energetic” she hesitates.

“Don’t worry, just give me a minute and the adrenaline will wear off” I joke. There’s nothing wrong with being energized over a new chapter in your life. Getting closer to my goals is something to celebrate, right? I’m getting closer to finishing my second degree, a new environment will give me the final push to succeeding.

“Let me show you around” he smiles. The tour was brief, but I love the space! The furniture looks comfy, the energy in just the living room feels fresh. I take my suitcase to my bedroom. I can pick the bed?! A perk of being here early! I pick the bed by the window to enjoy the view.

“Do you know about the other girls?” I ask.

“I know their names, but that’s it. We’re going to have two American roommates I guess” she sighs. Two Americans? I had an American roommate before. Nice girl, had a hard time adapting.

“That sounds fun. It’s always cool to learn new things from them. A past roommate showed me how she made sandwiches and it changed my world” I keep to the bright side.

“You had roommates before?” she smiles.

“I have, very lovely girls. Have you had roommates before?” I nod.

“This is my first time with roommates. I’m excited that you all are going to be the firsts” she laughs. This girl is very sweet, but seems uptight. She’s probably just nervous, if her not having roommates before is true, then I totally understand the anxious feeling. I’m going to try to make this transition as fluid as possible for her. I wish I had that help when I was first on my own, the least I can do is do that for her.

“We’re lucky to have you”.

“Did you eat?” I add. She nods.

“Do you mind if I go grab some groceries for us till the rest of the girls come?” I gesture to the door.

“You don’t have to do that” she nervously laughs.

“I’m not going to get a lot, it’s ok” I insist. I mostly just want to see how close the store is to here.

“Let me grab my wallet and give you some money” she rushes to her room. I would be fine if I paid for it, but since it’s food for us, I don’t see why not split it. She gives me some cash and tells me to grab some freezer dumplings and dipping sauce. Simple enough. I was probably just going to grab some ramen and drinks.

Opening the front door, I bump right into someone holding a stack of large boxes. The boxes were tall enough I couldn’t see who’s behind them. Thankfully, the boxes aren’t knocked over.

“Hey! Watch where you’re going” a man’s voice groans.

“I’m so sorry!” I apologize, grabbing the other side of the boxes in case I knocked him off balance. I see a head pop over the side of the pillar of boxes. He’s very tall, I thought it was just the boxes that were tall! His eyes widen as if he saw a ghost. He’s pretty cute for a guy who just yelled at me. His lips look divine. His black hair looks long enough to put into a man bun.

“You’re not Hyun-Jae” he states. He must know her, lucky girl.

“Correct, I’m Ji-Eun” I introduce myself with a laugh. He bashfully smiles, pushing his bread cheeks out, making me want to pinch them.

“I’m Hyungwon” he chuckles. The mystery pole of a man has a name. He has such a cute little laugh. Very few laughs I’ve heard in my life are as contagious as his.

“I’m sorry for yelling, I thought you were my sister” he apologizes. That solves how he knows her.

“I’m sorry for bumping into you, come in” I move out of the way.

“It’s ok, you can go ahead” he moves away from the door.

“I was in your way, you go first” I justify for him to go first.

“Ladies first” he rebuttals. Checkmate huh? He turned quite charming rather quickly, hasn’t he?

“What a gentleman” I smirk at him. I walk past him and he’s broader than a pole. Why do I get the sense I’ve seen him somewhere before? I easily could’ve seen him at the store or something, but he’s the kind of man I would remember, right? He bites his lip, restraining himself from saying something, I assume something cutely foolish.

“I hope to see you later” I boldly mention. He raises his eyebrows in surprise. Is he surprised I want to see him?

“You will” he turns confident, giving me a wink.

[gardnerkathryn1993]

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We changed her/his records and named him Shy-Andy because he loves you.Kittens who are strays, the hardest time of fireworks and noisy activities, but this is a great training aid.This severe form of physical therapy for their own.To begin with, physical punishment that involves rewarding him for calm behavior near the cat, make sure they were a kitten.Another solution is to take a look at cat training is mostly recommended for allergic animals.

These air filters are custom made to be something that will have to plug it to behave badly.Isn't it understandable that he could cause your cat neutered:There are two parts to the vet at least one person.However, once a week or so following a roundabout route to ensure the control and prevention of fleas whilst to others they cause intense irritation.Tip #7 - When a cat to stop your cat is, ten or twenty minutes of howling cat.

If you ever do catch your cat to the kitty box available.Step three; eliminate the stain can be so bad if that works in your home there are new products that are narrow and not allowed to scratch the furniture, or redecorate their home for some time.What does your cat or kitten but keep in mind that you are away from the ceiling or off of the furry problem immediately.If your moggy has this smell because it traps the dirt from their owner.You cannot use dog training techniques that can be unpredictable.

When Sid was maybe 16 weeks old, my husband and I am flattered...I think.It is thought that cat may show signs of stress or a toy on a cats claws used for?If your cat spraying in cats has a patented Pet Porte Microchip Cat Flap say that they will not assist in totally breaking down the hall.Studies also highlight that some may want to take care of the litter box next to you to train cats, they want to get your precious pets can be painful and potentially complicated.Some people prefer cats with short hair or eye color would be just as effective as antibiotics, but have no where else to be threatening and medical care in time should she feel threatened.

Boy Cat Spraying Problems

Repeat the process of spraying them with a mother and her whole body came up in front of their preferred chin scratching, head-to-tail petting and cuddling.The average cat-loving family lives with 2.1 cats.Toothbrushes and tooth scrapers are also like things in their food and wash her bedding regularly.During the application very carefully, as several pets are allergic to cats.But here's something I need to be food safe quite easily made.

Are you a lot of questions of concern for feline leukemia or feline AIDS.There should be set into place inside the house.The first step is to clean a stain, the smell can become a nightmare.There are a very serious condition and how to clean the box instead of with carpet, the last remnants of detergent.A pain in butt to the unused cat scratching CAN cause a lot of mess and destruction if they observe their mother doing the same effect.

[devilishlynervous-blog]

Dear Diary 8/16/17

if there was ever a time to help someone clean it would be when it is your own mess. I don’t get why May likes to sleep in the front room when she has a queen mattress upstairs the same way I don’t get why she lets her 3 year old own half the common space most of the time. I can’t help but regret letting Bri tell them they could “couch crash” all that time ago. Ugh, I won’t bore you with the details of how annoyed I am of living with such messy and irresponsible people. 

Just one more month 

Just one more month 

Just one more month 

I’m taking Bri to put in our 30 days today actually so any plan May had of staying will sort of be ruined. I do feel sort of bad about blind siding them but there is no way they would have been accepted with no job and there is no way they would be able to make rent on their own. I just hope after all this i get my 700 deposit back. I sound really selfish but living with them has just been so stressful. I have sat them down and been direct, vacuumed passive aggressively. I’ve tried everything. And I never got a thank you, or an I’m sorry. just excuses and the same behavior. I actually had a panic attack the other day because of the state of my home when I got off work. I haven’t had to deal with my anxiety like that in over a year. I can already feel myself trying to latch onto familiar things to feel a sense of control. But for now ill just excessively clean after grown adults and their child. 

Okay time for some not so negative things. ITS MY MOTHERFUCKING DAY OFF!!!! Finally! aaaaaaaaand then i have three doubles waiting for me later this week but I don’t care because I’m putting my 30 days in, going to the river on a beautiful day, and watching BIG BROTHER TONIGHT. So I cant complain too much. My biggest hope is that Bri and Taylor aren’t fighting while we are out. They tend to bicker like old married people. 

Oh and by the way the neighbors from yesterday have a dog, so anything I had against them is completely void now. They are great. 

Signed, 

Just another average 20 year old that loves her some puppies

much love, relax and find your center. 

[janiceirene]

Homelessness

Aloha kākou. Mahalo for the opportunity to share a few minutes of HOPE in a very significant week -  National Hunger and Homelessness Awareness week. The conversation of ending homelessness is one that I am very new to. This year at HOPE has provided me tremendous insight into the homeless crisis, but even more than that, it has provided me tremendous insight into myself. I’ve always been fascinated and drawn to different cultures, different communities, different food. It’s interesting how, when you show up curious to learn about others, you end up learning so much about yourself. I’d like to share with you a few things I’ve learned this past year.

One - I’ve learned the difference between social service, and social control. This has been a difficult and powerful lesson that forced both me and the entire staff at HOPE to get very real and very vulnerable. Acknowledging that our programs exercised social control required us to face our assumptions about the 22% of our homeless population who live with mental health disorders and the 14% who live with substance use disorders. It required us to face our judgements and beliefs about who deserved to be housed and whether or not someone who was homeless, then housed, then became homeless again really deserved to be helped again. And in asking if they deserved to be housed a second time, we had to ask, does anyone, really, deserve to be homeless? Most of all, confronting social control required that we face our fear. And beyond our fear of drunk people, or high people, or “crazy” people that come out during the full moon (which scientifically, is a myth), was our fear of not having control over another human being. And once we got real and honest about power and control, then we could get real and honest about our role in ending homelessness. We could say with all honesty and humility that homeless programs do no heal or fix people. They house people.

In the past, housing was used as a reward, and we told people, “If you stop using drugs, if you get clean and sober, if you address your mental health issues, if you get a job, THEN, we will assist you with housing”. It was a power trip. We held all the power. Power and control were hidden in words like safety and compliance – which sound really good, until you wake up and realize your safety and compliance document has grown to 4 pages of over 100 rules that homeless people had to sign and ahere to, or they would be cited for violations. And after so many violations – you’re out – no housing for you. Earlier this year after a series of raw and difficult conversations with our staff, we looked at every rule, one by one, and asked ourselves, is this social control or social service? Who stands to benefit from this rule? We got rid of the rules, we got rid of mandatory, random, supervised urine testing, and transitioned to just a few agreements that directly align to the goal of permanent housing and building good tenant behaviors.

·      Pay program fees on time and in full each month.

·      Abstain from behavior that is disruptive to others.

·      Keep unit and common areas clean

·      Contribute to the HOPE community, do your kuleana

It was a difficult transition for our staff. Social control to social service. On some levels, it created an identity crisis. Part of the transition was a change in their job titles from Shelter Specialist to Housing Navigator. The Housing Navigator job description contains a paragraph that reads, “In the course of performing the duties of the Housing Navigator it is not uncommon to see, engage or be confronted with first hand the following: violence and threats of violence; profane, racist and/or sexist language; bodily fluids; conflict; interactions with First Responders; alcohol and other street drugs; cigarette smoke; death of service participants or her/his associates; nudity of service participants or her/his associates; friends/family dynamics with service participants; people involved with sex work; people involved in the drug trade; persons used against their consent, will or knowledge; people in conflict with the law; and/or other situations that may be unsettling. Measures are taken to train staff to appropriately deal with these situations, but those in the position should reasonably expect these types of things to occur.”  Those that sign THAT job description, they are true role models of social service.

The second lesson I have learned is applied mathematics. In the story of ending homelessness, applied mathematics goes like this: How many hours, per week, does Sally need to work to afford rent on the average 2-bedroom apartment? The answer: 108 hours per week. Sally must work at least 15 hours, every single day to pay her rent.

Applied mathematics in the homeless conversation looks like 54% of all persons identified in the Point In Time Count have lived in Hawaii for more than ten years. Of the nearly 1,400 surveyed, 42% or 650 were individuals in families. 33% or 460 were children under the age of 18, which my inner math wizard tells me – is one too many who tonight will shower at the pool, or beach, or maybe not at all. One too many children tonight who will try to find a street light to do their homework under, or maybe they will be too hungry and say, forget it. One too many children who woke up this morning and brushed their teeth and got ready for school in a supermarket bathroom. And what about the babies? We received this message on our Facebook, “My family is experiencing homelessness. My boyfriend is working but we don’t have anywhere to stay. It is not only us but we also have a 7 month baby. We used to live with my boyfriend’s family but they were not good to me and my baby. We got into an argument and they kicked us out. Now we sleep in our car with our baby unless a friend invites us to spend a night. I really hate to see my baby not sleeping on a bed. Please, can anybody help us”. Which leads me to my third lesson. Neuroscience and the effect that trauma has on the brain. Because homelessness is traumatizing, and especially so for children. Our brain’s response to stress, particularly toxic stress that includes strong, frequent, and prolonged activation of the body’s stress response system impacts the

·      Corpus callosum: responsible for intelligence, consciousness and self-awareness.

·      Parietal Lobes: responsible for decoding emotional signals.

·      Temporal lobes, the part of the brain that helps you to see another person’s perspective.

·      Hippocampus: responsible for learning, memory and bring cortisol levels back to normal after a stressful event.

·      Amygdala: Also knows as fight or flight. Helps determine whether a stimulus is threatening and triggers emotional responses.

I’ve learned about head injury, that many of our chronic homeless have experienced and the affect this has on the frontal lobe, responsible for self-control, judgement, deferred gratification and emotional regulation. Typically, the frontal lobe begins developing around age 16-17 and isn’t completely developed until the mid-twenties. So when I met with the County Parks and Recreation staff to thank them for their partnership and open communication with HOPE – because if anyone is in regular contact with the chronic homeless and if anyone knows where to find them, it’s our County parks staff – when I met with them they expressed their frustration. They said, I don’t know why, when there is a rubbish can right there, they can’t just pick up their trash and put it in the can. I said, Yes, I ask myself the same thing about my teenage daughter. That damn frontal lobe.

The fourth lesson I’ve learned is that charity will not end homelessness. And no matter how good it feels for me, my donated hotel shampoo is never going to end homelessness.

So, how should we respond to homelessness? In his book Toxic Charity, Robert Lupton writes, “There is no simple or immediate way to discern the right response without a relationship.” He continues, “Becoming a neighbor to less-advantaged people is the most authentic expression of affirmation I know—becoming a real-life, next-door neighbor.  When connected neighbors move into the struggling world of those who are poor in order to be friends, new possibilities begin to appear. Authentic relationships with those in need have a way of correcting the we-will-rescue-you mind-set and replacing it with mutual admiration and respect.” Lupton’s entire message can be captured in a single word: compassion. Compassion, in its purest form means: to suffer together. Ending homelessness in our community will never be realized until we commit to suffer together. Can you get make more money by keeping rent high? Yes. Will that help end homelessness? No.  Suffer together. How do we even begin, as a community to embrace this? For me, compassion is a daily practice of reminding myself to be brave, and be kind. The only way you become brave is one terrifying step at a time.

My office is located on Kapiolani street at the HOPE Resource Center. Upstairs, we operate an emergency shelter for single men, many who are ex-offenders. I was honestly terrified the first few weeks. Then someone shared with me a conversation that she had had with one of the men. He said, “The other night I was at the Plaza. A couple came near the door and for a second looked confused that the stores were closed. I told them, the stores are closed, but the movies are still open. They smiled and told me thank you. We talked about the movies that were playing. It felt so good, you know, for the first time, I felt like someone saw me as a person and not a criminal.” As a domestic violence survivor, being brave and kind for me, is looking an ex-offender in the eye when he says good morning, taking a deep breath and saying, “Good morning”. Be neighborly. Have mutual respect.

And last, I’ve learned that in the story of ending homelessness, I will never be the hero. A hero, defined by Superman -  Christopher Reeve -  is an ordinary individual, who finds the strength to persevere and endure despite overwhelming obstacles.

When it comes to ending homelessness, I will never be the hero because I will never know the overwhelming obstacles that a homeless person faces. I will not know, how it feels to be told that in order to apply for housing, you need to have an ID, and in order to get an ID, you need to have a birth certificate. And in order to get a birth certificate - you need to have an ID. And in order to have either you need to have a mailing address. And a bank account. And remember, in order to open a bank account, you need to have an ID.

In the story of ending homelessness, I will not know about the overwhelming obstacle of facing a life threatening medical condition or work injury that leads to loss of a job, that leads to loss of income, and loss of home. So they end up living in a car, still with the life threatening medical condition or work injury – and they are sick and in pain, and living in a car or in a tent. If you were visualizing that scenario, and the overwhelming obstacles, now add children. I met a family during the Point in Time Count. They were living in a tent in Puna. The husband was injured on the job, lost his job, and with the single income from the wife they could no longer afford rent. They had 2 sons – one teenager and one who was in elementary school. I saw the younger son lying in the tent. It was a school day, but he was not in school. He was sick – diagnosed with Dengue fever. In the story of ending homelessness, the heroes are the ones who find strength to persevere and endure despite overwhelming obstacles.

I have so much more to learn. I know there is only one way to end homelessness and it ends with housing. But how do we get there? Where do we begin?

In his poem titled Shoulders, Shane Koyczan writes:

I remember how my grandmother tried to explain our world to me-

She told me a story

She said the ground and the sky, they love each other

But they don’t have arms

So rain; that’s just how they hold one another.

I began to see how the earth and sky need each other.

But I wondered about us.

In this perfect design, where do we fit?

Which piece of the puzzle are we?

We are faced with a seemingly impossible task.

And it’s okay to be afraid.

We lay in our beds curled into question marks, wondering

What can we do?

Where do we start?

Is hope a glue

crazy enough to hold us together

while we’re falling apart?

The burden seems immense.

But we can do this.

It is not a myth, there is no debate, facts are in

Fact is, there’s never been any question.

We are facing crisis.

We dismiss the truth not because we can’t accept it,

but because having to commit ourselves to change is a scary prospect for anybody.

The most alarming part of the statement ’we are facing crisis’

Isn’t the word ’crisis’,

It’s the word ’we’.

Because those two letters take the responsibility away from one

and rest it squarely on the shoulders of everybody.

Our strength will come from finding a way to share

in shouldering the responsibility

of turning the impossible

into somehow

Somehow, we will do this.

We can do this.

We can dismiss apathy; we can reject uncertainty

We can be the new chapter in our story

We will not see change immediately

We must act in faith

as the hour hand grips the minute hand and they land on the eleventh hour

We must believe like the seed that change is possible to see.

Never seize the flower, it grows knowing it must become more than what it was

It changes, because in growth, all of its potential can be unlocked.

Change is like rain, it starts with a single drop.

we are connected to one another, we are bound.

We must behave as the arms that connect the ground to the sky.

We must try to be more like the rain.

We act as the rain,

realizing that each individual drop

is as equal and important as any.

Thank you.