#audi rewatches Glee

[audikatia]

3.05 The First Time

Rating: 5/5.

Best Song: One Hand, One Heart. I actually don’t think the song itself is the strongest, but I really, really, really love how it’s paired with the love scenes.

Memorable Quote: “You take my breath away. Not just now; tonight on that stage. I was so proud to be with you.” -Kurt

General Notes:

Just a heads up, there’s gonna be a lot of notes. Sorry not sorry.

Literally any time Kurt or Finn refer to each other as their brother gives me life.

Rachel’s actually being aware of Finn’s dreams that are not in some way directly related to hers? Wow.

So, I love that Kurt is the one who brings up sex with Blaine instead of the other way around. Blaine doesn’t mention what Artie said, doesn’t approach the subject, just lets Kurt take the reins on the whole topic. It feels much more organic than taking this next step in their relationship just because of the musical.

Darren Criss saying “masterbation” ruins me. So is his little hum when he kisses Kurt.

Why the fuck would Artie want to talk to his teachers about their sex lives? And why are they talking to him about it???

lol Grant Gustin is so fucking adorable and I cannot see him as a villain like at all. Also, can we please have a musical episode of The Flash? Or maybe there was one… I stopped watching like two seasons ago.

Blaine’s heart eyes at Kurt paired with Kurt’s brush on his hand. Ugh.

Omg, I love Artie’s suspenders! Little kings from playing cards. Cute.

Finn’s really like, “you’re just using me for my body?”

Oh, I forgot they actually bring back Mike’s storyline about his strained relationship with his father. I figured it was just a one-and-done plotline.

I remember being so happy for Beiste. She deserved better. Why can’t my favs just be happy?

Are there really enough gay people in Lima for there to be a thriving gay bar? This would have been more plausible if they had set in a few towns over or if it was more secretive or something. The gay storylines are like the only storylines they treat carefully so I’m just surprised by this.

Sebastian would never actually wear a fucking stripped polo to this gay bar. Seriously? He would not go for the middle school prep boy look. Is it possible for a character to already be OC in like his third fucking scene? But, his outfit is forgiven since he has the perfect bitch move of giving Kurt a Shirley Temple. Yes, this is the bitchiness I crave.

Does Kurt just never drink? Did April Rhodes really fuck him up that badly? Why am I advocating for a fictional underage character to drink?

Karofsky is thriving and I’m happy for him. But also, he deserves something more meaningful than a bunch of older men being into him because he’s a bear cub. You deserve to be cared for and treated right, Karofsky.

Blaine is a horny, happy, and sloppy drunk and I fucking love it.

Kurt is so fucking cute breaking up Sebastian and Blaine’s dance by always getting between them, and Blaine is fucking oblivious to everything except Kurt. I love it.

I just learned that we were robbed of a longer makeout scene in the back of Kurt’s car and I am livid

Do not walk home from a gay bar in a homophobic state while you’re underage and drunk. Blaine, honey. I’m concerned.

Blaine has a picture of Kurt on his dressing table and that’s so fucking cute. I wish we had gotten a close up of it like we did of Blaine’s picture in Kurt’s locker.

Oh, Artie’s concern over the show and then everyone giving him flowers is so fucking cute. Is Artie the most universally liked member of Glee Club? Well, him and Mike.

Santana and Puck playing against each other is fantastic and I love it.

I cannot even begin to state all the ways that it’s not okay for Mike’s dad to not come to the musical. Unforgivable. Mike, I’m your dad now. I’ll support your dreams of being a dancer.

Finn knocks it out of the fucking park with his explosion about how he thinks his life is over and how he isn’t good enough to succeed in life. I hate that he has self-doubts, but I love how he admits them and plays through them and how he opens up to his loved ones about them.

Ugh, Kurt and Blaine had an honest to god conversation apologizing for their behavior and how they love and support each other and how they want sex to be something special between them. And Rachel and Finn have an actual conversation about support and love and having sex for the right reasons. I know it’s a musical show, but I like it when the characters actually talk instead of sing for big moments. And I also like that even though they were similar conversations, the two conversations had different approaches as well as different tones and set ups that were unique to both couples. It could have been just basically the same conversation twice with names changed, but instead both couples got what they deserved.

I love everything about the last few moments of this episode. I love Kurt and Blaine’s little nose touch, I love the clasped hands, I love Kurt brushing his thumb over Blaine’s chest, I love Finn having flowers in his lap ready to give to Rachel at the end of the show, I love Kurt’s smile when Blaine is on stage, I love Blaine’s smile at Kurt when they’re in bed, I love Darren’s long eyelashes.

[audikatia]

2.16 Original Song

Rating: 5/5

Best Song: Blackbird.

Memorable Quote: “Oh there you are, I’ve been looking for you forever.” -Blaine

General Notes:

lol at Kurt during the whole “Misery” performance. Also, Blaine, honey, laying it on a little thick, aren’t ya? I really love their friendship as a foundation to everything else that comes, and seeing these little moments of Blaine holding Kurt’s arm, Blaine laying his head on Kurt’s shoulder, really demonstrates how comfortable they are with each other.

Also, good on Kurt for calling out the favoritism of the solos. Yeah, the council picks the solos, but Blaine is always so passive. He just sort of lets things happen to him.

I love any time they play Blaine as a clueless boy and do that slight zoom in on his dopey expression. So cute.

Kurt coming in dressed in black crying about Pavarotti and Blaine standing there heartbroken. Me, doing my best Charles Boyle impersonation, “Why aren’t you going to each other?”

AU where literally every Warbler falls in love with Kurt during “Blackbird.”

Blaine has the best falling-in-love face

When I was getting my tattoo, “Blackbird” played in the shop and all I could think of was Klaine

How do I get Quinn’s hair? And bone structure?

Wes’s smirk, Blaine’s wink. These boys will be the death of me

“TROUTY MOUTH.” There was a kid in my college who looked just like Chord Overstreet and he is still called Trouty Mouth to this day. This is actually really hysterical, but then I remember how bad Chord felt about himself while filming Glee and it actually makes me sad

“Big Ass Heart” is actually a banger. I don’t know why Schue is shaking his head

Scary!Quinn is the best Quinn, I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules. I love her so much. She’s so goddamn driven.

YES. IT’S HERE. THE MOMENT. DECLARATION OF FEELINGS. FIRST KISS. I’m dying. Everything about this scene is so perfect, Blaine’s hand on Kurt’s, Blaine moving his seat closer, the sheer lovestruck expression on Blaine’s face, Kurt’s expression of such pure hope and disbelief, the passion of the kiss, Kurt’s hand flexing before he grabs Blaine’s face to bring him closer, the sound of their breathing, both of them blushing like crazy, how bashful Blaine is afterwards and how brazen Kurt is. I have always wondered why the second kiss was cut off so quickly though.

“But my butt, Mr. Schue.” Mercedes’s song was incredible.

Sam with the “hell no” paper is a reaction image for the ages

I thought Quinn wanted to get out of Lima? I thought that was part of the panic and terror when she got pregnant, that she wasn’t going to be able to get out? And now she’s planning out a whole future where she and Finn just stay here? She’s so ambitious, she wants to just stay in this town and be a real estate agent? Doesn’t compute.

Quinn has more chemistry with Rachel than with Finn

Schue, why would you ever tell Sue about the song writing? Stop giving her information!

Blaine pulling Kurt forward so he gets his own little moment is like peak romance. Also, when they hug at the end, it’s so sweet that Kurt is blowing kisses to the audience and Blaine is still just looking at him and touching him. It’s what Kurt deserves. Also, it’s what Blaine deserves, too. To have an outlet for all his love that his dad tried to deny to him.

Finn, sweetie, please figure out who you want to be with. This isn’t fair to Quinn or Rachel.

[audikatia]

2.20 Prom Queen

Rating: 5/5. I really, really love this episode. Like, do I even want to watch the rest of the series? Does it get better than this?

Best Song: I’m Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You. This is one of my favorite songs of all time being sung by my celebrity crush. It can’t lose.

Memorable Quote: “What’s the point of dressing up? I mean, that’s why some guys wear the tails with the top hats and the girls wear the hoop skirts.” -Kurt

General Notes:

Mercedes, you have another prom next year to be wooed like the queen you are. Don’t fret.

Kurt’s excitement over Blaine agreeing to go to prom with him has extended my lifespan by approximately ten years. He’s just so pure and happy. I also really love that he did give Blaine an out if it made him too uncomfortable given Blaine’s past trauma with dances, and I love that Blaine told Kurt how crazy he is about him and that he’s willing to give dances another chance with Kurt. I really think they make each other better.

Rachel, Mercedes, and Sam all going to prom is adorable and I love how Rachel and Mercedes came up with a fun way to work within budget restraints. Makes me kinda want to go to prom again

Oh, okay, Jesse! I see you! That raspy rocker voice can get it

I’m really glad I didn’t get involved in all with prom queen bullshit. It seems really un-fun, doing all that campaigning and planning. And then if you don’t win, not only did you have a really stressful few weeks leading up to the night, but then you have a bummer of a night instead of a fun time with friends. That just sorta sucks.

RACHEL. YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN SUPPORTIVE OF FINN AND QUINN.

Also, Rachel you came up with a corsage for Quinn really quickly. God, they just write fic for themselves, don’t they?

Karofsky can’t really pull off that beret, huh?

I feel really bad for Artie. Yeah, he shouldn’t have called Brittany stupid, but he just found out Brittany had been inadvertently cheating on him and that Santana had been taking advantage of Brittany’s naivety. And it’s not his fault that the writers just needed to break them up so she and Santana could be together.

Finn immediately accepting and complimenting Kurt’s prom outfit that Kurt’s clearly proud of warms my cold, dead heart. Again, I love any scene with Burt involved because he is just so perfect. He runs that careful line of wanting Kurt to be exactly who he wants to be but also wanting his kid to be safe. And if I’m being honest, I’m with Burt and Blaine on this one. Blaine went through a pretty horrific attack at his last dance. If my significant other had gone through something like that, I wouldn’t want to do anything that might make them a target again. That’s not to say that Kurt’s outfit isn’t slamming, it is. But I get both sides of the argument.

Also, happy birth of a thousand Kurt-in-a-skirt porn fics.

Oh, also also, Finn has a cup of milk! I can only assume it’s a cup of warm milk that Kurt brought to him <3

Kurt is so optimistic and so certain of the good in the world. And I love that he’s actually kind and supportive to Karofsky when he has every right to be a dick to him. This is also why I like Karofsky because when given the chance to see that he might be accepted, he actually starts becoming a better person. I’m not saying it’s okay that he threatened to kill Kurt, but I do think he (and other people like him) should be given the chance to become better people. Sometimes I think when someone is a bully once, they are painted as a bully forever. We have to allow people to redeem themselves. Isn’t that what we want? We want the bullies to learn their lessons and become good people? Isn’t that better than wanting the bullies to always be bullies and then have shitty lives when they get older? I prefer redemption to punishment. I find that more satisfying, especially when it breaks away from the cycle of abuse.

Kurt is hella attractive in this scene with Karofsky.

And Quinn is so fucking gorgeous with all the mirrors around her, omg. I want to be her. Also, I love that she doesn’t seem to care much that Finn is there to pick her up. Because her focus is, as it always is, on the goal not the person.

Sam, Mercedes… just back out of the conversation with Rachel and Jesse. I have met people like Jesse. Don’t get sucked in.

Puck and Artie is an underrated friendship and I actually really love it

Quinn telling Finn how happy she is to be there with him right after Rachel sang to him is such a good manipulative move. If she had been in Game of Thrones, she would have won.

Oh, Sam and Mercedes are precious. They are both such good people

Artie’s hair looks amazing

Darren Criss singing one of my favorite songs is legitimately going to kill me. The way he’s dancing with the mic stand? Holding the mic sideways? His expressions? I am deceased.

Also, what a lame fight with Finn and Jesse. Just shoving? C’mon, punch each other like adults.

THE REVEAL. Remember when it was spoiled and everyone thought the spoiler was fake? lol good times, classic Glee. Okay, but I have a lot of thoughts on this. 1. Why did Figgins read out Kurt’s name? If I was the principal, I would have said the name of one of the girls on stage. Kurt did not need to be humiliated like that. 2. Quinn and Santana, I get that it’s upsetting to work that hard, but shut the fuck up. It’s not that you weren’t liked or that people give enough of a shit about Finn and Rachel that they didn’t vote, it’s that they are cruel people who cared more about making fun of Kurt. 3. YAS QUINN. SLAP RACHEL. This shit is so compelling. 4. KURT. BABY. He wants so badly to see the good in the world and they just won’t let that happen for him. And bless Blaine for going after him, for comforting him, for willing to do whatever Kurt wants to do to feel better. May we all have a Blaine in our lives.

Also, Blaine had tissues ready? I have literally never met a man who had tissues in his pocket or whatever. Blaine is a dream.

AND THEN BLAINE ASKS HIM TO DANCE. This man is a dreamboat, I swear. And this is such a big moment for both of them, Kurt being openly loved and Blaine replacing the memory of his last dance. Ugh, I love them so much.

[audikatia]

2.06 Never Been Kissed

Rating: 5/5. I’m biased, sue me.

Best Song: Teenage Dream. Hands down, easily the best. My favorite of all Glee songs. This changed my life. I only have two Glee songs on my phone and it’s this song and also the acoustic cover Blaine sings in season 4.

Memorable Quote: “Well, he’s not coming out anytime soon.” -Blaine

General Notes

IT’S FINALLY HERE. Real talk, Klaine is my favorite thing about the entire show. And I’ve been in love with Darren Criss for an embarrassing amount of time. So, finally, it’s here.

Oh so we finally get confirmation that Finn did not, in fact, kill a guy

Puck knowing how to unlock Artie’s wheelchair makes me happy that he knows that detail

YES KURT. Call Schue out for not helping out against the gay bashing Kurt goes through

Also, I liked the little look between Mike and Finn when Kurt left all dejected. I like that we get more from Mike this season and I like seeing the derision within the group about how Kurt is treated.

Kurt has finally met Blaine! I do wish they were holding opposite hands just because I cannot help thinking about how awkward it is to walk like that, even if it is in slow motion. But I cannot express enough how great it is for Kurt to see a glee club be popular and successful, to see a guy clearly flirting with him or at the very least being totally comfortable singing to him, to be surrounded by male positivity. Meeting Blaine was not just an OTP being born, it was about Kurt being happy in many ways.

So I was recently driving down the highway and I’m a dumb millennial who is too used to the ezpass to remember that there are still toll booth workers. Anyway, long story short, I made some awkward and accidental eye contact with a worker while in the middle of belting out “Teenage Dream” with all my heart and soul, dancing in my seat, having the time of my life. Bless her for her understanding nod and the thumbs up she gave me.

Listen, yes Kurt should stick up for himself but Karofsky is so big. Be smart, be careful.

The courage text! Iconic.

Sue cackling while the confetti canons go off around her. Also iconic.

I remember watching this when it premieres and realizing just a second before Karofsky kissed Kurt what was going to happen. I could hear screaming all through the dorm. This was all people could talk about the next day. To be fair, I was a theatre major so Glee was a derisive topic in general.

When Karofsky comes after them, Blaine holds his hands up in submission and Kurt fighting back and it’s a small moment that really sums up who they are that I never caught the first time

Also, tiny moment of Blaine’s humor? Here. For. It.

Schue, do not kiss her. This is weird. I get that your heart is in the right place, but stop.

Artie and Puck friendship is actually really sweet in a way. And I love that Puck opened up about how hard juvie actually is.

I know this has been asked about in every Klaine blog, but how did Kurt get that picture of Blaine?

Oh, all the boys pairing with the girls during their song is precious and Kurt’s booty moment with Mercedes was extra great

Fucking love Beiste

[audikatia]

2.18 Born This Way

Rating: 5/5. I fucking love this episode. So many good songs, I actually liked Rachel’s storyline, Emma got some development, Kurt came back to McKinley, the scene in Figgins’s office, Quinn backstory, Santana and Brittany conversation. All of it is so good.

Best Song: Born This Way. Although, honestly, this was tough. Because Kurt fucking killed it in his solo, Rachel and Quinn’s duet was phenomenal, and the flash mob was so fun.

Memorable Quote: “Only straight I am is a straight up bitch.” -Santana

General Notes:

The fact that they didn’t do a Brady Bunch spoof of “oh my nose!” is an outrage and they should be ashamed.

Perhaps a controversial opinion, but I think plastic surgery is a valid option. I mean, yeah, do the research and make sure it’s safe and healthy. And yeah, I’d probably recommend waiting until you’re out of high school because your body is still morphing and changing. But overall, the constant stress about a body part could be eased and why shouldn’t it? Maybe we should learn to love ourselves the way we are, but maybe we can love our choices to take control of our bodes, too.

Santana brings up some good points about how people can take control of their bodies, albeit in a mean way. But Schue really should have stepped in at some point to stop her if he disagreed with the way she was saying her piece. He talks about why he doesn’t know how the Glee Club could be upset about their looks when he just let Santana go on for like five minutes about how Finn’s chest looks like a pastry. Fucking step in and be a good adult for these kids.

I never understood why Emma insists on eating grapes? Why not pick something like oranges, something that can be peeled. When you peel and orange and eat a slice, you are the only person who has ever touched that slice. It’s totally clean because it’s always been protected by its peel. See, everyone keeps talking about how she needs to fix her OCD, but maybe the first steps are to find ways to work around it in a more manageable way.

I love that the group gets together to hang out at the Lima Bean. I think that was one of my favorite outside locations that were added to the show. Santana hanging out with them is particularly adorable, but I think part of it might just be that she sat there for the advantage of spying on Brittany and Artie.

Kurt sitting in at like a 45 degree angle to lean against Blaine is just so damn cute. I love how good Chris Colfer always is with little physical moments with the people he sits with to highlight his relationships with them.

“I gotta gay. I mean, go. Go, I gotta go.” IS THIS WHERE THAT’S FROM?

Schue is an asshole. Let Emma pick what she wants for her t-shirt. You don’t get to pick what other people have issues with.

Rachel and Quinn should have gotten together. “Unpretty/I Feel Pretty” was a better duet than any duet either of them ever had with Finn. I just find their relationship so much more compelling.

I don’t really understand why Finn picked his bad dancing? He can just work harder and be a better dancer. Meanwhile, Tina picks “brown eyes” because of the Western beauty standards imposed on society. Emma ends up picking OCD because of the lack of understanding of mental illness in the country. Kurt picks his sexuality because of the frightening levels of homophobia in the world. Rachel picks her nose because of more beauty standards and antisemitism. And Finn picks dancing? Lame.

Mike loving and supporting Tina all the time is everything

Rachel doesn’t really look all that different with Quinn’s nose

Schue, you’re not going to fix self-esteem issues in one week

Yo, this whole club is ride-or-die for Kurt

But no one is more ride-or-die for Kurt than Burt

Ugh, this whole argument about whether the anti-bullying club will work or not, about if Karofsky deserves the time he needed to become more accepting, all of it. The whole thing is so well done. So many good sides presented. I really love it.

Burt telling Finn to look out for his brother, I’m dying.

Also, goddamn Kurt looks good in this scene

You know, you’d think by this point I’d be over my secondhand embarrassment whenever characters publicly declare their feelings for one another. And yet, here we are, in the middle of “Somewhere Only We Know,” dying on the inside. Also, why the fuck is a piano just chilling in the courtyard? Pianos should not be left to the elements outside.

Remember when flash mobs were a thing? I’m glad that’s over.

THE LUCY FABRAY REVEAL. Quinn is such a rich character, I love her and I love anything we learn about her. And I love the idea that she did all that, not because she hated herself, but because she loved herself.

Brittany giving Santana the Lebanese shirt and then Santana wearing it in the audience… it’s physically painful. I do wish Brittany would stop pushing for Santana to be out though.

Kurt looks so fucking good in “Born This Way,” too.

[audikatia]

3.02 I Am Unicorn

Rating: 4/5. Quinn continues to amaze.

Best Song: I’m the Greatest Star

Memorable Quote: “You sing like Diana Ross and you dress like you own a magic chocolate factory.” -Burt

General Notes:

Artie, I’m sorry we’ve had approximately 18 episodes about Rachel’s dreams but we didn’t learn about yours until season 3

Shelby cannot actually think working at McKinley is a good idea. Her biological kid and her kid’s biological parents are students there.

Sue telling Quinn she’s never looked worse is the biggest lie. She looks amazing.

Shelby keeps talking about how she saw Rachel’s face wherever she went, about how much she missed watching her grow up. But then when Rachel came to her, she was like, nah bro. Mixed messages.

I could watch Mike dance in slow motion forever.

CAN THEY PLEASE JUST GIVE IDINA HER OWN GODDAMN SOLO? Like, I understand the drama of having her sing with Rachel, but I need an Idina solo, man.

Not to be “that person,” but you only get like 8 bars to audition and you def don’t get an entire band

Literally everything Schue is saying to Quinn is correct and great and she does need to grow up. I just wish literally anyone except Schue had given it.

But also, thank god someone remembers that Mercedes let Quinn live with her because no one else is talking about it

Puck seeing Beth is killing me.

Kurt singing and working that scaffolding is incredible, like what kind of core strength? And then the sai swords? Holy shit.

“She’s perfect. She looks just like you.” WHY. MY HEART.

That’s really not cool of them to laugh at Kurt during his audition. Get it together, guys. Especially Beiste. She should know what it feels like to be outside of gender norms and how it stings to be rejected in that way.

I’m sorry, but I cannot see Finn getting into NYADA

If you want to be seen as more masculine, don’t sing a Streisand song

You can actually see the moment in Quinn’s eyes when she changes to scary!Quinn and I am here for it.

Every time Blaine sings, I fall more in love. I love all his compact movements to the beats of the music. Also the veins in his arm

[audikatia]

2.21 Funeral

Rating: 3/5. The in-fighting in the club is tired and played out, but the storyline revolving around Sue makes up for it.

Best Song: Pure Imagination. None of the songs really grabbed my attention, but I actually remember this song from the episode aired and I had completely forgotten about the other songs, so I guess it wins for being most memorable.

Memorable Quote: “When you love someone like I loved her, they’re a part of you.” -Sue

General Notes:

Fuck you Schue for not letting Becky join.

Oh, Sue has sad emotions. I can’t handle this.

Is Santana Amy Winehouse reincarnated? Because Jesus Christ.

I need Kurt’s skull pants. Also, Kurt nailed the song, but I don’t think it’s his greatest.

I hate that Jesse plays favorites like that, I wanted him to roast Rachel. Admittedly, she nailed that song and it would be hard to have any criticism, but the others all nailed their songs too. I just want Rachel to get the same treatment as the others.

And yes, I appreciate that Schue is taking some time to pick a winner, but also Nationals is like a hot second away. Time to make some fucking decisions, people.

Sue’s grief is untouchable.

Sue wanting the Glee Club there just so there can be people at her sister’s funeral is… painful in ways I cannot describe

When my grandmother died, I did a reading and basically just sobbed my way through it. I don’t think any of it was actually understandable. But she was old and it was her time, I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to speak at my sister’s funeral.

I am crying so hard right now. Dammit, Glee.

“Don’t you feel anything anymore?” Fuck you, Finn. She feels deeply, just differently than you. I will die defending Quinn.

Jesse calling Mercedes lazy just feels… racist.

Oh god, I finally stopped crying but then Sue and Becky hugged and I’m a wreck again

“No regrets though.” Schue, you and Terri should definitely have regrets.

Quinn is so fucking devious. Girl has plans. She’s her most dangerous in times like this and I. Fucking. Love it. She is one of the most compelling characters in the show. You know what? She’s one of the most compelling characters in tv. Yeah. I said it.

[audikatia]

2.15 Sexy

Rating: 5/5

Best Song: Landslide. Possibly one of the best in the whole series.

Memorable Quote: “Kurt, when you’re ready, I want you to be able to do everything. But when you’re ready, I want you to use it as a way to connect to another person. Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter. ‘Cause you matter, Kurt.” -Burt

General Notes:

Did we really need Holly Holliday to come back?

Yes Blaine, it’s totally platonic of you to keep checking on Kurt to make sure he’s got his sexy look right.

Also, where is “Animal” filmed? In a warehouse? Do they just have access to a warehouse? And a foam machine, or whatever it’s called?

Huh, this plot about Puck and Lauren’s sex tape being child pornography has not aged well

Blaine’s voice when he says Kurt is blushing does something to me. Hope you guys are ready for four seasons of me just talking about how in love I am with Darren Criss. Sorry not sorry.

Also, totally platonic look on your face when you find out Kurt’s watched porn, Blaine

Ugh, Blaine going to Burt about Kurt’s fear of the sex talk is really incredible. I can’t imagine how awkward and uncomfortable and terrifying that must have been, but Blaine did it anyway. For Kurt. And he has a good point. I am not a gay man, but I learned a lot about sex the hard way because it wasn’t really explained or taught to me and I didn’t even know how to look it up. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for people interested the same gender because that shit’s just not taught at school.

Also, baby!Blaine not being supported enough by his dad kills me. But it does highlight how special the Kurt/Burt relationship is and why it’s so important to show that on television.

Someone I knew once said “Landslide” was the most important song ever written and they were right

I wish it had just been Santana and Brittany singing it though.

Also, poor Sam. He just doesn’t get it and I think it’s really sweet that he wants to be as close friends with Artie. And Artie’s just sitting there like, “Harold.”

But really, so much of Sam’s storyline is that he wants to be accepted and loved. He is immediately kind to Kurt when they meet, agreeing to be his duet partner even though he might get teased, he immediately goes too hard too fast with Quinn, he wants to be accepted on the football team, he works out his body to unhealthy measures to look good to be accepted. Someone please love this boy the way he deserves.

Not as good as Arrested Development’s version of “Afternoon Delight.”

Burt brings up a good point, Kurt did ask him to research sex between men so that he could ask him questions.

That speech from Burt is probably the most important speech in the series??? How many times do gay boys or even boys in general get a sex talk like that?Burt always delivers.

Ugh, Santana and Brittany’s declaration of love. Santana crying because it’s a genuine reaction to what’s happening instead of being played as a joke, Brittany having a real moment to be a person instead of a comedic role. It’s all so good.

[audikatia]

3.14 On My Way

Rating: 3/5. This is probably a great episode, but I just cried too much. Obviously the Karofsky plot line was an important tearjerker, but all the stuff about Rachel wanting Finn to be with her forever and about how they didn’t want anyone in Glee Club to commit suicide? It was really hard.

Best Song: Cough Syrup. Darren Criss really gave it his all. Also, I thought it was paired beautifully with Karofsky’s scenes/Max Adler’s phenomenal acting.

Memorable Quote: “I’m really happy that you’re alive, David.” -Kurt

General Notes:

So Sebastian all of a sudden doesn’t like Blaine anymore? That was quick

Kurt, leave Grant Gustin’s adorable face alone

Rachel’s trying to argue that it’s more important for her and Finn’s future if she sings at Regionals than to forfeit singing so that Finn’s photoshopped junk isn’t posted all over the internet. Girl. That’s not true. Do you know how the internet works?

Another bondage sweater from Kurt

OH NO. KAROFSKY. NO. NO.

This is horrific and watching Karofsky shift from crying on the bed to his expression when he puts on his clothes is gut wrenching. Max Adler killed it in this scene, he conveyed so much with no words and you could see his thinking, his decisions play out on his face. And pairing it with “Cough Syrup” was extremely powerful, especially since Blaine sang it instead of like Rachel or Mercedes, etc. And Darren Criss went fucking hard with this song, it worked so well.

I find it really difficult to understand why the faculty at McKinley is so torn up about Karofsky’s suicide attempt and about how hard it is to be a teenager these days, but they do literally nothing about the bullying at the school. Everyone tries this bullshit phrase of “it gets better,” but you know what would help? If the adults in the situation actually tried to make things better now.

“They can send their hate anonymously!” They literally throw slashes right in people’s faces. That’s not anonymous. Fix this shit first before blaming social media

Quinn. You had a horrible experience, yes. But you had the stigma of being a pregnant teen for less than nine months. You can go to college and move on with your life. It’s not the same as being gay, because that’s forever. That’s not just something that happened for a year in high school. And while teen moms aren’t treated well, it’s not the same as the horrors of what can happen to mlm and wlw.

Kurt, honey, this was not your fault.

“I don’t ever want to be without you.” I hate this. I knew rewatching this show would be hard, but man. I didn’t know there would be so many little lines and moments that would feel like a punch to the gut knowing what happens.

Mercedes saying that she doesn’t think anyone in Glee Club would try to kill themselves is another fucking gut punch. I kind of wish I hadn’t watched this episode.

I legitimately teared up when they were all listing everything they want to see in life

But also there’s Tina, who’s just like, “Can a bitch get a storyline?”

Can we stop singing “I Believe I Can Fly”? Like, collectively. As a nation. Stop. Just stop. Again, I’m not forgiving Mark Salling’s actions or making excuses, but the show is celebrating a child rapist and that shit has to give mixed messages to someone like Mark

Why were Rachel’s dads surprised she was singing a solo? Haven’t they been paying attention for the last three seasons?

Did Finn have to sing on the balcony while Rachel sang on stage because the last time they performed they fucked it up with a kiss?

Underrated running joke in this series: the absolutely ridiculousness of the third Glee Club at competitions. Like, there’s one legit competitor (the Warblers, Vocal Adrenaline, etc) but then the third group is just a ridiculous example of untraditional glee clubs (the old people, the medival chanters, etc) and I fucking love it

From now on, I only want to be carted around in a coffin for dramatic entrances

Why is Quinn asking if Rachel was singing to anyone other than Finn? Honestly, we could have had it all with Faberry.

I cried while Kurt was helping Karofsky see how good his future could be. And I cried when they held hands, talking about how nice it would be to be friends. I know a lot of people give Karofsky shit and give his whole storyline shit, but I really really love how it was handled.

God bless Burt Hummel. Finn has been his kid for only like a year, but Burt is adamantly his father. I love it so much.

Was this a mid-series finale? Because good god, so much happened in one episode. Karofsky, Regionals, Sue’s pregnancy (I guess I can’t just ignore it, huh?), the wedding, Quinn’s accident. I think too much happened at once.

[audikatia]

3.03 Asian F

Rating: 3/5. It would be higher if I didn’t hate Schue so much.

Best Song: Cool. I love Mike’s dancing and the whole build up for his performance just makes it even more rewarding.

Memorable Quote: “I have ghost parents.” -Emma

General Notes:

Fuck Schue. For one, don’t tell your students that they need to be better than their best for a fucking show choir. For two, don’t tell your girlfriend she’s a bridezilla just because she has a stack of bridal magazines. Fuck you.

So, like, A- being referred to as an Asian F is a little racist, right? We can all agree?

Mercedes’s boyfriend probably has a name but I don’t know. But I do know that he’s a sweetheart and his support for Mercedes is what she deserves.

I would kill for Brittany’s thighs

SCHUE. STOP TAKING CREDIT FOR MERCEDES’S SUCCESS. Fuck you, Schue.

Mike’s dance/confrontation with his dad/declaration of love for Tina was incredible. I’m glad they didn’t play any music and didn’t really give him any props other than the furniture, it was a lot more powerful to see him work through his conflict. He’s a rich character and I wish we saw more of him.

Also, Mike’s audition fucking slays and I really don’t understand why people are against his singing? I think he’s a solid singer, definitely on par with Finn.

I love that Kurt gives Blaine flowers for two reasons. 1.) I love when men are given flowers. It’s a nice flip on a sweet gesture, and I think it’s nice to show men sweetness and kindness in this way. 2.) I love that Kurt is so competitive and focused on getting into NYADA, but Brittany is beating him in the presidential race and Blaine is beating him for the lead role. And how does he respond? He tells his boyfriend that he supports him and tells him how wonderful he is. What a good kid.

And it kills me that they can’t just kiss on the stairs like any other couple could. I like how they played that moment though, the hand on the shoulder like there will be more later. A lot is said there.

Damn Kurt, get those high notes.

I love that Beiste wears lipstick and that they make a point of showing her reapplying it on several occasions

Fuck Schue for inviting Emma’s parents over without consulting her first. But, I do give him a few points for sticking up for her. I did not think he had it in him. I half expected him to agree with her parents about her OCD.

Oh my god, Rachel. Don’t run for president. You’re being a jerk. Pick a different thing.

Unpopular opinion: I don’t love the supportive songs at the end of like half the episodes.

[audikatia]

2.22 New York

Rating: 3/5. Finn and Rachel piss me off so much. Get your shit together, guys.

Best Song: I didn’t really like any of them, so I pick “Moon River” playing in the background during like one scene.

Memorable Quote: “I love you.” -Blaine

General Notes:

So, the summary for this episode mentions that it opens up on a montage of striking images of New York. And? I’m underwhelmed? This is considered striking? It’s just a pan of Times Square. Am I jaded? Are the depression goggles on or are the summary writers just over exaggerating?

Calling bullshit on Rachel not knowing Cats wasn’t playing on Broadway.

Dear director of April’s show: Don’t fucking validate Schue.

The girls having a pillow fight seems like a weird fever dream/male gaze bullshit that no one wanted.

Ugh, I am so over the Rachel/Finn drama, but I do love the musical accompaniment of “Someone to Watch Over Me” in the background

Wow, Rachel and Patti LuPone really have the same nose.

Literally no one ever wants street singers to perform for them, Rachel.

Are the New Directions boys actually there singing “Bella Notte” or is this just a weird shared hallucination between Finn and Rachel? If so, wouldn’t you imagine someone a bit more romantic than Artie and the others? For instance, for me, it would be Darren Criss, but like not the rest of the Warblers.

I actually hate that Kurt and Rachel sang “For Good” because they made Kurt sing Glinda’s part and it just reminds me of when he threw “Defying Gravity” and made Rachel’s ego even bigger than it already was. Petty much?

Yes, Quinn. Yell and scream. Let it out.

But seriously, Quinn has some deep rooted issues about being loved and should really see a therapist about all of this. Is this why she keeps cheating on all her boyfriends? She has it in her head how love should look and behave and when one guy after another fails to live up the expectations she has dreamed up, she projects her expectations on the next guy?

Also, remember when she was kicked out of the house by her fucking father last year? Quinn, please see a therapist.

Oh, I was not prepared for the sound I would make when Puck hugged Schue

I’m actually glad they repeatedly addressed Rachel sending Sunshine to a crack house instead of just sweeping that under a rug like they do with other suspect behavior in this show. Like Josh Groban fucking Schue’s mom. Yeah, I have not forgotten that.

Omg. Finn. Rachel. You fuckers are both so goddamn dramatic. You’re going back to Ohio together like five minutes after Nationals are over. It’s not like after this Rachel is staying in NY and you’ll never see each other again. So fucking dramatic.

If the camera doesn’t slowly pan in on your face as you dramatically look at a loved one, did it even really happen?

I have a distinct memory of watching this episode when it aired and loudly exclaiming “Jesus fucking Christ!” when Finn and Rachel kiss. My sentiments have not changed.

I hate that Rachel kept saying how she will do anything to be a star, that she’s more committed to her dreams than anything, but then immediately can’t be professional and fucks up Nationals completely.

But honestly “It was the superman of kisses” is a cute line from Finn. I begrudgingly give him that.

Am I bitter?

Aw, Blaine’s look of utter adoration when Kurt tells him about having breakfast at Tiffany’s. And then exchanging of “I love you” is so sweet. I’m glad it was done just so simply, so sweetly. No big musical number, no dance routine, no bringing in the rest of the Glee Club. Just simple declaration. And I love that Blaine said it first. It makes me think of the quote from The Raven Cycle, “They were both hungry but Adam had been starving longer.” Kurt was starving for love and now he gets it so freely, so unprovoked.

Sam not knowing who Pippa Middleton is but supporting Kurt’s musical about her is so sweet

But not as sweet as the Sam and Mercedes reveal

Santana having a voodoo doll of Rachel is an underrated moment

I write my notes whenever Rachel and Finn talk to each other because I just don’t fucking care right now

“You gave it all up for one kiss.” You fucking moron.

[audikatia]

1.02 Showmance

Rating: 3/5. Not as good as the pilot, but pretty solid follow up. Basically just exposition.

Best Song: Push It. Omg. The reactions, Kurt smacking Finn’s butt, Rachel rapping, Artie unzipping his shirt, the standing ovation at the end.

Memorable Quote: “Let’s pair up for the Immaculate Affection. Now remember, if the balloon pops, the noise makes the angels cry.” -Quinn

General Notes:

Schue is the fucking worst. How the fuck does he not realize Kurt is getting bullied by Puck every day?

Oh. Maybe Terri is the fucking worst instead. I forgot I have to put up with her for a few episodes.

I also forgot Schue had been motivated to perform “Gold Digger” after Terri wanted the expensive house. We do love a passive-aggressive emotional release in inappropriate settings.

Emma telling Rachel that one day she’ll be happy not to have a gag reflex is a line that has stuck with me since this episode aired September 9, 2009. God has forsaken me with this lasting memory.

Emma’s brochures are the unsung heroes of this show and I want them framed in my house.

Emma forgetting she’s talking to a student and projecting herself onto Rachel and telling Rachel not to bother with married men with a child on the way… Like is anyone good at their job here?

WTF. I forgot that Finn accidentally killed a dude.

I propose a Glee canon divergent AU where Schue stays married to Terri and his advice to the Glee Club just gets more and more depressing and dire as his life circles the drain.

Love that Rachel had a whole fucking picnic set up and Finn didn’t ask about it, just went with it. Need me a man like that.

Oh, I forgot how much I actually really liked Finn and Rachel in the beginning. That was a really sweet first kiss and I was reminded of distinctly “high school” emotions.

“Contrary to your beliefs, it’s not all about you.” *Narrator voice* And then Schue proceeded to give Rachel a million solos.

I want to know the conversation Rachel had with Mercedes and Tina to convince them to sing backup for her therapeutic solo. Like, how do you pitch that to someone?

[audikatia]

2.12 Silly Love Songs

Rating: 4/5. I’ll be honest, I bumped it up because it’s an old-school Klaine classic and that’s what I’m here for.

Best Song:  When I Get You Alone. There’s a lot of secondhand embarrassment that comes with this song, but I am in love with Darren Criss and he’s really hot in this one.

Memorable Quote: “I’ve had mono so many times it turned into stereo.” -Santana

General Notes:

Oh, this is going to be a lot of secondhand embarrassment from Finn kind of episode, huh?

Puck and Lauren Zizes is such a fun couple. I knew it would never last, but I like Lauren just insulting the shit out of him and shutting him down. He needs it.

Blaine is like factory-perfect sometimes. Valentine’s Day is his favorite holiday? He knows Kurt’s drink order? He pays for their coffee?

Also, we as a fandom did not latch on enough to Blaine affectionately calling Kurt “dummy.” It’s cute as heck and should be celebrated more

Kurt, I promise you did not make it all up in your head. No one stares at someone’s lips that often and touches them constantly in every single conversation and gives constant heart eyes without there being something there.

Mercedes’s red blush looks phenomenal on her

Rachel/Mercedes/Kurt sleepover is flipping adorable

Quinn, you can’t kiss someone and then act like he’s the one who started all this

Artie and Mike friendship and worship of their girlfriends is so cute. Is Mike becoming my favorite character?

Oh, Blaine, honey. Don’t do this to someone. Don’t sing to them at their place of work.

Darren Criss and pink sunglasses are the true OTP

I am 8000% over Finn and Quinn, don’t do this to Sam. He does not deserve it at all. Quinn, girl, just be single.

I have so much secondhand embarrassment for Blaine in this episode, but I do like that he really isn’t perfect. He misreads things, he doesn’t know how to communicate, he misses signs. He’s a dumb boy trying his best and I think that’s better for Kurt. And better for Blaine as a character.

[audikatia]

2.04 Duets

Rating: 3/5. A lot of cute moments, but overall it’s mostly buildup. That’s not to say I don’t like buildup, and honestly I sort of miss 22 episode long seasons where development can actually take place. But this just didn’t have a lot of pay off for me despite the cute moments.

Best Song: Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy. “Happy Days Are Here Again” is a personal favorite and their voices meld together so well

Memorable Quote: “I seriously wanted to punch both of you in the face.” -Quinn

General Notes:

Why was Mark Salling out for this episode? I remember at the time it was said he was on vacation, but was that a cover up?

I love Kurt, but I really like the Finn called him out saying he didn’t care that Kurt was gay, but that he didn’t get no meant no.

I think I like Finn/Rachel duets better when they aren’t together

Burt and Kurt

Sam is so sweet. Full stop.

I love Kurt and Sam’s bit about the colored hair. That’s cute.

Sam trying to flirt with Quinn that Venus is the planet of love and her correcting him that it’s Mars, the planet of war is perfect. She’s so goddamn bitter and angry all the time with a shiny veneer of sweet and pretty and I love it.

Oh, Mike and Tina’s duet was super cute

Santana and Mercedes so should have won

Rachel talking to Kurt about being lonely but not being alone… is this when they actually become friends?

Also, I know all of this is setting up Kurt for Blaine and I’m fucking loving it.

Quinn is sneaky smart and I’m here for it

Oh, Brittany moving the meatball with her nose is just so damn cute

[audikatia]

3.11 Michael

Rating: 3/5. I’m just not a huge fan of tribute episodes. I feel like the writers sort of shoehorn plots in weirdly contrived ways to fit the songs instead of non-tribute episodes where they find songs that fit a more naturally developed plot.

Best Song: Smooth Criminal. A fucking classic from the show.

Memorable Quote: “When I was one, my mom showed me the VHS tape of his Motown special, and when he did the moonwalk across the stage for the first time in history, I uttered my first words: ‘Hot damn.’” -Artie

General Notes:

This Michael episode could have literally just been Mike doing the moonwalk for 42 minutes and I would have been thrilled.

Blaine. You absolute dumbass. You know Sebastian is a sneaky little bitch. Don’t tell him your club’s plans for regionals. You’re cute as a button but dumb as a brick. Still love you though.

Sebastian really is that bitch and I love his chaotic energy. I forget, do we ever get a Sebastian/Sue team up? If not, wow. Missed opportunity.

I like how Schue shows up at the end of his students coming to smart/reasonable conclusions with his line of “you’re absolutely right, *insert student’s name*” because he doesn’t actually do any teaching

It is generally accepted that parking garages during off hours are liminal spaces, so I am of the opinion that the entire “Bad” sequence is a figment conjured in that space

So I get that Darren Criss needed to skip a few episodes because he was on Broadway (I did not get to see Hedwig, but I saw pictures and I have never so badly wanted a man to crush me with his thighs before), but I love that the writers decided the best way to write Blaine off for a bit was to have him undergo eye surgery because he took a slushy to the face that had rock salt in it. How fucking extra.

lol Schue be like, “I have a zero tolerance policy for violence!” like his students weren’t shoved into lockers/dumpsters on a regular basis

In regards to Artie’s flip out on Schue, I can only assume the writers were mildly drunk and shooting darts at a wheel. “I guess in this scene, uh, *throws dart* ARTIE is gonna yell at *throws dart* SCHUE and then sing his feelings with *throws dart* MIKE. Fuck, yeah. We can make that work.”

Men should wear eyeliner more often

RACHEL. WHY WOULD YOU GO TO QUINN ABOUT FINN’S PROPOSAL? Talk to Mercedes, Tina. Maybe Kurt, but I guess he’s caught between Rachel and Finn. But anyway, goddammit Rachel. I was never an adamant Faberry shipper, but fuck. I get it.

Quinn is my fucking hero. I’m so proud of her for getting into Yale. When she revealed she was pregnant, one of the things she cried about was how much she wanted to leave. And then she was trying to fix her “stupid mistakes” and dreamt up a life with Finn where she would just stay in Lima and be a real estate agent. But now? She’s fucking thriving.

Quinn is so fucking gorgeous. This look with her hair piled to the side? Oh my god.

Quinn’s locker is so fucking great. I love the little “hi mommy!” sticker on Beth’s picture, I love all the pictures of Puck and Beth, I love the picture of Finn and Rachel with the magnet over Rachel’s face. That’s such a high school girl thing to do.

Get you a man who lights up a stage with your name in lights

Also, get you a dad who shouts with joy and picks you up and spins you around the room when you get into your dream school

“Who's gonna tell Blaine? You got to let me do it.” Burt is a fucking gem. I like to think he basically adopts Blaine as his third son when he learns that Blaine’s dad sucks

Finn bringing over movies with characters wearing eye patches to Blaine who is also wearing an eye patch is so adorable

Also, Blaine pouring celebratory drinks in honor of Kurt’s finalist status at NYADA in front of Rachel is a fucking power move. Yas bitch.

“Okay, so, *throws dart* SANTANA will have an emotional fight with *throws dart* SEBASTIAN and *throws dart* A BUNCH OF FUCKING CELLOS. Yeah, cool.”

Seriously though, “Criminal” is fucking amazing. Sometimes the darts work. Also, lol Sebastian, Santana was clearly better than you

“You’re the love of my life.” Rachel, you’re a baby. You have a lot of life left.

Puck did not have much to do in this episode, but all his lines were gold.

Honestly, maybe neither of your glee clubs should do Michael since ya’ll are hella white

The chubby Warbler who is clearly in love with Blaine is super precious

[audikatia]

1.15 The Power of Madonna

Rating: 2/5

Best Song: 4 Minutes. I’ll be honest, none of these really wow’d me, but I do love when Kurt and Mercedes get to shine.

Memorable Quote: “Just come out so we can talk. Or sing about it.” -Jesse

General Notes:

Why would anyone in their right mind talk about their sex life with their teacher in the room like that? Ugh, Rachel.

The return of the pamphlets!!!

Wow, Emma. We do not disrespect Britney Spears in this house.

The first tribute episode. Is it weird that I think this is where the show started to go downhill? Some tribute episodes were great! But after a while, it was too much.

Okay, in the costume choices for “Express Yourself,” I refuse to believe that Rachel would wear the red and Santana would wear the pink. Costuming mishap.

Knowing now that Santana is a closeted lesbian really puts her current behavior in a different light.

I didn’t think I ever noticed before the background students all dressed up like various Madonna’s, that’s really cute

“Mr. Schue, is that your son?” Omg Brittany