#autistic girl over-explains herself out of fear of being misunderstood

[aceofwaffles]

I think I’m gonna have to do this at some point so I figure I might as well do it now.

I kind of ship Krisnix.

But it’s more complicated than I feel like I can explain with just that statement. So here, let me try:

I don’t think it would be a good relationship. I think it’s quite obvious it would be very unhealthy. But the reason I say I kind of ship it is because 1.) I think Phoenix really would feel that way about Kristoph, and 2.) I think that’s interesting to think about. I think Krisnix is an interesting reflection of Phoenix’s mental state during the seven year gap, and I think his internal struggle of on some level knowing that Kristoph is bad for him but hating himself too much to care is something that’s again… interesting. I’m really struggling to think of another word for it.

(I should also probably mention upfront that my interpretation of Kristoph is probably a lot more of a fully realized and sympathetic person than a lot of other peoples’)

Now, I actually don’t think that Kristoph, how I see him, would even consider dating Phoenix. But Phoenix’s struggle with his feelings for Kristoph, even after he knows for certain he’s a murderer and never gave a shit about him, is like… really fucking interesting to think about! Whether those feelings were romantic or not. Kristoph was probably Phoenix’s closest friend during the seven year gap. (We know Maya had gone back to Kurain and I imagine Edgeworth was away as well) And realizing that the person who was there for you at the lowest point of your life never actually cared about you at all, and was in fact responsible for said lowest point in your life, has got to be really hard. And I imagine it wouldn’t be as simple as just hating him now. Those feelings (again romantic or platonic, or perhaps a mix of both) wouldn’t just go away. And again, I think that’s worth exploring if you want because I think a lot of us have experienced stuff like this. A lot of people have really complicated relationships with others.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not “pro-ship” by any means (I don’t identify as anti-ship either — I think both communities have a lot of problems), but I do think that sometimes those of us who maybe lean more anti or are anti-shippers can have a problem with conflating being interested in a certain dynamic with thinking that dynamic is perfectly healthy in every way. And don’t get me wrong, sometimes people do defend their problematic ships in ways that try to make it seem okay irl (and with a lot of ships that’s really fucked up) But that’s not what I’m talking about. I mean I think some people see you show interest in obviously unhealthy ships and assume that means you would defend them irl, when I think that’s often not true (again, sometimes it is, and sometimes people ship things to specifically sexualize the problematic aspect, and I definitely do have a problem with that)

But like, you don’t always want to think about a perfect healthy relationship. If you’ve been in relationships you’ve probably had several that were not that. And maybe the reason you’re interested in a certain ship isn’t because “abuse sexy”, but because you think the internal struggles of the character(s) in the ship is interesting or relatable or it speaks to you on a level that you maybe don’t even understand.

I like a wide variety of ships, and most of them are relatively wholesome (with the potential for a bit of angst). And actually, Wrightworth is one of them. I don’t think Phoenix should end up with Kristoph. I don’t want to see him to end up with Kristoph. But I think his feelings for him are a part of his story. And they’re a part that I’d like to explore through writing and art and roleplay and stuff.

But this stuff is also complicated. I’ve read Krisnix fanfic and I remember two of them having set-ups that I found actually very distasteful. (Part of the reason I don’t usually just read random fics anymore) And I’m sure there are plenty of people who also find this dynamic interesting who I would flatly dislike. And I would even say that there are probably certain ships that attract people who I have particular problems with, and that this may even be one of them (I may be an outlier for having a relatively sympathetic and humanized interpretation of Kristoph)

Yeah, I feel like there should be a larger point here because I did talk about some stuff earlier on that was more broad, but I don’t quite know how to end this.

(If you’re only interested in the Krisnix part feel free to leave now) Also cw for like, excessive unfounded p*dophilia accusations in the next section:

I guess…. A lot of antis or anti-adjacent ppl like myself make snap judgements about peoples’ character based solely on which fictional characters’ hypothetical relationships they think about. Now, that doesn’t mean that sometimes these judgements aren’t correct. And if you see cp or creepy art on someone’s blog they’re certainly warranted. And just because you don’t have evidence someone is a creep doesn’t mean you can’t block them cause the vibes are off or you just don’t want to see a certain ship. I want to make it very clear that that is absolutely fine and I would, in fact, encourage it. I am not trying to remove your ability to look away. And I am of the opinion that if there’s potentially triggering content on your blog, you should tag it in order to make that easier. And because a lot of ships make people uncomfortable, I’m definitely in favor of tagging for that too, especially if they include concerning relationship dynamics like age gaps around a certain age or inc*st or abuse, or if you know that a lot of people have a problem with them.

What I’m trying to suggest people don’t do is call people p*dophiles with no fucking proof. (If you don’t do this, I’m not talking about you.) That word has a very specific meaning, and I think the internet has a really big problem with overusing it.

Also, while I almost sort of understand this when it comes to people who ship children/teens with adults (I definitely think that’s weird btw, just not necessarily p*dophilic), I’ve seen people call relationships p*dophilic when they are between two adults. And I don’t mean like, 18-year-olds and 35-year-olds bc while that’s also not p*edophilia, it is creepy and potentially the result of grooming. I mean the people who say that tall people who date short people are p*dophiles. Or people who think that an 18-year-old dating a 17-year-old is p*dophilia. Like, can we not please? Misusing words like that makes them lose some of their actual meaning, and thus makes them less able to be used to describe the thing they actually refer to, which in this case is very important!!

Anyway, I’m sorry this was really rambly and got kind of off-topic. All my damn posts are like that. Maybe I shouldn’t have tried to make a point at the end. But whatever. These were just my thoughts.

Bye, and have a good day.