#at some point in time when we're settled down after the move i will probably start uploading my backlog of art

[compressednerve]

i couldnt decide which higgs sketch i liked more and then it was bedtime >w<

when i was sketching higgs it reminded me of an OC i made back in 2020, who has a lot of incidental similarities to higgs that made me pog so. i will probably be drawing Llewellyn more often, possibly even posting these arts.

[aangelinakii]

JASON TODD ABC'S

note : so sorry i've been inactive ! it was the summer hols and i was in greeecececee and i've gone back to college so i couldn't really be asked 😭

A is for... Affection ! (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

at the beginning of a relationship, i can't see jason being physically affectionate at all, like at all. he will be super hesitant to initiate anything, and if you initiate anything, he'll be too scared to fuck it up anyway. after some time, i feel he could get a bit anxious if not having some reassurance, and can become a bit clingy at times oops. i don't think he's super physically affectionate anyway, but he can be a sucker for a good cuddle, and he definitely uses his words to express his gratitude and affection, and may be an acts of service guy, too.

B is for... Best Friend ! (what would they be like as a best friend? how would the friendship start?)

jason is the greatest best friend, and we're talking completely platonic here. he's super supportive, kind, generous. if you ask him to be somewhere, like a game meet if you're sporty or a gig if you're musical, he'll be there. probably the first one there and the last one out, too. he knows your favourite everything and your least favourite everything. but is also probably super annoying,, a dry texter and changing the meaning of your words to an innuendo just to watch you scowl.

C is for... Cuddles ! (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

after a long patrol i can see jason getting comfy in bed or under a blanket on the couch with his significant other. it's the best way to wind down, but i think he will only feel comfortable cuddling if he's already super exhausted or run down, or even just feeling a bit likeee needing some reassurance.

D is for... Domestic ! (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

i think he needs to be SUREEE with someone before he settles down. even at least 6-7 months DATING to move in (but that doesn't mean he won't act like he's living with you already, constantly sleeping round and hanging round once you're off work). and ik a lot of people think jason would think about marriage super early because he'd know super early, and get the ring super early, but personally i don't think he's risking anything.

when it comes to cooking, if you've read one of my fics (shameless promo :P) you'll know i think jason todd is a secret chef. and i think he'd be pretty clean when sharing a place with someone. alone, however ?? he'll throw his shirts around the place, and his socks, do all the stuff he'd get annoyed about a partner doing around him. but he'd be more mindful when living with someone, and he'd never let stuff hang around for too long

E is for... Ending ! (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

it would probably be because of something about boundaries. i would hope everybody reading this is totally normal about people having boundaries, but if you aren't then that would be it. tbh i think he would feel too bad about breaking up with someone, so if it was that bad, he would try EVERYTHING to get broken up with instead. because at that point he is not in it anymore he doesn't care, but it would actually be a huge relief.

F is for... Fiancé ! (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

slow burn. he needs to be sure. so so super duper sure. jason has been through a lot, i think he wouldn't want to risk anything at all. he's aware people can lie, but he's the son of gotham's best detective, and if he can wear you out long enough, your true colours will show. not saying he's an asshole, not at all, but sometimes if he's not sure, he'll be a bit cheeky at times until he knwos you're the real deal.

G is for... Gentle ! (how gentle are they?)

THE GENTLEST !!!! he's aware of his strength and would never ever even think about hurting you, so is always so conscious of how he touches you. not touch in a weird way but in a normal way 💀 feather light kisses in the morning while you sleep, his calloused fingers tracing the slope of your nose all the way over your lips and down the curve of your chin.

H is for... Hugs ! (do they like hugs? what are their hugs like?)

hugging jason todd is either like slamming into a brick wall or relaxing down on a memory foam mattress. at the beginning, because he's inexperienced, not used to it, he's just a bit stiff, nervous. but slowly he eases into it, into the comfort of being in the arms of another person and not because they're holding his dead body bye. once he's fully comfortable with physical affection, he holds on like he'll never let go, but only from time to time.

I is for... I Love You ! (how fast do they say the L word?)

standing by it, he takes longgg. he may think it sooner, but until he's sure he can properly trust you, he's keeping it in, a secret between him and his heart. he might wait to see if you say it first, because the other part of him is just scared about opening up to someone like that. if you're the same and you're also waiting, he'll wait until he's sure and take you on a really sweet date to say it. if you say it before him, however, and he's not ready, he'll let you know he appreciates it and just needs more time, but by no means doesn't feel the same way?? yk ??? and then will still plan a romantic date for him to say it. it's very momentous for him.

J is for... Jealousy ! (how jealous do they get? what do they get like when they're jealous?)

i wouldn't sayyy jealousss but more like, needs reassurance from time to time. especially more so when he's attached. when he gets like that, he'll get a bit clingy, aching for attention and assurance. on the offhand time he'll get proper jealous, it will definitely show itself as protectiveness; an arm around the shoulder or waist, eyes glancing around to glare at anyone prying, a few kisses on the side of your head.

K is for... Kisses ! (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss? where do they like to be kissed?)

jason todd's kisses are sweet and genuine and hust urrrggg gf hfjjjd kd jdisi !!!!!! he's always soft, never overstepping. i mean he can be a little ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) if you want him to be but this isn't that kinda blog so we not going into detail..... and if he's going to be light and soft with you, he expects that in return. he loves feathery kisses along his face, just showing him love and affection. he likes when you're holding hands and you kiss his knuckles. in more intimate situations (DOESNT HAVE TO BE SEXUAL) he will feel really special when being kissed on his scars. it feels weird at first, but he grows to feel comfortable in vulnerability. his favourite places to kiss, however, are probably also hands and fingers, just a little fidgety thing, and the top or sides of your head :))

L is for... Little Ones ! (how are they around children?)

just the sweetest. i think in the back of his mind he'd picture himself in a family with his significant other, fit with children and everything, but he'd know not to take it too fast. god, if you even came up to him saying you wanted kids too soon he would start sweating and shaking. but if he were to ever be blessed to be a father, he would be the best. DONT get me started on him being a girl dad because he would be the best dad that little girly could ever wish for. and if he was a boy dad, he would still be cute but i don't want to be a boy mum so i try not to think about it 💀

M is for... Mornings ! (how are mornings spent with them?)

quiet and happy and safe. in three words. in the summer he won't wear a shirt and probably has a fan on, but he's still achingly warm in your arms, and smells like the soap he showered with when he returned from patrol the night before. sometimes he wakes up if he gets too hot, so the summer can be excruciating, and he slips out of bed early to prepare breakfast for you. depending on your sleeping habits, he'll either treat you in bed, or you'll sleepily trudge over to him in the kitchen and sling your arms around his waist, and share it at the table.

N is for... Nights ! (how are nights spent with them?)

when he has patrol, nights are long and waiting, but when he returns home, albeit a little stanky 💀, it's just a relief. even if he's a little beat up, needs minor medical attention, and you're tired, you'll patch him up. because he matters and he shouldn't be getting into bed with a bullet in his shoulder. that's just. not how it works. when he finally gets a night off you are doing EVERYthing to treat him to how a normal person experiences an evening; sometimes movie nights, sometimes you cook for him, sometimes you shower with him and clean him up and pamper himmm

O is for... Open ! (when would they start revealing deeper things about themselves?)

i think for surface level stuff he's a totally open book, like he'll just say stuff. walking past a clothing store "omg one time i had a jacket like that but my brother's dog started chewing on it while i was wearing it damian SET it on him so i had to take it off and he kept eating it so i dont have it anymore lol". but when talking about how he's actually died before. that will take a LONG time. he'll need a lot of trust for you, and trust doesn't just come from anywhere, especially when it's coming from jason todd.

P is for... Patience ! (what is their temper like?)

in general HORRIBLE with you ???? you are his angel, you are his everything, you could never make him mad. perhaps you have a few quirks (i won't judge) that irk him sometimes, but he is never like MAD. maybe annoyed every so often because idk you've left your socks on the couch every night this week and they were a bit stinky, or you cooked or had takeaway and didn't clean up the kitchen after, but i don't see him getting seriously mad.

Q is for... Quizzes ! (how much would they remember?)

the important things. even if you don't deem it as important, if he does, then he remembers it. that could be something like your favourite ice cream flavour, your least favourite item on the wingstop menu (can you tell i'm hungry???) but he'll even remember the one embarrassing story you told about primary school when you were laying in bed half asleep. it was funny, of course he'll remember. but of course he'll remember actual things too, like your average clothing size so if he sees something cute he can surprise you later !!

R is for... Remember ! (what is their favourite relationship moment?)

definitely has to be the first time you gave him a gift. it was his birthdqy. he didn't even know you knew his birthday ??? well he remembers telling you but he just ddin't expect it to actually be processed and taken into consideration, let alone enough to get him a present !! you'd been dating a few months at the time, and you didn't want to go overboard, but still show how much you appreciated him. you bought him a card, wrote a sweet message inside, and a fleece-lined jacket you remembered him eyeing when you went into one of the old vintage shops. best to buy it in the summer when people are looking at the t-shirts and shorts instead. he LOVES the jacket, wears it whenever he's cold, and keeps the card in the drawer of his bed stand, along with the other cards you'll inevitably gift him.

S is for... Security ! (how protective are they? what would they do to protect? how do they like to be protected?)

even without a second person to worry about, jason was constantly alert. he has multiple locks on his apartment door, on his windows, a burglar alarm that goes to his phone, a ring door bell 💀, and a bunch of weapons stashed around the flat. just in case. he sleeps with a dagger beneath his pillow without you, a pistol behind his headboard, which he keeps there even when you're sleeping round. but come on, this guy is the red hood, he can and will do anything to protect you if needs be. let's just be glad nothing's happened yet..

T is for... Try ! (how much effort would they put into a relationship?)

too much man 😭😭 but not in a bad way at all !! it's endearing, but after getting attached or even whilst getting into the groove of a relationship, he may worry if it's too much. he's got a note on his phone where he types things he wants to get you, or things he noticed you mention a lot. he makes breakfast or dinner a lot of the time, even will whip up some semi-gourmet snack because he heard your tummy grumble. he may not always be physically affectionate, but he's always trying to show you how much he appreciates you.

U is for... Ugly ! (what would be some of their bad habits?)

LMAO i think the worst thing would be how dirty his apartment can get when you're not round for a while. like i said, if it gets dirty he won't leave it like that for too long, but for like two-three days MAX it will look like those pictyres captain holt shows jake in b99 where he says one of these is your locker and the other is a garbage dump in the philippines, except they're both jake's locker. like i'm comparing jason todd to jake peralta, that's how you know it's bad. but he literally won't let you see it, or anyone see it.

maybe also a smoker, but i think just when he gets extra antsy or anxious or whatever. probably not the type to like ask for a cig at a party if others are smoking, it might be a bit of a shameful thing for him because he associates it with those darker emotions. not a leisure thing.

V is for... Vanity ! (how concerned are they with their looks?)

shaves usually i think, but doesn't mind growing out a bit of stubble if you don't mind it. usually keeps his hair shorter, sides cropped a bit and maybe a little longer on top, so he can make a mohawk when he's in the shower (not that he would tell anyone) but if he grows it out he probably gets a little wavy/curly. because of his helmet he doesn't opt for the longer hair, but if you like it he will especially grow it out. personally don't think too much about his white streak, ik a lot of people think he has one and i agree he does but i don't usually imagine him with one yk ?? but like i think he does i just don't picture him with it. and i think he can be a bit self-conscious about his scarring, but a little lovin goes a long way !

W is for... Whole ! (would they feel incomplete without you?)

i think before he becomes attached, he could survive without a significant other. he's come all this way on his own, he can do it again. maybe he would feel a bit worried about being single forever, but if that's meant to happen, maybe he just isn't the type of person to need someone. but once he's become attached, he would be so depressed if something happened to break your bond. idk if depressed is too big of a word to use in that situation but i mean like he would literally just. not be okay.

Y is for... Yuck ! (what are some of their turn-offs?)

not listening to him or respecting his boundaries for sure. when i say not listening to him, i don't mean when he like makes you do something, not that at all. i mean like if he's telling a story and someone seems disinterested, he can't deal with it he will literally never speak again. or when he expresses discomfort and it isn't listened to, just ignored, like a boundary being crossed. boundaries are definitely very big for jason.

Z is for... ZZZ ! (what are their sleeping habits?)

his habit is that he Can Not. okay not actually, actually i think it's that once he has grown attached, he does struggle to sleep apart from you. but otherwise no proper habits per se ?? i can see him running hot while he sleeps (comfortably), but is also probably a light sleeper.

[walkingstackofbooks]

A 9-year-old Julian Bashir who has had nightmares about evil doctors in an alien hospital for as long as he can remember. He doesn't tell his parents though because "he's a big boy now" and nightmares are for little kids, so he knows he should deal with them alone. And even if he'd like a hug sometimes, his mum only gives him hugs for doing well, not for doing badly, so he figures there's no point bothering her

A 15-year-old Julian Bashir who realises that the nightmares he used to have were based on the apparently very real alien hospital his parents had taken him to as a kid, and spends hours trying to figure out what were real memories and what his mind had made up over the years as he slept. The nightmares come back with an intensity, but they're nothing compared with how he's feeling when he's awake, and pretty soon they become a normal background noise of his life.

A 19-year-old Julian Bashir who's finally been moved into a solitary room after his third roommate in as many weeks complained about the almost-nightly screams. His advisor asks if he wants to speak to anyone: he claims they're just night terrors and he doesn't actually remember them. Besides, even if he could talk about what was in them, he probably wouldn't, because he's fine - he's used to them by now.

A 24-year-old Julian Bashir who gets woken from his nightmares by warm hands and gentle kisses, and learns what is like to be soothed back to sleep by the soft voice of Palis Delon

A 32-year-old Julian Bashir who has a different nightmare every night. The last year's been difficult. But then, it's been difficult for everyone, and he knows he's far from the only one to be suffering from nightmares at the moment.

A 34-year-old Julian Bashir who can't stop dreaming about the torture he went through four weeks ago, who's missing Ezri and who Miles is increasingly concerned about. When the O'Briens offer him their spare room for a while, he warns them multiple times about his nightmares, and is pathetically grateful when that doesn't change their minds. "We have nightmares too, Julian," says Keiko. "We can cope with yours."

A 34-year-old Julian Bashir who is confused when, three days later, Miles remarks, "You are having a bad run of those nightmares, aren't you?"

"They've been better than usual, actually," he replies awkwardly. "It's been really nice being able to go back to sleep afterwards, for once -- you and Keiko have been so generous in coming and checking on me."

"Course we're gonna come and check on you," says Miles gruffly. "You woke up terrified. We're not letting you do that alone."

"I'd be fine, Miles," Julian reassures. "I'm hardly going to expect one of you to come in every night."

Miles pauses. "...How long are you expecting to have them 'every night' for?" he asks, with some concern. "I mean, after a thing like this, how long does it usually take them to settle down?"

Julian stares at Miles. "I... have nightmares, Miles," he replies, frowning. "Just like you. Nightmares happen every night."

"No, they don't," says Miles, equally confused. "Don't get me wrong, they can do: after something big then sure, they're like that for a few weeks - a couple of months, even. But eventually they fall down to once, twice a week..."

Julian is looking at Miles incredulously. "That might be how it works for you," he says. "I guess my brain's different to yours. Mine don't stop, they just... mix. Change. Get confused with one another, eventually. I've had more dreams about being genetically modified by Sloan in the Dominion camp than I care to remember, you know?"

Miles' concern has turned into abject dismay. "You're saying you've had nightmares every single night since the Dominion took you?" he exclaims.

"Well, maybe not every single night!" retorts Julian, a little unsure what Miles is getting so het up about. "I do have some days when I don't... But yeah, pretty much. I've had nightmares most nights since I was fifteen, it's just how my brain processes stuff."

"Fifteen?"

...

A 34-year-old Julian who finds out that having nightmares every night for two decades is, apparently, "not normal" and something he should be seeking help for.

If Ezri comes back alive, he supposes he might take it up with her.

[heavyhitterheaux]

Ghost Part 5 (NSFW)

AN: It's been a while, but we're back 🤭🤭

Synopsis: Jack comforts you when he finds out that you're going through a difficult time and you got a lot more than you bargained for. Now you have to make a decision regarding the future between you and him

Pairing: Jack Harlow x Reader

Do not engage if underage

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

Walking into work on Monday morning, you were extremely nervous. It did take some convincing on Jack’s part, but you did in fact delete your Only Fans account by the end of that very same night. Now all you had to do was hope and pray no one saw it that was associated with your job.

Once you dropped Ace off at daycare, you made your way down the long hallway in order to get to your classroom and was in for a surprise once you did.

Sitting near your desk was Alicia Hamilton who was the principal of the school. The interactions that you had with her in the past were always pleasant and she always made it a point to ask about Ace and ask about how you were seeing as she was also a single mother and knew how hard it could be at times.

“Alicia, to what do I owe the pleasure?” You asked as you smiled at her, a smile that she in fact did not return. Instead it was a look of seriousness.

“Y/N, it was brought to my attention that you have an Only Fans account that involves explicit material.”

And there it was.

“What exactly does that have to do with my job? I do that outside of here and shouldn't get penalized for it.” You answered as you stood your ground.

“Trust me, Y/N I get it. However I have had numerous complaints and my phone has been ringing nonstop since this past weekend.”

“Alicia, you of all people know how hard it is to live on a teachers salary and be a single mom. I had to do something to make sure that Ace could eat. And I was in college when I did that.” You told her as you tried to plead your case.

“Y/N, I adore you and you are an amazing teacher, but my hands are tied. We could lose funding over this. If there was a way that I could fix this and make it all better, I would but as of right now I can't. I have to let you go. Ace can still come to daycare and get a discount. I just can't allow you to teach here anymore.”

“But…”

“I have a substitute coming for you all this week and you’ll be able to pack up your classroom after school lets out.”

“Just keep everything. I clearly don't have a use for it anymore.”

“Y/N…”

Without another word, you grabbed your purse and made your way back down the long hallway. You decided to let Ace stay the rest of the day while you had absolutely no idea what you were going to do.

As you settled into your car, the waterworks started and you didn't even stop them from rolling down your face. You knew deep down that this was eventually going to happen and you had no clue what to do in order to move forward. In no way, shape, or form did you blame Jack for posting your picture because there were only good intentions behind it. But now, it was probably going to be ten times harder for you to find another job.

Moving back home didn't sound like a bad idea at the moment, but you couldn't do that to Jack after all the progress he's made with Ace.

You simply sent Jack a text because you needed a few days for yourself and to think this through and you needed to have a clear head.

You- Hey, can you take Ace for a few days?

Jack- Yes, is everything okay?

You- It's fine, I just need some time to figure some things out

Jack- Are you sure that you're okay? Just let me know if you need anything from me.

You- I promise I'm fine, if you could pick him up today from daycare that would be perfect

Jack- Whatever you need

Jack told you that Ace was excited to spend a few days with him, but he was also concerned about you. He felt as if there was something that you were keeping from him and he made it his mission to facetime you after he put Ace to sleep.

Currently you were stuffing your face with some stuffed pasta shells that you had made earlier when your phone rang. You glanced to see that it was Jack and sighed. You didn't want to talk to anyone, but had to make sure that it didn't have anything to do with Ace.

“Hey.” You softly said as you propped your phone up so that you could continue eating and Jack could immediately tell that something was wrong.

“Y/N, something is wrong and don't lie to me and say that it's nothing.”

“It's nothing for you to worry about. I can deal with it.”

“I went to pick up Ace and when he took me to see you in your classroom, you were nowhere to be found.”

“I guess not because I don't work there anymore.”

Jack's eyes went wide.

“Fuck. It's because of me, isn't it?”

“I don't blame you for it happening if that's what you're thinking.”

“But it's my fault.”

“It was going to happen eventually. I figured that it would only be a matter of time. Where's my baby?” You responded while trying to shrug it off.

“Our baby is sleeping.”

You glanced at the time on the clock that was hanging on the wall in your kitchen and saw that it was a little past 8 at night. You were happy to see that Jack was keeping him on his normal schedule.

“Hmm.”

“His bedtime is 7:30 so the same thing goes when he comes over here. But we aren't done talking about your job so stop trying to change the subject.”

“There’s nothing left to say. It's just going to be ten times harder for me to find another job teaching.”

“Just take a break and relax for a while.”

“Jack, bills do not stop and I don't have the luxury of doing that.”

“You have me and I'm going to take care of it. Y/N, you aren't in this by yourself anymore.”

“No. I'm not a golddigger and we aren't even together so that doesn't sit right with me.”

“Don't you think I know that by now? Just let me help you. How does it look if I let the mother of my child struggle when she doesn't have to.”

All you did was shake your head and Jack looked at you confused.

“What's that face for? Just let me do this to help you.”

"Why, Jackman? Why now? Where was all of this compassion you had for me when I was pregnant with your child and scared shitless because I literally had NO ONE.” You asked him as you threw your fork down.

“Because we're moving towards a better future, that's why. I know that you have a right to be pissed at me for a million lifetimes all because I was too scared to step up and take care of my responsibilities. But I promise that will never happen again. My parents and Clay would kill me if it did.”

“You've made promises to me in the past and they proved to be empty.”

“This time it won't be.” Jack replied as you took a deep breath.

“Please don't make me regret this.”

You noticed that Jack wasn't looking directly at you and figured that he was doing something on his phone.

“Send me all your expenses for the month so I can add it to my bank account to come out automatically. And I also just put 5,000 in your account and I don't want to hear a word out of you. I'm doing this.”

“But…”

“Matter of fact since I know you'll be free for a little while, pack a bag with a few outfits and you can come over tonight or tomorrow. I think tonight would be better since you won't have to get up so early.”

“Wait, what? For what?”

“I have a few interviews and appearances to do so I'm bringing you and Ace with me. I already posted about having a son so it's not a secret. That way we can really spend time together like an actual family. I know Ace will be excited about that.”

Well, he didn't say anything that was wrong and you had absolutely nothing to lose.

“Fine, give me an hour.”

“Okay, let me get the guest room ready for you. And pick between lavender or vanilla.”

“Oh, you do this for all the girls that stay at your house? And what am I picking this for?”

“No, only for the special girls and you happen to be the first one. I also want you to be the last one if you’ll let me but we'll address that later. Now pick one.”

“I… lavender.”

“Okay your bath will be ready when you get here too.”

“Jackman!”

“See you soon, babe.”

It was around 10 at night when you finally reached his house and knocked on the door. Once he opened it, he was all smiles and took your bag from you and moved to the side so you could pass the threshold.

“I have everything set up for you, come on and follow me.”

Climbing the stairs of his house, you took in your surroundings because you literally hadn't been in it for more than five minutes. You saw multiple awards decorating the walls along with a few pictures of him and Ace, Clay, and his parents. Jack led you into what you assumed was his bedroom and he set your things in his closet.

“I have a little more room in here than the guest room closet does so I put your things in there and my bathroom is bigger so I have everything set up for you in there.”

“You definitely didn't have to do this.” You replied walking into the bathroom and you were in awe. The smell of lavender hit your nose upon entering and were surprised to see that multiple candles were lit. Jack came up behind you to throw in a lavender bath bomb as you were taking it all in. You couldn't even remember the last time someone did something like this for you.

“So that's why you asked me if I wanted lavender or vanilla?” You said and he simply nodded.

“Water is warm and I want you to take all the time you need. Your towel is here along with your robe….”

“What? My own robe?” You asked, cutting Jack off.

“Yes, I got it earlier today. I knew that something had happened and I picked up some things in order to help you hopefully feel better.”

“Well I appreciate you doing this for me. Can't remember the last time that someone was this nice to me.” You said and you caught Jack off guard as you went to hug him. After the initial shock, he hugged you back. This was as close as you two had been since Ace was conceived. Because the two of you were usually arguing.

“Of course, now come on before the water gets cold. I’ll crack the door so if you need me just call out.”

“Okay.”

You stayed in the bathroom for close to an hour before getting out and drying off. After blowing out the candles and brushing your teeth with the toothbrush that Jack had bought you along with giving a quick rinse to your face, you walked out to see him reading with the tv on a low volume. He heard your footsteps and looked up and smiled at you.

“Feel better?”

“I do, surprisingly.”

“I got the guest room ready for you and it's right next to Ace’s.” He told you as he put his book down and hopped up from the bed.

“Okay.”

“Oh wait, you need something to sleep in. Did you want to grab it out of your bag? If not, I can give you one of my shirts.”

“Your shirt is fine.”

Jack handed you one of his many Louisville Cardinals shirts and you held onto it and planned on changing into it once you reached the guest room.

“And make sure you don't steal this one.” Jack playfully told you as he remembered the many shirts that you stole from him during the very short time that you two were together.

“Hmm, no promises. I still have all the other ones and this will just be another one I add to my growing collection.” You answered as you thought about all the shirts that you had of his in your closet.

“Soon, I won't have any.”

“Stop being so dramatic.”

After Jack was back in his bedroom, it gave him time to think as he threw the comforter over himself and got comfortable.

He knew that this didn't fix the amount of pain that he put you through, but was thinking that it was a good enough start. He wanted to really prove to you that he was all in when it came to you and Ace. His end goal was having the three of you under the same roof and truly being a family. He knew it was a longshot, but he at least had to try. Progress was made when you gave him a hug catching him off guard and he felt that it was a huge step in the right direction. You had been doing everything by yourself for too long and it was time for that to change.

It was around 10 in the morning when all of you were on a plane headed to Boston. You and Ace were sitting next to each other and you were doing your best to entertain him while Jack was in front of the both of you when Urban came and sat next to him.

“Hmm so I see you two are talking?” Urban asked, gesturing towards you.

“Yeah, I'm just happy she's giving me a chance to get this right or at least try to.”

“Your ass finally grew up and it was about damn time.” Clay commented as he passed the both of them and went to pick up Ace.

“I'm also hoping that she'll be in a relationship with me again.” Jack quietly said in the hopes that you wouldn't hear and Urban just stared at him.

“You're my best friend and I have to be honest. I want you to be happy, but that sounds damn near impossible.”

“I know it sounds crazy, but I want us all under one roof. So much has happened and I have to make it right.”

“You can make it right by being a good father to Ace. Making it right doesn't necessarily mean that you two need to be together.”

“But I want to be, that's the thing. Truth be told, I see how amazing Ace is and I want more but I only want them with her.”

“You have done some serious soul searching because that sounds weird to hear you say.”

“Only thing is, I don't know if she'll go for it.”

“I mean, do you blame her? Look at how much shit you put her through.”

“But she hugged me last night. I called to check on her and I told her to come over because I knew she was upset. I bought her a whole bunch of things and ran a bath for her. I'm honestly surprised she said yes, but then again I wouldn't take no for an answer.”

“And yall didn't fuck? That was the perfect setup.”

“No! I need to take this slow and do it right.”

“Well…I… I just want you happy and if this will make you happy then okay.”

“What's the pushback for?” Jack questioned Urban as he saw him sigh.

“Look, this seems to be going a little too well and Y/N might pull something because of all the shit you've done to her.”

“Urb, she's not like that.”

“And how do you know? You were in a relationship with her for six months at most. You don't even know her if we're being honest.”

“I know enough to know that she wouldn’t do that, because she would have done it already with as much shit that has happened.”

“Well whatever happens, I'm here for you.”

“I appreciate that.”

It was the last day that you were all spending in Boston and you were currently helping Ace get ready because Jack surprised him and told him that he was taking him to a Celtics’ game. Knowing that Jayson Tatum was Ace’s favorite player, he got him a jersey in his size and he was wearing jean shorts with the New Balances that Jack designed. He also gifted you a pair that you planned on wearing with your olive green pants and white cropped hoodie.

When you were finished helping Ace tie his shoes, Jack walked in and smiled at the scene in front of him.

“Daddy, I’m ready!” Ace exclaimed as he ran over to Jack and he immediately picked him up.

“So that means we should get going. I have a feeling that you’re going to like where we’re sitting.” Jack had mentioned to you that you all would be sitting courtside and you didn’t tell him this, but you immediately got nervous. If you were sitting anywhere near him, you knew for a fact that cameras were going to be on the two of you which also meant that they would be on Ace.

Before Jack told Ace about his surprise, he consulted you first simply because this would be Jack’s first public appearance with him having Ace with him. He made sure that you were on board and assured you that he made a few calls to have an increase in security since the two of you would be with him.

Jack then looked over at you and smirked.

“Not you stealing my outfit.”

You looked at him confused before you looked down to see that the two of you were indeed matching. All you did was laugh to yourself and shake your head.

“I got dressed first so you in fact stole my outfit, not the other way around.” You replied back as you made your way over to the two of them.

“Hmm, I admit you do look good in it.” Jack replied and you tried to stop the smile from appearing on your face, but you failed miserably. It also didn’t help with the series of butterflies erupting in your stomach at this very moment.

“Daddy, can I get a hot dog?!” Ace asked as he looked at him hoping that he would say yes.

“Whatever you want, bubs.”

The three of you were currently outside of the arena and had just gotten out of the car when Jack could sense your nervousness and made a point to ask you if you were okay.

“Y/N?”

“Hmm?”

“What’s going on over there in that head of yours?” He asked as he whispered in your ear as the three of you were being led inside by security through the back entrance in the hopes of avoiding too many fans. Last thing that Jack would want to happen is them bombarding him when you and Ace were with him.

“Just nervous, I guess. I’m not used to being around big crowds of people.”

Jack was holding Ace as he quickly went to grab your hand and held onto it tightly as he squeezed it.

“It's going to be fine, you’re with me. Just let me know if you ever feel overwhelmed and need a minute.”

You nodded your head towards him and Jack gave you a small smile in return. Soon after, you three were led to your seats and Ace couldn’t contain his excitement.

“Ace? What do you think of this view, bubs? You like it?” Jack asked and Ace immediately nodded his head as he spotted Jayson who was coming out to warm up.

“Daddy! Look!” Ace replied as he pointed in Jayson’s direction.

“Do you want to meet him?” Jack had sent Jayson a text the night before telling him that he was going to be at the game and that he was bringing Ace and how he was his favorite player. Jayson responded and told him that he would definitely make it a point to say hi to Ace during the night.

Suddenly Ace’s eyes went wide and he proceeded to turn around and hide in Jack’s chest. He would get like this often when he was meeting new people, but once he warmed up to them he was fine. He finally peeked up at Jack and gave him a slow nod which led to Jack smiling at him.

Once Jayson spotted Jack, he jogged his way over to all three of you and immediately greeted you and Jack before turning his attention to Ace.

“This must be the famous Ace that I heard so much about.” Jayson said as he squatted down to his height.

“That's me! How did you know my name?” Ace asked while looking at him confused.

“I know your dad and he told me all about you. I also heard that this is your first game?”

“Yes! My daddy got your jersey for me. Oh I forgot to say thank you. Thank you daddy.” He answered as he looked down at his outfit.

“You're welcome bubs.”

“Ace, I'll make a deal with you. If we win, I'll give you the ball.”

“Really?” He asked as his eyes went wide.

“As long as you're good for mom and dad the entire game, you can have it.”

It was safe to say that the Celtics won and Jayson even signed the ball before handing it to Ace who couldn't contain his excitement.

By the time that you all got back to the hotel and put Ace to sleep, your back was on fire. Your plan was to take ibuprofen and lay down as soon as possible.

Jack noticed you wincing as you came to steal his charger since yours was on its last leg and would charge when it wanted to. He quickly grabbed your hand to question you about it.

“What's hurting? You're wincing.”

“My back, but I'll just take something and go to sleep. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does I can barely move for like two days.”

“Umm, I can help you if you want.” Jack replied and you looked at him confused.

“Help me how?”

“I can give you a massage to help get the kinks out. It’ll probably make it feel better.”

“Seriously? Is this your plan to try and seduce me?” You questioned him while laughing.

“No funny business I swear.” He said as he held his hands up in defense.

“Well, I guess it couldn’t hurt.”

“Just let me check on Ace and make sure he's asleep. You can stay in here and take off your clothes so you’ll be ready for me.”

“It sounds weird when you say it like that.” You replied as you plugged in your phone and waited for an indication to see that it was indeed charging.

“I did want to be a massage therapist at one point and I’ve been told that my hands work magic.”

“Hmm, I bet all the girls tell you that, don’t they?”

“Well now these hands are only reserved for you so you’ll have to tell me when I’m finished.” Jack winked at you before going to Ace’s room in the suite that was across the hall. You listened to instructions as you got somewhat undressed and wrapped yourself in a towel and simply sat on the bed and waited for Jack.

Once he returned, he locked the door behind him and told you to lay on your stomach with your chin resting on your arms. Jack undid your towel and moved it so that it was sitting right at your waist when you heard his voice.

“Um, Y/N, you have to take your bra off too.”

“Hmm, close your eyes and don't look.”

“Promise even though I've seen them plenty of times and even had them in my mouth.”

Rolling your eyes, you ignored his last comment as you slid the bra off your shoulders and placed it next to you on the bed. Next thing you knew you felt warm liquid on your back and Jack’s hands rubbing it in.

“What the? Where did you get the oil from?!”

“Shh, don’t worry about it. Just relax so I can make your back feel better.”

You weren’t sure how much time had passed, but your back definitely felt better and you were glad that you agreed to let Jack do this for you. As you were about to move a little to the side to get more comfortable, you felt Jack hands on the outside of your back and they got higher until they became dangerously close to your boobs before making their way back down. He had done it a few more times before you decided to adjust again as his fingers lightly brushed against your nipples.

As his hands started to move back down, you quickly caught one of them and moved it so that it was right on the outside of your breast. Meanwhile, Jack is starting to get nervous because he wasn’t quite sure what to make of your sudden movement, but him asking a simple question was all the confirmation he needed.

“Y/N, you want me to do the front of your body too?”

“Yes.”

As you flipped over, your breasts were on full display for him and you laid your head back down as he grabbed more oil to place it on the front of your arms and chest. He massaged the oil into your arms first before gliding it over your chest and moving his way down to your stomach. Once he reached the lower part of your body, he wanted to move the towel to the side, but asked for your permission first.

“Is it okay, if I move this?”

You nodded your head and that was all the confirmation he needed. Moving the towel away from the bed, you were fully naked in front of him and he started to massage your thighs as he was trying to do his best to focus, he noticed that his pants were getting tighter and tighter begging for some type of release.

He had made his way down your entire body and quickly grabbed your hand to help you sit up indicating that he was finished. Once you did, you noticed the bulge that was evident in his pants. No words were exchanged as you immediately undid them and heard a quiet hiss escape from his mouth as you pulled them down to have them pool at his feet. His dick sprung to life and without another word being spoken, you took him in your mouth.

“Oh shit.” Was all he could moan out as he focused on you pleasuring him.

He made a makeshift ponytail of your curly hair so that it could be out the way, but knew because all of this built up sexual tension that he had every time that he was around you that he probably wasn’t going to last long.

As you released him, a river of saliva made its way out of your mouth quickly landing on Jack’s dick as you slowly put your mouth back on him.

“Y/N… fuck!”

You held eye contact with him as you moved him in and out of your mouth as he held your head in place. Your jaw was getting somewhat tired because of how big he was, but knew that he was close once you felt him twitch in your mouth.

Catching him off guard, you released him from your mouth again and he looked at you confused before you began jerking him off and sucking his balls at the same time. That was your go to move to get him to cum when you two were together and by his reaction, it still was.

“Yes, babe. Keep going, keep fucking going. I’m almost there.”

Within thirty seconds he was coming undone in front of you and you made it a point to take him back in your mouth as he was coming down from his high as you milked him dry.

When his breathing returned to normal, you simply looked up at him to see him now peeling off his shirt and removing his pants and boxer briefs from his ankles.

“You missed me sucking your dick, huh? Because I could definitely tell.” You told him as you wiped his cum from the corner of your mouth and quickly sucked it, tasting the last of it.

“I missed so much more than that, but you’re right.” Jack said as he brought his hand up to stroke your face and then leaned down to kiss you.

As hard as it was to admit, that was a feeling that you had missed.

“I figured I would return the favor for you giving me a massage, but you missed one spot.” You said as you took him in your hands again.

“Where’s that?” Jack asked and his voice suddenly got deeper making you become even wetter. Jack knew exactly where you were talking about but he wanted to hear you say it.

“You didn’t massage my pussy and I’m going to need for you to do something about that before I do it myself.” You answered as your fingers went to massage your clit, but Jack caught your hand.

“No need to do it yourself, because I’m here. Spread those legs for me.”

Smirking, you laid back as you spread your legs and soon felt Jack in between them. You felt him kiss it before he gave you one long lick making you moan and he immediately stopped.

“Be quiet babe. Don’t want you waking up Ace.”

You nodded your head and he continued to pleasure you as he slipped two fingers into you and made a note how wet you were for him.

Your hands found their way into his curly hair as you spread your legs even wider so that he could have better access to you. Catching you off guard, Jack stopped leaving you confused as he laid down on the bed next to you but not before throwing your bra that you had placed there clear across the room.

“Get up here and sit on my face.” He told you as he tapped your leg and you swung it over so that you were positioned perfectly with the help of Jack.

He had a tight hold on your legs and you knew for a fact that trying to get away from him would be damn near impossible.

As his mouth began to run over your folds, you placed your hand over your mouth in order to help you keep quiet.

Jack wasn't making it easy for you as he began to give his undivided attention to your clit. He quickly noticed how you began squirming and squeezed your legs even tighter anticipating that you would try to move away from him.

“What did I use to tell you about running from me?” Jack asked as he came up for air and was waiting for a response from you.

“That you wouldn't let me cum.”

“Good. Now stay still.”

In order to give yourself some leverage, you rested your arms on the headboard as you felt that familiar feeling in your stomach become more pronounced.

“Oh shit.” You couldn't help but to moan out.

Hearing your soft moans and whimpers was music to Jack’s ears as he could tell you were close.

Squirting all over his face, he continued to lick your folds as you did your best to stay quiet in the hopes of not waking Ace up.

When he was finished, he placed multiple kisses along your thighs as you rested against the headboard. When you felt as if you could function again, you moved yourself away from his face and scooted down until you were hovering over him leaning down to give him several kisses as you went which he eagerly returned.

“Give me another one. I miss kissing you.” You heard him say as he guided you back down to meet his lips with yours.

In between kisses, you slowly smiled because you felt the same way.

Not knowing how long he had you there for, you slowly felt him lift his hips up to enter you and you met him halfway as a moan escaped both of you.

To make yourself more steady, your hands rested on his stomach while his hands went to your hips to help guide you.

“You're riding me so good, baby.”

Using him saying that was your motivation, you began to go faster as his arms had now wrapped around your waist fully and sat up to suck on your breasts making a loud moan escape from you.

As he continued to kiss all over your chest, without warning, he flipped the two of you over so that he was now hovering above you and placed your legs back as far as they would go as he entered you again, bottoming out and began to move in and out of you slowly.

“Oh fuck, Jack go faster.” You breathed out and no words were spoken as he listened to what you wanted for him to do.

Within two minutes your orgasm hit you like a ton of bricks and Jack slowly moved out of you as he came all over your chest and stomach.

The only thing that could be heard was both of your erratic breathing as you were trying to steady it. Once Jack had done so, he went into the bathroom before he made his way back over to you, gliding the warm cloth all along your body. When he was finished, he laid down next to you and immediately turned your body towards him once more so he could kiss you.

When the two of you finally broke apart, Jack still had his arm wrapped around you as you cuddled into his chest.

Waiting until Jack fell asleep and you helped move the process along by playing in his hair which you always did when you two were together, you gathered your clothes and made your way back to your room and took a quick shower before laying down and pulling the comforter over your body.

You were wide awake and your mind was racing thinking about what had just happened between you and Jack.

Regret didn't come across your mind at all, but now you didn't know where the two of you stood. Jack had been hinting on wanting to be in a relationship with you again, but at this moment in time you just weren't sure. He has definitely stepped up and been the father that Ace deserves but could he be the person that you needed when it came to a relationship?

Grabbing your phone, you opened the group chat and sent a text to Nadia, Blaire, and Liv.

You- I just did a thing….

Liv- Explain the thing!

Nadia- Wait, why are we all up? Where's Blaire?

Blaire- Present!

You- I just had sex with Jack

Liv- Oh

Blaire- 😀😀😀😀😀😀

Nadia- Okay, what's the problem? You got dicked down!

You- I think that I'm leaning towards giving him a second chance

[starberry-cupcake]

Me reading this book is like trying to pin things to a cork board with red thread but the things I'm trying to pin down are fog and they vanish before I can grasp them.

Here's a visual representation of me finishing a chapter:

previously, in harrowbeenie the ninth:

this happened

currently, after chapter 5 (you're gonna have to be patient with this one):

we're moving back and forth between the second and third person

knowing now the content of the letters that yandere twin had talked about in the prologue, it makes some sense

but we aren't there yet

I need to point out something I don't think I specified enough last time

ice cube barbie changed eyes

people be changin' eyes here

she used to have eyes like harrow and now she has, and I quote: "ever since you had writhed in Lyctoral agony, her eyes had turned a yellow that made you dizzy to behold: a bronzed, hot, animal yellow, as amber as the inside of an egg"

this is from gideon's last ch.: "Gideon's eyes, as they always did, startled her: their deep, chromatic amber, the startling hot gold of freshly-brewed tea"

just gonna leave that there

but now, moving forward...or backwards to ch. 3 flashback of sorts

we got a recap of most of the events we knew, but in a gideon-less ver.

I'm gonna also point out that harrowbean mentions her mother holding her wrist the same way she said ice cube barbie did when they were in the coffin hangar

another addition to the clown emperor's story is that the Resurrection is described in harrow's memories as "ten thousand years ago had given them all release from death that none of them had deserved"

I don't know about any of this

we've got a disturbance in the force when harrow describes her parents finding out about the tomb thing

it says "her parents had...found out...about what she had done"

interesting edit of the story there

there's a gideon-sized hole in this story

there's also an interesting new count of nooses??

she says they tied five, two for mortus (???) but in gideon's book she said they tied their own nooses and then helped her tie hers, what's up with mortus having two??? is this nothing and I'm just obsessing about every detail???

I'm gonna start seeing palmolive's force ghost roaming around my house

at the end of ch. 3 it says "there had been another girl who grew up alongside Harrow—but she had died before Harrow was born"

this is a VERY INTERESTING wording

if someone dies before you are born, they can't grow up with you

UNLESS

I'm not gonna dwell on that yet

let's put a pin on that

ch. 4 has the re-apparition of yandere twin

*live studio audience cheers, maybe*

she gives her a letter addressed to her from her

the letter has a lot of instructions of things she doesn't remember at all and also are supposed to be opened at specific times/events

one of them says "in the event of the emperor's death"

another says it's in case she sees regina george twin, which makes a whole argument happen and knives are used to settle it

yandere twin will not hear someone imply her sister might be no longer with us

she probably isn't dead, this I know for certain, people wouldn't be confusing my names for them if that was all we got from her

the most important letter, though, is the one in case she sees camilla, who harrow claims not having interacted with ever

this is a very important thing to note, but most importantly, CAMILLA MENTION

very important to be noting who harrow remembers interacting with and who she doesn't

very important as well that she remembers yandere twin losing an arm in battle but does not remember gideon or camilla

I haven't mentioned it yet but, in the letter, past!harrow tells present!harrow that she needs to check yandere twin's tongue and lower mandibule

to which I think to myself "I bet she's gonna kiss her"

and that she did

which makes me want an edition of this book but with gideon commentary

like a dvd commentary but it's gideon commenting on all this stuff

and cracking jokes

because I bet she'd be cracking jokes about this

remember when she joked that yandere twin would marry mayonnaise uncle?

and then both harrow and mayonnaise uncle were like "ew the third's magic is weird"

imagine if she saw this display

another CRUCIAL thing is that harrow is doing like an oath to yandere twin as requested by past!harrow

and she says "by the ripped and remade soul of ortus nigenad"

and yandere twin goes "who? oh, yes—the cavalier"

I mean, mood at not remembering the names, but also SUSPICIOUS BEHAVIOR

she also tells present!harrow "I gave you something you cared about very deeply at the time"

side note, there is yet another moment in which chad is read for filth

get obliterated even in undeath, chad

last detail from this chapter is that harrowbean almost gets assassinated

maybe I should have started with that

at this point there's so much going on, death seems like a normal one

so yeah, she's gonna get killed with a pillow to the face and then she defends herself and discovers at the end of the chapter that she didn't hallucinate the whole thing and it was hidden from her on purpose that somebody tried to end her

so what's the point in being in this clown death star and surviving big brother canaan house if you can't even sleep peacefully???

moving on to chapter 5

remember the timeline I was making?

yeah, about that

chapter 5, in the third person continuity, establishes that what I saw previously was not necessarily a memory but an au memory

if we can call it something at this point

so my calculations were made as if the timeline was one

but this is not one timeline, it's a sort of parallel gideon-less one

of course my heart is making me believe the gideon-less one is the one that isn't real

and that past!harrow might know what's going on with that

maybe gideon's existence needs to be protected

maybe the emperor doesn't have to know about her

(I'm still holding on to the gideon hope, leave me alone)

but, in any case, present!harrow doesn't know

let's remember the prologue begun with harrow doing something she shouldn't and yandere twin saying something like "was there something in those letters I don't know about?"

I'm just gonna have to throw my timeline in the trash and start over with multiple timelines for now

ALSO, I didn't say anything about it yet, but it's mentioned that harrow is "in love" with ice cube barbie

take that as you will

which is another joke gideon has made in the past and would be stellar in a commentary of this

and, talking about things gideon would be awesome at commenting

in the new ortus-inclusive (?) narrative, ortus is talking about the epic of Matthias Nonius, who we know because harrow has compared gideon to him in the past

and also there's is a comment made about how ortus looks down on people who read "prurient magazines or pamphlets"

I really need gideon confessionals commentary over here

she also says that "the ninth house character, she was forced to admit, had always been low on wild and confident fucks"

yeah, well, how about that

and we end with THE FLIMSY

lots of important flimsies in this

she finds a note that reads "THE EGGS YOU GAVE ME ALL DIED AND YOU LIED TO ME"

ortus says he can't read it

but, in any case,

that made me stop in my tracks because I was reminded I forgot about the writing on the walls of canaan house?????

I filed it under canaan house weirdness but then, it was never talked about?????? again????

also the paper gideon found with her name

which I assumed was addressing the other gideon that not!dulcinea mentioned knowing

but who tf knows at this point

who knows what time and space are anymore

time to leave it for today...this is getting wild, you guys

[bigfan-fanfic]

A Former Park Ranger and a Full Moon (Gender Neutral!Reader x Ryan Lucan)

Ryan Lucan with a cuddly werewolf s/o

body horror trigger with a transformation description - very short

"Are you sure you wanna stay tonight?"

"Of course! I wouldn't leave you now." Ryan chuckles. "Especially not now that we know you won't hurt me."

You sigh and kiss him, instinctively pushing your face into his neck and inhaling, the honey-and-citrus smell of his aftershave filling your nose.

"I would never hurt you."

"I know that," he answers easily. "But you have to admit, there's a difference between knowing that academically and having a six foot wolf looking at you."

"Fine. Point taken."

Ryan doesn't use his old forest cabin very much anymore, since he stopped being a park ranger after Gabe.

But it became a perfect cover for you each full moon. Because what's more natural than an outdoorsy man like Ryan taking you out camping once a month or so?

Besides, lately the wolf in you has become much more clingy. In the first times Ryan went out with you, you'd avoid him all night in wolf form, hunting and returning just before you reverted to your natural form.

But lately the wolf likes being around Ryan.

Maybe it comes from some kind of instinct to be around Ryan in your human life - like the wolf recognizes him as a mate of sorts.

But that also sounds like something out of a very raunchy fanfic and you'd like not to have it in your head when you turn.

"Do you think you'll be hungry tonight?" Ryan wonders. There's a freezer of meat at the cabin he can let thaw to feed you with so that you don't have to hunt and risk alerting some kind of environmental watch to your presence.

Maybe that's why the wolf has become so docile. Is your boyfriend literally domesticating you?

"I think I'll be okay." you mumble. Ryan smiles.

"We're almost there, hon."

He's practically carrying you into the cabin when you get there - the change is imminent.

"I think I see some whiskers already." Ryan chuckles, playfully sweeping his finger along your cheek before setting you down on the cushion.

You give a huge yawn and he grins, gently pulling a blanket over you and locking the door he couldn't before with his hands full of you.

The change is rapid, but not instant. Just long enough for him to hear the unpleasant sound of muscle and bone popping and rearranging and altering and re-fusing until the giant wolf take up most of the room.

"Hey, bud." Ryan chuckles, kneeling down and letting your wolf nuzzle him and smell the honey-and-citrus. It chuffs and nearly knocks him over to scent more and then playfully licks his face.

Ryan's pinned down but tries not to act like it, smacking your flank to get you to move off of him.

The wolf doesn't let him out of its sight, even when it rests its head on its paws and settles in the middle of the room. The moment he goes towards the kitchen, the wolf lets out a warning growl and pads over to keep watch.

Ryan just chuckles and quickly grinds up some meat with high antioxidant herbs that a wolf in the wild would probably consume for digestion - another benefit of having a former park ranger boyfriend as a wolf is that he's well aware of a natural wolf diet.

But once you've eaten and he's made something quick for himself, he finally hunkers down, stripping down to moisture wicking compression shorts and lying on the couch.

He gives a sigh. "Alright. Have at it."

The wolf gives a deep, sonorous bark and rears up, placing itself atop him and burying its snout in his neck.

He's able to wriggle his arms out so he can rub the wolf and not be fully trapped, but he's still pinned under dense fur and a huge animal, hence the compression shorts - it gets hot and sweaty under a wolf very quickly.

The wolf falls asleep fast, comforted by good food and being in close proximity to Ryan.

Ryan knows that you'll be restless and active tomorrow - unused energy from the wolf translating back over, but it's all worth it the moment you change back.

Because suddenly the dense fur and heavy weight is gone and he's cuddling his very human love, and happy for the more familiar weight and feel.

And you just look at him with so much love when you wake up human that he kisses you deeply and professes his love as though it were the first time all over again.

One of these full moons, your transformation may end with a ring...

[football-and-fanfics]

When I Let It Out - Mason Mount

Who: Mason Mount, Declan Rice Prompt: Hyperventilating Requested by: anonymous Word count: 644 Warnings: contains descriptions of panic attack and hyperventilating.

Mason wasn't one to easily talk about his feelings or emotions, never had been and still wasn't. Instead, he was used to keeping it all in and pushing it down. But at some point, in a big burst, everything spilled out. It always did.

Mason knew this wasn't the best way to go about things, and he should probably find a healthier way to deal with his emotions, but that was far easier said than done.

Today was such a day where he wasn't able to keep things in anymore. Mason instantly felt that once he stepped off the pitch after training today. He had witnessed one of his England teammates sustain a possibly serious injury, and ever since then, the foreboding tightness had settled in Mason's chest.

Mason stepped into the dressing room with the world feeling like a haze around him. The tightness in his chest only became worse, as if someone was pulling a belt tighter around him. He couldn't breathe normally anymore. Each inhale seemed to be blocked off and air could only reach his lungs in limited amounts. The familiar sense of panic that usually accompanied these episodes rose fast now.

"We're going in here for a moment."

Mason wasn't even aware at first of Declan appearing beside him and putting his arm around him to steer Mason into a side room. Declan closed the door behind the both of them to give Mason some privacy.

Mason almost gasped for breath now. "Take it easy, mate." Declan soothed. "Try to think about what you always do in these situations. You've done it before, and I know you can do it again now." Mason tried with all his might, but wasn't really succeeding yet. He stumbled over to the nearest wall and placed flat hands against it, leaning forward and bending his head low. No matter what he did, his breaths remained strained and high in his throat.

Declan watched Mason struggle silently for a little while. "Mase..." He finally started. The sadness for his friend sounded in his voice. "I'm alright," Mason answered softly, "I'll be alright." He seemed to have a little bit of breath back, although it was still far from normal. "I know that," Declan answered calmly, "but we do need to talk about this, please."

Mason slowly turned around, leaning his back against the wall now. He tried to keep the expression on his face neutral, but Declan saw through that right away. "This isn't good, mate," Declan said sadly. Mason meant to respond, but an involuntary gasp of breath took away his answer. He slowly shook his head instead. "Deep breaths," Declan guided, "try to take deep breaths."

Declan wished this was the first time he had to talk and support Mason through one of these episodes, but it wasn't. He knew exactly how Mason dealt with difficult or painful situations, how immensely hard he found that, and how his way of dealing with it surely wasn't the best way.

"I know what you want to say." Mason managed to get the words out. Declan nodded thoughtfully. "I'm sure you do." Mason took another shuddering breath. "Maybe it's time I start working on it." "I think so, too." Declan agreed. "Because this can't go on like this. This isn't healthy, mate."

Mason's breath caught high in his chest again. "But I'm scared of it." "Oh, Mase..." Declan stepped forward to rest his hands on Mason's shoulders. "That's what I'm here for. You don't have to do it alone. No matter how hard it gets, I'm going to be there for you."

Mason glanced up at his friend. The man whom he knew for basically all his life and who knew him so well. A sudden feeling of gratitude flooded through Mason. "Thank you," he whispered sincerely, "because I'm probably going to need the support."

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[frazzledsoul]

The early Gilmore Girls backstory about how much contact Rory had with Christopher makes no sense. Christopher fans and Lorelai detractors claim that she ran (thirty minutes) away and didn't tell Christopher where she went and he had no clue where she was for years....yet Rory recognized him when he shows up, he knows how to get to Stars Hollow, and we're told that Rory sees him on holidays. Only on holidays? Why, yes, because he has never visited Stars Hollow even though Rory has lived there for a decade and a half. I guess he just sees Rory in Hartford? Again, Stars Hollow is THIRTY MINUTES AWAY. This cannot be that hard.

We're also told that he calls once a week, which seems unusual given that he only sees Rory a few times a year and won't actually go near her house. That's the kind of arrangement you have with a parent you have semi-regular visits with, not someone you see twice a year and who (probably) doesn't pay a dime in child support. Yet when Lorelai is engaged to Max for an entire summer he doesn't know until right before the wedding. He's calling every week and it NEVER comes up? This seems unlikely. Then his number gets randomly disconnected and it turns out he moved across the country to settle down with Sherry and never gave Rory or Lorelai his new number. Again, he talks to them every week and he never mentioned he was thinking of doing this? All summer? Three months, twelve phone calls, it never comes up? And he doesn't tell them his new number until after the fact?

Then a few months later Christopher calls to ask if Rory can spend part of the holidays with him and Lorelai delays telling Rory about it (the one time she actively does anything to "keep" Rory from Christopher). Rory asks if Christopher has called Lorelai and mentions that he always checks in at this time of year. Okay, so he's not calling every week, then?

None of this makes any sense unless you figure "every week" is a gross exaggeration and maybe Christopher checks in every couple of months at the most. And to point it out once again: Lorelai tells Christopher in that first episode that the door's always been held open to Rory, he just hasn't tried to use it, and he agrees...she also tells Rory that Christopher is going to come and go as he pleases and they just have to deal with it (actually, you don't, not if you make him pay child support, have regular visits, and set some boundaries with him. But that's another issue).

[matthewkniesys]

late night driving - luke hughes

summary: bad weeks at uni mean good boyfriends trying to cheer you up. and luke was the very best boyfriend so of course you two went driving and got ice cream and watched the sunset to cheer you up.

a/n: this is a little fic i wrote from an anons request for luke hughes x zegras sister sneaking out to get ice cream. this takes place once they've started dating but in secret. its purely fluff and its just super cute!! hope you like it 🫶

pairing: luke hughes x zegras sister!reader

warnings: some swearing and talk of anxiety

Honestly, saying you had a shitty week felt like an understatement. You'd been back to Uni for a few weeks and you already felt like you were drowning. You'd been late to class 3 times this week, it rained and you fell into a puddle, one of your profs is horrible, you'd been so anxious everyday and to top everything off, between you and Luke being busy you hadn't gotten to see each other all week.

But it was finally Friday night and you were so excited to curl up on the couch, do nothing but watch shitty sitcoms and not move for hours. You made instant ramen, grabbed a blanket that still smelled like Luke from when he was at your dorm last weekend, and settled in. Your roommate was going out for the night so you had the whole room to yourself.

Your peace was interrupted 5 episodes into your binge. At this point it was 7 o'clock. It was too early for your roommate to be back but too late for someone uninvited to show up. And you sure as hell hadn't invited anyone.

You got off the couch, extremely pissed at the fact that anyone would dare interrupt your quiet Friday night. You feel a little different after you open the door though.

"Hey babe." Says a familiar voice when you open the door.

"Oh my god Luke. How did you know I needed you tonight?" You ask, jumping into your boyfriends arms.

"I always know...plus I could kinda guess from the very aggressive texts you've been sending me all week."

You laugh. "Yeah well my week has been less than perfect that's for sure." You lead Luke into your dorm and the two of you have a seat on your bed.

"Babe, tell me about it. Why was your week so bad?"

"I just- it was one bad event after another. Over and over again. I couldn't catch a break. From falling into a puddle to having coffee spilt on me to having a really shitty professor it felt like nothing was going right. And then I was just so anxious every single day. And I haven't felt this anxious in so long and I just didn't know how to deal with it." You take a deep breath. It feels good to let your feelings out to someone you trust.

Luke rubs your back. "I'm so sorry your week so shitty babe. I'm also sorry I couldn't have been there for you. I should've been I was just bu-"

You cut your boyfriend off. "You don't have to apologise Luke. I get it. Life is busy and you don't always have time."

"But I always want to have time for you. You are so important to me." You sit in silence for a few moments and then it's Luke who speaks first.

"Wanna go grab some ice cream? We could maybe even still have time to catch the sunset."

You smile. Luke always knows what you need. "Yeah, I'd love that." But also where does Jack think you are? He doesn't know we're dating yet and I know he's a little bit overprotective."

"Yeah, um I kinda snuck out. And he's probably blowing up my phone right now but I don't care. I'm an adult and I wanted to come see you." You smile up at Luke while he gets off the bed. You never thought you'd start falling in love with him this fast but yet here you were.

Luke grabs your hand and the two of you run down the hallway out to Luke's car. You hop into the passenger seat and Luke gets in and starts the car. As he's pulling away, he places a gentle hand on your thigh. You look over at him to see he has a content and peaceful smile on his face as he drives. It overbearing to think you have this kind of effect on him.

Luke parks at the curb and hand in hand, you walk into the ice cream shop. It's a cute little retro diner type place that just opened up a few weeks ago.

Luke, being the boring boy he is, orders plain vanilla while you get your favourite. Luke pays and you return to his car.

"Do you wanna go to the overpass and watch the sunset?"

Luke knows that, that's what you want to do so you just smile. On the drive you play music and Luke hums along while you go full out, pretending you're in a music video. He laughs, not quite sure how he was able to land an amazing person like you.

You arrive just in time. The sky is full of oranges, pinks and reds. Luke helps you up onto the hood of his car and two of you cuddle up, eat your ice cream and watch the setting sun.

When the sky is fully dark you get back in and start driving. You assume Luke will drop you back off at your dorm but all of a sudden you realise he's driving the wrong way.

"Luke are you trying to kidnap me? Where are we going?"

He picks up your hand from where it's resting on the console and kisses it.

"I have no clue babe, but I do know I'm not ready to end this night yet so let's keep driving and see where we end up, okay."

You Look at Luke with all the love in the world in your eyes.

"Okay."

thanks for reading🫶requests are always open!!

taglist: @woodruff-edwards @nicohischierz @makarhughes @cobrakaisb @huggy-hischier94 @boldysswld@cole-mcward48@kashee-h@kjohnson-91 @jackhues @corneliaskates @imma-mirrorball @hvghes @emptyflowerpots

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[a-la-campanella]

Lunar New Year post! To all who celebrate, may the new year be full of happiness for you!

I have many gripes about the writing for the High Cloud Quintet, but what I find the most fascinating about their fallout is where it places Jing Yuan, and where it will lead him into the future.

Baiheng is dead. She's gone, and while there is very strong evidence (nothing explicitly confirmed, but we're working with what we can get) pointing to traces of Baiheng in Bailu, part of the reincarnation process is acknowledging that Bailu is a whole other person separated from her past/any other life she may have lived and with different memories/experiences. The future is thus: she will be the next High Elder for the Xianzhou Luofu, and she's content with her position as a doctor and healer to those in need of treatment. She doesn't seem to have any big dreams, and what she has now is enough for her. As part of her duty and the expectations of her, she'll stay with the Xianzhou Alliance until she has to reincarnate. It doesn't matter if she one day grows to dream bigger, the choice is now robbed from her like it was from Dan Feng.

Dan Heng is content with his own life. He's suffered enough as it was when he was first born in this name, escaped the Luofu, running away from Blade across space, and made his way to forge a life he can call his own on the Astral Express. He has no need nor want to be shacked by his past, and he can live freely without the shadow of Dan Feng hanging over him. I'm curious where he'll be centuries down the line, given how long his expected lifespan is, and the lifespans of his companions being... probably nowhere as long. But until they part ways, Dan Heng will have them by his side. Of the current Express Crew, Pom-Pom would still be around, and maybe the Trailblazer too. Dan Heng might die and never reincarnate, or he might someday return to the Xianzhou Luofu again to settle down when it's his turn to return to an egg and be reborn anew once more. Given what he's like, I don't see him going out with mara.

Blade was Yingxing, and now he's Blade. Yingxing is dead in the sense that the person he used to be is no more, and now, Blade is just a blade. Mara haunts him in a way that tortures him, and he'll take the path Elio promises if it'll grant him freedom. Living for so long is his punishment/price, and death will be a mercy. He'll die one day, I'm sure, though I'm fairly confident that day will be far off, too. He has the Stellaron Hunters to keep him company for now, and if Elio delivers his promise, Blade will see his peace in the end with them. After the events on the Luofu, I think it's safe to say his arc will conclude with him moving on from chasing a past that no longer wants him, and breaking free—accepting a certain finality—in what has passed, and what will come (his death).

Jingliu is the only other character besides Jing Yuan to keep her name from those times, but she's mara-stricken like Blade and has her own agenda now. She has no personal attachments anymore to anyone from her High Cloud Quintet days, not even her own disciple Jing Yuan, nor does she display interest in associating with them now. She'll pass one day like Blade, I'm sure. They may not go out the same way though; regardless, I don't expect her to do much even if she does live on after her role has been fulfilled (to participate in the war/"game" against Yaoshi and end the abominations of Abundance once and for all).

Jing Yuan was, and still is, shaped by the people around him. The person he was when the High Cloud Quintet was around isn't the same person he is now, but in some ways, he still shares that identity. He's fond of Dan Heng and still cares about Baiheng (now assumed to be Bailu). Jing Yuan used to dream of being a Galaxy Ranger touring the universe in the name of justice, and instead took to rising the ranks in the Cloud Knights, learning to protect what's left of his home on the Luofu, and becoming a leader who valiantly fights for peace. I'm not quite sure how he'll go out. Maybe in battle, against the Abundance; or maybe Yanqing, trained to surpass him, will be called to cut him down; or maybe he'll retire peacefully, spending his days peeling tangerines and basking under the Sun, until he's older and more gray, and one day, gone.

And it's just so interesting to me, because Jing Yuan is so kind, and it does not make him worse off. Unlike Blade and Jingliu, he doesn't let the mara consume him, and focuses on his happiness instead of the despair. His grief is quiet, he carried the weight of a world on his shoulders, but he still finds the time to take in a disciple and teach him the way of the sword, to visit the doctor who reminds him of an old and dear friend, and to make way for banter with his next-in-line. He's outlived the rise and fall of civilizations during that time, alone and not-alone, surrounded by the people he had and has now, and may live long enough to outlive several more.

Everyone has moved on from those years together, and their pasts may connect, but their futures all lead in vastly different directions. I'm sure Jing Yuan has lamented over the past before, but centuries have gone by since. Many things in the world have changed now, and he lives his own life, too. They all do.

Where am I going with this? Who knows. Happy Lunar New Year to all who celebrate and to Jing Yuan especially. As Yanqing might say: 恭喜发财（红包拿来）。

May your red envelopes be packed with extra money so Yanqing can buy that new and fancy dragon-themed sword.

[sweetflanfiction]

smutty ABCs

Author's Notes: Sorry nonny I am not a very good smutty writer (go over to @proseinborderland side of tumblr, she now has the smutty ABC's requests open!)

But, I am sort of good with fluff, so...how about SFW ABC's for Chishiya? I don't know where the original template came from, but if anyone knows please tell me so I can credit them!

Acknowledgements: @proseinborderland because she reviewed this when it was just a tiny baby and let me adopt some of her great writing into some of the headcannons.

~~ Fluff/ SFW ABC's headcannon's for Chishya ~~

A = Affection. How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?

Chishiya's love language is definitely "acts of service". You would never have to ask for anything to be made or taken care of. He would show you that he cares more than he tells you.

If he had a morning shift, you'd wake up with half of the breakfast done and a note "just heat it up." 

B = Best friend. What would they be like as a best friend? How would friendship start?

It would start as a competition to out-sass each other. Sarcasm would be your language and he would answer you in kind. If you were ever in an unpleasant mood he would bring you cookies and a cheeky remark about something that would make you roll your eyes. You would never know how he figured out you were sad/angry but he'd know.

Even though his ways of reading you were mysterious, you would slowly begin to understand him. After some time you could read his micro expressions like a book. Small twitches of his eyes, eyebrow raised, and mouth curling begin to translate into language.

C = Cuddles. Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?

Chishiya isn't much of a cuddler. Whenever you're sitting down next to each other he'll relax and place a hand on your leg or an arm around your shoulder. But if you put your head on his legs or his shoulder, he would gently stroke your hair. He'd get as far as giving you a small kiss on the crown of your head. 

On the other hand, and even though he doesn't tell you this, he adores it when you wrap your hands around his waist. This is when you gently move his head to your shoulder. He is usually relaxed around you but when he is on the receiving end of cuddling, he silently melts.

D = Domestic, do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?

Chishiya would clean, do the dishes, make the beds even go as far as disappear into the bathroom for a while and clean it top to bottom. However, he wouldn't cook full meals. He can cook anything that is quick. A mid-afternoon snack and breakfast are his favorite meals. Dinner and lunch though? He avoids that like the plague. Even though he is always in the kitchen with you, and he helps with whatever there is to do, you will not catch him in the kitchen cooking dinner by himself.

I think he'd settle down, but definitely not marry. Chishya's childhood put a big stop sign on marriage. He doesn't need a paper to have you as his partner forever. If anything, in his opinion, that would be forcing both of you to settle down and to him forcing anyone to do that is a no.

E = Ending. If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?

"We're done" walks away.

F = Fiance(e), how do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?

He will commit to you, but he will not ask you to marry him. At some point in your relationship he will ask you to move in together and that's when you know you have him for life. He would give you some trinket to wear, something small, probably without much value other than sentimental. A small ring or a pendant for a necklace, nothing flashy, something that he would know you have.

G = Gentle. How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?

Chishiya is a bit emotionally stunted. As much as he tries to be less abrasive with you he will occasionally just blurt anything that comes to his mind about a particular thing you did. It hurts you at first that he can sometimes feel distant, but over time you notice he tries to say what's on his mind more gently. 

Physically he is surprisingly gentle. He never grabs you roughly, even if you are fighting. Whenever he touches you, he is never forceful. It surprised you at first how sharp and rough his mind was, yet his fingertips were so soft and gentle with you.

H = Hugs. Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?

He will let you hug him and he will hug you back every time you do it, but he won't initiate a hug. He will place his hands on your hips and touch your foreheads though.

I = I love you. How fast do they say the L-word?

Chishyia shows his love, but he doesn't say it. Whenever you tell him "I love you", he'll reply to you, especially if he knows you need to hear it. 

Occasionally, he will say it at the most random times and places. Getting up the stairs to your house? Say it. When you're grocery shopping? Said it. Mid-movie session? Said it. It will always leave you with a surprised expression.

J = Jealousy. How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?

Chishiya is the jealous type, but not to the point of being noticeable or distrusting you. If he notices another person looking at you he will stand slightly closer, or place a hand on your shoulder. Whoever was looking at you though will be on the receiving of a very telling eyebrow raise and tilt of the head.

K = Kisses. What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?

Chishiya is very unfamiliar with physical acts of love, so he is always pleasantly surprised when you kiss him out of the blue. Whenever he leaves for the hospital and you kiss him goodbye he always does a small pause until his brain processes the kiss.

He will kiss you though, quick and soft pecks on the nearest patch of skin he can find. And if he finds a ticklish spot he will kiss you again and you can feel him grin into your skin.

L = Little ones, how are they around children?

"Just no." And walks away. (Comes back with a cat and/or a puppy "that's as far as I go.")

M = Morning. How are mornings spent with them?

He'll either be there or not, depending on if he has to work morning shifts. When he's there, he's just snoring softly next to you, his belly on the mattress, his hair tangled, and one arm securing you to him. Whenever you try to move he squeezes your midsection and turns his head.

Sometimes he'll wake up before you and just sit on the bed reading the news on a tablet waiting for you to wake up too.

N = Night. How are nights spent with them?

Whether Chishiya is tired from the hospital or not, he will find time to do something with you at night. Sometimes it will be watching a movie with a zero effort plot (otherwise you will hear him scoff at every plot hole or dumb decision made). Sometimes he'll ask you to play a board game, but what he really enjoys is just sitting down on the floor with you, hearing the sounds of the city outside without doing anything.

O = Open. When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?

Chishiya will drop some bombs about his youth when you least expect it. You may be doing something mundane and he'll blurt out a memory he has from his childhood, which ultimately makes you understand some of his behavior about certain things.

You once tried getting him to tell you more, but it only made him shrug his shoulders and shut down the conversation. So now, whenever he does drop a bit of info you nonchalantly try to get more from him. Sometimes it works, and although he seems unaffected by some of the things he says, you know it hurts him to remember.

P = Patience. How easily angered are they?

On the outside he seems like the most patient man on the face of the earth, but you can tell when he is about to lose it. It's a twitch of his brow that gives him away.

To you he has the patience of a saint, he'll put up with most of what you ask or say, it's usually other people that are the problem. And depending on who it is, you'll gently squeeze his arm to give him some of your own patience. Or you'll let it be and see how far it takes him to blurt out something obnoxously disapproving.

Q = Quizzes, how much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?

Chishiya will remember everything about you and your habits. For better or worse, he will know something you've only told him in passing once before. At first, it can be a bit creepy how well he remembers every tiny thing. Things you only mentioned briefly to him in passing. It's also sweet because sometimes he will do something because of his attentive memory.

R = Remember, what is their favorite moment in your relationship?

Probably when you called him out for wanting to be with you, but not telling him about it.

In a blink of an eye, after you finished your rant, he had pulled you against him and showed you exactly how much you meant to him. He's not a very frequent kisser, but when he does, he does it well.

He'll remember you both standing at the bus stop with you looking absolutely pissed off at him. This is because he had shown you what/who that date you had last week was doing this week. 

"Something bothering you?" He asked.

"You're bothering me." You told him.

"I can leave…" He teased me.

"Stop Shuntaro." You turned to him. "You showed me what you wanted to show me, but you haven't told me why."

"You need to know."

"You needed me to know, but not out of the goodness of your heart Shuntaro! You needed me to know, because you needed me to be available to you whenever you want! You like me! I know it and you know it! But you don't have the balls to tell me yourself! So stop being an asshole and grow some? Tell me you like me, so I can stop going on all of these dates with people who clearly aren't up to my standards."

S = Security. How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?

Chishiya won't be clingy or controlling, but you do know that whenever you two are anywhere, he'll always have a watchful eye on you. If he even thinks you might be uncomfortable with anything, he'll be by your side. If you're not in sight, he will text you and ask if everything is OK. If you ever answer no, he will come for you no matter where you are.

And, even though he won't come out and say it, he thoroughly loves whenever you place a hand in his arm and squeeze. This is just to tell him you are there for him and you will kick someone's ass for him.

T = Try. How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?

Chishiya puts a lot of effort into the relationship. He knows he is not the most bearable or easy person to live with or to have a relationship with. Therefore, he'll try to make you feel appreciated and loved. Even if it's very foreign for him to take you on a romantic date, he'll do it and it will be the most romantic thing you'll ever see.

His gifts, however, are always small, subtle, and have no monetary value. Even though he may have money to spend, he values sentimental trinkets more than anything. 

U = Ugly, what would be some bad habits of theirs?

Shutting himself out. Sometimes when a day doesn't work his way or if he's in an unfavorable mood he will shut everything out. It doesn't matter how much you try to make small talk or make him do something, he won't budge no matter what you do. He'll grab his tablet or a book and you won't hear from him until he has figured out whatever he needs to figure out.

To others though, you've seen him be downright cruel with his words, so much so that you gave him a piece of your mind when you two were alone.

V = Vanity. How concerned are they with their looks?

If it's white, gray or black, he'll wear it. Tennis shoes and hoodies are his go-to items, though he also has a very extensive and monochromatic wardrobe.

Now, his hair is another beast. When you met he had his hair bleached to the bone and it looked good on him. However, you noticed when he stopped bleaching it soon after he met you, letting his black hair come through. When you asked him why he did that he just told you he didn't need to be that person anymore, that he was comfortable now to be himself.

W = Whole. Would they feel incomplete without you?

Chishiya wouldn’t feel completely lost without you, but he would feel like something was missing. It's the little things he notices more than having a big hole in his existence.

In the long run, he will realize how cold the sheets are; how the night doesn't sound so relaxing without you. He will pause whenever he enters the house and you're not there sitting on the couch watching something. The fact that he leaves the house without giving you a kiss on the head starts to bother him as time passes by.

X = Xtra, a random headcanon for them.

Chishiya is an observer. He will watch you do stuff and commit it to memory, even if it won't be useful in the future.

He will be cleaning the dishes and looking at you putting them away, burning into his brain how careful you are with the glasses. If he's helping you cook, he will be stirring a pot and leaning against the counter. He will be looking at you cutting the veggies with a focused look on your face. He will remember how you will start to cut them perfectly and then lose your patience and do it faster. He'll watch you as you sip your tea and he will store in his memory how you smiled at the sweet flavor of the warm drink.

Y = Yuck, what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?

Chishiya does not tolerate lies, especially from his partner. Little, insignificant lies don't hold much weight with him, although big lies are deal breakers. Cheating is the hard line he will never forgive. He will tell you that you are more than free to go and leave him for someone else as long as you leave him. He tells you, in a very casual manner, that he is too intelligent not to figure out if there is cheating involved.

Z = Zzz, what is a sleep habit of theirs?

Chishiya doesn't sleep much, but when he does, he enters into a coma. 

You know from years of experience that there are only two things that can wake him up, the sound of his alarm going off or direct sunlight to his eyes. Sometimes, you wish he could be the kind of guy that could wake up with your kisses; but no, he will sigh happily and pull you closer, but he will not wake up. Even if you promise him a good time, he still won't budge from his slumber.

--..--

Thank you for reading!

[max-the-many]

Start here:

('body a day' #12: six)

#4

So it worked! Or at least I felt like beeing a whole lot closer to it. The calamity of the moment really seemed to help, although I was pretty confident that the energy was there before aswell.

I wanted more! I wanted to understand it! Although that cute guy, Neill, by the way, was pretty neat, I couldn't help but think of ways to explore my possibilities further. 

And as I ventured ways to do it I came up with an idea. But first, I really needed some time to settle a bit, so after finding some money in my pocket I treated myself with a little breakfast at a Café.

My idea was to go to a sauna. Chill environment, rarely many people. It was perfect! Or at least I hoped so. I frequently went for it ever since I tried it out years ago. So I headed towards the one near my flat, fortunate to have enough money left for it.

At that time it shouldn't be that crowded. Non the less I really felt my nerves going there, scanning each guy walking bye, even some girls, wondering how it'd feel like beeing them and even wondering, if there was others, looking at crotches, pecs, jawlines, movement in a very different way.

When I arrived I almost trembled at the checkin' as if at any point someone could catch me, know, what I was up to. Suddenly every look made me feel like they knew, they could see in my eyes, that I wasn't the guy they we're looking at.

So I was totally in my head when I ended up in the lockers, undressed and put the towel around my hips. Things did really come to me. To do my experiments in private was one thing, to confront myself out and about was on a totally different level. Or at least it felt like that now.

Slowly I got myself steady again. It wasn't as busy at the lockers either, so I found myself standing infront of the mirror, taking the view of that cute boy in for the first time since I left my neighbor so suddenly. He was such an eyesight. How his lean body moved with every breath, jis smooth chest, his probably very cute ass which I didn't examine at that point not to raise extra attention, although probably nobody wpuld have really cared. Or at least not in the way I was worried about.

I took a last inhale before I headed to the sauna area. It wasn't that big as it was mainly a part of the gym, consisting of three dry rooms with various temperatures, a diving pool and a cool down area.

I entered the first room randomly in deep need of just some space to get out of my head. It was empty, so I found a spot and tried to give my mind a rest. With every breath images emerged, bodies, sensations from the last days, weeks even since I found that orb, since I merged with it so intuitively as if my body was waiting for it, my soul, my self.

I got calmer, focused on my breath, the heat, ion the sweat building up on my body, that boyish body that wasn't that far from my own.

Eventually I circled back to my original plan. I felt ready. So I got up, out of the empty room, heading to the others. The locker room, as far as I could tell through the frosted glass doors, still wasn't that busy. But when I peaked into the tjird room there was somebody lying on the upper of three levels.

When I entered, I saw an older, daddyish guy, relaxing with closed eyes. His moderately hairy body really was quite well in shape, his front leg up so I couldn't see his otherwise uncovered manhood.

After a moment of entrance I devicided to sit right infront of him. This moment was as good as any.

So I sat down, tried to collect myself, trying to remember the feeling I had back infront of the couch. I started breathing deeper, my hands on my thighs, closed my eyes and focused on my body, my breath, the heat, the drops of sweat running along my skin.

But as soon as I started to feel myself stronger, I felt motion behind me.

It was the guy, bringing himself in an upright position. I looked up, nodded. And he repliedcbefore he got up to leave.

Well, bad timing, I thought. So I stayed. If it was the fact that I sat directly infront of him in an empty sauna, it would help following anyway.

I stayed calm, injoyed the heat, waited for my turn. And after a while, the door opened again. A lanky dude entered, longish hair. Why not, I thought.

He positioned himself across the small room, put his towel on the middle level and layed down. An opportunity as good as any.

So I focused again. This time noticably quicker, looked up once to see the guy closing his eyes.

Warmth, sweat, breathing in and out, my pulsing heart, the lifting chest. And there it was, small bzt noticable, that soecial kind of warmth, of energy, growing, expanding. And I was taking my time, trying to contain the rush, even expanding tome, space for it to develop naturally. And it did! Grew into my head, spreading tongle all across my body, making me almost dizzy.

But as soon as I felt it almost ready, almost burting through my chest I teared my eyes open, my pulse raising, my breath getting heavy, my mind screaming for help!

This is too much! My body, that body, I had to get out! So I grabbed my towel, pushed me up from the seat and rushed to the door, peering to that guy.

It was so close! That energy felt so strong! And I stumbled out, across the room towards the lockers without thinking, opening the door, already feeling better out of the heat, still feeling that glow in my chest, and as my eyes caught the sight of someone standing infront of the lockers my hand dove into my chest to return in sight with that glowing orb, headlessly aimong for that person, hand forst until I lost my conciousness...

---

My head pulsed when I returned, feeling tense, sitting on a bench. I lifted my hand to my forehead. It felt different, that I noticed right away, just before I realised something sitting on top of it. I opemed my eyes to see girthy thighs. Definately not the ones from cute Neill.

I looked around. Where was he! Still dizzy it took a moment until I saw him right besides me on the floor.

"Oh shit" I worried before going down to him.

"Are you OK!?"

Images of my own body appeared immediately. Not again! I felt his head. No blood. Felt his chest. It seemed to move.

Every inch of me begged for him to be ok. This sweet, pleasant boy! Enough that I took advantage of him!

I got closer, resting on my knees, turning him onto my thighs, covering his intimates with the towel he was still holding on to.

"He, talk to me" I gently stated, noticing my new, deeper voice. What body had I ended up in? I couldn't really make it out as I was hardly able to find my way before. The thighs though looked pretty promising.

But enough of that, I commanded myself. That boy needed to be save! I really couldn't bare it if I had caused any harm on him.

"Neill!" I spoke again, hardly aware of the fact, that knowing his name could really cause irritation. But whatever! He probably wasn't aware of anything anyways.

Then... a twitch on his eyes. This time, I kept myself from saying hus name again.

"Where..."

"Are you ok?"

He opened his eyes.

"I guess so" he replied faintly. "Who... "

"You just bursted out from that door!" I stated truthfully. But keeping myself out of this instantly made me feel the guilt, that I had. But what was I supposed to do. It wouldn't help anybody in any way.

I tried to help him stand up as he merely managed to keep the towel in place.

"I guess I... was in the sauna" he tried to make sense of all. "Puh... it really must have gotten into my head"

"Seems like it" I confirmed, relieved, that it seemed to start coming together for him. Or at least I hoped. "Better sit down for now"

It really felt awful to see him like that and made me think of my neighbour, and the guy on the beach... how did all of that affect them?

I turned to the locker, trying to act normal. Was that guy arriving or leaving? I just now realized that I only wore a cap and some pretty short shorts. The look down also revealed what appeared to be a beast of a body.

I grabbed the phone I saw in the open locker. No lock. What a relieve.

"See u at 10" I noticed a message. Seems like he just arrived.

But I didn't feel like seeing anybody like that at all. Plus I really craved seeing what body I ended up in. So I looked for a mirror and headed towards it after a quick check on the other guy. He still sat on the bench behind me, looking pretty wrecked but quite ok other than that.

So I went for the mirror. And what a sight it granted. The guy I literally crashed into was a hell of a beast, forcing a big chuckle to raise on his angled jawline.

"Not bad at all!" I let his voice sound again, feeling his neatly trimmed beard, marveling at his hefty pumped arm while moving it.

I couldn't help but snap a pic with his phone when I noticed Neill trying to get up.

I rushed towards him "Easy man! Don't overdo it! You really seem pretty challenged"

"All good. I already feel better" he stated, keeping his hand on the forehand while still having trouble keeping himself umright.

"Maybe you should lay down" I suggested, already starting to get him towards the door to the sauna. He didn't fight it so I managed to get him to one of the loungers in the cool down area.

He seemed rather ok there, so I left, not without slight worries, but I convinced myself that he'd be fine...

Next part:

[vickyvicarious]

He has certain qualities very largely developed; selfishness, secrecy, and purpose. I wish I could get at what is the object of the latter. He seems to have some settled scheme of his own, but what it is I do not yet know.

While there's no such thing as an unbiased description of Renfield in Seward's words, these specific qualities being pinpointed as 'very largely developed' is really interesting when you're considering the way the Renfield+Seward dynamic parallels to Jonathan+Dracula.

Because on the one hand, Dracula very much has very largely developed qualities of selfishness, secrecy, and purpose. And Jonathan is in a similar position to Seward here of reacting to/trying to figure out his ultimate aim, as well as his latest scheme every time Dracula acts. (Also, Seward trying to figure out 'what kind of mad' Renfield is could align with Jonathan trying to figure out 'what kind of monster' Dracula is.) So in that way we're already seeing the Renfield-Dracula, Seward-Jonathan parallels. That ending line of this entry, where Seward agrees to Renfield's request and then thinks to himself that he must watch him, that could be taken straight from Jonathan dealing with Dracula.

But of course, the power dynamics here are completely flipped. Where Jonathan agrees to Dracula's requests, it's because he can't afford to do otherwise. Seward is the one who holds all the power in this entry, his only motive for agreeing is curiosity on what Renfield will do. That's more like Dracula giving Jonathan warnings/taunts and seeing if he will follow through - especially with the link to Seward questioning to the point of cruelty, trying to keep him "to the point of his madness" from his last entry. That's a very Dracula move, and while Seward at least recognizes and feels bad about it after the fact the impulse is still there. Renfield making the request for more time at all, thinking through Seward's 'expostulations' without getting angry, is more like Jonathan than Dracula any day. He, too, is playing to his audience - but instead of being a "good guest", he's using the role of "intriguing case study" to further his own ends. Renfield-Jonathan, Seward-Dracula parallels are definitely here as well. Both captives are trying to manipulate their captors or play a role for them, and both captors are aware but interested enough to keep interacting with them regardless. After all, Jonathan is certainly secretive and acting with purpose whenever possible, and from Dracula's perspective maybe his efforts to escape are even 'selfish'. (Also, saying Renfield is selfish in particular is quite interesting given Seward's musing on selfishness in his last entry. He called him "a possibly dangerous man, probably dangerous if unselfish. In selfish men caution is as secure an armour for their foes as for themselves." Basically, by calling him selfish here he is continuing to think that Renfield can be managed by his sense of self-preservation, which also seems a very Dracula-considering-Jonathan thought to me.) How they come across, and who we sympathize with, is somewhat down to perspective and of course to goals.

Renfield's goals are still unclear, and at least for now we're stuck in Seward's perspective, unable to hear his own thoughts except when he is speaking to the person in charge of keeping him locked up in the asylum (and thus, potentially all tinged by an act as are Jonathan's words to Dracula). So that tends towards the R-D, S-J parallels being more immediately apparent, and I certainly think it's probably more intended for us to care more about our heroes/narrators, but both sides are definitely there from the start.

[theblobmaster]

chanlix in retrospective

so i've been watching old skz content for the first time and i have thoughts specifically about how chanlix is shown. this isn't necessarily about shipping, but it's also a big part of how kpop groups are promoted by their companies so it also kinda is.

first up the survival show:

1. - jype really just handed chris felix and said here he's your responsibility now. we find out in the second episode that felix moved into the same dorm as chris as soon as he landed in korea. him having been living in the dorm with chris, jisung and jeongin for 8 months when the other guys move in.

and i do think that was pretty intentional, chan has said that he knew felix was coming to the company beforehand, so jype probably sat him down and was like we have another aussie boy joining, help him settle into the company and communicate with others.

which no wonder they ended up close if that was the case.

2. - they barely interact throughout the entire show. the only time we really see them together are very short 2 second clips from their selcams where they're joking. when they're out and about they constantly seem to be in close vicinity of each other, yet we never really see them speak? it's weird.

3. - then we have episode 8 with felix's elimination. where we still don't really see them interact in the first half. we do get chan saying that he's worried about how felix will do, but not much else. then he gets eliminated and we're shown chan being devastated over it. it's a completely different reaction to when minho was eliminated.

side note - the footage taken during and after minho's elimination is some of the most invasive i've seen in a long time. it made me deeply uncomfortable to watch. idk if they got backlash from it but i was so happy to see that they turned it down for felix's elimination.

back to felix and chan: the entire band is crushed, but chan is visibly more upset than the last time. it might be because he has now lost two members of the group he put together and the collective loss makes it harder for him to hold it together but the line,

"always find me, yeah? i'm not gonna leave you behind"

is not something you say to someone you're not deeply attached to. and up until now we've had no indication they're close at all? it's so left field from how they're portrayed the rest of the time. and of course we have chan breaking down in the solo interview shot, blaming himself. and that's on par and he also did that when minho got eliminated. tho not as visibly emotionally distraught.

in the montage of felix with the members we get 1 (one) clip with chan and they're not even interacting, chan is just looking fondly at felix while he plays around. we see more clips of felix with minho who at that point is not in the band.

there were multiple clips of chan and minho during his montage. (also with minho surprisingly clingy and affectionate towards chan) chan and felix cannot have interacted that little for them to have no footage of them at all.

4. - when felix and minho gets their second chance and the other find out, we only see chan interact with minho (not a lot) and welcome him back. the closest we get to him acknowledge is him staring at the whole group celebrating.

In the studio when felix and minho join the other seven members to record, felix beelines to sit beside chan and he does so throughout the session. even after he went in to record and got back. yeah we never even see them look at each other much less talking.

5. - and then there was the final, which was broadcasted live...

yeah, chan gives felix comforting touches on multiple occasions throughout the ments and when they're just standing. more importantly is, it does not look awkward or forced, it looks like something he's used to. felix doesn't react as if it's something new either, it also clearly settles him more.

when it's announced they're gonna debut as nine members, felix once more beelines to chan and crashes into him so hard they stumble away from the group and spends quite a good few moments standing so far apart from the group hug the members are doing. it's almost as if they were told they'll debut as a duo and the others as a group. it's a tight hug, it's a hug between people who know and love each other a lot.

they at some point join the others and then when jyp is on his way down to congratulate them on his own decision, you see felix and chan in another tight hug just the two of them. felix breaks it off when he sees jyp approach them.

and again in the end when the camera zooms out and captures the entire stage, the two are in another tight hug just the two of them. and i mean they're clinging to each other.

i think after the last one you see them in a group hug with one other member, when chan is clutching the other two close.

end note for this show - i haven't watched any of the extra clips they uploaded seperate from the official show yet, so i don't know if they interact more there, but i would've been so goddamn confused if i was a viewer back when it first aired with none of the knowledge i have of their relationship now.

at no point do the show indicate these two members are close and yet we get an extreme declaration from chan after felix is eliminated and when they get to debut together they're clinging to each other? with how they edited felix and his relationships, you would've thought he would be clinging to changbin.

they really went in hard on the changlix on this show, and i'm not trying to discredit how close those two are, but it was a really obviously a choice made by the showrunners to focus on their relationship.

i've been in the kpop fandom for a long time and it's not unusual for a company to push a specific 'ship', scarily aware of how much shipping goes on and how much money they can earn from it. it happens less so with newer groups than back when i started getting into kpop, but it still happens. and funnily enough normally chan and felix would've been the perfect fit. two boys far from home, but they can find solace in each other, and oh they're also from the same city, maybe they've crossed paths without knowing before ect ect. people tend to eat that shit up and companies are aware of that.

so why is it, that from the get go we're almost never shown that? why did the jype take that decision? it's really fucking confusing.

i'm probably gonna do more of these when i go through their other shows. because my brain has decided these two are the hyperfixation for now.

[lythea-creation]

Caught on Camera - Shams x fem reader (Chapter 4)

Chapter 1

Previous Chapter

warnings: none

word count: 833

-----------------------

“Hey (f/n)! Do you have any plans for tonight?”, Nadeen asked me on our way to class.

“No, why? You wanna hang out?”, I assumed.

“Kind of. I'm going to Omar's birthday party and you have to come along”, she requested.

“Omar as in Tasneem's boyfriend and Shams' brother Omar?”, I reassured.

“Exactly! He's actually pretty cool and some others from our class are gonna be there. But I'd just feel so much better if you were coming too” she proposed.

“I dunno, Nadeen. It's probably gonna end up in drama. And I don't really get along with Shams”, I considered.

“I thought you two had made up”, she recalled.

“Yeah, kinda. That doesn't mean we like each other all of a sudden”, I pointed out.

“Come on! We never really go out. It could be fun”, she tried persuading me further.

“Fine”, I agreed with a sigh.

“Yes”, she rejoiced. “Want me to pick you up?”

“Definitely. There's no chance I coming there alone. I'm not even invited”, I reminded her.

“Well. I invited you. I bet Omar won't mind”, she supposed.

“Whatever”, I brushed it off. “Wait! What am I gonna wear?”

I groaned.

“I'm sure you're gonna find something”, Nadeen encouraged me.

We had finally arrived in class and moved to our seats.

It did not take long until Miss Abeer started the class.

“Good morning, girls! Today you're going to do a partner project”, she announced.

Suddenly everyone began mumbling, deciding who was going to work together. Nadeen and I sent each other a glance as a sign to work together as well.

“Quiet”, Miss Abeer demanded. “You're not getting to pick your partner this time. Each of you is going to take one piece of paper. Then you need to find the matching number on it. And no switching or you're going to fail immediately.”

Instead of mumbling there were several groans resounding in the classroom now.

Reluctantly I picked a piece of paper and opened it up.

Everyone was already looking for their partner, some showing the number on their paper with their fingers.

It felt like my own fate was challenging me when I realized that I had ended up with Shams. Seriously! Was my life a freaking drama show or what?

“Guess we're stuck together once again”, I declared to her.

“Seems like it”, she shot back, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

For a second I considered talking about the birthday party with her, but decided against it. She would find out soon enough that I was coming as well.

I settled down at Shams desk and read the task.

Despite my initial reluctance I had to admit that I could have gotten way worse partners than Shams. She was working diligently and always asking for my opinion.

Yet we did not manage to finish on time.

“Guess we'll have to meet up then”, she suggested. “Wanna come over to my place this weekend? Can't today though.”

Of course she could not invite me over on her brothers birthday. She just did not know that I knew.

“Sure”, I agreed. “Just text or call me when you have time.”

I wrote my number down and handed it to her.

“I will”, she remarked.

“What is it with you and Shams that you always end up together?”, Nadeen wondered when we were eating lunch.

“I wish I knew”, I mumbled.

“How was working with her?”

“Actually great”, I confessed. “It didn't even feel like work to be honest. More like a fun research project together.”

“So Shams isn't that bad after all?”, Nadeen challenged me.

Her raised brow and the smirk she was wearing were giving me the urge to defend myself. But I could not. There was nothing I could resonate with.

“Yeah, maybe”, I admitted. “I don't even know why I want to hate her so much.”

“Ever considered that you actually like her?”, Nadeen proposed.

“What? How does that even make any sense?”, I shot back.

“Fear of rejection? Shams doesn't come along with a lot of people because she's so different. And she won't change herself to fit in. Maybe you're scared she won't accept you if you committed to it”, she resonated.

“That's ...” I wanted to say ridiculous, but that would be unreasonable. “Actually a likely possibility”, I realized defeated.

“I didn't mean to reflect myself on such a deep level, Nadeen”, I whined, which earned me a laugh from her side.

“Does it change anything though?”, she wondered.

“I dunno”, I stated.

“You could try and talk to her at the party”, Nadeen suggested.

“Thanks for making me even more anxious about coming”, I replied sarcastically.

“You're welcome”, she teased me. “Can't wait to see what you'll do.”

----------------------

Next Chapter

Since I'm so grateful to have yall as my readers, I decided to upload this chapter today as well. I hope you all like it.

Tag List: @sunwoniie

[justwearthegoddamncardigan]

All in two days - Part 4

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | full masterlist on pinned post

Newt x gender neutral!reader

Set a few days after Part 3, with the group settled in the Safe Haven already

Warnings: nightmares, language (Glader slang and normal swearing)

"So, new kid." Brenda sits beside you from where you're stretched out on a blanket on the beach. "Thoughts on the fight?"

"Kid? You know, we're probably the same age. I might even be older than you." You shoot her a grin.

She laughs. "All of you Maze people seem younger though. Different world experience. Oh, wait. You weren't there right?"

"Yep, lived in the Scorch just like you."

"Ah, I remember you now. You're the one Newt was all crazy about."

You control your expression, shoving down the fluttering in your stomach. "What do you mean?"

"He kept insisting that we go back for someone in the Scorch, after we found the Right Arm."

She snorts, "Was almost ready to throw hands when Jorge said there was no point going back for one person."

"Oh," you look down and self-consciously brush some sand off your legs.

Brenda looks at you suspiciously. "What, you guys dating or something?"

You shake your head. "Nah, it's not like that. He doesn't- We're not together."

"Oh. Well it's not my business, but it seemed like he..." she shrugs.

"Anyway," says Brenda. "Are you in for the fight?"

Lately, the Right Arm has been planning missions to rescue the other children WCKD still has.

Even though Lawrence's rebels attacked the Last City, WCKD is still standing, and they've continued shipping Immunes around for their research. Ava Paige and Janson are still alive too.

Because of all that, the Right Arm has been recruiting people from the Safe Haven who want to fight and help with the mission.

"You know," says Brenda. "You're all allowed to opt out on this one. You've already been through a lot, and it's more than reasonable for you to stay here."

You sigh deeply. "Yeah, we know." You turn your gaze to her. "But we're all in."

"Really?"

"Yeah. None of us have ever really been able to back away from a fight; especially Thomas."

"Although," you add, "My sister is definitely staying here. No way in hell am I sending Elle into a fight."

Brenda nods, smiling. "Well then, come join the meetings when you're ready."

⭒----⭒

You're having dinner one day when someone brings it up again.

"Hey," says Thomas casually. "How're things with you and Newt?"

You put down your fork and give him a look.

"I'm just asking," he protests.

You turn to Teresa for support, but she shrugs apologetically. "I kinda want to hear it too," she admits.

There's no one else at the table to stop this conversation, and you roll your eyes. "Why do people keep asking that?" you say exasperatedly.

"It's just- we all know you two had a thing," says Thomas. "But now you're just both flirty and sad at the same time, and someone has to do something about it."

You frown. "We're not flirty and sad."

"You are." Teresa leans forward. "You're both so in love it's borderline exhausting, but you're also so stubborn and no one has made a single move yet."

"I literally saw the two of you cuddling on the beach the other day. But you still insist on not getting together." adds Thomas.

"Y/n, we're just trying help you. As your friends, we know you'd be so much happier being with Newt for real."

You look down, tapping the table absentmindedly.

"You can't honestly say you don't like him," prods Thomas.

You sigh. "I do," you admit.

At Thomas and Teresa's expressions, you hastily add, "But it's not like that. He doesn't feel that way about me. Not anymore, I mean."

"So, you're saying that, if he was in love with you, you would definitely be together."

"Of course," you say. "But it doesn't matter. I just want him to be happy, and being friends is what he wants."

"God, you're made for each other," says Teresa, looking at you fondly. "That's exactly what-"

You shake your head. "Can we change the topic?"

Thomas sighs. "Okay. He's coming over here anyway."

You turn to say Newt, Minho, and Frypan walking over to your table.

As Frypan sits on your left, Minho pushes smoothly in front of Newt to sit on your right.

Newt stops and blinks. In that moment of hesitation, Minho sends him a shark's grin. "Oh, sorry, did you wanna sit here? I can move."

"I- uh... No, it's fine. It's..." he trails off and moves to the other side with Thomas and Teresa, sitting diagonally across from you.

You shut your eyes and massage your temples as Minho turns his smirk to you.

You know your friends mean well, and are just having fun, but this is getting to be a bit much.

You stand abruptly and leave the table, depositing your plate and cutlery at the wash station.

Later, you're walking past the area again, with Newt and Minho on wash station duty.

You don't mean to eavesdrop, but you hear their conversation on the way past.

"Minho, you can't just do that mate. Did you see how embarrassed they were?"

"Relax, they were fine. Maybe a little pissed, but-"

You walk up to them. "Hey."

They stop talking immediately, Newt flushing red as he looks up from the dishes.

"Y/n, hi."

You lean on the counter casually. "What're you guys talking about?"

As Newt fumbles for words, Minho slides in with "The weather. It's real nice today isn't it?"

"Beautiful," you agree, raising your eyebrows.

"Well, we better be getting back to these dishes," says Minho, holding up a soapy plate.

You nod. "Right, bye then. Bye Newt."

"B-" he clears his throat. "Bye Y/n."

⭒----⭒

You're lying awake again, your hut feeling small and confining. Elle's in the next room, sleeping soundly.

It's safe and comforting, but it also brings you back to the Scorch, when it was just the two of you. You can't shake the loneliness.

You think about the night you and Newt had gone out and sat together in the sand, talking and alternating between the heavy topics and light conversation.

You get up out of bed and leave the hut quietly, shutting the door softly so you don't wake your sister.

Looking out at the beach, you can see two figures huddled close together. You can also see a lone person sitting on the tall branch of a tree, staring out into the ocean, and another three people walking in the shallows with their hands linked.

You suppose that with so many of these people coming from WCKD, there would be a lot of uneasy sleepers.

Maybe if you walk around for a bit, you'll find Newt awake sitting somewhere.

You wander around the Safe Haven, your path lit by dying torches and moonlight.

You see more people awake as you walk around, with one girl sitting in front of her hut holding a mug in her hands, and two boys sitting together at the dining tables. There's another pair lying in the grass field, their hands raised as they point at constellations in the sky.

"Y/n."

You turn. "Teresa, hey." Not who you were looking for, but someone to talk to.

"Couldn't sleep?" she asks.

You shake your head in response, and she waves you over to where she's sitting in the empty kitchen.

"Late night snack?" she offers jokily, smiling softly.

You grin back. "So, what's keeping you up?"

Her smile fades, and you wait patiently for her to speak.

She takes a breath. "WCKD did something to me, way back before we escaped and met you. They unlocked some of my memories, and I started seeing my childhood again." She stares off into the distance, lost in her memories.

"My mother... she got the Flare. It was horrible. And I was just a kid." You can hear her voice wavering.

"Teresa..." you reach out and take her hand.

"Actually, I kinda wanted to tell you about this. I understood why you... you know."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, for your sister. The circumstances are a little different, but for me... I would've done anything to save my mother. If that meant giving up my friends to find a cure, I would've done it."

"I just," she continues. "I'm trying to say I get it."

"Thank you for understanding," you whisper, squeezing her hand.

"But then, when we were the ones to experience it, the simulations they put us through to get what they wanted... I've got half a mind to give up on finding a cure. Just let Immunes have children and pass the gene on."

Your heart hurts at her cynical, hopeless tone. "Maybe we can do it. You're a genius, T. You and Thomas could find a way to do it without harming people."

She nods gratefully, her smile returning.

"Yeah, thanks. So what's your thing tonight?"

⭒----⭒

You end up having a lot of late night conversations with Teresa. You learn about the visions WCKD forced her to see, and how she still has nightmares about them.

It's not always Teresa though. You're glad when you don't see her, because that means she's slept better.

You see Minho out there too. Sometimes you get to talking with him, but the two of you usually just sit or take night time walks in comfortable silence, drawing comfort from each other.

Aris and Frypan are rarities to see; they’re probably the type of people who don't dream at night. Just fall asleep and wake up the next morning. Lucky bastards.

You see Thomas on occasion, and you usually plan missions or talk about everything you’ve been through.

With him, there have been many a “fuck you WCKD!” screamed into the ocean. Sometimes other people join in too. It’s a good way to make friends.

Although, you do owe your sister’s life to WCKD, so you probably can’t say they’re all bad.

You’re on the way out again when you hear noises from a hut nearby. Your group occupies a cluster of huts together, and one of them has an open window tonight.

It’s Newt’s, you realise as you walk up to the hut. As you get closer, you can hear little whispers of “no” and quick breathing. He’s having a nightmare.

You hesitate for a bit, then climb in through his window.

“Newt.” You grab his shoulders and shake him. “Wake up. Wake up.”

You panic as his cries grow more distressed. “Newt!”

He finally opens his eyes, launching up and flinching away, blanket scrunched in his hands as he backs up against the wall.

As moonlight streams in, you can see the sheen of sweat on his face, and you can still hear him panting.

You stay crouched on the ground beside the bed, not wanting to startle him.

Suddenly, he starts to yell again. “Y/n!” He looks around, gaze turning wildly. “Y/n!”

“Newt! Newt, I’m here.” You move up onto the bed, perched on your knees as you grip his wrists.

“Y/n?”

“Yeah, I’m here” you say, giving him a smile. “It’s okay. Just a nightmare, wasn’t real.”

He deflates, exhaling shakily. “That’s good, just breathe,” you say.

“Can you…” he gestures vaguely.

You nod, and pull him closer so he’s resting flush against your body, face pressed into your shoulder.

You card your fingers through his hair gently, whispering soft comforting words.

“I keep seeing them,” he says with a scratchy voice. You don’t know how long you’ve been sitting there without speaking, until he starts.

“I keep seeing the visions WCKD showed me in the simulation.”

“I’m sorry,” you whisper.

“It’s not-”

“I know, I’m just sorry you’re still going through that. You can tell me, if it’ll help. Maybe get it off your chest.”

He closes his eyes. “They showed me the Maze, made me run until my stupid leg gave out, and the Grievers got me.

“I’ve watched Minho, Alby, and Thomas getting crushed by the Maze doors when they didn't make it back in time.

"And I saw you. My mind made up a vision where WCKD got you too. They were torturing you, making you tell them where we were. That’s what I was dreaming off tonight.” He ends with a raspy voice.

“Newt…” You can’t think of words to express the sorrow and pain you feel for him. “I’m okay, I promise. You never have to worry about that.”

You fall asleep soon, holding each other in his bed.

You still don’t sleep as much as you should, and you wake up before sunrise, but it’s better.

“Hey, do you want to go for a walk?” You offer.

“Yeah, that’d be nice.”

You pick your jacket up off the floor, where you dropped it last night.

As you start to pull it on, he stops you. “Wait.”

You follow his gaze to the leather wrapped around your upper arm. “Is that my…”

“Oh, yeah,” you say. “I, uh- I’ve worn it every day, actually. You know, just as a… reminder, or something.”

“Huh.” His expression is unreadable.

You don’t speak again until you get to the beach.

“Y/n.”

You turn to Newt. “Yeah?”

There’s a pause. “You know I trust you, right?”

You’re caught off guard. “What?”

“I trust you,” he repeats. “Listen, when I tell you about nightmares and all, it’s because I trust you with that stuff.

“I’m not bringing it up to tell you that what happened was your fault. You got that? I’m just tellin' you cause I trust you.”

You smile at him. “Yeah, thanks.”

“I’m serious, Y/n. Everything is… it’s all okay. There’s nothing left to forgive.”

“I feel like you have another point.”

“I just mean, don’t hold yourself back because you think I don’t trust you, or cause you think you don’t deserve to get closer.”

You furrow your eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“Get closer,” he says, turning to look you straight in the eyes. “I- I want you to get closer. I don’t need this shield you put up, especially since you’re putting it up for my sake. I miss you. I miss you from before.”

“Look Y/n,” he continues. “We fixed things, mostly. But even though it’s fixed, there’s still one thing between us, and it’s that invisible barrier you keep up. There’s a line you think you can’t cross, but I’m telling you it’s gone. You don’t need that line.”

“Jeez Newt, that was like five metaphors in one sentence,” you put on a casual grin and give a short laugh.

“Y/n.” He physically moves in front of you this time, and you stop walking.

You rake a hand through your hair. “I don’t know what you want from me, Newt,” you say quietly.

He cups your cheek gently. “I want you to stop holding back. Let this happen.”

You look up into his eyes.

“Tell me if I’m wrong,” he says, voice lowering, and you feel his nose brush against yours.

You close your eyes automatically as he presses a soft kiss on your lips.

Your eyes flutter open as he slowly pulls back, running a thumb over your bottom lip.

“So was I wrong?” he asks huskily.

You force yourself away. “You just had a nightmare about me. You could just be-”

“Was I wrong?” He interrupts.

You huff out a laugh and loop your arms around his waist. “You weren’t wrong.”

He kisses you again, and this time you respond, tugging him as close as possible and kissing back.

You break away with a breathless laugh, pressing your forehead against his. “I’ve wanted this forever,” you tell him.

“I know,” he says, grinning. “Me too.”

You decide to take the leap. “I love you,” you say.

You’re only halfway through the ‘you’ when he crashes his lips into yours, everything colliding as arms wrap around bodies and hands thread through hair.

“I love you too.”

⭒----⭒

Breakfast that day is a fun ordeal.

Minho takes one look at the smiles on both your faces and knows instantly.

The rest catch on after Minho starts yelling and pointing.

The ‘we’re so happy for you’ phase quickly gives way to relentless teasing, but you go through it with your hand linked with Newt’s, so it’s a pretty good time in the end.

Ahhhhhh that’s it. That’s the end of this one request that was meant to be a nice two-parter at most and ended up being this.

Thank you to everyone who read and/or interacted with this!! As a new writer I’m honestly so grateful for my 4 person squad of people who like each fic ❤️❤️

There’s more on the way, I’ll see you on the next fic!