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bumbleprince · 8 years

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What the Heart wants

Chapters: 1/?

Fandom: Hamilton – Miranda

Pairing: Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson (Jamilton)

Warnings: very minor cussing / mentions of death

Words: 2603

Summary: Soulmates exist, they’ve been proven time and time again. But they’re difficult to find. In a world where your heartbeat is Morse code and hiding your soulmate’s name, there are many ways to decipher the code. But if you’re poor and can’t afford a translator, you’re shit fuck out of luck. That is unless someone you know is able to decipher it, at the loss of their own soulmate. Some are lucky, born with the ability to decode heartbeats. Others are stuck in the dark. Alexander Hamilton had heard of stories where two names had been in someone’s chest, but the rumors saying one had to die before you could meet the other made him wary to get his deciphered. Especially when his husband passes and shortly after he meets Thomas Jefferson.

Tags: @jamiiton @exadorlion @midnigtartist (my biggest inspirations / jamilhoes ;0)

A/N: This is my first fic I’m going to take seriously! I’ve been messing around with this AU for a while, so here it is! Heartbeat soulmates~ this will also be posted to my ao3 (Testifiedprince) so if you want to read it there, feel free to!

Alexander glared lightly at his computer screen. He was supposed to be finishing a chapter for his book, but no, writers block had to come at this exact moment. Letting out a frustrated sigh, he pushed back his chair and spun aimlessly for a moment before standing up. A walk would help right? He’d been inside all day and maybe a little fresh air would do the trick. He quickly threw on a jacket and pulled his hair into a loose bun. Before leaving the house he stopped at the bottom of the stairs. “Phillip! I’ll be back in a little bit, watch your siblings and don’t misbehave!” He said, hearing a door open and watching his son approach the banister. “Yes sir, where are you going?” The teen asked, twirling a pen in his hand. “Need to get out, I can’t think. Also make sure to clean up before Eliza comes over, remember she’s picking you all up later.” That earned a thumbs up from his son, and he disappeared back into his room. Alex nodded, and turned on his heel to leave.

It was a relatively nice day out. A few clouds and soft winter breeze, the sun poking its head out occasionally. It was a Saturday so Alex took his time to work on his book, and Eliza would take the kids for the weekend so he could work, and then drop them off on Monday. They had a system. But today just wasn’t his day, this writers block could be deadly. But even still he tried to clear his head and focus on his book, what he should write next, etc. His wandering thoughts took him to the park, listening to the usual New York noise. Loud families, trees rustling, gossip and birds chirping, but let’s face it, those are the same. He approached a water fountain and sat on the edge, glancing down at the ripples in the water. As he sat and the relaxing fountains sound calmed him, he couldn’t help but overhear a small conversation behind him.

“So remember I was saving up to go to one of those fancy heartbeat decoders?” A feminine voice said happily. “Yes! You texted me a few weeks ago saying you wanted to go see one.” A lower voice came in.

“Well, I just got enough yesterday and I went! It was so surreal and amazing. Turns out my soulmate was someone I knew in middle school.” The girl laughed, sounding overjoyed. Her friend congratulated her, and told her she should start looking for them right away.

Alex narrowed his eyebrows. Sure, he was happy for whoever could get enough to decipher their heartbeats, but how did they know the person wasn’t faking it? Many cases of false translation had been reported. He was a little skeptical on the whole thing. But then again, many people indeed found their soulmates, with 100% proof from professionals. Still, he didn’t know what to think about them. Before he knew it, he was walking over to the girl and her friend. “Hi, um…sorry to interrupt. But may I ask where you got yours deciphered, and how much it was?” He asked nervously, a smile on his face. The girl looked up at smiled at him. “No it’s alright! I got mine done at the market. There’s a booth you can get it done at. He charges about one hundred dollars.” She said, twirling a piece of her hair. “Oh, well thank you. I was just a little curious.” Alex smiled, and he bid them goodbye before walking away.

Hands stuffed into his pockets, he tried to think of a good reason to blow a hundred dollars just to figure out his soulmate. He really didn’t feel like dating anyone, and he was perfectly content living by himself and raising his kids. Sure, John wasn’t around anymore. That sucked and it still hurt to think about, but he was coping. And yeah, he and Eliza got divorced but it was on good terms, everyone was alright with the whole process. They just decided that living without John felt wrong, and both did what felt right for them. So what was the point in trying this out?

Well, he was bored. His writers block still kept him from thinking properly about working, and he doubted there’d be anything fun to do when he got home, as his kids would soon be off with their mom. Alex sighed in defeat and he hailed a cab as soon as he got the main road. ‘Might as well give it a shot. Besides, it could be fun.’ He thought as he watched the city fly by.

The market was always crowded, that was a given. Alexander wandered around, looking for any booths labeled, find your soulmate! Or…something like that. Eventually he found a small booth in between a fortune teller, and a radio station. He saw a few people lined up to get readings. All of them looked just as bored and out of ideas as Alexander probably did. He took a quick glance at the decipherer, and nearly choked. Aaron Burr was sitting there, pen in one hand, while the other had his thumb pressed to a client’s pulse. He’d stop for a moment, let the beat play through and he’d write a few more letters down. When he finished, he handed the paper to the person sitting beside him and smiled. The client was clearly happy with his soulmate, as he thanked Burr over and over again.

Alex watched curiously as Aaron did a few more and finally it was his turn. He pulled out his wallet and smirked at him. “Since when on earth could you do this?” His voice clearly startled him, as Burr gasped and turned around with a nervous grin. “Ah…W-Well I learned how to do it a long time ago, after Theo passed.” He chuckled, coming down from being spooked. “Does that mean you were soulmates? I don’t know all the qualifications.” Alex smiled, sitting in the chair as he pulled a couple bills from his wallet. “I heard it was a hundred right?” “Yes sir,” Burr said, hesitantly taking the money. “Now I’ll do your reading but, Alexander, since when did you care about this kind of thing?” He asked, pulling a fresh piece of paper out and a pen. Alex shrugged, rolling up his sleeve and placing his arm on the table. “I’m not entirely sure. But my writers block is killing me and I needed to get out of the house. So boredom took me here.” He sighed.

Aaron laughed softly, gently taking his wrist in his hand and feeling for the pulse. “Be prepared. Most of the time the names we carry are those we know, used to know, or will know in the future.” He said, sending his friend a gentle smile. Alex nodded. “Alright, that sounds reasonable. Work your magic Burr.” He said, slightly confident and a little excited. It only took him a few seconds to find the pulse and keep his hand steady, but when he did he started jotting down a few letters. Alex looked away, he wanted it to be a surprise. A few minutes passed by and Burr slowly let go of his hand. “um…Alexander if it’s alright with you I’d like to try it again. This name doesn’t make sense…it’s too long.” Aaron sounded unsure, and Alex froze for a moment. “Too long?” He asked, looking back to the paper. Despite his friend asking him not to look, he pulled the paper out from under Burr’s pen. He nervously scanned the words and his stomach sank. Written on the paper was two names, looking very scrambled.

“HnLaurensThomasJeffersonJo”

Switch those around and you get John Laurens, and Thomas Jefferson.

Alexander’s heart ached at the name of his late husband, his soulmate, he’d been with him all along. So the rumors that one has to die before you can meet the other were true. As he’d met Jefferson only a year and a half after John died. Aaron slowly watched as Alex folded the paper and stood up, thanking him for deciphering it. He stood up to follow after him. But the younger man shook his head. “I’m alright. I’m just a little shocked is all. I guess I’m one of the special cases right? Two soulmates.” He smiled sadly, his mood dropping like a stone. His John was gone all because he had to meet Thomas. The man who he wouldn’t mind getting run over by a bus. “Yes…but-”

“Thanks Aaron. Now I know I have a valid reason to hate Jefferson even more. After all, my real soulmate is dead because of him.” He glared at the ground, imagining how nice it would be to punch Jefferson and have a real reason to do it. “Alexander that isn’t how it’s supposed to be. I’ve seen many cases of two names, even three. Lots of people with two names get to live with both of their soulmates, but it isn’t the others fault if one dies.” Aaron stood up and walked to the front of the table, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. Alex was silent for a moment. “And…if one dies, it’s simply how they were supposed to go. One soulmate can’t influence the other. I’m sorry the man you hate is yours, but you shouldn’t blame him for what happened to John.”

“…What happened couldn’t be helped.” Alex sighed, letting his head fall. “He was sick Alexander, and he’s not hurting anymore. I know he wouldn’t want you to hate someone over him.” Aaron gently lifted his chin up and smiled at him. Alex knew he was right. And he didn’t want John to be watching him sadly as he hated someone for the cancer that took his life. Defeated, Alexander thanked Burr once again for helping him out, and he left without another word, getting a cab home.

Once home, Alex saw Eliza’s car in front. He really wanted to talk to her before she left, so he hurried inside only to see the kids coming down the stairs with their bags. “You were going to leave without waiting for me to say goodbye? Children you wound me.” Alex dramatically fell to his knees, chuckling as his daughter rushed to his side to hug him. “No! Mommy just wanted us to bring our bags down.” She giggled, hugging him tightly and trying to pull him off the ground. “Ange, come on, Daddy needs to get back to work.” Eliza stepped out of the kitchen, holding a whisk in one hand while the other rested on her hip. “Dinner? Liza you didn’t have to.” Alexander stood up, pulling Angelica into his arms as he did. He walked over and pressed kisses to his sons foreheads, John pulling his head out of his book to hug his father for a moment. Phillip seemed distracted with his videogame. “Yes well I know you’re going to have your head in your book for a few days. Needed to remind you to eat.” Eliza hummed, before turning back into the kitchen. Alex put Angelica down and she ran into the kitchen after her mother.

Alex walked into the living room, tossing his jacket onto the couch and falling into his favorite chair. Phillip and John walked in after him, John sitting by his feet as he read. “So how was your walk?” He looked up, glasses reflecting the lamp beside them. “It was…something.” Alexander chuckled, pulling the piece of paper out of his pocket. “I did something crazy.” “That’s no surprise.” Phillip muttered with a soft smirk, glancing up from his game. “Oh hush you. You guys won’t believe what I did.” He crossed his arms, before unfolding the paper. “I went to one of those soulmate booths.” He said confidently, watching the two boys immediately turn their gazes to him. “That is crazy..” John said, putting his bookmark in before turning to his full attention to his dad. “Did you get it done?! Is the soulmate thing real?” Phillip asked, excitement filling his voice. “Yes to both. But I’m one of the special cases, so it’s a tad bittersweet.” Alex said, handing the paper over to his boys. They quickly unfolded it, Eliza walking into the room with Ange following behind. “What’s all the excitement for boys?”

“Daddy found out who his soulmate is.” John said, trying to read the name. “But what kind of special case are you?” He looked back up at him, and he sighed. “I have two soulmates, but the rule of thumb is that one of them has to die before you can meet the other…” He said, watching Phillip’s smile fade as he read the names properly. He put the paper down and let John read it, and he frowned too. “I’m glad dad was your soulmate. That makes all the memories you had with him more special.” He said, holding the paper up for his mother to grab. “Wait…so when John died you met Mr. Jefferson right after?” “For the most part yes. I’m actually really angry about it, but I know he wouldn’t want me to hate Jefferson more just because he’s my soulmate too.” Alexander huffed, watching Eliza smile sadly at him before handing him the paper back. “Well what are you going to do?”

“What is there to do? I’ll just keep living normally.” Alex shrugged, and Angelica pouted slightly. “You aren’t going to tell Mr. Jefferson?” She asked, a little confused. But she couldn’t properly understand hatred for a co-worker, after all she was still very young. “Daddy doesn’t like him, at all.” Phillip said as he went back to playing his game. “So it wouldn’t benefit either of them most likely. Besides, Jefferson is an asshole from what I’ve heard.” Eliza wasn’t fast enough to cover Ange’s ears, and so she sent a glare at her eldest. “Language. I don’t care if you swear around your father and brother, but I don’t want you teaching Ange those words.” She said, her mother hen nature taking charge. “Yes ma'am.” He rolled his eyes and the conversation was over.

Dinner went by quickly and Alexander said goodbye to his family and the house was his for the weekend. So after a shower and throwing on some warm clothes, he found himself right back in front of his laptop trying to write. But as he mindlessly typed he couldn’t shake Thomas from his thoughts. Sure they were soulmates, but he was not going to treat him like he was. Even with that mindset he wondered if Thomas knew as well, or if he even had the immigrants name beating in his chest. What if he did? Did he already know and tried to enjoy his company but grew to hate him? Or maybe…maybe Thomas didn’t know at all and never intended to find out. Alex looked up at his laptop and finally adjusted his eyes. He’d written all of his thoughts on accident.

In a flitter of frustration he highlighted the text to delete it, but all of a sudden he was reading them, consumed with anger and confusion at the idea of his worst enemy being a prominent part of his life. He slowly deselected the text and saved the document, before grabbing his phone. He found the contact of the man in question and sent him a quick text message.

[ Alexander – TJs 10:18 p.m. ]

“I only kind of hate you. Just thought I’d let you know.”

#atomicprinceling #What the Heart wants fic #WTHW #Jamilton #fanfiction #hamilton #hamilton the musical #alexander hamilton #thomas jefferson #soulmate au

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bumbleprince · 8 years

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some panels from my really gay satisfied animatic? its jamilton/jeffmads (inspiration @galactibun i love the heart mouth/tongue thing its so cute sobs)

#jamilton #jeffmads #hamilton #satisfied #hamilton the musical #hamilton animatic #preview #atomicprinceling

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bumbleprince · 8 years

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What the Heart wants

Chapter 2/?

Fandom: Hamilton – Miranda

Pairing: Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson (Jamilton)

Warnings: mentions of death, angst, dramatic boys

Words: 3238

Summary: Soulmates exist, they’ve been proven time and time again. But they're difficult to find. In a world where your heartbeat is Morse code and hiding your soulmate's name, there are many ways to decipher the code. But if you're poor and can't afford a translator, you're shit fuck out of luck. That is unless someone you know is able to decipher it, at the loss of their own soulmate. Some are lucky, born with the ability to decode heartbeats. Others are stuck in the dark. Alexander Hamilton had heard of stories where two names had been in someone's chest, but the rumors saying one had to die before you could meet the other made him wary to get his deciphered. Especially when his husband passes and shortly after he meets Thomas Jefferson.

Tags: @empyrealsakaki @gum-and-chips @ur-friendly-neighborhood-fangirl @exadorlion @midnigtartist @jamiiton

A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who's read so far!! I'm beyond happy that people are enjoying it. I'll make sure to update as often as I can.

(Also: Thomas is damaged and doesn't know to express feelings correctly or cope with bad memories. Alex is trying really hard to understand his soulmate, it doesn’t work.)

Thomas's family was wealthy, to say the least. And everyone in his family had their heartbeats decoded at a young age in hopes of living a long happy life with their soulmates. But when Thomas turned ten, his parents searched far and wide for any sign of an, 'Alexander Hamilton' with no luck. He was excited. He wanted to meet his soulmate and always begged his family to keep looking, and his parents didn’t give up. But his father passed and his mother gave up the search in her agony. Thomas grew up and slowly began to forget his soulmate, despite how it hurt. He moved out, and married his high school sweetheart Martha. They lived together and formed a family. He had everything. Four beautiful daughters, a wife he fell in love with every day he saw her, and a big house with lots of room. But illness struck and took away his spitfire wife. Leaving him to raise his girls alone. His eldest, who was named after Martha, was headstrong and refused to accept her mother's death, trying to shake her awake as she lay in her death bed. Mary, silently sat by her side, shaking lightly as her thick curls covered her tear filled eyes. And his twins, Jane and Lucy, were too little to understand what death truly meant. They would never get to know why mommy didn't wake up. Sitting quietly on the floor, asking when she would.

That's a memory Thomas will never get out of his head. From there, he took total charge and developed a mother like nature towards his girls. They moved from Virginia and left Monticello and the memories of his Martha behind, starting a new life in New York.

Another memory Thomas will never forget is meeting the short tempered immigrant Alexander. They argued over a spilled coffee on his new suit, having never spoke before. It was the first of many confrontations. But names never got exchanged. Even still, Thomas almost looked forward to arguing with someone every day, it helped him let go of all his stress and pour his anger into one person. He knew he hated Hamilton. But his hatred turned into pure black resentment when he heard his name for the first time. Why? Well, you try watching your parents search for someone until one of them drops dead from exhaustion, and the other is in agony for the rest of her days, and then you're stuck continuing the search until your heart can't do it anymore.

So yes. His hatred for Hamilton came from how much he longed for him after his parents burned it into his head, that he needed him. The sharp pain in his chest made him leave their coffee shop early, hearing his voice calling after Thomas. But he refused to go back. He sulked in his office and couldn't cover up his tear stained face quick enough when his girls came home from school. They'd seen him cry before, sure. But he'd been doing so well. Explaining what had happened was difficult, but his daughters were his best friends. If anyone, they would understand. Martha swore she'd slap Hamilton if she ever saw him in the streets. Thomas had to remind her that was wrong. Despite how much he'd like to as well.

Slowly but surely Thomas healed with the help of James Madison, and his daughters, and he kind of had to shape up when Alexander started working at the same publisher company as Thomas. When they passed each other in the hall for the first time something changed. Seeing Hamilton's eyes light up with the same familiar hate filled spark made the Virginians heart skip. He missed how much he hated him. As if nothing had ever happened, the two were back to hating each other and the rage that boiled within Thomas was finally surfacing. Screaming matches that lasted for hours, papers being thrown across the office and on one occasion Thomas punched his desk so hard it left a hole in the top. Hamilton covered it with a potted plant. But things never got physical, except the few occasions one would slap the other out of sheer frustration.

Thomas hated Alexander, that was a given.

But he absolutely loved hating him.

Five years he loved hating him, loved looking forward to screaming down at him and watching his face burn red from anger, etc. And Thomas felt like all of that changed when he woke up and read the text Hamilton had sent him.

[ Insufferable Prick <3 – Thomas 10:18 p.m. ]

'I only kind of hate you. I just thought I'd let you know.'

He blinked a few times in confusion. Only kind of? Not only was the text completely out of the blue, but it didn’t make sense. How could he not hate Thomas? He gave him a million reasons to. Despite his confusion and drowsiness, he replied instantly.

[ Thomas – Insufferable Prick <3 6:49 a.m. ]

'Thanks for the heads up. Hope your coffee creamer has gone sour and computer crashes while you're writing.'

After sending the sarcastic text, Thomas dragged himself out of bed and shuffled over to his closet to get ready for the day. He picked out his favorite and obnoxiously bright suit, along with a dark tie to make him look less flashy. But he couldn't resist a petty jab at Hamilton, so he found a green undershirt and stared at his outfit in the mirror for a moment, smiling darkly. One quick shower tooth brushing later, he was tugging his jacket on and walking down the hall, knocking on his daughters doors. "Rise and shine ladies! Daddy's got to go to work and you're going to James' house!" He shouted happily, hearing mutual groans of displeasure. He walked back down the hall and saw Mary trudging out of her room, glaring daggers at her father. "You're lucky I like spending time with uncle Jemmy." She whispered, puffing a few curls out of her eyes. "I guess I am. C'mon pumpkin let's go make breakfast." Thomas wrapped an arm around her as they walked down the stairs. She leaned into him sleepily and yawned a couple of times. "What's with the green today Dad?" Sitting down at the kitchen island she leaned her head in her hands. "Feel like pissing off Hamilton, he won't be at work but everyone will notice. He’ll confront me on Monday."

"Green's his favorite color right?" Martha walked into the kitchen, running her hands through her wild curls, her doll like lips pursed in annoyance. "Yes it is. Nothing like being petty first thing in the morning." Thomas grinned at his look-a-like, before yanking four bowls out of the cupboard. "I have to go quick today, is cereal going to suffice?" He asked peeking over his shoulder just in time to catch Jane and Lucy popping into the room and jumping into their chairs. "No pancakes?" Jane asked, frowning. Thomas sighed and slid the bowls across the counter for his girls to catch. "Not today muffin. I have lots of work to do. Maybe you can get James to make some later." "Dad...it's Sunday, why do you have to work today?" Lucy inquired, wandering to the fridge and trudging back to the counter with a jug of milk. Thomas went grabbed a few granola bars from the pantry. He swished the words around in his head for a second, "We got a few books that need last minute revising. I'm in charge of looking through the last one today," He said, hauling a couple cereal boxes out as well, dropping them in front of his girls. "Oh. Okay." Lucy hummed, reaching for the cocoa puffs.

Thomas glanced at the clock and hissed under his breath. "Alright girlies, I'll see you later. Have fun with James and Dolly today." He kissed them all on the head, letting Martha squeeze him into a hug before he left. "We will." She smiled, before winking at him. "Go get'em Dad." Her bright attitude filled him to the brim with confidence, and he nodded, giving her a big kiss on the cheek before he left. It was hard for Martha to be happy without her mother, but she had managed and after all of the heartbreak she had a very positive outlook on life. It made Thomas feel like he did a damn good job in helping her heal. Hell, he poured his heart and soul into his daughters happiness every day. And their Martha would be proud, he hoped.

Work was quiet on Sundays, and no one had to be there except when they were pressed for time. So Thomas offered his help and decided it'd be a nice day to be alone with his thoughts and possibly confuse some co-workers with the green in his attire. Everyone in the office knew he and Alexander despised each other, and anything having to do with the other was repulsive.

Just as Thomas was pulling into his parking spot, his phone buzzed in his pocket. Huffing slightly, he parked and whipped his phone out, smiling when he saw Hamilton's name flashing on the screen. He took a second to ignore the call, before answering. "Good morning Hamilton." He said, fake happiness in his voice. "I see you got my text." He chuckled, getting out of his car and heading towards the building. "Yeah I did, real mature Jefferson. I was being serious." Alexander's voice sounded sleepy, as if he'd just woken up. "My god did you sleep in? It's nearly eight o'clock." Thomas gasped over dramatically. He let another grin creep onto his face when he heard Hamilton swear under his breath and a shuffling of blankets. "Fuck you, I couldn't sleep." He growled, and the shuffling stopped for a moment. "Anyways, I only kind of hate you. Believe me, I have a million reasons to hate you right now, but I shouldn't." Alex's tired ramblings made Thomas slightly on edge. "Shouldn't hate me? Why, Hamilton what's gotten into you?" He continued his comical sarcasm but clearly Alexander wasn’t having it.

"Listen, I know you have work but if you can, stop by afterwards. I want to talk to you in person, not just over the phone." That made Thomas stop in his tracks. He froze in the middle of the lobby, staring at the elevators. "Talk? Just talk?" He asked, thinking it was just a slip of the tongue. Something was off with Hamilton and he didn't know what. It really freaked him out. "Yeah." Alex said, voice low and soft. Was it because he was tired or was something seriously wrong with him? "Are you feeling alright?" "Jefferson I just want to talk. It's kind of serious and I have no idea how to approach it but I'm angry as hell and I don't-" he paused. "I can't hate you anymore. Or...I think I shouldn't. So just come over and we can talk."

Thomas's chest swelled with anxiety. Hamilton had to hate him, he wouldn't allow anything else. Anything else would make him relive the longing he'd felt for so long, and the emptiness in his heart would come back. He also didn't want Alex knowing they were soulmates. He didn't know exactly why but he didn't want him to. Reluctantly, Thomas agreed to just talk with Alexander after work. And for the rest of the day, work was hell and his anxiety turned into anger, as it quite often did. Why did Hamilton have to ruin everything going good for him? First he ruins the idea of soulmates, the prospect of destiny and fate. Then he brings back the awful memories of how much he longed for him, how Thomas would have died to meet him years ago. And now he's trying to take away the only outlet Thomas uses to cope with the emotional time bomb ticking away inside him. He feels betrayed at the mere thought of Alex not hating him back.

Jefferson took his sweet time getting over to Alexander's house. Work got out at five, and it was almost seven by the time he got there. Alex was watching the street from Phillip's bedroom window, and he fell off the window bench when he saw a familiar car pull up. He picked himself up and jogged down the stairs to answer the door. He flung it open and watched as Thomas walked up the porch stairs, hands stuffed into his pockets. He clearly didn’t wear that to work, Alexander thought. Wearing an old sweatshirt and ripped jeans? He went home and changed. That asshole. Alex scowled and crossed his arms. "Alright I'm here. Let's talk." Thomas sighed, leaning slightly. "And listen I don't got a lot of time, I gotta pick up my girls." "I'll be quick then." Alex stepped to the side as to let Thomas in, but the man didn't move. "Come on it's cold outside." He said, and once again he didn’t move. "Fine. We can talk here."

Alexander leaned against the doorframe and stared up at Thomas. He saw the ever present glint of resentment in his eyes, and sighed. "I couldn't sleep last night." He started. "And I think I completely changed my life yesterday? I don't want to say I did but, it's been hanging over my head like something dead." He shrugged. "So my first instinct was to talk to you. After all if this is going to be my life now I at least want you to know I don't hate you as much as I should. Or at least I'm going to try not to." He stood up straight again. Searching Jefferson for any sign of recognition. He remained motionless but his eyes told a different story. His brows narrowed and he saw a flame slowly turning into a forest fire inside him. "How did you change your life yesterday?" Thomas finally asked, causing Alex to tense up. "I did something a little crazy. I regret it but only kind of."

"You keep saying that, only kind of? Like somethings holding you back from truly regretting what you did." Thomas said without thinking, shifting to lean on his other side. "Or keeping you from completely hating me." Alex stared at him wide eyed. He slowly dropped his gaze and unfolded his arms. He burned holes into the doormat, zoning off for a moment to fight himself in his head. Half of him wanted to push Thomas down those stairs and watch him suffer for the rest of time. The other was telling him that soulmates don't do that. Despite who they are, you should never wish pain upon someone meant to be in your life. He believes that half of him was the half John influenced. While the other was the one Thomas spilled coffee on, the one who hated him the way he should have. So, only kind of, made sense.

"I...guess you could say that." Alexander finally spoke, looking back up at him to see the fire growing stronger in Thomas's eyes. Then it was silent again. Finally Jefferson sighed and turned around, walking down the first few steps on the porch before Alex ran after him and grabbed his sweatshirt. "Where you going?" He asked quietly. "You weren't talking. I need to get my daughters." Jefferson said flatly, not turning around. He yanked himself away from Alex and continued to walk down the stairs. Alex bounced nervously, looking back and forth between Thomas and the door. He could run inside, never talk to him like this again. Or he could chase after him, and just tell him what he knew.

Thomas was just opening his door when Alex shouted. "Wait!" He ran down after him, tripping the last few steps. He ran up to him and grabbed his arm, chest heaving slightly. "I-I found out who my soulmate is- O-or who my soulmates are." Alex whispered, and he felt Thomas freeze under his touch. He didn’t look at him. He stared at the car and stood silently. "I can't hate you because John wouldn't want me to hate you because he died and then I met-"

"Shut up."

The words startled Alexander, and he slowly released his grip on Jefferson's arm. "W-What?" Thomas turned around and jerked his arm away, fury written all over his expression. "Go ahead. Hate me just a little. But just know I'm going to hate you to no end, do you understand me?" He glared, causing the smaller man to back up. "I don’t want to hate you Thomas. John wouldn't want me to hate you because of this. It would be stupid to-" "Fine. Don't hate me at all. That won't change how much I hate you." The words stung and they shouldn't have. Both men were slightly shaking. Alexander from the sudden violence and Thomas from the fear rising in his chest. They stood in silence and Alex reached out to grab his arm again when Thomas smacked his hand away. "John was your soulmate." Thomas whispered, mentally slapping himself for being so reckless, for being...himself. "...so are you." Alex's voice was quiet as he rubbed the back of his hand gently.

Thomas got in the car and began to close the door when Alex grabbed the edge, staring at him, terrified. "I know Hamilton. I've known for a really long time." His voice was on the edge of cracking, losing his confident growl. "Is that why you want to hate me so badly?" Alex whispered, trying to open the door a little more but Thomas ignored his attempts and finally Alexander let go. He watched him slam the door and drive away as fast as he could, and Alex forgot how long he'd been standing by the road. Staring off in the direction Jefferson had left. His phone buzzed and he looked down to see a text from you know who.

[ TJs – Alexander 7:13 p.m. ]

'I don't want to hate you.'

'I do hate you. It's a fact. Don't forget it.'

A pain began to bloom in Alexander's chest, and his hands shook lightly as he stared at his phone. Thomas didn't just think he was annoying, he really hated him. Not playfully, not teasingly, or even jokingly. He resented him. And he couldn't understand why he did. Carefully, Alex went back inside and locked himself in his office. He stared at the piece of paper Burr had given him. He looked up a Morse code translator online and held his pulse, trying to understand it but he couldn't tell which beats were which letters. Angry and upset and head flooding with thoughts of his soulmate, he ripped the paper up and threw it away, leaving his office and stomping upstairs like a child grounded by his parents. He even jumped onto his bed and curled up in the blankets and gripped his pillow tightly as to not feel sad. It didn't work. He didn't want to be hated, not the way he was. Alex typed out a million text messages and never sent them, finally giving up and tossing his phone across the room in his tantrum. He covered his head with a pillow and tried to sleep, ignoring the fat tears filling his eyes.

Alex really wished he hated Thomas too.

#atomicprinceling #WTHW #What the Heart wants fic #jamilton #Hamilton #hamilton the musical #alexander hamilton #thomas jefferson #soulmate au #soulmate fic #hamilton fanfic

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bumbleprince · 8 years

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i love draw the otp memes theyre good

#jamilton #jeffmads #hamliza #marliza #hamilton #atomicprinceling #draw the otp

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bumbleprince · 8 years

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a little gift for my friend who wanted a satisfied poster but with a twist ;0

#hamilton #atomicprinceling #jamilton #jeffmads #satisfied hamilton #alexander hamilton #thomas jefferson #james madison

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bumbleprince · 8 years

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What the Heart Wants

Chapter 3/?

Fandom: Hamilton – Miranda

Pairing: Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson (Jamilton)

Warning: fighting, angst (and lots of it)

Words: 3848

Tags: @empyrealsakaki @gum-and-chips @ur-friendly-neighborhood-fangirl @exadorlion @midnigtartist @jamiiton

A/N: Lordy god I've been dying for this—Thomas and Alexander try and understand being soulmates. It looks like things are starting to work out, but only after a little bit of screaming and tragic backstory.

To say that Alexander regretted what he'd said the night before would be the understatement of the century. He'd been left alone with his wild thoughts, which is never a good thing, and in a fit of passion called up Jefferson to talk. He slapped himself for actually looking forward to seeing him. But after he watched his car speed away and he was left standing on the side of the road made him realize how much of an idiot he'd been to call Thomas. Alexander's alarm went off, reminding him it was Monday. He'd have to go to work. And eventually, see Jefferson. The idea brought back last night's mistakes and he was flooded with regret and anger towards himself. He threw the blankets off and walked to the other end of the room, grabbing his phone from where he threw it. It wasn't broken, thankfully, but he was still upset nonetheless. He noticed that Eliza had texted him, telling him that the kids behaved all weekend and he had to pick them up from school. Alex let out a sigh of relief, he could escape work early today.

As he got ready a familiar sense of hurt filled him. Not betrayal, he felt that when John died. He felt that John had just, left him and Eliza, even though he knew the cancer was too violent and was eventually going to take him away. He still felt that way. Now he couldn't even pin point what he felt. Alex was angry at Jefferson, that didn't surprise him. But he'd known they were soulmates, for how long? Alex could only wonder. But that still made his stomach twist with an awful feeling. Maybe he'd cared back before they met, and that was why he hated him so much now. Maybe Alexander hating him had ruined anything akin to affection towards him inside Thomas. And as Alex stared at himself in the mirror his conscience screamed at him. 'You shouldn't have told him' it said. He already knew that. What was there to do now? Only one option. Push aside the fact that they were soulmates, meant to be in each other's lives, meant to be together somehow, and hate him. Force all of his confused thoughts away and go back to despising him.

Alexander forced his anger towards the Virginian. It was starting to work. They could argue at work, they could go back to normal. This weekend will have never happened.

Shrugging his jacket on, and adjusting his tie, Alex walked down the stairs in a hurry. He'd be a little late for thinking too hard in the shower. He grabbed his laptop, shoving it into his bag full of miscellaneous papers and scraped ideas. He slung it over his shoulder and hopped on the first bus to work. Mondays; they suck for everyone. Hamilton shifted slightly in his seat, pulling out his phone to distract himself on the way to work. He was about to text Eliza when he noticed Jefferson's contact. He'd meant to text him back but couldn't remember if he'd done so or not. In his rage induced fit last night he thought he deleted them all. Alexander's blood ran cold when he saw the text he'd sent to Thomas.

[ Alexander – TJs 8:04 p.m. ]

'Go ahead and hate me. That wont stop me from at least trying to undrstand us being soulmates. At least im going to look at you like a real person and care lmao'

'because ya kno?? I don’t wanna hate you, you shouldn’t hate someone your meant to be with'

'even if that means you hate me forever and ill silently wish you didn’t. Were togetehr wether you like it or not, so suck on that Thomas.'

The typos were the least of his worries. His hands started shaking as he stared wide eyed at the awful messages. Even if what he'd said was true, he never would have wanted him to know what he was thinking. They were stuck together. The little voice inside him told him he still didn't hate him after leaving last night, but his anxiety pushed that away and a bigger voice told him Thomas was going to read these, and leave. What was worse? They'd all been marked as read. The same time he sent them.

Alexander let out a noise of defeat, sadly trying to type an apology.

[ Alexander – TJs 6:39 a.m. ]

'Oh god'

'Oh my g o d. I hate you so much'

'Jefferson for fucks sake I'm going to punch you when I see your disgusting face.'

That should fix things, he thought. And in truth he was thinking about punching him, he really wanted to. He needed to scream at him and drown the pain lingering in his chest. It was a stupid light of hope that Jefferson would apologize and not hate him, as if that'd ever happen. That light had to be covered with a blanket. Then put in a box. And dropped into a fire. Crush the little thing. He just needed to yell at him, to hate him, he missed hating him. But whenever he'd mindlessly touch the side of his neck and feel the rapid pulse underneath Alexander would feel jittery. Thomas Jefferson, it would say. He didn’t want to feel lightheaded, or buzzed out just to see the man's name.

The bus pulled up to Light Switch, the publishing company he and Thomas worked at. He quickly ran off and into the lobby, waving at a few of his friends before he grabbed the first elevator to his floor. The ride upstairs was short, since he worked on the second floor. Alexander braced himself to possibly run into Jefferson as he walked to the breakroom to grab a few cups of coffee. He'd be needing them. He was glad to see a familiar face, Angelica was putting her lunch away in the employee fridge, and she happily waved him over. Alexander hugged her side and then went to work on his coffee.

"Not even a good morning?" Angelica teased, glancing at him as he started up the coffee machine. "Sorry, long weekend." Hamilton sighed, blowing his bangs out of his face. Just then he realized he didn't even pull his hair back. Lucky for him, Angelica noticed as well and she reached into his bag and pulled out a hair tie. "Tell me about it." She hummed, pulling his hair back and quickly tying it off into a tight ponytail. Alex huffed, grabbing a few sugar packets and tossing them into his bag for later. "On Saturday I found out two things," He started. "Mhm," she smiled, leaning on the counter next to him. "One, Burr can translate heartbeats." He grabbed the pot and poured one large cup for himself, before starting another for later. "You're kidding." Angelica gaped at him, eyes wide. Alexander nodded, snapping a lid on his coffee before taking a swig. "Yeah." He said. "And two, I found out John and Jefferson are my soulmates." He sighed, throwing the fact around like it was nothing. But Angelica nearly screamed when the name Jefferson left his lips. "You two are soulmates?!" She tried to contain her shock, but it came out as a loud squeal/gasp of agony. "Yeah. Don't talk to him about it, believe me I've already tried."

Having nearly gone through his first cup, Alexander greedily poured himself another for the trip to his office. "You told him? Angelica asked as she grabbed her things and followed Alex out of the breakroom. The previous night flashed in Alexander's mind and he winced as he remembered how torn Thomas looked when he told him. "Yeah. Bad idea I know. But tell me if you see him, I have to punch him." He huffed, turning down the hallway towards his office and tossing one empty cup into a conveniently placed trashcan. He didn't get to hear her response, another voice filled the hall and stopped Alexander in his tracks.

"Your office or mine? It'd be very unprofessional to make a scene in the halls." Thomas crossed his arms, watching Hamilton whip around with a terrified look on his face. The terror slowly faded into anger and he didn't say another word as he walked towards his own office. "Yours it is then." Thomas grunted, following the immigrant in long strides. As soon as the door to his office was shut, Alexander slammed his bag onto the table and glared at him from across the room. Thomas smirked at this, and gently set his bag down by the door. "You said you wanted to punch me." He said, clearing his throat. "Yeah I do. Lock the door so I can pummel you." Hamilton growled, hands clenching at his sides. "You can try, but I doubt you can reach." Thomas walked towards him slowly, as if the night before hadn't even happened. But oh, the memory was still fresh in his mind. He'd hardly gotten any sleep as a result of thinking about it. The comment he made clearly didn't help Hamilton's tantrum. He stormed up to him and yanked Thomas down by his tie, their faces inches apart. Alexander was furious. "How about now." He whispered, voice thick with resentment. The sudden action startled him and Thomas just stared at him before regaining his composure. "You still haven't punched me yet." He pointed out, just in time for Hamilton to use his other hand to sock him in the gut. It didn't hurt as much as it should have, since Thomas was practically built like a god, but it knocked the wind out of him.

From there it grew gradually worse. The violent whispers and tie grabbing turned into a full on screaming match, at one point Thomas pinned Alexander to the door, grabbing a fist full of hair and using the other hand to grip his shirt collar and yank him off the floor. Eventually, after they'd worn their voices thin, and their muscles hurt from the physical fight, Alex stumbled away from Thomas, panting. "Is this how it's always going to be?" He asked, voice hardly audible from how loud he'd been screaming. Thomas turned to look at him, seeing him brush the wild hair out of his face, ponytail discarded sometime during the fight. "It's how it's always been Hamilton." Thomas chuckled, brushing a few curls out of his eyes. "No it hasn’t. We never fought like this before." "You punched me first, if that counts for anything." He stated leaning against his messy desk. Alexander shot him a look and that’s when Jefferson saw how his rivals eyes were starting to gloss over with, tears? "Why do you hate me. I want to know the reason why you refused to listen to me last night." Voice still full of venom, Alexander looked up as angry tears began to drip down his face. He couldn't tell if the fight had really hurt him and he couldn't hold back anymore, or if this was something else. Even still, Thomas turned away. Not wanting to be guilt tripped by those big eyes. "It's a long story, an' I don’t feel like telling you." He said, raising his voice as if to intimidate Alex. Which clearly didn’t work as the shorter man walked up to him and grabbed him by the shoulders, staring up at him.

"Tell me. If I need to hate you and let you hate me for the rest of our lives I want to hear a good reason as to why I should." Alex sputtered. Jefferson could feel how much he was shaking, and he finally stared down at him. The two locked eyes and Thomas' heart shriveled under the weight of his gaze. That awful longing tugged on his heart, the one he'd pushed away and forced to leave behind years ago. He watched as Alex's face fell when he let the obvious be written on his features. He saw the light crumple inside of him, the spark that fueled their rivalry began to blow out. Thomas slowly stepped away from him, his grip on his arms loosening. He stood beside Hamilton, facing the opposite direction. He took a deep breath and lifted his head up.

"When I was really little, my parents got my heartbeat interpreted. I remembered reading the name, Alexander Hamilton. It was on a little notecard written in green pen." He started, with a little chuckle. "I asked my parents, who he was. They explained the concept of soulmates, destiny and meant to be's." Thomas smiled, hands fiddling at his sides. He heard Alexander take in a sharp breath, hearing the almost giddy sound of Thomas' voice. "The years leading up until my father died, they searched for you. Every state, almost every city. We even went to Europe a few times, asking around, but..." "You couldn't find me. You didn't look far enough, did you." Alexander whispered. Thomas turned to meet his gaze. "Yeah." He whispered. "My father died on our way home from Oregon. I was seventeen. The only one in my family who hadn't found their meant to be." He turned away, walking towards the door and away from Alex's eyes. "My mother mourned for the rest of her life. I felt ashamed, as if by not finding you, I'd caused this pain." Thomas crossed his arms, nails digging into his suit jacket. "I tried to move on right? I had to. It's not like I'd ever find you."

Thomas laughed, remembering the night he tore his room apart from how lonely he was. How much he just wanted Alexander, hand pressed tightly to his pulse listening to it, reminding him that he was there. "You were supposed to be mine. My Alexander, I'd always say. But I had to forget you. So that's what I did." He turned around and saw the horrified and guilt stricken face of his soulma- rival. Alexander looked devastated to hear truth. "I got married, made a family. My Martha died young and she didn’t deserve it. So I took my girls and ditched Virginia. Something told me New York was the place to go. Then I met you." "Thomas, I'm-" Alex tried to speak, but his voice seemed to fail him this time. Thomas' heart wavered, wanting to run towards him and tell him how much he cried when he heard his name, how he clung to his daughters and sobbed knowing his soulmate was someone who hated him. How much it broke his heart. But he stayed silent about that little part.

The room was quiet for a moment, the two men staring at each other. Both were bruised and had torn expressions. Hamilton slowly walked towards him, reaching out to grab him. Thomas didn’t make an effort to move, but tensed slightly when he grabbed his sleeve. It wasn't forceful, or comforting. It felt weak, as if he was trying to speak but his thoughts had run dry. "Alright.." He finally spoke, voice full of defeat. "I'm sorry, for all the pain I caused. You have a million reasons to hate me, I know now." Alex looked up at him, and brushed his bangs back quickly. His face still covered in guilt. "It couldn't be helped, you lived in the Caribbean, it's an odd place to look." Thomas croaked, a lump forming in his throat. "I know, but..." Alex pulled his hand away and stepped back a bit. "If there's ever a day, that you want your Alexander, you know where to find me." Hamilton smiled weakly, then it crumpled into a look of despair. The words shook Thomas to the core, and his knees felt weak. His Alexander, he stopped thinking of Hamilton as his a long time ago. But he remembered the obvious. They were, despite what they wanted to think, meant to be together.

"I know you hate me, and I don't mean to imply that we have to be together in a romantic sense, we could just be together," Hamilton continued, fiddling with his thumbs as the words slowly came to him. "But we're soulmates. It'd be wrong if I didn't try to make up for all the time you spent looking for me." He laughed, watching Thomas carefully. "You can leave or you can stay and we could talk? Screw work today anyway, neither of us have anything important. B-but if you need to be alone I understand and I won't push any-" Thomas didn't let him finish, he raced forward and pulled him into his arms, leaning over him as he desperately hugged him.

He felt the awful longing return, the insomnia inducing want that plagued him for years, as Alexander wrapped his arms around him and held on for dear life, his fists gripping onto his jacket. "Thomas I don't hate you." Alex whispered, releasing his grip on his back. "I don't, like, at all. I'm sorry." "Shut up, I forgive you." Thomas choked, hands shaking as they ran through Alex's hair. "I never wanted to hate you. I was angry and depressed about my wife, and-" he groaned, pulling away to look at the man before him. "You look awful, Jesus Christ, we shouldn't fight like this." He said, examining the damage done in their brawl. Alex nodded, chuckling as he reached his hand up to grab Thomas' resting on his shoulder. "Yeah, I feel awful too. But it's nothing compared to what war is like." He snickered, his nose scrunching up as he did, and it caused Thomas to smile. "Let's go get you cleaned up," He said, pulling his hand away slowly just to get used to the feeling of Alex's hand on his.

Basically everyone in the building knew how intense they got. But they never got physical. So when Alexander and Thomas walked out into the hallway looking as if they'd been dragged through hell and back, people were bound to be concerned. Washington was the first person to come up to them asking, just what the hell was going on. Alex looked up from where he was sitting in the breakroom, nudging the man next to him, who was rubbing neosporin on his bruised cheek. "Huh..?" Thomas looked over and smiled weakly. "uh...things got a little out of hand today.." Alex said in his place, putting on his biggest smile as Washington stormed towards them. "I can see that. But why are you helping him? It's quite out of character if you ask me." He looked between the two men slowly, watching as Thomas ignored him and went back to tending to Alexander. "We're trying something new, it's called civility." He said as he moved to look at Alex's throat, and began to frown. "I don't remember choking you, what the hell." Alex started to laugh and raised his brows a bit. "I don't either? Maybe slamming me into the wall by my collar was the cause." "Seems like it. Tell me if I hurt you ok?" Thomas looked up at him, and he gently patted his wild curls down a bit. "It's just a bruise. It doesn't hurt when you put the medicine on." He rolled his eyes earning a soft jab in the side. "Hey!" "I don't wanna make it worse, just tell me if I do." He grunted, before looking back at Washington who was standing perplexed as he watched the scene unfold. "Sir, we're fine. We're actually going to try and not hate each other." Alexander hummed, continuing to twirl his fingers in Thomas' hair as he examined his busted up neck. Washington simply shook his head and told them to keep it that way, and he hopes it works out.

The day went by quickly after that, and Alex popped his head into Thomas's office before he left to grab his kids. "Hey," Alexander smiled when he saw his eyes sparkle at the sound of his voice. "Hey yourself, is it already three?" Thomas asked, and Alex nodded. He walked over to his desk and pulled his chair out, spinning it around to face him. "We should hangout after work tomorrow." Alex muttered opening his arms to let Jefferson drag him into another bear hug. He would slowly grow to love them more and more. "Of course, text me when you get home." Thomas' voice was muffled by his shirt, and he smiled at him. "I will, we can probably facetime if the kids don't keep me too busy." Alex pulled away and gently patted his cheek. "Works for me." He chuckled, squeezing his arm before turning back to his laptop. Alexander walked out of his office before looking back in to wave goodbye once more, which earned him a little wave and a smile.

The whole drive home was filled with chatter from the kids about their weekend, and Alex gushing about how he and Thomas were finally getting along. Angelica and John seemed to really enjoy that fact. Phillip was a bit on the edge about it but he was happy anyway. As soon as they pulled up to the house the kids ran inside, and Alex was grabbing his things when he noticed his phone.

[ TJs – Alexander 3:41 p.m. ]

'Adams just broke the copy machine I'm ten seconds away from strangling him. Also, you get home okay?'

Alexander smiled and quickly went to change Thomas' contact name for convenience.

[ Alexander – My Thomas 3:42 p.m. ]

'I did. Also, don't kill him yet, I want to watch. Facetime?'

#atomicprinceling #WTHW #What the Heart wants fic #jamilton #hamilton #alexander hamilton #thomas jefferson #george washington #angelica schuyler #hamilton the musical #hamilton fanfic

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