#at least once a month I remember the exo version and I cry

[starsstuddedsky]

I saw a clip of dream singing open arms by journey and I actually think it’s criminal that sm didn’t drop a full video. all of their rookies should actually sing open arms. that should be the initiation ritual

[finalwuyifantasy]

how to fall in love with a kpop idol in 6 years and 1 week: an autobiography

i don’t expect anyone to read this, but i want to have it written somewhere...

i first found out about Cross Gene in 2014. according to my youtube history, considering i have no memories at all of 6 years ago, the first video i ever watched of them was Amazing Bad Lady’s MV teaser (on the day it came out, surprisingly), then the MV for it, then that goddamn dance practice. (fun fact: i kept coming back to that dance practice every week. just like i do today. i haven’t changed!) few months later they released Play With Me and Not a boy not yet a man, and i think either Billion Dolla or ZEDD was also released around that time. i watched La-Di Da-Di’s and Shooting Star’s MVs but didn’t feel too much about La-Di Da-Di, really liked Shooting Star though. that was the only 4 songs i would have of them at the time: Amazing Bad Lady, Play With Me, Not a boy not yet a man and Shooting Star. according to my twitter history, i tried learning their names with mediocre success. eventually i learned... Takuya. Takuya was kinda the only one i was obsessed with at the time. lasted a few months or so.

eventually, some time after that, i just fell out of kpop as a whole. i’d still listen to kpop songs, because you never grow out of music -- but i’ve gotten a lot less interested in fandoms, performances, variety shows, new releases, new groups, everything. i didn’t really consider myself a “kpopper” anymore, because all i had was just... yeah, i listen to kpop, but that’s literally it. i think this blog kinda reflects that. i just fell out of it completely. and i kinda forgot about Cross Gene.

two years ago, Cross Gene released Touch It and Fly. i only found out about those because Billion Dolla randomly got stuck in my head so i looked that one up and found out they had new songs. and i loved both, especially Fly. it was strange to see them without Casper but i embraced it. two years ago was also the time i started being a regular on that one guy’s stream, and he had song requests available at the time; i remember that i played Fly there twice. the first time he let it play fully, probably because he wasn’t paying attention, because the second time he skipped it after people were yelling in his chat that it was “ew kpop”. ㅎㅎ

but even after that, i also, stopped paying attention. i had Fly in my playlist for quite a while, but one day my playlist changed, and i just forgot about them again. i liked the songs they released, but i didn’t want to care more than that. i fell out of kpop, after all.

and then comes... last month. on June 1st, 2020, once again, i got Billion Dolla stuck in my head and went to listen to it (it’s always fucking Billion Dolla! why’s that song so good!). then i decided to watch ZEDD, because, i hadn’t before, and i wanted to know the plot or whatever. (it was an okay movie, but eh could have been better, anyway) little did i know this would be me jumping into the rabbit hole...

i found out they had had a comeback “recently” that i missed (Black or White, which actually came out before Touch It/Fly, but i had no idea). i read in the comments Takuya left the group last year. i was devastated. started looking up Takuya content to cheer myself up. came across one MV, then another, watched them all in a row. i remembered Amazing Bad Lady and thought to myself, how could i forget. i ended up watching probably every Amazing Bad Lady performance they have and being outraged that they banned the choreo. i found out it was the first (and possibly still only?) boy group choreo that got banned from music shows. and even with that achievement Cross Gene is unknown to the mainstream media... it felt sad. anyway, i needed more Takuya content. i started watching Abnormal Summit - only 6 years late, no big deal. i watched like 10 episodes before getting bored (poor Takuya barely got any screentime and i didn’t really care about the guests).

over a month and a half my life was all Cross Gene. i’m not sure how it happened. i watched so many live performances, probably because that’s all there is to watch. fucking hell there’s literally barely any Cross Gene content on youtube and that drives me WILD but anyway. i watched some variety shows. whatever i could find that was subbed in english really lol. i ended up listening to every single one of their songs. i’ve had their entire discography - bar for one song that i just haven’t found at all lol - playing on loop for weeks now. my playlist is only Cross Gene. i’ve fallen for them so much harder than when i found out about them 6 years ago, and i surprised myself by liking every single one of their songs. the only time i’ve had that was with Big Bang, where i liked every single song by them - at least until MADE. even EXO, and you know how deep i was into them, had several songs i would occasionally skip or just not like listening to. but not Cross Gene. every Cross Gene song is a masterpiece. and i love every single one of them.

and then... something strange happened. for the past 6 years my Cross Gene life was only Takuya, and yet... over less than 10 days... my Cross Gene life became only Seyoung.

i don’t even know if i remembered his name when i came back to them last month. there’s a high chance i didn’t. and while i was watching all those videos, performances, dance practices, variety shows - my eyes were mostly only on Takuya. so... Seyoung... how did you do it?

to be honest, i literally have no idea. it just happened. like that. woke up one day thinking about Seyoung. feels like he’s been on my mind forever. no thoughts, head empty. only Seyoung. and within a week, just like that, i've become SO IN LOVE with Lee Seyoung.

for some reason, this feels different. i was obsessed with quite a few idols in the past, but i can’t remember ever feeling for them what i’m feeling for Seyoung right now. maybe it’s because i’m older and actually have a boyfriend so it feels more mature, less crazy, more respectful. even though i’ll admit i also feel [redacted] to him which is also the first time but eh... happens i guess.

but one thing i really need to mention is... just how attached i became to him, even within a week.

when i first found out about Cross Gene, JG hadn’t been part of the group for a while. “my” Cross Gene has always been with Seyoung, not that i have anything against JG at all, of course - but i don’t have any particular attachment to him since i didn’t “grow” with him. Seyoung however, feels like a natural piece of Cross Gene to me. like he’s always been there, and like he belongs there. i can’t imagine Cross Gene without him, even though their first two albums were without him. and that brings me to...

as i said earlier, i’ve been listening to Cross Gene’s entire discography on loop for weeks on end now. this includes their Timeless albums, sung with JG. i’m used to those versions, and i don’t mind them. JG is a good vocalist and the songs are good. but everything changes when they perform them at a concert.

i watched a few concerts (whatever i could find), i’ve heard La-Di Da-Di and New Days with Seyoung, and i couldn’t really think of anything about them. i like having Seyoung there. obviously, it sounds different, as JG and Seyoung have critically different vocals, but i couldn’t think of anything else other than enjoying the performance.

then i watched their With U concert. there, they performed Sky High.

i watched knowing Sky High is a song on Timeless, so originally sung with JG. i watched full of expectations of how Seyoung’s version is gonna sound like.

in Sky High, JG’s first lines are the second part of the first chorus. that’s a full minute before he starts singing. i watched this performance with my eyes on Seyoung. the way he watches the rest of the members before his turn comes.

i had no idea what was gonna hit me.

Seyoung started singing and i started crying. literal tears in my eyes. i don’t think i’ve ever cried over someone’s voice before.

it sounded so different. this wasn’t the version i’m used to, and yet, it felt so natural. it felt like Seyoung belonged there. it felt like Seyoung had been singing this song forever. it felt like this was Seyoung’s song. i felt like i wanted him to keep singing it forever.

and so i cried while listening to this performance. between Seyoung’s beautiful voice, the energy with which he sang and danced, the overall feeling of the performance... i was a complete mess.

there’s someone in the comments of that video saying that they can’t accept Seyoung as a replacement for JG’s parts. this honestly made me realize how deeply attached i am to Seyoung. there’s people who don’t want to hear him sing JG’s parts because they sound too different, and there’s me who cries as soon as he sings two words.

i love Seyoung... i love Seyoung so much.

his nickname within the group is ‘Miracle Gene’.

when i heard him sing Sky High, that’s what i thought.

he really is a miracle.

i’m so glad he’s there with Cross Gene. he belongs there.

my god, i love him so much.

[junghoshikie]

Rules: Answer the following questions. then tag other people you’d like to get to know better.

Again, tagged by @taeonie ~ ♥︎ These are a lot of fun, so thank you so much *sends kisses*

How tall are you? 171cm

What color are your eyes? Green

Do you wear contacts and / or glasses? I do wear glasses. But these days only when my eyes get too tired without them ^^

Do you wear braces? I used to.

What is your fashion style? SImple and casual. Jeans + Hoodie and I’m ok ~

When were you born?  1992

How old are you? 25

Do you have any siblings? 2 biological ones and 1 stepbrother~ ♡

What school / college do you go to? Vocational school. I’m about to become an office worker ^^”

What kind of student are you? I used to be a lazy one but I want to be better this time ....

What are your favorite subjects? German was and will always be my fave subject ~ ♡

What are your favorite movies?  Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Spirited Away

What are you favorite pastimes? Most of the time I’m just browsing tthe internet. Sometimes I like to read, but these days I really can’t concentrate enough to read for more than an hour :/

Do you have any regrets? A lot tbh. And I try not to think about them too much ...

What is your dream job? Once I finish my training I want to work in my own little bureau where I don’t have to interact with people that much. I just want to do my work in peace and earn enough money so that I don’t have to worry about my finances. And no weekend work !

Would you like to get married?  Definitely !

Do you want kids? How many? At least 2 but 3 would be perfect.

How many countries have you visited? I’ve been to: Korea, Denmark, England, Italy, Spain, France, Netherland and Sweden. I guess that’s all :3

What was your scariest dream? I had this feverish dream when I was a kid. I fell down an endless tornado. Colors all around me and random objects flying around and only missing me by centimeters. My whole skin began blowing up like a balloon and I couldn’t scream. My voice was all gone. I started to cry and suddenly there was my sister together with my moms boyfriend (at that time). He started to beat her up. Over and over again. I wanted to help her, yell at him. But nothing. I could just watch. After waking up I ran up and down our house, crying and searching for my sister (my moms boyfriend was a really bad guy). I searched for about 10 minutes until I found my mom who told me she was in her room. I never told my mom about my dream, but I was so happy to be in her arms that time. And a few months later my mom broke up with her boyfriend and it was the best day of my life. (He never beat us up in real life but oh man, his words and actions still haunt me)

Do you have a boyfriend / girlfriend / significant other?  *sighs in single* nope

Put your playlist on shuffle and without skipping list the first 15 songs 🎶. 1. Run - Epik High 2. All Night - f(x) 3. SKIT: One night in a strange city - BTS 4. OUTRO - BTS (Wake Up) 5. Go Back - 2PM 6. Remember - APink 7.  3분의1 (3 out of 1) - Infinite 8. Shake It - Sistar 9. Lady (High Society) - Epik High 10. Miracles in december (Classical Orchestra Version) - EXO 11. 벅차 (Too much) - B1A4 (Sandeul + Gongchan) 12. 너에게 미쳤었다 (I was crazy about you) - 2PM 13. Rhythm After Summer - EXO-CBX 14. More Girls Like You - Kip Moore 15. 그땐 그냥 (Just Back Then) - Kara

I tag (you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to ♡): @actualsunshinejunghoseok, @confidenceatitsfinest, @hohbi. @prince-hobis-castle, @kiddobethany, @dibidibidismynameisjhope, @artsyhobi