#audiopoops

[zeitgeistzestgaming-blog]

Hi guys! So I thought I’d start doing this sort of thing. First of all, I’m an English student, but I don’t actually SPEAK English that much - I write in it a lot, but speaking? Noohoo. Actually I don’t speak Finnish that much either... So anyway, also. I realized that in Aug 23 2018, it will have been 10 years since I got my driver’s licence. Ten - years. That’s a fucking decade! SO. What better way to celebrate this occasion than to look back and retell some of the tales that have happened when I’ve been behind the wheel? Yay!  ((And there’s some stuff I say out loud but that’s not written in here, oops! And some stuff I just outright mispronounce, the horror.))

So it all started when I was like 5. My family, me, little brother, mom and father, would spend our summers at father’s cottage back then. In the middle of hecking nowhere, in the middle of woods, near a lake, no electricity, with an outdoors toilet... Just woods, water, and a small village-like cluster of our relatives from father’s side. Anyway, sometimes he’d take us on his lap and let us ‘drive’ the car, y’know, holding the wheel. And I decided, duuude, when I turn 18, I’mma get my own licence, and drive this thing by myself! And that was one of my life’s goals. Get a licence and a car. As a little girl, I’d play car games at times and was suuuuper bitter when my brother got toy cars and I got just some stupid dolls... e_e

Well, fast forward to summer 2008. I started driving school! ‘Cause, y’know, I was gonna turn 18 that year. :) And I got to drive this blue, shiny Toyota Auris. When it comes to cars, I’m really picky about their shape. They have to be the old school sedans, like those box-shaped things. Auris was kinda roundish, but that was okay because it was pretty awesome to drive, a new car and everything back then. I do remember it took me a while to learn to switch the gears, and how to get my feet to work the pedals, and then when I had my licence I had to drive an older car and the “culture shock” was just awful.

Anyway, part of the driving school here is that you’re taken to this wet track training place, in Nokia for us from the Pirkanmaa region. Yes, Nokia is also a place name, and there’s also Nokia tyres and Nokia rubber boots... Anyway. This is how it went back in my day, could still be the same these days, I dunno. The purpose was that we practice going at a certain speed on a dry road, then push on the brake and stop the car completely, then do the same on a wet road and we got to see how it’s not that easy to stop the car on a wet road at times, or y’know during winter when it’s snowy and icy. But that’s just one part of the training there, we were also taken to this machine that flipped a car over when we were sitting in there, seatbelts on, and we got to feel how it’s like when the car’s on its roof after, y’know, an accident.

And then there was the moose. This stuffed moose and they made us stand before it and the instructor went all, “Look. It’s this big. You don’t want to hit one. ‘Cause that’s bad, ‘cause it’s so big.” And then, “Now one by one you’re gonna drive a couple of laps, maybe a few, and then practice this evasive maneuver. So if you see a moose or something like that when you’re driving, you know how to evade it. So you’re gonna drive this track around, and when I shout MOOSE, you are to do this-” and she showed us the evasive maneuver “-then stop for a bit, then continue driving. OK? OK. Go.” Finally. My turn came. So I was driving, the instructor was talking and then she shouted MOOSE.

And I looked her way and shouted back, WHERE??? 

Needless to say, I guess, but I had to retake that one.

Then, some time after getting my licence, I was driving this road, quiet, surrounded by forests of course ‘cause we’re in Finland, in the night, to pick up my back then boyfriend from wherever. And I came to this curve and noticed something gleaming in the middle of the trees by the roadside. I stared and stared and wondered, The hell is that. And got the feeling that I was being stared back.

And as I got closer, I realized, HOLY SHIT IT’S A MOOSE, IT’S A GODDAMN MOOSE, and just as I got ready to slam down the damn brakes, it turned around and trotted back into the forest.

[128-mega]

this took me 3 hours you better fucking LOVE it.

[vampire-eros]

i do the opposite of gatekeeping in that if you show an iota of liking what i like i am assigning you it.

somewhat engaged while watching jjba with me? you're getting jjba art shared with you now as if you were a huge fan. you like ruins and gothic castles and bloodborne? you're goth and you're gonna be goth with me and we're going to be goth together. it doesn't matter how you look or dress. there's nothing missing about you enjoying it. there is no fake fan. you are going to enjoy it with me.

(cw sexual jokes in this audio)

[the-verb-to-yeet]

This was inspired by one of my favorite audio spoofers, Sam Lasky. I hope I did pretty good on this one since it was biiiiiii-otch (Heather Chandler's words, not mine) to edit. Now, this is pretty NSFW, so please listen with caution. If you can post the lyrics in the comments, it'd be very much appreciated. :P *Songs used in order:* "Candy Store" (Heathers: The Musical)...of course! "Beautiful" (Heathers: The Musical) "Meant to Be Yours" (Heathers: The Musical) "Intruder" by Peter Gabriel "Loser in The End" by Queen "Death On Two Legs (Dedicated To...)" by Queen "My Shot" (Hamilton) "Aaron Burr, Sir" (Hamilton) "Sesame Street Closing Theme" "Khashoggi's Ship" by Queen "We Know" (Hamilton) "Feeling Myself" by Nicki Minaj ft. Beyonce

[parappa-abridged]

for mega

[128-mega]

with love, 

MEGA <3

[128-mega]

I posted my audiopoops to youtube!!!

[128-mega]

What song should I make an audiopoop of next? What'll really make you bust a nut?

[parappa-abridged]

this was made by mega for middone (me)

[parappa-abridged]

MEGA took care of the first half, i took over the second.