#at least tomorrow it's a seminar so they will work on their projects
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i-will-cry-you-a-river · 2 months ago
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My problem with being a teacher is that when you are a college student, you can skip the allowed amount of classes. As a college teacher, you can't do the same. You can't just say that my mental health is kinda fucked up, can't feel anything except for the existential dread and the shimmering anxiety in my stomach that tries to remind me about the deadlines, so I'm not going to school tomorrow because I wanna just stay in bed and pretend I'm not the failure I think I am. At least with my other work I can just do the bare minimum. With teaching, on the other hand...
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la-galaxie-langblr · 1 month ago
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6 Week Challenge Week 2 Day 4 14/11/24
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Today I:
Went to class
Didn't get to go swimming </3 pool was unexpectedly full for a Thursday but it gave me an excuse to get plenty of walking done around campus
Ate lunch
Scheduled a job interview 😳
Did lingsoc event prep
Studied
To the shock of no one I did not get the pass mark for my shoddy group project 💀 but at least in my seminar tomorrow I can learn where I went wrong!!
Helped set up for and run a linguistics society event - basically we asked 2 department staff to present some of their research to an audience and we got department funded catering afterwards 😋
Did my work training
Watched drag race and got caught up on bakeoff with my friend, we're two weeks behind on bakeoff and I've missed our Tuesday tradition!!
Daily joys:
CAMPUS IN AUTUMN W GOOD MUSIC IN MY HEADPHONES MY BELOVED
Friends beloved <333 today was hard but my besties are always here for a wee cry and lots of laughs afterwards
Progress towards goals:
Big day for getting out of my comfort zone - I answered a lot of questions in my seminar, got most of them wrong but it was a really helpful learning experience, and I also chaired the linguistics society event we did!! Getting up in front of a room of people to speak is something I'm much more confident in than I used to be, but it still makes me feel queasy sometimes so I'm proud of myself for doing it :)
Did a grammar activity for French
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jxtp0sed · 7 months ago
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Been back in Japan for a while now but just now getting used to not going to work everyday. It’s been a dream not having to take the congested trains for three hours every day 5-6 times a week omg! It is so so stressful!
Been prepping multiple versions of my resume and tons of cover letters, as well as taking some Japanese lessons (paid for with a stipend from my previous employer - s/o to Nihongonomori) and some MOOCs to level up my skills, alongside attending seminars at my local HelloWork. Getting lots and lots of rejections but trying not to lament though some days are better than others. I need to switch up my approach but also a relocation might be in the near future so I also need to start looking for positions up north… 👀
Remote would be a dream but they’re few and far between for sure…
Since I left my last employer I am proud to say I have booked a handful of model/talent gigs and it’s been such a thrill. I’m writing this on the Shinkansen to Tokyo for what is one of my biggest jobs yet. Of course before leaving Kansai I went through the motions of natural hair anxiety - and I just hope that the beauty team on set over the next couple days come with all their skills because I am going to give it 150% and I want to make sure the look match!!
I really need to get a trim and when I say trim I mean like cutting several inches off my ends (is it even ends anymore?!) because nevermind that I have hair for three people but my endssss whew do not put my blow dried hair in a room with a lit cigarette 😂
Is this a safe space? Anyone wanna take a guess how long it’s been since my last haircut?
Five years…
and before that it was a 4.5 year gap. My last salon visit before that was right before moving to Japan lol I have basically only gotten a haircut that one time since I moved to Japan ten years ago and I didn’t even get the haircut at the 4.5 year mark IN Japan. I’m just really apprehensive about the level of natural/Black haircare knowledge and have lots of childhood salon trauma. I just want to be treated with dignity and walk out happy. 😢 but at this point and with my goals in mind I need to get my hair together and I need help doing it.
I need to find someone who knows how to do a proper blowout since I only ever cut my hair dry. What a struggle in itself and so here we are.
THAT aside
Very thankful for everything so far. I find it ironic that I have the opportunity to take modeling more seriously at this stage in my life. Sometimes I think like damn I’m (re)starting so late - but then I tell myself immediately to shut up, that my timing is the right timing and I’m also immediately reminded of what my mom said before I moved to Japan (she didn’t want me to come after the Fukushima disaster - I still came to jpn for the first time that very August on vacation but) she said “I’m not gonna say anything because I know you’re are going to do what you want” and I don’t think she meant it dismissively, but I think it finally hit her that I ammmm stubborn af and thus also really determined to at least TRY something I’m motivated to do if I think it’s at all possible. Shoutout to my Taurus risings!!
She tried to shoot down my model dreams when I was younger but I mean we was poor and I was the first to go to college like what you mean you wanna take pictures as a job looool
Somehow I feel I’m finding my way step by step. :)
Wish me luck!! My sleep schedule is 💩 and I have very early start times starting tomorrow. Wish I could share more about the project but you’ll find out in time cuz I won’t shut up once it’s out 😂 will post recent work in the meantime
Ganbarimasuuu
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scgma · 1 year ago
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@medicaduceus | continued from here
A laugh slipped from her lips and she leaned back, hands still wrapped around the warm cup of coffee before her. “—I could go on for hours, Siebren. We will definitely need more time.”
❛ indeed we would, doctor. forgive me. I've just been so thrilled to have your company this evening. it's truly been a delightful detour after the event. ❜ Siebren mused happily. it was an honor to sit with her, discuss each other's work and unwind. Doctor Ziegler's projects were fascinating to say the least. a brilliant mind. Siebren picked up his lukewarm cup that was empty-- he kept forgetting it was-- buzzing with the lingering exciting. ❛ your work, at such a young age, it makes me feel so hopeful for the future. I don't mean to keep you, doctor. the seminar continues tomorrow. ❜
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star2sworld · 1 year ago
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Well today was fucking confusing.
Started off at school.. I wore a off the shoulder shirt with no bra and it kept sliding off I felt uncomfortable in class & I had my hair in a low ponytail so I felt weird bc people could see my face better from the side although no one probably even looked at me lol. Someone pushed into me and my drink spilled a little on me and then I managed to spill my Celsius drink twice. I’m also on my period and I bled through my pants by 3rd period .. 8th period was fun towards the end.
I came home with the intention of getting all my work done.I finished my English work and my brother came to help me with history asg. At the end he ended up doing my history project for me because I literally can’t fucking think and it takes me ages to comprehend a fucking term. I felt off the whole day.
I had to download Snapchat bc I needed ai help on my history work and my phone is dry asf. I downloaded insta and I saw deeya bf and saw she barely had any followers and it made me go through my followers. I removed the people I didn’t know or want to follow on my account. My following dropped form 350 to 83 and following from 386 to 96. Lollll
It’s 12;00am now. Idk why I felt really off today but I hope this doesn’t last forever. I’m getting tiktok withdrawal like what do I do on my phoneeee. I have a lot of work to turn in tomorrow as well for school ughhh. At least tmr is Thursday. I need to sleep through now. I’m going to limit my social media usage still to 5 minutes max and I’m going to try my hardest not to go on social media all day long bc I may have to delete it again 😭
Self work seems fun to do and all but after a few days I get tired of working on myself. I need to learn discipline clearly. And I definitely need to start meditating more bc I cannot concentrate.
I am going to make a new routine tomorrow to try to get in some good habits in my daily routine. Also, from tmr I’m sleeping earlier I cannot keep staying up even tho I’m extremely tired. It’s giving self sabotage which I don’t want!! I’m just feeling a little u lovable bc I haven’t had a boyfriend but I’m trying not to think about it but do people even find me attractive rlly? I’m out here like doubting myself which is farrrr from my goal lol.
Waking up at 5:30 today so I can straighten my hair and have extra time for myself as I listen to podcasts in the morning. I think I recapped about everything that happened today. Tomorrow is my Socratic seminar please pray for me. I have to talk 3 times LOL.
Also how are we already 9months in 2023? This is insane to me. I am getting closer and closer to graduating and become 17. I want to stay 16 forever please. Lol fucking hell I feel like nothing is going right in my life currently but let’s stay positive ok ok !
Goodnight! 9/13/23
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vemuabhi · 4 years ago
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ITS OKAY TO TAKE A BREAK
Stressed Reader Comfort!
Hello!!! I am so happy you requested my dear! I am so happy to write for you. Please drink water and take care of yourself. I know it’s a hard time. But don’t lose hope and don’t let stress eat you up. You are loved and you are needed.
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Pairing : Sanji X Reader
Word count : 2.2K
Warnings : Not proof read, Stress, insomnia, Hurt then comfort and a very adorable Sanji
Sanji post Tagging : @ye-rin164
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 Assignment after assignment. Projects, seminars and exams. Forget about dates, you are not even having time to sleep properly since the last month. Still you stayed up many nights writing all the assignments. Researching stuff needed for the seminars. Memorising all the chapters from all the subjects. Praying to get good credits every time. Even sleeping for those 3 hours a day seemed so stressful because of your piled up assignments, which your teachers just dumped on you mercilessly.
Slowly because of lack of sleep and hectic works, dark circles were visible clearly under your eyes. Headaches became regular now. You weren’t able to focus on things properly. You just… tried to go along with the flow of day. Anything you ate tasted bland making you to loose appetite. All you now wanted was a day to just… rest.
Ignoring the good morning and good night messages from a certain someone made you feel guilty. But because of work, you couldn’t even catch a break. Yes… stress was building up in you.
Researching and taking print outs for the next “group” seminar made you work even harder. Yeah as you know how there is at least one person in the group who doesn’t even attempt to do work. Now you had FREAKING two of them in your 5 member’s team. Guess what happened. You three had to now share the burden of the remaining work.
‘Good thing Sanji isn’t here to see how much of a mess I am right now’, you thought sipping your caffeine. You felt lucky that you were at least getting time to take a quick shower every day.
On the other hand, Sanji knew. He knew how terrible your work was getting, making you to give him a single reply every two days, letting him know you were alive. If you didn’t give him that reply, he’d have gotten a panic attack on how you were. No regular messages, no dates, no video calls, not a single god damn normal call. He was really getting worried. But he stayed patient.
Nami and Robin chan suggested him to go and meet you, but he thought if he went, he’d be a problem to you for not letting you finish your work. His heart was earning to see you. To hug you. To make you something to eat. To just… be with you.
As days passed, you were getting more and more annoyed and you started to have breakouts for almost everything and nothing. Even the smallest things were making you cry. Like once You even cried as you saw a small puppy outside your apartment.
You hated to cry. But because of this pressure you couldn’t even control your emotions. You felt like you were losing yourself.
At Sanji’s house, he and Zoro were doing dishes but Sanji couldn’t help but to worry about you.
“Its just a gut feeling but I cant help but to worry”, Sanji sighed.
“If you feel like shit, why not just go to her place?”, asked Zoro
“Tsk, Its not that easy. What if I interrupt her?”, replied Sanji washing his hands after giving the last plate to Zoro.
The green haired man took the plate and placed it into the shelf. He sighed and said, “Look cook. It’s okay to go and check on her once a while, If you are worried. Maybe she needs you too”
Sanji never thought of that. He was always insecure and felt that he might disturb you if he met you. But this gut feeling of his was telling him to atleast go and see you.
“In 5 minutes, I’m leaving”, the blond told his roommate before going into his room. Zoro just smirked before closing the shef door.
You sat in the corner of the room. Your books were still open and you knew you were supposed to study. Then… the negative thoughts hit you. Your brain wanted to play some tricks on you. And it chose this freaking time to do that.
‘Yeah… you are not gonna get good grades even if you do this’
‘Sanji is so hardworking. He’d be so disappointed to have a person like you as his lover’
‘All your assignments are worthless, stop giving yourself enough credit’, you looked into your mirror.
Tears slid down your face. You looked terrible. With messy hair, unwashed clothes, dirty room. You wanted to tear the place down. You were so hurt and pressured.
*Ring*
Your train of thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell. You wiped your tears quickly and stumbled as you made your way towards the main door. You swung open the door and your (eye colour) orbs met the all blue orbs. The golden hair smoothly covered one of his eye. His smile brightly as seeing you.
“Aish! Y/N, how many time have I told you to check before opening the do-”, He didn’t even complete his sentence and you ran into his arms, tightly embracing him, making him to take a step back.
He instantly knew something was wrong with the way to you hugged him. He wrapped his arms around your body. You started to cry as he hugged you.
“Sanji… I… I can’t… I hate this. I don’t like this”, you whimpered between your sobs. He soothingly rubbed the back of your head.
Without breaking the hug, he pulled you inside the house and locked the door. Leaning his back on the door, with still you hugging him, he pulled you even closer. He patted your back while you buried your head in the crook of his neck.
“Y/N, look at me dear”, he asked and you slowly looked at him. His expression from worry turned to one of a sad one.
“I missed you so much”, you cried even more looking at him.
“Shhh~~ Y/N, I’m here. Please don’t cry. This hardship will pass away. Don’t let the stress eat you up”, he kissed your forehead as he calmly whispered into your ear.
Actually Sanji was also so hurt because of your situation. But if he wasn’t strong, who would encourage you.
Soothing your tears away, he kissed your eyes.
“I am sorry. I look horrible”, you sniffed and damn yes, he was not happy by the way you said it.
“Don’t ever say that. You are the most amazing and hardworking person. Give yourself a bit more credit”, he shook your shoulders as he said that.
“Listen here, you are tired, but you are still very much beautiful. All you need is a good night sleep”, he said as he pulled you towards your bedroom.
The bed was a mess. Books, papers, laptop, stationary on it. You felt embarrassed as Sanji saw you in your worst state.
“Sorry Sanji for making you see this”, you said as Sanji just made his way into the room and started to quickly clean the bed.
“You are apologising way too much Y/N. If I didn’t support you now, I shouldn’t even call myself your friend let alone your boyfriend”, he said.
Within minutes, he cleared everything up. You went towards the table to continue your work, but then, you felt your wrist being grabbed.
You looked at him and he looked at you with worried eyes.
“Y/N, I never said you should now write your paper”, he said sternly. Even though his voice was deep, his eyes showed worry.
“But I should complete it”, you said but he was quick to pull you towards him. He lifted you up with grace and walked towards the bed swiftly and plopped you on it. You couldn’t even protest because of how quickly it happened.
You tried to get up but then he decided to jump on you and cuddle you. You chuckled at how he behaved like a small child. When he heard your laugh he looked up to you, his head still placed on your chest. Oh how much he wanted to hear that laugh of yours. But you yourself didn’t knew when you fell asleep. As Sanji was looking while you laughed, you almost immediately fell asleep.
He smiled at you as you slept. He woke up and went towards your desk and sat on the chair.
Looking at the assignment that you should start, he analysed what you wrote in the roughly at the side. He took your phone and placed his thumb on the finger print scanner. Yes of course, you guys are having the healthiest relationship. He went towards the pdf of the assignment due dates and found the assignment you were working on. And damn he got angry at how many assignments you were given. The one you were working on was to be submitted the day after tomorrow.
‘Damn… no wonder Y/N had to stay up most of the night for these’, he thought as he called one of the smartest people he knew. No… it wasn’t Luffy. He has the devils Luck to pass his exams.
“Hey Robin chan! This is Sanji”, he said as he looked at the assignment.
“Hi Sanji. What happened?”, she inquired
“Robin chan, I actually need some help”, he started to ask about the assignment and how to collect the required information related to it.
Robin chan understood the situation and started to explain.
“So Sanji, Don’t waste your time searching all the websites. Just go to the websites I told you and you can see almost every possible explanation required to you”
Sanji searched on the laptop as he placed the phone between his shoulder and ear. The un-lit cigarette was dangling between his lips. The habbit of having it made him focus on things even more. But he ofcourse didn’t want to light it and make you wake up from its smell. And for gods sake, it was your divine room. He would never light a cigarette here. Soon he could see the information required to your assignment.
“Oh yes! I got it Robin chan! Thanks for your help”, he thanked her and they both ended the call after the exchanging a few more casual talks.
He looked at some other sites Robin mentioned and found everything that you required for writing this assignment. He actually wanted to write for you but, he knows that you’d feel guilty if he wrote it. So he just searched it for you. Then looked at another assignment which was the next one you had to submit in 5 days from now. So, he started to search for it and found the required information. He looked at the time and noticed that, it was already 2 in the morning. He didn’t even knew how the time passed while he searched for the information.
Sanji stretched his arms and stood up. He walked towards the bad, where you were sleeping peacefully. He smiled at you before kissing your forehead. He hugged you as he slept beside you.
The next day you woke up to the aroma of the food. You woke up from the best sleep you had. It was so refreshing and you felt so much better with it. You got up from the bed and went to the kitchen, where you saw the blond cooking for you.
You hugged him from behind as he grinned at your cute behaviour. “Good morning love”, he greeted you as he placed one of his arm around your shoulder and snuggled closer to you.
“Thanks for making this baby. I am so thankful for this”, you said pecking his cheek. He smiled and continued to make the breakfast.
“Its alright. Well, Y/N, you need to eat before you start writing the assignment. You smiled looking at him. ‘I am sure lucky’, you thought. You ate breakfast and then Sanji showed you the information he collected to write the assignment. Just when you thought you couldn’t fall in love with him more, he proved you wrong.
He was beside you leaning down with the laptop before you two as he was talking about some websites Robin chan mentioned. You placed your hand on his chin and turned him towards you then  pulled him in for a kiss.
“I think, I found the best boyfriend one could have. I’m so lucky”, you said as you hugged him
He blushed so hard when you said that.
“AHHH!! AND YOU ARE THE BEST GIRLFRIEND Y/N, I LOVE YOU TOO”
That day you both wrote the assignments together and finished them.
“Its okay to ask for help Y/N, I am always happy to help you”, Sanji said as he held the finished papers of the assignment.
You smiled back at him and said, “Thankyou Sanji. I… I’ll ask your help”
XOXOXOXO
So, I hope you liked this one shot. I felt so connected writing this. If you are facing a similar situation. Just remember. You need rest and you can always ask for help. Please give yourself credit and stay positive.
Like/Vote, Comment, Reblog/Share if you liked it!
Follow for more content!!
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buckys-black-dress · 4 years ago
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stargazing (bucky barnes x fem!reader)
a/n: so this idea totally just came to me because this trope is honestly so cute and i love these and i need to get this out of my system. i listened to stargazing by the neighborhood while writing this and i LOVE this song, so i’d recommend listening while reading! (just listen to the whole album).
also-- happy new year! 2020 quite literally fucked us up but im so grateful this year was the one where i decided to come on here and share my work with yall. i love every single one of my readers, so THANK YOU! anyways, without further ado...
enjoy my dearies!!! -ali
wc: 2.8k
When you first became best friends with Rebecca Barnes in preschool, the last place you’d expected to end up was with a massive crush on her older brother.
James, or Bucky, as he likes to be called my his close friends, was basically the perfect guy for you. He was kind, witty, and didn’t treat you like a child. (Anymore). 
Now that you had graduated high school and were in you first year of college, Bucky was in his second year. And things were getting rough. 
You were a Cognitive Psychology major, and your main interest was in becoming an occupational therapist. You were attending Columbia University. 
And of course, so was Bucky, studying English Literature. Rebecca was studying at FIT, her main interest being in fashion design. All three of you couldn’t bear to leave New York City, so you all decided to stay nearby. 
Since all three of you were in the same area, more or less, you three remained close and tight-knit. Since you were still a freshman, you decided to dorm on campus, while Rebecca and Bucky did the same. Bucky was in a fraternity, so he had a place in the house, and you often found yourself hanging out in his room, having been introduced to most of his brothers.
Like today, it was Thursday night, and your classes were cancelled for tomorrow. You were in no rush to get back to your room, and your roommate was also out at her boyfriend’s. Rebecca thought you were finishing up an essay, though. 
“Y/N, you’re crashing here tonight?” Bucky’s voice caused his chest to rumble under your place on it. 
“Yeah, is that alright?” You asked, looking up at him.
“Of course, Y/N/N.” He smiled back down at you, trying to ignore the fluttering in his chest at your doe eyes. 
She’s your sister’s best friend. Becca would hate you.
“I’m gonna wash up before I fall asleep, Buck.” You said with a yawn, lifting yourself off of Bucky’s warm, comfortable bed. 
Bucky watched your form disappear out of his room to the bathroom next door, his chest deflating with a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. 
I’m so fucked.
-
Making your short walk to the bathroom, your mind was filled with thoughts, and you really didn’t know what to do in this current situation. 
You and Becca had been best friends since you were both in preschool.
And now you were pretty certain that you had the biggest crush known to humankind on her older brother. 
Staring at your reflection in the mirror as you pat your face dry, you wondered what would happen if this went further. 
What would happen if you told Bucky that you liked him?
What would Becca do if she knew you liked her brother?
Shaking your head at yourself, you knew you couldn’t do that to Becca. She’s been there for you through everything that’s happened to you. To just turn around and tell her that you’ve fallen for her brother- you don’t know if that would be the right thing to do.
But how could you just outwardly deny your feelings for Bucky?
A knock on the bathroom door drew you out of your thoughts, letting whoever was knocking know that they could come in. 
“Hey, Y/N, how ya been?” It was one of Bucky’s closest friends whom you also knew growing up, Steve Rogers. 
“Hey Steve, I’m good. How ‘bout you?” You asked, getting ready to head back to Bucky’s room. 
“Good, good, y’know, Peg’s keepin’ me on my toes.” He flashed you a smile, a blush creeping up on his face at the mention of his girlfriend. 
“Aw, Stevie’s in loooove,” You sing-songed, pinching his cheek.
“Well, I think I could say the same for you, Y/N/N.” Steve scoffed back in retort, but your breath hitched at the words.
“Shut up, Steve...” You mumbled, twiddling your fingers. 
“Y/N, I’m serious... You and Buck ‘ve been spending a lot of time together and I can tell. He’s my best friend, and I know when my best friend is taken for someone. Trust me, Y/N, your feelings aren’t one-sided.” And with that, he steps into the bathroom, leaving you reeling at his words.
Lost in your thought again, you walked back to Bucky’s room. You tucked yourself under his warm duvet, as you fell into a deep slumber with his arm wrapped around your waist, thinking about the weight of it around you as you fell asleep.
The next morning was... quiet... to say the least. After your encounter with Steve in the bathroom, you really didn’t know how to feel about your feelings towards Bucky. He felt the tenseness that was rolling off of you in waves, making him wonder if he did something to make you upset. 
Bucky wondered if he was doing too much, wondering if he had caused you to be uncomfortable with him for some reason.
So naturally, he pulled back.
As the days went on and got colder, you found yourself spending more time in your dorm, or places that weren’t associated with Bucky in your mind. 
And it was safe to say the both of you were losing it.
Bucky was slowly losing his composure, where he would participate the most in his seminar classes, he was quiet and folded in on himself, losing his confidence. 
Where you were the most outspoken on certain topics in your classes, you became a bit of a hermit. 
And almost everyone noticed.
Most notably, Becca and Steve.
When you returned from class at the end of a long week without Bucky, you invited Becca over to have take out in your room.
“So, how’s your week been?” She asks, reaching into your takeout box and grabbing a piece of garlic honey chicken.
Rolling your eyes, you say “Fine, same old. You? How’d that design project go?” 
“It was awesome! My professor really loved my piece, she said it was one of the ‘most original takes’ on this project she’s seen!” Becca was ecstatic and you were so proud of her.
“That’s so awesome, Bec! One day you’re gonna have to make me something that I can wear, and when someone asks me where I got it, I’ll just say, ‘oh, sorry my best friend made it, you’ll have to wait ‘til it hits the runways to buy it.’” You laugh, pointing your chopsticks at her.
“Y/N, stop, you flatterer.” She smirked, looking back down at her food. “Hey, I’ve also been meaning to ask... have you noticed Bucky acting weird as of late, or anything? Is it just me or is he like... way more quiet than usual?” Becca asked inquisitively. 
“Oh- uh, I actually have no idea. I haven’t really seen him that much this week. Just around campus here and there.” You shrug your shoulders, the pit in your stomach nagging at you.
“Really? You guys usually hang out more often...” She responds, and your face burns in embarrassment. 
“Wh- How do you know how often your brother and I hang out?” Your voice didn’t even feel like your own as you spoke, quickly occupying it with food.
“Well, he does live with Steve... Apparently you’re around there pretty often.” Rebecca eyes you, seeing your body language and how uncomfortable you seem. “Y/N... If you like my brother, that’s okay. I think you guys would be cute together. And I can tell you like him, so don’t try to deny it.” Becca smiles, reaching to rest a hand on yours in comfort. 
“Wh- You don’t care?” You ask in confusion, expecting a bit of a more dramatic reaction. 
“Of course I care, I care about my two favorite people being happy. And if they’re happy together, then that’s even better!” She explains, and your head spins.
“I- I’m telling you this in confidence, Becca. You can’t tell anyone, not Steve, not Peggy, and absolutely not Bucky...” She nods, moving closer to you. “I...I do like Bucky. A lot. But I don’t think he likes me that way. I mean, just look at his exes. I’m not like Natasha, or those gorgeous girls. And what if he just sees me as his friend. Like a little sister?” You finish, your hands flailing around and out of breath. 
“Y/N... I know my brother, but I can’t read his mind. If I had to take a wild guess... I’d say he likes you too. Based on what Steve tells me, based on how Bucky acts when you come up in conversation... his eyes light up, dude. I think you need to talk to him, face to face.” Rebecca explains, giving her best advice. “You both deserve to be happy, and I think you could both give that to each other.” She softly smiles. 
“Thanks, Becca. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” You laugh, pulling her into a tight hug. “I’ll talk to him.”
In the frat house across the campus, Steve and Bucky were sitting in the living room amongst some of their other brothers. 
“Buck, what’s been up with you this week?” Tony, a senior and president of the frat asks from the kitchen.
“Hm?” Bucky looks up, confused at the question.
“You’ve been... off all week long.” Sam chimes in from next to him on the couch, eyes leaving the football match on the TV.
“I’m fine, why?” Bucky deflects, taking a sip of his drink in hand.
“Whatever you say, but I have a feeling this has to do with Y/N... haven’t seen her around here at all this week.” Tony points out, plopping down on a futon. 
Steve’s eyes widened, looking down at his phone that he’s been on all night.
Little did Bucky know, Rebecca was feeding him information about you to him directly, trying to make sense of his friend’s odd behavior this week.
His eyes shot to Bucky’s, trying to gauge his reaction to Tony’s mention of you.
“Yeah, she’s been.... busy, I guess. Haven’t really talked to her.” Bucky says nonchalantly. 
“Why not? You two are basically attached at the hip... like, Friday nights are usually your thing together. I thought you’d man up and ask her out already.” Sam’s response caused a stillness in the room, everyone looking at Bucky for his next move. 
But it was quiet. 
“She’s... she’s my sister’s best friend... I don’t think Becca would appreciate me taking her best friend out to dinner.” Bucky said in a low voice, clearing his throat. 
“Have you asked her how she feels about it?” Thor asks from his spot on the other couch. “Maybe she’s fine with it, she doesn’t seem to be too stuck up...” He suggests.
“My sister isn’t stuck up, man. Watch it.” He responds defensively. 
“I wasn’t saying that! But you should talk to her about it, that’s all I’m saying!” Thor fights back. 
“I just- I don’t know, last week when Y/N was here, she went to the bathroom to wash up at night, and when she came back she was acting totally different. She’s usually comfortable around me, but she was acting like... like she was uncomfortable around me. I thought I did something to make her feel that way, so I kinda backed off this week.” Bucky explains, trying to understand what went wrong.
“Well, did she say anything? Did she try to reach out this week?” Tony asks. 
“I mean, she texted me a few times, but it was casual conversation. I can’t tell how she’s feeling. I like her, but I don’t want to make things weird for her and Becca, or Becca and I.” 
And this is where Steve chimes in. 
“I mean, come on Buck, it’s obvious she likes you too. I think you need to talk to her, because Becca wants you two to be happy. I don’t think she’d care that much, y’know?”
“But what if I make things awkward? Like, what if I read the signals wrong this whole time, and she doesn’t even really like me?” Bucky was now going into a deep spiral, and Steve needed to pull him out, fast. 
“Buck, I don’t think so. You should talk to her, face to face.” Steve encouraged.
“You think so?” Bucky wasn’t so convinced.
“Yes!” A chorus of voices echoed in the house, causing Bucky to jump to his feet, ready to confront this head-on.
“Okay, yeah, yes, I’m gonna tell her how I feel. I got this, I’ll be fine-” But his pumping-up session was cut short from the doorbell ringing through the house.
Steve got up, “I got it.” He simply said, smirking mischievously as he turned to face the door and twisted the knob.
And of course, it was none other than you.
“Hey Buck? I think it’s for you!” Steve yells from the doorway, stepping out of the way and directing everyone in the living room to hide out of sight. Of course, they were all still eavesdropping and lurking about.
“Doll, what’re ya doin’ here?” Bucky was beyond confused, you timing was impeccable. 
“I-I have some things I wanna talk about. I just, I think we need to talk.” You say, looking up at him.
“Y-Yeah, come inside, it’s freezing out. What’s up, doll?” He asks, pulling you into the house and into the living room, sitting down next to you on a couch, making sure to face you. 
“Everything’s alright... but I need to get this off my chest before I go crazy-” You stop yourself from rambling further. “I was having dinner with Becca earlier, and we... talked... about some things. And apparently, someone was telling her about all the time we spend together.” Bucky was listening, but cursing Steve in his head, knowing he was behind it. 
“And I know last week I was acting weird, but I promise, it wasn’t because of something you did. Well, it kinda was, b-but not something bad, y’know?” You explain, trying to get Bucky to understand how you feel.
“Whaddaya mean, doll? If I did something, tell me, because I would never want to hurt you-” He started, trying to pinpoint his actions. 
“You made me like you! There, you happy?” You exclaim, hands covering your cherry red face. “I said it! I like you. And I totally understand if you don’t feel the same way, I’m just your little sister’s annoying friend, I get it-” 
But instead of the feeling of rejection, you were met with Bucky’s lips on yours, his hands cupping your cheeks.
Bucky was kissing you.
Bucky was kissing you!
Holy fuck!
What. The. Fuck. 
But before you could overthink anything, you heard loud whoops and cheers coming from all around you.
“What the hell? Steve?” You asked, looking around, trying to process the last minute.
“Finally! Took ya two idiots long enough! God, Becca and I didn’t know how much longer we’d have to be your freakin’ puppet masters.” He laughed from his spot in the kitchen. 
“Come on doll, let’s go upstairs to talk, where we could have some privacy...” Bucky said pointedly, looking at his brothers as they kept cheering as you two made your way up the stairs. 
Once the door closed behind you two, you were quite literally speechless.
“You kissed me.” You pointed out the obvious, since your mind was still reeling.
“I did.” Bucky simply answers.
“...Why?” You ask, like an idiot. 
“Because, for the past three years I’ve had the biggest crush known to man on you... and I knew if I didn’t kiss you then, I never would. Kind of a life or death situation here, doll.” He jokes trying to gauge your mood.
“Bucky...” You sighed, walking closer to him, holding his face, “you can kiss me whenever you want.” And punctuated your sentence with a kiss. 
“Well... then... can I call you my girlfriend?” He asks, looking into your twinkling eyes. Bucky’s large hands cover your waist, pulling you closer against him.
“Yeah... I think you can.” You answer, the sparkle never leaving your eyes.
“Hmmm... finally.” Bucky hums, closing the gap between your lips over and over again. 
Your loud giggle fills the room as Bucky peppers kisses all over your face, trying to make up for lost time. 
“Hey, make sure to use protection, kids!” someone’s voice comes from down the hall from’s Bucky’s room.
“Shut up, Sam!” You both yell in unison, resuming your previous activities.
And in this moment, there’s nowhere else either of you would rather be. 
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apas-95 · 3 years ago
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Marx, Nietzsche, and the Conscious Pursuit
Reproduced from: https://redsails.org/really-existing-fascism/#marx-nietzsche-and-the-conscious-pursuit See also: https://redsails.org/on-identitarianism-a-defense-of-a-strawman/
In our story so far, Nietzsche and the question of symmetries and anti-symmetries between Nietzsche and Marx have sat unattended in the background. Now is the time to bring them to the fore and to explain why I consider them so useful.
Consider how Nietzsche talked about masks:
Every profound spirit needs a mask. Even more, around every profound spirit a mask is continually growing. [49]
Contrast this with the way Marx and Engels publicized their commitments, and encouraged others to do so, in The Communist Manifesto:
The Communists disdain to conceal their views and aims. They openly declare that their ends can be attained only by the forcible overthrow of all existing social conditions. [1]
Consider how an early Nietzsche polemicizes in favour of a “new slavery” and the virtues of the ancients, whereas for Marx there is no question that the greatest hero of antiquity is the leader of slave revolts: “Spartacus is revealed as the most splendid fellow in the whole of ancient history.” [50]
A young Marx, musing on his vision of utopia in The German Ideology, waxes poetic about the possibility of a society freed from the division of labor itself:
In communist society, nobody has one exclusive sphere of activity but each can become accomplished in any branch he wishes, society regulates the general production and thus makes it possible for me to do one thing today and another tomorrow, to hunt in the morning, fish in the afternoon, rear cattle in the evening, criticise after dinner, just as I have a mind, without ever becoming hunter, fisherman, herdsman or critic. [51]
Nietzsche, meanwhile, in Human, All Too Human, describes a different kind of utopia, a grim society organized around the harsh exigencies of breeding genius in the midst of scarcity:
My Utopia. — In a better arranged society the heavy work and trouble of life will be assigned to those who suffer least through it, to the most obtuse, therefore; and so step by step up to those who are most sensitive to the highest and sublimest kinds of suffering, and who therefore still suffer notwithstanding the greatest alleviations of life. [52]
Nietzsche was no fool. It would be a mistake to dismiss these aphorisms as the antisocial madness of a lone misanthrope; to recall Waite, Nietzsche’s project is “the only position outside communism.” Nietzsche is articulating widespread skepticism about the ability of socialism to deliver mass happiness, and his critique resonates powerfully with anyone who feels their individuality imperiled by a collective. Stalin (and his cohort) claimed Marx, while Hitler (and his cohort) claimed Nietzsche… and the majority of the Western world went on to claim Nietzsche too. Just take a trip to your local bookstore — everything Nietzsche ever wrote is now a classic that never goes out of print, finding its way into teenagers’ backpacks and academic seminars alike.
Accusing Nietzsche of being a proto-fascist, or even the ur-fascist, in a public setting has predictable consequences: his countless fans swarm to explain that he never actually endorsed the Nazi party because he was already dead, that any linkages to the Nazi project are the result of a conspiracy orchestrated by his German-nationalist sister, that he denounced German ethnonationalists and mocked antisemites, that his philosophy was in fact aesthetic and spiritual and anti-systematic and impossible to pin down, and that he grew out of any misguided ideas he may have held in his youth.
Domenico Losurdo examines each of these defenses in detail, including the conspiracy theory, in his critical biography of Nietzsche. Nietzsche comes across as a powerful and complex thinker, who indeed went through multiple phases and espoused contradictory beliefs, but Losurdo shows that one thing remains constant: Nietzsche never stopped experimenting to find the best way to oppose the egalitarian leveling tendencies of modernity that he despised. Funnily enough, after exposing the extent to which Nietzsche corresponded with out-and-out antisemites in his youth, Losurdo cedes some ground to Nietzsche’s apologists:
Cosima’s advice to be careful about what he said may have had a positive effect: far from remaining confined to the verbal level, the self-censorship led to a kind of sublimation and transcendence of immediacy, in the sense that the merciless analysis of modernity became to a certain extent autonomous of the Judeophobic themes that accompanied it. [53]
In other words, when his antisemitic interlocutors advised Nietzsche to mask racism in his writing, they inadvertently spurred him to find justifications for slavery and elitism that weren’t rooted in the all-too-modern and universalist (and thus unstable, empirically refutable) arguments of “race science.” After all, “race science” is, both historically and logically, a liberal concept. If racial differences turn out not to be inherent, there goes the whole (liberal) argument for white supremacy. Liberal racism still feels the need to justify itself in scientific, i.e. universalist terms. As Nietzsche correctly observed, this is already a capitulation to socialism, which wins more the more people scientifically reason together. To truly condemn socialism, Nietzsche painted the issue of class domination as one of will, aesthetics, “freedom,” and spirit.
Just as the material conditions of capitalist countries vying for resources on an already-occupied planet helped us understand fascism as a geopolitical phenomenon rather than a psychopathology, Nietzsche helps us understand the real ideological appeal of fascism for ordinary, educated people. Nietzsche helps explain how fantasies of “slavery” and “extermination” could become respectable and even beautiful. Nietzsche was uniquely talented at making his readers feel special and strong as a reward for embracing his deep, misanthropic pessimism:
May good reason preserve us from the belief that someday or other humanity will discover an ultimate, ideal order and that then happiness will shine down with constant intensity upon the people ordered in this way, like the sun in the tropics: […] No golden age, no cloudless sky is allotted to these coming generations. […] Nor will suprahuman goodness and justice stretch like an immobile rainbow over the fields of the future. [54]
We see now why Chinese and Soviet masses generate such widespread revulsion among the would-be aristocrats of the West, how even Western proletarians feel comfortable referring to them as gullible “herds” and “insects.” Nietzschean thought, unlike Hitlerian thought, is widely respected and acknowledged as an influence by powerful people in just about every institution in our society: in an academic setting (Hannah Arendt, Jordan Peterson), in mass media (superhero movies, Breaking Bad, etc.), and on the Left (Emma Goldman, Mark Fisher, Contrapoints, etc.).
My last argument regards consciousness-raising and self-awareness.
We’ve established that Marx used the concept of “primitive accumulation” to describe one of the operational aspects of capitalism. But Marx also discussed “primitive communism,” in reference to the solidarity and camaraderie that was necessary for the survival of early human societies, because it bore an important resemblance to future communist society.
According to Marx, solidary forms of social organization that in the past had arisen simply out of need and circumstance, which were equally superseded by need and circumstance (by the efficient oppression of man by man, by slavery), were to make an emancipatory comeback. However, this time around they would be enshrined and protected by masses of conscious workers, workers who know the value of their labour, who demand an economy that they have made, that they know they have made, and that they are capable of remaking ongoingly. [55]
Nietzsche, if we accept the reading of him as the ultimate fascist philosopher, is easily understood as making an analogous plea to his own reactionary constituency. Where Hannah Arendt and John Seeley try claim that Western colonization and slavery were “absentminded” pursuits, Nietzsche persuades readers that there is glory in all of it, if done properly, aesthetically, “beyond good and evil.” Where Marx wants the masses to rediscover “primitive communism,” only this time consciously, Nietzsche wants elites to pursue the brutal programme of “primitive accumulation,” only this time consciously and without private shame.
I say private because, in anti-symmetry with Marx, and fully aware of the danger of letting people know what he’s really about, Nietzsche recommends concealing one’s aims. Thus we come to understand Nietzsche’s warm reception in the liberal West, whose architects turn out to be much better pupils of Nietzsche than the Nazis ever were. George Kennan posits American supremacy as an end in itself, donning a perfectly serviceable mask of liberal pluralism, then goes on to play an important role in planning several decades of “Pax Americana” on the basis of genocidal terrorism. The defining characteristic of the fascist is that they defend their anti-egalitarianism purposefully. The fundamental cleavage between Classical Liberalism and Modern Liberalism is simply the heightened awareness, given the Revolutions and Counter-Revolutions of the 20th century, that it is tactically expedient to wear a mask.
The observation that capitalism always operates in dual aspects (the regime of non-violent exploitation in the core and the regime of violent expropriation in the periphery) is the key to understanding how, though swastikas may be banned and in poor taste, the entire history of the West can be described as deeply fascist:
The profound hypocrisy and inherent barbarism of bourgeois civilization lies unveiled before our eyes, turning from its home, where it assumes respectable forms, to the colonies, where it goes naked. [10]
Elevating Nietzsche to the position of ur-fascist means that he is not someone who can be dismissed out of hand. Our task as communists is to prove him wrong.
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whentherewerebicycles · 3 years ago
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good morning from my beautiful and perfect roommates! I slept eight full hours last night which definitely put a dent in my sleep deficit, although I am still a little headachey and tired from the past week of very poor sleep. but on the whole I’m feeling happy/pretty upbeat and I’m VERY excited that today is the last day of classes 🎉 I will still have student meetings this week and next (and then a few scattered check-ins over break) but we’re at that blessed, blessed point in the semester where the staff take their foot off the pedal and just start coasting till mid-January.
I spent 8:45-10:45 this morning finalizing the lesson plan and creating detailed materials for today’s activities on my phone. I think it’s going to be a fun/useful seminar! I still have to make the templates (which will require hunting down my laptop and charger) and print/cut stuff out for the first activity, but that should only take a few minutes. so I think I can set it aside for now and finish when I’m on campus later.
that means I have a big chunk of the day to use however I want! I am tempted to lie around in bed working idly on my phone but I think I might get up and shower soon to encourage myself to work at the kitchen table instead. first though I want to do a little winter break planning of my own aloud!
I am working on finishing this 40,000 word story to post on New Year’s, which means I need to be completing revisions for roughly two scenes per day (ideally more like three per day, as I’d like to be able to send it to beta readers and do a last round of revisions based on their feedback). I am going to be driving this weekend and in Boston next week, but Liz will still be working during the day so I think if I’m focused and manage my time well I can stay on track even when I’m out of my routines/half in vacation mode. but it does mean it would be really helpful if I could sink some serious time into revisions this week. today I think I can commit 12-3 to sustained writing (and then maybe some slightly brain-fried writing time this evening too). tomorrow I will have a block of a couple hours in the morning, then a lot of evening time. wednesday I’ll have someone in the house fixing my shitty wifi but hopefully I can block 9-2 for work time. thursday I have student meetings alllll day but can do revision sprints at night. then friday can be an all-day revision marathon if I am feeling up to it, maybe even on campus if I want to get out of my space and work elsewhere. Saturday will be the endless drive, Sunday a full recovery day, and Monday an early travel day to Boston (which means PLANE WRITING TIME!!!!).
okay so given that schedule: I would like to have completed revisions to 15 more scenes by the end of next Monday, AND I want to commit at least 15 min a day (I’ll set a timer) to doing writing sprints to help flesh out those later scenes that are still more fragmentary.
for December I am also going to begin doing a tentative outline for my next fic, which is due for a 2/11 fest deadline. I have a somewhat ambitious idea for that one but I’m not sure if I can pull it off in that Jan-Feb six-week span, given how busy the beginning of the semester often is. so I want to begin outlining the new concept while revising the current project 1) because I find the outlining/idea-generating stage so fun and I think it’ll energize me as I slog determinedly through the less-fun work of revisions, and 2) because doing some planning in advance will hopefully help me determine if the idea is self-contained enough to finish in six or seven weeks.
okay! I am getting up now to shower, get ready, and eat breakfast. then I have my eye on two scenes I think I can finish before I head into campus.
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theficplug · 4 years ago
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|Next Lifetime|Erik Killmonger|
previous chapters : Part 1 Part 2  Part 3 
erik killmonger x black reader
|part 4|
warnings: um definitely smut this chapter at the end. so 18+ for this chapter! and a possible trigger warning for grief but i promise it gets better and its a romcom.
synopsis:  reader grieves Erik until she doesn’t (i’m trying not give too much away). This one is a long ass chapter. So, grab you a snack and something to drink! I hope y’all like it.
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“You promised on our birthday that you would give me something far more special than the charms you would gift to me. In 2018, you wanted to avenge your birth parents and you went off and did something foolish and when you- when they returned you to me you were-.” you struggle for a bit to find the words to explain it all to him as he takes a step back to gather himself. 
He rubs his eyes before grabbing your arms gently and massaging them . He leans down to look you in your eyes before asking “Ma, did you take something before I came to pick you up? You alright? Cause what you saying don’t make no sense at all... Your pupils don't look dilated though.” 
“I know how this must sound. Batshit crazy. I know it sounds crazy to me too. I’m still trying to figure out if I’m losing my own damn mind. I don’t know how or why. I just know that you came back to me.” you say to him and he shakes his head. 
“Erik. You’re talking about your ex boyfriend...The one that passed... . Alright, I’m going to take you home now... I still don’t understand what’s going on here and I’ve had about all I can take of trying to understand what’s going on here.” N’Jadaka says quietly to you before going around and opening your car door. 
The drive was silent as you picked at your nails and let the soft r&b roll over the tension between the two of you. 
Your own thoughts were going in about a billion different directions again. It didn’t feel right to just sit on all of that and not say anything at all. As ripped from a science fiction film as it sounded at least he knows. 
He was never one to think quietly because you could practically read his thoughts with the changing of expressions across his face.
The relief of seeing your building washed over you as he offered to walk you to your door. 
It was bittersweet because there was still so much of him in this different version of him. Even when he was upset with you or livid with whatever ghost that was haunting him back then,  he still showed nothing but tenderness to you.
You nod and give him a small smile before following him up the stairs , to your elevator, and finally your door. 
“I know that this is a lot. I mean who in their right mind would be able to process all of that.I wish there was any other way to say it... But thank you, I had a really nice time.” your soft words snap him out of staring at your face as if he was trying to piece it all together.
He knew deep down that there was something about you and what happened that weekend while dreaming in colours and other worlds but he couldn’t wrap his head around all of this happening in real life.  
You lean up to kiss his cheek and he grabs your shoulders softly. “With all due respect. You seem like a lovely person and a good woman, but I just - this all a lil too weird for me and I don’t think it’s a good idea that we continue seeing each other.” 
He kisses your hand and leaves with one look over your shoulder as you call out “Meet me at our spot. If you are still anywhere in there. You’ll know what I mean.”
“What the hell happened ? I didn’t expect you back until tomorrow morning?” Iri says as she settles on the other side of the sofa and patted the spot next to her as you kick off the sandals and lay your head on her lap with tears already prickling your eyes. 
“Oh you didn’t? Please don’t tell me you told him about the soulmate reincarnation thing? Sweets, you probably scared the hell out of that man. We needed you to keep that waaay down in the vault.” Tiki adds as she pops the cork off the bottle of wine in her hand and pauses the movie playing on the screen in the background. 
“Here’s what we’re gonna do . You’re gonna text him and tell him that you had just gotten your wisdom teeth removed earlier today and the meds had you unexpectedly zooted as fuck. “ Iri suggests and you chuckle softly.
---
Meanwhile at N’Jadaka’s house he was already being pestered by Lina and Penn for some type of details about what happened during the date. Orleans was already in the kitchen cooking and ear hustling but went back to his conversation on the phone with Big Mike when he realized there wasn’t any tea. 
“I don’t feel good. I’m finna go lay down. I’ll talk to y’all in the morning”. He says simply to them before trudging his way to his part of the house.
They had been friends since college and just got used to the idea of living together as they did in the dorms so they made it work after graduation. 
It helped them save money for when they finally separated and all of their schedules kept them busy so they didn't have time to get sick of each other. They also knew him well enough to know when something was bothering him and to leave him alone when he gets this moody.
"What the fuck?" He whispered under his breath 
"What the fuck was all that?" He continues talking to himself as he strips and walks past the bathroom mirror to the shower. 
He stops when something catches his eye. He sees a birthmark on his chest that almost resembles the shape of claw marks. He lets his fingers linger over the mark for a second. Thoughts of a panther mask clouded his memories for a moment before he shook his head and entered the shower. 
---
A few hours later of talking through it with your girls about possibly seeing a therapist about all that's going on and you were ready for bed. 
It didn't take long to drift off, you were ready to put the whole thing behind you. 
The familiar setting of purples , pinks, and hues of blue came into focus and you looked around letting the butterflies land on you again.
 You walk through the flowers and find Erik sitting by a stream of water weaving some of the flowers together. 
"What the hell, E?" You ask as you run over to him and wrap your arms around his neck
He turns to you and smiles big , his dimples on full display before shrugging. 
"It ain't perfect but it's the best I could do. They said it's like a do-over or something like that. I get a second chance but as a result of the way I did things the first time it's a lil different. Like when you restore a computer and it lose all it's files and shit. I get a new life but I'm still kinda stuck. I kinda like it though. I don't remember all the other shit when I'm awake. It really is like starting over. Shits crazy to explain when you think about it. But for you , you already know. I'd find you in this life and the next and the one after that. I don’t think I’mma ever fully remember what happened with all of that when i’m awake. I’m cool with it. It ain’t something I’m tryna remember." He says tipping your chin up to look at you and kissing you softly 
"I know. At least I get to hold you in the real world. It's just different. But guess what I saw today? I seen that bench that you and me signed all them years back. It's still there." You say to him and he places the lil flower bracelet around your wrist as y'all sit and talk for the rest of the night.
By the time you wake up with the aroma of breakfast wavering throughout the loft you feel a little better about the whole situation with Erik, not Erik. 
You opened your phone and sent him an I'm sorry gif with a few extra words inspired by Tina's wisdom tooth lie. 
 After easing into the kitchen and standing in the doorway you see the two lovebirds dancing around the kitchen singing to each other and laying food on the plates. 
"Morning lil sleepy head. Don't forget that I'll still be coming down to the center with you today for the seminar. You hungry?" Iris asks as she places the plate in your hands with a kiss to the top of the head. 
"Of course. There's a young girl, Sophie there that I really think would love to talk to you. She's just starting her transition. And her parents are wonderful but they don't really have much money. She hasn't really had the chance to get more “feminine” presenting clothes and she likes makeup.  " You say and she nods catching your drift.
"Well it'd brighten anybody's day seeing a beautiful successful trans woman like myself honey. But let's lift her spirits even more. I'm gonna bring some of the makeup I got from pr packages and some of the clothes from this collection. I really hope it helps." She answers and Tika just saunters over to her proclaiming her love for her. 
"Alright alright alright. I get it. I'm single as hell." You say laughing softly
---
Two weeks ticked by with radio silence on N'Jadaka's end. After the 4th day when he gave you the cold shoulder at a coffee shop, you decided to stop trying.
Maybe it wasn't fate and maybe you were just believing what you wanted to believe. 
You reason with yourself as you walked around the loft making notes about the new housing project you were working on. 
Finally having the house to yourself with the lovebirds gone for the day on a little adventure. You got to work budgeting and calling different areas to rent out apartments to you for women and lgbtq+ with housing insecurities. 
Your ramblings and thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door , thinking that Iri or Tika left something behind. 
"I told you to take your sunscre- Daka?" You question as he stands in front of you
You cross your arms and furrow your brows while waiting for an answer from him.
He stands for a moment like he’s trying to gather all of his thoughts together in a way that makes sense to both of you. 
"What're you doing here?" You ask putting your hand on your hip. 
He drops his shoulders and lets out a soft sigh before looking at you.
"I didn't wanna believe it. What you said that night cause like how the fuck does something like that happen? I’mma be honest.  I wanted to just believe that you were a lil off and leave it at that but something keeps telling me that you right. I can't remember shit before college and all I wanted to do was be with you. From the moment I met you in the store. I was like, this is it. This is what's missing. A piece to a puzzle that's all jumbled up." He admits and you nod slowly before letting him in. 
You walk around the kitchen getting a cup of tea for yourself and sitting a cup of coffee down on the counter for him.
“Don’t worry it’s black, I know you dont like it sweet.”
"You know I didn't exactly expect my fiancee that I buried months before to show up at a damn supermarket of all places. This isn't some movie or fanfiction. These kind of things don't happen in real life. Daka you, you had claw marks all over you. The last time I laid eyes on you. And now you're here in front of me. I thought that I was losing my mind." You say and he starts to unbutton his shirt.
"These." He says peeling his shirt off and showing you the birthmarks on his chest and shoulder.
You trace your fingers over it before leaning your head on his shoulder. 
"I asked my parents about my childhood and when I passed by my old neighborhood a few days ago andI remembered some things. I remember what happened to my other parents, in pieces. Shit’s brutal." He says dropping his gaze
"It's okay." You whisper to him and wrap your arms around him. You rocked him for a moment letting him let all of those feelings wash over him. 
He embraced you for a moment before kissing you tenderly. You tug at his bottom lip before deepening the kiss when he press you against the counter. 
"We'll figure it out... Something telling me I'd be a fuckin fool to lose you again." He says quietly against yours lips. 
"Are you gonna make love to me or are you going to keep looking at me like that?" You ask as he studies your whole face like he's looking at art. 
"A memory. It's you. We stood right here and I kissed you the same way. You were saying something like "you bring yourself home to me"." He says and you nod frantically, holding him closer to you.
"I did. It was right before you left." You admit and he nods before lifting you up onto the counter and kissing you heatedly this time. He kisses down to your breasts before looking up at permission from you to unhook your bra. 
Always a man that knows what he's doing. He takes kisses around your breasts and nipples. He takes his time to lick and caress you until he works his way down.
You shake your head yes before moving to slide off your panties but his kisses and his mouth is already beating you to it as he kisses down to your thigh.
He slides your panties off with his teeth and tosses them over his shoulder. 
You tilt your head back as you feel him wasting no time massaging over your clit and working you over with his fingers, curling them and stroking you gently. 
Your soft moans fill the room when he hooks your leg over his shoulder and begins to suckle your clit softly , swirling his tongue over it. 
"Tika will kil- Ooh god. How does your tongue feel like it's vibrating?" You ask and he only chuckles and grips onto your cheeks to bring you closer to him.
He was feasting on and devouring you like he was going to lose again and you could grind your hips down against his tongue and moan his name sweetly.
He didn't stop his tongue or fingers working in you until your legs are shaking and you're gripping at his head. 
"You have- fuck. I'm a squir-" you moan his name brokenly while trying to get out your words and lean back for a moment licking his lips before realizing what you're trying to say.
"Hold that for me. I wanna come with you." He says to you and you pout and protest as he removes his fingers. He picks you up off the counter and carries you bridal style asking you which room is yours.
"Left , left." You giggle into his shoulder as he helps you slide your dress off and you unbutton his jeans for him. 
You capture him in a kiss for a moment feeling his soft plump lips against yours again for the first time in what feels like forever. 
"It's been a long time since I've done all of this. . . Gentle." You say and he runs a calloused finger over your cheek moving a curl away from your face as he looks at you. 
He gets a quick flash of a memory of you and him in bed. You wore a smile on your face before telling him "happy anniversary".
He trailed his fingers down your body remembering almost every scar , every moment. 
When Erik got to a scar at your side. He chuckled, unlocking a memory of you two running from the neighborhood rottweiler , Smokey. 
That old ass dog hated you and he hoisted you over the fence first after being out late one night in high school. The gate had caught your side when you jumped. 
Erik felt so bad he brought you food from anywhere you wanted everyday from to school for a month. 
He leans down to place open mouthed kisses to it. 
He traced over your thighs to the cellulite and stretch marks remembering when you first got them. 
He was moving homes at the time and he wasn't ready to be further away from you yet.  You two just sat for hours at the park in the grass, talking. 
" You know white men behind all of that anyways. They want y'all to feel like you gotta look the same way. That's how they make them billions. My mama had 'em . Yo mama , and generations back. And it ain't ever stop them from being the women they are. Besides if any dirtneck nigga ever try you , just tell me. Imma handle it." He would say as you sat with your head on his lap, staring at the sun setting, knowing good and well your grandparents were gonna ground you for being late when you get home. 
They never did though cause you were with Erik they knew you were gonna be alright. 
"Nothing to worry about. I… I've never done any of that stuff before…Have you?" you question hesitantly as you stare off. 
"Tisha. From Ms. Wilkes class. We was coming from the kick back-" 
"Uh uh . That's your business , you ain't gotta tell me all of that." You say slightly upset at the fact that Tisha of all people was his first. 
----
"I got you." He says kissing your forehead then your nose before hooking your leg over his hip and easing into you slowly while his lips are still on yours. His eyes never left yours as he cupped your face sweetly like he didn't want to lose you again. 
In this moment he gets a glimpse of prom night and how things changed between the both of you forever. 
He wraps his hands around your waist. One of his hands splayed across your belly. 
He remembers the pregnancy scare you both had afterwards with him holding your hand and telling you no matter what happens he wanna be there for both of you.
Luckily, nothing came of it but you were definitely closer because of it.
You let out an open mouthed gasp at the feeling of being so full of him after so long. 
You rest your hands on his neck and shoulder and he bottoms out fully settling into you as he moves his arms next to  balance himself. 
You close your eyes as he begins to stroke into you trying to set a rhythm for you as his praises for you fall from his lips. 
He kisses his way down your neck licking the marks that are already starting to form there. 
"My lil baby." He mutters out after licking a freshly formed hickey forming on top of your breasts. 
You open your eyes slowly , looking at him and the way he's looking at you . 
"It's been way too long since I've heard that from you. You're remembering?" You ask quietly as you let out a soft moan.
N'Jadaka's muscles flex and tighten as he picks up his pace. His abs clenched as he  pulls out almost completely and filled you at a different angle.
 The sounds of your moans filling the room with every stride and stroke of his hips,  it seems like you're closer to floating in space. The man was fucking you like his life depended on it and at this point all you could do is wrap your arms around him again to comfort you as he shutters and rolls his hips deeper into you. Your walls tighten around him as you relish in the feeling of him. 
"Fuck. I remember all of it." He says half chuckling at the way it's coming to him and half nearly in tears cause he really missed being with you. 
"I also remember that this is your favourite position cause you like to see my face." He teases before leaning down to kiss you again with them plump ass lips.
"E?" You ask , grabbing his face with trembling hands.
"Baby?" You ask again 
He moves his hands from your waist and places your hands in his. Then moving them above your head as he flashes in between making love to you for the last time and now.
You roll over with him and place your hands on your chest riding him slowly getting the rhythm as he strokes into you from below. 
He laughs softly when he realizes what you're doing. 
"Are you spelling my fucking name , baby?" He asks and you tell him that you can spell both.
You let out a whimper when he brushes your spot and let him take over as he runs his hands over your thighs to your butt and over your back as he strokes into you. 
He plants his feet on the bed and work your hips in rhythm with him. 
It didn't take long for you to orgasm with a loud shriek of his name . You had forgotten how he gets when he's close as his hands on gripping all over your thighs and your back. You were already feeling sensitive with your second orgasm coming through and this man felt like he was trying to put it in your belly. 
He rolls you onto your side giving it to you deeply. 
With a loud hiss and panting from him he cums , holding you in his arms.
"I don't think it has felt like that since our birthday last year." He says into your ear as he pulls you closer into his arms. 
He engulfs you fully in his embrace and presses a kiss to the side of your head. 
You laugh softly and roll over to face him , resting your forehead against his.
"I remember. You took me to Paris. I had never been and at the time I was obsessed with everything Parisian. We fucked on the balcony and somehow I ended up popping the straps to my favorite dress. You still owe me by the way." You tease and he shakes his head laughing. 
"I think we ended up saving they marriage from across the way though. They was arguing the whole time. Then they gon watch us like we ain't see them." Erik says laughing as he squeezes your thigh playfully.
"I know they was trying some things." You joke 
"I missed you so much. You don't even understand." You admit with a somehow saddened and relieved expression. 
"I know.  I want to start over this time. All of that Erik Killmonger shit is over with. I wanna keep the name N'Jadaka and just start over. All of that was too heavy on me to carry. I wanna let it all go. I wanna do it right with you." He explains 
"Good because if you put me through that again. Wakanda will be the least of your damn worries." You say to him and he nods giving you his word, sealed with a kiss.
"It'll be alright. Everything happens for a reason. And I think that right now a bath needs to happen and I'm gonna need you to do that thing again that you did in the kitchen cause I'm tryna figure out when you learned that-" 
At some point after the bubble bath/ shower combo you were both out like a light until Iri and Tika decide to come busting in like they usually do with little gifts and food for you. 
"Guess who's your fave- SHE GOT A WHOLEASS MAN IN HER BED" Iri announces to Tika before your pillow hits the door as she closes it. 
"Sorry about that. This is kinda our cuddle hour so they're used to just coming on in." You say sleepily and he just laughs it off while holding you closer. 
"It's all good. I remember that I ain't know them much before but when we did spend time with them, they were good people." He says, still trying to piece it together.  
----
You fell asleep more peacefully than you had in a long time. Now granted, good sex didn't fix the many layers of issues and mysticism surrounding everything.
But for now, you knew that you had him, you had your girls, family and your business. Everything felt alright again. 
Right up until the point of sleeping through the first alarm to meet the property owners.
"Bae. Bae your phone going off." N'Jadaka whispers in the dark room , voice still riddled with sleep and grogginess. 
"Shit. Shit. I'm gonna be so late." You call out , quickly jumping out of bed and stumbling around the room. 
It takes you about 25 minutes to speed through getting dressed in your best skirt suit. 
N'Jadaka sits on the end of the bed putting on his shoes and watching you shuffle around. 
He had offered to drive you there and stay with you and check out the property with you. 
He slows you down by grabbing you by your arms gently and placing a kiss to your lips. 
"Good morning, handsome. Let's go" 
You walk through the living room with Iri and Tika already posted up in the kitchen placing two breakfast burritos in a container to grab and go. 
You grab your things from the counter all while thanking them and jetting towards the door.
"Good luck pooh!" Tika calls after you. 
"Byyyyeeee Dakaaaa" they call out after him
---
"Here it is . These are the apartments. I know they don't look like much now from the outside. But from the pictures it looks great. And they'll be safe and comfortable here-" you babble on to N'Jadaka while you both stand outside of the building where Erik grew up , until you notice two women walking to  a car that clearly wasn't from this area. 
You notice Shuri and your breath hitches in your throat. 
Frozen in your anxiety, the seconds ticked by and it was too late to leave. She looked you dead in the eye and then at N'Jadaka like she had seen a ghost.
She gasped and Nakia followed the eyes before back into the car. 
"SHURI WAIT - PLEASE" you yell out to them but the car was already speeding  away. 
tag list : @doublesidedscoobysnacks @chaneajoyyy @mirandkimy @doitforthevine67​ @amyhennessyhouse @dasia21​ @depressionandfandomsinc @sinfully-dope @ambitionwood @heybriheyyy @wholelotta-melanin @theesotericqueen​ @mbakuwife​ @spookys-girl @teardropzih @bigchoose @ceo-of-baby @sweetpeachjones @lost-ssoull  @shyblackgurl @justpeachee @nijajoha @imayhavemisunderstood @beautifullmelodyxx​ @alookintohersoul @rbhp @champagnesugamama​ @just-peachee @almeda-344  @mahogany2021 
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lonelypond · 3 years ago
Text
BETWEEN US
NicoMaki, Love Live, 3.6K, 1/1
Summary: Nishikino Maki and Yazawa Nico have many challenges ahead, but they get through them together.
Between Us
Is this what love is? Not a fire that bites painfully but two people laying so close to feel every breath, hands nearly touching, eyes on the brilliant stars opening themselves up suddenly, sure enough to share truths they speak into the night, this solitary space, this private moment between them.
Nishikino Maki spoke first, always the more impatient, curious about Yazawa Nico’s state of mind. “What do you want to do, Nico-chan?”
“Nico wants to show everyone that little and cute can be strong, sexy smart, talented, funny, hard working, successful….I’m tired of how the world treats cute girls like Nico. Nico is a star.” Nico flung her arms out, to encompass the sky. “They should be in awe.”
I am, Maki said to herself, and then thought, why not say it out loud. This was all new, why not be bolder.
“I am.”
Nico squeezed Maki’s hand, a reward for honesty. “What do you want to do, Maki-chan?”
No one said Maki’s name like Nico. It had been Maki’s anchor through the continuing craziness of Muse, Eli’s taskmaster torture, qualifying, Honoka’s collapse, then starting over, right as they discovered these new feelings, a gift from all they’d been through.
“I want to use the Nishikino fortune for new things, good things, to stop propping up out dated ways and awful people. I want to find new ways to help…” Maki was a person of specifics and she had a list. “Girls, gays, empaths, people fighting bigotry, neurodivergents, water protectors,” Maki thought of Rin and giggled, “furries, us, our friends, the world.”
“Maki-chan will do great things.”
“Once I’m 30.”
Nico Yazawa considered. This was so new and 14 years from now, when Maki was a doctor and her trust vested, seemed as distant as the nearest star Nico could see. But Nico knew naming goals was the first step to achieving them, even if it seemed a wild fantasy.
“Nico will be there.” Not flashy, just quiet determination.
Nico heard Maki gulp. She was probably tearing up and couldn’t speak. Nico didn’t really expect her too. Sharing was such a new trust. But Maki’s hand carefully kept precise palm to palm contact with Nico’s. That said everything.
“Marry Nico.”
Maki sighed. “No one can know.”
“Okay.”
YAZAWA NICO FINISHES FIRST INTERNATIONAL TOUR WITH SPRING SPLASH IN HONOLULU
NISHIKINO MAKI BEGINS RONIN YEAR SOLO WORLD TOUR SURFING IN MAUI
Sunrise. Quiet beach. Her own choices. Is this what contentment felt like, Maki wondered. Finally, moments of quiet to listen for the important things. Leaning against her duffle and board, dressed in a striped rash guard, bright lavender board shorts, and a faded denim “You Are On Native Land” cap, Maki stretched, watching the horizon as a lone speck appeared in the distance, jogging toward her, not actually growing much as the distance closed, Maki thought with a private grin. Nico, running in an oversized hoodie and bikini bottom, gasped dramatically, reaching a hand for the water bottle Maki held out as a lure.
“Still running 5Ks every morning?”
“10K when I don’t have a concert or rehearsal. Nico is a boss.”
“Umi would be proud.”
Nico dropped and did ten fast pushups in the sand next to Maki, “Not if Nico told her it was only to make girls swoon.”
“Girls?” Maki arched an eyebrow, hand sweeping through her hair.
“Girl.”
“Fiancee.”
Nico laughed, rolling toward Maki, pulling her down into a playful, sandy kiss. “Ready to upgrade to trophy wife?”
“Yes.”
But there was no hurry that morning. Both had put their other lives on multiple 15 plus hour flights and fallen briefly off the grid to sit side by side on this hidden beach, the tide surging, a rare treasured morning to share.
“Went to the symphony last night. Monica Mancini sang, Henry Mancini’s daughter,” Nico hummed the Pink Panther theme, “Nice voice, more your thing than Nico’s though. She sang a lot of Johnny Mercer. And some new stuff. Nico was taking notes.”
“You’re great on stage Nico-chan, but I guess you can always learn from other performers.”
“Nico is learning songwriting.”
Maki pushed against Nico, “Going to try to get me to put Nico Nico Ni to music again.”
Nico’s mood turned serious, “I miss watching you play.”
“I miss playing.”
“When Nico gets her penthouse, there will be a baby grand.” Nico let her hand settle on Maki’s, “Working with a portable keyboard now. And Umi’s giving me advice, so many books...I’m so busy reading, there’s no time to party.”
“Good.”
“Hey, do you have any plans tomorrow night?”
Nico stared at Maki for a moment, but there was only earnestness in the amethyst staring back, “Not since you got here.”
“I’ve been talking with some of the elders, volunteering on Maui, learning about healing plants, and aloha ‘āina.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s really cool. I’m going to get Papa to invite some of the teachers and doctors I’ve met to give seminars for us. Aloha ‘āina means so many things, but it’s mostly being determined to take care of each other by taking care of the land. It’s very land based and tradition based, here in Hawai’i,” Maki picked up a handful of sand, “but it’s caring and not soft...exactly...when you meet Kai, he’ll explain it better. We’ve been invited for dinner, his uncle plays the ohe hano ihu.”
“What’s that?”
“ A nose flute, not for big concerts, more personal...Kai says his uncle has so many stories about it being used in courting rituals.”
“Is Maki-chan taking notes?”
“Maybe.” Ah, Maki’s sexy, best musician in the world grin. Nico missed that one a lot on the road. A killer cute band was no replacement for the brilliant, lovely pianist who’d so boldly wrapped Nico’s heart in music.
They were in the teasing phase now. “Do you have to keep courting a cute girl after marriage?”
Maki shoved into Nico again, “Well, duh…”
Joint laughter, rolling out to meet the tide.
“We’re getting married.” Maki said quietly.
“Just need to take our passports to pick up the license and go to the shrine. We filled out everything else online.” Nico glanced at her bare legs, “And Nico brought a kimono. Although Maki-chan looks sporty cute just like she is.”
Maki had a far off look, not paying much attention to Nico. Happy to wait ‘til Maki drifted back to the beach, Nico was going to enjoy memorizing her favorite scenery, Maki’s beautifully expressive face, now relaxed and open, thoughts waves and clouds in constant motion. Nico knew the solitude here allowed Maki to relax, there was no family pressure, their phones were off, nothing on either of their schedules for at least the rest of the week. A rare moment to sit with each other, sharing this beauty.
NISHIKINO REAL ESTATE GROUP BUYS LARGE LUXURY TOWER NEAR NISHIKINO MEDICAL CENTER
SUPERSTAR REFUSES TO GIVE UP PENTHOUSE APARTMENT TO NISHIKINO HEIR
Fast food. School girls lingering from Otonokizaka. Two people shoved into the booth furthest from the door and windows, sitting on the same bench, hip to hip, back to the rest of the room.
“So many memories in this place.” Nico unwrapped her burger.
“So many french fries.” Maki dipped a sample french fry in her chocolate milkshake.
“Another meal Nico paid for. You got rich not paying for food.”
“Hey! You were too proud to let me pay.”
“Nico is still too proud.” Nico tapped her fingers on the table. This late afternoon, for this clandestine meeting, they’d allowed themselves the indulgence of wearing their braided gold and platinum wedding band, Maki added the simple diamond Nico had bought her for their engagement.
“Is this going to work? Us actually living this close together without rumors starting?” Maki had been worrying. So many comments in the press and on social media.
“Everyone already has us at war. Nico’s a selfish poser, Maki’s a spoiled brat. Enemies to lovers.”
“Not funny, Nico-chan.”
“Nico will throw a huge party before I leave on my next tour. My new landlord will threaten very publically to throw me out of the building. Everything will flare up, but Maki-chan will continue to do boring future doctor things and by the time Nico gets back, all anyone will be talking about is Nico’s new album.”
“They’re not boring future doctor things.”
“No, they’re smart, saving the world future doctor things and Nico is so proud.” A quick kiss on Maki’s palm.
“Meanwhile…”
“Meanwhile, Umi and Eli install a secret hatch above the decorative staircase centerpiece of your expensively designed main room.”
“I’m going to miss you, Nico-chan.” Sadness.
Time to change the mood. Nico dipped a french fry in her strawberry shake and fed it to Maki. “How’s studying going?”
Maki leaned, chin in hand, frowny. “I could be more motivated.”
“So B?”
“A minus.”
“Nerd.”
“ ‘s dull." Maki said, chewing slowly. "But have to stay on track with the family benchmarks.”
“Yeah.” Nico decided to talk about happier things, “ooohh, did I tell you Eli’s setting up a foundation for Nico as her graduation project. We’ve already donated tickets to queer youth groups in every city on the tour and Nozomi’s setting up mentor programs.”
“Expect a large anonymous donation.”
“Expect a large not so anonymous thank you.”
“I’m just proud that you’re doing things to actually help people. I want to do more.”
“You’re studying to be a doctor, Maki-chan. That’s hard. Nico’s got it easy. All Nico has to do is” Nico went into her signature gesture, “Nico Nico Ni and everything gets brighter.” Nico suddenly remembered she shouldn’t have let her catch phrase out full voice during what was supposed to be a secret meeting, but this was a low traffic period so no one seemed to notice.
“I couldn’t get that out of my head, the first time I saw you do it. It was annoying.”
“But you loved Nico.” Nico snuggled closer, enjoying a chance to feel Maki next to her.
“But I loved Nico, all of Nico, the bold, brash, terrible liar, the kind, caring sister, the determined ally and friend, the hard working and talented performer.”
“Nico wasn’t a liar, Nico was an optimist.”
“Private chef,” Maki cough giggled.
Nico grabbed the french fries as Maki reached for another one, “Confiscated for cheekiness.”
“Give me those.” Maki grabbed, Nico dodged, french fries flew loose and they giggled their way through the next few minutes until Nico leaned forward to whisper in Maki’s ear.
“So are your parents still in New York City?”
Gulping, suddenly completely flustered, Maki nodded.
Nico bounced up, offering a gallant hand, “Nico will walk you home.”
“Fancy.”
“Only the best for Mrs. Yazawa.”
“That would be Mrs. Nishikino.”
“We’ll wrestle. Nico will win.”
“Optimist.”
Nico’s hand on Maki’s waist was a gentle guide into the autumn night, two hats pulled down, two collars pulled up, Nico in a mask to protect her voice. “Wait and see.”
Maki leaned into Nico. This night, unlike too many others recently, felt just right.
HEAD OF THE NISHIKINO MEDICAL GROUP COLLAPSES, HOSPITALIZED
NICO NI NEW YEAR’S CHARITY CONCERT SELLS OUT IN MINUTES
Nico had never been so sick. She’d lost count of the medicines she was taking to sleep at night, and then the additional ones added to get her through tonight’s concert. Then she could rest. Go to her Mama’s house and get babied for a bit. Maki had been so sad at Christmas, with too many family obligations to fly to Los Angeles. Nico had gotten through their Christmas Eve quick chat and then collapsed, barely moving until yesterday’s rehearsal, which wiped her out.
Pounding on her hotel room door. What the hell? Phone pinged, the Maki-tone.
“Open your door, Nico--chan.” Maki sounded angry. Was she pounding? Nico felt even fuzzier, slumping to the door, opening it to fall against a tall, angry Maki, beanie over her hair, sunglasses, and a mask.
“Nico-chan?” Now Maki’s voice sounded tearful.
“Hi, Mrs. Yazawa.” Nico croaked out, hoping to make Maki at least giggle.
Strong arms swept her up, Maki striding across the room, putting Nico gently down on the bed, Maki immediately examining every bottle by Nico’s bedside, “What kind of quack put you on all this?”
“Don’t know.”
“Don’t know? You don’t know.”
“Trainer found ‘em…recommended.”
“You should be in a hospital.” Maki’s voice broke.
“Concert, charity, millions. Nico Nico Ni.” Nico had no idea if what she was saying made sense.
“Cancel. Refund. I’ll make a bigger donation.”
“Nico is a trooper.”
“Nico is a zombie. What the hell kind of irresponsible moron gave you all this?” Maki crashed all the bottles to the floor. “Did they inject you with anything?”
“It’s LA, Maki-chan, the beautiful people never stop.” Nico coughed. It hurt like 50 Umi arrows to the chest, “Nico is a beautiful people.”
“Nico-chan…” Maki was kneeling next to the bed, desperation and weariness lining her face. She’d never travelled well, Nico realized.
Nico managed to flip so she was on her side, managing to smile at Maki, “Hey pretty girl.”
“I am going to sue that quack into despair and destitution.”
Nico blinked, suddenly aware that Maki should be in Tokyo. “Why are you here, Maki-chan?.”
“Hanayo heard a rumor…”
“Did anyone see you?”
“I don’t care.” Maki’s head dropped to the bed, “Papa collapsed...and you’re like this and hiding it from me…and letting some greedy idiot try to kill you...if anything happens to you, Nico-chan…” And the tears, Nico could feel them as she reached for Maki, hot, heavy, rolling off pale cheeks.
“Nico will be fine.”
Maki shook her head.
“Look at me, Maki-chan.”
Maki raised her head. Her eyes were bright. She was always so bright, so caring, her native prickliness a fortification against all the emotions Maki didn’t know how to process.
“I will be fine.”
Maki surged up, her arms drawing in Nico, whose heart was really not rested enough for tackled into bed by the redhead of her dreams. “Maki-chan, you’re going to hug Nico to death.”
“Don’t say that.” Maki’s arm twitched for a minute like she was going to shove Nico away, but then Nico found herself pressed as closely as she’d ever been against a clothed Maki, which would have been amazing if she could breathe. So Nico let a cough out and Maki loosened her hold.
“Let Nico sleep.”
“Okay. But I’m not going anywhere.”
Nico had closed her eyes, muttering, “...love you.”
“I love you too, Nico-chan.”
A-RISE STEPS IN AT LAST MINUTE FOR NICO NI
NISHIKINO MAKI CHECKING OUT STANFORD RESEARCH FACILITIES, POSSIBLE PARTNERSHIP
Nico is officially spoiled. Another morning waking up to Maki curled up by her side...She’d shipped everyone else back to Japan, tour over, a solid break until Nico’s doctor cleared her for rehearsal. Nico sat up, teasing tumbles of red hair, Maki had been very clear that Nico had to clear the steroids out of her system first. But at least Maki hadn’t banned other forms of exercise.
“I’m not asleep, Nico-chan.” Maki mumbled, sounding totally still asleep.
“Thanks for coming to rescue Nico.”
“Don’t make me do it again. I might have to go back to school.”
“I thought you were joining the Board Of Directors ahead of schedule?”
Maki opened her eyes, stretching, “Order pancakes. And bacon. And orange juice. And muffins.”
“Brunch in bed.”
“I’m not leaving until I have to.”
Nico reached down to kiss Maki’s forehead, “It’s been nice having you here.”
“Then come home.”
“Nico is working on it.”
Maki raised an eyebrow. Nico sounded excited. “Is there something I don’t know about?”
“It was supposed to be your Christmas surprise, but Nico’s agent was still negotiating.”
What could Nico’s agent be negotiating that would be a Christmas surprise for Maki?
“I’m going be the main character in a TV drama, based in Tokyo.”
“Really?”
“Really. I didn’t get to be there when your Dad ended up in the hospital and I’m so sorry…I knew you needed me, but...this is our life...” Maki nodded as Nico gestured at the hotel suite, continuing, “And I knew you were going to be super busy with family stuff so I pitched an idea and two production companies jumped on board. Nico is taking a paycut and ownership, but all you’ll have to do is come upstairs and Nico will be right there, at least for six months.”
“Nico-chan…” Maki sat up.
Nico put her arm and pulled Maki in, Maki dropping her head to Nico’s shoulder, “We get through the tough stuff together, Maki-chan. We always have. I love you.”
“Love you.” Maki was falling asleep again. Nico would add coffee to their brunch order. Maki had to be awake enough to sneak out and catch a plane.
YAZAWA NICO TO STAR IN DOCTOR SMILE
DOCTOR NISHIKINO MAKI TAKES OVER FAMILY MEDICAL PRACTICE
If she didn’t have Nico, Maki would probably just live with a grand piano, a huge bathtub, and a couch to eat take out on, Nico thought as she sank into lavender scented steaming water.
“It’s not funny, Rin. And I don’t need weekly updates about who Nico’s kissing on the show.” Maki sounded aggravated. Nico giggled. She’d come home early from a weekend meet the fans event and snuck into Maki’s luxury tub to recover. Candles were lit, Idol music popping.
“Wait a minute, Rin. I think…” Maki’s steps sounded hasty and she was suddenly in the door of the bathroom.
Nico winked. “Hi Maki!”
Maki made a grumbly noise and turned sideways, “No, I’m okay, Rin. There’s just a surprise in my bathtub…” Maki glanced at Nico, “Rin says hi. And you have to stop using my cases, Nico-chan.”
“Did Rin say that? And who says Nico does?”
Maki glared, “Where do you even get your information?”
Nico raised a finger to her lips and winked.
“And that red wig. It’s awful. People think you’re making fun of me.” Maki listened to her phone. “Shut up, Rin.” And the phone went in her coat pocket.
“What did Rin say?”
“Nvermind.” Maki muttered.
“Maki-chan…” Nico splashed at Maki.
“No one would ever call me Dr. Smile.”
Nico guffawed, slapping water everywhere. “I miss Rin.”
“If I had Umi’s bow, I wouldn’t.”
“You love her.” Nico leaned back, watching her wife, who had flopped on the nearby chaise. “So who thinks Nico is making fun of you?”
“Papa.”
“PFfffffff…who cares.”
Maki glared, ‘“We’re trying to keep his stress levels low.”
“Red headed doctors are the best.”
“But I like your hair; it looks like you.”
“But our daughter will look like Dr. Smile.”
That threw Maki’s train of thought completely askew. The closest she could get was imagining Cotaro when she first met him with bright red hair.
“I wonder if our children will look like you? All your siblings do.”
“And they’re cute. But our children will be NicoMaki cute. I’ve seen your baby pictures, you were adorable.” Nico leaned back, smiling up at Maki. “Nico can’t wait to have a family to come home to.”
“You have me.”
“And I love it.” Nico blew lavender scented bubbles at Maki, “But you, me, the cutest children ever in the universe, and Christmas morning.”
Maki couldn’t keep the huge grin back. “I can tell them all about Santa-san.”
“But we’re not spoiling them too much.”
Maki pouted at Nico.
Nico giggled, “That’s what our parents will do.”
Maki got up, taking off her coat, sliding out of her jacket, unbuttoning her shirt halfway and slipping out of her pants. Then she sat on the edge of the tub, feet in the water, toes teasing Nico’s legs. “You’re going to tour less, right.”
“Nico’s not touring now. You’re going to cut down your hours, right, Maki-chan.”
“Just started the search for an Executive Director. And put the LGBTQ+ Health Centers proposal on the fast track.”
Nico leaned over, her chin on Maki’s thigh, “We’ve worked really hard for this.”
“We have.”
“I think Mama knows.”
Maki laughed, “It was that morning she surprised us at breakfast, wasn’t it?”
For once, Nico was the one blushing. “Nico needs…” Nico’s arm slipped under Maki’s shirt, a casual touch on Maki’s back, “more elegant pajamas for entertaining company.”
“No you don’t.”
“You like it when Nico borrows your shirt.”
“No, I love it when Nico-chan borrows my shirt.”
“Nico loves your pajamas.” Nico’s fingers started tracing patterns.
“Ha!” Keeping her cool with Nico this close had always been impossible so Maki just lowered herself into the water, pausing for a messy, wet kiss, “Let’s skip dinner.”
NISHIKINO MAKI AND YAZAWA NICO: DETAILS OF THEIR WHIRLWIND COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE
The interviewer leaned forward as Maki ran a hand through her hair. She was relaxed in a light gray Tadashi Shoji corded lace sheath dress, and confidently answered her question, “It was a long day, my eyes were so tired everything was blurry and I got in the wrong elevator. Nico had just gotten pics of the Ayase twins and we started talking about high school.”
“Talking?” Nico snorted, standing behind Maki, hands in the pockets of bright pink Victoria Beckham trousers, the matching blazer falling open, “It was all Nico’s sex appeal. Nico is irresistible.”
Maki leaned her head back, a private smile for Nico, “Nico is irresistible.”
“Is it irresponsible to take so much time off from your responsibilities to take a world tour honeymoon and then start a family?”
Nico chuckled, her hands on Maki’s shoulder, “We’ve planned carefully. And they’re our businesses. Nico never understood people working themselves to death, not taking time for family. We want to change corporate culture.”
“You’ve always been ambitious, Nico. What’s your next project?”
Nico winked, “That’s just between us.”
“No hints for our viewers, Maki?”
Nico leaned down, arms around Maki’s shoulders, whispering something in her ear. Maki’s full, flaring blush could have been a picture from high school. The interviewer laughed.
“Nice to see you two worked out the Penthouse Wars.”
“Nico is a reasonable person.”
Maki threw back her head, laughing, “Sure, that’s why.”
“Well, Nico is certainly a top…”
“Nico-chan!”
“I love you, Maki-chan.” Giggling, Nico kissed her wife’s cheek.
Nico might have been the only one to hear Maki’s muttered, “I love you, Nico-chan.” But it had always been true.
A/N: Another AU Yeah August request, it started out as Married Rivals, but I was reading a Dolly Parton songwriting book and in the songs about love chapter there were these lyrics from "Between Us":
In our love let's share a friendship between us Always close enough to talk things out Let's be honest with ourselves and each other And our love will never know mistrust or doubt
So I just started writing conversations.
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argylemnwrites · 4 years ago
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He Knew
Pairing: Colt Kaneko x MC (Ellie Whitnall)
Book: Ride or Die (post book 1)
Word Count: ~4600
Rating: R (language, referenced sensual content, referenced violence)
Summary: The five times Ellie came back, and the one time she didn’t
Author’s Note: Written for @rodappreciationweek Day 2 - Colt Kaneko. This is my first time not only writing Colt, but also my first time writing for one of my Choices couples that don’t end up “happily ever after.” I adored the bittersweet endings we got in ROD, and I wanted to keep that vibe here. This is pretty different from my usual writing tone/genre, so be forewarned - this is not a happy tale, but the crumbling apart of a relationship. It think the warnings listed in the rating section cover the content here.
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It wasn’t really goodbye. He knew she’d be back. There was no way she would be able to stay away, to just fall back into a world where her only thrills came from acing a test. That was too easy for her. She needed more, the push, the challenge, the adventure. He knew because he was just like her.
He wasn’t sure exactly when she’d be back, though. He was sure she’d be back in LA for Thanksgiving, but he didn’t expect her to come looking for him then. Besides, the shop was still in ruins. He wouldn’t be easy for her to find at this point. He rode past her dad’s place early on Thanksgiving morning and saw her blue Shokai Fourier sitting in the driveway. But he didn’t see her then.
Same thing about a month later, her car parked in the driveway when he drove by a few days before Christmas. But it didn’t surprise him that she wasn’t ready to come back to his world, not just yet. That first semester of college probably had enough novelty to keep her from getting too bored. New friends, new freedoms, new knowledge.
It’s not like he wasn’t busy, too. Hunting down the remnants of the Brotherhood while not attracting any unwanted attention was a new mission, one that required a new sort of careful calculation and anticipation. He wasn’t the type to sit around pining, moping, waiting on some girl, just like he was sure she wasn’t longing for him. They were alike in that way - they didn’t let their emotions define them.
It wasn’t until the anniversary of Pop’s death that he really felt it, deep down, that he… fuck it, that he missed her. Because no one else got him, not the way she did. No one else was quite like her. He was a few drinks in, sulking in the room he was renting from X’s old roommate when he did the thing he swore he would never do - he pulled out his new phone and searched “Ellie Whitnall” on Pictagram.
Her hair was darker, no longer highlighted, but still pulled back in that ponytail. And that damn sweatshirt was nowhere to be seen. Instead it was her in a crop top and a skin-tight pair of jeans in a line with six other girls, a smile on all of their faces as their arms wrapped around each other’s backs. Her lounging on the grass with one of the same girls, textbooks sprawled out around them as they both laughed. Her eating a slice of pizza in some tiny restaurant, a blond dude who looked like a preppy douchebag sitting in the booth next to her.
She looked good, happy enough. It made him proud, but the worst parts of himself wished she was just a little miserable. Not just because he was mourning and miserable himself, and misery did fucking love company, but because she didn’t belong in a world that was bland and ordinary. She burned too bright for such pedestrian experiences. She would see that soon, and she would be back. Until then he just had to keep working on avenging his father’s death, making the Brotherhood pay for all the shit they’d done. And that’s what he did, not noticing as May and June passed by. But then July came.
He was working at the sideshow, trying to find out where Wallace had last been spotted when he saw her on the dance floor. She was wearing a little white tank top and a light blue skirt that was short enough it barely covered anything. It took all his willpower to listen to what the little punk was telling him and not just march over there and kiss her, welcome her back where she belonged. But business had to come first. Besides, she was only dancing with her brunette friend, Riya, and the guy who had worn the orange tux to prom.
“I knew you couldn’t stay away” he murmured into her ear when he finally, finally could join her. She tensed at first, as he came up behind her, snaking his hand around her waist, his fingers tracing along the thin strip of skin between her shirt and skirt, but she relaxed into him when she recognized his voice. She spun to face him, her arms reaching up to rest on his shoulders.
“Who says I’m here for you? Riya and Darius just wanted a taste of what I was up to last spring.”
Colt shook his head. “Nah, you wouldn’t have worn that if you weren’t here for me,” he said as his eyes traced over her gentle curves, settling back on her face, just as beautiful and determined as he’d remembered.
“It’s July in LA. Some of us actually dress for the heat.”
He chuckled lightly, leaned down, and kissed her. She tasted the same, her fingers felt the same as they crawled up his neck and clutched onto his hair. When he tugged her out of there and handed her his spare helmet, her arms felt the same as she wrapped them around his chest. And when they got to his new studio apartment in Broadway-Manchester and stumbled towards his mattress as they stripped as quickly as they could, she felt the same as he sunk into her, both of them moaning in relief.
After, they talked all night, lounging on his mattress, drinking cheap beer and eating the string cheese they found in his pathetically empty fridge. About her classes and seminars, her roommate from some tiny town in Nebraska who had never seen an escalator before coming to Langston, and her upcoming research project. About his plans to reopen the auto body shop next year, now that the heat was finally dying down and he could go back. About how Ximena was still around, ready to help out, but how Toby had made his way north to San Fran, working for some startup that was looking to get into the high-tech auto accessory game. About how Mona would be up for parole in a few months.
“When do you head back?” he finally asked as the sun started to peek through the window, his hand tracing along her spine as she curled up against his side, her head resting on his shoulder.
“Tomorrow,” she said, after a moment, “Dr. Frisch wants me to start on my research next week so that we can get a prototype built before the end of the fall semester.”
Colt swallowed before sliding his fingers under her chin and tilting her head up, looking straight into her brown eyes. “You happy?”
She nodded gently. “For now.”
“Not bored?”
“Not yet.”
“Just want to make sure they aren’t wasting your talents.”
“Colt…”
“Just remember, you shouldn’t settle for bland.”
“I know, Colt. I know.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
Even though it had been over a year since he last saw her in person, he knew she would be back someday. She had his new number now, and every so often she would send him a little text or photo. They had no agreement, had made no promises to each other, still her messages were sometimes flirty, sometimes sexy. The blond idiot still hung around her Pictagram, but if she didn’t feel obligated to keep things between them… friendly or some shit, it wasn’t any of his business really.
The summer after her sophomore year at Langston, she stayed out east, hired on for some summer research program. But Colt was busy, too. The shop was open again. It wasn’t officially under Colt’s management, not until the statute of limitations ran out next year, but he had a couple of mechanics he’d hired on, keeping things on the up and up for the moment. Everyone knew Colt was running the show.
One day in October, he was at the shop, on a creeper under some rich asshole’s Porsche Cayman GTS when Ricky, his newest hire, called out for him.
“Hey, Kaneko. Some chick is here and says she needs to talk to you.”
He rolled his eyes as he pushed himself out. Ricky was talented, but he was far too much of a pushover. “I’m in the middle of this, Ricky.”
“I know, boss… but she kinda acted like you guys were… she seemed like she knew you personally.”
Wiping his hands on his pants, he strode over, ready to tell off whatever entitled little girl thought she could demand to see him, but then he caught sight of her. The sweatshirt was back, but her hair was even darker than it had been last summer. 
“Ellie? What are you doing here?” He was shocked by her appearance in his shop, in the middle of the semester, and every instinct to tease her about not being able to stay away went out the window when he saw the look on her face, so hollow and lost. He ushered her into his office, closing the door and hearing it all. How her dad was in the ICU at UCLA after he’d suffered a massive heart attack. How she’d had to go on a leave of absence for the rest of the semester.
“The doctors think he’s going to be okay, but I can’t… I can’t go back to the house alone. Not after everything,” she finished, perched on the end of his desk.
“You’re here by yourself?”
“Riya transferred to UC Oakland to be with Darius, so other than you… I don’t really know anyone here anymore.”
So the blond douche didn’t come with her. Either he was even more of a dickwad than Colt pictured, or he wasn’t that important to Ellie. Either way, it was all Colt needed to know. He tugged her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her. He didn’t tell her things would be alright, because unlike some people, he wasn’t stupid enough to try and lie to her. To make her promises he couldn’t keep.
So he did what he could. He took her back to his apartment, poured her shots of tequila, and fucked her senseless. There was nothing he could do to make things better. But he could make her forget, at least for a little bit. It’s what she would have done for him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
“Ellie coming tonight?” Ximena asked as Ricky spread out the takeout on the table in the breakroom.
“Haven’t seen her around much lately,” Ricky said, opening the containers of fried chicken.
“She’ll be back,” Colt said with more confidence than he actually felt. It wasn’t that he doubted that she’d be back… eventually. But she was pissed at him. Really pissed. And he wasn’t sure how long it was going to take her to cool off.
It was absurd that she was angry with him when he was the only one who wasn’t handling her with kid gloves, instead treating her like the grown-ass woman she was. Her dad was recovering just fine, but Ellie kept putting off going back to Langstson. When she’d told him she’d pulled out for the spring semester, though, he’d told her exactly what he thought about that. That she was being stupid. That she was only sticking around out of guilt over her last few months of high school. That she was wasting herself.
“What happened to you telling me I would always have a spot on your crew?” she’d yelled at him, tears flowing down her cheeks.
“Not like this, with you just bumming around, aimless. Fucking around, not really doing anything. You’re better than that, Ellie.”
She’d stormed out of his apartment after their fight, and he hadn’t seen her in eight days. He assumed she was with her dad. It wasn’t worth dwelling on. She’d be back once she’d cooled off and realized he was right. But the days continued to tick by, with no sight of her around the apartment or the shop. After three weeks, he rode past her dad’s place, but the Shokai Fourier was still in the driveway, so he knew she was still in LA.
Finally, almost one month later she showed up at the shop, just as they were wrapping things up for the day. She walked straight into his office without so much as saying hello to anyone, so Colt took his time, finishing up with the spark plugs he was replacing before he joined her. She was sitting at his desk, scrolling through his spreadsheets, reviewing the shop’s finances. So damn presumptuous.
“I didn’t realize you were an accountant now,” he said, crossing his arms as he closed the door. 
She spun in his chair, glaring at him. “Just seeing if you can afford to hire a mechanical engineer.”
“By my math, you’re only half a mechanical engineer at this point. That has to earn me a bit of discount on your salary.”
“I’m here to negotiate. If I’m going back for two more years at Langston, I need to know it’s going to be worth it. So make me an offer.”
Colt couldn’t fully suppress a smirk as he quirked an eyebrow at her. “What, am I supposed to write a number on a sheet of paper and slide it over to you?”
“I’m being serious, Colt.”
He rolled his eyes. “The offer’s the same as it’s always been - equal partnership, you and me, running this place.”
“And that offer will still be on the table in two years?”
“It hasn’t changed in the past two and a half, has it?”
She stood up with a nod at that, crossing the small office to stand in front of him, staring up at him, somehow looking imposing from five foot two.
“Should we shake on it?” he asked, widening his eyes to tease her, just a bit.
“I think we can do better than that,” she said before she stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him with all she had, shoving him back against the door in the process.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
Colt glanced at his phone. 11:45 pm and no new notifications. She was supposed to be back from Riya and Darius’s wedding today, but as the minutes ticked by, he wasn’t sure if she was more upset than he’d anticipated.
Technically, they were both supposed to be back from the wedding today. But he’d gotten word about some… hot merchandise that was too good of a deal to pass up late on Friday, and so he’d shot Ellie a text to send Riya and Darius his congratulations before he turned his phone off. He’d figured she’d understand. She was as ambitious as him, after all.
But seeing as it had been radio silence all day Saturday and now Sunday, he was wondering what sort of Ellie was going to walk through that door. Either she was pissed, or something had happened to her, but he didn’t think she’d been in any danger in Napa.
His finger hovered over her name in his contact list. She hadn’t answered any of his calls earlier today, so he didn’t have much hope for this one. Just before he pressed down to foolishly call her yet again, headlights flashed through the front window of their apartment’s living room. She was home.
Less than a minute later, the deadbolt turned. There was Ellie, her little duffel bag in one hand, a garment bag in the other. She looked exhausted, and when she glanced up and saw him sitting at their little table, he noticed that her eyes were bloodshot. She didn’t say anything, just shook her head at him as she walked straight into their bedroom.
“Ellie, come on-” he started, chasing after her, but she slammed the door right in his face.
“I don’t even want to look at you right now,” she called through the door.
“It was three million worth of merchandise for only four hundred thousand. I couldn’t pass it up.”
The door flung back open, Ellie practically trembling with anger as she braced herself against the door frame.
“I was the fucking maid of honor, and my plus one didn’t show up!”
“None of them like me anyway.”
“Hmm, I wonder why,” she practically sneered at him as she shoved past him, stomping into the bathroom, slamming that door this time.
“You know we need to move more volume if we want to keep growing the shop. You’re the one who wants us to expand our territory into Vermont Knolls.”
“Fuck you!” echoed through the door.
“What do you want me to say? I made the call that I thought was best for our business.”
“How about ‘Sorry, Ellie. I was a total asshole’ as a starter?”
He winced at that. He probably should have led with an apology. He just didn’t think it would piss her off this much that he’d missed the wedding.
“Ellie, I am sorry. I just thought you would be fine with it since you told me to skip your cousin’s wedding last spring so we could close that deal-”
“-You didn’t even ask me this time.” she called out.
“I didn’t have time. And they are your friends. It’s not like I left you all alone with people you don’t know.”
The bathroom door swung open, but Ellie pivoted on her heel, sitting back down on the toilet seat.
“You say I’m your partner,” she said with a heavy sigh, “but you always make these decisions without me.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, this was a no-brainer. The pure profit on-”
“I don’t mean business partners. I mean in our… personal life.”
He frowned at that, crossing his arms, “What the fuck are you talking about? Where is this coming from?”
Ellie just shook her head. “I don’t know. Sometimes it just feels like… like no amount of growth at the shop will ever be good enough for you. Like you are never off the clock.”
“I’m not ever off the clock. That shop is Pop’s legacy, and with you, it’s grown bigger than he could have ever imagined. I don’t know why you’re acting like this was all me. We’ve built everything we have together. You’ve always been hungry to prove yourself in this world.”
“Look who’s talking! Don’t you ever think that maybe your father wouldn’t want you sinking into this world so single-mindedly after he tried to keep you away from it for so long?”
It was an old argument from her, one he hadn’t heard in years. “My pop made a lot of bad decisions. Underestimating what both of us were capable of was just one of them.”
Ellie’s phone chirped, and Colt felt lightheaded as he watched her stand up and pick up a pregnancy test off the counter next to the sink. “Well, I hope you do better than him,” she said, shoving the piece of plastic into his hand. “This decision’s all mine, and I’m keeping it.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was his own fault she was staying with her father for a few nights. He’d been careless and just a little too reckless. The contact on the new stock of Tesla Model S’s had been a friend of Ricky’s friend. He should have vetted him better. He’d been too blinded by how good of a deal it was. But it was a mess from the start, and now they owed a crew in West Adams seven million in either cash or vehicles. At least he hadn’t gotten arrested. He’s pretty sure Ellie would have murdered him if that had been the case.
But he’d gotten them involved in a bad deal. It was 100% his fault. Not only was Ellie pissed at him for not being appropriately cautious with their business, but pregnancy had reduced her fuse significantly. She’d gone off on him when he’d returned from the drop with the terrible news. He didn’t blame her for wanting to take a few days away from him and the shop. He figured it would go a long way if he’d worked out a safe way to repay their debt by the time she came back, hence staying late in his office, trying to brainstorm the quickest way out of this mess.
At some point he must have nodded off in his chair at his desk, because suddenly he bolted awake, disoriented and panicked, grabbing for the handgun he kept in his top drawer before he recognized Ellie standing in his doorway. He let out a rough breath and moved to offer her his chair, but she just shook her head.
“It won’t be worth the effort it takes to stand up again,” she said, reading his intentions in a second. “I was waiting for you at home, but when it hit midnight and you weren’t back, I thought I might find you here.”
“I thought you were gonna stay with your dad for a few more days.”
“He was asking a lot of questions about us that I didn’t exactly want to answer. Besides, I figured you might need some help coming up with a plan.” Her hands rested on top of her stomach. She still had three weeks until her due date, and Colt had no idea how was going to stand up if she got any bigger. Not that he told her that.
“It's my mess, Ellie. I can take care of cleaning it up.”
She shook her head, rubbing her hands along her bump. “That’s the thing, Colt. Your messes impact all three of us. So even if it’s not my fault we’re seven million in the hole at that moment, I need to help you fix things. And the two of us working together has always gotten us better results than either of us working independently.
“But Colt, I need you to take a step back from this ‘high risk, high reward’ approach. It was one thing when it was just you and me, but we both need to be a bit more careful going forward. Our kid deserves parents that are alive and not incarcerated, alright?”
He sighed but nodded. “I just don’t want us to lose our edge. But I get it, Ellie. I do.”
She sighed as well before she said, “Come on. Pack up your stuff and meet me at home. We can work on solving this from the comfort of our bed, okay?”
“Sure thing. I’ll see you there.” 
She gave him a little smile, so forced and empty it nearly shattered him, before turning and walking out the door. He wished he knew how to earn her trust back. But she was like him. She had high standards. Fixing things with her was going to take ages.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Colt ran his hands through his hair, trying to calm his breathing. She had to come back. She had to. She had his daughter.
This fight had been bad, worse than any other than he could remember. When Ellie had seen the news coverage of Shaw’s shanking in prison, she’d turned to him, horror etched across her face. She hadn’t even needed to ask if it was him. She’d just known that he’d ordered it.
He tried to get her to understand, to see that he’d only done what he had to do. Shaw had his initial parole hearing coming up soon. If he so much as breathed a whiff of freedom, not only was their entire shop and crew in danger, but so were their lives and Margot’s. He was just taking a necessary precaution.
But she’d not wanted to hear any of it. She’d marched into Margot’s room, throwing her clothes and toys into a bag before hefting her out of bed and marching her out to her car, strapping her into her booster seat while she was still sound asleep. Ellie hadn’t so much as said a word to him as she drove off. Of course she’d ignored every call and text from him since that time.
He’d taken to riding past her father’s house daily. Her Shokai Fourier was always there, but he was never lucky enough to catch a glimpse of her or Margot in the yard. It had been nine days since he’d seen his kid, and he was getting desperate. He didn’t know what to do.
He sat along the edge of the cliff, watching the waves crash along. It wasn’t calming him tonight. Nothing was going to calm him. He didn't know how long he sat there, but eventually he heard a car engine approaching behind him. He would have known that paint job in his sleep. The engine quieted and he felt Ellie approaching him, sitting down next to him, almost close enough to reach out and touch. Almost.
“This is it, isn’t it?” he asked, staring out over the Pacific, inhaling the salt of the sea air.
“Colt… I can’t raise her in a home where killing someone is an acceptable solution to a problem. You had to know I wouldn’t be able to stand by you when you ordered that hit.”
Her words stung, burned his soul. Of course he’d known that. She’d always had her lines her morals didn’t allow her to cross. But how did she expect him to just sit there and let a threat to the safety of his family potentially walk free?
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” she asked. He could hear the tears in her voice, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at her, to see revulsion and disgust in the place of love and trust.
“What is there to say? Nothing I can do will make you come back.”
He heard her sigh before he felt her fingers, tiny and gentle against the back of his hand. He turned his hand over and threaded their fingers together more out of habit than anything. He knew her well enough to know that this wasn’t a gesture of love or hope.
“Colt, I’ll always love you, but…”
“I know, Ellie.”
“Are you even sorry?”
He paused, thinking over her question. He knew what she wanted to hear, but he’d always respected her too much to attempt to placate her with pretty sounding lies. “I don’t regret it at all,” he finally said, “I did it for both of you.”
She didn’t recoil from him at that. He hadn’t said anything she didn’t already know in her soul anyway. She’d always understood him in ways others just couldn’t. After all she was just like him. Just like him in so many ways.
They were only really different in one key way. She tried to pretend that there was a way to live the life they did and to be “good,” to keep to some sort of moral code. He knew that wasn’t the case. Or maybe she was just a better person than him. It was hard to tell right now, when he felt so hollow and drained.
“We’ll work out times for you to see Margot,” she said after a few minutes of silence. “I think we probably both want to keep lawyers out of this.”
Colt just grunted in acknowledgement. Ellie gave his hand a little squeeze before she tugged her hand free. She pushed herself up off the ground and walked back to her car. He couldn’t bring himself to watch her drive away, so he just stared ahead as he listened to her ignition start.
It was goodbye. He knew she’d never be back.
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quicksilversquared · 5 years ago
Text
The Babysitting Fiasco Bonus Chapter: Mom Squad
Alya and Nino aren’t actually supposed to be pushing off their babysitting duties onto Marinette in favor of going on extra dates, but try telling them that. But after a poorly-timed akuma attack and a chance encounter set off a domino effect…well, they couldn’t get away with it forever.
This was formerly a cut scene from the Babysitting Fiasco, but I made the mistake of mentioning it on FF.net and AO3 and people liked the idea of the Mom Squad, so it’s been expanded a bit, cleaned up a lot, and now here it is!
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Marlena Césaire was on a mission.
No, it wasn't a mission to catch Alya in the middle of slacking off on her responsibilities, like it had been the night before. Her daughter had been caught red-handed and given a very strict talking-to, though exact punishments were still being decided on. After all, Marlena and Otis didn't know exactly how long Alya had been getting away with her skipping (the younger kids were rather vague, though they let on that it had definitely been more than a couple months), and, well, they didn't exactly trust Alya to tell them.
So now, Marlena was headed for the Dupain-Cheng's family bakery in search of a more trustworthy source of information. Marinette would still be at school, of course, but perhaps her parents would be willing to take a message, or maybe they happened to know how long Marinette's babysitting had been going on.
Thankfully, she had timed her break perfectly with the bakery's afternoon lull, and Marinette's mom was sitting at the bakery's counter, reading a book. As Marlena entered, she looked up and smiled, tucking a bookmark between her pages and setting the book aside.
"Hi, Marlena!"
"Hi, Sabine," Marlena replied at once. She glanced around, making sure that there weren't any customers around. "Do you have a minute?"
Sabine nodded, not looking at all puzzled by the request. "I assume that this is about the whole babysitting thing?"
"Of course. I was quite surprised when Marinette mentioned it yesterday. It was pretty obvious that she didn't know that I wasn't aware of it."
Sabine managed a smile. "Yes, she was quite upset at lunch over the whole thing, which is when Tom and I learned about it. I just wished that she had mentioned it before, because she's been so overworked lately. We would have put a stop to it, at least on her end. She wasn't sure if she should admit the mistake to Alya. We told her not to."
"That's a good idea," Marlena agreed. "Alya was clearly really upset that she had been caught. Ridiculously so, considering that she was the one fully in the wrong, but she doesn't seem to see that yet. I would hate to see her blame Marinette for her punishment and have the two of them fall apart over this." She paused. "Am I correct in my assumption that Alya and Nino didn't pay Marinette for her time?"
Sabine sighed, nodding. "Yes, that's what Marinette said when we asked. And they kept springing the requests on her. Marinette hasn't had time to sit down and design like she normally does for ages now."
...well, that was another thing to talk about with Alya. Her daughter needed to recognize how she was affecting others. It was rude and selfish for her to be making requests of her friends that resulted in them not having any free time and Alya- who had plenty of free time to start with!- getting even more.
"If Marinette can come up with an approximate number of times that she's babysat Chris and the twins- or Chris or the twins, I don't know what arrangements they had- and for how long, that would be great," Marlena said instead. Alya's selfishness and apparent tunnel vision when she wanted something needed to be discussed directly with her daughter, not with Mrs. Cheng. "We'll pay Marinette back out of Alya's allowance, and Nino's family will be doing the same. Both of them were getting raised allowances for babysitting, so it's only fair."
Sabine smiled. "That sounds like a good solution."
"Yeah. Alya's not happy about it, but I'm not particularly happy with her at the moment." That was an understatement, honestly, but Marlena wasn't going to linger on it. Alya had gotten that message loud and clear the previous night, when she and Otis had set Alya's grounding for a minimum of a month, potentially extended out for however long Alya and Nino had kept the secret from their presents. That would mean a grounding of several months, far more than they had ever doled out for any punishment before, but if Alya actually showed remorse for what she had done and an understanding of how wrong it was to take advantage of her parents' trust in her and her friend's kindness- well, that could potentially be shortened a bit.
Time would tell. At the moment, Marlena was leaning towards a longer punishment.
"Has Marinette said anything else about it? How long things have been going on, how long she normally babysat per night...?"
"Oh, for months, but she didn't say anything exact. She did mention that Alya said that the idea came from her classmate Lila." There was distaste in the way she said that, Marlena noted, and that was interesting. "Marinette had questioned that, and from what she heard, Alya had been in contact with Lila and had been complaining about wanting more dates with Nino, and Lila was the one to make the suggestion that they give the kids to someone else and use that time for a date."
"The same Lila who I found telling tall tales to the kids when I got home, I assume," Marlena said, mentally thanking Otis for finding the seminars that he had signed Alya up for earlier in the day, focused on healthy relationships both romantic and platonic. At least one of them would be going with her to- well, the romantic one at the very least, to make sure that they were enforcing whatever behaviors the instructor was encouraging (and discouraging whatever the instructor deemed unhealthy, of course), and possibly the friendship one as well to make sure that Alya was actually paying attention. The taking advantage of Marinette... well, that was something they just couldn't not address. "The one cooking up some ridiculous tall tales that she claimed were perfectly true."
"Precisely." Sabine was frowning. "I need to ask Marinette more about that girl. I could tell there was more there that she wasn't telling us, but we didn't have enough time to fully delve in before Tom and I had to get back to the bakery."
Marlena sighed. "Alya thinks that Lila is a fabulous friend, but I've heard more than I ever want to about Lila's tall tales. That and the news that Lila was the one to encourage Alya to shove her babysitting off on Marinette...well, unless Lila's lied more, her mom works at the embassy. I've got a mind to go over there tomorrow during my break and have a word with Mrs. Rossi about what her daughter is up to."
"That sounds like an idea," Sabine agreed. "I wouldn't be surprised if she's being kept in the dark, too. Welcome to Tom and Sabine's!" she added to the customer who had just entered. "Are you looking for anything in particular?"
"Well, I'll let you go," Marlena said, stepping aside so that Sabine could help her customer. "You have my number, so let me know what Marinette says. And after hearing how stressed Marinette was- let me know how much more Marinette's rates are for emergency babysitting versus her normal rates. She deserves the money, for sure. And she'll be getting whatever Lila would have earned, because that girl certainly doesn't deserve it."
Sabine laughed. "All right. I'll try to have Marinette give me those numbers tonight and then I'll pass them on."
Marlena smiled, thanking Sabine one last time, and then she headed back out the door. She had to get back to work, and if she had any time to spare for a quick Google inquiry...
Well, one Mrs. Rossi would be getting a visit tomorrow afternoon.
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  At eight o'clock that night, Marlena got a text from Sabine Cheng.
Sabine: I'd like to come along with you tomorrow. That girl threatened my Marinette.
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  Marlena swung by the bakery the next afternoon to pick up Sabine. When she stuck her head inside, she found Sabine by the door and a rather unhappy-looking Tom behind the corner.
"Tom wanted to come along, too, but someone had to watch the counter," Sabine told her as they left. "He was quite angry about finding out everything that Lila has been doing and how much stress she's causing Marinette. Marinette has been trying to call out the lies but, well, Alya has apparently refused to listen and then Lila threatened her to try to get her to stay quiet."
"I'm not surprised about Alya," Marlena said with a sigh, leading the way over to the bus stop. "I wish I could say that I am, but I'm not. Otis and I talked to Alya more last night, and she accidentally let slip that when either she or Nino had babysitting to do and the other didn't, the one without anything would claim that they were going to another classmate's to study or work on a project and then the two of them would go on a date instead. So that's another deception. And all Alya could say was that it hadn't hurt anyone, so why was it such a big deal?"
"She's still not picking up on how much stress she was putting on Marinette," Sabine filled in, and Marlena nodded.
"That, or how big of a deal the lying is, or how dangerous it could have been to have Lila babysitting, or how making Marinette take care of three very rowdy kids at once could have turned out badly." On top of that, Marlena and Otis had looked through Alya's texts- not something they normally did or advocated doing, but the breach in trust rather warranted it- to see if there was anything else that she was hiding, and the texts that Alya had sent Marinette in response to finding out that Marinette couldn't make it... well, they were rather self-serving, less focused on Marinette's struggles and more on what Marinette could do for Alya. That was going to get addressed.
Sabine only nodded.
The bus came, and they got on. It wasn't a long ride to the Italian embassy, and then they were heading for Mrs. Rossi's office. Marlena had set up an appointment the previous day to ensure that Mrs. Rossi would be free when they came, and considering how busy the embassy was when they stepped in, it had been a good idea. It didn't take long to find the office they were looking for, and then they were waved in to meet a politely puzzled Mrs. Rossi.
"It's nice to meet you," Mrs. Rossi said politely as the door shut behind them. She glanced at a paper on her desk. "Uh, which one of you is Mrs. Marlena Césaire?"
"That's me," Marlena said at once, stepping forward to shake hands. "And this is Sabine Cheng. Our daughters are in the same class as Lila."
"Is- is this really the time to discuss the girls?" Mrs. Rossi asked, clearly more puzzled than ever. "I mean, I am at work right now, surely we could arrange to meet at another ti-"
"Your daughter has been threatening mine."
"And she's been feeding all sorts of lies to her classmates and persuading them to behave poorly," Marlena chimed in, though she wasn't entirely sure that Mrs. Rossi had caught that, she was so busy staring in shock at Sabine.
"Threatening- that doesn't sound like my daughter at all! She told me that people at school were very friendly and that she got along with all of them and-"
Marlena cut across before Sabine could say anything more. "Lila has been telling people that she's met all sorts of famous people and travels all over the world on a regular basis. According to Alya, she has also been claiming all sorts of ailments- arthritis, allergies, tinnitus that she supposedly got from saving Jagged Stone's kitten on an airplane runway-"
Mrs. Rossi had sunk back into her chair, eyes wide as Sabine picked up the list.
"She's gone on the Ladyblog as claiming that she was saved by Ladybug and now they're best friends. My daughter saw Lila deliberately knock over her classmate Adrien's book bag to steal an old book from him, which Lila later threw in the trash. If Marinette had not rescued the book and returned it, that would have resulted in Adrien getting pulled from the school by his father, which would have crushed the poor boy-"
"Adrien? Adrien Agreste?" Mrs. Rossi demanded. She didn't even wait for them to nod before barreling on. "Lila told me that he was her boyfriend! That they started dating- oh, months ago, back before the akuma attacks that shut down the school for so long!"
There was a long pause. Then-
"Uh, what do you mean, shut down the school?"
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  By the time Sabine and Marlena left, Mrs. Rossi had been brought up to speed on all that Lila had been up to and was on the phone with Mr. Damocles. Ms. Bustier was on her way to the office to join the call, so that they could discuss all of Lila's stories. She seemed quite stressed, but managed to wave to them on their way out.
"Well, I think that was rather successful," Marlena said cheerfully as they headed for the bus stop to ride back to the bakery. "We got apologies for Lila's behavior and from the sound of things, Lila will get rather thoroughly punished."
"And the principal is now aware of Lila's threats," Sabine chimed in. She was looking rather pleased as well. "So Marinette will finally get her justice. I can't believe that she didn't tell Tom and I before. I rather hope that Tom hasn't decided to leave the counter to one of his helpers and storm the school in our absence," she added with a small laugh. "He was ready to head straight over last night when Marinette told us, never mind that it was late and the school was closed! And it took both Marinette and I this morning to convince him not to tag along with her to school so that Lila wouldn't be able to threaten her again."
Marlena laughed. "I can just see him now, wedging himself between Marinette and Alya on their bench at school and acting like he's meant to be there. I'm sure Marinette is happy to know that you two are so firmly on her side, though. Even if Tom's reaction was perhaps a bit impulsive."
"I'm just concerned that she didn't come straight to us in the first place. Like, what did we say to make her think that she had to deal with it on her own? As much as I'd like to think that it's not something that we did but rather just her becoming more independent... well, I kind of doubt that that's the case." Sabine was frowning, concerned. "So Tom and I will be doing some reflection as well, I suspect. We certainly don't want to make Marinette hesitate to come to us with any problems she has."
"It is concerning that she was getting threats and hadn't said anything," Marlena agreed. She sighed. "All this drama. I don't remember my collège years being anywhere near as- as-"
"Dramatic? Stressful? Crazy?" Sabine offered, then gave a little laugh. "And Marinette is doing commissions for famous celebrities on top of everything else, which is- it's crazy. We're so proud of her, of course, but it's still not something we ever would have expected to happen."
Marlena smiled. She had heard about that and- well, it was truly impressive. What was strange about it, though, was how crazy Alya had gone over Lila's stories about hanging out with celebrities when Marinette was designing CD covers and posters and concert outfits for famous people. On top of that, Marlena had heard Jagged Stone referring to Marinette as his honorary niece more than once.
And somehow, Alya was impressed by Lila. At least those lies were going to be coming out today.
"Oh, before I forget," Marlena said suddenly, digging in her purse. She pulled out an envelope and passed it to Sabine, who peeked inside. "Checks from both our family and Nino's, to pay Marinette for her babysitting. We did time and a third because it rather sounded like the babysitting was getting forced on her when Marinette already had more than enough to do."
"They are very generous," Sabine commented, tucking both checks back into the envelope and placing it carefully in her purse. "Wow. We'll take Marinette to the bank to deposit them this weekend."
"Yes, well, I think Marinette rather earned them." Neither Alya nor Nino would getting their allowance for a while to pay for it and neither were thrilled about that, but it sounded as though Nino at least had gotten to acceptance stage by the night before. Alya was more stubborn, though, so it would probably take her longer to accept responsibility for her actions. Marlena sighed at the thought. Dealing with haughty, demanding customers was the worst, but dealing with a stubborn teenage girl was pretty far up there, too. "I'll just be glad when all of this is behind us."
"Me too."
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  Marlena returned home that evening after the dinner rush to find Alya in what could only be described as a mood as she spluttered out the events of what had apparently been a very interesting afternoon. Lila's mom had ended up going over to the school to meet up with their teachers and principal in person, and it had come out that Lila was lying and manipulating them for her own benefit. Alya was steaming because of the deception, but, well, still not for quite the right reasons.
"I can't believe I posted that bucket of lies on the Ladyblog!" she was fuming, a fierce scowl on her face. "There goes my reporter's credibility! And she- she was the one who told me to have Marinette babysit so that Nino and I could go on dates! This is all her fault!"
Marlena sighed. Clearly the concept of personal responsibility was still eluding Alya.
"She wanted me to like her, and so she made me think that it was a good idea and that it would be fine and- and-"
Nora snorted, glancing over the top of her textbook. "How very unfortunate that you lost the ability to, oh, fact-check things that went on your blog before posting them. And at the same time that you lost your critical thinking skills, too!"
"Why, you-!"
Marlena sighed again, exchanging a look with Otis as he headed over to try to fend off a fight between their two older girls. She had hoped that they would have a peaceful evening, but it was looking like there wasn't much chance of that.
Across town, Sabine smiled as Marinette gushed about her day- Lila had been pulled out of their classroom mid-afternoon and hadn't come back. Rumors had buzzed around the classroom, unhampered by Mr. Haprele, who had stepped in to oversee the classroom while Ms. Bustier was out, and it wasn't until their last class that their teacher had returned and broke the news to them about Lila's lies. The news had been received with no small amount of shock by most of her classmates, and more than a few had apologized to Marinette for not believing her before.
Marinette herself had been called to the principal's office after school let out to give a statement about the threats that Lila had made towards her, and it sounded like the Italian girl wouldn't be returning to their school at all. In fact, it sounded like Mrs. Rossi was planning on sending Lila back to Italy to stay with her grandparents there as soon as possible, probably because Hawkmoth's presence in the city meant that there was an added note of danger to the whole situation- either Lila herself would get akumatized over being found out, or someone upset with her would. Removing her completely from the situation meant that Lila couldn't try to retaliate in any way, either by more lies or by accepting an akuma, and Marinette could finally relax.
Maybe nothing about the situation before had been ideal- Marinette's best friend taking advantage of her kindness and hiding information from her, the bullying, Marinette's absolute burn-out level kind of exhaustion- but Sabine personally thought that it had resolved itself rather nicely. There had been a lot of lessons learned, and now she and Tom would know to be on the lookout and ready to step in to investigate and offer a helping hand if Marinette started to struggle and get overwhelmed again, hopefully intervening before it got to be too much.
And with any luck, nothing like this would ever happen again.
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angeliise · 5 years ago
Text
Day 5: College AU
Warning: Contain Mature content and explicit language 
Words: 4.775
****
“Mm.” Hinata moaned as her boyfriend, Sasuke, swirled his tongue around hers in an intense make out session. She had lost all sense of time in his embrace that the swarm of butterflies in her stomach was no longer a bother. His hands gently massaged her breasts as he hungrily attacked her lower-lip with bits of kisses and bites. “Oh, Sasuke.”
Hinata’s moans grew higher as her nether regions were wetting her undergarments. Oh, how she wanted to pounce on him like there was no tomorrow! But… it always around now that Sasuke made his way to her-
“Nn!”
Hinata shamelessly avoided Sasuke’s gaze. They had been together for 4 years, nearing their 5th anniversary and they hadn’t had sex yet. She was about to say something until she heard Sasuke let out a low sigh before he planted tiny kisses on her neck. When he stopped at a point, Hinata winced at the sharp but quick pain from Sasuke’s teeth.
She felt an unwanted breeze through his body as Sasuke lifted his body from hers. “Babe-”
“It’s fine. I know how you feel around these things.” He said as he picked up his shirt and pants. Hinata’s lips were pursed while he put on his clothes. She knew she was reaching his limit but she didn’t know how to approach the situation accordingly. One big reason being that she believed in sex after marriage. She grew up in a household where traditional views on marriage were still upheld and highly practiced. She never called herself religious, but she was starting to think that she was simply in denial.
“I’ll pick you up on Monday.” He walked over to her and placed a soft kiss on her lips before leaving.
***
When Sasuke entered his car, he dialled a number as he got the engine going.
“Helloooooo?”
“Hey, Naruto, are you free?”
“Sure, same place as usual?”
“Yeah.” Sasuke stepped on the pedal and was quickly off to  meet with his best friend, Naruto. He had always gone to Naruto for advice for anything, really. Although they related to being neglected, Naruto had handled things far better and was always on the happier side. If it wasn’t for him, who knows how long he would have held out without sex in this 4 year relationship.
Sasuke parked his car and entered Ramen Ichiraku, their favorite spot. Or, at least Naruto’s. But Sasuke saw it as “their” spot so he had come to love the restaurant regardless. He saw his yellow-haired friend already in the midst of downing his… 4th ramen bowl. Sasuke sighed. “Gross.”
“Who are you calling gross?”
Sasuke took a seat. “You, how can you eat 4 ramen bowls when they are so big?”
Naruto scoffed. “We are here for your relationship issues not my eating habits.”
Sasuke gave him a small smile. Although he hadn’t stated his reasons for wanting to meet up, Naruto had come to know what he wanted to talk about. And no, they weren’t all about his relationships.
Sasuke sighed again when his mind went back to his main problem. “I don’t think I can hold it out anymore.”
Sasuke stared down at his bowl which Ichiraku had placed a few seconds ago. Naruto glared intently as he slurped on his ramen. “Hinata is the best girl I’ve ever had the luck of meeting. When she said yes I seriously thought I was dreaming and she became sexier as the years went by. I was hoping… that she would have loosened up a bit but…”
“She hasn’t.” Naruto finished.
Sasuke shook his head, feeling a bit ashamed over how desperate he had become. But-
“Don’t shame yourself about it. Not that sex should be the vocal point in a relationship, but unless both of you are asexual, what’s so wrong about wanting to do it? Especially when you two have been together for as long as you have?”
Sasuke reached for his chopsticks and separated them. “I know, but-”
“But nothing!” Naruto said, pointing his dripping chopsticks at Sasuke. “Ino and I have been together for 3 years and I’ve lost count of how many times we have done it.”
“Okay.”
“I mean, I think we started doing it after we had been together for 5 months.”
Sasuke frowned his eyebrows. “Naruto.”
“It did give us a lot of time to experiment with our different… erm..”
“Naruto..”
“Oh yeah, ki-”
“NARUTO!”
Naruto put his hand over his devious grin, barely trying to suppress his laughter. “But you get what I mean, right?”
Sasuke stood  up. “I’m leaving.”
Naruto calmed his laughter down. “But, if there’s one thing I remembered during Ino’s exchange abroad,” Sasuke groaned as he slowly took his seat, “it was that, no matter the sex, I loved her. Being apart from her for so long was too much. Life just didn’t feel the same without talking face-to-face, cuddling, holding hands and those small kisses here and there.”
Sasuke bit his lower lip. He watched as Naruto’s goofy self was replaced by a more serious look. That was when he knew Naruto was about to give him some grand advice. “Sasuke, how about you take a break from Hinata this week?”
Well, maybe not this time.
“What are you talking about? Why would I do that?” He spat.
“All I’m saying is, test the ‘Don’t know what you got ‘till it’s gone’ saying. Although we never tested it, we realized how unimportant sex can be as long as we have each other. Besides,” he drank a glass of water, “Hinata must be feeling some type of way with making you wait this long.”
Sasuke was resting his chin on his palm while stirring his ramen around. “You think?”
“I know so. She loves you. A lot. And I think this test will push her to take the next step. It’s better than potentially lashing out on her and pressuring her.”
Sasuke sighed. “I guess.”
“Don’t worry. I know it will work out just fine. Besides, it's only for a week. You two are still a pair for the history project next month, yeah?”
Sasuke nodded. He had almost forgotten about their history group work. Him and Hinata had already teamed up as a pair because they worked so well together. They were in their second year of university and this was their last exam before the end of the semester. They were in the last week of November, and their presentation was on the 3rd of Jan. They are expected to spend the whole of December on the topic of history on the Hokages. He could imagine the shitshow it was going to be.
Sasuke sighed. “Kami, have mercy on me.”
****
Hinata tiredly tapped her alarm clock off. She rubbed her eyes and reached for her phone. Sasuke always came to pick her up and before both of them had even begun their day he would text her to ask if there were going to be a change in plans. She had done some thinking over the weekend and saw it fit to talk about their potential sex life on their way to school.
Hinata tapped her password in and nearly dropped her phone by her boyfriend’s message.
Sorry, I’ll be going to school with Naruto for the whole of next week. Nothing personal, just haven't’ had the time to speak with him for a while. Love you.
Hinata felt her eyes begin to water. From the sigh last friday to this. And for a whole week? Was he reaching his limit? Had he reached his limit? Hinata did not want to know for she could already guess the answer. She dug under her sheets.  No, no, no. She couldn’t let her view on sex ruin the best relationship she had ever been in. She was going to fix things when they saw each other on campus.
****
Hinata had called her best friend, Kiba, and asked if they could walk to classes together and he had agreed.
“So, what did you do?”
“Huh? What do you mean?” She said, looking away with a blush.
“Something big must have happened for Sasuke not to pick you up as usual.”
Curse Kiba’s sharp intuition. Then again, he wouldn’t be her best friend if it wasn’t for that. “Well… I think Sasuke has reached his limit with me.”
Kiba tripped over his step. “Limit? What do you mean? You have been together for 4 years and he is as happy as ever. Boy, you should have seen him before he got with you. Always miserable and sulky and calling me and Naruto at 3am about how his life sucked. Pheesh.”
Hinata chuckled to herself before the frown came back. “That might be so but… in those 4 years we have been together, we have yet to have… sex.”
“What?” Kiba gasped. “I thought- wait what? You two haven’t had sex before?!”
“Kiba! Keep it down…”
“But. How do you explain the hickies? Especially this one. By the size of that one, you would think you went at it for a whole night.”
Hinata squirmed as her cheeks flared up. “K-Kiba!”
Kiba looked at her with a more calm face. “On a serious note though, do you not want to have sex with Sasuke?”
“No that’s not it! I… I do.” She said in a low whisper. “But, I’m nervous.”
Kiba leaned his head on his webbed fingers behind him. “Sasuke is quite experienced, if that helps.”
“It didn’t.”
“What I’m tryin to say is, he will know what to do.”
Hinata plastered her eyes to the ground, speaking in a low voice. “A-am I a bad girlfriend?”
“What?! No, of course not! This is not your fault. You have your views on sex and those should be respected. But having said that… it doesn’t stop Sasuke from getting sexually frustrated. I’m sure that if you just talk it out with him, everything will go well.”
Hinata looked at Kiba who wore a hopeful smile on his face. “Thank you, Kiba.”
Kiba grinned. “We haven’t been friends for 10 years for nothing you know.”
****
When Hinata and Kiba entered the seminar class, Hinata’s eyes darted to see where her boyfriend was sitting. But he was nowhere to be found. Her shoulders fell as the anticipating left her. Kiba nudged her shoulder.
“Don’t worry.”
Hinata nodded as she took a seat with Kiba by a four-man table, leaving the two spots for Sasuke and Naruto.
When the two boys walked in, Hinata’s excitement re-surged. She felt her heart beat faster at how tightly Sasuke's shirt was hugging his lean figure. Knowing the type of chiseled abs lay beneath that made her blush. She at times forgot how hot her boyfriend was!
When they reached her table, Hinata parted her lips in until Sasuke spoke first. “Sorry, I’ll be sitting at the end this time.”
Although he smiled at her, Hinata’s face fell as he continued his walk with Naruto. She watched him take a seat at the back where Ino and Sakura were sitting. Sakura immediately brightened when Sasuke took a seat next to her. It made Hinata uncomfortable as she knew how big of a crush Sakura has on Sasuke. Yes, has. Sakura never claimed to be over Sasuke, and it was because of that, that they never spoke again. Well, he only said this time so…
****
It was not the only time. Sasuke had downright avoided her the whole day. Because Sakura and Ino were best friends and Naruto and Ino were a couple, Sakura had tagged along with them the entire day. She even caught Sakura entwining her arm with Sasuke’s. Who did she think she was?!
Kiba wasn’t in the same evening class as hers and she was bummed because she was sitting all alone. It was rather embarrassing as it had always been her and Sasuke. She was getting stares and could hear the whispers coming from all sides. She was hoping that she would get a chance to drag Sasuke into the seat next to hers.
As her boyfriend walked in, she stood up. “Babe, would you-”
“Sas-u-keee!” Sasuke made a grimace as Sakura attacked him from behind with her arms, pushing him forward and away from Hinata.
She could sense a new round of whispers coming along and took her seat as a result. He really had reached his limit. She cursed herself for being so prone to cry for she a single tear drop escaped her eyes and dropped on her phone screen as she was typing away to Kiba. He had called Sakura a bitch first of all, and then told her to relax and that he had his reasons but… Hinata looked at where Sasuke and Sakura were sitting on a table alone. Naruto and Ino weren’t in the same class either.  
Hinata sighed. She was determined to speak with him after classes.
*****
Hinata had hurried out of class to make it to the parking lot where Sasuke’s car was. He was going to be here any minute and hopefully they could make up. Maybe today would be the day she finally let go of her traditional views. Maybe-
“Sasuke, you are too funny. Haha, stop.”
“Eh…” Hinata watched as Sakura was tailing behind Sasuke. She grabbed Sasuke’s muscular arm and gave it tight squeezes, practically ogling all over it.
****
Sasuke came to an abrupt stop when he found his beautiful girlfriend standing by his car. He knew she wouldn’t leave without an answer. He removed his arm from Sakura’s hold and ignored her annoying grin.
“Sasuke, remember the party is on Friday at my house.” She clapped his shoulder. He didn’t notice the sly smirk she slid at Hinata before she skipped off.
*****
Hinata bit down on the tears. She wanted to cry. She really wanted to run over and claim Sasuke’s as hers and hers only. But… was he still hers after today?
“Babe.” She started, nervously looking down at her feet.
“Sorry, I’m really in need of some sleep-”
“Then let’s!” She cut him off, her voice screaming desperation. She took a couple steps forward, placing her fingers at the biceps Sakura’s hands had grabbed. “Let’s go home together. We can stop by the grocery store to buy c-”
“No,” he held his hand up, “baby, I think I need a break.”
… … …
“A break?...”
Sasuke nodded. “It’s only for this week. Don’t worry, we will still be partners for the project.” He planted a soft kiss on her cheek before opening the door to his car.
“Baby… Sasuke, wait. I’m sorry, I-”
“No, Hinata. I really need this break.” He said as the last thing before she saw him drive away.
He… needed a break. That’s what he had said. A break. From her. His girlfriend. Hinata allowed the tears the run down her cheeks as she hugged her frame in an attempt to comfort herself. She held out of hope that it was only going to last a week. Only a week and then she would show Sasuke how much she meant to him in a way that both of them would benefit from.
****
It was Friday and Hinata had finally decided that in order to show Sasuke how much she meant to him, she would attend the party at Sakura’s. She wasn’t a party person. In fact she loathed anything that involved alcohol, weed and drugs. But she knew that Sasuke only drank. So did Kiba, so she was going to tag along with him for tonight.
She settled for a tight-fitting black dress that reached her laps. She tied her hair in a bun and threw a wool jacket on. She dialled Kiba’s number.
“Yes, Hinata?”
“I’m ready, Kiba.”
“Huh?”
“For the party?”
“It’s still 9pm, though.”
“Yeah, the party already started. I’m worried that we’ll be late and won’t be let in.”
She heard Kiba sigh. “Good grief. I’ll meet you in an hour from now.”
“Eh? But-”
“An hour from now and that’s it.”
*Clank*
Kiba had explained that a party really starts an hour to 2 after the “official time” which Hinata found confusing. But she was doing this for Sasuke.
When Hinata stepped through the door she was close to regretting her decision. She had never been around drunk people and she now she knew why. She saw some people laying on the floor, others too busy eating each other’s faces out, one of the couples being Naruto and Ino and people doing funny stuff on top of the furniture.
She got startled at Kiba’s loud voice. “Hey, hit me up!”
“Hit up?...” She whispered to herself. She was about to ask Kiba until he was gone from her side and was chatting it up with Shino and Shikamaru. Although she was really nervous, the plan was to surprise Sasuke and spend time with him tonight. Since she couldn’t spot Sasuke anywhere in the kitchen or living room, the only solution was upstairs.
Hinata climbed the stairs and saw a door slightly open. Though she was getting nervous she could hear weird noises and she didn’t like it. She wouldn’t like to walk in on the act but if it meant-
“Yes, Sasuke. Right there…”
No… It was Sakura’s voice and-
“Nn, you’re so big. Aahh”
No. Hinata found herself standing outside of the door in the blink of an eye. She carefully peaked inside to clear the misunderstanding. Maybe it was another Sasuke. It must have been because… Sasuke was her boyfriend. Right? They were on a break now but that would all end today. Right? Right?...
“Babe…”
She saw her boyfriend laying on his back with Sakura on top of him, moaning frivolously. She was the lead and Sasuke seemed rather… unresponsive but… it was him nonetheless. She couldn’t believe this. Was he this frustrated that he would rather do it with someone else than ask her? Was he so mad at her that he didn’t even want to pressure her? Her boyfriend of 4 years was having sex with a woman that wasn’t her. Hinata flinched when Sakura faced the door and she smirked at her. When she looked away she latched on Sasuke’s lips, deliberately moaning louder.  She… Hinata was…
… back in her room with her face flat in her pillow. She had lost him. All because she didn’t let go of her views. All because she made him wait this long. It was all over now. And she could blame no one but herself.
*****
Sasuke groaned in his sleep as the sunlight became intruding. He yelped from the sharp pain that went through his head. Oh, another massive hangover. He was feeling so disoriented, he feared he would collapse if he tried to get out of his bed. Though what he found weird was the warm sensation next to him. The last he remembered was being at Sakura’s house for a pre-drink with her, Naruto and Ino. Sakura wanted him to try this new combination she had made herself. And from then everything became a blur. When he tried to think back to the events of last night his brain just hurt. So, instead he rolled over to see where this warmness was coming from.
“Sakura?!”
Sasuke sat up, immediately regretting it as his head began to spin. Sakura groaned in her sleep and calmly stretched herself out, smiling at him. “Morning, baby.”
“Don’t you ‘baby’ me, what are you doing here? What am I doing here? What’s going on?!”
“Nn, don’t yell so loud in the morning.”
Sasuke’s temper was increasingly rising. “What is going on.” He demanded with a threatening tone.
Sakura rolled her eyes. “Well, you seemed to like my drink a lot-”
“What was in that drink?!”
Sakura swallowed because she had never seen Sasuke this angry. Or angry at all. “Just a little something that I-”
“I swear if Hinata finds out!”
“Well, she kinda has.”
“WHAT?!”
Sakura sat up. “What does it matter? She is selfish for making you wait this long for sex.”
“I love Hinata! I don’t care how long it will take before she is ready. I will wait!”
Sasuke ignored the throbbing pain, the blurry vision and Sakura’s calls. He needed to get out of here. He needed to clear this misunderstanding!
****
Is what he said until he reached his home. How was he going to approach her with this? He couldn’t do it over the phone, neither did she probably want to meet with him. He would have to wait for Monday to talk to her.
****
Monday came and Sasuke was the first to arrive for the history seminar where they would be briefed on their project and whatnot. He told Naruto of what had happened who then proceeded to tell Ino who then proceeded to cut all ties with Sakura. As the class had begun to gather, Sakura hadn’t showed up but Hinata- There she was. She walked through the door looking sleep deprived with dark circles under her eyes. He internally face palmed  at what he had done to her.
When they were told to sit in their groups, Sasuke and Hinata decided to sit in the library. There was nothing but an awkward silence in the air as both were scrambling for words to say. Hinata wanted to ask Sasuke to give her another chance even when she had every right to break things off but… she knew Sasuke would never hurt her like that. But his silence was making Hinata think that he was thoroughly done with this relationship and it made her not want to speak. Sasuke was trying to read Hinata’s expression to see if it was clear to talk it through but everytime he looked she avoided his gaze.
As time went by with either doing anything related to the project, Sasuke sighed in defeat. As much as he wanted to clear the air, the project wasn’t going to write itself. Therefore he divided the tasks and made homework for each one of them. Perhaps she just needed time and he was going to give her all the time in the world.
When Hinata parted her mouth to finally say something Sasuke had spoken up first. “How about you talk about the Hokages from Konoha while I take the ones of Sunagakure. I’ll share the powerpoint with you so we can both see each other’s progress. That should allow us to work on our own.”
Hinata watched nervously as her boyfriend stood from his seat. She hurriedly stood up, grabbing his wrist. “Wait. Sasuke, I…”
Sasuke had his back to Hinata, which was a good thing. Because the sad frown on his face would have been a dead giveaway. She didn’t even call him ‘babe’ as she always did. “It’s alright. With everything that has happened, I think it would be a good thing for us to be, you know…” He trailed off. He hurriedly made his way out, trying his best to ignore her voice. He knew it was the best for both of them.
****
And so a month has gone since Sasuke and Hinata had last talked to one another. It was the last day of December and Hinata had asked Kiba to meet up at the Konoha park. She patiently waited by the swings. Though, she didn’t mind Kiba not being here yet. She has never been hurting for so long and she wanted it to end! She had convinced herself that Sasuke maybe needed time but seeing as he never even texted her to ask how she was must have meant that he moved on from her. Maybe he suggested this idea because he wanted to make it official with Sakura. Maybe-
“Stop making such a face.” Kiba knelt down to her level, removing the bangs from her head. “It doesn’t suit you.” He smiled at her.
Hinata’s lips were wavering. The stream of tears were already falling when she parted her lips. “Kiba!” She cried.
Kiba chuckled as he let her continue. “I don’t care about traditions anymore. I just want Sasuke, my baby, back. I don’t care about what happened at the party because I know he had his reasons. He has been sexually frustrated for so long and couldn’t even tell me because he knew how I felt about it.”
“So,” he said, placing his hands by his hips, “go and tell him what you just told me.”
“But… he probably doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore…” She wiped her tears and dried her cheeks.
“You silly girl,” he stared Hinata in the eyes, “you know that’s not true. He loves you.”
“Kiba…” Without a second thought, Hinata rose from her seat and dashed towards Sasuke’s house.  
While watching her go, Kiba dialled a number.
“Hello?”
“Yeah, you there? She’s on her way. How are things going over there?”
“He hasn’t- wait, I’m getting a call. It’s him. Be right back.”
Kiba hung up, smiling in the direction where Hinata had ran off to.
****
“Naruto, I really messed it up, didn’t I?”
“Well, it was my idea so-”
“It’s all your fault!” Sasuke yelled over his phone. Because of this stupid test, he had lost the one thing he cared for the most. Hinata. His beloved girlfriend. He should have never suggested that they work on their own. A didn't hadn’t by where he didn’t regret saying that. He missed her. More than anything. There was no way she was going to come back to him. Especially since she never once called or texted him.
“And you agreed to it.”
“Naruto!”
Naruto chuckled. “What are you feeling right now?”
“Feeling?” Was he kidding? “I’m mad! I might have lost the best thing that has ever happened in my life. All because of what? My sexual needs. I  get it, I get it. It’s understandable but… what does that matter if it means that I won’t get to be with Hinata again? I just want to hold her, kiss her, cuddle with her. I will wait for as long as she wants me to.”
“So how about you just say that?”
“But… she’s probably…”
“There you go again making the weirdest assumptions. Just give it a try. I saw her by the park, maybe she’s still-”
*Clank*
“Boy, he could have let me finish.”
****
Sasuke hadn’t given Naruto the time to finish because he hurriedly threw on a pair of pants and a t-shirt and rushed out. The most important thing to remember was a boxed case.
As he neared the horizon, a voluptuous figure became more clear. Her lavender hair dancing with the wind as the evening sun enhanced her pale complexion. “Hinata!”
“Sasuke!”
The two fell into each other’s arms, hugging one another tighter than they have ever held. Hinata nuzzled her face in his embrace as she had longed for this more than anything. To be held by her one and only love, Sasuke Uchiha. “Babe…” She cried.
“Baby..” He said.
“I’m sorry.” They chorused, simultaneously looking at each other. They both fell back at the other’s confession. Hinata finally being the first to speak.
“I’m sorry for making you wait this long. I love you! I love you more than anything else and I don’t want to lose you to my traditional views of sex. So…” She trailed off, trying to find the appropriate words. When she was about to speak, she felt his soft finger on her lips.
“Don’t apologize. I will wait for however long you want me to. If it means that you’ll still be my side then I will wait.”
“Sasuke…” Hinata stood on her toes and kissed him passionately, sticking her tongue in his mouth in no second.
Sasuke groaned by Hinata’s aggressive kiss but did not falter as he reciprocated, holding her closer to him.
When both were running out of air, they separated. Hinata pouted when Sasuke slowly let go of her, to only fiddle in his back pocket. He brought out a mini box which he opened. It was two necklaces. “What is…”
He smiled at her as he wrung the necklace over her neck and gestured for her to do the same with him. His was the Yang symbol while hers was the Yin. He nearly closed the distance between them as he connected the two symbols.“Oh, Sasuke.”
“Baby, I love you. You bring the light to my world. Nothing, nobody or anything will ever change that. I will always love you. Happy birthday,” he took her hands into his, “and happy 5th anniversary.
@sasuhinamonth
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purplesurveys · 4 years ago
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1013
surveys by -thoughtlessdork
Have you ever had the chicken pox? No. I’m constantly in a place of waiting for it to pass by, because everyone tells me all people are bound to have it at one point in their lives (idk how true that is, though). I am also told it gets a lot suckier as one gets older, so...not too thrilled about it at all.
how often do you do laundry? I don’t handle that chore myself, but it’s done 1–2 times a week in our house.
Have you ever been evicted? Nopes.
would you grow your own garden? I don’t see that happening. I’m a magnet for killing plants.
do you know anyone who snores? I do.
Trigger warning kinda, by the end.
what is your favorite font? Proxima Nova. It’s the default font that my org used for all documents and works-in-progress, and it ended up becoming my actual real-life favorite. I’ve always picked out that font even outside of org matters.
do you know what a wombat is? Sure.
would you make a good movie critic? Not at all. I don’t know enough about different filmmaking elements to make a reliable critic. I’ve criticized things like acting, plots, and dialogues in the past, of course; but there’s still so many things that go into films that aren’t overtly projected like lighting, symbolism, hidden meanings, etc. I don’t have a very good nose for those.
what goal are you aiming for this year? In the last 8 weeks of the year? Hmm...avoiding corona would be at the top of that list, lmao.
are you currently reading any books at the moment? No. I’ve stopped opening the book I used to constantly mention on here.
when i say foxy lady what comes to mind? Beyoncé’s character in the Austin Powers movie she was in lol; her name was Foxxy.
would you have liked to have lived during the Victorian times? Wasn’t this era like a golden age of sorts for the UK? I’d love to visit for that purpose; but given the still-horrible hygiene and living conditions for most people of the time, I wouldn’t choose to live there.
would you own a Siamese cat? No.
have you ever had an ultimate adrenaline rush? I don’t think so. I’ve had bursts of energy in the past, but I wouldn’t call any of them an ultimate adrenaline rush.
do you like deviled eggs? I’ve never had them; it’s not a common dish here. But they always look so good in the American shows I watch??? I really hope they taste as good as they look.
what tends to upset you? Hearing anything about animal abuse.
what's the farthest you've walked? I can’t give you a distance, but my parents opted for us to walk the whole time we were in Bali (except if we had a tour day which included transportation). Walking in an unfamiliar - and very humid - country and not knowing where anything is (this was before food and travel apps got as detailed as they are today) and ending up walking long stretches because you can’t locate any good local spots is a very easy way to run out of patience, apparently.
what is your favorite horror movie? Carrie was pretty fun.
what does your favorite shirt look like? It’s a twist on the Chicago flag, made black and red and with a raised fist in the middle. At the back it says “CM Punk: Best in the World.” Been my favorite and most overused shirt for the past 9 years. My friends tease me about it sometimes, but I don’t care lol, the shirt is very significant to me.
is your life like a daily routine? It is, but I prefer that it is. I like when things are in my control and, for the most part, predictable. I enjoy spontaneity in short bursts.
were you ever told as a child if you eat carrots you'll have pretty eyes? So many times.
what career are you most interested in? Communications and media, so it’s great that I’m headed there so far.
have you ever seen a rooster? Sure.
what time do you usually wake up? I wake up wake up by 7:30 or 8 AM, but I usually also wake up for a bit any time between 4–6 AM. Sometimes I choose to stay up from then, and sometimes I’d want to go back to sleep.
what do you think about religion? It’s good when people use it for good, or if it has helped save a person’s life. In my own personal experience, though, it’s beenhard to find Christians who aren’t hypocritical. So even though I see religion’s potential, I don’t have a lot of trust in believers themselves.
what made you feel most accomplished in your life so far? Graduating college.
have you ever seen a lunar eclipse? I saw the super blue blood moon two years ago, which according to a quick Google search is a lunar eclipse! So yeah, I’ve seen one.
what are you allergic to? No allergies.
do you ever feel like people hold things you do or say against you? Only my mom does this.
what can't you afford but wish you could? Front-row Wrestlemania tickets. My childhood (and now adulthood) dream is to go to Mania 50 which is only 14 years from now, but at least I still have more than enough time to save up for it. 
--
what is one word that sums up this year so far? Revelatory. ever felt like you were putting your life in danger? [trigger warning] Yes, it’s called suicidal tendencies. what do you like with your eggs? If scrambled, with cheese. If omelette...stuff that crap up with everything lol. Tomatoes, bell peppers, mushrooms, cheese, ham, bacon, and onions are all good in my book. what remedy do you partake when experiencing the common cold? The good ol’ wait-for-it-to-go-away life hack. would you ever spend a weekend in the mountains in a log cabin? That sounds amazing. I sure would. have you ever been called a psycho? No. have you ever taken martial arts? would you? No but I was always a little envious of my cousin who was taken to taekwondo class every weekend when we were kids. Sure, I’d take classes if I had the chance. who is someone you look up to? Nacho, but he’s gone now. is there something you're anxious about? I have work jitters for tomorrow, but they’re manageable for now. Otherwise I’m feeling pretty good. what is the longest you've gone without sleep? A little above 24. what is the longest you've been on the phone? This makes me cringe now, but it was like 8 hours long or something like that. It was still the ~honeymoon phase of that relationship and we were still clingy. We never did it again after that. do you care about calories? No. do you know someone with a really annoying laugh? Nah, can’t think of anyone. what band do you mostly always listen to no matter what mood? Paramore.  have you ever been to Indianapolis? Nope.
--
what type of bread do you like to eat? I eat white bread all the time, but my favorite kind is brioche. do you have any great great grandparents still living? Two greats is a bit too much don’t you think? Lmao. Anyway, my last great-grandparent died in 2010. I never knew my dad’s grandparents, and my great-grandfather on my mom’s side had died all the way back in the 70s. what is one country that you really want to visit someday? India. who usually cooks or what do you usually crave the most? Those are two different questions haha. My parents take turn cooking; and as for my craving, I find myself seeking sushi most of the time. ever been associated in a program that was a complete waste of time? Yep, like that one time I had to attend this 5-hour mandatory program/seminar before my driver’s license could be issued to me; it taught me nothing I didn’t already know about driving, and it used driving tutorials that I’m pretty sure were recorded in the 90s. This seminar took place in 2016. do weird numbers call your phone? Not regularly. Occasionally an unknown number will come in, but I reject all those. where are you right now? Sitting up on my bed. do you tend to care about other people's feelings more than your own? Yes. I really shouldn’t. what type of lifestyle do you want to obtain? if you haven't obtained it [trigger warning] I haven’t even figured out yet if I love life enough to want to stay in it. A type of lifestyle isn’t much of a priority for now. what was something that use to frighten you as a child? Getting lost at the mall. have you ever been on a train? Just once. who's been in your life the longest? did you expect this person to still be around? Apart from family, Angela. Yes, she’s here for the long haul. how do you feel about anatomy? Fascinating. I’d take a class on it. Insert interesting fact here: Read this on Reddit a few days ago, so I’ll just copy-paste the whole thing: “When Jadwiga, the King of Poland (medieval Poland referred to every ruler as King regardless of gender), was considering a marriage proposal from the Grand Duke of Lithuania, a chief concern among her court was that said Duke was rumored to have massive genitals to the point that they would kill his wife on their wedding night. Two of her councilors volunteered to travel to Lithuania to try and discover the truth of these rumors, which naturally meant they would watch the Duke as he bathed. They returned and happily reported that not only weren’t the Duke’s genitals fatally large, they were in fact a tad smaller than average, so nothing to worry about. Thus Poland and Lithuania were united, and the rest is history.” Got a chuckle out of that one when I read it that I just had to scroll through the entire thread again just to be able to share it here lmao.
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lesbianzhane · 5 years ago
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an artists history 2/? (jackie/crystal)
a/n; hello hello! i am back with another part. i am not sure if i want to make this a series or not, but i really enjoy writing these two and this cute little au! i made this part a bit longer (it’s almost 2k words wow). this part is more jackie centric, and i think it really sets the tone for the universe. if you’d like to see more, please let me know! i hope you all enjoy!
“Please don’t forget about tonight's assignment! And have a great weekend, everyone!” The last few students trickled out of the classroom as Jackie spoke, and once she was alone, a soft sigh left her lips. Don’t get her wrong, she absolutely loved her job. She adored being able to spread the knowledge she had gained through her years, and there were a few exemplary students who made everything worth it. It didn’t make her work any less exhausting though. 
As Jackie was packing up the last of her things in her bag, the small slip of paper that she not so discreetly hid poked out from under the rest of her classes worksheets. She pulled the paper from where it was hidden, glancing down at the scribbly handwriting staring back at her. 
Shoot me a text after school when you aren’t busy! I’ll be waiting impatiently! ~ Crystal
Crystal’s handwriting was so… Crystal. Her I’s were dotted sloppily, and she always seemed too excited to slow down and write neatly. Jackie wouldn’t change it for anything. Her lips quirked up into a smile and she neatly folded the piece of paper, sticking it into her bag for later. She began to leave the school. Walking through the now barren hallways. Just as she was passing the English department, a familiar face joined her. 
Jaida Essence Hall, yes the ‘essence’ was very important, was the closest colleague that Jackie had. The two of them had met during a training seminar for the school, and had been inseparable ever since. Jaida was similar to Jackie in the way that she much preferred separating her personal and professional life. In the years that Jackie had been working here, Jaida was always a constant she could rely on. The Perisian sent a small wave her way, hiking her purse up over her shoulder. 
“Chile… today has been a day.” She started, pushing a lock of beautifully silky black hair behind her ear. The rest of the staff would often complain about just how gorgeous Jaida was, and Gigi even made jokes about how one day she would put a hit out on her for being too perfect.  It made Jackie laugh, and she really couldn’t disagree with the younger teacher. 
“It sure has.” Jackie sighed softly. She hadn’t crossed paths with Jan, thank god, but she would be lying if she said she hadn’t been thinking about her. She wondered if everyone had already heard the news, if they knew that Jackie had broken the heart of the optimistic gym teacher that was always seen smiling. It ate away at her the entire today, and she was more excited to be home than she had been in awhile. 
“Heard about the shit with Jan.” Jaida approached the topic lightly, sneaking looks at the Persian every few seconds. She wanted to be careful she didn’t cross some unspoken line in broaching the topic. 
“Yeah.” Jackie kept her eyes locked forward, turning a corner down the next hall and towards the front entrance to the school. “I’m trying to ignore it. At least while I’m at work.” 
Jaida could understand that. She never was one for mixing her romantic life and her professional life, and she was surprised to find out about Jan and Jackie’s relationship. Of course, she supported them fully. Jackie was her best friend, and she wasn’t about to go and squash something down just because of her own morals. Still, it hurt to see her friend going through something alone. Just as the pair stepped out of the school and made their ways down to their cars, Jaida reached out to place a hand on Jackie’s shoulder. 
“If you ever need me, don’t be afraid to shoot me a text or call me. I’m here for you, girl.” Jackie smiled at her words, nodding softly. Jaida disappeared into her car after giving the other teachers shoulder a squeeze, speeding away a few moments later. Jackie let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding as she got into her own car.
Jackie took the folded piece of paper out of her purse, looking down at it carefully. She held her phone in one hand, fingers slightly trembling as she punched the digits in and saved it under the simple name ‘Crystal’. She waited a few moments before typing something out and promptly deleting it. She didn’t know why she was overthinking this so much, it was just a simple work project. Crystal was a nice person, she probably wouldn’t over complicate things like Jackie was. The Persian took a deep breath and typed out a message, clicking send before she could think too much about it. 
It was a simple greeting, just a quick ‘Hi this is Jackie Cox!’. It really was nothing special. Jackie placed her phone down and started her car, making her usual trip home. Usually, her and Jan would go out for coffee after a long day of work, and Jan would recall every single thing that happened that day while Jackie simply admired her. It hurt Jackie’s heart to drive past their usual coffee place, hands gripping at her steering wheel as she drove. She pulled into her apartment complex, parking outside and exiting the car. 
When she lifted her phone, she had three text messages waiting for her, all from Crystal. It made her chuckle quietly as she pushed her way inside. Abandoning her purse on the table, she stood at her counter and read over whatever Crystal was so excited about. 
Crystal: omg hi!!!!!! im so excited to work with u!!
Crystal: wait do i have to be all professional bc this is work related???
Crystal: let me try again. Hello Miss Cox! I am very excited to work on this project!
Jackie let out a breathy laugh as she read over the texts, shaking her head. Crystal sure was a personality, and it was a fresh breath to everything she had been dealing with lately. 
Jackie: You can type however you want, Crystal. I don’t mind.
Crystal: oh thank god, i didnt know how much longer i could do that professional stuff
Crystal:  speaking of, are u free tomorrow? we can meet up and start planning!!
Jackie paused. She knew she had no plans, usually Saturdays were reserved for quiet days in bed with Jan. It would be good to fill up her time, rather than wallow in the sadness of her break up. Despite the fact that she had been the one to break things off, she really did love Jan. The two of them connected in a way that Jackie never thought she would connect with someone. She shook her head, tucking a stray strand of brown hair behind her ear. 
Jackie: Yes, I’m free tomorrow.
The two of them made plans to meet up at the local coffee shop that wasn’t far from Jackie’s apartment. She silently hoped that Crystal hadn’t heard rumors of her and Jan’s break up. Of course, she wasn’t interested in any romantic relationship any time soon, but she still didn’t want the awkwardness of the topic to hang over both their heads. And she certainly didn’t want Crystal to get the wrong idea of her. 
Jackie relaxed that night, and surprisingly, no tears were shed. She was too busy thinking about what she was going to wear to her meeting with Crystal the next day. She ran a bath, sinking into the warm water and closing her eyes. Perhaps she would pair the light yellow blouse she had with a black pencil skirt. She wondered if Crystal would think she was being too professional about this. Her mind wandered off as she sunk further into her bath, lost in thought about the art teacher. 
Tomorrow would be a good day, she was sure of it.
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