#atp I am wondering if it’s all worth it

[digitaltohru]

I can’t do this anymore

[killerpillar]

any book recs? looking for something to hold me over inbetween your updates! anything you’ve found yourself pulling inspo from for your fic or that you think a fellow levi fan would love?

hi!!! ofc, i've got plently of fic recs, i'm pretty sure i've read 80% of all levi fics on ao3 atp😭 I sadly have not had the time to read as many fics nowadays like I used to, but here are some of my all time favs!!

(also i apologise, my summary skills are terrible and so it's just me gushing over the fics for a whole paragraph🧎‍♀️)

Death's Door by SongsOfApollo

one of the first fics I read, and a fic that has literally never left my brain since then. It's amazing. It's very popular so I'm sure you've heard about it already if not read it, but if you haven't, it's a must read!! levi x doctor reader!

Dust, Diamonds by maokitty

the best way i can describe this fic is that it drove an iron stake through my heart multiple times, pulled it out, then delicately rearranged the pieces and stitched it back together with gentle fingers. take it how you will but after a certain chapter i stopped reading it bc it was too painful, and then came back two months later to finish it off AND I AM SO GLAD I DID.

A River Of Three Crossings by maokitty

this fic literally ruined my life it was so fucking good but its incomplete and hasn't been updated since 2020 i am SO SAD. but please read this, it's so good, so heart crushing and sweet and amazing I love it sm

ALSO I JUST FUCKING REALISED ITS THE SAME AUTHOUR WHILE WRITING THIS LIST😭

reciprocal sin by captain-hawks (@captain-hawks)

SO UNDERRATED!??! must read, i cannot say anything else but READ THISSS. its a kinky smutty oneshot so make sure you read the content warnings, but its sooo good😭 amazing writing too!

silver soul by oi_levi

sadly this one is incomplete and hasn't been updated since 2021, but it's brilliantttt. if you're craving some good post-war levi fics, then this one's really good!!

also read In the Land of Gods and Monsters by them for a fun time😊

a sip of sunshine by taomyou (@taomyou)

speaking of post-war fics, this one is amazinggg. super cute and fluffy, angsty ending for part 1 (😭) but I know for sure their next part will be worth the wait. also they've got a complete modern au fic called The Romance Of Reimbursements which is so fucking beautiful, definitely read this!!! (also mchs, acoc... yeah just read all of them tbh)

silver underground. by tothestrongones (@amywritesthings)

this one's a recent read, but omfg i cannottt get enough of it. absolutely love this, it's levi x underground reader, amnesia trope done right. 10/10 must read!!!

we all bleed red by littlerequiem (@littlerequiem)

also a recent read, but omfg this fic is so good. it's vampire au, victorian era, slowburn brilliant writing, and healthy communication!?!? no way. checks all the boxes for me😫

Percolate by heichoe

modern coffee shop au, its so good omfg. it's such a cute fic, classic grumpy levi, friends w benefits, lots of smut and the DRAMA gosh. i was so invested, it was so good. (also ur gonna need an account on ao3 to read the fic!!)

this is a story of the sea by shinzouing

this one is levi x erwin x reader (i read it for the levi x reader bc erwin was gonna die anyways lmao) but i fell in loveeee with it!! wonderful writing, amazing story, 10/10 angst & slowburn, a definite must read! (also 20/10 smut, it was so fucking good)

(also literally every fic by wellitcouldbeworse3 on ao3 is amazinggg, check them out if you haven't already. which i'm sure you have, and that is the only reason i haven't listed out all of their fics here😭 The Feeling's Mutual is my fav modern au fic of all time no questions asked)

THIS IS A JUST A FEW!!! if you want more, then feel free to ask, i will gladly rec more <33 and ty for reading my fic btw!! LOVE U LOADS🤗

[shefollowedthestars]

welcome to new york - headcanons for kate bishop showing you around nyc 🗽˙✧˖°📷 ༘ ⋆｡˚

warnings: none that i can think of atm

notes: this is the first time writing something and posting it in...forever. like i think years atp so pls be mindful of that while reading lol. but i am 100% open to any feedback or constructive critiscm as i want to improve my writing again!! anyways i hope you enjoy bc kate is the literal loml and this came to me in a dream.

you two would definitely start the day at a nice brunch place. brunch instead of breakfast because waking up a bit late when the sun is already shining through the windows sounds like a perfect, warm start to the day

anyways. you would go to her favourite brunch place and share a stack of pancakes with fruit, whipped cream and maple syrup. the ultimate pancake stack, as kate called it

the first thing you’d do in the morning is go on a bike ride through central park

even though cycling isn’t the sport kate’s the best at, she would definitely enjoy leisurely biking with you through the park and seeing the green trees and all the flowers in bloom

plus, she would be making horrible jokes the whole time to try impress you. “how do you know flowers are capable of kissing? they have tulips!” they were stupid, but her attempts made you grin, her rambly and silly nature was adorable 

ALSO when you guys were walking around you would beg her to go into every single photobooth and you eventually used those photos to make a cute scrapbook later on

moving on though, the next activity (and kate’s favourite) was larping ofc

you were a bit skeptical of it at first, as you stared at the costumes - it wasn’t really your thing, but kate insisted that it would be fun

she then went on a rant of which armour you should choose. “okay, so i think you should go with the one to the left of the one grills just took, because it’s a, very easy to put on and b, it is definitely the most comfortable. but, to be honest all of them are comfortable, but like, yeah, i’d say that’s the best.” and you knew then that whether larping was your thing or not, you’d enjoy doing it with her because - well, it was her. god, was she the best.

and it ended up being your thing nonetheless! for dinner, she took you to her mom’s penthouse (eleanor happened to be away on vacation) and made you the most delicious pasta. it was a chicken penne pasta that you both shared along with a slice of cake (that kate 100% did not make, because while she can cook she can not bake). 

and her bad jokes continued over dinner "i developed a pasta addiction. i spent my life savings on pasta, but it was worth every penne." that one you thought was actually great and it made you laugh. and when i say it made you laugh, i mean it made you laugh the most genuine laugh ever and kate was entranced. that girl is so in love with you, it’s actually crazyyy

clint would agree

but. you two ended the night snuggled up on the couch, asleep with a movie in the background and it was literally perfect. 

like picture this - the vague sounds of people talking in an old movie, the hum of the refrigerator, the sounds of you two breathing lightly, the pizza dog’s endearing snores and the sound of rain pattering against the large window glass

doesn’t that sound so amazing?? plus, the faint smell of vanilla cake accompanied with kate’s sandalwood perfume. 

anyways - you had the best day with kate and you can’t believe that this is the life you get to live. you feel like the luckiest person on planet earth. 

oh how i wish this was real. life is not fair kate bishop needs to be my gf. anyways again i hope you liked it and have a wonderful day <3

[expergoe]

In a way I don’t blame people who don’t want to be combative with coworker theyre going to see often. For some people that’s not worth it, especially when their employer the atp is protecting them. But indifference is not the same as promoting them.

People are dunking on Novak, and rightly so, but Fed gets too much leeway with this stuff. He invited Zverev to laver cup this year. Hemmed and hawed when asked about the assault case. Laver Cup is also the event where he first assaulted his girlfriend. Theim too.

Essentially I think people’s reaction to positive interactions with Zverev/Kyrgios is often coloured by their feelings towards the player. The entirety of the atp is complicit, like you said.

I understand wanting to watch the wta more as a result. But a lot of the wta support them too. Actual support, not just exchanging pleasantries. Caro Garcia invited Kyrgios on her podcast to whitewash his image and let him mope about his mental health (he used mental health as a defence during his assault case). Naomi and whatever mess she’s in with Kyrgios, they’re business partners I think.

to be honest? i don't feel bad for them at all. i don't really agree with the coworker analogy, either; the atp isn't really an employer, and it would be incredibly difficult to 'fire' the players for something like this. but if anyone has proof of the atp threatening players directly for speaking on this, i'd love to be corrected. the single biggest risk for them is rocking the boat and losing their little lads club. men come together in droves to defend eachother and their misogyny; no one wants to be 'that guy', no one wants to ruin the fun in the name of something as minor as women's rights!

every single player is complicit. and while you say indifference isn't promotion - and i agree that those facilitating zverev/kyrgios' little redemption tours are far worse, relatively - in the grand scheme of things, every single player (even the ones i like!) staying silent or giving non-answers of 'oh i don't know enough about that' is helping repair his image. there is not a single atp player that has given any material support in the matter - no, not medvedev, not fritz. their on-court activity has laughably little effect on anything in the real world where zverev and consequences are concerned.

and of course let's not forget they voted zverev onto the atp council. all of their own volition! noone was forced, they all (or at least a significant majority) looked at this man and saw him as respectable enough to represent all players. not only that but in the immediate aftermath, they all gave complete non-answers. i am thinking of casper ruud, a player who i like perfectly well enough, who was recently praised for his ~insight~ on the matter of playing in controversial countries such as saudi arabia or china, but conveniently 'didn't know enough' about the zverev allegations when asked. i guess it's easier to talk when it's some distant country and not a man you'd probably consider a friend.

i will be the first to admit that i have never really liked and still don't like novak at all. the audience of right-wing freaks he surrounds himself with and continuously enables disgusts me, and i can admit that maybe i am harsher on him than others as a result. however given his history, i don't think he deserves the lenience. i mean, the man follows andrew tate on twitter, part of me wonders how some people appeared so blindsided by this! if there's anything i can say about him it's that he's always been outspoken about his opinions; he is hardly in any sort of dilemma about this.

i feel similarly for the likes of rublev, who has in the past feigned concern about 'violence against women' to spread transphobic misinformation while talking about how zverev is his Best friend on tour in the same breath, and tsitsipas, whose general misogyny and disgusting behavior on court (alongside rublev) is continuously coddled.

of course roger deserves zero grace either. later in his career and post-retirement especially, he has grown to perfectly embody the kind of soulless capitalism that runs rampant in sport and protects abusers in the name of Branding. nothing but a business-savvy former player whose greatest skill, really, is becoming an utterly spineless fence-sitter at the first difficult question. it's all money over morals, and it's worked for him! his absolutely nothing statements wrt zverev get hand-waved because Oh, that's his brand! his trademark Neutrality strikes again! typical roger, right guys?

and he's probably a fucking billionaire. he didn't need to be crying and worrying about a response when the zverev allegations first came out, but it's always money money money, more money, so we got an absolutely nothing response so the handful of zverev fans that care can still throw their money at the laver cup (because of course he will still be invited) and everyone else gets placated. these institutions are well-aware of the devoted but niche audience of younger adult women especially in fandom spaces like tumblr+twitter and those 'neutral' statements were 100% made to sweep the matter aside for them as well.

i can't speak much on the wta, as it isn't what i've been posting about. i give the atp more flack on the matter because they are the ones directly interacting with him and afaik, iga at the very least has spoken about the matter (not very directly, but her acknowledging that promoting a player involved in such a case was bad is more than anyone on the atp has done, especially considering she was the woman's no.1) as well as dasha too. but of course no one who gives him a platform should be praised. naomi wrt kyrgios especially is disappointing and upsetting as someone who is usually so outspoken on matters of mental health - again, it's easier to speak when it's not someone you consider a friend. which is of course not an excuse. i wouldn't exactly consider the wta 'worse' in terms of 'actual support' though; like i said, the silence is equally complicit for both tours.

i understand for a lot of people that tennis, and sport in general, is a nice bit of escapism, so for a lot of people this isn't something we like to think about. i include myself in this; a lot of players i spoke about here are ones i personally like, and i have favourites in the atp that are complicit in their silence. but i think in order to engage in the sport in any meaningful way, we have to acknowledge this for what it is, as horribly uncomfortable as it might be, with zero excuses and zero 'but's in anyone else's favour.

[hikennosabo]

#tristampparty day 2, episode 2: the running man

day 2 of @tristampparty!! i have less to say about this episode than the first one so hopefully this will be a shorter post than yesterday LOL

iirc this is 98 knives's seiyuu on the radio, right?!!! i am only about halfway through my jp 98 watch and can't recognize him by ear (yet) but i think it's very neat that the original seiyuus have cameos :')

also vash keeping the photo with him What If I Ate Rocks

he is such a kicked puppy of a man

why does roberto say revenge. what does he mean. what does he know. what has he figured out from knowing vash for maybe like a few hours. or is he just throwing that out there without realizing how close he is to the truth. partially, anyway. he didn't guess the savior complex part.

i'm not entirely sure what meryl means by honor...? but money is a pretty normal reason to want a plant, as we've seen and as we'll continue to see.

i like how meryl has a fear of bugs... i can relate lol. i think this character trait comes from the manga when she was kidnapped by zazie and was grossed out? i think here it also serves to reinforce her being sheltered, still unfamiliar with the world at large since worms are everywhere--WAIT HOLD ON.

PAUSE. ZOOM. ENHANCE.

RAI-DEI SPOTTED?!?!??!?! this rewatch is becoming an I Spy game with the wanted posters, jfc.

man i'm so glad i finally downloaded tristamp so i can appreciate the visuals without the crunchiness of streaming video... i can't do the animation justice with just screenshots but i love watching vash scamper around like a... i don't know. he scampers like a cockroach in 98, but this is giving a different vibe. like a... something. like a creature.

i also want to take a second to appreciate how gorgeous the backgrounds are, like,

i loooove the backgrounds, it looks like... maybe a mix of markers and colored pencil... i love the detail and the colors are so pleasing. this is such a gorgeous anime to look at, i don't know how anyone could possibly say it looks bad without them just blindly hating it because it's 3dcg. god i'm getting so distracted looking at the backgrounds that i'm missing the action AND the subtitles LOL

wasn't there a post somewhere that actually calculated how much a bullet is worth based on this information. i don't remember what conclusion it came to. but i'm thinking either food is expensive (tbh, likely) or bullets are inexpensive and vash is just poor (also likely). also it's funny that the dub changed this to donuts. ...where are the donuts at in tristamp anyway...

roberto lmao 😭😭😭😭😭 i guess that's one way to guarantee it doesn't spill

roberto up until this point has acted like meryl is dragging him along unwillingly, but here he's the one telling meryl to get in the car so they can get a move on, lol. yeah yeah we all already know he's actually a softie and that he really cares underneath his aloof demeanor.

which brings us to this scene... i don't want to say that he has vash "all figured out" because obviously he doesn't, but he's got SOME of vash figured out at least. definitely more than meryl atp. he knows vash is running from knives... i wonder how this conversation would have gone if they weren't interrupted.

yeah i don't really have that much to say about this ep, relatively speaking... i don't have any deep thoughts about the nebraskas, they're just comic relief villains anyway, i don't care about them that much, even though tristamp kind of tries to make us care a little bit by the end of this episode...

next episode is gonna be a doozy though. ohohohohohoho.

[delight-angelsbliss]

Yap Yap I know I'm not posting writing sry

Warning vent and dark themes

Low key nonchalantly what the fuck? Why am I the one who was to deal with everything like don't get me wrong I love being nice and helpful but why is it that whenever I'm kind no one gives a shit about me? It's people tell you to just care for yourself but I can't the guilt rates me away even if it's just in a video game or something small and people r rude and nasty when you do stuff for yourself no wonder your relationship is so weird and ppl degrade you for dating the whole school when you're low key pathetic and rude to any girl that isn't a best friend and be mean to me for never being in a relationship it's not like those guys you've dated like you either you were just a fling for those 17 and 18 year olds when you were 12 don't get me wrong you can date however many people you want but making it a trophy and using that as something to degrade others while that "trophy" is falsely used is disgusting

Also I hate dealing with the consequences of my decisions like why meee?? I've been kind sweet and never put anyone in a place to decide and tried my best to help everyone so why am I getting the short end of the stick? Can someone please kill me ATP

I absolutely hateee when I'm splitting I feel like an evil bitch for those thoughts and turning my thoughts or having so much paranoia which I know isn't my fault but these hallucinations I have daily and the paranoia plus nightmares that come from it just isn't worth it anymore like why live

But the worst part is I know I don't want to help myself because this is the only time people truly care about me people don't stay unless I gossip or share my problems which I've tested and accepted so many times but it hurts so bad because I don't like it I know I'm not funny or cool but it still pains me when someone leaves me cuz of it like am I not made for greatness? I know I'll never be on top or popular because people don't care about you otherwise but are my skills not enough? I'm smart and on the top of my class I'm kind sweet a good listener and understanding I've never rebelled against what people told me and I listen to my mom no matter how old I am so why am I not enough? People still think it's right to sexualize and harass me even when I was 11 at a mental hospital for suicide attempts and symptoms for a personality disorder and I hate talking about it because people always say the weirdest shit like "you're saying that for attention or to be different" like no pathetic hater I have not been to three different mental hospitals for months over the time limit and diagnosed by all three for you to tell me that I'm trying to be different by joking and dragging down mental illnesses and in one of those mental clinics I was sexualized and harassed by my roommates and even staff my first roommate made rape stories about me and even used the time my behind was touched by two other patients and the time I was groped on a train for them as if that wasn't a sad topic for me? Am I just my body to them? It's always what I can give whether it's writing or something else I'm always on the giving end so why can I never get smth in return? I wanna be famous and I want to die but not really die I want the attention as if I'm so fragile I could die Amy second I hate that I never got attention only bad ones my own dad would break my legs and inappropriately tried to touch me so why do I still try and hold out to the hope that someone can give me praise and treat me with kindness when I know the only person that truly does is @/francistimefranche and @/dissociatingcherrydoll it's like I wasn't made to be loved and instead made to be used can I not be selfish for once? I want to be selfish but the guilt eats at my brain because being used for so long has made me only think of others and never of myself so why do I try to think of myself now? I hate the fact I'm just a housemaid for people and never have time to write or for myself and the fact that there are men who randomly text me calling me a foid (derogatory term for female humanoids) I know I'll never be anything else than my body and the giver to people but it hurts so much knowing I wasn't made to be popular or for anything great like love

Anyway I'll try to post the one request in my inbox if I can even do that without getting overwhelmed lol writers block is killing me tho

[castlebyersafterdark]

I never do this, im not even a fan, but the idea of you, vinny, a romantic creative and film appreciator, going to see gladiator 2 having never seen the first is an abomination to me and i must put down my sixpence's worth hahahhaa

PLEASE DONT. see gladiator 2 by all means if you want. but the original is considered a modern classic and was an instant classic when it came out. its still referenced in film classes. it's influenced so many films, mainly in the way the ending pans out (v interesting if youre into storytelling and writing craft...) and also in the way it influenced film scores, and also most famously for the shot that has been Copied A Thousand Times in movies since: the hand thoughtfully stroking through the grass. I'm sure you will have seen this shot in other films and recognise it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enGTk409iQk

its a cliche atp lol

so yeah. i wouldnt even call myself a gladiator fan, seen it once or twice in my life. but the idea of people seeing the second when the first objectively did not need a sequel and is just a perfect complete story that is an icon of cinema... hoo boy haha

Oh wow, I am LOVING your passion!! I'll take your word for it and watch it sometime soon!! It's interesting hearing it's this huge impactful classic when... I don't really know all that much about it? Huh. What rock have I been living under. I literally know nothing about the original. And I don't think it has to do with it coming out when I was a literal toddler, because I know about and enjoy so many movies so much older than it, this is just very interesting. I guess it was one of those things where I heard "Gladiator II? Why is this getting a sequel now?" And had me wondering if it was one of those movies that has barely anything to do with the original. I stand corrected and informed!! If we decide to go I'll make sure I've seen the classic now!! I never knew it was considered an icon of cinema - just thought it was an older action movie. I'll admit when I'm lacking knowledge!!

And oh, totally know that field shot in homage, that's wild. That's such a common shot. Love finding out stuff like that, just assuming it's a oft repeated cliche, but I guess that cliches come from an origin.

[bpdbunnyy4ngel]

yup!!!! not me having spent an entire year thinking of him and only him and preparing myself in my head for a life with him and have smth irl :)))))) bc he kept telling me he was at a real bad place so i waited :)))))) even tho i carefully kept reminding him i love him :))))) but i wasnt worth anything to him and none of my love mattered :))))) and he wasnt even gonna talk to me abt it or tell me abt his feelings and tell me 10 months after i told him what i felt for him that he doesnt feel anything for me :))))))) i am the most pathetic person on the planet :)))))))))))))) i let him break my heart over and over again and then just kept waiting for him to simply talk and communicate with me :))))))) all i ever wanted was for him to be honest and talk to me but he hasnt been talking to me at all only putting more and more distance between us which hurts so bad bc what was between us meant everything in the world to me but means nothing at all to him!!!!!! :D bc he could just let go of it easy peasy and not even think abt it or want to try to talk it out wit me no he could just throw me to the side without even mentioning he was doing that and then just whoosh have someone else :))) while im stuck in this bc once again he has told me that im the only one he did feel even a bit for atp in his life :))))) so i mean i just went off what he told me hahahhaha :)))))) but guess u cant do that bc all ppl do is lie and switch up their feelings without even being merciful enough to talk to u :))))))))))))))) not me wanting to do everything for him and love him and love him but.... thats so humiliating bc i wonder if he even loves me a sliver of what i feel for him. which is .. only how it is. it just hurts that he gave me hope several times only to be cross with smth i did on my blog and punished me by pulling away and not even talking to me and then i just wait to talk to him bc maybe he just isnt in a headspace to do so now :))))) bc he's said he feels things for me and he admitted there was some energy between us but then he just drops it and doesnt even think im worthy to explore it or talk abt anything :)))))) and i keep loving him bc i love him so much even if the way he talks makes me feel like he doesnt really feel anything for me even as a friend :))))) and i kept waiting because i love him so much and only thought he just wasnt able to talk abt things now, bc he has told me and made me feel like he actually does want me in some ways and he has felt things for me but 10 months passed since i told him i was in love w him and wanted to work things thru even if he was struggling and he hasnt even told me anything at all abt what he felt and what he feels and all during this he just has someone else now :)))) i truly am nothing at all im not even worth communication hahahahha i wanna fucking die :)

[lewkwoodnco]

Okay I’m just so proud of this edit I just havee to talk abt some of the scene choices hehe🙈🙈

Mon, pine - ngl i completely forgot this scene existed until I randomly stumbled upon it while looking for some other screencaps and thank god I did cuz it fits SO WELL??? Lucy’s possessed by Annabel who’s talking abt someone else obviously but just LOOK at Lockwood’s face half of him wants to snap Lucy out of it/make sure she stays safe and the other half is just mesmerised by the sight of her looking at him like that. And the dialogue??? YOU LOVE ME, DONT YOU????? And he so obviously does but can’t say it/ is too scared to and it’s frightening to see lucy like this but he can’t look away he’s drinking in the sight like a man starved 😭 just the juxtaposition of lovkwood’s pining and the cheekily on-the-nose ‘you love me don’t you’ line creates this delicious tension ARGH the writers were sick SICKKK for this

Tue, long - as soon as he first laid eyes on lucy it’s like he can’t help but let his gaze linger over her and even though she’s the candidate being interviewed the way he tries to impress her as he gives her the tour (the basement training area, the ‘high security’ storage room, her room in the attic) it’s like you can tell he’s already desperately hoping that she’ll join as if he’s longing for company like hers

Wed, ache - love is nothing if not pain like other than the obvious physical pain of being in such close proximity to a flare explosion etc bro is HURTING with regret for putting her (and george) in danger just cuz he insisted they take the case and now they’re in so deep and its all his fault but also he just wanted to fix the 62 sheen road fallout keep his agency open (it’s almost like he wants to prove to her that he/lockwood and co. is worth sticking with) but it’s all gone so wrong and he’s just drowningggg in physical and mental anguish only love can hurt/ACHE like this frfr

Thu, sigh - but at the end of the day lockwood is still a 16 ish year old boy who sucks at expressing his innermost feelings and doesn’t know how to deal with jealousy in any way other than being moody about it/suppressing it and this scene is like yea these are kids fighting ghosts night after night but for five minutes they get to be regular angsty teenagers and have the air between them hang heavy with unspoken words and it’s all so dumb and frustrating but also they’re teenagers what ELSE are they going to do HHHHHHH like look at his face!!! bro is befuddled. dumbfounded. bamboozled even. (what do you mean you’re going out with Kipps i thought we’ve been playing house tgt what)

Fri, lament - as funny as this scene is it’s oddly sweet how he’s ranting so openly to Lucy and like the way she tries to reason with him (he probably signed the same NDA we did) and he STILL stomps around throwing a fit aurgghh it’s so adorable just kiss already

Sat, crave - just look at him. bro is down bad for every single part of lucy it’s like he can’t get enough of her, he’s not even hiding it here like look at him watch her like she’s the most precious thing in the world ughhh

Sun, yearn - ooh this scene is like the breaking point of all the accumulated hidden feelings and thoughts between them and he’s messed up so badly atp even lucy is properly pissed (where’s that incorrect quote - my girl is mad at me I am going to KILL myself) but he’s just too paralysed by 16-year-old-boy syndrome to respond to her (tho he finally gets his head on somewhat right in the next scene) so he just stares at her and takes the scolding wondering how things got this bad when all he had done was care and love and yearn for Lucy (can’t you see his heart clawing out of his chest to get to her)

Also I think it’s so hilarious that in the scene in the top gif he’s talking to lucy aka the very person that has him BOOKED AND BUSY with longing 😭😭

a week in the life of London's youngest agency head (insp.)

[insideoreoshack]

2.21.2024

things are getting rough again. before i rant fully i just feel so so so insecure? like i hate how heavy i am i wish i was skinnier and yes i do want it faster. i want my stomach to be flatter im tired of all these rolls and double chins i wanna feel petite. one day i will be and i know that but god i wish i could lose that first 10 already. and liking someone who’s been my friend for years i mean holding their hand and getting to lay with them like it isnt fair that they wont see me like that, it feels so secret and yes its fun but my brain just tells me im not good enough to be his. i know my worth for sure, im a wonderful girl i know im funny and pretty and kind hearted but im not stupid. they see the rolls and the stomach and it doesnt matter if i have nice boobs or a fat ass they cant see themselves with me and it hurts, because there will always be someone prettier or skinnier thats why she actually had a chance even though the similarities to me are so obvious shes just skinner and lighter and not as close. i can respect the friendship thing but atp it feels like an excuse after this much flirting, the flirting is only a joke anyway i cant really believe anything he says bc it probably isnt real and its less painful to think hes just joking all the time. hes never serious and he wont ever be serious about me im learning to be okay with that.

in regards to my insecurities, im avoiding mirrors again. my skin is tweaking so i need to wax my face soon again and i wish my hair was straight and just easier to deal with. i cant describe much else without wanting to hate myself but i dont? i try so hard to fix the self narrative but i dunno its hard. idont want to self deprecate or be mean to myself bc i am worthy and i am beautiful but sometimes i do not believe it.

[pinklovedrops]

why valentine’s day of all days.. what was the reason.

I can’t talk to anyone else about you now.. but in here I can. One day, for one day I can miss you. I miss you. I know I shouldn’t considering you broke me apart and u probs don’t care anymore and have forgotten all abt it lmao, but atp I have stopped questioning it. You were my first love, first that mattered anyways. I was happy, so happy.

I found myself going to class through the same path, trying to avoid where I could run into you. Because Idk how I would react, or way scarier, how you would react. Worst part is, even in avoiding you I keep looking for you everywhere, even if I try to stop. I wonder if u would talk to me, if any feeling would resurface no matter how small, if u would come up and say hi or be brave to ask for a hug like u used to.. but realistically, we would pass each other as though we have never met. Funny.

WHY VALENTINES DAY PTM WHY NOT ANY OTHER DAY WHAT A WAY OF MARKING THE DAY 😭

Anyways, all of this is based on the people we were, because I’m sure you’re not the same. And neither am I. So technically yeah, you’re a stranger. A very familiar one at that. Idk why I’m excusing myself omfg i’m the only one now that can see considering i changed my username. Stop invalidating ur feelings waa buts its hard whenever the subject is you bc why WHY did u do me so wrong and somehow I only remember you fondly HELLAUR

How did the poem went mm.. don’t become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere. Smt like that. Do you remember my voice?

Anyways, I guess I just wanted to rant ab you, but i dont have much to say that matters.. I hope you’re living a happy life, that you know you’re worth as I know mine. I hope you don’t settle for less, that you found peace in your house, that you are able to make your decisions freely now. I’m sure you have grown so much, you were confident in it. I’m proud of you.

I hope the best for you, and happiness and giddiness and love and friends and pink!! Happy(?) valentine’s day.. <3

[calamitydaze]

heya i was just wondering if u have knowledge on how snapchat works. bc ive seen people saying its possible to retrieve the lost messages, and im wondering if that is the case why amanda hasn't done that? is it that it takes time to retrieve them? or maybe she has access to them but it is going to court so she can't speak on it / post it?

idk this state of not knowing is just awful id rather just have the bad news and leave entirely rather than be in this awful waiting period where i feel i want to leave but i can't until i know the truth. ive been trying to distance myself but its hard :c i hope ur doing as well as u can be, ur posts have been v reassuring to me in the past few days n i appreciate u a lot

hmmm i’ve never used snapchat in my life so i don’t have firsthand experience on what’s personally retrievable? i have seen a twitter thread where someone is able to pull a lot of data including chat logs in a very short period of time, BUT i don’t know if that’s possible in all scenarios and i don’t really want to speculate on why amanda didn’t do that— it’s worth keeping in the back of your mind for sure, but hyperanalyzing everything she does or doesn’t do just feels victim blame-y. (not accusing you of that btw anon! just explaining why i personally don’t feel comfortable). atp if the law is getting involved she likely wouldn’t be able to post them anyway, so it’s kind of a moot point

they would definitely be able to retrieve more through the legal process, though— snapchat’s info for law enforcement says that account records are saved and can be accessed through subpoenas. i’m not sure if the retrievable information would just be metadata— like the presence and time of messages, which would prove their existence but not content— or the actual snaps themselves. because memories exist i’m inclined to say the latter but idk. and only courts can issue subpoenas, so if they settle (i really don’t see them going all the way to court) it might again be moot. basically i’m not sure of anything LMFAO, I Am Not A Lawyer and all that, i just find this aspect of everything really interesting and that’s what i’ve found in my reading about it!

not knowing is the worst part, i 100% feel you. i wish i could just wake up when this is all over and deal with it then. but although i know i’ve been going on and on about knowing the facts and staying updated, you really don’t have to put yourself through this whole circus if you don’t want to, setting screen time limits and throwing yourself into other things can help a lot with forcing some separation. if it helps, i think the waiting will get easier— it just hasn’t had time to fade to the back of our minds yet, so every day feels like torture. take care of yourself! <3

[kitten4sannie]

raaaa ty for the tag ariadne!! i love to yap so ty for giving me the opportunity <3

first member that caught your attention: mingi mangooo 🥭 specifically during the 2020 mama awards when he opened his shirt and absolutely ate up wonderland i was like WHOAAA MAMA WHO DAT 👁️👁️

second member: captain hongjoong~~ i couldn’t keep my eyes off of him in that one vid where they had to stay still while listening to music. his mullet was so majestic and he’s just so, so handsome i was LOSING ITTT i need him to have a mullet again 🙂‍↕️

first bias: jongho!! back in the day i actually bought a shit ton of fake pcs and filled up like three pages worth of a photo album skskwhw i was down tremendously for baby bear (still am 🫡)

bias wrecker: YUNHOOOOOOOOO i feel so normal about that man so completely and utterly normalllll *eye twitches*

current bias: hmmm i wonder…. 🫣 yeah i’ve been a slave to san since forever and atp just put pudding on my gravestone <33

fave duos/units: woosan hands down,, their soulmate vibes have me clawing my eyes out at every opportunity UGH i seriously love what they have sm. yunsan is a close second bc their dynamic is so RHRHWHW i eat it up every time nomnomnom. then yungiiiii my beloved my heart my everything i need them to get married (platonically or otherwise) i just AARRGHJJHG

first song you heard: answer!! that shit blew me away i was like WHAT IS THAT MELODY??? and then i had to look them up and little did ik i’d end up here 🥹💕

current fave song: EMERGENCY BITCHHH. i listen to it every day before work bc it just emits that big cawk energy that i need to get thru the day ✨ plus im actually obsessed with the way san says la vida locaaa URGHH and ofc WHO HAS GOT MY BACK??? WHOOO HAS GOT MY BACKKKKK?????

current fave mv: oh fuck….. BOUNCY. i want to inject that mv into my veins bro it’s so fucking good i’ll never move on never everrrrrrrr

current fave album: AHHHH it’s a toss up between outlaw and will bc i go back and forth between them constantly

gh song i’m most excited for: all of them ofc but esp excited for work and blind!!! and empty box bc i love to cryy

tagginggg: @bunny4yungi @cottoncandy-girl @stardragongalaxy @svintsandghosts @roodles17 @hongjoongsart @ja3honey @starlitmark @woosanbby + anyone who’d like to join <3

Questions For Atiny:

First Member That Caught Your Attention: yeosang

Second Member That Caught Your Attention: wooyoung

First Bias: seonghwa

Bias Wrecker: yunho^^

Current Bias: can’t choose but ig seonghwa?

Favorite Duos/Units: matz, woosan

First Song You Heard: inception

Current Favorite Song: still here (kr version), precious

Current Favorite Music Video: turbulence

Current Favorite Album/EP: treasure epilouge: action to answer

Golden Hour Song You're Most Excited For: blink, work (got a furr coat so i make it purr)

[phantasy-castle]

February 1st, 2023

I didn't have to go to work until 11 today and I only worked two and a half hours. I was kinda bummed the whole time thinking about Rocky; I'm wondering if I should've taken him to the vet on one of those seven days I called out during my last job. Maybe he'd still be around right now.

Then I was told I'm going to back to Lucerne tomorrow at 8. And I'm going to be scheduled there for a while.

Bruh. I was hyped to work at Greenacres but now I'm back at the dog house. Going to be real fun tomorrow to fight morning traffic all the way to bumfuck downtown Lake Worth, seeing all these people I lied to about moving to Orlando six months ago, and likely case and deliver one of the office's shittiest routes (probably 2, 5, 8, 19, 24, or my personal favorite, 15). I'm not placing any bets.

Still better than my last job.

I'm just going to my best tomorrow. I remember the job. Don't really want to talk to anybody though. Just want to get in, case fast as fuck, load my truck fast as fuck, get my route done around 4, probably get my ass sent over to another, help, and GTFO before I reconsider my life choices again.

I mean, it's what I signed up for. I have 40k in the bank right now. If I work hard for a couple months or this year and don't move out, there's a lot of things I could do with my money. Flight school, grad school, a nice vacation... if I can make around 40k more soon and really save, I can probably do that ATP Flight School or something similar. Or I could probably make regular, get off the OTDL, and then use my day offs to build hours.

Dad keeps selling me on the idea. I don't have a plan though; I don't have any specifics pinned down; he doesn't either. He's just keeps telling me that one of his friends can train me and... what? Am I quitting my job or what? I'll come up with something this month. Mom suggests she'll help with financing, like how she helped Dan buy his truck or Katie buy her house. But I don't know. For now, all I know is that my ass is at Lucerne tomorrow. I'm just going to do my best... I guess. I just got my first paycheck of like $950 which is slightly less than a paycheck from the school district, but I worked way fewer hours. So yeah, fuck that place.

Delivering mail, investigating mail, flying... just anything but sitting in a closet all day. Please.

--

I really, really like the visual style of Hi-Fi Rush. Maybe I'll buy it if it's on sale. I like the Scottish chick.

I also downloaded a fancy shader for Minecraft... might feel more encouraged to play it.

[sabmichell]

vent - may 22

every single time i even let myself think that i’m getting better, some shit happens and i look at myself in the mirror wrong or the wrong instagram ad for a calorie counter comes up or someone says the wrong thing at the wrong time about my body and then i just feel fucking wrong. and it’s like how many times am i gonna be in recovery and relapse before i just either get over it or die??? bc it feels like an endless cycle that idk what the hell i’m doing atp and is it even worth it trying to heal since i’m obvi just gonna end up doing this again. i’ve dropped god knows how many pounds and at least 3 pants sizes and none of my clothes fit me how they used to and i can’t even get up some days without wondering if i’m gonna fall back down, and yet all anyone can say is that the weight loss looks good!! i’m so so glad that me not eating for days is getting validated and i’m so glad that i’m more pleasing to peoples eyes now. this shit is so isolating because all it takes is me looking too hard at a meal and i can’t eat for the rest of the day. one time, devin made a joke abt a drink i had having a really high calorie count and that just made me spiral. A PANERA DRINK JOKE!!!! my god i’m so sensitive for no reason and it pissed me off that it takes basically nothing to send me down a really bad hole of thoughts but i can’t control it so what am i to do. my hair keeps falling out and so do i, i wonder why!!! so fun to want to cover every mirror in the house and not want to be perceived. and the hunger headaches and lightheaded-ness and just everything that comes from this is awful, but it’s validating and it feels like control and like a reward and that’s so bad and it shouldn’t but it does and idk how to stop wanting it

[the-real-xmonster]

The Olympic Ladies’ Queue - Part 1 (Janny and Alina)

@acrownofbloodandroses​ said:

I’m honestly furious the ISU had the nerve to say they heard our complaints about tech over artistry and proposed all those ridiculous solutions when they can’t even use their own judging system properly. Alina’s PCS were an absolute joke. They’ve done Evgenia such a disservice to ignore all her faults and score her higher and higher each time if they’re just going to throw undeserved PCS at the next skater with an amazing tech score and completely undermine her actual strengths. What a mess. 

Anonymous said:

From Zhenya's interviews: Start of the season :" it's meaningless to upgrade tes without upgrading the quality of your performance". After Olympics :" pcs depends on tes, I need to upgrade my tes" . Ppl complain about jumpers without artistry, but it what judges want. What else can skaters do if they want to stay competitive?

is it just janny and alina's pcs that increase rapidly when they turn senior or does every new senior get this, although maybe not as much? i think i saw that janny's pcs went up more than 10 points from worlds jr 2015 to worlds 2016? i might be wrong though 

You're very good at explaining why skaters get some scores from judges, so even if I don't agree on it at first I can stomach it. So help me understand Alina's PCS for her OGM worthy programs especially in relation to the rest of the field?

I think that the skyrocketing pattern in Janny and Alina’s PCS in their respective first senior season is very problematic. Take their FS for example, Janny’s PCS for her FS at JWC15 was 59.21, by WC16, it was 72.34, a 22% increase. Alina’s PCS for her FS was 62.21 at JWC17 and 75.02 at OWG18, another 21% increase. It’s worth noting that neither of their PCS increase was driven primarily by the more technical areas, TR and CO. Their PCS went up equally for SS, PE, and IN - areas which call for certain degree of maturity and refinement and usually take skaters a lot of time and practice to improve. I know some of you would tell me it’s meaningless to compare across disciplines and time periods, but I’d like to point out, nonetheless, that it took Yuzuru Hanyu exactly 2 seasons on the senior circuit to increase his PCS by 20% (69.40 at JWC10 to 83.00 at WC12). You can try re-watching his FS at those two events and shout at me if I’m overly biased, but I do detect a lot of visible improvements in his skating across those 2 years. 

More importantly, in Yuzuru’s example, you’d see that at WC12, after factoring in the increase, his PCS still adequately reflected his ability, at that point, in relation to the rest of his field, most notably, Patrick Chan’s 90.14 and Daisuke Takahashi’s 85.78. I absolute adore Janny, but at WC16, her PCS being as much as 6 points higher than Satoko’s was unthinkable, especially so in SS and IN. Same goes for the free skate at PyeongChang last week, for both Janny and Alina’s score to be that close in SS to Caro's, or their PE, CO, IN to be that close to Kaetlyn's, and that far ahead of Satton’s, is completely baffling. 

The only clearly observable correlation here appears to be between the two girls’ PCS and consistency: the more events they won, the higher their PCS became, which, of course, gives them an edge over the other girls in subsequent events and further tilts the odds in their favor. In Alina’s case, add on top of that her superior base value and you have a pretty much unbeatable formula for success. I am not saying that it has been easy for either of them to deliver so consistently, but figure skating score should be awarded based on the specifics of a performance, not the skater’s entire career history, and I don’t believe the ISU judges are keeping that very important point in mind. 

If I may bring in a different sport for analogy, the ISU judges’ behavior in over-rewarding Janny and Alina in PCS, if applied to tennis, would call for the ATP giving Rafael Nadal an automatic 3-0 start in every set he plays on clay, because he has been so dominant on the surface and they somehow need to reward that by giving him even more advantage by default. Continuing along that line, the tennis equivalence of giving skaters more PCS (and GOE) because they have higher BV, would be giving players double or triple points, for, say, a service ace - it’s a disproportionate reward given to athletes who excel in only one area of the game. Neither of these examples would be remotely acceptable in any sport, and the fact that both are so prevalent in figure skating is a massive issue.

This issue makes the judging inherently unfair, and worse, it incentivizes skaters and their coaches to approach their skating in a highly unbalanced, lopsided manner. Did it honestly come as any surprise to any of you when Janny said she needed to upgrade her TES? Would it shock you if next season she starts to backload all of her jumps in the second half for the FS? She is already very nearly maxing out on PCS so there’s no practical incentive for her to spend more time on it, and her lost at the OG was a direct result of lower BV. With the way judges are behaving, there is no other means for her to win except raising her TES. For the rest of the ladies in the field, they’d look at Janny and what they see is the sheer impossibility of winning a competition on PCS, even if you were a two-time World Champion going up against a 15-year-old who just turned senior. Is it any wonder if we’ll see more and more focus on TES?

That was a very long and tired rant which probably didn’t tell you anything you didn’t already know about the current state of figure skating. The scoring in the ladies’ field is a mess (ant that’s not to imply that it isn’t a mess in the men’s field), just thinking about it makes me exhausted. The only thing I want to remind you of, to end this largely pointless post, is that none of these things is any of the girls’ fault. The system is awful and we definitely should continue talking about if, if only on the off chance that us fans’ opinions may actually penetrate the ISU’s layers of bureaucracy, but do remember that none of the competitors is to blame for this mess.