#atwasanswers

[atwastage]

Hello! Do you have any directors commentary for "Crowned with Sight"?

I'm so glad you asked!

I'm still very happy with this fic-- it actually came from a direct conversation I had with Xander (Fink's player) concerning the relationship between Fink and the Narrator. He was the one who came up with the idea of Them kissing Fink's forehead and giving him a third eye through that as a part of how the exchange of humanity for power works in the game; and I ended up taking that image and running to it. A good chunk of this fic was written long-hand in my notebook while I was on vacation, leaning against Xander while he was busy playing a ttrpg one-shot with some other people. Thanks Xander, you make a good pillow and I think your characters are Very Neat.

I'm very lucky he was as down with the idea of the weird toxic eldritch relationship thing as I was. I just think it's very fascinating. How does something with no concept of love, love? How does it learn to care? What is it like to be the subject of those terrible affections?

Hence being pinned-- in the sights of a gun, to a board, by circumstance. The Narrator only takes what they are offered, yes-- but how could Fink or any of the other soldiers say no? They can't, not if they want to survive.

I also was pretty particular about when Fink swapped from It to They in terms of referring to the Narrator. When he accepts them and their deals-- when he says he will give them anything they want in return for his survival.

I return to quite a few of these themes and situations in "Scars of Experience" (which is actually canon to Bones in the Dust). Narrator communicating through dreams (and responding directly to thoughts in conversation), loneliness, 'unconditional' love, narrative (hah) ways that the mechanical ideas of the game manifest (re-rolling things so attacks succeed or fail, etc) ((Double aside, I'm actually super-proud of Scars of Experience and wish it wasn't spoilery for recent episodes so more people would read it aaa I am dying))

Fun fact, when I originally published this fic I didn't tag it as / right away because I was a coward and worried people would think it particularly odd? I've (obviously) since rectified this.

"You should know, Private Fink, that I take because it is my nature. Because it is the only thing I can do." Their breath hitched. "I take because I am cold, and I am empty."

^ A raw fucking line that I'm still super happy with. Another reason I wrote this, was so I could use that line that I spit out off the cuff.

The "It was familiar" paragraph towards the end is another that still sticks in my brain. Exploring how people exist in war (and how it changes them so they feel they cannot exist without it) is something also profoundly fascinating to me. Look at Kit, look at the other NGH fics I've written. Even Korellian in Fallen Empires kind of leans into this-- how can you exist in the after when your entire life is violence? How can you live with what you've had to do to survive? How can normal life ever compare?