#at least i have food. im gonna eat plenty and take care of myself. it's the least i can do to try to make things okay.

[fluffydragon22]

2.13 : The Sudden Shift

I woke up at 5 am the next morning. My legs were already fine but i could feel that i was sweating so much when i slept. But i couldn't remember when i fell asleep.

I got up and made a cup of hot tea. It was still early in the morning so i had plenty of time to just enjoy the view. The letter that i wrote was still there. Nothing's changed in the room, so i took a conclusion that the observer didn't appear when i was sleeping.

Hours passed, the sun started to rise, and the street started to get crowded as people began their Saturday. But there were no replies from Lily after i sent a good morning text. So i decided to go outside just to enjoy a bit of walking.

I walked towards the train station. I didn't have any destination that i had to go to. So i just tapped my card, got into the station, and waited for a commuter line to the city center. When the commuter line arrived, i quickly got in and found a seat. It was Saturday after all so there were not as many people as it was like the weekday.

After getting off the train, i got into my favourite restaurant near the station to have some breakfast. The place was a bit crowded but luckily i found a seat. I ordered a glass of milk and a fried rice. Then i started to read the novel that i brought with me, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, which was written by Haruki Murakami.

After about an hour, i put the book back in my bag and paid for my food. Then i walked towards the park. Along the way, i checked my phone and there were no messages or calls from anyone.

"Perhaps i'm invisible, perhaps i only become exist when people need me." I whispered to myself.

But it was true, at least that was how i felt it back then. Everytime my friends planned something, i would be the last to be invited. Sometimes Sarah would be the only one to invite me on the last minute. But i wasn't mad, even if i had the chance, i wouldn't get mad. There was no clear reason for me to get mad at my friends. After all, being invited was already more than enough.

I arrived at the park and sat down on the bench overlooking the small lake. The park was a bit crowded but i found a place which had the least number of people. I sat there while drinking my mineral water.

It was a beautiful day. The clouds seemed to be tired to show up. So the blue colour filled the sky. It was beautiful outside, but inside me, it wasn't so beautiful. At least that's how it was that day.

Shortly after 1 pm, i decided to go back to my place. I took the same route, took a train, and walked aimlessly around my university. The dark clouds were moving towards the west and it could be raining any moment. But i didn't care. If i go back to my place, i couldn't enjoy the rain.

As expected, the rain was pouring down around 1.35 pm. I decided to wait for the rain under a bus stop so my clothes and my bag wouldn't get soaked. There were only four people in the bus stop. They all seemed to be disappointed because of the rain.

Suddenly, my phone rang. I thought it was a phone call, turned out it was a couple of messages. Which was from Lily. I was surely a bit surprised then hurriedly opened the message.

"Hi Adrian, i'm sorry about last night, and today." She said in her first message.

"Can we have a video call tonight?" She asked in her second message.

Without wasting time, i replied her message.

"No no, don't be sorry, it's okay. Of course we can. Just let me know the time." I sent the reply.

But then, no reply came. The rain stopped about 30 minutes later and i decided to go back to my place as quickly as possible. As soon as i arrived, i changed my clothes, threw the one i just used to the basket, and made myself a cup of hot tea.

As i'm watching the rain fell down through the window. I thought about my friends. How i've been left out by them, how i've been 'thrown out' of the groups quietly and slowly. But the more i thought of it, the more i realized that i should be the one to blame for that. How i declined a few invitations from them because the schedule collided with my schedule with Lily. Nobody should be blamed except me.

"Why didn't you come to Rachel's house?" David asked me sometime when we were still in vacation period.

"Uh sorry man, i had a date as well with Lily." I answered him.

"That was the third time you didn't come because of going for a date." He said. I saw a disappointment on his face.

"Well i will come on the next time, surely." I told him awkwardly.

But as most of the things in our lives, three is the limit of the chance that will be given before the opportunity itself gone. I guess i didn't stand another chance within them.

I kept remembering it as the day turned into night. The rain was still falling down and quickly became the music of the night. Then i started to hit by headache and sneezing unstoppably.

At 9, Lily videocalled me and i answered with right away. She looked tired and i gave her a few words that i usually did to cheer her up. Long story short, it didn't work. I was terribly bad at giving some support to people. But about 20 minutes into the call, she noticed that i had a fever.

"You have fever?" She asked me.

"No i don't, it's just, you know, sneezing." I answered, but my voice was already different.

"Go take some rest, goodnight." She said and instantly turned off the call.

I just stared at the screen for a very long time after she turned the call off. Thinking why the fever had to come at this exact moment. But little did i know, the fever itself, was the beginning of my downfall in college.

Exactly three days later, the fever didn't stop. I started to get hit by another symptoms such as losing the appetite, massive weight loss, no strength even to just walking, etc. But somehow until the fourth day, i kept going into the class like nothing happened. On the afternoon during the fourth day, Sarah asked me to accompany her to the supermarket just a few blocks down the road from her place.

"Hi, i hope you're not busy this afternoon because im gonna treat you. I'll wait for you in front of the Library after 4." She said in a voice message.

After my class was over, i straight up went to the Library and waited for her. As usual, she showed up on time.

"Adrian, you look bad. You got fever or something? Have you eaten anything? Can you walk? You want me to take you to your place?" She asked so many things in one breathe, just like how she usually did whenever she got worried.

"I'm okay Sarah. I can accompany you to the supermarket, but buy me something, okay." I answered, i tried to smile but i assumed that i looked more like someone who tries to hold the pain rather than smiling.

"You look pale, you know that?! No way i would take you to the supermarket." She shouted at me. Luckily nobody was around us at that time.

"Chill sis, i walked my way from class to the library. So i can say i'm good to go. No, i don't accept any answer other than okay let's go. Got it?" I told her.

"Huh if you pass out, don't blame me, do we have a deal?" She asked me after a long thinking.

"I won't, but mom surely would ask you." I answered her question and proceeded to grab her tote bag. She carried too much stuff for somebody who wanted to go to the supermarket.

"Mom will definitely believe me more than she believes you." She said as we walked towards the station. The supermarket's shortcut was located right besides the station, so we didn't have to walk that far.

She bought many stuff that afternoon, she labeled it as monthly shopping. Shampoo, toothpaste, lots of canned food, vegetables, drinks, you name it all. Meanwhile i bought some canned food like the one she bought, a few chocolate bars, eggs, and some vegetables that i would cook that night. After that, she took me to the food court to get something to eat.

"Are you okay? Still have strength to get back to your place?" She asked me as we ate our food. I bought a plate of rice and grilled chicken, while she bought a bowl of meatballs.

"Yes, i'm totally okay. See, i told you i could make it." I said proudly.

"Journey hasn't finished yet, monsieur." She said.

"Just a short distance left so no probs, right." I asked her.

"I hope so, i do hope so." She said as she exchanged her bowl with my plate. Tradition, we called it.

"Lily knows?" She asked again.

"No, she is just, busy, i guess." I answered as i took a spoon of meatballs.

"She always busy, huh?" She asked me.

"I don't know..." I answered. I wanted to continue but i couldn't find any words.

"She always had time, back then, right? Why she suddenly gets busy? It's like she suddenly shift her focus off you, don't you think so?" She asked me again.

"I suppose. But i don't want to disturb her. I mean i text her every morning, afternoon, and night. But there are no interest from her." I told Sarah as she enjoyed every bite of the grilled chicken.

"Oh my oh my, my Adrian, don't get trapped again, please. I've known you better than any of your friends, and your girlfriend, and i will always know you better." She stopped for a while to sip her lemon tea.

"How difficult for you to get up from your lowest point, how long it takes, how hard you do it, i know it better than her. For your own good, get the things straight with her. Don't take someone who act like you're a temporary option seriously." She continued.

"But i love her." I said.

"That's a poor excuse. You do know that i love you, right? So that's why i tell you this. Because i care about you. Perhaps more than you care about yourself. More than she does. If you get hurt while you're with somebody and they don't even try to change it, why you should stay?" Sarah asked me as she looked at me deep in my eyes.

I was at lost for words. Everything she said was true. But something inside me resisted it. Suddenly what the observer told me back then coming back.

"Be careful, things started to unfold." The observer's voice echoed in my head.

"I need you to think about it, okay bro?" Lily told me as she tilted her head while looking at me. I felt safe everytime she did it, i didn't know the reason of it.

"Now let's go home. You need some rest." She stood up and took my hand.

"If Lily sees us, i guarantee you she will be mad." Sarah laughed as we were holding hands.

"If that's the case, i don't care about what she says though. We've been doing this since we were kids." I told her. Then we walked outside the supermarket heading towards our place.

We were lucky enough to find our places next to each other. So basically we see each other everyday. That night, we walked for about half hour side by side. Talking about many things, laughing at the old times. Sometimes i asked her to stop to rest for a minute. Then, we arrived at Sarah's place and i gave her the stuff that i carried.

"If anything happens tonight, call me straightaway." She said as she opened the gate.

"Copy that, mademoiselle." I told her.

"I mean it. Don't forget. I will come to check you out at 8 tomorrow. Get some rest, don't play videogames." She said.

"No worries, i will let you know. An hour of play won't be a problem though. Don't you think?" I told her with a bit of laugh.

"Gonna kill you if you do that." She told me as she showed her fist.

"Wow wow chill. I won't play tonight so don't worry. See you tomorrow." I said as we waved to each other.

After cooking some vegetables and canned food, i ate it while looking at the half moon on the sky. No messages from anyone. Only messages about assignments and so on in group chats. My parents had some stuff to take care abroad and hardly contacted me. However, 10 minutes later. My phone rang with a message showing up. It was, unexpectedly, from Lily.

"How are you doing? Are you okay??" She asked me in her message.

"Yep i'm okay. But..." I stopped typing to think about the appropriate words.

"Tell her everything you feel." A voice said. The observer has showed up.

"Not gonna happen tonight. Gotta rest so i will just skip the detail." I told him.

"Your choice. But seriously, it's better if she knows about it, right? Good for your recovery, too." The observer said.

"Let's see what will happen in the next 7 days, then i will decide." I told him. I was running out of strength to say anything.

"Yep, i'm okay, but i will see what happens tomorrow. It's not that bad but not that good either. How about you? Are you okay?" I sent her the message.

"Well well, i can't wait to see it then. Get some rest, be tough. I will comeback tomorrow after you finish your business with Sarah." The observer said as he disappeared.

"Huh, that's fast, observer." I told him before he completely disappeared.

"Let me know if anything happens. Take some rest tonight, don't play any games. Just, take as much as rest as you can, okay? I'm okay here so don't worry about me." She replied.

"Okay Lily, understood. I'm sorry i made you worry." I replied.

"No no, don't be sorry. You have to focus on getting healed, okay? Now sleep. Good night Adrian. I will sleep as well so hopefully we'll meet in our dream." She said and followed by a love emoji.

"Ummm okay Lily. Hopefully we can haha. Good night, I love you, I miss you." I sent my last messages at that night and closed the curtain, put my phone down, turned the light off, and pulled my blanket.

I fell into a dreamless sleep. I woke up every one hour with a massive headache and pain on every inch of my body. As the night grew deeper and darker, i found that it was more difficult to sleep. Fortunately, i fell asleep back just before 3 am. But in the morning, every part of my body seemed to collapse. I lost my apetite completely and it was difficult to get up, even to move my hand seemed to be impossible. The downfall was completely started to take place overnight.

[otterbeesfanficblog]

When neutron stars collide

(Bakugou Katsuki x Reader)

EDIT: I HATE MYSELF 2020 

Part 2: When A Star Chooses To Shine

Part 1: Steps Before The Starting Line Part 3: Compare And Contrast Part 4: From Where We Stand Part 5: You Would Be Angry Too...

[One week later]

"No, Riji, you can't have my eyeballs." You deadpan to the man next to you.

"Maybe next time." He sighed with a smile.

Oddly enough, that wasn't one of the weirdest things you've had to say to someone, especially Riji. He was an older man, late 40's early 50's, and he was homeless just like you. 

He would oftentimes find things for you and give them to use, hoping to trade with you for something. That something could range from a simple smile to wanting your molars and your left kidney, but he never did let you give him anything.

He liked to pretend he was out of his mind like he was gonna sell you on the black market or something, but he was actually really sweet and giving. You weren't the only one he gave things to, there were plenty of people living on the streets, some were worse off than you.

He was your number one supporter from you signing up for UA, he helped you forge a lot of documents to get in and gave you his clothes so you could look at least a little bit decent.

Today you were walking with him to the for sale house to look in the mailbox, hopefully, the UA letter was there. You had been checking on and off the whole week, among other things. Riji wanted to come with you today since you both were also scouting for food, which happened to be coming your way.

Along the sidewalk you were on was a man selling takoyaki, which was surprising to you. There weren't many people willing to sell off the streets were you lived since ya know... homeless people. But you allowed yourself to watch him with a watering mouth and a growling stomach. 

The man appeared to be selling in front of his store, so he was walking in and out with things for his cart. You and Riji watched him disappear into his store then you both made your move, taking handfuls of takoyaki when no one was looking, then quickly walking away as if nothing happened.

You both waited till you were fair enough away to begin eating, but you sighed in joy upon eating your first one.

"Ah, I can't remember the last time I had something good that was hot."

Riji chuckled, stuffing two in his mouth with a hum.

"You said it, kid. Hey, you think the letter finally came today?"

You sigh, slowly eating more as you turn the corner down the street that you walked on with Kiri a week ago.

"Probably, right? It's been a week already..."

You both continued down the street, quietly eating your ... well, breakfast/lunch. You thought back to all the things you had imagined would happen when applying for UA.

You thought they would immediately know you were homeless and have never been to an actual school before, you thought they would have sent you away immediately. You had no records at all, not even a birth certificate. At least... not one with you.

You imagined by now they had already looked through the many systems they had and found you... 

You were 5 when you ran away from the foster home, from there you grew up alone on the streets. It was hard, so very hard. Everyone pitied you, looked down on you, some even tried taking advantage of you. As that young kid, you meet All Might, and you thought everything was going to be okay.

He said he would come back for you, said you needed to have faith in him and to stay where you were.

You waited.

And waited.

And waited.

As the years went by, you gave up on waiting. You grew bitter and angry, at All Might, at heroes in general, at the world. You did some foolish things when you were in that stage of anger, somethings you wished someone would have slapped you back to reality.

As soon as the anger dulled, you were left numb and wondering why you were even trying anyways. 

Your birth mother didn't want you, your birth father didn't want you, the foster home didn't care about you... the number one hero didn't even care about you. You just wanted it all to end.

Then, something hit you. Whether it was pride or anger or both, you screamed at the world to come at you with everything you had. You weren't going to give in, not when you went so far on your own.

UA, a school where they thought students to be heroes. 

You would become a hero, to prove to the world you were worth the air your breathe. You were gonna prove to Japan that they won't forget who you are, you'll have everyone know your name.

With or without approval. 

You came upon the house and you ventured to the mailbox, reaching inside, your fingers touched paper. You pulled it out with a shaky hand and looked at it, it was a letter and the letter was addressed to you... from UA high.

If you got it, you would have a good path to start.

If you didn't get in, you would make the world know your name somehow.

"Come on, kid, you got me fallin' off my chair in suspense."

Riji snapped you out of your thoughts, giving you a confident and eager smile. You nod to him and let out a sigh, you glare at the letter before starting it open.

You pull out the letter, it reads:

Dear Miss Uchukyuzo Y/n,

We are excited to announce that you have successfully passed the written and physical exams and have been welcomed to UA High! We would also like to congratulate you on earning the spot of second place in the examination results, with 42 villain points and 35 rescue points. With that said, we look forward to seeing you in April!

"I..." You stare at the paper in your hands, Riji looking impatiently at you.

"Well?! What's it say!?"

"I... got in."

You were suddenly off the ground and sent high into the air by a cheering Riji, you couldn't stop the smile that graced your face as you laugh and let Riji toss you in the air.

 "THAT'S MY LITTLE Y/N! I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!! IM SO PROUD OF YOU KID!"

He let you fall into his arms one more time before setting you down and pulling you into a tight hug, which you return with heated cheeks.

"Ah, look at you! Going to high school! Hardly the little girl I meet 3 years ago, so grown now."

You looked up at him, feeling your chest tighten as he looked at you with a smile and glossy eyes. You shake your head and frown.

"Riji, are you-?"

"I know you don't like asking for help, Y/n." He stated, letting his fingerless gloved hands fall on both your shoulders, looking intently at you. 

"But don't let that pride stop you from gettin' off these streets, ya hear?"

You sigh and drop your eyes to the ground.

"Riji-"

"I mean it, Y/n." He squeezes your shoulders. "You're too good to be living on the streets scrounging for scraps like a common rat."

You knew he was right, deep down you wanted nothing more than to have a real home with real food and real clothes. But you also couldn't drown the self-hate either, at least not yet. 

Looking back down at the letter you realized you didn't finish reading.

It has also could to our attention that you have no prior school records or any emergency contacts, with this in mind we would like to meet with you and/or a guardian upon you receiving this letter. 

When you get the letter, as long as it is within working hours, we would like to meet immediately to discuss this. 

You then wished you hadn't eaten anything at all as your stomach flipped and churned in horror and fear.

You knew they wouldn't gloss over that, they couldn't. What kind of school would expect an unknown kid with no history?

"Kid?"

"They want to meet with me." Bringing a hand up, you rub your eyes and frustration. Riji looks at you with concern and a tiny bit of protectiveness.

"Why?"

"They're wondering why a kid who ranked second in their hero exam doesn't have any prior school records." You glare at the letter, crushing it in your hands and shoving it in your pockets. 

It was near early afternoon so you had plenty of time to get there, but you couldn't stop the groan that left your mouth.

"Damn it..."

"Want me to come with?"

You knew Riji would lie his ass of plus ten-fold and then some for you, as he had many times for you, but you shook your head.

"No, it's best not to lie and dig a deeper hole. I'll try and avoid lying but... if I need to..."

"Be careful, kid." Riji ruffled your hair, giving you a tight smile and thumbs up. "I'll be waitin' for ya."

"Thanks, Riji."

"Can't let that perfect spleen go to waste, that thing could make me rich."

"Aaannndd I'm leaving."

------

It was more daunting than the first time you came.

You weren't someone who was afraid to admit things like fear, anger, and sadness, but you weren't someone that would let that stop you anymore either. So, with a deep breath, you made your way into the school.

It was empty, not a single person could be seen walking around. You were sure people were here, otherwise, you would have been stoped at the gate.

"Can I help you?"

You jumped a little at the suddenness of the voice, but turning around you felt heat begin to rise to your face.

After your traumatizing experience with All Might, you had difficult opinions on heroes. But there were a few heroes you still believed in and even admired, and you were embarrassed to admit it but as a child, you may have crushed on them as well.

The man standing tall in front of you just happened to be one of those heroes.

Eraserhead.

His long raven hair ran down his back and some over his shoulders with a tuft in the middle of his face, his familiar scarf wrapped around his neck, and he was clothed in mostly black clothing.

You couldn't help but fangirl in your head as your heart raced.

Eraserhead, standing in front of you. He was so much taller than on the TVs in the shop windows. And, when you were lucky, you would see him sometimes scouting on night patrols.

"Look, kid, if you're just here to look around, you're gonna have to leave."

You let out... some kind of noise and wave your hand.

"N-no, uh, I'm here because well... I was asked to meet here?"

His eyes didn't change there uncaring stare but he did raise one of his brows. Reaching into your pocket you pull out the cramped paper, quickly uncrumpling it and showing it to him. 

You felt so dumb right at that moment, you were in clothes that were too big for you, given to you by Riji, slightly still dirty and handing him your acceptance letter that you crumped in a fit of anger.

He didn't take the paper, but he did lean forward to get a better look. He read fast, letting out a sigh and turning down the hall.

"Follow me and don't touch anything."

You quickly and quietly followed behind, having to walk a bit faster because of the leg difference you two had. He took you to an elevator and you both started to take it up the building, the elevator seemed to be a staff only elevator because he took out his phone and placed it on a sensor.

As you rode the elevator in silence, you let your eyes drift over to him once or twice... or three or four-

"If you have something to say, say it, otherwise stop looking at me like that."

You jumped at being caught and you bowed towards him.

"I'm sorry, it's just... you've always been one of my favorite heroes... I didn't know you worked here."

He glanced over at you, looking you up and down, then turned forward again, staring at the inclining numbers of the floors.

"Not many fans of me out there..."

"I honestly prefer heroes who are stealthy or work to protect rather than the offensive, front line showy heroes..."

You felt those words start to grow bitter with every word you said, thinking only about your anger towards the flashiest hero in japan who just happened to be named number one as well.

"Hmm..." 

That was his only response as the elevator stopped and the doors opened, then you began walking again. Then you had finally made it to a room, and looking at the label above the door you gulped.

"Principles Office"

"Principle Nezu is in there, you'll be having your meeting with him."

He then began walking away, and you quickly bow and thank him.

Turning back to the door, it was almost as if it was simultaneously getting close to you while also getting far away. With a shaky hand, you raised your fist and knocked on the door.

"Come in."

You shut your eyes tightly and opened the door slow, letting your head peak in first before fully walking in.

There, sitting at the desk was... someone. He looked like a mix of a mouse and... maybe a dog? ... Bear? 

"Come in, Miss Uchukyuzo. I've been awaiting your arrival."

You gently closed the door behind you and benched forward, slowly sitting in one of the chairs in front of his desk. 

He smiled at you and rested his hands together on his desk, while you sat with your hands clutched together in your lap.

"It's so wonderful to meet you in person, miss Uchukyuzo. Before we started, I'd like to congratulate you on your wonderful work in the practical exam. Second place is no small feat."

"Th... thank you, sir."

"Now, to get to the reason I made this meeting." He pulled out a folder that had your name on it, which made you wince. 

Inside were only a few sheets of paper, but the one that caught your attention the most was one that had your name and birthday.

"Normally, we wouldn't make personal meetings like this with our students. However, you have no prior school record. Nor do you have any record at all, other than what is stated on your birth certificate and the files that state your ran away from your foster home at 5 years of age."

It felt like he was reading the book to your life, soon he was going to say how you have a love for dogs.

"Tell me, Miss Uchukyozo. Why should I let you into UA?"

This question was like a bullet through your chest, like putting salt in a wound. At first, you felt ashamed, it was the natural reaction to being called out for being homeless. For being someone people looked at as either a criminal or a rat.

Then you felt angry. Why should you feel this way? As if you had willingly chosen this life, as if you didn't have a reason to run in the first place.

"If you won't take me... I'll become the number one hero some other way." Your eye grew hard as you looked at him.

If this was his way of openly denying you entry into the school after telling you you were in, you were not amused.

"Everyone has a reason for wanting to be a hero. Money, power, glory. I've been pushed down, shoved aside, forgotten so many times... Well, not anymore. I'm going to be a hero that everyone knows, that everyone trusts. I'm gonna be the hero that is there for the people that the other heroes are 'too busy' for."

You glared at your clenched hands in your lap.

"I won't sit by in the shadows as a memory anymore," You looked up at him with determined eyes, your eyes glowing a bit from your quirk. 

"I will become a hero, whether you take me in or not."

He stares at you for a moment, his face unreadable. The silence was deafening and you were about to get up since it seemed like he was telling you that you were no longer at the school.

"Well, then I suppose it's a good thing we will be accepting you!" He exclaimed, a large smile on his face as he opened his arms wide.

You felt like you were just smacked over the head, you felt yourself sweat as you hunched over and your brow twitched as you stared at him. This was one hell of an emotional roller coaster...

"What makes a hero a hero is the drive you just showed me now, and the drive you showed during your practical exam. You not only faced danger head-on, but you also worked together with a person you just meet, and you saved many in the process."

You're eyes go wide as you think back to that day, how you didn't run away from the bot even as Kirishima told you it was pointless, even as people ran. You stayed.

"Heroes can come from anywhere, no matter their past. Since, however, this is your first time in a school, we will be providing you with a few things to help you along the way."

You watched him hop out of his desk chair, walking over to a cardboard box labeled with your name, then he set it on one of the couches behind you. You stood and watched him pull out a few things, just to show you.

First, he pulled out a small card that looked to have your name on it.

"This will be your temporary library card. Once you are in school, you will have your permanent one. Not only does this card work for the school's library, but it also works for any other libraries you decide to visit outside school."

Putting it back, he pulled out a paper and handed it to you. Looking at it, it seemed to be a list of what was inside the box for you to take.

"Now, let me explain everything in this box, starting with the books."

-------

You'd never felt so tired just listening to someone for so long, he let you go after explaining... everything, including what school was going to be like. You would never complain, you liked learning new things, but... You could have just read the paper seeing as now it was pointless.

You carried the contents of the box in a UA themed school bag which he had given to you, it was mostly grey with green stripes and gold zippers. You felt off-put by something that looked so... expensive and new. 

Granted, you don't really know how much a school bag costs, but you assumed this one wasn't cheap. 

You were currently staring at the thing you were amazed by most, it was the library card. For normal people, you assumed it wasn't at all hard to get one. But for you...

Either way, you were excited to put it to use. You had learned a lot from books over the years of taking care of yourself, you had stolen many books in your time. You put them back of course, but that didn't stop you from getting in trouble at one point.

Now you had an actual card, which to you was like holding pure gold in your hands. You wanted to tell Riji all about what had happened, but you also wanted to grab as many books from the library as you could.

As you made your way to the local library Principle Nezu told you about, you had two different voices fighting in your head as you walked the sidewalk.

One was excited for the good luck you had gotten, praising Principle Nezu for his kindness and thanking whatever god was out there that gave you the chance. You could finally move forward in your life, you could finally show yourself to the world instead of hiding in dark alleys.

The other voice was pissed. Why were you suddenly given this chance? What did that 'Nezu' guy think you were, a charity case? It was sick of you taking the things handed to you by people who looked down on you. He didn't know anything about you until you went to that school, so why should you allow him to treat you any different than all the other students?

It was this tiring back and forth of being excited and angry, It was the joy of something new but the paranoia of what it will bring. You weren't new to being tricked into things, it happened more than a few times when you were a kid, but it certainly makes you wary of 'good' things.

You were then pushed to the side by a sudden force hitting your shoulder, you stumble and just barely catching yourself before falling into the street. You growl and glare at the person who knocked into you.

"Oi! Watch it asshole!"

The person quickly waved their arms around and apologized.

"Ah! I'm so sorry! I don't know what I was thinking! I wasn't paying attention and you weren't either-!! AH! No! I don't me to say you were at fault! Just that, but of us were distracted! Though, I was less so!! IamreallysorryIwasjustonmywaytothestoreand--"

He started rambling, and you looked more closely and actually recognized him.

"Hey," You stop him mid-rant, catching him off guard. "Aren't you the green-haired freckle boy that got called out during exam orientations?"

If you looked closely, you could see his soul leave his body. His whole face went red and he covered it, poorly, with his hands.

"Y-yeah... that... was me."

You rubbed your shoulder and chuckled, thinking back to really how embarrassing that was.

"Sorry, didn't mean to bring that scaring memory back up. I get how embarrassing that was, I felt it from where I was too."

He nods while you could practically see sweat pour out of him in bucket amounts, he was still red in the face and you held back on calling him a tomato. Really, if it was anyone else, you would have walked off already. But he was someone that had done the exam, and you hadn't talked to Kiri since you left a week ago.

"I just got back from UA actual. This may be too personal since we just met, but did you make it in?"

He quickly stopped blushing and stood straight, looking you in the eyes, then looked down and spoke in a sad tone.

"I... don't know, I haven't gotten my letter yet."

You hum, nodding. You could understand his disappointment, it's a pretty big thing for you as well.

"Well, if someone like me got in, there's no doubt in my mind you made it in."

You give his shoulder a pat, and he looked at you with a blank but also calculating excretion. 

"Someone like you?"

You decide not to answer, giving him one last smile before turning away, then you stopped. Turning back you saw him looking at you expectantly, the back of your mind asking you why the few guys you've met already act like cute dogs.

"By the way, what's your name, or should I just keep calling you green-haired boy with freckles?"

His cheeks flushed as he looked at you with wide eyes.

"Eh! My names Midoriya Izuku!"

You smile, testing out the name on your tongue.

"Midoriya Izuku... Cute. Names Uchukyozo Y/n, but you can just call me Y/n."

You give him one last smile before turning down the street again, making your way as you mumbled to yourself, not at all aware of the teenage boy you just flustered to no end behind you.

"Now... where was that library again?"

------

"Well, well, well. Now, who's this fancy lookin' lady?"

You roll your eyes as you make your away into the alley, it was late evening already and your new UA school bag was not only filled with stuff Principle Nezu gave you, but stuffed in were a couple of small books while you carried the bigger books in your arms that you had (legally) narrowed from the library.

Riji looked you up and down like you were someone he's never seen before, so naturally, you play along.

You pretend to do hair flip since you were holding books, and you walked with your head held high and chest puffed.

"Why, it is I, queen who-gives-a-fuck the third. I've come from the land of stick-up-your-ass to announce I'm better than everyone, with my piles of money that I stole from lower class people to make me feel better about never being loved."

Riji put a hand to his chest as he gave a hearty laugh, patting you on the shoulder as he walked you over to the entrance of your 'home'.

"Well, kid, I'm assuming it went well. Seeing as you came back with more than you left with unless you stole all that. In which case, I'm proud of you."

You laugh and shake your head, looking down at and readjusting the books in your arms. 

"They let me in, they were just a little confused as to why I've never been to school before... they didn't ask, just... prepared me for what it was going to be like."

Riji smiled and nodded, closing his eyes and putting a hand to his chin in thought. 

"Ah, school. I remember when I went to school."

You gently set your books down on the ground that wasn't too dirty, then looked back up at him.

"You went to school?"

"Ha! I know, right? I don't look the part, but I went to school pretty regularly. That, of course, was before my old man married a troll who kicked me out as soon as I turned 18."

You leaned against the wall on your shoulder, looking at him sadly. You knew he didn't have the best life, no one on the streets did, but you also heard how close he and his father were. That he grew up just fine before his father remarried and he got kicked out, after that he couldn't really start out from anywhere since he had nowhere to live. 

It's hard to find a job when you had no home, as employers just assumed you were on the streets for a bad reason and don't want to hire 'thugs'. You knew from personal experience.

"Were you good? In school, I mean."

He rubbed and sighed, looking off to the side.

"Not really, I was average at best. But, my old man didn't care as long as I was actively trying."

"What was it like?" You began to feel intrigued. "I got about a 2-hour lecture from a mouse/bear/dog Principle today about what it's like, but... I trust you more."

"A what?" He raises his eyebrows at you, but you shook your head.

"I'll tell you later, what was it like?"

"Well, it's hard to say what it will be like for you, school's different for everyone. For me, it was just... routine. I never joined clubs or did anything in school outside of what I was told so, it was always really plain for me."

Hearing this made you deflate a little, you had hoped to hear something better than that. As if he heard your thoughts, he shook his head.

"But, I knew some people who said school was the best thing ever and then never wanted to leave. They joined clubs, did activities, made friends, made plans with those friends, some even became good friends with their teachers."

Riji looked down at the pile of books you had, leaning over and picking up the one on top. The title read, "Astronomical theories: Black and white wholes to time travel.". He gently smiles at this, weighing the book in his hand which had to be over 2000+ pages. 

He looked you in the eyes, and you looked back confused. You weren't really sure what he was seeing, he put the book down and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"School is what you make it. If all you do is the bare minimum, like me, all you'll do is drift threw. If all you do is complain about the learning or the studying or the people, you'll live to hate school. Or... You could find things you like, do things you like, make friends."

"Friends..." You thought back to Kiri, the sweet golden retriever like boy who basically saved your life during the practical exam. You also thought about the green-haired boy, Midoriya, who seemed to be a sweet boy as well if a bit nervous. You smiled at this thought. "Yeah, friends."

"Now, you'd better rest. You have till April for school to start, right?"

You nod with a hum and gathering up your books, you slide the wood board over and slide your way in. Turning back you saw Riji pulling the wood board back to its place, giving you one last smile.

"Congrats, kid."

----

The books were piled around you, 20 had been your limit which you were okay with. 

You let out a yawn, ripping a small piece off a small food box you had and putting it in as a bookmark. You crawled out and pulled the hood of the dumpster down, ready to sleep off the long day.

Completely unbeknownst to you, a pro hero crouched on the building above your small hidden makeshift home. His goggles laid around his neck hidden in his scarf so he could watch you clearly, making sure you were alright.

He sighed at the sight of you hiding away to sleep inside a tipped over dumpster, angry that he couldn't do anything. Pulling his phone out of his pockets, he pressed a few buttons before putting it to his ear.

"... She safe... for now. .. Yes sir... Teachers aren't supposed to have favorites, especially not when school hasn't started... I'll watch her, sir. But something tells me... her star has only just begun to burn..."

[theravencawsatmidnight]

Kentarou is a delinquent werewolf who was taken in by Reader. Hes in his second year of highschool, a track kid whos involved with the wrong crowd. Till he meets the Schools volleyball Ace.

Part Four

Kyotani x Hajime

It was after school now and Kyotani was waiting for Hajime outside the school like he asked him too. Hands in his pockets and cigarette in his mouth with an angry expression on his face. He was only going for the food, thats it.   He groaned into the stone wall he was leaning on , switching his cigarette to the other side of his mouth with his tongue when Ayme ran over hugging his hips and dipping her fingertips into his pants. 

 “Let go” he told her, shimmying away  to lean back again.

“What are you doing ? we gotta get ready fo the party” she told him a little huffy.

“What party” he asked, puffing out smoke through his teeth, he could feel his wolf was agitated, he always was when Ayme was around him. 

Aymes parties were not parties, anything but; everyone was drunk or high and grinding on each other. Kyotani could not get drunk anymore since he was a werewolf so he just stuck to smoking his cigs while everyone practically threw themselves at him. He did not care much for it and often left unsatisfied each and every time.  Ayme and her friends often tried to play on his ‘ Mad Dog’ nick name during sex and it just pissed him and his wolf off more. His wolf tried to take over one time and Kyotani had to force him back down , he had never had to do it before and trying to focus while he had girls on him was not easy. He left as soon as he could to go change in the woods and kill something.

“My partry!! I told you about it at lunch!” 

“Mm..” he was looking around now.

“I know you dont drink but cmon baby.” she moved back to him touching his belt. “I promise this will be different”

 “Oh yeah?” he looked down at her puffing smoke in her face

“Ack.. yes! We were talking and… what if we let you tie us up?”

“Id tie you sluts to the bed and leave” Hajime was finally coming into view

“Hmph!” Ayme stepped back folding her arms. “Just you wait , youll show up at my door one day begging for me” her tone changed and she ran a hand down his tone chest. “And you can do whatever you want big boy”

“Am i interrupting something?” Hajime came over to see Kyotani looking very pissed off and Ayme touching his hips. 

“yes you are!” she told him “we -”

Kyotani pushed her off and started walking. “ no, were done talking”

“Hey! Kyotani! Just cuz your a third year doesn't mean you can interrupt !”

Hajimie flashed her a smile “ sorry, but i have no idea who you are” and left to catch up with Kyotani.

**

Hajime jogged over to the angry boy and slowed to a walk next to him.

“So are you gonna ask where my house is or are you gonna walk around aimlessly?” Kyo puffed some smoke looking in the other direction.

“Do you need to let anyone know your not going right home?”

“Pfft..”

“Hey uh, you think you could put that out?”

Kyotani stopped walking to give Hajime a glare, his cigarette shining bright red at the end. Hajime stopped and gave Kyotani a happy grin. “Smoking is bad man, pretty please? “

“Screw off” 

Hajime got closer, rubbing on Kyotanis side whispering in his ear . “for me? Mad Dog?”

He jumped in his skin feeling goosebumps travel from his neck to his chest . “the fucks your problem?” Kyo said moving away hitting a stone wall leaving him no options for a exit. Hajime walked over cornering him but left his left side open , 

 “Im just looking out for you.” he flashed a smile and Kyotani felt his wolf stur around in him, he felt slightly aroused as well. Why though? The fuck. This was just some volleyball kid , no one important. He didnt need anyone, not you , not Ayme and not him.

“ i can look after myself”

“Even when your backs against the wall?”

“Yes”

Hajime backed off giving Kyotani some space. “Look. you can damage your body over time by smoking, happend to my dad ,thats all. “ he looked away scratching the back of his head talking a little low. “Just dont want to lose you yet , you seem cool..”

Kyotani had enhanced hearing thanks to his wolf and Hajimes words made his heart skip a beat, he could call him out on it if he wanted to . but he was confused by these feelings.

“What?” was what he finally said.

“Nothing, you like hamima chicken?”

“Fuck yes i do”

“Good! Cuz i've got plenty” 

Kyotani watched Hajime walk past him with a smile on his face. Kyotani stood there for a minute trying to focus on his wolf. “ knock it off…” he told himself as he flicked his cigarette away to catch up with Hajime.

**

Kyotani was sitting at the island in Hajimes kitchen watching him make the Hamima chicken, no one else was home yet so it was just them, his wolf was still on edge and he was even more aroused now. What was his problem? Its just Hajime, no one important.  Kyotani caught himself looking at the boys chest a alot and his arms, so tone.. Lean.. fuck. He shook his head and looked down pulling out his phone.

Kyotani/ Ma

Y.n/ yes kyo? Are you alright?

Kyotani/ im at a 

He looked up to see Hajime still cooking , he looked down at his phone again.

Kyotani/ im at a friends house, his name is Hajime so ill be home later

You were at work staring at your phone with utter disbelief on your face. Kyo never told you where he was or texted you.  And it was a boys home and not that.. Ayme girl.

Y.n/ okay Kyo, ill see you tonight, have a good time. 

Kyotani looked up again to see the food in front of him on a plate with a water and Hajime leaning on the table looking pretty smug.  Kyotani picked up the food taking a rough bite out of it. “Like it ?” Hajime asked coming around the island to sit next to the quiet boy.

“Its fine” 

“Just fine? Im hurt.”

“Pft..” Kyotani looked away still eating and felt a finger on his cheek scoop up some food . Kyotani looked back to see Hajime eating the piece of chicken. His face felt like it was on fire , Hajime leaned close to Kyotani whispering in his ear. 

“You can at least say it tastes good… i worked so hard on it”

“Maybe you need to pull it out of me”

“Oh yeah?” Hajime smirked moving back a bit. “Throw a dog a bone?

Kyotani was feeling very flustered and aroused at everything happening. Never before had he had any interest in guys, his wolf was not fighting it or trying to rip him to shreds . Hajime leaned back in his seat spreading his legs slightly and leaning on the island. Kyotani put his food down and looked Hajime up and down, his wolf forcing him up off the chair.

“Cmere Mad Dog” Hajime said low.

His wolf forced him to take a step forward , Kyotani gripped the island leaning down so he was eye level with the smirking boy.  

 “Yes?” Hajime asked, leaning forward taking in Kyotanis scent.” you smell like cigarettes”

“I dont care, i -..” his voice trailed off once he felt Hajime brush his lips against his. Kyotani sucked in air and Hajime pulled him on his lap . “cmon Mad Dog, loosen up for me” he lightly pressed his lips against the confused boys mouth. 

“Ff!” Kyotani stumbled into the boys lap falling into his kiss. He laid his arms on the boys shoulders, kissing him back , his wolf was rejoicing inside him, he never felt better than he does right now. Normally he would make Kyotani growl at Ayme and her slutty friends but right now he was pushing Kyotani in more,

 Kyotani pulled away breathing through his mouth staring at the boy in front of him watching him lick his lips and bite the bottom one. Hajime rested his hands on the tall boys hips leaning back in the chair rubbing in little circles with his thumbs.

“You haven't killed me yet” The smug boy said.

“Shut up..” Kyotani sat down on the boys lap looking everywhere but him, he could feel his gaze on him though.

“Have you never kissed a guy before?”

Kyotani growled looking back at the boy and Hajime pursed his lips together smiling big. 

“Im flattered, “

“Pft..” 

“I guess i shouldint of done that, your girlfriend will be upset”

“Girlfriend?”

“That girl touching you after school”

Kyotani clicked his tongue leaning forward a bit till their elbows connected. “Shes not my girlfriend, just a quick fuck.” his lips were tingling from the kiss still.”unsatisfying fuck” He added, even though it was not really necessary . 

Hajime pulled Kyotani closer, smelling the cigarettes in his clothes still, he looked down looking for the pack of smokes on his person. Kyotani’s heart was racing. He wanted more, why ? why was his wolf trying to get him to do more?  It felt nice .. was that it? Feeling nice is .. nice…

 Kyotanis hands lingered down from Hajimes shoulders to his neck drifting down to the boys chest , his thumbs pulling it up. He had gotten the shirt half way up taking in his tone chest. From all that stupid volleyball obviously. No cuts or anything , no bruises.. His left hand held the shirt up while his right one felt all around the boys chest. He could hear Hajime breathing pick up in his ear and Kyotanis heart was going nuts, he ran his fingers all along his chests slowly… slowly moving down to his pants. His fingers gliding along the black belt.  

 Hajime had found the pack of smokes in Kyotanis pocket and reached in taking them out and holding them up leaning back in the chair, he also pulled his shirt back down .

  “This needs to stop, if you want to do more”

“Excuse me?”

“The smoking”

“What makes you think i want to do more huh ?”

Hajime patted the boys hips with his free hand . “still sitting on me”

“Shut up..” he got up off the boys lap walking into the island.

“And well..” he pouted when he saw his lap was empty , “you were getting pretty handsy” Hajime looked up and lifted his shirt teasing the werewolf. “Pretty sure i felt hands on my belt too”

Kyotani huffed looking away at the fridge ignoring the arousal in his pants. Hes just another guy, no one important. Just take the smokes back Kyotani..

 “Im unsure about all of this”  he finally said.

“Im okay with friends with benefits, but the smoking needs to stop” Hajime got up still holding the pack. 

 “Fine”

“Fineeee?”

“Ill stop fucking smoking”

He held the pack out shaking it around lightly. “Break each and everyone one of these sticks in here if your serious”

Kyotani snatched the smokes from him opening it up , he reached for one and stopped to stare at the 7 smokes.  Its not like he paid for these smokes, Ayme always supplied him with them. He would never get sick from them because of his wolf so he could technically keep doing it without a problem… but … Hajime would smell it on him and .. he cant say why he wont get sick..He pulled a couple out of the pack halfway and broke them. Why..?  why was he..? A couple more snapped. He never listened to what anyone said, so why was he doing this? Why did he care? Another, one left.  Something about snapping these smokes was .. relieving. His wolf was happy and he felt stronger. Snap.  the pack fell on the island and Hajime smiled up at the angry boy. 

 “You actually did it.”

“Were you expecting me not too ?”

Hajime got closer to the boy running a hand up and down his chest. “Yeah if im honest, felt like you were gonna tell me to fuck off”

“Pft..” Kyotani touched Hajimes chest lifting the shirt again. 

“Like what you see?” he teased pulling Kyotani closer

“Shut up”

“Cmon… be a good boy for me” He whispered in his ear

Kyotani felt his cock feel hot at those words, good...boy..

“Sit down then.”

Hajime pulled back sitting back in his chair , his arm leaning on the island to support his head, he rubbed his lap slowly. “Okay, sitting.”

Kyotani rubbed his shoulder trying to ignore the tension in his pants. “Can you..”

“Hmm? “Say it again.”

“Say what? Be a good boy for me?” His cock was straining against his pants now. “Yes , christ. Yes okay?”

Hajime straightened out on the chair leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. “Cmon Kyotani, be a good boy for me”

 “..ff.. Fuck..” Kyotani swatted the boys arms away and sat down on his lap , Hajime grabbed his hips kissing him again . he leaned back in the chair smirking , pulling Kyotani closer slipping his tongue in his mouth.

[inkskinned]

literally just a dumb unorganized list of school tips

source: im a grad student. i’ve had a lot of school. also i’m adhd & mentally ill and require +8 organization. this is mostly directed @ college students, but maybe high school students can use it too, fuck, idk, it’s been forever since i was stuck in that hell hole

just say “professor” either ur using the correct title for a person (will make them feel good) or you’re giving them a bigger title on the assumption they deserve it (which will make them feel good) and also prevents having to ever i mean ever use their names

talk at least 1 time a week in each class, aim for 1 time a day. even lecture classes. i fucking hate talking in front of more than 5 people, so what i would do is prepare a question about the hw/etc (even if i didn’t need it answered) to ask the professor after class so they saw me and got used to me and saw i was invested in their class. about 89% of teachers - if they see you try, they will pass you. i mean it’s literally that easy. i know people who went from like a c- but because they legit tried, their grade got bumped up to a b-. 

if u have to bring a laptop, pre-download the required material/screenshot it, and then turn off your wifi. it’s too easy to not listen.

physical writing will always give you more information recall over typing.

nobody cares about stupid shit anymore trust me they don’t remember that you were accidentally locked in a towel out of your room bc they have their own dumb shit that happened.... in college all the “cringe culture” turns into “god i wish that were me” culture ... wear ur onesie to a party trust me you make +800 friends and 799 of them will be girls telling you you’re adorable and they’d die for you

about locking urself out.... if ur like me and can breeze past post-it notes placed in obvious areas, don’t be a dumb bitch and rely on post-it-notes. while most schools offer 1 free lockout, dont rely on it - it once took 2 hours before someone could get to me. i was in a towel, which meant no phone. so like. anyway, what i do now is i put something on the handle of the door i have to open/unlock. i can’t just open the door w/out the thing falling down and making a loud “you dumb bitch unlock the door before u shower” sound. 

this works for all important don’t-forget it things. other obstacles i’ve used to remind myself to do something include: putting a chair with my wholeass posterboard in front of the door, an entire printer with a single piece of paper that just read “for the love of god check to be sure you have that essay”, and a recycling bin i kept forgetting to empty. guess what bitch finally emptied the bin once it was between me and a swift exit!

no offense and like the whole “it’s the best years of your life!” thing is great but in reality everything goes better scholastically when you treat it as “i came here to win, not to make friends.” i still did make friends, went to parties every weekend, was popular enough i’d be invited to several on one night - but i came there to win. when i put my scholastic life and my mental health first, i went from a 2.0 to a 3.98. yes you can, bitch.

you’re spending the money. don’t squander it. trust me when i say i know plenty of people who breeze through, bc you often can. but like. don’t. challenge yourself bc like. talk about an investment.

if you hate your major, change it. don’t make your life something you can’t stand. on that note, do NOT agree 100% to a track until you have at least some experience in the field. i cannot tell u how many ppl i know who got their whole masters/phd program done, walked into their new profession, and were like, Oh Fuck, I Can’t Live Like This.

college literally offers so many free things and if you’re not taking advantage of them whenever possible i get it but like. try to take advantage of them. this is everything from your gym (which probably has free classes dude) to clubs to like. sober events. these sober events are so ... fuckin good dude i’ve made mason jars with little plants in em... bee aviaries... candles.... go to the free stuff

oh ps on free stuff i wanna say about 4 of 5 days there’s free food on campus just look for things like job fairs, presentations, or discussion groups. also while you’re there at the job fair like. u know, go to the job fair in earnest

i took off 2 years to work and also to just. recover from my bullshit. and it took me 6 years and 3 schools to get my bachelor’s. it wasn’t easy but bitch i lived. there’s no such thing as “too long” to graduate if that’s truly what you want to do.

if on the meal plan, eat as clean as you can the first week. then introduce each part of the cafeteria’s possibly-food-poisoning-creating foods one at a time. give @ least 2 days between each experiment so you know for sure if you get sick what caused it. i literally never eat meat at school but you can still get sick off of unwashed lettuce/salad dressing that hasn’t been refrigerated properly/weirdass things you won’t even think of. this prevents like. dying in a public bathroom.

white loaf bread can be gross & boring. discount bakery section for your slightly chewy artisianal bread needs. if overstale, either toast it or dunk it into water and microwave it (unless u got an oven. use the oven if u can)

steal as many apples from the dining hall/events/etc as physically possible just do it they keep FOREVER and @ some point you’ll be like. fUCK i need a nutrition. ps if you’re keeping them in ur backpack (i wouldn’t keep more than 2) make sure to wrap w/a few paper towels so if you drop your bag you don’t get apple mush

write it all down bitch. “i’ll remember it” no you won’t. unless you are capable of remembering every idea on this list and in order, you won’t remember it. in general, if you write something 3 times, you will recall it correctly at least 80% of the time. i also read it out loud to myself, bc, you know, auditory recall

DO NOT just put your assignment at the top of your notes, unless you’re 100% sure that will work for you. in most cases, it’s much better to have a planner/agenda/place you expect to look for assignments. +7 points if you lie to yourself about deadlines and move them all up.

like not to sound too much like a DARE ad but like. if you don’t like it/don’t want it, don’t fuckin do it. the idea that “there’s nothing to do if you don’t party” is such bullshit. like i promise if you’re like “i am a grouch and want to stay in and binge netflix” about 45 ppl will show up in pjs like “bitch fullscreen it, im a grouch too.” there’s also like. the chance to just.... not overindulge. on wednesdays i have “wine wednesdays” where we sit around and drink a glass of wine while we do our hw. it’s chill and friendly instead of like. drink until u vomit. don’t feel like you either gotta slam the breaks or the gas pedal, is what i mean.

PLEASE know the signs of alcohol poisoning/overdose. most schools have a “Safety Always Matters Most” policy, which means that you can call for help w/out getting into trouble. if you think someone is in danger, act. this also goes for making sure ppl get home safe even if they’re just incapacitated, not poisoned. step in, dudes.

also just. notice when ur starting to rely on stuff too much. i’m super easily addicted to things, so i keep a healthy distance from liquor. i don’t let myself “drink to feel better” bc that’s a scary, scary thing to link to feeling better. if you or somebody u know starts drinking all the time/gets anxious if they don’t drink/drinks in the daytime .... get help. schools have counselling services for a reason.

you’re gonna get a cold/flu of some sort in the first 2 months just brace for it. in the meantime, drink vitamin c, try not to touch too many handles, and when people say “there’s something going around” believe them.

watch kaplan nike just do it 

if you can teach it, you know the material. a super good way of knowing if you studied the right way is to try and teach the material to a stuffed animal/imaginary class.

“i don’t know how to study” bitch me too the fuck. this is usually bc we’ve been taught that studying is just sitting down and staring @ ur notes. it’s not. it’s different for everyone, and you need to understand it’s 99% preventative care. if you don’t go to the class or do the homework, studying is going to fucking suck, bc you’re learning the material all at once for the first time. the place you should consider “studying” is “i’m confident in 70-90% of the material, but need to review.” do not let yourself fall behind .... just go to office hours and ask questions if ur not getting something. studying should feel like you’re remembering what you already knew but kinda forgot, not like you’ve been blindsided.

the whole “writing it down in ur own words” while u have been told this 700 times it really helps bc it means u gotta translate it through your own understanding. if you can’t, and it’s not bc the material seems too obvious to you to state in another way - ask yourself if you don’t understand the material. chances are u are missing a bit of info.

i know it’s like A Thing that Some People do but i never had the mental health points for it but i know some people just take 15 minutes after every class to review their notes. since i’m 100% early to every class ever, obnoxiously so, i try to do it before class. having the last class’s notes up in my head super helps. like. put down the phone i know you’re socially anxious me too but review those notes. chances are if u start flipping through pages other ppl will too. this is also fun bc as soon as you start this whole thing, at least one person will be like “is there a test?” no bitch there’s no test but im gonna be ready when there is!

literally so much of success is fucking posturing i could link about 800 peer-edited studies that show that when a student is expected to do well (and knows they are), they do well. like i literally didn’t change my appearance at all, never bothered to look nice (once winter hits i wear 67 layers all the time), but when i showed up after my 2 years off from school, i presented myself with the whole “i came here to win” vibe and people... really respected me? i mean in hs i remember ppl saying shit like “yeah, well, you aren’t gonna have the homework”. by the time i was in college i had an honest-to-god conversation which included someone being like “so tell me what you’re overachieving at right now” like they just expected it from me. wild.

i live by “bite off more than you can chew, and then CHEW IT” but it’s probably unhealthy. the truth is that i have a lot of energy all the time (lmao adhd!!!) and i used to get told i was “trying too hard” and for a long time (still???) i didn’t (i don’t?) know what that was, you know, bc i had a D average, clearly i wasn’t trying. it turns out i was just. putting all my energy into stuff that wasn’t making me happy like toxic friendships etc. when i decided “nope, all this energy is for me and my schoolwork”..... uhhhhh suddenly i was a golden child and everyone praised my try-hardness ... it’s a fuckt up system tbh

take at least 1 class just for fun. i try to do that every semester. it helps break up all the requirements. if you’re like an engineer and got no time or credits left to spend, try to audit your fun course.

make ur advisor love you i don’t care what it takes make them cupcakes show up to thank them i dONT CARE just do it 

the library isn’t always the best place. if i start getting anxious bc i pavlovian train myself that library=work, i find a new place to go to do hw. try to go outside if you can!!! not like where i live bc like it’s snow all the time but try. a little green really really really helps depression. 

if you’ve been in the same “Studying” place for 1 hour and haven’t done anything the chances are Something Isn’t Right. first, look @ ur body. are you not focusing bc of some pressing physical need? sometimes just taking a shower and coming back helps. are you uncomfy? are you too comfy and going to sleep? if body okay, look @ the material. do you not understand it? do you just need to switch to a new topic for a little bit? can you find a youtube video that will help you better understand it? make notes on what you don’t get so you can ask in the next class. if it’s not the material, it’s not ur bod, check the Actual Space. sometimes just getting up, going for a short walk to a new place, and trying it there actually? really works? if none of this is working.... try ur brain next. hardest to reset bc like, what, turn it on and off again? i use things like caffeine, a short workout, a nap, or a podcast all to just... give me a little boost. 

don’t be afraid to leave. i mean this about class, friend groups, and the college ur at. just get up on outta there if ur not feelin it. i cannot recommend “drop the class” enough. even if it’s a required course see if u can switch the times if u hate the professor day 3 it’s not gonna get better just get the fuCK out

don’t nap in the same position u go to sleep in, nap upside down w/ur head away from ur pillow. don’t ask me why but it works to 1. fall asleep faster 2. make sure u sleep okay at night and 3. wake up less annoyed 

on that note don’t ever do anything in ur bed in a sleeping position unless it’s genuinely sleeping in it. body will get confused. just sit up, lazybones.

when/if the library has those therapy dogs during finals week.... just go pet them make the time for it

ask before hugging people, but don’t expect a “yes”

get a backpack that fits and doesn’t hurt ur back u fuckin hippie idc how cool it is to wear ur backpack super low just don’t do it it’s not worth it

the tutoring center is a fucking goldmine.... free essay edits my dudes

bring a fan dorms are always hotter than u expect

switch dorms if u can if u realize ur in the wrong room/wrong roomate like just don’t bother with nonsense

when in doubt, follow preschool rules. tell ppl when they did something cool, just ask when u need help, and be confident even in your mistakes, because at least u tried

[strawberryspeachy]

I have so many time periods in my life that were fucking miserable (my whole life so lol) but most of them im like

Man. I wish i could go back with the knowledge i have now and change shit

But my senior year of college still takes the cake. I would not repeat that fucking year given the chance. I legit for real am npt exaggerating at all when i say I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I GRADUATED. What strength i had. How did i do it??

I lost all of my friends. I lived with girls who made me feel worse about myself. My classes were super difficult and busy. My mom had finally admitted to me that she knew she was forgetting things.

I BECAME bulimic. That wasnt something i did before that year. Bulimic to the point where if i ate more than one peice or bread i felt guilty. Sometimes i coild rationalize to myself that i ate a healthy and appropriate meal but after 20 minutes id start panicking. That i HAD TO go throw it up. I HAD TO. if i didnt id regret it so i hadddd toooo

I didnt eat some days

And it went beyond the point of. All i have is my skinny body. It went to i hate myself and my life and i deserve to suffer. I dont deserve food. If i keep doing this maybe my body will fuck up enough that i die.

And speaking of death. It was the first time i fully tried to kill myself. I played with the idea before. Id do risky things on the off chance that id die doing it. Sometimes risky enough that i was surprised i even did it and got really scared afterwards thinking about ever doing them again. But id never made a plan. Got materials. And tried and fell asleep thinking id really never wake up. And i did it a couple times. And honestly i think i killed a part of me that year.

I cried all the time. I was just a zombie with a painted smile on my face so i could get help in class from other people. But i never actually smiled. And the second i walked in my room id start crying. All that bottled up energy released. And there was too much.

I used to fall out of my chair cause i was crying so much and id just roll around on the floor and then yell at myself to get my ass back in the chair and to keep studying. And i did. And id keep crying. And i kept studying.

And i took adderal several times a week. It wasnt even working. But it had a crack effect on me and would make me really happy and optimistic for no reason

I dont remember ever feeling confident in my studys. I walked into every exam terrifyed.

I was scared the entire year that i was gonna fail.

I was so out of it that i didnt even notice the stress permanently altered my apperance. Eveyone said i grew up. No the stress aged me. I didnt notice my hair fell out or how my chin seemed to grow. Or how my skin greyed

Theres no way to make thay year better. That was an awful year.

I have no point in this.

Just like that year and the two following it... which... issss 2014-2015-2016 to 2017

Like id completed three years of college. I had to graduate. I couldnt get out of that with a clear mind. And then coming home. None of my friends lived at home. I couldnt find a job. I took what i could get. I couldnt leave home. I had to stay for my mom. I had to and i wanted to.

Im thinking about it cause i could have immediately came to japan out of college. And i knew it then. I chose not to. I wanted to go home and be with my mom. And my family made that a nightmare. And watching her and taking care of her while she went downhill... i dont think ill be able to face those feelings... for many years to come. (I mean hopefilly not if i died while writing this id be happy) but theres really no getting around the fact that having completed my finance degree in college. My only choice was to end up as a server

My 13 year old dog died. My 18 year old cat died. My mom was shitting all over the house and refusing to sleep or eat. The woman who i hated so much that i went to work early and smiled while offering to stay later because “at least im not at home” finally died.

One day she told me she was gonna kick me out of the house (for the zillionth time) she screamed and yelled at me. And i went to work. And i came home and she was standing outside of the front door. I thought about continuing to drive and coming back later when shed moved. But for whatever reason i stopped and got out still hoping shed be gone by the time i walked up. She wasnt. She didnt even notice i was there. I was tempted to walk past her and go in. But i didnt. I asked her what was wrong. She said she could take the step to the sidewalk. And i helped her. And she rambled to me about how she thought shed be stuck there all night and how she didnt know what was wrong. The last time i saw her she had been screaming at me about how im a worthless spoiled lazy rude mean old adult acting like a baby. So. I really didnt have much sympathy to give her. I couldnt even talk. I was still mad. She thanked me. I said she was welcome. Thats all i remember. That was about 3 months before she died. If i went back to that exact moment knowing that information. I honestly dont think id change anything... she was.... so mean... so needlessly mean... im still mad about every time i was mad at her

Unlike my mom. Who i dreamed about this week. I had a dream that i was home just living my regular life in high school. And i did something. And my mom was yelling at me. And we got into an argument. Just one of those nonsense arguments that dont mean much. And in my dream i was like ugh my moms so annoying. And i woke up. And i miss her so much. What i wouldnt do to listen to my mom yell at me about something like taking too long to get ready. Or putting something in the wrong place. Or forgetting to do some chore she asked me to do. My mom with her fully functioning brain yelling at me because ive inconvenienced some plan that she has made for hersef that day. Thats shes fully capable of doing herself. And will do no matter what anyone says cause you dont mess with her schedule - you work with it.

I actually woke up and smiled. When you grow up do you ever think youll think about your parent full blown going off on you about something kinda dumb would ever make you smile...

Anyhow... that boy at work i like. I tried to be cute. He said he texts his friends back when he wants to when i pestered him about having not responded to my mesage. I was like

Oh thats the second time youve called me your friend! :) were friends :D

I just wanted a chuckle and for him to say yea yea were friends

But instead.... he said no. Were coworkers.

And i said you can be friends with your coworkers

Which led to a super long.... turned into argument...

Where he told me no. He doesnt need more friends. He only talks to me because he has to. He doesnt like me. He doesnt want to talk to me. He doesnt like when he has to talk to me. He has plenty of time to hang out with friends but not me cause im not his friend and he does not want to hang out with me. Dont ask him questions. Dont talk to him for more than a minute. He only said yes to hanging out with me because i was new to the country. His girlfriend didnt want him to and he decided he didnt want to after thinking about it. He wont change his mind. And he got really mad while telling me that his dumbass gf gets mad when i text him. And that he doesnt wanna talk to me out of work and at work only about work nothing else.

Most of that was unprovoked information. Like.. a quarter of it came from my “so were friends?” Remark. Another quarter of it came from my “coworkers can become friends” remark. And given half of it.... i brought up that he liked talking to me enough that he said he wanted to hang out with me - so you fan guess what quarter of the information came from that... oh sorry did i say quarters. I guess i meant thirds.

Extra shitty cause its a big jump from the boy who was engaging in actual conversation with me yesterday and moved so close to me that he was cms away from resting his head on me shoulder. Many times. Actually over the past couple days.

[h4ppy-kn1ght]

One through One hundred

LOL…ok i’ll do these first then EVERYTHINg else.

7. Do you have any pets?

Yes, I currently have one- it’s a three-legged dog named Baci.

13. What talents do you have?

I wouldn’t really say I do outside of casually drawing and food making

32. How big is your house?

It’s about 2,500 sqft - one floor so it’s ok but not really that big or spacious

Thanks for asking

—————————

1. What is you middle name?

NO NO NO

2. How old are you?

Early 20s

3. When is your birthday?

12/13

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Sagittarius

5. What is your favorite color?

Maroon usually

6. What’s your lucky number?

I can’t say I really have one tbh

7. Do you have any pets?

8. Where are you from?

Brazil (Rio)

9. How tall are you?

two inches above average for what I am

10. What shoe size are you?

7.0-7.5 US at most

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

At least in the double digits, hopefully not more than 25 pairs of shit?

12. What was your last dream about?

I actually don’t remember!

13. What talents do you have?

14. Are you psychic in any way?

No  lol

15. Favorite song?

I have several, mostly weird/niche

16. Favorite movie?

I have several, mostly weird/niche (yes its the same answer as 15)

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

I never thought about it because I don’t really know what I need.

18. Do you want children?

Alot of the time, not really- but I’m also too young/busy with myself to want it now

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Not really,unless my partner really wants it.

20. Are you religious?

Not really :/

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

A good amount of times

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Nope

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Not that I know of- at least the mainstream limelight sorta way.

24. Baths or showers?

Showers easily

25. What color socks are you wearing?

I’m not wearing any atm but the last pair i was wearing was like- black and white?

26. Have you ever been famous?

no….? 

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Depends for what reason but sure, why not

28. What type of music do you like?

Electronic, ambiance, indie, rock, musical-like kind of- really depends

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

no and i dont plan to lol

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

One.

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

Fetal/one my side or on my back usually, stomach too sometimes

32. How big is your house?

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Usually something with eggs and milk- I have been really inconsistent with what I eat for breakfast atm

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Yes 

35. Have you ever tried archery?

No 

36. Favorite clean word?

uhhh…? Cocoa? I dont know LOL

37. Favorite swear word?

Faggot

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

21 hours..? I was doing hw overnight.

39. Do you have any scars?

Very tiny amount but nothing noticeable unless you’re trying to find them actively

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? 

yeah.

41. Are you a good liar?

Not really

42. Are you a good judge of character?

Depends, wouldnt say I own the truth

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Not unless its bad so not really

44. Do you have a strong accent?

Some people have told me I have one but i dont think so

45. What is your favorite accent?

I wouldnt say I have a favorite its not something I care about actively- I know the ones I dont like though.

46. What is your personality type?

I dont really know I feel like people have a different perspective of that and idk who i really am usually

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

I had a jacket from Ferrari but idk what happened to it- not sure 

 48. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Thankfully innie

50. Left or right handed?

Right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

No

52. Favorite food?

I almost never have a problem with milk-related food

53. Favorite foreign food?

Alot ..? really depends on my mood but sushi usually works for me

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

I’m personally very hygienic and my room imo is well kept- not OCD organized but theres nothing on the floor  and it has a sense of order

55. Most used phrased?

Really can change so idk - just depends on the season really

56. Most used word?

uh/idk/fuck/shit i think is what i abuse

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

Really depends but assuming im showering and trying to look nice about 45 mins at worst?

58. Do you have much of an ego?

No

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Suck and then bite when its too small

60. Do you talk to yourself?

Rarely and its usually about shit i need to do- thats it really

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Not USUALLy  but yeah

62. Are you a good singer?

no lol

63. Biggest Fear?

Failing 

64. Are you a gossip?

depends but yeah i can be sometimes

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

idk I thought inception was very dramatic

66. Do you like long or short hair?

Depends, if the long hair isnt well kept/cleaned it might as well be short imo

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Probably not because I forget most of them

68. Favorite school subject?

P.E

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Introverted 

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

Yes, I dont care for it

71. What makes you nervous?

Being shat on I guess and treated poorly or anything that’ll fuck me over

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Depends, if the area has sharp objects/cockroaches, creepy noises yeah

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Depends but usually no unless it really bothered me or they want to hear me

74. Are you ticklish?

Depends but yeah i dont like being tickled it is not comfy

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

No lol

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Not really

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Barely 

78. Have you ever done drugs?

No

79. Who was your first real crush?

Some ginger who literally had ODD and hurt me badly after I showed interest back

80. How many piercings do you have?

one pair is closed up , so just one pair.

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

Yeah

82. How fast can you type?

Id say above average , probably enough to type for a job or something

83. How fast can you run?

I have no idea tbh

84. What color is your hair?

Dirty blonde/almost brown

85. What color is your eyes?

Greyish seagreenish blue

86. What are you allergic to?

Nothing as far as I know

87. Do you keep a journal?

No

88. What do your parents do?

They’re both in the medical field

89. Do you like your age?

Idk not really? so far its lame?

90. What makes you angry?

Some shit i aint gonna talk about, but in a more personal sense usually being shat on, lied to upfront, etc

91. Do you like your own name?

It’s ok ..? idk if it deeply reflects me

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

Not really LOL

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

With how shit the world is idk , seems like an L either way and im scared of having an ugly one

94. What are you strengths?

Id say I can tolerate more than normal people and my patience can be really plentiful usually. I dont get easily offended even if i dont agree usually

95. What are your weaknesses?

I think people influence my mood throughout the day, which really sucks, im also sensitive and i feel excluded usually

96. How did you get your name?

My mom thought it was a strong name

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

No

98. Do you have any scars?

39 already asked this, cringe

99. Color of your bedspread?

Grey :)

100. Color of your room?

Very tinge of color but it looks pretty much grey and expresso minus the lil decor everywhere…

thank yuo

[sohotthateveryonedied]

Hey I saw you support trans keith! Right on you, mate! Got any headcanons for us?

bOY DO I HAVE HEADCANONS (though disclaimer: I myself am cis, so if anything I say is wrong please tell me; I really don’t want to offend anyone so don’t be afraid to speak out if I say something wrong okay? okay now let’s go)(also I apologize in advance this is way longer than I thought it would be)

•When Keith was at the Garrison and then living alone in the desert, he would act as masculine as possible because when he was in foster care his families always insisted on him taking part in more “feminine” activities, so you can bet Keith did stuff like work on his bike and get all grimy and let it stain his clothes and later buy ten different colognes and wear all of them at once. Why do you think he loves swords and sword fighting so much? It makes him feel masculine!! Honestly any stereotypical ‘manly’ activities make him feel so much better, he just enjoys them so much

•People ask him sometimes why the long hair but guess what!! He doesn’t need to have short hair to be a man, he’s already a man and he likes his greasy mullet so stay in your own lane dude he’s happy with his long hair and having it doesn’t make him any less manly

•When he started hormones, every day he would practice talking as deeply as he could. Once he found a lizard sitting on a rock and recited the entire Bee Movie script to it in his deepest voice possible

•For most of the time during his time at the Garrison he’d just wear two sports bras instead of a binder because he didn’t really know how to get one and was too scared to ask. Plus he had like four dollars at most on a good day so how could he possibly buy a binder? He started resorting to ace bandages which oh no Keithy boy that’s not how you bind you’re gonna mess up your ribcage sTOP

• But don’t worry, Shiro the Hero™️ is here to help. Back at the Garrison, Shiro was the only person besides the teachers who knew Keith was a trans boy. And lemme just say Shiro is the most supportive human, he did as much research as he could and always stood by Keith whenever people were being jerks (and beat them up when he had to because Keith gets into enough fights as it is, he’s already gotten too many strikes so he’s not allowed to get into more fights or else risk getting expelled and it kills him when he can’t punch someone out for bullying him but guess what Shiro has no problem with that he’s the teacher’s pet anyway he’s not worried about getting in trouble) So when he found out Keith was binding with ace bandages he was like “okay first of all no, I don’t know much but I know for a fact that’s gonna destroy your ribs come on man I’ll go with you we need to buy you some binders”

• When Keith first got to space, one of the things he worried about the most was the fact that he only had the binder he was wearing and that was all, and he was terrified because what if something happened to it and he couldn’t find anything else to bind with oh no

•But never fear, Coran is here!! He asked Coran about it one night because he trusts him and turns out that plenty of Alteans are trans too!! However, they didn’t exactly use binders because they could simply shapeshift to fit their ideal body expectations, but Coran is amazing so he used Keith’s binder as a reference and made a ton of new binders out of this great alien material that stretches in a way that makes them safe to fight in too!! So hooray for Keith not having to worry about breaking a rib during a fight anymore

•And the hormone situation turned out to be easily remedied as well. When Keith realized he couldn’t go much longer without his hormone treatments he worked up the courage to ask Pidge for help, who managed to come up with an alien substitute that worked about the same as his regular hormones from earth so yay!! Now he can get his hormones without any trouble!!

•And at this point Shiro, Coran, and Pidge all know, so Keith figures that he might as well come out to the rest of the team since half of them know already and he may as well get it over with now, since telling them is easier than them all finding out through some accident. And it goes roughly the same way it had when Pidge revealed she was a girl.

•Keith walks into the dining hall one day where everyone is eating breakfast and he kind of just announces “hey by the way I’m trans, guys” and plops down to eat his food goo. (Shiro doesn’t even look up from his book and says “hi Trans, I’m Shiro”) and Hunk is like “oh rad, dude. I mean I kind of suspected but I wasn’t sure and didn’t know how to ask but this is awesome! So what pronouns are you okay with then?” “He/him, thanks” “Okay, cool cool cool” *goes back to eating* And after they explain what the term “transgender” means, Allura says “Oh, we have that on Altea too. For a moment there I thought trans was another alien species and you were admitting you were more than just galra but this is much better” “Thanks..? I guess?”

•And then you have Lance. It takes him a little longer to catch up to speed, but once it sinks in he’s like “but wait what about that time I called you Dolly Parton because of your mullet and when you said y’all oH MY GOD I MISGENDERED YOU IM SO SORRY” “seriously dude it’s fine, chill” “AHHH BUT WHAT IF ITS NOT” It takes him a long time to stop walking on eggshells, and pretty soon Keith being trans is just another fact of life, same as Pidge being a girl and Keith being galra and Shiro being a closeted Taylor Swift fan

•Keith: “I’m trans” Lotor: “I thought you were galra”

•When Keith starts growing facial hair oh my gosh he gets so excited. He starts strutting around so proudly, showing off the hair on his chin and when he walks into a room Hunk is like “heyyy nice beard dude, super manly” *thumbs up* Though the first time Keith tried to shave he cut himself like five times because he did it with his BOM knife, so that didn’t work out too well. Luckily, Lance decided to take pity on him and educate this poor boy on face management and helped him shave properly to avoid future fiascos

•Shiro: “Keith you can’t bind while you’re training, stop ignoring me you’re gonna kill yourself” Keith, firing up his bayard and already turning on the training bot: “What was that I can’t hear you” Shiro: *disapproving Dad Glare™️*

•Keith is an irresponsible boy so he leaves his binder on for like ten hours at a time (which!! please don’t ever do!! this will kill your ribcage please bind safely don’t be like keith!!) After so long of this routine of reminding Keith over and over again to take a break with his binder off and him blatantly ignoring it, Pidge modified the training deck so whenever Keith is in there training for hours at a time he will get alerts to take his binder off which thank god for that because he always either forgets or doesn’t care enough to

•Because he’s not fully transitioned, Keith still gets periods which really sucks. That’s usually when the dysphoria is at its worst so not only does he have to deal with stupid cramps but now he also has dang dysphoria to make him feel even crappier. When that happens, everyone on the ship makes an effort to take every opportunity to use masculine pronouns when talking to him and comfort him when he’s feeling Bad. (It’s a good thing Keith has his awesome boyfriend Lance who is so sweet and always supportive and will cuddle on the couch with him for hours as they eat snacks and watch earth movies for hours on end)

•Once he breaks three ribs during a fight and Allura tells him that he can’t wear his binder for a while otherwise it’ll just make the injury worse but like. Keith is so scared to go around without binding, he doesn’t want anyone to see him so he stays in his room for most of the time but on the occasions in which he does leave his room, he gets so worked up because “shit shit sHIT they’re gonna see me without my binder oh no I can’t do this” but. Nobody really notices? At all? It’s like there’s nothing different. He meets up with everyone for dinner and he’s sweating bullets he’s so nervous but it’s like no one even sees he’s not wearing a binder. So that was quite the experience, and after that Keith gets more comfortable with wearing his binder less often because the reason he always wore it too long was because he didn’t want anyone to see and judge him, but turns out it doesn’t matter in the least to them whether he’s binding or not, so he’s more confident being around them without a binder on days when he’s feeling comfortable enough to go without it.

•Keith has definitely taken an Axe Body Spray shower before this isn’t even a debate

•Shiro takes every opportunity to call Keith his brother not only because wow gotta love that wonderful honorary siblings broganes bond, but also hell yeah calling Keith masculine names.

•Shiro, introducing the paladins: “—and this guy over here is my brother Keith” Keith: *beams*

•Keith: “Zarkon is transphobic” Lance: “why” Keith: “Because I’m trans and he annoys me”

[shytiff]

June Small Wins

1 - ecmocard meeting with ppl from aussie to learn to sort out data. Felt better after the meeting cause i didnt feel like doing anything before. Got two season deli box cake from dapur cokelat for nessa. Videocalled w her and ren.

2 - dr eva chatted and gave things to do. I also need to make intern log for dr retha. I just cant bring myself to start. Finally mustered the courage. Im not the type of person for wfh. At least in this house. Finished reading love or hate. I rly felt like shit at night.

3 - started reading positively yours. Had no will to do anything

4 - some more sending spss work for dr eva. weekdays with no “outside work” rly render me useless in functioning. a vegetable

5 - iluni webinar. Lost my attention during electrolyte and fluid stuff. tried to cook ribeye steak lmao (meat from @/fridaymeatshop). Its too chewy and leathery. But its not too welldone. And at least it tastes good. Went to depok by krl. its quite quick since krl arrived just after im at poris and duri. went ahead of silvi devi. satpam on the lobby wont open the access hhhh (i dont have one. i dunno why. mom said she cant find it although we supposedly have 2). but my mood improved once im upstairs. we prepped a bit of deco. conversed in the dark so not to make racheel suspicious. surprisee. had truffle belly chicken cheese for dinner. the cheese was not to cheesy, its more of a gentle taste. mushroom tastes better. we watched sweet and sour from my mobile data. surprisingly, its not that much of data. slept at like 12-1ish

6 - the electric token went out in the morning. we went for a walk in ui. the PLK man across of st ui forbade us from going in. ugh. but it was rly empty. so we went from barel. its empty on the library. there was a dog that walked along with us. talked a bit in front of the lake. went back. i got 2 moon chicken (the basic flavor and not the wings) and spicy jumeokbap. the jumeokbap was nothing like what i had in korea. like the seaweed’s taste doesnt come out that much, and its not that flavorful/savory. the one in korea its good even by itself. went back to jkt nebeng reza silvi with devi. originally planned to go to flavola, but my head kinda hurts, so i finished my moon chicken at the mushola and asked juan to pick me up. still feel healthy and normal after going and staying out, so i started reading a book abt handwriting analysis lmaoo. fell asleep. tried several attempts to figure out my bpjs number and turns out the best there is to respond is BPJS’ twitter. the problem was solved under 5 mins. 

7 - woke up, fell asleep again. Adita told me that i might be interviewed today for the ipd intern but theres no info. Did the registration stuff for my bpjs. Registered for npwp. Watched bts x na pd

8 - off to RSF. its audit day today. hiks to phonecall follow up work. i did not do anything inaco related, i just sat there and did dr dafsah’s excel. dr vera bought me pecel ayam hehe yay. went to como park to meet up with indah regen. tried ricotta pizza from pizza place (33k). the cheese is cheese but not that typical cheesy (?) coupled with mushroom. i had to add sauce to withstand the last bites (still kinda full). tried other’s as well, pesto and mushroom. pesto had the most taste. while waiting for doggo to arrive, we bought gelato (S: 35k). apparently their special flavor was ricotta lmao. tried green tea (bitter, which i like) and peanut butter + caramel, which makes you feel thirsty. watched the doggos from the sidelines. after maghrib we went to 1/15. ordered ice mocha (50k). the chocolate taste stood out more. not gonna order again lol. the staff initially recommended pandan flavor. took grab to gbk station to go home.

9 - rsf. second audit day. i hate it here lmao. im not even paid for my time here. excused myself to eat. turns out mbak Ai bought hokben. i almost forgot thanking her since i felt hungry with a bit of headache. talked a bit with dr retha regarding changes of assistant (since internship is soon). went back and immediately laid down in bed. mom bought pizza so thats what i ate for dinner. fell asleep (i can feel it. my face will get consequences)

10 - cant bring myself to do anything. i reread painter of the night lmao. seungho is a prick. inhun is also a prick (a greedy one). ate arirang bone marrow. put the egg-seasoning mixture to the pan since im not confident enough to just pour boiling water into the bowl. felt surprisingly full. went to sbux. green tea latte as usual. but turns out tumblr 50% promo only applies to sbux member. so i had to pay 40k for my green tea latte. at least i got to feel good from outside vibes. did some follow up for INACO patients. 

11 - went to rm rsf. Took lots of photos of RM. I was given rujak by the rm staff lmaoo so cute. Didnt do any entry afterwards lmao i just laid down

12 - breakfast is paldo jjajangmen and egg. It tasted like soy. Its good but not in a micin way. Its quite fulfilling. Had some of the beef slices by putting it in a buttered pan (is it pan fried? Grilled? Idk). Had banana and brownies together (makes it rly good). Did a bit of clires work. I drank sbux's caramel macchiato but yall my stomach cant handle it lmao. It hurts so much that i even got a headache. So i just laid down in bed

13 - had arirang again loll. Inserted the egg to the pan still, but quicker this time. Its too salty today. Maybe its not enough water. I was eating it while googling how to remove excess sodium. Ate the rest of beef slices (shared with bros ofc) and mixed some with moms fried rice. Ate banana brownies again. Felt soooo full. Did some clires work accompanied by sbux matcha

14 - i felt like shit this morning. Watched leahs vid. Listened to her podcast while having bfast. I walked from moms car to bougenville while still feeling like shit. It slowly gets better afterwards, thankfully. Did some clires and follow up. Went to gandy steak in dr retha's car (which had anesthesiology textbook inside). Tried aus sirloin steak. The bread tasted ok. The garlic bread also ok. The mashed potato was so so (the one in depok was more creamy and smooth). The steak was good, especially the fat part, the sauce so so. Honestly that depok steak had more value for money compared to this, i think. Nebeng dr rara and husband to busway station. Arrived in ar and i immediately showered, such wow 👏👏

15 - today is no rsf day aka self made wfh day. Moms getting vaccinated today. I just lazed. And read kanej fics

16 - off to rsf. Took care of rm stuff. Tried social affair's croffle since i was so curious (60k [10k tip]). The nutella and cinnamon sugar one. Its crunchy and a bit crumbly inside, but not as fragile as croissant. Its quite fulfilling too. But its basically flour batter variations. (thats what mom would say). randomly chatted racheel and we ended up taking a walk and a bit of jog citra 6 (with my sneakon regular shoes). My left tendon was screaming lol. Picked up by juan who surprisingly effortlessly found the address at night.

17 - mbak aan chatted me today to go to rscm. Met prof murdani at pesc and he gave me ppt assigment for 13:30 THAT DAY. Finished it unsatisfyingly (i wish i couldve done more). Lunch was free bebek bkb yay thankyou Prof c: (he even asked what did i ate) took care of legalisir stuff. Went home by tj. Drank matcha w vsoy and i somehow was not sleepy after maghrib. I also changed my desj layout. Maybe it kinda works to separate my spaces

18 - arrived at rscm at 8-ish. sent updated thibbun nabawi ppt. literature search. and then somehow its 14:30. went to SCI w ara wani rasyid. tried bandeng nyonya, oyster, salmon, cumi lada garam (its crazy good among all the good tasting food wtff), shrimp and pocai telor (veggie stuff). dessert was thailand cassava. spent about 190k. went back by TJ. had wudu at pulomas and prayed ashar on the bus lol. i passed out after playing w my phone lmaoo  

19 - spent almost the whole day just sleeping and eating. finally showered in the afternoon. had matcha vsoy latte after maghrib and with enough day sleeping, i did presentation outline. at like 1/2 am i initially planned to sleep but my eyes still have plenty of watts. so i read hold me tight. slept at like 4/5 am

20 - woke up at 9. off to om dokter’s house to ask for healthy letter. we talked almost the entire time im there lol. before u know it mom and dad’s done talking with grandma. om dokter shared some of his experiences in the past. and he said something about making your choice and living with it, and it will all have a meaning even if you might initially agonize about it. girl i was holding back tears. here he was talking about choices, something i never rly talk about at my house. im getting teary just typing this. he talked about it in a way that sounds simple, even though i agonized abt internship choices and sometimes avoid thinking about it. it rly rly was a new experience. i dont rly talk about “choices” with my parents. so hearing how to go through options in life from a person i can relate to regarding this med stuff is. i feel like i would have loved it if i can hear his wisdom earlier. i dont talk with him much if my parents are around bcs they will just meddle and say stuff that wreck my peace. they dont rly know what im going through but can be very opinionated. this peaceful one on one talk rly made me feel relieved and reassured. and i was today years old when i found out he initially wanted to be a psychiatrist. he would have been a great psychiatrist. i feel like we have some understanding thats left unsaid. like he knows how my parents are like. he would probably understand why i dont talk with him much at AR. after what feels super quick, we went back to AR. registered for STR. searched some literature for the topics that Prof is the moderator of. powered by matcha energy

21 - rscm as usual. the Prof did not come. lunch was bread i brought from home. waited for mom to pick me up at kfc so i bought pukis kfc. its like properly made pukis and not the street seller made ones. the chocolate one was good since the toppings generous. felt a bit feverish? like my body felt warm. fell asleep and then suddenly its 6 am in the morning. 

22 - Prof still did not came. had amart’s ayam penyet jamur for lunch. turns out juan bought ayam geprek gendut for dinner. night time is diarrhea time lmaooooo. did not feel sleepy at AR but i skipped shower again lmao,,,,,,,, and then suddenly its morning again

23 - jajan from sisterfield today. tried their carrot cake and kopi susu gula aren. the carrot cake has that carrot texture. its different. the icing was fresh cream cheese that made the cake taste good. the coffee made my stomach ache a bit. it has that subtle chocolatey taste. fell asleep again. third time’s the charm (of 1x/day face wash). woke up at 3 am planning to sleep but i ended up washing my face. turns out atikah was still awake due to AZ fever.

24 - this is the bestest sleep i had in this week (?) had a dream about going to bandung and the car falling to water. forgot my headset today. can finally meet prof Mur. talked abt inaco stuff w agassi. reread komugi meruem lmaoo. felll asleep. somehow had the misfortune of hearing dad’s hurtful words to mom. i want to fall asleep again but its difficuly. i went through stages of pent up anger, some sort of selfishness (i will go out from jakarta for internship), amazement to mom, and... (continue 2moro)

25 - lunch was dori rice from kanprim thanks to rasyid’s jastip. watched bts’ butter norebang lolll :(((. arrived at AR the fastest ive been. mom came to me right before maghrib and  summed some stuff dad said yesterday. she handled it in a trivial way. like she was unaffected. and that somehow helped me too. stuck around in the dining room for a while after maghrib. talked about internship w mom. i left some chance for dad to yap yap abt whatever related to internship (thankfully songs were full volume through my wireless headset) while im inhaling through my matcha latte. i wont write what he said bcs its lowkey super embarrassing. thank the gods for wireless speakers. 

26 - did not do anything productive today. Had arirang salted egg for bfast (wont repurchase). Had the meat cubes i bought online and its rly good. Ran with racil at citra 6. The tendon in my left feet hurt lol. Gmeet with ara et al to discuss internship review

27 - lazed. Wanted to start my day early but couldnt bring myself to. Binge watched twoset videos. Did clires stuff. 1 more RM to wait from IRMIK. No gastro intern work this weekend aaaa im starting to panic.

28 - juan came along otw to rscm. Talked about iship otw. brought tons of stuff to eat, including matcha latte, but i was unable to finish it lol. Discussed research budgeting w Prof. Didnt do anything in home. Starting to panic with my ppt progress.

29 - discussed budgeting revision. Prof thought abt little details i didnt even consider. Didnt do anything while at ar anjengggg

30 - prof did not come to dept today. Listemed to agassi rambling abt intern stuff. Immediately opened my laptop in ar. Watched two set. Played marapets lmaooo i finally managed to gather 3 au for shop pricer. But still didnot wash my face 👁️👄🤦‍♀️ maybe bcs i hate doing what people tells me to do (re: shower due to covid scare). Had a nightmare abt being in a car ride alone w dad and it was rly rly awkward

[airoasis]

5 Days Of Living Plastic Free | Try Living With Lucie | Refinery29

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5 Days Of Living Plastic Free | Try Living With Lucie | Refinery29

Im Lucie Fink and this week is 5 Days of dwelling Plastic Free. Hey every body, and welcome again to check out residing with Lucie. We’re back with new episodes this year, and weren’t gonna have videos a week this yr, however we do have an whole new season coming at you, so keep tuned. Im above all excited for this subject due to the fact its something that i myself had been diving into in my view over the final few months, and that is dwelling plastic free. If youre an avid are attempting dwelling with Lucie viewer, you might don’t forget that years back I did five days of no trash. I didnt produce any waste for 5 entire days and this subject of residing plastic free is kinda equivalent, but the essential change is that this time i am specializing in plastic.So why plastic, you would ask. Good, in keeping with a Refinery29 article, plastic takes at least four hundred and fifty years to break down, and a few doesnt ever spoil down. Ever. With the aid of the 12 months 2050, its estimated that there might be extra plastic within the sea than fish. In contrast to what I discovered from Spongebob back in the day, the smallest creature within the sea, Plankton, shouldn’t be absolutely all for consuming Krabby Patties everyday. However plankton are genuinely consuming the small particles that drift by means of the ocean. And in todays world, those small particles comprise microplastics. In actual fact, ground down plastics or small bits of plastics from matters like the microbeads in face wash. So the plankton devour the microplastics, then the better fish devour the plankton, and sometimes larger fish additionally consume better pieces of plastic, after which we as humans devour the larger fish.So the plastic that had been utilizing is slowly making its method back up the food chain, to us. Earlier than diving into this episode, I knew simply the girl I had to visit, Lauren Singer. Shes the zero waste guru who I featured in 5 Days of No Trash. Three years worth of trash, right inside of this jar. So on Sunday, I went to her bundle Free save in Brooklyn, and she or he helped to guide my five day venture. What Ive learned through this approach of casting off plastic from my existence is that I used to be making use of some distance more products than I truely wanted.Society form of tells us that we’d like 4 hundred things to appear and suppose our great, and what I realized is that thats no longer proper. I will have one bar of cleaning soap that i use for shampoo and my physique, i can have one face product. I can be more with much less. On Monday, we are going to focus on the kitchen and seem for objects that we can to find multi-use, non-plastic possible choices for. The kitchen is the discipline of my home where I in the beginning assumed that I used the most plastic. I sincerely had already made many of those swap outs months ago. However on Monday, I went through my entire kitchen to make sure that I was overhauling the whole lot. So pause the video, get out a pen and paper and write these swap outs down.Number one, cut out all plastic wrap and dangle wrap, and replace it with reusable beeswax wrap. The one that i exploit is washable, reusable, and compostable. Two, not ever use a plastic straw again. For those who love ingesting from straws, replace them with stainless steel straws. That is now how I drink. If you want to use a compostable paper straw, thats better, however just make sure youre no longer utilizing any plastic straws on the grounds that these are rather dangerous to marine lifestyles.Number three, stop buying paper towels that come wrapped with plastic or are themselves filled with chemical substances and rather use reusable rags or cloths to your kitchen. And number four, cut out all plastic meals storage containers and as an alternative use glass or stainless steel containers. If you want some recommendations of different kitchen swap outs, which you could change ice dice trays or popsicle molds with stainless-steel or silicone trays. That you could pick to make use of a glass blender as opposed to a plastic one. That you could making an at dwelling composting bin in your freezer so that they can lessen your want for plastic rubbish luggage. And one more factor you are able to do is eliminate your utilization of plastic cups, plastic plates, or any napkins that come wrapped in plastic. Many of the gadgets that youve already visible and are going to look within the leisure of this video came from package deal Free keep, and the first-rate information is they present international shipping, so for everybody out there that wishes to buy these items, Im gonna put a link to their keep in the description field.Start making a checklist for yourself, and as quickly as youre done gazing this video, begin shopping those zero waste swap outs. On Tuesday, have been going to center of attention on the place I started my zero waste journey, which is with personal care objects. I had at the start assumed that the kitchen used to be where most of my plastic usage was coming from, but because it seems, its certainly the lavatory and my private care routine. Even within the first thirty minutes of many peoples day, theyve already touched a plastic toothbrush, a plastic toothpaste tube, a plastic soap dispenser, disposable plastic razors, face wipes in plastic wrappers, dental floss in plastic containers, and the record goes on and on and on.So listed here are some plastic free swap outs in your toilet. Swap those plastic razors for a metal safeguard razor. Discontinue buying makeup remover wipes or single use cotton pads that come wrapped in plastic. As a substitute use a average make-up doing away with oil with reusable cotton rounds or reusable cotton face wipes. Eliminate all physique soaps, shampoos, and conditioners that are available in plastic bottles, and prefer physique soap bars and also shampoo and conditioner bars, or find shampoos and conditioners that are available in 100 percentage recyclable and refillable aluminum bottles. Swap out your plastic loofah for a ordinary bathtub sponge. No more plastic deodorant sticks. Instead use glass jars that have cream deodorant. Restrict all plastic dental floss containers which absolutely incorporate synthetic dental floss, and alternatively use one hundred percent silk refillable dental lace that is available in glass jars. And of path, say goodbye to your plastic toothbrushes and choose a bamboo one instead. If youre something like me, at the finish of this process, youre gonna have plenty of empty bottles and containers that you simply dont understand what to do with.I take advantage of the personal care and grace recycling application from TerraCycle which is thoroughly free. You simply comply with the recommendations on their internet site which in actual fact has you separate out the suitable waste which winds up being simply a lot of caps. Then they acquire it for you without spending a dime, and its made into new recycled merchandise. On Wednesday, were gonna take this to the streets and observe plastic-free residing out within the wild. So what are some hints and tips for humans who’re simply dwelling in the real world, they wish to be semi-typical people on the go, how can they scale back their plastic? The first thing that I think about is the right way to prepare.So if youre ready for your day, its a lot much less seemingly that youll come across a situation the place you dont have the instrument that you just want. My basic everyday tools are quite a reusable bag, my reusable espresso cup which can be utilized as a water bottle, after which I consistently have a bit of package of a fork, knife, and spoon with me and that helps quite a bit on account that if I do get food on the go, I dont have got to use a plastic set of utensils. I will use my possess and it feels lots nicer to consume off of bamboo or chrome steel than it does plastic. Its the going out and about part that makes residing plastic free extra complex for the reason that various the time, single use plastics are there for our convenience when had been on the go.For instance, if were on the transfer and we dont wish to carry meals with us we can simply opt for up food on the go in a plastic container and eat it fairly speedily using plastic utensils. If were thirsty on the go, we will just take hold of a drink in a plastic bottle. If were out there browsing on the go, and we dont have something to hold our new gadgets dwelling in, the store will supply us a plastic bag to place our stuff in. So these single use plastics are making things a little bit less complicated for us, but a whole lot worse for the planet. And surely, a whole lot worse for us too ultimately. So on Wednesday, I just tried to reside a common day trip and about without utilizing plastic. And then I came up with a entire record of matters that should remain prime of intellect for you if you want to take a look at residing plastic free on the go.First, convey your possess reusable cup around with you. Whether its for refilling water on the go or handing it to a barista and asking them to make your drink proper in it, Tip #1 is to literally by no means purchase a plastic bottle again except its an absolute emergency and youre gonna faint of dehydration. On Wednesday, I went to Dough, which is my favorite donut shop in New York city. I surpassed them my mason jar, I asked them to make me an iced tea proper inside it. And no straw, please. After which I received 4 donuts in a compostable cardboard box, and it was once a pleasant morning.Tip #2 is take reusable bags with you anyplace you go. That manner if youre shopping, you can at all times simply throw the objects within the bag and you by no means ought to get a plastic bag again. If youre a type of folks who normally forgets to carry the luggage with you, preserve them in rather handy places round your home. Under your sink, keep them round your desk at work, tuck them into the bottom of your backpack so you invariably have one when youre out and about.And if youre a relatively forgetful man or woman perhaps are attempting having the tote that you carry your telephone and your keys and your pockets in be a reusable tote bag that you need to use to place groceries and other objects in. Number 3, for foods at work, preserve a collection of reusable utensils on your desk drawer. Ive had the same set of bamboo utensils for 2 years now and that i just handwash them after each and every use. Number four, begin shopping in bulk instead of buying matters that come wrapped in plastic. This zero waste market package is from package deal Free and it comes with the whole thing that youre seeing proper here. And lastly, if in case you have any plastic luggage just stashed away at house from earlier trips to the grocery store, or if youre like me and you have got baggage of bags, simply deliver them again to the shop you got them from for recycling. And an additional tip that I already stated in 5 Days of Going Zero Waste is if youre ever eating out, ask your server or your barista to serve you your meals with out a coaster, and no serviette.There are plenty of tiny changes that you would be able to make. Matters like getting your ice cream in a cone as an alternative of in a cup with a plastic spoon, and even switching to all ordinary chewing gums that dont come wrapped in plastic and dont without a doubt include plastic themselves. Yes, most gums have synthetic plastics in the gum. The pleasant way to making these alterations is to identify the areas of your life where the alterations must be made. So making a plastic tracker. Any time you come upon plastic for your every day existence, jot it down and then begin making swap outs. On Thursday, good center of attention on plastic free and secondhand apparel. So can we speak just a little bit about what is actually occurring and the way rapid fashion is affecting landfills? So the typical American sends about seventy pounds of textile waste to landfill every year which, for all american citizens, thats about sixteen million tons of textile waste which is a significant quantity of trash.One thing that I do to restrict that’s retailer secondhand. Theres even condominium choices like appoint the Runway which makes it really high-quality and handy to get cool clothing without collaborating in this like single use rapid fashion culture. Speedy fashion is a primary drawback in relation to plastic. Ive in reality been looking to do an entire 5 day task round sustainable fashion, thrifting, and looking secondhand.So remark below when you wanna see that. But in the meantime, on Thursday I took one small step towards lowering my artificial microfiber pollution. In case you havent heard the term rapid trend, it refers to development chasing and low cost clothing thats produced fairly quickly via mass market shops. Im very guilty of purchasing these clothes considering the fact that number one, theyre adorable. And two, theyre low-cost. But on top of the negative working conditions for the makers of this clothing, most of the textiles and artificial materials utilized in speedy fashion simply dont ruin down. Thankfully, in line with a Refinery29 article, the fashion enterprise pendulum is establishing to swing toward the desire for more aware clothing. And even as theres still an extended technique to go, a few matters you can do right now are: quantity one, start shopping for garments which can be made with recycled materials.Quantity two, when youre completed with garb, rather of throwing it away, donate it. And then if you wish to substitute those objects on your closet, change them with secondhand gadgets. And number three, while you order garments on-line, to find on-line stores that offer plastic free cargo choices. One other tip is to scrub your garb much less most commonly due to the fact for those who do have artificial apparel, each and every and every time you run that washing computer, youre releasing extra microplastic particles into the ocean. As a substitute, simply are attempting doing spot contact-u.S.A.By hand to the areas that have to be cleaned. On Thursday, I went by way of my closets and that i donated two baggage of garb. And every time Im in a position to top off these items, in poor health be shopping at a secondhand retailer. On Friday, good talk about whatever that makes me particularly, relatively excited, weirdly. Which is a plastic-free interval. Durations! Im getting a bit of bit personal now, but it surely in order that happened that on Friday, as I was capturing this episode, it occurred to be that time of the month for me. And generally, throughout my interval id be using a tampon with a plastic applicator or a type of panty liner pads that has a plastic piece that you simply peel off to make it sticky.I know that there are cardboard tampon applicators and organic cotton tampons, but on Friday I wanted to head all in, no pun intended, and check out the least wasteful choice. Menstrual cup. Menstrual cup. What is it? How do you utilize it? So a menstrual cup is a bit silicone cup. Its about that tremendous. And also you basically squeeze it in half, after which fold it again. And you simply insert it inside you, and it opens up.And it has 4 little holes that create a suction within you and acquire blood for the duration of the direction of the day. You empty it a few times a day, or however traditionally you feel you must. Then you rinse it with some natural and organic soap and water, and you set it back in. On Laurens website trashisfortossers.Com, they perform a little math equation that indicates in the event you purchase this kind of and use it for ten years, intent its good for up to ten years, as opposed to utilising healthy cotton tampons for ten years, how much money youre saving.And that you can literally retailer 1000s of greenbacks. I think its $1640.00. I certainly redid the math, and its $1640.01. O.K., this it. Ive bought my menstrual cup. And Im about to move put this inside of me for the first time ever. Whooooo! I did it! I did it! What an experience! K, to be able to be wholly sincere, it was once now not the simplest thing on this planet to do. I had to put a reflect down there and rather compare the entire area. However I took my time, I comfortable somewhat, and eventually, I got it in simply exceptional. Should you select to make use of pads, which I often do at night, simply substitute your plastic package panty liners with reusable natural and organic cotton panty liners. I ordered these two from package deal Free save. This one is for typical undies and this one is for a thong. Theyre biodegradable, they usually also compost naturally once youre finished using them. And what have you learnt, 5 days later and Ive enormously decreased my use of plastic in my house and my existence frequently. If all people in the market did this, consider of the confident results that it might have on our wellbeing, on our oceans, and on the entire ecosystem of this planet.If youre the type of character thats continually pondering, "well Im only one man or woman so how would I most likely make a change?" just suppose about all the individual folks in your life that you would inspire when you made these small alterations. And its all about that chain response. Plenty of folks believe that inquiring for what you need when it comes to plastic free possible choices, makes you appear or believe weird. I wish to feel about it in the whole opposite manner, I feel that its super empowering and funky to have any person appear at you in a weird approach while you ask them to position something in your mason jar. And as opposed to internalizing it as judgment, I prefer to feel of it so that you can educate the humans around me. Its a fairly robust role to be in.Im hoping this video conjures up even just one individual in the market to make some changes, so remark under if that man or woman is you and optimistically we can save some marine creatures alongside the way. Mwah! Sending a lot love from the big apple to all of you around the globe. Comment below and let me recognize what 5 Day assignment you wish to have to look me are trying next time, and well see ya then on are trying residing with Lucie. Bye! Hello YouTube, thanks for looking at my 5 Day mission. Click right here for an additional five Day undertaking, correct here to subscribe to Refinery29 on YouTube, and here for my private YouTube channel. See ya! .

[carace06]

A lot of questions to fill up my ask box

1: Full name CHA

2: Zodiac sign: Gemini

3: 3 Fears: Snakes, deeeeeep ocean, pain of death

4: 3 things I love, my dog(dogs) family, food

5: 4 turns on: knee or thigh highs, lace, 

6: 4 turns off: hygiene, super needy, insane lol, and something else.

7: My best friend: I dont really know, i’ll say the guy ive known for the longest time that I still know, Adam.

8: Sexual orientation: vagina

9: My best first date: Dont remember

10: How tall am I: 5′4-5

11: What do I miss: Gordo

12: What time were I born: like 9:08 am

13: Favourite color: some kinds of green and blue

14: Do I have a crush: sure!

15: Favourite quote: Buy the ticket, take the ride.

16: Favourite place, Currently, Costa Rica, or Paris

17: Favourite food: Im a cook, how long do you have?

18: Do I use sarcasm: Never, dumb shit.

19: What am I listening to right now: Wilco, Impossible Germany

20: First thing I notice in new person: height

21: Shoe size: like 8

22: Eye color: brown

23: Hair color :brown/ dark

24: Favourite style of clothing: whatever im feeling 

25: Ever done a prank call? Used to

26: What colour of underwear I'm wearing now?Red Flannel

27: Meaning behind my URL: I have a flag in my room, and some other stuff.

28: Favourite movie: Fear and loathing, big lebowski, Snatch, into the wild, plentyyy of others

29: Favourite song: dont even ask

30: Favourite band: dont even

31: How I feel right now: very buzzed,and a hurricane is coming!

32: Someone I love: Wrigley, and family

33: My current relationship status: technically single

34: My relationship with my parents: great

35: Favourite holiday: halloween or christmas

36: Tattoos and piercing i have: tattoo on back. wanna get some added

37: Tattoos and piercing i want: look up

38: The reason I joined Tumblr: neighbor

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: nope

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? yep!

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? No!

42: When did I last hold hands? dont know

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? depends on what im Getting ready for..... could take 2 min.

44: Have I shaved your legs in the past three days? every day

45: Where am I right now? couch in austin texas

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? myself

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? usually loud, again depends

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? no

49: Am I excited for anything? Football season, and the boxing fight haha

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? usually

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Its part of my job

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? today

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? have fun

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? probably 

55: What is something I disliked about today?working

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Keith Richards?, though ive heard hes a dick.... Jeff tweedy maybe. 

57: What do I think about most? Life

58: What’s my strangest talent? Drumming?

59: Do I have any strange phobias? Snakes

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? both

61: What was the last lie I told? i was late to work

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?either

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?both yes

64: Do I believe in magic? to an extent

65: Do I believe in luck? sure

66: What's the weather like right now?Hurricane Harvey bitch

67: What was the last book I've read? Im Reading “Meet me in the Bathroom”

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? Yes

69: Do I have any nicknames? yep. Avocado, Boodah.

70: What was the worst injury I've ever had? Getting Stabbed in the back

71: Do I spend money or save it? both  try to save more

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? nope fuck your tongue

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? no

74: Favourite animal? Dog, Cub bear, Panda, 

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM working and drinking

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Natas

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Never gonna give you up

78: How can you win my heart? be someone with the initials AS

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? .......

80: What is my favorite word? Rigmarole

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: meh

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?: Be Nice to everybody God Damnit!

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? No

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Well youre probably pooping some cool color.... but eh, itd be dope to fly and see people and places.

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Do you like quizzes

86: What is my current desktop picture?Amber Sherman

87: Had sex? yes

88: Bought condoms?yes

89: Gotten pregnant?close

90: Failed a class?yes

91: Kissed a boy?yes

92: Kissed a girl?yes

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? yes

94: Had job? plenty

95: Left the house without my wallet? Alot

96: Bullied someone on the internet? Tried not to

97: Had sex in public? “define public” (AS) lame answer. yes, at least somewhat, not in front of people tho. 

98: Played on a sports team?yes

99: Smoked weed? plenty

100: Did drugs? yes

101: Smoked cigarettes? dont, but yes

102: Drank alcohol? plenty, and currently

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? nope

104: Been overweight? nah

105: Been underweight? dont think

106: Been to a wedding? yes

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? probably

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? maybe

109: Been outside my home country? yes

110: Gotten my heart broken? yes

111: Been to a professional sports game? yes

112: Broken a bone? possibly 

113: Cut myself? just once to see

114: Been to prom? nope!

115: Been in airplane? many

116: Fly by helicopter? no

117: What concerts have I been to? they wouldnt fit here

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? nah

119: Learned another language? tried

120: Wore make up? yea

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? yes

122: Had oral sex? yes

123: Dyed my hair? yes

124: Voted in a presidential election? yes

125: Rode in an ambulance? yes, stabbed

126: Had a surgery? yes

127: Met someone famous? yes

128: Stalked someone on a social network? yep

129: Peed outside? Austin Pee Party

130: Been fishing? yes

131: Helped with charity? yes

132: Been rejected by a crush? yes

133: Broken a mirror? yes

134: What do I want for birthday? Have fun

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? who knows

136: Was I named after anyone? Yes family history

137: Do I like my handwriting? meh not always

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? something teenage mutant ninja turtle

139: Favourite Tv Show? wayyyyy too many  ill say Breaking bad

140: Where do I want to live when older? who knows, maybe Austin, if it stops changing.

141: Play any musical instrument? drums, percussion

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? i was stabbed in the back, god damn dude

143: Favourite pizza toping? pep, or canadian bacon

144: Am I afraid of the dark? nah

145: Am I afraid of heights? nah though depends 

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?: plenty

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? of course

148: What I'm really bad at: answering questions

149: What my greatest achievments are: living

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: this question

151: What I'd do if I won in a lottery: I’d have plans

152: What do I like about myself: hard working.

153: My closest Tumblr friend: @falling-stars8675

154: Something I fantasise about: @falling-stars8675

155: Any question you'd like: @falling-stars8675

There you go @falling-stars8675

let me know what ya think!

[chikotos]

speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot. 

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore. 

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself 

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy 

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

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A post shared by snoopdogg (@snoopdogg) on Apr 6, 2020 at 10:08am PDT

I know allot of this shit is unusual.

He need to call his friends from his DNA4U list and say "i got a laundry problem. You got a working machine? I got the clothes and soap"

Tap the drive thru for a party taco box and some drinks and see a friend or meet a new one and spend the day.

Look i know. But mother fucking listen

Loophole your ass. I didn't create DNA4U so,you can sit around in shit smelling clothes alright???.

That IS OPTION NUMBER ONE.

Option number two is sneak into an apartment complex or hotel and do coin operated laundry there. But i tell you i lived in an apartment complex where the dryers didn't work on purpose so you would pay 4x for one dry. So i washed then hung every thing to dry in the bathroom. So obviously I would recommend not this. But if you can't hang you can't hang. So take a bleach rag ang bleach and clean the machines first or wipes or whatever it is you use. Spic and Span or Mr Clean. Because I'm quite sure ain't no one cleaning it. Unless it's a hotel. They will and their machines may work better... MAY. because they know its important the clothes get dry for packing so it's either an,extremely rude rip off or they gonna take,care proper and they gonna dry. In today's age of online reviews. Most likely they will work properly.,but check online first.

But think. Around 2 machines (maybe more) of questionable quality that you feed quarters into for hours. In some unknown land that ANYONE can walk into. Anyone. Perv flashers. Murderers all rank because you're Asian or Black or even Caucasian. In a not so comfortable area of questionable cleanliness.

OR

meeting a new qualified friend from your DNA4U list who says man i probably ain't got Corona and i feel fine. My laundry machine is 13 years old and i broke this part of it washing pillows so there's a big hole in the bottom of the door but it works great (im talking about myself) And i like Taco Bell and my daughter only eats Del Taco so if you're on that side of town just get Wendy's (still same price as a taco box) if not then just roll up at McDonald's you gotta pass it no matter which way you come from but one. Tell me your pick and ill let you know what to get.

$20 and then a very comfy sofa. And a fine TV. Xbox. Play station. Netflix. Electric plugs for your phone.

Conversations.

Note i didn't say bring your own soap. I ain't gonna be like that because you should know you need to. If you don't next time I'll tell you like you need a mother. If you don't the next time. When you ask again I'm gonna tell you no.

Now on the other hand if you give at least $10 for soap and water use on top of the food then we're good.

I'm talking "lower class" finances. I know you got plenty enough in DNA4U from me. So you should be doubling it. Or you know like $15.

Now I'm telling you. Ill order an Asiago chicken sandwich combo x2 with baked potato and coke no ice and frostie. Mixed vanilla and chocolate.

Or ten piece chicken and a big Mac, 1 basket of fries, 1 large coke no ice and 2 ice creams. With honey mustard.

Or we might get arbys which is 1 large fry. 1 chicken bacon swiss no tomato. 1 three cheese. And 2 large milk shakes.

Cause I'm gonna order for me and my kid. Cause im a single mom to one.

So like a big family is a taco box. Or like 6 large frosties. Or 6 of them candy mixed fake blizzards from McDonald's.

Arbys has 5 for $10 right now. And Weinershniztl has a hot dog box, too. And hey pizza. You can get 2 for $20 easy. The $5.99 at Dominos. You can get 2 with taxes and delivery runs $18.99

Remember your laundry personnel needs to get something for themselves in the drive thru. They need to eat to do their own dam laundry

Going to someone's house to do your clothes means it's your responsibility. Put your game on pause and get it done.

The people living there should check you know how to run it and show you where the soap goes. Always show where the soap goes.

I don't use nor like dryer sheets they cause a build up that can cause a fire. So i use liquid fabric softener. But i know if i rinse the lint screen with water until it pours through and doesn't run on the surface then it's fine. So I don't care they use dryer sheets. I'm not gonna throw down about it.

But if you can't handle it. Explain "i use liquid fabric softener and if you don't mind to use mine because I'm totally freaking about dryer sheets" then it's for your quality and sound of mind so its a free bump for you and them. Don't expect them to pay you back for that. That was for you. Not them. Don't expect them not to use s fabric softener because you're tripping.

Don't expect them to clean your machines. That's your home. Your machines. Your responsibility. Now if they make a mess then they need to clean it.

Say they accidentally pour soap all over the floor. Have them use something dirty that will go into the wash to clean it. Eye ball measure it to see how much it is.

If its their last load and don't have anything dirty then use something dirty of yours.

You will need a dirty wet towel to clean it proper

Do you see what I'm saying? Use the soap to clean the laundry. Don't waste it.

Don't use a broom and dustpan and sweep it into the trash.

Put it on the clothes needing to be cleaned. Its old school it works just fine.

So DNA4U Friends list. Teamwork. Find and use love.

It could be a good playdate for kids. Or not. Check theirs too.

If your kids aren't compatible then you can still take them. Just keep your kid with you. Your child will,lesrn about you and your social interactions. Your child or,children will be your managers and so when the dsy is over they can,score you. Tell,you how well you did in,their eyes.

Now aliens do not have DNA4U access. You have no options. You must leave the Earth.

That is all i am allowed to say.

[celestialallstars]

Episode #10: “everyone hates me so its good thing its mutual i guess” - Bryce

Welcome to the bottom Jared xoxo

________________________________________________________________

There’s no way I could ever feel less like an all star than I do right now

Honestly? I don't regret voting for Matt still. Would it have been smarter to just vote Mitch? Sure, but I wanted to have faith and it just didnt work out, that's ok. What I will say is that Bryce/Rhys/Zach all kind of showed themselves at this vote and while I won't act on it now, I won't forget either! Now I am just gonna try to make Bryce feel like he is in a powerful spot and then go with it!

I think what I'll try to do now is talk with Jack a little more. If I make him feel too comfy around me, it'll lessen the odds of him wanting me out as soon. Right now, I also need to try talking with Chloe a little more in general just to use it to get her to want to vote with us again. As for Michael/Rhys, I'm gonna have to put on my acting skills because they are now an obvious pair that needs to be split.- I don't care who goes first between them. Actually no, I prefer Rhys. I know Bryce, Zach, and Loris wouldn't vote me just yet, but I want to ensure Jared/Stephen's safety and now that I know how some people are going to be, it just makes it easier for me to know who to focus on.

________________________________________________________________

I realized that my biggest gripe with this from Bryce is that two tribals ago we literally threw a challenge to ensure his safety and so knowing he was so quick to do this and that Zach was so willing to follow suit kinda felt like a slap in the face of the work put into that. I did not mind if he felt like he wanted to flip, but like he pretty much ignored everything I and I'm sure others were trying to say. The thing is, Bryce goofed because knowing he intentionally wanted to do Mitch before the challenge was over sucks more, but it also hinders argument he made. To make all of these valid points and him to go "well, im gonna do Mitch anyways" it didn't make sense unless it was his intention all along. What him and Rhys have done is sure, have a move to put on their resumes, but also show their cards so early that it gives PLENTY of reason to use against them later. So you know what, I'm gonna sit here and eat my food for now but save some leftovers.

Me being on the right side of a vote??? It’s more likely than you think. MAN that felt good, Matt stays once again and Mitch goes home, someone who wasn’t being honest with me. It shouldn’t have been that close and we got HELLA lucky Loris selfed but I’ll take it any way I can. Idk who flipped seems like chloe is the most likely culprit. But hey now I have some relations with Bryce Zach and Rhys! Also wasn’t Jared supposed to be in on this vote? Snaking me again smfh

After last night I feel 100% more comfortable in the tribe and for my future just because the lines seem to be constantly blurring and that’s gonna help me seep through the cracks of alliances to get further in the game and possibly the best thing is that people seem to be getting larger targets as the days go on which means I can hopefully make some power plays later on down the line but for right now I just need to keep talking to people and maybe get a few evil schemes going on getting in peoples heads teehee.

After asking me not to tell a soul, Jared has told Bryce of all people that Chloe flipped and its like well. She definitely is not gonna trust us now and Bryce has enough power as is. Its just like, a frustrating thing because we are already in the minority and have to rely on people who lied to us and now we are burning bridges like its London. I wont say its karma just yet but we had this coming. Meanwhile Matt is over here wanting me to swear to never vote him out. Alrighty cjnigo Montoya is in effect from here on out so I may play a little dirty

SO! Last night was a mess. Bryce, Zach, and Rhys went through with a plan to turn on the 8 because Mitch was scary or something. Now I know why God hates the gays. It's unfortunate but I'm not giving up. This is just proof that I need to work on my relationships with Jack, Matt, Michael, and Chloe since the 4 of them probably aren't going anywhere anytime soon.

I'm pretending that things are cool with Bryce though, so in the event that I can't target him any time soon, he's inclined to keep me around.

It's unfortunate but I don't really trust Zach at this point either. Him and Bryce mis-represented the situation to me which caused me to waste hours trying to convince them not to flip. But I knew it was a plan they came up with the night before so why were they pretending to still be on the fence, hm? Not a fan of having my time wasted. Zach should know better than anyone else on the cast that burning me like this doesn't end well.

Anyway, it's time to get to work on digging myself out of the hole I'm in.

Well Stephen just gave me a boatload of information. Apparently there was an alliance on Orfeo of Sharky, Michael, Drew, and Chloe. During the Kori vote obv Michael and Drew flipped to Matt, then Chloe joined aboard. So that group was a legit concern for people, and since Alyssa and I were connected to Michael Drew and Matt via Cyrena 2.0, we became targets. Suddenly this makes sense, and I was kind of right about an anti-Cyrena conspiracy because it was basically anti Cyrena 2.0 there. Sucks because we didn't do anything necessarily but oh well.

The problem is if they were an alliance... and we're concerned that Michael or Chloe flipped... why would they go against each other? So either Zach or Bryce actually flipped or Rhys did or Michael or Chloe did. IDK this whole thing is a mess and I don't know who is going to be voting with what this round but I'm not committed to anyone long term except for Matt really. We'll see what happens

So, last night I had all but convinced myself that voting for Mitch is the right move. Still, I was on call with Zach/Bryce to make a final plea. Unfortunately I was at work so I busy for 5 minutes and we got added to the tribal call.

Directly before and at the beginning of that call, for some reason I decided to clue Chloe in and try my best to convince her that voting Matt was best for her game. When I got busy I was 100% certain she had no interest in doing that. But, when I came back to my phone, this occurred:

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/613390015581519902/627137624561418250/Screenshot_20190927-094036_Discord.jpg

Now I'm in a bit of a mess because Bryce forced me to tell him who flipped and then realized that Chris knows 🤦‍♂️

everyone hates me so its good thing its mutual i guess KAHDFKJ

Today I am trying to feel hopeful! What I felt needed to happen, along with my closer allies, is that we get Bryce/Zach and such wanting to target Michael or Matt. After being successful, we'd possibly label them as playing the middle and use it to get people for targeting them. Whether or not we actually vote them out can be debated, however, this can go a long way. Now, yesterday, I talked with Matt and Jack and honestly? I found I prefer them over Michael and Chloe possibly. I think for me, I talked more consistently with Michael/Chloe, but I am here to try new things and perhaps it can help in the long run given Matt/Jack can be targeted just as much as Michael/Chloe. Even better, Bryce apparently is focused on getting Michael out, and since me and Steph have been talking to Matt/Jack I think getting Michael voted could open the door for us more than voting Matt out. Rhys/Chloe will probably have a problem with this but they'll live I suppose

________________________________________________________________

So the plan now is to do Matt and I've taken it upon myself to talk to Michael, Chloe, and Rhys. Michael seemed cordial as did Chloe, and I think I actually had Rhys thinking I thought no bad thing in regards to his antics, but Chloe went from saying she hadn't heard any name at all, to me telling her I heard Matt, to her saying she thinks Matt is the solid plan for the night in like 20 minutes max? I guess it helps to know that she was lying lol

So like ya I think I'm kinda fucked. If you're not gay or friends with a few select people , you're definitely on the outs and it's really annoying. I know my game is trash but still lemme be somewhat bitter for goodness sake! It's very clear anyone who was on cyrena 1.0/2.0 is in danger on the bottom, which is super dumb cause it's literally just circumstantial but hey I can't do anything bout it. I'm over these people and want to slap them out of the game. So fake and I'm just awaiting my death honestly.time to off myself!!!1!!1

________________________________________________________________

Could be my final confessional LOL

im frustrated but i def am just over thinking it i suppose.

So, this vote I’m trying to lay low. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m in the middle. So laying low may not be an option. Matt wants me to keep him, but the old 7 wants me to vote with them so ahhh. Idk what to do.

SO I have no idea who is actually on board but at the very least I have come up with a plan to save Matt. Chloe and Michael seem to be stirring shit up and Chris has caught on to it, and Stephen is being dragged down as a result. So, me Matt Rhys Zach Bryce plus Chris and Stephen make this a 7-4 vote against ideally Chloe, so that Michael would feel like he has to come back to us. Hopefully. If not no big deal that's a solid majority for this vote. I'm only really thinking 1 vote at a time because I know that this is a really fluid situation and people probably aren't gonna want to stick to things for too long, so as long as I can just work round by round I'll be okay. But hopefully this works and we get at least 6 to keep Matty here another round.

Last round I voted Matt. The round before I voted Matt. People keep telling me to vote Matt even though it’s one of the last things I want to do. And somehow I keep getting fucked over. I’ve never wanted to vote Matt. I adore Matt. I love him with my entire heart. He’s being done dirty. I hate this cast. Fuck them all. Idk why I didn’t trust my gut and vote Mitch last round. I let a man cloud my judgment. The dumbest thing I’ve done all season

OHH AH OOH AH. I'm so fucking nervous and like ahhhhh my name is out there so i just have to hope and pray, if i can just survive this one round i know Jared is gonna take shots at big players like Bryce and Zach and hopfully we can start setting players against one another. i just need to survive this one round just need to survive.

Today I did dip my hand into the jar of chaos. I told Jack about the weirdness from Michael and Chloe and it slipped about Betty White and so one thing led to another and he and Matt want to target Michael and Chloe, which really, my goal was to just get them off of Stephen if he was on there. Now when this vote does not happen, I sadly think I'm gonna have to pass it off as not having the numbers but trying. Honestly? If we had the numbers, I'd be willing to do it, but since we cannot I believe after this tribal, it is best I talk with Jack on how to lie low but try to pull the numbers from underneath people. Jared wants to work with Jack at least but right now? We need Rhys gone after this or else our odds sink down.

hi! <3 It’s day 23! ummm... wow I’m so happy I’ve made it this far like... if I survive one more round I’ll have officially outlasted half of the people in the cast and like for my first all star season like... I’ll be so proud of myself for doing that that’s so cool..... as for this round umm I think the vote is between matt and Chloe? I have literally no clue what is going on but all I know is that I need to start turning on people soon. like. Bryce Rhys and Zach have the right to turn on mitch... surely I can do the same... idk the way the game is going I just don’t think there’s a world I win in against some people and though I don’t have an idol this time... I’m gonna try n make moves to get the power players out. I just have to make sure that the people I don’t talk to leave so that I’m only left with people that want to work with me. I’m a clown I’m literally gonna leave tonight or something how embarrassing.

As the hours tick on the more nervous I get. Everyone I’ve talked to says that Matts the vote but everytime we try and vote the bitch he seems to just weasel his way through the cracks and survives so I’m really nervous tonight but hopefully things go my way. I can only hope that my allies stay true. It’ll be absolutely TRAGIC to not at least tie my previous placement when the bars so fucking low. I just don’t wanna go even tho this game is not going the best for me.

so i'm either leaving or staying. I'm for sure getting some votes tonight and we are hopefully not getting enough to kick me out or an idol being played. I've worked my butt off these past few hours to get a majority on chloe, who has been deemed by both sides as playing the middle, and not playing it well at all. if it works, hooray for me cause i still get to stay even longer. if not and i go home, i know ive fought my ass off to stay here and should be proud. Watch me leave basically unan LOL but still, ik i should be proud. I've wiped the bbq sauce off my tiddies and ate it for BWEAKFAST. that is all

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Matt is voted out 8-3. He becomes the second member of our jury.

Watch Matt’s exit interview take place below: