#at this point it isnt even mu+ual a!d like where is the mutual. go girl give us nothing!!!

[symptoms-syndrome]

I wouldn't say I'm usually a jealous person. I used to be, and some other parts still are, but I as a part am not and generally I don't think we behave in ways that would show others that we're prone to envy.

But there's this one person in our ~circles~ (IRL, so if you're reading this you're not them) who for some reason makes my heart just bubble up with hostility and jealousy. They're big into "online activism," and claim to be an activist IRL, but I've worked with them a couple of times and they're never...helpful or constructive or whatever. They take lots of pictures to post to Instagram to prove they were at The Thing and wax poetic about how Helping The Community is their calling and makes their heart sing etc etc etc. But generally they want lots of credit without the work. Another example is how they always say they'll be at planning meetings, and then every meeting some personal emergency comes up and they can't make it, only for them to finally show up once the work is all over to take pictures and brag to Facebook/Instagram/etc.

And the thing is, normally that's whatever. It's super irritating, sure, but it's not particularly unusual. But this person in particular fundraises THOUSANDS of dollars every other month or so, plus smaller fundraisers literally every week and sometimes more. I went back and checked, and they raised over $25k for overdue rent two months ago (and a bunch more times for various other rents every few months before) and they raised like $7k last week to move into a new apartment, $2k to go on vacation, etc etc etc, almost every day they post a "pls buy me an Uber to work and $ for lunch" post and consistently get them funded.

And like. It makes me so, so jealous. Because I do the work! I work my ass off! I volunteer and work side jobs and gig jobs for things I'm personally passionate about in local activism, and as much as I wish I could make that my primary job (and I'm working on it) I still need to work a full time job for my rent and living expenses. I've posted similar mutual aid posts a few times before, and I'm lucky if they get a fraction of what this person asks for (or rather, often demands! They regularly say that it's people's "duty and responsibility" to "care for their most vulnerable members" by funding them) on the regular.

I'm just like??? What's the secret??? They post posts bragging about the $500 cosplay they got and then hours later post about how they need $2k to get out of debt, which gets fully funded within days and then they're back to posting about a lavish lifestyle. I don't even want or need a lavish lifestyle! I don't need a million dollar house! I don't need a walk in closet of nice clothes! My loftiest goal needs what they manage to fundraise in like a month to be achieved!

And they're so mean about it too...like when I've gotten donations I've tried to bend over backwards to make sure they know how much of a difference it makes to me and how much I appreciate it. But they're just entitled about it. Someone pointed out that a certain ask they had could be considered fraud and they literally made a huge fuss about calling them a racist for assuming they knew more than them (which. It was fraud. Or would have been, if they'd been able to achieve it. That was an ask that was six figures at the low end so. I won't go into specifics on a public blog just in case but friends can gossip w me IDC) and it's just like...why do so many people give so much money to someone who's so rude to them. Not to mention that showing up to like, any of the events they claim to be at would make it obvious they don't actually contribute very much.