#at one point i thought the movie would be ending soon (like 10-20 mins left and i checked and there was like 30 or more and i died a little

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Head Case (S2, E6)

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:03 - This clip of Malcolm in the car is from the pilot episode. I was so betrayed by this clip. Full disclosure - I’ve always had a thing for Malcolm’s jacket from the pilot episode. I just love it and I think Tom Payne looks cute in it. BUT - I was betrayed because Malcolm isn’t wearing my favourite jacket in the next scene (I was disappointed but not surprised). Rant about wardrobe over. 

0:20 - This is weird to me. In the clip right before this, when Malcolm was coming to Claremont (wearing the awesome jacket) - Malcolm is clearly in emotional distress. He’s not in a good mood. BUT right here, when Malcolm is chatting with Mr. David he seems like he’s in a good mood. Not one of his manic good moods - just a regular good one.

0:32 - Anyone else notice how visibly uncomfortable Jessica AND Malcolm are? This whole Ainsley situation is literally going to destroy them both. :(

0:34 - sooooo Mr. David knows by now right? He has to? ALSO when the European FBI guy shows up in a few episodes this is going to be bad for Malcolm and Jessica right? The FBI guy will probs talk to Mr. David who will be like - oh yeah, they’ve had more ‘family meetings’ in the past 6 months than in the past 20 years. 

1:22 - Sooooo this whole family honestly thinks Ainsley’s going to become a serial killer. From the tidbits of her childhood that we’ve seen, the way she treated Malcolm in Q&A, and generally how she acts when she wants to get a story - I’m not surprised. Read my thoughts on older episodes (1x7, 1x20, 2x5), I’ve always thought Ainsley was a sociopath or psychopath. The girl doesn’t show a lot of moral backbone or sympathy for anyone. 

1:33 - Wait. Does this montage of Malcolm’s erratic behaviour mean that Malcolm killed someone as a kid? And doesn’t know it? Or is this just a reference to the whole ‘girl in the box’ trauma arc from last season?

1:44 - “I wish I didn’t know that you were a killer.” Anyone else get major flashbacks to the movie Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause? “I wish I had never become Santa at all” then we get an AU for 40 mins? Just me? Cool - excuse my bad taste in Christmas movies. 

1:50 - hahaha Martin is so bitter.

2:25 - You know, as much as I love to hate Martin - he has a point. Malcolm loved his Dad (still does whether he wants to admit it or not) in 98′ - why is Malcolm chill with Ainsley killing but not Martin? Is it because with Martin, he found a poor girl tortured in a box but with Ainsley he saw her kill a man that was threatening their family? Or was it because Martin tried to kill Malcolm but Ainsley hasn’t (yet?) **honestly - that would be such an interesting episode - if Ainsley tries to kill Malcolm**

2:33 - THANK YOU. Someone finally thanks Malcolm for trying to protect Ainsley (and in extension Jessica) from the emotional trauma he’s been dealing with since the age of 10. EVEN THOUGH PROTECTING THEM IS MAKING HIS MENTAL STATE WORSE. Seriously - Malcolm is going to snap soon I honestly won’t be surprised if we get some suicidal ideation from him this season (especially if things don’t improve). Look at those big sad puppy dog eyes when Jess thanks him.

2:38 - hahahaha that side-eyed glare directed at Martin. 

2:53 - I know Jessica had good intentions here - she’s trying to protect both of her children but honestly, this whole interaction was probably super upsetting for Malcolm. Think about it - BOTH of his parents haven’t tried to have a serious discussion with him at the same time since he was at 10 years old or younger. This interaction is probably bringing up some memories for Malcolm and making him grieve for the childhood he lost all over again. 

3:06 - “You’re gross.” followed by a very regal wave at Mr. David. YES. Queen Jessica. <3

3:25 - Malcolm startling JT is pretty freaking cute. Look at how JT’s expression immediately changes from startled to concerned. I don’t blame him. Malcolm gives off major manic energy in this scene. The visit with the parents did not leave him in a good place. Also - Malcolm straight up admitted that he’s had a ‘rough morning’ this boy almost never tells the truth when he’s struggling. He’s fine. He’s always fine. 

3:30 - “Rough month.” IS THIS IT? IS THIS ALL I’M GOING TO GET? JT had a baby THREE EPISODES AGO. ‘rough month’ is a reference to the fact that he’s a new dad and he’s struggling with lack of sleep, leaving Tally alone with the baby while he’s a work, being a good husband, adjusting to dad life, ect. RIGHT?!? We’ve literally had no mention of the baby since 2x3 and I’m losing my mind. I just want someone to say, “Hey JT, how’s the baby?” that’s it. I want 5 seconds of dialogue. Just an acknowledgment that the child exists. 

3:54 - “Sooo bring me up to speed.” OMG. That smile is both extremely manic and completely adorable. Seriously - why is no one on the team more concerned about Malcolm during this episode? AND WHERE THE EFF IS EDRISA IN THIS SCENE?!? We’ve been robbed. 

4:21 - “What? I liked math class.” OMG. JT is a closet math nerd. You can’t take this headcanon away from me. 

4:24 - hahahaha look at Malcolm absorbing the new information about JT. He’s like.....yes. I will keep that information for later. Very good. Will pry further. 

5:04 - I love Dani. She’s perfect. She can see that Malcolm just checked out into his own horror of a memory. So she gently teases him to bring him back to reality. <3 This is true friendship. <3

6:00 - Was I the only one who thought it was weird that Gil asked Malcolm to help with the canvasing? Like - doesn’t Malcolm always help? Isn’t that part of what he does to build his profile?

6:12 - “KGB agent” Yes. Malcolm is still annoyed that Ainsley was so competitive about a literal murder last episode. I promise you. Ainsley’s probably still annoyed too. 

6:26 - This is why Malcolm is considering telling Ainsley the truth. He’s already losing her. May as well rip off the band-aid. She might not react as badly finding out from him as she would finding out by herself.

6:51 - “That is my vagina.” hahahahaha OMG. As a woman I must say: HOW?!?! As someone who adores JT:  hahahahahahahaha OMG. 

7:23 - “You’re getting a lot of mileage out of that tidbit”. lol. JT gently teasing Malcolm is one of my favourite things. Hands down. Especially since they’ve reached a point in their friendship where Malcolm doesn’t seem scared or offended when JT makes fun of him. They’re acting like brothers and I LOVE IT. <3

7:25 - “That’s the tip of the iceberg my man.” I have no idea why I am so amused by someone calling Malcolm “my man” but I am. 

7:36 - “The Bowery Ripper” hahaha the look that JT and Dani exchange when Malcolm starts nerding out.

8:00 - Wendell is kind of creepy. But like a weird, non-threatening creepy?

8:22 - OMG. JT let the vagina sculpture go. hahaha Look at how grossed out Dani is hahahaha she’s like, “Ugh. Men are gross.”

8:30 - This is why I love JT. He knows that that elevator is sketchy as hell. Plus it’s some (less than subtle) foreshadowing for what’s to come in this episode. 

8:41 - How did Dani find out he was at Claremont?! Does Mr. David call Gil every time Malcolm visits?!? ......this is my new headcanon. You will have to pry it from my cold dead hands. 

9:00 - This is a really cute moment between Dani and Malcolm. Regardless of whether or not you ship Brightwell - it’s really sweet to see Malcolm interacting so honestly with someone. He’s telling Dani the truth about something and she’s not making him feel bad about how messed up his family is or how weird his situation is. She just listens and teases him to make him smile. That is a good friend. IDC how you feel about Brightwell - right now - this is a GOOD FRIEND moment and Malcolm deserves more of them. 

9:10 - Annnnnnndddd this is why Brightwell shouldn’t happen (right now). Dani is still hurt that Malcolm doesn’t trust her enough to tell her everything. She still doesn’t completely trust him after what happened last season. A romantic relationship without 100% trust will fail. End of story. They’re great friends but right now they can’t be in a romantic relationship. It’ll end poorly. (Damn, I hope Brightwell is endgame though).

9:38 - hahaha Greta Swan is a perfect comedic relief for the Dani/Malcolm tension we just witnessed. This girl is a little nuts and a lot funny. 

10:00 - “Dad’s lived here his whole life” - wow. The writers really left us some big bread crumbs. We go from the scene where someone mentions a serial killer who killed someone (who was abducted from this hotel) in 1963. THEN we find a strange, gossipy woman and her grumpy father who has lived there his whole life. Coincidence? Nah. 

10:17 - SERIOUSLY?!? The Whitly home is ENORMOUS. WHY IS JESSICA LETTING AINSLEY WORK IN THE MURDER BASEMENT?!?!?! We literally just found out that Jessica has a SOLARIUM somewhere in this house. 

10:40 - “The guy definitely seems like he kills people.” Oh the irony here. 

10:55 - “Are you upset with me?” This is soft and I love it. Malcolm is being vulnerable with his little sister and it warms my heart. 

11:07 - “Insomnia sucks.” “Who knew?” Again. Irony. 

11:18 - “Anything you want to talk about?” This is precious. Malcolm loves Ainsley SO FREAKING MUCH. He has major Dad/Big brother/concerned school counsellor energy here and I’m here for it. 

11:38 - Malcolm’s soooo going to replay this conversation in his head about a million times. He’s going to blame himself for Ainsley’s murder victim of this episode. He’s going to play the “what-if” game. What if - he told her the truth here? Would she still have killed someone tonight? 

11:52 - Look at Ainsley’s face here. She seems sort of confused and comforted? Like maybe the fractions of memories that she’s admitting to having are making her believe that she killed Endicott and it scares her. Malcolm telling her otherwise is probably comforting on some level. It’s helping her convince herself that she’s done nothing wrong. 

12:25 - According to IMDB - this isn’t the episode LDP directed SO WHY IS THERE SO LITTLE GIL CONTENT IN THIS EPISODE?!?!?!

12:27 - What the hell is the puddle on the floor btw? Is it paint? Tar? Blood? I thought construction hadn’t started on the hotel yet?

14:14 - Malcolm. You. Are. A. Moron. Why go towards the creepy elevator that opened by itself? Why did you think that was a good idea?

14:29 - The Bowery Ripper is pretty strong for an old guy. I mean, Malcolm isn’t that big and he was caught off guard but still.

14:38 - I wanted this scene to be reality SO SO BADLY. I don’t even care about the Brightwell interaction in this scene. Malcolm is on a hospital bed. With an ice pack. I could’ve watched 45 minutes of “Malcolm in the hospital” content. The fact that this boy didn’t spend longer than a 30 second scene in the hospital is a CRIME. Why does Fedak hate giving us the whump aftercare?!? WHY?!?! Doesn’t he know like half the fandom LIVES FOR IT?!?

14:40 - You know how I knew this was the start of Malcolm’s AU dream? 2 reasons: 1) Dani has her hand on the ice pack on Malcolm’s head, even though he totally doesn’t need her help to hold the ice pack to his head. 2) GIL ISN”T HERE. .....although this episode did us dirty with the lack of Gil content (I miss Papa!Gil so much)

14:46 - There’s something about dream JT. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Real and dream JT are almost identical. But dream JT seems to be more open with Malcolm? IDK - he’s more relaxed around Malcolm? I can’t quite describe it. Did anyone else notice that there was just something a little bit different about dream JT? Not even in a bad way. Just different. 

15:15 - “Noooo she said it could’ve been worse. Not the same.” hahaha YES DANI. Good looking out. Call out this boy for neglecting his health. 

15:24 - This whole scene where Dani and Malcolm do a joint interrogation was awesome. They were talking pretty fast which I found a little distracting but JT said it best, “They were on FIRE”.  One thing I REALLY liked about the scene was the dynamic between Dani and Malcolm. Neither one of them was really taking a lead in the interrogation. They were equal partners and I think that says a lot about Malcolm’s romantic desires. He doesn’t want to dominate anyone. He doesn’t want to be taken advantage of. He just wants someone he can trust and respect. Someone who will trust and respect him. He wants a partner. An equal partner. I think that’s a really healthy desire for anyone in search of a relationship. 

16:12 - an affair? Did we know that Lyle and/or Katrina were married?!? If they weren’t married it would just be a relationship. Not an affair. 

17:01 - Is this honestly the first time Dani has called Malcolm by his first name? In 26 episodes? It must be right? Because I swear I was so shocked my heart skipped a beat (also my Brightwell heart melted but that’s a whole different thing). 

17:06 - .....so in Malcolm’s dream does he still work for Major Crimes? Is JT running the department? I need some more details here. 

17:12 - Soft!JT <3 <3 <3 How cute is it that in Malcolm’s AU dream, JT (and Dani) don’t actually change (in terms of personality). Their roles in his life just intensify. Dani becomes his significant other and JT becomes a much closer friend/brother. It’s precious. <3 <3 <3 

17:52 - Something about the fact that Jessica isn’t drinking liquor in the AU is hilarious and depressing to me. It’s funny because, well, it just tickles me. It’s depressing because Malcolm understands that Jessica drinks to dull the pain. In this AU, she isn’t in pain. She’s happy. Therefore, she doesn’t need alcohol. I don’t know about you but the fact that Malcolm’s subconscious wanted his mom to be happy so badly that she became (more or less) sober - is heartbreaking and heartwarming all at the same time. 

18:11 - “No one in this family is scared of a little blood right?” The irony here is THICK.

19:23 - The fact that Ainsley is a doctor just like Martin in Malcolm’s AU is terrifying and hilarious. This whole “I watched Ainsley kill a man” thing is really destabilizing Malcolm’s questionable mental health.

19:27 - “Please Ainsley is the talented one. I’m a distance second.” ....does this mean that Endicott isn’t the first person Ainsley has killed? Does this mean subconsciously Malcolm somehow thinks that Ainsley is a better serial killer than Martin?

19:56 - “No phones at dinner okay?” Something about the way Martin is looking at Malcolm at this moment and Martin’s tone of voice made me think - “Shit. Martin’s still a serial killer in Malcolm’s AU.” Especially since they Ainsley literally just announced to the room that he’s getting a from Claremont. 

20:06 - Yep. That’s a nightmare. From the back, Claremont!Gil probably looked like Martin circa mid-2010s for Malcolm. 

20:09 - Look idc who you ship on this show. But I will fight you if you don’t think that Malcolm being comforted after a nightmare by someone he loves is the sweetest thing ever. Look at how Dani gently rubs his arm and back. Ugh. This is the kind of safety Malcolm DESERVES. 

20:43 - Dani lying on Malcolm’s chest. <3 It just makes me so happy. Not even necessarily because it’s Dani (although I do ship Brightwell as end game) but because Malcolm’s subconscious is showing us his ideal relationship and we don’t see anything wild or questionable - we just see G-rated cuddling. And damn if that doesn’t say a lot about how much Malcolm just wants to be loved. 

20:53 - .......Can we have a full episode’s worth of footage where Malcolm is unconscious on the floor? I know I’m a basket case but it would make my whump heart so happy.....even happier if that footage was immediately followed by 40 mins of hospital care/comfort footage.

20:59 - I know that time has sort of slowed down for the purpose of plot in this episode but ngl - every time we saw the elevator approaching passed out Malcolm all I could think was “this is the slowest elevator in the world.”

21:26 - Malcolm is so so relaxed and comfortable in this scene. I want him to be this happy forever. 

22:07 - “You deserve all of it.” Malcolm subconsciously just wants permission to be happy. He doesn’t think he deserves to be happy (especially after Endicott). That little revelation broke my heart. Also the Brightwell kiss was adorable. Dani takes control because, Malcolm wants to feel wanted and this is how his subconscious is manifesting that desire. I will argue that Malcolm doesn’t necessarily want a relationship where his partner takes charge or dominates him. He made coffee of both of them. They’re living in his apartment. They’re having calm, mature, adult conversations. They are both equal partners in his dream relationship. 

22:45 - Dani isn’t scared of Malcolm when his hand starts shaking. She isn’t judging him. She’s just concerned. <3

22:47 - “Existential ennui”? Soooo much french in this episode. Damn. “Jamais vu”, “Quelle suprise”. Now “ennui”. 

23:35 - “I don’t fit your profile.” ....am I expected to believe that Malcolm didn’t realize this was a dream until this moment? Dani calling him “Malcolm Whitly” in the last scene wasn’t a red flag? Or the fact that Ainsley is a doctor. Or that Martin isn’t in Claremont? Or that Jessica isn’t drinking booze by the bucket? I mean, I know he has a head injury but these are big red flags. 

24:15 - Sooooo is Wendell dead irl? Because this is technically a dream. 

25:02 - “I thought we were looking for an inexperienced psychopath. A first time killer.”......this is him projecting about Ainsley right? Am I overthinking this? And now he says, “I was wrong”. Is that supposed to suggest that Malcolm thinks Ainsley has killed someone before Endicott?

25:07 - “The blows are confident. They were having fun.”.....couldn’t the same be said about how Ainsley stabbed Endicott? They were definitely confident stabs (plus a confident throat slitting). 

25:14 - “We’re looking for a serial killer.” Istg the writers are hinting that Ainsley is a serial killer (or will become one soon).

25:27 - Mr. David appears in the AU but Edrisa doesn’t. We were ROBBED.

26:07 - I’m not the only one who thinks that beard makes Gil look like a werewolf right?

26:33 - Claremont!Gil is creepy. LDP’s performance here is really really good. Also - I hate it. Because serial killer Gil is just not my Gil and it upsets me to see Gil chained to a wall. 

26:56 - Sooooo in the AU “The Surgeon” is still at large right? ....you’d think Malcolm would be trying to solve that case with Dani and JT. You know, an active prolific serial killer in New York?

27:34 - The way that Martin, Gil, and Malcolm interact in this scene is really interesting to me. In a lot of ways, this isn’t an AU. Think about it. 

In the dream: Gil is frantically trying to convince Malcolm that Martin is a serial killer. In a way, Gil is trying to protect Malcolm from Martin.

In reality: Gil just shoots Malcolm disapproving looks when he mentions seeing Martin. Gil desperately tries to protect Malcolm from Martin.

In the dream: Martin is trying to convince Malcolm that Gil is a monster. He’s trying to convince Malcolm that he’s a Good father. That he would never hurt Malcolm. That he loves Malcolm. 

In reality - Martin is the same. 

The only main difference between AU!Martin, AU!Gil, and their real counterparts is their temperaments. AU!Martin has Gil’s calm, comforting, and rational temperament while AU!Gil has Martin’s angry, manic, and controlling temperament.

What is the same between the AU characters and their real counterparts? 

Martin is still a manipulative killer.

Gil still shoots Malcolm looks of concern (27:45). 

Gil and Martin still hate each other. 

28:30 - Even dream Martin tries to gaslight Malcolm. 

28:56 - “You can always count on Dad.” ....is this how Malcolm really feels about Martin subconsciously? It kind of makes sense? Who did Malcolm turn to when Ainsley did the unthinkable? Not Gil or Jessica. Malcolm said it in 1x12 - (I’m paraphrasing) “The child in me thought he cared. Loved me even.” I think there’s still a part of Malcolm that believes that. Or at least a part of Malcolm that desperately wants to believe that. 

29:17 - “I’ve never been to a crime scene before.” That’s because you create the crime scene, Martin. In all versions of reality. 

29:20 - annnnnnd AU Martin shares regular Martin’s weird fascination with Dani. 

31:00 - JT being buddy-buddy with Martin is hands down the most horrifying part of the AU. 

31:10 - “I think he’s having a psychotic break.” ......I want this to be foreshadowing so so so badly. I think it would be so interesting to see how the team, Jessica, Ainsley, and even Martin deal with Malcolm just having a total breakdown. Maybe not a full psychotic break. Maybe a nervous breakdown? Or he succumbs to his suicidal ideation? Probably a little too dark for network TV though.

31:34 - “I’m very protective of her and her boots.” Does Malcolm see himself as the Bowery Ripper, trying to protect Ainsley as opposed to his daughter? Or is the Bowery Ripper supposed to be a metaphor for Martin protecting Ainsley? Is Malcolm going to take the fall for Ainsley and all her murders?!? 

32:45 - “Why did you kill again? After all these years.” istg this is hinting that Ainsley killed someone as a kid and Martin knows about it.

33:00 - “I can’t let my daughter know what I was.” .....is the Bowery Ripper supposed to be Ainsley? Is Ainsley killing people to try and protect Malcolm? Ugh. I’m totally overthinking this.

33:02 - Even in his dream, Malcolm can’t bring himself to kill his father. Wether that is by cutting off contact with Martin irl or letting the Bowery Ripper kill him in the AU.

33:07 - Actually though - why doesn’t Malcolm carry a gun IRL? We know he’s trained to use one. We saw him use one in the pilot on a case for the FBI. Is there some sort of NYPD rule about consultants carrying weapons? Is it a rule that Gil has imposed on Malcolm? Is it a rule that Malcolm has imposed on himself? A mixture? I want to know. 

33:38 - OMG. Is Malcolm going to try and kill Ainsley?!?! What a twist that would be. AU Malcolm just killed a killer. He doesn’t seem to feel bad about it and he agrees with Martin that “everything is okay now”. 

33:55 - This hug deeply moved me. Malcolm is fully aware that this hug isn’t real but he looks so content to be hugged by his father. Malcolm is finally getting a proper hug. <3 It honestly makes me wonder what Malcolm would do IRL for his father’s approval though. He’s clearly sooo desperate for Martin to love him. Who knows what Martin will be able to convince Malcolm to do in this season? Malcolm’s not all that mentally stable right now and he’s really vulnerable emotionally. I’m worried.

34:26 - “Not that it’s a competition.” ....yep. Ainsley wants to be better than Malcolm even in Malcolm’s own subconscious. 

35:00 - Heart. Breaking. Watching Ainsley, Martin, and Jessica tell Malcolm how good they think Dani is for him breaks my heart. Look at how happy Malcolm looks. Look at how desperately Malcolm wants this to be real. Ugh. My heart is shattered. 

35:20 - “You’re the best, big brother.” Even Malcolm’s subconsious knows that he’s an excellent big brother. Seriously, I love my younger brother but I don’t think I could ever cover up a murder for him. Never mind dispose of the body. Maybe I would? IDK the situation has never come up (thankfully).

35:25 - .....aaannnnnndd we’re back to the Girl in the Box.

35:58 - “Why would you ever want to leave?” “Because it’s all a lie.” Isn’t Malcolm living a lie IRL too? He’s pretending that Ainsley is a law-abiding citizen. He’s pretending that he isn’t an accomplice in a murder. He’s living in constant fear because of his secrets. They’re going to destroy him. This is why I think a suicide attempt is a possibility for this season. This trauma is a lot bigger (in some ways) than last season’s. Plus - Malcolm has a lot of pre-existing trauma. This could be the metaphoric straw that breaks the camel’s back.  

36:45 - “Even in my wildest dream. I’m still a detective. I need to seek the truth. No matter how painful.” That’s it. That’s Malcolm’s character in a nutshell. “Traumatized boy who intentionally puts himself through more trauma for the sake of seeking the truth.”

37:01 - “You’re right. I need to work on that.”.......if Malcolm tells Gil and/or the team about Ainsley next episode I will lose my mind. 

 37:15 - TOM PAYNE. YOU ABSOLUTE TREASURE. THIS IS SUCH A GREAT PERFORMANCE. THOSE UNSHED TEARS. THAT DESPERATE ANGER. THAT HOPELESSNESS AND DESPAIR.  <3 <3 <3 <3 

38:21 - Look, I’m a mechanical engineering student (not an expert) but if that was a wooden stick like I think it is - that would’ve NEVER stopped an elevator (at least, not long enough for Malcolm to escape). But I’ll overlook it for whump. Because Malcolm has a head wound and I’m loving it. 

38:33 - I’ve rewatched this clip of Malcolm with a bloody face meeting JT and Dani about 50 times (wish I was exaggerating that number). There is something so gorgeous about this scene. I mean - the fact that Malcolm is clearly in physical and emotional pain is enough to make my whump heart sing but it’s more than that. Listen to the genuine concern in JT’s voice when he says, “You okay?”. Look at Dani’s concerned face. Listen to how soft and desperate Malcolm’s voice is when he says, “When was the last time I talked to you?” Look at how concerned and confused JT and Dani are when Malcolm says, “I know who the killer is.” They’re not scared of Malcolm. They’re scared for Malcolm. Malcolm just showed up covered in blood, he can’t walk straight, he’s clearly confused, and now he’s claiming that he’s solved the case. They’re worried about him and they have every right to be. Listen to how broken Malcolm sounds when he says, “Long story.” <3 <3 <3 I’m in love with this scene. 

39:19 - “Are you sure about this?” “I have no idea.” This. Is. Important. JT and Dani have every reason to believe that this old man isn’t a killer but Malcolm’s head injury is making him confused. BUT they choose to trust Malcolm (or at the very least, humour him). They trust him enough to take a risk on him and I think that’s beautiful. I think that’s exactly what Malcolm needed after his nightmare of an AU dream. He needed to know that they care about him IRL. I hope he notices their behaviour despite the head injury. 

39:35 - Malcolm puts the skull down with his ungloved hand. I’m blaming the head injury. 

39:55 - Look this was a really moving scene. The parallel of Malcolm arresting a serial killer in front of the serial killer’s child and Martin being arrested in front of Malcolm is haunting. HOWEVER, when that old man stood up from the wheelchair my stupid brain went “THAT ASSHOLE NEVER EVEN NEEDED THE WHEELCHAIR?!?”.....even though he literally wasn’t in a wheelchair in Malcolm’s dream. 

40:40 - WE WERE ROBBED. I want to see the scene where Malcolm explains his dream to the team. I want to see GIL. WHERE THE EFF IS GIL IN THIS EPISODE?!?! FURTHERMORE - I WANT THE IRL VERSION OF “MALCOLM GOES TO THE HOSPITAL FOR A HEAD INJURY” SCENE. WTF FEDAK. GIVE ME THE AFTERCARE. 

40:47 - “That man will be buried in a turtleneck.” hahahahahaha OMG. Iconic. 

41:27 - “Goodnight Malcolm.” <3 <3 <3 She called him Malcolm IRL. Excuse me while I go and stoke my slow burn Brightwell fire. 

41:36 - “Goodnight.” This is the face of a man who just accepted the fact that he will never be happy. Malcolm honestly doesn’t think he deserves to be in a relationship. Especially with someone as beautiful, kind, and talented as Dani.

41:40 - THAT HAT. Was this really in Season 1?!?! I don’t remember it? But holy hell - I want to see Malcolm wear it. Like now. It’s going to make me laugh. I can feel it. 

41:53 - Immediately you can hear that something is wrong in Ainsley’s voice. She sounds distracted, dissociated, and scared. 

42:14 - Give. Tom. Payne. An. Emmy. Listen to his voice breaking here. He’s so close to tears and it’s genuinely beautiful. Such an astounding performance. 

42:51 - I honestly think Ainsley is shaking her head because she realizes that she made a mistake. She came to Malcolm because she thought he killed Endicott. She thought that he’d be able to understand. That he’d be able to help her because he had committed the same crime she just committed. She was wrong. He can help her - but legally, he really shouldn’t.

43:08 - Look. A new scene for Malcolm’s night terrors. 

43:15 - Yep. This is going to drive Malcolm into a mental breakdown. This is bad. 

43:20 - There’s a part of me that wants Malcolm to tattle on Ainsley. Just so he doesn’t have to keep the secret any longer. The secret is killing him. Telling won’t make the situation any better though. Gil and the team will react horribly and it’ll make Malcolm feel like garbage. Plus I can only imagine how the press would scrutinize the Whitly’s again. It won’t be good any way you slice it. 

I have a love/hate relationship with this episode. On one hand - it’s the cannon AU episode that every fanfiction lover dreams of. It’s also a really compelling episode complete with some excellent acting and great insight into Malcolm’s psyche. HOWEVER: 1) not enough Gil, 2) WHERE IS MY WHUMP AFTERCARE?, and 3) I wanted to see Malcolm at the base of that elevator for longer. The whump wasn’t prolonged enough for my sick soul. 

[namjoonmiluna]

Breaking Free - BTS (M)

btsIf you’ve enjoyed my story please share & visit the link at the bottom to view the rest. Thank you!

Main characters : Kim Namjoon & a girl an average girl named Jenilyn. All BTS members are side characters. Suga becomes a main character in later chapters.

Genre/Warning : Written as a Kdrama. 18+ Triggers for mature content, emotional abuse, physical assault, violence, & sexual content. Later chapters may contain mental instability, drug use, racial undertones and sexual assault. Read with caution.

Length of Fic : Very long, at least a novel or two in length currently. It is not completed.

Summary : Purely by chance, a ordinary girl's life is forever changed by her favorite man-band. The simple act of choosing a new career path sets off a chain of events taking her on a journey of love, jealousy, heartbreak, desire, destiny, & drama. With a target on her back she fights to stand tall in the face of adversity.

I tried to make this story very digestible for new and old army. There is a lot of the fandom put into it and I tried to keep their personalities as close to accurate as possible.

Chapter 1 - The Meeting

It had been a long night. One of those nights that make you question why you even work there anymore. She was alone, as she usually was. The gift shop was small - only the sound of the FM radio, 90s, 00's and today's. There had not been a customer in hours. It was late, but nearing the end of her shift. She went to the restroom where she could see the eyeliner rubbing under her eyes. She did her best to fix it and laughed at herself in the mirror. Her blonde hair, now frizzy and limp from a long day - rested on her shoulders, cascading down her upper back. Why is it I'm always the one covering the shift when someone calls off, she asked herself. Her breasts were large and bouncy, held up by a small waist. Her hips were wide with an ass to match. She looked ridiculous. Thank god I can go home soon, she thought. The white tee looked stretched out from the day. She untied the black and white flannel shirt she had tied around her waist and put it on over her shirt. Her skinny jeans had torn a little more from when she had put them on, exposing more of her thighs than she liked. She thought about how she looked and quickly brushed it off - it was closing time soon anyway. She planned to crawl into bed as soon as she could.

   It was 15 minutes until closing when she noticed lights in front of the store. She had already turned off some of the overhead lights, letting her eyes adjust to the darkness - the headlights all but blinded her.

   Great, last-minute customers, she thought to herself, the absolute worst kind.

   She could see many figures getting out of what looked like a bus. One by one, seven entered the store. Each bringing multiple pieces of luggage and handbags. They all looked tired, and perhaps a little angry. One last man entered after them. Entering the store he removed his sunglasses, tucking them into his jacket pocket. The man looked tall, mature. Thick black hair and of clear Asian decent. He had slightly beady eyes and a rounded nose. His lips were thick and dark.

   "Hi! Can I help you?" she asked loudly from across the store.

   The older man walked to her counter, offering out his hand, "Seijin" he smiled. "I know it's late. Our vehicle broke down and there isn't much around here. I realize this is a campground, but I'm hoping you may have somewhere we can stay?"

She took his hand and shook. She looked to the boys, to Seijin, and back again. Trying to piece together what she was seeing, she managed to spit out, "Um, yeah! We should have something available. Let me find out for you. Are you wanting 8 rentals?" She asked him. He nodded.

   She could see that some of the boys had sat down on the floor, two more laid down, resting their heads on their bags. There was one in particular who laid on the other members of the group, flopping his arms and legs enthusiastically over them. Another slowly walked around, picking up things and calling to the others to look at what he found before setting the item back down. He was curious about all the oddities to seen around him.

   She made a few phones calls and figured out availability. "Okay so, we have 4 deluxe rentals, and 4 regular. The deluxe come with linens but ---" she paused "the regulars do not." She braced herself for him to cop an attitude with her - her years in the recreation industry had toughened her skin giving her the ability to handle any disgruntled customer with ease. She tried not too let it bother her too much, that's just how it was - being mad about it wouldn't change it.

   "Okay" one of the boys on the floor groaned, loudly. It sounded like he wanted to lay on an actual bed as quickly as possible.

   Seijin laughed at the boy who groaned, "I guess that's fine, then."

She made him a map of where the rentals were located. The park spanned a total of 80 acres. She handed it to him and vaguely gestured to where they were located, which was all over the map in different areas.

He looked down to study it, seeing that all of them were in different parts of the campground he said, "I hate to ask another favor but can you possibly take them to the rooms? They are exhausted - it's been a tough day. Anonymity is of importance."

   Still slightly stunned from the strangeness of it all, she managed to get out, "Yeah for sure, but I can't leave for 10 mins when I can close up shop." She pointed to the clock above her.

   Seijin, "That is just fine. Boys." He turned towards the boys, who seemed to be getting comfortable on the floor, "do you want to get any snacks before the nice girl closes?"

   She laughed to herself. Girl. She was in her early 30s, far from a girl. Although she had always presented younger. Coworkers always assumed she was in her early 20s. She didn't bother to correct them. It must be her skin care routine. In her mind if you act young, you stay young. It had worked well so far.

   A few of the boys jumped up. One boy followed the others around explaining what things were as they picked them up. They spoke a foreign language that sounded extremely familiar to her, perhaps a movie she watched with subtitles. Even though they spoke a different language, they riddled each other with English phrases, often spurting out words like "Ok" "Yes!" "Let's go" or "Fighting". The boy following them around laughed and shook his head, often covering his face with his hands. He's super cute, she thought to herself as she watched them walk around the store.

While the boys walked around, another man entered the store, he immediately walked to the counter and greeted Jen. He was tall and just slightly on the chubby side, he had a full beard and looked like he lived in the country his entire life. The boy following the others around the store gave him a side-eye, paying close attention to their conversation. As the member of the group most fluent in English it was hard for him not to listen. Their conversation sounded like they knew each other extremely well.

"Hey Jen" he called.

"Oh hey, Brody!" she chimed, "it's late what are you doing here?"

"We're leaving tonight" he mentioned, "someone at work got into an accident and I have to work tomorrow after all."

"Oh" she said, her voice sounding slightly disappointed.

"I'm really sorry" he apologized, "you know I was really looking forward to seeing you."

She nodded, "it's fine, we'll get together another time."

He laughed, "yeah I hope so." He looked around the store to see the guys walking around, "do you know them?"

"I don't" she said, "they just booked some rentals for the night."

"Nice to meet you" he yelled through the store, "I'm Brody."

The guys turned around and mumbled hellos to him for a second before continuing on their way.

"Not very friendly" he murmured.

Jen laughed, "give them a break, I'm pretty sure they are foreigners."

"I can see that" he said, looking to them again. He moved his gaze back to her. He gave her a big smile and dropped his head sideways.

She laughed, knowing he wanted a hug before he left.

She walked around the counter and gave him a big hug. His arms wrapped around her so tightly they arms reached his body again on the opposite side. He hummed while he hugged her before picking her up in the air and setting her back down.

The boy following the others couldn't help but notice her. She has great body lines, he thought to himself. During the hug, her back faced him.

She stepped back from him, "drive safe."

He leaned forward quickly to whisper in her ear, "the tall one is checking you out." She turned around quickly to find him staring in their direction, only to quickly look away. Jen giggled.

He nodded, "I'll talk to you soon" he said before turning to leave.

   She turned around as one of the boys opened the fridge and loudly yelled "SPRITE!" in plain English. The other boys laughed next to him, each grabbing their own drinks. Lots of bottled water and Gatorade - the typical drinks any young guy would choose.

   Items were piling up on the counter : chips, snacks, sprite, bottles of water, slim jims - even cups of ramen noodles. Enough snacks and drinks for seven.

   She packed up the items, making sure to bag the items separately. Each took their bag and went back to sit on the floor. They seemed a little happier and began eating their snacks. The sounds of snack bags crinkling covered up the music on the radio. She could hear light conversation and laughter coming from them. They reminded her of children.

   The last boy stepped up to the counter, shaking his head and laughing, "These guys act like they haven't eaten in days. How much do we owe?"

He was extremely exotic looking. His heart shaped face matched perfectly with his thin eyebrows. He had somewhat soft cheekbones and jawline. His chin sharp when he smiled. His lips were gorgeous and full. She always preferred men who looked different - normal was boring to her. His hair looked to be between a blonde and silver with a hint of blue, as if it was fading out. He stood tall and lean, towering over her 5'4" frame. His shoulders back, he knew how to carry himself to make others feel slightly intimidated. She wasn't intimidated by him in the least, but she did think he was attractive.

She laughed, "$134.89" From the looks of it, they had a very long day.

   The boy threw his head back, looking at the others happily eating their snacks. He handed her a credit card. She ran the card on what seemed like an ancient credit card reader.

"Boyfriend?" he asked in very clear English, his voice low and deep.

"Huh?" she asked.

"Brody" he smiled, "is he your boyfriend?"

"Oh god no" she laughed, "we're just friends."

"Not interested in him?" he asked, curiously.

"I um.." she thought for a minute on how she should respond, "We've known each other since we were teens. At one point we considered dating - on our first date we went to see a harry potter movie so that tells you how long ago that was."

He laughed and nodded, "didn't hit it off?"

"We did but--" she laughed, "it turns out he's in love with his best friend and I wasn't trying to get involved with that."

He grimaced, "ouch."

"He's persistent, I'll give him that" she laughed, "to this day he's still chasing her and she has at least a few boyfriends at any given time."

"He's just basically a backup but he keeps his hopes up" she explained, "whatever works for him." She truly did hope he gave up the chase and found someone, she felt he needed it desperately.

He nodded thinking about all the strange things he learned while in America.

He fiddled with things on the counter, accidentally knocking some candy on to the floor. He would occasionally catch a passing glance at her when he thought she wasn't looking, only to sheepishly smile and look down to avoid direct eye contact.

"Sorry" he apologized, bending over to put them back. She laughed. He is clumsy in the cutest way, she thought to herself.

   "I'm sorry this thing is so slow" she said nervously. She hated how long it took, waiting for it to finish made her anxious in his presence. Awkward forced conversations were a pet peeve of hers.

   He shot her a sideways smile, dimple forming on his cheek. "That's okay" he said, flashing a peace sign over his right eye. "You can call me RM"  he said, loosely introducing himself to her.

   And just like that she knew exactly who he was. Who THEY were. Maybe it was how late it was, but she hadn't put two and two together. Her heart started racing, she gulped and tried to control her breathing. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG, she thought to herself.

Kim Namjoon, also known as RM was the leader, spokesperson and main rapper for one of the most popular K-Pop groups from South Korea. His singing voice a tenor while his rapping voice ventured closer to baritone - sometimes sounding almost throaty. He grew up in the small city of Islan. As a boy, he had big dreams of being a superhero and changing the world. He felt his music did just that. He chose the stage name of Rap Monster, later changing it to just RM - a better reflection of who he thought he was. During their debut, Namjoon was one of the most hated members. Often receiving hate from "fans" who claimed he shouldn't be in the group at all. He worked hard to prove the naysayers wrong. A lyricist by nature, he provides many of the lyrics for the group. His belief in the group so strong that when asked if he would like to go solo or stay with the group - he chose Bangtan Sonyeondan without hesitation. He believed in the group and each of its members without fault. He had a tendency to hold onto his feelings without letting others know, and doing so has lead him to depression and anxiety in the past. He struggled and continued to struggle with loving himself - something he admitted he will strive for until his death. Although he was technically the "middle child" of the group, he was considered to be in the hyung line - a term used in South Korea that meant eldest of the group. Lover of all things cute and quirky - he had many collections of toys and figurines. If he could choose his own middle name it would be fashion which doubled as his passion.

He looked back over to the guys, "I'm kind of like the leader of the group." He looked back at her and gave her the sweetest smile. His smile is so charming, she thought to herself.

   She collected her thoughts before responding, "Jenilyn" pointing to her name tag. "You can just call me Jen."

   The credit card finally went through, she handed him the card and receipt to sign.

She added the receipt to the register and checked the time. "One minute is close enough" she announced packing up her register. The boys rolled their luggage outside while she finished closing. She put her register drawer in the safe, turned off the lights and clocked out for the night.

Locking the front door to the gift shop, she turned around to say, "I can't fit all of you in my car at once. I can take two of you at a time." She pointed to her pearl white Hyundai Elantra in the parking lot.

"You guys want to introduce yourselves?" RM asked, suggesting the guys to be more polite towards her. He physically pushed one of them closer to her gently.

Two of the boys stepped forward while RM loaded their luggage.

"V" one said in a low tone, bowing slightly and avoiding eye contact. He was slightly shorter than RM, although he kept his head down making him feel even shorter, closer to her own height. His voice sultry and deep. When he did smile, his mouth formed an almost stretched out heart shape. His dark hair looked messy, slightly curly, covering his eyes. He looks like a shaggy puppy, she thought to herself. He had a beautiful set of eyelashes that would make any girl envious. He was extremely shy towards her. She imagined he would look great in a preppy sweater vest or a leather jacket, his beauty knew no bounds.

Kim Taehung, also known as V. - A quirky guy and baritone vocals for the group. Easily distracted by animals and would occasionally act a little strange - so much so that anti-fans dubbed him as an alien, a nickname which he hated.  Considers his dog to be his child. Gets bored easily and sleeps with his eyes open - fans often wondered if he slept during American interviews. Originally considered to be the "pretty" one in the group. While it sounds like a compliment, it was more often used as an insult - that the only thing he had going for him were his looks. Like Namjoon, he worked hard to improve his vocal skills - proving everyone wrong. Very honest about his true feelings in the moment. He was the third youngest member of the group, making him part of the maknae line - a word used in South Korea that referred to the youngest. His personality and quirks made him seem much older than many of the group members.

She smiled at him, "Nice to meet you, V."

RM pushed the other boy on the back softly.

"Suga" he said. He was about an inch shorter than V. His hair also looked a little shaggy, although not as long as V's. His hair stopped just at the top of his eyebrows. His face somewhat round, with a chubby babydoll look. His eyes were dark and almost triangular in shape, as if he was judging the situation. They looked to be a cross between both monolid and double eye lids. His features were soft, even delicate at times. He pulled off the look well. The first thing she noticed about him was his confidence, nothing really seemed to bother him and he had no problems looking her in the eye. He didn't try to present himself in any particular way - he existed as he was. She loved that he could be that way.

Min Yoongi, known as Suga - Another rapper for the group and one of the fastest rappers in the industry of kpop. As a descendant of a very powerful clan during the Joseon dynasty, he had a rich heritage despite growing up poor. He spent much of his time producing his own music as well as music for the group. Slightly anti-social due to his social anxiety, he did the best he could in social situations. He could most often be found observing the group and letting the other guys lead the way. In his down time he liked to sleep, write lyrics and play games on his phone. He thought his fans to be the most special as he saw himself as average looking at best. Slightly obsessed with basketball, his favorite manga featured the sport. He didn't care to show certain parts of his body and remained covered at all times. He suffered from a shoulder injury he acquired during his trainee days, when he took a side job for extra cash. He kept his emotions well hidden, very rarely allowing his true feelings to escape. He remained a loud advocate for mental health and depression as his fight had been long and difficult. Loved to be hugged by the other members but pretended to hate it. Fans called him "sleepy" for his sleeping habits as well as "meow meow" for his cat-like appearance. Even though he looked the youngest, he was the second-eldest member of the group he - was hyung to all members aside from Jin. In their debut days, he felt like he got shafted by the company - he thought he'd be joining an all rap group and with focus on music production with little choreography required. Success and their fan base, known as ARMY, helped him come to terms with and accept his new life as an idol.

"Nice to meet you Suga" she said, opening the car door. Both boys sat in the back of the car, moving the pillows around in her back seat.

Everything in her car was galaxy themed - from the car seat covers to the pillows. Suga picked up one of the pillows, fluffing it in his hands. "You like stars?" he asked.

She laughed, reversing out of her parking space. "Yeah I really like the galaxy patterns. The colors are super pretty."

He nodded his head, placing the pillow next to him and using it as an arm rest.

"I actually have lights installed in the floorboard. Let me get going and I'll turn them on" she put the car in drive and slowly took off. The speed limit was 5 mph in the park. She flipped the switch located under her dash, lighting up the floorboards in purple lighting.

"Oh cool" Suga said checking out the floorboard. He stared at her dashboard, "Bluetooth?"

"Unfortunately, no. But I do have an aux" she said passing the cord back to him. He took the cord and plugged his phone in, playing the next song on his spotify. Drake.

"Do you listen to Drake?" he asked, curious about her.

"I do like Drake. I actually love almost all music" she said pulling into the parking space of the rental. She popped open her trunk. She got out and helped V with his luggage, handing him the key to the rental. She stepped into the rental really quick to show him some key features. "If you need to use the hot water you will need to push this button about 15 minutes in advance." He nodded and said "thanks."

She got back into the car with Suga, who had moved to the front seat in her absence. It had taken several minutes to get V all settled in, Suga still jamming out to Drake when she got back in.

"Geesh, you scared me" she laughed, seeing him in the front seat. He smiled a big smile at her. She pulled out of the parking spot and headed to his rental to drop him off.

"Anyway so as I was saying I really do love just about anything" she laughed, "I remember watching Drake on Degrassi when I was a kid. He was always one of my favorites. Drake is just slightly older than me so I was really at the right age to relate to those struggles in the show." She paused, "I spent a good deal of time watching it."

He smiled at her, still bobbing his head to the music. She pulled into the parking space for Suga's rental. She opened the trunk to help him with his bag.

She laughed, "Oh, wow. You only have one bag? You pack surprisingly light." She handed him the key. "There is extra bedding in the closet."

He smiled at her, his eyes looked tired but he remained attentive to her. "Can I text you?" he asked, holding his phone.

"I uhh.." she wasn't sure what to say.

"As friends" he said laughing slightly.

"Oh okay, sure" he handed her his phone and she entered her number, handing it back to him with a smile, "have a good night Suga."

She got back into her car and made her way up to the front again. She pulled into her parking space and got out, motioning for the next set of boys to get in. RM loaded their luggage into the back.

Another boy stepped up to introduce himself, this one slightly more aggressive than the others. "Jin" he said, "also known as worldwide handsome." He was tall, although slightly shorter than RM with dark hair. Lean, but stockier than the others - very broad shouldered. She imagined he would give a very comforting hug. His eyes were slightly cat-like, flattering his oblong face perfectly. His cheekbones and jawline strong. He had beautiful full lips that looked almost heart shaped when he didn't smile.

Kim Seokjin, Jin for short - Another vocal for the group - one that was renowned for being a "silver voice". His stable breathing and strong falsetto made him extremely versatile in all genres. A funny guy with a mild temper - he was considered the mom of the group, always making sure the guys were well taken care of - bringing them ice cream to cheer them up. Often times preparing meals and lunches for them. Cooking was another passion of his. He had a love of telling uncle jokes. His laugh was contagious and his face would turn red when he felt like people were staring at him too much. He was a terrible liar and loved to be complimented. Easy going until he got worked up - once slightly angered he would speak so fast it was hard to understand him. So handsome that his fans named him "Mr. Worldwide Handsome", meaning he was considered handsome in every country he visited. He was the eldest member of the group.

RM laughed while he put the luggage in the trunk, "It's late can we give the flirting a rest?" He rolled his eyes at Jin.

Jen smiled at Jin, he was very handsome, although in a very traditional sense. Very Hollywood actor. She preferred a man with more unique features but she could appreciate his beauty all the same. He obviously spent a great deal of time perfecting himself and he was proud. "Nice to meet you, worldwide handsome" she said giving him a smile.

His black hair fell over his face as he stepped forward, "Jungkook." His eyes were big and bright as if he was excited about something. Of all of them, he smelled the best, smelling slightly fruity with base notes of vanilla and chocolate. It smelled very familiar to her. He smells slightly feminine but it suits him well. I am pretty sure I own that perfume, she thought to herself. He had beautifully cut features, as if he could pull off both the innocent boy look and a badass at the same time. His lips featured a prominent cupid's bow and reminded her of her own lips. Very full on bottom with a slightly thinner upper lip. He looked sweet and innocent.

Jeon Jeongguk, stage name Jungkook. - For lack of a better word, he was the most "average guy" out of all of them. As the youngest member of the group he was known as the "golden" maknae - a term given to the absolute youngest member. Although he seemed like an average guy with his love of manga, food and video games - his outstanding appearance and professionalism told a different story. His vocals rivaled the greatest of singers - new and old. While the other members preferred to dress in expensive clothing, he stayed with his tried-and-true brands. He was one of if not the most popular member in the group. Fans gave him the nickname of Kookie. Despite their success he had average dreams - he wished to eventually get married and have kids, to settle down and live an average life. Training as an idol from a young age, he joined the group as a teen - his childlike demeanor still holding true. He had an uncanny ability for learning quickly and excelling at everything he tried. It often left him feeling like he needed work harder to feel like he worked just as hard as the other members, to the point of dehydration and exhaustion.

"Nice to meet you Jungkook" she said opening the car door. Jin sat in front with her, Jungkook in the back. Jungkook laid down in the backseat, getting comfortable on her pillows. I'll take him home last since he's so comfortable, she thought to herself. She handed the aux cord to Jin, "Suga wanted to listen to music on the way. You can too if you like." He nodded and set the cord down without playing music.

Her phone sat in the cup holder between the front seats. Her phone starting going off. Her text notification for one of her friends was, "Waste it on me", specifically, RM's part of the song all the way to the end. She quickly took the phone, placing it face down to end the notification. She laughed, slightly embarrassed.

Jungkook immediately started singing and continued singing after the notification stopped. He really does have a beautiful voice, she thought to herself. It was extremely soothing to her and made her feel more relaxed.

"A fan?" Jin asked, curiously looking at her.

She could feel her face getting flushed, "I am." She nodded hoping the moment passed quickly.

"You didn't ask for an autograph?" he asked, although it sounded more like a statement.

She smiled, pulling into the parking space for his rental, "You guys looked tired and honestly I'm not into that kind of thing." She stepped out of the vehicle to help him carry his bags.

He gave her a half smile and raised an eyebrow slightly, getting out of the car with her, "What do you mean?"

She opened the trunk and started removing his bags, setting them gently on the gravel, "I don't really like to get close to celebrities. I like to admire from afar." She paused and stared at him. "In my mind if I can give them one less crazed fan to worry about, maybe their lives will be a little more peaceful." She handed him the key for the rental.

He hugged her, his broad shoulders wrapped around her. I was right, his hugs are the best, she thought to herself. She left her arms to the side without hugging back. He thanked her and headed up the stairs to his rental. She waited until he got inside before leaving.

Jungkook had sat up by the time she got back in the car. In her rear view mirror she could see him smiling at her. He moved close behind her, using her seat to pull himself forward. She felt as if he liked being able to intimidate her slightly. Perhaps he is into power plays, she thought to herself. He was so close to her that she could feel him breathing on her neck. It was kind of weird but slightly erotic. She wasn't even sure if he did it on purpose or not. He looked too sweet and innocent to do it purposely.

She pulled into the parking space, opening the trunk once again. He joined her at the back of the car, removing his luggage. He stood directly in front of her with a big smile on his face. His wide eyes open as if he had a million racing thoughts. After several moments he reached out to her hand, holding it within his. She looked down, noticing the tattoos on his hands. She looked up to see him smiling at her still. She laughed and took her hand back, handing him the key.

"Goodnight Jungkook" she said. He gave her another big smile, this time big enough to crinkle his eyes. He went to his rental while she made she he got in safely.

She drove back to the front of the park. She couldn't stop thinking about how flirty the guys had been. They were all so cute but man are they good at making me feel uncomfortable, she thought to herself.

She opened the trunk and didn't bother getting out of the car this time. It was already nearing midnight and she was exhausted. RM helped load their luggage, lightly patting the trunk after he closed it. Seijin sat next to her in the front seat, another hopped into the backseat, he sat in the middle, leaning in between Seijin & Jen.

"I'm J-Hope" he said cheerfully. He had a very thick Asian accent, suiting him perfectly. He shared a similar height to the other guys, although he seemed noticeably thinner. Very fashionable. He had a slightly longer face cut with a strong jawline and high cheekbones, Like RM he had dimples when he smiled. An adorable nose that turned up slightly at the end. She had always known that he was really cute, but his personality really won her over. He was extremely kind and happy. She often wished she could be that person. Being an introvert, she often tried to conserve her energy for situations she really wanted to enjoy. Being outwardly happy all the time exhausted her in most cases. It was rare she found someone didn't drain her mentally, she thought most people to be energy vampires.

Jung Hoseok, stage name J-Hope and sometimes referred to as Hobi. - The final rapper of the group and another member who received much criticism in their debut days. Anti-fans asked him to leave the group on numerous occasions which he eventually considered before deciding not to - the love and trust of his group pulling him back. He was the best dancer and most fashionable of the group. His laugh was contagious and animated - he had no problems with falling over from laughter. Spending too much time in water made him seasick and roller coasters scared him to death, though he did think it was fun after the fact. He is known as the happiest member of the group - often gritting his teeth and hiding any problems he faced. He was considered to be the second-to-the-last favorite member of the group, after RM of course, in their debut days. His fan base grew as they reached unimaginable levels of success. As the third eldest member of the group, he was a part of the hyung line.

Seijin sat quietly as J-Hope talked both to, and at, Jen. He often nodded his head in agreement, listening to him be so happy. She pulled into the parking space for Seijin's rental. She had her hand on the door handle when Seijin said, "I'll get my bags. You stay here." She smiled at him and handed him the key. He returned a smile adding, "thank you" before exiting and grabbing his bags. She waited until he entered the rental before backing up. She pulled into J-Hope's rental, a mere 40 feet away. She exited her car, helping him remove his bags. He had more bags than most of the other guys. She set his bags gently on the gravel.

He smiled at her, he swayed back and fourth slightly as if he was nervous. She handed him the key. He picked up his bags and turned away for a brief moment before turning around to ask, "phone?" he asked in English, making a phone call gesture next to his face.

She laughed, louder than she probably should with how late it was, "You are the second person to ask tonight. Let me see your phone." He handed her the phone and smiled, a low chuckle escaping his lips.

"Second? Who asked first - V?" he asked.

She entered her number into his phone. She handed it back to him, still laughing about it, "Suga."

He looked at her stunned before returning the phone to his pocket. "I can't believe that. He doesn't even respond to us."

Her laugh died down into a smile, "Well he hasn't actually texted yet so...." her voiced trailed off, dropping her smile. She could feel how tired she was now, even with the excitement of meeting BTS she felt like she could fall asleep at any given moment.

He smiled at her again, giving her a thumbs up before entering his rental. She waited until he got inside and she could see the lights pop on.

Seijin & Hope's rentals were in the back in the campground, it took her awhile to get back to the front. Pulling into her parking spot she could see RM and Jimin outside the store. Jimin laying on the ground, resting his head on RM's thigh. RM staring off into the distance, resting his head against the window of the store. They both looked fatigued. She couldn't imagine what they had gone through.

   She exited the car, and gestured them to get in.

    The last boy she had not been properly introduced to stood up slowly and whined half-playfully and half-seriously,  "I'm hunnnnngry."

   RM rolled his eyes. "Jimin, you just ate" he said with a sigh.

   "No, real food" he whined again. This time almost stomping his foot, his blonde hair bouncing with the motion. Compared to the others, he looked petite, but strong. His lips plump and a generously handsome smile. His had slightly chubby cheeks yet still prominent cheek bones, very doll like. He seemed comfortable in his sexuality and that in itself was attractive to her. He presented himself in a very fun, childlike manner. She could see immediately that he often needed reassurance from the others.

Park Jimin, stage name Jimin. - The second-youngest in the group after Jungkook. Lead vocals and well known for his falsetto - he had the voice of an angel. He was a sensitive guy with a need for attention. He loved being the center of it just as much as he loved showering the other members in it. He loved to compliment and purchase gifts for the other guys, always holding on to or touching the other members. In their debut days, he felt out of place when they would strive for a "bad boy" image. In more recent years he allowed his true personality to shine brighter and was met with complete acceptance from his fans. As one of the most popular members, he loves his fans more than life itself. In their early days, he was one of the most hated members - not by his fans but by fans of rival groups. So much so that he had received multiple threats on his life. He struggled in the beginning with loving himself as he was. In his quest to find perfection he often starved himself to the point of exhaustion. Recent years had treated him much better and he was a happier person because of it. He was one of the sweetest members of the group and his love for army knew no bounds.

RM sighed loudly, tilting his head back, letting his arms fall to the side.

   "I have food, not a lot but I can probably get you something?" Jen offered.

   "It's really not necessary--" RM said before being cut off by Jimin.

   "What kind?!" Jimin asked, practically jumping up and down.

   "Umm, chips, fruits" she said thinking, "maybe some spicy ramen?"

   Jimin didn't even say anything before getting up, he bounced around happily next to her.

   "It's been a really long night for everybody, we don't mean to waste more of your--" RM rebutted, trying to calm Jimin.

   "It's really no big deal. I live in the apartment up there" she said, pointing towards the sky above the gift shop.

   RM looked up to see there was an apartment above the A frame building. Jimin looked to him expectantly. He smiled, rolled his eyes slightly and said, "Well, let's get it."

   They walked around the building and up the set of stairs, dragging their luggage behind them. Jen helped Jimin with his as she noticed his struggle.

She placed her key in the lock and turned the doorknob, forcefully pushing the door open. Immediately the smell of blueberry pancake filled their senses.

"Mmm" Jimin said, smelling the air, "what smells so good?"

She giggled at him, "It's a candle. I love candles but I'm especially fond of fall scented ones."

The apartment was small, but cozy. She loved the shabby chic look and decorated her space to reflect that. Lots of white and ivory with subtle pops of pink. It was calming to her.

   Jimin dropped his bags near the door. Walking through the kitchen, he immediately opened the fridge and started pulling things out, naming things as he went. "Strawberries, blueberries." He found the bananas on the counter. She handed him a plate, smiling at how happy he was.

   RM sighed loudlly, giving up at this point.

   "If you keep walking straight you'll find the living room. You can sit down if you want" Jen offered.

   RM thanked her with a smile, and headed to the couch. He removed the pillows from the corner and placed them in his lap, laying his head back and letting his neck hang. It feels so good to sit on something other than a bus seat, he thought to himself. He looked around to survey the room - clearly a girls space. Candles. Blankets. Throw pillows. He found the remote and turned on the TV, scrolling through her apps. He scrolled through, finally deciding on Funimation, he reached across to grab a blanket. Covering himself he could smell the faint scent of perfume. It smelled beautiful and warm, just like she did. Slightly expensive, but not too expensive. He breathed deep and let the scent fill him.

She walked into the hallway leading to the living room, stopping at the console table to empty her pockets. She usually carried so many things with her, always her phone but also lip balm, a small vial of perfume, and a pen. She plugged her phone into it's charger. "I'm going to change my shirt" she yelled, unsure if they would even care. It felt super awkward having them in her apartment but they acted like it wasn't a big deal. They are probably used to meeting strangers, she thought to herself. She closed her bedroom door and took off her shirt, adding it to the laundry basket. She rummaged through her drawer to find something comfortable, but appropriate. She chose a plain white tee that ruched on one side. She typically preferred to get comfortable as soon as she got home - getting out of her jeans as fast as possible. To her, pants were leg prisons and shoes were foot prisons.

   She entered her living room. "Comfy?" she asked, sitting down on the opposite side of the couch. She admired how cute he looked snuggled in her blanket.

   He smiled, "Yah" purposely snuggling a little more.

   She giggled, "Jimin found the fruit and he's having a good time in there." She said, reaching for another blanket.

   He laughed and shook his head, "I bet he is."

   "We can share" he said, throwing a corner of the blanket at her.

   Damn he's cute, she thought. She wasn't even sure how she was containing her inner fan-girl. Her heart was screaming but she managed to play it so cool. She thought her heart might burst with how fast it was beating. She covered her legs and snuggled on the couch. She was happy, but so very tired. She could feel her eyes slowly closing against her desire to stay awake.

   Jimin finally emerged from the kitchen, smiling and rubbing his tummy. He sighed, eyelids half closed.

   "Ready to go?" Jen asked, sitting up on the couch. Jimin nodded. She got up to take Jimin to his home for the night.

   "Do you mind if I stay here?" RM asked "Thinking about that ramen now."

   "Oh yeah sure. Pans are in the cabinet near the sink. Ramen in the upper cabinet" she said heading out the door, carrying some of the bags for Jimin. He watched through the blinds as she helped Jimin into the car, loading his bags for him. Jimin seems to like her a lot, he thought to himself, I can see why - she is lovely.

RM got up and began looking through the cabinets, finding the extra spicy noodles and boiling the water. He finished the noodles, drained and then mixed them together.

   She had gotten halfway to drop Jimin off when she realized she forgot her phone. CRAP, she thought to herself, It's late anyway, I will be okay. Jimin sat in the front seat next to her, leaning his head against the door. He fell asleep on the ride. He looked peaceful, as if the car ride comforted him in ways he had not been comforted in a long time. She pulled into the parking space, letting him sleep a minute longer before waking him up.

   RM sat the bowl down, deciding he needed to find the bathroom. He entered her bedroom. Small, but plenty of room with a desk and vanity. Curious, he opened her closet doors. The closet was surprisingly big for how small the apartment was. He looked over her clothing, fashionable, mostly tees and denim. Comfortable shoes - Adidas and converse. Clearly a girl who dresses to be cute and comfortable. He closed the doors. Exactly what he expected based on the little he knew about her.

   He went to the bathroom, located next to the closet.

   Exiting the bathroom, he had a clear view of her desk across the room. He walked closer and realized that her screensaver was none other than BTS. He moved the mouse to see that her background had a picture of him, specifically from the "Butter" concept photo shoot. He raised an eyebrow and smiled.

On the other end of the wall sat her vanity, slightly messy as if she used it often. It had a large Hollywood glamour style mirror, surrounded by fifteen bright light bulbs. Exiting the bedroom he could hear music. Getting closer to the source, he could hear it was a BTS song. Mic Drop, in particular. He picked up her phone from the table and looked at it, recognizing the number that texted her.

The text message contained only one word. "Hey." He laughed a little, shook his head and said, "Suga" to himself out loud.

He set the phone down, only for it to immediately begin ringing again, this time a phone call. He picked up the phone again to see "Ex" calling. He let it ring, setting it down and listening to "I'm fine" playing. He sang along softly to it.

   He picked up his bowl of ramen again about the time she walked in. She shut the door quietly.

   "Jimin is safe" she said turning off the porch light. "Poor thing fell asleep on the drive" she mentioned.

   RM, slurping his noodles, raised both eyebrows, "You had a call."

   Immediately she knew that her ringtone was on. He heard it. Oh god he heard it, she thought to herself.

   "It was Ex?" he asked.

   "Yeah" she sighed, "my ex husband."

   Still eating his noodles, he made a sound between huh and oh?

He gave her a big smile, "And Suga texted you." She blushed, slightly embarrassed. He laughed, louder this time, "I can't even get him to text me."

   She picked up the phone, adding Suga as a contact. She returned the call to her ex. He listened to her from the kitchen.

   "Yeah what did you want?"

   "What does it even matter?"

   She sighed.

   "We've been through this. I'm done and it's over".

   RM heard the anger rising in her voice, and gestured with two fingers for her to give him the phone. She handed it over, giving him a sideways look.

   "Yea man, she said no. Its over." He ended the call and smiled - both dimples showing this time.

   "What did you do?" she asked, panicking.

   "Now he knows you're with a man. He'll leave you alone" he shrugged.

   It was silent as they returned to the living room, "Not something you can fix?" he asked out of curiosity.

   She laughed. "No, it is not" she said, plopping down on the couch.

   He sat down on the other end, one eyebrow up as if he questioned her.

   She leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling. It was always hard for her to hold back her tears when someone asked directly. "After five years of marriage he decided that he would rather have girls on only fans." She looked at him dead in the eyes, "and fuck them." She looked down this time, "more than a few times."

   RM was quiet. He had no words that would comfort her in the moment. She seems like a really chill girl, he thought to himself. He moved closer and rubbed her upper back softly, offering what little support he could think of.

   She laughed as she wiped away the tears. "Its alright. He's the one that's missing out. I'm fucking great" she announced.

   RM laughed. She's kind of cocky - I like it, he thought. Clapping his hands together he said, "It's been a long night and I think we're both tired.."

   She blinked at him a few times. She didn't really want to go anywhere at this point. She wanted to fall asleep when Jimin did earlier. "You can stay here if you want?" she offered, half question half offer.

   He nodded his head in agreement. She brought him some pillows and a larger blanket for the couch.

   "Bathrooms off my room if you need it" she smiled. She went into her room, changing out of her jeans and into ruched shorts. She faced the desk fan towards her bed before getting in, she preferred the cold when she slept.

   She fell asleep quickly.

The group chat that they used to communicate with each other was on fire that night :

Suga : Thoughts? She's cute

V : Very

J-Hope : Her car smelled nice

Jimin : Her apartment smelled nice too

Suga : What?! You went to her apartment?

V : I'm thirsty, do you think she'd help? :D

Jin : Too much V

RM : Jimin complained he was hungry

Jimin : I'm full now : )

Jin :  She seems really nice. Reminds me of my mom.

Suga : She likes drake

Jungkook : Cool girl

Jin : She likes us

Jungkook : Yeah all of her ringtones are bts.

RM : I can't believe Suga is actually responding to us in group chat.

J-Hope : A pretty girl will do that to him.

V : We should invite her to the show tomorrow night

Suga : YAS!

RM : We will ask Seijin in the morning.

Jimin: *clapping emoji*

RM : *sent a picture of him laying on her couch to the chat*

J-Hope : You stayed with her?!?!

Suga : OMG

   He didn't respond further after sending the picture. He laid on the couch, thinking about the day. She was obviously a fan but she treated him like any other person. It was refreshing. He thought about Suga asking for her phone number. It almost pained him to think about and he wasn't sure why. To think of it, all of the guys seemed really smitten by her, he thought to himself before falling asleep.

   He fell asleep for a couple of hours before waking up in the night. He walked through her room to the bathroom. He could see her silhouette in the moonlight. She was sleeping on her stomach with one leg bent. He could see her butt poking out the bottom of her shorts. He went to the bathroom and came back. He admired her figure. Her butt was idealistic, the kind that many women would photo shop to copy. Almost too good to be real, he thought. He slowly climbed into bed next to her.

   Him laying next to her woke her slightly. She was a very light sleeper, with any kind of noise waking her. She could feel his body next to hers. Wiggling closer she rested her head next to his and offered him half of the blanket. They slept together but in the most innocent way. Similar to how you would sleep with a very good friend - cuddled together without sexual expectations. Neither of them had been cuddled in so long, both enjoying it immensely.

He woke up very early. He stared at her while as she slept. He wished he could lay next to her for awhile longer but there was a van waiting to pick them up. Before he left, he took a selfie with her phone, entering himself as a contact. He noticed Suga had sent her another text message as she didn't respond to the first. He smiled, surprised that Suga tried a second time. It was unlike him to pursue someone more than once.

He found a notebook on her counter and wrote her a note before grabbing his bags to head out the door. He quietly closed the front door when he left, his luggage behind him. Before getting into the car he dug out his journal. He sat between Suga & J-Hope. Once settled and on their way, he wrote yesterday's journal entry :

"Today was a great day. The day was long and the ride even longer. Our vehicle broke down on the way to Chicago. We stopped at a campground and met a really nice girl. Pretty. Smart. I slept on her couch and then moved into the bed with her. It was lovely."

He read his entry over, adding small details he wanted to remember. J-Hope couldn't help but notice his entry, "She's pretty" he admitted.

RM laughed, "Yeah so pretty Suga got her number." Suga laughed, letting out a little snort.

"Had to try" he responded.

J-Hope blushed, covering his face.

RM laughed, "You asked for her number too didn't you? How many of you do you think she can see at once?"

V, who sat behind RM, leaned forward between the seats, "I wanted to ask her but I was too shy. She seems really confident."

Suga laughed at V's misfortune. "You weren't able to form words around her."

RM smiled as he listened to the boys jokingly fight over the girl. They often fawned over pretty girls, but usually not the same one. His mind got lost in thought.

Suga's phone went off. He looked at it, seeing a text from Jen. "I win." he said, showing the text message around as if it were a gold medal.

Both V and J-Hope sighed. RM laughed at their behavior. It was cute and charming, but also somewhat childish. He rolled his eyes listening to them talk about her.

Jen woke several times during the night to find him snuggled with her pillows. She thought he looked like a sweet angel when he slept. He snored softly and looked at peace.

In the morning, he was gone. She yawned and stretched. He didn't wear a cologne - instead he smelled of incense with hints of honey and lemon. His scent lingered on her sheets. It smelled as interesting as he was.

It was her day off, she wasn't in a hurry to do anything today. She made her morning coffee. She looked out the window, mug in hand, to see if the bus was outside. It wasn't. For a minute she thought it was all a dream until she noticed a note on her console table.

"Thank you for everything. -Namjoon"

She smiled at the note and looked at the dishes in the sink from the noodles and in that instant it hit her like a truck. Last night was real. And amazing - but short-lived. She honestly had the best night of her life. It really doesn't go up from here, she thought to herself.

   Her doorbell rang. She opened the door to find flowers on the deck. A beautiful bouquet of mixed flowers of all colors. Bringing the flowers in, she set them on her dining table and checked the card.

https://www.wattpad.com/story/278213084-breaking-free-bts-rm-kim-namjoon-fanfiction

[chan-yolo]

Benevolence - Part 11

You were on the run. The were chasing you down and you needed to live. You would do anything to stay alive. But does anything include falling in love? Getting captured by EXO gave you a new survival plan, but will that all go out the window when you meet someone who’s life means more to you than your own? 

A/N - look at me updating this close together! I’m not really sure how I feel about this one, it’s kind of a filler chapter. 

Pairing: Byun Baekhyun / Reader

Genre: Mafia AU, Fluff, Angst

Warning: none really

Word Count: 2884

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | 

 Reaching your room, you swung open your door, sliding down the wall next to it, your cries finally coming through. What you didn’t know was that as soon as you had left, Baekhyun had followed. Rushing through the door, he took you into his arms, keeping you close to him, as your cries could be heard throughout the house.

“it’s going to be okay y/n, I’m so proud of you, your so brave.” Baekhyun comforted you, staying beside you as you let out everything you had been keeping inside.

 You wasn’t sure how long you had sat like that. With Baekhyun shushing you, his voice soft and reassuring, calming you down from the panic attack you had just had. The darkness outside made you think that darkness outside made you think that you must’ve been sitting there for a while, the moon casting a light into your bedroom. With a hoarse voice you let outa small ‘thank you’, not knowing what else to say to him.

“You didn’t have to tell us all of that you know.”

“I know, but you deserved to know.” You sniffled looking up at the man holding you.

“Hyunsuk, what he did toy you…” you moved out of his grip, rubbing your eyes that were sire from the excessive crying.

“I don’t want to talk about it, not anymore.” A silence went between you, neither of you quite knowing where to lead the conversation. After a minute of silence, Baekhyun rose to his feet, disappearing into the bathroom. You watched where his form had left, shortly after his disappearance, you heard the water running. When Baekhyun retuned, he gave you a smile, patting you on the head.

“Go take a bath, I’ll be back in a sec.”

   Sitting in the steaming bath, you watched your skin turn pink from the heat. Flashbacks to your bother entered your mind. All the memories you shared with each other, looking after each other. He was the only family you had. You still couldn’t forgive yourself for what happened. His death was on your hands, and nothing would make that go away.

You felt the tears fall down your cheeks before you could stop them. Dunking yourself under the water, you rose back up, slicking your hair back, rubbing your running nose.

A light knock at the door took you out of the daze you were in. Baekhyun’s head peeked around, his smile making your insides warm up.

“I made tea.” The simple act made you smile. ”Can I come in?” you gave him a small nod, watching him slowly come into the room. Two big steaming mugs of tea in his hands. Handing you one mug, Baekhyun took a seat at the foot of the bathtub opposite you, sipping his own drink.

“I’m sorry for everything.” He began, making you look up at him over your mug. “Not just for hat he did to you, but for what your parents did.”

“What’s done is done.” You shrugged, looking into the colourful bathwater, the holographic reflection of the bubbles taking your attention.

“Tell me about your brother?” Baekhyun got comfortable in his spot, looking at you expectantly. Leaning over to put your mug on the floor next to you, you rested your arms on the edge of the tub, resting your head stop them, looking at the man in front of you.

“He was six years younger than me, 16 when my parents sold him to Hyunsuk. He was into gaming and all this different tech. you would’ve liked him.” the both of you shared a smile with each other.

“He was going to school, studying well. He was my best friend you know? We were one in the same.” Looking off into the corner of the room, you felt that same wave of sadness from earlier hit you. “I really thought I could save him, that if I could at least take his place, he could carry on. I don’t even know what happened to him.” Baekhyun moved opposite you, so quickly you didn’t even notice until his face was in front of yours. The palm of his hand came to rest on your cheek, his eyes searching your own.

“What was his name?”

“Kihyun.” Baekhyun nodded.

“I promise you we will find out what happened to him. when Hyunsuk is finished we will do that for you.” You smiled at him, believing that he would do that for you. “You finish up, I’ll go find a movie for us to watch.” Taking the mugs, he left a lingering kiss on your forehead, before leaving the room. In that one moment. You wondered if it was possible for you to find someone as great as Baekhyun.

 ***

 The next morning you walked in the kitchen, met by sympathetic stares from eight men.

“Oh come on man.” You let out exasperated, moving away from them all.

“Y/N, are you sure everything is okay?” Yixing asked you, worry clear in his voice.

“I am. It’s over now, and you guys don’t get to feel sorry for me. That’s the last thing I want.” You looked at them all in disgust.

“You heard what she said.” Suho inputted dismissively, turning the page of his paper. Nodding in thanks, you turned towards the cabinet behind you. Extending your arm to reach for a glass, you were stopped by a hand grabbing one for you, placing it in front of you on the worktop. Turning around, you were greeted with the cheeky face of Baekhyun.

“Good morning.” He smiled at you.

“Morning.” Staring at each other, you shared some sort of conversation that only you two could understand. One that entailed warmth, thankfulness. Though it was soon broken by the clearing of Suho’s throat.

“Well I suggest you get something to eat, we have a meeting in 20 minutes.” Moving away from each other, you went to the opposite end of the counter, following the leader’s instructions.

***

Sat around an oval mahogany table, you all looked over the graphs in front of you. Each with their own red marks pinpointing a possible location Hyunsuk could be in.

“First things first, we need to find him. we’ve managed to get the floorplans of each of the properties he owns. Y/n, did you stay at any of these?” Suho asks, pushing a clearer copy towards you.  Nodding, you pointed to the ones that were familiar to you.

“The holiday house in Busan, the main house in Seoul, and the apartment in Hongdae. Sometimes he would pick a few of us out to travel with him.” You explained. You saw Baekhyun’s disgusted expression, his hand that laid on the table had clenched into a fist. Without any thought, you held his hand in your own, trying to calm him down.

“He spends most of his time here in Seoul, though he could be in Hongdae. Depends on business.” You clarify.

“So where do we go first?” Chen questions Junmyeon.

“Nowhere, not yet. Baekhyun we need you to get us everything about the two min houses. Who goes in and out. Chanyeol will help you. Minseok, Yixing and I will work on getting in. Y/N, you, Chen, Kai and Sehun will go talk to Taemin.”

“Suho, I don’t think she should go…” Baekhyun’s voice was cautious.

“She’s part of the team now, which means she goes out with us. If she agrees.” Junmyeon directed his stare towards you.

“She does.” Looking over to Baekhyun, you gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “I’ll be fine, promise.”

“I want a full report of what you find before the night’s out.” And with that you were dismissed.

***

Standing in your room, opposite the full-length mirror, you admired the effort you had put into dressing up for going to this club. The dress you had been given was an emerald green mini dress with a slight split in the thigh. Smoothing it down your curves, you nodded appreciatively at the fit. A knock at the door drew the attention away from yourself.

“Come in.” Baekhyun stopped in his tracks, taking in seeing you in a dress for the first time.

“Sehun told me I couldn’t wear jeans and then threw this dress in my face. But it doesn’t look too bad right?” You winked at him playfully.

“Urm, yeah, it’s… yeah.” You laughed at his nervousness, choosing not to make fun of him this time.

“what’s that?” you pointed to the black box in his hand.

“Oh, this is for you.” Walking over to you, he opened the box, revealing a small necklace. Gesturing for you to turn around to face the mirror again, he clasped the piece of jewellery around your neck before laying his head on your shoulder.

“This necklace is kind of like a panic button, if anything happens to you just press it and it will tell me where you are.” Looking from the necklace to him, you whispered your thanks, hearts warming at the worry and care he has for you.

“You should thank Chanyeol, he made it.” A small kiss was left on your cheek in gratitude. Shortly another knock was heard, but this time it was Chen. Looking at you both, he raised an eyebrow before speaking.

“ready?” You nod at him.

“I’ll be out in a second.” After he had left, you turned to Baekhyun, leaving a kiss on his cheek.

“Be careful.”

“Always.”

***

Sliding into the back of Sehun’s sleek black Range Rover, you buckled yourself in smoothing your dress down in hopes you didn’t reveal too much trying to hop in the vehicle.

“So, where are we off to lads?”

“Diamond.” Kai’s voice was uninterested, scrolling through notifications on his phone, his silk shirt hanging low, showing his collar bones.

“Ahh, the strip club.” Nodding, you look out the window remembering the night Baekhyun had come back from that same club.

“We go in, we find Taemin, we get the info and we go home. There’s no time for anything else tonight. Is that clear?” Chen clarified. All of you nodding in agreement. Sehun parked around the side of the club, the line for the entry heaving. Minseok must do good business here, you think to yourself. Stepping out of the vehicle, Kai ushered you between himself and Sehun.

“Y/n stay close to us.” Entry wasn’t a problem, but you hadn’t been into a club in god knows how long, and you’d never been into an actual strip club. Everything was dark and smoky but at the same time there were so many colours everywhere. Each hint of silver or gold being hit by the lights and catching your eye. You were led straight to a private booth, away from all the rowdy businessmen in the front. Drinks were handed to you immediately by a waitress who seemed to go as quickly s she came.

“Okay, Kia, Sehun and I will go and find Taemin. Y/n just stay here, wait for us to come back, don’t wander an don’t speak to anyone.” Chen orders before the three of them walk off. Alone, you look out to the dance floor below you. You observed the people around you, the kind of people Hyunsuk would entertain, sipping the champagne you had been given, you looked at the women on stage. They were gorgeous, enticing, mesmerising. You held respect for these powerful women in stage. All too soon your gaze was pulled towards a different corner of the room. The feeling of someone looking at you prickled the hairs at the back of your neck. As your eyes met the person who was staring so intently at you, you found just the person you were looking for.

Taemin was seat at the bar, his stance casual. He looked as if he fit in here, though he always did. His shirt was an intricate paisley print, flecks of silver woven into the silk. It matched his silver hair. Without thinking you placed the champagne down and started off towards him. sliding onto the stool next to him, you gave him a once over before finally talking to him.

“What does a lady have to do to get a drink?”

“Which lady is asking?” he looked you up and down. Rolling your eyes at his answer you turned to face the bar.

“Long time no see.”

“So you’re with EXO now?” Taemin signalled for the bartender, ordering two drinks.

“”Looks that way doesn’t it.” You glanced towards him, looking him over once again. “You still the snitch we all know and love?” taking a sip of your drink, you continued to study the bar.

“Not anymore.” Turning to look at Taemin, your eyes met his as he was fully facing you. “Shortly after you left I gave it up. Y/N, the things he did, they got worse. I couldn’t be there anymore. So like you, I left.”

“So why isn’t he out here trying to catch you then?”

“You know what Hyunsuk is like, he’s all pride, and you hurt it. there’s nothing more dangerous than a powerful man with a damaged pride.” Taemin sipped on his drink, looking at you with what seemed like a hint of sympathy.

“They’re going to get him you know?” You moved closer to the man, trying to make his eyeline meet yours. “And if you help us we can make sure we never have to see him again.”

“And have a target on my back? I don’t think so.” Taemin tried to speak to you in a hushed voice, now conscious of the people around him.

“They can protect you Taemin.”

“How can you guarantee that?” For the first time in a long time, you saw how scared he was. It took you back to when you had first been moved to that house, how scared you all were.

“I promise I can. I’ve never broken a promise have I? So, will you help us?” Before he could give you an answer, Kai, Sehun and Chen appeared by your side, all looking quite annoyed.

“What did we tell you? Why are you so incapable of following instructions?” You roll your eyes at Kai’s bratty attitude, watching as Taemin rose to meet the other men’s height. “And you are?” Kai turned his attitude towards him.

“Taemin, Y/N says you need my help.”

***

Suho’s first impression of Taemin was underwhelming to say the least. It didn’t help that you weren’t actually supposed to bring him back. The leader, taking off his glasses, looked at Taemin and then disapprovingly and the four of you stood behind him.

“Taemin I assume.”

“At your service” Taemin gave an exaggerated bow.

“In other circumstances you would have never made it this far. But I have been informed you’re willing to help us.”

“I’m not doing this for you or your gang, I’m doing this for Y/N and everyone else lost to that man. As long as I’m not sold out at the end.”

“I see. Kai will you take him to one of our room and have someone stationed outside.” You looked at Suho in confusion, and concern. Not fully understanding the hostility.

“He’s not a criminal Suho!”

“We don’t know him; therefore we can’t be so liberal. This will be continued tomorrow.” Waving you off, he placed his glasses back on completely ignoring you. You watched as Taemin was led down the corridor, leaving you stood there alone. Huffing, you went in your own direction. Heading towards the room where you figured the only reasonable person was. Reaching the computer room, you knocked on the door, peeking your head around the door, reminiscent of Baekhyun the night previous.

“Your boss is insanely irritating; you know that right?” you pouted at him, closing the door.

“What did he do now?” Baekhyun took off his headphones, arm extending for your hand. Interlocking your fingers, you lightly swung your hands.

“Treating Taemin like he’s a criminal.”

“Can you blame him for being cautious? We don’t know him.”

“You didn’t know me when you brought me here.” You countered.

 “That’s true.” He pulled you onto his lap. “But it felt like I always had.”

“Ever the romantic.” You smiled at him, your foreheads touching.

“Were the guys good to you?” He started to play with the strands of your hair, his other hand gripping your thigh.

“They left me in a booth by myself.” Pouting at Baekhyun, you wound your arms around his neck, pulling yourself closer.

“And I bet you left it.” The cheeky smiled made your own grow. Nodding proudly you both started to laugh. “You will never learn.” Moving closer to you, his lips grazed your own, your noses rubbing together.

“Well they’re not my boss.” You nipped at his bottom lip. Lifting you onto his desk, you let out a laugh as he stood in between his legs.

“What are we going to do with you?” his lips covered your own, his cheekiness and fondness engulfing you. Each kiss had you reeling, a shot of happiness being vaulted around your body with each touch. With his hand on your thigh, his lips on your own and your hand in his hair, there wasn’t anything that could bring you down.

Or so you thought.

[xcactusarto]

Heaven Help Me

an Aoyama Yuga x Iida Tenya university au fic

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33615358

Summary:

What would happen if you found out the person that ordered art prints from you is the guy you’ve been interested in and lives 2 dorms away from you?

Poor Aoyama is denying his feelings from all the times boys broke his little heart, but this guy seems different and became even more special after Aoyama finds out this dude is a big fan of his art! Will he deliver the art prints himself or just leave the package at his door?

Part 1 / ?

Chapter 2 -

Aoyama was anxious to spill the tea on what had just happened to Bakugou once he could go back to his dorm. Even if he was excited to spill the beans, his stomach was not in good shape. He knew this feeling all too well.

He wanted it gone.

Aoyama arrived 5 minutes late after having to change routes and hiding between the bushes next to the art building to throw up dramatically. Thankfully his teacher was late so he could calm down and sit down. Aoyama felt seasick despite only having butterflies. Throw up could happen or the shits. ‘Not in this outfit’ Aoyama thought as he gripped his phone. The class only lasts 30 mins. Since his teacher was late probably less. Maybe he could text Bakugou about how sick he felt maybe they could walk together to the dorms.

.

.

.

Baku dear! My stomach is being very bitchy ~(>_<~) could you pick me up???

.

.

.

.

5 mins passed and Bakugou didn’t answer. Nor did the teacher show up yet. Aoyama looked around and his classmates looked confused as well. Aoyama looks a little to his right and whispers to his classmate.

“Dear, uh do you know if we had class today?”, his classmate looked at him and whispered back.

“Gurlie I’m not gonna lie, this is the first time in the semester I have come to class”, The classmate giggled and said,” Oh, but dude your outfit is hella cute”. Aoyama smiles at his classmate. A girl with a pink afro, a pink headband that made the knotted ends look like horns on her head, and hazel eyes.

“Oh thank you! But I gotta say you look absolutely dashing! Love the colors!”, Aoyama looked at his classmate up and down scanning her outfit. A blue tie-dye crop top with purple spots that went down to her chest. A black bralette under and some pastel yellow sweatpants that gave Aoyama the idea that she could be a dancer. White sneakers with colorful shoelaces. “What’s your name dear?”, Aoyama asked smiling. A small link formed and it was the start of a very nice and stylish friendship.

“Mina Ashido! And you?”, Mina said excitedly as she almost jumped from her seat. She could see this dude could be a great way to pass the class without having to show up. “Yuga Aoyama. Pleased to meet you.” Aoyama and Mina chatted as they waited for their teacher to show up. Slowly the people around them would get up and leave or just chat with each other. The silence of the room cleared up as Mina and Aoyama laughed and talked about their passion for fashion and their hobbies. Aoyama’s perception of Mina was right, she was a Dance major. She was currently doing ballet because she didn’t want her parents to know she was an underground street dancer. On the other hand, Mina learned Aoyama was a digital artist and even got to see some of his pieces. Both were very passionate and frankly, they could be each other’s moral support.

“Hey how about we exchange numbers?”, Mina said and quickly looked around. They were the only ones in class. The classroom was empty and the clock ticking at the front of the class. The class had just ended. Maybe coming to class wasn’t so bad since Aoyama was here. They both looked at each other and laughed. Aoyama’s butterflies were gone and Mina took away his anxiety of shitting himself.

“Yeah that would be wonderful”, Aoyama and Mina then tapped their phone and so they could now talk to each other without having to be in class. Maybe even hang out sometime. As they walked to the door and parted ways Aoyama could notice Bakugou never replied, but his bitch ass left Aoyama on seen. Aoyama was used to it and knew Bakugou would come. Bakugou often forgot to reply , but would do stuff Aoyama texted him to do or asked.

Aoyama waited outside the building for a while. He then sat down and looked at his phone. Scrolled down on his Twitter and Instagram timeline for some time. Aoyama then let out a sigh and got up. He then plugged in his earphones and as he was about to walk away his dorm neighbor called out to him. “Aoyama-kun! Wait up”, A slightly freckled buff guy with green fluffy curly hair called out to him. He wasn’t very stylish , but was always kind to Aoyama. Even though at one point our little Aoyama stalked him because he wanted to be friends with him. I mean he needed a reference for his styling assignment and he was perfect for the outfit. Aoyama stood there and waited for him to catch up to him. “Did class just finish for you too?”, The green-haired hunk asked Aoyama. Aoyama looked at him and explained his situation of waiting for Bakugou.

“Ah, Kacchan didn’t come to pick you up? I can walk you then since we are going to the same dorms!”, his dorm neighbor was always a lifesaver. “Denki is probably at our dorm so I can text him if he can check if Kacchan is there”.

“Please Midori! I’m worried he is oversleeping again. Which I doubt it...He’s probably working out”, Aoyama said as he locked arms with his neighbor. Midoriya Izuku or as Bakugou called him, ‘Deku’, shared a room with Denki Kaminari. Both Midoriya and Denki were his dorm neighbors and often came to watch movies or just help Aoyama with styling assignments. Midoriya was known by the fashion majors as the guy that wore weird shirts. Today he was wearing a pastel blue pullover that had ‘tiny weenie baby’ on it. Aoyama wanted to chuckle , but decided to hold it in. Midoriya’s boyfriend could probably say that was true. They walked to the dorms and as soon as Aoyama got close to the door he slammed it open.

“BITCH YOU HAD ME WAITING FOR 20 MINS OUTSIDE!”, Aoyama said hand still on the door. Midoriya looking over Aoyama’s shoulder. They had caught Bakugou at a...uh special moment.

“CAN’T YOU KNOCK?!”, Bakugou shouted back as he was making out with a purple-haired dude that looked exhausted. Bakugou was still in pajamas while the other was dressed like an e-boy that had just come out of hot topic after his mother had given him an allowance of $10 to spend on my chemical romance merch. That emo boy was Shinso Hitoshi, Bakugou’s boyfriend, and Aoyama’s ex-boyfriend which actually ended well with no heartbreak. I mean they lasted 1 week. Midoriya sneakily walking away then bumped into Denki who was joined by his dark-haired friend. Aoyama looked behind him and immediately then pulls Midoriya as to show proof in an Ace Attorney game.

“I can’t believe poor little Midori had to take time out of his day to walk me back!” Aoyama said as he hugged Midoriya with puppy eyes.

“W-Well uh technically I was walking back so might as well accompany him, right?” Midoriya nervously smiled as Denki walked into the room and held in the laughter he had from seeing Bakugou slightly flustered from being caught getting it on with Shinso. Bakugou then of course starts arguing with Deku as if Deku was the one at fault. Oh well, Aoyama needed to spill the beans on the guy he saw and interacted with so he gathered Denki, Shinso, and Denki’s friend who was just watching the chaos happening in a room full of gays. Except for Denki he had a girlfriend. I mean he isn’t straight, but bisexual so yeah a gay too. Aoyama shoved them to the other side of the room onto his bottom bunk. They all proceeded to sit down and let Aoyama sit cross-legged in the middle while he held a pillow.

“Oh my gosh, guys please help me snap out of these feelings I’m having! I’M GONNA DIE!”, Aoyama said as he swung his arms around dramatically.

“Is he gonna scooter ankle or is he being dramatic?” Denki’s friend leaned over and whispered in Denki’s ear.

“No Sero, he is just being dramatic about something .”, Shinso said as they looked at Aoyama giving them puppy eyes. Sero Hanta, Denki’s friend who was wrapped up in this situation. Sero is a black-haired dude with a nice wide smile. He often just wore pullovers and looked like those dudes that sits right in front of you in computer class and just watching memes or editing Shrek on Ronal McDonald’s body. Those dudes are pretty chill once you start talking to them.

“Just let him spill the tea guys. I wanna know what made him so anxious”, Denki said as he nudged both of the boys to listen.

“So I was walking to class alright?? And then and then I bumped into this guy while I was checking the time on my phone! And then bam this dude was holding me so sweetly and he was so strong might I add!!”, Aoyama said excitedly as he gripped the pillow close to his chest. The boys on the other hand looked at him. Maybe he’s being dramatic, Denki thought. The room of course was still noisy while Aoyama spilled his feelings on the hunk of a man that literally held him as if it was a shojo manga.

“And then he even HELD MY HAND!! MY PRECIOS HAND TO HAND ME MY PHONE!! He also told me to be careful and walked away as if nothing happened!!”, Aoyama sighs after this and just lets his body lay on the boys legs as he dramatically puts his left arm over his face.

“Well, that was something. How did he look like wey?”, Sero asked as he held Aoyama’s arm away from his face. Denki and Shinso nodded. Aoyama then puts a finger on his lips and thinks for a little. “Mind if I sketch him out?” Aoyama says as he signals Shinso to pass him his sketchbook.

After a few minutes, he then shows the boys as he had decided to sit between Denki and Sero. “He looked like this!! He had some weird eyebrows that looked like the Nike symbols!”, Aoyama pointed at the drawing. The boys felt like they had seen him before. They just couldn’t find this dude’s name in the glossary of their minds.

“Isn’t that Iida-kun?”

[camdenfringe]

CHANGES TO THE PRINTED PROGRAMME

Since we printed the glossy A5 brochure for the Camden Fringe there have been a number of additions to the line-up and a couple of cancellations. Here is a list of forthcoming changes. Always check our website for the most up to date line-up information

**ALTERATIONS**

The times for this show are different to those printed in the brochure You Have Absolutely No Sense Of Time The Black Box Theatre 2, 9-11 August at 4.30pm, 3-4 August at 6pm, Hen and Chickens https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2453

Isabelle Farah: Ellipsis Now on 7.45pm on 21 August at the Albany (moved from 4 August) https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2505

Dannie Grufferty: How Brexit sent us all slightly mad 9pm 5-7 August + 9pm 18 August at The Albany (4 August cancelled) https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2421

**EXTRA SHOWS**

Remember Tonight Vortex Collision Arts Company 9.30pm 2-3 August at London Irish Centre A young man brings home a stranger who was beaten up on the street. His desperate attempt to help the person in need leads him to discover wounds he wasn’t meant to deal with. Soon, they will be unexpectedly engulfed in a loop where there will be nothing that could not happen.

Joseph Parsons: Baggy Point 5.30pm 4 August The Bill Murray Joseph Parsons (as seen on Channel 4) presents his uplifting, sell-out stand up comedy show, Baggy Point. With his lovable and electric energy on stage, Joseph tells the story of discovering his sexuality as he clumsily navigates his way through social gatherings, love and living in a different country. Joseph also looks at how the perceptions of sexuality in smaller towns and homophobia in football affect younger people growing up. All proceeds to this show will go to Football v Homophobia. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2708

Sea Changes Marina Jenkyns Productions 12.30pm 5-9 August Etcetera Theatre Sharon; `You know what? He was jealous. Never been outside Shepherd's Bush. Imagine fucking a man who's never flown!'Mair: `Soft on my face. Her skin, her tears. Must go on. Mustn't stop. Must do it'.Maeve: `Sally and I lay down, sun on our faces, just touching, like our hands.Understanding the past in order to create the future. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2719

The Feminazis Curious Dispute 4.30pm 5-7 August Etcetera Theatre The Feminazis' juxtaposes a classical duo comedy format with explicit imagery, presenting the question 'how far is too far'? Frustrated with the lack of progression in modern day society regarding gender equality, Sal and Libby decide to take matters into their own hands by creating a terrorist organisation. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2716

The Party Pilgrim Productions 9pm 5-9 August The Cockpit In September 2018, the president's nominee for the U.S. Supreme Court, was accused by a woman of sexual assault 36 years earlier. This revelation, broadcast worldwide at a Senate committee hearing, has since become a major cause celebre. 'The Party' by Sam J. Stewart is a 2-act play which re-lives and examines this drama. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2688

Jet Set Go! Pump House CYT 7.30pm 9 – 10 August Theatro Technis A delightful, inventive and witty new musical about 24 hours in the ordinary working life of a transatlantic airline cabin crew; sex, romance, optimism and jaded cynicism are thrown together into a bitchy, campy but essentially tender-hearted cocktail. "A production that’s warm, funny and wonderfully scored” **** The Scotsman. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2720

Love Is... Spitball Theatre Company 9.30pm 9-10 August at London Irish Centre Two women and one non-binary person delve into love, in all its many forms. We all remember our first love, don’t we? Have you tried to block out that painful memory? Does that fleeting eye contact still play on your mind? Featuring movement, music and true stories we take you through loves lost and won. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2698

Fraser Gibson: Self-ish 3.45pm 10-August The Bill Murray Fraser Gibson's debut show is a wrestle with the Self-ish pursuit of being a stand-up comedian. Explained through tall tales, uncanny impressions and a good ol' song or two... A hilarious session of self-therapy! https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2711

Matt Blair – Mattinée 3pm 11 August The Bill Murray An hour of musical comedy, jokes and references from the mind of a movie fanatic. Join Matt on his journey to find out why we love movies so much. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2556

Ordinary Days Pump Priming Productions 7.30pm 11 August Theatro Technis A romance on the rocks, an artist's vision stalled, and a graduates thesis in peril lead four young New Yorkers through a series of humorous and touching musical, intersecting vignettes, as they search for fulfilment, happiness, love and cabs.This melodious one act musical, performed by an award winning cast, is a hidden gem. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2721

Si Deaves - Si's Matters 8pm 11 August Camden Comedy Club Nuclear annihilation!! Brexit?! Rabies?? There are so many issues in the world today, yet Si Deaves still finds time to worry about the little things, in his own unique way. Join Si‚Äôs world as he tackles "inspiration", fears of inadequacy, *that* drunk guy at the pub and much more in his official debut stand-up hour, Si’s Matters. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2722

G(L)ORY Ocular Seven Productions 9pm 11-13 August The Hen and Chickens True crime, murder mystery, serial killer docs, you name it Bobby's binged it. Just like everyone else in the office, so what makes him so different? Through Bobby, we explore the public and media fascination and glorification of violence. Why do we keep watching? https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2712

Be More Bee 12.30pm 13-14 August Etcetera Theatre Feeling broken or lost in a scary world? Looking for a Marie Kondo type, but more Home Counties? Well Bea has got just the ticket to cheer you up. It’s the bees! They’ve got the secret to happiness! Let her guide you through the honey-soaked life-hacks of the British Bee. Preposterous new comedy by Jenni Mackenzie-Jones. With a tombola. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2717

Together For Seven BearFoot 2.30pm 13 – 15 August Etcetera Theatre This is the last place you would expect to find yourself; a police station. You cast your mind back to the good, the bad and the ugly. Teetering on the edge of disaster, wondering whether forgiveness will find you, do you favour the truth or favour yourself? What risks would you take to protect your family when the odds are stacked against you? https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2706

Dougie Dixon: Proper Belter 8pm 13-14 August Camden Comedy Club Meet Dougie Dixon. He's the reality TV star you didn't know you knew. Original TOWIE cast member. As seen on Tipping Point Lucky Stars, Celebs On The Farm (reserve contestant) & Embarrassing Celebrity Bodies. Series winner of The Celebrity Etch-A-Sketch Challenge. Come join Dougie as he launches his first ever debut autobiography; Proper Belter! https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2723

Sam Mitchell: Wham Bam Thank You Sam 9.30pm 13 August The Bill Murray 45 mins of stand up comedy from one of the greats* about growing up**, committing*** and M+M World. * if you ask him ** trying to *** see above. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2707

Faye Treacy is a Work in Progress 8pm 15-17 August Camden Comedy Club As seen on BBC Three and heard on Radio Four, Faye Treacy is back with a new work in progress show. "One of the most unique performances you'll see at the Fringe this year... simultaneously childish, genius and inescapably memorable." **** (1/2) (ShortCom) https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2715

Dan Horrigan's Riot to Heaven Sky or the Bird 8.30pm 16-20 August at Aces and Eights High octane stories from men who would steal the eyes of ya and you wouldn't know until you went to read the paper. Laugh, weep and laugh again as we break into heaven. Raconteuring, storytelling, and theatre of the highest calibre. Second chances are rarer than rocking horse manure so get your ticket before we're off to rob another town. Cheers. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2549

Fatiha El-Ghorri & Katherine Atkinson: Mocking Birds Fat Kat Comedy 4.15pm 18 August at The Bill Murray Join Fatiha El-Ghorri and Katherine Atkinson (both 2017 Funny Women Awards Regional Finalists) for an hour of stand up as Fatiha smashes Muslim stereotypes and challenges you to re-think what you think you know about Islam and Muslims, and Katherine offers up an acerbic, sideways view of motherhood, if she can be bothered. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2728

Dane Baptiste: Work in progress 9.30pm 18 August at The Bill Murray Star of Live at the Apollo (BBC Two), Tonight at the London Palladium (ITV1) and 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown (Channel 4) - Join Baptiste as he workshops brand new material for his next tour show. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2727

Red Richardson: Red Notice 8.15pm 21-22, 9pm 23-24 August The Taproom In 2017 Red Richardson left a building in Central London to see thousands of people running down the street screaming, for the next 35 minutes the whole of the country (Thanks to Pop star Ollie Murs tweeting from a basement in H and M) believed it was a terrorist attack. It wasn't. This is an hour of stand up about the human condition in crisis. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2390

Leave this World Alive 9.30pm 21 August at Water Rats 'I hope the exit is joyful' - wrote Frida Kahlo, only days before she died. When was the last time YOU thought about your end? And how does it make you feel? Powerless? Awake? Does it help you appreciate the moment you live in? We will reach out for a topic which brings all these questions on the table: assisted dying - determining our own end. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2731

Nico. No Regrets. 8.30pm 23 August The Chapel Playhouse A show by and with Margherita Remotti in association with Actors East London. Directed by Alberto Barbi. Text by Fernando Coratelli and Margherita Remotti. In this one woman show, we explore the life of Nico, better known as Andy Warhol's superstar, muse and rockstar singer of the Velvet Underground. But you will discover this was only the surface. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2729

The Golden Child William Desmond 5pm 24-25 August The Chapel Playhouse William Desmond has always considered himself the Golden Child. Today, people need to standout in a crowd of hundreds of faces. Will is a twin, and during this 60 minute show he explores what it is like to be in constant competition with his brother. With musical parody and silliness, Will explains being good at everything isn't always the answer. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2718

Ross Drummond & Harry Monaghan: The Orb 5.30pm 25 August The Bill Murray Have you touched The Orb? Want to meet two that have? A mainstay of science, wonder and amazement since its inception in the late 80s, The Orb is science’s greatest invention. What’s its purpose? We’re not sure. Perhaps it merely exists to inspire us. Anything is possible with The Orb. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2709

**CANCELLED**

Darius Tabai: Schrodinger's Mum Comic Quartets Lloyd Langford: New Things (A Work in Progress) Steve McNeil: Video Games

[prettywordsyouleft]

The Sex Contract - Chapter 21

Genre: friends to lovers au / friends with benefits / mature content / romance / angst

Characters: Shim Changmin x Kaia Ashton (OC)

A/N: Due to the overwhelming request I have followed your encouragement to bring back one of my older stories. This was back in a time where OCs were everything and writing one chapter in each main’s point of view was the trend. I hope that even though I have edited this drastically, that you can appreciate this story comes from my older style of writing. I definitely still read this often and find it enjoyable so I hope you will too.

Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 - FINAL

Chapter 21 – Changmin’s POV.

“Do I really have to?”

Changmin’s manager sighed heavily and placed both hands on Changmin’s shoulders. “Do you want me to lose my job? Of course, you have to.”

“But I’d rather cut my own hand off than spend another night with Kaori. I thought this was only a Japan thing.”

“Are you really that ignorant, kid? Of course, this was going to continue after the promotions, otherwise then the whole thing would look fake and enrage the fans more than you both hooking up.” The man looked at Changmin incredulously. “Seriously are you that naive?”

“Can I end it soon though?” Changmin begged, and the man waved him off. “Hyunggg!”

“Aegyo never has worked on me, Changmin.” He narrowed his eyes for a moment and then smiled. “And you’re just not a pretty little thing to keep me that entertained.”

“Unlike Kaia huh?” Yunho mentioned as he entered the room and Changmin gave his fellow member a filthy look. He was still enjoying Changmin’s pain too much.

The manager grinned. “Oh, she was the sweetest thing, always bringing me cups of coffee. A real cheerful girl she was. I even forgot she was foreign, she was that comfortable.” He turned his attention to Changmin and slapped his arm.

“Ow! Why is everyone hitting me lately?!”

“Just do your job, understand?” He left the room and Changmin looked over at Yunho now stretching to prepare for dance practice. He stalked across the room to the older man and Yunho paused his actions, standing back to his full height and giving Changmin an amused glance.

“Changmin?”

“Would you stop bringing her up? Every time I see Nayoung she’s always beating on me, don’t get him going too.”

“I was just stating a fact is all.” He casually slipped into a hamstring stretch. “Not my fault everyone’s blaming you for Kaia leaving, though it kind of is.”

“I’ve already told you that she’s the one who wants nothing to do with me!”

Yunho rolled his eyes. “Figured out why yet?”

“No, because I have to put up with irresponsible people like you trying to irritate me!”

“The irresponsible one is you for letting that silly agreement get out of control. I told you it would end like this.” Yunho chuckled. “You know Changmin; I love you as a brother, and know everything there is about you. It’s amusing that you can’t figure out what everyone else has.”

“Can’t you just tell me then?!” Changmin let out an angry huff of air and started stretching too.

Yunho shook his head and grinned. “Nope, that’s for you to uncover yourself.”

“Bastard!”

Changmin was beyond annoyed by the time he left work for the evening and headed across to the hotel Kaori was staying in to pick her up. His manager had insisted Changmin take his car, ensuring that he would be followed by reporters for high coverage. Changmin disliked the attention normally and being so outlandishly open about dating Kaori was really started to strike a nerve. He was sure that if this fake relationship didn’t end soon, he was going to slip up from all the anger it stacked within him. And he was already too frustrated with his personal life as it was to add anything further to the fire.

Driving up in front of the hotel, Changmin pulled out his phone and rung the Japanese model. She didn’t pick up immediately and he slammed his hand on the steering wheel, annoyed with how she had to take her time with everything. Finally, the call connected. “I’m sitting in front of the hotel, hurry up or I’m going without you.”

“Is that any way to speak to me Changmin?”

“I’ve had a really long day, and would rather go home and eat there. Does that indicate how much I want to talk to you right now?” Changmin sighed irritably.

“Testy,” she purred and giggled. “I feel tonight is going to be very interesting.”

“We’re going to the movies. That way your voice won’t get on my nerves for too long.”

“Oh, Changmin you really do know how to seduce a woman.” She giggled again. “I’ll be down in ten minutes.”

“Make it five or I’m leaving.” He ended the call and then switched on the radio, turning it up. A couple of valet boys glanced in his direction and Changmin shrugged. He was already bringing enough attention by just sitting here. Three songs went by and he decided that was more than enough time waiting for the demanding princess. A small smile crossed his lips at how mad Kaori would be if he drove off now. It was so tempting. He started the car up and glanced about the foyer, grinning childishly. It soon faded and was replaced with a scowl, the elegant woman walking in his direction.

“Changminnie!” She greeted as she got into the car, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. He didn’t know why she bothered with continuing the act behind the tinted windows but he simply ignored it, driving out of the area immediately. “I didn’t even have my seatbelt on!”

“Be thankful I hadn’t driven off, I was about to.”

“Ooh, you are very sour tonight,” she observed and smiled to herself. “It shall be up to me to make this change! What movie are we going to see? There’s a really good Korean romantic comed-”

“An English one,” Changmin cut in, hoping that would annoy her. He glanced in her direction and smiled, noting she had folded her arms across her chest. “I’ve wanted to see it for some time now.”

“Ah, is your English any good? Whenever I watch English movies, I get a headache from trying to understand everything.”

Changmin smiled to himself in triumph. “Nothing like a challenge, right?”

“What are you up to Changmin?” she wondered at his mood change. Changmin turned to the woman and gave her a gracious smile. “You are being nice again.”

“I’m sorry; I guess I feel better in your company already.”

“Hah.”

“We’re here, come on, let’s put on a grand performance.” Changmin pulled the car into a park easily and cut the engine. Getting out, he rounded the vehicle and opened the door for the woman, who looked about her in confusion.

“This is the front entrance.”

“Of course, we’re just a normal couple on a date to the movies, right?” Changmin reminded, slinging his arm through hers and taking the girl towards the building. Crowds were already forming and when they were spotted, the noise of gasps started to fill the venue. Although normally it would irk Changmin, knowing that he was going to annoy Kaori with the movie choice had relieved him of any displeasure.

He was going to have fun tonight.

His plan faltered in the first fifteen minutes of the movie. Changmin was too busy trying to understand everything happening that he became incredibly frustrated. It was fast paced too and looking around himself, it annoyed him that everyone else appeared as if they understood the storyline. Even Kaori seemed interested enough to try keeping up.

Distracted, Changmin continued to look around the darkened theatre, wondering how he was going to get through another hour of this movie. Just as he looked back at the screen, his eyes caught a couple two rows down. He blinked and refocused, lurching forward in the chair a little. Blinking furiously this time, still they appeared in front of him and Changmin watched on in high interest.

The man wasn’t that much taller than the woman but there was still enough clearance for her to comfortably rest her head on his shoulder. Changmin’s eyes narrowed, watching as the Korean waited for his opportunity to sling his arm around the back of the chair. Just as he anticipated, the man moved it a moment later and the girl instantly snuggled into his side, her curls falling over his limb in the process. Changmin took in a sharp breath and leant closer towards Kaori so he could get a better look at Kaia on her date.

“Min?” she whispered and he had to put an arm around her to balance his new position. Kaori seemed to enjoy this though he was vaguely aware, too busy watching the couple. Halfway through the movie the man removed his arm and whispered into Kaia’s ear before getting up and darting for the exit. Without thinking, Changmin got up out of his seat with a brief mentioning of going to the bathroom and followed him out, heading to the restroom since the man wasn’t in the foyer. He soon found him and smiled as he approached the person he was looking for.

“I’m sorry, this might seem the wrong place but are you from CODE V?” Changmin asked as he moved over to him by the sink and Jaewon stopped washing his hands, his eyes widening in shock. “I’m sorry for frightening you, how funny is it having two idols here tonight!”

“Cha, Changmin!” he exclaimed and grinned. “This is, woahhh.”

“I’m happy to meet you,” Changmin told him and Jaewon nodded repeatedly.

“Likewise, this is an actual dream of mine! I’m a fan!”

“Oh?” Changmin looked away momentarily and then back at the man. “I’m aware of your music also.”

“Really?! My hyungs will be so honoured to hear that!”

Changmin nodded and racked his brain. “Ah, will you be attending the upcoming festival? I think I saw your group’s name on the line-up.”

“Yes! I will be there!” He smiled brightly, and for a moment Changmin faltered, finding the genuine response from Jaewon slightly hard to apprehend. No wonder Kaia liked him, he seemed very friendly.

“I’ll see you there then. Don’t let me keep you,” Changmin replied and Jaewon nodded, walking away for a moment. He quickly returned and held out his phone.

“I’m sorry, this is silly of me but-”

Changmin nodded. “I’ll take a photo with you, no worries!”

As Jaewon opened the device, Changmin spotted a picture of him and Kaia as the wallpaper and tried not to be obvious. She had never taken a photo with Changmin before. Jaewon then held it up and Changmin smiled for the shot, Jaewon bowing a couple of times before departing the bathroom. Placing his hands on the sink in front of me, Changmin groaned loudly. This was not how he wanted things to be.

I should leave, Changmin thought and sighed. Or I could just watch over them some more. It’s not harming anyone. Besides, they’ll probably need to eat, and Kaori is expecting food after this too.

He nodded determinedly. “Yunho did tell me to figure out the reason, maybe if I hang around her I’ll realise it.”

Heading back into the movie theatre, Changmin sat back down beside Kaori, who snuggled into his side. He didn’t stop her, feeling a little guilty for his new plan. He didn’t really want to drag her into this. But all the same, when the movie finished, Changmin grabbed her hand and walked out into the foyer, his eyes scanning the crowds to find the couple ahead.

“That was surprisingly good, wasn’t it?”

“It was interesting for sure.” Changmin smiled briefly at the woman. “Are you hungry? I’m starving. Let’s go eat.”

“Oh, but we didn’t make any reservations!”

“Why don’t we just find something nearby?” he suggested, finally spotting the all too familiar curls and not letting them out of his sight. They followed the couple around the block where there were a few restaurants and upscale cafes and Jaewon and Kaia eventually entered one, causing Changmin to hastily spot a different place to go into. Across the road was a good ramen store and he nodded towards it, all but dragging Kaori inside it. They ordered and Changmin chose the seats near the front, looking across to the coffee shop Kaia and Jaewon had entered. It was perfect; he had a complete view of them both.

“This is a different side to you, Changmin,” Kaori stated as they settled into their meals and he nodded, smiling at the woman. He didn’t know why he felt the need to be so nice to her right now, normally just the sight of her would make him want to run and hide. Changmin left it down to the guilt he was feeling for becoming a stalker. Shuddering with the label he had just given himself, he forced himself to look away. As he turned his head back to the meal in front of him, his appetite seemed to fade and he tried to smile again at Kaori who had still been talking.

Changmin was able to decipher that he was jealous of Jaewon. However, he didn’t know why. He missed his best friend and because of Jaewon, Changmin wasn’t able to see her anymore. He had left it down to that, but as Changmin sat there feeling guilty towards Kaori and now Jaewon, he wondered if there was something more.

There had to be.

_________________

Part 22

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[lovinglunaxxtothemoonandback]

We had a glorious (if but a little stressful and exhausting!!) trip to Florida. Easter morning we woke up at 6 and set up lunas trail of Easter eggs leading from her room to the trunk of the loaded car, where her easter basket was waiting for her. There were all fun things to do in the car! Thoughtful easter bunny! We told her we were going on vacation but didn't tell her where. The trip was pretty uneventful. We hit some traffic in Florida, we almost missed her reservation but luckily we made it. When we arrived at the bibbidi bobbidi boutique Luna still had no idea where we were. As we checked in we finally told her and she was stunned. All of the staff adored the surprise and couldn't stop talking about it. It was truly a magical experience, Luna was so awestruck. I cried like 50 times. Especially when she was all done and taking photos. We wanted to go grocery shopping that night but didn't realize everything would be closed for easter. The next morning we did our grocery shopping then left for universal. It was exhausting because Luna was so overwhelmed. She had never been to a theme park before and it was CROWDED. We made the most of it. I loved seeing Diagon alley for the first time. Taking the Hogwarts express was amazing. Luna really enjoyed it too, even if she was impressed with Harry Potter. Kory spoiled her rotten by buying her the $50 interactive wand and she had a lot more fun after that. She really really enjoyed Seuss landing. Overall it was a great first day. Tuesday was our first Disney day. We had to drive instead of taking the shuttle because we had an early reservation at be our guest. Traffic to park was atrocious and the lines for bag check were so long I was panicking. They said they would hold our reservation until 20 mins passed our time so I settled down, then realized once you got through bag checks you had to take transportation to the actual park (cue panic again...Kory was less than impressed with my reaction 😂). Once we got into magic kingdom Kory threw Luna up on his shoulders and we sprinted to the restaurant. Hot and sweaty we made it just in time! The restaurant was beautiful but I was unimpressed overall. You order and pay for your food before sitting, you collect your own drinks and they deliver your food to your table. This, considering our total bill was $74 FOR BREAKFAST, was unacceptable. The food was good but certainly not worth a $25 entree ticket price. I definitely wouldn't do it again. Though I did have the grey stuff and IT WAS delicious!!! We had a good day overall. Lunas behavior wasn't great but it was hot and she was overwhelmed. She had several time outs in the park. We met some characters, got on some rides but the wait times were insane. By the end of the day, we were really happy we had planned a day off the next day. Wednesday we slept in and hung out for a bit before going to our resorts pool. Luna was still a little timid with swimming but had a great time and didn't want to go back. We went back and she had quiet time and watched a movie after then we got ready to go back to Disney springs since all we did there was the boutique on Sunday. Lunas behavior was the worst yet while we were there and we wound up leaving in the middle of our trip. I sobbed when we got back in the car and I think it really hit her our serious we were about her behavior. We decided to try again and she was really good the second half. We had fun walking around. There was a dance party for the kids and we honestly had to drag Luna away from it. She loves to dance, just like her Grammy and mommy! Thursday it was back to the parks. We decided to do the shuttled to save $22 on parking OMG BIG MISTAKE. First of all, it was late. Also we didn't know the hotel outsourced the shuttle and it stopped at like 5 hotels (and lemme tell you, the got sketchier and sketchier each stop). We finally got to Disney, this time, Epcot. As soon as we got there we headed to Norway for Frozen since we didn't have a fast pass for the ride and the wait wasn't long. The wait itself was SO COOL so pretty and so much to look at! The ride was awesome, my favorite ride overall. Meeting Anna and Elsa was great, Luna was SO star stuck. The only character experiences I videoed the whole thing. After those things, her behavior started really going down hill. But because we shuttled, we were stuck for another 3 hours. It was pretty horrible. And I didn't get to meet belle, my favorite princess, and I was upset. Overall it was a fun day but with a lot of low points. Finally it was nearing 9 so we made our way out. Now here's the thing, our paper said pick up would be at 8 and 11 in magic kingdom BUT when our driver dropped us off he said Epcot, spot 49 at 9 and 10. We got there around 8:15 and waited. It was the only chilly night in Florida the whole week and Luna and I were freezing. The driver was late again and it was like 9:15. As we were getting on, he asked everyone was hotel. When I told him ours he said oh no I just came back from there, it's 8 or 11. I explained to him that that isn't was he said that morning AND I had specifically stopped to ask him after he said that(Kory thought I was being a worry wart) but he kept saying no I know what I said I know what I said and letting people on the bus. I started sobbing and looking at Kory like wth are we going to do? We can't sit out here another 2 hours until 11! He finally said something along the lines of I know what I said and my boss will chew me out but I'll bring you. We got on the bus and there was only one seat left so I sat with Luna in my lap and I was still crying and it was embarrassing but everyone was nice and asking if we were okay. They all remembered what he said and me clarifying so they were my witnesses. Then a fight nearly broke out on the bus (same family fighting with each other no less) and it was escalating really badly and the driver pulled over and threatened to call the cops. Luckily Luna was asleep or I would have flipped. And luckily we were only the second stop. Needless to say, we put to Luna to bed and drank heavily 😂 Obviously Friday we decided that wasn't worth the $22 for parking again and drove. We decided on magic kingdom again. We had good fast passes. And we caught the parade. It was soooooo hot out but it was fun. It was annoying when the wait for Cinderella said 20 mins and it was up being an HOUR AND 20 MINUTES. But whatever, made up for it when Ariel said 50 mins and it was only like 10. So inaccurate. Overall it was our best day in Disney and Luna's behavior was much much better. We stayed until just before the fireworks. We had planned on staying for them but Luna didn't do well with the few they went off throughout the day. This morning we just packed up and hit the road. Apparently, so did the rest of America. Traffic was tremendous on 95. Our original eta was 6:05 pm. It's now 8pm and we have another 37 miles to go. I'm soooooo ready to be home!! I only have a day tomorrow before back to work Monday and I feel like I could use another week off! It was a great trip. So many memories I'll forever cherish. Can't wait to make a photo book 😊😊

[meditativeyoga]

10 Myths About Yogis

Bad Yogi Erin Motz wants to set the record directly: Yoga exercise truly is for everybody. Right here she disproves 10 myths regarding yogis and their lifestyle.

As a previous yoga exercise course wallflower, I consider myself a professional on the outsider's picture of the yoga exercise area. As unenlightened maybe, it's very easy to paint a really one-dimensional image of what it means to be a yogi, but the yoga neighborhood isn't a one-size-fits-all group. Our variety doesn't vanish as quickly as we placed on our leggings. In the name of showing that yoga actually is for everybody, I would certainly like to disprove 10 preferred myths concerning yogis and their lifestyle.

Myth 1: All yogis are vegan.

Hi, have we fulfilled? I'm Erin, as well as you might understand me from Bad Yogi. Not remarkably, while I have crazy regard for vegans everywhere, it's not a selection I possess made for myself. I've been showing for over a years and I still enjoy the heck off of a hamburger, a large scoop of ice cream, and also an actual BLT occasionally. Because some of one of the most singing vegans take place to be yogis, it's simple to come to the final thought that people are in this way. Not so. Actually, even at some of the largest yoga exercise occasions, you'll find food vendors making wood-fired pizzas as well as pork belly noodle bowls and also guess exactly what? They coexist sympathetically beside the little juice bar and also vegan, gluten-free falafel stand. It's all good!

Myth 2: Yogis are all "energy" people.

Not all yogis are hippy-dippy, woo-woo, tree-hugging flower children who care much more about balancing their chakras compared to their checkbooks. The intangible aspects play a large part in lots of people's techniques, but often leaving that dismantle makes the entire thing seem a little much less daunting, which's absolutely OKAY. Feel confident, most people yogis are securely grown in the real globe and will not bore you to rips with a number of talk about the shade of your aura.

Myth 3: All yogis survive the left side of the political spectrum.

Yogis come from all parts of the world, each with their own life encounter, education and learning, household impact, as well as point of views. There are a million affects that form somebody's political beliefs, as well as no matter where you drop on the scale, you certainly won't be the only yogi there. (Living in France, I actually saw a Prius with a Trump sticker label on it-- anything is possible.)

Myth 4: If you're not super significant, you're not a yogi.

Have you ever came across Laughter Yoga exercise? It's basically the reverse of the austere, militant practices you might have seen in movies or TELEVISION programs. It's totally joyous and also downright humorous. A lot of one of the most famous yoga exercise teachers on the planet aren't scared to laugh at themselves or at the funny affectations of the yoga exercise technique. I as soon as reallied going to a Kundalini meditation where we actually sat in a circle and also chuckled while making eye get in touch with for 8 minutes. To every his very own: You could definitely locate some really sober courses, however you could simply as conveniently locate ones that are the polar opposite.

Myth 5: If you're not "good" at yoga, you have no company being there.

There is no such thing as being "bad" at yoga. You can be a Tin Guy with the versatility of steel, yet that does not make you "bad" at yoga. You can mentally curse your educator for making you hold Chair Present for too long, but that does not imply you're "bad" at yoga. On the other hand, the person who can hold Handstand for 3 minutes is no "far better" than you. They could have just developed specific skills or strengths that you have not yet, but they're no various from you as an individual OR as a yogi. The yoga practice is an equalizer, as well as all "better than" or "much less compared to" speech goes out the window below. End of discussion! Guarantee you'll never state that you're "bad" at yoga exercise again, OK? Great, pleased we agree.

Myth 6: You have to be a hippie to fit in with yogis.

Not all yogis have actually forsaken the splendors of shavers, deodorant, and basic health. Not all yogis live in the woodland and also invest their night and day waxing poetic concerning the merits of composting. Actually, practically every high-profile yogi with significant impact falls directly outside this fashion. I would certainly go even additional and also say that most people yogis you'll satisfy in your area look even more like you compared to they do like this photo I paintinged above.

Myth 7: Guys do not actually do yoga exercise ...

False, false, incorrect! If you go back to yoga's simple starts, it was virtually solely a males's task. Only since the westernization of yoga has it end up being a fashionable as well as occasionally female-dominated search. There possess been countless stories over the last couple of years regarding the NFL, NBA, and MLB presenting their athletes to yoga exercise because it makes them a lot more reliable entertainers and well balanced people. Experts and also policemans as well as firemans have actually integrated yoga into their practices due to the clarity it brings them in a demanding task. I might take place, but I'll leave you with this: Yoga is for individuals with bodies. If you have a body that breathes, you can do yoga.

Myth 8: All yogis are spiritual.

Many could disagree with me on this, but I securely believe that for some yoga exercise is just a physical method-- as well as that is flawlessly ALRIGHT. Some people could feel conflicted concerning the spiritual element, or merely just unready to begin on that component of the trip. This is fine! The terrific thing about yoga exercise is that it will satisfy you where you are. If that indicates you simply wish to develop a little a sweat and feel powerful in your body, then there's a yoga exercise class for you. The spiritual side is definitely readily available, however it's not compulsory if you're not looking for it.

Myth 9: Yogis are always peaceful.

Yogis are actual people. They experience the complete spectrum of feelings much like other human, as well as simply due to the fact that they can rest in reflection for 20 mins, does not indicate that they're constantly indulging in the white light of ideas. Yogis curse. Yogis get pissed off when they're running late for a vital meeting. Yogis turn out on their substantial various other for not placing the dishes away for the thousandth time. Yoga is a tool that can assist us refine these sensations, however it does not get rid of them.

Myth 10: You either like yoga exercise or you don't.

There are dozens of different yoga fighting styles, and also I absolutely believe that any person can find a variation that they enjoy. There's things from very athletic, rigorous designs of yoga exercise, to the a lot more calm, unbelievably spiritual styles. Beyond the designs, there are countless various educators! Each individual will bring you a various encounter, also within the very same fighting style of yoga. You never ever understand that or exactly what might reverberate with you. So if you really feel called to explore this method, do not provide up just since your excellent or 2 classes didn't rest well with you. Maintain searching! You'll locate your yoga home.

All this to claim, there is no person "kind" of yogi. Despite how well you assume you recognize something, there's always room to discover a lot more. Don't be scared to step outside your box, attempt something brand-new, as well as be open to how YOU, personally, experience it. You never ever understand what might happen.

[getseriouser]

20 THOUGHTS: Bugger

FAR too many assumed we’d be having the biggest grand final in over 30 years this time last week 

Half-time Friday night we all thought we’d got it wrong but alas regular programming prevailed and they then expected Saturday to be the breezier of the two prelims .

Yeah nah.

Now we have third playing sixth in a Grand Final no-one saw pre-season, mid-season, to start the finals or even last week when it was a one in four chance.

Expect the unexpected they say. And they are usually right on that.

 1.       Tigers just win, by five goals plus. As soon as that siren went Saturday, and thousands of male Collingwood supporters suddenly sprouted innies, thousands of Richmond fans grew really firmly in the trouser knowing it was only the expansion kids ahead of them next week now. Giants have won two games by under a kick in the dying minutes, once lucky, twice you’re kidding yourself, three times though, yeah nah.

2.       Actually, lets knock out some Brownlow before getting back to the on field. Interesting year, probably the greatest field of live chances going in for some time. So much analysis available these days that someone out there will get it right but about a dozen others, whilst looking super schmick with their spreadsheets and formulas, will be way off. This column has no idea although liked Fyfe for a while. Gets 2 or 3 votes in each Dockers win. Nice platform.

3.       Otherwise, three randoms to watch – Boak, Yeo and Treloar, could easily podium. And a real smokey from the clouds? James Worpel. One for the exotics.

4.       Back to on field, let’s go back to Friday. Cats missed a Scott Selwood type in the midfield. Getting ahead was one thing, and they did that well to their credit. But when it got tough in the second half, when the Tigs were coming, they lacked grunt and determination like the Giants showed in the final term Saturday, to get the job done. And to be honest its plagued them since the bye too. Can look flashy, can score, but when it needs to get ugly for 15-20 mins, think back to the first half of the first final too, no dice. Kinda like when its past 2am on a Bucks night, usually phantom, usually pass out, usually Ryan Babel.

5.       Alrighty, Saturday. Yikes. Wet weather clearly didn’t favour the Pies. No excuse but it mattered. Why? Well would you like to know who trained in a down pour midweek? The Giants, in their main session. Probably the best training session in that football history given the conditions that eventuated.

6.       So – and thanks to Rohan Connolly for this, who I’m shamelessly stealing from – between 2008 and 2015 only one Qualifying Final winner of 18 lost a prelim final. The last four years where we’ve had a pre-Finals bye, it’s a 4-4 record. Look at the Pies, didn’t turn up until three quarter time, the Tigers at least turned up after half time. Plus last year, the Pies had no right in their matchup with the Tiges and jumped them something shocking in that first half. Might be something to it. Might not be wrong, but there’s something to it.

7.       If you look at the Pies, Tigers and Giants, on balance this all looks about right. Richmond since 2017 probably deserve at least one flag and a go this weekend at a second. The Giants these last four years probably deserve a Grand Final appearance for their body of work. And Collingwood these last 18 months, a toss of the coin Grand Final result probably sits about right for them too.

8.       Difference between Richmond and Collingwood? One covered their injuries a lot better and was better set up for the pointy end as a result. Injuries aren’t the reason the Pies lost Saturday or that they would have been underdogs to Richmond had they won, but it’s the reason Richmond has a better list and is likely to win a second flag in three. Case in point – Richmond’s reserves win the Grand Final a week before their Seniors probably win as well, the Collingwood reserves didn’t even make the VFL Finals.

9.       Bucks getting questioned a bit in the media, ‘oh, that’s 22 years now without a flag, ho hum indeed’. Relax. On that basis we should give Bob Skilton a call, interrupt his midday movie to let him know despite his three Brownlows and everything else he means to South, his Hall of Fame Legend status is getting revoked coz he never won a flag. And that his spot will be taken by Tom Barrass instead, because he has actually won one. That Buckley hasn’t got a flag isn’t news, it might be factual but its not a story. The idea that obviously would clearly yearn for one is also factual, but not a story. Please be serious.

10.   Matt De Boer was excellent on Saturday but then again the Collingwood mids weren’t requiring a tag to be kept quiet. Does he got to Dusty and try and ruffle him again like he successfully achieved last time in Sydney? Won’t matter, Martin goes forward and kicks four on him in that case. Whether Martin gets shut down in the midfield by De Boer or not won’t prevent a Tigers’ flag anyway, lets not bother about that discussion all week.

11.   Norm Smith tip – no Tiger is in better nick than Shane Edwards, otherwise Bachar Houli for a little value with you preferred corporate bookmaker. But Titch onball will be as dangerous for Leon Cameron as nailing your Tinder date in Bali. You better put a clamp on that otherwise you’re in big trouble.

12.   Marlion Pickett was BOG in the VFL GF yesterday. We know that the Tigs have held over Jack Ross and Kamdyn McIntosh in lieu of the incredibly-stiff Jack Graham being doubtful to get up for Saturday. But back on May 28th we said this lad, who was playing for South Fremantle four months ago “would be best 22 by year’s end”. We’ve left it late but whilst McIntosh might be the safer play, Dimma will go very close to debuting the Western-Australian in the hope his mercurial style might just be perfect for an occasion like Saturday. If he’s picked, remember where you heard it first. Or read it first, even.

13.   Presume Kevin Sheedy is on standby to present the cup to Phil Davis and Leon Cameron should the Giants salute, the link to Richmond notwithstanding. The GWS best and fairest is the Kevin Sheedy medal, and unless you’re looking to Chad Cornes or Izzy Folau it has to be Sheeds. On the Tigers side, I think about Dale Weightman, otherwise Matty Knights or even Chris Newman if you want to go more recent.

14.   So yes, Richmond has been the pick for a while and it remains the pick. They are beatable though. Last four games their opponents all had strong chances they didn’t take. Eagles down here, in the wet, stuffed it and lost by a kick. Brisbane the week after got spooked but did a lot right but too late. First final, Brissy again, they kick straight they’re in it up to their eyeballs and then Geelong was leading by 21 points at half time, kick straighter its over five goals and the Tigs are staring down a repeat of last year. They’re not invincible, but it was only ever going to be a hot Essendon or hot Collingwood who stood a chance this finals series. Yet the Bombers lasted as long in September as Saturday Night Rove and then the Pies made a mess of it like The Veronicas on a Qantas flight.

15.   This column gets it right far more often than most and has banged on about the Clarkson-assistants theory for some time. This week’s Grand Final coaches, both ex-Hawthorn assistants. It will mean that after this weekend the last seven premierships will have been coached by Al Clarkson or one of his ex-assistants. Incredible. By this column, that is.

16.   More people in Sydney watched the Giants on free to air Saturday afternoon than people in Melbourne watched the Storm on free to air that night. What do we make of that?

 I love Victorian footy as much as the next Ted Whitten. This column still lapses occasionally and refers to Fitzroy instead of Brisbane, and it’s only been 20+ years. And whilst this column’s position on the Gold Coast experiment is well documented, the idea of a team in Western Sydney has always made sense to me. The population out there alone is more than Perth, Adelaide and Geelong combined.

 So to see GWS successful, largely on their own merit now (Gold Coast with the same concessions stuffed it, and you didn’t see Toby Greene playing on Saturday did we), is a good thing for the comp. Leave Gold Coast and Tassie aside, mind you.

17.   Speaking of Victorian footy, can we just kick the AFL reserves team out of the VFL into a legit reserves comp, and let Williamstown and Port Melbourne and Werribee actualy duke it out for a proper VFL title? Williamstown are long-storied VFA club who were looking for their 15th flag in 155 years of history. They lost to a team who sat out two of their players because they might be needed this coming weekend in a different comp. Don’t like it. Split the AFL reserves from the VFL. And the SANFL…

18.   Great to see Glenelg, another historic club in this country, win its first flag in 33 years. And yes they were playing Port Adelaide, their biggest rival, but half the opposition Sunday were Port Adelaide’s reserves, not SANFL players, so it’s a similar story. Great for the Bays to get up, but let the SANFL Magpies be just that, and then Port and the Crows can have separate reserves teams playing reserves footy.

19.   Speaking of Williamstown, feel for Willie Wheeler. Just a knockabout VFL footballer who had the win on his boot twice in the last term, so to lose by under a kick is devastating.

20.   Still not bothered by trade chatter. It’s all glorified brainstorming and suggestion permeating from the Herald Sun lunch room. When something remotely close to an actual story emerges I’ll get interested. Until then I’ll pass on Ralphy and Sammy and Jay-Z getting far too eggplant about what boils down to guesswork or stuff they dreamt about the night before when their partner slept at her friend’s house once again.

[smilesandcurls]

11th October, 2017

I couldn't go to work today, I was so paralised with anxiety that I could find it in me to get out of bed without feeling like I can't breathe. I remember getting up out of bed and feeling pain coursing through my body. The pain was excruciating. I went back to bed and said to myself " if I don't feel better in 5 minutes, I'll call in and let my supervisor know I'm not coming in today". 5 minutes, 10 minuted, 20 minutes later and I still couldnt get out of bed. "I can't come in today, I have a terribly headache that's affecting my eyesight and appetite" was the voice note I sent in to my supervisor about my lack of attendance today. Tears started dropping from my eyes and I immediately called my counselor to book an appointment for later on in the day, especially in light of last nights escapades; my boyfriend called me the night befor at about midnight but due to my drunken state I didnt see the missed call until I had gotten up this morning. I called back this morning of course but he didnt answer. I had fallen asleep again and I was woken up by his return call. Apparently I'd called him to get in contact with Keane because he wouldn't answer my calls. He immediately was offended, I could hear it. He thought there was something I didnt want to seek his counsell to but truly wasnt even about my issues at this point; the only other time I got drunk, I had finally told him I loved him and immediately started spilling my guts about little truths I didnt want to speak of to him in fear of rejection or judgement, even something simple as sparing his feelings or anyone else's. I was explaining to him that this was the reason I didnt think it was okay that I speak to him drunk, because of my last drunk actions. We spoke in length about this and why I thought it wasn't best and what what or wasn't wrong with our last drunk conversation and why I don't wanna talk about whats going on with me just yet and he understood, I promised to call him later on in the day after my counselling session just to let him know if we would go to the business meeting he had mentioned the day before and to let him know I'm okay.

I just stayed in bed for the rest of the day until brunch, when I went over to my roommates room, buried myself in her bussom and cried my heart out. She comforted me, reassuring me that I'm doing okay and its okay to feel what I'm feeling and that its gonna get better soon. She then made me breakfast and we watched a Disney movie to cheer me up. Truth be told, I love Disney movies or sad movies when I'm upset and goodness knows that all we did all day until I fell asleep for a short nap. I truly havr the best roommates, the just created this safe space of love and affection and support for what I was feeling and going thought at this moment. I haven't felt this at home in a long time, it feels good to know that I may actually, finally, have a place that I belong. Counselling was taking place at 3 and I was still in the middle of one of my fave movies, Enchanted, at 2:12. I got ready and went to counselling. I could feel the lump in my throat grow as I got closer to USC.

Counselling was tedious but productive, I'd say. I started with all the positives in my life and the rest of the session was about my anxiety. I cried a lot during this session and left there emotionally stunned. She, Ms James, my counselor, gave me homework; set a timeline of what I'd like to accomplish and at what times/dates I'd like to accomplish each thing. I ended up calling Kenlyn to see if she was at school, which she wasn't, so I got food and waited for her "the shed". Whilst waiting, unfortunately, many people came to speak to me about how I've been MIA, making sure "I'm Okay" it was all a blur. A really good school friend of mine, Arnelle, ended up convincing me to go to our band of misfits although, I wasn't in the mood to "people" today. Seeing everyone was very awkward to me, unable to relate to anyone I felt outcasted. My boyfriend ended up coming to our usual hangout with these "friends" we have at school. His embrace and kiss really made me feel better, however I no longer wanted to be there and left for home. On coming home I went to my room, got my fuzzy blanket and sat in the middle of the couch watching TV. I started getting lonely and asked my boyfriend to come over. He had stated prior that he was staying in school to finish some work then he was going to hang with some friends but he came because I needed him. He just hugged me and let me cry and vent while still giving me advice and ooinions after asking me if it was okay for him to do such. I sat in his lap and cried for about 30 mins while he hugged me and dried my tears letting me know that he'd always be here for me because I've always been there for him. He olayed in my hair and dried my hairs for all 30 minutes until I retreated to my room, which he followed me to. I started having an anxiety attack while curled up in the fetus position. He held me and helped me focus on my breathing. He counted with a soothing voice and gentle touch to calm me down. It was late and unfortunately he fell asleep and I just layed there staring at him until I eventually did too. Buried in his chest and wrapped in his arms, finally breathing regularly nd feeling the calm of the storm, I fell asleep.

[goodluckkatie]

King of the Hill

Part 4

Now where were we, oh that’s right.. we were drinking a beer at 10:30 AM!

Now a few things were going through my head at this point. First being “Um, its 10:30 in the morning, is he really about to start drinking that?” Which is answered immediately as he pops the cap and nearly finishes the entire thing in one swift swig. But then I think “Well clearly he is not that broke since he was able to purchase beer on his way up here.”

He looks at me after finishing the beer and says, “You want to get up and get ready and we will head into town before the movie? You can show me around the area.”

Again, I’m confused, but that tends to be a reoccurring thing at this point. As he is opening his second beer (at 10:35am) I say “Sure.” I am still trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. He hasn’t been up to this area so showing him around seemed like a good idea. So, I got up and started getting ready.

After four beers in for him and me showered and ready to be seen in public I ask, “Do you want to eat lunch here before we leave, the movie isn’t for a few hours and we aren’t eating till after?” He says “Nah” and assures me he isn’t hungry and will be good till after the movie.

He finishes his fifth beer for the morning and we head out.

We vape our way into town like normal and I start showing him around. Not even 20 mins into town and he says, “Babe lets go eat somewhere, I’m starving. What’s good around here?” I think to myself “SURELY, if this man is bringing up lunch after I already offered to eat at home he is going to pay…Right!? He can’t possibly stick me with another tab.”

I ramble off a few places and he chooses a Mexican restaurant we are close to.

We get in and seated and start to place our orders. Low and behold, he orders a beer. At this point…I just can’t.  NO MORE BEER COUNTING!

We finish our lunch, he downs another beer and 2 mimosas, and it comes. The check. The waiter sits it at the edge of the table. At this point I know I am not reaching for it. I figure two can play this game!

Something I need to point out- I am usually a very open and verbal person. I don’t mind speaking my mind. I don’t mind making an ass out of myself when needed. I don’t mind standing up for myself and I sure as hell don’t mind telling someone when they are wrong. HOWEVER, something I have come to realize in my dating experiences the last 3 years, I am the complete opposite with men and relationships per say. I am submissive and tend to follow in line with the very old fashion roles. I find myself unable to speak in moments like this. EVERYTHING runs through my mind but to actually say it out loud does not come easy for me. I can’t stand the thought of being rude or disrespectful to that person. I can’t stand the feeling of taking that man’s balls, so to say.  I basically become a mute in these moments. (I’m working on it ladies, no judgments! Remember!)

So, with all that being said, 20 minutes pass and I can’t take it any longer. I grab the damn check, hoping he will say, “No I got this” but knowing better at this point. He says nothing. I pay for the damn food and start heading for my car not even looking to see if he is behind me.

I was furious with him. I was furious with myself. How could I have let him put me in this position and not even speak for myself? I wanted this weekend to be over with!

I drive to Walgreen's to pick up a bottle of water for the movie that was starting soon. I browse the candy aisle for a few minutes and head to the register, basically ignoring I have company with me. I set my stuff down to pay and, well you guessed it.... My little scrub (because he has officially eared that title by this point) puts his stuff down as well and starts looking around, completely obvious he is avoiding the important part of what comes next…PAYMENT! Once again… I pay.

At this point I want to throat punch myself and shove his Douche Flute down his.

As we sit down in the movie and I am fuming from all of this, he begins to tell me how excited he is to see the movie. I let out a little laugh at this point (what else can I do).

Now I won’t give any spoilers but for those of you who have seen Avengers End Game… will understand the irony of this movie and his love for Iron Man.

It was like my little small piece of karma in that moment. (Petty, I know but I was taking whatever I could get at that point.)

Three hours pass and the movie ends. I am refreshed and calmed down. We start to walk outside, and I am in no shape or form hungry. I ask him if he was still wanting to go to dinner since we had such a big lunch, and OF COURSE he says yes. I think to myself, “I AM NOT PAYING. No way shape or form am I going to allow this to happen again!”  So, with a smile on my face I agree.

Now this burger place we go to is a little different. You order as you walk in, they hand you cups, you pay and then you go get your drink and sit down. We order, the lady behind the desk hands us our cups and tells us the total. Next thing I know, this man is GONE! GONE! He had done took his cup and headed straight for the coke machine leaving me standing there with a line of people behind me. I am shocked. As I hand my card to the lady at the register I say, “I picked a real winner, didn’t I. Dumb fuck.” (Excuse the language.) She gives me a look of pity and hands me my card back.

I catch up to my scrub and we sit down. Now at this point, I am not even talking anymore. He is admiring all the beers they have available and I stare at the wall like he isn’t even in the room.

Our food arrives, and I start picking at mine. I wasn’t hardly hungry, so I didn’t get much and at this point I had lost all my appetite. He begins eating and after finishing only half of his burger, that’s right HALF, he proceeds to tell me he is full.

…………….

Do I even need to point out what is wrong with this picture? No? I didn’t think so… but I will.

This scrub insists on going out to eat again, bails on paying again, and then has the audacity to only eat HALF of the damn food?

Women have KILLED men for less than this shit! Seriously, look it up!

At this point, I just get up and start walking out. I figured maybe if I was lucky I could make it to my car before he does, and I could leave him there. But as I am getting in, my little scrub is making himself comfortable in the passenger seat.

I drive. I just drive as fast as I can home. The sooner I can separate myself from this man the better.

The entire way to my house he talks about the floods that were currently happening between his house and mine. He expresses his concern about not making it back home the next day. Even makes the comment, “I guess I can stay up here till they go down the end of next week.”

“OH HELL NAH”

A light goes off in my head. THIS IS IT. This is my chance to get rid of him TONIGHT!

Absolutely NO WAY is this man staying another night.

I eagerly say, “You should leave tonight. Yeah as soon as we get back you should leave.”

He of course has no clue why I want him to leave, he assumes I am worried about his well being. Hell NO! I am worried about him being stuck at my house! About having to support this scrub for a second longer.

As soon as we arrive to my house I am pushing him out the door. He debates and goes back and forth about leaving. I ignored everything he was saying. Can’t even honestly tell you what all he rambled off. All I was concerned about was making sure he had all of his stuff (I could not risk him leaving anything behind and him having to come back for it). I encouraged him to get on the road as fast as he could and started taking his bag to the car. Next thing I knew, I had loaded up all his belongings in his car… even his beer cooler!  I am not even sure he set down at my house between the time we arrived, and the time I had him packed!

He gets in his car.

And just like that, I watched him pull away. He was gone! And then I danced. Yep, I did a happy dance right there in my door way!

Now I know what you are thinking, “That’s it? She didn’t yell at him? She didn’t shove his douche flute down his throat?”

No, to all!

At this point I was done. I had no intentions of seeing him again however, I would like to finally share some GREAT news with everyone!

WE ARE ENGAGED!!!

………

HAHAHAHAHAHA Kidding, come on now! 

He left, and I have not seen him since.

Later that evening, he messaged me saying how much he missed me. My response was, “We need to talk about what happened this weekend, I am very upset about having to pay for everything.”

He responds with “Let’s talk about it later after I get home and settled.”

Now at this point I think speaking about it on the phone is better than in text, so I agree.

I don’t hear from him the rest of the night.

Next day comes and he hardly says two words to me.

At this point I am putting no effort in. I have fully checked out and could care less if I hear from him again.

A few days pass and he messages me randomly. He starts the conversation with asking me why I got so mad at him over something so petty. I take this opportunity to finally vent all those frustrations I have had built up. I lay everything out on the line and tell him exactly how incredibly messed up everything he did was.

His response…. That I was the most “conceited” person he had ever met.

I can’t even make this shit up! 

Now in this moment I felt that confusion again.

I say “Um…. I am not sure you understand what that word actually means but regardless I am not going argue with you. I am done. Best of luck.”

“Bye” he replies.

I felt relieved, I was finally done with this entire nightmare.

But then…..30 minutes later.

I receive another message from him. “I don’t care anyways. I have a date tonight.”

IF you could of only have seen the eye role at this point. My teenage daughter would have been like “Dayyyyyyuuummmm momma still got it!”

I respond (against my better judgement) “Clearly you still do because you are still messaging me but either way…Best of luck on that date tonight! Hope it goes great for you two.”

He then replies with “OHH it will. She lives here so I won’t have to make a 200-mile round trip to just be criticized the entire time.”

Then he sends...

And that was it ladies and gents. A 27-day streak ended with a thumbs up!

Notes to self:

1-If he pulls out a douche flute….RUN

2-If he cracks open a beer at 10:30AM…..RUN

3-If he is OKAY with letting you cover him financially…….RRRRRUUUUUUNNNN

You deserve better than a scrub….and so do I!

THE END

[iwastoldthisisgoodforme]

3.6.19

Woke up and went to Chatswood for Woolies/Chemist Warehouse. I sent Reiko a text to see if she was free that night.

I wanted to eat lunch at Lentils before my class so I headed straight from Chatswood station to Newtown and had a quick lunch.

Reiko texted me right before class saying she was free. I texted her during the break to ask if she had been to Vivid and if she wanted to go. Acting class. Only Tigran, Isobel, and Zach from the 7-10 class. But I knew a few more people from rep/make up classes like Bart, Josh, and Peter.

I was sent downstairs with the newbies for some reason. Ruby, the tutor, was just as confused as I was as to why I was sent down. Chris ended up sending Bart down to do the door while I do the activity. There were three new people this term, two girls, Kat and Maddie, on their first day and some Indian girl who had already taken a few classes. While they were doing their beginner stuff, I went back upstairs to grab some cards. Reiko said she hadn’t been to Vivid and wanted to go so I said let’s go around 630. I did the activity with Bart (I decided to build a house of cards since my original plan was to throw the cards). Since I had repped with Bart before, I thought it was easier to connect with him compared to the doors/script scenes I had done with others for the first time. Ruby’s feedback (I just wanted to point out here that Ruby has some big tits) was the usual ones that I got that I need to have a stronger point of view and really take things personally. There were moments I did have that stronger point of view but she said she would’ve probably done things quicker than I did. I told her I had more patience than more people with others so I may seem slow to react but she said that was fine but having a stronger point of view would drive things forward faster. She also said she saw my script scene with Isobel and said it was good work to my surprise.

After class, I headed straight to Central to see Vivid with Reiko. The timing was very good because as soon as I exited the ticket gates, she turned around and saw me. I couldn’t believe the timing. I asked her what she did today and she said she went to a cafe with a friend. Her friend is a ballet teacher that is Japanese so I asked what her name was (Yu). She said her friend has a stalker who is an old man and would show up at the restaurant she worked at and even gave her some present with a letter. I said how gross that was and she agreed. I then told her about Steve and how he used to stalk Riona and I would tease Riona whenever he showed up and be like “your boyfriend is here!” Reiko found this funny and I told her that he would stalk her next. She told me there was a waiter at the cafe who was Australian but could speak Japanese very fluently because he had lived in Japan for a little while. I asked if he was old but she said no maybe he lived there when he was 15. As we got close to the Opera House, she commented on the light beams from the buildings. I also told her that there was a Japanese trial who was also a ballet teacher which is why I asked what her friend’s name was. We saw some mirror thing in front of the Opera House and took a few pictures of it. I told her that you could climb the bridge but it was expensive and she said how scary that was. There were some food stalls nearby and I asked if she ate dinner but she said she hadn’t. She asked if I was hungry and I said a little and she said we could get food at the stall but I said later. We then took pictures of the bridge which we said were beautiful. We saw the projections on the Opera House but didn’t know what was on. Reiko guessed flowers but laughed when I said bacteria. We looked back at the city and commented on how the buildings were lit up. We headed over to The Rocks side of Circular Quay and commented on the professional cameras some people were using. I asked if Reiko brought any cameras but she said just some disposable ones. I told her I had a professional camera but didn’t really know how to use it which made her laugh. I also told her how hotels here are more like bars than actual hotels which surprised her. I asked her if she has her RSA but she said she doesn’t because she couldn’t understand the English in the course so she couldn’t bother with it. Getting close to Gelatissimo, we saw illuminated light poles and she told me it reminds her of some festivals in Japan. She asked if there are many festivals in the US and I said no but the US is still fun. I said there’s lots of things to do in California and we have Disneyland. Florida also has Disneyworld. As we passed the station, I told her I needed to use the toilet so she waited while I went. We saw the Customs House building with the projections on there so we checked it out. One had a whale and she told me the Japanese name for whale is kujire which I knew from Trevor Noah. I asked her if she is a good swimmer but she said no, she can only do crawl. The projection after that was of a scuba diver so I asked her if she ever did scuba diving and she said she had a license but just the first level. I jokingly told her to teach me. She asked if I ever went scuba diving and I told her yes, here in Australia at the Great Barrier Reef. She was totally jealous and asked if I saw anything interesting. I told her I saw coral and also Nemo which made her even more jealous. She said she really wants to go and I said I want to go again.

As we got closer to the Museum of Contemporary Art, there was some Samsung Exhibit so we checked that out. While waiting in line, I asked which she liked more, the Australian accent or American accent. She said probably the American accent since she couldn’t understand Australian English and I told her not to worry since Americans couldn’t understand Australians either. There were some phones you could touch that made the poles light up and also some bendy things that I tried to hit Reiko with but missed so she just laughed. There was also some LED hopscotch thing and some slide but the wait was a little bit long (about 30 min) and the slide wasn’t very long so we didn’t bother. While she was looking at the hopscotch thing I went to look at another one of the phone displays and she laughed at me and asked where I went. There were also some LED hula hoops and Reiko and I commented on how good two teenagers were at it since they barely moved. There was also a little girl who was trying it but wasn’t very good at it. She was quite entertained despite not being very good at it so it was very cute. Reiko and I walked left after that and checked out some glowing spheres. I commented on how they were a little dirty which Reiko laughed and agreed with. Afterwards, we went to check out more of The Rocks. As we walked deeper in, she said how old it felt and how the buildings were reminiscent of Europe or something. When I agreed with her on something and said, “Sou, sou, sou” she found this humorous for some reason. We got to the bar where Yingying and I had a few drinks and we saw that there was some kind of projection on the tunnel so we headed there. She told me how she went to The Rocks before to buy some souvenir bags for her brother. Her brother wanted 10 of them and they were $20 each so in total it was quite expensive. She felt a little embarrassed buying so many. 

I asked her how old her brother was and she said 29. She told me that she was 25. I asked when her birthday was and she said January 27 so I asked if she was born in 94 and she confirmed. As we got closer to the bridge, we realized the projection was a Pixar thing so we hurried over. There were a lot of people watching it too and after we recorded some videos I realized some people were lying down to watch it so I suggested we lie down too. There were some mats for people to lay down on thankfully and two people left as we arrived. Reiko laid the other way initially but I told her to turn around so it wasn’t upside down. It felt nice laying down next to her and this was probably my favorite part of the night. I asked her what Pixar movie she enjoyed the most and she said Finding Nemo. I asked her what the name of Coco was in Japan and she said it was, “Remember Me” and was surprised when I told her it was different and also how Rapunzel had a different name too. She actually hadn’t seen Coco before but wanted to watch it. I told her Wall.E was very good (she asked if it was about a robot who was alone) and it almost made me cry. But Toy Story also hit me in a certain way. When footage of Cars showed up, I told her about California Adventure and how the most fun ride was Cars because you race. She said she liked roller coasters and I told her it was similar. We clapped after it showed the timeline of Pixar movies.

We headed back to German bar and took a left this time. I asked if she likes cats but she said she looks dogs more. There were some LED drum things with a weird display that we played with for a little while. She asked me also about Disneyland and what was the other amusement park in California and I told her Universal Studios Hollywood. Heading back, I asked if she wanted to eat and she said yes. She asked what I wanted to eat and I said anything. I asked her what her favorite food was and she said Japanese was number one. I told her I liked Korean. I saw some food trucks by the water/cruise terminal so we went down there. First however, we saw some white walker spiral shit under the cruise terminal so we took some pictures of that. We saw some small thing people were lining up for nearby so we went and checked it out. There was a small queue so we waited. I asked her if she likes sweets and she said she did. I asked her if she tried Australian sweets and she told me about some cake thingy that said was too sweet. I asked if she like Tim Tams and she loved them. But she really likes dark chocolate so I recommended to her digestives with dark chocolate so she said she would try. I also asked if she had tried a Golden Gaytime before and she had. I asked her what her favorite Japanese food was and she said number one was miso. Number two was karaage. Number three was Japanese pickles. She said it was very basic choices. She asked what I liked and I said it was a tie between curry and shabu shabu. She was quite surprised about the curry but girls don’t seem to like curry. Inside the exhibit, it was something similar to the silhouette screen thing that Jenny and I played with at the Exploratorium. We played with it briefly then went on to get food. There was some people doing some Indian dance underneath the white walker spiral thing and I commented on how there were only two Indian people and the rest were Australian or something. There was a donut stall nearby so we checked that out. It looked pretty good and she asked if I wanted to try but I said later. We checked out some real food first. The first stall we saw was a Filipino food truck but there were a lot of dessert items including one that sold stroopwafels. There was also milk tea and some other dessert items but they had some wraps and hot dogs as well. Reiko ended up deciding on a hot dog with jalapenos and while she was paying for that, I ordered the lechon bowl. She came over to the Filipino food truck and we checked out the stroopwafel truck. They had the stroopwafels but also some ice cream sandwiches, including a stroopwafel ice cream sandwich. We checked back at the hot dog stall and they had apparently already called her number. She apologized and they had to remake it for her. I commented on how quick that was. We went back to the Filipino food stall and I got my lechon bowl. I told her how much I loved pork belly. We found one of the standing tables to eat at as the old couple before was just leaving. We tried each other’s food. Her’s was spicy but delicious. I took out my hand sanitizer before I ate and gave her some as well which she was really appreciative about. We talked about being a barista, as she wanted to work in a cafe. She thought steaming the milk is hard but I told her it’s easy. I asked if she can do latte art but she said no. I told her the place I am a barista at only uses soy mik so it was quite hard. After we finished eating, we decided to get dessert at the stroopwafel place.

While we were waiting in line, she said I could decide and I asked her if the ice cream was ok so I decided on that. I asked her if she traveled often. She said she had been to Europe (Germany, France, Italy, Spain, UK?), Taiwan, Guam, Philippines, and New Zealand. She said she went to New Zealand for about two weeks with just a backpack and two friends. She mainly stayed at hostels and did a lot of the planning last minute which was really fun but didn’t camp anywhere.

We ate the ice cream sandwich (we chose the one with Oreos) by the water and I let her have the first bite. We took turns eating from it which may have gotten me sick since I had a sore throat later that night. Every time we passed it on, we said thanks and one time I said “domo” which made her think that I am 100% Japanese. I told her no and she said how when she took English school she was pre-intermediate but now is about the intermediate level. She said my Japanese is pre-intermediate but I told her it’s only pre-beginner which she laughed and denied. We started walking towards the bridge again and got to a point where we could see the bridge and Luna Park. She was saying how in Gold Coast there was a lot of Japanese and Koreans but when she started working in Kintaro, she realized she really needs to learn English. I told her that Aussies had a funny way of speaking Japanese like how they pronounced gyoza and karaage. I told her I could teach her English slang and told her how Masa taught me some Japanese slang like LonParis but she had never heard of that. She taught me one word when a comedian makes a joke but nobody is laughing which had to do something along the lines of sliding. I taught her the meanings of freaky and she laughed when I told her the sexual meanings. I also taught her the slang of “basic” and said sometimes I didn’t understand the young people slang. I also told her about the Korean guy who came in and asked if Masa’s daughter was Masa which we laughed strongly about. I also told her about Gen and how slow he was, which she found funny as well. There was also some ballet display thing which I asked if that was her friend. I asked how she thought of Kintaro, and she said Masa is funny, Yuri is not scary, and she likes Yosi the most I said Yosi is always laughing. I thought how she is still new though since she hasn't seen Masa's dark side. I did agree with her though that Masa is funny and I told her about my first day when I heard him say fuck that customer. We walked more towards the bridge and passed by a hotel which Reiko asked if it was a hotel or not. I asked her if I had an accent and she said she could tell I was a foreigner but it was almost there. She told me the waiter she mentioned earlier had good pronunciation since had lived in Japan. There were some hanging light beads we saw and went to check them out. I asked her if she wanted to take a picture so I took a few pictures of her and she took a few pictures of me. We walked closer to Luna Park and took a few pictures of that. I asked if she wanted to go to Luna Park but she checked the time. As we headed back, she told me how she had a trial in Macquarie Park at a cafe. She said if she got the job, she would probably reduce her shifts at Kintaro since that would be too much. I thought about telling her that I had a trial as well but I decided not to. I told her I had thought about working on a cruise, especially for second year work but it was quite difficult to find a job in that since it had so many requirements. 

As we got closer to the station, we saw some illumination on the museum’s side that we checked out briefly. I asked her if she takes the train to Chatswood and asked where did I go. I told her I could take the train to Chatswood too which she was surprised about because of the geography but I told her I could take a bus from there so we jumped on the same train. She asked if I was working tomorrow and I said no day off and she said the same which made me a little surprised. She said she is working Wednesday but in the kitchen. I wondered who would be working on the floor tomorrow since she wasn’t and she said probably Steven. I guess Steven would be working with me on the floor Wednesday. I asked her if she knew what she would be doing in the kitchen and she said she would be doing Christine’s section and I told her Masa is picky about that section. I wondered why she was doing Christine’s section and then I remembered that Christine couldn’t work on one day and it must have been Wednesday. I asked if she had Friday off and she did so I told her Masa told us. She said her Japanese friends from Gold Coast were visiting so she had to show them around. We had to transfer at Wynyard so we didn’t bother sitting down. I asked her how tall she is and she said something close to 160 cm. She asked how tall I was and she guessed 180 at first which I said was close so she guessed again. She was on target as she said 185 and I asked her how she knew and then asked her if she’s a stalker which made her laugh. She said she needs to buy me a present.

On the train, she asked me if America was dangerous because of guns and I joked that I had a gun in school. I told her that when most people find out I’m American, they ask if I have a gun which she found amusing. She also told me how the Yakuza in Japan used to be very distinct with the way they dressed and their tattoos but now they look like a normal person. I asked if they still speak rough but she didn’t seem to fully understand my question. I noticed on the train that her legs were crossed when sitting and pointed away from me but by the end of the train ride they were in a bit more neutral position. She had to transfer trains at Chatswood so she stayed at the station while I had told her that I transferred to a bus so we said our goodbyes. I told her thank you for today and we said goodbye and goodnight. Overall, I enjoy spending time with Reiko but I don’t know how interested in me she (even just as a friend) really is since she is quite talkative with me and friendly but she doesn’t ask me back many things like what did I do today or what my age is (Riona would ask these things). In some ways I feel like she is only interested in me because I’m American and said I would be her guide. Probably just overthinking it though since she isn’t particularly snobby or uninterested like Rina was.

[lpwarwick]

The 2019 batch of Oscar-nominated short films in the animated and live-action categories share a theme of disconnection. The animated shorts have a sunnier attitude about this painful state, demonstrating how divides can be bridged. The live-action films, meanwhile, forge ahead into darkness. They ask: What if the connection severs? What it if never clicks? What if two worlds remain unbridgeable?

Of the animated set, Bao (8 min.) edges closest to the precipice. Writer-director Domee Shi, the first woman to direct a short film for Pixar, startled audiences who went to see Incredibles 2 in theaters and got the delicious, offbeat Bao as an appetizer.

The protagonist is a lonely Chinese-Canadian woman who makes a dumpling that comes to life. She raises the dumpling baby as her son; but as he quickly grows, he also grows apart from her, rejecting the mother-son mealtimes he used to enjoy when he was small for time spent with friends and soon a fiancee. Terrified by how fast their connection is fraying, the mother makes a decision that is at once metaphorically brilliant and twisted on a raw emotional level. The ending redresses the situation and restores the bond. And yet the pain of their schism lingers.

In Late Afternoon (10 min.), an elderly Irish woman straddles a rift between her memories and reality. The tension arises from whether the woman will close the gap or fall through, powered by writer-director Louise Bagnall's expressionistic and mutable style. The woman's past swirls through her present in colors that unfurl into shapes, a kaleidoscopic beauty that alternatively confuses and clarifies the life before her eyes. A plaintive violin score from Irish musician Colm Mac Con Iomaire runs through both worlds, making a reconnection, once it crystallizes, all the sweeter.

Weekends (16 min.) also toggles between two worlds, telling the story of a boy in 1980s Toronto who routinely crosses the chasm of his parents' divorce. Spending weekdays with his mother in the country and weekends with his father in the city, the boy learns how to connect with them in different ways based on their differences as people and how to reconcile his parents' differences within himself. At first, the duality is stark. The mother's house is melancholy and muted, while the father's apartment thrums with urban noise and garish colors. The eventual blending of these environments from the boy's perspective is a perfect match for the talents for filmmaker Trevor Jimenez. His cloudy and jittery animation style is as striking in establishing the binaries within the boy as it is poignant in dismantling them.

Though closer to a Pixar film in its glossy style and tone, One Small Step (8 min.) from filmmakers Andrew Chesworth and Bobby Pontillas is another heart tugger about a parent-child relationship. The narrative centers on a Chinese-American girl and her single father, a shoemaker, who supports his daughter's dream of becoming an astronaut. But as she grows up, she struggles in school and drifts apart from her dad, to the point that their connection, along with her vision for herself, shatters. Similar to Bao, but more like the sci-fi weepies Contact and Interstellar, this film has a bittersweet ending and a wholehearted message: that the bond between a loving parent and child is otherworldly in its might.

Animal Behaviour (14 min.), the only outright comedy of the bunch, posits that what separates us from each other is also what disconnects us from ourselves: addictions, compulsions, anxieties, and so on. Thus, five animals meet in group therapy to discuss their hang-ups. A cat can't stop licking himself. A pig can't stop eating. A praying mantis eats her lovers. A leech has separation anxiety. A Bigfoot-like creature has anger issues. A bird under hypnosis recalls how he pushed his baby brother out of their nest in a jealous rage when they were hatchlings, with the defense: "He was eating my worms!"

Codirectors Alison Snowden and David Fine, while uninventive in their animation style, are canny about the disconnect that occurs when primal urges overtake rational thought. Much of the film's humor stems from the animals' hypocrisy; they can see problems in others, but are either oblivious to or unwilling to acknowledge similar defects in themselves.

The live-action short Detainment (30 min.) also contains blame shifting, though the circumstances couldn't be grimmer. In 1993, two ten-year-old boys kidnapped, tortured, and murdered a toddler in Liverpool, England. This film focuses on the boys when they were first detained by the police and interviewed in separate locations with their parents by their sides. The conversations, based on public records and the interview transcripts, are extremely disturbing. The reason is fourfold: the boys either don't understand or don't care about the depths of their brutality (probably both), they are breathtaking liars, the parents are shaken by what they've wrought, and the actors who play the boys are outstanding.

But if writer-director Vincent Lambe's goal was to unnerve his audience, this was a cheap shot, and he should have made a different movie. What Lambe considers but leaves unplumbed is how children are more easily forgiven for smudging the line between right and wrong, and how adults too easily let them. This disconnection is ripe for a wider-reaching documentary or fictionalized narrative film. But as a shallow reenactment, this movie adds nothing to the tragedy.

A better film about two boys with a shaky sense of reality and consequences is Fauve (17 min.), which in French means "wild beast." Montreal-based filmmaker Jeremy Comte crafts a remarkable portrait of inseparable friends, preteens who get off on tricking each other. For example, the smaller one pretends to break his leg and the taller one, skinny and shirtless, calls his bluff. It goes on like this for a while, the boys roving from an abandoned train to a sun-soaked field to harsher environs I won't spoil here. Suffice it to say that Comte knows how to snap a connection and leave it pulsing like a phantom limb.

So too does the Spanish filmmaker Rodrigo Sorogoyen, as evidenced by his short film Madre (19 min.). A woman stops by her apartment with her mother and answers a phone call from her ex, Ramon. Their six-year-old son is on the line, saying Ramon has left him on an empty beach somewhere in France or Spain, he's not sure which. The woman hands the phone to her mother and calls a mutual friend and then the police.

The film contains no cuts and no close-ups. The camera stays wide, only pushing closer when the woman's desperation peaks. It follows her around the apartment as she paces, pleading to her most beloved to keep talking, to stay on the line—even as his battery dies, his reception drops to one bar, and a strange man approaches. Though mostly confined to one bright space, Madre welcomes darkness, punctuated in the end by a dropped call's sickening beep.

Marguerite (19 min.), written and directed by Marianne Farley, is about a woman at the end of her life contemplating a connection she never made. The woman is dying of kidney disease, and her only earthly bond, it seems, is with her caretaker. When she learns that her caretaker is a lesbian, she turns to an old photo album filled with memories of her best friend: the one who got away because she never admitted her true feelings. Later, she asks her caretaker, "What's it like to make love to a woman?"

The film could have dipped into darker territory from here, but Farley demurs. Instead, the sadness deepens, grows tender like so many bruises. It's rare to get a second chance in life. If you're lucky, you get a shadow of it.

The best of the live-action films, Skin (20 min.), ups the ante to examine one of the most unfortunate outcomes of disconnection: violent fear of the other. A sweet-natured boy looks up to his father (Jonathan Tucker), mother (Danielle Macdonald), and their friends, all of whom are skinheads. He joins his parents at the supermarket and sees a black man in another checkout line; they smile at each other. The father sees this interaction. He calls his friends and they beat the man nearly to death in the parking lot. The man's wife and son watch, scream, and cry from inside their car.

In this movie, as in life, a disconnection is often a connection too. When the black boy watches the white boy drive away with the attackers, he sees both a connection in their shared age and the most profound disconnection making sense fully, perhaps for the first time. Other examples abound, but the most striking is the way the black man's friends execute a reprisal that this critic in no way saw coming.

Written and directed by Guy Nattiv, and based on an original idea by Jaime Ray Newman, Skin has a tight structure and a perfect ending. If it were published as a short story, it would win many a literary prize. As a short film, it certainly deserves an Oscar.

[prettywordsyouleft]

The Sex Contract - Chapter 4

Genre: friends to lovers au / friends with benefits / mature content / romance / angst

Characters: Shim Changmin x Kaia Ashton (OC)

A/N: Due to the overwhelming request I have followed your encouragement to bring back one of my older stories. This was back in a time where OCs were everything and writing one chapter in each main’s point of view was the trend. I hope that even though I have edited this drastically, that you can appreciate this story comes from my older style of writing. I definitely still read this often and find it enjoyable so I hope you will too.

Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 - FINAL

Chapter 4 – Kaia’s POV.

 Kaia watched Changmin’s eyes widen slightly at her interest, her teasing making him feel uncomfortable. She hadn’t really expected such a reaction from the tall man but he had given it and now she was intrigued. Kaia wasn’t exactly experienced in having a male as a best friend and wondered if you could ever be truly relaxed on all topics like she was with her closest female friends.

“I’m not answering anything!”

“If I answer your questions, will you answer mine?” she proposed and Changmin seemed to ponder her request. He picked up his bottle and took a swig, which settled him.

“How do you know I have anything to ask you?”

“Do you go and ask all your noonas about sex then?” Kaia smirked as he blushed and shook his hands in answer. “I’m not shy of the topic, but if you are-”

“No I’m not,” he quickly said and smirked back. “You’re not a noona anyway. I’m probably the sunbae in this situation too.”

“Don’t rediscover your ego now, Changmin.”

“Alright then, why do you pay so much attention to dramas, they don’t exactly fulfil that need. Since I’ve known you, you’ve never mentioned about having a boyfriend.” He folded his arms over his chest, his chocolate eyes warming up at the lack of boundaries. It seemed like Changmin was prepared to have the conversation now.

“I guess it’s harder for me to find someone here in Korea than back home. Not a lot of Koreans go for foreign girls.”

Changmin shook his head. “There are a bunch of guys who would date you. In fact, if you knew what some of the boys in Super Junior think of you, that wouldn’t be an excuse.”

“That’s my working environment Min!” She slapped his arm and raised her index finger to wag it back and forth. “I have professionalism. Besides they’re all idols.”

“And men with desires that need to be met.”

“What, like some sexual relationship only?” she asked and Changmin shrugged. “I don’t think I could have sex without a proper relationship first. Though that’s never really worked out much for me. I kind of miss it.”

Changmin rubbed his hands together. “You’ve never really spoken about your past experiences. You have done the deed, right?”

“Of course!” she cried in horror and he laughed heartily. “I just suck with men in general. They tend to walk all over me. I’m never really good at reading the signals. It’s almost like they see me as an accessory, and shy out before I can see if they’re a true prince or not.”

“See there’s your problem right there,” Changmin stated, nodding lightly. “Going around thinking that Princes still exist. This isn’t a monarchical country Kai. If you want to marry a Prince, you’ll have to look at Harry back home.”

Kaia scrunched her nose up in disgust as the Korean laughed some more. Though the topic had got her thinking, just how easier it would be to meet sexual needs without emotion getting in the way? Kaia always threw herself into relationships wholeheartedly; wanting her happily ever after like all the fairytales she had grown up believing in. It was hard to shake the notion off that there weren’t any romantic guys left around these days.

“It seems everyone’s standards are incredibly high, I have to admit,” Changmin said a moment later, breaking his friend out of her reverie. “I mean, you have a point, what happened to saying I like you and the person like you back the same way? It seems like games have to be played, and everything can be taken in more than one way.”

Kaia stared at him. “When did you last date someone?”

“Two years ago.”

“Woah, so long ago.” She blinked a couple of times in confusion. “I thought you’d have a bunch of girls lining up for a slice of Godly pie.”

“Oh don’t you go starting it too,” he cried as she giggled at his obvious disgust. “It’s harder than you think. Much like your belief of guys not liking you for what you are, I feel the same. It’s hard to find an honest woman these days. Women like security. I can’t offer that. Women like stability too and I’m always unaware of where life is taking me. I can’t offer anything but what little of a personal life I have. Especially with work, it’s harder to be able to manage a relationship. So I just don’t bother trying.”

Kaia pulled her knees up under her chin and stared at her friend. “Do you ever miss holding someone? Or other physical elements?”

“All the time,” he truthfully responded and sighed, throwing his head onto the back of the sofa. “It’s funny, but I actually enjoyed working on Paradise Ranch. It’s shameful but every action I had to do, even though it was awkward, it was comforting at the same time. It made me reflect on how to fit a girlfriend into my life. But I just can’t find a way, and I don’t have the emotional effort to offer anyway.”

“It seems like we’re on the same level but for different reasons,” she surmised and he nodded his head sadly. “My best friend back home told me that I’m a painter.”

“You’re a what?” Changmin lifted his head at Kaia’s statement, sending her a curious expression.

She nodded. “I meet a guy and paint an entire picture of what I want from the relationship. Then after the first couple of weeks of dating comes the obvious signs that I painted it all wrong. Then I feel the need to escape before I get hurt.”

“That kind of backs up your way of living through fantasy then,” Changmin agreed. “Don’t you want to try and experience something though?”

“I try,” she admitted, thinking back on past experiences. “I attempted to change the image in my head but then they usually try to rush me into bed or I do have sex with them and then they never contact again. I guess I’m just one of those girls guys never want to understand.”

“No one probably wants to try and stand up to your Prince complex,” he said with a laugh and she looked away from Changmin, knowing he was right. A pair of arms wrapped around her and Kaia glanced up at the brunette. “Looks like we’re as bad as one another wanting love but having no ability to maintain it.”

“This is nice though,” Kaia said softly, savouring the feeling of his arms around her. They had hugged before but with the sensitivity in the air, she was able to close her eyes and remember all the things she loved about men. Without thinking it through, Kaia grabbed his hand, feeling how soft his warm skin was.

“Sometimes it would be nice to just forgo relationships and have someone around who you could turn to that wasn’t in the form of a video,” Changmin replied and Kaia frowned, blinking rapidly and snapping her hand away from his.

“Did you just bring up porn?!”

Changmin coughed awkwardly. “How else do I get any attention?!”

“Oh my god, Changmin!”

“You brought it up earlier!”

Kaia nodded. “I didn’t happen to be in your arms at the time though!”

“I was just being honest. I’m sure you have to deal with your own needs too when the mood strikes!”

She gasped, feeling her cheeks flood with colour. “I never expected us to ever speak like this.”

“Isn’t it a good thing though? That we feel this comfortable around each other? I could never take myself off to have one night stands all the time; I know it’d reach the media in a flash if I did. I wouldn’t be able to pay for sex either so what else does a man have left as an option eh?”

“I guess you have a true point.”

“It would be just nice; it’s all I’m saying. But I don’t know really anyone who I could trust to be myself completely around whilst meeting my needs.”

“Well, you have me.” Kaia covered her mouth as soon as she said it and watched as Changmin regarded her for a moment. she waited for him to reject the idea completely.

“I’ve never seen you as anything more than a friend.”

“Me neither, personally I don’t think you’re someone I could ever date,” she replied and he pulled a face. “No, I’m serious. Your fans are kind of deluded by what they see. The real Changmin is just like any other gamer. If you didn’t have a schedule to keep to, you’d sit in your room playing games all day and night, only coming out for food or bathroom breaks.”

“I take high offence to that!” She gave him a hard look. “Alright it’s probably true, but I have lots to like about me. And for one I don’t try to find a Princess in another, and just accept the girl for who she is.”

“Cheap shot,” Kaia said and Changmin chuckled.

“You’re right though, there’s a term for it, friends with benefits, right?” he asked and she nodded. “I wonder how well it works out?”

“I guess it depends on the couple. It could either go one of two ways. They end up falling in love, like in all the movies, or end up bored of the sex and move on to find partners.”

“Well, there’s no risk of that happening if we tried,” Changmin announced. “I don’t think I could see you as anything more than a best friend.”

“Are you even attracted to me?” Kaia wondered and he smiled. “What?”

“Well, you’re not ugly.”

“Thanks, I think,” she replied and Changmin laughed again, wrapping an arm around her.

“I know from earlier that you think the same about me, Kai.” He smiled smugly. “But you know what; you missed out on watching the rest of Heartstrings.”

“Like I was ever going to be able to watch it in peace with you around,” she bitterly stated, although it was hardly a thought that crossed her mind truthfully.

The night had turned down an unexpected path. Kaia wondered if it was all a dream or something they’d both forget after a good night’s rest.

_________________

Part 5

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[restatebrk24219]

10 Tips for a Successful Post-Mortem

10 Tips for a Successful Post-Mortem

Update: I wrote this article in 2015, but I thought with the new year right behind me that I should update it with all the learning I’ve received on the subject of post-mortems. I realized, in retrospect, that I left one key tip out that I make sure to include in all my post-mortems. So, what’s better than 10 Tips For A Successful Post-Mortem? I present the much new and improved 11 Tips For A Successful Post-Mortem. (Spoiler: #5 is new.)

I love meetings. Actually, let me clarify. I like creative, strategy-focused meetings like a brainstorm or its emo cousin, the Post-Mortem.

What is a post-mortem? To some, it’s an examination of a corpse in order to determine the correct cause of death. To other more well-adjusted individuals (no offense Dana Scully), it’s a discussion (usually at the end of the project) to identify and analyze elements of a project that were successful or unsuccessful. It answers the question, “How’d we do?”

Many people find the name “post-mortem” too macabre. They’d rather call it a “retrospective,” which I find boring and lacking imagination. Even if a project was a ridiculously successful delight from start to finish, the post-mortem marks the end of a job (or phase) and your team is probably happy to have it behind them. If I had my way, I’d call it the “[insert project name] Super Post-Mortem Extravaganza!!” Now don’t tell me you wouldn’t rather go to that than the “[insert project name] Retrospective.”

Not Just For Single Projects

Many people assume that post-mortems are only for one-off projects. Although they’re extremely important for projects with a clearly defined start and end date – think apps, web sites, infographics, etc. – they’re just as useful for ongoing marketing efforts. Post-mortems can keep the big picture in perspective with monthly, quarterly, or annual reviews. Obviously, having one every month is time-consuming, but a few hours every quarter is time well spent.

Not Just For Agencies

Post-mortems aren’t just for agencies trying to retain clients or win new business. They are every bit as useful on the brand side. Marketing Directors can equally benefit by holding post-mortems after finishing any campaign or project. To note, in a perfect world, the post-mortem can involve the client team and the agency team together. Remember, it’s “How’d we do?”

So, now that you’ve been convinced of the awesomeness of the post-mortem and have probably already scheduled one, here are my 10 tips for getting the most out of your post-mortem:

(Note: For the purpose of these tips, I’ll refer to them in the context of a single campaign with a goal of completion rather than an ongoing project.)

1. Have a post-mortem for every project, no matter how small or how big, no matter what the outcome.

Even if a project is small, there are always things that pop up which will help you learn for larger projects. For example, let’s say that the project was delayed because of communication issues. This could lead to a delay of a few days for a small project. But in a massive project, this could delay you by months and more importantly, increase the cost by two-fold. Always a fun conversation with the CFO.

Importantly, post-mortems should be held no matter how well a project went. Some tend to think that a post-mortem is all about what went wrong. Again, I prefer to think of it as “how’d we do and why?” I’ve never worked on a project that went perfectly. Likewise, I’ve never worked on a project that was a complete disaster. There is always something of value to learn.

“The minute that you’re not learning I believe you’re dead.” Jack Nicholson

2. Schedule the post-mortem directly after the project concludes.

If you’re like me, project details evaporate from memory when the big push is finished. If a project goes well we lose sight of problems in light of a job well done. If a project goes poorly we lose sight of successes as we try to figure out what went wrong. Have your post-mortem while details are still fresh. Bonus points for scheduling them in advance.

“The palest ink is better than the best memory.” Chinese Proverb

3. Set a constructive mindset.

This is by far the most important tip on this list. A post-mortem is not about highlighting failures with the purpose of assigning blame. It’s not about reviewing employee performance. It’s about reviewing the work and the result for purposes of team and personal improvement. It needs to be constructive.

Therefore, it’s important that your team is in the right mindset: positive and learning-focused, not defensive or hypercritical. The best way to do this is to start off the conversation with something positive. Generally, the more powerful or proud they feel, the more effectively they can process constructive criticism.

As one of my team members always likes to say when things go wrong, “Well, nobody was killed, so…” Remind everyone that, no matter how embarrassing a gaffe, you can learn from it. Obviously, this doesn’t work if somebody did die, but no Portent project has killed anyone so far… so I’ve been told.

“I’m the kind of person who likes to create the environment and mindset – not because I do it deliberately, but because that’s how I like to live – where, from catering to makeup to hair to wardrobe, electricians, camera department lighting, sound, you know, it’s our movie; we’re together, and we have that camaraderie and that closeness.” Steve McQueen

4. Create an agenda.

Even a relaxed meeting needs an agenda. The last thing we want is a completely disorganized mess that leaves you an hour later with no idea of what you actually learned. Having an agenda will actually help with all of the tips I’ve spoken about so far.

Here’s a sample agenda for an effective post-mortem:

Set Tone / Explain Format (5 Min) – This is possibly the most critical, pivotal 5 minutes of the meeting. It’s where you remind the group that this post-mortem is all about constructive analysis. It’s your chance to guide the mindset of the group and hopefully get them to relax and feel safe enough for a truly productive session.

Recap The Project (2 Min) – That’s it. You’ll give a synopsis of what the project was about and what the initial expectations were. This will let you focus on the measurable goals so you can objectively evaluate whether the project was a success.

Recap The Outcome (3 Min) – Although there might be a difference of opinion on how everyone thought the process went, usually there’s a pretty straightforward idea on whether the goal was met. Was the client happy? (This could be a client in the literal sense, or it could be the CMO of your own company.) Did the cost exceed the budget? Was the product delivered on time?

Team Member Questions (40 Min) – This is the meat of the post-mortem. Where all this setup will pay dividends. It’s where the conversation really gets going and your team members get an opportunity to speak up. It helps to jump-start by asking one person a question and allow people to riff off each other. The important thing is that everyone gets a chance to contribute. Here are the questions that I like to ask:

Are you proud of our finished deliverables? If yes, what made them great? If no, what was wrong or missing?

Did we get the results we wanted and did it make impact?

Which of our methods or processes worked particularly well?

Which of our methods or processes were difficult or frustrating to use?

How would you do things differently next time to avoid this frustration?

What else could we do better next time?

What was the most gratifying or professionally satisfying part of the project?

Wrap-Up (10 Min) – This is where you thank everyone for participating and let them know that notes will be coming soon.

Admittedly, it can be really challenging to keep to this agenda on the fly, but the last thing you want to do is stop the conversation from flowing organically. Most times, the conversation will jump naturally from one question to the next. The important part is that you make sure each of the answers is a conversation and everyone is able to address them.

“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” Benjamin Franklin

5. Send out a questionnaire to all the participants prior to the meeting.

An agenda is extremely important, but it’ll be hard to stick to your timetable if the participants aren’t prepared themselves having thought about all the questions you plan to cover. If they haven’t already though through the questions, I guarantee you if you ask them what methods or processes worked well, you’ll get at least 10-20 seconds of blank stares.

This is productive for two reasons. First, you’ll more likely get better answers. It’s hard to come up with something on the spot that has substance. Secondly, when somebody finally feels like they have a good answer, nobody else will listen to them because they’re busy trying to think of a good answer themselves.

So, along with a simple agenda, make sure that you send all the participants a list of questions that they should think about prior to the meeting. It’s best if you give them plenty of time to get this done so it’s not a last minute dash right before the post-mortem.

“We must open the doors of opportunity. But we must also equip our people to walk through those doors.” Lyndon B. Johnson

6. Identify the moderator.

Along with an agenda, there must be one person responsible for moderating the meeting. This is generally the same person that set the agenda and scheduled the post-mortem. Having a moderator not only creates bumper rails for the conversation, but allows all the other team members the freedom to speak their mind without worrying excessively about the structure or process.

A good moderator will give the right amount of leeway for the conversation to tackle a tangent before reigning it back in.

The moderator should also be the one to take notes. I recommend using a white board. That allows team members to stay engaged, rather than frantically scribbling notes.

“Can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about the things?” Homer Simpson

7. Keep it relaxed.

As I mentioned earlier, I love creative strategy meetings. They tend to be more relaxed and therefore more fun. Dreaded, high-tension post-mortems kill creativity and seal your team into their personal shells. That kind of meeting is as productive as a team-wide nap time.

You’re uncovering uncomfortable stuff much of the time. Deliberately promote a relaxed environment. If it’s early in the morning, bring coffee and donuts. If it’s later in the day, bring beer and well… donuts. Always bring donuts.

“A cheerful frame of mind, reinforced by relaxation… is the medicine that puts all ghosts of fear on the run.” George Matthew Adams

8. Encourage participation.

The goal of a post-mortem is a deep dive into the project and learning as a team. By surfacing the perspectives of everyone in the group – many of whom are often more in the weeds – they let us uncover issues at a micro-level that add up to a seriously macro impact. If only a few team members are speaking up, be sure and ask the others what thoughts they have. Sometimes it only takes a small amount of prodding before people feel comfortable talking.

“In teamwork, silence isn’t golden, it’s deadly.” Mark Sanborn

9. Leave the laptops behind.

Just like creative brainstorms, I prefer that post-mortems are screen-less affairs. Folks are encouraged to bring notes, but computers often provide more distraction than they’re worth. For those already a bit hesitant to share their thoughts, there’s nothing worse than opening up only to find that people aren’t paying attention. A post-mortem should create dialogue and bounce thoughts and ideas back and forth. There’s no room for a computer in this process – even for note taking. (I’ll explain why later.)

“The successful warrior is the average man, with laser focus.” Bruce Lee

10. Develop actionable takeaways.

Even the most productive post-mortem is no good unless there are clear, actionable takeaways. “Do better” is a noble takeaway indeed, but how do you act on that next time? You need specific to-dos the team can remember in the heat of the next project.

In our previous example, if communication was the problem, perhaps the actionable takeaway is to set more regular, in-person check-ins.

Actionable takeaways set clear expectations. The team can hold each other accountable for implementing them on the next project.

“An organization’s ability to learn, and translate that learning into action rapidly, is the ultimate competitive advantage.” Jack Welch

11. Share post-mortem takeaways.

Nothing groundbreaking here. The last important tip is to share the post-mortem takeaways with anybody who might benefit from your newly-found pearls of wisdom. This definitely includes your post-mortem attendees. But spend the time to identify others in your company who deal with the same challenges.

“Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.” His Holiness the Dalai Lama

While some of these tips are bit more rigid than others, the most important thing to remember is to keep the nature of the post-mortem light, yet still productive and impactful. If you succeed, you’ll watch your team take away immensely valuable insights that’ll make the next project even better.

Or if this is all just too much, just be sure and call it a Super Post-Mortem Extravaganza. And bring donuts.

The post 10 Tips for a Successful Post-Mortem appeared first on Portent.

http://bit.ly/2AJittR

[constructionsworkr3053]

10 Tips for a Successful Post-Mortem

10 Tips for a Successful Post-Mortem

Update: I wrote this article in 2015, but I thought with the new year right behind me that I should update it with all the learning I’ve received on the subject of post-mortems. I realized, in retrospect, that I left one key tip out that I make sure to include in all my post-mortems. So, what’s better than 10 Tips For A Successful Post-Mortem? I present the much new and improved 11 Tips For A Successful Post-Mortem. (Spoiler: #5 is new.)

I love meetings. Actually, let me clarify. I like creative, strategy-focused meetings like a brainstorm or its emo cousin, the Post-Mortem.

What is a post-mortem? To some, it’s an examination of a corpse in order to determine the correct cause of death. To other more well-adjusted individuals (no offense Dana Scully), it’s a discussion (usually at the end of the project) to identify and analyze elements of a project that were successful or unsuccessful. It answers the question, “How’d we do?”

Many people find the name “post-mortem” too macabre. They’d rather call it a “retrospective,” which I find boring and lacking imagination. Even if a project was a ridiculously successful delight from start to finish, the post-mortem marks the end of a job (or phase) and your team is probably happy to have it behind them. If I had my way, I’d call it the “[insert project name] Super Post-Mortem Extravaganza!!” Now don’t tell me you wouldn’t rather go to that than the “[insert project name] Retrospective.”

Not Just For Single Projects

Many people assume that post-mortems are only for one-off projects. Although they’re extremely important for projects with a clearly defined start and end date – think apps, web sites, infographics, etc. – they’re just as useful for ongoing marketing efforts. Post-mortems can keep the big picture in perspective with monthly, quarterly, or annual reviews. Obviously, having one every month is time-consuming, but a few hours every quarter is time well spent.

Not Just For Agencies

Post-mortems aren’t just for agencies trying to retain clients or win new business. They are every bit as useful on the brand side. Marketing Directors can equally benefit by holding post-mortems after finishing any campaign or project. To note, in a perfect world, the post-mortem can involve the client team and the agency team together. Remember, it’s “How’d we do?”

So, now that you’ve been convinced of the awesomeness of the post-mortem and have probably already scheduled one, here are my 10 tips for getting the most out of your post-mortem:

(Note: For the purpose of these tips, I’ll refer to them in the context of a single campaign with a goal of completion rather than an ongoing project.)

1. Have a post-mortem for every project, no matter how small or how big, no matter what the outcome.

Even if a project is small, there are always things that pop up which will help you learn for larger projects. For example, let’s say that the project was delayed because of communication issues. This could lead to a delay of a few days for a small project. But in a massive project, this could delay you by months and more importantly, increase the cost by two-fold. Always a fun conversation with the CFO.

Importantly, post-mortems should be held no matter how well a project went. Some tend to think that a post-mortem is all about what went wrong. Again, I prefer to think of it as “how’d we do and why?” I’ve never worked on a project that went perfectly. Likewise, I’ve never worked on a project that was a complete disaster. There is always something of value to learn.

“The minute that you’re not learning I believe you’re dead.” Jack Nicholson

2. Schedule the post-mortem directly after the project concludes.

If you’re like me, project details evaporate from memory when the big push is finished. If a project goes well we lose sight of problems in light of a job well done. If a project goes poorly we lose sight of successes as we try to figure out what went wrong. Have your post-mortem while details are still fresh. Bonus points for scheduling them in advance.

“The palest ink is better than the best memory.” Chinese Proverb

3. Set a constructive mindset.

This is by far the most important tip on this list. A post-mortem is not about highlighting failures with the purpose of assigning blame. It’s not about reviewing employee performance. It’s about reviewing the work and the result for purposes of team and personal improvement. It needs to be constructive.

Therefore, it’s important that your team is in the right mindset: positive and learning-focused, not defensive or hypercritical. The best way to do this is to start off the conversation with something positive. Generally, the more powerful or proud they feel, the more effectively they can process constructive criticism.

As one of my team members always likes to say when things go wrong, “Well, nobody was killed, so…” Remind everyone that, no matter how embarrassing a gaffe, you can learn from it. Obviously, this doesn’t work if somebody did die, but no Portent project has killed anyone so far… so I’ve been told.

“I’m the kind of person who likes to create the environment and mindset – not because I do it deliberately, but because that’s how I like to live – where, from catering to makeup to hair to wardrobe, electricians, camera department lighting, sound, you know, it’s our movie; we’re together, and we have that camaraderie and that closeness.” Steve McQueen

4. Create an agenda.

Even a relaxed meeting needs an agenda. The last thing we want is a completely disorganized mess that leaves you an hour later with no idea of what you actually learned. Having an agenda will actually help with all of the tips I’ve spoken about so far.

Here’s a sample agenda for an effective post-mortem:

Set Tone / Explain Format (5 Min) – This is possibly the most critical, pivotal 5 minutes of the meeting. It’s where you remind the group that this post-mortem is all about constructive analysis. It’s your chance to guide the mindset of the group and hopefully get them to relax and feel safe enough for a truly productive session.

Recap The Project (2 Min) – That’s it. You’ll give a synopsis of what the project was about and what the initial expectations were. This will let you focus on the measurable goals so you can objectively evaluate whether the project was a success.

Recap The Outcome (3 Min) – Although there might be a difference of opinion on how everyone thought the process went, usually there’s a pretty straightforward idea on whether the goal was met. Was the client happy? (This could be a client in the literal sense, or it could be the CMO of your own company.) Did the cost exceed the budget? Was the product delivered on time?

Team Member Questions (40 Min) – This is the meat of the post-mortem. Where all this setup will pay dividends. It’s where the conversation really gets going and your team members get an opportunity to speak up. It helps to jump-start by asking one person a question and allow people to riff off each other. The important thing is that everyone gets a chance to contribute. Here are the questions that I like to ask:

Are you proud of our finished deliverables? If yes, what made them great? If no, what was wrong or missing?

Did we get the results we wanted and did it make impact?

Which of our methods or processes worked particularly well?

Which of our methods or processes were difficult or frustrating to use?

How would you do things differently next time to avoid this frustration?

What else could we do better next time?

What was the most gratifying or professionally satisfying part of the project?

Wrap-Up (10 Min) – This is where you thank everyone for participating and let them know that notes will be coming soon.

Admittedly, it can be really challenging to keep to this agenda on the fly, but the last thing you want to do is stop the conversation from flowing organically. Most times, the conversation will jump naturally from one question to the next. The important part is that you make sure each of the answers is a conversation and everyone is able to address them.

“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” Benjamin Franklin

5. Send out a questionnaire to all the participants prior to the meeting.

An agenda is extremely important, but it’ll be hard to stick to your timetable if the participants aren’t prepared themselves having thought about all the questions you plan to cover. If they haven’t already though through the questions, I guarantee you if you ask them what methods or processes worked well, you’ll get at least 10-20 seconds of blank stares.

This is productive for two reasons. First, you’ll more likely get better answers. It’s hard to come up with something on the spot that has substance. Secondly, when somebody finally feels like they have a good answer, nobody else will listen to them because they’re busy trying to think of a good answer themselves.

So, along with a simple agenda, make sure that you send all the participants a list of questions that they should think about prior to the meeting. It’s best if you give them plenty of time to get this done so it’s not a last minute dash right before the post-mortem.

“We must open the doors of opportunity. But we must also equip our people to walk through those doors.” Lyndon B. Johnson

6. Identify the moderator.

Along with an agenda, there must be one person responsible for moderating the meeting. This is generally the same person that set the agenda and scheduled the post-mortem. Having a moderator not only creates bumper rails for the conversation, but allows all the other team members the freedom to speak their mind without worrying excessively about the structure or process.

A good moderator will give the right amount of leeway for the conversation to tackle a tangent before reigning it back in.

The moderator should also be the one to take notes. I recommend using a white board. That allows team members to stay engaged, rather than frantically scribbling notes.

“Can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about the things?” Homer Simpson

7. Keep it relaxed.

As I mentioned earlier, I love creative strategy meetings. They tend to be more relaxed and therefore more fun. Dreaded, high-tension post-mortems kill creativity and seal your team into their personal shells. That kind of meeting is as productive as a team-wide nap time.

You’re uncovering uncomfortable stuff much of the time. Deliberately promote a relaxed environment. If it’s early in the morning, bring coffee and donuts. If it’s later in the day, bring beer and well… donuts. Always bring donuts.

“A cheerful frame of mind, reinforced by relaxation… is the medicine that puts all ghosts of fear on the run.” George Matthew Adams

8. Encourage participation.

The goal of a post-mortem is a deep dive into the project and learning as a team. By surfacing the perspectives of everyone in the group – many of whom are often more in the weeds – they let us uncover issues at a micro-level that add up to a seriously macro impact. If only a few team members are speaking up, be sure and ask the others what thoughts they have. Sometimes it only takes a small amount of prodding before people feel comfortable talking.

“In teamwork, silence isn’t golden, it’s deadly.” Mark Sanborn

9. Leave the laptops behind.

Just like creative brainstorms, I prefer that post-mortems are screen-less affairs. Folks are encouraged to bring notes, but computers often provide more distraction than they’re worth. For those already a bit hesitant to share their thoughts, there’s nothing worse than opening up only to find that people aren’t paying attention. A post-mortem should create dialogue and bounce thoughts and ideas back and forth. There’s no room for a computer in this process – even for note taking. (I’ll explain why later.)

“The successful warrior is the average man, with laser focus.” Bruce Lee

10. Develop actionable takeaways.

Even the most productive post-mortem is no good unless there are clear, actionable takeaways. “Do better” is a noble takeaway indeed, but how do you act on that next time? You need specific to-dos the team can remember in the heat of the next project.

In our previous example, if communication was the problem, perhaps the actionable takeaway is to set more regular, in-person check-ins.

Actionable takeaways set clear expectations. The team can hold each other accountable for implementing them on the next project.

“An organization’s ability to learn, and translate that learning into action rapidly, is the ultimate competitive advantage.” Jack Welch

11. Share post-mortem takeaways.

Nothing groundbreaking here. The last important tip is to share the post-mortem takeaways with anybody who might benefit from your newly-found pearls of wisdom. This definitely includes your post-mortem attendees. But spend the time to identify others in your company who deal with the same challenges.

“Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.” His Holiness the Dalai Lama

While some of these tips are bit more rigid than others, the most important thing to remember is to keep the nature of the post-mortem light, yet still productive and impactful. If you succeed, you’ll watch your team take away immensely valuable insights that’ll make the next project even better.

Or if this is all just too much, just be sure and call it a Super Post-Mortem Extravaganza. And bring donuts.

The post 10 Tips for a Successful Post-Mortem appeared first on Portent.

http://bit.ly/2AJittR