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vioartemis · 10 months ago

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I'll hold your hand

(Ava Silva x fem! reader)

Summary: You've been in St Michael's orphanage for the past 12 years and made a friend there. Or maybe she's a bit more than just a friend after all... Warnings: bit sad at one point ig, not proof read (English isn't my first language, I'm sorry if there are mistakes or if something doesn't make sense TvT)

"Wanna see something cool?" Ava whispered to you as Sister Frances was walking out of her room

"Sure!" you smiled

Ava looked at the older woman and you could see her right hand move slightly as she extended her middle finger. You both chuckled at her action, which drew the attention on you.

"What makes you laugh so much?" Sister Frances asked, clearly annoyed

"Oh, Ava just cracked a very funny joke. Nothing you could get I'm afraid" you replied with a little smirk

You could see her jaw clench from afar, and you were sure she was holding back not to hit you both in that moment. It wasn't a secret; she never liked neither of you, and you didn't like her either.

She didn't say anything to that and left the room, muttering under her breath.

You looked at Ava, who was already looking at you, and you both laughed again.

"That was hilarious!" she finally said after her laughter calmed down

"I know, I am so funny"

"And so modest too"

You chuckled and wiped away a few tears on Ava's cheeks, caused by her laugh.

"Thank you"

"Don't thank me. Soon you'll be able to do it yourself, I'm sure of it" you smiled

"You think?"

"Yeah! Look at you, flipping her off like that! You'll be walking in no time"

You kneeled on the floor and rested your chin on her bed with a smile.

"Give me your hand"

You complied and held her hand softly, your eyes never leaving her face. You knew what she was trying to do, it had become part of your daily routine now. Her fingers moved slightly, not quite reaching your hand.

Ava swore under her breath, and her fingers stopped moving. You stroked her hair gently, trying to reassure her.

"You're doing great, you're almost there"

She shook her head.

"You only say that so I don't feel worse..." she took a deep breath "I promise I'll hold your hand, one day. Hug you even"

Your smile got bigger.

"I know. I know you will. I believe in you, I'm so proud of the progress you've made already" you punctuated your words with a gentle squeeze on her hand, even if you knew she could barely feel it

Your words made her feel warm inside, a feeling she almost only had when you were there. As she couldn't leave her bed, your presence helped her and made her days better.

You would watch tv together, criticize everything and everyone, joke, laugh, sometimes you would even read to her. She found your voice so calming and soothing, she could listen to you talk for hours.

Right before Sister Frances came, you were actually reading her one of the only books the older woman let you buy after you annoyed her with it for a really long time: The Shinning. You were almost finished, there were less than a hundred pages left.

"I better go back to my room. Sister Frances would be capable of keeping me away from you if we keep pissing her off today"

"What about the book? You said it was almost the end!"

"It is! I promise to read it to you tomorrow"

You smiled as you got up, the book in your hand, before bending down again to kiss her forehead. You didn't leave her room without a cheerful 'goodnight!', only met by an eye roll and a barely audible 'goodnight'.

On the way to your room, you smiled to yourself, not knowing there would not be a tomorrow.

<><><><> ♡ <><><><>

"Ava, someone said they wanted to see you"

The girl looked up from the glass she was cleaning.

"What? Who?"

"I don't know, she only said she wanted to see you. She's outside, on the left of the bar"

Ava was a bit confused, but took off her bartender's apron and left it on the counter.

"Be careful, maybe it's a trap" Beatrice warned her as she walked past her

"I'll be okay, don't worry"

She smiled and left the bar, looking for that mysterious person. On the left of the bar, where Bea told her, Ava could see a person, but their back was facing her.

"Excuse me, are you the one who asked to see me?"

There was a moment of silence before the person turned around, letting the sun shine on a face Ava never thought she would see again.

"Y/n?" she asked hesitantly, barely believing her eyes

She could see tears in your eyes before she was pulled in a tight hug that, for the first time, she could give back.

"I thought I would never see you again" you sobbed in the hug "I thought you were dead...!"

She pulled away from the hug and gently placed her hands on your face to wipe away your tears, just like you did for her many times in the past.

"I'm sorry... I tried to see you after everything happened, but you weren't there..."

"I- I ran away after Sister Frances tried to inject me something in my sleep that night..." you looked directly into her eyes, not quite believing she was real yet "I went to your room, I wanted to see you, but... you were s-so pale... and you weren't opening your eyes... How are you not dead? Are you even real?"

A new wave of tears threatened to flow down your cheeks. Ava smiled a bit at your last question.

"I'm very real, I promise. As for the rest..."

She explained everything to you, knowing that she could trust you with her life and that you would believe her. By the end of her story, you were both sitting on the ground, your backs against the bar's wall.

You were trying to assimilate everything she had just told you, and it was a lot, she knew it.

"Give me your hand" she asked softly

You complied, and you held hands. For the first time, Ava could feel the warmth of your hand in her, she could really hold your hand. I'm holding your hand now... she thought.

"You okay?" she asked after a moment

"Yeah... just... wow"

You finally turned your head to look at her.

"I really thought I had lost you... I missed you so much..."

Ava couldn't help but smile at your words. She pulled you in for another hug, enjoying the feeling of it.

"I missed you too" she rubbed your back before pulling away again

For a moment, she found herself unable to look away from your face. You hadn't changed that much, but at the same time you did. She could still find all the details she loved about your face, and your smile was still her favorite thing to see.

She was feeling so nice and warm... She hadn't experience this since the day before she died, not even with JC.

Even if she hadn't realized back then, now she knew she had always loved you. Or maybe she did know it but buried her feelings, knowing she could've never gave you a normal relationship.

Seeing you again just caused all her feelings to come back, and she had a hard time containing them.

"How have you been? I talked a lot about myself, now I want to hear about you"

"Oh, well... I just tried to go as far as possible from the orphanage" you replied with a little shrug "I didn't really know what to do... It was hard not having you by my side, you know?"

Ava was touched by your words, it made her melt a bit more.

"Did you meet anyone you could travel with?" she asked, trying to be subtle

"Not really. Making friends has never been my thing"

"What about... more than friends?"

"You mean like a crush?" you chuckled "No, no crush either. The only one I ever had was back then at the orphanage" you turned to her "What about you?"

She shook her head.

"Me neither"

You nodded, before looking back in front of you with a little smile.

"Hey um... Do you want to go out tonight? There will be a party at the bar" Ava asked you

"Parties aren't really my thing to be honest, but thanks for the invite"

You didn't miss the disappointment in her eyes at your answer. It made you smile a bit more.

"Why'd you look so sad about it?" you teased her

She hesitated to answer honestly, because it would mean confessing her feelings. But you wouldn't juge her, would you? Maybe, maybe you would even give her a chance, now that she wasn't paralyzed anymore?

"I just want to spend time with you, is that a crime?" she replied with a smile "Also make up for lost time"

"It's not like it's your fault or anything... It's hard to find someone when you have no idea where they are" you nudge her gently

"I... wasn't talking about the past few months"

"What were you talking about then?" you asked, confused

"... The twelve years at the orphanage"

Your confusion must have been obvious, because she sighed and tried to find her words.

"I wasn't really there, I couldn't do anything beside looking at you or speak... And you were just so nice, spending your days with me instead of going with the others while I couldn't do anything to repay you..."

"Ava-"

"You always did everything you could to make sure I wasn't alone, you encouraged me, you stood up against Sister Frances for me... You were just- so perfect... You made my days better, gave me a reason to wake up in the morning... A-and I was just laying there, doing nothing-"

"Ava." you grabbed her hand "Don't say it like I was the only one to contribute to our friendship. I stayed with you because you were important to me. Because I wanted to. Because I liked being with you"

"But you could've been so much happier without me! You could've found yourself friends with who you could so things, maybe find someone you liked and build a relationship with them... A normal relationship, a real relationship, not like anything you could've had with me, assuming you'd share my feelings..."

Your eyes went wide at her words. She had feelings for you...?

"But now that I'm more normal I really want to make up for all these years and spend time with you. Show you I'm more than... than a quadriplegic teenager"

"You think I don't know that already?" your words made her turn to you "That never mattered to me. Not one second"

"Y/n-"

"It's always been you, Ava"

She was stunned, mouth half opened. The words were stuck in her throat.

"To me you always were so much more than 'a quadriplegic teenager'. You were everything. Every night when I went back to my room I was looking forward to seeing you the next day" you gave her a smile, tears in your eyes "These years with you, they were the best ones of my life. And... and when I lost you that night... my whole world collapsed. I regretted not having told you how I felt about you and how much you meant to me"

Your voice was shaking by the end of your little speech, but you had to finish it now. You took both her hands in yours.

"I'm in love with you, Ava"

It took her a minute to be able to speak again, still shocked by everything you just said.

"Me too... I mean- I'm in love with you too..."

Your smile showed how happy you were to hear her say that. You gave her hands a little squeeze as your gaze fell on her lips for a split second. She noticed it and slowly leaned in. You did the same, and your lips finally met in a soft kiss.

If anyone had told you that you would be kissing her behind a bar in the Alps, you wouldn't have believed them.

But apparently miracles exist.

#ava silva #warrior nun #ava silva x reader #ava silva x fem reader #ava silva x female reader #warrior nun fanfiction

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vioartemis · 9 months ago

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Not friends

(Ava Silva x fem! reader)

Summary: Ava can taste freedom for the first time in years, but it's not the same without you... Warnings: none a/n: yes, another Ava fic :) every one of them will have at least a part 2 btw :)) (English isn't my first language, I'm sorry if there are mistakes or if something doesn't make sense TvT)

A dream. It had to be a dream. Or maybe it was heaven? Whatever it was, Ava accepted it. She could walk here, she finally had a chance to live her life after 12 years stuck in a bed.

Her newfound freedom got her all excited, but something was missing. You were missing.

There hadn't been a day in 12 years were you wouldn't see each other. You would always talk about what you'd do if you could flee the orphanage, where you'd go, what you'd like to see.

And now she could do that. She could do everything you spent years talking about. But she just couldn't leave you alone there.

So there she was again, in the hallways she only ever saw from her wheelchair, trying to stay out of view from the staff while going to your room. As she put her hand on the door handle, she froze.

What if you weren't there? What if -for some reason- you weren't in your room? What would she do without you?

She stayed like that for a moment before shaking her head in hope to brush these thoughts away. When she opened the door, you were laying on your bed, facing the wall, hidden under your blanket.

"Y/n?"

You didn't move, not sure her voice wasn't an hallucination. Ava got closer to you and put her hand on your shoulder.

You turned around at the contact, pissed off at the person who dared disturb you while you were mourning, but as soon as you saw her all trace of annoyance disappeared from your face.

You sat up quickly, ont believing your eyes.

"Ava...?"

"Hi" she smiled

It took you a second to process the information. You hugged her tightly, burying your face against her neck as tears rolled down your cheeks.

"I thought you were dead..." you whispered, not moving from the hug "What happened?"

"I don't really understand yet, but I'm here! And I can walk!"

Even if you couldn't see her face, you knew she had a big smile. She didn't try to break the hug, enjoying every second of it.

You pulled away after a few minutes, wiping your tears away with a little smile. Then you hit her arm playfully.

"You scared me! Don't do that again"

Your comment made her laugh.

"I won't, I promise"

She looked at your face and smiled to herself. You'd been apart one day, and she already missed you like it'd been months.

“What do you think about running away with me?” she asked you, eyes filled with hope “Now we can travel everywhere! We can go to France, or Germany, or wherever you want!”

Her eyes were pleading you to say yes. Your heart was telling you to say yes.

“Of course!” you replied while giving her hand a little squeeze

Your answer brought a bright smile to her face. She hugged you again, relieved and so happy you said yes.

“We should probably go before anyone sees us” you said, getting out of your bed

“Wait! You can’t go out dressed like that”

Ava put a black bag on your bed, in which she had put clothes from the store she phased in a few hours ago.

“You knew I would say yes” you smiled, looking at the clothes “I really hope this team doesn’t suck”

Ava smiled at your comment as she made the same one when she was in the shop.

A blush quickly replaced her smile when you started undressing. She knew she should turn away, but she couldn't take her eyes away from you. You looked ethereal. She was completely mesmerized

"Like what you see? you asked with a little smirk

It made her blush even more and finally look away, causing her to miss the blush that spread across your own cheeks.

"Sorry..."

You smiled at her embarrassed expression, finding her really cute. You finished to put on the sweater she gave you earlier before grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the exit.

"I'm just teasing! C'mon, let's go before anyone sees us"

Your smile was bright and it was clear you were happy to leave this atrocious place. And so was Ava.

Once you were out in the streets she took the lead and guided you to the beach. You both took off your shoes, letting the calm waves hit your feet. You closed your eyes, enjoying the moment, how the wind blew your hair away from your face, how the sound of the sea relaxed you...

Suddenly, you felt water splash on your face. You gasped dramatically, opening your eyes to see Ava laughing with her hands in front of her face.

"Oh, you-"

You bent down to splash water on her as well, but she was already running away. You ran after her as fast as you could, determined to catch up to her. You managed to grab her hand after a few meters, but you kept running together until Ava tripped and pulled you down with her when she fell.

You were both lying in the sand, laughing, still holding hands.

Once you caught your breath, your turned your head to the side to look at her. She was so pretty.... Her smile was genuine, her eyes were shinning...

"Thank you for coming back for me" you whispered with a grateful smile

"You really thought I would leave you there?"

"I thought you were dead"

She turned to face you too.

"I'm not dead. Well, maybe I was for a short period of time-" she stopped, seeing your concerned expression "... but I don't know, I'm still not sure of what happened!"

You gave her a worried look for a few more seconds, before sighing.

"Whatever it was, I hope it's not going to bring us any problems"

Clearly you didn't need any external help to have problems. Ava Almost drowning in someone's pool was enough. She was okay, thank god, but the noises you made caught the attention of the little group that "lived" here.

You didn't know if staying with them was a good idea. But maybe it was just because you were pretty sure JC was attracted to Ava -even if he met her like 2 hours ago. The only one you were willing to trust was Chanel. She was really nice from the start and you found it pleasant to talk with her.

She was currently helping you chose what to wear to a party they convinced Ava and you to go to.

"How do I know what goes with what?" you asked, perplexed

"It will come eventually. Here, take that"

She handed you some clothes, waiting for you to try them on. You look at what she gave you before looking up. Outside, in the garden, JC and Ava were talking.

"Do you think he likes her?"

Chanel looked in their direction as well.

"Maybe. She's pretty and nice, I wouldn't blame him if he did"

You nodded slightly, not so happy with her answer. What if she liked him too? You went to the bathroom to change, hoping it would help you think about something else.

"You should confess" Chanel's voice broke your thought bubble

"What?"

"You should tell her you like her"

You took a break in your change of clothes and poked your head through the door to look at her. It was clear what she was talking about. You could see it in her eyes. She knew you had feelings for Ava.

"... we're friends, I don't want to ruin it" you mumbled while going back to the bathroom

She didn't respond right away, maybe taking some time to choose her words.

"You're already not friends, Y/n. You're just pretending your feelings don't exist"

"No, I'm her friend. Have always been"

"You're not friends if you want to kiss her, if you want more, if you're lying to her. You're not friends if you want not to be"

Her words sank to your core. She was right. But the idea of maybe losing Ava was unbearable.

You finished putting on the new clothes and went back to the room, tears in your eyes.

"I'm just so scared to lose her..."

"Why would you lose her?" she asked in a comforting tone

"I don't know how she would react to the news"

"Does she know you like girls?"

"I don't like girls. I like her"

Chanel gave you a little smile.

"So what? You're going to keep quiet and let her fall in love with someone else?"

"I really just want her to be happy" you said quietly "As long as I can see her smile..."

"What's so special about her smile?"

"It's just... so pretty... I always tried to make her smile as much as I could, bring her a bit of happiness" you marked a little pause "I think I've been in love with her from the start. But every time she smiles... I fall for her a little more"

If she ever doubted you really loved Ava, now she was certain you did. She could see it in your eyes. Just like she saw the way you looked at Ava, like she was the most beautiful thing on earth.

She also saw how Ava was looking at you, which you seemed to have missed if you thought she didn't like you. But honestly she wasn't sure Ava herself was aware of her feelings for you.

"It's going to be okay"

She hugged you as she said that, trying to comfort you anyways.

In the living room, sitting on the couch, Ava could see the two of you hugging. She could see Chanel's hands on your back, rubbing up and down -sometimes a bit too low to her taste.

She had no reason to feel that way, but she couldn't help it. She wanted to be the one to hug you. Why would you hug someone you knew for 2 hours?

You pulled away from the hug and gave the girl a smile.

A smile you usually gave Ava. She could also see your eyes were red, which meant you cried. Why on earth would you go to Chanel if you needed reassurance? Her brows were furrowed in confusion.

However, her expression softened when she saw what you were wearing. The clothes suit you very well. You looked good -even better than you usually did.

She looked you up and down, until Chanel made you spin around. It made it look like you were dancing together while in reality she was just checking your outfit.

But again, it made Ava's stomach drop.

The party didn't go as planned. You knew it was a bad idea to try to sneak in that stupid party. At first it was fun, dancing with Ava, eating some food you never saw in your life, exploring the labs and trying the machines.

But it was two days ago and you still had no idea where Ava was. She disappeared after the security started to look for intruders. You hoped nothing bad happened to her.

You were worried. Pacing back and forth in the room they gave Ava and you, not knowing what to do or where to look for her. You had already walked across the whole town to try to find her, ask people if they saw her... but it was like she simply disappeared.

You tried to go in town again, but JC and Chanel -the only ones who seemed to care- convinced you to stay inside 'for your own good'. They told you she couldn't have gone far and would come back soon.

You really wanted to believe them, but it was hard not to imagine the worst.

You ended up laying in bed, curled up in a ball, biting your nails in an attempt to calm you down -which did not work at all. You had also put on Ava's sweater, so when you closed your eyes it was like she was here.

You had no idea how much time had passed when Chanel came to see you.

"Y/n, she's back"

You didn't need her to tell you twice. You got up so quickly it made your head spin, but you really didn't care. You ran to the living room, where you assumed everyone was.

She was here. You didn't let her the time to fully register your presence and hugged her tighter than you ever had. She let out a little 'oof' when your bodies collided.

"Where have you been?" you asked in a quiet voice, not breaking the hug

"It's a long story"

"I have time"

You pulled away slightly, enough to be able to look at her. She could see concern in your eyes and fresh tears on your cheeks.

Ava placed her hands on your cheeks to wipe your tears away.

"I'm sorry I made you cry again... I didn't mean to"

"Don't ever disappear again without me" you mumbled, sniffling

"Okay, I promise" she chuckled

She leaned her forehead against yours, whispering more "I'm sorrys". You closed your eyes, inhaling deeply as her perfume invaded your nostrils. She always had a way of calming you down.

That's why you needed to be honest with her.

"Can we... talk? I... need to tell you something"

"Of course"

With that, she gave the others a smile before grabbing your hand and walking to your room with you. You both sat on the bed, still holding hands.

"So, what did you want to talk about?"

"Yeah um..."

You took a deep breath in an attempt to calm yourself down and gather a bit of courage.

"I um..." you made the mistake to look into her beautiful brown eyes, which brought up the thought that she might never look at you like that after you tell her

She didn't say a word, letting you time to find your words, which was really difficult. You were stuttering and getting annoyed by your own inability to express yourself.

"What the fuck is wrong with me...?" you sighed after a moment

"Hey... nothing's wrong with you, don't say that"

"No, something's definitely wrong with me... It's not that hard, yet I can't bring myself to say it" you shake your head, sighing again "Three words, three fucking words..."

"Just... just go ahead, you know I won't judge you" she tried to reassure you

You took another deep breath and looked at the ceiling.

"... I love you" it felt weird to say it out loud

"You love me? As in we're best friends?"

"No I... I love you as in I'm in love with you..."

#ava silva #warrior nun #ava silva x reader #ava silva x fem reader #ava silva x female reader #warrior nun fanfiction

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