#athyra blah blah blah DX

[athyrabunlord]

Response to @argnatien‘s super awesome feedback for LLSHP AU’s ch14 (๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ  Decided to answer this publicly because there are some very good points that are brought up (and some questions that I believe some readers have as well). Still though, putting my comments below the cut~

Yes, there are chances I may not have gotten Anon asks XD; I’d prefer a signed Ask, and I’ll just answer privately if the person noted that. I’m happy to have brought you out of your lurking days though heheh

First of all, I’m glad that you’ve felt ch14 to be powerful. I did a lot of back and forth on how to proceed/write out its content. At the end, I acknowledge there’s no way to ‘soften’ the situation, and I shouldn’t do so either. The situation needs to be portrayed as it is, as terrible as it is, especially for our narrator and main character Yoshiko.

Secondly, I’d like to point out that my HP knowledge isn’t the most meticulous either, having planned the majority of the story through memories of the books, the visuals from the movies, and some extra stuff from fanfics I’ve read in the past. I did research as much HP content as possible to verify things like spells, locations and the lore etc. However, I have also taken liberties with many HP things, such as original spells and Horcrux.

Indeed, ch13-14 revealed Yoshiko as a ‘matured’ Horcrux. She is what Tom Riddle would have turned into had he succeeded in absorbing Ginny’s lifeforce in the Chamber of Secrets. Of course, I cannot answer exactly how the quill Horcrux was created in the past XD You’re right, more will be explored later.

POV effect is my favorite way of writing a story. Why? Because there are many factors you can play with. The reader can only rely on what the narrator knows and thinks, and that’s not necessary the ‘truth’. This applies to other characters too. They’re humans, what they believe to be true isn’t necessary the truth. And yes, as far as the canon HP books showed, a Horcrux is created through deliberate murder. That said, Yohane does pity Yoshiko, and everything she told Yoshiko is what she deems as the truth. Has she told any lies, deliberately or unknowingly? Only time will tell ( ͡• ͜ʖ ͡• ) 

No comment about Yoshiko’s past and the Fallen because, Arc3. Since it’s the last arc of the story, the answers to this will be in there.

Yoshiko and Yohane share the same soul. There is indeed some emotional feedback from Yoshiko - Yohane only spared Riko’s life because of that. Being aware of Yoshiko’s existence agitated Yohane’s magic; meanwhile, all those times when Yoshiko blanked out, something is happening there, attracting them to each other through their magic linkage. Yes, this link was opened subconsciously, but neither knows exactly how ‘open’ or how connected they are to each other. I’ll just add here already that, the loss of emotions Yoshiko experienced at the end of ch14 is due to this link as well - she’s feeling how Yohane feels.

I’ll refrain from commenting on the physical wound part XD But yes, this whole thing is a magical anomaly, an idea that’s not in HP canon, but based off of various canon factors.

( ;;;ఠ ͟ʖ ఠ) yup, Arc3 stuff, an’t answer ahaha. But! Those are all very good questions, definitely keep them in mind while this slow slow writer tries to keep up an acceptable upload schedule. Again, all this has no HP reference so... wait and see ;)

We see the terrible fate of Frank and Alice Longbottom after Bellatrix’s tortured them to insanity. I promise I hadn’t gone that far, I’m not that evil xD; But I will refrain from commenting on her.

You and Chika are putting up a tough front. At the Infirmary, Yoshiko isn’t exactly able to pick up details even though she’s normally quite observant, given the circumstances. She’s quite distracted, so through POV effect, You and Chika only appear tired like the others due to lack of sleep and stress. They had each other to resist breaking down. They did take Draught of Peace when they were at St. Mungo’s, so this helped too.

I’ve always thought mind magic to be fascinating, be it Obliviate, Imperius, Legilimency and Occulumency. I have taken liberties with these spells but they’re more or less the same as HP - I just added/expanded its effects and usage.

I cannot discuss too much about Maru, but just elaborate a bit more on what Yohane meant by the Imperius Curse being similar to Muggle hypnosis. Instead of direct orders that goes against Maru’s wishes, the Curse worked more like a suggestion, a Devil’s whisper, so Maru was never aware of it and her overall behavior was never affected enough to be noticeable until ch12.

And no, as far as I know, there is no magic draining curse in HP canon. This spell is something I created for LLSHP AU... or, rather, a new spell the Fallen had created. I’ll just leave it at that.

You’re correct though, Maru’s memory was affected by the stress/strain of being exposed to the Curse for so long, especially that last defiance by breaking her own wand instead of hurting Yoshiko further. For the purpose of comparison, Barty Crouch Sr. definitely wasn’t himself during the 4th book after being Imperio’d for who knows how long and how many times. There’s also the Dementors - psychological trauma had caused Maru to repress memories of encountering one the first time after all. That said, exactly what happened to Maru and her magic will be shown more in upcoming chapters though!

The Patronus is definitely a key point in this story. When I first created the concept art for the FirstYears, I had put the blurb about the coelacanth. This single point was what spawned the rest of the ideas that eventually grew into this story. I just want to say I’m so happy to have reached this point OTL Ahem, yes, Yohane cannot cast the Patronus Charm. How and why she found out etc., I cannot say yet. I do remember the dark wizard (also forgot his name though LOL) who failed because he doesn’t have the heart. I’ll just leave it at that.

Yoshiko, on the other hand, managed to grasp the trick behind conjuring a corporeal Patronus, similar to how Harry did in Book3. In spite of what happened to Maru, she will still be able to cast the Patronus from this point onwards. Whether it’s just as strong as it was in the Chamber of Secrets or not, we’ll wait and see.

⁽⁽◝( • ω • )◜⁾⁾ once again, cannot comment on this part~ Very good points tho~ so happy you’ve noticed many subtle details ;)

I feel horrible for what I did to Dia. Why do I always somehow end up abusing my favorite character/nadeshikos *looks at Umi from past fanworks*  This is the time she needs her friends and little sister the most... yet she’s basically stripped of her hard-earned status/power and imprisoned within her own home.

Maru... gad, that’s the horrible aspect of the Imperius Curse. The victim remembers everything they do during the duration of the Curse, meaning Maru was aware of the whole incident when they were down at the Chamber. I’m being mean to Azalea huh? *turns towards Kanan*  (nah she has that prequel-interlude already so I shall leave her relatively alone...)

Indeed, unbeknownst to Yoshiko, she’s been channeling Yohane all these years. Yohane does have some very-Yoshiko traits too - more in Arc3!

Ah, maybe I wasn’t clear on this part, but then again it was just a passing comment from Kanan. What she meant was that, the Kurosawa family was so viciously opposed to Dia and Riko’s relationship; in comparison, Riko’s parents did not say anything. And so, Kanan wasn’t certain how Riko’s parents feel about the said relationship.

I checked out the music and I love it! That does suit datenshi Yohane-sama! For the record, I was listening to Deemo & Cytus & Voez soundtracks, in particularly Suspenseful Third Day, Rain of Flowers, and also all my BGM/OST from Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica haha :’D the good ol’ days. My grief seed definitely needs cleansing.

Ruby is my baby. Even though this story is YoshiMaru, Ruby is vital to this story and their relationship, and for the rest of the girls as well. I have a feeling you might enjoy the upcoming chapter then ;D

Don’t be sorry it’s long - I love it! It makes me feel that all the effort and time invested are worth it!! I’ve rambled all that response too, I don’t even know if I’ve given away too much or made things more confusing, but there they are XD

Thanks again for the awesome feedback!