#attempting to balance rhyme/meter/content/etc.

[sweet-cynicalstrain]

Queen’s Thief Appreciation Week(s) Day 1: The Thief in which we explore Gen’s journey, Hamilton-style

Hello! When I started thinking about participating in queen’s thief appreciation weeks this year—for the first time, as I only started reading the books a little over a year ago—I got a bit overwhelmed by all the possibilities and by all of the seriously impressive art, writing, and jokes/memes/etc. I’ve seen from other people. Then I realized that, much like Alexander Hamilton as portrayed in the musical Hamilton, Gen is a bastard who spent some time living in squalor and ended up a hero with his face on some currency. Anyway, I decided to rewrite a bunch of songs this week, so here is the first one. It does make reference to…pretty much every book that comes after The Thief, but it’s an introductory sort of song, and I tried to keep it focused mostly on events that happen fairly early on. 

I didn’t assign particular characters to sing different parts like in the original except in the last bit of the song, but when I started writing this I had it in my head that it was the Magus narrating mostly, until I realized that it was probably Pheris. It can, of course, be whoever you’d like.

Thanks to @thecrenellations for the very helpful editorial feedback and for being the reason I read this book in the first place!

Attolis Eugenides

How does a bastard, goatfoot, son of a thief’s heir From Eddis, caught in the middle of a wine shop With the commoners, by foolish plans imprisoned In squalor, grow up to be a hero and an Annux?

The double stater, a young schemer who lost his mother Got a lot farther by following his grandfather By being a lot smarter By being a bit of a bother By fifteen*, they made him join a covert endeavor

And every day through Sounis, he boasted at the wine shops While spies were watching, he tried to keep his guard up Inside, he had a plan of his own, and on behalf of His queen, he was willing to lie, steal, hide, or show off

But he needed something more, he needed to get noticed To be a local, skillful thief who nobody would miss Put an ink pen to his temple, connected it to his brain Wrote his own court records, a history he’d feigned

Well, the word got around, they said this kid can steal anything Took him from the prison cell to send him on an undertaking Earn your reputation, don’t reveal from whence you came And more than dust will know your name What’s your name, Thief?

Gen, short for Eugenides His name is Gen, short for Eugenides He can do anything he wants Just you wait, just you wait

When he was ten his mother fell from the roof after dancing Five years later** his father sent him off, financing His theft, making him flee for his protection And eventually he won the Magus’s affection

Snuck into Attolia, but their queen cut his hand off Left him with nothing but ruined pride, nightmares, lingering love A voice said, “Stop whining, you’ve got to make a new plan” He started retreating and scouting on the enemy’s land

There would’ve been nothing left to do for someone less astute He would’ve been useless, all alone, without his former resolution Started speaking, outlining his plan before the council Convinced the queen and anybody else who still was doubtful

Gathering all the wooden cannon he could get his hand on Planning for the future see him now as he stands on The edge of a river headed for a new land In Attolia, you can be the new king

In Attolia you can be the new king Just you wait!                      

Gen, oh our Eugenides Three countries rely on you You could never think first But you can steal peace and time

Oh, Attolis Eugenides When the Peninsula praises you Will they know what you overcame? Will they know you rewrote the game? The world will never be the same…

He’s high king in Attolia now See if you can spot him They underestimated what he could do for them His enemies, they tried to win, but nobody could thwart him

MINISTER OF WAR, TELEUS, COSTIS: We fought with him KAMET, MAGUS: We respected him RELIUS, PHERIS: We trusted him IRENE, HELEN: We loved him SOPHOS: And me? I shot the ambassador because of him!

He can do anything he wants Just you wait What’s your name, King? Attolis Eugenides Eugenideides!

*Probably. **Approximately.