#atp I don’t even care how cringe I am

[jo-the-cosmic-being]

Sadly, my type is men from violent video games

[historytc]

february tc challenge... yes i am doing it all at once bc why not.  also i’m not even tagging this cuz this blog might as well be a journal atp lmao.

1. Do you have more platonic or romantic feelings for them?

romantic definitely... although i don’t really fully understand the scope of my feelings for him and i doubt i ever will.  i do want to have a friendly relationship with him though, so...

2. Have they ever physically touched you?

LOL no.  he’s never had any reason to, sadly.

3. Would you ever plan to pursue them when you graduate? (And when you’re legal if you’re a minor like me)

no lol he’d never like me like that.

4. Do you know their birthday/zodiac sign?

yeah i saw him on his birthday!  so i got to wish him a happy birthday which was nice.  he’s the same sign as me

5. Do you know their favorite color?

no, but he wears blue a lot.  if i had to guess, i think it’d be a dark cool color.

6. What do they teach?

he’s a professor for my major.  it’s probably obvious what subject that is.

7. Do you think you’re their favorite student?

his favorite favorite?  no.  one of his favorites in my current cohort?  yeah.  he’s told me many times that he thinks i’m smart, a good student, mature, and all that jazz, and he’s been willing to do certain favors for me that he wouldn’t do for just anyone.

8. Are they tall, short, or average height?

he’s almost my height i think?  it’s hard to tell since i’m usually sitting around him most of the time, but i’d guess that he’s around my height or a couple inches taller.

9. Do they have any pets?

no but he really likes cats :).

10. Do you ever plan to confess your feelings to them? (Careful with this one, they could possibly lose their job or get you in trouble)

absolutely not.  if i do it’d only be after i graduate.  he says he still keeps in contact with his graduated students though, so if he wants to do that with me then i wouldn’t be willing to ruin that by telling him about my stupid crush.

11. Do you know any of their talents?

he likes writing, and while this isn’t really a talent we do have a few of the same hobbies.

12. How often do you think of them?

every day cuz i always see his office window when i’m walking around.  plus certain things remind me of him.

13. Have you told anybody irl about your crush?

yeah a few of my friends know.  i refuse to tell them his name tho lmao.

14. Be honest: Do you think you’re in love?

nah my feelings aren’t at that point yet.  i had the realization today that i could very well fall in love with him if things keep going the way they are, and tbh i don’t really want that to happen.  i do like him, it’s just that i don’t want to fuck up and fall in love and feel even worse about this than i already do.

15. Do they motivate you to come to school?

absolutely.  i do my best in his class because of him.

16. Have you ever seen them cry?

nah he’s not the type of person to cry in front of people, especially in front of students.

17. What kind of dynamic do you guys have?

i dunno -- we’re certainly not opposites, though.  i’d say it’s a pretty stereotypical friendly professor-student dynamic.

18. Have they ever caught you staring?

yes, but in my defense he makes eye contact a ton during class so i don’t think he realizes what i’m doing.

19. What was the most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of them? (All of us have done some pretty embarrassing stuff, let’s be honest.)

jeez where to begin... i always feel embarrassed when i answer a question wrong in class, even though he says he doesn’t remember it (and i believe him).  also i’m sure i look super nervous when i go to say something to him sometimes so i always kinda cringe over that.  i also dropped my phone in front of him which was so weirdly embarrassing for no reason.  basically a lot of little things that i’m half-sure he doesn’t even remember. 

20. Do they make you feel safe/loved?

tbh i’m so nervous whenever i go to talk to him that i don’t feel that lmao.  but when we’re actually having a conversation then yeah i do feel safe.  it’s kinda hard to explain.

21. Have they ever rendered you speechless?

yeah, once, but it’s a story that’d very obviously connect this blog to me if anyone read it, so i’ll abstain from putting it here.  it was the moment i realized i have a crush on him, though.

22. Are they a good teacher?

he’s very good!  he’s funny and engaging and he’s genuinely passionate about what he teaches.  i’ve learned so much because of him.

23. Is there something they do that gives you the ick

good question... he definitely says things sometimes that make me go “hmmm” but there’s nothing that outright puts me off of him yk.

24. Are you guys close?

he’s definitely the professor i’m closest with.  we’re pretty friendly and we talk fairly often.  in terms of actual closeness... idk, i don’t know his entire life story or anything, but he’s told me a fair amount of details about himself and i’ve told him some of my own.

25. Have you ever looked for their initial in those stupid TikToks that eight year olds make? (If you don’t have tiktok: do other students like your tc?

yes i always do even though i know it’s all bullshit lmfaoooo i can’t help myself though.  and idk if other students like him... there’s definitely a few girls i’m sus about but it’s complicated and i get jealous easily anyway.

26. Have you ever dreamed about them?

not often but he does show up sometimes.  he’s mostly there on the side and i’ll talk to him.  i remember one time i dreamed that i made him laugh and it was so gratifying even in my mind.

27. Do you see yourself in a relationship with them?

i’d certainly like to be, and i like to flatter myself and say that we’re compatible.  in truth i’ve known him for a relatively short time and obviously only in the context of college so i don’t know how it’d work out in reality.

28. Have you ever cried in front of them?

no and i pray that i never will.  i almost did once because he gently reprimanded me for something and even though i wasn’t visibly upset i’ve never let myself live that down.