#augh there i go again like theres a measuring bar on these rhings that i even determine like its not other people who fill or empty the bar

[transmandrake]

Augh i hate (love) when I arrive back at the same conclusions to my problems over and over. I made a whole comic about it once but being from more than one place is trans whether its gender or sexuality or country or appearance or really anything if you have enough imagination

Gender is fluid but what they dont tell you is that its not just you who gets to decide what it is. Actually if you say youre more than 1 thing you will always be thing A when someone needs you to be thing A and youll always be thing A when you want to be thing B. There is no best of both worlds, only the wrong side.

This is exactly like being from two countries

If you critiscise A you are identity B and your opinion can be disregarded, but the same person can hear you be proud of aspects of A and agree with you that being A is so good. And vice versa.

And this is why I struggle with it. It seems so obvious. Im A and B, or I'm neither, or something in between. But why does that suck so much? Because its not me who decides. I am whatever is the worst option always.

This is why my new identity is 'Fuck You' and also 'Whatever you Dont want Me to Be'. That's right, I identify as a Contrarian.

Of course this doesnt actually work at all because people hate that. But well its more true to myself to be a bit fucking annoying about the fact that I cannot please everyone, and thats actually a feature not a bug.

Sorry my lived experience with two sides of the coin isnt actually valid because one side of the coin is heavier than the other. You glued yourself to the pavement and complained no matter what side I flipped, so now I roll along on my edge and spin so you cannot even see what side is facing you.