#author: ogi ogas

[olderthannetfic]

Guys, guys, I'm dying. I had forgotten just how hilarious this survey was.

This one at least has some links to less dead LJs with what is apparently a copypaste job of the actual questions and some more hilariously juicy details.

God, this was only 2009, but I'd forgotten so much, including that they asked for your SAT score.

An excerpt of the funny:

--

Turns out, Ogi Ogas had forgotten to mention a few things:

He wasn’t actually affiliated with Boston University any more

While they were indeed neuroscientists, their Ph.Ds were on visual processing and artificial intelligence

The lead researcher’s Ph.D was funded by the US Department of Homeland Security

The lead author gained earlier infamy as a successful contestant on the American version of ‘Who Wants To Be a Millionaire’

And, last but not least, there was another teeny fact missing:

The authors had just signed a substantial book deal with Penguin for a popular science book entitled: ‘Rule 34: What Netporn teaches us about the brain.’

--

Truly, a highlight in comedy wank of the 00s. We were all just so busy building OTW that I think we just kind of forgot about this one quickly, so it hasn't, to my knowledge, made the rounds on Tumblr for the gawking pleasure of The Youth.

[lizziethereader]

I last read... 

‘This is what it sounds like’ by Susan Rogers and Ogi Ogas 

what I wanted: I saw this on booktube and as a music lover was immediately intrigued to find out more about why I might like what I like 

what I got: interesting input and some new things to pay attention to when it comes to music

what I thought: This book takes a personal approach, using music the authors like to illustrate concepts from the very basic to the more obscure. I really enjoyed taking the time to listen to particular elements and aspects of songs and reflecting which of these seem to be common in my favorite songs. I recommend giving this a try if you want to go beyond “I like this song” and I rate it 4 out of 5 albums I enjoy. 

[clementinecompendium]

Book List: Maestromind

For the "siren" archetype; a villain with mind control powers through music.

Every Brain Needs Music: The Neuroscience of Making and Listening to Music by Lawrence Sherman, Dennis Plies

Your Brain on Art: How the Arts Transform Us by Susan Magsamen, Ivy Ross

The Aesthetic Brain: How We Evolved to Desire Beauty and Enjoy Art by Anjan Chatterjee MD

How Music Works by David Byrne

Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brain by Oliver Sacks

Music: A Subversive History by Ted Gioia

This Is What It Sounds Like: What the Music You Love Says About You by Susan Rogers, Ogi Ogas

Why You Like It: The Science and Culture of Musical Taste by Nolan Gasser

Every Song Ever: Twenty Ways to Listen in an Age of Musical Plenty by Ben Ratliff

Why You Love Music: From Mozart to Metallica--The Emotional Power of Beautiful Sounds by John Powell

The Psychology of Music: A Very Short Introduction by Elizabeth Hellmuth Margulis

On Repeat: How Music Plays the Mind by Elizabeth Hellmuth Margulis

Music, Math, and Mind: The Physics and Neuroscience of Music by David Sulzer

Emotion and Meaning in Music by Leonard B. Meyer

Musical Emotions Explained: Unlocking the Secrets of Musical Affect by Patrik N. Juslin

The Science-Music Borderlands: Reckoning with the Past and Imagining the Future by Elizabeth H. Margulis (Editor), Psyche Loui (Editor), Deirdre Loughridge (Editor)

The Song Machine: Inside the Hit Factory by John Seabrook The Billboard Guide to Writing and Producing Songs that Sell: How to Create Hits in Today's Music Industry by Eric Beall

On Music Theory, and Making Music More Welcoming for Everyone by Philip Ewell

The Oxford Handbook of Music and the Brain by Donald Hodges (Editor), Michael Thaut (Editor)

The Science of Music and the Music of Science: How Music Reveals Our Brain, Our Humanity and the Cosmos by Michael J. Montague

How to Listen to Jazz by Ted Gioia

The Musical Human: A History of Life on Earth by Michael Spitzer

The World in Six Songs: How the Musical Brain Created Human Nature by Daniel J. Levitin

MUSIC AND THE MIND by Anthony Storr

This Is Your Brain on Music: The Science of a Human Obsession by Daniel J. Levitin

Philosophy of the Arts: An Introduction to Aesthetics by Gordon Graham

Art, Aesthetics, and the Brain by Joseph P. Huston (Editor), Marcos Nadal (Editor), Francisco Mora (Editor), Luigi F. Agnati (Editor), Camilo José Cela Conde (Editor)

Philosophies of Art and Beauty: Selected Readings in Aesthetics from Plato to Heidegger by Albert Hofstadter (Author, Editor), Richard Kuhns (Author, Editor)

Aesthetics: A Comprehensive Anthology (Blackwell Philosophy Anthologies) by Steven M. Cahn (Editor), Stephanie Ross (Editor), Sandra L. Shapshay (Editor)

The Cambridge Handbook of the Psychology of Aesthetics and the Arts by Pablo P. L. Tinio (Editor), Jeffrey K. Smith (Editor)

Of Sound Mind: How Our Brain Constructs a Meaningful Sonic World by Nina Kraus

The Rest Is Noise: Listening to the Twentieth Century by Alex Ross

[orangedior]

Current Reads #1

This Is What It Sounds Like written by Susan Rogers and Ogi Ogas.

I’m on page 120 of this book, well on approaching half way. I have about 154 pages left. At the beginning of this book I was truly intrigued. This is one of my first non-fiction books about a topic that I’m truly into. I strongly enjoy music, music is a lot of fun. I enjoy how different our brains are, and how one song I may hate another person will scream in their car.

This book is very good. I love how Susan Rogers gets straight to the point and how she gives great analogies that make it easy for the reader to understand. Although, I’m very bored. This book has me extremely bored, in fact I’m struggling to even read another page of this book. What’s keeping me going? I’m hard headed. Has this book impacted me and helped me learn more about music? Yes! Am I still fascinated with the inner workings of the brain? Yes! Am I bored, all correct. I really want to enjoy this book, but it’s getting difficult, in fact I knew I was going to experience this dread before I even bought the book. Yet I told myself, “power through! Doing what you don’t want to do will make you stronger” I’m increasing in strength every time I manage to flip a page. Of course I don’t think this has anything to do with Susan and Ogi’s writing, it’s my short attention span getting in the way of my work ethic.

^ the author frequently mentions him

[garudabluffs]

'This is What It Sounds Like' explores the 'sweet spots' in our brain that make us love music

The book is out in paperback this week.

cover: This Is What It Sounds Like: What the Music You Love Says About You

"A new book explores how sweet spots in our brains steer us to different aspects of music.

With decades of experience mixing music, Berklee College of Music professor Susan Rogers is a multi-platinum record producer who worked on hits such as Prince’s “Purple Rain.” Her new book is titled "This is What it Sounds Like: What the Music You Love Says About You," which she co-authored with Ogi Ogas.

The book explores the seven dimensions of music that can give listeners a “jolt of pleasure,” Rogers says. Four apply to the music: melody, lyrics, rhythm and timbre, or the sound itself.

The other three esthetic dimensions apply to mediums like operas, movies, TV and novels. Authenticity speaks to “the expressive gestures are coming from,” she says, and novelty versus familiarity depends on whether we prefer groundbreaking art or something more familiar. Finally, there’s realism versus abstraction: preferring works that are grounded in reality or reflective of an imaginary world.

If you want to move your body, you select a song that makes you get up and dance. Or if you want poetry, you gravitate towards lyricists who resonate. And if you want to match or evoke a particular feeling, you select a record with a strong melody.

“Every single time we reach for that computer mouse or that button on our phone in order to play a song, that's indicative that your brain wants something. It's craving a certain kind of treat,” Rogers says. “And it knows from past experience the records in your playlist that are going to deliver that particular treat for you.”

Book excerpt: 'This Is What It Sounds Like'

"Implicit in Miles Davis’s declaration was the conviction that when it comes to the creation of a musical experience the act of listening can be every bit as vital as the act of performance.

But note that crucial qualification. Can be. It doesn’t happen automatically. Listening is not the same as hearing. Listening is an active process, not a passive one, and becoming a competent musicallistener requires curiosity, effort, and love. But it requires something else, too—something it took meyears to fully comprehend: it requires understanding and embracing your unique identity as a listener."

"The music that delivers the maximum gratificationto you is determined by seven influential dimensions of musical listening: authenticity, realism, novelty,melody, lyrics, rhythm, and timbre. How you respond to each of these dimensions forms personalized“listener profile” that is yours alone. It is as unique as your fingerprint. Your listener profile determinesyour thoughts, feelings, and physical responses when you listen to music."

[psychologyofsex]

Lockdown Reading Recommendations for People Who Like to Read About Sex

I know that many of you are bored and horny right now during this lockdown and quarantine period, so allow me to recommend some of my favorite sex books! If you follow me on Instagram, you’ve probably already seen a few of my recommendations, but here’s a more extensive reading list.

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Sex and Science by Mary Roach. Bonk is a great place to start! I read this book back when I was in graduate school working on my doctorate in social psychology and it was actually a big influence on me in terms of wanting to become a sex researcher. Roach does a fantastic job of tracing the history of sex research in an engaging and entertaining way, while also making clear why this research is so important for all of us and how it has improved—and will continue to improve—our lives. It’s also full of fun sex facts and tidbits, some of which are very timely—like the fact that fear releases adrenaline, and adrenaline enhances blood flow to the genitals. This is why people in fearful states sometimes have a sexual response. Hmm…maybe that partly explains why so many of us are kinda horny right now? She also discusses the science behind the health benefits of sex and and orgasm. Among other things, it can cure intractable hiccups, relieve stress, and (potentially) help us live longer (after all, sex is a form of exercise). So if you’re stuck in lockdown and find yourself with hiccups that won’t go away or you just want to get some physical activity in, well, now you know what to do!

A Billion Wicked Thoughts by Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam. Two neuroscientists analyzed the contents of over a billion searches on some of the most popular porn sites and the results were fascinating. As someone who studies sex for a living, this is one of the most frequently referenced books on my shelf. They don’t just report what people are searching for, but also what our porn searches say about us. For example, among their many fascinating findings was that the most popular search term on Pornhub was “mom.” But it’s not just that—searches for MILFs, cougars, and mature women were also quite popular. So why is that? As they explain, part of the appeal resides in the fact that a lot of heterosexual men are drawn to self-confident and sexually experienced women—women who will take the lead in bed. Of course, this book covers far more than just MILF porn—it explores the vast diversity that exists in people’s porn searches and preferences.

Galileo’s Middle Finger by Alice Dreger. This book explores the tension that exists when the conclusions of scientific research conflict with people’s personal identities and politics. This tension often arises when scientists study things like sex and gender because the results of this research don’t always confirm people’s preexisting beliefs about the world or tell them exactly what they want to hear. And that’s where trouble often begins. Dreger documents a series of conflicts between scientists and activists, while also offering practical lessons in how to deal with uncomfortable scientific conclusions in productive ways that will ultimately lead to truth and justice. Check out my full review of this book here.

Sex and Punishment: Four Thousand Years of Judging Desire by Eric Berkowitz. History is full of examples of government and religious authorities going to great lengths to regulate people’s sex lives. By today’s standards, many of the older laws—and their corresponding punishments—seem, well, downright absurd. Case in point: “In ancient Greece and Rome, the husbands of adulterous women had several options for revenge. Most of the punishments allowed a husband to shame his rival by inserting foreign objects, such as spiky fish and radishes, into his anus.” This fascinating book explores the myriad ways in which societies and cultures throughout history (and still to this day) have tried to regulate sexual behavior through the law, and how these laws usually had little to do with actually dispensing justice.

The Birth of the Pill: How Four Crusaders Reinvented Sex and Launched a Revolution by Jonathan Eig. The birth control pill is something that a lot of us take for granted today, but there's actually an extremely interesting story behind it. The "birth" of the birth control pill is a tale of many great secrets, lies, and bluffs. It includes a colorful set of characters, too, including a woman with a dream (Margaret Sanger), a wealthy widow (Katherine McCormick), and a scientist who was fired from Harvard for experimenting with in-vitro fertilization in the 1930s (Gregory Pincus). It’s truly a fascinating read.

Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them by David Ley. Curious about the psychology of cuckolding? This is your book! Ley interviewed dozens of male-female couples from around the United States who were engaged in a “cuckolding” or “hotwifing” lifestyle, in which the men get aroused by watching or knowing that their female partners are having sex with other men. He explores the history of the practice, the controversies and taboos surrounding it (including the frequent interracial themes), as well as how it impacts people’s relationships.

This should be enough to get you started for now; however, if you’re in need of additional reading suggestions in this area, scroll to the bottom of the Sex and Psychology Store, where you’ll find a more extensive list of recommendations. And, of course, if you haven’t already done so, check out my book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life if you want to learn more about the science of sexual fantasies—including tips on how to talk to a partner about them and potentially incorporate them into your sex life.

Here’s to some happy (and sexy) lockdown reading time!

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Image Source: 123RF/loganban 

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[denimwater]

It’s intriguing—if not downright mystifying—how a woman’s mind and body, sexually speaking, can be at war with one another. It’s doubtless true that, however indiscriminately, Nature wants babies. After all, that’s what keeps the human species going. But consciously, women require that many conditions be met—call them prerequisites—before they’re actually ready to give in to powerful mating instincts.

This post, which comes directly on the heels of “The Triggers of Sexual Desire, Part 2—What’s Erotic for Women?”, is designed both to expand on some points I made earlier and to qualify still others. Previously my goal was to contrast what generally turns women on vs. what typically is arousing for men. But here my purpose is to explain why sexual desire is far more complicated in women—as well as to further delineate the nature of their erotic cues. As before, the main source for my discussion will be Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam’s comprehensive volume A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the World’s Largest Experiment [based on massive Internet data] Reveals About Sexual Desire (2011).

These two authors report on an experiment done by Meredith Chivers, a prominent researcher in the neuropsychology of female desire. And the results, as described, are as surprising as they are revealing. Using a plethysmograph to measure blood flow in her women subject’s vaginal walls (to accurately gauge their physical arousal), Chivers showed them many different erotic images. These images included photographs of men exercising, women exercising, gay and lesbian sex, straight sex . . . and monkey sex (!). It turned out that all the pictures induced physical arousal in them. However, when the women were explicitly asked which photos they consciously found arousing, their responses were much more selective. Number one was heterosexual sex, then lesbian sex, with the other bodily images generally lagging behind—and the, ahem, “primate porn” registering an absolute zero on their psychological arousal meters.

[cinn48]

'Tis the season for scares and eating

It's someone's favourite month and it's probably because of Halloween, or maybe Thanksgiving, or maybe just the cooler days and earlier nights. To celebrate The Bookshelf is hosting a bunch of events about just those things.

Steph and Candice catch up on all the scary stories they are reading and all the food they wish they could cook in this month's episode.

Events

October 20th - Carrie and The Forbidden Body with author Douglas Cowan

October 26th - Film viewing and Author Interview with Nina Nesseth

October 18th - Author talk and cookbook samples with Emily Richards

Books

The Forbidden Body: Sex, Horror, and the Religious Imagination by Douglas Cowan

Nightmare Fuel: The Science of Horror Films by Nina Nesseth

Best of Bridge Comfort Foods: Recipes for Family and Friends by Emily Richards

This Is What It Sounds LIke: What The Music You Love Says About You by Susan Rogers and Ogi Ogas

Across The Void by S.K. Vaughan

The Dark Tower V: Wolves of the Calla by Stephen King 

and for the very big stans of the Dark Tower Series

Charlie the Choo-Choo: From the World of the Dark Tower by Beryl Evans

Secret Ingedients: The New Yorker Book of Food and Drink edited by David Remnick

Movies / TV

Spontaneous Trailer

Slash/Back Trailer

Bad CGI Sharks Trailer

Sharks of the Corn Trailer

The Bear Series Trailer

The Afterparty Series Trailer

A League of Their Own Trailer

Prom Night 3: The Last Kiss Trailer (with an excellent example of the school announcements right away!)

Links

Follow Candice on Letterboxd

Find Horror Movie recommendations by scrolling through #100HorrorMoviesIn92Days on Twitter

---

Find all of our past episodes at Stories From The Village

Please leave us a review on iTunes and subscribe using your podcatcher of choice.

Follow the Bookshelf on Twitter and Facebook and now Tumblr!! Stay up to date on what's happening around the store at http://bookshelf.ca and join the weekly newsletter. 

Send us an email at podcast@bookshelf.ca

Theme music from the Free Music Archive, by The Underscore Orkestra

New episode from The Village at the Bookshelf

[stuff-to-check]

Paradox and Pragmatism in Women’s Sexual Desire

Women can at once be physically turned on—and psychologically turned off.

The article

from Psychology Today

Posted May 17, 2012

It’s intriguing—if not downright mystifying—how a woman’s mind and body, sexually speaking, can be at war with one another. It’s doubtless true that, however indiscriminately, Nature wants babies. After all, that’s what keeps the human species going. But consciously, women require that many conditions be met—call them prerequisites—before they’re actually ready to give in to powerful mating instincts.

This post, which comes directly on the heels of “The Triggers of Sexual Desire, Part 2—What’s Erotic for Women?”, is designed both to expand on some points I made earlier and to qualify still others. Previously my goal was to contrast what generally turns women on vs. what typically is arousing for men. But here my purpose is to explain why sexual desire is far more complicated in women—as well as to further delineate the nature of their erotic cues. As before, the main source for my discussion will be Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam’s comprehensive volume A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the World’s Largest Experiment [based on massive Internet data] Reveals About Sexual Desire (2011).

These two authors report on an experiment done by Meredith Chivers, a prominent researcher in the neuropsychology of female desire. And the results, as described, are as surprising as they are revealing. Using a plethysmograph to measure blood flow in her women subject’s vaginal walls (to accurately gauge their physical arousal), Chivers showed them many different erotic images. These images included photographs of men exercising, women exercising, gay and lesbian sex, straight sex . . . and monkey sex (!). It turned out that all the pictures induced physical arousal in them. However, when the women were explicitly asked which photos they consciously found arousing, their responses were much more selective. Number one was heterosexual sex, then lesbian sex, with the other bodily images generally lagging behind—and the, ahem, “primate porn” registering an absolute zero on their psychological arousal meters.

After reviewing this provocative outcome, Chivers decided to examine 132 different laboratory experiments that focused on physical and psychological sexual arousal in both sexes. The results clearly showed that in males there was a strong correlation between objective and subjective arousal. But such a correlation was so weak in females that Chivers was forced to conclude that a woman’s vaginal lubrication was a poor indicator of what she was feeling inside. As Ogas and Gaddam sum it up: “Many women report lubrication and even orgasm during unwanted and coercive sex: a woman’s body responds, even as her mind rebels. In contrast, if a man is erect, you can make a very reasonable guess about what’s going on in his mind” (p. 70).

The authors further explain why this body/mind disconnect in women accounts for the fiasco of the pharmaceutical industry's attempts to come up with a female version of Viagra (though they’ve poured many millions of dollars into the effort). For increasing blood flow to their primary sex organ is totally independent from sexually "heating up" their mind. And it’s undeniably suggestive that currently the most promising drug for effectively dealing with a woman’s low sexual desire is an antidepressant (i.e., acting not on female genitalia but the regions of the brain affecting the conscious processing of emotions). Though this drug, Flibanserin, failed in its Phase III trials as a fast-acting antidote for depression, its researchers discovered that it led to a “surging libido in its female subjects.”

article continues after advertisement

To gain a deeper understanding of women’s curious dissociation from the messages they receive from their body, we need to delve into evolutionary biology. But first let’s look at what Ogas and Gaddam refer to as “The Miss Marple Detective Agency”—their metaphorical counter to Looney Tunes’ Elmer Fudd.

Who, exactly, is Miss Marple? She’s the famous fictional creation of mystery writer Agatha Christie: an elderly, somewhat eccentric woman, who is at once pleasant and frail, yet extremely shrewd both in picking up on clues others miss and in plumbing the depths of human character. To Ogas and Gaddam, women’s inner Miss Marple won’t allow them (despite whatever physical arousal they might be experiencing) to become psychologically aroused till sufficient non-sexual criteria are met. To these authors, such requirements result from “wisdom inherited from millions of sexual transactions conducted by women over a period of a few hundred thousand years.” Which is why their deeply probing “Detective Agency is nature’s most successful long-term planner” (p 82).

And that’s the key point. Biologically, men are wired (or “propelled”) to spread their seed far and wide—and indiscriminately. That’s their “ordained” role in perpetuating the species. On the contrary, women are equipped with very different species-survival programming, which obliges them to think ahead before acting. They must scrupulously consider how their choice of mate will affect their, and their prospective family’s, welfare—the other critical element in preserving the human species.

In this context, however contradictory or paradoxical it may seem, it’s well known among sexologists that women generally masturbate less frequently than men, have fewer sexual fantasies, and initiate sex less often. Also illuminating is the fact that females are much less likely than males to pursue sex simply for its own intrinsic pleasures. They may even pursue sex for reasons quite apart from erotic enjoyment (see, e.g., my post “Fear-Inspired Sex”). And again, their motives (whether conscious or not) relate both to evolutionary psychology and -biology—just as (inversely) so do males’.

Long-term planners or investors that women are, at some level they realize that having sex could potentially be a life-altering experience. Getting pregnant, nursing, and for the better part of twenty years raising a child (not to say, children) involves a tremendous expenditure of time, energy, and resources. So having sex with the wrong person could end up being disastrous. Should her partner abandon her, she’d face all the challenges of single motherhood. If he’s vicious or cruel, she’d be defenseless against his onslaughts—unable to safeguard herself or her children. If, on the other hand, he’s weak, cowardly, or incompetent, not only wouldn’t he be able to protect her and her family from external threats, he might also fail in his attempts to supply the family with basic food and shelter.

No doubt this is why women have evolved to be sexually attracted to males most likely to successfully address their main concerns, which aren’t primarily sexual. In many ways the men they’re drawn to may be “jerks,” in that they’re relatively obtuse to female feelings (and frankly, not much interested in them either). But, adopting an evolutionary viewpoint, a sensitive—or beta—male simply isn’t perceived by their brain software as anywhere as crucial to their survival as an alpha, who typically is deficient in “softer” human attributes. And it’s probably no coincidence that there are probably far more betas than alphas in the gay community, and that women frequently talk about what wonderful (read, sensitive and understanding) friends they can be.

Needing to be so scrupulous in selecting a partner, women (unlike men) have developed a kind of sixth sense to appraise potential risks in whomever they might have sex with. Overriding their erotic impulses and desires are considerations that, ultimately, tend to make them far less romantic than men. Paradoxically, although women are routinely regarded as more into matters of the heart than men  (witness, for instance, the enduring popularity of romance novels, as well as women’s keen interest in romantic movies), their minds are typically governed by deliberations far more pragmatic than their male counterparts.

Billy Crystal once humorously observed, “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” But what is it, exactly, that women need consciously to evaluate before permitting themselves to become psychologically aroused?

Ogas and Gaddam discuss the female brain as “equipped with the most sophisticated neural software on Earth” (p. 72). This software enables them to assess (in general, as astutely—and intuitively—as Miss Marple) whether a prospective spouse, and father, qualifies as marriage material. He must be strong in mind and body, kind (lest this strength be used against them!), sincere (or “emotionally authentic”), stable, loyal and devoted, competent, of adequate social status or rank (the higher, the better), and ready and willing to commit to a long-term, monogamous, child-rearing relationship. As unrealistic as these lofty standards may seem, they clearly represent Miss Marple’s ideal.

Perhaps the paradoxical nature of women’s non-hormonal sexual desire is most pointedly exemplified by the authors’ observation that “many women are willing to pay money for celebrity biographies in order to read about the private life of Leonardo DiCaprio or Johnny Depp, but they won’t pay money to see photos of them nude. Men whip out [their] credit card to see a naked Angelina Jolie or Scarlet Johannsen, though . . . [and you can easily finish this sentence yourself!]” (p. 73).

Metaphorically, it’s the Miss Marple Detective Agency that’s responsible for adaptively disconnecting a woman’s sexual mind from her sexual body. And such highly evolved sleuthing—at once counter to nature and consonant with nature’s evolutionary dictates—has the power to enable her to intercept bodily signals in a way that prevents any imprudent triggering of conscious, psychological arousal. Which, of course, can be incredibly valuable if the male doesn’t meet sufficient non-sexual criteria to pass the test for her sexual submission.

And this takes us back to women’s perennial favorite erotic stimulus: romance fiction (discussed at length in my previous post). Ogas and Gaddam quote Catherine Salmon and Donald Symons (from their book Warrior Lovers, 2003), who reflect that “the romance novel is a chronicle of female mate choice” and that “the hero . . . embodies the physical, psychological, and social characteristics that constituted high male mate value during the course of human evolutionary history” ( p. 86).

None of this is to imply that women in such works of fantasy fiction can’t find themselves attracted to jerks, and even misogynists. But once these inappropriate male candidates meet the heroine, they’re required to make major reforms. And it’s always the heroine—and the heroine alone—who has the power to bring out what, apparently, has been dormant in them all along. For to stand up to Miss Marple’s scrutiny, these males must eventually disclose a softer, more understanding, and compassionate (vs. passionate) side not evident earlier.

In my last post, I mentioned that heroes in fictional romances are generally quite a bit older than the heroine, emphasizing that age in males positively correlates with confidence, competence, authority, and wealth—features that light up women’s brain circuitry. And this represents yet another paradoxical element in female sexual desire. That is, women psychologically prefer someone less ragingly “hot” than a young stud, who (realistically) is much more likely to provide them with the protection, comfort, and security that—finally—matters most to them.

Not yet touched upon in this series of posts is women’s surprising attraction to gay porn and “slash fiction” (think here not about punctuation marks but strange romantic couplings, like Captain Kirk/Mr. Spock or Harry Potter/Severus Snape). Unquestionably, these “unnatural,” anomalous aspects of female sexual desire are also paradoxical. But they are better dealt with in two immediately upcoming posts where I’ll discuss what unusual erotic interests in men and women may yet fall within the parameters of sexual normalcy—as well as the involuntariness of what frequently can be arousing for both sexes.

NOTE 1: Here are the titles and links to each segment of this 12-part series:

What Brain Science Can Teach You About Sex

The Triggers of Sexual Desire (Part 1—for Males, & Part 2—for Females)

Paradox and Pragmatism in Women's Sexual Desire

Internet Rule #34—Or, What's Normal in Sexl?

You Can’t Much Help What Turns You On

The Secret, Taboo Aspects of Male Sexual Desire

Why Do Women Fall for Serial Killers?

Gay or Straight, A Male Is a Male Is a Male

Dominant or Submissive?—The Paradox of Control in Sexual Relationships

Six Recent Innovations in Porn and Erotica

Internet Porn: Its Problems, Perils, and Pitfulls

NOTE 2: If you found this post in some way instructive (and maybe even illuminating), I hope you’ll consider sharing it.

NOTE 3: If you’d like to check out other posts I’ve done for Psychology Today online—on a broad variety of psychological topics—click here.

© 2012 Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved.

About the Author

Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., is the author of Paradoxical Strategies in Psychotherapy and The Vision of Melville and Conrad. He holds doctorates in English and Psychology. His posts have received over 48 million views.

[brittanyyoungblog]

Lockdown Reading Recommendations for People Who Like to Read About Sex

I know that many of you are bored and horny right now during this lockdown and quarantine period, so allow me to recommend some of my favorite sex books! If you follow me on Instagram, you’ve probably already seen a few of my recommendations, but here’s a more extensive reading list.

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Sex and Science by Mary Roach. Bonk is a great place to start! I read this book back when I was in graduate school working on my doctorate in social psychology and it was actually a big influence on me in terms of wanting to become a sex researcher. Roach does a fantastic job of tracing the history of sex research in an engaging and entertaining way, while also making clear why this research is so important for all of us and how it has improved—and will continue to improve—our lives. It’s also full of fun sex facts and tidbits, some of which are very timely—like the fact that fear releases adrenaline, and adrenaline enhances blood flow to the genitals. This is why people in fearful states sometimes have a sexual response. Hmm…maybe that partly explains why so many of us are kinda horny right now? She also discusses the science behind the health benefits of sex and and orgasm. Among other things, it can cure intractable hiccups, relieve stress, and (potentially) help us live longer (after all, sex is a form of exercise). So if you’re stuck in lockdown and find yourself with hiccups that won’t go away or you just want to get some physical activity in, well, now you know what to do!

A Billion Wicked Thoughts by Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam. Two neuroscientists analyzed the contents of over a billion searches on some of the most popular porn sites and the results were fascinating. As someone who studies sex for a living, this is one of the most frequently referenced books on my shelf. They don’t just report what people are searching for, but also what our porn searches say about us. For example, among their many fascinating findings was that the most popular search term on Pornhub was “mom.” But it’s not just that—searches for MILFs, cougars, and mature women were also quite popular. So why is that? As they explain, part of the appeal resides in the fact that a lot of heterosexual men are drawn to self-confident and sexually experienced women—women who will take the lead in bed. Of course, this book covers far more than just MILF porn—it explores the vast diversity that exists in people’s porn searches and preferences.

Galileo’s Middle Finger by Alice Dreger. This book explores the tension that exists when the conclusions of scientific research conflict with people’s personal identities and politics. This tension often arises when scientists study things like sex and gender because the results of this research don’t always confirm people’s preexisting beliefs about the world or tell them exactly what they want to hear. And that’s where trouble often begins. Dreger documents a series of conflicts between scientists and activists, while also offering practical lessons in how to deal with uncomfortable scientific conclusions in productive ways that will ultimately lead to truth and justice. Check out my full review of this book here.

Sex and Punishment: Four Thousand Years of Judging Desire by Eric Berkowitz. History is full of examples of government and religious authorities going to great lengths to regulate people’s sex lives. By today’s standards, many of the older laws—and their corresponding punishments—seem, well, downright absurd. Case in point: “In ancient Greece and Rome, the husbands of adulterous women had several options for revenge. Most of the punishments allowed a husband to shame his rival by inserting foreign objects, such as spiky fish and radishes, into his anus.” This fascinating book explores the myriad ways in which societies and cultures throughout history (and still to this day) have tried to regulate sexual behavior through the law, and how these laws usually had little to do with actually dispensing justice.

The Birth of the Pill: How Four Crusaders Reinvented Sex and Launched a Revolution by Jonathan Eig. The birth control pill is something that a lot of us take for granted today, but there's actually an extremely interesting story behind it. The "birth" of the birth control pill is a tale of many great secrets, lies, and bluffs. It includes a colorful set of characters, too, including a woman with a dream (Margaret Sanger), a wealthy widow (Katherine McCormick), and a scientist who was fired from Harvard for experimenting with in-vitro fertilization in the 1930s (Gregory Pincus). It’s truly a fascinating read.

Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them by David Ley. Curious about the psychology of cuckolding? This is your book! Ley interviewed dozens of male-female couples from around the United States who were engaged in a “cuckolding” or “hotwifing” lifestyle, in which the men get aroused by watching or knowing that their female partners are having sex with other men. He explores the history of the practice, the controversies and taboos surrounding it (including the frequent interracial themes), as well as how it impacts people’s relationships.

This should be enough to get you started for now; however, if you’re in need of additional reading suggestions in this area, scroll to the bottom of the Sex and Psychology Store, where you’ll find a more extensive list of recommendations. And, of course, if you haven’t already done so, check out my book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life if you want to learn more about the science of sexual fantasies—including tips on how to talk to a partner about them and potentially incorporate them into your sex life.

Here’s to some happy (and sexy) lockdown reading time!

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Image Source: 123RF/loganban 

You Might Also Like:

A Top 10 List of the Most Interesting Sexual Products Available on Amazon

Featured Book Series: Sex at Dawn

Consensual Violence: Sex, Sports, and the Politics of Injury (Featured Book Series)

from Meet Positives SMFeed 8 https://ift.tt/2xlWPNL via IFTTT

[robbiemeadow]

Lockdown Reading Recommendations for People Who Like to Read About Sex

I know that many of you are bored and horny right now during this lockdown and quarantine period, so allow me to recommend some of my favorite sex books! If you follow me on Instagram, you’ve probably already seen a few of my recommendations, but here’s a more extensive reading list.

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Sex and Science by Mary Roach. Bonk is a great place to start! I read this book back when I was in graduate school working on my doctorate in social psychology and it was actually a big influence on me in terms of wanting to become a sex researcher. Roach does a fantastic job of tracing the history of sex research in an engaging and entertaining way, while also making clear why this research is so important for all of us and how it has improved—and will continue to improve—our lives. It’s also full of fun sex facts and tidbits, some of which are very timely—like the fact that fear releases adrenaline, and adrenaline enhances blood flow to the genitals. This is why people in fearful states sometimes have a sexual response. Hmm…maybe that partly explains why so many of us are kinda horny right now? She also discusses the science behind the health benefits of sex and and orgasm. Among other things, it can cure intractable hiccups, relieve stress, and (potentially) help us live longer (after all, sex is a form of exercise). So if you’re stuck in lockdown and find yourself with hiccups that won’t go away or you just want to get some physical activity in, well, now you know what to do!

A Billion Wicked Thoughts by Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam. Two neuroscientists analyzed the contents of over a billion searches on some of the most popular porn sites and the results were fascinating. As someone who studies sex for a living, this is one of the most frequently referenced books on my shelf. They don’t just report what people are searching for, but also what our porn searches say about us. For example, among their many fascinating findings was that the most popular search term on Pornhub was “mom.” But it’s not just that—searches for MILFs, cougars, and mature women were also quite popular. So why is that? As they explain, part of the appeal resides in the fact that a lot of heterosexual men are drawn to self-confident and sexually experienced women—women who will take the lead in bed. Of course, this book covers far more than just MILF porn—it explores the vast diversity that exists in people’s porn searches and preferences.

Galileo’s Middle Finger by Alice Dreger. This book explores the tension that exists when the conclusions of scientific research conflict with people’s personal identities and politics. This tension often arises when scientists study things like sex and gender because the results of this research don’t always confirm people’s preexisting beliefs about the world or tell them exactly what they want to hear. And that’s where trouble often begins. Dreger documents a series of conflicts between scientists and activists, while also offering practical lessons in how to deal with uncomfortable scientific conclusions in productive ways that will ultimately lead to truth and justice. Check out my full review of this book here.

Sex and Punishment: Four Thousand Years of Judging Desire by Eric Berkowitz. History is full of examples of government and religious authorities going to great lengths to regulate people’s sex lives. By today’s standards, many of the older laws—and their corresponding punishments—seem, well, downright absurd. Case in point: “In ancient Greece and Rome, the husbands of adulterous women had several options for revenge. Most of the punishments allowed a husband to shame his rival by inserting foreign objects, such as spiky fish and radishes, into his anus.” This fascinating book explores the myriad ways in which societies and cultures throughout history (and still to this day) have tried to regulate sexual behavior through the law, and how these laws usually had little to do with actually dispensing justice.

The Birth of the Pill: How Four Crusaders Reinvented Sex and Launched a Revolution by Jonathan Eig. The birth control pill is something that a lot of us take for granted today, but there's actually an extremely interesting story behind it. The "birth" of the birth control pill is a tale of many great secrets, lies, and bluffs. It includes a colorful set of characters, too, including a woman with a dream (Margaret Sanger), a wealthy widow (Katherine McCormick), and a scientist who was fired from Harvard for experimenting with in-vitro fertilization in the 1930s (Gregory Pincus). It’s truly a fascinating read.

Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them by David Ley. Curious about the psychology of cuckolding? This is your book! Ley interviewed dozens of male-female couples from around the United States who were engaged in a “cuckolding” or “hotwifing” lifestyle, in which the men get aroused by watching or knowing that their female partners are having sex with other men. He explores the history of the practice, the controversies and taboos surrounding it (including the frequent interracial themes), as well as how it impacts people’s relationships.

This should be enough to get you started for now; however, if you’re in need of additional reading suggestions in this area, scroll to the bottom of the Sex and Psychology Store, where you’ll find a more extensive list of recommendations. And, of course, if you haven’t already done so, check out my book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life if you want to learn more about the science of sexual fantasies—including tips on how to talk to a partner about them and potentially incorporate them into your sex life.

Here’s to some happy (and sexy) lockdown reading time!

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Image Source: 123RF/loganban 

You Might Also Like:

A Top 10 List of the Most Interesting Sexual Products Available on Amazon

Featured Book Series: Sex at Dawn

Consensual Violence: Sex, Sports, and the Politics of Injury (Featured Book Series)

from Meet Positives SM Feed 5 https://ift.tt/2xlWPNL via IFTTT

[ellenlucasonlinedatingblog]

Lockdown Reading Recommendations for People Who Like to Read About Sex

I know that many of you are bored and horny right now during this lockdown and quarantine period, so allow me to recommend some of my favorite sex books! If you follow me on Instagram, you’ve probably already seen a few of my recommendations, but here’s a more extensive reading list.

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Sex and Science by Mary Roach. Bonk is a great place to start! I read this book back when I was in graduate school working on my doctorate in social psychology and it was actually a big influence on me in terms of wanting to become a sex researcher. Roach does a fantastic job of tracing the history of sex research in an engaging and entertaining way, while also making clear why this research is so important for all of us and how it has improved—and will continue to improve—our lives. It’s also full of fun sex facts and tidbits, some of which are very timely—like the fact that fear releases adrenaline, and adrenaline enhances blood flow to the genitals. This is why people in fearful states sometimes have a sexual response. Hmm…maybe that partly explains why so many of us are kinda horny right now? She also discusses the science behind the health benefits of sex and and orgasm. Among other things, it can cure intractable hiccups, relieve stress, and (potentially) help us live longer (after all, sex is a form of exercise). So if you’re stuck in lockdown and find yourself with hiccups that won’t go away or you just want to get some physical activity in, well, now you know what to do!

A Billion Wicked Thoughts by Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam. Two neuroscientists analyzed the contents of over a billion searches on some of the most popular porn sites and the results were fascinating. As someone who studies sex for a living, this is one of the most frequently referenced books on my shelf. They don’t just report what people are searching for, but also what our porn searches say about us. For example, among their many fascinating findings was that the most popular search term on Pornhub was “mom.” But it’s not just that—searches for MILFs, cougars, and mature women were also quite popular. So why is that? As they explain, part of the appeal resides in the fact that a lot of heterosexual men are drawn to self-confident and sexually experienced women—women who will take the lead in bed. Of course, this book covers far more than just MILF porn—it explores the vast diversity that exists in people’s porn searches and preferences.

Galileo’s Middle Finger by Alice Dreger. This book explores the tension that exists when the conclusions of scientific research conflict with people’s personal identities and politics. This tension often arises when scientists study things like sex and gender because the results of this research don’t always confirm people’s preexisting beliefs about the world or tell them exactly what they want to hear. And that’s where trouble often begins. Dreger documents a series of conflicts between scientists and activists, while also offering practical lessons in how to deal with uncomfortable scientific conclusions in productive ways that will ultimately lead to truth and justice. Check out my full review of this book here.

Sex and Punishment: Four Thousand Years of Judging Desire by Eric Berkowitz. History is full of examples of government and religious authorities going to great lengths to regulate people’s sex lives. By today’s standards, many of the older laws—and their corresponding punishments—seem, well, downright absurd. Case in point: “In ancient Greece and Rome, the husbands of adulterous women had several options for revenge. Most of the punishments allowed a husband to shame his rival by inserting foreign objects, such as spiky fish and radishes, into his anus.” This fascinating book explores the myriad ways in which societies and cultures throughout history (and still to this day) have tried to regulate sexual behavior through the law, and how these laws usually had little to do with actually dispensing justice.

The Birth of the Pill: How Four Crusaders Reinvented Sex and Launched a Revolution by Jonathan Eig. The birth control pill is something that a lot of us take for granted today, but there's actually an extremely interesting story behind it. The "birth" of the birth control pill is a tale of many great secrets, lies, and bluffs. It includes a colorful set of characters, too, including a woman with a dream (Margaret Sanger), a wealthy widow (Katherine McCormick), and a scientist who was fired from Harvard for experimenting with in-vitro fertilization in the 1930s (Gregory Pincus). It’s truly a fascinating read.

Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them by David Ley. Curious about the psychology of cuckolding? This is your book! Ley interviewed dozens of male-female couples from around the United States who were engaged in a “cuckolding” or “hotwifing” lifestyle, in which the men get aroused by watching or knowing that their female partners are having sex with other men. He explores the history of the practice, the controversies and taboos surrounding it (including the frequent interracial themes), as well as how it impacts people’s relationships.

This should be enough to get you started for now; however, if you’re in need of additional reading suggestions in this area, scroll to the bottom of the Sex and Psychology Store, where you’ll find a more extensive list of recommendations. And, of course, if you haven’t already done so, check out my book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life if you want to learn more about the science of sexual fantasies—including tips on how to talk to a partner about them and potentially incorporate them into your sex life.

Here’s to some happy (and sexy) lockdown reading time!

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Image Source: 123RF/loganban 

You Might Also Like:

A Top 10 List of the Most Interesting Sexual Products Available on Amazon

Featured Book Series: Sex at Dawn

Consensual Violence: Sex, Sports, and the Politics of Injury (Featured Book Series)

from MeetPositives SM Feed 4 https://ift.tt/2xlWPNL via IFTTT

[talkcritgethit]

How the Male Gaze Affects Queer and Lesbian Content in the 21st Century

Charlie Myer

So, I don’t like Marvel movies. Okay, okay. Chill out. I used to like them back when I was, like, 15, but after realising that a lot of them were the same structured conventions with just different men as the heroes. I wanted the women to be the heroes, and for characters to be queer. As well as the influx of male protagonists, I noticed that I wasn’t really the main audience. Men were the main audience, which is why there was this imbalance of female heroes and non-heterosexual sexuality.

The ‘male gaze’ is a commonly used term to describe content that is primarily made for men, despite the misrepresentation and/or sexuality of the female form. This phrase was coined by film theorist and feminist, Laura Mulvey. The more that male gaze has been identified and criticised in feminist theory, the less film-makers try to make it obvious, and instead attempt to widen their target audience. Times have changed since Mulvey’s original article on the Visual Pleasures, and female led films that showcase the character as more than just a prize to be won are much more common. In a 2005 interview with Roberta Sassatelli, however, Mulvey redefines the gazes as having evolved from the 70’s and instead have “become more attached to the dynamic of sexuality,” rather than specifically just gender (Sassatelli, pg. 130).

Although I agree with this, I believe both are still very much in place, but in a different way than Mulvey stated in the past. I believe it is important to advance these discussions to include the gender diverse community and how fetishization has impacted the male gaze theory in different forms of media than Mulvey originally mentioned. I will go into more detail on this in a moment.

Taking it back to cisgender females, sexuality has absolutely taken over as the main form of the male gaze in a more outward and explicit way than any time previously before the 21st Century. By incorporating differing sexual orientations, we can widen our view on this to look further into how “the body in everyday life is very different from the body circulated in images” (Sassatelli, pg. 132). Examples of the male gaze affecting representation of the female body through the media of same-sex content include Ally McBeal, Cruel Intentions and Kissing Jessica Stein. Through all of these examples, lesbianism is more a tool for appealing to the male audience, rather than actual representation.  Diamond analyses this content by noting that “such images implicitly convey that the most desirable and acceptable form of female-female sexuality is that which please and plays to the heterosexual male gaze, titillating male viewers while reassuring them that the participants remain sexually available in the conventional heterosexual marketplace” (pg. 105). This is simply a new realm to study in relation to Mulvey’s critique on the male gaze as objectifying female bodies in sexual glorification instead of showing how these experiences exist ‘in the real world.’

But what does the female body existing in ‘the real world’ look like? Well, keeping with the queerness theme, lesbian and queer female identifying bodies can be so various, which is something that goes without saying. There is no one way to be a female, and sometimes that does include the sexual glorification aspect that is portrayed in this other content. However, it is not quite as mystifying as what is portrayed in the media because bodies are not inherently sexual. As Butler says, “’the body’ appears as a passive medium on which cultural meanings are inscribed or as the instrument through which an appropriative and interpretive will determines a cultural meaning for itself” (pg. 6).

Look at my hand. This has no sexual inherence. But when I do this, am I a temptress now? Similarly, to semiotics, objects do not have meaning until we give them one.

The cisgender female body is not as mystifying as it once was. Now the gender diverse body has taken its place in full throttle, particularly through sexual activity itself. Neurologist and author, Dr Ogi Orgas found through an extensive study into online pornography that “one of the most popular types of erotica is transgender porn.” One male gaze has shifted from that of the cisgender female body to that of transgender female bodies. This is not to say that they are no longer interested in the cisgender female body, but that a new age has now been proven to exist through online pornography, that was previously unknown. Body glorification for trans women by cisgender heterosexual men has always existed, we are just now getting statistics on this phenomenon.

To ignore this new gender extension on the male gaze is to ignore the validity of trans women as people affected by feminist movements. In the same way that the male gaze was something that was identified and worked towards lesser sexual body glorification for cisgender female, the media must identify this too. Transgender and lesbian media cannot and should not exist solely to sexually gratify the heterosexual cisgender man. We must use our opportunities as queer people to represent these communities in ways that empower and de-mystify sexuality. That is the only way to undermine the patriarchal stance of queer media.

This is why we are making our documentary. Beyond the Binary serves as a representation of this one group in Wellington, nothing more. However, it does give a voice to similar experiences felt elsewhere. We intend to give our queer subjects the ability to speak to their experiences, without having an underlying agenda or sexual tone to it. Queer content should be made by and for queer people, which is why we are so motivated to produce this documentary.

Trans female and lesbian bodies should not be in place simply for male consumption, and I will do everything in my power to ensure otherwise. Queer people need to see other queer people. And I need to see more queer content, because Orange is the New Black just ended and I don’t know where to get my lesbians now!

References:

Butler, J. (1990) Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity. New York, USA. Routledge.

Diamond, L. (2005). ‘I’m Straight, But I Kissed a Girl’: The Trouble with American Representations of Female-Female Sexuality Feminism & Psychology SAGE (London, Thousand Oaks and New Delhi).

Retrieved from: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0959353505049712

Ogas, O. Talks at Google. (2011) Ori Ogas “A Billion Wicked Thoughts” | Talks at Google

Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-A8GvUehq4

Sassatelli, R. (2011). Interview with Laura Mulvey: Gender, gaze and technology in film culture. Theory, Culture & Society, 28(5), 123-143

Williams, L (2016) Transwomen and the Men Who Love Them.

Retrieved from: https://www.sbs.com.au/topics/sexuality/explainer/transwomen-and-men-who-love-them

[givencontext]

Self Help Fest

In the first half of this year, I read 27 books. Twelve of those were non-fiction books that I think qualify as “self help.” Maybe a better way of describing these books is to say they are for my personal or professional development, but isn’t that just trying to put a spin on the fact that I am, in fact, trying to help my Self. I have always enjoyed this type of book ever since I read I’m Okay, You’re Okay in high school. I have seriously considered joining or starting a Self Help book club. Here are the books and how much they helped me. (All book title headers in this post are links!)

  Sabbatical from YES by Christi Daniels

This book is written by my dear friend Christi. She’s an amazing woman who has found her calling helping other women tap into their own amazingness. I have worked with Christi’s coaching before and I feel like I am pretty good at saying NO, so I wondered how much more I could gain from reading her book. Lots! This is a workshop in book form and it will be as helpful as you let it be by taking her advice and trying out her suggestions. Will your family think you are crazy if they walk in while you are practicing your power pose? Just explain that they should try it too! One of my favorite sections is when she contrasts synthetic vs true pleasure. I believe her when she says we all need an infusion of vitamin P (pleasure.) She says,”It is our right and duty to soak up as much real and sacred pleasure as we can.” Yes, please! Sometimes in life we just need a reminder or “permission.” Granted! So many yummy tidbits in this book. Get it, do the work, see for yourself!

You Are a Badass Every Day by Jen Sincero

This book is meant to be a daily reader that you peruse and ponder, but I got it from the library, so I only had 14 days to read it. This is the third Jen Sincero book that I’ve read in the past year-ish. Last year I read both You Are a Badass and You Are a Badass at Making Money I think the money one was my favorite, because it had less rehashing of some of the same “positive vibe” stuff that I get from a lot of sources. It’s always good to have those positive vibes reinforced, but there does tend to be a lot of overlap in this genre. The money making perspective was a refreshing change. And we have to change the way that we as women think and talk about money. I can’t recall if Sincero gives the old “latte” advise or not, but at least she’s a woman talking about money. #props The Every Day book is nice short snippets and my favorite piece of advice involves driving away from civilization, rolling up your car windows, and screaming bloody murder at the top of your lungs for three whole minutes. Try it.

Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin

This is another of my annual re-reads. This book had a profound effect on my life a few years ago and put me in the right frame of mind to start Bright Line Eating. Understanding myself as a Rebel help me feel less frustration with myself. BTB also introduces a lot of either/or scenarios that help me understand more about myself and others. For instance, did you know we aren’t all morning people? Did you know it’s easier for some people to abstain from something entirely (like sugar) than it is for them to moderate their intake? I’ve been through this book 3 or 4 times now, but I always benefit from listening to it again.

The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin

This is a newer book where Gretchen takes a deep dive into each of her Four Tendencies. You get further details on the strengths and weaknesses of each tendency, and explanations of how those two are usually the same thing. There are also great tips on how your tendency typically interacts with others in certain relationships. For instance, my spouse is also a Rebel… I gained some valuable insight there! This one really begs to be owned as a sort of reference manual. You will want this at your fingertips for when you are trying to figure people out. Rubin is good about reminding us that this is only one aspect of a person’s personality, but it covers a lot of ground. Start with Better Than Before, then this one. You can thank me later.

Dark Horse by Todd Rose and Ogi Ogas

Dark Horse was recommended to me because of my aforementioned Rebel tendency. This book is about people who work around the “standardization covenant” to pursue fulfillment and thereby gain their own version of “success.” I loved it, but one time through is not going to be enough. Originally, I got DH from the library, but soon I was downloading it from Audible so I can listen on repeat until it all sinks in. This is a different paradigm and there are a lot of deep-seated ideas that are hard to overcome, even if they are making us miserable. I am one of those people who has no idea what my purpose in life is, so I need to spend a lot more time on that chapter about micro-motives. If you are unhappy with the daily grind, I highly recommend this one for you.

Get Your Sh*t Together by Sarah Knight

The best thing about this book was that it really made me feel like I have my sh*t together. I think the target audience for this book is slightly younger than I am. Obviously I chose this book because I felt like I needed to get it together, but much of the advice was stuff I could put a check mark next to because I am already doing it. My least favorite part was probably the section giving weight loss advice from someone who hasn’t had a real struggle in this area. The “all things in moderation” advice is out of date. Sarah Knight needs to read Better Than Before and recognize that people are different and what works for some people won’t work for all people. She also gives the “skip the latte�� line around money and goes into great detail about how this will get you where you want to go. F that! She doesn’t claim to be an expert in nutrition or finance, so these sections are basically the same-old-same-old regurgitation of the same old advice that hasn’t helped you yet if you are reading a book looking for advice on those things… I do think there is some good stuff in here, especially for people who are able to separate the wheat from the chaff and decide which tips will get them closer to their personal goals. My favorite take-away was the What/Why method… and feeling much better about how together I am. Thank you, Sarah.

The Power of Style by Bobbie Thomas

When I was at the library (one of my happy places) to work on my First Quarter Goal Review, I was pulling books off the shelves that had images that inspire me and reinforce those goals. While I was looking for books on design, architecture, art, and beauty this book called out to me. I took it to the table where I opened and arranged various books while filling out my planner then when it was time to go home I took this book with me. I do not consider myself a stylish person. Having lived nearly all of my adult life overweight, my style has always been if-it-fits-and-it’s-cheap-buy-it. I did have some fun experimenting when I subscribed to Gwynnie Bee for several years, but as soon as I cancelled that I quickly went into “black pants” mode. Bobbie Thomas promised to help me with that, and I like her approach. We often hear that we should dress for the job we want to have, but Bobbie proposes that we dress as the person we want to be. My only problem is that I seldom want to be the same person two days in a row. This book made me think about my style, but I did not become anyone’s favorite style icon overnight. Baby steps, right? I am thinking of investing in some florals. Stay tuned.

Radical Candor by Kim Scott

I mostly skimmed this one, and I never do that with a book. I would suggest getting the Cliffs Notes version of this one. If you like podcasts, they have one. I felt like I didn’t need so many examples. There’s some good stuff in here, but some people will need personality transplants to make it happen. I might be one of those people. I have to admit that this book sparks my perfectionist tendencies and makes me want to analyze every word I say to everyone at work. That’s no way to live.

Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson

This one might not really be a self help book, but Lawson does give some advice for how to live a happy life. Some of the stories are just hilarious. I appreciate Jenny’s candidness about her struggles with mental illness. That is what drew me to this book. That being said, there were at least two things in the book that I think I would have kept to myself if I were her. She didn’t. She lays it all out. I think my favorite take-away from this book was not something of Jenny’s but something that she shares that Neil Gaiman said to her. Of course I’m dreadfully jealous that she gets to say “my friend, Neil” but when she was freaked out and feeling inadequate to the task of reading her own audiobook, he told her to “pretend you’re good at it.” Brilliant!

For other references to Neil Gaiman, who I have talked about in my blog more times than Oscar Wilde, so I should probably change my answer on that “favorite author” thing… I mention him in posts here, here, and here, so far. Sadly, my only reference to Oscar Wilde was here.

Authentic Happiness by Martin E. P. Seligman, Ph.D.

I don’t remember many details about this book, but I gave it four stars on Goodreads, so I must have liked it. Seligman is a big name in positive psychology, so he’s a good resource for this kind of stuff. I think he is so often referenced that I had heard most of his main points before, which may be why I have trouble recalling them now. It can’t hurt to have a refresher on how to actively pursue happiness. I might have to give this one another go.

Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

I talked about this book in my post about Audiobooks I Solemnly Swear to Listen to Once Each Year and I started the year with it. I know this book is a little dated, but it has been the go-to resource for everyone who writes books about money, so this gets straight to the source material. My current employer is also one of the great American success stories, so I totally geek out on that part every time. Perhaps my favorite thing about this book is that Hill acknowledges that there’s very little relationship between hard work and monetary reward. I subscribe to the “everything doesn’t always have to be hard” and “flowers don’t *try* to bloom” philosophies. I still think this book is worth repeating until I finally get that mental shift he prescribes. Old ways of thinking die hard.

Dare to Lead by Brene Brown

I like what Brene does, and this book takes some of her best stuff and applies it where it is sorely needed – the workplace. She talks about shifts that need to happen in workplace/corporate culture to make it more conducive to courage and vulnerability. She doesn’t say it, but can we just admit that she’s talking about doing away with toxic masculinity and having a more inclusive culture? Yes, please, thank you. There is also some really good stuff in here about what leadership means and that you do not have to be in a position of authority to be a leader. Years ago when I was a supervisor, I went through a frustrated phase at work. Somehow I got the idea to tell myself every day when I got in the car: I’m not going to work, I’m going to lead. It changed how I viewed my daily responsibilities and was very quickly reflected in my attitude and performance.

Brene also suggests thinking about your core values and narrowing them to just two main ones to focus on. If you read this post, you know that I already have mine narrowed to three. Call me a Rebel, (a la, The Four Tendencies mentioned above,) but I am going to keep all three of mine. It is a good reminder to have a couple (or a few) things to use as filters for what gets into your life. This leads us to BOUNDARIES. When you know your core values and keep them simple, it’s easier to set boundaries and hold yourself and others accountable to maintaining them. This is a fantastic book for an office book club. Highly recommend.

Leave a comment to let me know your favorite self help book or a recent one you have read.

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[garudabluffs]

A legendary record producer–turned–brain scientist explains why you fall in love with music.

https://www.thisiswhatitsoundslike.com/

A new book explores how sweet spots in our brains steer us to different aspects of music.

With decades of experience mixing music, Berklee College of Music professor Susan Rogers is a multi-platinum record producer who worked on hits such as Prince’s “Purple Rain.” Her new book is titled "This is What it Sounds Like: What the Music You Love Says About You," which she co-authored with Ogi Ogas.

The book explores the seven dimensions of music that can give listeners a “jolt of pleasure,” Rogers says. Four apply to the music: melody, lyrics, rhythm and timbre, or the sound itself.

The other three esthetic dimensions apply to mediums like operas, movies, TV and novels. Authenticity speaks to “the expressive gestures are coming from,” she says, and novelty versus familiarity depends on whether we prefer groundbreaking art or something more familiar. Finally, there’s realism versus abstraction: preferring works that are grounded in reality or reflective of an imaginary world.

If you want to move your body, you select a song that makes you get up and dance. Or if you want poetry, you gravitate towards lyricists who resonate. And if you want to match or evoke a particular feeling, you select a record with a strong melody.

“Every single time we reach for that computer mouse or that button on our phone in order to play a song, that's indicative that your brain wants something. It's craving a certain kind of treat,” Rogers says. “And it knows from past experience the records in your playlist that are going to deliver that particular treat for you.”

Book excerpt: 'This Is What It Sounds Like'

LISTEN  10:41 READ MORE https://www.wbur.org/hereandnow/2022/10/17/this-is-what-it-sounds-like-book

Songs by Chapter  

Click on a record to find a virtual juke-box for songs in the chapte

https://www.thisiswhatitsoundslike.com/

Organized by Chapter

Chapter 1: Authenticity

Chapter 2: Realism

Chapter 3: Novelty

Chapter 4: Melody

Chapter 5: Lyrics

Chapter 6: Rhythm

Chapter 7: Timbre

Chapter 8: Form and Function

Chapter 9: Falling in Love

Coda

https://www.thisiswhatitsoundslike.com/songs